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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 5 years

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Even if it hurts (E.D. AU)

Pairing: gangster!Ethan Dolan x lawyer!reader

Summary: When Ethan Dolan, the most dangerous man in New York walks into Y/N’s office in need of a lawyer and with claims of being framed for a crime he didn’t commit, their lives quickly become intertwined and the mutual attraction between them soon becomes impossible to ignore.

Warnings: violence, angst, fluff, swearing, drinking

Word count: ~11.1k

Heart pounding in my ears and chest, I find my breath halt in my throat. A hand covers my mouth, pulling me closer and I find myself unable to fight. Back against a firm chest, another arm wrapping around my waist, my wide eyes look around in panic as my first exhale fights its way to my nose. It clears my mind just enough to stop the lingering scream deep within my being from forming, just enough to recognize the smell that fills my nostrils. I know that smell, the expensive cologne that intoxicated me for the better part of the year.

It's him.

„Stay down and be quiet. Can you do that for me?“ He whispers in my ear, bringing about a chill that spreads down my back and takes over my entire body.

I nod, shakily turning to glance at him. If I were to die, I wanted his face to be the last thing I see.

Even if it is his fault I am in this position.

10 months ago

I've always been goal-oriented, ambitious to a fault some would say. I considered it my greatest value, something that allowed me to be a trailblazer despite obstacles I encountered in life. I've made several sacrifices to get to where I am today and although I have become who I always wanted to be, I had one thing left to achieve.

To become partner.

Being a lawyer specialized in criminal law is daunting, something many avoid for high profile cases, though rare, usually ensure you have a target on your back for the remainder of your life. I found it thrilling. I never expected to get a high profile case, satisfied helping those who needed my help and building my career as the youngest lawyer in New York City.

Little did I know that would all change.

„Y/N, we have a client and no one else is in. Do you mind taking the case?“ Spoke Katherine, the assistant and in a way the only friend I have. I smile and nod, giving her a go ahead.

„Sure, I'm not busy.“ Just as I finished the sentence, he walked through the door.

Now don't get me wrong, I am in no way, shape or size a hopeless romantic that falls head over heels for guys who walk into my office or any guy really, but it's hard to ignore the feeling this man imposed. With his height alone, this man attracted many unwanted looks and attention. He's tall and even under his classy clothes, his muscles are evident. I swallow thickly as my eyes fall to his toned chest and the white dress shirt covering him. The sleeves are pulled up to his elbows, revealing a couple of tattoos on his forearms. His arms fold over his chest, and with such a simple gesture his muscles bulge but that's not what takes my attention. It's a silver, bejeweled ring on his right index finger.

I dare to look up, finding his dark brown hair comely and perfectly tousled as if he spent hours on it, while it probably took a minute and a hand through the silky looking strands. His eyebrows are bushy and unusually arched, framing his deep brown eyes many consider basic, but there's something different in his. Looking into them there is a storm brewing, one that would turn the brown murkier and more dangerous, something many people I defend hold in their hues but none quite like this man. His jawline is sharp and his chin pointy, almost taking the attention off his plush and soft looking pale pink lips many surely lost their heads over.

„Please take a seat.“ I show him to the chair across from mine, just on the other side of my mahogany desk that served as a buffer.

„Thank you.“ The man says politely as he takes a seat, leaning back but his eyes never leave me. Not for a second.

„I am Y/N Y/L/N and I will represent you if you choose to hire me. Now, tell me why do you need my services.“ I have this little speech practiced to perfection, leaving no doubt or possible fear in my voice for clients to detect. I've learned quite quickly that showing fear is the greatest mistake one can make for it will get you either killed or kicked off the case.

I couldn't tell you which option is worse.

„Well, I am Ethan Dolan and I am here because someone is trying to frame me for a crime I did not commit.“ He explains as he crosses his legs, but not the way women do. It's that rest-your-ankle-on-your-knee kind of a way, a wide spread of confidence and yet I always found it to be the opposite. I've learned to look past cockiness.

„And what crime would that be, Mr. Dolan?“ I raise an eyebrow, taking a pen to write his name on a piece of paper for later use. Trust your client is what they teach us in law school, but I find my own background check to be more efficient in the long run.

„Murder.“ His reply is simple and short, passing his lips so effortlessly when in truth it puts my heart to a full stop for a moment before it finds a normal rhythm once more.

„Alright. I'll have to check with senior partners, but as far as I'm concerned I will do my best to acquit you of these charges. I do need more information, Mr. Dolan. An alibi would help.“ I tilt my head slightly to the right, catching a glimpse of a gold chain peering under his collar.

„I have one, I'm just not at liberty to discuss it.“ Ethan's face is stoic, as if none of this touches him. It's as if he's fearless which I'd snort at if this wasn't a business meeting and he my next paycheck.

No man is fearless.

„That's not a problem. It will make my job harder, but it's not uncommon my clients can't divulge their whereabouts. I'll make it work. Anything on the crime itself?“ I try to keep my composure, knowing the intensity of his gaze will start burning holes in my skull if he keeps his unblinking eyes on me any longer.

I'm used to being underestimated due to my age alone, let alone my looks. I'm aware I'm young and I'm sure I am appealing to some, but no one had ever studied me as closely as this man does. This man that doesn't look much older than I am, a man who is perhaps just as driven as I am.

„The murder happened at the docs last month on the 25th of April at approximately 10 pm. A man was killed with a gun and dropped into water. My contacts already warned me the police is building a case against me. From what I've heard, the gun found was mine and they claim to have DNA evidence on the scene.“ Ethan lays out the case with cold precision, his right hand now wrapping around his left ankle that remains atop his right knee.

I nod, scribbling details to check on later, distracting myself from his incredibly good looks. The way he talks is enough for me to know he's more than a petty criminal, but someone high up in rank, probably a gang member.

„I'll check on these myself with the station and a few of my own contacts.“ I chew on the pen cap, narrowing my eyes at the letters written before me. Putting the pen down, I look to Ethan once more.

