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#got introduced to this movie literally this year and am in love. BIG ROBOTS!!
clickityweasel · 2 years
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hmmm neons.....  (+ refs used from an absolute ass quality netflix stream)
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mx-julien · 3 years
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an incredibly meta and ridiculously unfair biased take on pixane
some quick notes before we begin (or scroll past if you just want the meta)
i'm not going to post things like this more than once a year so this is one of very few times
i was a literal elementary-schooler when the first episode of Rebooted came out and 95% of my frustration comes from the meta behind their relationship not the relationship itself. i am very aware that this is an unfair take on their relationship. i'm older now and also entirly aware that this is a ship of fictional characters.
so if you didn't realize already, this is going to be mostly negative, so read at your own discretion
ok so like i said ~i was an elementary-schooler~, Zane was my favorite, and one of the many things that little me liked was that he's not a dating-crazy character because even at that age i hated rushed romantic plots Just Because wow, laurance, could you get any more demiromantic writer geek if you tried. also he's a robot and he's different BUT that just means he's accomodated and that doesn't mean he's held in any different regard which warmed my neurodivergent heart then and still does now.
are the "are we compatible now", 'we understand each other better because we're actually fundamentally similar in ways that we haven't been able to relate to others before', and 'half of my heart' storylines adorable and sweet? yes! does it still bother me that they pulled a "they're both robots <3" thing? yup, but not every show wants to address human/robot so it's fair.
but i remember feeling so hurt that they just made Zane suddenly enraptured with a character that was just used as an Attractive Life In Danger for literally the entire season [ref: turning evil and needing to be saved, needing a new power source, not being able to leave the building for the first few episodes]. it felt very ooc for him to be that taken with her by just having looked at and met her and the more lowkey thing they have going on now just fits, in my opinion, so much better.
it's another sore spot for me because they also did that Bad Love Triangle thing with Nya, Jay, and Cole in the same season, so i didn't like that two of the characters i related to the most suddenly had romantic subplots that weren't actually at all good or necessary. it also ruined the friendly antagonism between Jay and Cole by making it seem to have actual animosity, setting up their dumb feud that continues until skybound. in the process it turned Nya into an object to be won and passed around (which is called objectification, folks) instead of her kickass actual person self.
back to pixane: i was especially mad that they not only introduced another female character who was immediately turned into a damsel in distress, but she was then ignored and even got her body taken away after one (1) season. something i still believe is that pixal and Zane deserve a more nuanced relationship beginning than what we got in s3.
it actually wasn't even until late 2019 (when i drifted back into the nj orbit and saw how big the fandom had become on tumblr after people who saw 2017 movie watched the tv show) that i properly appreciated Pixal and fell in love with her and her place in the team.
also i think that it's absolutely hilarious how they try to do the "oh but he actually cares about her safety" thing [ref: Skybound, Prime Empire] as like a Dating Indicator but it just BACKFIRES because Zane's like that with literally everyone [ref: sacrifices himself for everyone in Rebooted, everyone yet again when he goes into Bernie's stomach, Wu in Secrets of Forebidden Spinjitzu] EXCEPT for Cole in Oni and the Dragon and Snake Jaguar (hey i remembered the episode names :) !), which sets him apart from everyone else and that, combined with their back and forth on screen kind of hints at a relationship more than anything else they try to do with the other couples.
hello yes back to pixane: most of their interactions to me (because, like eveyone else, i just ignore parts of rebooted that don't have Sensei G or Borg) like Ninjago Confidential, most of her time in his head, and the majority of her remarks during Seabound scream brother-sister to me. literally that's what my older sister's like: amused [ref: Ninjago Confidential and Seabound when Pixal just goes along with Zane's weird voice antics], knows better than you so she gives you a hard time about it [ref: most of the time she's in his head! there are so many so just go rewatch seasons like 4 through 7 i think], and you'll miss her if you don't hear from her for a few weeks or so because she's just that great [ref: Secrets of Forebidden Spinjitzu when Zane's stuck in the Never-Realm and starts missing Pix]. it's just really strange to see that then turned into a 'this is how you know they're romantically entangled!' kind of thing.
as a side note though: they do all of this to show that they're in a relationship because, and this is my very biased cynic speaking, there's no actual casual pixane interactions or chemistry yet with the exception of like two seabound scenes and then when Pixal leaves Zane's head, she's entirely justified and it's her right to and he's understanding but she does just LEAVE. if you're in a relationship with someone, that's pretty negligent. that person will absolutely worry about your absence and you know it. she could have left a message or directions or anything because god knows Zane would've supported her but instead she leaves without a trace. worse yet, he trusts her so much he just thinks that she goes offline even though logic doesn't really support the idea. which is, i would like to clarify BAD WRITING, not a bad character. there is nothing in her character that supports her doing this but oh well they did it anyways and it just adds another layer to their Poor Portrayal of Pixane.
let's review! the writers were so bad at writing this pair in a healthy relationship with equal footing that they ended up making a seemingly sibling-like relationship. in the process, they ignored Pix and bent her into whatever they needed, sometimes making her do very ooc things just for the plot that often ended up showing her relationship with Zane as kind of problematic and weird in terms of what we know about their characters.
also they've rewritten Pix so many different times that i feel like tethering her to Zane doesn't allow them to really give her justice. same to him, actually. how about we remember when he sacrificed himself or when Pix's inventions saved everyone? oh, i'm sorry, let me clarify which time i'm referring to
tl;dr i was a kid who related to Zane and liked strong female characters and rebooted did none of that while doing the robot+robot thing. then they did their relationship and pix's character dirty for a few seasons and so i just continued to ship glacier instead. the end.
woah, stuck by the whole time? kudos to you. thank you for reading my rant with many tangents on a ship i am slowly starting to be okay with in the show and have appreciated in the fandom for about two years now.
at the end of the day, fanon is fanon and for ninjago the canon is slowly improving. please, enjoy what makes you happy - ships are not mutually exclusive and love as many as you like.
i have hopes that they'll improve the characterization for Pixal and writing for pixane, but don't color me surprised if it takes a few more seasons. *raises a glass of sparking apple cider* here's to more years of improvement, or, at least, very memeable screenshots
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archive-archives · 3 years
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Coming in April!
NEW 2020 1080p HD masters                                                                               JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS IN OUTER SPACE
Run Time             352:00
Subtitles               English SDH
Audio Specs        DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English
Aspect Ratio       1.33:1 4x3 FULL FRAME
Product Color    COLOR
Disc Configuration 2 BD 50
 Rock stars Josie and the Pussycats are out of this world...literally! When the bumbling Alexandra accidentally launches Josie and the gang into outer space, they travel through the galaxy searching for a path back to Earth. Along the way, they meet cat people, robot monsters, evil dictators, space pirates and plenty of strange creatures, including their new companion Bleep, voiced by Hanna-Barbera legend Don Messick. Fortunately, everyone’s a fan of Josie and the Pussycats, including aliens! Rocket through the universe with your favorite superstars as they save the day, sing some songs and have a hip-happenin’ good time in a 2-disc, 16-episode Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space complete series collection that hits all the right notes!
                                                                                                                                NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of preservation film elements!       
GREEN DOLPHIN STREET
Run Time             141:00
Subtitles               English SDH
Audio Specs:       DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English
Aspect Ratio:      1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME
Product Color    BLACK & WHITE
Disc Configuration           BD 50
Special Features: Lux Radio Theater Broadcast;  Theatrical Trailer (HD)    
                                                                        The Academy Award® winner about star-crossed love that spans the years – and the globe. After her triumph as the lunchroom temptress in the crime classic The Postman Always Rings Twice, Lana Turner expanded her range with Green Dolphin Street. Set in 19th century Europe and New Zealand, this sweeping romance tells the story of two beautiful sisters, one headstrong (Turner) and one gentle (Donna Reed), and of the man (Richard Hart) who marries one even though he loves the other. The film’s riptides of emotion are matched by breathtaking physical tumult: a fierce Maori uprising plus a catastrophic earthquake and tidal wave that earned the film a 1947 Oscar® for special effects. With its dramatic story and spectacular visuals, Green Dolphin Street drew huge audiences for epic moviemaking, being one of the top-ten box office hits of the year.
 NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of Nitrate preservation elements!               
BROADWAY MELODY OF 1940    
Run Time             102:00
Subtitles               English SDH
Audio Specs:       DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English
Aspect Ratio:      1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME
Product Color    BLACK & WHITE
Disc Configuration           BD 50
Special Features: Making-of Featurette: "Begin the Beguine" (hosted by Ann Miller); "Our Gang Comedies: The Big Premiere"; MGM Cartoon: "The Milky Way" ; Original Theatrical Trailer (HD)
 The job – a career breakthrough – is supposed to go to hoofer Johnny Brett, but a mix-up in names gives it to his partner. Another example of Broadway hopes dashed? Not when Johnny is played by Fred Astaire. Sparkling Cole Porter songs, clever comedy and dance legends Astaire and Eleanor Powell make the final Broadway Melody (co-starring George Murphy) a film to remember. Powell’s nautical “All Ashore" routine (a/k/a I Am the Captain”), Astaire’s blissful “I’ve Got My Eyes on You” and Fred & Eleanor's elaborate routine to Cole Porter's classic "I Concentrate On You" are more than enough to please any fan. But they’re just a warm-up for the leads to tap one finale number into immortality: “Begin the Beguine,” introduced by Frank Sinatra in That’s Entertainment! with, “You can wait around and hope, but you’ll never see the likes of this again.”                                                                                     
 NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from a new 4K restoration of the last-known surviving nitrate Technicolor print!
DOCTOR X (1932)            
Run Time             76:00
Subtitles               English SDH
Audio Specs:       DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English
Aspect Ratio:      1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME
Product Color      COLOR; BLACK & WHITE
Disc Configuration           BD 50
Special Features: Alternate B&W version of feature; DOCTOR X (HD): UCLA Before & After Restoration featurette (HD); New documentary: "Monsters and Mayhem: The Horror Films of Michael Curtiz (HD); New feature commentary by author/film historian Alan K. Rode; Archival feature commentary by Scott MacQueen, head of preservation, UCLA Film and Television Archive. Original B&W Theatrical Trailer (HD)             
 Is there a (mad) doctor in the house? “Yes!” shrieks Doctor X, filmed in rare two-strip Technicolor®. An eminent scientist aims to solve a murder spree by re-creating the crimes in a lab filled with all the dials, gizmos, bubbling beakers and crackling electrostatic charges essential to the genre. Lionel Atwill is Doctor Xavier, pre-King Kong scream queen Fay Wray is a distressed damsel and Lee Tracy snaps newshound patter, all under the direction of renowned Michael Curtiz. The new two-color Technicolor master was restored by UCLA Film and Television Archive and The Film Foundation in association with Warner Bros. Entertainment. Funding provided by the Hobson/Lucas Foundation. Also includes the separately filmed B&W version (which has been restored and restored from its original nitrate camera negative) originally intended for small U.S. markets and International distribution, and which has been out of distribution for over 30 years.
 NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of original nitrate Technicolor negatives!       
