twstOBer day 5: dream

just Guess how much trouble grim got in after trein found out he was sleeping in class

hehehehe ur cute. i’m so happy to hear ur day was good :)). i cry at movies too 😔. this is so embarrassing but i legit cried at the end of the sonic movie like the 2020 one … IT WAS JUST A SOFT ENDING OKAY 😔😔😔. I COULDNT HELP IT 😔😔. SAME grocery shopping is smth i always look forward to. i swear the cereal section is the best bc it’s just so bright. like everything else has such bland packaging and then the cereal section is just boom color and happy characters and cute logos like it’s just the best. THEY HAD MY FAVE PASTRYY it’s called spanakopita and it’s soooo yum. it’s a spinach and ricotta blend in this rly flakey pastry it’s so so so good. same i love them all sm. andddd let’s just say the dogs here are definitely city dogs so they’re a lot more immune ….? to odd things …? and to doing odd things ???? and their owners just aren’t even phased it’s so strange 😭

LMFAO ITS TRUE THEYRE LIKE DORITOS 😭😭 yep ik exactly what ur talking about and it’s perfffff. nothing better than some nice collarbones too. they look so delicate and kissable gahhhh. hyunjins make me dizzy. sooooo delicate and longgggg he’s so <333333333. victor 100% unreachable visual who is the blueprint. howl pendragon can come into my life and ruin it rn now pls. talk about perfect man ?? like yes bring him here pls 🙏🏼. LIKE AN ERASER 😭😭 UR LITERALLY RIGHT BC WHY R THEY SO HUGE ?? i love it tho hehe

ohhhh okay yes that makes sense, that’s so cool to think of. all the fast food in america sucks tbh 💔. i’d much rather mcdonalds from another country than whatever we have. every fast food thing here is just … boring. and expensive now so you’re better off just going somewhere else yk ? agreed i don’t customize my orders ever, but i do like to add cold foam to my coffee hehe. it’s just so rich and creamy and delish. and the machines are always “broken” bc they just don’t want to clean it 😭. they’re a pain to clean so i understand but if i want a mcflurry, i want a mcflurry 😠. andddd now i’m craving pandan leaf chicken as well <///3 so smokey and delish grrrr i love food

HYUNJIN DOES FLIRT THROUGH DANCING OMFG. he’s so perfect i actually get frustrated. like i don’t understand how someone can have that many ideal qualities and just exist. how does he live w himself knowing he is the IDEAL MAN ?? IDEK WHAT ID DO W MYSELF. FELIX IS DEFFF ACTING UP. but seeing this confidence on him is so attractive 🤭🤭🤭. i feel like that’s another thing that makes hyunes dancing so attractive bc you can tell he’s so content while doing it and how all of his moves are so articulated GAHHH i could watch him dance all day. imagine dating him and just being able to watch him practice ?? him winking at you in the mirror every now and then ohhhhh i’d pass out

i hope ur sleeping well my pretty 💗💗 kisses 4 uuuuu

- 🐈‍⬛

sonic movie??? ive never heard of anyone crying over the sonic movie T_T then again i cant judge because ive never watched it. dw bae, i cry over soft endings too. we have issues and its ok!! tbh i cry over fluff more than i cry over angst. it's just that i get so overwhelmed by the love, that it makes me sob yk? i sound insane, dont i </3 whats ur fave cereal? i love the milo crunch cereal, tastes like milo but make it cereal!!! and i googled spanakopita and omg. . .it looks mouth-watering. gonna attempt to find a place which sells them here. talking abt pastries, 'm going to a cafe with my mum tmr for breakfast, so im looking forward to that!!

anything abt hyunjin makes me dizzy tbh. the recent dancing vids of hyune 😵‍💫 hes out to get me fr fr. management pls make him stop body rolling on stage bcs it makes me sick!! (pls dont i love it when he does) HOWL IS SO PERFFFFFFF. THE MAN! i could talk about the plot of howl's moving castle for hours. i love the plot twist, how howl has been searching for sophie for years. thats true love right there! also jeongin hand pics has been all over my fyp come save me!! save me from this monstrosity.

the american slander 😭cmere bae i'll take u to a mcdonalds 🙏i'll give you all the mcflurrys you want. its always available here <333 now im craving for an oreo mcflurry omg... and pandan leaf chicken zzz

STOP FEEDING INTO MY DELUSIONS, MY LOVE. WHY ARE YOU PUTTING SUCH THOUGHTS INTO MY HEAD? i want hyunjin to give me a private show (not in an nsfw way i swear) he looks so enchanting on stage, i'd love to sit in front of him, alone with him and just watch him dance. he puts so much thought and emotion in his movements, it's amazing how he could do that all while ensuring every move is precise. making it all look easy is also one thing. oh the winks would be the death of me. i feel like he'd cling on u right after too <333 will ask for lil reward kisses after practise <3 did u see the vid of felix lifting his shirt up to make people scream for muddy water? hes in his hot guy and he knows it era. love it for him 🙏

also, today, seungmin and felix went live. i got to watch it and it was so chaotic T_T it was them attempting to make candy but failing at doing so </3 i mean what did we expect from them tbh.

