hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔

Sometimes I can't believe that some people think christmas is the best and most joyous time of the year. The way they automatically almost loathe others for not celebrating it is so ridiculous. I don't celebrate any holidays, like at all. I've been struggling with christmas for many years, it makes me feel depressed, overwhelmed and only reminds me of childhood trauma.

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

Do you think the fandom is too hard on Sky?

Mmm, no and yes?

I think people have a lot of good reasons to hate or just kinda dislike Sky. Even if you ignore the Diaspro situation, he has a lot of moments where he just... isn't great (to say the absolute least). Spying on Bloom, immediately assuming she's going to cheat or leave him, directly saying she can't hang out with other guys, implying that he can't trust Brandon, making fun of Stella, literally everything he says to Riven. And I mean that's like the major stuff off the top of my head yknow? Sky just isn't a great person and while he does get called out, it's never in a way that would actually make him change his behavior.

However, I think people also exaggerate his actions and intentions a lot. Instead of recognizing that Sky has practically no control over his life and that he couldn't just break up with Diaspro or tell Bloom the truth, a lot of people make him out to be some serial cheater that always intended to cheat on Diaspro or lie to random girls about his identity. Or when people think he's the worst friend ever because he occasionally doesn't trust people when his entire life he's been at risk of assassination and people getting close to him to yknow. kill him. Like no, implying that Brandon is a spy or that Riven wants to murder people isn't cool. But he's also only like that because there's a history of people trying to kill him, not because he just hates everyone.

Listen, I'm not saying that Sky is a good person or that his actions are justified OR that he's a horrible person who deserves a shit ton of hate. But I think the fandom in general tends to go with very absolutist claims when it comes to Sky. It's either he's the worst character ever and deserves to die or he's a misunderstood baby who's better than Riven. It's literally always one of those two - no in between. Imo, there are reasons to dislike Sky but the fandom also heavily exaggerates the reasons and makes him out to be much worse than he actually is. And on the other side, it's also annoying when people completely ignore all of his faults just to make him look better. He's just as complex and nuanced as the rest of the characters and acting like he's either 100% Evil or 100% Innocent is never fun (for him or any other character).

(i didn't really know how to fit this in but I think a lot of sky discourse also comes from riven stans which makes the situation so much worse. like it's never a fun discussion or debate, it's always just "well he was mean to riven so he deserves to die actually" which then makes riven antis foam at the mouth so they start to defend sky Exclusively to make riven look bad, not because they actually like sky. it's a mess man)

General disclaimer that this is just my opinion and I'm not trying to force it on anyone and it's fine if you disagree.

I hate being told how 'strong' I am when I say I'm so tired.

ough i love feeling like shit bc i have an exam tomorrow that i havent studied for and will not go to simply bc i didnt study!!!!

I hate raiders, mostly the hardcore's bc they're just cunts, but whenever they are in tune with looking at the game from a gameplay perspective (not just looking at logs), everything they have to report is shit I can feel even as a casual though I can't explain it as in depth as they can; and I have to agree it feels like the devs have forgotten how to make and balance a game in the last 3 years, as much as most players themselves suck at understanding and playing the fucking game (and how poor the game's learning tools and mentors are as well) since it's seen as a vehicle for story cutscenes or mashing buttons

If the gameplay keeps going dumber across the board that would take away the last legitimate reason I have to play it and surprisingly I don't like the thought of that conversation with myself

I forgot how happy writing made me.

Reading all the comments my readers left me, the little notes in their bookmarks; it definitely helped with motivating me to keep writing. It kinda sucks that I fell out of it.

I would love to continue some of the fanfiction that got me started, but unfortunately I'm not really in that fandom anymore. Plus the lore and fandom itself has grown complicated and (dare I say) uninteresting.

Regardless, I think I might try to get back into writing. Consistent, publicly shared writing, I should note- I never really stopped writing, it just became more private, more one-offs of inspiration.