ANNIE GET YOUR GUN (1950)
Run Time             107:00
Subtitles               English SDH
Sound Quality    DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English
Aspect Ratio       1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME
Product Color    COLOR
Disc Configuration           BD 50
Special Features: Susan Lucci retrospective & intro piece (from 2000 DVD release); Outtakes: Let’s Go West Again-Betty Hutton, Doin’ What Comes Natur’lly-Judy Garland, I’m an Indian, Too-Judy Garland,  Colonel Buffalo Bill with Howard Keel and Frank Morgan; Stereo audio pre-recording session tracks including There’s No Business Like Show Business featuring Judy Garland; Theatrical Re-issue Trailer (HD)
 Betty Hutton (as Annie Oakley) and Howard Keel (as Frank Butler) star in this sharpshootin’ funfest based on the 1,147-performance Broadway smash boasting Irving Berlin’s beloved score, including “Doin’ What Comes Natur’lly,” “I Got the Sun in the Morning” and the anthemic “There’s No Business Like Show Business.” As produced by Arthur Freed, directed by George Sidney, and seen and heard in this new remastered HD presentation, this lavish, spirited production showcases songs and performances with bull’s-eye precision, earning an Oscar®* for adaptation scoring. The story is a brawling boy-meets-girl-meets-buckshot rivalry. But love finally triumphs when Annie proves that, yes, you can get a man with a gun!                                                                    
 NEW 2021 1080p HD Master!                                                                                 QUICK CHANGE (1990)
Run Time             88:00
Subtitles               English SDH
Sound Quality    DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English
Aspect Ratio       1.85:1, 16 X 9 WIDESCREEN
Product Color    COLOR
Disc Configuration           BD 25
Special Feature: Theatrical Trailer
 The star of Caddyshack, Ghostbusters and Groundhog Day headlines and codirects this uproarious Big Apple heist-and-pursuit caper. Bill Murray plays Grimm, a frazzled urbanite who disguises himself as a clown – and sets out to rob a bank. Geena Davis and Randy Quaid play accomplices in Grimm’s daring scheme and Jason Robards is the blustery cop caught up in Grimm’s “Clown Day Afternoon.” Swiping a million bucks is a snap compared to getting out of town. Grimm and cohorts commandeer a car, a cab, a bus, a baggage tram and a plane (and encounter future stars Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub in hilarious supporting roles) to make what becomes a less-than-merry escape. But for comedy lovers, Quick Change is a ticket to ride!                                                                                                 
 NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of best surviving nitrate preservation elements!            EACH DAWN I DIE (1939)
Run Time             92:00
Subtitles               English SDH
Audio Specs:       DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English
Aspect Ratio:      1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME
Product Color    BLACK & WHITE
Disc Configuration           BD 50    
Special Features: Warner Night at the Movies including 1939 Short Subjects Gallery: Vintage Newsreel,  WB Technicolor Short: "A Day at Santa Anita", WB Cartoon: "Detouring America"; Restrospective featurette: "Stool Pigeons and Pine Overcoats: The Language of Gangster Films" ; Feature Commentary by Film Historian Haden Guest; Breakdowns of 1939: Studio Blooper Reel; WB Cartoon: "Each Dawn I Crow"; Radio show w/George Raft & Franchot Tone; Trailer for "Wings of the Navy" and Original Theatrical Trailer for Each Dawn I Die (HD)  
 Framed for manslaughter after he breaks a story about city corruption, reporter Frank Ross is sure he’ll prove his innocence and walk out of prison a free man. But that’s not how the system works at Rocky Point Penitentiary. There, cellblock guards are vicious, the jute-mill labor is endless, and the powers Ross fought on the outside conspire to keep him in. Frank’s hope is turned to hopelessness. And he’s starting to crack. Two of the screen’s famed tough guys star in this prison movie that casts a reform-minded eye on the brutalizing effects of life in the slammer. James Cagney “hits a white-hot peak as [Ross,] the embittered, stir-crazy fall guy” (Leonard Maltin’s Movie Guide). And George Raft (Cagney’s friend since their vaudeville days) portrays racketeer Hood Stacey, who may hold the key to springing Ross.                               
 NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of best surviving preservation elements!                 
ANOTHER THIN MAN (1939)
Run Time             102:00
Subtitles               English SDH
Audio Specs:       DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English
Aspect Ratio:      1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME
Product Color    BLACK & WHITE
Disc Configuration           BD 50    
Special Features: M-G-M Musical Short: Love on Tap; Classic M-G-M Cartoon: The Bookworm
 Dum-Dum, Wacky, Creeps, Fingers: They’re just a few of the hoodlums in the world of amateur sleuths and professional bon vivants Nick and Nora Charles. And now there’s a new hood: parenthood. A birthday – make that boithday – party that some of da boys hold for infant Nick Jr. is part of the fun in this third film in the witty series. The case begins when the Charles family arrives for a weekend with a Long Island industrialist who fears someone wants to kill him. Sure enough, his fears come true. Nick (William Powell) is among the suspects. Asta scrams with what may be the murder weapon. And Nora (Myrna Loy) has her own ideas about the case and sneaks off to a nightclub to ferret out a clue. “Madam, how long have you been leading this double life?” Nick asks. “Just since we’ve been married,” she replies.
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halowastaken · 3 years
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Why I left (chapter 2)
read it on ao3
Summary:
 “Please tell me you’re some kid that broke into the lab and not Tony that found out a way to make himself look as if he was in college again” Peter hesitated in half confusion. The man knew Tony so he knows the dumb stuff he can pull off
“That is actually a good idea honey bear” Colonel Rhodes turned around to see Tony entering behind him “Wish I thought of that”
“So you instead cloned yourself and made him look younger” Tony raised an eyebrow in amusement. Peter was internally screaming and thinking where is a good place where he can immigrate to not be found ever again
-------
Peter was swinging through the city of New York. From building to building you could see Spiderman moving through the air.  There was no feeling compared to that. It let him escape from reality for a while but not long enough to make everything else less real. Some said that it wasn't safe how high he went sometimes, but Peter was sure that they were just jealous that he always got the best view. New York city at night could be a beautiful thing and Peter recognized it. Peter loved it.
"Peter can I speak to you?" Peter recognized Karen.
"Sure. What's up? You've been kinda quiet today" Peter said trying to catch his breath
"You might want to start heading to the Tower. It's almost your curfew" Peter sighted. He was on top of a roof looking for crime but turns out he's too good at his job. He gave a last look at the streets and then nodded
"Let's go to the tower then. Hey do you know if Mr. Stark ordered food? Or should we go to Delmar's while I'm at it?" And with that said Peter shot his web and started swinging through every building. He already knew the drill. He went by Delmar's and got a sandwich, then looked for his backpack, and then finally he arrived at the Avengers Tower's balcony. He went inside and took off his mask. Then he dropped himself in the couch
"Well that's a first" Peter turned to see Tony in the kitchen drinking coffee "You're not late for the first time in like two months" Peter then rolled his eyes
"Can we go finish your suit update?" Peter asked and Tony chuckled
"Buddy I don't know if you noticed but it's late. And someone is coming tomorrow so I want you to get sleep. I have to introduce you" Peter scoffs
"I'm not even tired. And you say it as if you were gonna sleep tonight. I can smell the coffee from here" Peter added and Tony's jaw dropped
"Oh I see. Just so you know, nobody likes a smartass" Peter raised an eyebrow
"You must hate yourself then" Tony opened his jaw to answer but instead he sipped from his coffee mug. Peter laughed
"You know what? I'll sleep if you sleep. Is that fair enough for you?" Peter then smiled victorious
"Yeah. Let's watch a movie though. I want to watch Moana again. I'll go change" Tony didn't argue so Peter took that as a yes. He went quickly to his room and started changing his clothes. He did suddenly realize that he doesn't have a shirt. Maybe he left it at his department, maybe someone took it from his backpack, maybe he dropped it somewhere. Either way he didn't have anything to wear on top, so he improvised. He put on the spider suit, and put his pants on top of it. He got to the living room and sat next to Tony
"What is that?" Tony immediately asked. Peter raised an eyebrow implying that he had no idea what Tony meant "You know what I mean Pete. Why do you still have the spider suit on?" Peter scoffed
"Funny how I wasn't aware that I needed permission to wear the Spiderman suit even though I am Spiderman" Tony raised an eyebrow "I just felt like I could make the person that made the suit feel happy ok? I wanted to make sure that you knew how much does that mean to me" Tony immediately glared at Peter who shrugged "I mean it! Karen is the best AI on earth, even better than FRI like it or not and I get to have her in my suit with lots of other cool stuff. It means a lot" Tony then blinked and stared at Peter
"Ok then" And finally Tony played the movie. It took another few seconds for him to actually ask "So what is the actual reason?"
"I forgot my shirt and I am cold" Peter said quickly. Tony laughed and shook his head. He stood up and went to the kitchen to look for the hoodie that was sitting in there and he threw it at Peter "Rude"
"Just put it on kid. Tomorrow we're doing laundry" Tony said sitting next to Peter who rolled his eyes
"You mean someone is gonna do the laundry. Do you even know how to do it?" Peter joked putting the hoodie on
"It's not my fault that I was a spoiled brat. And you don't know either judging by the pink shirt that was white before that you brought like two days ago" Tony added while playing the movie. Peter wanted to argue but he just watched the movie instead.
The next morning when Peter woke up he could smell the coffee from the couch. Turns out he fell asleep there. He stood up and went to the kitchen to look for something to eat
"Well good morning to you too" Tony said and Peter just glared
"Too early" was everything Peter said. Tony totally got it. He just handed Peter a toast that he made and Peter took it "Just out of curiosity, did you go to bed yesterday or did you stay on the couch?" Tony hesitated. That was good enough for Peter "Who would have thought. You sleeping in the couch" Peter joked
"Yeah well so did you. I didn't want to wake you up" Tony said with a smile on his face. Peter raised an eyebrow and laughed
"So you do have feelings. Who would have thought?" Tony just rolled his eyes
"You know my secret. Now I have to kill you" Peter laughed and ate the rest of his toast "We have all the weekend. What do you want to do first?" Tony asked and Peter just smiled
"I was thinking maybe finish your suit update and then make another robot? Maybe we can start Synergy! We made her blueprints a while ago and I really liked the idea" Peter said excitedly. Lately Peter has been making blueprints for random robots and likes to name them as science and math terms. Synergy, Axis, Aquifer, Decibel, and stuff like that. Tony thinks it is funny and Peter just really likes it
"We made Axis like two weeks ago" Tony clarified. Peter just raised an eyebrow. Tony knew exactly what he meant "Yeah you're right. Let's make Synergy. I'll go look for Pepper because I want to say hi. You start with the coding in the lab" After that they both went in opposite directions towards where they were supposed to be. When Peter arrived at the lab, a smile invaded his face
“FRI be a dear and play our playlist” The room was filled by ‘Moves like Jagger’. Peter grabbed a screwdriver and started singing while looking at the hologram with the Iron Man’s suit. He’s halfway through the song when he hears the lab’s door open “Took you long enough, old man'' Peter said, grabbing his apple juice from the mini fridge (not in a juice box anymore. He poured in a cup. He’s a big guy now)
“What the fuck” Peter’s eyes widened when he didn’t hear Tony’s voice. The music stopped and he slowly turned around. Colonel James Rhodes ladies and gentlemen. Peter wants earth to swallow him and spit him in somewhere in far away
“Oh god! I- uhh- Hi!” Parker what the fuck is wrong with you? It’s all Peter could think
“Please tell me you’re some kid that broke into the lab and not Tony that found out a way to make himself look as if he was in college again” Peter hesitated in half confusion. The man knew Tony so he knows the dumb stuff he can pull off
“That is actually a good idea honey bear” Colonel Rhodes turned around to see Tony entering behind him “Wish I thought of that”
“So you instead cloned yourself and made him look younger” Tony raised an eyebrow in amusement. Peter was internally screaming and thinking where is a good place where he can immigrate to not be found ever again
“Rhodey this is Peter, my personal intern. Kid this is Rhodes, but you already knew that” Rhodey’s eyes widened even more
“He’s like twelve” It’s the only thing that comes out of Rhodey’s mouth
“He was fifteen last time I checked” Tony said, looking at Peter as if it was a question. Peter just nodded while raising an eyebrow. He knew that Tony was well aware that Peter was fifteen
“He is a bit of a genius. Peter don’t be rude and say something” Peter did notice how Rhodey turned towards Tony as if he was crazy
“It-It is a real pleasure to meet you s-sir” Peter couldn’t help but stutter, which made Rhodey squint a little. He looked at Peter for a second and raised an eyebrow
“He is drinking” Peter looked at his right hand where the apple juice was. Tony just rolls his eyes
“That is apple juice. Don’t let him fool you” Tony says and then gets into the lab. He starts playing the music again “So, did you start coding?”
“Yeah. Everything should be ready for the update in like five minutes or so” Peter said with a nervous smile
“I'll check the code and finish it. You go start building the robot. Rhodes you can stay here and chill with us. I already know that you have lots of questions and we have time” Peter just nodded and then opened his laptop to look for the robot blueprints
---
“So what college do you do to Peter?” Peter literally froze. Rhodey just kept talking with Tony for like two hours and Peter was silent working on its own thing. Eventually he’ll laugh at his jokes and ask Tony a thing or two but he didn’t want to be rude so he just stayed silent. Eventually Peter answered
“I-I am not in college yet sir” Peter said hesitant
“Oh. Sorry I just assumed you were in MIT or something like that. A highschooler that can keep up with Tony is not a thing you get to see everyday. What grade are you in?” Rhodey then asked switching questions. Peter smiled
“I am in about to end my sophomore year” Rhodey smiled back at him
“That sounds fun. Now I am curious. How did you guys meet?” Rhodey asked and Tony immediately looked at Peter who’s eyes widened like plates
“You know what? Fuck it. You are gonna find out anyways. You already know the kid” Tony finally says. Rhodey just raises an eyebrow and Peter literally gasped in disbelief. How dare you? Peter thinks “Yeah. About a year ago. Germany. He is the guy I brought with me” Rhodey stayed silent and Peter just wanted to die
“He doesn’t look like T’Challa, Tony” Rhodey finally says which made Peter blink and Tony roll his eyes
“No shit. I am talking about Spiderman” When Tony says that Rhodey turned to see Peter and then he raised an eyebrow
“There is absolutely no way that this kid is Spiderman” Rhodey thinks out loud. Peter rolls his eyes and sights
"You know why? Because it is a secret. But Tony doesn't know what those are" Peter says glaring at Tony. That was a bit of a shock for Rhodey because that was the first thing the kid said without stuttering since he got there.
