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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

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Helplessly Hoping (Favored Ones, Part 19.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Quote for the chapter: “And you consider yourself the saviour of the human race?” - Shawn James

Part summary: Just as Ellie demanded, there was the whole meeting about the fucking Baldwin cottage situation happening. And the results of it were more or less concerning.

A/N: I’ve tried to use as many in-game/trailer/promotional dialogue as I could, altering it to suit the story, and I’ve spent at least an hour alone on those dialogues (finding them in the first place, then re-writing it, altering it, etc.). Hope you’ll enjoy. (OPEN TAGS FOR FUNNY HAHA JOKE)

Warnings: Tommy is the purest of heart and the dumbest of ass, Jesse’s ass, and angry fucking Maria. Mentions of Abby, WLFs, torture and gore, anxiety. PROBABLY A LOAD OF TYPOS Y’ALL.

Word count: 7.3K

Tagging: @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme @peakymarvels @davnwillcome @pickleriiick @jodiereedus22 @gladiosamicitias @tamkashi @eternallyvenus @avengerssstuff @fangirl-inthe-us @avery-miller @mikah-writes @mad-hatter-98 @sadiaafrin99 @flavorishy @mr-robot-x @

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS | SEATTLE DAYS

Early spring of 2038, two days before departure to Seattle:

Learning how to walk on your legs again was kinda funny, especially when you had Joel and Ellie around most of the time. As suspected, Joel calmed down about the unnecessary fight rather quickly, focusing on more oppressing matters at that moment, inviting Ellie to look after you when he was gone and the other way around. You were still noticeably climbing, but soon, you could walk to downtown on your own and you didn't even have to beg Joel to stop for a sec to catch your breath.

Ellie, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, was still intrigued by the fact that you and Joel are now an official couple, but that didn't mean she had got the right to tell someone what to do. And she didn't even want to... It was just... Bothering her at some times. But as long as you were looking healthy and happy with the old man, she could still get over the whole situation somehow. The bad blood between you and Dina lasted for a few days until you played a card game for spending the evening with Ellie, which you one singlehandedly, yet you showed your character and told Dina she can keep your best friend for the night.

Life almost seemed to be going back to normal... Except it wasn't going anywhere. The only people who knew about it was you, Joel, Maria, and Tommy. You didn't want to tell Ellie and you hoped that your whole mental situation will be over before you and she have some girly plans. On many occasions, you've woken up in the middle of the night, straightaway paralyzed. A single muscle on your body couldn't move and all you saw was the woman looking down on you, asking the question over and over again - where is Joel Miller? Do you know him?

And anything you've tried wasn't helping you. Pills that should give you a sleepless night? You woke up in the middle of the night, panting and disoriented. Herbal teas? Made you sick. Joel hammering you to the bed before going to sleep? You've been staring at the ceiling as the man slept with his head on your naked chest. Joel and Ellie singing you a duet while you and Dina sat on the couch, watching these two arguing about every single detail? No, that didn't help either.

You didn't know if Abby wanted to trap you inside your head, but she accomplished the mission perfectly. You could work throughout the day, as long as the job didn't need a lot of walking around, you were still the same you. But as soon as no-one was looking at you, panic and anxiety got a hold on you. One time, you were even helping in the kitchen and you were joking around with the cooks - and suddenly, your gaze fell on one of the knives. Suddenly, you couldn't hear anything but cutting vegetables, and each of these sounds reminded you of the woman. The scar on your thigh started to burn as you suddenly sat in the corner, rocking yourself to keep calm.

There was still the old you inside of that head, but it wasn't quite the same person at all. You've been a former Firefly, yet you weren't on a single mission. You killed a human person before - just to protect the man you loved. What Abby has done to you was barbarism, brutality, and vileness. And that was bringing up the conflict inside of you around which you kinda could get your head wrapped around.

No-one knew what happened in the cottage yet, because you and Tommy wanted to think about the incident on your own first. And so you did - but it was tearing you up in halves. On one hand, you didn't care for that party of shitheads at all, you didn't want to see them again. You were just glad they had left, at least seemingly, and that they aren't a threat for you or Joel anymore.

