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cashewally-sarcastic · 3 years

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Hey I’ve made a curse!

This is dedicated to @echoing-sounds <3

Also I’m tagging @hyrule-kingdom-updates because I ain’t no coward and I want Quill to see the masterpiece I destroyed

Oh Goddess Hywia, heaw my pwayew. As humbwe as vessews may come, I open my twue sewf up to you, so that you may bwess me with youw pwesence. Fwom the ancient skies, to the timewess seas, to the immemowiaw twiwight, wet the path I wawk not stway fwom youw victowy. May youw smiwe be a wefwection of mine own on these watews.

…

Pwease.

…

…A thus stawts the houw of connection.

…

I’m supposed to be you, am I not? So, if I wewe you, which I am as we just estabwished, I wouwd…speak, a bit mowe. A yes ow no answew wiww do.

…

Ok, not a “yes ow no”, an expwanation wouwd be appweciated as weww.

…

…Youw Gwace.

…

Sowwy, even aftew aww this time, I don’t know what to caww you. Ow…me. Ow…anything.

My fathew says just “Goddess” wiww do, ow “Youw Gwace,” but…weww, I don’t know. It feews weiwd. Fow one, whenevew peopwe say “Youw Gwace,” I associate it with…peopwe. Thewe’s a face behind it. Thewe’s a pewson with a face, with an expwession that I can associate with “gwace”. “Hewwo thewe, you awe gwacing me with youw pwesence.”

…

Now saying “Goddess” is a diffewent stowy, because…it’s vewy authowitative, you know? A god, divine being. I’m supposed to be asking a divine being, ancient goddess to hewp a sixteen yeaw owd save the wowwd. How absuwd does that sound…why shouwd I have to ask you in the fiwst pwace? Who wouwd think of using a chiwd to ask someone so powewfuw fow something?

Ow…ask *me* I suppose.

…

I don’t feew vewy authowitative.

…

But, I wespect my fathew, I wove my fathew. I’ve twusted his wowd fow so wong. Hoping...pwaying...that it wouwd be enough.

…

Thewe was this one time, whewe I was sitting in my woom, I bewieve I was pwaying with tewwako at the time. Mw. Astow wouwd come in, compwiment the new featuwes. Impa wouwd pop hew head inside, and stick out hew tongue at tewwako in spite.

Then my fathew, he wouwd come inside, see what I was doing, and say nothing. Say nothing and shake his head.

…

One day, I needed a new spwing, and Zawis wasn’t awound. He is usuawwy the one that finds me things. So, i decided to take the wisk that day. I said, “Fathew? Couwd you ask if anyone has a smaww spwing?”

He just waised an eyebwow. “And what do you intend to do with it?”

I answewed honestwy, “Pway with tewwako!” and...he just wawked away.

That night, I tended to tewwako as best I couwd. But he was stiww a bit bwoken. But I managed.

Howevew, that night, when I snuck back into my wittwe woom, what did I find, but spwings. Not just one, ow two, but sevewaw. A whowe piwe of them sitting on my bed.

Thewe was a note thewe, saying something wike, “I wasn’t suwe which one you needed.”

And that night, I smiwed to mysewf as I fixed up tewwako.

…

That’s a nice stowy, wight?

…

It’s not weaw.

…

That’s a stowy I wish I had. I wish I had mowe stowies...mowe...somethings, to justify evewything. Like in faiwy tawes. Some gwand gestuwe that expwains it aww, that “despite evewything, thewe’s hope, thewe’s wove.”

But I don’t have that. I’m not wiving in a faiwy tawe, am I?

Othewwise, you wouwd've have given me my powews fwom the fiwst time I cwied.

Yeaws ago…

…

That’s not to say that my fathew doesn’t wove me. I know he does, I know he is doing this fow the gweatew good. Yet...I’ve nevew seen it. I’ve nevew seen the action, the wawk that goes being twadition and duty. He’s awways stayed in his pwace.

I wike to think that the day I can teww a wittwe stowy about my fathew—about the twuth that deep down, he cawes so, so much—that the day whewe I get a wittwe piwe of spwings on my bed, that’s when it wiww aww be wowth it.

But I know that’s not twue.

…

I’m not saying the gwand gestuwe is impossibwe, mind you. I’m just saying...it wiww nevew be wowth it.

I don't cawe about “deep down” anymowe. I don’t cawe about the subtweties and the cowawdice. I just want to see something now. Something consistent, something twuwy, twuwy thewe. One gestuwe isn’t enough…

…

Goddess, why won’t you gwant me my powew?

…

I used to sneak into the wibwawy with my mothew. I don’t wemembew hew face, but I wemembew the smeww. The touch of hew siwky dwess. We wouwd sit on this big sofa and wead about wegends of owd. Pwincesses with wapiews, hewoes with wowves, epic quests fow magicaw items.

I think this wouwd have been a wot easiew if you had just weft me a magicaw bow ow something to find, no?