hope ur day is going well, sweet darling. thousand of kisses for u <333!!

singing it to urself hits different fr. healing the inner child and everything

BNHA AU Ideas : The villain’s little hero

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  All Might, Japan's number 1 villain has a successor. The problem? His successor is a hero hopeful. All Might will stop at nothing to make sure his kid gets to live his dream.

au where all might is a villain raising izuku to be a hero!

quirkless izuku, his backstory is mostly the same

all might decided that hero work had too much red tape. if he was going to take down afo, he needed the freedom to do whatever he had to and he wasnt getting that working within the law

so hes a,,, viilllaaaiinnn?? like. stain. but less murdery, would also save civilians if they were in danger

he has 0 qualms about crippling fake heroes but hes not a fan of murder

nighteye is still his sidekick, he doesnt use his quirk on allmight bc all might h a t e s it

hes kinda on board with "the future is only set in stone because you've seen it now" so he wants the freedom to break fate. but its very useful to get info, so nighteye just uses it on other people

hero to the people villain to literally everyone else

allmights villain costume is reallll similar to his hero costume. just less eye bleeding

he has longer grey hair too.

all mights bronze age costume is basically his villain costume thanks for listening

david shield is still in this story

david agrees w all might and like,,, sneaks him stuff on the downlow

all might told him ab. his quirk because who on earth is gonna believe that one america man about japans worst supervillain?

also melissa is a Soft Young Woman and she is all mights favourite person on this fucking planet until he meets izuku

all might went to ua, only defected after completing his hero training because he wanted to be trained by the people he was going to screw over

izuku has always kinda been a big fan of all might. not openly because hes legally a villain and very much paints himself as one, but his quirk is one of the most amazing things izuku has ever seen

when he looks closer, all might has never let a civilian get hurt once hes been on scene. hes taken hits to protect housing, hes pulled heroes from the line of fire

izuku watches his sports festivals and wonders why? why did all might, the man who happily told the world he'd stop at nothing to keep them safe, suddenly flip sides like that for no reason?

izuku doesnt buy it

izuku's big yellow backpack is a big red one in this universe, hes had it so long its gone pink but he still loves it

the sludge villain

all might saves him and izuku is crying. allmight thinks its because hes scared but izuku just turns to him with this big weepy eye smile and gives him the most genuine thanks he thinks hes ever been given

(its honestly the shock of that that makes him deflate into small might, which has izuku scrambling to find tissues and called an ambulance before he thinks better of calling emergency services for All Might)

izuku is like "Im SO SORRY SIR ARE YOU oK"

and all might is like ",,, b  oy"

izuku softly asking

"can,, can i still be someone with out a quirk? can i still make a difference?"

all might doesnt get the chance to anser because there is a massive explosion in the distance

its bakugo!! hes dying

the sludge villain got away bc izuku and all might were chatting a little

izuku hears it and he feels this terrible realization, because its probably not bakugo? but its definitely bakugo because izuku's life is falling to pieces

he sprints towards him and katsuki will n e v e r admit it but he feels hope in that moment because some one is trying to help. even if its just izuku, he wasnt totally left for dead

all might sees this tiny, nervous, quirkless kid run straight up to a villain that almost killed him seconds before to save someone what looks like they'd rather die

and he thinks

"no one deserves one for all more than him"

and allmight, the most wanted villain in japan, maybe the world, jumps in

the heroes look at him and they are scared. if they couldnt take the sludge villain, what is all might going to do to them? but the scariest man in japan, the person parents tell their kids about to stop them from going out at night, blows the sludge villain to tiny pieces and carefully, gently, places the two boys by the heroes

before he vanishes before they can call for backup or even ask why

izuku gets yelled at by the heroes because the heroes are scared and angry they couldnt stop either of the villains and izuku is so overwhelmed that hes crying and he can hardly breathe

bakugo doesnt even yell at him because hes so dazed about everything that happened and he cant make himself yell at this sobbing kid that used to be his friend

