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lilyhandmaiden · 3 years

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The Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2020

In the last few minutes of 2020, I thought I would share some of the little things that have brought me joy and comfort and, when both of those were in short supply, have dragged me forward through this year.

12 Monkeys (TV series)

I started watching the 2015-2018 SyFy series 12 Monkeys, which revolves around time travel being invented to stop a humanity-ending pandemic, in February or so, right before it became clear that the current pandemic was going to have a big impact on all our lives. It was... weird timing. Nevertheless, in the early days of lockdown, etc., all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and escape by watching this ragtag group of idiots save the world and, eventually, Time Itself. They were, overall, very bad at it, always getting in their own way, but they won anyway, and that felt strangely encouraging. The show is not unproblematic at times, but its overall message is that, while endings are inevitable, the relationships we form and the choices we make matter. That was something I needed to hear and take to heart. Plus, the series introduced me to Jennifer Goines, one of my all-time favorite fictional characters. As played by Emily Hampshire (Stevie from Schitt’s Creek in a role as unlike Stevie as it is possible to be, at least in terms of self-expression), Jennifer is “brave, impulsive, irrationally rational,” and a force of radical love and compassion for her friends and, ultimately, for herself—even if her brain never works the way she wants it to. May we all try to live in the happily ever now.

Schitt’s Creek winning all the Emmys

Schitt’s Creek was my big discovery of last year, and its amazing character development in a story about finding oneself and forming connections in the process of starting all over was hugely important to me upon entering into post-academic life. This year, I’ve loved seeing this show’s snowballing popularity, which culminated in its sweep of the Emmy comedy category. Watching the ceremony at home with my cat, I screamed as those wins piled on (not as loudly as Sarah Levy up in Canada, but still). Legends Catherine O’Hara and Eugene Levy with their first acting Emmys! Dan Levy for writing and directing and acting on his first series doing any of those in a major capacity! Annie Murphy, for her hilarious and heartbreaking and inspiring and masterful portrayal of Alexis Rose, after she was told she couldn’t do comedy without comedy lessons and almost quit acting! The COSTUMES. No cast and crew have ever been more deserving. Love that journey for them! And the fan celebrations afterward were such an expression of communal joy at a time when joy and community were not so easy to come by.

Folklore and Evermore and Taylor Swift

It took me about a month to get around to listening to Taylor Swift’s first surprise pandemic album, folklore. Once I did, though, I couldn’t seem to stop. There were stretches of weeks when I only listened to folklore. It was for working and driving and writing and cleaning and thinking. It’s sonically soothing and lyrically gorgeous, pulling from literature, history, memory, isolation. I’ve never listened to an album where I can pick out so many favorite individual lines before. I’ve always admired Swift most for her storytelling, so it’s no huge surprise that I love this album, where she embraces the storyteller role. Still, I’d only really paid attention 1989 and her singles before—and not really even to her singles over the past few years. After about a month of only listening to folklore, all the time, like it had me hypnotized, I decided it might be worth listening through the entire Taylor Swift discography.

I fell in love with folklore as an album for its bittersweet, nostalgic feel that spoke so perfectly to this moment in time, but the exact moment I fell for Taylor Swift as an artist might have been when my jaw dropped at the cutting specificity of, “Don’t you think nineteen’s too young to be played by your dark, twisted game?” in “Dear John.” And then when I cackled as she wrapped up the song with, “The girl in the dress wrote you a song. You should’ve known.” That was when I started to appreciate Taylor Swift for the way she has, from a very young age, understood her power as a storyteller, and specifically as the teller of her own story. “I was there. I remember it,” she emphasizes over and over in song after song, seizing the authority she might otherwise be denied as a young woman (“when you are young, they assume you know nothing”). Plus, her use of imagery is unparalleled. folklore spoke to this moment in time, but there is a Taylor Swift song for every possible moment and mood, and that became a comfort and escape of its own.

So, by the time evermore came out, I was able to appreciate it as an event. And that, in these times, is no small thing. evermore is the wilder and sadder of the twin albums, and its songs revolve around endings and, on the other side, improbable hope. Here’s to this pain not being for evermore. Take a nap, Taylor. You’ve earned it.

Writing

At the end of grad school, I felt like I might never write creatively again. I was afraid that creative part of me had withered up and died. But last year, slowly, it started to come back, and this year it’s been one of my main sources of joy. I’ve written thousands of words, and I’m actually enjoying the process of doing it and proud of the outcome. I know and understand why a lot of people have struggled to be creative this year, but for me, writing my way into another world where I am actually in control of what happens has been my favorite way of escaping this one. It’s all I want to do all day while I’m sitting at work, doing official correspondence. I’m even writing original fiction for the first time in ages, and you know what? It’s not nearly as scary or difficult as I was afraid it would be. Plus, I love talking about writing, sharing enthusiasm and working through problems, with friends. I’m not a fast writer, but I hope to do more of it, and find a way to do it more consistently, in 2021.

Texting with friends

I haven’t been perfect at it, but I made the decision at the beginning of 2020, before All This even really got started, to do a better job at keeping in touch with my friends. In a year when we’ve had to reconfigure so many things we care about, I can wholeheartedly recommend a weekly text with friends as a way of keeping those relationships and those people prominent in your life. Throughout the year, reaching out on a regular basis to the people I love—when I need them, when they need me, just to say hi—has deepened relationships I care about and has been a constant source of comfort, stability, and fun. So much emotional and physical good has come out of it for me and, I hope, for others as well. This is a part of the year I’m really proud of, and I intend to continue, expand, and refine this program in 2021.

Learning to cook things

At the beginning of the year, I set the modest goal of learning to cook one simple thing each month of the year. When so many other goals and aspirations got blown up, this is one I was able to keep to for the most part. The holidays got in the way at the very end, but I did learn to cook 10 new things this year. For a person who could cook almost nothing before, this is big progress. It worked so well that this is another program I intend to carry on into 2021.

My nephew

Last year, I was looking forward to the day when this kid would be able to recognize me. Last weekend, he came running to be picked up with a big smile when I came through the door and hugged me when I left. It’s possible that he thinks Aunt Erin With a Mask and Aunt Erin Without a Mask (the latter of whom appears only rarely) are two different people, but he loves both of us, and we love him. I can’t wait to see what he’s learned by this time next year. I hope the world is a friendlier place for him by then.

Happy New Year!

#darth real life #12 monkeys #taylor swift #schitt's creek #2020

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cyanoscarlet · 3 years

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2020 writing review

Thanks for the tag, @gladiowrites! (I know it’s not a tag, but this is fun to do lol)

I.. honestly wrote a lot this 2020. No kidding. Quarantine productivity was real, but so is residency languishing by the wayside while everyone was busy surviving and adjusting. I highly doubt 2021 will be the same, but I’ll always cherish 2020 just because of the writing and nothing else.