On the other hand, you had the feeling that no matter who it was, they'll be back. They were searching after Joel and they didn't find the man the first time. Who was granting you that they won't come back for round two? This time killing you for good? Just slicing your throat for the fun of it? Another question was popping on your head rather frequently. Would Abby kill you straightaway if she'd figure out you're sleeping with Joel? Just for the fun of causing pain? Just to leave a message?

All you did was consider yourself lucky - if they wouldn't come when they did, you and Tommy would've laid there dead for hours, maybe days. But the luck was supposed to run out one day, right? It was just comforting you that it didn't run out on that March day. Normally, you weren't of these who would've sought revenge. You would just go on with your life, no matter how hard that would turn out to be. But Joel... When it came to Joel, the way you took the issues had changed. You wanted and needed to know he's safe. And until Abby and her friends were searching for the man, he wasn't safe.

I ain’t a good man at all, you know? You may be thinkin’ I am, but trust me, I ain’t. You could hear Joel repeating that sentence over and over again. I’ve done some terrible things and if you’d hear them, you’d most likely get up and never come back again. I was survivin’ for a damn long time. I’ve seen my friends end up dead. I’ve hurt many people. I’ve done stuff only the worst people do, you hear me? And Abby was just of the many people he’d done wrong or dirty in the past. The result of shit Joel had done.

But you hadn't got the feeling that Joel knew Abby personally. She was young, maybe at your age, just a few years older. Maybe exactly your age, it was hard to tell. But... If Abby had known Joel personally, she'd recognize Tommy. These men bared an undeniable likeness. So Joel wouldn't know who was she even if you'd ask him. The only thing you and Tommy took as a clue was the appliques on their jackets - WLF. Washington Liberation Front. They were soldiers just as you thought so. And came all the way from Seattle. To look for Joel. Which made you everything but calm. You asked Tommy about how Joel could've come to contact with such people... And Tommy didn't have a clue.

Which only put Joel's words in perspective. You didn't know a whole lot about your man and there wasn't any certainty that you'd ever get to know these things about him. What could Joel had possibly do tying up back to WLF? Smuggle guns, bomb, supplies? Kill someone for them..? Or one of them? Joel was a man of many faces and a harsh past, which you kinda knew ever since you got to know Ellie better. But it was things like these that put everything to context.

When you both agreed it's time to tell the rest, you've gathered only the closest people to discuss what to do now. Ellie and Dina's standpoints were set completely straight, they knew exactly what to do. Joel, Tommy, Jesse, and Maria were on the neutral to calm side of the spectrum. Diego was forbidden to come and you were somewhere between going after Abby and staying put. It was all to be settled down on that evening.

"So, we all know why were here." - You started, sitting at the head of the table next to Tommy. You two somehow got out of the situation WLFs put you in, but it was sure that you're not the same way you've been before - while you were only visibly limbing and some of the leg movements made you uneasy, you were fucked up mentally. Just as Tommy was perfectly healthy mentally, he told you he lived through worse things as a Firefly, his knee was poorly working as it should. Sure, he was walking, but there was no certainty that he can lead other patrols with his current physical state. - "And we decided that it will be better from my point of view because I heard a few things Tommy didn't." - You looked at the man, who nodded to assure you. - "Shall we?"

You've started since the very morning of the eighth of March - why did you even go to the patrol in the first place, how did the horde cleansing progress, up to the point where you first met her. When you mentioned her, tears appeared in your eyes again as you looked away from all the people to calm down. - "Give her a minute, it's just too much." - Tommy said to the rest as he walked to you with his cane in his hand, hugging your shoulder as he looked out of the window beside you. He shouldn't be walking at all, but because his knee wasn't drastically broken, he persuaded Bobby to give him just a brace and a cane. Either way, it was more than a month since the whole cottage thing, you both had got better. And sure, no-one was pressuring you to talk. You had the whole night if you needed to.

For you, it was a terrifying experience to go through all of this... Again. Mentally. It wasn't good for you to go back to the day in such details, but it needed to be done. Yet with every syllable, Abby's eyes got clearer and clearer inside of your head, watching you, judging you, laughing at you. The moment when she lifted you off the ground like a piece of shit, it was all there suddenly. Your throat clenched for a second while you re-lived through the memory, making your gasp for air and gently smooth the veins there. Tommy smoothed your shoulder carefully, looking at the profile of your face.