(bakugo is holding izukus hand like hes going to crush it but its the only thing keeping izuku present)

izuku is walking home and hes still hicuping and crying because he almost died and the heroes hate him and he feels a hand on his shoulder, and a soft :"its ok now my boy"

he knows its all might but he cant help but hide his face in his shirt and sob

all might gets down so he can look izuku in the eye

"you asked me if you could be someone with out a quirk and i didnt get the chance to answer. my answer? you already are someone. you are someone that inspired me, a villain, to save the day. you are going to be amazing"

and looks him dead in the eye "you'll do amazing things, even with out a quirk. but, you of all people deserve one, and no matter what you chose to do with it, it can be yours. hero, villain or someone in between"

izuku looks at this villain

this painfully thin villain, who just saved his life and who has unimaginable strength

and he throws his arms around his waist and sobs

inko isnt a great mum in this au and she likes to basically pretend izuku doesnt exist

izuku trains a lot and has to make his own food bc his mum just ignores him

he sneaks out at night to clear trash and sneaks back in before dawn to clean the sand from his hair

he smells like saltwater and rust, and he hasnt slept more than 4 hours a night in weeks and katsuki is worried

all might sees him crumbling with a smile stuck on his face and he wants to stop him from self-destructing, but the kid will never learn his lesson until he feels his body give up under what hes doing to it. if all might steps in he'll do it again and again until no one stops him and hes never learnt his limit.

so he waits and he watches while he pretends he cant see the bags under his eyes and pretends that everytime izuku sways on his feet he doesnt feel a jolt of deep panic

did he do this? if he the reason izuku looks like hes falling apart before his eyes?

the kid passes the fuck out and all might tells him off in a soft dad way and izuku cries bc why does this villain care more than his mum does

and all might catches the end of that little mumble, and feels terrible so he pretends he didnt hear and takes him for lunch

they go to a cafe and all might buys izuku the cutest slice of cake and a big ass bowl of katsudon and some fancy fucking tea and covers the kids eyes every time he tries to look at the prices

izuku looks at all might and asks

"are you buying me katsudon with crime money"

and all might looks sheepish and izuku giggles like an idiot and says "dont tell me ill feel bad!!!"

all might grins bc this kid is honestly the only reason he hasnt stabbed a pro hero in a few months bc hes so fucking sweet

he has to carry izuku half the way home bc the kid could barely lift his chopsticks and almost fell asleep in the booth after he finished eating

and allmight, skinny and kinda scary is giving his 15 year old a piggy back and someone says "you're such a good dad!" and he almost coughs up his last lung

izuku mumbles sleepily and hes has the biggest warm and fuzzy feeling and hes going to yell bc hes All Might the No. 1 Villain and this fucking kid is drooling on his sweater but he would die for him

some random stranger on the street commenting on how it was rly fortunate that izuku inherited his adorable smile from his father

all might, abt to burst into tears: whack

allmight is easily flustered even when hes killed a man

he comes home and inko isnt there so he has to like, wake up izuku to get him to open the door and he feels bad bc izuku is a Sleepy Man

izuku mumbles that he cant ever tell if shes at home or not because nothing changes and all might feels a wave of "wait my son isnt being parented enough"

so he makes izuku a cup of tea and tucks him into bed after he has a shower because izuku is His Son Now Inko

hes like

sitting in the living room reading the paper and he hears inko's car and hes like ",,, fuck it im walking out the front door im no coward"

she doesnt even notice and hes going to scream because does she have a brain

inko, spaced out, tired and terrible: oh is the tall man here for izuku :))) thats great :)))

all might is screaming bc"" do you get let weird men into see your tiny son>???? what the fuck???

hes so small inko??? and you?? let random men in?????

all might would yeet her into the sun if he could but his boy needs an actual family member to make going to ua easier

inko is kinda mentally ill. she is depressed and often forgets she has izuku. like shes not always being terrible she just sometimes forget to do basic things

one time she locked izuku out of the house for 10 hours and he had to sleep next to the front door

one month she didnt buy any food so by the end of it he was starving and out of his own money and there was n o t h i n g in the house, but inko would go out to eat every night and lunch and not take her son

allmight is upset bc izuku didnt tell him but izuku is embarrassed. embarrassed that he was forgotten by his own mum, that he couldnt do anything to help her or himself and honestly mad he was so hungry all might noticed bc he didnt want to bug him

it was getting to the point that katsuki actually slipped some change into his bag with a candy bar

im scared and tired and life is really hard on both me and my girlfriend. and some nights i cry too much and she cant hold me. she cant really do anything. and tonight she was too tired to even think about helping. and i cried more and more. and she listened and stayed with me and tried to help even though she was far too tired. and im grateful for it. incredibly so. but i also feel guilty and scared. guilty bc i asked for help despite how tired she was. and scared that by doing that i hurt her or pushed her too far or asked too much or something like that. scared that it damaged our relationship somehow.

i need to rationalise things to alter or overcome that fear and guilt.

i was asking for help. not out of selfishness, but because i needed it. at worst that was thoughtless. i was overwhelmed by how stressful life is at the moment, and from the pain ive been in all day, and from being aware of my situation too much. today i wasnt working so i just kind of. slipped out of the world a bit. i had responsibilities i could have done. but instead i spent the whole day hiding in monster hunter and minecraft. it wasnt a conscious choice. more like.. i wasnt coping with reality so i needed to hide.

