#i am eating so good rn
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SAM YOU FUCKING TROLL
retiring scanlan after one of the most intensely dramatic roleplay scenes only to have his new character show up like an HOUR LATER
WHAT
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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breaking the law and outing myself on the internet because i'm showcasing my senior dance thesis on april 28 at 6:30 and 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time and i want You to see it
we don't have a livestream link yet but we will. in the meantime look at these cool posters and this cool blurb. ok now save the date SEE YOU SOON
#my stuff#my art#these posters went through 14 separate drafts. it was a harrowing and difficult experience#i am Fully Going through it which means 1) physical health is suffering 2) social life also but 3) the thing is going to be so fucking good#sarus is gonna be the best thing ive ever made when we finish it. i Know it#so i want you to see it because it's one of those ambitious stories where everything's bigger than life#and the world is old and young and scary and kind and people live fearlessly and with cowardice#BUT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. IF YOU JUST KEEP WALKING. this is going to be one of those stories#so many dance blurbs and descriptions are like stupid technical like oh we explored the effect of weighing down our hands and feet#on our Center of Gravity and how it altered the rotational momentum of turns and jumps#or else they're stupid esoteric like oh the wind blew..... and the children wept and all over the world the oceans rose... (global warming)#so i was determined to make this blurb (which is going in the schoolwide email blast) accessible and provocative#and inviting#in a provocative way#im very Locked in rn. im Hyperfocused as fuck. i am not eating as well asi should be but IM TRYING#AND THATS WHAT MATTERS#im inviting all of u bc this is a piece that is going to try and say something and i want everyone ive ever loved to hear it#oghey bye
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click for better quality!
the hush of rain / scourge
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#scourge#warrior cats#wc#waca#wc art#scourge wc#blood#bloodclan#THIS. WAS SO TRICKY TO DO#tried a couple of new things out/drew things ive never rlly drawn before as like a test#and its like. i started late in the night its 1 am rn and i am tired#BUT I JUST FOUND OUT i didnt have homework this weekend and i convinced myself i did so hip hip hooray me#scourge is still one of my fave characters all he did was show up kill and die. good for him#ALL IN ALL i am happy and proud of this piece ^_^#if i forget anything. please show me mercy#for i am my own worst enemy (drawing after 11 pm)#ANYWAY goodnight and goodmorning but mostly good night#actually hold that thought a little im hungry so goodnight after i figure out what i want to eat#i dont know how to draw puddles i kinda gave up its more prominent in the sketch
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everyone shut up i’m listening to francesca
#it’s so good it’s sooooooo good#i want a music video slash short film RN#this entire album is so literary i’m frothing at the mouth#why couldn’t he have released this two years ago when i was still doing celtic studies in college !!! i am this close to doing a close read#on jstor#francesca#francesca hozier#hozier#unreal earth#eat your young#indie music#hozier shitpost#i speak
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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frog documentation. frogcumentation
I think I mentioned a while back I'd post nibling frog momence after the gift's done given. which happened on the 2nd this month I just forgot lmao. anyways we can do it now. I used the boigameista pattern scaled up to four pieces of A4 print paper and decided to double deck it to a two layer thing, not unlike a pillow, for ease of washin. because it was gonna be gifted to a one year old child
took a long time and made a number of mistakes bc hand sewing makes me worse as a person but this guy was done in time for the birthday occasion and that's what matters. chose non-fuzzy fabrics for it because we live in a dense city in the tropics and from personal experience if I hug something made of fur I would explode. the original plan included felt patterns on its back for bonus textures for baby but that wouldn't stretch well along with the rest of the thing so had to hold that back. eventually we got this
zipper across its ass, the coat type of zipper bc I miscalculated when ordering. but it did have a shape and that's all that matters to me. will be a fun game for the baby to grow up and be severely misinformed about what a frog looks like
happy extremely late birthday to this thing also
#bakuspecial#uhhhh. whats my craft tag. I forgor. update this later#frog plush babeyyyy#I want this thing to last until the heat death of the universe so I felled all the seams down. dont recommend doing this by hand#Im so stubborn lmao I refuse to get a serger I will simply get better at hand sewing instead. damn its taking kinda long#there used to be a Lot more frogs around hanoi. but the lack of clean water ponds and lakes have driven down the population#I live like right at the edge of the city rn tho (will no longer be the case in five years) so there are still a lot of aminals#house robins. skinks. fireflies (!!!!). praying mantises. tree frogs#they love to hang out at the fountain inside the complex right across the street. had to pick em up to return to the fountain#from the hot brick tiled ground a few times#theyre so small. theyre so small....#I miss house geckos they dont show up a lot in our apartment. I wish they would they would love the cockroaches around here#and of course. bc the kind of rice we eat is more short-grained and thus usually not all the way dried like the longer-grained type we have#so many rice weevils. do u know those little fucks do not drown for a Long time#do u know they lay eggs inside the rice grains and that's how u find out ur rice about to become the weevil beverly hill#by washing the rice and seeing hollowed out grains float up. I have become an expert at this.#but I get to see skinks in random bushes so who am I to be pissed about that. skinks rule#this has been baku talks about animals for a mile of tags. thank u for listening#well. its evening and the family wants to go out so that's what we're doin. hope u have a good time too wherever u are#see u this midnight when I reblog every new posts I've made in the last week or so lmao
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i would like to share todays win as in, i ate three meals today, very awesome and good for me
#first few days somewhere are always good for me when it come to food i actually eat when im hungry#i struggle with binging n stuff and it's just so good to have a few good meals and be okay with just that#this hasnt happened in weeks because eating is just uncontrollable for me#i know some ppl may say you need 5 meals but consider - i am polish we eat big fuckin meals#hoping to keep this up for the week im at home im cooking dinner tomorrow and that really helps#ok ok byeee i was just real proud of myself when i realized its 10 pm rn and im not feeling sick from eating and stuff#so i am full and not hungery this is magiccc