"Feelin' good now, kiddo?" - Tommy asked when you blinked twice to get yourself out of the moment. With a long sigh, you nodded and walked back to the table to continue with the story.

"There was a blizzard out there, you could barely see three feet in front of you. So the woman, named Abby, offered us to show us the way to a nearby cabin where she and her friends were taking refuge at the time. Naturally, we agreed to this offer because we would most likely get lost in the snow and freeze to death somewhere. Abby's friends saved us from a small portion of the horse, and they took us inside." - You looked directly at Joel for a minute, trying to find comfort inside his face, finding concern only. That wasn't a good sign. - "When I stepped inside, I immediately noticed that there's something wrong with the people. I've seen a lot of groups passing through Jackson to get some sleep, gather supplies, food, water... But these didn't look anything like it. The clothes, moves, each of them looked strong. There was this lady who approached me and asked me if I'm feeling okay. To which I replied, that I am feeling alright.

I tried to signal Tommy that I don't feel safe inside that house, but he was talking to this Hispanic man, I didn't quite catch his name. So I played along and followed Abby deeper into the house. There, I met... Oscar? Omar? Oliver...? Owen. This man was Owen. And he was furious and they started to argue. For a reason, everyone started to gather in the room to look at us, and I could tell straight away that something was going downhill. Tommy was chatting with them and suddenly, Abby turned to me and asked me this question. I can hear the voice asking it every fucking night, again, again, and again. It haunts me." - A shaky breath left your lips as you jolted in discomfort. Tommy already knew what was coming, so he just stared at his hands entwined on the table.

"Do you know a man named Joel Miller by any chance?" - You repeated, hearing Abby asking you the question, staring down on you. You've been feeling everything you felt when Abby was just one foot away from you. The nerves, dry mouth, and the desperate need to keep yourself under control. And this time, it even felt harder than before, because you knew what comes next.

"To which I replied that I don't know any man by that name. But I fucked up, it is how it is. And I swear to you that this... Woman... Put her arm around my neck, picked me off the ground, and choked me. And all she said was 'Hey, we don’t wanna kill you. But we will.' And she tried to do just that. Before you guys came in." - A shiver ran down your spine as the picture of the woman kneeling beside you popped up inside your head. Owen holding the chair as Abby had beaten you up, helping her with the nails. Your hands were looking disgusting. Sure, it was way better and most of the nails started to grow back, but the ones on your pinkies and ring finger were gone.

"What are we waiting for?" - Ellie asked suddenly, having every stare turned at her and Dina. She was visibly shaken - not only did they fucked you up like two dogs, but they were after Joel as well. - "Washington Liberation Front. We know where that is, don't we?" - The girl asked fiercely, but Maria pointed her palm at the girl, stopping her from hyping a super-dangerous plan which would only get everyone killed.

"Joel, when did you work for the WLF?" - Maria furrowed, looking at her brother-in-law. - "I thought you were smuggling for the Fireflies and other people back in Boston, but you never mentioned running the business in Seattle... Or in this area generally." - The woman asked silently, and each of you looked at Joel. But the man was out of his mind as well - it was his fault, just as he thought so. The past always found its way to him, didn't it?

"I've never worked in Seattle. I don't know any WLFs, never met 'em." - Joel answered shortly, looking down on his palms

"It doesn't matter. I don't care who the fuckers are, what did they want of what they need from the old man here. They've been trying to get one of us, what if they show up again?" - Ellie jumped straight to the chase again, this time standing up. - "They most likely know where we live, it doesn't take a genius to figure out the patrol trails, and they've been here once, what thing on Earth is holding them from getting into the area again? Huh? And what if they kill us all? What if they bring more people back? Huh?" - She looked at everyone with a hint of disgust in her face. This time, Tommy was the one to take a calm approach.

"Kiddo, sit down, will ya? We have no idea what we're walkin' into. You don't know anythin' about them. We don't know how large that group is, how armed they are," - "What are you doing?" - Ellie snapped back. The girl was walking on mighty thin ice, as Joel would say, but you got what she's after. These people were nothing but a threat to Jackson - and more importantly to Joel. You couldn't simply leave that be, hoping they won't come back. But you didn't say anything out loud, you just sat there and looked into the table desk, minding your own business.

