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#haikyuu hurt/comfort
k4g3hika · 8 months
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CONSUME ━ imagine!
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suna rintarou x fem!reader
summary: suna rintarou was hard to love, you knew this from the beginning. but when you overhear him admitting how he truly felt about you, it hurt to decide whether to let him go, or let your love for him continuously consume you.
genre: hurt/comfort
wc: 6.2k
tags: this is the longest imagine that i’ve ever written 😭 it was a pain in the ass to write but i hope you guys like it :)
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Sometimes, you think it’s hard to love Suna.
Suna is calculating and quiet, the reasons exactly why you find it difficult to continuously pine for him. Though, you already knew he was going to act like this. You’ve gone to school with Suna since elementary, and have even lived in the same neighbourhood since childhood, but you don’t think he knows that.
The thing is, you know Suna, but you don’t think he knows you. Every morning since you were six years old, you’ve seen him make his way to school, but you’ve never had the courage to walk up to him and say ‘hi’. For years, the only parts of Suna that you were able to truly admire were his back and his hair, from behind. The both of you have never been in the same friend group, class, or extra-curricular activity, until your second-year of high school.
You precisely remember the moment you stepped into the gymnasium to introduce yourself as the new manager of the team. It was a rainy day and you were excited, albeit, a little nervous, but irregardless, excited because you know and love volleyball. The sport connected with some of your childhood memories, as you recall playing it with your older brother. Too bad your physical skills weren’t up to par with the school’s expectations, or else you would’ve been on the team. Their loss though, because you found your strategy and knowledge of the sport to be your strongest feature as a player.
As a result of the girl’s team already having a manager, the coach recommended you to try signing up for the role of manager for the boy’s team. Now, you didn’t mind being around boys. Your older brother was enough for you to build up the courage against the challenge that is the hygiene and personality, or well, lack thereof, of boys.
However, the courage built over the years was not enough to stop your surprise at seeing none other than Suna Rintarou, from the front.
He looked completely different from what you remember him looking like. For some reason, you still had the young image of Suna in your head. The Suna you remember had puffy cheeks and neat hair, but this new Suna, was mature, older, and way more handsome. His cheeks thinned out and highlighted a sharp jawline that made his face look so clean-cut, unlike his hair that was messy and all over the place. But, if anything, you think that you prefer this Suna.
Because, God, it made him so much more attractive.
Now, it’s been about three months since you’ve become manager, and in those three months, you’ve tried to show Suna just how much you love him. The years of no talking and never meeting each other were all building up for you, and you just wanted to show him all of the care and affection you’ve held for him over the years.
You’ve cooked bento boxes and given them to him, you’ve filled his water bottle with the expensive electrolytes from the convenience store ten minutes away from the school before every practice, and who couldn’t forget, you make sure that his towel was clean and warm beside his gym bag, so that he wouldn’t use the same one for weeks until it reeked. Your affection was clearly shown through your actions and you prayed to the heavens that he would just notice you. Maybe say a ‘thank you’ or even a little head pat, you really don’t care, just some recognition would make you feel rewarded after all the hard work you’ve done for him.
But, the bento boxes were returned to you either by, Atsumu or Osamu, Suna drank the expensive electrolyte water, however, he seemed to not notice that it was you who put all the thought and care behind the action, and his towel was always just thrown to the side alongside the other towels. Even though the towel you prepped was a personal one from home that had your initials hand sewn in the corner. You thought that at one point he would’ve acknowledged you, but the gratefulness never came.
It didn’t matter though. Because you knew in your heart that you loved Suna Rintarou, and there was nothing that could change that. Even if you did all the sincere actions for him until the both of you graduated and he never noticed you, just knowing that he at least saw the bento box, the water bottle, and your towel, was enough to put a smile on your face. You would show Suna that you love him, ten times over.
“Y/N! Earth to Y/N!” Your head snaps over to your right, seeing the coach look at you with concern. Embarrassed that he caught you in your daily Suna trance, your cheeks heats up and you push yourself to your feet.
“Coach!”
“I thought you would never hear me. Listen, I don’t know what’s taking all your attention away, but can you please head down to the locker room and tell the boys that they need to make their way over here. The drill we spoke about yesterday is a bit complicated, so I would like to get started as soon as possible.” Nodding, you bow and begin to make your way over to the club room.
Your heart begins to speed up a bit, as the thought of seeing Suna shirtless makes your chest burn and your face hot. By all means, you are not a pervert! But just seeing him with all his muscles in the bright fluorescent light of the locker room looked like a cover of a sports magazine.
Suna Rintarou makes you feel so nervous. Unfortunately, you find yourself relishing in the minimal acknowledgement that he gives you, thriving off of the fact that you were in a club that just allowed you to be around him. Maybe it was a sign from the heavens that you weren’t physically athletic, but strategically, which resulted in your application as Boys Volleyball team manager. You’d like to think that despite his ignorance, it was in both of your guys’ destinies to end up with another.
Maybe the both of you were the main characters of a drama, where, despite all the bumps in the plot, you will always find each other being drawn to one another. Yet again, that was all just your stupid imagination, but one can dream, right?
Giggling to yourself, you were about to knock on the locker room door, before you heard loud voices through the small space between the door and the wall. It sounded like they were bickering with one another, and you begin to wonder if it’s Atsumu and Osamu fighting again, while everyone just stood around and observed. Normally, you would be the one to beg them to stop while Kita jumped in after you to pull them apart. But, now that you weren’t inside, you begin to push open the door at the possibility.
“...Y/N?” Your actions falter at the sound of your name.
‘Are they talking about me?’ Before you could do anything, you lean your ear in just to get a snippet of what they were talking about. You know what they say though, curiosity was what killed the cat.
“Come on Sunarin! You have to like Y/N! She’s so cute, and she cooks you all those bento boxes! If that isn’t girlfriend material, then I don’t know what is.” Hearing Atsumu praise you for your efforts made you smile, trying to hide it by covering your mouth with your hand.
“And, let’s not forget how she already likes you. C’mon Rintarou, we’ve seen her personally hand you your water bottle,” The voice you assume to be Ojiro teases, while everyone in the room laughs.
“Oh yeah!! I’ve seen those expensive electrolyte packets in her bag, man, how does it feel to receive such special treatment from Y/N?”
‘So my actions don’t go unnoticed.’ Your smile grows bigger, clutching your clipboard closer to your chest when feeling just how full your heart is with everyone’s recognition.
“Stop it guys.” Suna’s smooth voice finally enters the picture and you try to stop yourself from giggling out loud. “She’s our manager.”
“So?!? Man, that’s even better! You won’t have a girlfriend who doesn’t understand the importance of the sport. If anything, Y/N is more committed than you, maybe you will be the one competing for her attention against the club,” you hear smooching sounds and Atsumu speaks in a voice that tries to mock Suna’s, but did a terrible job.
“Y/N~ don’t forget all about me!! I love you Y/N~!” More kissing sounds can be heard, and everyone in the room laughs one more time.
The joy in your heart would’ve been extended, if it weren’t for the sudden aggravated scoff from Suna, and the slapping of a towel on bare skin. Atsumu yelps and the room suddenly dies down from the initial humorous atmosphere.
“Man, shut up. I don’t like Y/N. She’s alright, I guess.” a locker door slams shut, “But sometimes, she's just so... annoying. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it. And you know, after a while, it just comes off as desperate.”
‘Desperate? I’m not desperate.’ You weren’t keen on Suna noticing you. You just liked doing all those things for him, it showed you cared, and that he was at least deserving of some special treatment, because he was a very special person in your life.
“I feel bad for her,” he continues, “spending all that time doing shit for someone that doesn’t even like her. I can’t say anything though, cause she’s our manager and I don’t want the team to feel awkward. I guess I just have to suffer with her smothering me all the damn time.”
At that, you feel your once fluttering heart stop. You feel tears beginning to make their way to fall from your eyes, as your face begins to feel hot, but not in a blushing way. More like in a, you were about to sob out loud and the tears probably wouldn’t stop for a while, way.
You loved Suna. He didn’t have to love you back, the least you were asking for was for him to say ‘thank you’. But it appeared that your affection didn’t appear as a display of your love, but something that bothered him. Annoying him to the point of seeing your actions as suffocating. But that didn’t entirely bother you.
It was the fact that he didn’t even want to tell you to stop. He was going to live like that until high school was over, because you were the team’s manager, and it would be ‘awkward’. You begin to overthink.
What if you kept on going about cooking those bento boxes for him, filling his water up with electrolytes, and bringing a special towel from home, all warm and clean, without knowing what he actually thought of your displays of affection? You would’ve lived thinking that Suna somewhat appreciated it. Possibly having the idiotic thought that he was just shy, and maybe didn’t know how to exactly tell you that he liked you.
You are such a dumbass.
You begin to tremble, the pen that was once held up by your clipboard clattering to the ground and startling you. It brought you back to your situation, seeing the door still somewhat closed in front of you. Out of fear that they were going to see you and realise that you were eavesdropping, you ditch the pen and begin to run back to the gym.
You were going to tell the coach that you were feeling sick. You hope the teary eyes and flushed cheeks will do you justice, and he’ll send you home without any repercussions. But as of right now, nothing matters, all that did was the fact that you were annoying the boy you loved, and that your pillows were waiting to welcome your tears until tomorrow morning.
It’s been two days. Have you missed school for the past two days? Absolutely not. Suna wasn’t going to make you miss class, as much as you wanted to, you know that if you were going to skip, the school will inform your parents, and that last thing you want is your parents to get involved.
It’s just been two days since you’ve been to volleyball practice. You haven’t been missing your duties at all though. Yes, you’ve been in contact with the coach and Kita, with them informing you on the notes of the team and each player’s performance. The reason for that being, some coaches from Tokyo were planning to head down to Hyogo for a volleyball camp. The team needs to know what they have to improve on, and unfortunately, though you felt as if you weren’t in the right state of mind, you had to fulfil your duties as a manager.
You’re not over Suna, and to be honest, you don’t think you ever will be. He’s been such a constant force in your life, that a lifetime without his presence captivating your mind felt impossible to even conjure. You love Suna Rintarou, but you guess you would just have to hold it inside until the both of you go your separate ways. Maybe then you’ll get over him, but the possibility seemed unlikely.
You just have to give up expecting the response to your love that you’ve been hoping for your entire life.
Checking the cafeteria and seeing if you had enough food supply for three volleyball teams, their respective coaches, and their managers. It seemed like a chore to do all on your own, and it was. But you committed to being the team manager. Suna wasn’t going to change that whether he liked it or not.
“Y/N, the Tokyo teams will be arriving soon. Coach says you need to head to the front and help him with dorm placement.” Sighing and nodding, you get up from your squatting position from the bottom shelf. Kita notices your negative mood, by being the observant asshole that he is. As you were about to exit out the only doorway, he grabs your forearm, holding you back from actually leaving. His sudden touch surprised you, resulting in you jolting back. “I’ve been meaning to ask, are you okay?”
His concern falters your thoughts and movements. In all the time that you’ve been manager of the volleyball team, Kita has never really shown you that much care for how you felt. It surprised you a bit, seeing how concerned he looked for your wellbeing.
Yet again, he’s Suna’s friend.
“I’m okay, why do you ask?” He didn’t believe you, that was clear. It was so obvious when his facial expression did not change, Kita was still staring intently at you. It almost felt like he was trying to read your mind.
“You dropped your pen, by the way.” Taking it out of his pocket, Kita hands you your familiar piece of stationary, not thinking about it, you grab it from his hand. “I know you were by the locker room when Suna said what he said.”
‘Oh shit.’ You felt your heart come to a stop, yet again.
“W-What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“So it’s just a coincidence that after Suna said that about you, I found your pen in front of the locker room door, and you didn’t show up to practise till today? Y/N, I’m not sure if you’ve failed to learn something about me, but I can tell you that I am not an idiot.”
His words caught you off-guard. Kita managed to figure out what was wrong with you, without even knowing who you were. To be honest, it scared you a bit, getting a glimpse of what Kita can truly find out when he concentrated hard enough. You admire that about him.
Taking your silence as you not knowing what to say, Kita lets go of your forearm and sighs.
“Suna didn’t mean what he said. He’s a very thoughtful individual who was pressured into saying those things by the team. You know how they are. Please try to see things from his perspective, as Suna is often misunderstood.” He begins to walk away, but leaves with a final word, “I’m not telling you to change how you feel about the situation. You have a right to feel how you feel. But, don’t take Suna’s words too seriously.” Kita walks away, leaving you alone in the cafeteria.
‘Did he just say not to take the insults Suna threw at you seriously?’ The aggression left behind the negativity a few days ago wants to say, absolutely not. What Kita said is unfair, to you and your feelings. Suna called you annoying and said you were smothering him, how can you jump around that? So far you haven’t had a night where you haven’t thought about how…mean Suna was. You thought that he only would’ve been mean to Atsumu or the others, but not you, never you.
It’s safe to say that your mind felt like it was on the verge of exploding. It was so stressful to choose whether or not you should believe Kita and show Suna your love again, or just ignore him like what you’ve been doing for the past couple of days.
You think that it’s best to just…not think about the problem. It’s a situation for later, for now, the camp and most importantly, the team needs your utmost attention.
‘God, I hate high school.’
“Hey Suna, you good?” Suna takes a sip of water from his bottle, noting that it tasted different from usual. Nodding, he wipes his sweat off with a spare shirt from his bag, also becoming aware that the towel that he was given wasn’t the usual soft one that he had from the beginning of the year. This one was coarse and rough, making him pick up the shirt he intended to wear if he got too sweaty.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Hey, does the water taste a bit weird? Like, spoiled or somethin’ cause it doesn’t taste like how it usually does.” Osamu’s eyebrow raises, grabbing the bottle from Suna’s hands despite his protests, and tasting his friend’s drink. To him, it tasted normal, like the normal water that came from the water fountain.
“No…it tastes like how it usually does?”
“Nah, can’t be man. The water I usually have is sweeter and it tastes like fruit juice. This shit tastes weird.” Suna’s face scrunches up, tasting his water again to see if he was just hallucinating the lack of flavour in his water. It’s stupid, how much he’s overthinking the flavour of something that he shouldn’t think that much about. But he hates how regular water tastes like, only really drinking it if he has to.
Observing Suna, it clicks in Osamu’s head what was missing from the water.
In the past, he has noticed you getting out a packet of electrolytes and putting it into Suna’s bottle with a sincere smile on your face. You looked so cute and happy, it puzzled him why you didn’t tell Suna that it was you that was making his water suitable to his tastes. The silent display of affection made him so jealous, he could only wish that he had someone that cared that much.
“What if you ask Y/N? She’s the one who fills up the water bottles anyway, she should know.” Osamu jogs back to the court, practising once more with the team captain. Inquisitively, Suna does remember that you fill up the water bottles. He also remembered how you asked him once at the beginning of the school year what his favourite drink was, and he only shrugged, saying that he likes fruit chuupets, and ever since then, his water tasted like the familiar fruity taste. Wanting to know why his water hasn’t been tasting like it as of late, it prompted him to go on a search for you. Damn warmups, he needs to know why his water doesn’t have the same taste than it usually does.
Looking around the gym, he sees your figure turn into the hallway. Following you, he begins to walk faster in order to catch up to you, thinking about what to say to you in his head, without coming across as mean.
‘Y/N, why does my water taste bad?’ No. ‘Y/N, why doesn’t my water taste like fruit?’ No, he’s going to sound stuck up. ‘Y/N, why does my water taste like everyone else’s?’ Oh God no, that sounds even worse.
‘Y/N, is there something different about my water?’ There you go. That should sound right.
He was ready to confront you, preparing himself to call out your name. But before he could do so,
“Dove!” Suna’s head snaps to the loud voice in front of him, and so does yours, as a tall, lanky, goofy-looking boy makes his way towards you. Much to Suna’s dismay, for some reason, a smile etches itself onto your face as the other man approaches you. “I thought I would never find you.”
“Tetsu, aren’t you supposed to be practising with your team? You shouldn’t be behind here.”
“Well, I just wanted to see my girl. Is there any harm in that, Dove?”
“Tetsu, stop,” you mutter, a bit shy, “I don’t want people from my school to hear you call me that.”
“Aw, you’re still cute as ever. Here, let me help you with that.” Suna sees the guy, ‘Tetsu’, grab the basket of water bottles from your hands. You protest, pouting a bit as Kuroo brings the case above your reach so that you wouldn’t be able to get it back. “I haven’t seen you in awhile Dove, let me be nice, okay?”
Honestly, he personally doesn’t know what overcame him, but out of nowhere Suna coughed loud enough for the pair to hear. He sees you jump a bit, seeing that one of your teammates, catching you in the midst of a conversation while you were supposed to be doing your duties. And it was even worse for you, as not only was it a teammate, but it was Suna. You assume that he probably hates your guts, based on what he said before. Even so, his glare started to make you feel a bit nervous.
“Can I help you?” Kuroo asks Suna as walks up to the both of them.
“I should be asking you that question. Do you need something from my team manager?” Embarrassed, you look down at your feet, trying to avert your eyes from Suna or Kuroo’s.
Kuroo’s eyes squint, looking at the middle-blocker who, to his surprise, matches his height. The both of them begin to have a staring competition, as one or the other refuses to tear away the eye contact. It started to worry you, because it’s almost been two minutes of harsh breathing and aggressive stares.
“O-Okay, I’ll be taking these then.” You grab the crate from Kuroo and begin to make your way to your original location. “Get back to practise guys! Lunch is in thirty!”
“Who are you and why were you talking to Y/N?”
“Woah, woah, buddy, why are you getting protective? Y/N, is a very, very, close friend of mine, so I think that I have a right to approach her right?” Kuroo smirks, stepping closer to Suna as a form of intimidation. “How about you? Are you her boyfriend or something?”
Suna glares at Kuroo, wanting nothing more than to hit him in the jaw. He would, but one, that would take too much of his energy, and two, he’s pretty sure you would hate him if he does. Still, something in Suna just wanted to tell Kuroo that he was your boyfriend just for him to back off.
But he wasn’t. Because he doesn’t like you. He’s sure of that.
“No.” Kuroo laughs, stepping back before turning to make his way back to the gym.
“Well then, that means nothing is stopping me right?” Kuroo walks away, but not before aggressively pushing Suna’s shoulder back with his own. Though, Suna was too concentrated on what the other boy said to even progress the aggression from the other side.
‘What did he mean ‘nothing is stopping him? Is Kuroo going to do something to you? What will Kuroo do that’ll result in Suna blocking him?’