"It's not like he is not gonna keep the secret! So yeah. Believe it or not he is Spiderman” Tony said and Peter just groaned. Rhodey couldn’t believe it
“So let’s suppose that he is Spiderman, ok? You are telling me you brought a fifteen year old to Germany to fight with the avengers?” That gave Peter the chills. He doesn’t like talking about what happened in Germany. It triggers his PTSD. But Tony doesn’t know that
“I was drunk when I recruited him” Tony admitted
“Were you though?” Peter finally asks glaring at Tony
“You know If I remember correctly, you forgot your shirt yesterday so you had to sleep with the suit” Tony said teasing Peter. For Peter this was like Tony’s way of declaring war. Peter hesitated and after a few seconds he took off the hoodie. Rhodey’s eyes widened
“You did bring a fifteen year old to fight the avengers! What the fuck Tony?!” Rhodey yelled
“I was drunk! I am sorry! After that I tried to stop this whole thing but when I tried he took down an airplane! Least you could do is thank me because I try to keep him as safe as possible!” Tony also yelled. Rhodey just covered his mouth with both of his hands
“Colonel Rhodes, don’t blame Mr. Stark too much. It was my decision to do all of those things, without him I am pretty sure I couldn't help much people, and he also made me his intern which is really cool. Mr. Stark is great” That was Peter thinking out loud. Rhodey just sighted
“Yeah ok. Damn I need a drink” Rhodey was a little overwhelmed with the situation
“Hate to break it to you but I threw all the good stuff. Best thing you’re gonna get is cooking wine” Tony said
“Why did you do that?!” Rhodey was even more horrified
“I thought I told you I’ve been sober for over a year now” Tony said raising his eyebrow
“Yeah but normally when you say sober you men like two days sober!” Peter did laugh at that one. It was funny. Then FRIDAY’s alarm went off
“The 3d printer is ready!” Peter said and then went to the other room of the lab to look for the thing he printed.. Rhodey waited for Peter to be completely gone to talk
“Tones is he yours?” Rhodes finally asked
“I 'm sure I don't know what you mean” Tony said looking back at the hologram
“You know, like, are you his dad?” Tony’s eyes widened
“His parents' names were Richard and Mary Parker. I am not related to him biologically” Tony admitted even though he wished the opposite, but he’s not gonna let him know. He is Tony Stark for crying out loud! He would be the worst parent ever! And Peter didn’t deserve that
“God you two are so alike! Not just physically! And by the way you are not fooling anyone with the tough guy act. It’s obvious that you care about the kid” Tony then turned to see Rhodey to say something, but he just couldn't. Rhodes was right after all
“Yeah…
I do”
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butterflyinthewell · 4 years
Text
I’m going to tell you the story of why I love Godzilla.
When I say not to make fun of an autistic person’s special interests, I say it from a place of deep understanding and pain. For me, an autistic SpIn is like being in love, or (for the aro folks out there), it’s like being with your best friend ever and it just feels so comfortable and good.
Sooooo in January my dad mentions wanting to watch KOTM with me. Any excuse to watch KOTM is good, so of course I jumped on it. We watched Godzilla KOTM. It’s the movie I spent all of 2019 talking about from January to May. I got it for Christmas 2019 because mom knew I was going to want it as soon as the first roar hit the screen in the theater. (I took her to see it as a Mother’s Day gift, she liked it too.)
Lemme tell y’all something: when I was a young kid, my dad got me into Godzilla. Starting when I was around 5, he told me the stories of the movies he’d seen (the whole Showa era and Godzilla 1985). So I knew about Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, King Ghidorah, Minya, MechaGodzilla, Gigan, Hedorah, Megalon, etc long before I ever saw them.
My dad said “these are important characters.”
Then he started renting the movies when he felt I was old enough to not be scared by them (age 7 in 1987) and pointed out who was who.
And my first ‘real meeting’ with Godzilla was the same as the people in 1954, when he popped his head over that hill and roared that haunting sound I never forgot, and I was hooked forever.
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I loved it. I loved all of it. Dad warned me about the ending of the ‘54 movie, so I wasn’t surprised by it, but I still cried! He got me over it by showing the the rest of them, as if to go “see, he’s okay!” Then dad warned me that Godzilla was ‘the bad guy’ again in Godzilla 1985, but didn’t tell me how it ended. I was reaaaaally upset when he fell into that volcano. I probably cried about it for three days. That scream still hits something in my soul.
My favorite childhood Godzilla movie is Godzilla’s Revenge. It’s the first Godzilla movie I ever owned. I loved Ichiro’s dreams of making friends with Minya, outsmarting his kidnappers and standing up to his bullies. I even tried to pick up Monster Island using a little portable am/fm radio I had as a kid. It didn’t work, all I got was static, but I sure tried! 😋
I wanted to be an island lady like Saeko from Son of Godzilla who could call monsters for help. I wanted to be a cyborg like Katsura, except I would use MechaGodzilla to make friends with Godzilla instead of trying to hurt him.
Anyway...
Dad’s interest in Godzilla stuff kinda dropped away as the 90s hit and my autistic traits began to make me deviate more and more noticeably from my peers. I had seen all the Showa era movies, so he stopped telling stories because there weren’t any more to tell.
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My love for Godzilla carried on into the Heisei era and beyond. Dad acted like I should “leave that crap behind” when I kept buying movies and talking about them to him. He didn’t want to watch them with me or look at pictures in the Godzilla Compendium I picked up.
I didn’t stop my enthusiasm for Godzilla, I just stopped sharing it with dad. I kept at it through high school. I sobbed over Godzilla vs Destroyah because I thought that was the end of the franchise, and I can’t even mention what happened to Godzilla in that movie. If you’ve seen it, you know.
In the year 1998 the rumblings for the ‘98 movie started around New Years, so of course I made noise about going to see it. Because GODZILLA, y’all!
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Well, dad surprised me and took me to see Godzilla ‘98 when it came out. I had been bugging about going to see it and he kept giving me a hard no, then had me convinced we were going to a baseball game that night instead. I did nothing to disguise my boredom or hurt in the car, and it broke when we pulled up to the theater. Okay, he pulled a fast one on me and he said I did an emotional 180 spin, but it was worth it. (I still like that movie, but I don’t call that creature Godzilla. I call him Zilla or GINO instead.)
Literally right after that my dad would get mad if I talked about Godzilla. He griped that I was “so obsessed with that stupid monster” and that I needed to grow up. I was almost 18, and I had, just not the way HE wanted, I guess...
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Godzilla 2000 came out. Dad grudgingly took mom and me to see it, and I finally got to live my dream of seeing a legit Toho Godzilla movie in theaters. I was yelling and clapping (as were other people) and just had a huge blast. In the car, he told me to knock it off when I talked excitedly about what I liked in the movie. He slapped down all talk of Godzilla.
I still continued to be a fan. When more Millennium era movies came out, I grabbed them when I saw them on the shelves. I got everything from Godzilla vs Megaguirus to Godzilla: Final Wars in a little Japanese shop my dad found near where he worked at the time. I was in my early 20s then. I also got some figurines from that store: a Heisei era Mothra, a Heisei era King Ghidorah and a Millenium era (Final Wars) Godzilla. Dad rolled his eyes when I walked out with them in my arms.
And so began his weird pattern of indulging my interest, but getting upset at me if I talked about it. I was discovering the online fandom at this point, so I had another outlet, but still, it used to be our thing, and his behavior really stung.
I only discovered there were more movies in the Millenium era becuse I happened across GMK on HBO and realized I didn’t recognize that Godzilla suit or the setting.
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Then I missed the ending because of a very badly timed phone call. But I was like “omg more Godzilla movies...hey dad, can we go to that shop?” (And then I was like a dragon with treasure when I came home....)
I grabbed the two Kiryu movies first because a certain fanfic author in the fandom had written some Mechagodzilla fanfics where Kiryu (Kiryuu in her stories) was sentient and sexy af. The idea of the original Godzilla being brought back as a robot was amazing and that author basically took the idea and ran it to another level. She’s the reason I headcanon the 54 Gojira as Heisei Godzilla’s dad.
ANYWAY, I got all caught up on the Godzilla movies and blew up to a boiling fan girl froth when the 2014 movie got advertised.
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I took mom to see that becuse dad’s Parkinson’s had advanced so far that he couldn’t go out much anymore. Mom likes Godzilla movies and sci-fi in general. While she’s not as into it as me, she enjoys them for the entertainment. We both liked G2014, so I got it for Christmas.
We watched it with dad as a family, he said it was okay.
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Through 2016 and 2017 I was rattling on about Shin Godzilla. Got that as a late 37th birthday gift because it came out on dvd a few days after my actual birthday. I watched it for the first time with dad, and he complained the whole time and kind of ruined the experience for me, which pissed me off. HE was the one who wanted to watch it with me, now I wish I watched it alone instead.
2019 came, KOTM happened. So that brings me to sitting down to watch it with dad. I was excited see his reaction to the monsters he introduced me to in childhood realized with modern cgi effects and all. I love seeing things that remind me of happy times in my childhood, and I thought those memories were fond for him, too. So I watched, waiting for him to recognize Mothra, Rodan and King Ghidorah.
He said nothing when they came onscreen. I got engrossed in the movie and sort of forgot about it, but when it was over I bounced up and asked, “Wasn’t it cool to see the guys you told me stories about when I was 5?”
I thought back while I waited for him to answer. I thought back on the stories, the fun and the movies.
I thought back on how my love for this character has grown, and how in KOTM it was physically realized in that painful moment when Ishiro Serizawa looks up at Godzilla with such reverence and lays his hand on his snout. I feel like that was Dougherty telling all the fans he sees their love for Godzilla and gives them that one singular, intimate audience with the big guy through Serizawa. Because who wouldn’t want to give him a pat on the nose and thank him?
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The director of KOTM understands what Godzilla means to the fans. He understands how they feel and what they want. In my mind he gave it in spades.
But my dad...
My dad, the man who taught me enough to get me into Godzilla forever, looked at me in the eyes and said, “I don’t remember any of it. They’re not that important anyway.”
“These are important characters.” Much younger dad said to much younger me.
“They’re not that important anyway.” Older modern day dad said to older modern day me.
I thought my heart had stopped and my soul fled through the floor. This franchise, these characters he brought to me with such enthusiasm, something that grew into a lifelong love, meant nothing to him. It was as if he gave me a diamond and later told me it was worthless glass to him. Godzilla was and still is a huge part of my life and who I am, and dad acted like this “us” thing I thought we bonded over during my childhood didn’t matter to him.
It’s almost like he expected me to take passing interest and then move on, but because I’m autistic and because I relate to Godzilla so much, my interest turned into love and respect for the character, what he represents and the messages he has sent throughout the years.
Part of who I am is shaped, literally, by Godzilla, something that started because my dad told me he existed. And in a sentence my dad took that root from my childhood and ripped it out because he decided it was a worthless weed.
It’s not my love for Godzilla that was ripped out. It’s the love I thought my dad felt for me when he was telling me all those stories and showing me the movies. I’m sharing this because I love Godzilla, because I love what he represents and means to me, and I thought my dad shared it with me for the same reason. This is a very autistic thing...I’m sure autistic readers can feel my love for Godzilla just by reading this.
I thought my dad did, too, once.
But no. There was no love at all like I thought there was, so I was not pouring my love into an ocean that still existed, I was throwing it into a black hole.
Dad didn’t care to remember Rodan, or Mothra, or King Ghidorah. He didn’t care to remember what all that meant to me during my childhood because he doesn’t and never has cared about my feelings.
He doesn’t care about my feelings.
He wants me to shut up about Godzilla.
I will not.
I love Godzilla. I don’t need dad’s approval anymore. I will turn 40 this year (2020) and there is no stopping what began 35 years ago. The plant that grew around the root dad planted is shaped like me now, and like Biollante I will keep blooming because Godzilla was my first love fandom-wise and that admiration and love for him stands on its own.
Dad no longer has a say.
But, my God, my dad has this remarkable ability to tell me something is important when I’m young and then claim it isn’t so many years later. He’s done it for a lot of things, but hearing him say Godzilla isn’t important after instilling his importance into me at a young age just...gutted me...and it gutted me as much as the time he asked me what I did to make kids bully me when I was being bullied as a teen.
I got bullied because I’m autistic. I existed. He said it was my fault for being that way. I was a newly diagnosed teenager when he said that. It was 1995, ironically, the same year Godzilla vs Destroyah came out.
