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#i cant explain the way i felt when his voice came on during the tiktok live (?) with lix
chrisbangs · 2 years
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찬이의 Berry’s “방” 🐺 Ep. 172 - Home
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amazingphilza · 3 years
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maniac :: cc!tommy x reader
angst (?) , platonic (?) , gender neutral ! ib: conan gray’s maniac
this is satire & note that i write the reader to be a few months younger than tommy (besides that, i think it is fully inclusive !)
synopsis : you put all your hard work towards a useless crush. with no expectation for reciprocated feelings in the first place, it still all ends in a bittersweet slap to reality.
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you grew up with minecraft and it was an understatement to say it was part of your childhood
even years later, you still maintained interested in the game
it wasn’t just a simple video game, the community inspired you to do many things
you aspired to be like the creators you watched at a young age like sky, dantdm, cupquake, stampy, and many more
making people happy and entertained was a dream
and when minecraft slowly began trending again in 2019, you started making your own content whenever you felt like it out of fun
you never got much views but it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless
but it wasn’t until the first minecraft monday you decided to push a bit more with your hobbies and worked hard to make it somewhere
however balancing your passions with school wasn’t the easiest
given, you were still only around 15 and your content wasn’t even that good
with not much of a goal or plan with your youtube channel, you fell out of interest eventually
you loved minecraft but you always a rocky relationship with it; getting back into it for a few months then pretending it never really existed for another few
besides the occasional videos you watched in your pass time, you didn’t stay that updated
then lockdown happened
it changed everything and even got you regressing back to old interests
soon enough you were back to minecraft
there was so much to catch up on
hermitcraft season 7 just started, there was minecraft championships, and smp earth and smp live, and so much more to look forward to watching
you were a bit late on both of the smps but your interest peaked specially towards smp earth and it didn’t stop you from watching the past videos
you first gravitated towards a certain youtuber’s videos first since you remember stumbling onto his videos before from your recommended page; wilbur soot
besides recognizing him from his you laugh you lose series and making parody-type of songs, you didn’t know much
however with a few clicks, you had binge watched his smp earth series effortlessly
you found yourself falling down the endless hole, finding more creators to watch through wilbur
one in particular caught your eye in an interesting way
tommyinnit
my god, how can someone be so annoying and pushy in these videos? like shut up already
and to find out he was barely months older than you frustrated you
you just wanted to be better in some way
if someone like him could be popular, why can’t you? yelling at others and causing problems didn’t seem that hard
and so you went back to working hard on your previously failed youtube channel but this time with a goal; be better than tommyinnit
it was a weird aspiration in your head but it worked
he was your age and successful, why need a better motivator?
tommy wasn’t the sole reason why you strive to make content since you truly did want to create videos to entertain people like the youtubers you originally grew up watching
and with the amount of free time you had, you thoroughly analyzed his content; what was the most popular, how he streamed, edited his videos, everything
you just completely studied the algorithm in general
along the way, tommy’s personality grew on you
tommy was undoubtedly a very loud and energetic person but you became fond of his ambitions
you understood why he was popular at such a young age; he was a natural entertainer
your spite towards the boy turned into a hope
a hope to be at par with him someday and even be mutuals
and it was like your dreams were suddenly manifested into existence
you gained a large following in the early months of lockdown and even was recognized to be apart of minecraft championships
it felt like yesterday that you were just watching your favorite youtubers livestream the same competition
and now you were situation in a team to play yourself for the first time instead of being a viewer for once
not to mention, with tommyinnit as a teammate
how did you manage to get so lucky?
under the excitement, you felt beyond never nervous waiting in the empty discord call for your team to join you to practice the mini-games
in the middle of gathering your thoughts together, you heard a sound from discord signaling someone joined the call
“uh, hello?”
you heard the familiar british accent you spent hours listening to from countless streams and videos
“h-hi! i’m y/n, how are you?”
you hoped tommy couldn’t hear the strain in your voice due to fighting your nerves, but you quietly celebrated that you didn’t freeze up altogether
“oh i’m good, thank you. and i’m tommy by the way, this is the first time we’re speaking, yeah?”
“yep! it’s nice to meet you”
“yeah, i’ve seen your name around the timeline a few times, you seem cool”
oh my god what?
“thanks! um i actually really enjoy your content not gonna lie”
“oh wow, good shit!”
and the conversation smoothly went on, bouncing back and forth between you two before your other two teammates joined the call
once everyone was situated, you decided to start streaming since it was your first mcc and you wanted a vod of you practicing to look at later on as a memory
your chat immediately noticed how much you were enjoying yourself, especially after all the short stories of talking about who inspired you in the past
the smile plastered on your face never left
after stream and your other teammates went offline, it was you and tommy left in the call once together again
“it was nice talking to you tommy! and the practice was really fun, i cant wait for the actual competition!”