“Sunarin! What are you still doing out here?!” Atsumu shriek could be heard from down the hall, making Suna jump out of his train of thought. He completely forgot that he was even standing here just staring at a wall and thinking of you. That was weird.
He usually never did.
The practice game against Inarizaki and Nekoma was…tense.
You could feel the passive aggressiveness coming strangely, from Kuroo and Suna across the net. Everyone else was curious as well, wondering exactly why these two, who’ve never met before, suddenly have a feud similar to that of a world war. At first, you were completely clueless, but then began to wonder if something happened in the hallway after you left.
Maybe Suna said something to tease Kuroo? Or maybe, it was the other way around and now they just want to kill each other.
In the third set at twenty-two points to Inarizaki and twenty-four points to Nekoma, the stakes and the nerves were equally as high. Nekoma has one win and Inarizaki has the other. It seems that this practice game was being played for far more than it actually was, since Kuroo and Suna never acknowledged each other apart from glaring and swearing at each other under their breath. Their respective teams kept asking them if they were okay, both replying with, “yeah, let’s just win.”
“Do you think something happened between Suna and that Nekoma player?” The coach asks you, leaning in and whispering it so that others wouldn’t hear.
“I’m not sure…but they do seem pretty aggressive with one another.”
Then, as you look away for just a moment, a spike comes from Nekoma, but was thankfully received by Kita. Following a set by Atsumu, Osamu jumped to spike it down, but was then blocked by none other than Kuroo himself.
At the brink of time, Ojiro retrieves it back, calling Atsumu to set it once more, this time for Suna to powerfully spike it down, aiding them in their two point loss between them and Nekoma. As Suna jumps up, you see Kuroo and Kenma jump as well.
A feeling of failure begins to settle in your heart.
Suna hits the ball, powerfully, the first time you’ve seen him hit a ball with so much energy.
But the ball immediately lands back down onto the same side, Kita not able to have caught up to it in time. Nekoma cheers out loud, congratulating each other on their hard work.
While Inarizaki lost, they began to support each other for their efforts, but you notice that Suna didn’t look as relieved as the others. His stare is hostile, facing towards the otherside where you see Kuroo looking at him with the same confrontational gaze. You swallow nervously, beginning to make your way towards Suna to pull him back. The Inarizaki boys take notice as well, observing how Suna and Kuroo were both stomping their way to each other. The same feeling of failure seeps into your chest again and you could sense something was going to go terribly wrong–
Suna punched Kuroo in the jaw!
Out of nowhere, a fight begins between the two players, both of them tussling with one another in the middle of the court. Kuroo lands a punch on Suna but is equally stunned when Suna fights back almost immediately after. You notice how Kuroo was pulling at his shirt, trying to bring him closer to land another blow, but fails as Suna strikes him one after the other. Both Nekoma and Inarizaki run up to their players, trying to pull them apart from one another.
The coaches start to shout at their players, ordering them to stop what they were doing at once.
Successfully, they both are torn apart from one another, but still continue to fight the air as they try to continue their brawl.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Your coach asks, trying to instill some discipline into his player. Unfortunately, your heart fails to calm down after witnessing the both of them fight so aggressively. You’ve never seen Suna fight someone, or him be so mad.
Suna looks up, pulling his arms away from his teammates and stares at you.
As the both of you make eye-contact, you refuse to move from your position and remain shaking. Almost as if you gave him an answer to something, Suna walks away, leaving behind everyone in awe.
Just then, you look up at Kita, who nods for you to go.
‘Should I go?’
The memory of him calling you annoying and smothering comes back in your mind.
‘Does he deserve my comfort?’
“Please try to see things from his perspective, as Suna is often misunderstood.”
Putting down the clipboard on the bench, you run outside to try and find Suna. Fall has never been kind to Hyogo, as rain pelts down from the sky, fogging your ability to try and see Suna. You call out his name, but your volume is minute in comparison to the strength of the rain.
Running into the open hallway, you look left and right to try and find the familiar boy. But, no luck. Your heart begins to ache at the realisation that you had no idea where Suna is. You didn’t know what he was doing all by himself in weather like this. Inside, you sincerely hope that he didn’t run out in the street.
‘Oh God, what if he did?’
Out of sheer panic, you run towards the direction of the gate, praying to the heavens that he didn’t do the latter. With rain coming down this hard, you knew that driver’s wouldn’t be able to see as clearly as they usually do. And the thought of Suna running into the street in hopes of getting his comfort jelly chuupets at the convenience store down the road doesn’t make you feel better at all.
You run out the gate, looking towards the direction of the store, failing to catch Suna or any person resembling him standing in the vicinity of it. Trying to get nearer and get a closer look, the sound of a blaring horn fills your ears. Turning to the left, you see a car heading your way, swerving side to side in a skidding motion. The road was so slippery in this type of weather, but why couldn’t you move?
The car was getting closer and your feet felt like they were stuck on the ground.
‘Why can’t I move?’
“Y/N!” Your body jerks back to the side. The car swiftly passes the both of you, getting back onto its regular general direction before driving further down the road. You feel your heart beating profusely, your heaving chest moving up and down in hopes of slowing it. “Are you stupid?! What do you think you’re doing?!?”
Looking up to thank your saviour, Suna’s panicked face greets you causing you to go silent. Both at the same time, you feel relief and stress seeing his face. Mostly relief because you’ve finally found him after all the events that occured today.
“Answer me—“
“Idiot!” Pushing him back, Suna stands there stunned while you clench your fists by your sides. “What—What do you think you’re doing, getting into fights, running out in the rain…are you a child?!? What is going on with you??”
Suna stands there silently.
“And don’t just stand there, I ran out in the road because, because I thought you went to buy your stupid chuupets that you love so much down at the convenience store! You are like a child, wanting fucking food when you’re angry or stressed. You know, I shouldn’t have come out here. In the rain, getting all wet. But you know what Suna, you know what’s pathetic? This, running in shitty weather like this, wouldn’t only be the most drastic thing I do for you.
Suna, for months, I-I’ve been buying expensive ass electrolyte packets, because I know you wouldn’t drink regular water. You only drink water that tastes like fruit juice. That’s from my own money by the way! I also cook you food, that I spend time out of my nights, and sometimes mornings, because you are picky! I know you don’t like cafeteria food, so I just threw my food into the circle, hoping to God that you just might like it! And-And let’s not forget about my towel, my hand sewn, hand washed, machine dried towel. I bring it for you fresh everyday Suna! I know you don’t like the rough school towels, so I brought mine with my initials!
And do I get noticed? No! I never got a ‘thank you’, or even a nod of recognition?! I have Atsumu or Osamu return my bento box in silence, even my towel, thrown into the pile with the rest of the team’s towels, and I get called annoying. I slave myself every day, Suna, just to get your attention. But I don’t think you realise that, I don’t have to do these things. I have never, ever, forced myself to do these things.
I am sorry, if I smother you Suna. I just love you so fucking much that I don’t realise the things I do to care for you, are exhausting.
But now, I’m exhausted. Of not receiving the gratitude I expect for the things I do. I was fine for awhile Suna, but now I’m—“
Then, you feel yourself being pushed onto his chest. One of Suna’s arms wrap around your waist, while the other holds your head down gently, as if silencing you from saying the rest of what you wanted to say. You feel shock course through your veins as the last thing you expected was a hug from the Suna Rintarou.
You and Suna stood under the harsh rain, their heartbeats echoing the drumming of waterdrops around them. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them in that intimate moment.
“Don’t get tired Y/N, please don’t get tired of me.” Out of nowhere, you feel yourself begin to cry. Wiping your tears onto Suna’s already wet jersey, he manages to sense your exhaustion, urging him to glide his hand on top of your head continuously. “I am grateful Y/N, that you do all these things for me without me having to ask.”
Suna pulls the both of you apart, cradling your face as he attempts to wipe your tears off. Despite his efforts however, you continue to cry, meanwhile struggling to breathe as you attempt to catch your breath. It feels like despite all the tears you’ve cried in private, seeing Suna recognise you brought a whole different wave of emotions.
“Don’t cry, I don’t want to see you crying because of me.” At that moment, Suna ponders for a bit as you see him look at you. You feel yourself freeze as he leans down to plant two kisses on both of your cheeks, an effort to dry your tears. Putting his forehead on yours, his thumbs continuously brush your jawline, as if he was admiring you. “It’s difficult for me to say Y/N, but I love you.”
Your eyes widen.
“I’ve loved you since elementary when you pushed that little boy off the swing after he pushed me off. I’ve loved you since middle school when you would sneakily put chuupets on my desk, even if you thought I didn’t know. You’re beautiful Y/N. And, I’m sorry for not thanking you earlier for everything you’ve done for me. I’m not brave like you, I can’t show the people I love that I care for them.”
“B-But the bento…”
“Of course I ate it. It hurts me to think that I didn’t, I just always asked Atsumu or Osamu to bring it back. You make me nervous Y/N. I can’t confidently walk up to you when you get prettier every time my eyes turn to you.
You make me weak, Y/N.” You huff, sniffling as Suna lands another kiss on the tip of your nose. He smiles and brings you in for another hug, but this time, your arms wrap around him tightly.
It is difficult to love Suna Rintarou.
It was a path fraught with uncertainties and moments of doubt. But as you stood there, holding the rain-soaked figure before you, you knew that the journey was worth it. Because in the depths of his guarded heart, you had found a love that was as powerful as it was fragile, as beautiful as it was challenging. And you were determined to weather the storm, to be the unwavering presence that helped him navigate the complexities of love and vulnerability.
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natdu · 8 months
Note
Can i request oikawa, kuroo, semi and suna when their s/o thinks that they have a crush on another girl?
Hi there! Of course you can rq that my dear, I only made 3 of them due to length I hope that's OK with you (o´▽`o)
Pairings: Separate Oikawa, Kuroo & Semi x Fem! Reader
Genre: Angsty to fluff, hurt/comfort
Warnings & content: Grammar - high school and time skip scenario - pet names - slightly slightly suggestive on Kuroo's is barely there - implied short & with a diff aesthetic reader in Semi's - use of Japanese honorifics - Misunderstandings (2) hints of emotional cheating (1)
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Oikawa Toruu x Reader (High-school setting)
When you agreed to date Oikawa you knew the little surprises you would encounter, that of course being his fans
There was literally no place where you wouldn't find them, they came from different schools, another cities, heck even older girls who waited for his discharge of high school like eagles
Were you worried? Not really, Oikawa was actually a really good boyfriend, he started to stop his usual idol persona when he was out with you and someone approached you both. He had tell you once "I don't want to repeat what had happened with my other partners..... I like you too much for my own good"
So what was this feeling? The growing ache and disgust (dare you say) that emanated from your heart?
Recently there was this girl that belonged to the photography club of Seijoh. Her semester task was about movement and she thought that capturing the volleyball team in the middle of training was a good subject, you had to agree with her since it was honestly a cool approach.
Now that automatically meant that she had to spend a lot of time with them, and consequently with Oikawa.
Your walking home conversations started to include a lot of this girl and what she did while they were at practice, how Kindaishi was so nervous he served directly to her and Oikawa was the one who protected her. You know, light stuff like that
Then it evolve into "Oh I'm full dear, Himiko-chan brought some snacks for us and coach approved it, they were soo good!"
Himiko-chan this, Himiko-chan that. Hell, even Iwaizumi seemed a little bit too engaged with this Himiko girl
And today was the day of a supposed date between Oikawa and you since the season had ended and he had more free time
But when you went to the gym to pick him up, green clouded your eyes
This girl was showing Oikawa some photos from her professional camera but she was way too close. Not really touching but, I mean, if he didn't knew what type of perfume she had on then he got sensory problems.
Either way he would have problems with you because how doesn't he notice his dear Himiko-chan is acting way to lovey dovey to be showing just pictures
And he was eating that up, you noticed the slight pride of his gaze and his stupid little smirk
The way you announced your presence with a clear intonation of his name made everyone jolt on their place
Except of course, the threat
"Tooru-kun you have to go now? For real?"
You clenched your fist and tried to put your best customer smile. The audacity of this girl
"Yes he has to go cuz he promised to come when his practice ended. Now if you excuse us"
Oikawa's cheek had turned red, thanks to which feeling? You didn't want to know
"Hey sweetie I didn't forget or anything I swear I just-"
"Oh you just were way too invested in whatever it was that you didn't notice your practice had ended like 20 minutes ago and you didn't inform me if you were alive"
"Aww come on you knew I was alive-"
"Don't you try to play this down Oikawa"
He flinched a little, wow, using last names and everything
"What else did I do wrong?"
"Take a funny guess since you've been spending oh so much time with me"
You knew you were being what people called petty. But how could you not? Sure you would communicate and give him hints but on GOD if he actually didn't know why you were acting like this
You both stayed in silence for a couple of blocks until Oikawa snapped his fingers
"This is about Himiko-chan isn't it?"
"This is about Himiko-chan isn't it?" you mimicked with mockery
"You jealous?"
The tease in his tone would have made your heart jump and your mind to think about a quick come back. But not today
"You tell me Tooru. She's been taking hours from our quality time and I swear you're dumber than Iwa gives you credit if you don't notice she's flirting with you"
"Well I don't answer to her advances,i don't know what you're so defensive about"
Now instead of green, you saw red
"But have you stopped her? Have you given me my place? Or how is it that after months you don't look uncomfortable in the slightest"
You let all your thoughts out, you were exhausted
"Were you enamoured by the renewed feeling of admiration? How she talks sweetly to you to get your attention?"
Silence, once again
"Hmm, just what I thought"
"No babe wait"
"Go home Tooru, I'm not responsible for what I'll say next if we keep this conversation going"
A week passed by and you avoided Oikawa everywhere, and I mean everywhere. He barely saw a glimpse of your hair or your hand turning around a corner. And the emotional loneliness he started to feel was eating him up, but even he knew it was a selfish thought
He knew he had to redeem himself if the apology was ought to be sincere. And oh how he didn't want to mess this up with you
Everyone else but you
"Tooru-kun"
"It's Oikawa for you"
You didn't expect to be listening to a convo like this on a friday afternoon. Add to your shock the utter serious tone Oikawa was using, the one he talked Kageyama to, the one he used when talking to rivals
"B-but you've let me call you like that for a while"
"I didn't give you an explicit green flag to go about it, I ungracefully just let you, I shouldn't had to"
The audible wince of Himiko made you feel a little bad for her. But at the same time you were impressed on how collected Oikawa was behaving
He was not caring about how this girl was going to react
"Don't get me wrong Himiko, you're a great photographer, truly" A set of silence
"But I hurt the person I love the most when I tried to brush your intentions"
You were fully resting your body against the wall, now being all ears to what was developing almost in front of you
"It was bad for you sure, now I see how misleading that was, but I could had stopped it if I gave my girl the bare minimum respect"
He sighed and accommodated his backpack, it was heavy enough for you listen to it. That was accompanied with little sobs, thankfully not yours
"So I'm now telling you: I love my darling, more than anything in this shallow world" Another sigh
"And that means we'll need boundaries if you want to keep your project up with us. Understood?"
A broken answer was given and Himiko-chan was finally out of your radar, the pit pat of her shoes merging with the environment
"Well well, now to find my baby and apologise in a decent oh"
You stepped out just in time to be at his level
"Did Iwa coached you to this?"
"No I...." He sighed heavily and gave you a sad look "I Reflected on what you told me and I realize how is not enough to 'stop doing' is also about 'start doing' and that is... Actually give myself as off limits even when you're not around"
He looked right at your eyes, a little puffy, a little hurt
A little hopeful
"I'm sorry. I assure you that I didn't even entertained the thought of having something with her, not even in a joking idolistic way....
"It still hurt Tooru"
"I know, so please, let me make it up to you"
Because Oikawa Tooru was better boyfriend than anyone could give himself credit. Because the thing that was being with you filled him more than anything in the universe, to the point he was willing to die to himself. Die to his ego
His fans would come and go as the wind
But you, you were his eternity
Kuroo Tetsuro x Reader (timeskip)
You had to blink multiple times as to register how Kuroo's folder is now weirdly color coded with bright papers
"Tetsu what is this? Never knew you were into crafting?"
"What? Oh! That's Nana's doing"
"Nana?"
Ah yes, Kuroo's "work wife". You had been his plus one in a recent JVA dinner party and this "Nana" was a hot topic. Apparently she was everyone's work wife, but seemed to have a soft spot for what was yours
"Yup, she saw my folder and gave me an earful of how I was supposed to function as a member of a sport promotion division if I couldn't keep my stuff as organised as volleyball is"
"Oh ok?"
"She's a big help for all of us, don't you think?" Like that he kissed the crown of your head and headed to the room, as if was nothing
One day, two days, a whole week goes by and she keeps coming into your house in the form of an embroided lavender flower on a handkerchief, the one you gave to him on his promotion day
Then is a bag of baked goods (you hated to admit that those little b*tches tasted like heaven)
An useful-for-the-house trinket, a handmade magnet with the office's checklist. More and more favors and gifts keep coming
And yet you have a blank space on who this woman is, who has that much time in an office to be so lovey dovey with everyone. And how subtle does she appear to be so your husband didn't even flinch at these forms of affection
It didn't sit right to your heart how comfortable Kuroo seemed to be with this whole show
Then Kuroo started to arrive late, later than he used to. Nor that he acted in a sketchy way apart from that but still... It was like a punch to your throat. Your mom had always told you "If your man stays at work more than they need him too, is cuz he found a reason to stay there"
So you did what every sane person would have done in a situation like that. Go to his office and see the truth for yourself
The ding of the elevator was brown noise to you. Stepping out of it immediately brought the attention of your husband coworkers, they obviously knew who you were
Then a little hunched lady, someone old enough to be your granny, stepped in to greet you
"Heya miss, Who are you looking for darling?"
"Oh uh good evening I'm looking for Kuroo Tetsuro"
"Ah yeah he's drinking something in the break room, let me get you there"
Both of you walked to the said place. The woman smelled like fresh baked cookies and you couldn't help to smile, it wasn't common to have older people in places like this. You were happy for her on whatever dutie she was performing for a volleyball agency
"Excuse me auntie, do you know if perhaps he was with someone, a girl maybe?"
"I've seen no other woman more than you crossing those doors miss. So, unless we have a surprise colleague here, no dear"
Soon you reached your destiny and you found Kuroo.... Alone, drinking his plain tea
"Tetsu-chan this gorgeous woman was looking for you"
You grimaced internally, if the new eye candy wasn't in this division did that mean that he was chatting with her on the phone? Did they crossed each other on bars? The fear was consuming you
Ironically, Kuroo seemed a little too thrilled to have you there in front of him. He shifted his feet slowly but there was not an ounce of guilt or fear in his eyes. You really didn't know if that was good or bad
"Oh my Nana you're an angel getting her to me. Thank you, I'll be back in a minute"
Wait, hold up
"Nana?"