"I don't care. Joel told me that this isn't my decision to make. Guess what, Tommy. It is from now on. These people tried to harm my family. I think you got the best idea about what kind of people they are. And I'm going no matter how you decide. You can't stop this. You can't stop me." - The girl walked out of the room, leaving you all there. Dina looked at Maria, who was already scheming a plan.

"This is suicide. No-one ain't is going after them. I don't care, I... I will put my men around her house to keep an eye on her..." - Maria was whispering frantically, trying to figure out what to do to keep the girl down. Joel exhaled loudly and took one look at you, closing his eyes in pain. He knew that empty look you were giving the piece of furniture. Whenever Ellie was about to take off, you will follow her for a few various reasons - you didn't want to get herself killed. And you didn't want to see Joel get hurt. And deep down inside, there was another reason which was the most understandable - you wanted to hurt back the people who hurt you. It could be barely seen that you're trembling, thinking about what you'll do. The world seemed to be so empty suddenly.

There was no other choice - you were going to Seattle.

"If she decides to go, Maria, no patrols are going to stop Ellie. The question is who will come with her." - Jesse told everyone quietly. With that, Joel had the last spark of home inside of him - maybe you won't be so stupid to agree with Ellie's short-fire plan. Yet when you closed your eyes, having a small wrinkle on your forehead, he knew that you're not the case.

Shortly after, everyone got home. And it felt off-putting to watch Joel's house, knowing you'll leave as soon as Ellie decides to go. You and Dina agreed about exchanging the intel the other day, once she and Ellie come up with some plan.

The house was looking way better than ever before. Up to that point, you never realized it has a perfect location in a good neighborhood. Especially, when Joel didn't have many neighbors. All you could see was the best ways to sneak to his door, and when you left that out, you only knew the inside of the house. And as the spring was slowly coming back, the flowers, bushes, and trees started to finally blossom after the long winter. Birds were singing the whole time you were walking to the porch, the warm wing was smoothing your skin and messing with your hair. How comes that you've never noticed the golden film of the sunlight? Or the innocent white of the evening clouds?

"You 'kay back there?" - Joel asked you from opening the door. You were leaning into the railing, watching the surroundings. After a small while of watching the man, you gave him a vulnerable smile and nodded. For a minute, Joel still stood there and waited for you to come in, but you didn't move an inch. You turned your head back to look at the neighborhood and the mountains in the landscape. That was when he walked next to you, leaning into the wood as well. - "What's goin' inside that head of yours, huh?" - He whispered, slowly pulling closer until your shoulders bumped into each other.

"Never noticed how beautiful Jackson can be - until now, cowboy." - An honest whisper left your lips. Joel didn't like your expression at all - there was this sadness and melancholy inside of it and Joel would bet everything that he knew exactly what was going on inside your head.

"Girl, if you're thinkin' about the Abby kiddo, stop it. For both my and yours sake. This kind of thoughts won't bring any good, you hear me?" - The man whispered and lowered his head enough to kiss the top of your shoulder. - "What happens at Baldwin, that stays at Baldwin. I don't want you to see you get near the stables, weaponry, you won't be sneakin' out at midnight, we clear?" - Joel asked, having you snickering at his statement and the whole topic. You knew you're about to pull that stunt. And he knew it as well. But it felt cute that he's putting so much care into this whole thing.

"I told you that I'm not thinking about the Baldwin cottage thing. I'm not. I'm just looking at nature, taking in the sights, you know?" - You smiled, trying to look at least a bit happy for Joel. The man looked into your eyes for a moment with an unnatural expression. But in the end, he nodded and looked away from you. Both of you knew that you're lying, but neither of you wanted to talk about the lie more closely. - "I was thinking about playing some gee-tar. What about you bringing me that instrument and making me a cup of coffee before we go to sleep, Joel?" - You asked after a moment, having the man realizing how vulnerable you were at the moment. He could just call you out about the bullshit. Yet he didn't. Joel just smoothed your back with his palm, pulling you a bit closer.