„Y/N, I'll be honest here. If I would have done this, I'd never be stupid and leave a trace. They'd never find the murder weapon, let alone my DNA. I didn't do this and I expect you to prove it.“ Ethan stands, planting his palms on my desk as he leans forward. The proximity itself would make anyone jump, but I remain calm and in my seat. I face his hard gaze and keep my composure.

I can even see his one inch stubble, a couple of beauty marks and earrings – a stud-like diamond in each ear. There's a faint blemish on his left cheek, one I'd normally never see, but for some reason I'm studying this man as closely as he's studying me.

„Miss Y/L/N.“ I correct him, giving him a curt smile while his lips twitch for the first time since he entered my office, finally spreading into a smile. His smile isn't as cold as I expected it to be, but it's dangerous. Just as his eyes hold a danger I'm unaware of, so does his smile. A part of me thought he never smiles, maybe smirks from time to time, but this was a full, pearly whites on show kind of a smile.

It's alarming how disarming it is.

„Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan repeats, dragging out my last name like it's the sweetest tune he'd ever heard. I'd like to say it made me melt or allowed a thousand butterflies to shed their cocoons and fly inside my stomach, but it didn't. It made sharks swim inside my stomach and a nauseating sense of discomfort take over.

„Right. So, I'll call you in a couple of days with information and until then...lay low. Lets not give them any ammo to use against you, because I'm sure they're watching you closely. Even a minor offense will be cause for arrest and we can't afford that just yet. So, lay low and wait for me to call. I'll try to make this speedy and get the charges dropped as soon as they're made.“ I stand up, walking around the table and standing in front of him. Each click of my heel made me cringe inwardly, but outside I kept a picture of confidence and peace.

„Lay low...I can do that. I'll be waiting by the phone...Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan outstretches his hand for me to shake and although everything inside me screamed not to, I knew this might help build a relationship which would ensure his trust and that is always a good thing.

As soon as my hand touched his, his fingers curled around it and encased my hand. Ethan gently lifts my hand up, bending down as well until his lips touch the back of it.

I was right...his lips are soft and plush and oh so very kissable, but they also bring an unfathomable desire to run and hide.

No, I am not afraid of Ethan Dolan. I am afraid of the tingling sensation his lips left on the back of my hand even when they parted, even when his hold on it relented. Even when he smirked and passed by me and left my office. Even as I fell asleep that night.

„Do you know who that is?!“ Katherine whisper shouts, closing the door behind her. It startles me enough to turn around with a gasp, a hand over my chest.

„First: not cool! Second: who?“ I tap my foot as she approaches, nervously looking around.

„I googled him! It's Ethan Dolan, one of the most dangerous men in New York, possibly in the US.“ She speaks in a hush tone, folding her arms over he chest as she nibbles on her bottom lip.

„So? I don't care. My job is to make sure everyone has a fair trial and I'll do that, even for the most dangerous man in New York.“ I state, grabbing my phone to start making calls and get to the bottom of this case.

Sooner I'm done, sooner I can forget him. Even angels have wicked schemes and he's someone who takes devils to new extremes. It's best I'm far from the eye of that particular storm.

„You called, Miss Y/L/N?“ Ethan peaks inside my office, only a second after knocking.

I sigh, painting a smile on my face regardless of the disturbance. I had wished for a moment alone to collect myself and properly process the day's events. Ethan didn't know that, so he strolled right inside.

„I've made some calls and talked to a few friends in the force.“ I stand, ignoring the stinging pain shooting from my feet to my ankles, knees and back. Wearing heels all day is a form of torture.

I move in front of the desk and beside the chair Ethan had settled in. Leaning on the table, I fold my arms over my chest and look him directly in the eye.

„I've seen the evidence and it's circumstantial at best. The gun did have your fingerprints, however it's not registered to you. There was no DNA left on the scene, so your guys got that wrong.“ I list, unintentionally throwing in a jibe.

I realize what I said a moment too late. Ethan only clicks his tongue, almost entertained with my sharpness, but chooses to remain silent.

„I've found some things that just don't add up. They didn't use the usual coroner, the body itself might not have been examined right so I petitioned for an autopsy done by a trusted pathologist. They built the entire case on the premise you usually are at the docs at the same time every week and of course, the gun which we can always argue was stolen. I've already gotten a court order to get any video surveillance from the area to prove you didn't come to the docs that night at all, but it will give us a chance to see who did.“ My voice is tired and slightly strained, as if I'm going through motions. I know I'm doing a bad job covering it, which means he might pick up on it.

The way he holds my gaze, I know he's a perceptive man. He's someone who needs to be a good judge of character, to read people quickly and determine if that person is trustworthy or not.

But, so am I.

For some odd reason, I trust him. I believe him and I will defend him. It's ridiculous because this might be the only crime he didn't commit, but I plan on doing my job regardless. I don't know this man, but I think...I think I shouldn't write him off as the bad guy straight away.

„I'm impressed, Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan chimes in, pursing his lips and I have to force myself not to give into my mind's sudden want to study his lips. They may or may not have some kind of magical ability to make me question my sanity, but I will not be unprofessional and give into what might be a simple case of curiosity.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but I will not let it kill me.

„You seem to have a good handle on the case. However, I do have concerns.“ Ethan furrows his eyebrows, pushing them closer until a single vertical line appears between them. He puts his right, ringed index finger on his chin, lightly touching his bottom lip and cocks his head to the side.

„If you have concerns, I'm always here to help clear them.“ Though I sound overly nice and too eager to please, I have to remind myself this is my job and I'd be the same way with any client, not just Ethan.

But if that were true I'd address him as Mr. Dolan, even in my thoughts.

„Well, you're here way past working hours which is a double-edged blade...I'm grateful you're working overtime to clear my name, but if you overwork yourself this might end up backfiring. I can hear it in your voice. You are tired, Miss Y/L/N and I hope you take the rest of the night and enjoy yourself. I'd be willing to drive you home and even pay for dinner.“ Ethan slyly suggests and I scoff openly. I don't bother hiding my reaction from him this time around and I sense his demeanor change instantly.

„Did I insult you in any way?“ His jaw clenches, his eyes darkening and I step back shaking my head.

„I can't accept any gifts from clients and I definitely can't involve myself personally. It's unprofessional and I expect you to stop blurring the lines here.“ My tired tone has successfully transformed into a stern one, unforgiving and he knows it too.

