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stilwaterskeeter · 5 years

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Rewriting Saints Row IV

Hi this is my absolute least favorite game of the series and I kind of hate it! But here I am regardless putting my time and efforts into making an entire post dedicated to what I like and (in my opinions) how to fix the parts I don’t like...

This is also written to match by SRTT post rather than the base canon for the games! Which literally changes nothing but Johnny is already known to be alive before this game, so yknow...

This is also a HUGE post whoops

And again, this is just for fun. Don’t like it? Don’t interact with it. I’m not forcing you to read this. That being said, I do like discussing this kind of stuff so I totally up if you wanna just talk about alternatives or how you think things would play out and stuff

Plot/Story Specific Changes:

President’s Cabinet:

Fuck Keith David! Get him out of here! Leave sir! Go back to your movies!

Johnny Gat is our new Vice President because we know regardless of his skill at the matter, The Boss would make him his VP

This also gives Ben King a lot more reason to hold it against The Boss that he isn’t the VP, because at least before Keith David was a likable actor and had his own skillset for the role. Now it’s Johnny fucking Gat who has all the diplomatic and political tact of a shoe

The Boss’ dream isn’t some stupid 50s sitcom, that was so dumb, hardehar 50s is so nice and polite my ass

I think shit like meeting Julius, the boat explosion, Dex’s attempt to kill them, Magarac Statue blowing up even if they tried to go there, Johnny bleeding out after the fight with Jyunichi, and probably much more are better suited pieces to a much larger much more intimidating and genuine nightmare sim that would have broken The Boss inevitably

All the times they almost died because they weren’t quick enough, all the times they just barely saved their friends? A lot scarier than “oh noes I cawn’t kiww anybodwy uwu” crap

Zinyak doesn't really destroy the Earth

First of all: I don’t think he’d waste so many potential assets over the folly of one idiot

Second of all: The man’s supposed to be like a genius of sorts? So I find it ridiculous that he doesn’t have the ability to hide the fact that Earth is Actually Totally Fine from an idiot like The Boss

Third of all: To avoid Kinzie being oh so smart and debunking Zinyak’s scheme- She’s absolutely distraught when the Earth blew up and surprisingly caught up in her emotions, a pretty new thing for her. So I think it’s plausible she would bee too caught up in the moment to do much and afterwards is too caught up trying to help The Boss find and rescue what they believe is the last hopes for humanity

Kinzie doesn’t save anyone before The Boss, she goes straight for The Boss and before trying to go to Earth, they rescue Johnny Gat

Kinzie was prepared prior to saving The Boss with a few locations already in mind that she found as she was looking for them

One of which obvs ended up being Johnny

Another of which is a Surprise Prison that will help us later

All she knows is that it’s definitely based from Stilwater in ye olden days (first game, not actually ye olden days lmao) so she was assuming it was definitely either The Boss or Johnny

(Spoiler it’s Lin)

Additionally: The sim we do activities and hang out in isn’t Steelport. It should have been Stilwater and you know it.

After the Earth is “destroyed” and The Boss needs to go back into the sim and start recruiting people, Johnny steps in a lot when discussing who to save next

Sorry Matt, your rescue is getting pushed back a little

Johnny’s very adamant about not saving Matt first, “We are not saving that little goth punk whatever kid before we save our girl and Pierce. I don’t give a fuck that you’re president, I’m impeaching you, we’re saving Shaundi next. Not Matt.”

Shaundi’s nightmare sim stays relatively the same, but maybe polish up the writing better

I like her nightmare and the angle, but the writing just felt very,,,awkward to me?

