#how ppl respond to other ppl liking certain things .... like girl it's harmless why do u care | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovingtheroyals · 6 years

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Some (or most lol) of Meg's new post-engagement fans are absolute nutters... esp the ones on twitter. Like this one fan got so defensive when this girl replied to KP (when they posted the bridesmaids and paige boys) that G&C were gonna be the stars of the wedding 😂 the fan was like "H&M are gonna be the stars of the wedding not G&C etc" like damn chill it was a harmless comment 🤦 not everything is an attack on Meghan (&Harry) lmao

previous post cont'd... Meg's new fans need to CALM THE FCK DOWN and stop coming at random ass strangers for having an opinion... like sorrrry, not everyone is cray cray about Meghan and Harry like you 😂 some might like G&C more and might watch the wedding for them and that's perfectly acceptable/fine 🤷‍♀️ Ps. I know a few old Meg fans (from her Suits days) and they are so lovely. I feel bad for them that these new post-engagement fans are potentially giving all Meg fans a bad rep.

post cont'd... (last one I promise lol) Some advice to the new Meg fans... y'all idolise/look up/follow Meghan, who is classy as hell, so perhaps y'all should take a page out of her book and stay classy... that means not trashing Kate, Will, etc. because I'm sure she'd LOVE y'all talking shit about her sis and bro in law (NOT!!!). But I know the Meg fans on twitter (esp this one group of more than 10 ppl 👀) are prob gonna continue talking trash bc they seem to live for the drama [rolls eyes].

I was actually about to respond to you when your second message came through! I’m glad I waited lol

Honestly, we have been talking for a little while about these Meghan Stans and it’s just stupid and exhausting. Like they really don’t know much and are very threatened by anything that they perceive to be a threat to their fave. The problem with that though is that they are directly insulting their fave when they say things like “G&C shouldn’t be there because they’ll steal the show” (which has been said). Like dude, what does it say about Meghan that you think that she can’t hold the spotlight on her own wedding day? Also, they seem to have no understanding of the function of the monarchy, it’s system/institution, or how it works. They make bold and false statements that have no basis and can actually be quite hurtful and damaging. They make statements about Meghan and Harry being “better” and “finally doing things right” when they don’t even understand the basis of what they’re doing. They claim that state that they’re “changing the game” and “modernizing the royal family” when they don’t even know the history of the game or the royal family and the fact that quite frankly, Harry and Meghan aren’t modernizing or changing much.

I also don’t understand how a grown adult can actually hate on a four (almost five) year old and a three year old. Like what kind of a person does that? They’re precious little angel babies who love police cars and horses and balloons. They just want to be there with their Uncle and their new Auntie and have a good time. Why are you trashing them? These are kids we’re talking about. They just want to love their family and play. That’s it. That’s literally all kids want at their age.

Moreover, they continue to place unnecessary blame on people like William and Catherine and Charles who have nothing to do with certain issues. It’s almost as if everything that is perfect is up to Harry and Meghan, but anything that might be perceived as an issue is immediately someone else. They can’t imagine their faves making a mistake or being anything less than perfect so anything that is must immediately be the fault of someone they choose to hate. They’re not picking on people based on their own odd insecurities and need for self comfort. They’re either projecting their own insecurities onto public figures they don’t know and have never met or are insecure on behalf of these people who likely do not spend any energy or time worrying about the things these people do.

But what they choose to ignore is that Harry and William are brothers, and Catherine is his sister-in-law, and George and Charlotte are his nephew and niece, and Charles is his father. You would have to be blind and deaf to believe that Harry and William are not as close as two brothers could be. They have spoken publicly about how close they are and how much they rely on each other. Then there’s Catherine who Harry and Meghan have both stated was a huge help to them (specifically Meghan) and who they appear to be quite close to. They’re coming for his precious niece and nephew who he clearly loves so much. And then they’re going for his father, a man who has supported and helped and loved Harry through all of his missteps, mistakes, trials, and tribulations. I just... don’t understand how these people can’t see that they’re trashing a person’s family who they love dearly. Meghan wouldn’t want you to do that. Harry wouldn’t want you to do that. They’re just being evil and mean because it makes their little brains comfortable.