"Oh yeah that's my name darling, a little too young toned isn't it?"
You blinked once, twice
"You're his work wife?"
The lady furrowed her brows and looked at Kuroo as if she wanted to bury him underground
"Do you boys keep with that nonsense? Do you know how disrespectful it sounds to your partners? These young people I swear" she said shaking her head and sighing deeply
Kuroo only had an amused smile and held you tightly as you both now faced the troubled Nana
"I don't use the term itself blame Kento-san from marketing"
He was cut off by your giggling and your figure crouching almost touching the floor
"Oi what's so funny?"
"I'm not making fun of you, I'm relieved" you said between watery giggles
"I thought... I thought you were having a work wife in more ways than one"
Both of them looked at you. Your husband in horror and sadness, Nana with compassion and understanding
"Hon, if this man was cheating believe me that by now he would have his eyes far up his -"
"Oi Nana-san the CEO needs ya, oh shit sorry I interrupted something"
Needless to say the man (Kento-san) was taken away by his ear thanks to your new friend
You kept on the ground for a while until Kuroo sat down right beside you
"Did I neglect you that much the last week?"
You shook your head "It was a mix of you arriving late and the little gifts she gave to you... I would had appreciated if I knew the infamous Nana was the office's assigned grandma"
"She's actually our CEO's granny, but takes care of us like we are her kids"
"Huh then why did they called her 'work wife'? That's a Freudian shit right there"
He laughed and held your hand giving it a soft squeeze
"Well this is my sign to better communicate my anecdotes.... I'm sorry"
"Mmm... OK actually why were you so late tho?"
His laughed echoed into the small room and he took a handkerchief filled to the brim with beautiful embroided flowers
"Learned to did this in a week. Sorry, I should had tell you"
You sighed in relief once again "God we suck at surprising each other"
"I was gladly surprised to see you here today wifey, except for the cheating suspicion part. I never want you to feel like that ever again even if it's a misunderstanding"
In a sudden movement and manhandling moment, he put you up to your feet and he kneeled in front of you smiling, just like when he asked you out in college
"So.... Will you give me the honor of being my home AND work wife? Forever?"
You were the next week's hot topic on why Kuroo seemed extra relaxed and laid back, almost dreamily meeting his deadlines as the tiniest marks of purple peaked through his perfect ironed shirt.
"Lucky bastard. You'll be a dad in no tim-! ouch! Nana-san!"
Semi Eita x Reader (timeskip)
"Eita I assure you that if moshpits weren't as aggressive I would be in the public but I... It scares me ok?"
"Baby it's like a grown up version of push and pull. Besides you can always step aside when you want"
You whined under your breath and buried your head in the nearest pillow "I don't wanna Semi please?"
"Doll I can't have you packed up in the scenario each time, this place is reduced and you may get hurt upstage"
Huh?
"Are you serious?"
What started like a little banter about you being at the same level as his attendees migrated to an argument about his apparent worry
"If I'm such a hassle and a nuisance backstage you could just had said so"
"That's definitely not what I meant"
"Oh really? Then how is it that I'm safer surrounded by men and women at least 6 cm taller than me that will be jumping around looking for the next non alt looking girl to yeet into the distance?"
"Oh please" Semi said as he rolled his eyes and stood up, picking his stuff from the couch
"If the things I love actually frighten you so much you're free to stay here"
Without the chance to answer he closed the door with a soft 'click'
Your only companion was the sting under your eyes and your misty vision
Later, when you were already curled up in bed trying to catch some sleep, you felt the soft steps of Semi's boots against the floor. What brought your attention to a more conscious state was the muffled sound of his voice chatting with another on the doorstep, then the same 'click' and now he was walking throug the apartment.
You closed your eyes and pretended to be asleep, scared of the confrontation on what happened earlier
To your blessing or rather dismay, Semi only connected his phone to the charger and layed down on his side of the bed with a soft 'huff'
The next day brought a new heartache to your soul as Semi wasn't there when you woke up. You cried, again
Then a text caught your eye, it was Semi's
"A new drummer joined the band yesterday"
Three dots.... Three dots...
"We'll be celebrating and introducing them in the pub near our apartment if you wanna come"
You wiped the remainder of your tears as you looked at your closet. You knew how that pub looked like, you knew what type of regulars it had.... And it was nothing like you
Afraid of what his words would be this time you rejected the invitation
"Not feeling so well Eita, I'll pass. Enjoy yourself"
And boy he did enjoy himself
Semi made him present at the fashionable 4 am mark of your kitchen clock, high on excitement with loud laughs and sentences. You heard his confession into the dark of the dawn even before he arrived to the porch
"I haven't had this fun on ages guys, you, you are a monster"
A quick glance through the window gave you context of his fond words
A woman with the most luscious black hair ever, tall, built like a model with full on rock attire was the one receiving the praise.
You stepped back from the window and ran to the bedroom, to the safety of your bed
If she was the new drummer you couldn't help but to feel a little self conscious, hell you felt a lot self conscious
And it didn't turn better, because the next days, even if Semi never picked up the initial argument again, he seemed to be relevied of not having you in his gigs. And there were always, always, words of amazement for Mrs drummer girl
Rei knew where to find the last instrument gadgets, knew a lot of classic bands, knew this and that. She was not only pretty but was a whole library on Semi's interest
"Rei's pretty skilled with the drums doll, you should come and see us play soon"
And watch him flirt with her on the stage? No thank you
But then, after a pep talk with your friends. You saw how you shouldn't leave it like this, at least you should fight for the relationship, right?
So, you paired some of Semi's clothes that actually fitted you and arrived to the place were he would play. You walked up to the stage and saw Rei, fidgeting with the drumsticks, playing around
Fuck, she was gorgeous.
And she surely noticed your gaze however her reaction shocked you. She rested her cheek on her hand and gave you a soft look,then she was called backstage and gave you a playful wink before disappearing through the courtain
If she was being a redemption of a reverse pick me girl she was playing it rather convincingly
Soon after you felt your sleeve being tugged by an astonished Semi
"Hey there, you haven't come for a while. Why didn't you tell me? I could have walked you here"
His demeanor made you uncomfortable. It would be a lie to say that you weren't hurt by his (apparently) forgotten words and his newfound "obsession"
"I knew how to arrive just right, I'm not a scary kitten"
He then opened his mouth but was cut short by his bassist
"Yo Semi time to come up here, we're 'bout to start"
He sighed and gave you an apologetic look "Come here, we can talk when we finish"
"I'll stay down here"
"Hah?"
You stood your ground, crossing your arms over your chest and giving him the look
"I said I'm staying here, I don't need to be up there since it is so inconvenient"
"Babe you're still at it? Come on-"
"Eita man hurry up!"
He furrowed his brows and groaned. But as he looked at you he knew you were to stubbornly stay there
"We'll talk about this later. Be safe"
And with a jump he got on the stage as the place started to get crowded
The gig was good, you always enjoyed it. And being honest, the only mosh pit that developed during it didn't even end with a broken nose, so you actually spent a good time with this new perspective
Surprisingly, you noticed how Rei and Semi's interactions on stage were futile. Maybe a look or two but nothing that made your heart clutch of pain on your chest. It felt rather natural
Finally, after the last encore, all the band +you were in the dressing room. Semi seemed ansty to talk to you, masked down with his usual frown
Rei had only chuckled and smiled at some of the parts of the conversation. So you came up to her, if she was shitty you could have fundaments for hating her, if not, you knew you should focus your temper on Semi
Until she opened her mouth and you were on for a surprise
"Damn Semi if I knew your girl was gonna be here I would have put on some cologne"
That was a whole ass man
"You're...... You're a guy"
She, he? Chuckled loudly and gave you a crooked smile
"What can I say? I'm taking 'Dude looks like a lady' to a whole new level love"
A string of uneven chords crossed the air and Semi placed down his guitar with the deepest scold on his face. Not even with the teasing Tendou had you seen him like this
"Stop flirting with my girl"
"D'aww I'm your protège. Don't I even deserve a peck?"
"Don't you even dare"
After some more teasing, a wrap up of the gig and a smack at the back of Rei's head you both were now walking back home
"Didn't know you thought Rei was a lady" was Semi's cut into the silence
You scowled in embarrassment
"I had never spooked to him and he looks even better than me, it's not fair how pretty his hair is"
Then you felt the same tug on your clothes, well his clothes
"They suit you, you know? But I love your usual outfits too"
"Eita...."
"What I'm trying to say is.... I'm sorry, for dismissing your worries, for accusing you" he chuckled dryly "And for making you worry about a non existent woman"
"Hmm?"
"I know the look you get when you're worried, and you stopped wearing that glittery eyeshadow you love. You only do that when you're fully stressed"
He held both of your hands giving them soft kisses over the knuckles
"I'm sorry, don't ever change or expose yourself for the sake of demonstrate me something"
You sighed, feeling light hearted and with renowned affection for the man in front of you
"I have to apologise too. I talked a little bit from prejudice about the public, I actually had a nice night, most of them were incredibly polite"
"Still" A shared laugh between you and you were back home
"Let me make it up to you?"
"Find out Rei's hair products and all be good"
"And you won't get close to him?"
"Hmm maybe?
"Babe!"
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Woh another rq from months ago that I managed to finish ( ´ ▿ ` ) ah I'm embarrassed on how long it took me anon I hope you're around to see it
As usual with long stuff it may have different vibes, I hope its decent to read for y'all
Natdu
2K notes · View notes
chimielie · 1 year
Text
girlfriend
summary: Iwaizumi x F!Reader. you might be his girlfriend—but she's his girl.
word count: 2.4k
cw: hurt/comfort. a lot of reader insecurity. fear/mention of emotional cheating but there is none
a/n: this actually fills @akimind's request for my 500 follower event one million years ago but the formatting is tooo hard so. here it is!!! iwaizumi + angst + college au + "that's not what i said." LOVE YOU SORRY HOPE IT HURTS AND IS ALSO ENJOYABLE. <<<<3333333
You didn't mean to fall in love with your boyfriend.
You hadn't gone into this expecting Hajime to become your boyfriend at all, actually. You liked him. Liked how easy it was to be with him. How warm he was when you let your touch linger on him and pretended it was more than a flirty friendship. You hadn't ever predicted it would become so, because Hajime was hung up on his ex-girlfriend.
They'd traveled over oceans to be together, coming to Irvine from the same prefecture in Japan. They had still been together when you met him, her head tucked beneath his chin, his arms wrapped around her waist. Your first thought was "oh, he's beautiful." Your second thought was "they look like they're made for each other." You shoved the first thought deep inside a secret crevice of your brain and stuck out your hand to introduce yourself with a bright smile.
The strain of new adulthood got to them, though, or so you assumed: you were never privy to the gory details of the breakup. They remained friendly, in the same friend group, and it just always seemed obvious to you that they would someday reconcile. It wasn't until two years after their break that you were able to start showing regular, platonic affection to Hajime without feeling like an attempted homewrecker.
It was just before graduation, having dragged him away for a late-night bite to eat so neither of you would starve to death studying for finals, when everything flipped on its head. Your plan to energize the both of you had backfired; you were yawning every other sentence and came close to laying your head on the table before Hajime put his palm down in front of your face.
"Come sit next to me," he'd said, so you maneuvered around into his side of the booth and been promptly pulled into his side. You had looked up at him, murmuring a sleepy question that was more wordless noise than actual English, and that was it. Something you didn't understand softened his gaze, and then he tilted his head to the side and brushed his lips over yours.
It was a perfect first kiss.
In the weeks following it, you had bounced violently between insisting to yourself that he hadn't meant for you to read too far into the kiss and your natural instinct to go after what your heart wanted. And the more he proved that it wasn't a one-off anomaly, that he could kiss you right out of drought into a superbloom, the more you were convinced. Iwaizumi Hajime wouldn't knowingly break your heart.
When Hajime asked you to be official, wildflower bouquet in hand, the lights of the now-empty graduation pavilion shining down on the both of you, you said yes, your whole heart and none of your brain in the matter.
As you entered your apartment hand-in-hand with him, greeting all the friends who had gathered there to celebrate the end of undergraduate school, you remembered that the key modifier in "Iwaizumi Hajime wouldn't knowingly break your heart" was knowingly. He seemed happy enough announcing the development to everyone else, and then she had walked in, carrying a bottle of wine that almost slipped from her grasp when she saw your proximity. He had dropped your hand—just for a second, but it had happened, and then picked it back up like his sentence hadn't died in his mouth at the sight of her.
He'd always gotten a little defensive when people mentioned their relationship, his features shutting down into a blank, tight expression. Though they obviously weren't as close as they had been for most of their lives, they were still both part of your friend group, and he always seemed to laugh just a little harder at her jokes, kept eye contact a little longer, got embarrassed more easily around her. You didn't want to be jealous or insecure or possessive, but it just felt more increasingly obvious that you were a rebound, a cheap, temporary dupe meant to fill in until Hajime realized and returned to the love of his life.
It was hard to be angry at him, though, because you knew with every fiber of your bleeding heart that he wouldn't do this to you on purpose. You knew he thought he cared for you, that he thought he had moved on. He did a good job almost every day coming very close to persuading you of it, enough to keep you from breaking up with him and leaving him behind, but never quite erasing your insecurities for more than a few weeks at a time.
One of the first mornings you woke up in his bed, well rested and sore in all the right places, he was missing. You got up, mourning the softness of his sheets and the scent of him on the pillowcases, and slipped into one of his shirts before leaving his room to explore.
He was cooking, shirtless in the kitchen, and if that wasn't one of the yummiest things you had seen in your life.
"Good morning," you said, leaning against his counter.
"Very," he returned, flipping an egg in the pan. "Looking like that. I think—I mean, it seems like that shirt always gets chosen to be the boyfriend shirt." He had narrowly avoided saying her name, but you had heard it threatening to tumble out of his mouth. You bit back a response, but your smile still dropped, and he spent the next hour making allusive, sorry overtures without either of you actually acknowledging the slip.
You never wore that shirt again. He gave you another one, you accepted it, and life moved on.
Except you had somehow become mired in the past with a relationship that was long over, and without university or a job to distract you—you were starting at the end of September, which felt aeons away—it was eating you alive, especially as Hajime left for a preliminary return trip to Japan.
"Did you hear how Mattsun and Makki greeted him when he landed?" You sit in the car on the way to the airport, packed in with Hajime's ex, successfully hyping yourself up to see him again until she addressed the group.
"Oh, yeah," you laugh. "So funny." You haven't had a conversation with Hajime that had more depth than "how are u? miss u" for the trip's duration. She's your friend, too, though you've never been close, but there's something unbearable about admitting it to her now, when you're so unsure of your relationship's current status. It has to mean something that he was keeping her updated and active in his life, didn't it?
You find solace in knowing that you don't blame her at all. If you could find an ounce of resentment for her in your heart, you would probably have left Hajime by now—isn't that the mark of a truly evil plot-pushing girlfriend?
You cry when you see him again.
"Happy tears," you assure him, and hide your face in his shoulder.
Later, alone in his apartment, you bite your lip when Hajime asks if you want to sleep over.
"Okay, babe, I don't want to pressure you," he says, and you can feel yourself tensing up as he speaks. "But I feel like you've been—off all day. Is everything okay?"
You blanch and focus on the cowlick on the right side of his head, the one that's endeared him so much to you, so you don't have to look him in the eyes. Too much is bubbling up in your throat, your brain thrown into overdrive, and he's staring at you with so much worry in his eyes it's just not right to leave him hanging:
"No."
Hajime makes a noise you don't understand, low in his throat. "Is it because I didn't call enough while I was gone? Because I can explain that, I promise."
"No," you rush to explain. "I don't—it wasn't you, exactly. I've just—ever since we started dating—I think you still love her."
You're picking at your nails, a bad habit you've had since you were small, and he takes your hands in his, smooths his thumbs over the torn cuticles.
"I don't," he says, finally, neutrally, though his face hasn't formed into the cold mask you're used to seeing when she's brought up. "Ever since we started dating?"
"Before," you admit. "I always thought you would get back together. You just seemed so made for each other."
"But we weren't," a little pucker between his eyebrows forms. "So—what did you think when we started dating?"
"When you first kissed me," you say, "I thought maybe it was a one-off. That you wanted something casual. And then it got more serious, and I thought maybe I could just suppress my insecurities until they went away, and I mean, I really thought you liked me."
"I do," his voice grows more agitated, his lips thinning out.
"Yeah, but..." You trail off. "You would do things that made me think, oh, he's just the perfect guy, they just looked so amazing because I was jealous, and then every so often I'd see you interact with her and it wasn't like how we are at all. I know the insecurity is my own fault, that's not on you, but I feel like it's holding both of us back."
"What do you mean holding us back? You don't think you make me happy?" He snaps, and you wince.
"Not like you are with her! Every time she comes in the room you get this look on your face, like you're speechless. Like-like the songs, Haji, I just..."
He lets go of your hands, crosses his arms.
"Do you really think I'd do that to you?"
"No, Haji, I know you'd never cheat. That's why I fell in love with you! You're a good guy, but I don't want you to wake up one day and break both our hearts because she's meant to be your girl and I'm just your fucking girlfriend." Your eyes sting, your chest heaving by the end of the sentence.
"You love me?" He's quieter now, giving you a little more space to breathe.
"What? That's not what I said."
"Yes, it is," he says, a little smile growing at the corners of his mouth, as though he can't control it. "You love me."
"I'm sorry, I don't understand why you're focusing on that," you wipe at your eyes with the back of your hand. "It's true, I just don't get it."
"Because you make me happier than she ever did," he promises, crowding you up against the counter and motioning for you to jump up to sit on top of it after you can go no further. "I'm weird when she's around because she's my ex, sure, but not because I still want her. It... ended badly. It's a miracle we didn't pull the entire friend group into it, and I never wanted to make her look bad to them, so I'm always trying really hard to look, uh, normal around her. We're on better terms now, but I haven't wanted her in years, honey."
"She knew about what you were doing when I didn't," you mumble, feeling small in the stormy release of emotions. "And she knows so much about you I don't in general."
"We grew up together," Hajime reminds you. "It would have been one of the guys. I know I didn't tell her anything. You can check my call history, my texts."
You shake your head. "I believe you."
"Really?" He arches a brow, and you laugh and push gently at his shoulder.
"Yes, really."
"You know how long I had a crush on you before I did anything about it? I thought you weren't interested, and then you finally started being even more affectionate with me than you were with our other friends, and I took the chance."