This is gonna be long.

FIRST CREATION + MOST RECENT CREATION OF 2020

8:15 am - Final Fantasy XV. Lunafreya. February 2020. - First piece ever written for the year. - Intended to be a Luna-centric AU, in which the Nox Fleurets were deposed and she’s now a regular teacher. Never managed to write anything beyond that, though, because residency. (Back then, I didn’t know it was gonna be the beginning of the end, so I had hopes. Oh well.)

irresistible!, or the summer ramblings of nene yashiro and everything that followed - Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun. Nene, Hanako. March 2020. - First one published on AO3 for 2020 (yes, there’s a distinction). - If you think the title sounds familiar, you’re right.

versus

first yuletide - Final Fantasy XV. Nyx. December 2020. - Written for the FFXV Secret Santa event on Twitter. - Before y’all object and say what unwinding is, that’s an old fic uploaded late.

ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATIONS FROM 2020

Do I seriously have to choose? Omg.

take heart - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Gods/Humans AU. - Discovered so much about myself writing this. Also (hopefully) I managed to get into Dazai’s headspace correctly. He’s an extremely difficult character to write, so finishing this brought so much gratification.

you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons - Final Fantasy VIII. Laguna, Squall. Post-canon. - Probably my most heartfelt work of the year- scratch that, ever. Also happy with how I just let myself go writing this and didn’t need to think twice.

A CREATION YOU’RE REALLY PROUD OF

oneiric moments (or, five nights with you) - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. - Written for the SKK Fic Exchange for Summer 2020. - Five interconnected fics. 18,985 words. - Might not be a big deal for others, but this was taxing because I don’t usually write long, multichaptered stuff. I got carried away, though. It ain’t as well-polished as my more recent stuff, but I’m proud of myself for pulling this off.

A NEW STYLE YOU TRIED THIS YEAR & A FIC THAT USES IT

I... don’t think I have tried anything of the sort. My repertoire is sorely limited compared to others, I’m afraid. I’d probably have an answer for “explored new themes,” but again, I’ve a limited arsenal, too, in that regard.

A CREATION THAT TOOK YOU FOREVER

all in a day’s work - Bungou Stray Dogs. Atsushi, Akutagawa. Cells at Work AU. - It’s still being written, with a lot of side stories planned but never drafted. - I fell out of love with BSD, recovered from that, then got busy with residency.

YOUR CREATION FROM 2020 THAT RECEIVED THE MOST NOTES KUDOS

Also take heart. While I am proud of it, I guess it hit the right spot for mainstream shippers, too, somewhat? My feelings about mainstream things have changed a lot because of things, but I am still happy.

A CREATION YOU THINK DESERVED MORE NOTES KUDOS

amīcitia - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Final Fantasy XV AU. - Petty indignancy for my self-indulgent baby aside, I’m also proud of how I wrote Dazai in this one, similar to take heart. the fun they had - Bungou Stray Dogs. Kajii, Port Mafia Ensemble. - ... Guys. Please notice genfics.

A NEW FANDOM YOU JOINED AND A CREATION YOU MADE FOR IT

Everything I wrote for Bungou Stray Dogs. (I kid you not.)

If you want a single answer anyway:

on the flaming mountains - act-age. Chiyoko, Kei. Princess Iron Fan Arc. - arc words: “what shall i do with this ire?” - I wouldn’t really say I “left” the fandom, more like it fizzled out after Matsuki-sensei got arrested.

A CREATION YOU MADE THAT BREAKS YOUR HEART

a cycle of; - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Medico-legal AU. - Written out of much anger and frustration over things. Also because this in itself was frustrating to write.

Also you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. Because no matter how much I hate my family at so many points in my life, I know I can’t truly hate them from the bottom of my heart. This fic is a reminder of that.

A SIMPLE CREATION THAT YOU REALLY LOVE

express delivery for love - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Real World Quarantine AU. - It’s funny. It’s orthodox. It’s sweet. I don’t think it can get any better than that.

A CREATION THAT WAS INSPIRED BY ANOTHER ONE

rather be - Bungou Stray Dogs. Yosano. Pre-canon. - Inspired by yesterday is another world by @wctercress - The whole of primum non nocere, actually, but specifically this one, and the rest followed. - This is also my first BSD fic. Ever.

A FAVORITE CREATION CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE

... You sure? There’s a lot, and this is just on the surface. (unleashes the proverbial waterfall)

The aforementioned yesterday is another world by @wctercress

silencer and snow white days by EKmisao - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Dead Apple canon-divergent. - The aftermath of Dead Apple, in which one of two goes wrong. - They’re unrelated, I know. But they’re both sisters! Just trust me on this. - The proper entry for this would be silencer, but I can’t very well mention one without the other, so have both anyway. I read both only this year, after all. Waiting for Godot by @eternal-aegis - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya. Canon-divergent. - Amazing theme, amazing philosophy, amazing writing. It makes you think. It makes you analyze and explore. This writer definitely knows her stuff, and it shows. Catharsis by @gladiowrites - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Gen. Caraway. Post-canon. - The denouement to the Caraway family drama we all deserve. I love how Rinoa is presented in this fic. She’s a normal person who makes mistakes and learns her lessons. So is Fury. Burned bridges don’t always have to stay down, and this fic illustrates that wonderfully.

Culmination by @gladiowrites - Final Fantasy VIII. Squall, Rinoa. Post-canon. - We can’t all have happy endings. This fic also illustrates that very well. While I, a Squinoa fan, personally ascribe to the happy ending Squall and Rinoa must have had after the events of FF8, this fic is so compelling and grounded and reflective and I totally buy this.

Here Without You by @muselover1901 - Akagami no Shirayuki-hime. Zen/Shirayuki. Real world quarantine AU. - One of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read this year. I can definitely relate to a lot of things in this fic. I’ve been rereading all of Muse’s ANS stuff whenever I feel down, and they all hit the spot.

Savor The Moment by @joeys-piano - Bungou Stray Dogs. Oda. Pre-canon. - Yes, yes, YES. One of the best stories I’ve ever read this year, ever. (And I mean stories, not fanfics.) Great character study about a man named Oda and a day in his life and a page (or three) out of his book of relationships. The love poured into this is simply overflowing and precious. I’ve been following Joey since this fic was being written, and I’m so proud of him.

False Equivalences by @slowquotesquill - Dai Gyakuten Saiban. Asougi, Ryuunosuke. Fullmetal Alchemist AU. - This fic also! Oh, My Heart. The cynicism of a state alchemist and the optimism of a foreign doctor. It perfectly hits the spot for everything FMA, and we all know that SQQ’s Asouryuu fics are always to die for. It’s the ultimate combo.

