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javisjeanjacket · 1 year

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Hard to Find - ( joel miller x reader)

A/N: I didn’t wanna do it to ya, but something about a dirty sweaty emotionally scarred dilf man...I JUST CANT STAY AWAY!! Anyway this is a lot of build-up and backstory laying and in part two there will be less of that, more action and ~drama~. But for now, enjoy :)

also!! I’ve not played the game, i’m only watching the show as it comes out so no spoilers pls!!

Word count: 1.6K

Warnings: descriptions of the night of the outbreak (a lady gets bitten, puke is mentioned briefly, blood is mentioned briefly), canon-esque action, feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious are described but not heavily focused on, the relationship with Joel is ~complex~

He remembers you from before. He remembers how easily smiles used to come to you and how kind you always were to Sarah.

You are not like that now.

He’s not like he used to be either.

You were with him when he lost her; you saw the unyielding nothingness infect him and the hopelessness settle into the cracks in his skin. Joel changed after he lost Sarah; he was no longer the hot handy neighbor who helped you hang up your Christmas lights every year. He was barely a functioning human at all.

The past ten years, you had tried to be there for Joel when he needed you. He would spill his guts to you, trembling and crying until he fell asleep with his head in your lap, and then wake up the next morning, make you coffee and pretend like nothing happened. Other nights he would call you, take your hand as soon as you walked in his door, and look at you with big, brown, helpless eyes. You would stroke his cheek or rub your thumb over his and he would lean in for a gentle kiss that lead to the two of you in his bed, his hands worshiping every dip and curve of your body, that then lead to him making you coffee and eventually moving in with him. You knew Sarah, and you had known him, and you were the only part of his old self that he could remember anymore. He refused to call you his partner, but keeping you safe was more important to him than his own life.

You didn't really know why you were doing what you were doing. Picking up ingredients to cook a dinner for a man you adored, who you suspected adored you too, but refused to acknowledge it. Often, you thought of just up and leaving the QZ and Joel behind, heading for anywhere else that people might be, in an effort to stifle how you felt about Joel and to garner enough self respect to stop yourself from letting him use you.

‘But I couldn’t leave him.’ you thought to yourself. ‘Why not?’ You argued. ‘If a better opportunity came along wouldn’t Joel just leave you?’ You bit your lip and tried to focus on the rations you were putting in your pack. ‘It’s not worth thinking about. Not anymore.’

“Get down!” A voice rang out suddenly over the market square.

“Shit!” You cursed and bent down to shield yourself using the vegetable pasta stall.

The sounds of a grenade detonating reverberated off the brick and you braced yourself for impact. Debris violently flew through the square, crashing and bouncing all around you. Brick shot through the pasta stall and broke into smaller pieces when it crashed to the ground before you. You whimpered and closed your eyes. A flash from that night, Joel’s birthday, September 26th 2003, played in your mind.

The movie theater.

Midnight Madness was playing.

Your co-worker came stumbling out of the building, covered in blood.

Your first instinct was to grab Joel’s shoulder and point them out to him, ask him to stop.

Joel didn’t stop for the family with a baby, he wouldn’t stop for a grown adult covered in blood.

Your coworker grabbed a woman fleeing nearby and latched onto the screaming woman’s neck. Her mouth filled with blood and it spilled down her turquoise top. The turquoise was so pretty, you recalled. Accented even more by the crimson of her blood. You rolled down your window and puked out of the side of Tommy’s truck.

You opened your eyes. Dust had settled in your hair and over your skin. The market was in shambles around you and the stall behind you was blown to smithereens. The robot FEDRA installed to run the market booths looked to be beat to hell, which put a smirk on your face. Swallowing against your dry throat, you looked to find a way out of the square and back to Joel’s apartment. You found one and started to move towards the street when you heard the clatter of boots upon pavement, working as one unit. You heard the shift of guns in hands and cursed to yourself.

“Fuck me.”

Your only chance to escape was to wait until the firefight started and then run for it while they’re all focused on each other. You turned instead, to the destroyed robot. You hunkered down behind it and pulled your body as close to yourself as you could, making as small of a target as possible. Moments passed in silence, then some angered shouts of ‘Free Boston now!’, and then the exchanging of shots started. You jumped when the first shot was fired and took that as your cue to make a run for it. Your chest pounded as you ran towards the sidewalk, your pack shook from side to side and your heart felt like it was in your ears. You turned the corner away from the market and a spray of bullets marked where your feet had just been. Your breath stuck in your throat and chills ran over your body. Turning from the fight, you fled towards Joel’s apartment. The streets were abandoned already, people safe in their homes, helpless but to watch the chaos unfold in the city below them.