"Rookie numbers," you preen under his gaze. "I liked you... pretty much as soon as I met you. But I suppressed it 'cause I didn't want to be a homewrecker."
"You're sweet," he chuckles. "I promise, you have nothing to worry about there. I'm never gonna wake up and not be grateful to see you drooling on my bed."
"You're the worst, you know that?"
"Yeah, yeah," he looks at you fondly, swiping his thumbs under your lower lashes. "You love me, though."
"Oh," your lips part. "And the not calling in Japan?"
He scrunches his nose. "I was trying not to spoil anything. I wanted to, uh, discuss it with you first, but you should know my friends and family are all waiting to embarrass me if I have to turn everything around now."
"Okay? I'll consider your dignity, but I make no promises," you tease. He drops his head to your shoulder for a moment, taking a deep breath, and you wind a hand into his hair, petting him until he straightens.
"So, you know how I have that paid internship opportunity back home?" You nod, not wanting to be reminded. You'll do it for him, but... long distance sucks. "I went to their office and turned it down. I want to go through with my doctorate."
"Oh, that's huge!" You gasp. "That's incredible, I'm so happy for you!"
"So the part that has to do with you is, um," he says, "you're planning to stay here, right?"
"Yeah," you say, "my next step is like a twenty minute commute, thankfully."
"I want to finish my schooling in the States," he tells you, "and then after that, I want to go wherever you go."
"Hajime," you start, but he puts a shaking hand on your knee, and that shuts you up.
"I love you," he says seriously. "It's like I said, okay? You make me happier than anyone else. I know you're the one for me, if you'll have me. If not, I get—"
You grab his face and smash your lips into his, and if that doesn't get the message across? You don't know what will.
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haezen · 1 year
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how he apologizes [series]
sakusa kiyoomi 
genre: hurt/comfort, angst to fluff
word count: 3.5k
a/n: i’m currently sick  so i might just be writing a bunch cuz all of a sudden, my sickness has gotten rid of my writers block??? how does that happen ?? lol anyways,,,im not sure how i feel about this one, but i just wanted to post something. i hope u guys enjoy ^_^
reblogs and comments are much appreciated <3333
(p.s. the ending is silly so don’t take this one too seriously)
HOW SUNA AND MAKKI APOLOGIZE
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SAKUSA
He didn’t know what to say.
Kiyoomi knew that he fucked up when he saw you fighting back tears with the scrunch of your nose. His heart sank at the sight — knowing exactly what that nose scrunch means— but something in him wouldn’t let him utter an apology, an excuse, or anything. He felt like he was frozen, stuck in a loop, watching helplessly as you tried your hardest to not break down in front of him.
Why did he lash at you when you wrapped your arms around him, knowing he had a bad day? You were only trying to help. Why did he say all those hurtful things to you when you were just trying your hardest to love him? 
⋆͛♡⋆͛
Your boyfriend came home to you cooking his favorite meal. 
You knew that he had a rough day because Hinata texted you before Kiyoomi left practice. Hinata warned you that there was a ‘storm’ headed your way, and not even he could calm Kiyoomi down. Worried to receive a text from Kiyoomi’s (favorite) teammate, you jumped up from your spot on the couch and ran a hot bath for him. Then, you began preparing his favorite meal, hoping that he would find comfort in two of his favorite things.
To your disappointment, he did not find any comfort in your efforts. He came home and it was like he was a stonewall. You welcomed him home with a warm hug, to which he flinched. 
“Welcome home, Omi!” You smiled as he immediately dropped his bag on the floor and began undressing out of his outer garments. “Dinner should be done in about thirty minutes, and I even ran a bath for you because I know-”
“It’s like there’s never a moment of silence when you’re around.” He says while hurriedly untying his shoelaces. Kiyoomi feels his agitation growing by the second and he decides that all he wants is to change out of his sweaty clothes, take a shower, and go to sleep as soon as he can.
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, shocked at his harshness and tone. He then trudged right past you, and without a word, he headed straight for the bedroom. 
As you watched his figure disappear in the darkness of your bedroom, you realized you were holding your breath. It was difficult to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach, but you knew that Kiyoomi had his bad days. If it were you, you surely wouldn’t say such hurtful things to him; but somehow, you still felt inclined to cheer him up.
There was a big promotional game coming up soon and he’d been practicing almost nonstop. There were many nights that he came home late, but he still– he always managed to acknowledge you despite his exhaustion. But, this was an exception. He had never said something so hurtful to you before– let alone disrespect you by ignoring your affection.
Knowing your boyfriend and his moods, it was important that you chose your next words carefully. Kiyoomi’s tongue can be sharp, but he would never knowingly say such hurtful words to the person that he loves. You assured yourself this as you took a deep breath — preparing yourself to try again.
“As I was saying,” You huff as you stand in the doorway of the bedroom while he’s turning on the lamp on the nightstand. “I ran you a bath so you can relax before dinner’s ready.” 
He pulled his shirt up over his head, meeting your gaze from over his shoulder as he threw the material in the hamper. “Did you not hear me or was I not clear enough for you?” 
A moment of silence passes.
“Yeah. I heard you.” You respond, realizing that he wasn’t letting up. He continues to undress, sliding his sweatpants down his legs and stepping out of them. 
 “You don’t have to be so rude ‘Omi. I’m trying to make things easier for you.”
 “Make things easier for me?” He scoffs, uncharacteristically leaving his sweatpants on the floor as he closes the distance between the two of you. 
You take a deep breath at the proximity, suddenly growing uncomfortable with the intensity of the unfamiliar look in his dark eyes. You think, by the way his chest is heaving up and down, that he’s starting to get angry.
“When have you ever made it easier for me?” He asks with the tilt of his head, like he’s remembering a specific moment.  “Everything I’ve done–everything I’ve accomplished– I’ve done it on my own. So don’t ever say that you’re making it easier for me, when in reality, all you’ve ever done is weigh me down.”
You step back, trying to keep your emotions from bubbling over because you don’t want to say something that you’ll regret. That look in his eyes makes him seem like a stranger to you– this isn’t the Kiyoomi that you know. His words make you feel sick to your stomach and you start to feel your temper flare– but what keeps you from raising your voice is the realization that he hasn’t appreciated your efforts. To think that your efforts to support him and his dream– that all the times that you’ve stayed by his side to comfort him in his losses– have gone unnoticed and underappreciated makes you feel worthless. The overwhelming sadness that floods you is almost too much to bear– much more intense than the feeling of anger from your boyfriend spewing such hurtful words.
“All this time, you’ve only seen me as a burden?” You choke out, instantly covering your mouth once you realize how emotional you were getting.
“That’s not what I meant.” He says dryly. 
“We both know that’s what you were trying to say, Sakusa.” You sourly point out as you back out of the doorway, retreating to the kitchen. 
To hear his last name from your mouth brings him back to reality. Did he really just say that? He blinks rapidly, like he’s starting to process what he’s said.
He can’t help the despairing sigh that leaves his mouth.  He follows behind you, only in his boxers and socks, and he watches as you start putting the dishes in the sink with a heavy hand– the ones that you were using to make dinner for him. “I’m starting to think that this-” You gesture between the two of you,  “has been a waste of my time.”
Kiyoomi cringes inwardly at your words, heat pricking at his cheeks and the back of his neck from embarrassment. He’s strangely silent because he’s afraid that he might make this worse– that he’ll end up hurting you even more than he already has. 
 You spare a glance to see him standing stiffly by the entryway but you don’t want to look at him a second longer. There’s no helping how frantically you’re moving around the kitchen because as much as you want to scream at him for hurting your feelings, you would hate yourself for stooping to his level. In an attempt to distract yourself from crying, you turn on the faucet and begin to wash the dishes.  
Kiyoomi finds himself fidgeting like he used to as a child– pulling the skin hanging from his cuticles– because he’s not sure how to process what you’re saying. A waste of time? Has he wasted your time? For you to say something so drastic with nothing to follow it up, he’s sure that you’re trying your hardest to keep your emotions at bay. He knows how his words have affected you, but yet, he still stands there and watches as you clean up any evidence of your efforts to cheer him up.
Now, Kiyoomi’s internally screaming at himself to apologize; he’s screaming at himself to just do anything. But he can’t– the thought of you finally calling it quits because he couldn’t just suck up the fact that he had a bad day is making him panic.
“You promised me that you’d try.” You whisper in defeat, teary eyes focused on the dishes that you’ve thrown in the sink–food all over the countertops. “You promised that you wouldn’t give up and push me away anymore.”
It’s true. He did promise you that. So why does he find himself doing it again?
Maybe it’s because Kiyoomi truly believes that he’s impossible to love.  
In all of his years, there’s only been a handful of people who’ve been there for him. And there’s been even fewer of them that he can recall by name that’ve shown up for him — to his games —and truly shown him kindness and support. Whether or not he reciprocates that kindness is debatable (Kiyoomi has a difficult time deciding if going out of his way is worth it) but still, he hates it: kindness. 
He hates kind people and people who brighten up the room when they walk in. He feels uncomfortable around people who shower him with compliments because he’s not sure how to accept them. He turns his nose up at people who smile at him, even if they haven’t known him for long, because he can’t decipher if it’s genuine. Maybe he’s just pessimistic (he likes to describe himself as a realist) but, if Kiyoomi is going to be friends with someone, he needs to know that they’re real — that their intentions are pure. There have been too many instances where people have tried to befriend him because of his family’s wealth, his talent in volleyball, or his good looks.  And he loathes it — the fact that people see him as a stepping stone for their own lives— that all he’s worth is being a connection in their own careers. Is that all he’s good for? 
So, of course Kiyoomi’s guarded. He’s been hurt and betrayed over and over again — thrown away once they’re done using him. Naturally, he’s become cold and distant; sometimes he’s even negligent and cruel. But if it keeps people away, then he’s fine on his own. He’s almost convinced that it’s better that way – so that there’s no one who can disappoint him. Maybe that’s the reason why he’s the way he is: why he’s so hard to love.
The real problem is that Kiyoomi doesn’t know how to accept the fact that it’s simply human nature to want to be loved— that it’s human nature to want to love another person. Is it that hard to accept that he’s worthy of love? Yes. He’s not sure he’ll ever believe that he’s worthy of your love. It completely blows him away when he’s shown such unconditional love and care, that his first instinct is to push them away. He believes that he’s saving them the trouble of dealing with someone who refuses to be loved—that he’s saving you from himself. You deserve better, he thinks.
But you’re just as stubborn as he is. 
You fight back every time and refuse to let him push you away. When he starts to distance himself, you pull him right back in. 
He remembers that one time when he stayed behind at practice until midnight for an entire week because he was trying to deny the fact that he was in love with you. You were tired of how avoidant he’d become, and decided to show up to the gymnasium. He knew immediately how unhappy you were with him because you forgot to change your shoes at the door. The team was practicing their jump serves until you (rudely) disrupted practice. You yelled out — in front of his coach and all of his teammates—that he better grab his things because it was ‘past time to go home.’ No one dared to utter a word, scared that they’d be the next victim. Even Atsumu stayed silent, watching the situation unfold in front of his eyes. Kiyoomi grumbled under his breath about how bossy you were, but he listened nonetheless. When you drove back in silence, Kiyoomi was surprised about how grateful he felt. It was this moment that he finally understood what it meant to be seen and genuinely cared for. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that you still stuck with him despite how much he resisted. And he loves that about you.
You cause him so much inner turmoil, but deep down, Kiyoomi knows that you’re good for him— that you’re the light he has always needed in his life.
So… he knows that he needs to make it up to you. He knows that you’re finally at your breaking point and that your patience is wearing dangerously thin. 
He’s conflicted though. The familiarity of this situation makes him want to distance himself again–to hide and only crawl out of the hole that he burrows himself in when he has to; because sadly, this always happens to Kiyoomi– he pushes the ones that he’s begun to love away until they finally give up. The ones who don’t give up are those who can’t avoid him–like his cousin Komori and his teammates. But you’re different. You’ve chosen to stick it through all this time.
How can he continue to push you away and risk letting you go? 
He decides that he can’t—he just can’t let you go.
Because you’ve chosen to love him despite all his flaws.
You’re worth him giving his all– you’re worth the challenge of him conquering his fear of abandonment. You’re worth all his effort, he decides definitively at this moment. 
He approaches you cautiously, wrapping his arms around your middle as he rests his head on your shoulder. You stiffen at his unexpected touch and you even feel indifferent to his embrace. Before this fight, you would’ve melted at the gesture because you know how he feels about physical touch. But the reality is that you’re still incredibly hurt and angry from all the things he’s said, whether he meant them or not.
“Please don’t touch me right now.” You say quietly.
Your boyfriend knows that you don’t like to repeat yourself, so he listens. He takes a step back, letting go of you as he starts to understand how badly he hurt you. 
“I know I can’t take back what I said.” He begins uneasily, noticing that you’ve stopped what you were doing.
 “I’m-” He pauses for a second, “I’m sorry.”
You stay silent, mind racing as you think of ways to get out of the apartment–to escape so you can clear your head. There are plenty of places you could go at this time: friends you could call and count on to let you stay the night at their house. It breaks your heart to think that it’s come to this– to you avoiding the person you love, but Kiyoomi’s refusal to keep his promise has pushed you to such lengths.
When you turn around and lean against the sink for support, you are surprised to see the gloomy look on Kiyoomi’s face. You hope that he’s not just putting on an act so you’ll forgive him– but you know better than to assume he’d do such a thing. He’s never been one for dramatics.
“I don’t know why I said those things.” He averts his gaze away from you, nervous to be apologizing because he’s never done it before. “I don’t believe it– that you’re a burden or a distraction. It’s not true.”
“Then why did you say it? Because you had a bad day? That’s not a good enough reason, Sakusa.”
“I know.”
“You don’t say shit that you can’t take back. It’s not fair for the other person–for me– to be the object that you take your frustrations out on. I’m a person, y’know?” You hear your voice wavering as you continue on; Sakusa giving you his full attention, unlike before. 
“It’s not fair, Sakusa. It’s not fair that you push me away when I just want you to be happy. You do this to yourself.” 
When he sees that you’re dangerously close to breaking out into a sob, he wants to reach out. He wants to wrap you in his arms and hold you close; because the truth is, he’s terrified of losing you and the possibility of that happening has skyrocketed. And it’s all his fault. 
The tears finally fall and as Sakusa hesitates on whether or not to comfort you, you cover your face with your hands.
He’s afraid. He doesn’t want to disrespect the boundaries you’ve already laid out– you told him not to touch you and he doesn’t know any other way to comfort you. Truly, he feels lost as he watches the person he loves most in the world fall apart. 
“I just need some space.”
And he gives you what you ask for.
You left the apartment without another word and he’s not sure where you went. Again, he’s too afraid to ask, worrying that he’ll make things worse. He watched as you hurriedly packed an overnight bag, and he watched as you walked out, slamming the door shut. 
When he remembers that he’s only in his boxers and socks, he feels even more pathetic. Unfortunately, Kiyoomi took too long, standing in the spot that he was in as he watched you leave. He stood there for so long, replaying the fight in his head, that he let the bathwater go cold; but he still took the bath anyway because it was you who prepared it for him. He scrubbed at his skin until it was raw–tears streaming down his cheeks because he was so frustrated with himself. 
How could he let it get to this point?
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You ended up going to a friend’s house. They listened to you as you told them what happened, lending you a shoulder to cry on. The both of you ate ice cream and watched movies until you passed out on their couch. Because you cried your heart out to your friend, you were exhausted when you finally fell asleep. When you woke up the next day, it was already noon. Your friend was in the kitchen, trying to cook some breakfast for the both of you as quietly as they could without waking you up.
There were multiple things that you were grateful for: you felt relieved to have a friend that you could feel comfortable enough to talk about your relationship problems with– as well as have somebody that you count on when you needed help. You were also grateful to have some time away from Kiyoomi to think about what happened and what you’ll say when you see him again. 
By now, your emotions felt more manageable. There wasn’t the urge to scream and cry, even though you managed to hold yourself back from doing so last night, you felt as though you could talk to Kiyoomi with a clear head.
Your friend fed you and gave you some good advice–the fact that you knew you needed space was a good start. After breakfast and a quick shower, they encouraged you to go back to your apartment and talk with Kiyoomi to set things straight. 
⋆͛♡⋆͛
Kiyoomi was sitting in the living room when he heard you unlocking the front door. His head immediately whipped up when you walked in and he thinks you’re scared to meet his gaze– your head’s ducked down as you slip your shoes off.
“You’re home.” He states dumbly.
“Yeah,” You laugh dryly. “I live here, don’t I?”
“I thought that you might never come back.” 
You don’t know what to say to that because you did consider never seeing him again after what he said. He sat up on the edge of the couch, watching as you placed your keys on the kitchen countertop.
“(Name)...” He calls out, “I’m so sorry.” 
You spare him a glance as you shrug off your jacket, hanging it on the back of the barstool. “If you really mean it, then you’ll get on your knees.” You say jokingly, walking into the living room to sit on the loveseat that’s diagonal from where he’s sitting on the couch.
He takes you seriously, sliding off the edge of the couch to get on his knees. You can’t hold back the laugh that bubbles up from your throat, stunned that he would do something so degrading– you swear that this is a sight that you’ll never forget; to see a man like Kiyoomi down on his knees begging for forgiveness is a shocking sight.
“I wasn’t being serious!” You laugh even louder at the scowl that graces his features upon realizing you were kidding.
But he’s persistent in earning your forgiveness– it's the most important thing to him right now. If begging on his knees is what it takes for you to forgive him, he’ll do it for as long as he can so that you’ll stay with him. It doesn’t even hurt his pride, because he already has decided that you’re worth looking foolish for.
He takes your hands in his own, and before apologizing, he looks at your shoes by the door. He never wants the traces of you absent from the apartment ever again.
“Please forgive me.” 
Is all he can say, because what else is there to say? He’s already on his knees.
“You’re only forgiven if I can take a picture of this.” You cackle, reaching for your phone in the back pocket of your jeans.
He groans, annoyed. 
But he lets you, because there’s nothing scarier in the world than the thought of losing you.
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A/N: SORRY THE ENDING IS SO SILLY BUT THE THOUGHT POPPED IN MY HEAD AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS!!!! :D 
but fr.... imagine kiyoomi begging on his knees...... omg
if there are any typos just lmk cuz i barely even checked for them. I HOPE U ENJOYED :D
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byunbqbes · 1 year
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HQ BOYS WHEN YOU CRY
tw: some crying. nothing too sad tho
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♡ suna. laces his fingers with yours and carries you to the bed when you begin to cry a little harder. lies down beside you and runs his long, slender fingers through your hair as he lets you cry into his chest. when you begin to feel better, suna flashes you a rare, uncharacteristic smile and asks, "do you wanna talk about it?"