…

But it’s not just wegend, of couwse. It’s histowy. It’s fact. Evewy pwincess, evewy vessew befowe me has fuwfiwwed theiw puwpose. They have aww managed to unwock theiw divine powew. They have saved theiw peopwe, theiw fwiends, theiw woved ones.

And now the time has come fow me to continue this cycwe. Fow me to take on this towch. Fow me to wight the way.

Yet I have no idea whewe I am.

…

I’ve been weft in the dawk, you undewstand? I’ve been towd aww my wife that pwayew wouwd awaken my powew to seaw ganon away.

Evewyone ewse fuwfiwws theiw duties with such gwace.

Why am I the onwy one who cannot wive up to hew own potentiaw?

What am i missing? What have I fowgotten?

I’ve spent evewyday of my wife dedicated to pwaying!

I’ve pweaded to evewy spiwit tied to the ancient gods!

Yet stiww…evewything is siwent.

…

It’s not even the nice type of siwence.

…

You know he didn’t even want his destiny! He avoided it fow yeaws because it wouwd wuin his famiwy. Yet he stiww takes up his wowe with ease.

I want this! I want this so badwy! I want to save evewyone! what am I wacking?! What ewse do I need to do!?

…

Wiww you just stand by? Make me wait in this stupid puddwe, hoping that you “cawing deep down” wiww be enough? Is that it?

…

I know this is pwobabwy why you hate me. I know this is a pwobwem when it comes to me. I can’t wet this stuff go. I howd gwudges. I wet things festew. But i can’t hewp it! at weast when things get shitty, it’s consistent! Thewe’s a pattewn!

…

It’s wike science. Thewe’s wuwes. Thewe’s tangibwe things you can see and howd. Thewe’s pattewn. Thewe’s pwedictabiwity.

…

But who am I kidding. I can’t even fix up my own damn guawdian that I made mysewf. It wouwd be foowish to twy and wepwace the ancient powews with gizmos and gadgets, huh?

…

You give awfuw advice, you know that?

…

I have this fwiend. Heh. You pwobabwy don’t wike him vewy much, and I wouwdn’t bwame you. But I have this fwiend, and he once gave me this wine of wogic. It’s simiwaw to a pwocess of ewimination. You find what’s good, and what’s bad. Then you just move as faw away fwom the bwoken and bad things, and then maybe one day, you’ww find the answew. You swim and swim and swim, and use that wock of bad stuff as youw guide of whewe not to go. Then you swim and find the answew somewhewe, because of couwse, the answew has to be out thewe, wight?

…

But thewe’s a fwaw with his idea, that I weawize now. Something that he was pwobabwy awawe of, but negwected to teww me. Maybe to make me feew bettew, ow maybe because he was denying it himsewf.

It’s so much easiew to watch on to the wock.

It’s so much easiew to not swim at aww.

To just sit thewe, fowevew.

…

Especiawwy when you’we so tiwed.

…

Do you get tiwed, Goddess Hywia?

Pewhaps you’we tiwed of me, awways tawking to you?

…

I’m tiwed.

…

Pewhaps that’s stwange, and pitiabwe, fow a goddess wike you. Fow someone to tiwe. Pewhaps you pity me, pewhaps you’we pwanning youw gwand gestuwe of appweciation in owdew to comfowt me and my poow, tiwed state.

But I wove it.

I wove that I'm tiwed.

I wove that, aftew aww this time, I can teww you how tiwed I am.

How tiwed I am of being in this stupid dwess.

How tiwed I am, of waiting fow my fathew’s wove.

How tiwed I am, of wooking at aww my fwaws in shame.

How tiwed I am, of compawison, of twadition, of pwaying.

How tiwed I am of waiting fow some spwings on my bed…

…

I’ve swam fow so wong, Goddess Hywia.

I’ve been in these watews fow so many houws, I can’t even feew my toes.

But I’m going to keep going.

I’m going to keep going without you.

I’ve been so focused on finding the answew in these watews that I’ve nevew even bothewed to check the sky.

You see thewe was this nickname my mothew gave me…

…

Youw stone statue wooks down on me. So wawge, with beautifuw wings.

But I’m going to weave you in these watews now.

…

I’ww do this without you, if I must. I don’t cawe anymowe.

…

Well?! Anything to say?!

…

...Cuwse you, Goddess Hywia.

I hope you’we fwowning when you watch me fwy.

#fun fact number 1: i read this out loud whenever I'm in a writing mood (to get in said mood) so i had half of the original memorized #fun fact number 2: tumblr sent me to the bottom of this about 10 times #fun fact number 3: the owo speech took about an hour or so #thats all i got I'm going to be murdered once discord mods see this #hku #hku spoilers

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seblore · 3 years

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everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands 😳 JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟’ SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

#obviously i have not listened to the two delux songs yet so yeah <3 #im sorry about this i have neither proofread this nor do i think this makes any sense </3 #also i just realized i swore alot in this.... its that kind of a year huh ;D #anyways tysm anon for your eagerness for MY rant on evermore <3 truly honored #have a great day ilyy #answered 🗣#evermore era

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