"You don't drink coffee. Didn't the coma messed with your brain, baby girl?" - The man asked but slowly walked to the door. You just sighed, reminding him of sugar. He brought everything anyway - both the guitars, both the mugs with the coffee and some fruits you could both snack on. The first songs you've played were shaky and off the rhythm, your voice wasn't the best either, which had you cringe a lot.

The man was calming you down, reminding you to have patience and not to jump into things too quickly. The best moment of the night was when you played A-Ha together, Joel playing the instrument while you curled up in the rocking chair, which he brought for you from the cabin in the woods, and sang. When the conversation you two had slowly faded away, you caught yourself falling asleep as Joel was playing with his guitar, playing parts of various songs you didn't even know. He had woken you up an hour or so after, making sure you won't be too bitten by mosquitos.

The following day, the signal you were waiting for came - Dina ran to you while you were helping in the kitchen and the diner. She told you, very hastily, that you will take off the following day, two hours after midnight, and that you'll have a meeting point at the south breach. Jesse, who was authorized to spy on both you and Dina, along with Ellie and Joel, had to see it because of course, he had. It was quite logical when you had a shift in the kitchen at the same time.

"What are you two whispering about, birdies?" - The boy leaned between your heads. If you had to be honest, he was looking good with the apron and a crooked smile on his lips as he held the bowl with the yeast dough. After a smile while of looking at him, you gave him your typical chuckle, getting back to the vegetables in front of you.

"About your ass." - You answered innocently. At that, Dina joined you, leaned her ass into the counted next to your workplace. Her eyes looked at her ex-boyfriend's ass shamelessly. After a moment, her agreeing hum sounded next to your ear as both you and Jesse snickered. - "I mean, Y/N's not wrong. Maybe you'll finally have your luck with Bobby now you're single?" - Dina asked, offering you a hand to do a high five. The boy looked at you with an offense in his grinning face, running his tongue along the line of his teeth.

"All I said is that the lady has a nice bottom. It was at the Christmas party, there was a lot of eggnogs and I was drunk. Don't ever bring that up again. Deal?" - Jesse pointed the wooden spoon at the two of you. Dina and you behaved childishly quite often, but it was never too inappropriate or annoying. You know where to put the stop to the whole playing-around thing.

"I certainly can't promise that, Jesse." - "Me neither" - You both shook your heads and you started to cut the tomatoes again. You already cleaned and cut more than one big bag of them and there was still a lot remaining. And trust me, you were a lot in the kitchen since you got back from the Baldwin place. It was occurring because of two main reasons - Maria wanted to have you under control and you still weren't sure about somehow getting through the whole patrol process.

"I would miss this... If you'd were going to Seattle." - Jesse whispered, looking into the dough in front of him. Dina flashed her eyes at you and licked her lips swiftly. Jesse had to know that you were up to something and he even had to know what was that something. - "Thank God you're not that dumb." - Jesse gave you a shining smile over the shoulder, leaning back to the dough.

"Yeah, exactly. Thank God we aren't." - You repeated and watched Dina leaving as she pointed two fingers up to signal you the time you, her, and Ellie will meet up. Neither of you planned on sleeping that night - you decided to sneak out, walk at least five miles from Jackson, find a cover and sleep there. So it was special for you when you and Joel were getting into bed. Neither of you felt like sex, so you just told each other about your days as you laid down, preparing for some sleep. Just like the first time, he'll wake up and he'll be alone. That was almost poetic.

It was a repeating cycle - but this time, Joel won't find you wandering around the city. Sure, the man got a little suspicious when you didn't want to cuddle closer and you just laid there facing each other. While the man was already drifting off, or so you suspected, you were just laying there and memorized every inch of his face. The gray, maybe-too-long but still maintained haircut and trimmed beard, a bit crooked nose with a small scar in the middle, deep wrinkles on his forehead and two leading down from his cheeks - these were visible especially when he spoke or smiled at you. Your hand was itching to feel the nicely-shaped lips, slowly caressing away down to his throat to feel the rough skin with fading suntan. But you just laid there with tears in your eyes, fighting an urge to cry.

He was beautiful. He was. And you were leaving him just to make sure he was safe. What a fucking irony.

