#i did a lot of math today
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They grow up so fast
#💟#Doodles#Art#Todd#Shmee#Scriabin#Baby Todd AU#Technically lol - just consider it an extension as such#I doodled these on my birthday and that is 100% of my reasoning behind being self-indulgent lol#I think I've gotten it out of my system now haha#Hhhhhh it's just nice to imagine him growing up in a loving household#Able to express himself and with an ''Aunt'' and ''Uncle'' who are boho and artists haha ♥#Surrounded by people who support him#Able to call for a parent and not just for help ouq But yes also that! My heart#Honestly a lot of this was still thinking about ages and corresponding years lol#I wouldn't put his teen look at any older than 18#Which if he still had his original birth year would put the ''current'' year at 2003 which ♥#Which for the record would also be the case if he was born in 1994 and then aged up to 9 💕#Did you expect sappy math today? Here it is! Lol#Other than that it was just doodling a teen Todd once and being like ''Oh he's still baby'' and running with it lol#Doing teen things like still having a favourite plush - now stitched with age#Far be it from me to pull a Velveteen Rabbit with Shmee but ugh I was just in a sappy mood okay fslkafd#Edgar making the first repairs and having to have Scriabin ground him from a panic attack when he's done until Todd can learn the craft#And then to silly things like growing out and dying his own hair - Scriabin has to keep up his Cool Dad cred by encouraging self-expression#As well as being a good dad in his own flavour ♥ He can be just as embarrassing as a dad! Embarrass your kid in public by being proud hehe#Family family 💕💖
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youve heard of spending 3 years doing some kind of "useless" humanities degree and then going back to working in a supermarket or whatever. but what about spending 3 years doing a "useful" accounting degree and then going back to working in a supermarket or whatever. would that be kind of based
#“a lot of students go into investment banking these days” - my lecturer today talking abt accountancy jobs#NO THANKS!!!!!!!#i think it would be really funny actually if i did this degree and then did not go into accounting or finance. fuck that shit i was#just here to have fun and play maths puzzles#none of that nasty corporate nonsense for me please !
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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being a lover of maths is like. ooooo look at all of those fancy symbols. i forgot what half of you mean. i love when equations simplify down to something really trivial. i want to rip my hair out. mmmm isn't there so much beauty in numbers that nothing else can express. i hate mathematics so much. who thought of this stuff, and what would it be like to live in their head for one day? why the hell do i need to know calculus. oh i know why, math is like exercise for the brain, like going to the gym for our physical muscles. i wonder how it would feel to make amazing mathematical discoveries. i want nothing to do with maths again. it's my favourite subject. i wish i was a history student. but ooooooooo imaginary numbers!!!
#i had a math test today and i was acc shakign realising it was coordinate geometry#i did pretty good#which i didn't expect but i'm not complaining#the point is i think math is beautiful#but it also makes me want to gouge my eyeballs a lot#i think many have a relationship with math akin to their relationship with their mother
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hes doing linear algebra👍
danny design is mostly from the amazing @/nicktoonsunite !