Ethan stands, folding his arms over his chest and furrowing his eyebrows.

„I didn't intend to blur any lines, Miss Y/L/N. I only meant to make sure you get home safe and have a warm meal. I didn't suggest I'd be joining you.“ His response brings up a volcano inside my head, the heat rushing to my cheeks.

He was trying to be a decent human being and I just bombed his attempts.

„I'm sorry if I got the wrong impression. It's been a long day and I'll keep your concerns in mind. I still don't think anything you suggested would be appropriate, but I do thank you for it.“ I smile softly, hoping to soften his hardened face.

His left eye narrows ever so slightly, like he's sizing me up and determining if I'm worth the trouble or not. But then his face softens and his arms fall by his side as he takes a few sturdy steps towards me. His right hand clenches and relaxes before he pockets it.

„It's alright. Many get the wrong impression. I know the rumors they spread about me. I just hope you can look past them. I make a lot of questionable choices, some many deem immoral or illegal, but I'm not a bad person Miss Y/L/N. I'll be waiting for your next call.“ Ethan sighs, his face falling as he walks by me, our arms brushing against each other and for a moment, in that silence that followed, I swear I heard electricity cackle at contact.

It was supposed to be a relaxing night of drinking my favorite wine and watching the latest episodes of my favorite shows on Netflix. It was supposed to be that way, but it turned into anything but.

„Hello? Yes, this is she. HE WHAT? I'll be down as soon as possible.“

That's how I found myself running to my closet to put together a proper outfit as my client, Ethan Dolan, was arrested near the border with almost half a million dollars in his trunk.

I rushed to the station, immediately greeting the officer who gave me a call earlier. We dated briefly a couple of years ago when I was just a law student, but he's married now and I'm still married to my job. We remained friendly and he became my greatest asset in the police force.

„I'm here, you can let up on Mr. Dolan now.“ I smile at Duncan, turning on the charm. Sure he's married, but I know how to read people and Duncan never stopped feeling that attraction he had for me.

It never hurts to put on a nice show, does it?

„Don't worry Y/N. You have him properly trained. The boy barely said a word since we took him in. The only thing he did say is to call you and that's all. I'm surprised you took on such a case.“ Duncan leaned on his desk, his hands behind him for support as a fond smile appears on his face.

I return the smile, cautiously speaking.

„I'm a lawyer. Anyone with a check can hire me to defend them in court. Why not try a challenge?“ I wink at him, pointing to the hall.

„Room two?“ I question, already taking off.

I heard Duncan's footsteps behind me, rushing with his keys jiggling. He surpasses me, managing to unlock the door on the first try. I nod in acknowledgement, walking inside and he closes the door behind me.

„Sorry to wake you.“ Ethan plasters a fake smile on his face, one that didn't hold any charm, only venom. He's pissed.

„I was awake anyway. So...“ I approach the desk, sitting in my designated spot.

„Why take so much money and be so close to the border?“ I ask without beating around the bush. He'll either be honest with me or he'll lie through his teeth. Either way, I'll know the truth and I'll know if he and I will have a good collaboration during the case.

„I can't tell you.“ He says, averting his gaze from me for the first time since I've met him and if that's not alarming on its own, then the bruise forming around his left eye is.

„Who punched you?“ I put a little more pressure, getting a sigh from him.

„Doesn't matter. How much trouble did this get me?“ He counters my question with another of his own and it's my turn to sigh.

„I'm sure you're aware this looks like you're running.“

„BUT I'M NOT!“ Ethan shouts, his usually mellow and calm voice now echoing against the walls.

„Is everything alright in here?“ Duncan opens the door, looking to me for answers. I just nod, letting him know I'm fine.

„I know you weren't running.“ I say quietly, just enough so he can hear me. For the first time ever, I see his poker face dissolve and shock register on his face.

„You do?“ His voice is quiet, but his tone is higher as the surprise passes to his vocal chords as well.

„Yes. You're not that stupid. If you wanted to run you'd probably take a jet and you wouldn't carry that much cash on you. You'd put it in an offshore account. You also wouldn't run when the crime you're being framed for is clearly not your fault.“ I list all the reasons I believe him to be innocent, each of the reasons making his initial hostility disappear and be replaced with awe.

„You're a genius.“ He whispers, his lips remaining parted.

„I just know your way of thinking. I also got more info on the body and I'm sure we can raise enough reasonable doubt for the jury to make the right decision. Ideally, we would have avoided this entire mess of a trial and I would have had the charges dropped, but this arrest made sure we'd see a trial. I'll try to get you out, but you'll have to stay tonight.“ I rest my elbow on the table, using my right hand to rest my head on it.

„You're tired again.“ He states matter-of-factually and I let a smile pass my lips. A true smile, one unadulterated and free of stiffness it's usually accompanied by.

„And orange is not your colour.“ I throw a remark his way, one that widens his eyes and pushes a chuckle past his lips.

„I think I pull it off!“ Ethan's cheery tone isn't lost on me, but I find myself melting in the vibrations his chuckle created inside my heart.

A smile remains on his lips, one I'd usually try to ignore, but I can't. Not anymore. Smiles are supposed to be soft and inviting, but his is charming and deadly. I used to think there is nothing more dangerous than a man with charm until I met him. Ethan’s smile has daggers in it, ones who aim to kill.

Is it so wrong I am a willing victim?

„Keep telling that to yourself, big guy.“ I chuckle too, standing up. I am tired, exhausted even. But I have a job to do and that's to make sure this guy never wears orange again.

„Sleep well, Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan says fondly and I stop to look at him.

„Don't get yourself killed, Ethan.“ I accidentally say his first name, mentally kicking myself over it immediately. But then his killer smile makes yet another appearance this night and I don't feel so guilty about it anymore.

„So I called in a favor and we have a judge willing to listen today. All you have to do is say you're not guilty and let me handle the rest. Okay?“ I know I'm not supposed to coach him, but Duncan was kind enough to let me in for a single minute and I wasn't going to waste it. Ethan nods, quickly following after me and into the patrol car that's taking us to the courthouse.

