Okay so this idea has been rocking around my empty skull for some time now just we know that Eddie can be a pretty mean DM and a shithead and I've been thinking abt romances in D&D and how it would work in Hellfire
And I had this thought that Eddie would like be "no romances!!" to the Corroded Coffin group (before the kids joined) and they're like why? and Eddie just to tease them says that he doesn't want to pretend to fall for their smelly ugly faces
Which just motivates them to try and seduce like every character that Eddie introduces for a fucking month and it leads to the creation of the rule: Every romance/seduction directed roll must be rolled above 15 to succeed AND if Eddie decides that the attempt is particularly bad the roll is with disadvantage
The Corroed Coffin boys are obviously teasingly like ohhh so we get an advantage if it's good?
"Doubt that would happen boys, but sure, if you make me, Eddie fucking Munson, to blush like a fair maiden then you'll get the advantage on the roll"
They try, they really do, but all the CC boys succeed in doing is killing off all of their party in three sessions and Gareth who is a little shit is actually rolling his third character (because the consequences of a failure are fucking brutal) by the time Jeff and [unnamed freak] give up
After that they know better (except Gareth who still sometimes does that just to annoy Eddie and be a little shit) to try and then the kids join Hellfire and Eddie has even less of an desire to flirt with fucking Wheeler, Henderson and Sinclair (they're baby children!!)
But the kids are a little shits too and they see Gareth being a little shit so they copy
It ends badly for them, they gripe about Eddie being unfair because like "all three of us have girlfriends Eddie and you don't so we clearly know more about romance then you do" Dustin not only gets a flick on the head for that but his character might have ended up being put into situations™ throughout the session that are "totally unfair!"
But fair to say all of Hellfire knows the rules and all of hellfire knows that no matter how well they try and how smooth they are (they really aren't ever smooth) Eddie will not blush or even consider they attempts as "good", the best they got was "tolerable" (Lucas got it and he's still very proud of it, as he deserves okay?), Eddie is impossible to fluster and so it's just is this fun thing they sometimes do when they feel particularly like little shits
And that's it about it
Until Vecna and all the upside down shit and the surprising friendship of Eddie and Steve happens
And suddenly Steve Harrington is not only sitting but playing D&D
Everything is going actually pretty good and Dustin practically vibrates out of his chair at how proud he is of Steve for how well he is doing so far and then
And then Steve tries to flirt with a pretty bard
Dustin deflates, he is ready for the absolute disaster that is going to fall upon Steve, he makes eye contact with Lucas - both of them ready with "it was actually a pretty good line tho!" at the tip of their tongues to defend Steve's decisions, he doesn't know Eddie's special rules after all and it would be funny to see Steve fail, sure, but it's Steve's first game and the kids wanted it to be good for Steve so convincing him to play again would be easier
But now Eddie is going to absolutely rip into him and Steve will never want to play again and-
"Roll with advantage" Dustin gasps, audibly, loudly, the room is silent, except for Steve who's very unaware of the chaos he just created and just rolls the dices, his usual confidence in place
And if someone looked closely - and all of the hellfire is fucking looking - Eddie Munson has indeed a light blush on his face
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It’s impossible to sneak up on Steve
Like, actually impossible
Dude has eyes in the back of his head. It’s some kind of mom superpower. (Or maybe it’s just the hypervigilance. Whatever)
Eddie first notices because the kids try to sneak past him a couple of times and he always catches them
He even calls them out by name. And he’s always right
Every single time
He catches Henderson trying to get a snack before they’re about to eat (not that Henderson particularly cares he’s been caught; he eats his chips without remorse)
He catches Small Wheeler trying to smuggle an R-rated movie over the Buckley’s side of the counter while Steve’s back is turned (not that Buckley would’ve rented it to him)
He catches Red and Supergirl both sneaking junk food into the cart while they’re out grocery shopping (neither of them are repentant, and Steve rolls his eyes but does exactly nothing about it)
Eddie’s interest is piqued
The first time he tries sneaking up on Steve, Steve catches him before he gets within three feet
How
“You jingle when you walk, Eddie.”
Okay, yeah, that’s fair
Next time, Eddie takes off his wallet chain and all his jewelry
Steve still catches him before he gets close enough to reach out and touch
“Your shoes squeak.”
Eddie’s pretty sure they don’t, actually, but fine. The shoes are next to go
And Steve still fucking catches him. Eddie can hear the goddamn smile in his voice as he says “Hi, Eddie,” just as Eddie is reaching out to grab his waist
“I could smell your shampoo.”
He could smell Eddie’s shampoo?
His fucking shampoo??
Alright, no, actually, that’s kind of sweet. But Eddie can’t exactly stop using shampoo, because then Steve will probably just be able to smell his hair grease or something. Eddie has to get creative, but he makes sure he’s not downwind of the AC vent next time
Yet Steve is the one who manages to ambush Eddie while Eddie is ambushing Steve, turning around and pulling Eddie right into him before Eddie can pounce, kissing him hard and quick, asking if that’s what Eddie was going for when he pulls away
Half dazed, half aroused, entirely frustrated, Eddie demands to know how the fuck Steve caught him this time, and Steve shrugs
“It just... feels different, when there’s someone behind you. The air, maybe? I dunno.”
Is this man even human?
(Given the general state of... everything, Eddie feels this is a legitimate question)
But Eddie isn’t one to give up once he becomes fixated, so he bides his time
He waits
And he waits
And he waits, until it seems like Steve is engaged in something distracting enough that he’s not going to be paying attention to how the room behind him feels, or however the fuck that works, and takes his shot
AND HE SUCCEEDS
He has to promise never to do it again, because his ribs are now bruised from Steve’s very surprised elbow, and Steve is mad and handing him and ice pack and bitching at him at full volume, but y’know what?
Fucking worth it
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