Plus I need to find something to enjoy, to hopefully give my life meaning again if something doesn't happen within a month--the gods know how close I am to the noose as of late.

Along with that, I think I'm going to trying making games or something. That has always been a thing I wanted to do.

alright im giving up on 7c fuck this

fallout tv show ghoul discussion

the only thing i dislike about the show is their retcon of ghoul lore- everything else is a banger i had a great time but the lore changing the ghouls baffles me, as it retcons and changes literally every other game in the franchise. its funny, im not mad about it, im ok with the show having different lore than the games. i just hope they make it clear that its an AU kind of thing haha mainly because if someone gets introduced to the series from the show, and they go off to play the games, theyre going to be confused. so, what are the changes? well-

in fo3, theres an entire side mission involving the underworld, where the ghouls there really hammer in that the rumors like; that they regen and so can only be killed by headshots, that they eat people, that they can go feral at any point, and that they're zombies.

all of this is just propaganda spread by the brotherhood and bigots to justify murder and genocide.

none of it is true. they bleed and die like anyone else. but in the show, these things are not rumors, and they are completely true. cooper constantly has to take this drug from a vial that prevents him from going feral. theres no explanation on where this medicine came from, who makes it, whats its made out of, etc.

so, while in the game, turning feral is unknown, seemingly at random (theories range from genetics, lack of socialization, insanity, radiation exposure, and time) and ghouls dont just- randomly turn feral. but in the show its enevitable and therefore the hate towards them is justified. the only things that are special about them is that they; age much, much slower than non-ghouls, that they can heal faster using radiation. (to my knowlege, they still need to be patched up. they do not just regen. they can still get shot to death, or maimed. they just heal a little faster.) and they need more potent drugs, as it doesnt affect them as strongly (mentioned in fo3 by some ghouls in a subway) the changes made in the show heavily changes the stories of a few characters and places in the entire series.

for fo3: changes the entire underworld. these ghouls cannot leave this place. if they do, they're shot and killed immediately by the brotherhood nearby. they discuss how they're discriminated against. in the fo3 dlc, point lookout, the ghoul there presumably hasnt left the manor he lives in for well over 200 years. he wouldnt have access to these vials. tenpenny tower. their ban on ghouls would be justified then. the entire narrative involving the water purifier and putting the serum in that will kill off all mutants. with the changes the show makes, the decision whether or not you do this has no weight and eradicating mutants becomes justified. for fallout new vegas: dean domino. he hasn't left the Sierra Madre in over 200 years. he wouldnt have access to these vials either and would have probably gone feral a long time ago. for fallout 4: diamond city. diamond city's ban on ghouls wouldnt be an issue anymore. since in the show, ghouls cant die aside from headshots, the ghouls being thrown out into the wastes to the elements wouldn't really be as heavy of an issue.

(i cannot comment for fallout 1 and 2, as i am not as knowledgable about the ghouls in those two games. feel free to add on in reblogs if you know more about them than i do)

i love the show, i think its awesome. im basically consuming it now with the idea that its canon -within its own story and lore- and is separate from the game itself. cooper is a badass and the changes work for the show itself, not so much the entire series. which is fine in my eyes.

procrastinating on this paper by thinking about secret spontaneous sex with levi that results after months of built-up tension after being forced to live with each other. how unfortunate.

about how you absolutely irked each other to no end and how much your pride was wounded every time you had to ask levi for help when you got yourself in shakey situations—and how you couldn't stop yourself from going to his side when he needed your help, no matter how much you told yourself you hated him.

about how much you were worried when you heard that something had happened around him and he didn't show up for a shift at the cafe you were so used to going to, just to see levi in a context that wasn't the awkward environment you two found to produce while at home. although you told yourself this was a coincidence, how many times can the exact same coincidence occur?