You came to Joel’s building and twisted your pack around to grab your key from the bag. You hand trembled as you tried to fit it in the lock and you almost left it in the door after you unlocked it. Hurrying up the steps towards the second floor, your lungs seemed to be shrinking. Air couldn’t reach them quick enough and your vision was becoming blurry. You turned the corner on the second floor and almost ran to Joel’s apartment. Pressing your hand to the dingy door, you unlocked the apartment and hurried inside, shutting it tightly behind you. You closed your eyes and let yourself sag against the door. You covered your mouth with your hand as a wild sob climbed up and out of you. Clenching your eyes shut, you sank to your knees and tried to catch your breath, but your chest was heaving too quickly. The world seemed to be spinning around you.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Joel’s voice cut through the chaos in your mind.

You felt his big hand, warm and tender on your knee, and sensed him close to you. You opened your eyes to find him bent down next to you, his dark eyes intense and focused solely on yours. Before you could stop yourself, you reached out and wrapped your arms around him, tucking your face into his neck and letting your tears fall onto his shirt.

He was tense a moment, then allowed himself to soften for you, his hand snaking under your pack to rub up and down your back. “Tell me what happened.” He whispered.

You tried to force yourself to catch your breath, breathing when Joel breathed and closing your eyes, but the trembling wouldn’t stop. “I’m sorry.” You replied.

He pressed a soft kiss to your hair and then pulled you closer. “It’s okay, just breathe.” He shifted you so that he could lift you up, then carried you both to bed. He laid you down softly and then took your pack for you and hung it on the hook by the door.

You felt emotion well in your eyes so you distracted yourself with taking off your boots. A tear fell onto your laces just as Joel re-appeared in front of you.

“Lay down.” He said, and motioned with his head towards the bed.

You looked up at him, all of you tender and vulnerable and raw, and did as he said.

He reached down and took your boots off for you, placing them one after the other beside the front door as well. You watched him and bit the inside of your lip; did he know he was your whole world? Did he feel how beloved he was?

He took his boots off as well and sat them beside yours, then stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed next to you.

You both turned to face each other once you were safe under the covers and Joel reached for your hand under the sheets. “You okay?”

“I-” You let out a deep breath and tried to keep your breathing steady, “I wanted to make you dinner.”

“You don’t need to do that, darlin’.”

“I know, but I wanted to get us special food to make and-”

“You weren’t there when the square was attacked, were you?!” Joel’s head lifted from the pillow and his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He had heard the commotion from the apartment and didn’t think anything of it, you had said you had to work late.

You looked at him with big, watery eyes and nodded yes.

Joel frowned and grumbled deep in his chest. He scooted closer to you and wrapped his arm around your torso. “I don’t need to tell you that was stupid.”

You slotted your face in just below his chin and pressed your body against his. Breathing was coming easier to you now. “I wasn’t being stupid, it was just a random attack.”

Joel grumbled again and ran his hand up and down over your back. “Still.”

You smiled gently and took in a shuddering breath. “Next time a secret organization launches a random attack, I’ll make sure I know in advance.”

Joel huffed and pressed you closer. “Good.”

TAGLIST: @over300books @autumnleaves1991-blog @phoenixhalliwell @ntlmundy @myheart-pedro @intu-witch-tion @frietiemeloen @greeneyedblondie44 @amneris21 @disasterhann @aana4664 @freeshavacadoooo @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @maievdenoir @heyitsjaybird @nerdypinupcrystal

Join my taglist here! :)

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller/reader #joel miller/you #joel miller/gn!reader #tlou #tlou hbo #the last of us #hai writes #when will i not name a fic after a national song #ummm #never #:)

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surqrised · 3 months

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You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try accepting yourself and see what happens.

Louise Hay

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monstersandmaw · 4 months

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I fucking love the LOTR cast and crew...

#also i wanna write a short king uruk hai now #orc puns #uruk hai #uruk low #lotr #i also just fucking love all the LOTR trivia

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thoughtkick · 7 months

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You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try accepting yourself and see what happens.