♡ oikawa. freezes and the smirk on his face immediately drops. did he cross a line while teasing you just now? he makes his way towards you, apologies spilling from his lips and a box of tissues on his hands as he offers them to you. when you reject the tissues and hug his waist instead, he feels something stirring in his stomach as he quickly wraps his strong arms around you, pulling you into his lap. as he coos soft little nothings in your ear, oikawa can't help but wonder what it would be like for you to finally be his, and for him to comfort you for an entire lifetime.
♡ ushijima. blinks slowly and unsurely as he gazes at your slumped figure, broken sobs threatening to overtake you. he walks up to you and takes a deep breath before enveloping you in his large, warm arms. he pats your back a little awkardly as you lean closer, burying your face into his neck and wetting his collar in the process. when your tears stop, you realise he's still rubbing soothing circles on your back, and you smile to yourself because you know ushijima will always have your back and give you a shoulder to cry on.
♡ bokuto. his hair droops down and the light in his sparkly eyes quickly diminishes. he pouts and cups your face delicately, wiping away the tears that spill out of your eyes. he tells you his favourite bedtime story that his grandmother used to read to him, and his slow, soothing words somehow calm you down. when your eyes are no longer wet, bokuto finally perks up and rubs your noses together while he gives you the biggest smile you've ever seen.
♡ kenma. feels a pang in his chest when you fall into his lap in a dishelved heap. he hums very softly, playing with the ends of your hair whilst giving you tiny smiles occasionally. when your sobs become soft sniffles, he makes you your favourite hot chocolate and gently places it in the palms of your hands as he offers, "wanna play legend of zelda together?"
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rishiguro · 1 year
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DESOLATION - S. RINTAROU
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a/n: i’m projecting and got carried away
warnings: self-deprecating thoughts, self-loathing and slight allusions to passive suicidal ideation (just to be safe, i don’t know if that’s actually the case). 2.3k of hurt/comfort (though i feel like it’s mostly hurt)
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slamming the door shut behind you, you let out a sigh, leaning your body against the wood. you closed your eyes, fists clenching on your sides.
nothing felt right anymore. the weeks passed by in an instant and yet every day seemed to be endless and monotonous. you woke up, did your work, came home and repeated that cycle the next day and the day after that.
you forgot how it was to wake up excited for the day and content with the path you were taking. how long has it been? now it was just a drag, a weight on your shoulders that kept pressing you down.
you couldn’t tell when or even how this started. everything was fine after all, wasn’t it? there was no trigger that caused all of this, no, and yet it would feel wrong to say that there was no reason in particular.
you just knew that you wanted it to be over.
taking your shoes off with a low hanging head, you sat down on the floor, trying to take deep breaths and calm yourself down.
it was okay, wasn’t it? you were finally home, you could recharge and just shut yourself off from the world. just let go of everything for a couple of hours before you would be thrown back into real life.
all you needed was a break.
“baby?” suna’s voice came from the living room, faint as it reached your ears. “you alright?”
you could hear his footsteps as he came closer to the hall, quickly jumping to your feet before he managed to poke his head out of the doorway.
you felt your chest getting warm as a smile plastered itself on your partner’s face as soon as he saw you.
you affirmed as you turned your back to him, slowly taking off your jacket and putting it away. you barely even paid attention to the questions he was asking you, simply answering them with only two to three words before diverting the attention back to him and asking him about his day.
suna didn’t have to be a genius to notice that something was off. you hadn’t seen how his smile was immediately wiped from his face as soon as you turned around after seeing him, shifting into a confused frown. he saw how you not just hung your jacket, but also opted to sort the hallway closet, acting like you were actually interested in the order of everything inside of it in a pathetic attempt to get him to go away.
but he wasn’t having any of it.
you didn’t notice how suna went quiet, studying your form and taking notice of your sluggish state.
he wasn’t an idiot. he had noticed how you got quieter with every passing day, losing more and more energy until you barely did anything outside of going to work. and he hated how you put on a smile whenever you thought he was looking, only to have it wiped away as soon as you turned around. and when he did approach you, you only shrugged him off, pinning your state on a stressful day at work or a bad night’s sleep.
“what’s wrong?” he finally asked, arms crossed and leaning against the doorframe.
“long day,” you only claimed “i’m gonna go wash up” immediately after you practically ran away, locking the bathroom door behind you and releasing your breath.
you thoughts raced as you washed your hands under the cold water. was it really fair to act this way? you practically dismissed your boyfriend, not even paying attention to anything he was saying just because you didn’t feel your best. and this wasn’t just a one time thing either, no, it happened countless times already, to the point of you not even remembering the last time you had an actual conversation with him that lasted longer than five minutes.
you were really terrible, huh?
you didn’t want to think like this, you knew that this spiral would just sent you down further with no way to escape. you could talk, communicate, somehow get your feelings across, apologize for being such a horrible partner, just anything. you just needed to get your mouth to open.
running the freezing water on your wrists to calm yourself you stared down at your bare skin.
you had to get out there and talk. you had to reach out. suna wasn’t going to turn you away or laugh at you, he’d be there for you just like he always was. he would probably scold you if he knew about the doubts you were having. scratch that, he most likely already knew, having spend so much time by your side, but decided to give you your space until you were ready to come to him, knowing how you could get when people pressured you.
he was so considerate. and you just stomped on that and tore him down.
you stood there for who knows how long, your wrists have gone numb from the water, when you finally decided to turn off the sink, drying your hands and wrists.
meanwhile suna sat on the couch in the living room, his leg bouncing as he stared on his phone, mind drifting back to you. you were so absent, so tired that it started to hurt him. you suffered on your own, shutting everyone out. maybe you didn’t even have the energy to reach out to him and here he sat, perfectly aware of your state of mind with no idea how to help or just make it a little bit easier on you.
his head shot up as he heard the door to the bathroom open, gaze softening as he saw you stepping out of it, feet dragging over the floor as you approached him.
the middle blocker didn’t take his eyes off of you for a second when you came to a halt in front of him, playing with your fingers in front of you.
you took a deep breath as you began to speak, head still hanging low, not wanting to look into his face. “please hug me,” you mumbled, already feeling how your throat closed in, “i really need a hug right now”
he didn’t even waste a second to get up and step closer to you, wrapping his arms around you and pushing you into his body. “always”
and so you stood there, suna holding you secure in his arms, the both of you having your eyes closed and taking in each other’s warmth.
“i’m sorry,” you finally broke, fist clenching the fabric of your boyfriend’s hand, “i’m being such a shitty partner right now and you don’t deserve this”
“it’s okay,” he replied, hands moving from the middle of your back to your waist, drawing small shapes.
you shook your head, still not daring to look at him. “no, it’s not,” you denied, “i have no reason to just waltz in here every day with my shitty mood and ruin your day because of whatever the hell is going on, that’s not fair. and to make it even worse, i’m not even talking to you about it, it’s just like i’m punishing you for something that isn’t even your fault” you rambled, only coming to a stop to take a breath. opening your eyes, you opted to stare at the fabric draped over his chest, face contorted into a pained expression. “i don’t even know what i’m doing anymore,” you whispered through your tight throat, feeling the first tears welling up in your eyes so you immediately shut them, not wanting to feel them pour over your cheeks.
“hey, take a deep breath, alright? we’re okay, i promise” suna was quick to reassure you, hands squeezing the sides of your waist in an attempt to comfort you. he would be lying if he said he wasn’t shocked. he never imagined you to feel so guilty for it, beating yourself up over the fact that you weren’t doing good mentally not for yourself but on his behalf. mentally he scoffed, cursing himself out for not realizing sooner just how long he let this drag along. but he knew that all he should do right now is be there for you and ease your mind, not potentially making everything worse for you. “and don’t you worry about ‘ruining my day’ or something like this, because you’re not, i don’t know who told you this”
he softly petted your head, mumbling some short phrases of affirmation with your arms still tight around him.
“i want to be better, i will be, i promise” your voice was all choked up, your eyes watering behind your eyelids. “i’m sorry i’m not good yet, i’m sorry”
“shhh” the young man shushed you, pressing you closer to him and softly swaying your bodies back and forth. “you’re good, you’re a good person”
you shook your head violently and even though your mind screamed at you to let him go and push him away, you only grabbed him tighter. “i’m not, i’m terrible, i’m horrible and nothing i do is changing that”
“that’s not true,” suna spoke softly, carefully, almost like you were about to run away. he didn’t force you to look at him, looking to the side himself as he spoke, but occasionally glancing at you, only to find you still staring at his shirt concentrated. “you’ve grown so much already and you’re such a good and kind person,” he claimed, a fond smile on his lips. you could hear that he truly believed what he said and while you didn’t exactly want to take his words to heart, you allowed yourself to succumb to them, heart warming at the thought of him genuinely thinking that you weren’t this horrible person you saw yourself as. “i know you can’t believe me, i know, but i promise it’s true”
after a few moments of silence he slightly pulled away to look at you again, one hand traveling to face, a thumb brushing over your wet cheek. “you trust me, right?” you nodded against him. your heart was beating rapidly, to the point of you being afraid that he could hear it.
your boyfriend smiled again, tilting your head upward. “good. then trust me with this too, okay?”
if he was shocked to see the tears running on your cheek quietly, he didn’t let you notice, instead wiping them away carefully.
“okay,” you whispered, “i’ll do my best”
suna smiled softly, kissing your forehead. “i know you will and you’ll do great”
“do you want to talk?” he asked after a couple minutes of you sobbing into him, but not before he couldn’t feel your body calming down in his arms.
you sunk your teeth into your bottom lip, ashamed to face him with what you were about to say. you didn’t want to look at him, you didn’t want to see whatever expression he might have on his face. pity? sadness? or even anger?
“i don’t want to be strong anymore,” you finally confessed.
strong. suna always knew you were strong — a strong person, able to hold so much pain inside of them and not cracking underneath it all. willing to burden yourself with so much, all to see the people you cared for happy, content. strong and carrying so much weight on your shoulders and yet you never wanted to give any of it away, opting to just swallow it down and keep going.
until you couldn’t anymore.
“don’t be” and while others saying this may sound almost condescending, thinking that this was the simplest thing in the world, he somehow made these two words sound so understanding, letting you believe that maybe it was alright for you to want it. “it’s okay”
“i can’t anymore,” you continued, eyes clenched shut as more and more tears found their way out of your eyes, staining not just your cheeks, but also your lover’s shirt.
“i know”
“what can i do?” you asked him, fully knowing that he didn’t have an answer to this question. you felt bad for asking this, bad for dumping all of these thoughts on him, but you knew that he wouldn’t hold this against you. suna wasn’t a particularly complicated or deceiving person — quite the opposite. he was here with you because he cared. and he was willing to deal with whatever it was that was weighing you down. “i don’t want to feel like this”
you continued to sob into him, a warm hand finding it’s way onto your back and drawing circles on it to get you to breathe. “i don’t want to do this anymore”
“i don’t know what to do,” you continued helplessly, mind racing as you poured your entire heart out, “i just want to let go”
and suna pulled you close to him again, whispering softly. “i got you”
“i’m scared,” you admitted, “i’m so scared, rin”
scared of your feelings, scared of change and yet scared of everything remaining the same. scared of not doing well and scared of failing and at the same time scared of losing everything and everyone that was dear to you because you wouldn’t change.
“i know. i’m here,” he didn’t waste a second to reassure you again, desperate to help you understand that no matter what, he loved you and wanted to do everything for you. “i’m here, i promise”
“please help me” suna’s heart broke as you whimpered in his arms, so terrified and vulnerable, exposing just how lost you felt. “make this go away please”
“i got you” he felt his throat drying after he pressed yet another long kiss on your forehead, desperate to convey his deep feelings for you that he just couldn’t voice out loud. “i promise”
“you’re not alone”
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reblog to get cuddles from suna
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tsxkkis · 8 months
Text
# iwaizumi hajime - won't let go
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a/n = i'm not the best at writing hurt/comfort type of stuff, but i hope this piece is alright ^^ also we love iwaizumi on this acc sm he's the man fr.
summary = after an argument, iwaizumi needs to apologize.
warnings = one swear word, argument, idk what else.
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the sound of rain hitting the ground came from behind your window, being the only thing disrupting the silence inside. the storm was getting heavier with each passing hour, taking you and many others by surprise, since the last few weeks have all been sunny and warm. luckily you didn't go outside today; or the day before, or two days before, or ever since the argument.
the last thing you expected, in this type of weather especially, was to hear a knock on the door. you didn't order anything, and your parents were supposed to come back from their trip on sunday. so who could it possibly be?
you slowly opened the door only to be met with the tall, dark-haired boy, his clothes soaking wet from the rain, hair sticking to his forehead.
iwaizumi.
"what are you doing her-"
your words were quickly cut off by the boy, his eyes locked on the ground in front of him before his head went up, his focus now on your face.
"i'm sorry."
you were used to the fact that iwaizumi didn't show much emotion on his face, but you also knew one other thing. his eyes would always tell the truth. and right now, as you stared into them, you were positive about how genuine his words were.
"iwa, we can't go on like this if you don't trust me."
he knew you were right. after all, that was the most crucial part of a relationship; trusting one another wholeheartedly. and iwaizumi trusted you, there was no doubt of that. but something was different that day.
maybe it was the fact that he was mad after losing the match. maybe it was how jealous he was at the smile you gave to the karasuno members, how you celebrated with them after they won. but all of those things just rubbed him the wrong way.
he knew that you were their manager, but you were also his girlfriend. and something made him feel betrayed that day.
"maybe we shouldn't continue this, then."
his words felt like a knife going right through your heart. you could feel your eyes getting watery the very moment they left iwaizumi's mouth. as you looked down, trying to hold back the tears as well as thinking of what you should say back to him, you heard kiyoko, one of your fellow managers, calling you from the other side of the hall, since there was a team meeting before the next game.
you turned around and left, without a word, wiping away the single tear that managed to slip and roll down your cheek, assuring your friends that yes, everything is okay.
oh, what a lie that was.
you didn't see him since last week. in the meantime, karasuno managed to win the final and secure their place in nationals, and as happy as you were for your team, you couldn't help but shake the sadness away after what happened between you and iwaizumi.
"come inside. you're gonna catch a cold." a deep sigh left your lips as you gestured for him to enter the house, closing the door behind him. you quickly turned around heading towards the bathroom. "you're soaking wet. i'll grab you a towel."
"please, listen to me first." iwaizumi's voice sounded desperate as it echoed from behind you, his hand reaching out to gently grab you by the arm.
"not until i'm sure you won't get sick." you looked at him for a spare second, and he decided not to stop you. he waited patiently in the hallway, reaching out to take the towel you handed him the moment you stepped out of the bathroom, along with a hoodie and pants for him to change into.
his hoodie and his pants. ones that he left in your house on purpose, ones you always used as pajamas when the nights got cold.
as you stood there in silence, watching iwaizumi dry his hair, you couldn't help but realize how awkward it all felt. it was never this way between you two; you could spend hours without speaking, just spending quality time with each other and it just felt right. but now, after the argument it was different. and you didn't enjoy that at all.
"i'm sorry. about what i said after the game." he took a deep breath, looking up at you, his words disrupting the silence. "i was just, jealous. and mad. i was mad after losing that match, and it made me even more furious to see that you were so, happy."
you didn't bother to interrupt him, letting him explain everything.
"i know you're their manager, and you felt happy your team won. i completely understand that. it would be weird if you weren't cheering them on. i just couldn't help but feel bad." his eyes were glued to the floor, the overwhelming feeling of shame taking over him. "i know that i fucked up, really badly, and there's nothing to excuse what i said that day." iwaizumi could feel the tears starting to form, but he did his best not to let them spill, a shaky breath escaping his lips. "i just need you to know that- that i don't feel that way. i don't think we shouldn't continue this thing that we have. because i love you. i love you too much to lose you like this, to lose you because of my stupid actions."
your eyes widened at his words. there it was.
the first time he ever said those words.
you took a step towards him, your hand reaching out to gently lay down on his cheek, a small yet warm and gentle smile gracing your face.
"it's okay, hajime." your words sounded so soothing to him, you're voice calming and soft, even though millions of emotions were going through you that moment. "i accept your apology. i just couldn't help but feel hurt by your words that day, you know. i think it's quite understandable."
he looked up at you, nodding in response, as his hand instinctively went up to yours, thumb trailing little circles on the outer part of it.
"and, one more thing." he had a questioning look on his face, his head tilted to the side as he heard your words, your body moving just a little bit closer to him. "i love you too."
a shy smile appeared on his face, his fingers interlocked with yours as you stared at each other, both happy inside that this situation was over with.
"it's still raining. you can stay here until it stops, if you want."
iwaizumi squeezed your hand, his smile noticeably growing as he heard it.
"i would love to."
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taglist: @ox1-lovesick @moonswolfie @wyrcan
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uravitypng · 1 year
Note
hi! i was wondering if you could do a hurt/comfort fic with reader and kenma? basically we’ve barely seen him because of practice and stuff and when we do see him (at his place or something), he’s either playing game with kuroo or not paying any attention to us at all and we began to feel neglected?
*insert that one cracks knuckles meme* okay i think i can knock something up real quick for ya <3
----
you're sitting alone on the sofa just like the last two previous nights. kenma has been getting more and more busy later and you understand that, you really do, he's practising, he's trying to keep in contact with everyone from the team, he's trying to stream more frequently to build up his followers but you feel neglected.
it's not his fault and it's not yours but you've barely seen him at all in the last few weeks and this is the third night in a row where you're sitting at home for kenma so you can start your movie date night and as it gets later and later you know that he's going to cancel again just like the last two previous nights.
you go about your night-time routine, having a shower and doing your skincare before you head to bed. you don't know when kenma will be home and if you stay up any later you'll overthink it more than you already are. your last thoughts as you drift off to sleep is that hopefully kenma will have time for you tomorrow.
when kenma gets home later that night all he wants to do is be in your arms, finally he's home. he's been busy all day, practising his sets all day and when he was finally able to leave kuroo wanted to have dinner with him and didn't leave him alone.
turning on the light so he can grab some water from the kitchen he sees snacks laid out on the table and remembers date night. shit. he can't believe he forgot and he can't believe this is the third night in a row that your date night has been changed. he wishes you would've called him. he quickly downs his water, wanting to see you. coming into the bedroom he see's the moonlight casting down on you as you sleep on the bed with one of your legs bent and raised next to your chest with your head buried into a pillow. he can't help but smile. you look so cute.
he gets into bed and wraps his arms around you tightly, trying to convey he's sorry for not paying attention to your recently even though you're already asleep. he keeps you close and closes his eyes, the only way he gets a proper good nights sleep nowadays is with you right beside him.
when you wake up you feel the body warmth of kenma behind you, as he's wrapped his arms around your stomach and waist tightly, making it hard for you to get out of bed. you try a bit harder but kenma just pulls tighter, you look up at him to see that he's starting to wake up. "come back into bed." you should say no, you have things to do but you want to bask in his presence and the sleepy small smile he's giving you so you give in and go back next to him in bed. from behind you you hear kenma say he's sorry.
