Hazbin Group Chat Fic, pt 1
* CharChar added PurpleFemale, SeXXXySpider, SssirP, Husk, NaNaNaNiff, and Alastor to “Hazbin Hotel’s Home for Imaginary Friends” *
CharChar: Hi, friends!
SssirP: But… but we’re not imaginary.
PurpleFemale: I think it’s related to some TV show on earth.
SeXXXySpider: Shh, don’t say the T-dot-V word or flat-face will come spy on us.
SeXXXySpider: Also wow @ Husk & Alastor. We can totally tell who are the digital grandpas in this friend group.
Alastor: I beg your pardon?
NaNaNaNiff: Ehehe, your usernames.
Alastor: Yes?
NaNaNaNiff: They’re just your names. Laaaame.
Husk: I’m not calling myself some stupid nickname.
SeXXXySpider: Bwahaha, two seconds, kitty. I assume you’re down at the bar.
Husk: Oh god.
PurpleFemale: Run, Husk.
* Husk changed his name to KittyKat *
* KittyKat changed his name to Husk *
* Husk changed his name to NiceTryFurball *
* NiceTryFurball changed his name to Husk *
* Husk changed his name to WhiskeyWhiskers *
WhiskeyWhiskers: This… can stay.
SeXXXySpider: I win!
WhiskeyWhiskers: If you touch my phone again, I’ll break your fingers, brat.
SeXXXySpider: Weird kink, but actually not the strangest thing I’ve done so far this week ~ <3 ~
PurpleFemale: That… that’s not okay, Angel.
SeXXXySpider: ¯\_¯\_(ツ)_/¯_/¯
NaNaNaNiff: Awww, you gave him the extra arms!!!
SeXXXySpider: You know it, Niff.
Alastor: I’ve been here approximately three minutes and already feel my brain rotting away. Charlie, what exactly was the point of this?
CharChar: Okay, so I figured even though we all live together that we still need a way to communicate whenever we’re not actually together.
SssirP: For what, exactly?
CharChar: Anything! If there’s just something you want to share with the group. It can be an idea for an exercise for us or a funny joke you thought of or just letting me know that the handle is broken on your bathroom sink!
WhiskeyWhiskers: Don’t all you fucks spend enough time with each other? And I should know – I keep getting dragged along on your little misadventures.
SeXXXySpider: Bet.
WhiskeyWhiskers: What?
SeXXXySpider: Not the kind of bet you’re used to.
SssirP: “The term bet can be used in a few different ways on social media but generally means agreed or okay.”
SeXXXySpider: Bet.
PurpleFemale: Siiiiigh. And here we have Angel, the perpetually online e-boy.
SeXXXySpider: Uwu?
PurpleFemale: Kill it with fire.
NaNaNaNiff: Eheheheheh.
PurpleFemale: Don’t actually kill it with fire.
NaNaNaNiff: No fun :-(((
Alastor: I’m still very confused.
SeXXXySpider: Just go with it. You’ll catch on.
CharChar: Thanks, Angel. I’m glad someone is immediately on board.
SeXXXySpider: (bb^_^)bb
SssirP: I’m not opposed. I’ve never been in a group chat before.
PurpleFemale: Really? You didn’t have one for you and your egg things?
SssirP: Giving the Egg Boiz cellular phones is a very bad idea. Trust me. A very bad idea.
SeXXXySpider: I’m so fascinated to get that story out of you someday.
CharChar: Angel, will you help Alastor change his name too?
SeXXXySpider: Iiiii will not.
Alastor: SmArT BoY
SeXXXySpider: Eep
PurpleFemale: Eep
SssirP: Eep
CharChar: Oh, come on, Alastor. It’s part of the fun! Here, bring me your phone and I’ll help you!
Alastor: I assure you that I am quite fine, my dear.
WhiskeyWhiskers: She gets a pat on the head and Angel gets a vague death threat? Checks out.
SeXXXySpider: ^
SssirP: But it is kind of fun, having a different name.
PurpleFemale: What would Alastor’s name even be?
SeXXXySpider: Honestly, he’d probably go with, like “RadioDemon” and think he was being clever.