To your surprise, you had fallen asleep. When you woke up, you've just opened up your eyes and looked around, Joel wasn't in the bed. First, you thought you're late and that he maybe knew what you were planning on doing, but you exhaled slowly when you heard the water in the bathtub moving around. He was probably taking one of his late-night baths. He had tendencies to do that when he was sleeping poorly or when he had woken up in the middle of the night. But it urged you to act quickly.

You pulled a backpack from under the bed, checking that there are your gun and the knife. Quickly, you threw some sweatshirt and a few t-shirts to change on your journey, put some warm clothes on and sneaked downstairs to put the boots on. You were moving around swiftly and quietly to make sure Joel won't be suspicious - he had to hear you walking around the place, but there wasn't a single word coming from the bathroom, so you supposed you're safe.

Slowly, you took in a long breath as you palmed the doorknob, closing your eyes. - "Lord, please grant me your mercy and take care of Joel when I'm gone. And make sure hell forgive me over the time, deal?" - You prayed. You never went to the church and you, neither Fireflies nor your parents weren't religious people. You didn't know how prayers worked, what to say, or how to concept it. But it felt good to say something to the entity up there. And if there wasn't anything, you just felt good about saying it out loud.

Shit almost hit your pants when the dining room lit up suddenly and Joel leaned his shoulder to the doorframe. He didn't even have to say a word and you already knew he's pissed. He was clothed, just after a bath and his furrow, dear Lord, that was some nightmare fuel.

"You goin' somewhere?" - The man asked quietly, crossing his forearms on his chest. Slowly, your hand let the doorknob go. A quick cuss left your lips when you smoothed your wet hands on your thighs, taking in a deep breath. Jesus, you never felt so bad. You were busted, like five-year-old stealing candy from the cookie box. - "Joel..." - You put one of your palms up, trying to calm him down before he'd let the thunder fell on you.

"I asked you 'bout lettin' the whole Baldwin thing go and you looked me in my damned eyes and said 'yea'. Did you think that you're so unobtrusive, actin' like you hadn't an idea that I know what's up? You think you're so clever, huh? Jesse told me 'bout the small date you and Dina had in the kitchen." - Joel walked to you slowly and you could tell that you're just fucked up. There was no other way to put it. Joel busted your ass and probably, he told Maria, so you weren't going anywhere.

"Don't try to stop me, Joel. If you stop me now, I'll just sneak out later. All it would do would be setting Dina and Ellie alone, and if there'd be just the two of them..." - You started to talk frantically, but Joel's palms on your shoulders made you stop. He was looking you in the face with a slight furrow. When you wanted to wiggle out, his palm caught your cheek and the man made you look up at him.

"I am not stoppin' you. I told you, baby girl, that if you'd like to go after 'em, we will go after 'em together. I am disappointed and we'll need to talk about that later, but I won't be stoppin' you, nor Dina, nor Ellie. I just don't wanna lose you, 'kay?" - The man breathed out as the oxygen in his throat hitched. You put both your palms on his chest, looking him in the face. Your tongue tried to tell all the words you wanted to tell him, all the syllables you had inside your head, but nothing came out of your mouth.

Was there any sense in trying to talk Joel down from coming with you? The man had his head and he was stubborn, so you wouldn't stop him for shit. This was dangerous for him. Joel wasn't the youngest, his reflexes weren't that good either, and... Anything could go wrong. He could die. He could die for real. Slowly, you licked your lips, hugging the man. Sure, it will weird Ellie out to have Joel coming with you on another adventure. But... More eyes see more, more brains know more and more hands could do more, right? Ellie will find her way around it, you were sure of that.

"Took my revolver and the ammo I've had hidden for it with me. You're taking your bow and quiver, right?" - He whispered to your ear. Oh. OH. The bow and arrows. You would've forgotten it at home if Joel didn't bring it up. Because of the pressure around.

With a smile, you walked to the cabinet you kept your toys in, taking them out. - "You're secretly hoarding ammo without telling Maria about it? Where are the days when your ass didn't take any ammo with it on patrols?" - A question rang throughout the silent house, having Joel chuckle in response. - "You're the most paranoid person I know, Miller. But I love for that, God knows I do." - You walked back, putting the weapon on the table as you wrapped your hands your the nape of his neck. - "I love..." - Joel answered, but he was interrupted by the noises coming from the outside.