"what are you saying sorry for ken?" you mumble, still pretty tired and out of it
"i forgot about date night, i didn't tell you that i'd be home late. i've been so busy lately and i've missed you so much. i care about you, please remember that, i love you. i'm sorry if i've been making you feel like i don't." he says lowly into your ear, pressing his body closer to yours.
you spend the entire day together, and you have your long overdue date night
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aboutkiyoomi · 9 months
Text
bed peace
synopsis: after a very hurtful breakup, osamu takes his time to help you heal and takes the time to call suna out on his bs. at graduation, osamu offers up a deal that you almost can’t pass up.
genre: hurt/comfort, fluff 
pairings: osamu x g!n reader (mentions of past suna x g!n reader)
pre a/n: not proofread so don’t eat me up but this is a second part to my angst suna x reader oneshot, linked right here 📍
a/n: it’s kinda funny how this was requested since i only wrote that because it was my personal situation that i turned into a oneshot to feel better. you guys r so cute haha (thank you to @multi-fandom-fanfic for the req and reblog!)
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‘ after the breakup, you were notably upset. everyone in a 5 mile radius could tell you were heartbroken.
‘ suna avoided you like the plague the entire duration of exam week. he couldn’t bear the guilt of seeing you.
‘osamu ignored suna for a couple days for how he treated you, claiming that he needed to “think about how much of a dickhead he was being”
‘ osamu made sure to lift your spirits as much as he could, it was so sweet.
“why does y/n look so sad all the time? i thought you guys were on good terms?” atsumu asked as he sat down between suna and osamu during graduation rehearsal.
“nah. we’re done, like for good.” suna mumbled, not even bothering to look up as he continued to scroll on his phone.
“what happened?” atsumu asked, his eyebrows raising at suna’s nonchalant demeanor. it was unusual to see suna ever talk about you with such lackluster eyes.
“dumbass over here was all cuddled up with some girl during the third year picnic.” osamu answered before suna could get the chance, glaring at him slightly.
“wha- you guys were on a break then, no? sunarin, wtf?” atsumu spoke, his face curling up in a displeased way.
“i wasn’t even doing anything. like you said, it was a break. they took it personally i guess because they thought we were getting back together.” suna started with a harsh sigh, eyes refusing to look up because he knew osamu and probably atsumu were now glaring daggers at him.
atsumu and osamu considered you a really good friend. when suna introduced you to them, you guys immediately bonded. the twins treated you as a sweet little sibling and always made sure to threaten suna for hurting you.
“you are such a dickhead. i hope you know that.” osamu scoffed, his irritation for the whole situation was strong. 
after the picnic, osamu made sure to text you after seeing you walk off with tears staining your face. he wanted to give you space but wanted to make sure that you were alright because he cared for you a lot more than he led on. after a couple of days of sulking, osamu pulled you aside after your chemistry exam and asked you what was wrong. you explained everything and he immediately began comforting you. he went straight to suna and asked about the sitaution, wanting to hear both sides of the story. after hearing suna’s, samu immediately chewed him out. 
“it was a break, samu. i didn’t even do anything with ayako. i don’t know why you keep bitching about it.” suna spit, his phone finally shut off and his head shot up in irritation.
“maybe because you literally broke, y/n? you led them on for weeks, ever since our last volleyball game. texting them and saying that you loved them. who wouldn’t think you wanna get back together after that? they were so hopeful, just to see you all cuddled up and giggly with some girl. you’re such a dick, you don’t even feel bad. you could at least apologize, have some fuckin’ decency.” osamu’s voice raised slightly, his hands shaking as he moves toward suna.
“that wasn’t my fucking intention, they should’ve never took it to heart. if you care about y/n so damn much, why not go fucking date them. how much longer are you gonna chew me out? i know what i did was fucking stupid, i’ve tried apologizing but they blocked me on everything. what else do you want me to do?” suna yells, passerbys begin to look over at them. atsumu finally steps in and tells both samu and suna to keep it down because you were sitting not far across the room with a group of your friends.
“maybe, apologize in person and i’ll stop chewing you out. if you just act like you actually loved them and maybe, just maybe, sunarin, you would never be in this situation.” osamu spit before standing up and stalking off to go sit by himself, closer to y/n.
suna looks over to atsumu and begins to open up his mouth but atsumu cuts him off with a quick dissapointed head shake before speaking, “no, you fucked up. ya gotta fix it, sunarin.” and walks off to join his brother, leaving suna in his silence.
****
graduation rehearsal ended and you spent most of the free time sitting with your friends and the twins, laughing about silly school memories. it had been 2 weeks since the break up and although you were busy, you were still really upset. even after it all, osamu stayed by your side and tried to make you smile and laugh as much as possible.
as you said goodbye to your friends, preparing to walk home you heard someone call your name. you turned around to see suna, standing there. your eyes widened and you spun on your heels, ready to walk away.
“wait, y/n. please, i just want to explain.” suna spoke, his eyes pleading as he walked closer to you.
“what.” you spoke, not bothering to look up, passing off an irritated voice.
“um..i just wanted to explain. i’m sorry if i lead you on, i never really intended on getting back toget-” suna started, his fingers fumbling with the edges of his shirt.
“i’m gonna stop you there. if that was the case, you could’ve said something. the reason for that break was for you to be honest about what you wanted. so don’t try and say that you “didnt mean too,” you spoke and suna retaliated in an embarrassed silence.
“i’m sorry..you didn’t deserve that and you should know that nothing was ever going on with me and that girl, from the third year picnic. i really wish you the best, i’m sorry...again.” suna said, making sure to finally look up at your state. your eyes lacked their normal shine and your face wasn’t as radiant as it used to be, the guilt and regret was hitting him like a bus.
“not saying we’re gonna be cool after this but i appreciate it. have a good life too, suna.” you finished before walking off in the opposite direction, leaving suna to his thoughts again. it seems that it was now suna’s time to be heartbroken.
*****
graduation day
“i can’t believe it, we’re finally graduates. it’s so cool that we’ll be going to the same college.” you said to osamu as you guys waited for atsumu to finish crying over his high school days being over and saying goodbye to nearly the entire population of third years.
“yea, seems like you’re the only one excited.” samu says, somber smile gracing his features.
“tsumu still pissed at you?” you asked, patting his shoulder sweetly.
“yup, only talked with me when our ma’ wanted pictures. he’ll get over it, he’s excited to see me open up a restaurant, he just won’t admit it.” osamu spoke with a sigh as he leaned his weight on you. both of you chatting before osamu noticed suna glancing over at you with sad eyes.
“hey, y/n. are you okay? after ya know, suna almost ruined the end of your third year.” osamu asked gently, pushing you back slightly so he can look you in your eyes.
“it sucks but he apologized and honestly, i’m over it. it was what it was. i’m ready to move on.” you said, confidently as you smiled happily at osamu who’s face lit up with warmth.
“oh and y/n, you deserve real love and someone who’s willing to give it to you.” osamu said, his eyes never leaving yours.
“maybe i’ll find them in college.” you replied.
“or maybe, it could be me.” osamu said, smile growing larger as he watched your eyes widen slightly in shock.
“i like you a lot y/n....you don’t have to answer now. there’s a lot of time for us to become....us.” samu said before pulling you in for a quick hug, allowing you to relax at how comforting osamu had always been.
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theycallmebun · 9 months
Text
icebreaker
daichi sawamura x gn!reader
w/c: 653
genre: hurt to comfort(reassurance)
warnings: crying, insecurity
summary: daichi wants to know what y/n’s biggest fear is, and so they tell him. 
“so…”
you know exactly where this is going. 
whenever a comfortable silence falls over the two of you at a restaurant–yes, very specific, at a restaurant– daichi likes to ask you these icebreaker questions. well, more like his idea of icebreaker questions.
“what’s your biggest fear?” he questions, chin resting in the palms of his hands, elbows on the table and everything. 
you laugh at his foolishness. that’s a new one. 
“well, i’ll have you know that i’m not scared of anything,” you say all matter-a-factly. 
“aw, come on, y/n. tell me pleeeeease,” he drags out. 
“it’s true!” you defend yourself. 
“wow, i did not pin you as a liar, y/n.” daichi fake glares at you while shaking his head. 
“ugh, fine,” you give into his antics. but in doing so, the air feels heavier, and the atmosphere more serious. the playfulness isn’t quite there anymore when you respond, ”i’m scared…that you’ll fall out of love with me.” you look down into your lap, almost ashamed to be telling him this, even though he asked! 
daichi looks at you with his eyebrows furrowed. he gives you the time and space to continue; he can tell you have more to say. 
when you look up at him, you continue, “it’s just so scary that it could happen at any moment and i wouldn’t even know because you’d never tell me something like that. you’d never tell anyone anything that would hurt them. and sometimes i wonder if we’re past that point and you don’t love me anymore but continue to stay with me because i’m familiar. or maybe you’re still with me because your heart is too big to let me down. and then i get scared that i’m nailing you to the floor, keeping you from all these other things—”
“y/n.”
“sorry.”
“no, don’t apologize, baby.”
the pet name makes your heart steady. he moves into the chair next to you, rather than staying in the one across from you. when he’s all settled he wraps his arm around you, placing his hand on your waist, rubbing consoling circles with his thumb. you can’t help but lean into him, resting your head on his chest. 
daichi leans his head down a little to make sure you can hear what he’s about to tell you. 
“if there could be only one thing i could promise, it would be that i will always love you. i don’t think it’s humanely possible to fall out of love with such an amazing person. i don’t know how much comfort only my words can bring you but, i’m so happy with you, y/n. you bring me home and love and all the other ecstacies of life. i’m with you and will continue to be because of that. and also because i hope to fill your life with all those things, too. it’s the least you deserve, my love. and the least i can do for you, really. i love you, y/n. and that will never change. ”
it’s embarrassing that you’re crying this much in a public space but you literally could not give a shit. at the moment, you’re crying too much to get any words out, and daichi understands this. he continues to console you by rubbing his hand up and down your side, while the other comes to cup your face. 
the crying ceases as soon as you feel his warmth on your cheek. his thumb rubs against your skin, coaxing your eyes open. 
“i love you,” he repeats.
“i love you so much,” you return. 
he places only what you can describe as the sweetest kiss ever on your lips. and a few more on your left cheek. and then your right cheek. and then a few more on your lips again. 
“do you want the usual?” daichi asks. 
“yes, please. thank you, baby.” thank you. 
“of course, my love.”
a/n: i was in desperate need of a little bit of fluff on this page holy shit. 
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prettyiwa · 1 year
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14 February 2016 | 14:28
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content tags: hurt/comfort, arguments over parental disproval
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“Were you ever going to tell me?” he asks, frustration and hurt dripping from his tone.
“I don’t understand why it matters! They have no bearing on our relationship!”
“They’re your parents! I’m your boyfriend. I should know if they don’t like me,” he argues, unable to look away from your defiant expression.
It shouldn’t be like this, you two shouldn’t be arguing. Not now, not when he had come out to spend Valentine’s day with you. If he hadn’t been getting ready in your bedroom, he doubts that he would have heard your parent’s unannounced visit, doubts he would have heard the conversation not meant for him.
And fuck if it doesn’t sting—the truth of your parent’s opinion of him as your romantic partner, the fact that you kept it from him, the dismissal of that little dream that had been forming in his mind. And you don’t get it. You don’t understand how fucking much this hurts.
“They don’t get to decide who I’m with! For fuck’s sake, Iwa! The only two people who matter in this relationship are you and me! Everyone else can go fuck off,” you spit and he hears your hurt with the explicit reduction in his name. He can't even pretend that it doesn't pain him—the fact that you called him 'Iwa' instead of 'Haji' or 'Hajime,' or the fact that you're suffering, too.
“They threatened to cut you off financially. It’s not as though you can afford to stay here without them.”
“My entire life they’ve dictated what I do, where I go, who I see. Befriending you was the first choice I made on my own and I’m not giving that up for them. If they wanna cut me off, then so be it.”
His breath catches in his throat as your declaration rings in the air, giving you an opportunity to say something he wishes you didn’t.
“If this is a dealbreaker for you—my parents not liking you—then so be it. I’m not forcing you to be in a relationship with me, nor am I going to try to get you guys to get along. I’m tired of doing everything I can for a modicum of their approval.”
The fire that burned through you is gone now as though a bucket of water was dumped over you both, leaving nothing but an icy chill blowing through the room.
He closes the distance between you two, eyes never leaving yours, seeing the depth of your fear and your insecurity.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he promises quietly.
As much as he would like for you to have a positive relationship with your parents, you’re right. What matters most is that you two are happy together. Later, when emotions have simmered, you two can talk about it. Maybe then he can voice his insecurities and you can voice yours.
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over the course of 24 hours masterlist | haikyuu!! masterlist
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taones · 11 months
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If You Can Hold On (3) - A.A, S.K, S.D
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rewrite of the third part of the series (first and second parts here and here, original series on my masterlist) enjoy <3
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pairing ~ poly asadaisuga x gn!reader
warnings ~ pining, angst, arguments, swearing, general stress tbh, my horrible attempt at writing purposefully cringe flirting, mildly suggestive, very brief editing and spellcheck so
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You sniffed as you stirred, pulling the soft fabric underneath your cheek further into you. It smelt like sandalwood with a hint of coffee and you were instantly reminded of Daichi. The man’s coffee addiction had become serious during his final year. You supposed yours would too, if you were in charge of Hinata. His scent was a big reason why you enjoyed stealing Daichi’s clothes so much. Gripping the fabric in your fingers, the underneath was oddly warm. The further you returned to your sleepy state, the less you found yourself caring about the odd warmth of your cushion, or the slow rise and fall of it under your head. 
“Still sleepy, huh?”
Jolting, you snapped your eyes open. A strong heat flooded under the skin of your cheeks, you shot up. An action that brought the blanket that was covering you tumbling down your form, settling at your waist and exposing not only your body, but Daichi’s. You had heard several times from his partners that the man likes forgoing shirts when he sleeps, but observing it was a whole other story. Usually, when you stayed around, he was up and dressed before any of you and you never saw him without a shirt. It soon became clear why this was a good thing. The man was laying in the bed, under where you just laid, dressed in nothing but pajama pants and an unzipped hoodie. Honey coloured skin peaked out from the gap between the zipper, a toned and yet perfectly soft stomach just begging for you to reach out and run your fingers down it. 
Shuffling from the other side of the bed alerted you to the other two presences in the room. Asahi was sitting against the headboard, the other side of where you had evidently slept last night. His curly hair was piled on top of his head and he had those damn reading glasses on, the ones that made him look just as intelligent as you knew he was. He smiled closed mouthed, obviously bemused at your shock, and waved with the hand that was currently holding his book. Sugawara was curled under his arm, on the far side of the bed - still snoring, of course. Koushi was the sleepiest of all three of you. Hyper, undeniably, but once he was asleep, he was down for the count. 
Asahi slid a hand onto the thigh that was closest to him. His hands were large and calloused against the soft skin of your exposed thigh. Why you decided to pack shorts was a mystery to you. Especially now as you flexed the muscles, trying desperately to not squirm and pay attention to what he was about to say. 
“We were gonna grab some breakfast” he explained, in an unfairly attractive morning voice, 
“We passed a diner last night, probably swinging back ‘round to that”
“Once sleeping beauty wakes up, that is”
You smiled, biting your lip in an attempt not to laugh. The three of you would have an easier time herding cats. Asahi’s hand slipped off of your thigh. You tried to suppress the shiver that ran up your spine and desperately ignored the way you missed his touch as soon as it left. Getting breakfast together was a routine you were all well versed in. You had all spent the majority of weekends before your exams meeting in a small cafe near your homes to get waffles together. Simpler times, you guessed. You knew each others orders like the back of your hands, and you always got fed portions of their individual orders no matter how many times you went. The contrast between each order was evident and matched perfectly with each of them. 
“I’m up for waffles”
---
The diner was relatively busy when you got there. Of course, with Daichi’s team dad skills and Asahi’s somewhat intimidating stature, you had managed to secure a booth just fine. As tradition went, it was you and Asahi on one side, Daichi and Koushi on the other. Asahi trapped you against the wall with his broad shoulders, but you liked the security of it and this is something the others had very clearly noticed. You were almost 100% certain that the seating was done this way so you and Asahi wouldn’t comment on the obnoxious amount of chocolate and cream the other two piled onto their waffles. 
Conversation flowed easily. You were too sleepy to even entertain the thought of your wallowing that morning, much rather preferring the simple reminiscing and idle chatter the boys filled the silence with. At one point you had said something that made Daichi laugh so hard that he had snorted his milkshake out of his nose. There was some hope that they didn’t notice the way you preened like a cat at getting the usually stoic man to laugh that hard. It was a beautiful noise, but his true laugh was rare. The dad-like chortle making way for wheezing towards the end of his laughing fits was enough to get even the most stone-faced of people to crack a smile. 
You handed him a wad of napkins. He took them with both hands, lifting one to wipe his face and keeping the other firmly grasping yours. Your breath hitched. 
Eventually, after the fifth time of Daichi wiping the wrong spot, Koushi grasped a few more napkins from your hands and wiped the remaining chocolate off of Daichi’s face. You held out another napkin for the silver-haired man's fingers, being met by his signature dazzling smile. 
“What would we do without you, huh gorgeous?”
The bliss was interrupted by all of their phones pinging a notification simultaneously. Suga read the text and visibly grimaced. In an effort to protect yourself from the hurt, you cast your gaze towards the table. It was very obviously a group chat you were not on. The little bubble of joy you had experienced just moments prior popped sharply and it was if the room had dimmed under the morning sun. That was fine, they were allowed to be in chats without you, it wasn’t a big deal, it might not be their new addition, right? You repeated the question in your head like a mantra to calm yourself as you tapped on Asahi to let you out.
“I’m gonna order another drink” you mumbled, smiling brightly at the boys.