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my shirt that says "i don't have an eating disorder" has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt
#text#(this is a reference to another tweet i dont have a shirt that says that)#ed tw#weight loss tw#talk about weight in general tw#like yes i eat the same thing almost every single day & have to force myself through every bite#no i dont have an eating disorder#i just have autism and anxiety and its making my life a little bit unliveable at the moment ❤️#i know i also have arfid which yes is an eating disorder but not like. in the way people probably think of if they look at me during#a meal and judge the way im eating and decide they think i have an ed (which i know is anxiety and nobody does that but still)#but i probably wouldnt get diagnosed bc im at a ''healthy weight''#even tho i know that for My Body it's not healthy . i was eating relatively well for a brief period of my senior year of high school#& very briefly my freshman year of college#and i got to around [number] both times#and they were both short periods of time so i still dont know what like. a healthy weight would be For Me and for My body#but i know a doctor would tell me my weight rn is Normal and Good and that if i gain weight thats Bad and Wrong#even though i am definitely not eating enough and not getting enough Fuel For My Body To Work Right#its such bullshit. also i hope whoever invented the bmi kills themself#Well anyway. swagever ive been eating one singular slice of pizza for half an hour so i gotta get back to that
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i can't believe the first time they ever interacted aziraphale helped crowley create an universe. i can't believe i CANNOT they created TOGETHER i cant do this
#i am so tired and so tipsy its insane i lost count of what and how much i drank today i genuinely need mot yo be posting rn but this is#eating ul my brain like brain worms and im at a friends house in the guestroom and i feel so disoriented fuck thats a hard word to spell#anyway yeah the first thing they ever did together is create they're both creators together they're immemskly powerful they're ruinjg my lif#good omens#good omens s2#azicrow#aziracrow#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable spouses
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I have a doctor's appointment in the morning and I don't even remember what it's for, I booked it like a month ago. I don't think I've gotten the results for my heart monitor test so I will probably ask about that. Hopefully I get answers ._.
#this would be my 3rd heart monitor test. really hope theres some kind of evidence this time ._.#my dad got me mochi the other day and i ate all the strawberry ones but i am trying the vanilla one rn#i will save the rest of the vanilla for after my appointment. as a treat.#i love my doctor but man i am getting so. jaded? worn out? over needing to make appts and med refills and ugh ._.#hopefully mochi is good. havent had vanilla ones before. i could eat mochi forever it is so good :3#batty blogging#text
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need him to ******* *** **** ********* ****** *** * ***** ***** ** ******
sorry
#mike faist#i'm not okay#normal rn#i need him so bad#need him now#good lord#he makes me feral#like I wanna#bite him#and eat him#and crawl on my ceiling#I'm delusional#I'm getting to the point where at 3 am I think I have a chance w him#and then I remember there's laws#so that's not ok#and its 3 am so like idk#bri babbles#bri talks about mike#husband (real)
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making use of this blog to say hello! ive only given this to skittles, kim and oli, but. hello <3
im feeling a lot better after my little break and i will be back soon probably. im going to test my health a bit more (testing: waiting)
um. i found my brother's tumblr.
#i hate my brother and i cannot believe he has a tumblr i am so gone rn#uhhh ive been working on school a lot and playing games i like when i have time#eating good food#i slept great last night!#I also got my axolotl a new decoration. I will post a picture of that once we put it in :)#yayyy#MAKE A TAGGING SYSTEM PLEASEEE ME PLEASEEEE MAKE A TAGGING SYSTEM
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🤧🐀🌧️🌊
#need to clear my head;#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn#trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come#nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired#i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u#also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my#eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm#bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna#be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk#idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not#sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow#nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just#dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol#im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired#i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do#anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can
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i love my gf dearly. but she is very much often oblivious to things and still not well informed in how to talk to someone who has struggled with eating disorders and body dysmophia for over a decade
#we had a conversation the other night and she asked if i wanted to get summer bod ready with her#and it’s been pvp me vs brain ever since. at the point where i must admit i was triggered#i knew when she said it 😭 i was like oh no this is gonna be bad#so i tried to steer away from the convo and be like ‘ehh that’s not really a good idea for someone who’s had my type of food relationship’#and she was like ‘oh no but it’s not about eating! it’s about etc etc etc’#and every comment she’s made about me bein soft in the tum is back and the thought loop of#wondering/ knowing i’d be more attractive to her if i lost weight again#fighting it so hard and i am not winning this battle and she’s feeling really shitty about stuff rn#so i don’t wanna say anything#ed tw
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pre-holiday leave crumbs
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it#anyways. tomorrow I Travel#The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed#three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying)#goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn#anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours#until I gotta get up for car time#kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct#20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it#I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it#oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop#in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here#hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them)#also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl'#it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that#literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however#anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo#have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again#eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day
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