The whole Promptober Leo/Will/Despair series by @eternal-aegis - Kekkai Sensen. Various themes, many of which are dark/mature. - I’ve said this with Waiting for Godot, and I’ll say it again: Aegis knows her stuff. This is her exploring further in that direction, and you can feel the improvement with every fic in the series. I really love how adventurous these stories are, and how much depth you can go with every one. Her characterization is layered and exquisite, and the underlying lore is well-thought-out. - tl;dr: B3 Goddess.

Predestined by Galkimasera - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Squall. Reverse/Fateswap AU. - A very well-written reverse AU! The circumstances of Squall and Rinoa in this ‘verse fit so well and are so well thought out. I love this AU so much, you don’t even know. It also fills my nostalgic shipper’s heart with much joy at seeing quality content in this Year of our Lord 2020.

For auld lang syne, my dear by @by-nina - Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy, Riza. Canon-compliant + post-canon. - Holiday feels, snapshots through time, and all over showing Roy and Riza’s budding relationship over the years. And it does remind me of a lot of the SKK fics I’ve written (thematic-wise). This was such a treat to read and to follow. All her FMA fics are. She does Royai so much justice. Am not yet finished reading smoke without fire, but I’ll get to that, too!

SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CONTENT CREATORS FROM THIS YEAR

Everyone in the answer above. There’s honestly a whole boatload of more, but this is getting too long already lololol

(might edit this when I feel like it, tho!)

#cyanospeaks #dani has been tagged #2020 in review

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sarah-blue-eyes · 3 years

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2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got n e r v o u s because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

#me #2020 #2020inreview #nostalgia #anactualnovel #iapologise

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

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Time Started: 1:13AM. Date: Thursday, January 7, 2021.

1) First Name Spelled Backwards: Einahpets.

2) Middle Name Spelled Backwards: I’m not sharing that.

3) Last Name Spelled Backwards: Or that.

4) Your Half-Birthday: Towards the end of this month, January 28th.

5) What type of milk do you drink? I don’t drink it by itself, but I use soy or almond milk in things.

6) What is the most sentimental thing you own? Oh, a lot of my things are sentimental to me.

7) Have any imaginary friends? No.

8 ) When was the last time you brushed your teeth? Yesterday. It’s 1:17AM; I haven’t brushed them yet today.

9) Do you listen to Christmas music in July? No.

10) What is the first thing that comes to mind when I say January?: I think of the new year.

11) May?: Ugh, summer is right around the corner.

12) November?: The holidays and fall.

13) July?: Miserable summer heat and my birthday. 14) April?: Easter and rain.

15) February?: Hearts and my brother’s birthday.

16) October?: Halloween, scary movies, fall.

17) August?: Dreadful summer weather.

18 ) March?: Green and my dad’s birthday.

19) December?: Christmas, of course.

20) June?: Summer D:

21) September? My mom’s birthday and that fall will soon be coming.

21) What color is your blanket? Rose gold.

22) What was the last movie you bought? I haven’t bought a movie in a long time, so I don’t remember.

23) Last CD you bought? *shrug* It’s been several years since I’ve bought a CD.

24) What radio station do you listen to? None anymore. My parents and brother all play their Spotify in their cars and those are the cares I ride in, so.

25) Are you the only child, oldest child, middle child, or youngest child? I’m the middle kid.

26) If you do have brother(s) or sister(s) put them in alphabetical order, including yourself: Jon, Richard, and me (Stephanie).

27) Do you have anything on your bedroom walls? I do.

28 ) How many windows in your home? Two. We have our sliding glass door that goes to the backyard as well if that counts.

29) How many pairs of shoes do you own? Like 5 or 6.

30) What's the weirdest song title you've ever heard of? There’s been many, but of course I’m totally blanking. 31) What's the worst movie you've ever seen? Not the worst, but a bad one that comes to mind that I saw recently is Sinister.

32) Whats the worst CD you've ever listened to? Hmm.

33) What US State would you NEVER want to visit? *shrug* There’s a lot I do want to visit, though. I don’t know if there’s one I’d NEVER visit, just ones that don’t particularly pique my interest.

34) What country would you NEVER want to visit? Uhhh.

35) What is your least favorite color? Brown.

36) What is your favorite flavor Fanta (the soda)? The strawberry one. I haven’t had that in yearsssss.

37) Do you have any scars? If so, tell me about them....: I have a lot of scars, most of which are from surgeries.

38) Do you know anybody in the Army, Navy, Marines, or any other group (currently or a Veteran)? Nope.

39) What color goes good with blue? White or yellow.

40) Green? Gray.

41) Grey? You can pair gray with a lot of colors. 42) Orange? Black.

43) Red? White or black.

44) Yellow? Black, white, blue.

45) Purple? Some shades of blue.

46) What is your favorite character in 'Harry Potter'? Snape.

47) 'Lord Of The Rings'? I never got into that.

48)'Grease'? I didn’t have a particular favorite.

49) Have you ever seen 'Life Is Beautiful'? Nope.

50) What about 'Monsters Inc.'? Yes.

51) Do you like Scooby Doo? Yeah. I liked it growing up. It’s a nostalgic thing for me.

52) Describe your perfect place to live (imaginary or not): A beautiful beach home with my own private beach area.

53) Does your back hurt? Of course.

54) Do you collect anything? If so, what? Giraffe stuffed animals and knickknacks, keychains, Baby Yoda/Grogu stuff...

55) Have you ever been to camp? Which camp? I’ve been to science camp and Girl Scout camp.

56) Do you have a car? If yes, do you call it anything? If so what? No, I don’t drive.

57) If you don't have a car, would you name it? If so, what? I don’t think I would, but who knows.

58 ) What is your perfect car? *shrug* A nice, functioning one?

59) What family member are you closest to? My mom and younger brother.

60) What family member do you wish you were closer to? I miss being close with my cousins like I used to be.

61) Do you consider pets as family? They are family.

62) Do you look at a calendar daily? No. 63) What is your least favorite holiday? Valentine’s Day has just been another day for me, so.

64) Make up your own quote: No.

64) Do you like getting air-mail? I don’t think that’s a thing anymore and hasn’t been for quite a long time?

65) Would you ever go on a cruise? No.

66) How many phones do you have in your home? 6 working ones that are currently used and who knows how many old cell phones my family and I still have.

67) Do you own or wear a watch? Nope.

68) Do you wear any jewelry? I haven’t in awhile.

69) Where do you wish you were right now? I’m good with being at home.

70) With whom? My parents, brother, and doggo are here.

71) Doing what? I’m enjoying doing this and listening to an ASMR video at the moment.

72) Have you ever had a sepia photo taken of you?: Yes.

73) What is your least favorite WB movie? I don’t feel like thinking about which movies are WB movies or looking them up. 74) Do you own any hats? Is yes, what kinds? Yeah, beanies and baseball style caps.

