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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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You do not owe your partner(s) sex. I mostly see this passed around in the asexual community, and it absolutely needs emphasis there, but this applies to anyone of any orientation. You never owe your partner(s) sex under any circumstance.

If your sex drive or libido is lower than your partner’s, you may feel obligated to “keep up” with them to make them happy. But you have a right to say no, or not be in the mood, or be too tired, or just not want to right now. Your partner(s) should respect your right to say no and your bodily autonomy.

If your partner(s) try to harass, manipulate, or coerce you into having sex when you say no, they’re an asshole. Having said yes in the past does not mean you can never say no. It is not your responsibility or obligation to provide sex. You do not need to violate your own boundaries to make someone else happy. Your partner(s) should respect your right to say no, and if they don’t, they don’t deserve you.

Your body belongs to you, and you decide what’s best for your sexual health. Happy Pride

#hellbrain dump #pride #queer pride #lgbt pride #lgbtq positivity #queer positivity #asexual pride #ace pride #mental health positivity #mental health support #mental health matters #mental health blog #healthy relationships #interpersonal effectiveness #actually borderline #actually bpd

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ectonurites · 3 years

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genuine question how do you have panels ready for literally everything... teach me your ways

step 1: read too many comics

step 2: have folders ready to go on your computer to dump screenshots in as you read

step 3: be too lazy to actually go through the folders and instead just go look through the issues again and take new screenshots when you want to reference things (use google and dc wiki to help remember what issue something happens in if your hellbrain didn’t happen to retain it)

step 4: success >:3c

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alcego-writes · 4 years

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January Goals

[COMPLETE] Write 20,000 words. (30k out of my 240,000 annual goal complete!)

[PARTIALLY DONE] Finish the dieselpunk short story.

[COMPLETE] Begin working on Winter.

January Stats(TM)

Words Written: 31,281

Most Written in One Day: 2,424

Least Written in One Day: 0

Active Projects:

Rules for Living in Winter: Zero Draft, Current WC: 20,014 + ideas doc

Buying Time: Fourth Draft, Current WC: 5,413

Sitting Projects:

The Lion’s Share

Clowns and Bearded Ladies

Another unnamed dieselpunk WIP

January Notes

A brief note about “active” versus “sitting” projects: my drafting style style requires me to take some time away from a draft before starting in on the next on, as it gives me fresh eyes and distances me from those lines I worked so hard on (and are, ultimately, trash), enabling me to make more competent changes and updates. Basically, I sit on projects in between drafts, hence the separation and my tendency to bounce from project to project. Which is also, admittedly, a function of my ADHD requiring new, shiny toys to play around with.

It’s been a stupidly long month. And I don’t mean that in an angry way, just in a tired way. School started back up and work is back on its bullshit, so I’m eternally drained and frustrated. Finding time to write, and make sure that I don’t kill my drive to write, has been really difficult lately. I’m making it work, but it’s a careful balance.

I’ve developed a healthy appreciation for idea dump documents. I have a lot of trouble writing out of order, as I like for each scene to flow into the next, but hellbrain hates to give me ideas for scenes and such in that order, so having that document available has helped me get ideas and scenes down that probably won’t come around for another twenty or thirty thousand words. It also gives me something to work towards, which is nice.

I got diagnosed (officially) with asthma this month, and just in time. I’ve had a lot of very severe attacks over the past few weeks, which certainly has not been helping my mood or my energy levels. It’s mostly under control now that I’ve gotten an inhaler, but it’s been both frustrating and exhausting.

Been re-reading The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson, and yet again I’m struck by a whole storm of things, but mostly his foreshadowing. By the time the series is done I’m pretty sure The Way of Kings is just gonna be a big book of foreshadowing. It already is, granted, but moreso than it is now. Also, I do love how he uses in-canon quotes to both flesh out worldbuilding and create tension. I didn’t understand why he did that when I first read the Mistborn series, but when I caught on I realized that this man is a freaking master of the craft. I literally only just realized, on my third read of The Way of Kings, that the death rattles appear to be stemming from the Last Herald’s time in Damnation, just before he breaks. What’s worse is I think I know what broke him now, and it’s breaking me in turn.

February Goals

Write 20,000 words.

Work on Winter.

Work on Buying Time.

Don’t die.