And that’s my rant for the day lol

#Anonymous

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motorcyclegirlfriends · 7 years

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google jay smooth "how to tell someone they sound racist." you focused on "they ARE homophobic" and derail the entire conversation bc of it. now the video is focused on strategy to avoid pitfalls with an 'adversary', but i want your takeaway to be YOU are doing this to the internal queer convo too. 'phobic actions vs h'phobe not imp distinction to me, but YOU are making it the most important. just as focused as str8 ppl on labeling the incident instead of fixing problems.

It took me a while to get to this ask, so the context has changed a bit.

I think now, if you’re on tumblr at all, you probably know that Melissa is very actively being called homophobic.

People aren’t just saying “this action was homophobic” but “Melissa Benoist is a homophobe.”

When I initially prepared for this ask (I hadn’t watched the video so I couldn’t respond just yet, but I wrote a couple points and saved it as a draft) people were already saying this, but you might not have seen it.

People were saying it initially, before I had time to even wrap my head around the issue.

So I could have been addressing these comments. I could have been saying “these comments don’t make Melissa homophobic!”

I could have been thus replied to you, “I didn’t derail the conversation to if the cast is homophobic, they did!” or something of the like.

But the truth is, it’s a different matter entirely.

I understand that saying “they’re not homophobic” after a homophobic statement is missing the point, and often shifts the blame from the person who said the homophobic statement to the person who is telling them that they did. They’re ‘attacking their character’.

And you saw me discussing Melissa and Jeremy’s intensions, and perhaps thought I was saying something along the lines of “They’re not homophobic, so they can’t say homophobic things!” or even just, “What, are you saying they’re homophobic???? That’s not true!”

But neither hit the mark.

I already hold the belief that someone can say something mildly homophobic without the “label” of homophobe really applying to them and without them necessarily being bad people.

So I’d probably be making that point if I thought they said something mildly homophobic.

But I don’t think they did.

And I already know that people who have no ill will toward gay people can say and believe homophobic things.

The difference is, my assessment of this situation is that the appearance of the homophobia in the phrase, “They’re not gonna get together, they’re only friends” depends on what the speakers were thinking when they said it.

i.e. There is nothing innate in that phrase or it’s delivery, when separated from intent, that is homophobic.

The first thing you need to realize is that every accusation of homophobia from someone who is gay is not necessarily accurate.

Gay people have a wildly better understanding than straight people of what homophobia is, and should always be trusted and listened to, but every gay person is not always going to be right about this. This is why, within our own community, we’re arguing about this. We, as gay people, do not have an infallible understanding.

So now, let me propose a scenario in which something is interpreted as homophobic, but is not actually homophobic:

Someone walks in on their friend making out with someone of the same gender, and very emphatically exclaims, “gross!”

The gay friend, who hadn’t yet told their friend that they’re gay, reasonably supposes that this is in response to the kissers both being the same gender. It’s not the first time they’ve gotten this reaction to making out with the same gender, and it really just makes them feel like utter shit.

Later, the gay friend confronts their friend for saying that her making out with someone of the same sex is “gross.”

The friend then explains that they weren’t saying it as a response to them being the same gender, but because they see the gay friend like a sibling, and witnessing them making out with someone was gross for that reason.

They’re sorry it stirred up bad feelings in the gay friend (and probably should have realized that they might feel this way in the first place and then controlled their reaction), but they claim that they didn’t actually say anything homophobic.

But a gay person’s feelings were hurt because they’re gay and because of the larger state of society, and ‘people can say homophobic things without intending to’, so it can be confusing to people who are trying to figure out if the instance was, in fact, homophobic.

So if you’re still not convinced, let’s change the friend’s response to the confrontation.

Instead of “you’re like my sibling,” the friend says, “I’m a sex-repulsed asexual, so that kind of stuff really grosses me out.”

Pretty clearly just a misunderstanding, right? Calling the instance homophobic would seem pretty of out of touch with what happened.

So in these two kissing scenarios, the initial reaction of the friend to the kiss was the same, the feelings of the gay person after hearing the reaction were the same, the greater context in society was the same, and neither the ‘sibling’ friend nor the ace friend said “gross” because the kiss was between two people of the same gender.