The subtle romantic moment was ruined by something going on on the street. Quickly, you walked to the window to look out of it - and your eyes widened horrifiedly when you saw Maria stomping right to your door, leading Dina and Ellie behind her. Fuck, she must've caught them earlier. And she looked so pissed that you felt your stomach tighten.

"Did Jesse told Maria about this?" - You asked Joel, quickly hiding your and his backpack, putting the arrows and the bow down from the table. It was weird enough to find you both dressed up for a stroll at two a.m., but when Ellie and Dina were busted already, you were busted too.

"No, the boy didn't tell her. He just wanted me to know 'cause he was worried you're gonna get yourself killed, that's what he told me." - Joel shook his head, already watching his sister-in-law stomping on the porch, knocking on the door. Well... Maria didn't knock. She almost broke the door in halves.

For a moment, Joel looked at you to see if you're calm enough and then, he finally opened up, a crooked smile playing on his lips. Ellie's eyes shot wide open when she saw him all ready as well, but there wasn't space for her to speak, so she just sent you a nod. And Dina? She looked the worst, like a small kid who waited for a slap. - "Hey. Wouldn't expect you here so late, Maria, howdy," - Your man started charmingly, bit the blonde woman just pushed him out of the doorframe, walking straight to the dining table.

"What happened?" - You whispered to Ellie. Before the girl answered, she licked her lips and shook her head, giving you a clear idea. She didn't know. But before she opened up her mouth, Maria pointed her finger into the wooden desk of the table.

"Sit down, all four of you. And don't test my patience." - She ordered quietly, but her voice hinted on how infuriated she was. The situation was wickedly hilarious - Joel, a man in his early fifties, you, and two girls around their twenties were getting bitched down like a band of kindergartners. And by the looks of it, Maria wasn't slowing down.

"Maria, I've headed to Seattle, I wish I could let it all go, but I can't. I have to bring these people to justice." - She started to read from a piece of paper in her palm, looking at you and Ellie specifically. - "Ellie was right. I can't let them get away with the stuff they've done to the poor girl and with the stuff they planned on doing. I just can't. What if they'd come back, attacking at us in full force? What's holding them back?" - She read the question mockingly, but let you all know she doesn't want to get an answer on that one. She licked her lips to progress with the letter.

"I know that at least one of the three girls will come after me. Assign patrols checking on their houses in the night, make them busy, take their guns, lock the guns and horses up, maybe lock all of them up?" - Maria was getting more and more infuriated just by reading the text. So Jesse didn't tell on you. Tommy had set to Seattle on his own, holy motherfucking love of Jesus Christ. That was just a dumb idea which sure will get him killed.

"Buy me some time so I can end this on my own terms. Love you always, Tommy." - She finished and leaned her palms into the table. - "Do you realize what this letter means? Any of you? He's gonna get himself killed." - Maria bent the paper in halves, taking in a long breath.

Ellie rolled her eyes and you could see her inflating her cheeks with anger. Each of you was in a different stage of anger at that moment. And Ellie's was most probably the most hot-headed and childish, but she spoke first nonetheless. - "I told you that you can stop this, Maria. We need to finish this. He should've taken us with him. You should've given us a group to go after those fuckers right away!" - The girl whispered recklessly, looking into the desk with tongue running over her front teeth. The blonde woman sighed loudly, rolling her eyes.

At that, Maria laughed cold-heartedly, looking at the girl with anger burning inside her eyes. Whatever was going on inside Maria's head, it was a real fight. Dina turned her head at you when you breathed out, shook your head, and lowered it down. This was your fault. Your fucking fault. Tommy had the feeling that he has to do it for you. The man could barely work and his arm still wasn't good either. This mission wasn't only a suicidal one, it was pure madness. - "Wish I could." - The old woman looked Ellie in the eyes rather daringly, as if she was daring the girl to do something.