75) Do you own anything that is older than you? Yes.

76) How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Never enough, but last night I think I really only got 2-3 hours. 77) Have you ever seen snow? Yes. 78 ) Have you ever won a ribbon? Yes.

79) Do you save old birthday/Christmas/whatever cards given to you? I do.

80) How many clocks are in your home? I don’t feel like thinking about that either right now.

81) Ever been to Disneyland? …or Disneyworld? I’ve been to Disneyland several times, but not to Disney World so far.

82) Ever been to Universal Studios? Yeah, back when I was 7. I’d like to go now and see the Harry Potter stuff.

83) Ever seen the cockpit of an airplane? No.

84) Ever made a movie? My cousins and I did stuff like that when we were younger, my friend and I did that once for fun, and there was one I made for a class project.

85) Geometry or Algebra? Ew, math. We don’t get along.

86) Poems or short stories? Short stories.

87) AIM or MSN? I was an AIM girl back in the day.

88) MSN or Yahoo? I used Yahoo Messenger sometimes back in the day, too. I currently still use Yahoo for my email.

89) AIM or Yahoo? AIM.

90) Windows or MAC? MAC.

91) What is your least favorite number? I don’t have a least favorite, but my favorite is 8.

92) What was the last thing you said? “Oh wow.”

93) What are you sitting on? My chair.

94) Have you been outside today? Nope. It’s 1:48 in the morning, but I don’t have plans to go out at all later on either.

95) What have you done today? So far, just scrolled through Tumblr, listened to ASMR, and did surveys. I’m going to make my nightly bowl of ramen after this. 96) Do you like apple or orange juice? Ew, neither. I’m not a juice fan.

97) Do you like cats or dogs more? Dogs.

98) What is your most favorite reptile? Uh, none. I’m a scardy cat.

99) Would you rather fish or hunt? Fish out of the two, but I don’t have any interest doing that either.

100) Are you sleepy? Of course I am.

Time Ended: 1:50AM.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #100 questions

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godlyborn · 3 years

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start over. / keaton & rory.

date: february 6, 2021 characters: keaton arkwright & rory mikaelsohn summary: keaton and rory talk about everything that’s happened.

Keaton went out for a walk to clear his head of the things that he had been thinking about. Lately he had been talking with his therapist about talking to Rory, mostly apologizing to her, but also talking and re-inviting that part of him back into his life. Keaton was apprehensive about it because he knew Rory had also been through a lot and he didn't want to bring it all back if it was too soon for her. Keaton had been working a lot on doing things for himself and for others, and finding a healthy balance between the two.

With Rory this was hard. He cared so much about Rory, that he was terrified to hurt her anymore than he already had. He just had to take that push. He lowered himself on the ground, at the forrest's edge that was close to the lake, so he was facing the lake. That's when Keaton finally pulled out her number after months and sent a text:

Hey, can we talk? It's okay if you can't. If you want to, I'm in the forrest, near the lake.

All he had to do now, is wait.

Having the day off of work allowed Rory to spend her day wandering the woods, sorting through some thoughts and feelings. Between getting used to a new job, her therapy sessions, the reappearance of multiple Hades children, and Bailey leaving for an unknown period of time - she found her brain unsure of how to handle everything happening. Her best self therapy? Lounging in a tree branch with her eyes closed, taking in the sun on her face and the wind blowing through her hair to ignore the world for just a little while.

Her sense of peace was broken up by her phone vibrating in her pocket, though it took her a minute to find the strength to reach in to grab it. She felt her breath catch in her throat when she saw who it was texting her. She hadn’t heard from Keaton since their mutual breakup, and she found herself nervous to actually see him again for the first time in months. Sure, she knew this conversation had to happen at some point in time, but she still found herself hoping she had more time to get her thoughts in order.

Though, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that having more time wouldn’t solve anything. She wouldn’t magically come up with anything else to say. So letting out a small sigh to try and gather some courage, she replied.

Sure. I’ll be there in a few minutes.

Swinging herself out of the tree and back onto the forest floor, she made the short journey from her spot in the forest to where Keaton said he was waiting. Once she arrived, she saw him sitting where he said he would be, and felt her stomach flip a bit. At the same time, the winds churned erratically around her, the breeze making its way over towards the lake more steps she took in his direction.

When the wind came, Keaton's own stomach did a flip. He knew that wind came before his ex-girlfriend. Keaton watched her step into view. Keaton felt his heart pound in his chest, he didn't think he'd be this nervous. Actually seeing her, made him more nervous than thinking about it.

In front of him, laying on his lap was Sheep. When he felt Keaton turn, Sheep perked up, looking around Keaton curiously, before happily running toward Rory. Keaton let himself smile at her as she stepped closer.

Seeing Keaton turn, she internally cringed at the winds giving her away, silently cursing her power for not cooperating with her for once in her life. Rory gave him a small, nervous smile as their eyes met, but her attention was quickly pulled away from him at the movement she saw in front of him.

Seeing Sheep perk up and immediate charge at her, caused a mix of a laugh and a sob to fall out of her as she dropped to her knees before the dog. “Sheepy!” Her arms came out just in time to wrap them around him, a laugh making it’s way out of her as he immediately started attacking her with kisses. “Hi baby boy, I missed you!” After another few minutes, Sheep happily laid himself on her lap, and she finally looked back up at Keaton, her bright smile turning back into its earlier, nervous state. “Hi.”

Keaton grinned even more watching Sheep with Rory, it felt somewhat nostalgic. It gave Keaton hope that maybe one day they could get to be normal, or at least somewhat normal, no matter what their relationship was. Keaton wasn't going into this thinking they might get back together, he still wasn't even sure if he was ready for that, and the two of them definitely changed over the past few months.

When Rory looked back up at him, he locked eyes with her. "Hi," he replied, not really knowing what else to say. A silence fell upon the two for a moment. "I'm sorry if I dragged you away from anything."

"Oh no, you didn't. Don't worry." She shook her head to emphasis the fact, her hands busying themselves with petting Sheep as he stretched out on her lap. "I was already out here, so it was actually kinda great timing? You know how I am with trees, so." Rory shrugged, also at a loss of what to say. The silence dragged on once again. "So...how've you been?"

Keaton nodded in response to her trees statement. He nodded agin when she asked him how he's been. "Good," he replied, and for once in a long while, he actually meant that, but then he followed it up with, "Honestly." He knew that Rory knew he sometimes lied when he said stuff like that. He wanted to make sure that she knew, he was telling the truth this time. "And you?"

Her head tilted just a bit at his immediate answer, knowing that he was always quick to brush off his own feelings. However, she found herself believing him when he followed it up. She wasn't sure what exactly it was, but he looked better than the last time she had really talked to him. Her smile turned a little warmer as she came to that realization. "Yeah, I can see that. You look good, Keaton." Her shoulders shrugged again at his return question. "I'm doing pretty good. I finally got out of the diner - though Mikey and Ellie almost killed me for it." She joked.

