Hello love! It's December 6th and I hope you had a great day. If not, I'm sending you all the kisses and hugs you need. I'm glad to see you back! I was scared you were feeling poorly, but I'm glad it was only a technical issue. Still sorry Tumblr inconvenienced you in such a way!

That's amazing you might be able to leave Malaysia, if you don't like it there. Where do you dream of going, if I may ask? I hope your wish comes true one day and that you'll be happier then :>

I don't really know what to say to answer your question, because I'm not quite sure what you mean by being busy hdjdjs I am a uni student with about 18 hours of classes so that's not a lot but I happen to have quite the work load in relation to these classes so that keeps me moving for sure but I'm not busy as in making many plans, going out a lot, etc... I am a little bit of a couch potato 🥔 mainly because I am lazy but also because I very much enjoy moments spent my own company (except when I feel like crap that sucks them). Did I answer this correctly? And are you comfortable with me swearing? These messages make me realize I swear like a sailor so I'm trying to censor myself djdjdk

I agree with you, day dreaming and making up scenarios is an amazing way to relax and take your mind off things! I have read your fic and I didn't know taking a stroll was part of the creative process. Could you tell me more about it? I'm so curious, especially as a fervent reader of yours hihi :>

And I agree with you sooo much! I'm quite ashamed bout the fact I love reading so much but pretty much only read fics because that is why I find myself enjoying at the moment. I never dare telling people I like reading to begin with for that reason! To me, it's the best way to chill and I love feeling things because of fics, the happiness, the fondness but also the anguish and second hand embarrassment. We don't thank authors enough (you included) for bringing us all of this content for free! This makes me want to ask even more questions :> What are your favourite tropes? Is there any type of fics you don't like to read (canon, historical...)? Tell me if you want to!!

I also absolutely want to mention that I'm in love with yesterday's pics of Lou, I want to kiss his eyelids and the apple of his cheeks!!

Thank you for your time and take care, you’re so important and deservr the world <3

xx

hey secret santa! before i forgot, you can actually call me hanis if you want. i’ve been wanting to tell you this since day 1 but kept forgetting 😭 also thank you! today was better, i laughed a lot over random stuff. and i hope yours has been treating you greatly!

i wish to go somewhere cold but not too cold! maybe somewhere like the countryside of england because all the pictures i’ve seen from there have never failed to perfectly capture my dream place. i would do anything to just be there at least just for a minute 😢🤍 what about you? do you have any place that you really really would like to visit?

oh you’re a uni student so of course you’re busy, we both are! 😕 like we deserve all the rest in the world… and i get you! i prefer to stay in most of the time, even when i have no tons of assignments to finish. i would rather be in the comfort of my bedroom while reading fics. but i don’t *hate* going out too despite not doing that pretty often. my irls just have to let me know at least 2-3 days prior our outing day so i can *mentally and physically* prepare myself. and of course i don’t mind my love curse words just blend perfectly within our everyday sentences in my fucking eyes mwah

omg you’ve read my fics thank you so much! i really appreciate it <3 hope they didn’t disappoint you that much! hm, i’m not sure if you’ve read my fairy louis fic or not but if you did, the blue little bee character (fairy louis’ animal bestie) was inspired by a real blue bee i saw sucking honey on a bush during one of my evening walks! that’s a first, also when i’m lucky, the path that i usually use has this array of growing wild flowers and the end of the path brings you to a direct view of the sunset! the beautiful scenery is what inspires me to write descriptive sentences in my fics. and since i walk alone and all the flow of thoughts that run across my mind (including non fics related) has never been interrupted by anyone, i learn how to write a person’s point of view. as in, how louis/harry perceives things that they see/feel/touch. idk if this makes sense, but yeah 🫡

and waaa you’re such a sweet person! fics really do make us feel things more profoundly, furthermore when we really know the characters in the fics. i never dare telling people about my interest in fics too, i did that once with a classmate who claimed that she loved to read so i thought i could trust her as readers i knew were usually really open minded. but she just straight up said “i actually judge those who read fanfics” and well i tried to cover my emotions (thank god i’m a theatre kid) but god that shattered my heart i swear ☹️ ever since then i never talked about fanfics anymore even to those who i really really trust more than that girl. anyway, sad story’s over! thank you for your nice words 🥺💞 i honestly really love historical, fantasy, royal a/b/o or folklore adaptation! they’re my favs 🫶 but i also do i enjoy some contemporary tropes, exes to lovers, best friends to lovers, mommy louis (god!) and my newly discovered favourite trope: when h is mean at first and louis is the sweetest boy to the point i would justify anything that he did! it’s because they’d have so many fluff and i’m the biggest most miserable sucker for fluff 😢💓 i wouldn’t say i dislike canon/ famous-non famous/ 1d fics but my attention has never been pulled to those 3 tropes i guess, what about you oh my god i need to know!