about how you ran up to him and wrapped your arms around him in relief when you found out that he was okay and not hurt from whatever it was that happened. and how, before you could pull away after realizing that you had embraced the most annoying person in the world (to you), you planted your lips on his as your relief and compassion overwhelmed you. and how you were too heated in the moment to realize that levi had kissed you back.

about how you were both too dumb about your own feelings that you just awkwardly avoided each other and the topic of your stolen kiss entirely for the next few months.

about how those stolen kisses continued to happen. yet you continued to tell yourself that there was nothing more to it.

about how you were forced to share a tent when camping with some friends and you found that you only brought one sleeping bag. of course, levi had handed it to you, but you just threw it back at him, since you didn't want him to just be laying on the ground while you were rolled up comfortably in the sleeping bag. looks like sharing was the only option you had left.

about how the closer you got, the more the memories of your multitude of stolen kisses began to arise. soon, the only thing you could think of was the feeling of his lips pressed against yours and just how good it felt to have levi pressed up against you.

about how levi pulled you into a kiss after you began repeatedly apologizing for putting him into an awkward situation where you were constantly expressing your affection without knowing where to move onto after.

about how deeply levi kissed you as he began to crawl over you, gently pushing you down to the ground as your hands began to travel around him.

about you asking if having sex right now was really the best idea, considering the fact that you were traveling with friends, and that the thin walls of a tent hardly contained any sense of privacy.

about how levi simply muttered "i dont care anymore" underneath his breath as he continued to embrace you.

about how good he made you feel, that levi had to slap his hand over your mouth to muffle the sounds that were coming out of you. and about how euphoric he was making you feel after months of unresolved tension.

and about how awkward the remaining days of your trip would be as you struggled to figure out what the hell was going on between you two. and how difficult it is to hide that your night sharing a tent was more eventful than either of you had let on. about how you couldn't stop thinking of him and how his hands and body felt on you and how you couldn't wait to have levi on you again.

A/N: @chaotic-on-main inspired this as a scene for my fic but i got too excited and came out with this instead a;ldkfjadsf. am also supposed to be writing an actual paper but slowburn levi makes me too giddy i a;ldkfsj

tagging: @romantichomicide95 @lovolee3 @svftackerman @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @roseofdarknessblog @aam1na @luvjiro @idkks4m

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The arc with the resistance in ml season five???? Is so good????????????? The way that???? Its been going on low-key for a while????? But theres this Massive Shift this season where literally the entire miracuclass stops running away from akumas or hiding???? And its like???? The fear is GONE by the end of the season???? Theyre not scared anymore theyre just pissed off????? At the system???? Not at the akumatized victims???? But also its not a “babying the akumas” thing either like when gabe is akumatized theyre like “WRONG BAD” at him????? Same with chloé???? But like the entire class will see a butterfly and start running TOWARDS it because theyre like “oh no someone needs help goddamit i gotta get there before hawkmoth” and they dont always win and they dont beat themselves up about it???? Like in confrontation, Juleka got akumatized despite their best efforts and theyre all like “ugh this sucks” but no one’s giving up hope or anything???????

And!!!!! The way that the anti-akuma charms work in that episode??????!?!??!?? The way the fandom has this trend of thinking like,,,, the only way to escape akumas is to push emotions away deep deep down,,,, thats how marinette and adrien have kind of been operating?!???? But then it’s revealed on no uncertain terms that the powerups of the anti akuma charms are reactive to emotions?????!?! That pushing things down doesnt help?? you have to Fight Back and FEEL on your own terms and accept others’ help and feelings?????

Juleka shutting down and curling up into a ball and trying to disapear didnt work!!!but her yelling about how its not fair and shes proud of mr damocles despite it all???? like??? Catalyzed the entire anti akuma charm shield thing???????

The way that this season has shown time and again that it’s okay to be mad and frustrated and hate the system and its okay to feel trapped and scared but you have to learn to reach out and find a good outlet for those emotions even if that outlet is yelling with your friends???? instead of isolating yourself and pushing away people who have your best interest at heart????? And lying and pretending it’s okay doesn’t help but looking for bits of real joy and support amidst the chaos does???