And I was an adult when he ripped at that root of Godzilla he planted in me.
Godzilla was the last part of my childhood that he hadn’t sunk his abuse into, but he finally did in January of 2020. Now there is no part of my life untouched by his emotionally abusive crap.
It shouldn’t hurt like this. I feel ridiculous to be hurt so deeply, but I can’t keep pretending that I’m not hurt by it anymore.
I will get over it. My absolute love and respect for Godzilla is something my dad can never destroy no matter how much he tries to shit talk about it. I’ve let him ruin so many things, but not Godzilla.
Godzilla will never be a trigger for me. He is an anti trigger. On this day of April 19, 2020, I’m realizing he is the protector my dad failed to be.
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To all parents of autistic kids, be careful that you don’t belittle the things you said were important when they were young. Don’t introduce something that becomes a special interest, say it’s important and then belittle it when they grow up.
Even if you don’t think it’s important anymore now, even if you think it’s silly now, even if you didn’t know they were autistic at the time and would dive in like that, it may still be important to them.
It may become their safe place. It may become treasure.
Don’t try to destroy that safety. Don’t treat it like trash.
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thefloatingstone · 4 years
Text
MST3K Recommendations for people who’ve never watched it
So if you’re somebody on the internet under the age of 22 there’s a chance you may have HEARD people talk about Mystery Science Theater 3000 or “MST3K” for short, and may even know exactly what it is, but you’ve not watched it and have no idea where to start. Or if you’ve never heard of it, this is me telling you you should probably watch it.
In the early to mid 2000s, when the only people on the internet where nerds and teenagers who were nerds (like literally. I have no idea how to explain to the Today’s Kids(tm) that the internet use to ONLY consist of nerdy people and fandoms. None of this “Influencer” shit.) Anyway, back when the internet was just nerds, before video was easily available, MST3K was still being talked about via audio clips, usually made by holding microphones right up to the TV, and when youtube launched in 2006, some of the very first videos were MST3K episodes cut up into 10 parts (because originally you couldn’t upload videos to youtube that were longer than 10 minutes and they had to be 240dp). And before google bought youtube, you could find full, complete episodes of MST3K on Google video.
It’s kind of a staple if you’re a nerdy internet person, and you’ll probably see it get referenced by fandom people and youtubers in their late 20s a LOT. Or use some of the things MST3K introduced in their own videos (like the Stinger after the credits for instance)
So MST3K is kind of essential viewing imo. And luckily, because of the nature of the show, unlike... basically EVERYTHING tv related, sharing links of MST3K is actually actively and honestly encouraged by the show creators.
The show ran from 1989 to 1999, changing from airing on one channel to another as it went (I’m not American so I never caught it on TV). And at the end of literally every single episode throughout its entire 10 year run, you would see this after the credits;
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The show actively encouraged its audience to tape the episodes to video and share those videos with friends and family. This is because the show was never about “building a franchise” or becoming monetarily valuable for its creators, but it was about people actually watching the show. Even to this day, with copyright claims and “Subscribe to our streaming service to watch this show” running rampant, MST3K continues to be a show whose prime focus is to get people to watch it. (unless you want to buy it on DVD in which case the prime focus is for you to be rich to try and afford them because they’re like $70 for 4 episodes).
As such, some episodes are available for free on the MST3K official youtube channel completely for free. Some episodes you can buy from the Rifftrax website (which is where the show creators now work, doing basically the same thing as MST3K minus the puppets and host segments unfortunately) but I would be honestly shocked if ANY episode is unavailable online because sharing the episodes is.... just kind of the point of the show? I literally managed to find each and every one in 2008 (although that dark drive doesn’t want to work with my newer laptop so I might have to download all the episodes AGAIN. Thanks Technology...)
But if you’re somebody who has NO IDEA which episodes are “the good ones” or you just want to jump in and watch but you’re scared you’ll get a complete dud as your first experience and then not know what all the fuss is about, or you just want to know some good episodes to watch, I decided to throw together a list, along with links.
And with that VERY lengthy intro out of the way, here we go!
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In no order
The Touch of Satan Year: 1971 S09E08 Host: Mike Mads: Pearl, Brain guy and Bobo
Despite the movie title there is no Satan in the film. A baffling movie where a good looking “All American Boy” named Jodie drives through a small town while road tripping from Texas to San Fransisco. There he meets a really pretty girl named Melissa who lives with who she claims is her mother and father on a walnut farm, as well as her insane grandmother. For seemingly nonsensical reasons (other than he’s attracted to Melissa) Jodie decides to spend the night at the farm. Eventually he gets pulled into the family curse and learn just who Melissa really is (It’s not Satan).
The movie is incredibly stupid and WOULD be pretty bland if not for the absolutely ridiculous dialogue, bizarre little details you can’t help but focus on (why a Walnut farm? Why is the father always so sweaty??) and just how.... 70s everything is.
Mike and the bots are super on point with their jokes, and it has a few of my favourite jokes and host segments in it.
https://youtu.be/ZebKhabJItE
Gamera Year: 1965 S03E02 Host: Joel Mads: Dr Forrester and TV’s Frank
Look. If you’re gonna watch MST3K you’re gonna have to watch a Gamera movie eventually. And since I could literally put ANY of the Gamera films here, I’m gonna start with the first one. Especially since the following Gamera movies the host and bots have running jokes and references to the first films.
Gamera is a Japanese Kaiju movie franchise originally created to compete with Godzilla. And completely misses the point of Godzilla. Whereas Godzilla was originally intended to be a metaphor of Atomic weaponry and Japan’s national wound following the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki... Gamera is about a giant flying turtle monster who is friend to all children.
....and I friggen LOVE Gamera. It’s because of MST3K’s episodes that I ended up buying a DVD boxset of every single Gamera movie. It’s good stuff. Start with this episode and watch the others as you go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rly_1NPCXAM
Pod People Year: 1983 S03E03 Host: Joel Mads: Dr Forrester and TV’s Frank
This is MANY people’s favourite episode in the whole show, and was my favourite as well until I couldn’t pick a favourite any more. However this is the only episode of the show where I had to pause it the first time I watched it at one part because I was laughing so hard.
Originally intended to be an alien slasher movie, the producers asked the director Juan Piquer Simon to include a subplot where a cute child makes friends with one of the aliens so that they could market the movie as an E.T. rip off (E.T. had come out the year before) If you think this would make the tone of the movie confusing where half the aliens are killing off teenagers and half the aliens are being friends with a small, badly dubbed child... you are absolutely right. But it’s the Host segments and jokes within the film that make this one of the top 5 best episodes in the whole show, if not top 3.
It is the episode that people will most commonly reference even 30 years later.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCl2ZNkfnS8
Jack Frost Year: 1964 S08E13 Host: Mike Mads: Pearl, Brain Guy and Bobo
One of the many badly Russian films that deserved much better than the shitty dub they got. I was THIS CLOSE to putting “The Day the Earth Froze” here instead, but I felt Jack Frost is the easier watch of the two (however I do recommend checking out The Day the Earth Froze as well).
Honestly, this film isn’t that bad at all. It’s shitty dub is a shame but even with the silly voices and calling Baba Yaga “The Hunchbacked Fairy” for reasons I will never understand, the film is actually pretty charming, and if I had it on video as a kid I probably would have really liked it.  It’s a classic fairy tale about a pretty and kind young girl who is treated badly by her stepmother and stepsister, but she finds true love in a handsome prince who had been turned into a bear until he could learn humility. Also Jack Frost is there (I have no idea who he’s suppose to be in the original language of the film and I doubt its Jack Frost). The movie is innocent and weird and overacted and the main character of Nastenka is so pretty and big eyed and innocent it’s an easy target for jokes on just how silly and whimsical everything is. The jokes are never outright mean spirited or nasty, just in line with the whole silly movie, and honestly this is a great episode to introduce your kids to the show as it’s not scary and doesn’t have any gore (like some of the other films showcased)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVpOaeBtr7w
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies Year: 1964 S08E12 Host: Mike Mads: Pearl, Brain Guy, Bobo
Yes. That is the real title of the movie. And it is also the most exciting thing about it. This movie is..... incomprehensible, to say the least. I am only BARELY aware of what the fuck it’s even about. There’s a fortune teller on the amusement park wharf? And I remember a terrifying robot monkey asking people to buy tickets, and the main character (I use the term loosely) becomes evil? I’m sorry but this movie is so cut to ribbons in editing and has so little dialogue it’s barely even a movie. It’s held together by the thinnest threads of recurring images. However, unlike some of the other episodes in MST3K with the same problem of barely being movies, I find the jokes by the hosts land much better and they’re not in as agonizing pain as “The Beast of Yucca Flats” which I still consider the worst movie I have ever seen in my life.
I have no way to describe this movie. It’s not even crazy enough to garner enthusiastic “this movie is batshit insane” praise. Watch this one for the jokes by the hosts. And for the title so you can tell people “I watched a movie called The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jLGqN3XG-Q
Eegah Year: 1962 S05E06 Host: Joel Mads: Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank
Ugh. This movie. Ok. “Starring” Arch Hall Jr. who was a sort of actor and one of those 60s “teen heart throb” singers before boy bands became a thing after the Beatles. He never made it super big, but it was considered a big selling point to films he was in (he went on to being an airline pilot and good for him). This movie is about him and his girlfriend his girlfriend’s father finding a giant caveman in the desert outside their town (in a cave which is NOT made of burlap sacks). The giant caveman falls in love with the girlfriend and follows them to the suburbs.
It’s not the most remarkable movie MST3K ever did. It’s not the best movie they ever did nor is it the worst movie they ever did, but for some reason this film has a tendency to stick in people who watch MST3K’s minds. Maybe the jokes are just THAT quotable, but for whatever reason, it’s one of the staple episodes to watch. And hey, at least the movie is WATCHABLE. MST3K went on to reference things in this film for the rest of the show’s history.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvFBKsW3Aew
Santa Claus Year: 1959 S5E21 Host: Mike Mads: Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank
A Mexican movie about Santa Claus and his friend Merlin who live on the moon and watch the children of Earth through a telescope to make sure they’re all being good. We focus on the devil Pitch who is sent by Satan to make children misbehave, most noteably a 4 year old girl named Lupita who is from a poor family and wishes she had a pretty doll to play with, and a rich little boy who wishes his parents would spend Christmas with him.
This movie is.... weird. In case the whole “Santa and Merlin are friends and live on the moon” thing didn’t already tip you off. The movie’s pretty harmless overall but it’s just WEIRD. Santa’s castle on the moon is full of children from all over the world wearing the most stereotypical clothes of all time (Japanese children in full kimono, American children all dressed as cowboys, African children dressed in tribal clothes etc etc) and they.... I think they make the toys? I’m not sure. Santa’s reindeer are terrifying wind up toys who laugh maniacally when they’re turned on. There’s a giant mouth on the wall that’s part of Santa’s computer? And an ear that can hear what all the children are saying on earth or something?
It’s just... it’s bizarre. And an excellent episode to watch for Christmas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTWs3zvz1z4
War of the Colossal Beast Year: 1958 S03E19 Host: Joel Mads: Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank
I am recommending this one not actually for the movie itself, but for the short which plays first, which is “Mr. B Natural” and which is easily the best and most referenced MST3K short in the whole show.
It follows a little boy who wishes he was cool. He’s visited by Mr. B Natural, the spirit of music. Mr. B Natural is played by Betty Luster and is a bizarre character in himself, being completely androgynous and using male pronouns while being played very obviously by a woman with a very obviously female voice. Mr. B is presented as a sort of pixie character and possibly meant to be like the stage version of Peter Pan which is also traditionally played by adult women. The episode of MST3K aired in 1991 LONG before the concept of Non-binary was even a thing. As such MST3K plays along with the weirdness that is Mr. B, using only male pronouns for him and addressing him as a man, while also commenting on how attractive he is.
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Mr. B teaches our little boy main character that if he wants to be cool he needs to buy a trumpet and join the school’s band, and goes on to be one of the most beloved MST3K “characters” who they often keep making references to and who shows up in the host segments now and then as a cameo.
Oh. And then there’s a movie following the short that’s a sequel to another movie. It’s about a man who keeps growing larger and larger in size but the bigger he gets the more he loses his intelligence. It’s directed by the notorious “Bert I. Gordon” whose movies are always more vehicles for cheap special effects than story, plot or characters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRL8umsMe28
Squirm Year: 1976 S10E12 Host: Mike Mads: Pearl, Brian Guy and Bobo
I am a little biased towards Squirm because I’m pretty sure it was the very first MST3K episode I ever saw (not counting the short “Are you Ready for Marriage?” which was the first anything MST3K that I saw). But even if it wasn’t I think Squirm is still a great episode to check out, and it comes with the double whammy of having the short “a Case of Spring Fever” in front of the film which, if they had the short in an earlier season, would definitely have become a running joke throughout the show. Sadly They only aired it here in the 10th season, but even being in the last season, it’s one of the show’s most famous shorts they’ve done.