Keaton nodded, "Yeah I uh, a lot has happened since we last talked," he replied to her. He tilted his head slightly though, taking in the blonde hair and the cut. "For honest though? I'm not saying that it's bad or anything, the blonde looks beautiful, and you are totally not at all me, I just, last time one of us dyed our hair blonde, well to be honest, I was really spiralling then."

When he mentioned it, Rory’s hand flew up to her new hair, resting on the ends of her now short style. A frown grew on her face slightly as he continued talking, only the tiniest bit annoyed that he thought this was her losing her mind. It was fair though, considering their past, so the frown fell away quickly as she nodded. “Thanks, but honest, I’m good. This was all Abel.” She said, as if that explained everything. To her it did. “I’m still getting used to the length but I really like it.” Sheep looked up at her when her hand was away from him for too long, and she smiled down at him before going back to petting, looking back up at Keaton. “I promise this isn’t me spiraling though.”

Keaton nodded, feeling relief that she was really okay. If he was being honest, it was really hard not being there for her and not knowing if she was okay. “Okay, I believe you, I just wanted to make sure,” he replied. “It really does look great, you look great Rory.” He let out a soft sigh, shifting slightly, his hand absentmindedly going to pet the part of Sheep closest to him. Sheep looked at him and rolled over so that he was in between the two, in order to get pet by both of them. “I’m uh, really glad you and Abel are getting along again. Honest truth, promise.”

"Thank you, I honestly feel great." Keaton sliding closer made Rory's body freeze for a second, though she wasn't sure why. Instead of trying to figure it out, she focused back on Sheep, letting out a little laugh at his attempts to reach the both of them at once, giving him a small boop on the nose as Keaton spoke. The responding smile was small, almost guilty looking at the mention of Abel. She had a lost of remorse for everything that happened the night of their argument, especially for everything they both said about both Sean and Abel. "Thanks, it's...crazy how familiar it is, yet totally different. If that even makes any sense." She let out a small sigh, feeling the words bubbling under her skin and barely fought to keep them back. "Look, I know I said it a million times before, but I am really sorry. For everything."

“Rory, you,” Keaton started. He wanted to say that she had nothing to be sorry for, but the thought of her bringing up Sean in their fight, it hurt him. “It’s okay now,” he said truthfully. “You don’t need to keep apologizing to me about it. We both said things we weren’t exactly proud of. I know you’re sorry, it’s truly okay. I should really be apologizing to you.”

Rory shook her head, sitting up straighter. "No, stop just-" She let out a huff, trying to get her head in the right order. "Just let me say this. I'm not just sorry for the fight - though that's a major part of it, I was a fucking bitch. But, I'm sorry for everything since I got back from that quest. I was barely a person, let alone a halfway decent girlfriend." Her eyes moved away from him, focusing back on the dog as the words continued to spill out of her. "I was so determined to pretend that I was okay, so that people wouldn't worry about me, but I was a fucking wreck inside, and I know that you saw that, but I still just...kept it from you, I don't know." Her eyes now tilted up, willing away the shine that was now over her eyes. "I guess I'm just sorry that I put you through all of that."

Keaton sighed slightly. “Rory, you put me through that for like two months. I put you through that for five years,” he said. “You do not have to apologize for losing it. Everyone loses it eventually, it’s just a matter of when.” Keaton looked away from her for a moment, working up the courage to speak about what was on his mind. “I think I got so protective because I knew you were hurting and there was nothing I could do to help you because I couldn’t even help myself. I didn’t know what to do. You were the one who was always strong for me, and when I needed to be that person for you, I didn’t know how to be? I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard when I knew you weren’t ready. When I saw you go through this, I was scared honestly, I was scared that you were going to ignore it for so long and end up like I did. I want that for no one, especially not for you.”

Keaton shifted. “I don’t, I don’t know if Mikey told you, but over the summer when I left camp, I uh, had myself committed to this mental health facility. I’m not ashamed of that, really.” Keaton looked at her again. “I learned a lot this about coping and myself... and our past.” He sighed slightly. “What I’m trying to say is, you deserve a break for it, because losing it and putting me through it, it’s not weakness and it’s not bad, it’s just life. It sucks and it’s messy, but no one can even blame you for that. I admit, it definitely could’ve been handled a lot better on both our parts, but what matters is that you’re not losing it anymore.”

Rory wanted to speak up and defend him against himself, but the words wouldn't come out. Cause honestly? She couldn't fight the truth in them. She wasn't sure what she needed when she in the thick of her mental issues and breakdown, but everything that Keaton did to help only made her feel more overwhelmed. So she just stayed silent, letting him rant just as he did for her, looking back down at the dog in her lap when he talked about not wanting her to end up like him. She hated that found herself agreeing to it.

As he continued, her head flashed back up, eyes furrowed in confusion at the mentioning of a health facility. "No...Mikey didn't say anything to me." Probably because she spent a chunk of time not talking to Mikey much at all, but that wasn't the point. Acting on instinct, she reached around the german, resting her hand lightly on top of his. "I'm proud of you, though. A few years ago I never thought I'd be hearing you say this. That took a lot of strength, Keat. Everything's still a bit messy, but we're working on it, on ourselves, so I think it's steps in the right direction."

Keaton nodded in agreement with Rory. "I really am sorry for how I tried to go about everything, you deserved so much more than that, and I really understand and see that now. I'm sorry I didn't really get it before," he told her. Silence fell between the two for a moment, Keaton looked at her hand on his. He wanted to move his, but he honestly missed it. Though, he wasn't going to think too much of it.

"Would we just be able to start over? I mean, we wouldn't erase the years between us, obviously. Honestly, I don't think we could. More of like, start new? We've changed a lot over the last year, so it's not like we can just start from where we left off." Keaton looked at her again. "I would really like if we could start as friends again, honestly I've really missed being able to talk to my best friend. Without all the war, and the pain, and everything. Like actually be friends. That's if you're comfortable with that. If you're not, that's totally okay too, I'll understand if you're not."

A small, sad smile appeared on her face. "I think we both did. I'm sorry too." As the silence dragged on, Rory pulled her hand away, moving it to brush some hair out of her hair before returning it to lay gently against Sheep. She turned her head to look out at the lake, feeling a breeze of calm wash over her despite the conversation currently happening.

Keaton's next words cause a smile to grow on her face, not a full one, but it was a smile none the less. She thought back on their friendship before the war, at how happy they were and how well they fit together as friends. She did find herself missing that version of them, or at least the idea of those two people. "Yeah, I think i'd like that. It won't be easy, though I think both of us already knew that." She turned her head to look back at Keaton. "But I'm definitely willing to try."