"So, now what, Maria? You wanna lock us up inside our houses? Take away our guns? Will you make us... Busy?" - Ellie opposed and finally looked at Maria. This situation was extremely uncomfortable for everyone - while Ellie had full-on one on one argument with Maria, while the three of you, you, Dina and Joel, sat there in dead silence, each of you lost in your thoughts. But you still listened to the topic of the conversation, in case of Maria would try directly verbal-assaulting anyone else. Sure, she was just mad, but if this fight would go off the rails... Some rather nasty things could've been said. Some of which couldn't be taken back.

"Well, when you're asking me so nicely, I'd prefer that you'd both stay," - Maria sighed and looked at you and Ellie sitting next to each other. You two were definitely where this suicidal idea to go to Seattle came from, she was sure of that. You most likely wanted to protect Joel, which as cavalierish as it was crazy, and Ellie wanted to revenge you. At that, Ellie spangled on her feet, having an offended expression in her face. When she pointed her finger at maria, the woman lowered her head. - "That's not gonna fucking happen," - " I'd prefer that you'd both stay, but I know you better." - With that, Ellie shut up in surprise as Maria walked to the other half of the table, now looking at Joel and Dina.

"Are you going with them?" - She rose her eyebrows. The man didn't answer, he just nodded, and Dina let out an offended 'yeah' as if it wasn't obvious.

"What did you planned on doing? Just sneaking outta here? On foot? Huh?" - Maria made herself snicker ironically after hearing another yeah, this time from Ellie. You, you were impossible. Sneaking on foot out of Jackson and traveling to Seattle? In the cold and stormy spring that was coming? Sometimes, you were dumber than Maria thought. Everyone was silent as you watched Maria looking out of the window into the night neighborhood, taking in another deep breath. When she was sure she won't kill any of you on the spot, she turned back to the table, leaning into it and staring into everyone's eyes.

"I told the stable to let you out with Sadie and Shimmer. Grab some ammo too. And some food and sleeping bags." - At that, each of you shut up. And Maria started tearing up, so she closed her eyes for a moment to calm down.

"Thank you, Maria." - Dina whispered with true respect in her voice, watching the lady calming down by walking around Joel's dining room. But then, she looked at you and Ellie with a saddened smile. - "Just, uh, do me a favor and bring my dumbass husband home in one piece, please. And... When you come back from there, we won't be ever talking about it again. No Abby, no WLFs, no golf clubs, no cottage in the mountains. We'll pretend that it never had happened." - Maria sighed. Ellie started nodding as the first one as she went to hug Maria tightly to calm the woman down. Then you went to share the hug with them, having Dina joining in as the last one. Joel sat there and watched you with a sad smile.

"All right then." - Maria stepped aside, looking at the three of you. You were always together when you did something good, something bad or something crazy. And this, to Maria's surprise, checked every box. - "Get going, you're... The way to Seattle is long, even on horseback and you need as much daylight as you can get. And to your information, Jesse didn't tell me you're planning on leaving. It was Diego who heard it." - And with that, Maria walked out of the house with the letter in her hand, shaking hands and teary eyes.

You stood there for a little longer, not knowing how to react. And as usual, Ellie was first to break the awkward silence. - "Holy motherfucking shit. I can't believe it worked out." - She sighed and sat down for a little longer as you and Joel get to preparing your gear again. Dina scoffed ironically, leaning into the back of the chair.

"Not to be the one who's breaking it to you, but everything had fucked up as much as it could and Tommy with his fucked up leg and arm is currently MIA." - Well, that was one way to look at the situation as well.

"Don't worry 'bout him for now. He's a capable guy, I saw a lot of things he has done while he was a Firefly. Trust me, if someone should be worried, it's the fuckers in Seattle." - Joel answered at that statement and zipped his jacket all the way under his chin, controlling the stuff he picked up once again. Your backpacks were full of personal stuff, but once you'd get to the horses, you'll do some space management and it'll be good. - "Since when you're going, old-timer? I don't see this happening." - Ellie licked her lips, watching Joel's face with one of her stubborn gazes.

"Then open up your eyes, kiddo. If she's comin', I'm comin'." - The man looked at you with a smile and you smiled back. Both the girls were uncomfortable for a while, watching the two of you, but after a small while, Ellie nodded and clapped. - "'kay. Fine. Alrite. Maria's right. The earlier we go, the further we get, the sooner we can catch some sleep."

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