As for the film, it’s actually pretty great too. It takes place in Georgia and is SUPER southern to a point of coming across as a parody almost. Our main character is the boyfriend of a local girl, a “city boy” who she met antiquing (a hobby they both share and talk about a lot throughout the film). However, a powerful electrical storm struck the small town a few nights ago, and as a result, it has turned all the earthworms underground into blood thirsty, violent predators (without actually growing in size). The movie is a silly and ridiculous B-Movie, but honestly a LOT of the effects are pretty damn impressive. Before he made it big in Rocky, Sylvester Stallone really wanted a role in the film but didn’t get it. All the worms in the film are real, and bought from the bait and fishing industry. So many worms were used in this film that they completely used up the entire New England’s bait supplies for the whole year following the shooting of the film.
Erm... so don’t watch it if you’re squeemish about bugs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3msPmLpLTUM
Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders Year: 1996 S10E03 Host: Mike Mads: Pearl, Brain Guy and Bobo
omfg this movie X’D this fucking movie.
Ok. So what kind of movie do you expect with a title like that and if I tell you it starts off with a grandfather telling his grandson a story about how Merlin’s magic is real and has come to benefit mankind and help others?
You’re probably expecting some whimsical fantasy low budget Princess Bride knock off, right? This is exactly what the film THINKS it is, too. It THINKS it’s a magical child friendly story about magic and Merlin and him and his wife running a shop that sells magical items to better the lives of others.
So it’s kind of a fucking problem that the stories in this movie are based off of Stephen King horror Novellas!!!
And that’s basically all you need to know about why this movie is kind of a disaster. It thinks it’s an all ages magical romp when in reality it’s a horrifying double feature of pet deaths (warning for a dog dying in the second story) an abusive husband (warning for domestic abuse in the first story) and demonic powers.
Also, despite the film being made in 1996, the second story uses footage from the director’s earlier film “The Devil’s Gift” which was made in 1984. As a result, despite the 1996 release, the child in this part of the movie is playing with Star Wars toys and wearing an E.T. shirt through most of it.
This movie also has one of my favourite jokes by Mike right at the end of the film.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8Q-RuAx4V4
Ah crap that’s already 10 movies and I haven’t even mentioned “Werewolf” or “Puma Man”. dkfhskdhfks Go watch Puma Man and Werewolf!! They’re great!
and finally, special mention;
Manos: the hands of fate
Year: 1966 S04E24 Host: Joel Mads: Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank
The great grandpappy of ALL the MST3K episodes. Of all the episodes they’ve ever done and all the movies and shorts they ever covered, Manos is the one that crawled under the skin of the hosts and the audience the most. Many people say it’s the very worst film they ever did EVER. As I said, I personally think the Beast of Yucca Flats is much worse if only because it’s painfully boring, but in terms of sheer “this is so fucking bad I can’t even process this”, I guess Manos wins. Being terrible because you’re boring is one thing. Being terrible because you’re completely batshit insane is another.
The story BEHIND the movie Manos is fascinating. Made when the creator of the film made a bet with a friend that he could make a movie despite never having done anything with film before, he went ahead and did it, with a screening and a premiere and everything. The actor playing Torgo was high on LSD the entire time of filming. The Camera used to shoot the film got so hot they could only film 30 seconds for each scene before they had to cut to a new one. The entire movie was filmed without sound and dubbed afterwards. The actor who was going to play the main character broke his leg before filming started and had to be replaced last second.
The movie is indescribable. It is PAIN and it is SUFFERING and it is BAFFLING and you should really build up a resistance to bad movies before attempting to watch this episode. I do NOT recommend starting your MST3K viewing with this one. But eventually, if you like MST3K, you’re gonna have to watch it. There’s just no escaping it.
The only way I can properly explain what Manos is like is to quote Crow who comments in the opening credits (which the film but forgot to put the actual credits over) “Every frame of this movie looks like someone’s last known photograph.”
And that’s it. That’s the whole movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ5baft7Kv0
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I forgot to add my links!
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by-ilmater · 4 years
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devilmaytrans replied to your post: i could talk about star trek for literal hours, do...
Do it :)
alright, dammit, it’s time for today’s edition of “jesus, ash, please shut the fuck up how do you have this many feelings about fucking star trek what the fuck”
behind a cut cuz it got long lol
i already talked about this a bit on twitter, but i have more room to elaborate here so here’s a short list of my favorite tng episodes in no particular order and why i love them:
tapestry: this episode. THIS EPISODE. basic synopsis: picard is hit with a blast the fries his artificial heart and he “dies”. q takes him through the moment in his youth where he got that heart after a bar fight and challenges him to change the past and stop himself from getting in that fight to save his future life. but when picard does this, he returns to a future where he never accomplished any of his greatest feats and is stuck as a crewman just going through the motions. it’s all q’s very roundabout way of telling picard that, despite what he views as the mistakes of his youth, he’s a great man that is perfect just the way he is and that he shouldn’t look back on what made him this way with regret. the dynamic that they have in this episode is so different from all the other times they interact, it’s so soft and casual and it’s so much of q wanting to learn about picard and this is rambly and probably makes no sense but fuck i love it so much.
measure of a man: short synopsis: a starfleet scientist want to dismantle data to continue his research into creating more androids like him. data refuses, as does picard, and after starfleet tries to force data into it by claiming that he’s “their property” picard demands a trial in which he needs to prove that data is sentient and therefore not anyone’s property. this is the shit that i adore star trek for. i am such a slut for discussions of morality pertaining to the sentience of robots and ai and this episode is so fucking raw and poignant. i rewatched it the other day because a lot of the plot of the picard series references this episode and it just makes my heart swell with how much i love this show and these characters.
best of both worlds: this is a 2 parter in which picard is assimilated into the borg. fuck, this episode makes me cry every single time i watch it, without fail. years ago they did a big even for tng’s anniversary where they showed it at movie theatres and eli and i went and i was like “fair warning, i will weep like a baby”. it is just so devastating watching picard have his humanity basically ripped away from him as he’s assimilated and literally used as a weapon against starfleet and the federation. you can feel the fucking raw trauma and ache in his heart after he’s rescued. the episode after this one he takes shore leave to earth to visit his brother and that one also makes me cry, fuck
the next phase: this one is just fun. geordi and ro are in an accident where their bodies get phased between planes, so they can see each other but no one else can see them. the enterprise crew assume they’re dead and data throws a big funeral party and it’s just a lot of fun shenanigans. 
frame of mind: i just like this one cuz it’s dark and fucked up. riker is falling in between hallucinations that he is either in a play on the enterprise or in a mental hospital. turns out he is neither of those things at the end, but what a good mindfuck of an episode. the later seasons are full of this shit and i love it
menage a troi: i just love this one cuz it’s my queen lwaxana troi at her best
q-who: i love all the q episodes, but aside from tapestry, this is my favorite. q forcibly introduces the enterprise to the borg long before they should meet. this episode is tense and full of q and picard having smoldering staring contests and i love it so fucking much. q’s single minded focus on picard in this episode gives me life.
the outcast: this episode is so imperfect, but i love it anyway. riker, known ladies man and big beardy hunk, falls for a member of an androgynous, agender race of aliens. it should be obvious why i love this episode. jonathan frakes has said that they fucked up by not casting a male actor to play his love interest soren and i completely agree and i love him for that. but it’s still pretty good.
chain of command: picard is captured by the cardassians and tortured. if you can’t tell, i am a slut for picard whump. this episode is pretty classic and well known (THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!) so i won’t babble too much about it. it’s just really dark and tense and well written. i recently read an older article on slate comparing this episode to the torture scene in the ‘09 trek movie. here it is, give it a read.
the big goodbye: this one is just simple, good, old fashioned holodeck shenanigans, and that’s all there is to it.   
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son-of-alderaan · 5 years
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FC: How did it feel when you were suddenly brought on to direct Episode IX after Colin Treverrow departed while the film was still in development?  
Abrams: I wasn’t supposed to be there. I wasn’t the guy, ya’ know? I was working on some other things, and I had something else that I was assuming would be the next project, if we’d be so lucky. And then Kathy Kennedy called and said, “Would you really, seriously, consider coming aboard?” And once that started, it all happened pretty quickly. The whole thing was a crazy leap of faith. And there was an actual moment when I nearly said, “No, I’m not going to do this.” I was trepidatious to begin with, getting involved, because I love Star Wars so much and felt like it was . . . . It was almost, on a personal level, a dangerous thing to get too close to something that you care that much about. And yet, with Force Awakens, I feel like we managed to introduce these new characters—for some people, new actors—and continue a story in a way that I thought had heart and humanity and humor and surprise. Though of course I’m aware that there are critics of that movie, it felt to me like we dodged a bullet. Like we got in there, we got to do something. And I left loving Star Wars as much as I did when I got there. Like, somehow, it was on a personal, selfish level something I was really happy to have done. Not just excited about doing but happy to have done. And to ask to have that happen again, I felt a little bit like I was playing with fire. Like, why go back? We managed to make it work. What the hell am I thinking? And there was a moment when I literally said, “No,” and Katie  said, “You should do this.” And my first thought was, has she met someone? And then I thought, she’s usually right about stuff. And when she said it, I think that she felt like it was an opportunity to bring to a close this story that we had begun and had continued, of course. And I could see that even though the last thing on my mind was going away and jumping back into that, especially with the time constraints that we were faced with . . . .
FC: What were the time constraints?
Abrams: Because they had announced release dates, and everything works backwards.
FC: Was the schedule unusually fast?
Abrams: To have no script and to have a release date and have it be essentially a two-year window when you’re saying (to yourself), you’ve got two years from the decision to do it to release, and you have literally nothing . . . . You don’t have the story, you don’t have the cast, you don’t have the designers, the sets. There was a crew, and there were things that will be worked on for the version that preceded ours, but this was starting over. And because this was such a mega job, I knew at the very least I needed a cowriter to work on this thing, but I didn’t know who that cowriter would be. There was nothing. So the first thing I did was reach out to a writer who I’ve admired for years, Chris Terrio. who I didn’t really know, to say, “Listen, would you want to write Star Wars with me?” And he screamed.
FC: Out of terror or excitement?
Abrams: Probably a bit of both, but I think definitely excitement. And what I realized in that moment was, I hadn’t been aware until then that I needed to work with someone who would scream at the prospect of working on Star Wars. Because I had been through the process, and I was looking at brass tacks: This is what it’s going to take, this is the reality of it. And he was looking at it sort of childlike: Oh my God, I can’t believe we get to play in this world, which I needed to be reminded of. I needed that point of view, because that’s not where I was. Of course, I was excited about what we could do, but I was acutely aware of how little time we had to do a fairly enormous job.
So to answer your question, I went into it in an all-in leap of faith, aware that Katie was very supportive of this thing and felt it was the right thing. And so her divining rod of what’s real and what’s right was a comfort, despite her not being in London (where most of the shooting took place). And it was just an immediate immersion into the what-ifs of it all, which is the fun of it, but also the pressure of it. And I’m not complaining when I say this, but it was having to make decisions based on gut. When Damon Lindelof and I created Lost, we had essentially 12 weeks to write, cast, shoot, cut, and turn in a two-hour pilot with a big cast. And that was a crazy short amount of time. The benefit of that was, we didn’t have time to overthink. There wasn’t time to get studio notes that end up sometimes taking you in lateral positions and making you adjust things—death by a thousand cuts—to a place where something doesn’t resemble what it should be, and you can’t remember why you got there or how. So the good news was I was jumping in with a writer whom I admired enormously; with Kathy and Callum Greene, a producer whom I’d never met; Michelle Rejwan, who had been my assistant, and whom Kathy had hired to work with her as a producer. But it was a completely unknown scenario. I had some gut instincts about where the story would have gone. But without getting in the weeds on episode eight, that was a story that Rian wrote and was telling based on seven before we met. So he was taking the thing in another direction. So we also had to respond to Episode VIII. So our movie was not just following what we had started, it was following what we had started and then had been advanced by someone else. So there was that, and, finally, it was resolving nine movies. While there are some threads of larger ideas and some big picture things that had been conceived decades ago and a lot of ideas that Lawrence Kasdan and I had when we were doing Episode VII, the lack of absolute inevitability, the lack of a complete structure for this thing, given the way it was being run was an enormous challenge.
