Tumgik
#i am just shitposting
lumentears · 2 years
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Garreg Mach students ranked by how popular their tumblr blog would be, from least to most
Popularity is measured not only by follower count, but also their general notoriaty in the tumblr dot hell ecosystem.
Ashen wolves sadly excluded because this list is long enough and I wish to see the sun again sometime today.
24. Leonie
I say this with a mind free of judgement and a heart full of love, but Leonie is a Facebook user. She doesn't really get tumblr, since for her social media is mainly to keep up with her people back in Sauin village, and you can not tell me that a community of mainly hunters uses anything other than Facebook to show off their latest game.
Most popular post: Her introduction post. Liked by Byleth and Byleth only.
23. Dimitri
He uses his tumblr as a personal vent blog whenever he is having a Mental Health Moment™ and deletes everything he posted the day later. He sits on an ask box full of concerned anons he can't bring himself to either acknowledge or delete.
Most popular post: His posts get liked in the """"traumacore"""" space but since he immediately deletes them it's hard to gaige exact metrics.
22. Hubert
You fool! He has 70 alternative accounts! And he uses all of them to send anon hate to his enemies and publish callout posts on those who seek to oppose Lady Edelgard.
Most popular post: "Lord Varley is a terrible person that deserves to be deplatformed and beheaded and here's why"
21. Ashe
His tumblr is for things he personally enjoys, he doesn't really post much original content. He reblogs from Bernadetta and Ferdinand and every single credible gofundme he can get his fingers on.
Most popular post: That time Felix baited him into a lengthy argument over the ethics of shoplifting.
20. Raphael
Reblogs warriormale like it's his god damn job. Occaisonally posts workout videos too, but for some reason Ignatz is REALLY bad at getting the camera to focus whenever Raphael is on screen.
Most popular post: Raphael was very enthusiastic about warriormale's drop that towel!!! post, much to the amusement of many immature people online.
19. Petra
Petra has a travel blog, mostly to document her experiences in Fódlan and get her into the habit of writing in her second language. It's mostly for her own sake, so she isn't fussed about getting followers.
Most popular post: A video titled "Me and my best girl friend at the beach". Every single one of the notes are a variation of "girl is that Dorothea Arnault 👀👀👀". She never confirms or denies this and her next update is about her catching the cold for the fifth time this year.
18. Linhardt
No queue, no tags, no system, Linhardt posts whatever holds his interest. An absolute nightmare for the novice to follow, but students with a little bit of patience can unearth many a pirated textbook.
Most popular post: A masterlist of crestology textbooks. Reblog to save a student's life!
17. Ingrid
Mostly vaguely feminist theory and book recs. Sometimes extremely personal ventposting. People who know her irl pretend not to know it is her as to not make her uncomfortable.
Most popular post: That one time she got kungpowpenised on one of her more...problematiqué opinion pieces.
16. Lysithea
Okay folks hear me out - she totally has a super secret fandom blog. She pretends that it is for the sole purpose of pointing and laughing at fandom drama as she herself is above that fandom-brained nonsense, but Goddess have mercy on your sinful soul if you provoke her into sharing her hot takes.
Most popular post: A 14k word essay on disability in the warrior cats book series.
15. Annette
Annette also has a fandom blog, but shame? Not on her good christian site. She takes great pains to keep her blog a space of positivity and unabashed joy in being cringe. In all honesty, it feels a bit like falling through a time portal into pre-dashcon tumblr, and I say this with equal parts nostalgia and condemnation.
Most popular post: In this universe, she is the person that birthed the "my homophobic dad became an ally by watching Sherlock" fake tumblr story. It was a bit of wish fulfillment when she was younger, and it haunts her to this day.
14. Ferdinand
Writes mediocre poetry and reblogs scenery panoramas and history posts. Regularly has to fight accusations of being a tradcath blogger, and he fights them to the death.
Most popular post: A picture of him on horseback went semi-viral once, akin to the ridicoulusly handsome marathon runner.
13. Lorenz
Writes mediocre poetry and reblogs scenery panoramas and history posts. Is actually a tradcath. Alas, people live for the drama and Lorenz gives them no shortage of it.