The way that ladybug and chat noir started this season as The Most Alone Theyve Ever Been with the miracle box stolen??? and realized by the end that no one needs powers to be heroes??? they just need to be able to trust each other and take turns carrying Hope for the group and remembering whats worth fighting for!? and as long as theres a drive to fight theres always little victories to celebrate??????????!??

(Also the way that Nino—who heads the resistance—literally calls everyone in his group including Bustier Comrade and the way that they talk about how sometimes it feels like no one’s listening and revolution is the only way?? and the way they address fears about spyware and technology only benefitting the elites and the school system being designed without students’ well-being in mind and environmental terror and the police being corrupt and they take all of that and they say “it is Still a worthy battle and it sucks but you are going to be okay,,, just do not give in to hopelessness… find the people who will help you keep fighting and keep believing in a better future and Cherish Them”)

People complain about this show going “off the rails” as it’s switching its target audience and addressing more “mature” themes or whatever but like do you guys understand how much every single narrative decision makes me scream

GUN has really shot themselves in the foot with TCM recently. I'm going to rant beneath the cut, feel free to let me know your thoughts too.

I main family (Johnny, Cook, Nubbins, or Leatherface if our team needs it) with my husband and we absolutely hate going against 4 man squads. They bully the shit out of the family and then act like they won the Olympics as they t-bag at the exits until we come to watch their asses grind the dirt.

If they get the valve on, someone has to camp it the rest of the game. Often, two people have to guard it in case two victims team up to chain backstab the poor guy.

Now that they've hidden groups and levels, I feel really ambivalent about playing family anymore. I used to enjoy playing with lower level victims and giving them a fun game, letting them get away, and generally ensuring they aren't turned off from the game. Or playing against non-teamed high levels for a fun challenge. Now I have to treat every game like I'm going against the aforementioned t-bagging Olympic athlete Navy seal 4-man team and it isn't fun for me to try hard every goddamn game. But if I don't, and they do turn out to be a 4 man squad of level 80+, then I've fucked myself going easy on them. And you can be assured they will act high and mighty about beating me.

But it isn't even just four man squads. Let's face it—Texas Chainsaw maps are puzzles and most victims have them figured out. Now the entire game is patrolling doors and if you somehow miss them on your patrol they're out and you're fucked. You can't re-lock doors. You can't guard almost opened doors like you can generators in Dead by Daylight until they regress. And dont even think about going into the basement as anyone other than Sissy and Nubbins because they'll disappear into any one of the cracks never to be seen again and while you're fruitlessly chasing them, Connie has blown a lock and escaped.

And now they're nerfing Cook's ear stacking even though while he's stacking it he's literally standing still AND you can counter it by 1. Stopping running or 2. Clear all stacks by going into a freezer/dresser.

It takes minimum TWENTY MINUTES to find a match now, even if one of us plays Leatherface. And even though there's 1 family player per 50 victim players, the victims still treat us like they're hot shit and we're piñatas there to be beaten up for their entertainment. And that's not even to say we're bad, we're actually quite good at family. But when we do win, victims have some shit to say.

Not all victims are shitheads but so many of them are and I'm sure you non-shithead victim players have had to listen to your teammates rant at the family in the end game lobby.

And GUN is not making anything better. They could, idk, make it so only ONE fuse and ONE valve spawn on the map so at least the victims have to look a little bit longer. They could give the family a fucking mini map so we have knowledge of our own property. They could give us shirtless Johnny all-fucking-ready.

But no, we must instead suffer not knowing what sort of victims we're going against and completely annihilating newer players just in case they do turn out to be those four man 99 squads we so dread. As 2 players with a random, we just can't coordinate well enough to properly face off against a 4 man. They should make lobbies for full squads to go against full squads so solo q and duos dont have to be shit on, on either side.