„Not guilty.“ Ethan says just as I asked him to and I hold back a smile.

„As you can tell, my client here only moved his assets to the bank nearest to him. He had no alcohol in his blood at the moment of the arrest. He had no weapon and he definitely hadn't committed a crime. He's a rich man, your honor. If we arrested every wealthy person in New York for handling their own money, we'd need bigger prisons.“ I know the DA had already included the murder charges into the case, using this arrest as a steppingstone to charge him officially.

My goal is to get him out of prison and quickly, because he promised me to survive the night and not cause trouble, but I can tell by the bruises on his face, new ones forming, he had tried his best to do as I asked him to.

„You realize there's more charges brought up against your client?“ The judge raises an eyebrow and I nod.

„I am aware. However, that deserves a trial of its own and I'd prefer my client to wait for that trial in the safety of his own home. One look at Mr. Dolan will tell you exactly why. I'd like him to live to see the trial, your honor.“ I know this argument is compelling, especially because gang bosses rarely survive till trial and the media would be all over the court if Ethan died in jail because they were too stubborn to let him out.

„Fine. Mr. Dolan, until trial you will remain in house arrest with an ankle monitor to make sure you stay put. I also demand you leave your passport before we release you. Bail is set for a 500 000 dollars.“ Judge is about to use her gabble when I stop her, interjecting.

„If I may?“ I can tell the judge is annoyed, but she allows it.

„If the DA is alright with this, I'd like to speed this process up. I'm sure you'd like to wrap the case before the media gets in on it and sooner we get this done the less coverage it will get. Considering the new evidence I left for you this morning, you'll see a lot of bad police-work is involved and I'm sure we'd like to keep that on the down-low?“ I say coyly, looking to the DA and the judge who just furrows her brows.

„You do realize that means picking out a jury that might not be very open to sympathize with your client?“

„Only if he's guilty, your honor.“

„Fine. Jury selection in a week. Now get out of my courtroom.“ She hits the gabble, ending the torture for Ethan for now.

„You're really good.“ His hand brushes against mine as we move toward the patrol car.

„I know.“ I smile, nudging him.

„I'll be down to see you next week, okay? I'll have to set up office in your house for convenience. It will help us work faster and more efficiently, get it all done on time. Is that okay?“ I take out my phone to check the address. He lives upstate, while my office is in the middle of the city. It would take too long to travel back and forth, losing us precious time and I needed his input while I worked on the case.

„Of course. You're always welcome to stay, Miss Y/L/N.“ Duncan is the one that pushes his head down and forces him in the car, closing the door behind him. I notice the glare Ethan sends his way, just as I notice how his eyes soften when he looks at me.

„I'll set up his ankle bracelet.“ He states and I wrap my arms around myself for additional warmth as the cold September air begins to chill me to my core.

„Great. Thanks Duncan.“ I give him a small wave, feeling Ethan's piercing gaze on me the entire time.

I watch the car as it drives away, hoping I can get this case done quickly and quietly, ensuring myself a partner spot if I win. I've already had a good two months behind me.

It's been tiring, but I'm determined to win. For myself and for...for Ethan.

„You call this house arrest?“ I looked around, twirling in the foyer in shock.

„I've been going stir crazy. Tell me we can get this whole case over soon.“ Ethan walked down the stairs in a pair of shorts, ones that revealed numerous tattoos tainting his skin.

„You do realize a trial can't be over in a blink of an eye. We got you out quickly, but you'll have to deal with this mansion you have for a while longer. This is...this room alone is bigger than my whole apartment.“ I state, frowning and he chuckles.

„You're welcome to stay. I'll have them make you a bed. Loads of guest rooms to choose from.“ Ethan replies, winking and I roll my eyes at him.

„Oh, that's a first. You never rolled your eyes at me before. Are we becoming friends?“ He speaks fast, excitedly and I realize maybe he is going stir crazy.

„I roll my eyes at you all the time...In my head.“ I add the last bit, getting him to burst out laughing.

„That's a good one, Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan points his right index finger at me, his booming laugh still bouncing off the walls.

„You can call me Y/N. We're not in the office anymore.“ I give him this little inch of ground, one single inch and yet I know he'll take a lot more than an inch.

„Awe, we are becoming friends Y/N!“ Ethan exclaims and I put my hands on my hips, looking up with lips pressed together.

I regret that decision already.

As months passed, I've gotten to know Ethan better than I thought I would.

I'd often catch him staring at me, even when he thought he was being stealthy. While he worked at his desk and made calls I pretended not to hear and held meetings I pretended not to acknowledge, I worked on his case in the same room.

I had a bulletin board, every single piece of evidence I could piece together on it and marked in order. I knew we had this in the bag as he'd say, but I needed to be prepared in case they had something new to present me with. I knew I'd have to look into the policemen who did the work as most things didn't make sense.

The footage showed a younger officer was on the job, a single cigarette bud left on the docks and it belonged to the same officer. Those same cigarettes were bought a block away.

Why would a cop be in a shady district he didn't belong in, buying cigarettes, smoking on docks? Why would he commission the autopsy be done by a different coroner?

Once I looked into his records, I found he had gotten his hands on a lot of money recently...Enough to buy a new apartment in Manhattan and a villa in Miami along with a yacht. No cop earns that amount of cash. I don't earn that amount of money!

I hired some help, a detective to follow the officer in question and he already acquired photos of him meeting suspicious men I didn't know.

„I know that one. It's Jacob. He's the head of a rival gang - Black mamba.“ Ethan stopped at my bulletin board, pensive.

„And they're your enemy, right?“ It's a rhetorical question, we both know it.

„Come with me. It's lunch time.“ Ethan takes my hand in his, startling me into a gasp. I don't pull away though, allowing him to guide me outside to the patio as he does every day now.

I know he's growing impatient, frustrated with his captivity and inability to be out there with his men. It's eating him alive that he can't be of help, that his people suffer the consequence.

„You never asked what it is that I really do.“ He states, taking a sip of his orange juice and I do the same, shrugging.

„It's not my business to poke my nose where it doesn't belong. My job is to get the charges dropped.“

„You're not curious at all?“ Ethan cocks his right eyebrow, swiping his tongue across his lower lip and if I wasn't seated already, I'd be swept off my feet for sure.