However, to answer your question—truly, finally—now that I’m back, the difference is I feel like we might’ve done it. Like, I actually feel like this crazy challenge that could have been a wildly uncomfortable contortion of ideas, and a kind of shoving-in of answers and Band-Aids and bridges and things that would have felt messy. Strangely, we were sort of relentless and almost unbearably disciplined about the story and forcing ourselves to question and answer some fundamental things that at the beginning, I absolutely had no clue how we would begin to address. I feel like we’ve gotten to a place—without jinxing anything or sounding more confident than I deserve to be—I feel like we’re in a place where we might have something incredibly special. So I feel relief being home, and I feel gratitude that I got to do it. And more than anything, I’m excited about what I think we might have.
- abridged, link above for full article 
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rat-apologist · 5 years
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A Semi-In depth Review of Anna Todd’s After
So I’ve been seeing the trailer for the movie adaptation of this book every five seconds on my Instagram feed, and as a proud dyslexic unwilling to sit down and read it, I listened to the audiobook.
Again, these are all my opinions, if you don’t agree that’s okay.
Here is a quick, spoiler free plot synopsis for those who want/need it: Being moved from Wattpad into the real world of publishing, After follows a girl named Tessa, who simultaneously has the mentality of a five year old and an old man from the 1800’s. She is eighteen years old and is going to college to be an English major. Tessa loves control, planning, and books. She's an introvert at heart, and “not like other girls” (i.e. dresses conservatively, is a virgin (the books words, not mine)). She has a shitty mom and a nice, preppy, boyfriend who is still in high school, and her life is completely planned out. That’s all turned upside down when the poster child for emotional abuse named Harden (harry styles) waltzes into her life during a frat party her first week of college. Your typical Wattpad/teen movie drama ensues.
(the actual review under the cut)
This review is chock full of spoilers for Anna Todd’s book After. If you want a good idea of what I thought about this book without any spoilers I’ll just say this: I can really honestly say I was never bored while listening to this book. However, that is not necessarily a good thing. Often times I was just too much in awe of the clunky writing and truly evil supposedly “redeemable” characters to be bored. On a one to five star scale, I’d probably give it a two. More on that later.
Here are the things I liked:
(this one is only applicable to the audiobook) the narrator was amazing, her voice acting was very appropriate (though she did tend to drop accents sometimes- but that is forgiven because of how otherwise amazing her line delivery was- especially considering the quality of the dialogue).
Landon and Dakota were my favorite characters, and even though they had no personalities beyond what they meant to Tess and how they interacted with Harden (Hardin? Again, I listened to the audiobook I’ve got no idea how to spell that lmao) they still made the book better to listen to.
Despite the repetition of plot/narrative structures I can happily say again that I was never really bored.
Okay moving on to more mixed-bag feelings:
So the last chapter was from Harden’s perspective, and I thought that was an interesting idea. Learning what one character thinks, especially since our protagonist is, how you say, a little bad at reading/interacting with other human people. However the execution left something to be desired for me. It quite literally was just the exact same scene we just saw from the previous chapter, but from Hardens perspective instead of Tess’s. Which was just ended up being unnecessarily repetitive at times.
I liked how Tessa tried to be less judgmental throughout the book, however her growth is very, very limited.
I liked the fact that they mentioned they used condoms in pretty much every sex scene, and that most of the time clear verbal consent/clear nonverbal consent was given for the sexual stuff. That does not happen often in books, especially in fan fiction from what I understand.
I like that Tess does stand up for herself, while I could sometimes see myself comparing her to Bella Swan considering how much of her personality does kind of revolve around her relationship with Harden, she certainly was more vocal about her feelings. And boy, did she have a lot of feelings.
Moving on to the things I didn’t like, this is probably going to be a mix on writing, characters, and plot points so bear with me. (I’m saving my many thoughts on the twist for last)
Okay so a big number one is the biggest plot driver, the love story. So, I feel like it goes without saying, but the main relationship is SUPER unhealthy. Harden constantly stalks, manipulates, and bullies Tess throughout the whole book. He is pretty much abusive, using her caring for him to his own advantage and then dropping her when it suits him. Plus his hyper-sexualization of her “virtue” is really really nasty. Tess pretty much cries in every interaction they have together, and even acknowledges how toxic their relationship is, and yet I’m supposed to root for them? Hmm… I don’t think so
The near constant slut shaming and girl hate in this book bothers me, especially when it’s mixed with the hints of “I’m not like other girls” from Tess
The character descriptions kinda weird me out considering how much Harden is described like Harry Styles, like literally a tumblr punk edit of Harry Styles
The dialogue is… bad. To all the writers out there (myself included) make sure you read your dialogue out loud to see if it sounds natural, that way if your Wattpad fanfiction ever does get published, and your book is adapted into audiobook, you’ll avoid a situation like this one. Because, especially listening to it, the dialogue in this book is really really bad. Honest to god it sounds like robots imitating humans are talking to each other, only they’re trying to convince the other robots that they are humans. For some reason Anna Todd avoided using contractions for most of the book, making the characters sound unnatural and completely out of their predefined characters. Why would these college students not use words like “it’s” “we’ll” and “we’re”? It is truly astonishing, and it makes the few uses of contractions really distracting. Normally I don’t give a shit about grammar since I don’t really understand grammar, and normally grammatical errors aren’t that obvious when listening on audio, but the dialogue was seriously that bad.
The pacing was bad, that’s kinda all I have to say. It was generally too quick during plot development but then took a screeching halt for each fight/sex scene (of which there are many)
The repetition of certain words/phrases really got annoying. Everyone's always screaming, biting on their lip, or smirking. Harden is rude, as Tessa mentioned about eight million times, and Tessa finds his dirty talk arousing. We know this, because Todd uses those phrases about a billion times a chapter.
The sex scenes kind of grossed me out. I’m (in general) fine with sex, but the way the sex scenes were written seriously ucked me out. These college kids avoid using words like “penis” “dick” “pussy” etc. and use really really juvenile words like “down there” and “length”. Maybe this is a fanfiction thing, and I’ll admit that I have not read essentially any fanfiction, but it is truly a disturbing way to write sex. Especially since Tessa is written to have the experience and understanding of sex as like a child, not even understand what an orgasm is and unwilling to say words like penis or vagina, something our loverboy Harden is super attracted to, by the by.
I hate that this book uses “girl almost gets assaulted so man can come in and valiantly protect her” trope. It is super gross and I hate it. That’s kind of all I can say, the use of women's pain so that men can get some amount of redemption is awful.
More on Harden: I am sick of the “violent, broken man that I promise I can fix!” trope. It is used to justify and excuse abuse and I hate it. Tess is honestly scared of him several times in the book and it’s played as a personality quirk of his? Like everyone just accepts that’s how he is? I know for the most part we aren’t supposed to “like” him for the first part of the book, but it’s obvious that the author wants us to root for him and Tessa in some capacity. Especially with the inclusion of his perspective at the end, which in a way is exactly the kind of manipulation that he is into so idk. Also he is possessive despite the fact that they weren’t dating, and he is very clear he does not date. That’s already abuse, but of course there is more. On top of that he is cruel, and pretty stuck-up throughout the book- making him pretty much insufferable to me. And all of this shit just gets worse once the twist is introduced, and no amount of his whining from his chapter could at all change that.
The rest of the characters are all either boring, or the worst people you could ever meet. Tess’s mom, Molly, Jace, all really terrible to offset the horror of Harden. To almost justify what he does- because comparatively he doesn’t seem as bad (up until the twist).
The twist. Dear god the twist. So, as it goes it isn’t an extremely inspired twist. I’ve seen it done before in a similar way (I’m looking at you, Ten Things I Hate About You). For those who are wondering: the big twist is that Harden only really pursued Tess in the beginning because after she revealed she is a virgin at a party early on in the book he makes a pricey bet with Zed (another side character only used to add ~drama~ to Tessa and Harden’s relationship) to see who can take her virginity. All of the subsequent bullying, possessiveness, manipulation, etc. were all a ploy to have sex with her before Zed could. I feel like it goes without saying that that’s disgusting, but let me tell you exactly why: at least if he was actually interested in her at first his weird behavior could possibly be passed off as hormones (I wouldn’t like it, but I’d understand it  more if you’d try to make that argument), but the fact that it was all for a bet not only makes his disgusting actions worse, but makes the fact that he supposedly falls in love with her so much more annoying. Plus, the fact that he literally tries to trap Tessa in a lease so she can’t leave him, and tries to bribe his friends into silence really shows how little he actually cares about Tessa and her thoughts and feelings.  
So, why two stars? Honestly, because I was entertained (for lack of a better word) by this book. Maybe if I actually read it and not just listened to the audiobook it my rating would be lower, maybe if there was just one more sex scene to slow down the pace I would have been more bored. Who knows, but I was entertained. Sometimes by how terrible the dialogue is, by how astonishing the characters decisions were, sometimes by the actual plot. It’s like watching a shitty soap opera, it’s not good by any means, but it certainly keeps your attention.
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legalist217 · 5 years
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INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE
I need somewhere to scream about this beautiful film and don’t want to spoil my friends on twitter so SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!
okay so I am no expert on epilepsy. but I’m pretty sure this film doesn’t give a SHIT if you have epilepsy, and they make that stance KNOWN from the opening titles. does this make the film one of the most visually fascinating mainstream features I’ve seen in literal years? oh definitely. but there’s Flashing Lights often enough that I would be cautious. but again, I ain’t epileptic so I don’t necessarily know. I can say that it didn’t trigger my photosensitivity. 
(I’m gonna play you a song now)
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(you should keep reading tho)
BITCH, THEY BROUGHT TOMBSTONE!! Do you know, I had to sit there and peel that name out of the deep dark recesses of my childhood memories of VHS tapes of Spider-Man we borrowed from the library, that sickly gray motherfucker what taught us that Gangs Are Bad back in the 90s and now mostly just looks like a stone cold killer. Y’all! I love my obscure villains???
Speaking of, okay I know Kingpin isn’t THAT obscure but he’s also never gotten the movie treatment because where are you gonna find a human who hulks properly? MAYBE The Big Show, but even HE doesn’t have the necessary vastness for William Fisk. But I say all this because, listen, of all the villains Spidey faced, Fisk was one of the scariest, because he didn’t need robot arms or chemical cocktails or any of that shit. Nah, he could crush you. Either with his resources (because a bitch is loaded) or simply with his ENORMOUS HANDS. His character design dredged up to the surface a soundbite of 90s Fisk informing Spider-Man that every pound he weighs is pure muscle before (iirc) crushing him in a bear hug??? biiiitch you got me FUCKED UP.
and can we talk about this film’s Doc Ock?
brilliant scientist
unkempt and dgaf
WHAT IS UP WITH THOSE ARMS ARE THEY AMORPHOUS SOLIDS?
mad as a box of ferrets
GETS TO FIGHT THE BOYS -- okay this one might be personal but it makes me Slightly Itchy when female villains are Only Fought By The Girl. Hopefully I don’t have to spell out why? I’M NOT SAYING PUNCH GIRLS. I’M SAYING PUNCH VILLAINS.
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(see? DC been knowing this)
Okay and Miles? sweet precious miles my boy you deserve all the best things and I’m so glad I got introduced to your character :D aaaaaa he’s so SMOL oh my gosh a prepubescent bby spidermanboy aaaa
(why do all the black superheroes have lightning powers though? why is this a Thing? like I’m not offended, just confused, particularly because I thought he had venom???)
(also why did Earth-1610 Spider-Man dye his hair blond? like, he’s got brown eyebrows, so it’s definitely dye... but why he out here looking like Chris Evans? i am confuse)
HEY OH I REMEMBERED THAT STAN LEE CAMEO. YOU KNOW, THE LAST ONE WE EVER GET TO SEE. I’M NOT OKAY. 
also, apparently Gwen and Miles were originally gonna become a couple until one of the producers said “hey no they’re just friends” and I just wanna say, Christina Steinberg? shoutout to you for recognizing that fifteen months is a big difference when it’s a middle schooler and a high schooler. I APPRECIATE YOU.
I ALSO JUST LEARNED: the smol girl child Peni Parker is wearing shorts under her schoolgirl skirt. FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE, I RESPECT YOU.
also the soundtrack slaps
and like I could probably go on and on about random shit for days but these are the bits I just Had To Dump Out here. now if you’ll excuse me I have to crawl back into the rabbit hole of spider-lore this sent me down.