#danny is just wearing basically what i was wearing today lmao. sketched this IN my linear algebra class#trying to explore different coloring styles... and fun poses!#ok now fun details u get if u like to look at tags: dannys shirt is the album cover of earthhammer's single arboretum dance#which i listened to while drawing this. hes doing matrix multiplication but the writing is pretty crunched so u cant tell#i think danny would enjoy learning at his own pace/style once he graduates high school. i dont think hed go to college immediately or even#consider it until hes years older - i think hes more kinetic and maybe goes into a trade.... mechanic maybe?#i totally project tho so danny loves math <3 he rlly enjoys discrete whereas jimmy is more into calculus.... they argue over this a lot#also danny should probably be wearing glasses as per iz's design buuuut i got lazy :P#anyways <3 i did avoid MY linear algebra hw to color + polish this....#ok tags now:#danny fenton#nicktoons unite!#<- ostensibly - this is set in the NU! aged up au from nicktoonsunite so its going in the tag#danny phantom
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IM DONE STUDYING AAAAAHH
#for today#i did 2 today... yesterday until today? its 2 am lol#i couldddd do another#but you know its time for me to rest#I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO WATCH#and the last 3 subjects are not much to study for. not much to study for. and a whole lot because its math#anyway im very proud of myself very good i did very well
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Song of the Day: March 8
“Cosmo Canyon" by Nobuo Uematsu for Final Fantasy VII
#song of the day#sliiiightly cheating as kaylithographica reminds me we haven't actually heard this in its entirety in the game quite yet#but it's one of the songs I enjoy most and I do love Red and we did make it to Cosmo Canyon today#I've been talking mostly about game progress in my tag babbles these last however many days but I have a sillier project as well#as I watch the game I've been going through my bookmarks and drafts and notes to myself and organizing things#it keeps my hands busy and it is a project I try to undertake every spring-ish so I was about due anyway#and I am very proud of myself because I have taken my 'deal with later' bookmarks from nearly 2000 down to a mere 800#a pittance!#(a lot of them I just shuffled to different better-organized folders but still! all progress is progress)#my tumblr drafts is also well over 1000 but it's also much better organized#once I finish with it I'll dump it all into the queue and probably it'll be hmm.#spitball math says probably 800 into the queue and 200odd to otherwise deal with#that's 80 days of queue at the current pace which also seems roughly correct#the post that came out yesterday that talked about queue lengths was four months after I first saw it but it was otherwise delayed#my queue stopped while I was sick in December and again while I voyaged in January and I think for work a few times before that#so I am in accordance to my own rough yearly rhythms still mostly on top of things!
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ill never be good enough at anything
#vent#events of today only proved it#im genuinely so close to giving up completely#i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing#I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im#the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did#i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships#i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long#i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math#i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive#hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough#i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi#i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i#know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out#i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on#just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height#the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly.#ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from#if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic#i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me#i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.
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all these years i never touched terraria bc ppl said it's "just 2d minecraft" no one has ever been more wrong in the history of anything
#i'm having so much fun with the bosses and building a lot of small houses and doing the maths of who should live where so we can get pylons#i fought a big ass skull + its two arms today#i still don't know what's going on in the game as in that if i started a new game alone i would have a hard time with crafting and the boss#im being carried rn but idc bc i'm having so much fun#actually i would probably be having an average time even if i was playing alone if i did regular difficulty instead of expert#leevi liveblogs
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having a therapy session where you talk about your worst traumas then have to move on in life right afterwards like you’re not about to throw up and crumble into a million pieces is crazy,, like wdym i have to do things today i need to get in bed and curl up into a ball desperately clutching onto a plushie
#we are having a day today 🤩#no like my body is shaking i feel nauseated#literally in 30 minutes i have to do a tutoring lesson and i’m like how can i teach math when i am literally losing my mind#i should’ve either cancelled therapy today or cancelled the tutoring lesson bc doing both in one day is a mistake#i did last week and i was like ya this wasn’t a good idea THEN I FUCKING A#AM DOING IT AGAIN THIS WEEK#like i have a choice and instead i put myself through unnecessary torture#feeling the need to do things for others when i actually need to be using that time for myself is a lesson i continue to not grasp#tomorrow is also a very stressful day so lots on my mind i’m going crazy#strawberrybyers text post
