EPISODE TWO
KURT’S BRAIN - INTERIOR
Kurt’s obsession with fashion went back a long way. It was part of a more general appreciation of beautiful and material things, which he’d had since he was a child.
Kurt suspected that this early aesthetic education was responsible for the direction of his own tastes. Things were beautiful to him in inverse proportion to their accessibility: a logic which struck him as childish for its fetishisation of impotence. But the 90s were about not growing up. The pages of the music and celebrity magazines that didn’t have Kurt’s face on them were filled with images of manufactured adolescence: teeny bopper twinks dressed in virginal white, A-listers doused with slime in studios resembling kindergartens, and an ageing parade of actors fresh out of high school drag.
He might seem like a kid to an industry obsessed with youth and its prophecies, but he was a grown up with a kid of his own. Even in earlier relationships he’d wanted the house with the picket fence. Tobi Vail used to say it was because of his parents’ divorce; they’d get into screaming arguments about his attachment to what she called the ‘bourgeois and patriarchal trap of success’. Kurt was hurt, but he did agree that he wanted these things as signs that he had made it. Not to the American dream that Vail despised him for, but to some indefinable sense of a future, and this was the only one he could imagine.
Such feelings were deeply unfashionable, and got in the way of the punk recklessness that had first attracted Vail, and which she held at arms’ length, an accessory to complete her image. Not that he minded them not interrogating these desires together. Kurt couldn’t put it more eloquently than this, but it felt both good and bad to dangle from her arm. To be used the way a man might use a beautiful woman. No one had read any Judith Butler yet, so Kurt could only say: Tobi’s riot grrl feminism made him feel like a woman, but it also made him know he wasn’t one. He was part of a group of people who obstructed people like Tobi, who’s desires stood in the way of her liberation. These wants stood for his involvement in patriarchy; women only wanted these things because men wanted them for them.
But Kurt didn’t care, he dreamed of being turned into an image, into an adornment for the grrls, the gyrls, the gworls of the future. He dreamt that his name would become a secret call passed between women in chokers at parties in lofts and warehouses in metropolitan areas of the United States. He dreamt of a teenage starlet gaining fame in a tv show where she wore his dirty bob for an audience too young to remember his music. He dreamt of the expansion of the internet and forums on which users would share photos of him and argue about what he wore and what he said.
He didn’t tell anyone these dreams. Unlike the house and family, these were just for him.
—Francis Whorrall-Campbell, from "[Digital Poetics 4.7] A Fragment on Kurt Cobain’s Transgender Ideas from ‘In Utero’" (The Hythe)
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I did math for you guys but anyway here's my hc lineup of OfA user height
Toshi- 7'2" of c
Yoichi- 6'10" and absolutely gangly.
Shinomori- 6'7ish", tall man breaking big rocks in forest wants to be left alone. His height changes to be shorter than others in the ofaspace more frequently because he got his growth spurt in the woods and the last time he was around many other people he was shorter than more of them
Nana- 6'6", which yes does also make Prime Torino taller than his canon minimum of 6'7"
Banjo- 6'4", a perfectly respectable tall man height in our world, and yet. He's the middle height holder.
Third- 6 feet even, if you don't count the ponytail. Which we don't.
En- 5'10", short gremlin amongst the holders, don't ask if he would have had another growth spurt if he had but lived a little longer
Izuku- currently 5'5" but will reach his tallest height at 5'7.5" one day
Second- 5'3" on the day he died and I did the math the prove it lol I can't believe he's every stereotypically angry short guy.
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man if you think about it curufin’s kind of the middle child of the curufinwë line?? like. ok finwe is finwe who doesn’t know finwe. feanor is The Genius Ever, hottest smartest strongest noldor to have ever walked the land and he basically invented everything. and then celebrimbor is remembered as one of the greatest smiths to have ever existed, second only to his grandfather and crafted the rings of power that he died trying to defend.
what about curufin then??? he’s just kinda. there. no mentions of what his accomplishments are, he’s just kind of the awkward middle line from feanor to celebrimbor. and it’s so depressing to think about if you apply the fanon take of curufin having this absolute reverence for feanor but also guilt because he thinks he has to be better than feanor but how do you be better than the greatest person alive? how do you even be second to that? and he tried so damn hard to be better but he died with few to remember him as anything but a kinslayer
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Season eight was a steaming dumpster of plots and quick character building activities while setting up the "then they lived happily ever after" but they truly truly did House and Wilson's relationship justice in the end I will say that.
I was so mad at how the writers of the show clearly wanted to go one way with House and Cuddy's relationship, while the producers and actors disagreed on actually getting there, and that will be a loss to the show really. Even if they didn't last they deserved a more heartfelt attempt at a relationship after six seasons and two decades of apparent history. Alas!
House finally finally changed and became the man he wanted to be, because of Wilson's death. Nothing before that, or perhaps everything before that, prepared him for who he was meant to be. He gave of himself willingly for Wilson's benefit and not his own repeatedly. And when Wilson is gone he has no life, no job, but he knows he'll be ok. Despite this being the one thing that hurts the most. Because in the end all his subconscious people were wrong. He doesn't still need the puzzle or the meds or anything.
He's not going to lose it and kill himself when Wilson does eventually die. He's going to grieve like he's seen patients families do, and then he's going to live for Wilson for as long as he's got left of his own clock.
He's got no money and he can't get in trouble with the law lest he blow his cover but he'll pass the time. Who knows... Maybe he just goes from town to town helping people with their simple ailments like he knows Wilson enjoyed. No puzzles no excitement just fixing people up and moving along.
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