He has a way with words, his gestures always mean more. He is a charming man, one who is extremely intelligent and knows how to manipulate people to get what he wants. It's impressive how he works his magic on unsuspecting victims, but I knew how to fight him on it.

„I wouldn't say that. I just think you'd tell me if you wanted to. No pressure.“ I reply calmly, folding my hands in my lap as he leans into his seat.

„I'm not a criminal, Y/N.“ I'm still trying to get used to him calling me by my name. It rolls off his tongue like velvet, so smoothly and enriched with undefined emotion.

„I will admit to having a colorful past...I used to deal for money to get my dad proper treatment. But as time went on, I got enough money to buy my way to a better life. I own several hotels and clubs, most do have illegal casinos and fight clubs under, but we don't kill people. We don't allow for criminal activities. In fact, our policy is to let people have fun but not ruin their lives. I've always had a good relationship with the force and the city because of it before, but whoever is framing me had corrupted the police.“

„I killed someone.“ I stop his confession with one of my own. He stops talking, visibly curious and a little shaken up. To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm telling him this. It's crossing a boundary and I know once I do, the lines will no longer be blurred, they'll be erased. But I want him to know I'm not judging him. I know of his past, I just never told him I knew. I know he had a rough childhood...losing his mother and twin the same day he took his first breath. His dad being sick and his older sister taking it hard...He took care of them the best he could at the time. He did what he had to.

So, yes, I will let him know of my past if that means he can trust me. I want him to trust me.

„It wasn't intentional. Self defense and it happened while I was an undergrad student...My parents had always thought I'd marry their friends' son, Lewis. He was charming and could always convince the room he was right. He commanded respect and always seemed perfect...Until he tried to force himself on me. I pushed him off me before he could...“ I trail off, averting my gaze but before I know it, Ethan is crouching beside me, his hands taking my cold ones into his warmth.

„It's okay. You don't have to share anything more.“ He says softly, making me want to continue.

„He hit his head and it was instant death. My lawyer saved me from a lifetime in prison over a crime I didn't meant to commit. My parents cut me off after that and I had to work three times harder to get to where I am today as result. But I am proud to help others escape a fate I almost lived. I hope you know I'm not judging you, Ethan. I will get you out. I will.“

Ethan raises his hand, his fingers brushing my bottom lip gingerly and I hold my breath, refusing to move. My brain is screaming no, knowing this could get me disbarred, but I want to feel his lips so badly that I know should he make a move, I won't stop him.

„I know you will. And I promise to protect you during the process.“ He tugs at my bottom lip with his thumb before stepping back and I finally take a breath, letting out the pent up air flow freely.

That night, Ethan and I laid our souls bare in front of each other. He didn't spare any detail of his life, letting me in on the good, the bad, the ugly. And there was a lot more of the latter than I'd like to admit. But I understood him better, on a deeper level many would never.

Ethan soon began to notice things about me most people never knew. He knew how I take my coffee or if I need to be cut off. He knew when to make me take a break, because my eye would start twitching like I'm possessed. He knew when I'm too tired to make the drive back to the city and made me sleep in one of his guest rooms. He knew which pizza I liked and when I craved it. Hell, I think he even figured out my menstrual cycle as pads and tampons mysteriously appeared in the house a few days before I was meant to start my period.

It was both comforting and infuriating. Mostly because I had come to know the same about him.

He likes his coffee black (as he often jokes is his soul), just like he likes dairy free pineapple pizza we always argue over; I think it should be illegal and he disagrees. He likes to have a sip of whisky before bed to relax his mind, but he also likes a glass of wine with dinner. His favorite car is a Jeep and his favorite hotel is the one he owns in Hawaii. He loves to travel, but is a workaholic. He loves to goof around and yet, his work ethic is flawless. Ethan is creative, even if he hides that side of him. He isn't a playboy as many would believe for he made sure I knew the name of every girl he came in contact whenever I'd see him with one. I never asked him to provide that information, but he was adamant. Ethan likes yellow, although I could argue that's an understatement. His entire mansion is woven in golden colors intertwining with black undertones. Hell, even his socks are yellow if his outfit is black. I find it to be a true testament to his character – despite the darkness looming within, Ethan is the epitome of sunshine.

I've come to see a different side to him, one that had nothing to do with his occupation. When he's focused on work, Ethan is serious incorporated, but a moment away from the job, his true colors shine through and a goofy persona takes over – a man that is loving, kind and accepting. He's open to new things, experiences and people, never backing down from a challenge.

In all the time we spent together I have come to a conclusion: Ethan Dolan is not a bad guy, only a good guy that was put in a series of bad situations and he did the best he could with what he was given.

„Are you okay?“ Ethan speaks, breaking the veil of silence that had lingered in his study for hours. I stood before my bulletin board, aware that no matter what happens I'll make a lot of enemies once this case is over. The corruption ran deep and once I exposed corrupt cops, those above them – the very men that paid them to do their biding, those men will be coming for me. It's potentially a very dangerous endeavor and I've become far too aware of it as of late.

I always have a feeling someone's following me and no, this isn't just a woman's instinct. It's not about me walking home alone in the dark nor about the fact that I keep seeing the same man in my close proximity every day. It's about what Ethan told me only a month into this case.

„You're about to make a lot of dangerous people very angry, Miss Y/L/N. I'll understand if you choose to step down.“

„I'm aware of the risk it brings, but I cannot allow these men to continue obstructing justice. I have to believe things will work out for the better.“

„At least allow some of my men to accompany you.“ Ethan pressed, but I waved him off.

„I'm fine on my own. But thank you for the offer.“

I'm not sure I made the best choice, but a choice was made and I don't have a chance to start again. Either way, most my time is spent in his mansion as the case goes to trial tomorrow and we will either win or lose...whatever happens, we will do this together.

„I'm fine, Mr. Dolan. You should get some rest.“ I mumble, barely keeping my words and thoughts coherent. I stare at the board pensively, feeling him coming closer without having to look back. I can feel his presence, even when I'm on the other side of the room. I'm not a firm believer in auras, but if they are real, his is incredibly powerful and magnetic, alluring to the point of hopelessness sinking in when I try to fight it.