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"oh the money will go toward moving expenses for my family and for me" i feel like the fact that i keep just being like oh yeah well i HAVE to give it to my parents should be more of a problem for me when i should just take it all for myself but we're not gonna unpack that tonight
#pulled up all my bank statements at work today bc it was really slow and did the math#i remember lowballing yesterday like i've given my parents at LEAST $30k in the last 3 years#yeah so it was over $70k actually. and that wasn't even all of it#likely not more than $75k but. hm :| that's a lot#i say things
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HI GUYS i am so sorry for the sudden drop in activity between allergies + college im just gonna clear off the rest of this week . i may do a big group type thing to catch up w/o giving myself too much extra work BUT i hope everyone is well!! <3
#not art#meandering#i did get a haircut today and every time i see myself in the mirror i startle myself a little bc i forget i got one AHBKJHDG#i have two exams next week . and a speech i have to give the week after and one of my classes is JUST NOW handing out assignments#OH YEAH my allergy symptoms r dealt with im normal again BAHBDJKFHGBDF when it gets bad it gets bad#this is my attempt at the fallen family guy pose without taking it too seriously#OH YEAH for a lot of you new followers: this is kaden shes my fursona of almost ten years (WELL she turns nine in november)#and i celebrate her birthday bc shes important to me shes my original meowmeow#also please keep me in your thoughts im on campus all day tomorrow and i really do not want to be i am no longer having fun/enjoying#my wednesdays . i only rlly enjoy one class on monday and its math . thats how bad it is BAHAHA no but rlly my stats prof is a sweetheart#hes very nice. he gave me an extension on a quiz i rlly didnt need but regardless :-)
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by the way i am going to get to asks and such soon, i just am super busy at the moment (yay for 6 day work-week in a field where your days off are dedicated to doing even more work) but i have blorbo thoughts and i will absolutely make them everyone else’s problem as soon as i have more than one (1) hour of brain power a day to do something that isnt Work or School related
#taylor.txt#spring break next week…rejoice#it could be a lot worse. my placement is awesome. the grading load wont be terrible by any means#the bigger issue is just. im teaching math. and i am not trained to teach math nor did i even go to school here so like#i dont know what the curriculum is like lol. anyway. tl;dr real life is A Lot at the moment. im having fun but god am i tired#also not clear at all from this but to contextualize i work on saturdays and am doing my student teacher things through the week#which this time around is full-time 100% workload teaching. but they throw us in in february#hence the unit planning. which i wouldnt have been able to really do before meeting my kids anyway#but yknow it mightve been nice to like. have known the novel theyre studying right now ahead of time or something#…….damn. thats the thing i forgot to do today. i was going to watch the movie my other class is studying right now since im supposed to be#taking over the teaching and need to be able to help with their essays. oh well. tomorrow me’s problem i guess
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I’m a bit behind on asks rn shcool is just a lot rn and I didn’t have time on the weekend to catch up so it might take a bit longer then usal! Im Not ingoring anyone I just don’t wanna burn myself out!!! I will get to them by the end of the week.
#mommyclan#ooc#I mean like#by Sundayish#100% just wanna make sure people know im not annoyed by them I just have to get some shcool shit in by the end of the grading period or#bad boy grades and that’s kinda draining#I don’t wanna turn this into a shcool vent but you know#I also had to do adult things™️ like paperwork and getting ready to vote for the first time so yea#it’s not like hard but it did take a lot of effort becuz mailing things is dumb#plus I’ve got some longer content coming WAY down the line do I planned that out.#okay ima just rant about shcool#none of this is BAD inherently just time consuming#I am SLEEPY#I had a placement test today too#it was in math and I have a math related learning disability#also I didn’t actually end up sleeping last night.#also also I had to talk to my shcool counselor#which wasn’t BAD it was just a lot of information at once and made me more tired and stressed#about collage#my dumbass was like 10 mintues late to shcool because I fucking missed the BUS#also I found out my gpa is like 2.5 so I’m fucking doomed#this was all today btw#okay at this point this has just turned into me being like:man why am I so tired#and then me being like: oh yeah because today sucked#turns out cause and effect exists#okay sorry I just needed to get that out of my system#on a brighter note I made a new oc#might see a bit of her on my main idk their for an rp
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#[ heck yes finished all my asks on byakuya ]#[ big progress! ]#[ i did the math and i'm --- 12k behind on my writing goal ]#[ oh lord ]#[ i will try to catch up a bit today! ]#[ to complete my word count goal i need 2.7k every day for the rest of the month ]#[ PHEW that is quite a lot but ]#[ still not IMPOSSIBLE so i'm gonna try ]#[ wonder what i'll write today ]#[ i miiiiiiiight be feeling some of my personal projects ]#[ but also - i haven't written nnoitra in a couple of days sO --- ]#[ ANYWAYS hope you guys are doing good! ]#[ and that you're having fun writing! ]#[ i know i talk a lot about writing goals ect but it's honestly bc i think it's fun 8D ]#toby post. ╱ out of character.
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mmm brian eno music for airports..
#my dad used to give me his little ipod and headphones when i did math homework in 2nd grade to calm me down#it was very helpful actually. on an unrelated note im going to be studying a lot today.
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