Idk man. I love Texas Chainsaw. I have almost 300 hours in it. And I still have a MASSIVE crush on Johnny Slaughter. But... I think I'm going to quit. I'll come back and play for a week when new maps come out so we can all enjoy the freshness of no one knowing what's going on, but the moment that map is solved, I'm not gonna deal with it. Playing family is hell, most of the time I feel like the victim.

i have so much both sfw and nsfw fanart that ive never posted bc the fear of FREAKS is so rampant on here that i just take a look at my sketchdumps, go like "what problematic thing would people find about this and then make my life be annoying" and go like not worth it

sry to all fans of shows and ships that would like to see it but this site is absolutely showing its ass; the latest wave of active and agressive transmisogyny is really showing how fucking weaponized anti-sex sentiment of this site is, how fast it devolves into literal weapons of hate. im not transfem, my life and existence would not be endangered by annoying people in my inbox, but i have no wish to deal w that either if i dont have to. the absolute vitriol and agression ive seen transfem mutuals face for "FREAKS N DEGENERATES N PEDOPHILES" accusations legit has me stumped.

i dont care abt notes and shit or being like "yOuRe MaKiNg ArTiStS sToP pOsTiNg", ill just keep my drawings between me and my girlfriend, as ive done for months now. i feel bad because me and her send each other fanart by other artists, and i feel sad knowing that they might as well not post that art, the same way i dont. but i genuinely have no nerves or patience or wish to post anything in this vitriolic environment. "transmisogyny affects everyone!" is a disingenous statement to make, its self-centered to say it, but it does in a proxy way. i am not a victim of it, and i do not dare compare me being briefly annoyed on the interwebs with trans women getting their private fucking data outed for having a haha funny side url and fbi called on them, but it sure does have a part of a reason as to why i dont post much anymore. especially since my own sister is transfem.

so keep cultivating that bigotry and keep being silent bc 'it doesnt concern you' - because yeah, it does affect everything around you, the entire society.

so there, in case you wondered why i dont post as much, this is the reason. there is also a serious health situation im going through, but my lack of wish to post fanart has been going on for longer than that

kind of feeling like the rest of the fandom just wants french fans to shut up and leave already :|... why should we be trusting quackity when he hasnt even given any more updates on anything. ("ill keep you updated everyone" -quackity (lying) on his stream addressing issues). "trust that theyre working on it!!!" is starting to feel more and more like people are actually meaning "omg stop complaining so much!!! youre ruining my enjoyment".

of course the new announcements feel like damage control why would we expect anything else? they refuse to talk about anything and start to dangle shiny new things in front of the rest of the fandom so they get distracted from french complaints. why should we trust that anything is happening when the syndicat says that the fired admins havent even been contacted by anyone after more than a week?

im so done at this point :|. i cant even lurk on twitter anymore because all the french accounts i looked at either went inactive, private, or deactivated entirely because of how many death threats they were getting for daring to expect more of quackity.

i dont necessarily think Q was lying or is trying to sweep the situation under the rug but yeah ! people can and SHOULD be wanting more communication and transparency

the « stop complaining and trust bc you’re just spreading negativity » mindset that im sometimes seeing is driving me INSANE like ?? this isn’t discourse or drama it’s a workers rights violation 😳 personally what is ruining my enjoyment of the server is knowing that the characters and story ive loved for months was built on the exploitation of people who also loved the project. that and the fact that it seems like the community im a part of was a second thought the whole time 😳

and this isn’t only a french issue like yes most of the ex admins who spoke up were french but the issues impact every community !

I know that since this is a BIG issue it’s gonna take time to solve and i can even understand keeping the server running but introducing so many new people + an awards event right now is so idk….

I also feel bad for the korean and german creators who are coming in at such a bad timing

and yes broke my heart seeing the admins who spoke up as well as big twitter accounts from qsmptwt having to stop expressing themselves/receive crazy amounts of hate/deactivate bc they’re so done with the situation and receiving so few support