Louise Hay

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atlasnessie · 7 months

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YOUR NAME SO LOVELY — yet i’m too forbidden to say

an: i hate mr bungo stray dogs … reblogs appreciated !!

dazai doesn’t say your name, too afraid that the universe will take you away too.

instead, he calls you little pet names such as the classic ‘bella donna’ and ‘love’, ‘darling’, and on cases when he’s feeling it, ‘baby’ or ‘babe.’

him refusing to call you your name had always lingered on your mind. perhaps he had forgotten it ? no, there’s no way, people at the agency speak of you and your name all the time. or maybe it’s because it’s too hard to say and he had gotten lazier. whatever the reason was, you had to know.

by that night, when you had bought take out for the both of you to share in your little apartment, you asked the question, unwrapping the food from the plastic to-go bag. dazai went silent for a moment before laughing it off.

“are you worried i had forgotten your name, bella ? of course not, i just think pet names suit you, don’t you think so too, dear ?”

he brushed it off so easily it made you skeptical of his thoughts. asking again as to why he never say your name, dazai looks up to you with an almost bittersweet and sour face. opening up was never considered easy to dazai, especially out of the blue. with a quiet sigh, he picked on the plastic lid that was covering the food with a dramatically shy look.

“i guess … if i say your name, the universe will take you away too. just like how it took away oda …”

his voice cracked slightly, the facade he was trying put out easily chipping away. the room was silent for a few moments before he laughed and continued to open the containers.

those words were the closest thing to a confession as to why he won’t say your name. perhaps he really was afraid. the striking guilt and worry of loving you too great. and for now, it may be best for him to continue avoiding slipping your name from his lips, the stomach twisting worry of you disappearing too was far too great for him.

#hai gois !#bungo stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs dazai #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x you #atlas writes !#bungo stray dogs imagines

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stay-close · 3 months

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You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try accepting yourself and see what happens.

Louise Hay

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vomentallyunstableladka · 26 days

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Ig I'm just not made for regular relationships. I want our souls to intertwine deeply.

#mentally unstable ladke ke shitty text post #txt #txt post #desiblr #kuch toh likhein hai #desi shit posting #spilled writing #spilled words #spilled thoughts #desi academia #text post

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thehopefulquotes · 4 months

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Don’t run from lessons; they are little packages of treasure that have been given to us. As we learn from them, our lives change for the better.

Louise Hay

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shyam-kariya · 3 months

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In a way they're poetry material. Aren't they?

#poetry #beauty #romance #this are what we stay alive for #simping for radha #radha ka shyam #couple goals #cutie couple #bollywood #aren't they cute #aren't they adorable #ham kab #us when #relatable quotes #shyam writes #hai koi aisi radha

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averagegtenjoyer · 4 months

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Giant who carelessly walks thru a city their tiny partner lives in, absolutely straight faced. Their steps soar over countless people and cars as they walk, sometimes leaning down to search a comparatively-tiny building for their partner. The screaming is ignored. Its not like they’re going to step on anyone. Finally finding their little lover somewhere as their face lights up, changing from moody to absolutely delighted in a second, a shocking speed for something so big. Lifting a roof off of a building or picking up a car and shaking it out over their palm, maybe even just plucking them off the street with a rumbling, deafening “finally found you…” before whisking them away. Real

#was thinking of hai//kaveh when i wrote tbhhh #also ake///shu ofc #gt #giant/tiny #g/t #sfw g/t #giant tiny #g/t writing

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javisjeanjacket · 1 year

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Daemon Targaryen Headcanons

A/N: Send help a blonde baddie has bewitched me body and soul 😩 pls enjoy 🥰

Warnings: softness, kisses, playing with hair, discussions of orgasms, sex positions, teasing, dick size, and threesomes. Nothing graphic tho, just general descriptions that could apply to any sex reader.

SFW

At the start of the relationship I could see him being sort of quiet and kind of stand-offish honestly; he wants to be good for you, take care of you, and make you happy, but vulnerability and caring about someone is new to him and he doesn't want to ruin it.

He would also get in his head about things quite easily at first. Like he might freeze up when you brush your hand against his while you’re walking together, but if you actually take his hand in yours he's overjoyed. Basically, at first, he needs you to be in charge and show him how to love you. 🥺

He struggles to fall asleep a lot, he tosses and turns and ‘hmph’s and worries about Viserys, and about your shared future, about Caraxes in-grown toenail, about a little of everything. But when you start sharing his bed with him, he finds that sleep comes easier. You’re warm and soft and so soft with him and he feels that he can finally rest when he’s in your arms.