Working side by side with a man you're attracted to, not only physically but mentally as well...I'd call it torture. All I want is to press my lips against his, close my eyes and take it in. I'd be willing to let all my previously established beliefs burn to the ground, all for a single kiss and I'm barely holding onto who I was before I met him as it is.

„Ouch...Mr. Dolan. Back to that, huh?“ Ethan's voice is low and somehow still cheery. While he keeps his tone down, the emotion in his voice is palpable.

I think he feels it too.

Sighing, my right hand moves across my abdomen and clasps my left elbow. Turning around, first thing I see is his gold chain and it's much closer than I initially realized. He is so close I'm afraid he can hear my heart beating out my chest.

„Sorry, Ethan. I'm just tired.“ I emphasize his name, hoping it lessens the professional tone that had taken over me.

It's a constant fight really, the lawyer vs. the girl.

„Here's a crazy thought, maybe you should rest too.“ His tone is light and sweet, his arms moving up. With his right hand, he gently tilts my chin up to connect his gaze to mine. With his left hand he strokes my right arm, so tenderly I'm unsure if it's his touch or just a ghost of his touch I feel.

„You're right.“ I whisper, eyes flickering to his lips for a moment and they curl at the corners, forming an impish smile.

„Always am.“ He speaks, wetting his bottom lip. Ethan blinks slowly, reminding me of a cat that's expressing affection. He'd probably cackle if he knew I compared him to a cat, insisting he's a lion and anything but domesticated all the while not realizing he is both wild and domestic, a perfect combination of an adventurous dreamer and a professional realist.

The tip of his index finger remains on my chin a while longer, making me hyper-aware of the closeness between us. I feel my lips tingle, parting in need and his follow suit. Faint smell of whiskey hits me, but I don't find it foul nor do I step back.

Reluctantly, I put my hands on his shoulders and push myself to look into his eyes. In this moment they're anything but ordinary. His eyes are alight with desire and craving he'd been suppressing for a long time, the earthly tones twirling in a pool of lake green until they're hazel instead of his usual brown.

I liked the brown, they comforted me. But the hazel intoxicated me, captivated me.

„You know we can't.“ I whisper the last words my sanity had to offer, hating myself for even thinking about anything except his lips in this moment.

In that split second before his touch every nerve in my body and brain is electrified. It's the anticipation of being together in a way that's more than words, in a way that's so completely tangible.

Ethan leans in, his forehead resting on mine and the tip of his nose brushing against mine. My left hand moves around his shoulder and to the back of his head, fingers grasping at the short hair. He's breathing heavily, his eyes closed. And so I allow myself the comfort of closing my eyes as well. My right hand drifts down his collarbone and to his chest, stopping right where his thundering heart wildly fought the bony confines that kept it in place.

„Once this case is over, I plan on wooing you Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan speaks suddenly, voice strained and yet filled with determination.

„I'm going to woo you so hard you won't remember why you ever fought this attraction in the first place. Your head will only think of me, your heart will only beat for me. You will crave every moment of your life is spent by my side and you will remember this sweet torture as time wasted...time you could have spent in my arms, in my embrace.“

God he has a way with words and I know I was right...he's a charming man, one I already want in my life, my bed and he knows that too. But he respects me enough to allow me to be who I am, a lawyer who values her principles. A person who never jumps head first, but dips her toes and slowly submerges. A person that measures five times before cutting and a person who needs to be absolutely certain before taking a step further.

It only makes me care for him more.

Painfully slow, Ethan moves back and away from me, walking to the door before casting me a look.

„Goodnight and good luck. I believe in you.“

Fuck, I want him so bad in every way possible.

A tight squeeze of his hand in mine is all I need to breathe properly again. The closer we are to the courthouse, the more press you see. Today the jury will be presented with all the evidence and hear my final argument why Ethan Dolan should be allowed to walk out a free man. Today is what the past ten months have all lead to – the intrigue, the longing, the emotional vulnerability we both shared. It comes down to this single day.

„Whatever happens, know that I am grateful for everything you've done for me.“ Ethan gives me a reassuring smile, one I barely return but I make the effort...For him.

The car stops and our hands part, no longer intertwined, no longer comforting.

We manage to get through the crowd, walking inside with a minute to spare. Once inside, we were no longer Ethan and Y/N, but a client with his lawyer.

I presented the findings, the photos, the connections and bank accounts of the officer who tampered with evidence and of course, my own coroner who served as an expert witness...Even Duncan agreed to testify for Ethan and against the cop who clearly sold his soul to the devil.

Expedited trials are always draining, some more than others, but this took a toll on me. Mostly because I couldn't deny a personal involvement.

„The jury will now retire to deliberate. Once they reach a decision, we will call you back.“

The gabble hit and I turned to leave, knowing Ethan is close behind. I kept a stoic face for the crowd, but the moment we walked into a private conference room, I turned around and slammed my body against his, practically jumping in his arms. My arms wrapped around him tightly as did his, sharing a bone crushing hug we both needed. I could feel him shake in my embrace, but so did I.

„You did great.“ He mumbles in my hair, making my heart skip a beat at the sound of his voice.

Ethan sets me down on my feet and I straighten my outfit, dragging my sweaty palms over the fabric to smooth out any wrinkles.

„Now we wait.“ I smile, trying to hide how anxious I am.

We sat in that room for hours, both bouncing our legs and hands, talking about the most ridiculous things either of us could think of. It's how I discovered he was a conspiracy theory enthusiast...ironically he is a part of one now.

„They've reached a decision.“ I look at my phone, my smile falling and I feel myself paling. If I'm this nervous, I can only imagine how he feels. I stand, quickly walking over to him and cup his face. I look into his eyes, trying to find courage to tell him what lies in my heart, but I fail to do so. The words simply won't form. The decision was made quickly which can go both ways: good for us or bad...very bad.

Instead of speaking, we share this one last look and leave the room as we came in – two people who have everything to lose.

If the charges are dropped, I promised myself to let myself love him. I promised to give him my all, even if it hurts. He makes me want to dive in, head first and for that I know I will not change my mind.