“yeah definitely, we’ll for sure place high”
“hopefully. it’s my first time and i hope i don’t cost us the dub”
“nah, you think so? i mean rt and plumbella are also our team mates so you know, it’s all for fun in the end”
you knew tommy was implying the teamwork wasn’t going to be the best compared to the other teams but at least in the end you’ve both made a new friend
“yeah you’re right!”
“anyway it’s getting late imma hop off”
“okay tommy, talk to you soon?”
“yep!”
“alright byee”
“bye!”
the moment he left the call, you felt a sense of relief before a small wave of sadness took over
you wanted to continue talking to tommy but you knew you had other responsibilities to tend to
for the rest of the day, you couldn’t stop thinking of the call and mcc practice
the funny jokes, singing random songs, screaming for no reason, everything
it even kept you awake until the early morning
you buried your head in a pillow and screamed into it after realization hit
y/n no
no no no no no no no
you tried to recall anything that remotely related your other teammates which you remembered that didn’t include tommy
even if it was a few hours ago, you couldn’t pin point something specific
no
i must just be forgetful, right?
what the hell did rt and plumbella even say that whole call?
you vividly remembered everything with tommy and it was clear to you why
surely not
with putting a hand on your chest above your heart, you confirmed that you couldn’t lie to yourself based on the rapid speed
you liked tommy for a good while but it hadn’t clicked to you until now
eventually you fell asleep due to exhaustion but that’s to say you didn’t do so without imagining spending more time with tommy
ever since that day, time went by in a flash
your team didn’t do the best in mcc but it had been a while since then to have that as a concern
sadly you and tommy didn’t talk as often as you hoped but that didn’t make you have less feelings for him
on some days you felt bad since you thought you didn’t know enough about him to even be allowed to crush on him
it was a bit unprofessional but you were nearly 16, it’s normal to have these little crushes right?
eventually time came to rescue when tommy asked you if you wanted to accompany him in the dream smp
undoubtedly, you said yes
and for the few months during summer, it was where you two became even closer than before
however, once both of you two had to go back and attend school, it was harder to catch up with each other
even on calls together off stream, the occasional snapchat notification going off irked you in a way you couldn’t explain
only winter break was the small pause on your disappointment
but even then, it was a slow but steady hill of repressed sadness and frustration until early spring of the following year
you had hoped 2021 would be better than last year but after scrolling through twitter one day and seeing stans making rumors about how tommy had a crush on one of his classmates gave you the same pain you felt when school started last fall
you dreaded to look over at tommy’s most recent story time stream vod where all the gossip arose from; it was him stumbling over his words with the mention of a girl during a certain part
jealousy wasn’t the right word to describe the way you felt
you would never go out of your way to make tommy reciprocate the feelings you had for him
and if he liked someone else the way you saw him, you wouldn’t mind
having a crush is ecstatic, and if he has someone like that too, you should be happy
right?
you tried
what finally broke you was seeing a tiktok a few weeks later of tommy in college with eryn and another girl talking
you didn’t know how she looked like or anything but you wanted to sob
good for him
she didn’t even say much in the video and you dont know enough about tommy’s personal life to jump to conclusions like this
you knew you were acting irrational and you couldn’t be upset at tommy for something he couldn’t control
if anything, you never directly showed interest in him
you didn’t want to in the first place
it was a bad idea from the start
you looked back at the past year and all your intentions
what kind of sick fanfiction did you think you were living?
becoming a content creator, hoping to blow up, just to talk to a big youtuber you had a crush on?
oh my god
y/n what is wrong with you?
listen to yourself, y/n
you need to get some help
whether tommy was dating or even just had interest someone was none of your business
you had to move on no matter what it was and be good and supportive friend
it was dreadful to get over a stupid crush like this but after so much work you put in, you gave some sympathy for yourself
in a friend perspective, you were happy with whatever tommy did and was satisfied your friendship together, but you hadn’t realized how much you gambled from the beginning
and just for a crush?
you couldn’t comprehend how far you gone because you fancied someone
it wasn’t like anyone could get famous and become a popular content creator either
and now with you being on the dream smp along with a successful youtube channel at 16? you were grateful something pushed you enough to work this hard
but you’d never forget the fact everything that lead up to this point was a crush on no other than tommyinnit which first spurred from complete spite
“who’s the one better off now?” your thoughts mocked you from the complete irony
sigh
y/n, you maniac
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