Most popular post: That time Lorenz went defcon as he was accused of sneaking into women's dms to ask for feet pics. He vehemently, desperately denied being into feet.
12. Felix
Felix has been banned from every other platform but tumblr, and he uses it for PVP only. He's become infamous sitewite for always starting shit and getting into arguments, almost in the same vein as human pet guy, just a bit less horribly morally bankrupt.
Most popular post: A legendary colour-of-the-sky length feud with Sylvain that ends in Felix posting a screed that has become the next "what the fuck did you just fucking say about me" copypasta.
11. Marianne
Has one of these "is the animal media cute" blogs. She tries to stay nonjudgemental and positive, but something in these blogs just seems to make people go sicko mode - she has to block at least a dozen people every single day. Secret star of the blog is Dorte the horse.
Most popular post: A video of her singing happy birthday to Dorte. It wold probably have gone unnoticed if Hilda hadn't reblogged it to her ravenous audience who can't get enough of pretty girls.
10. Dedue
Is most active on youtube, but he still has a woodworking, cooking and gardening blog that attracts the most wholesome audience of old people. You know, the „great work, Dedue, it’s nice to see the younger generation still picking up these kinds of hobbies“ kind.
Most popular post: I feel like he’d dabble in the kind of „cooking hack debunking“ videos Ann Reardon does in our universe, because he respects the craft and doesn’t want young people getting hurt trying dangerous viral hacks.  
9: Ignatz
If you’ve ever been on the internet at all, you’ve probably seen one of his artworks. Sadly, those artworks are probably reposts of reposts of reposts, and Ignatz is still struggling to make comissions – he is still to shy to just become a furry artist but give it a few months and he might not have a choice anymore.
Most popular post: A post begging tumblr users to reblog his art.
8. Dorothea Arnault
She absolutely could be in the top 3 of this list if she wanted to. She just ABSOLUTELY doesn't want to. She's incognito on this blog and, once you've dug your way through reblogged gofundme's of folks in need, you'd find that her content is mainly her singing in places you wouldn't expect great audio in - stairwells and basements, mostly. Sometimes, people will ask her "has anyone ever told you you sound like Dorothea Arnault?" and she'll answer "I don't know who that is, sounds like a bitch though".
Most popular post: Her blog really took off during the sea shanty stage of quarantine - in fact, her sapphic shanties might have kickstarted the era.
7. Sylvain
Hornyposts all day every day and still finds a way to get all up in everyone's business. Was determined to outlast the titty ban and by now, the algorithm as pretty much thrown up its hands and given up on him. Totally the kind of guy who reblogs nsfw pics or videos from other blogs with unwarranted commentary.
Most popular post: His legendary tiff with Felix, in which he pulled off smooth shark levels of playing dumb to piss off his opponent. The resulting mythic copypasta is now his bio.
6. Mercedes
Mercedes posts daily on her affirmations and positivity blog. Reminders to relax x muscle, unclench y joint, and afford yourself the same grace you afford others. She also gives advice to troubled anons, and it's not neccessarily good advice but it's nice to see someone sincerely cares. People somewhat parasocially call her the "tumblr mom".
Most popular post: Her coming out post where she announced she is bisexual.
5. Caspar
Okay this might be a hot take but i feel like Caspar is a tiktoker – detractors call him a thirst trap but honestly he doesn’t show off his abs to make money off of horny viewers, he shows them off cause he's proud and wants everyone to know about them. He reblogs all his stuff to tumblr because he knows Linhardt is most active (most being a relative term) there and Linhardt liking his new post is a highlight of his day.
Most popular post: He’s gone viral a few times with a genre of tiktoks tumblr would describe as this is what boys will be boys should mean. In this universe, he ist he originator oft he vine of a guy pushing his friend, who’s fallen asleep on an air matress, out into a lake.
4. Bernadetta
Has a gajillion sideblogs she can’t bring herself to part with – she lives in constant fear someone will discover her abandoned onceler sideblog. Her most popular blog is for writing reader insert fanfiction. Whenever her blog gains enough followers to make her feel nervous about posting, she drops off the face of the earth for a few months until her follower count has shrunken to a managable size.
Most popular post: shamefully, an 18+ onceler rp from the olden days.