YOU GET ME. louis was so so. TOO pretty yesterday, the day before that and today too 🥹 secret santa i am so in love with him like every time i see his pics i want to chew something aggressively he’s just too perfect 😣💞 and not just that, he is too sweet too kind too nice to the fans too, it breaks me to think about his broken arm :( baby is such a sweetheart for still doing all the signings, like i’m sure the fans would understand his pain but still! he’s such an angel ☹️ would literally give up everything for him… i need to stop myself from ranting about how i love him so much i swear i’m already tearing up just thinking about him he’s always been my number 1 in everything since YEARS ago <3 i’m even majoring in english because of him like everything i do i always have him in mind it’s so so. unhealthy but i would d word for him anyway so? okay i’ll stop ✋

YOU are important and so so loved, i love u ❤️

‘Social’ Media

When we pick up our phones, more often that not, it is to communicate with someone. A phone’s sole purpose is to connect one another through the use of messages and calls. If we go way back to 1973 when the first mobile phone was created, it allowed for 30 minutes of calls, with a charge time of 10 hours. Just over 40 years later and we now have abilities far and wide on these devices; abilities that never would have been deemed possible a few decades ago.

It is expected that by 2021, nearly one third of the planet’s entire population will be a part of the online community. This social network provides so much interactivity, with almost every aspect of our lives being shared to those who engage with our online accounts. But the question that I want to ask is whether this phenomenon of a social network has made us as a society more social, or if it has in fact lessened our social abilities.

The first two contradicting arguments that spring to mind are the obvious – yes, they have made us more social as we connect with people at times that we can’t be with them; no, they have not made us more social -  the addiction to the social network takes away from the moments that we do spend with people IRL.

But I want to go deeper than that, I want to explore why it connects us with people, solidifying friendships, and why it can also lead to the death of friendships. So, to begin…

The social network is a feature of the modern day that we can all access. We can access it from our phones, our tablets, our laptops, and even our watches it would now seem. With the development of smart watches where notifications can appear, the social network doesn’t just exist in something that we hold, but now it exists in an accessory that we wear. It is EVERYWHERE.

If you go to a shop and look at their posters in store, chances are they will have the handle to their social accounts readily available. Some companies even create their own hashtag to bring together their consumers under one discourse community: #babesofmissguided and #pltstyle are just two examples of a platform created for buyers of fashion clothing to come together to share their outfits. The hashtag #ootd is an internationally-used tag, whether it be by every day users, or by bloggers to share outfit inspiration - there are hashtags available to bring together a community of any size under an umbrella of common interest.

A social network extends beyond this – a social network allows for you to connect with your course mates about the latest assignment, it allows you to connect with your friends from home, your work colleagues, your family. It also allows you to connect with total strangers.

We all have group chats where we message multiple people simultaneously – it’s easy for convenience. Most students at uni I’m sure will also have a house group chat, I know I do. But why? I live with these people so I am guaranteed to see them. Why couldn’t I just save what I had to say until I saw them, rather than posting a message in the chat? It’s the immediacy.

Social media provides us with a platform to share news as soon as its happened. Gossip from Friday night? Of course, it has to be sent in voice notes to your course mates – it definitely can’t wait until Monday to be shared. We are now so used to receiving and giving news as soon as its happened that is a natural part of life. This is where Snapchat became so successful in the social media market.

The feature that Snapchat provides us all with is the ability to take a photo, or a video, of an exact moment in time. It saves us having to describe the amazing smoothie bowl that you had that morning at brunch, it saves you having to ring your friend from the shops and describe a dress to know whether to make the purchase or not and it saves the storage of your phone where photos disappear after 10 seconds! Its EASY. It makes our life a whole load simpler and that’s what we love. When life is busy, anything to help us save time is appreciated by all.