then when my gf and i finally got to see each other today it was so good and i was so happy to see her. then i realised it was 9.30pm and we had to sleep soon. and it hurt a lot. i started tearing up. lots of little things happened that weren't significant but pushed me over the edge. all the emotion building from the last week or few days broke the dams and i started sobbing and bawling. and she was too tired to help so she just sat with me. at the time i misread that as indifference. but it wasnt indifference. she couldnt help but she could stay with me. i wish id seen that at the time.

i went to wash my hair quickly and cried a lot more in the shower. then i came back and i was quiet and still teary. josie sounded a bit perked up. she was pushing herself to comfort me. i feel guilty about that. i did ask. but realising she was too tired, i got quiet and tried to keep things inside a bit. but i dont think i made things better. i think there was a part of me that was upset with her illogically. so my logic was muddled bc i didnt want to exhaust her further, so i tried to decide to just cry and stuff, but then also there was a tiny part of me.. the bpd part.. that was trying to convince me to guilt trip her. which i am never ever going to do bc thats fucking evil. i love her im not going to treat her that was. but getting quiet and muting after i started crying probably made her feel bad for me. which is why she pushed herself to comfort me. i think it wasnt ideal.. and it was at least a little unfair on her. it wasnt the best way to handle things, but i wasnt being malicious. even despite my bpd. so i dont think guilt is the right thing to feel. maybe a little bit of self-disappointment and aiming to do better next time. but guilt will just make me spiral into panic and chaos.

in terms of fear.. i have evidence that will help me prove that i dont need to be scared

josie has said she wants to be with me forever, and said she couldnt imagine life without being together with me.

every time theres a problem we talk about it to resolve it and thats how we have so much love and trust and stuff. if josie isnt okay she will tell me and we will work on a solution. she wants to be with me and will work to stay together if there is an issue.

she loves me very much.

after i cried a lot and she comforted me gently we watched an ep of sora no woto, a rly good anime we both love. and it made us both laugh and smile and feel better and relaxed.

something else i forgot bc i just dozed off slightly.

oh i think it was that bc i didnt act with malice if there was damage done it was only an accident? idk

anyway

she was tired but she is sleeping and will be fine in the morning. she loves me dearly. she wants to be with me. we arent going to break up from this.

i am okay and so is she.

i dont need to worry or be scared or feel guilty.

i love her very much.

Feeling kinda sad lol

Tw // mental health tw // self harm

It’s been a while since I’ve cried and listened to Mono. I’ve honestly been feeling so empty inside lately and idk what to do. Earlier today I was thinking of going to see a therapist because lately i’ve just felt so hollow and sad, and my short term memory has been shit, and i’ve been so unfocused, and I have so much trouble sleeping and waking up, and i always feel sick, and then i missed a delivery from my mom because I completely forgot it was today and when somebody rang the bell i just got scared cause i completely forgot i had a delivery coming and my mom told me she was annoyed/frustrated and that just set me off and now i’m fucking sobbing lmao so I put on Mono cause it’s my comfort album, but like, i know what’s happening rn isn’t that serious, this just feels like a buildup for everything i’ve felt since who knows how long and i just never really dress it and it just feels pretty shitty that the day i kinda acknowledge that my inability to focus and bad short term memory is getting rly bad something happened that inconveniences other people. cause rly idc if it affects me but im upset it’s affecting others now too and even at my just i feel so dumb and useless cause i can’t focus on the simplest things and i legit always zone out and i just feel so bad and everything hurts and idk what to do lmao and like tw // self harm while i was in peak tears with everythinggoes playing it was one of the first time in years that i genuinely considered self harming again and my whole body was tingling and all i could focus on was that if i self harmed i would be in physical pain and i wouldnt keep feeling all the emotional pain and that rlly scared me because the reason i didnt is cause i didnt have the blade i used to use and i honestly couldnt even get out of bed but just the fact that the thought came acrosss my brain rlly scared me idk what to do tbh and like i reallyw anted to talk to somebody and just get this all out but like i hate feeling like a burdena nd everybody else already has their own issues like i dont want to add mine idk im just sad i guess. AND i forgot to mention that my rooms been such a mess and it’s so hard for me to find it in myself to tidy up or do dishes or rlly do anything other than watch shows and read fics and i feel like my escapism is at an all time high and when im not doing those things i legit just imagine an alternate reality, like im not living now idk if that makes sense and I’ve been binge eating so much and I’ve gained so much weight and I just feel so unhappy

dream thing.. potentially long post sorry, if the app won’t let me put a read more on it

it started out in like… a school, or something? idk. the first thing i remember is a school. the girls and the guys were divided into separate classes for some reason, and each class had an age range of about 3 years? so like 10-13, 14-17, etc. maybe more than that but idk specifics i just remember some ppl being older and some younger than me

i also wasn’t ME, like i am now, but it was like a first person dream, so im just using “me” for ease of writing.. anyway

so the class i was in was kind of… idk. little unruly with a strict teacher but she was also a good person&teacher? and the class was only a bit unruly but always listened. we were learning abt some sort of… science thing, i guess. and everyone was rly worried abt some experiment we had to do later in the year?