Updates Tag List: @maxgraybooks @milkyway-writes @ladywithalamp

#updates #monthly writing update #aj's adventures in writing #long post #Jan 2020 #edit: i forgot to add in 1/31's words so it's updated again #not much of a difference but hey! it's more

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anissapierce · 6 years

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I can't actually rmbr most of interactions w my peers bc...trauma hellbrain though but I rmbr being a silent observer to like ... Kids drama ... Only person I rlly felt anger towards were shithead bullies (all boys ) n one girl who I felt so.wronged by tht I created this narrative that she was truly out to ruin my life by x y z means ....n tht narrative was info dumped on some acquittance on s field trip in fourth grade

#xxaso

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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I don't want to be an option, I want to be a priority

#hellbrain dump #bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd stuff #bpd problems #actually borderline #actually bpd #living with borderline #living with bpd #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #cluster b #bpd shit #bpd hell

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hellbrainspeaks · 6 months

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I really hate that I have to refer to my sleep cycle as a disorder. If I can sleep with no other difficulties besides when my natural circadian rhythm decides it’s time to wake up and fall asleep, why am I considered the problem. Humans socially engineered the 9-5 schedule, that’s an artificial barrier we constructed for ourselves, and is a very recent development in history. Why is that the norm and me the problem. Evolution didn’t design us with jobs and schedules and money in mind

#hellbrain dump #mental health support #sleep disorder #circadian rhythm disorder #DSPD

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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I don't want to beg for anyone's attention. I don't want to compete for anyone's affection. Neither of those will bring me any happiness or the connection I'm looking for.

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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I have a lot of emotions and nowhere to put them

#grumbling and gesturing vaguely #hellbrain dump #borderline personality disorder #bpd #borderline pd #borderline things #borderline problems #living with borderline #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd feels #bpd things #bpd mood #bpd problems

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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I'm starting to think that the lengths I go to to ensure the people I like never feel bothered or affected by me might be unhealthy.

#fuck #hellbrain dump #bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline pd #bpd life #actually bpd #actually borderline #living with bpd #living with borderline #bpd things #bpd thoughts #bpd problems #bpd feels #bpd mood

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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When I’m not being perceived by my FP I do not feel like I exist

#hellbrain dump #borderline fp #bpd fp #borderline personality disorder #bpd #actually bpd #actually borderline #living with bpd #bpd traits #bpd mood #bpd episode #borderline #borderline pd #living with borderline #hellbrain shit #Boy saga

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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I hate liking real people. Liking real people means real people problems. They sleep and have work. They get sick and go to the hospital. They live far away and you can’t see them. You miss them when they’re not available because they’re too far away to be “around.” You have to sit and wait and worry and hope nothing’s wrong, or it’s nothing serious. They’ll be back. They’ll come back. They’ll be fine.

#borderline personality disorder #bpd #actually bpd #living with bpd #actually borderline #borderline pd #bpd things #bpd problems #bpd feels #bpd fp #bpd thoughts #actually mentally ill #bpd life #hellbrain dump #if he’s not fine I won’t be fine

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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I’m over here putting so much energy into a future I’m not confident I have, that feels so unreachable and foolish to hope for at this point. I remember what happened the last time I was hopeful for a future with someone and it damn near killed me. But at the same time… what the fuck else did I survive for.

I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Maybe I am a fool for trying again. But if I mean it when I tell other people Their Person is out there, in theory it means I have one, too.

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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Y’all I swear I’m a grown ass woman I’m closer to 30 than 20 and yet here I am smitten. And smitten isn’t anything bad but when you’re smitten with an FP it gets complicated

#hellbrain dump #Boy saga #borderline thoughts #bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline pd #borderline favorite person #borderline fp #bpd fp #fp bpd #fp thoughts #living with borderline #living with bpd #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd problems #quiet bpd

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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When your BPD conjures a scenario and starts catastrophizing and making you question everything you think you know about someone based on completely hypothetical series of events. This is not based in anything tangible, it came from seemingly nowhere, but it's their new canon now. This is definitely how they feel about me, what I mean to them, and how they will act towards me.

But that's not true, and it's not fair to either of us.

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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Every now and again i get smacked in the face with a feeling of "damn my friends (irl and online) really only reach out to me when they need something from me." Whether it's a venting/complaining session, manual labor, or someone with which to talk about themself and their life without reciprocation. As a kid I never wanted to bother people with my me-ness so I preferred to keep the conversation about them. As an adult, the consequence of this is that I don't feel like I have anyone I genuinely connect to.

I'm a little bit more aware of this now and would like to think that I've gotten better about making sure that there is equal back and forth when getting to know someone. They should be asking about me as much as I ask about them, so we get to know each other instead of me being their emotional support animal.

...But I'm not sure I've actually succeeded. And the friends I already have are so used to me not needing anything or having any interests of my own that some of them have been a bit baffled by me having... depth, I guess? I don't know. I've been working the "boundaries" section of Interpersonal Effectiveness for like a week and I'm starting to realize I never really fixed my collapsed boundaries problem.

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hellbrainspeaks · 2 years

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My therapist says I've been judging myself too harshly for having feelings for someone. Apparently it's normal and even a good thing to like someone. Which is hard to process, because the hellbrain's always telling me that me having romantic interest in someone is awful and disgusting. For once it's not one-sided, but the hellbrain's used to punishing me and making me feel like a disgusting manipulative friend for having feelings for someone. So I'm...working on not judging myself for having strong feelings for him. It's difficult. Especially at 5am.

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