As I have grown up, I have seen the patterns of social media change. I first got Facebook at the age of thirteen. Messages would be sent with emojis made up of punctuation instead of the animated characters that we use today, both on Android and Apple. There has always been the need for multimodal forms of communication. An emoji helps to convey the emotions that a reader is trying to express in words where they can’t visually see the person speaking. Facebook is a greatly multimodal app with the ability to tag friends in funny videos, photos, share statuses, send messages – however, other social networks have taken over. Twitter is a greatly used multimodal platform to share content, arguably it has become more popular than Facebook with younger generations.

  Instagram and Snapchat are also platforms that allow for the sharing of strong visual content. The main feature of these social networks is the sharing of images, accompanied by text. This allows for a strong visual insight into the lives of others. The culture of online influencers has led to a strong curiosity to see how others live their lives. Online we are able to present ourselves in any way, shape or form that we choose to do so – we have the freedom that so many people wish for. So, what’s not to love?

In fact, put simply, quite a lot.

Social media is amazing, fantastic, brilliant…but it is also misleading, damaging and harmful. The ability to be able to share only your best life is very misleading. This can change people’s perspectives of the person that they thought you were when you met in person, or ‘IRL’, if we’re using netspeak. People may become bitter about your life you live online, people may feel that they’re not good enough, and friends may start to see you as competition, altering your friendship.

Online is a platform for mental health issues to arise rapidly – anxiety, depression and eating disorders are only a few of the problems that can stem from the use of social media. For the damage that it does, is it really worth it?

Not only does social networking take away from the precious time that you spend with those around you, but it disengages you from conversations that they’re having. Replying to a quick message? Yes, fine; but spending time scrolling through Instagram or catching up on your Snapchat stories instead of having a gossip or a catch up with the people who are there in the room with you could come across as rude. It is a statement without having to say anything – that you’d rather be elsewhere.

I feel like when I pick up my phone and mindlessly scroll I am by all means not saying to those I’m with that I’m uninterested in discussion, it’s just habit. Phones come everywhere we go – it’s like a fifth limb that we have all biologically developed in the 21stcentury. Science has truly gone crazy.

However, not only is it the barrier that using our phones poses, but also the expectation that the content that we see online poses. If you follow endless food accounts, it may make you feel guilty for eating any food that isn’t green and crunchy; if you follow lifestyle accounts it may make you feel like your relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be, that your partner isn’t taking you on dates as exotic and exiting as they should be; you may feel that your house isn’t as tidy and clean as it should be; you may feel like you’re not as toned and healthy as you should be; you may feel that your skin isn’t as fresh as it could be; you may feel that your job isn’t as exciting as it should be; you may feel that your weekend getaway isn’t extravagant enough; you may feel that…

STOP!

The pressure that we put on ourselves because of social media is immense. The culture that it creates is one of comparison – comparing every aspect of our lives and it isn’t healthy. It isn’t healthy for your body or mind. In Summer of 2016, 95 million posts were made daily to Instagram. That works out as 3,958,333 posts her hour, 65,972 posts a minute and 1,099 posts a second. It’s no wonder it feels like there’s no room to escape.

It’s important to take a moment to yourself and remember what really matters in life. Quality time with your family, your friends and yourself are essential to feeling at peace with the world. A book that has done me enormous favours is ‘Calm’ by Fearne Cotton (I have inserted the link to this book at the bottom of the this blog post). It has helped me to put things into perspective and to ‘let go’ of any issues or stresses I have that are out of my control.

Now, put your phone down, close your laptop and go and spend time with those who love you the most.

(https://www.amazon.co.uk/Calm-Working-through-stresses-peaceful/dp/1409183637/ref=sr_1_3?qid=1552217128&refinements=p_27%3AFearne+Cotton&s=books&sr=1-3)

hmm small (edit: really lengthy) rant about my life rn

I just had a week off school and it was a much needed break... I did volunteer for 3/5 of the days so it wasn’t a crazy break, since I still had quite a bit of stress about those 3 days

I am currently in that typical position of “I didn’t do anything productive pertaining to school work all week so now I feel guilty and I should stay up and get something done” but at the same time... I feel like I always beat myself up so much when I know that I was quite busy with other things, and school work isn’t always the only priority. Granted, I did watch a kdrama lol and didn’t sleep until 2-4 am on most days, while waking up close to noon.... but I feel like I needed that. I just hate how i can never fully relax but I also can’t bring myself to work... but that is the ultimate student dilemma. I wish I had better self-control and organizational skills to balance everything