She was supposed to be hung up on feeling helpless and the fact that she felt that because she was always “the damsel” and in need of protection, that Johnny was gone

But the writing kind of just skimmed over that

Then they save Pierce because, yeah, they give him a lot of shit, but he’s one of Johnny and The Boss and Shaundi’s closest friends and Johnny’s already made it clear they’re not saving anyone else until they got both Shaundi and Pierce back

Then you have the 3 rescues that you pick the order for

Asha

Ben

Matt

Then comes the replacement for Johnny’s canon rescue; It’s Lin’s Rescue Now

Kinzie isn’t sure who it really could be because they already have The Boss and Johnny, and they’ve already identified which sim is Ben’s

She asks Pierce and Shaundi for help trying to identify the sim while Johnny and The Boss are fuckin around in the sim

Neither of them have a clue who it could be

But both of them recognize the invading gang members in the sim as Westside Rollerz members so they recommend asking Johnny and The Boss about it

Johnny and The Boss have a moment of “Holy fucking shit, there’s no way” “It couldn’t be her, could it?” all the while the rest of the crew is just like “Any day now, who couldn’t it be?”

Lin’s nightmare sim is the events following up to her kidnapping and then the moments before Zinyak got her when she was in the process of drowing

A street race where some shithead Roller sabotaged Lin’s car so she had to forfeit midrace and then some guys kidnap her

I was figuring you’d be racing to catch up to her and then the race ends for you when she has to pullover

And then a brief cutscene of her trying to fight of some Rollerz goons while The Boss is locked in their car and can’t get out no matter how hard they try to break the window or bust it open

Then a followup cutscene Lin and Sharp arguing about The Playa not arriving to her rescue

“It appears to me like your little friend won’t be joining us. Oh well, we’ll take care of them soon enough. For now, just you will have to do.”

“Could your head be any further up your ass? Get on with it already, I’m getting bored here.”

And a short line from The Boss like, “What an asshole, jokes on him I wasted that son of a bitch years ago. And I’m not leaving without Lin this time.”

The last part is a timed boss battle with Sharp

Kinzie’s trying to do her tech thing and find a workaround to save Lin from drowning while The Boss fends off Sharp and miscellaneous goons

After Lin’s rescued and Sharp is dead, she steals the gun from The Boss in a cutscene and empties it into Sharp

“I have been waiting too fucking long to do that.”

There’s a brief reunion scene between her and The Boss

“Man, you don’t know how glad I am to see you.”

“Oh. My. God. You can fucking talk, that’s almost as crazy as the fact I’ve been living in this hellhole for years....You look good, did you do something to your hair?”

“You have no idea, Lin. You’ve missed a lot.”

“Nothing we can’t talk about over a beer after we get out of here. Speaking of, you got a plan for that or-?”

Kinzie chimes in, “I do.”

Kinzie isn’t the one who defends Matt when he says the mission is a bad idea because that was dumb and out of character, agree with him maybe, but not defend him

Instead of Keith’s betrayal/loyalty mission/whatever; We get Lin going into the simulation on her own to try and save Donnie after having Matt find his sim for her when The Boss pushes off saving Donnie as something to do later since Donnie’s not exactly useful in a mission like saving the universe and destroying Zinyak

“How do you even know he’s not dead? What makes you think Zinyak even abducted him?”

“Because I know he’s still alive, and Matt found him.”

“Look, we’ll take care of this after we end Zinyak. There’s no cars for him to rig or information to leak to us with these guys.”

“There’s gotta be a fucking reason he got abducted, playa. He’s worth saving.”

Johnny chimes in, “We’re not saving your stupid boyfriend right now, Lin. We have bigger fucking problems to deal with.”

It just progresses into a whole fight and the others are kind of just like....”Holy shit....there’s three of them now.” until Ben King steps in and tells them to all shut the fuck up

“Listen, Lin. We’re going to get your boy, but we aren’t doing it now. It’ll be the first thing after we kick Zinyak’s ass.”

The Boss chimes in, “Who said anything about the f-”

“I said...it’ll be the first thing we do, got it?”