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joshterry · 7 years
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everybody’s free (to drink iced mocha’s) 
before i start this blog, i just want to say how important i think starbucks is. i don’t think starbucks really gets the credit it deserves sometimes, so here’s to you uniformed coffee empire, here’s to you. today i came into work on very little sleep, after starting a new workout program that i totally bombed, and knowing i had a few calls i had to make that i knew were not only going to be pointless but that i was dreading. a tired, frustrated and unmotivated me is the worst version of me. then by about 2:30, our intern becca went and got starbucks and as silly as it sounds, that tasty iced drink i ordered really changed the mood. so buy starbucks people, it’s the truth.
ok onto what i really want to talk about. aside from the starbucks iced mocha with no whipped cream and almond milk (which i can’t praise enough) i had, i often fail to realize the people and things that come into my every day life that change not only my perspective but my experiences themselves and help keep guiding me on a path that actually benefits me. i’m quite stubborn and rarely ask for help when i need it, so it takes special situations & persistent people to really get me over my own wrongness most days. i’ll start with re-evaluating the start of my day and then try to bring it back to the big picture, almost as if i would have had that lovely iced drink before the day began.
so i woke up at 6 am after less than 4 hours of sleep. i was drool on the floor, don’t want to be here, tired. why’d i only sleep 4 hours you ask? (i know you didn’t ask, it’s rhetorical, stick with me people i’m telling a dang story) it wasn’t because i didn’t sleep well, i slept great or as great as one can sleep in 4 hours, you see i have sleep apnea which i didn’t learn until a few years ago and i have to wear this darth vader looking mask when i sleep that blows air into my mouth so i don’t... you know... stop breathing and die, it’s quite sexy. ladies did i mention i’m single. before i got it though i probably went 7 years undiagnosed and was sleeping at a rate where every 9 minutes my body would literally have a convulsion to wake me up so i didn’t choke on my tongue and die. yep, that’s a real thing. anyway my mom realized something was wrong one night when i was visiting home because i think i sounded like a gun shot wounded dying yeti when i was sleeping and it freaked her out. now i go to a doctor once a year who charges me $200 to watch me yawn and tell me the machine i’m using is working and that he’ll see me in a year. but hey i can sleep now, so i can’t blame my inability to sleep for my tiredness.
so who do i blame for not sleeping? my friends of course. well last night i went to a super late movie with some of my friends who all lead busy lives. we do the same type of work - all with varying level of commitments. some of them have kids (or goats) who poop in bathtubs, some of them travel a ton and recently started new jobs with much higher commitments and stresses, some of them won’t buy new trucks even though they’re about to be rich (ben hutto, this is about you, buy the truck you idiot, everyone tell him to buy the truck in the comments section) but we all got together to watch a movie late at night about dudes in suits who saved the world by killing a drug dealer who lived in cambodia and turns bad guys into hamburger meat, mainly so we could just hangout in the middle of all our busyness and of course see a cameo by elton john where he kills robot dogs with bowling balls (shhh don’t tell peta). anyway, so i got little sleep because i didn’t get home until about 1:30 last night and then had to wake up at 6 am to go to the gym.
now let’s talk about me failing at the gym. i go to the gym 3 days a week with a personal trainer, kenny chesney goes there too, he’s far superior at going to the gym than i am, but i digress. anyone who’s known me for more than 3 years knows that exercise is a new thing for me. i’m pretty sure i didn’t exercise more than 3 times from the age of 1-32 and that includes being the all time worst hurdler on my high school track team my junior year (i still lettered, and if i ever get rich i’m making them retire my jersey and name the track after me). the max exercise i did all those years probably involved lifting a burrito to my mouth and i was dang good at that, could have been an olympian if that was a sport. the only water i drank those years came in the small amounts of water inside a dr. pepper can. today i drink close to 130 ounces of water a day, barely touch soda and i try to eat as healthy as i can. even though editor’s note i did go way off my diet last night and eat an entire family size box of cinnamon toast crunch by myself. i fail sometimes ok, i fail. anyway this gym i go to that i failed at this morning, i would have never gone to if it wouldn’t have been for my friend andrea who invited me to join her gym when i finally got serious about my health. in under 3 years of going there, i’ve lost 50 pounds (41 pounds of which was body fat). i’m stronger than i’ve ever been, i can run without being chased by an animal, i can do pushups like a marine and touch my toes like a gymnast and it actually makes me feel good and i (usually) enjoy going in the morning as it starts my day off in a really good way. the fact that today was a new program and i didn’t feel i did that great is ok, exercise has taught me it’s less about being perfect and more about showing up and putting in the work. my trainer olivia pushed me and encouraged me and got me through it. one of the guys i work with is named paul and paul has been going there for a month & a half and he has the best attitude about it, works super hard and just being around him made me complain less (maybe not cuss less) but definitely complain less. so even though i didn’t master my program today i left feeling way better. and tomorrow morning i’ll wake up at 6 am again and go boxing with my buddy tyler. yea i box now, like mike tyson with less ear biting. i go boxing because my friend kate invited me almost 2 years ago & that day i hated it but she encouraged me to keep coming back and now most weeks (as long as i don’t oversleep) i go about 3 days a week to that too.
by the time i got to work this morning i was spent. the first thing jenn & becca asked was “are you ok?” because i must’ve just looked like death. we got through the start of the day and it’s annoyances and by mid-afternoon after that lovely iced mocha that i’ve been telling you about, we got to talking a little more big picture. jenn, my only employee, reminded me of how we first got to know each other. jenn was persistent on introducing herself to me, and in classic not paying attention to anything me mode, i almost had forgot how many times she made an effort to get an “in" with me & the company. she did radio interviews with my acts, wrote about them in the magazine she ran, heck she even interviewed me one time for her magazine. she introduced herself to me at a college speaking seminar i did. she applied for an internship twice - i turned her down both times without meeting her, and when my former assistant decided to pursue a different career (which involved her famous dog), jenn applied for the job even though i had given her no real reason to want to work with me after all her efforts. my former assistant (who knew me way too well by that point) actually thought jenn would be perfect for the job and actually prepped her about the interview process, gave her cheat notes about what questions i’d ask, so she’d be prepared. jenn was the last person of about 60 that i interviewed for that job, at one point i told leslie “if none of these idiots work out, you can’t quit.” after 59 interviews, i had given up. i had talked to every idiot 22 year old in the city of nashville & they were all wrong. jenn came in and was exactly the type of person i wanted - she was focused, she was a hustler, she wanted to manage bands & she wanted to work for me (which i would have known if i would have paid attention all the times she tried to make an impression on me, but let’s not get past the point that jenn cheated in the interview ok, CHEATER), but i remember we hired her within an hour of the interview. i told leslie “make sure she doesn’t get a job anywhere else or you have to stay.” jenn took the job and leslie is now rich on internet dog money and a new york times best selling author (no really, she is - because leslie is also awesome). jenn’s the best person that’s ever worked for me and that wouldn’t have happened if leslie wouldn’t have helped her cheat and if jenn wouldn’t have been persistent enough to want to work with me regardless of how many times i got in her way. today, paying jenn's paycheck is the only check i look forward to paying every month and anyone who knows me and knows how cheap i am realizes how odd of a statement that is. but she truly makes my company, this job & personal life better and makes things move so much more fluid than i ever could do on my own with all our acts. and after we talked about how much of a cheater jenn was, i got to thinking about clients i had worked with in the past and the clients we work with now and how they all came about. and one after another it became obvious that so many clients we had in the past and had now came from referrals from other clients or people we had worked with before and there was kinda a weird connection between all of them. people who had told me i should try this, or work with this person, even if i didn’t see it at first. the ones that went away were for the better and opened up room for the ones we’ve had great strides with. those same people encouraged me to start my own business 2 years ago too. a decision that scared the crap out of me when i was making it, but that has now made me incredibly happy and i can’t imagine not being an entrepreneur at this moment.
i have countless other stories like this, if i wrote about all of of them or even half of them, this blog would turn into some really long book that none of you would bother reading. so i’ll leave you with this.
i know most days i, and i’d assume most of us, overlook the small things that are actually positive, because frankly it’s easier to look at the annoying things, the tiresome things, or the things that make us feel discouraged. it’s much easier for us to all feel like victims instead of the lucky jerks we actually are. so here’s what i suggest. ready? reflect on the people who impact you and present you with opportunities to change things for the better, stop being so stubborn, and get out of your own way. be open to change, it’s gonna happen whether you’re ready for it to or not, and usually that change leads to the things you really want. trust your gut and just let things happen how they’re going to. you can’t control it anyway. and finally the most important thing i’ll tell you is, and i really want you to pay attention to this part… i really do think you should try these iced mocha things though, and that’s not just because i’m fishing for starbucks gift cards for christmas either… ok i am fishing for those, but you read this until the end and isn’t that the whole point anyway. starbucks for everyone!!!!
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thoughtsfromfiction · 7 years
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Colossal: The Kaiju Honey-Trap to Lure in Misogynists
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**WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD**
When I walked into the theater to watch Colossal I thought I knew what I was getting into: the film had set up its audience for a fun mash-up between a kaiju film and an indie romcom. Anne Hathaway plays Gloria, a thirty something screw up trying to make it in NYC. She drinks too much, parties too hard, and just does not have her sh** together. The story starts when her uptight British boyfriend can’t take her shenanigans anymore so he breaks up with her and kicks her out. Gloria returns to her hometown where who should she run into but childhood friend and Resident Nice Guy, Oscar (played by Jason Sudeikis). Maybe with the help of his down-to-earth charm and small-town thoughtfulness Gloria will experience some good, old emotional growth. Just look at that budding romance:
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Oh, and Gloria also discovers that she is somehow connected to a giant, even colossal, monster that mysteriously appeared in Seoul, South Korea that nicely sets up all sorts of metaphors about inner demons and alcoholism and the external consequences of our actions, and whatever, that’s not what this essay is about. But minus the giant monster, we’ve all seen this movie, right?
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Spoiler alert: Wrong.
When Oscar drives into Gloria’s life in his red pickup truck, he is everything you’d expect from a small-town nice guy. Laid back, friendly, helpful, and the antithesis of her ex-boyfriend Tim (played by Dan Stevens) who was uptight, British, and hyper-critical. Oscar in contrast doesn’t judge Gloria’s behavior but unobtrusively tries to help her. He gives her a job at his bar and introduces her to his friends. He even gives her a TV and a futon. We learn that he has long-lasting feelings for Gloria dating back to their childhood, but he doesn’t push it because he’s a “nice guy.”
Enter the Robot.
Oscar emerges from the wings in which he’s been perpetually waiting for Gloria to come back and fall for him with a colossal counterpart of his own.
What’s going to happen next? What evil will emerge for the two of them to join together and fight? What life lessons will our protagonists learn about themselves?
In short: Oscar is going to metaphorically chain Gloria to him because the evil that emerges is domestic violence and the only lesson they’ll learn is that a guy doesn’t have to be a rich, megalomaniac to be an abuser (although that certainly doesn’t inhibit - for more details see the current US president), abusive a**hole potential can just as easily be found in the boring, average, nice guys.
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One could try to argue that his giant robot avatar sets him apart from most guys, but that isn’t what makes him a bad guy. His ability to control a giant robot in Seoul only enables him to exert power and control over Gloria, it doesn’t create that desire; that is all him. Speaking of power and control, I think it’s time to direct our attention to the Power and Control Wheel:
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Oscar manages to use most of these tactics over the course of the film. The first red flag the audience saw that the Resident Nice Guy wasn’t so nice was when he got unjustifiably jealous over his cute friend. He used the fact that she slept with his friend to justify his mean and controlling behavior. As if they had made some silent agreement that his niceness and generosity were contingent on the fact that they would eventually enter into a romantic relationship. A silent, imaginary agreement that she violated and therefore deserved to be treated like garbage. By giving her a job and furniture he is able to control her economically and make her feel that she is somehow in his debt. When Gloria tried to call him out on his behavior, rather than owning up to it, he deployed some armor-piercing emotional abuse and minimized his behavior by comparing it to the time that she fell, accidentally killing hundreds of people. Finally, he threatened the people of Seoul to blackmail her into staying much like real-life abusers use children and loved ones.
Now because we didn’t know that we were in a domestic violence movie, most of us probably overlooked or were quick to forgive all of these microaggressions. The fact that he had been keeping tabs on her ever since she left was sweet, not obsessive. The fact that he repeatedly watched her get drunk to the point of memory loss was just him letting her make her own choices (unlike that hyper-critical Tim); he wasn’t purposefully getting her drunk so that he could more easily manipulate her. The fact that he freaked out at Joel when he tried to kiss her wasn’t possessive it was protective.
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It's only with hindsight and context that the audience can reinterpret Oscar’s actions as controlling.