On a related note, I’ve been thinking rly hard about what I want to do after I graduate from uni... I was thinking about applying to a summer internship for half of the summer, but I need a reference letter and the deadline is this week, so I feel like its sort of inappropriate to ask any of my profs at this point... I also was thinking about just bumming around for the entire summer and being productive in other areas of my life ... like I’ve been thinkin about starting a youtube channel (lol me and everyone else in this internet world) bc I’ve just been so inspired by all these amazing ppl who show their struggles to everyone and at the end of the day they’re all beautiful ppl... I really like the idea of sharing my life w all these internet friends bc frankly, I don’t really share my life with anyone irl (i know that sounds super sad but it’s true... i dont feel like im close w anyone anymore and once i graduate from uni i feel like i’m gonna be cut off from everyone I currently talk to and I feel like no one would rly make the effort to talk to me otherwise)

so idk i kinda wanted to start a vlog/lifestyle channel so I could just chat to the camera, since i rly do have a lot of thoughts i’d like to share, but i’m just too scared to share them with anyone i actually know irl. it feels easier to just talk it out to no one in particular like a diary, but then have ppl (hopefully) care about it. but at the same time there are TONS of lifestyle channels out there and i dont think i have a particular “tv personality”? 

also filming those kinda videos have nothing to do w my university degree and idk i feel like.... it’s important to be well-rounded but i don’t want my degree to be for nothing, so i also have to think about what i want to do as my future career. which is really tough because... i’m in the sciences, i currently do clinical research in a lab, and it’s okay... i love the learning aspect but i’m not a fan of the actual scientific research process. i can’t really explain why but you’re just... studying something so small for so so so long and it’s hard to feel like you’re making any progress. but i suppose the beauty of the field is if/when you actually make progress and a contribution. i’m also scared about the whole competition in the field and constantly keeping yourself afloat with grants, idk if i want to dedicate my life to that. and to be honest i dont think im smart enough or that much of a critical thinker to become a researcher and get a phd, although i would really love to be a university professor (too bad u have to have a phd loool)

some other options are going to med school, optometry school, becoming a dietician or a physician’s assistant... med school is the scary one bc i always think about.... why would i want to be a doctor over another medical professional? do i actually have the qualities to be a good doctor, or am i just doing it bc of the image or the pressure? do i actually enjoy working with patients?? ofc those questions apply to the other options as well but... im always doubting myself and i feel like that quality alone is not very ideal for being a doctor. i would feel more comfortable being an optometrist, dietician, or physician’s assistant bc it feels like... even if you mess up there are still other people to back you up, whereas with a doctor, you are the one running the game. which is super important and impressive, but i just don’t know if i could handle with the stress and if i have the capabilities to make unwavering decisions. just cuz i know im so indecisive.... man. i got rejected from med school which is why im rethinking all of this. i might go to grad school next year, either in nutrition or continuing in physiology. i really like topics in nutrition and a masters in nutrition is only a year long, but i would have to find a new supervisor and im not a super huge fan of research (like i’ve said before)... but it seems better than a 2 year masters in physiology. i could stick with my current physiology supervisor, but that also means im stuck studying the same thing as i am now for 2 years. and idk if i love it that much.... agh... i dont know......... i wish someone could tell me what’s the best path... but i know no one can... and i know that no one is gonna read this huuuuuge text.... im just rambling at this point bc i have no one i feel comfortable personally messaging all of this to

being indecisive.... leads me to my next point. which is strange, but i really want to get a tattoo after i graduate. ive been thinking about what to get, and ofc, due to my indecisive nature, i can never really decide, but i think... i kinda know what i want? i just need to think of a good placement for it bc i dont want it to be visible in my every day life, just due to the judgemental nature of the field that im in right now and possibly will be in the future (eg. if i work in the medical field, i will most definitely be judged if i have visible tattoos, maybe less by the younger demographic but by the older ones for sure, and that can affect the whole patient-doctor interaction, or even interaction with mentors?) so if u have any tattoos, i’d love to know what you have (if you’re comfortable w sharing) and why, so it helps me justify getting my own lol (even though that doesnt rly make sense.. i should just get it if i want it, but im still debating)

guhhhh my brain has run out of juice and i should go to bed, im really trying to not sleep at 2 am today. i wish i could fall asleep faster. im not gonna give myself heck for not getting anything done during reading week, or tonight, cuz i know i’ve been going through some rough mental patches, but i hope if i sleep earlier, wake up a bit earlier, take back more control of my life, i can be more productive and less stressed. pls wish me luck.

i rly want... to make meaningful connections and impacts in this world.