Keaton nodded. "I think we both recognize that we need like just to be friends for a while, so it's worth a shot. I'm told I need to be a kid for once, rather than feeling like I need to take everything on," he shrugged as if it was like no big deal, but it was really something he struggled with, is struggling with. "If you're down, it would be really cool to do some things that we've never done as friends, like stupid teenager shit."

Nodding along to his words, Rory couldn't help but smiling a little bit as she joked. "You definitely do, I was always the more childish one between us." Loosening up would do wonders for Keaton, she had always thought that, and was glad to hear the same idea come from his own mouth this time around. "Yeah, sure thing. Just uh, you can text me whenever you have an idea."

Keaton nodded at Rory in response, a smile growing on his own face. "Will do."

#d:keaton #discord #d:keatonrory #keaton #keatonrory

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etoutd2511 · 2 years

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Blog 4

What is the greatest song of all time? This is a question that I have always wondered about, but I have been contemplating it especially this past week. I was driving home from skiing at Loch Lomond with my friend and we started talking about what makes some songs special. Music has a magical ability to paint a picture in your mind that doesn't exist in real life. Music has nostalgic power to instantly bring you back to a moment in your life from the opening notes of a song. Finally music evokes powerful emotions. The special and best songs in music achieve all three of these things.

To answer the question of what is the greatest song of all time, I am going to cheat and just focus on music that is relevant to today's human population in western culture. The first job is to determine the genre of this song. The most popular music in the world is pop music. The band is next. The best pop group in the world has to be the Beatles. They are popular across all generations which cannot be said for a lot of groups. Their melodies are timeless and continue to inspire many other bands. Finally their numbers speak for themselves: Over 1 billion records sold, the most number one albums in British album charts, and they hold 16 of the top 100 most successful songs of all time. This all means that the best song of all time is a Beatles song, and that song is, A Day In The Life.

I must admit my bias, A Day In The Life is my personal favorite song so that is why I think it’s The Beatles best. Going back to what me and my friend decided to be the three elements of the best songs, A Day In The Life hits all the stops for me. When listening to the song it tells a story. It's like watching a movie in your head and I've seen the same movie my whole life listening to this song. I can imagine the man running late for work and reading the news. I first listened to this song when I was traveling with my family in Quebec when I was a little kid. I am transported back to looking out of the car window staring at the city of Magog every time this song appears on my Spotify shuffle. The change in pace and melody in the song brings out multiple emotions in me. The opening lyrics and pace are slower and sad causing me to feel a little sad. At around 2 minutes and 20 seconds, the pace is increased and the lyrics describe a man running late for work. This makes me appreciate the small things in life like my morning commute. And Finally, At the 3 minute mark, an orchestra joins the song which creates an overwhelming and beautiful sound making me happy. A Day In The Life is on the album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band which was released 1967. It is the greatest song ever.

In my time at Lakehead I have found that reccers generally have great taste and appreciation for music. If you respond to this blog post please let me know what you think the greatest song is. I’m sure it's a banger and I’d love to add it to my playlists.

Reference:

Lee, P. (2021, May 28). 25 reasons the Beatles are the greatest band ever. Hooks and Harmony. Retrieved February 7, 2022, from https://hooksandharmony.com/20-reasons-beatles-greatest-ever/

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jazminconfessionals · 2 years

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January 2, 2022.

Sunday

12:48 pm

Happy New Year my love! 🥳

I am super excited for this year because we get another year or another chance to apply the lessons we learned from 2021. Speaking of which, I went down memory lane today. I was searching for the first ever DM I sent you from instagram. It got very nostalgic quick because as I was scrolling up through our first interaction ever, I was re-reading and re-listening to some of our conversations. Babe, we were so cute! Don’t get me wrong, we still are, but I enjoyed our honeymoon stage. 😍 That feeling of young/fresh love, I still remember how it felt like to me. Is it weird that I knew exactly where I was or what I was doing when I was re-living our conversations. I can remember it as clear as day. Anyway, I was trying to remember the first time I slid into your DMs. I know it was in early January of 2021, but I couldn’t recall the exact date until now. It was January 6, 2021 when I first replied to you. You posted a story of you deadlifting (you have been using a hex bar if my memory serves me right). Wait, or maybe it was something motivational. I think you erased my first reply to you. The point is, it has almost been one whole year since I slid into your DM’s babe! Who would’ve thought that it would’ve been the start of something beautiful? I surely didn’t. The second time I replied to you was on January 25, 2021 when you posted a volunteer job for your Amazon business. Isn’t that ironic? One year later, you’re restarting your Amazon business and I get the privilege to witness you thrive from scratch. I believe in you. I believe that you will thrive faster than you did last year because you’re not really starting from scratch, but from experience. And you love the process. It’s exciting to be able to witness it because you love what you do.

I know it’ll sound silly because we’re only on day 2 of 2022. But. I can’t wait til I write about you on January 2023. Because you’re wearing a lot of hats this year. From Amazon, to your three tik toks, two youtube channels, one instagram, and your Dad’s business. You’re gonna be kicking ass! You got this! 🫂❤️‍🔥

Omg you know what I also just realized? We are actually on our month 9 together, not 10 months 🤣. I was updating my planner today and putting stickers on the 29th of each month to serve as a reminder that it’s our anniversary. But. I thought that this month will be our 11 months and next month (February) will be our one year. 🧐 I was like, WAIT A MINUTE! Regardless, 9 months together is still a long time. That’s how long a baby is inside their momma’s womb.

I miss you. A LOT.

I love you. A LOT.

Just know that whenever the next time we see each other (whenever that may be), I will savor every second with you. For now, I can wait. And I can be patient. Because I don’t want anyone else but you. Okay? 😘

xoxo

your novia

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norvicfiddler · 3 years

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My COVID binge watches

I thought people might be interested what else I’ve been watching during the pandemic, so I made a list (no I didn’t, of course nobody’s interested, I just wanted to make a list, because I’m one of those people). It’s quite long (that’s what she said).

2020

Succession Season 1: 20 Feb - 13 March (kicked off with a damn good show about awful people being awful.)

Bojack Horseman, up to S5E6: 25 Feb - 9 March (I got as far as ‘Free Churro’ and decided I was now pretty depressed and needed to watch something funny!)

The Good Place: 27 March - 1 April (so I watched this and cheered up)

Parks & Recreation: 2 - 13 April (sticking with Shure)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine, up to S2E6: 14 - 21 April (bit Shure’d out, took a break)

Monk

Monk (again) (yeah, just the whole thing twice in a row)

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Bojack Horseman: 9 - 17 June (having been un-depressed by non-stop feel good shows since March, and better weather, went right back to the beginning of BH and completed it in 9 days. It was really bloody good.)

Veronica Mars: 18 June - 6 July

Dark: 6 - 12 July (I think I understood it. Mostly. With the help of a little relationships chart.)