anyway i guess we had gone off to a break or something, bc then i remember walking by myself back to the class through this big main hall, and i had this little index card with a picture of a blind, red headed boy glued to one side and the name “william” written underneath, and… lyrics? written on the other side

and i was passing a big main hall where some classes were together for a big assembly or something? and somebody was shouting for a william, and i looked over and saw the same boy from the picture i had, and i sort of suddenly realized we were connected, somehow? so i was trying desperately to get his attention bc even tho no one had said this expressly, i was suddenly aware that ppl who didnt have like… this ‘premonition’ thing that led to them putting together this index card were going to be killed???? so i had to let him know that i had him on my card and he would be ok

his friends told him and he ran over and he had me on HIS card, but for some reason when i looked at it, it was blank on both sides–and same when he looked at mine? but when i went back to my “class” we were reading the lyrics on the back of our cards and when it was my turn to read, the words had changed to a different verse? (i think what was on williams card became mine, and vice versa, or something)

and then i told the teacher id found the match to my card, but before she could say anything we heard yelling outside, and we looked out the windows and like 7 of the saplings that were in the big backyard of the school had sprouted, and everyone else in the class was yelling all excited bc apparently that meant that the boys had to fight to the death???? and i was like ultra panicking

so while everyone was distracted watching that i snuck out, like literally even out of the whole school to the town, and i went to this apartment where apparently some old lady and her granddaughter lived? i wasnt related to them but i think i was like in love w/the granddaughter or something, we were rly close

and the granddaughter was rly rly ill, a high fever and she was unconscious in bed, and the grandmother didnt have a thermometer or something, so she asked me to stay and watch the girl while she went to go buy one, but like IMMEDIATELY after the old lady left her phone started ringing, but only enough for me to hear it, bc if i tried to pick it up, it would immediately stop

but when i’d look on the phone screen where caller id was supposed to be, there were these cryptic messages on it? the first one said “answer me,” the second was “i know she’s gone,” and the third one was apparently directed at me bc it was “i know you’re there, _____” with my name in the blank, but no matter how many times i read my name i couldn’t. actually SEE it??

anyway i fucking freaked out and ran downstairs (i was on the 2nd floor) to the apartment office to ask them to help me, bc i knew who was calling/leaving the messages, but the lady in the office wouldnt help me even though i was in hysterics and sobbing at this point, but finally she agreed to keep an eye out and told me to go upstairs to keep watch on the girl in bed

but then when i left the office and started up the stairs someone called me,and i turned around to see, and it was the man who had left the messages, and he was trying to talk to me like we were friends, but he was so self-satisfied, and smug, and he started. bragging abt how he knew all this stuff abt the granddaughter and where the old lady went, and i was screaming at him to leave, and finally he was like “alright, but you better keep an eye on her up there” and started laughing maniacally

so i ran upstairs even more panicked and the apartment door was still closed and locked but when i went inside i immediately knew something was wrong, i could FEEL it, and i went into the girls room and she had been like brutally murdered, there was blood everywhere and i could hardly recognize her body, and i started screaming and crying but i somehow couldnt move to go to her, and the police suddenly showed up, and they made me leave and go back to the school but promised they wouldn’t let the guy do anything else

so i went back to the school and while i was walking back down the hall to my class i kept seeing notes FROM THE GUY with the same things he had said to me in the apartment, and then there was a note right outside the door of my classroom that said “oh, poor william, you’re far too late” and i ran inside and everyone was still at the window watching the fucking bloodbath of a game/battle outside and as i ran up to see they called for it to stop and all the boys who were still alive started going in all laughing and joking while the boys’ teachers started cleaning up the bodies and william’s was one of them

and i immediately felt super sick to my stomach and i started backing away to the door, and the other girls in my class looked at me rly pitifully, and the teacher wouldn’t make eye contact, and i had no idea why–but one of the girls i guess realized i didnt know what was supposed to happen next and finally she was like “didn’t he have the other part of your song? you have to die now, too”

but none of them made a move like they were going to stop me so i ran, and i was going back down the halls trying to squeeze past all the blood-covered boys who had won the “game,” and i could hear the voice of the man who’d killed that girl, and i knew he was the reason why william had died??? and he was taunting me, even though he wasn’t actually THERE, and i could still hear him even when i left the school and ran and hid in some little alley near the apartment place

he kept saying things like how he wasnt gonna let the ppl at school get rid of me like they were supposed to bc of their “rules” or w/e re: the index card/song thing, he was going to find me and do the same thing to me like he did w/the other girl, and he started going into detail about it and no matter how much i covered my ears or tried to yell over his voice i could still hear him???