On slow mornings, he loves waking up to you running your hands through his hair. The motion is so soothing to him and it puts him in a good mood for the rest of the day.

I think his love language is probably either words of affirmation or acts of service. Like if you tell him how much he means to you or do something for him like have his sword cleaned or wash his hair for him-it just makes him melt💘

He likes to feed you; doesn't matter what or where, he likes feeling your lips around his fingers.

If you come to him when you're sad or upset, his first instinct is to punish whoever made you feel that way, and while you're thankful he's so willing to fight for you, you might have to tell him you'd rather him just hold you for a while.

I feel like he might be kind of awkward or nervous at first when it comes to intimate touch that is not sexual (playing with his hands, combing through his hair, rubbing his shoulders, etc) I feel like he's just not used to someone wanting to make him feel loved for no other reason than they love him.

If you two take a jaunt on dragon back and have a picnic somewhere without any witnesses... Daemon will braid your hair and sing to you in High Valyrian 🥺

He would, of course, introduce you to his bestie Caraxes and gingerly guide you to place your palm on his snout. When the dragon learns your scent and gets excited when you're near, Daemon thinks his heart could burst.

Once you acquire your own dragon tho, Caraxes is enamored with them. He sings the dragon love song and thumps his tail and nuzzles his face underneath your dragon's chin and the two become fast lovers.

Daemon is also kind of a nerd!! if he's not riding Caraxes or practicing with Dark Sister, he's in the library pouring over the histories of Old Valyria and his ancestors. He can tell you the lineage of his sword and the deeds of every king to have claimed the Iron Throne before his brother. He also gets super excited about new dragon eggs!! He’ll spend the whole day venturing through Dragonmount and when he retrieves the eggs, Daemon will bring them home to you, his face all dirty and sweaty and disgusting, but he's beaming and so excited that you just can’t say no to helping him clean the eggs off.....yay 😅

NSFW

I think the first few times you have sex, Daemon is very quiet, obedient, and soft. He knows what he’s doing and he knows what he wants to do, but you’re not like any of his lovers before. He doesn’t want to scare you or do something you don’t like, so he would rather just let you lead until he learns your body and what you like.

He can actually be very sweet and tender during sex. If he’s feeling sweet, his preferred position is missionary with hand holding and eye contact. He also likes holding your face with both hands when you're riding him and kissing all over your legs and stomach before he gives you oral. As much as he wants people to think he’s a fuckboy, he can’t cum unless he feels that emotional element as well as the raw attraction.

Hate to say it but Daemon's BDE is more than valid 👀 The first time you had sex it took a few tries and some extra lube to fit him all the way in 😩

With that in mind, if you tell him you want him to be rough, he can do that too. (doggy with hair pulling is his favorite). He's incredible at building your tension up, teasing you just enough to keep you there until he’s ready, and then pushing you over the edge to get you to explode for him 🥵

He makes your body tremble, vision turn to black, ears ring, and your hands claw at his back when he gives you an orgasm. He’s not satisfied unless he knows he’s made you cum as well.

He is also down to try p much anything sex wise. He likes to try new things every time, but of course, will make sure you're into it too before he does. If you tell him a long kept fantasy of yours, or tell him you have an idea you want to try, he's immediately down, yes, let's do it, where's the nearest couch, bed, or closet 😏😏

Daemon is either very into a threesome or either very not into a threesome. The only reason he'd say no is because he's so possessive and he couldn't stand to see anyone else touch you the way he does.

He also likes teasing you when he's bored at small council meetings. He'll lean over to you and whisper in your ear something about how he can't stop thinking about how good you taste and tuck a little peck just under your ear and you’ll have to sit there and try not to blush.

GENERAL TAGLIST: @over300books @autumnleaves1991-blog @phoenixhalliwell @ntlmundy @myheart-pedro @intu-witch-tion @frietiemeloen @greeneyedblondie44 @amneris21 @disasterhann @aana4664 @freeshavacadoooo @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @maievdenoir @heyitsjaybird @nerdypinupcrystal

#daemon #daemon targaryen #daemon targeryen x reader #daemon targeryan x you #daddy daemon #matt smith #hotd #house of the dragon #blondie🐉#hai writes

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