Giri/Haji: 14 - 19 July

Person of Interest: 19 July - 11 August (MY FIRST SIGHT OF MEMERSON. I fall in love a bit.)

Lost: 11 - 27 August (I fall in love a lot.)

Person of Interest: 25 August - 19 September (I’m completely gone by this point.)

Lost: 15 September - 3 October (still)

Evil Season 1: 4 - 6 October (oh God)

Person of Interest: 7 - 26 October (minus the last 4 episodes!)

Of course, from this point on, I’m pretty much constantly watching and re-watching PoI episodes for screen-capping purposes. This daily dose of Memerson allows me to attempt watching some shows that he’s not in!

Succession Season 2: 26 - 29 October

What We Do in the Shadows: 29 - 31 October (Seasonal! And fun.)

The Name of the Rose: 8 - 10 November (yeah, the non-Memerson show thing lasted a long time.)

Truth Seekers (I enjoyed this. It was unexpectedly dark. Shame they’ve cancelled it.)

Halt and Catch Fire: 15 - 24 November (I thought this was very good, and nostalgic. Because I’m old. Sigh.)

The Terror Season 1: 25 - 28 November (yes Tumblr, it was great. And horrible.)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: 28 November - 13 December (picked up where I left off.)

Stargate SG-1: 13 December - 24 February 2021 (up to a certain point, being the point I stopped watching it 20 years ago, that point being the end of Season 5 where I lost interest for some reason, this was a re-watch. Pushed all the way to the end this time though.)

2021

Red Dwarf: 24 February - 8 March (Red Dwarf I-VI is one of my 5 all time favourite Sci-Fi shows. VII & VIII, post-Rob Grant, intermittent Rimmer, were, not great. IX was dreadful (seriously, don't bother). X onwards, the 'Dave' years, I'd never seen. They're not bad actually.)

I seem to have decided this year to do a lot of catching up, and pointing at things that are (and have been for many years) memes going ‘ooo, that’s where it’s from!’ Pretty much just sopping up what Amazon throws at me for nowt at this point.

The Office US (yes, I really watched all the other Shures first.)

South Park (apparently I never saw much South Park after about 2002, so there was plenty of catching up to do here. Played through both the RPGs too, which had been in my backlog for years. Accomplishment!)

Futurama

Black Books (very random blast from the past, this one. First series is the funniest.)

Archer

The Grand Tour (this is what I am watching and enjoying a lot right now!)

I think, as you can see from my more recent watches, my brain’s kind of given up now, and I really just want something amusing on while I stare at Tumblr on my phone and drink beer!

There’s also Bosch and Vikings that I’ve watched in fits and starts throughout but haven’t finished yet. And weekly shows like The Mandalorian and WandaVision, but I didn’t count those as they weren’t binged.

* some shows I don’t have dates for, because Amazon tracks everything except what I’ve watched on their platform, apparently. Month names are in full to save Americans from date order confusion.

#self #television

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enbyboiwonder · 3 years

Audio

Translation of 桜晴 [sakurabare | Fine Sakura Weather*] by 優里. If you see any mistakes, please feel free to correct me!

*Note on the translation: I couldn’t find a definition for 桜晴, and the closest word I could find to it was 秋晴 [akibare | fine autumnal weather], so that’s the impression I got from it: sakura petals gently falling on a fine spring day.

Additional note: the album cover is in the form of a graduation certificate that says, “Proof that you have listened to Sakurabare,” dated February 19 of Reiwa 3 (2021 C.E.) and stamped with Yuuri’s name.

窓に洗濯物が揺れる Laundry sways outside the window どこか懐かしい午後は This afternoon feels kind of nostalgic 母の声が聞こえそうで And I can almost hear my mother’s voice 胸がいつもより狭くなる My chest grows tighter than usual

桜のはなびら　散るあの高架下 Sakura petals were scattered beneath the overpass 父の背中を追いかけていた While I chased after my father’s back

今日は Today うまく笑えない　悲しくないのに I can’t laugh very well, even though I’m not sad 父と母の面影浮かぶ The image of my mother and father come to mind 僕の背中を押した　桜晴 The fine sakura weather gently encourages me 涙が溢れそうになるのは何故 So why am I about to be overcome with tears?

スーパーの買い物袋の The sounds of the supermarket shopping bags 音とただいまの声に And of the voice saying “Thank you” when I get home いつもと違うありがとうが That’s different than I’m used to 胸にそっと溢れてくる Gently overflow in my chest

どんな時も　育ててくれた貴方と Any time that I can’t speak my heart with you, the ones who raised me 心無き声にくじけた夜 Turns into a disappointing night

今日は Today うまく笑えない　悲しくないのに I can’t laugh very well, even though I’m not sad 突き刺すような言葉さえも Even with the stinging words 僕の背中を押した　桜晴 The gentle sakura weather encourages me 足を踏み出せるんだ　そう思うよ I think I can move my feet forward

同じ歌を　口ずさめば If I hum that same song きっと何かわかる I’ll surely understand something 憎しみとか苦しいこと Whether hatred or pain 今はただ忘れて I’ll just forget it now

今日は Today うまく笑えない　そのままでいいよ I can’t laugh very well, but it’s fine just like this 言葉を胸に行く　桜晴 The words reach my heart on the fine sakura rain 今はさよなら　またねでいいかな Goodbye for now—is it all right to see you again? どんなに遠くなっても No matter how far apart we are 忘れたくない I don’t want to forget you

#yuuri #music #mine #ebw.translation #i love this song so much #particularly the two sets of lines about voices i don't know if i got right #please please do correct me if you recognize any mistakes

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settledthingsstrange · 3 years

Quote

I had an email exchange with Robert Macfarlane a few years ago in which he said something very like this – that nostalgia is a radical instinct if it is about revolutionary change to something better in the past. I think I am radically nostalgic in that way, I think modern life is rubbish in loads of ways. I think we are going in the wrong direction in many areas of human life, and an awareness of how we have departed from more sensible ideas or more sustainable systems or values in the past seems to me to be a good thing. I think such nostalgia needs tempering with some critical awareness of the limits and flaws of the past, and with an open mindedness about how a mixture of the best of the old and the best of the new might combine, but I am not enamoured with ‘disruption’ or ‘innovation’ or ‘newness’ as general principles, we have spent too much time letting economists tell us what matters. I admire the Luddites, and so should you if you know what they really were, and what they were up against.