i think eventually he found me, and he was abt to kill me, but then i finally woke up but. god. it was awful

questions i felt like answering

answering for both my long-standing deity kintype, and my relatively new one

1. What are you (prophet, God, angel, etc)? two deities

2. What or Who do you represent? stargod: travel, travelers, maps, direction, balance, polaris, ursa minor, and i am the prince of and main representative for every star and constellation feargod: fear, worry, insomnia, anxiety, nightmares, illness, and very minor control over fire and blood (when either is involved with ill will)

3. What do you look like? stargod: i had two forms - a literal star core, and my humanoid form had short wavy silver hair, glowing light blue/white eyes, near-alabaster skin, and raven-black wings with a blue sheen and silver accents. while humanoid, i wore a shimmering silver laurel wreath with a light-as-feathers light blue himation over a chiton feargod: im legit not sure about this one but i think i was a shadow monster a lot

4. Colors/animals/objects associated with you? stargod: silver, sky blue, dark blue, ravens, maps, scales feargod: black, red, white, wolves, claws, bones, teeth, blood, darkness

5. What are you trying to achieve? i dont fully understand this?? cause those kintypes are past lives, i dont really have control over those things anymore...but i guess im trying to be as kind as stargod, and as fearless as feargod

6. What band/artist gives you divine feelings? its moreso songs, not simply the people behind them

7. (for Prophets) How do you interpret messages?

8. Do you have any other limbs that your human self doesn’t? (Horns, wings, etc)? stargod had feather wings on his back, while feargod had sharper teeth and claws, maybe bat-like wings

9. (for Gods) What do you like as offerings? stargod: parts of meals thrown into the fire usually, stuff like moonwater or sunwater, pieces of valuables if you’re a devotee, uhh...idk much else for them but i think a prayer you could do was like, burn a piece of a map with your destination in mind, and it’d give me the hint to help out. feargod: blood (obviously), animal sacrifice (prey only), sometimes human sacrifice (those who have done a considerable amount of wrong) if you wanted my help during war, stolen things i think, bones/teeth, and red or black things (roses, fabric, stained paper, etc). burning a valuable/cherished item was also a direct prayer to me for personal protection in things like love or family matters (yea i was a dick in my rites but my moms the love goddess for petes sake, i govern worries and if you’re desperate and innocent enough i got your back) 10. Why are you here on Earth right now? Andy (my tarot deck) says this; “to follow my intuition and dreams, to face my fears, and change.” 11. Do you have powers? In those lives? yea. I don’t have the power I used to as a human with limited intuitive direction. 12. What element relates to you? stargod - water and fire (thanks to mom and dad) feargod - fire i guess? 13. Is there something (a book, movie, myth) that is similar to you? or reminds you of yourself? i actually cant think of anything for stargod! but feargod is literally Phobos, i just call him feargod to match stargod, whose name i dont remember. 14. How old are you? i dont have definite ages for either of them stargod was born after human’s creation by Helios and Selene in order to look after them and guide them, after the whole Prometheus thing feargod was born somewhere after the time Ares and Aphrodite got together, but where that is in relation to human history in that universe is unknown as of right now 15. Do you have dominion over anything? this was technically answered with #2 16. Do you know any of your mythology? ahhh i take most of the Official Greek God History (TM) with a grain of salt cause i dont believe most of it is canon for me,,,which rly sucks for this life cause i still worship Greek Gods and they had different history here but it’s hard to wrap my head around,, (Helios and Selene being siblings??? what??????) 17. Do you write poetry, paint, to express your divinity? if not, do you do something else? !!! i dont usually! I want to but I dont have materials to paint or the right words for poetry but i really wanna! I’ve drawn a few memories tho! usually I just reblog kin pics, or vent about memories to anyone who will listen. 18. (for Prophets, angels) do you know who your God is? 19. When and how did you know you were divine? hooooooooo shit.....i dont remember when i realized i was the stargod?? being my first divine kintype...i think i was just joking like “lmao if i was divinekin i’d probs be a god of stars or some shit smh” but then i couldnt get it outta my mind...next thing i know i’m waist-deep in memories and sobbing. 20. Any advice for those unsure/new to their divinity? honestly, if you’re questioning being divine in a previous life, specifically a god, more often than not it’s something you either think about from time to time or something you’re super passionate about...it doesn’t even really have to be something you know a lot about or do a lot or are really good at. 21. What are your views on humans? stargod: oh man...this is actually very conflicting...when he was born he saw humans like a mother sees their newborn child. as time wore on they were like my kids, but in a more casual sense. when shit went down leading up to my death though? horrid creatures. deserving of the worst pains. rot. burn. die. ....i was not ok... feargod: pretty much how dying-stargod felt. vermin, disgusting vile things, all of them are dead to me anyways....but the thing is, unlike my twin brother, i had a very soft spot for innocence like young kids, babies, kind-hearted people...yea. if someone killed an innocent person i got pissed and probably considered cursing their bloodline. 22. What would your place of worship look like? stargod was mostly privately worshiped, so i only had portable altars, maybe some good-luck-charm for more traveller-oriented places.....feargod tho? entire temples. granted, they’re small, and meant mostly for warriors, but they’re there. 23. Do you know the rules of your afterlife (if there are any)? stargod was directly involved with the human afterlife...or rather, my assistants were, while i oversaw their actions and guided lost souls. my assistants were responsible for judging and placing souls passing through the afterlife. i dont know what its like being a ghost from that world, but to me everyone just looked like a human, though ghosts were a bit greyed out?