We sit, remaining silent as we can be while the room fills with quiet whispers and predictions of the outcome. The air is so brittle it could snap, and if it doesn't, I might. In seconds we will know, we will cheer the roof right off or pain will engulf us entirely.

My mind is closed to all outside influences as I stand, focusing only on the jury entering and the paper with their decision being passed to the judge. I can see, but the sound is off, the only sound being my frightened heart inside my chest.

„Not guilty.“ That's all I hear.

Next thing I know I'm engulfed in Ethan's arms, swayed left-right as a heavy sigh passes my lips and is absorbed by his well tailored suit. I allow myself a few seconds longer in his embrace, knowing any longer would be suspicious and the last thing we need now is doubt.

The very moment we part, a single step away, that's when a loud shot sounds in the courtroom and panic settles in.

I find myself on my knees, hearing screams around me and numerous shots fired right after.

It's him.

„Stay down and be quiet. Can you do that for me?“ He whispers in my ear, bringing about a chill that spreads down my back and takes over my entire body.

I nod, shakily turning to glance at him. If I were to die, I wanted his face to be the last thing I see.

Even if it is his fault I am in this position.

Ethan reaches out under the bench, grabbing a gun the guard held in his unmoving, blood splattered hand. Retreating, Ethan takes in a couple of quick breaths before turning to me with a faint smile.

He peaks over the wooden bench behind us, exhaling loudly in relief.

„Come on.“ He grabs my elbow, pulling me up to my feet. Swiftly, his left arm tucks me in his side, his left hand resting on my waist. He looks around carefully, slowly moving forward.

I can feel his heart beating violently fast, matching my shallow breathing. I hold onto him, trusting he'll lead me out safely. I had no doubt in my mind Ethan would protect me just as he promised. I can feel the fear in my chest waiting to take over. It sits there like an angry ball propelling me towards an anxiety I just don't need in this moment for it could be deadly.

„Y/N, are you listening to me?“ Ethan whispers, shaking me lightly to get my attention. I look up with eyes wide, seeing a flash of worry and anger mix in his brown eyes. But there's something else I see...

Fear.

I have never seen Ethan so afraid and I don't think it's his life he fears for.

„Yes.“ I whisper back, my lips quivering as my chin trembles in my own fear that I couldn't hide. Fear for myself...fear for him.

„When I tell you to run, you run. Do you understand me?“ Ethan speaks in a rushed manor, his words clear, but his command isn't.

„You want me to leave you?“ I ask incredulously.

„I want you to do as I asked and run. Okay? Don't look back, don't come back, don't do anything that will put you in danger.“ Ethan lists, cupping my face quickly before pulling us behind a pillar.

I can hear the sirens wailing outside, meaning more police, more help is on the way. Outside is safe, inside isn't. So why is Ethan insisting I run and he stays?

„I can't leave you.“ My voice cracks, even in a whisper. I feel the oncoming tears put pressure in my eyes, trying to blur my vision.

„You can.“ Ethan's tone shifts, becoming sharp and it's clear he's not negotiating with me. Not anymore.

„Do this for me, please. You saved this villain's soul, now let me save your life. It's my fault it's in danger anyway.“ His left eye narrows ever so slightly, almost like an involuntary twitch as his gaze focuses on my face. It feels as if he's studying every line of my face one last time, hoping the image of it stays with him.

„You were never the villain of my story, Ethan. Quite the opposite...You're the main protagonist and you have a role to play still. I'm begging you to come with me. Don't go chasing death when I need you.“ I'm pleading, praying he sees just how strongly I feel for him.

I never loved someone as I loved him. I know now love is more than just a physical intimacy, but a deep need to keep your lover safe. It's about building each other up, growing together and becoming better versions of yourself with someone's guidance. It's more than saying I love you, but showing it.

Ethan never said the words, but I knew. I knew whenever I'd wake up wrapped in two extra blankets in the morning or when he'd try to cook even if he burned everything, even water. I knew when he took my hand in his and kissed it softly, but never when I was awake. His respect for me was deep, so deep he never tried to steal a kiss.

I knew.

„I'll come back to you. I promise.“ Ethan smiled softly, pecking my forehead quickly before moving away from me and away from the protective pillar we hid behind.

„Run Y/N.“ He says sternly and I stumble back, my heart caught in my throat as I see a man on the other side of the long hall slowly approaching us, a man I recognize as Jacob.

„Y/N, please.“ Ethan begs and despite my heart screaming to remain by his side, I do as he asks and bolt for the front entrance. My heels click with each step, echoing in the empty hall. Reaching the door, out of breath and with a heart bleeding for the man left behind, I whip around and cast a look toward him.

Ethan stands calmly, his gun pointed toward Jacob who has his gun up as well. I can hear them talking, but my brain fails to process a single word as I'm grabbed and pulled outside by armed forces, screaming and kicking.

„You have to help him! Please!“ I shout, shaking the man who grabbed me and I quickly recognize it's Duncan.

„They can't enter because there are hostages. Y/N, you know the protocol.“ Duncan tries to reason with me, but the panic inside me rises to critical levels, breaking open every wall I've built to keep my emotions in check.

Gripping my hair at the root, I feel as if the world is spinning around me. I look to Duncan's gun, contemplating taking it and rushing back in.

„Just a little higher.“ Ethan adjusts my stance, his hands serving as support for my own as I clutch the gun in my grasp. His voice rings inside my head as his breath tickles my ear enough to distract me. I take a deep breath, heading his warnings and taking in consideration all the instructions before pulling the trigger.

„I hit the target?!“ I exclaim in question, shocked I have it in me. Jumping, I turn to Ethan who quickly takes the gun from me and puts the safety back on.

„New rule! No jumping with guns!“

I could do it. I could take the gun and if nothing, it will be a good distraction for Ethan to act fast. But it could backfire for it will distract him too.

Shaking my head, I decide to go for it.

In the same moment another shot goes off and I'm petrified, frozen solid with the ice spreading through my veins. I want to move, to run inside or scream and cry, but I can't. I'm stuck staring at the door with a large lump growing bigger inside my throat. I can hardly breathe, my entire body shaking, mind losing focus and time slowing down. I feel as if I'm going to pass out.