The last couple of seconds replayed in your head over and over, even while stammering out your drink order. It was slightly easier to hide your scorned feelings when you weren’t facing the cause. Your back was aimed towards the table of boys, even as you reached the coffee station and made a grab at a few paper packets of sugar. 
The paper was flimsy in your hands, not aiding the clumsiness that was already plaguing you. The coffee was intended for Suga and the man liked his coffee in a very particular way. You counted out exactly two packets of white sugar, and one packet of brown sugar. E preferred the wooden stirrers, even when spoons were available, said they reached the sugar in the bottom of the cup easier. Of course, this was most likely complete nonsense but you couldn’t help but entertain the thought as you took yourself through the motions. You smiled gently at the routine and just how absurd it would look to anyone else. How were you supposed to explain the oddity that was Sugawara Koushi and his fantastical coffee routine?
A hand settled next to you on the coffee counter. 
“That’s a lot of sugar for someone already so sweet looking”
Turning, you came face to face with a man a little bit taller than you, he had dark hair and a decently attractive smile. He was cute, sure. But he wasn’t quite as tall as Asahi, he didn’t have Daichi’s warm smell and his flirting was kind of wooden to anyone who was familiar with Koushi’s cheekier flirting. In your peripherals, you could see the inquisitive glances from your friends and you really couldn’t help yourself after that. Was it kind to lead someone on? Maybe not but you were tired of morality and interested to see how this would play out. 
Giggling, you looked up at him through your lashes. Screw it, if you couldn’t have who you wanted, you were at least gonna have fun. 
“Maybe I like sweet things, don’t judge” you mused, taking the wooden stirrer between your teeth.
The man leaned his other arm on the coffee counter, effectively trapping you against the cart. It was a move you assumed was meant to come across as sexy. However it just made you feel like you were a caged animal, cornered and ready to claw your way out of the situation. His hand retracted, holding more napkins than any one man could possibly need. The dark haired man shot you a wink and you forced out a smile in return, shooting a glance at your now empty table. The brilliant smile of the man in front of you began to fade, causing you to snap your head towards him.
“I’m so sorry, what was that?” you questioned politely, putting the clueless act on once again. 
A throat was cleared next to you. There was really no denying how intimidating the boys were when they wanted to be. Daichi’s arms bulged from where they were crossed over his chest. It was a display that would usually make your mouth water, but only proved to further fuel your anxiety in the given moment. They weren’t scary to you of course, but the sharp glare Suga was sending the man as well as Asahi’s unimpressed look caused a flush of anxiety to run through you. 
“What do you think you’re doing?” Suga hissed at the poor man, who was now looking about ready to run.
“Sorry” the man stuttered, “I didn’t realise they were taken, know when i'm not welcome”
He put his hands up in a mock surrender and turned to leave. 
“Wait, no i’m not-” you started, but he was gone.
They had, not for the first time, rendered you speechless. Embarrassment curled in your gut, bubbling up into something more volatile when you saw the satisfied looks they sported, eyes following the man back to his table. Disbelief didn’t even begin to cover the cocktail of emotions that were currently mixing within you. 
If you didn’t leave, you were going to lose your temper very quickly. Chest heaving, you recentred yourself and spun on your heel, pulling your wallet out. 
The lady behind the counter looked only mildly intrigued at the odd display that had just occurred in front of her. She curled a perfectly manicured eyebrow at you as if to ask if you needed a hand. It filled you with a certain sense of irony, that this random woman was more concerned as to your feelings at that moment than your actual friends, who had known you for years. You stuttered out an apology and slammed some cash on the counter, probably harder than intended. Then you promptly turned and marched out of the diner. 
The mad scramble behind you was ignored in your attempt to walk to the car without bursting into tears, punching something, or both. You heard the protests in the background but they were muffled by the buzzing of rage in your ears. Fists curling and uncurling, you tried to think back to the last time you had gotten this angry. You had been plenty angry in the past, school was a difficult time for everyone, but the three men you had left in the diner were usually the first ones to calm you down. This was one of the only times they were the cause of your wrath. Most likely, they would also be on the receiving end of said wrath soon enough. 
Kicking the dust of the car park, you watched as stones and dirt scattered away from you. You wanted to scream, hit things, throw yourself in the dirt and cry - anything that would take some pressure off of the crushing weight in your torso. The flame twisted and gnashed at your insides, growling and clawing its way up your oesophagus until it released itself in a small scream of frustration. Would things ever be simple for you?
Telepathy had never been a skill you particularly craved until that moment. There was no way of understanding what those three idiots were thinking. Even if you did know, you were doubtful it would soothe your frustration. You threw yourself on the ground behind the trunk of the car, yanking your phone out of the pocket of your jeans. 
“Kiyoko” you seethed down the phone, “will you please come and pick me up”
She gave you the affirmative and set the loose time limit to her arrival. No doubt Yachi would be with her. You weren’t sure whether you would be able to deal with their romance in your face at that moment, but anything was better than being stuck in a car with Asahi, Daichi and Sugawara. 
Jangling alerted you to the three men in question. They had obviously paid and were frantically looking around the cars to locate you. With any luck a sinkhole would open in the earth and swallow you whole before they spotted you. 
Luck was never your thing.
The sky had opened up once again. It was almost beginning to grate on your nerves how much it had been raining this trip. The irony had been entertaining in the beginning, bordering on humorous how cliche it was. Now the weather you usually took so much pleasure in indulging in was maddening. You wanted to be angry with them for once, yell even. But the rain was washing your frustration away, leaving an empty feeling. A feeling that made you want to give up. 
Your prayers went unanswered, the three men walking up to you in due time. 
“What was that?” you questioned, voice resigned. 
“What do you mean? He was flirting with you”
The sound of genuine confusion in Asahi’s voice made your food feel like it was curdling inside of you. You breathed out in disbelief, brows knitting together tightly. 
“And just what does that have to do with any of you?”
None of them replied, taken back by your outburst. You stood abruptly and continued. 
“You’re all dating! You literally have two boyfriends and I know you’re talking to another person. So really” you paused, “why the fuck does it matter if i don’t want to be alone anymore? Do I not deserve to be wanted? You evidently don’t want me”
Your voice cracked towards the end of your rant. Three pairs of eyes stared at you in disbelief. The hints of hurt mixed into all three was evident, but you felt like a bottle that had been shaken and the lid was off. You erupted once again.  there was nothing more that you wanted than to be loved on purpose. it was inexplicably unfair that even unconnected attempts at finding a relationship had to be ruined by the three men in front of you.
“God it hurts, can you not see that? It hurts so bad. You won’t ever understand how much it pains me to be around you and see just how happy this new person is going to make you, knowing that’s not me? That hurts” you spat the last sentences, vitriol coating your words.
The storming sea inside you had calmed somewhat, leaving you to assess the damage your words had done. It wasn’t the most ideal way to confess your feelings but the weight that was lifted off your shoulders felt tremendous. The pain you were feeling was paralysing, stopping you from running like you desperately wanted to. It knocked the wind out of you, reducing your last statement to a pathetic whisper. 
“I get you don’t want me around, but other people will. It’s not okay to take that away from me”
As if some God had heard your plea, Kiyoko’s tiny blue car sped into the car park just as you broke down crying. The womans tiny blonde girlfriend sped out of the car, catching you before your knees could meet the wet sand beneath you. Yachi cooed at you softly, placing her entire body in front of you as if to form a shield between you and the cause of your heart ache. Her eyebrows furrowed in concern, eyes filling with sympathy at your curled up figure. 
It was truly humiliating. 
Kiyoki motioned for her to pull you into the car, stepping out of the driver's side herself and towards you. The dainty hands of the younger girl were soft and comforting, her rose scent filled your stuffy nose while she led your stumbling form to the welcome shelter of her girlfriend's car. The difference in posture between the two of you was like night and day. You were hunched over, protecting yourself from outside view. Your wounds were gaping, horrible open pits with your rawest emotions in the middle for everyone to gaze at and laugh. She wrapped a soft blanket around you, bandaging you up and keeping you safe in the backseat of the car. 
There were muffled voices from the outside of the car, but the sound of the heater being cranked full blast muffled them. There was a lot of angry words, not quite yelling but scolding certainly. You whimpered at the noise, not being able to distinguish who it was. You were certain they would never want to see you again, let alone speak to you, after your outburst. If only there was a way to scoop all of your words off of the floor and shove them back down into your mouth. Daichi, Asahi and Sugawara had never been in love with you, you could deal with that fact. Them cutting ties completely would surely kill you. 
A polaroid of Yachi and Kiyoko, perched on a wall and smiling at each other, was stuck to the centre of the car, directly above the stereo. It hung there, mocking you. You stared and tried not to think about how you would never be able to achieve that, not where it counted. In the end, it was easier to avert your gaze than confront what you couldn’t have.
Fuming, Kiyoko wrenched the door open and threw herself into the driver's seat. It was a miracle she managed to make even that look graceful. Her face was unnaturally contorted by an anger that was uncommon for her. It marred her beautiful features viciously. In staring at her, you caught sight of yourself in the mirror. It was a distressing look to say the least. Your hair was messy from your own grip and the bags under your eyes had only gotten worse. What little effort you had put into your looks this morning had all gone to waste, either washes away or dampened under the rain. 
Yachi stroked her hand over your shoulder and climbed into the passenger's seat. 
Staring out of the back window as the car pulled away, you caught sight of the three you had left behind. Koushi was patting Azumane’s back from where he crouched on the ground, dragging large hands across his face. Daichi was beside them, head buried in his arms on top of the car. You blinked. They had no right to be upset, you thought. You tried to block it all from your mind as their figures turned into tiny dots in the distance. All the years of friendship, the lives you had built together and the dreams you had created - they were buried in the dust where you left them.
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me: says I'll post part three the next day, also me: takes a week to post it. I'm not sure when I'll get around to posting part 4 but hopefully I'll remember to actually post it
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natdu · 10 months
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"I'm home"
The domestic phrase was said under a breath, not intended for anybody specific to hear
If you arrived at 1 am it didn't make sense to expect your lover being awake, that's what you thought
This shift had been pretty rough on you: the new director of the ER acting like an spoiled brat, the countless patients that went through the door (counting the ones who didn't actually need an urgent attention), the lack of specialists and so on
Your feet were bloated by the prolonged standing, you felt your chapped lips and wondered when was the last time you drank water, and the subtle pulsations on your temple were just a forecast of the sweet migraine you'll experience in the morning
Now you really wanted to cry, but even for that, you were dehydrated
Suddenly your heart jumped out of your chest when you felt a warm breath just above your ear
"Back home already hmm?"
A pair of strong arms immediately circled your waist, accompanied by the caress of your thighs, nothing innapropiate behind it, he just knew how your muscles would get all tense after a hard day.
"Was it so hard for all of those smartasses to let go my girl back to me?"
The kiss on the back of your head, even if it wasn't acetaminophen, weakened your headache. You could only sigh and relax under the touch
"Mhmm seems like it is like that. I'm the one supposed to arrive late and to make up to you about it aren't I?"
His soft touches migrated to your shoulders, spinning you around so you could look at him, your red eyes meeting his droopy ones.
"My poor poor darling, so smart they need her all the hours of the day"
Each word and touch, lulling you to relaxation and comfort
Finally your body answered and you could say with honesty
"I'm home"
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90skiyoomi · 1 year
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bulls in the bronx
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kenma x reader
angst
tw: mentions of suicide and depression. this fic can be extremely triggering as there's a strong mention of suicide and description of a suicide attempt so please skip this story if it triggers you easily
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it felt like any other day.
getting off work and going home to kenma.
it has become a routine that you have been very fond of as you get to see the love of your life after a stressful day at work.
you'd never thought that tonight would end up like this. it all started because kenma didn't want to get off his games when it was supposed to be a pre planned date night.
you were supposed to takeaway some of his favorite food and have dinner together before having a movie marathon.
it took him almost 3 hours to get off his game when he said "5 more minutes"
at this point, you have already gotten sick of waiting and finished your portion of the food before placing the rest in the fridge for whenever he decides that he's hungry.
one thing led to another and here we are again, quarreling about how you didn't wait for him to finish up and how you were going to just go to bed when you said that you were going to have dinner with him.
you were exhausted.
this wasn't the first time this quarrel happened. you've lost counts on how many time you had to wait for him to finish his god damn games and have a proper meal with you. it felt like you were living with a man child that needed constant reminder to do basic necessities like eating and showering. it was draining.
work hasn't been good too as your boss has been putting more workload on you and not giving you the pay raise that you deserve. what's more frustrating is that the new comer that joined a month ago has already gotten a promotion because she has big tits and she sweet talked her way through it.
it seemed like everything is falling apart and you don't know how to spiral out of this dark hole.
you knew that the medications weren't working anymore so you've stopped taking them for months now. it just made you feel numb and you didn't want to have a pounding headache everytime you take it.
but life was not doing well. life was kenma and it seemed like he's halfway out the door too.
"please don't take this out on me"
cause you're the only thing that's keeping me alive
kenma just looked at you like he was bored.
"i can't do this tonight, i'm going to kuroo's"
the door slammed shut as you were drowning in your own thoughts.
he just left.
what's the point in anything anymore?
your parents have already disowned you for god knows what reason. it seemed like you were going to get fired anyday now. and kenma just seemed so disinterested in you.
everything is falling apart.
at the corner of your eyes, you could see 2 full bottles of anti-depressants on the shelf.
the ones that were left untouched.
you stumbled your way there and grabbed the two bottles, and walked to the kitchen to grab the half bottle of vodka that you never touched for months.
i'm sorry but i made up my mind
you easily swallowed down a bottle of pills and downed it with vodka. you felt the burn from the alcohol going down your throat but nothing can hurt more than life itself.
you didn't expect it to hit you so quickly as you downed the rest of the pills that were left.
and seconds later the bottle of vodka seemed to have finished too.
everything felt like a blur. you were stumbling into the kitchen to get whatever alcohol you can lay hands on.
and then, there was the agonizing pain.
it felt like your stomach was ripping itself apart.
you couldn't stand properly and you were using all your strength to hold yourself up as you reached for that bottle of alcohol.
that's when you hear the doors opening.
and that's when everything went dark.
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part two
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Beggin'
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Tooru Oikawa screwed up... but he's not someone to be defeated easily, he's determined and would do anything to make things right.
TW: pregnancy, hurt/comfort, female reader
WC: 1388
Enjoy~
“Send me a sign, let my mind ease, finally I want to...I want to breathe.” A silent prayer filled Oikawa Tooru’s usually busy brain, however said man was unable to concentrate on anything else; this mantra was on repeat, like a broken record, making the anxiety prone Tooru feel utterly destroyed. Of course when people were passing by they could only see a handsome young man waiting in front of a building, probably taking someone on a date, hence the beautifully arranged bouquet in his hand.
He screwed up...long ago and should’ve put the broken pieces together much earlier, but it’s not too late. Right? Why did he run away when the woman of his dreams fully accepted him...him, with that wrecked heart of his. Is he seriously that dumb? Apparently...
The wind was chilly, and Tooru really appreciated the fact that he was used to Japan’s cold winters, otherwise he’d already frozen to the bench. It was 6 pm, Y/n should take off now and just as the thought left his mind, the woman appeared in the entrance; weary, dishevelled from the long office work, yet a happy smile was playing around her lips as she waved her colleagues off. That happy smile disappeared upon glancing at Tooru, who nervously waved at her, but she just turned around and walked to her car.
-Y/n, wait! –He yelled after the woman, but she kept ignoring him. Luckily for Tooru, he was a fast runner, though he seemed kind of comic running after Y/n, with the huge bouquet, desperate not to fall on the icy side walk.
“Forgive me, please, forgive me.” Another silent prayer...around the hundredth one today.
Y/n was about to sit in her car when the brown haired man stopped her.
-I owe you an apology, because I was a selfish bastard who left you alone during one of your hardest time in life. I shouldn’t have. It was completely digusting of me. Here. Please take it. –He handed her the enormous bouquet.
-Do you really think you can buy my forgiveness by giving me a bouquet? –She raised an eyebrow at the volleyball player, ready to destroy him, when she noticed small teardrops making their way out of Tooru’s eyes.
-No. I know, I screwed up. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran away like a coward. But I’m not a coward Y/n. I want to prove how much you mean to me, how much I love you. Please, let me...
-Enough! –Her sharp voice cut the air like a knife; lips were trembling as she looked at her once darling. –You decided what you want to do and I did the same. You left me alone with a child on her way...
-Wait, she’s a girl? Oh my, Y/n, a girl. –He couldn’t help but felt giddy. Despite the circumstances and his coward action, Tooru Oikawa was happy. He always imagined himself as a girl dad.
-Why does it matter to you? You left me alone with the child on her way, saying you need to take care of stuffs. For three months Tooru? Without calling? Texting? Sending smoke signs??? A freaking pigeon???? How could you do that to me? To us? –She sighed, resting her hand on her already visible bump. –I’m not saying you should be involved, because who am I to declare that...
-My girlfriend? –He added with hope in his voice, but Y/n sent her a glare.
-I’m saying, you should at least have given a sign, or told me immediately that you don’t want to be part of this. I was waiting, waiting for three months. I went through a lot. I was anxious. Stressed. Alone. –Her teardrops were having a competition against Oikawa’s. He looked at the woman, whose face was glowing despite the obvious tiredness, her body went through so many changes, just like her mind and heart. He hated the fact that he was the one made her cry and not out of happiness. How he wanted to embrace her, how he wanted to tell her sorry and pamper her. But he screwed up majorly. The woman of his life, the only one he ever loved with all his heart is now mad at him, maybe she doesn’t even love him anymore. This thought totally broke him and sobbed into the woman’s neck, who was crying uncontrollably as well.
There they were...hugging, crying as the snow slowly buried the sidewalk, as to erase the dirt sitting there. Everything was pure, soft and warm, despite the cold weather. People came and went. It was almost 7 pm. The silence offered a bit of relief for both, they could clear their minds a bit before Tooru decided to take a chance again.
-Y/n, listen to me please. I...I got scared. I didn’t know if I was ready for such a big step, I mean...a whole human’s life would depend on me.
-Tooru... –She started only to be interrupted by said man again.
-No, what I did was unforgiveable and I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore. –The tears made their appearance again. –But I’m begging you, to try.
-Tooru...-She sniffled- you really hurt me.
-I know.
-Do you even love me?
-More than anything.
-Then why were you scared? We could’ve managed this whole thing together. –She pointed at her bump. Oikawa just realized she’s probably in her fifth month.
-I...don’t know.
-Well, figure it out! –She said, wiping her tears away, her facial features became like steel again. Lips pressed together, eyes still full of sorrow. She got in the car, but Oikawa sat in as well.