3. Edelgard
Your one-stop shop for protest tactics, world news, guilt-trippy posts about today's calamity and what you can and MUST do about it, and organisation to donate time and money to.
Most popular post: So she let her guard down once, ONCE, and reblog a slew of topless buff woman gifs to main on accident, and tumblr still clowns on her for it.
2. Hilda
She may be an insta gal, but she took to tumblr like a duck to water. Yes, tumblr as a whole hates the idea of being sold things, but sometmies they are willing to make an exception if the girl selling things is a delightfully lazy and aggravatingly cute #girlboss.
Most popular post: Technically, it's a selfie with her tiddies almost out. What draws people to the post is Marianne in the background, clearly hypnotised, pouring a herself a nice cup of tea...into her lap.
1.Claude
You think he's a tumblr funnyman? Wrong. He's ALL the tumblr funnymen. He is gaud, he is pukicho, he is all the other's who's names I can't be arsed to look up. It began as him sockpuppeting on another account to set up a punchline to a shitpost, it snowballed from there and now he is roleplaying several different tumblr blogs with an incredible amount of dedication. Right now he is planning for two of his personas to stream a game simultaneously.
Most popular post: If you ask him, his most popular post has not been made yet, but it sits in his draft, just waiting for the day they pull the plug on tumblr, so he can end the charade and dramatically unmask himself at the last possible moment.
Bonus: Byleth
Reblogs every single post her students make. Regardless of theme. Regardless of content. Always reacting with a couple of emojis. Nobody is sure whether her blog is a bot or a real person, and scrolling through it the closest one could come to browsing r/all on tumblr.
She is, of course, not a bot, this is just the way she makes her unconditional support of her students known. Even if that means reblogging hardcore porn, an essay on the canonical treatment of Brightheart in The Prophecies Begin, more hardcore porn and a deeply personal account of trauma within seconds of each other.
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theharlotofferelden · 7 months
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Genuinely loved the experience of being at camp for the first time and seeing all the companions with their tits out like they're all gonna go clubbin or some shit
Then there’s Gale
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Who's just. So utterly swagless that his clothes smell like dusty old books. My man doesn't give a fuck about the drip he's getting his ass ready for bed
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defectivegembrain · 6 months
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Me: Who are you when you're not consuming media?
DVD Eating Steve: Well I wouldn't survive long
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pisscreant · 8 months
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had a vivid dream where there was a "play as Kim" mod and I was super excited
after like 2 mins gameplay Harry just turned around looking scandalised and was like "Ohgod... It's me, Kim. *I'm* Grandpa Piss!"
he refused to elaborate even after I savescummed and exhausted all dialogue options
then a notification flashed like "THOUGHT GAINED: GRANDPA PISS" and I went to the thought cabinet screen. all it said was "What the fuck does he mean by that."
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sioboi · 1 year
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twt plug
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artkaninchenbau · 3 months
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I need Hancock to join Cross Guild so bad
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locusfandomtime · 7 months
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The maths fandom is wild. “Real” and “imaginary” numbers? I think you mean canon and non-canon. You guys seriously go “this is my number oc his name is i and he is the square root of -1” when in numbers canon lore it’s actually impossible to square root a negative but sure whatever. “Complex numbers”? I think you mean a character x oc ship. “f(x) = 3x - 5”? That is self-insert fanfiction.
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feelboss · 5 months
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icapturedthecastle · 5 months
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POV: you are Willy Stampler
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civetside · 1 month
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if they if they like played dnd or something am i right
ive never played dnd
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hasnomoxxie · 2 months
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I FORGOT TUMBLR EXISTED
UH-
UM-
ILL GET ON MY PEPPIBLAST SHIT SOON-
...UMM
JESUS CHRIST HOLDING BLUEY
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Yeah that'll do it
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screaming-sparrow · 4 months
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poly-truthing the torchwood 3 team + rhys and martha
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deadscell · 2 months
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to like subscribe and hit that bell ❗️
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a-trypanosoma · 2 years
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Tradcath makes me think of catheters
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puppetboysx3 · 2 months
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Tumblr, this ur man?
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repost for onceler will come visit you at night
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