And I do.

Do you know that feeling where you're convinced your eyelids have turned into led because it's incredibly hard to even begin the process of opening your eyes? A single blink feels like lifting a stone from your eye and your mind just wants to give up, let the weight win and rest for a while longer.

„Y/N, please. I need you to come back to me. I kept my promise.“

I don't have the luxury to rest for a while longer. Not when I hear his mellow voice and the hurt laced in it. I can't rest peacefully when he's calling for me, not even for a moment.

Blinking my eyes open, I groan audibly and enough for his eyes to snap open too and his lips to form a smile I thought I'd never see again. When that shot sounded, I was sure he was gone for good. I was sure I had lost him.

So, how come I'm the one in a hospital bed?

„Why am I?“ Is all I can say, my sandy throat stopping all other words in my throat and I realize I'm parched.

Ethan brings a cup of water to my lips, helping me take a sip to soothe the scratchy feeling.

„You, uh...Jacob was a distraction. You were the target and one of the corrupt cops took a shot at you. A sniper got Jacob, so he's no longer a problem for us.“ I furrow my brows, trying to sit up in my haze. Ethan pushes me down gently and with little to no force as I am too weak to fight him.

„Duncan managed to tackle the guy, but the bullet still hit you. It severed your femoral artery and you lost a lot of blood, but you'll be fine.“ Ethan puts his right palm on my forehead, slowly gliding back and pushing my hair away from my face as my heart flutters.

„Should have stayed with you.“ I state, giving him a half smile.

„I wish I could have protected you. I feel as if I failed you.“ Ethan's head hangs low, but I shake my head a little too fast, finding myself lightheaded even in bed.

„You did great.“ I say the words he usually says to me.

„And I love you for it. In fact, I love you.“ I know it's the narcotics speaking, removing my filter entirely. I wanted to tell him that, but not today and not like this. It was supposed to be more romantic and yet, it brought a smile on his face. A real, genuine smile I'd die to keep steady.

„I love you too.“ Ethan doesn't hesitate to reciprocate, leaning in slowly only to leave a peck on my cheek as I fall asleep.

The recovery went well, no hiccups and I was soon released, staying at Ethan's until I was well enough. He took care of me to the best of his ability, hiring help for things he couldn't help me with. He never left my side though. It was his hand in mine and I never wanted to leave. Not ever.

So I didn't. I moved in, or should I say he did. His men did all the work and I just relaxed in bed, healing. We put the romance on hold until I was well enough, focusing on a way to use Ethan's money and influence for something better – to help people in need.

I made partner too.

In the end, the romance part began once more and Ethan insisted I join him for an event.

„You really meant a ball?“ I chuckle, looking at Ethan with a wide smile who held my hand and helped me out the limo. Met gala is the event he chose to debut our relationship and a charity we started together to help troubled youth as he once was.

Sure he didn't completely leave his business, but he tried to keep himself on the right side of the law most of the time. Many didn't understand our relationship, because who the hell expects a gang leader to date the most famous criminal defense lawyer in the state, but that's just it – our love is unconventional, but it works.

I keep him straight and he reminds me to live and not bury myself in work. He is the one that gave me courage and taught me how to truly love and allow myself to be loved. I've seen him cry, I've seen him smile and I know his fears just as he knows mine. I've had doubts, but I love him and I know that with him beside me, life will be full of challenges we will survive together.

„You're my girl. I want to show you off.“ Ethan whispers in my ear as we pose, his lips brushing my cheek before he presses his lips firmly onto mine and I find the world melting away. His hand clasped gently into the back of my hair, pressing in softly. Though his lips are pretty, it is the feel of them that sends my mind into a sensual state of intoxication. They are softness, passion and the promise of the sweetness to come. We pull back and smile. I lay my head on his shoulder shyly and even though I’m still filled with the warmth from the kiss, I shiver. I shiver for he’s been patient with me so far and this is our first kiss as a couple. At first it was his desire for me to get better and be independent again. He wanted me to be in one piece before deciding if I want to be his girlfriend at all.

Little did he know I had made that choice long before I got shot.

„You cold?” he asks but doesn’t give me time to answer. He pulls his jacket off and drapes it over my shoulders.

The cameras around us are flashing, blinding us, but he holds my gaze and I feel safe. He always makes me feel safe, even when a crazy mobster wants to kills us, so this environment is much easier to relax in. The hollow human being I used to be is filled with so much love and stubborn hope for the future and it's all thanks to him.

Kissing my forehead, Ethan and I move ahead with hands clasped together.

„I love you.“ He whispers and I feel my cheeks darken with the heat his words caused. I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing that.

„I love you too.“ I whisper back as he pulls me into his chest and starts to dance like a loon.

„What are you doing?“ I question, swaying with him, giggling.

„Just wanna dance with my girl. Is that a crime?“ Ethan teases, smirking down at me and I purse my lips.

„You're in the clear for now, Mr. Dolan.“ With that, he captures my lips in yet another slow, passionate kiss.

There was a depth in the connection that I was unaware that existed until I fell head over heels with the purity of stillness that arises from living within the internal embrace of this present moment. I gazed upon every inch of my being through the eyes of unconditional compassion and love, feeling as though I’m seeing myself for the first time, finally, loving myself for the first time. It's the moment when you suddenly become whole. Sloppy, lip biting, smiling in between make out sessions. It's knowing everything about them, their goals, future dreams, and what they want to name their kids. It's being there even though it's a forbidden love, and enjoying every moment.

That's love...the real thing. We are people who love fiercely; we are passion and fire - sparks and energy to last a lifetime. I hold my fire for him, but it burns not only in my heart, but in my blood, so it’s there in every part of my being. No matter what happens next, no matter the choices we make, Ethan had become the hero of my story.

A/N - I’m not a lawyer obviously, so it’s not the most accurate thing I’ve ever written from a professional view. Hope you enjoyed it and if so, feedback is appreciated!

Part 2

Tags: @xalayx @fallinginlove-16 @accalialionheart @heeydolan @heyits-claire @notanotherdolantwinsblog

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