English shepherd and writer James Rebanks, interview at The Pen and the Plough, February 2021

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wcoastboy · 3 years

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emptiness, lockdown and a broken heart

so I am one of these kids who idealize love (a lot), I mean I am a cancer for god’s sake and most of my chart is water sings - overwhelmingly similar to lana del rey’s I might add, perhaps that’s why I am very affected by anythings she produces? - and I feel a lot. I always think of some aspects, (physical, cultural, emotional) and some traits that I’d love for a future husband to have. I am very traditional in that sense - I suppose oddly so for someone in the lgbtq community - but as troye sivan’s music says, I really do see a “little house on the hill and children's names,” and I feel like even though lust is my one main cardinal sin (for life, for beauty, for wealth, for happiness, for beautiful young guys, for wine, for good food, and everything pretty, shiny and decadent), I am so very relationship oriented.

since my first boyfriend, which was 6 years ago, I never really felt strong romantic feelings towards anyone, in mid 2019 and even more so in 2020 during lockdown I started thinking that I had gone numb, I only lusted for pleasure, and yes I did want to connect with someone but it became very hard, especially because I had set some standards to a good and happy relationship which I suppose are not easily met. since that time in 2019 I would be complaning to my friends that I wanted a boyfriend and how annoyed I was by not finding anyone, was I reaching for the stars? in september 2020 I came back to beirut, for the summer semester and for a moment I was so very happy, still longing for a company who could adore me and be devout to loving me, but I had managed to be accepted into a double major program (a little harder than just one), got my first real job with something I love doing (related to restoration and preservation of national heritage/art/architecture), and paid fairly ok, I also was getting to learn much more arabic and going around nostalgic ancient ruins, ashtonishly beautiful mediterranean beaches, medieval churches and getting high with my friends watching he city lights of beirut skyline dancing in my eyes.

everythiNg seemed fIne, But I did keep complAining about not finding him. so my friend toLd me “stop looking, he’ll appear.” and though shallow advices bother me, I decided to wat. not a week after, on october 31st 2020, a halLOween night, I was with another friend on a call and a guy messages me on instragram, telling me my pictures were really pretty. one hour into the conVErsation he asked if he could see me, not to go anywhere or do anYthing, just see me. I then tOld him he was welcomed into my apartment, and half an hour later he was here, I opened the door to a gorgeoUs, blonde and blue eyes gemini, whose body was so pretty it made me a bit shy. (please keep in mind that where I live at the time, cases were very low, the country had dealt well with the pandemic until that point) and for 3 hours we talked, we discussed a myriad of personal philosophies (and btw, this is NOT how it works in the gay world), ranging from religion, academia, future plans, family, sexuality, and then yes, we kissed, and he had the most amazing kisses, so sweet-tasting, so tender, so passionate.

in that day, a day I was feeling so alone (no halloween parties in lockdown..), I was so fulfilled. I learned he is a successfull architect, family oriented, passionate lover, I wasnt, however, in love with him, I still thought of myself as someone looking for love, but eventually he managed to make me fall in love with him. he’d wake up earlier than me to send me good mornings and he’d go back to sleep, he’d write me poems, come at any point that I’d mentioned I missed him, bring me gifts, spoil me with love, car rides and favors, he poured his heart unto me. I was a bit scared tho, so I asked us to go slower, he didnt take it well at first but he agreed, we had this conversation three times, he would insist in buying gifts like gucci shoes or weekends in expesive skiing resorts - which I refused.

the day we had this conversation for the first time was a m a z i n g at the beginning, I went to a brunch with my architect boss and my work colleagues, collected my salary, went to the gym, came home, got some feedback on university papers (all very positive 90+ papers, which made me very happy as it showed me how capable I am in academia), and my date had invited me for dinner in a restaurant of my choice. I chose a small, traditional Italian restaurant up in the mountains from beirut (a lovely place), which he promtly made a reservation, and I went to get ready. at which point I called one of my best friends, and I just had this epiphany of feeling like a real adult in the first time in 20 years of my life. I truly did feel like I could conquer all? I was doing well at my job, even better at university, getting paid, professors enjoyed my company and invited me for talks, I was handling not one but two programs, I was in a good place with all my friends, I was in a steady pace gym-wise, I hard learned a lot about me and parts of my origin that semester too, I was falling in love with the middle east, and I had my man. a strong, well dressed, awfully good looking blondie who adored me and came to pick me up two hours later smelling so good with his cool sportscar. I felt very fulfilled, I was in awe that in 2020, a year that I had lost my grandfather and so many had perished was ending overwhelmingly well for me - until later that day.

after the restaurant - and the amazing food - we went around in the car, we made out and more, and eventually we had the third conversation, in which I still was not ready for full commitment (allow me to explain that me, a cancer, when engaging in a stable relationship will be very, very committed, and I couldnt jump in headstrong - as I had done before - within just a month), and simply like that, he dismissed me, left me, took me home and never saw me again. I talked to him the day after in which I told him it was unfair how he made me fall for him and he just leaves me at once. I became very numb, he did keep calling me and messaging me for a month after, asking how I felt and my plans for the winter holidays, asking me for a cooking hangout and whatnot. I was numb, I didnt fight for him or anything. I wish I had. because a month later I was in pain, heartbroken, struggling, hurting, and at that point he seemed to have healed from me, I tried patching things back but its not really working, and at this point, its preopably gonna stay like that.

the worst part is that I truly had become his friend? so I went through grieving in two different perspectives, the loss of a lover and the loss of a friend.

cut to february 2021, now the pandemic has worsened to some extent and I am under absolute lockdown, I am not emplyed as the work was short term, I can’t see my friends or go around exploring the scenery, there’s not gym and I lost a couple family memebers due to covid19 and cancer.

I used to deal pretty well with the lockdown, I am kept to myself, a few books and my mackbook go a long way, I can spend days in reclusion. I am also a pretty ok student and now....now nothing. I am hating this lockdown and it truly pains me to see that there are *weeks* left of it, I am not being able to focus as I usually do, I am not even very communicative these days (and I talk too much), its been very heard being heartbroken in a tiny apartment with me and me only, I’ve resorted to several activies so far but nothing seems really effective to be honest. I fear that he is really over me, and he is not even in the country as of now. everything seems so empty, I am not hurting as much as I was a few days ago, the weeks from january 17th to february 3rd were hell for me, now I suppose I can find some joy but the only thing i’d love to right now is lying my head in his chest.

the one good thing that came from all of this was the fact that because I was so sad, when I got the news that my uncle had died I got so, so sensitive that I ended up falling apart on the phone with my aunt and my sister, whose reaction to my story with him were unecpectedly sweet, both of them now are pretty open and understanding of my sexuality and I was very, very relived to open up to memebers of my family, my kin, my blood. (up until that point I had opened up only to friends).

and I suppose that now I know that I hadnt gone cold from love, it was just that I hadnt find the one. hopefully I’ll heal faster than my first break up, but it does pain me a lot, because you know these standards I had mentioned earlier? he fit very well in the majority of them.

#love #heartbreak #2021 #pandemic #upload #journal entry #lockdown #nostalgia

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