So why is one so clearly a misinterpretation of what happened and the other still a difficult question to answer? What’s the real difference? What changed?

…Your trust.

You’re reasonably sure that the ace friend isn’t lying about being ace and you’re reasonably sure that the ace friend really knows their own feelings about the situation. That they didn’t say “gross” because they don’t like gay people and then misinterpret their own feelings as something else.

But with the non-ace friend, those doubts still lurk.

What changed was your interpretation of if the friend might have had homophobic thoughts.

If they did say “gross” because they don’t like seeing two people of the same gender kiss, even if they didn’t really mean to offend anyone, even if they don’t think that “not wanting it in their face” is homophobic, the instance was homophobic.

If they said “gross” and it had nothing whatsoever to do with the kissers being gay, it wasn’t.

In this situation, intention doesn’t matter, the not-gay friend’s opinion of what thoughts are homophobic doesn’t matter, but whether or not the friend has thoughts that are homophobic, does.

Of course, which thoughts concerning gay people are homophobic is not for straight people to decide.

Straight people don’t get to say, “Not wanting to see two girls kiss isn’t homophobic!”

But a straight person is allowed to say, “Not wanting to see my friend make out with someone isn’t homophobic,” because there is no conception or opinion of gay people involved.

Now, if there were other signs that pointed to the straight friend not liking gay people, one might conclude that the sibling thing is a cover.

But the nature of the event is still dependent upon if the person in question has homophobic thoughts.

Essentially: We get to decide what kinds of thoughts about gay people are homophobic, but we can’t always tell if someone actually thinks those thoughts.

We can determine that the thought, “two girls kissing is gross” is homophobic, but not whether or not someone has thought it.

And thus, because communication is complicated, certain phrases and actions can be read to mean something homophobic, but actually mean something entirely unrelated to same-gender attraction.

And this brings me to the situation at hand.

People have been interpreting the yelling of “They’re only friends! They’re only friends! They’re not gonna get together, they’re only friends.” as “You’re ridiculous for thinking that two women should be together.”

But that is a thought that is not actually expressed.

No ideas about the concept of wlw or wlw pairings were actually said.

All that was definitely said was that Lena and Kara aren’t going to get together.

There are interpretations of the event that give it a tint of homophobia. Such as the theory that the shout-y way it was said was their backlash to being uncomfortable with wlw content.

But it’s just a theory. We can’t call the actual event homophobic without knowing the truth.

And my personal read of the situation goes like-

Jeremy was responding to the crazy amount of attention the fanbase has given this romantic pairing that they’re not actually trying to make in a possibly frustrated (and attempting to be funny through purposeful over-reaction) manner. I also think the fact that he was putting on a show added to his urge to over dramatically yell something. I can kinda picture him doing the same thing to a different plot line that isn’t going to happen but is discussed non-stop, though I don’t think a similar situation would be very likely to occur for him to react to.

Melissa didn’t bring it up, and I don’t really see any hidden meanings in her going along with the perceived harmless joke. To me, it looked like she joined in with ‘We’re only friends!’ to play along in kind of a “I’m Kara and people keep asking me if I’m dating Lena but I’m not, GOSH,” way.

Later when they discussed the backlash Jeremy would get, they thought the fans would be angry because their ship wouldn’t be canon like any fans for ships that don’t work out are, not because the fans would think they’re homophobic. How utterly they missed that possibly just affirms, to me, that they weren’t even thinking of it that way- “this is a gay pairing”.

Plus there’s just no way they’d yell that in an interview if they legitimately thought that the ship being two women was weird. If you have ideas that are obviously not ’politically correct’ you know that they aren’t politically correct and are careful with how you present them.

The point is, that if (as we have established) the homophobia of the moment depends on if they had homophobic thoughts, if we don’t know that they did have homophobic thoughts, and if there are other reasonable explanations for their behavior, why is the default to assume that they were being homophobic?

The way I see it, we have absolutely no reason to consider this moment, or Jeremy and Melissa themselves, to be homophobic.

#supergirl #melissa benoist #jeremy jordan #supercorp #Anonymous

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