Donnie’s nightmare sim is The Boss attacking his garage but Lin never shows up and instead he gets “killed” and then it’s The Boss harassing him and attacking him to get him to rig the Brotherhood vehicles and for the location of Carlos and Maero threatening him and ultimately “killing” him as well and then repeat

Bet The Boss kind of feels a little bad about always picking on him now, huh

Lin is at least, she feels guilty about setting up the raid on Donnie’s garage in SR1 and then just feels really pissed off about The Boss going after him more in SR2

Eventually The Boss shows up to help and with some hacking skills(TM) is given their superpowers and Lin is given powers as well to save Donnie

Obviously he can’t believe Lin is fucking ALIVE let alone just SAVED his ass

“Y-You’re alive? But Mr.Sharp killed you! A-And I let him! They found your body in the river and-....where the hell have you been for so long?”

“Listen, Donnie, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Are you sure? Because Earth got invaded by aliens and I’ve been dying repeatedly everyday since.”

“Shit, yeah. That son of a bitch, Zinyak, saved my ass from drowning back in Stilwater. This asshole over her saved me from that.”

“I bet their to blame for all this! It’s always their fault! Ultor, STAG, Gangstas in Space, Cyrus Temple, they’re the fucking president now can you believe that?”

The Boss chimes in, “I’m standing right fucking here! And for your information, I happen to be an excellent president!”

“Now’s really not the time, playa.”

And also that The Boss also SAVED him

“I thought you fucking hated me, I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Yeah, well, don’t get your panties in a twist, I’m only here for Lin.”

“Oh.”

Okay I lied, Zinyak DOES destroy the Earth for realsies

But only towards the end of the game, like following up to the boss battle

He reveals like

“Oh, it seems you haven’t learned your lesson then. I suppose I’ll have to really blow up your pitiful little planet then? Such a shame really, humanity could have been quite useful to the Zin Empire, but one must cut’s one’s losses sometimes. Their certainly not worth the trouble your putting me through here.”

This gives him time however to have abducted more people, including like Oleg, Viola, Donnie, etc etc etc

Fuck the Enter the Dominatrix DLC

Yeah it’s funny and all but like, where’s something actually interesting and additional to the game?

Replace it with DLC where you rescue like Viola and Oleg and stuff instead

Viola’s nightmare obviously would have to do with being stuck working for Killbane and probably have a boss battle where you fight simbane after he tries to kill Viola as well after having killed her sister

Oleg has a few options I think but the most appealing idea to me is a nightmare about him trying (and failing repeatedly) to escape the KGB

Character Specific Changes:

There really isn’t much to be put here shockingly

Maybe I’m the only one who thinks this but I think they should have expanded on the jokey romances more

I’m not talkin’ like full on bioware romances, just yknow maybe a little more than a single repeatable scene that varies from being shockingly indepth (Johnny) to just a fucking joke (Kinzie)

Maybe like add in a decision for a difference between just like casual sex or an actual romance with the characters

If you pick an actual romance then there’s random little banter lines about it when you have homies and maybe a few lines in some cutscenes or smth, nothing huge

Like say, you have Pierce and Shaundi as homies with you:

Romance Shaundi:

P: It’s about damn time someone did something

S: What are you talking about?

P: Uh, you and The Boss? Duh

S: Oh my god, shut up

P: Took ya’ long enough...y'all only been eye fucking each other as long as I can remember

S: Shut up, Pierce!

P: Chill! I’m happy for you, girl! Don’t attack me!

Romance Pierce:

S: So...you and The Boss, huh?

P: I already don’t like where this is going

S: I’m just surprised is all, you’ve been into them since like day one

P: No. I haven’t.

S: [snorts] Yeah, right. You used to get so upset when-

P: Shut up! They’re standing right there!

Or uh Pierce and Johnny:

Romance Pierce:

J: Hey, man, I’m proud of you for finally tellin’ The Boss how you feel

P: Wh- I didn’t- I’m not the one who-

J: But if you ever even think about hurting them [cocks gun] I won’t hesitate to put a cap in your ass

P: Man, calm down. I ain’t gonna do shit, jesus

J: [laughs] I’m just messin’ with you, Pierce. I’m not gonna shoot you.....Unless...