24. What’s your most and least favorite thing about being divine? from both lives, being a god is super rewarding, but it’s pretty tedious. on one hand, you have people devoted to you, willing to push on in your name, and you can see the hope in everyone’s hearts and intention. on the other, it’s pretty demanding work - you have to make sure you give the right commands or direction, help around in the right places, and kill as little humans as possible. you’re born with considerable amount of power, and sometimes it can get to a god’s head, and we’re all also about as emotional as humans, so it can get pretty sticky... 25. What does your Home look like? as stargod, my home was a giant star castle. my room was in the center and each spike led to different rooms. there was no up or down but the walls were beautiful, like that aerogel stuff, if it could glow. feargod didn’t have a home, i dont think? he could take residence with Aphrodite or Ares, but gods dont really need sleep, so he rarely did so. 26. Other than yourself, who do you think is a really cool divine being? personally, stargod was on good terms with almost everyone. i think sometimes he held disdain towards Zeus or other weather gods, but it wasn’t often or really strong. Mostly he just kept to himself. feargod has special feelings in his heart for his parents and his twin, Deimos. Siblings? not so much. Most of his siblings were love gods, so he didn’t very much enjoy their presence. nowadays i totally do tho! 27. Does your divinity affect your day to day life? How? not really...it just kinda gives me things to look back on. i mean, in this life im not good at direction or self-control, and i’m not that scary. i’m not terribly upset over those things though. 28. (for Angels) if you have wings, what do they look like, how big are they, how many, and do they serve any other purpose besides flying? 29. Is there a place on earth that reminds you of Home? being very far away from big or moderate cities at night helps for stargod...id rather not think about feargod though :/ 30. What is your favorite post on the actuallydivine tag? i havent looked at that tag in a long time so i cant remember >_<

hi my name is rox and wowza did stuff just Happen a few hours ago :)) (i had to get over what happened and eat breakfast) I decided to make a diary entry abt what happened to slightly cope?? idk like look back on this situation when days get better, maybe.. but anyways i’m Dead inside and at one point i was openly sobbing in front of my mother while shaking and wanting to Die so.. :) You’re welcome to read it and feel sad w me idc but fair warning this is long. this took a While to write out. TW for kinda verbal and (possible) physical abuse (idk?) and some slurs. The slurs + verbal stuff was toward me, the physical (thank god) wasnt. (this is under a read more but sry if ur on mobile)

okay so this whole thing started out w this post (tldr, my mother swore loudly bc she stepped in dog piss and it woke up nana so nana started screaming at mom and dad tried to defend my mom but him and nana ended up screaming @ each other)

the second part of this buildup basically started off w what happened in this post that i posted hours ago at 7:32 am but tldr my mother cussed me out for going to bed at 7 am and called me Stuff (B*tch, cr*zy, a retard, a freak, etc.) and every time she insulted me i’d say thank you and occasionally  insult her too but never yell/scream just calmly/sweetly (which would irritate her more)

and so my dad heard my mother yelling, woke up, and came into my room to see what was going on and when i told him what was happening and mom was still screaming that i was in the wrong (and called me a freak in front of dad (dad: “ive been in here for like 2 minutes and you’ve called her a freak twice. Mom: Because she is one!!)) and dad basically cussed her out and set her straight bc she shouldnt be talking to her child like that and stuff and so mom started crying and talking abt she was going to leave us to which i said “bye~” and mom was like “look! she said bye!!” and i was like “well u keep saying you want to leave us so what else am i supposed to say?” but anyways i tried to go to sleep and mom was sniffling and still kind of crying as she took the laundry into my room and took some hangers out of my closet and i thought she was packing a suitcase but no it was laundry.