-Tooru, I need time to think about the future. –A long sigh made its escape. It was full of confusion and worry. She was about to raise her daughter alone, when Tooru waltzed out of her life, but he’s here now and no matter how draining this whole situation was, deep inside she still loved him.
-Okay, let’s think together.
-Seriously...
-Y/n, let me be part of this. Let me be her father. –He looked at her belly with a mixture of fear and love; these two feelings were still fighting in his heart, but love seemed to win this time.
-What if you leave me again?
-I won’t.
-How can I know? You just disappeared one day.
-Well...about that.
Y/n was fuming at that point.
-Do you have a secret family in Argentina??
Oikawa couldn’t help but laugh. His girl really had a wild fantasy, but...he can’t blame her. He’d be just as paranoid. Just as loud and dramatic. They really found each other in the sea of grayness.
-No, Y/n, I went back to sell my house. I got invited in the MSBY Black Jackals in Japan, I had to take care of it too. I bought a house here. It took me around 5 weeks. The rest...yeah, I was scared, that’s true. I sold the house to end that part of my life, I joined the team to start a new one. With you, hopefully. True, being a father still seems like a though job, and I don’t know if I’m going to be a good dad or not. But I know one thing for certain: I will try my best every single day, to make you forgive and to be the best father and best partner.
The drive to her home was short, but seemed like an eternity as the silence embraced both the volleyball player and the manager. They both knew something had broken, but there was a chance to repair what’s used to be love.
The following months were busy, Tooru made Y/n move in his house, so that he could take care of her, and oh he did a wonderful job! Every single day he woke up earlier and made a nutritious breakfast for his expecting darling, whose heart melted a bit day by day. Upon reaching the seventh month of her pregnancy, they even slept together, Tooru caressing her now huge bump, talking to his unborn baby daughter, claiming that he loves her and her mother the most in the world. Y/n was still hesitant, but the fire in those beautiful chocolate orbs slowly convinved her, that maybe this time things would work out.
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yuu-kumeii · 9 months
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Heeello, hru?
i want a tsukishima kei × fem!reader, NO TIME SKIP, i want his reaction on the reader hugging him suddenly without saying anything and the reader doesn't pull away from the hug (aka gives him a long hug)
(Reader is clingy and doesn’t want to vent, but at the end she let it all out)
Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff, crying
Omg hi anon❗❗❗ I'm doing fine when I got this, but now I'm like a deflated grammar balloon 😭😭😭
SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH YOUR REQUEST I SWEAR I WAS THINKING ABT IT THE WHOLE TIME AFTER I GOT IT, I just didn't get the motivation at that time so I waited for inspiration to strike. But then inspiration hit me too hard and this ended up going waaaay off track ⚰️ PLUS I wrote the middle part during a campus tour and boy am I glad to have friends who are willing to be my beta readers bc past Yuu was NOT having a good time there 🥹. So sorry again in advance if this isn't exactly what you were expecting 🙏
Btw, your all caps red NO TIMESKIP is kinda funny to me bc it's like telling me to REMEMBER THAT THIS IS A PRE TIMESKIP THING NOT POST since I'm someone who mainly writes for post timeskip 💀 ntm how you probably had your own timeskip waiting for this thing 🧍‍♀️but anyways I hope you still enjoy this monster of a drabble fic hybrid 🫶
Also heads up, it's an established relationship, yeah sorry I didn't know if you would be ok with that but uh yeah sorry 😭
Word count : 3.5k (How did I get here)
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There wasn't any indication as to why you started to feel the way you do, maybe you were tired. It could be from stress, school work has been piling up so it wasn't a stretch to say that you might've been feeling a little burnt out. But deep down, you know exactly why. You're just too embarrassed to say it out loud, because what kind of person would you be to think that your friends were that shallow? A bad manager and an even more awful friend, that's what.
Everyone has been asking about you, concerned for your lack of response as of late. You barely look up from your notebook, something about a 'full proof strategy for their next game'. One so full proof it apparently doesn't need any input from the team or Kiyoko...or the coach... It's obvious you're trying to avoid them without being absent. Which makes it even more strange, usually you'd want to get away from the people you're avoiding. So why aren't you?
"Oh no, [Y/N] lookout!" A voice suddenly calls out, snapping you out of your thoughts just as you see a ball coming straight for you.
Before you could react, someone beat it to you, "I got it!" A hand reaches out and blocks the ball, you don't register who it is until—
"Nice save, Yacchan!"
Of course.
Yachi was the one who saved your face from getting pummeled while you sat there with your head in the clouds. All the more reason the team should just— just—
Just kick you off the team.
Ah.
There it is.
That's what's been on your mind. Why it was so hard for you to actually avoid them, you were scared to be pushed aside while trying to encourage them to do so. Thinking you were being good at your job, only to see someone new do it better.
You feel like you've been lacking as a manager, despite being in the club for longer. It felt like the newcomer, Yachi, was doing a lot better in the short time she's here. You know it was unwarranted, she's been nothing but helpful. Picking up all the little things you and Kiyoko taught her. The team also welcomed her with open arms, as did you.
It was a gradual realization on your end, with 3 managers on standby, it's easy to lose track of who does what job. But more and more it felt like you've been doing the least out of the 3 of you. It really affected you, even without you knowing.
You start to forget routines, things like after school clean up duty, homework, even going as far as to forget planned hangouts. It felt like all you wanted to do was finish the day as quickly as possible, you don't even get up from your seat much anymore. Your indifference in class is mostly likely why no one tried approaching you for stuff, which makes sense, you probably look unapproachable anyway.
Well, almost unapproachable. If it weren't for Tsukishima, who chose to come up to you on days you fully ignore the team.
"What's up with you?" His words were short and lacked any poise, fitting for the only first year keen on riling up opponents and allies alike.
"...Nothing is, I'm fine" Much like Tsuki, your words were curt. Hoping that the less you answer, the more he's inclined to leave you alone.
Giving you an unconvinced look paired with an equally unconvinced once over, he shrugs and turns to leave you be.
"Suit yourself"
That hurts more than anything your own mind can throw at you, because all it does is convince you further that they're better off without you. All you've been doing is feeling bad about yourself, starting to forget everything important in favor of ignoring the problem.
But strangely enough, even when you forget, nothing seems to have any big consequences. When you realize you forgot about cleanup duty, your class partner just shrugs, saying your friend stayed behind and helped them instead. You think that it could've been Yamaguchi, he sometimes helps with cleaning duty when someone's partner goes home early.
It makes you feel worse about your moping, inconveniencing not one but two people. All because you can't convince yourself that just because Yachi is doing a lot better than you, it doesn't mean you're useless.
Right?
Not to mention the heartwarming messages from your friends when you don't show up to a hangout, they seem so understanding in spite of how you don't even tell them anything. The messages telling you to "Take care of yourself" and "Work things out at your own pace" could honestly make you cry.
Even the team tries their best to cheer you up, or at least to get your attention. You can't lie and say you don't see Hinata trying to get the other first years to pull some cool volleyball stunt he saw once, hoping that you'll congratulate them. It's hard to ignore it, especially when you can just feel his occasional stare, trying to get a reaction from you. But, as much as you want to cheer them on, you just can't do that. And yet, they're still so understanding. Trying to raise your spirit, Yachi even tried to start a conversation with you by asking for help on different managerial duties. But to no avail, all you do is point her in the right direction before going back to your place in the stands. Her efforts weren't in vain, but not enough to really get to you.
But it doesn't add up, how would they know you're going through a tough time? Are you really that obvious? You probably are. Either way, it's sweet of them to still think about you even when you're basically ditching them.
What does make sense to you is the homework, which you still end up submitting on time. All thanks to, you guessed it, Tsukishima. He just started reminding you about homework due in 2 days, complete with the pages and formulas needed. A smart comment about your recent forgetfulness is always attached to the message, something to remind you that it's from Tsuki of all people.
Someone you got to know through Yamaguchi, a mutual friend of yours, and if that's not enough, then being on the same team definitely is. As a manager on said team, you were always there for whatever sarcastic quip he had at the ready. Complete with every short joke ever made and that snide smile of his almost everyday. Needless to say, it didn't take long for a friendship to bloom. No longer hanging out only when Yams was around, you both built a routine for when you have each other. Yet you were always one to break routine for something new, a habit the tall beanpole never fails to challenge.
"Why do I have to come with you? You can just go alone" He says, not too keen on the idea of skipping your usual bakery visit for a cafe.
"Because I don't want to go alone and you're the only free one" You were always so sure he'd come with you anyway, to the point where you don't even try to convince him anymore.
He did end up going with you in the end, even if he did have his complaints here and there. But overall, it was one of the few times you can visibly see him having a good time. You chose a cafe themed around the stars and space in general, which you knew Tsuki liked quite a bit. Sure it would've been better to go to a dinosaur themed cafe, but the ones you know about are all the way in Tokyo and Fukui. Nevertheless, that space cafe visit was definitely a core memory in both your and Tsukishima's friendship, no matter how much that salt shaker wanted to deny it.
Though you did promise that one day, both of you would go together.
As friends, cause that's what you are, right?
Wait, actually do you even remember what happened after the space cafe? Wasn't it really important?
It feels like you know exactly what it is, it's a *fact* that you remember what it is. But much like everything else around you, it as well, whether you mean to or not, is pushed to the back of your head. Your thoughts start to discourage your resolve in this self-driven solitude of yours, built upon claims with no support. But why would the evidence matter if the claim itself is enough to make you believe?
It really felt like you were going to keep up this ruse forever, nothing really served as a consequence to you. The only thing keeping you in this state were the small glimpses of the team above your notebook, always up to some dumb fun. Something you always looked forward to in spite of the grueling practice ahead of them, well it was something you looked forward to.
Your eyes catch onto the other first years happily chatting with each other, except for Tsuki who preferred to stand on the sidelines, only chiming in to add a sprinkle of sarcasm into the conversation. That seems fun, you knew it was. As you watch everyone laugh at something Yachi says, something in you starts coiling around your heart.
You're suddenly aware of every breath you take, your thoughts start to repeat 'breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...'
Your surroundings start to feel heavy, like you were tethered to your place. The sound of your own breathing feels louder than the voices in the gym. So focused on your empty notebook that everything else blurs at the edges of your vision.
It wasn't until you caught golden-brown eyes staring at you from across the court, genuine concern masked under a nonchalant gleam. You hold his gaze for longer than you'd like, unsure if there's anything else hidden under the bespectacled stare.
Tsuki only tilts his head in the direction of the other first years, probably telling you to come with them. You can only refuse, solemnly shaking your head. They can't possibly want you there with them, not after ignoring them for the better part of a week. It wouldn't be right to just butt in like that.
He probably knows that you're still not giving in, because it looked like he let out a sigh before walking towards them. Not before one last stare down with you, his gaze asking if you're sure about your decision. You can only hesitantly nod, you're not sure, you don't want to pick this decision, but you've convinced yourself that you're backed into a corner.
A corner you made up.
Well, no use in thinking about it now.
"Oi [Y/N], I'm gonna lock up the gym now! Better get going" Oh coach Ukai, you forgot he was still here. Taking your notebook and pen into your arms, you nod at the coach before heading towards the exit. Body slightly hunched over when you pass him, unable to look at him in the eye.
"Whatever it is you're going through, you know they got your back, right kiddo?" Ukai suddenly says, right before you leave. It makes you stand in your place for a while, thinking. You know they do, it just doesn't feel right to, especially when you didn't give them a valid reason for your distance.
"Y-yeah…Thanks, coach" You mumble, fully facing away from him. Turning to leave, when you catch a glimpse of the orange sky outside. Realizing how late it got, you break into a sprint back to your classroom.
Through the now empty halls, doused in ombre. No other soul in sight, leaving the sounds of your footsteps to be heard. The sky is beautiful today…wouldn't it be fun to experience it together?
Your pace slows right in front of your classroom, 1-4 written on a sign next to the door. Putting your hands on your knees to catch your breath from all the running, you stop to admire the light that passes through your classroom door.
And that's when you heard it, the faint scratching of a chalkboard being erased, you'd know that sound anywhere. It's soft, you could barely hear it over your own breaths, who could be cleaning it at this time? You know your partner didn't come to school today, they were sick. You yourself forgot, so why would anyone be there?
Slowly peeking through the door frame, you see a lone figure standing by the chalkboard. Short blond hair, a lean figure, headphones over his neck, the wire hanging loose. It's him, the one you felt the most guilt for. You watch him for a while, lazily swiping the eraser across the chalkboard.
So that's who your cleanup partner was talking about.
It wasn't Yamaguchi…
It was Tsuki.
He's been the one filing in for you, the one picking up after you. The one who kept pushing you to just talk to the team from a distance, he was looking out for you. The one that's been trying to reach out in his own way, you feel so stupid. Running away while your…
Your…
Your...
Own boyfriend looks out for you even when you unfairly pushed him away.
Your eyes glaze over and your breathing interchanges between short huffs and long shaky sighs. Feeling like you owe so much to him, keeping you afloat in an ocean of your own solitude. Step by step, you make your way over. Speeding up the closer you got.
Reaching him, you immediately press your face into his back. Arms wrapping around his waist, grabbing at the fabric of his school uniform to keep yourself in place. You can feel him tense, before slowly relaxing and going back to his cleaning. The guilt eating up at you even more, you clench your fists around his uniform, trembling in your place. Your lip trembles slightly, making your words sound even more pathetic than they already are.
"I'm…I-I'm so-so-...so-sor—ry—!" You sob, voice breaking off the same way you are. No words could express the mix of relief and remorse you feel, relief to be able to express your true feelings and remorse for your actions that didn't. Your eyes fill with tears that linger at their edge, waiting for a push to get them down.
"You better be, do you know how much they miss you? Those idiots won't stop asking me about you" Kei's words striking right through your heart, the coil no longer tight. Your tears finally fall as your cries get louder. You press your face further into your boyfriend's back for comfort, letting out all the pent up feelings you've harbored the past week.
"I…I just f-felt like—like I wa-was u-useless!" You whimper, sobs reduced to short intakes of air between big breaths.
"Idiot…" Turning to face you fully, Kei's hand settles itself on the top of your head, sliding down to the back. Pushing you further into an embrace of his own, refusing to look at you. One hand on the back of your head, the other fiddling with his headphone wires.
All that you've done, the distance you tried to make, it all came tumbling down. All at once. It was never supposed to take hold of you the way it did, so all you needed was something to justify ending it. Kei, is that something.
"It's just tha-that—Yachi is such-such a good mana–ger…be-better than me…" The words flow out before you could stop them, a confession to your actions. Hearing it out loud, you truly realize how weak your reasons are. It just shows how little it took to have you questioning your worth as a member of the team, laid out in front of the both of you. 
"..." His silence causes you to meekly look up at him, afraid of what he might think. Kei was always good at keeping a neutral face, never making it easy for you to know what he's thinking.
"I don't want to stop being your guys' manager…" You lower your head, voice a whisper, lip still quivering slightly.
"Then don't, no one's telling you to quit"
Huh.
"But—" You quickly look back up at him.
"But nothing, Yachi's great and all but when will we ever get another clutz like you who pays for my drink?" He has a smug look on his face after saying that, eyes filled with nothing but mischief.
You say nothing, words stuck in your throat. Still staring at his stupid smile, he's probably so proud of himself for that. But, you knew he said that to cheer you up. Something to keep you out of your own head, and it's working.
"Way to ruin the moment…" You mumble, "Could've been a bit more dramatic" A soft smile takes over your expression, already feeling much more relieved than before.
"You can do that by yourself," Kei retorts, looking at you from the corner of his eye.
"But you'd still do it with me" Your smile grows, eyes filled with adoration for the pretty face in front of you. After being alone for the better part of a week, it was nice to finally talk again. Even if you had so much making up to do, to everyone in the team, maybe you could start with the one who still held you close.
"Oh? You sound so sure of yourself for someone who's been running away from me" Eyebrow raised in faux skepticism, waiting for your answer.
"I promise I'll make it up to you first" You tell him, before burying your face back into his front, basking in his familiar scent and warmth where you feel most at ease.
"You better"
And you will. To all of them.
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Walking home from school during sunset is a special kind of rare to you, barely anyone on the streets. Your newfound goal for the following week, circling in your mind. Beside you was Kei, matching your pace with long strides contrasting your own smaller steps.
"Kei…Do you want to stop by Paprika heaven?" You suddenly ask.
"Paprika heaven? Really?" Kei is not convinced you're being serious, you can practically sense that raised brow.
"It's a cafe! I know the name isn't the sweetest sounding but trust me on this!" You insist, letting out an exasperated huff.
"Shouldn't it be closed?" He questions further, still doubtful.
"It closes at 9, I checked" You proudly exclaim, crossing your arms with a content look on your face.
Kei rolls his eyes at your antics, "Alright, I yield" he raises his hands in surrender, yet a smirk still makes its way onto his face, "But you're paying"
You freeze, realizing that he's right. You are going to pay for it, with your own money. Immediately, your figure deflates dramatically. Slouching forward with an exaggerated groan.
"Right…" Your wallet will never forgive you. But not because Paprika Heaven was too expensive, a piece of your soul just dies whenever you take out a remotely large amount of money from your wallet.
This apparently amuses your boyfriend because he starts laughing, so much so that his shoulders move in time with each laugh. He turns to look at your stunned figure, which only entertains him more. Hearing his mocking laughter, it shakes you out of your stupor. Irritation starts to take hold of you, wanting him to stop laughing at your obvious misery.
"Wha—?! Stop laughing!" Your fists make contact with your boyfriend's chest, repeatedly hitting him to get him to shut.
"I'm serious! I might become poor after this!"
"That's your own fault" In between laughs, Kei is still able to call you out. Seriously, can't he take this seriously?
After a while he calms down, wiping a single tear from his eye. You also calm down, arms tired from the repeated attacks on your boyfriend. Leaning your forehead on his chest to rest, eyes closing on their own from the change in atmosphere. Kei only stands proud, hands in his pockets and a grin spread across his face in content.
Comfortable silence wash over you, the sun still peeking just beyond the horizon, lighting up the road just enough for you to see the way ahead. It's way too late for a bunch of high school students to be out, let alone ones who plan on staying out. But that doesn't matter, you can take the worried lectures from your parents later. Right now, you want to make up for lost time.
"Kei—," You raise your head to face him, taking a deep breath,
"Thank you" A closed eyed smile appears on your face, "For still putting up with me"
"...Whatever" He looks away from you, eyes gazing over the road in front of you.
But no matter how much he tries to hide it,
You can still see that small genuine smile on his face.
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