CharChar: I’ll come up with a list of ideas!
NaNaNaNiff: RadioRudolph
Alastor: No.
Alastor: And, my dear Niffty, why are you engaging in all of this nonsense?
NaNaNaNiff: Ehehehe, because they can text me whenever they find a bug!
WhiskeyWhiskers: There’s one bothering me at the bar.
SeXXXySpider: Hey, she already tried to stab me once.
SeXXXySpider: Also, the clue is in the name, baby. Spider. Not bug.
WhiskeyWhiskers: Only once? Pussy.
SeXXXySpider: (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
SssirP: Actually, that one does look like it has cat whiskers.
SeXXXySpider: (=^ ◡ ^=)
SssirP: Aww.
CharChar: You know, that does raise an important question! Niffty, do you also go after spiders or only bugs?
NaNaNaNiff: Spiders are our friends! They eat all of the nasty little buggies. They tie them up and then suck them dry!
PurpleFemale: Angel, no.
WhiskeyWhiskers: Don’t do it.
CharChar: That’s….
SeXXXySpider: Don’t mind me over here deleting my half-completed text then.
PurpleFemale: Do you have any shame?
SeXXXySpider: ¯\_¯\_(ツ)_/¯_/¯
SeXXXySpider: I mean, they’re usually the ones doing the tying up, sooooooo
SeXXXySpider: Niff can be half-right.
Alastor: Regretting your decisions yet, Charlie?
PurpleFemale: About starting this group text or about life in general?
Alastor: That I shall leave up to her.
CharChar: This. Is. Fine.
CharChar: (Angel, if you need someone to talk to…)
SeXXXySpider: Thanks, doll, but my therapy comes in little plastic baggies.
PurpleFemale: Speaking of, we found the stash taped to the underside of the couch. I believe that may have been the last one, yes?
SeXXXySpider: …
SeXXXySpider: My therapy is *supposed to* come in little plastic baggies.
CharChar: I’d say sorry, Angel, but I’m honestly not that sorry.
WhiskeyWhiskers: Good job, girls.
SeXXXySpider: Hey, Niffty, did anyone ever tell you that cats are a species of bug?
NaNaNaNiff: Nice try~
SeXXXySpider: You know, I remember someone did once call me “Whore Bug”
PurpleFemale: *Snort* What?
SeXXXySpider: Yup
SssirP: Ah, I did intend to apologize for that
SeXXXySpider: Eh, I punched you in the face. (งง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)งง We’re even
PurpleFemale: Wait, what happened?
PurpleFemale: Also, Angel, where do you keep getting all of those?
SeXXXySpider: oo(◕␣~)oo
PurpleFemale: No
SssirP: It was when I was still trying to help the Vees.
SssirP: Before I realized that Vox is a jerk.
SeXXXySpider: ^
WhiskeyWhiskers: Not gonna lie, that’s actually kind of funny.
CharChar: Remember what I taught you, Pentious?
SssirP: Ah, yes!
SssirP: Angel, I’m sorry I called you WhoreBug.
SeXXXySpider: Thanks IG but I’m not sorry for punching you.
SeXXXySpider: Also, I’ve been called worse.
PurpleFemale: Once again, Angel. That’s not okay.
SeXXXySpider: I’m getting tired of typing the shrug
PurpleFemale: Or you could take your own trauma seriously for, like, two seconds.
SeXXXySpider: Or I could bury my trauma in sarcasm and ice cream.
WhiskeyWhiskers: Replace ice cream with bourbon and I’ve been there
CharChar: Note to self, see if Alastor can find a therapist for the hotel
Alastor: I shall keep an eye open, my dear girl
CharChar: Do you think Rosie knows somebody?
PurpleFemale: Do we really want a cannibal living in the hotel?
CharChar: The hotel welcomes ~everybody~
SeXXXySpider: Resisting. Urge. To. Make. Eating. Joke.
CharChar: See?! That’s growth!
SeXXXySpider: Resisting. Urge. To. Make. Growth. Joke.
NaNaNaNiff: Hehehehehe.
SssirP: I actually don’t know what the jokes would have been???
WhiskeyWhiskers: Keep that innocence, bud
(Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)
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