So. the screaming had apparently woken up nana again. and so i heard her scream “well, mina! come on out and help and clean!!” and i think she mentioned something else abt how if she was screaming she could help around the house (my mom doesnt have a job so nana+Dad expect her to clean quite a bit since she doesnt work like they do) and she kept yelling and saying that she “couldn’t sleep all day” and to get up and help since she’s screamed so much that nana got tired of her. But the thing was that my mom was doing stuff. she was folding laundry in my room. so i said, “hey, i think.. nana wants you” and mom replied with “i’m busy folding clothes” so i just kinda whispered an affirmative and tried to close my eyes again but nana yelled again and mom got up and opened the room of our bedroom door and screamed “I AM DOING STUFF!” but i forgot if she mentioned the laundry but nana stormed past the front gate and into the area right in front of my room and they were screaming for a sec and mom was trying to say that she was doing stuff and nana must not have believed her and they were both pissed w each other and this is when everything went to Shit.

So next thing i know (i’m watching them from my bed, which isn’t far away) nana grabs mom’s arms or body or something and she’s like, tusseling with her and she rammed mom’s arm into the wall or something and mom is trying to fight back a bit but trying to struggle out of her arms or hurt her too and i’m screaming shrilly/angrily, “NANA!! NANA!” and dad woke up again and came out of his room and nana pulled away or dad helped get nana away from mom and nana was yelling abt mom and i’m just over her angrily (and V loudly like rly high-pitched and full of unbridled rage and fear) “NANA!! NANA! SHE WAS DOING STUFF! DON’T DO THAT YOU- YOU DISGUSTING WENCH!!” (i didnt wanna say B*tch) and while i was screaming and dad was near nana, mom was sobbing and walked to the foot of my bed and rested her head and she was crying and nana stormed off sometime during it and dad followed her (i could hear them screaming abt how dad needed to move out with mom or nana would just lose the house or w.e when i got up to get something for mom) 

and i got out of bed and tried to see if mom was okay and mom was crying abt her arm and saying she was going to have a stroke/heart attack and that she couldn’t feel her heartbeat and the blood was rushing to her head and i asked her abt the bruise and asked if i could get her an ice pack (it was a small bruise on her arm and she was complaining abt her neck but idk if that was bc of nana” and so i went into the freezer in the kitchen and grabbed a bag of vegetables and brought it for her arm and she wan still crying and she was like, “nana has been doing this to me for 20 years [...] she’s brainwashed you guys too and stuff” in between talking abt the pain she felt bc she had a headache (i got her aspirin since she requested it) and i was trying to ask her if she’s okay and she’s like i’m.. fine but i don’t want you to grow up like Her [nana] or even like him [dad] okay..?” and finally at that moment my mother noticed how my fingers were shaking as i tried to help her w the frozen bag and i couldnt help myself and i started crying just from being so overwhelmed and all of this stuff happening in front of me and this is the 2nd time that i’ve seen nana attempt to fight w my mother and i just couldnt take anything anymore and i was a shaking sobbing mess and mom was like “hey don’t cry” and she was like “oi, look, don’t cry” and she took off my glasses for me and i was just sobbing and sobbing and i had to calm down and wipe away all my tears and mom just kept telling me to go to sleep/bed and close my eyes since like, an hour had passed since i originally tried to go to bed or w/e 

so i was like “...i’ll go to bed a bit later i’m gonna play some games first” so i went into dad’s room where my ipad was plugged in (he was still talking w nana. when i brought the vegetable pack back into the kitchen, nana was tryng to show dad proof that mother woke her up loduly in the middle of the night using the camera we have installed in the living room/kitchen to keep watch on the dogs when we’re away) and decided to play en//stars bc my LP had filled up but i played cn en//stars first bc i had to collect my rewards from a mission and since i was sitting in a corner away from mom, dad, and nana and had some alone time, i started crying to myself again for a while and i was trying to pet koga on the screen to calm me down and i eventually dried most of my tears and played some en/stars and then dad came back into his room and i was trying to lighten up by cracking some jokes abt the like, dance exercise product that was being advertised on tv to try to make myself (and him) happier to cope w everything that just happened and we sat around for a while- making jokes and i was playing en//stars and everything.

also it’s 11:17 am as i’m writing this sentence and i havent slept... wowee has this been a Morning. i’m gonna take a nap and then go see if mom’s okay. also, nana came into the office while i was typing this and i said hi cheerily then my face went Dead and i glared at her and she kept asking why and i was like “well you kept me up and you should have just stayed in your lane” and shes like “i was! ur mom woke me up!” like... you fuccer you almost harmed her bc she woke u up twice w her screaming (that wasnt even directed @ u) like fucc off u Shit i have to deal w that too and i dont effin do this Shit, esp not in front of me. i told her that it’s not only her i hate- that it’s everyone in this family and she said she didn’t care anymore. good then.