P: This is why I don’t tell you things, Gat! What the hell, man?!

Romance Johnny:

P: I can’t believe you and The Boss weren’t already fucking

J: Me neither

P: Didn’t you ever...yknow...like wonder? You never even thought about it?

J: Oh, no. I thought about it plenty. I wasn’t about to be the one to say somethin’ though

P: Did we finally find something Johnny Gat is scared of?

J: Fuck no, man, just after what happened with Eesh-

P: So...you were scared?”

J: No!

Lin getting to know everyone is a very big thing, like she’s suddenly surrounded by new people and everyone but Johnny and The Boss from before her abduction are dead

She gets along really well with Shaundi, Johnny (duh), Ben King, Asha, and Donnie (duh)

She gets along pretty damn well with Pierce too but it’s a pretty similar teasing relationship as Shaundi and Pierce and she gives him a hard time a lot

He gripes about how he has to deal with 2 Shaundis and Lin now a lot

She and Asha are pretty different but also pretty similar, they’re both really stubborn and dedicated to what they deem their “duties” but Lin still likes to let loose and have fun a lot more than Asha

A lot of their interactions consist of Lin trying to convince Asha to just let loose “a little” and have some fun

Asha for the most part wouldn’t ever really admit that she likes Lin but if pushed she’d definitely say something like “I definitely respect her. Maybe the Saints wouldn’t be as ridiculous and out of control if she was never taken from them before.”

Also because again you can pry wlw Lin from my cold dead hands we get this exchange:

“You know...you remind me a lot of one of my exes.”

“That’s...nice.”

“Stubborn, pretty, law-abiding, all work no play-”

“Is there a point to this?”

“Not really, I just keep thinking about it.”

“I see...and what happened to them?”

“She broke up with me for some prick named Blake...[laughs] So I broke his nose next time I saw him. Detention for a month, but definitely worth it to see her face.”

“No wonder The President likes you...”

She also gets along with Matt pretty well, having gone to him to find Donnie instead of Kinzie, although that was simply because she figured Matt would keep quiet about it and not tell The Boss, as well as Kinzie was already doing 101 things for The Boss at the time

She really doesn’t understand the whole Nyteblade thing but vampires are kind of cool she guesses and also it’s not like there’s a ton of shows or books left to entertain herself with, at least with Nyteblade, Matt’s got the memory of an elephant and probably totally recreates a ton of the episodes and key scenes because he is Absolutely That Guy first of all

She ends up getting pretty into it but if you ask about it she’ll shrug it off as simply because it’s “the only show left to watch”

Lin also remarks with Shaundi how she reminds her a lot of herself

“You know, I used to be some fun loving party girl myself.”

“Really? What happened?”

“Los Carnales and Julius fucking Little. Couldn’t go five feet out of my house without some assholes doing a drive-by or starting gang wars.”

“Oh...”

“Had to step up if I wanted it to stop, we see how well that turned out.”

“...Yeah....”

Alternatively to the nightmare sim swap I listed earlier...Johnny Gat would be The Boss’ husband in the 50s nightmare sim for sure

Kinzie definitely brings that up to Johnny if they’re both homies, especially if you romanced Johnny

Matt Miller and Donnie friendship when-

Turns out Donnie’s also a fan of Nyteblade

And Matt liked the Feed Dogs’ admittedly short lived time of activity

They both geek out of dumb shit and also talk about how fuckin scary The Boss can be and how lucky they are as some of the few remaining living members of gangs that The Boss fucking demolished

CID gets a lil more establishment

aka I mean he gets like a lil hologram of what he used to look like before becoming an AI in the zin system when he’s in the sim so he can hold guns and run around with you as a homie

also cut the whole thing of him trying to bargain with The Boss for “a woman” because that entire segment was weird and uncomfortable

#saints row #saints row 4 #johnny gat #matt miller #pierce washington #asha odekar #shaundi #zinyak #benjamin king #kinzie kensington #saints row lin #saints row donnie #stop talkin playa #rewriting saints row

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