Even after Oscar goes full, evil villain and threatens to destroy a town, Gloria (and probably a lot of people in the audience) still treat him like the Resident Nice Guy. Oscar isn't set up as the domestic abuser like in the movies Enough and Sleeping with the Enemy. Those abusers are shown very early to be basically pure evil. Oscar isn't like that. While none of his actions are excusable, it is possible to come up with excuses and explanations for his behavior. He only acts like that when he's drunk, he feels trapped in a small town, he never lived up to his potential, he's trying to hold on to a childhood sweetheart. None of those excuses are valid, but they are very typical. Everyone knows someone who gets unreasonable when they're drunk, who's bitter about their lot in life, and occasionally takes it out on others. So when he apologizes so sincerely, Gloria’s willingness to let it go and to blame his behavior on how drunk he was is understandable. And for like, five minutes, Oscar goes back to being a nice guy, but as soon as things stop going his way again, he reverts right back into his controlling, demeaning tactics towards her.
Which is when I direct attention to the Cycle of Violence.
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The film shows its audience two full cycles of violence. This is critical because it is the only way to show that Oscar’s recent behavior isn't an aberration. His apologies, promises, and pleas that he makes at the end of the film cannot be trusted because he has broken those promises before (it helps that literally hundreds of lives are at stake in Seoul). But that moment of hesitation when her avatar monster has Oscar in her clutches is incredibly tense. I for one, didn’t know if she was going to let him go or flick his head right off like a quarter. Ultimately, what justifies her actions is that knowledge in the back of the audience’s head is that he cannot be trusted to keep his word. Because he didn’t before. By taking the time to show two full cycles, the film rejects the idea of a linear devolution from Nice Guy to Piece of Garbage and instead shows that Oscar is actually both...and neither, it depends on where he is in his cycle (menstrual pun intended).
Oscar is so average, he isn’t even the only average a**hole in the film; there are two more. Tim has two major jerk moments, one at the beginning and one when he pretends to be on a business trip to see her again. After that first scene, I really didn’t think we’d see him again. When he showed up again halfway through I was surprised and a little disappointed. Really? The uptight ex really loved her all along and he’s going to swoop in and save her from her nightmare? But Colossal subverted my expectations again. First, they didn’t paint his lying about a business trip and flying all the way out there as cute, they painted it as what it truly would be: weird and disconcerting. Second, the film also showed how equally unromantic and sexist and gross it is for two men to compete with each other for a woman without consulting her at all.
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Third, they showed that Tim too had his place on the Power and Control Wheel. He regularly used emotionally abusive tactics to make Gloria feel worthless. He proved that he wasn’t there to help her, but to wear her down with criticisms until she fit his expectations.
Then there’s Joel. Joel is not abusive. He seems like a nice guy, but you know what else he is? Frakking useless. He knows Oscar, has known him for years, he witnesses Oscar’s behavior, sees how vile it is, and does NOTHING. He doesn’t call Oscar out when he mistreats Gloria, and he doesn’t call him out when he’s laying waste to entire neighborhoods. He doesn’t even comfort Gloria, show her any support, a single pat on the shoulder. This is his chance to punch a robot...(once removed)! Be a hero! Instead, the only thing he does is give a tiny little thanks-for-nothing smile while he watches Gloria take care of her own self from the warm safety of a bar.
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I’m not saying that by not interfering Noel is “just as bad” as Oscar, what I am going to say is that by not calling Oscar out, he’s perpetuating the idea that what Oscar’s doing and the way he’s treating Gloria is no big deal.
Really the only halfway decent guy the film has in it is the drug addict. He does make some feeble attempts to hold Oscar accountable for his garbage behavior. But once he starts taking on some of the heat himself he’s quick to jet. Gloria is utterly alone. Surrounded by run-of-the-mill jerks who are all part of the problem. The problem being a culture that equates jealousy and obsession with romance, aggression with assertiveness, and demands bros before hoes.
When viewed in that context, the actions of Oscar, Tim, and Joel are no longer so surprising.  Oscar wasn’t in a lab accident that turned him into an evil psychopath, he wasn’t secretly an evil psychopath the whole time, he’s just a run-of-the-mill jerk.
He’s the guy who insults you when you try to give him a criticism, the guy who thinks because he bought you dinner so many times that he’s definitely going to get some, the guy who gets jealous of how much time you spend with your friends, the guy who thinks you should be grateful that he didn’t make out with your roommate when he had the chance, the guy who tells you to not be such a b*tch. What makes Oscar a compelling villain is that he isn’t compelling at all: he’s the Jerk Everyman.
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...and he need to be stopped.
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shame-on-nyall · 7 years
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actual interlude part 5
Are all of y’all hyped?!!! This is a good long chunk, with some nice McCree stuff. Gonna update ao3 with the final chunk of the interlude soon. And maybe I’ll do the Ana side-story after all. At this rate i’ll never get to the fucky part, lmao. But I’m gonna try.
2,352 words - warning for really sad and pathetic
Any further discussion got cut off by Winston appearing around the corner, shushing them, but upon seeing Hanzo, his expression softened.  Much to Genji’s almost audible shock.  Hanzo, apparently still clinging to his distrust, managed a short bow of acknowledgement as Winston approached.
“Sorry, Winston, we’ll be off now,” Genji apologized on behalf of Hanzo and himself.
“Oh, you two may proceed,” Winston assured them, “just a little quieter if you could.  We had spent so much effort getting Soldier to bed, he kept swatting away all of Angela’s attempts to tranquilize him.  I did not want to have to call everyone out to repeat the ordeal so soon.”
“Understood.”
“I believe neither of you are due for reconnaissance missions for at least a few days,” Winston continued. “Please do take advantage of the time to rest and prepare, though.  Your skills and experience are very much needed by the world.”
“Of course, Winston.”
Winston bade them a quiet good night and ambled off, appeased.  
“Good night to you, Genji, and good luck,” Hanzo said softly, slipping free of Genji’s loosened grip and back to his room before his little brother could fully react in time. With a sad sigh, Genji went to embark on his own solo mission and find McCree yet again.  He had volunteered to do this after all, McCree was his friend, whereas Hanzo was likely still feeling indisposed and antisocial, but once more Genji wished he could just run off and avoid the mess altogether.  Let his brother deal with his mistakes, as he always had before.  But wasn’t that lazy thinking the reason for how they turned out like this?  Genji had promised himself he would take responsibility for his actions, confront the consequences of his decisions, deal with them as he should have in the past instead of counting on his good luck and charms to win him out of trouble.  From this point forward, he had to act like a man, the true Genji he wanted his brother to acknowledge, not the spoiled child Hanzo saw, nor the robotic inhuman.
Patting the sides of his faceplate with both hands once to give himself some resolve and startling himself by the loud sound of not-flesh slapping not-flesh, Genji winced and then slunk off purposefully into the night.
The problem being that McCree was still not back in his room, leaving Genji to wander the hallways where he came across Zarya on patrol once.  He searched the target range, where they had last left him clutching his crushed knees but still croaking out “aren’t y’all feisty little honeybees” or something to that effect, the infirmary, now empty but for the faint smell of antiseptic cleanser, the closest courtyard, before making his way to the old rec room in the basement level.  There he found McCree in his sleep clothes sprawled out on a couch that had seen better days, watching an old American western projected onto the wall.
“Hey, Jesse.”
“Hey, sugar,” McCree said, glancing over at him with slight alarm.  “Not here to finish the job, are ya?  I just got my knees fixed up by Angela.”
“Nah, just here to return your gun, in case you get sent out tomorrow,” Genji said with a soft chuckle, detaching Peacemaker from his back with a click and handing it back to a grateful McCree, who tucked the gun into the waistband of his pants.
“Should have warned you, Hanzo gets sensitive about comments on his appearance, and won’t shy from dealing corporal punishment.  It’s just how we do things.”  It’s not normal, Genji wanted to add, except that it was.
McCree just shook his head, looking amused and resigned.  “I get it.  That’ll teach me to open my big mouth in the future.”  He sighed, a long huff, and though he kept his tone light, Genji could see sadness pinch at the corners of his drooping eyes.  “You know, I told him I could deal with being friends, Genji, I’d give him space, whatever he wants.  But the truth is, I can’t just turn my feelings off like that.  Don’t know if I really can, least not anytime soon.  I really do like him.”
“Jesse… I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean for it turn out like this.” First Genji, then Hanzo, breaking that big heart that had already been shattered and patched back together so many times.  Knowing his past, what had happened with Reyes, knowing he couldn’t give McCree the devotion he craved, knowing Hanzo couldn’t give him the attention he needed. They really were criminals, toying with a man who only wanted to be good.
Running his hands through his hair, McCree glanced at the movie still playing across the wall, then at the battered coffee table in front of him, at the cards scattered across its surface.  “Not as lucky as I thought after all,” he muttered.  “I’m just a damn fool, aren’t I?”
“We all are, sometimes,” Genji replied, though not in a mean way.  He sat down next to McCree, manuevered under the cage of his arm to nestle against his side, basked in that familiar warmth.  “Listen, Jesse…” he murmured, “thank you for trying to talk to my brother even though he has been a total asshole.”
McCree shrugged, but could not refrain from a heh at the accuracy.
“I thought he would eventually see your appeal as I did, and maybe he could change his mind in the future, who knows.  But the fact that he agreed to be friends with you… is a huge deal.”
“Is that so?” McCree rumbled softly, holding Genji close, the way Hanzo never did unless Genji demanded it of him first.  
Nodding slowly, Genji explained, “He did not have any friends when we were kids, did not see the need to make any, and once he gave up his position and left Hanamura after the duel, he lost contact with everyone he knew.  He was on the run, with a price on the head, he probably didn’t meet anyone he trusted.  I know this is the first truly safe place for him in years, and even among those who once conspired to take him down, he finally feels comfortable enough to sleep for eight hours uninterrupted, he bothers to eat with everyone at dinnertime more often than not…”  Genji trailed off, felt his heart clench thinking of Hanzo lying on a dingy mattress somewhere, fully-clothed, one hand on a weapon, unable to nap for more than a few hours at a time, every single night for up to ten years.  Imagined Hanzo distrusting the food his handlers would bring him on his assignments, his cybernetic eyes watering remembering when Hanzo had told him sometimes he would just procure a tin of cat food and eat that instead, on account of no one wanting to go through the effort of injecting poison into cat food.  His voice buzzing with barely restrained tears, Genji added, “I… I’m sure he got this far because of you, Jesse.”
“Aww shucks, that’s awfully generous of you to say, Genji, but I’m preeeetty sure he’s doing this for you?”
“What?”  Genji snorted in disbelief, scorn momentarily wresting control over sadness.  “I am the brother he felt he had to kill to restore honor to the family, remember?  As far as Hanzo’s concerned, I am a zombie brought back from the dead, and also part Omnic, and also a member of the vigilante group who destroyed the clan he was raised his entire life to lead.  I am the shame he could not control while I lived, and my living now is a reminder that he managed to fuck up doing the one thing he’s good at.  I am literally everything that makes Hanzo unhappy in this world, Jesse.  Whatever his reasons, he’s not doing this for me.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
“Okay, you don’t have any siblings, so you can’t talk.”
“Even so,” McCree stated calmly.  “Maybe Hanzo does feel as you say, I don’t know, but you’re all that’s left of his family. He absolutely cares about you, Genji, always asks if you’re okay whenever you’re gone on missions, always keeps you in his line of sight on the field, as difficult as that is.  He trusts you, thinks the world of you, though only when you’re not in hearing distance.  He has his reasons, sure, but believe me, Hanzo wants to be here, and you’re a big part of why.  It’s obvious he still loves you, ain’t it?  The way you love him?”
Genji shook his head, grateful his expression remained hidden.  “It’s never been like that between us…”
“Well, maybe you oughtta tell your brother you love him every now and then.  I think he would want to hear it from you.  More than me, anyway, God knows I’ve tried enough times.”
“I-it’s not the Japanese way, we would show our love through actions rather than words.  And our family… wasn’t like other Japanese families. Bringing home the decapitated head of an enemy, or their fingers, that would be most loving thing one could do.” It was true, more or less, because it demonstrated loyalty, what the Shimada clan prized the most.  “I don’t think I could… not even in Japanese.”  Despite being the rebellious modernized one in the household, Genji had never once said ‘I love you,’ not even to his girlfriends and boyfriends, all of whom he did fall in love with, if just for a little while. He was positive his parents never said such a thing to each other, they rarely held hands or kissed even when they thought they were alone.  And while “daisuki, onii-chan!” might have sounded cute when he was five, it did not carry the same meaning, not now that he was thirty years older.  “I’m sure he would think I was drunk. Or teasing him.” He picked at the metallic joints of his knuckles, a little jittery.  “What, you think I might have lived if we’d just said ‘I love you’ more often?”
“Ehh, probably not.” McCree reached up to palm at Genji’s skull, pushing him a little forward playfully.  “You were a self-righteous brat back then, I remember you giving Angela and those doctors hell.  Sassing off Reyes.  Threatening to kill us all in our sleep on a regular basis.  Hey now, just like Hanzo said right after he introduced himself to the team!”
“See, I told you I learned it from my brother!” Genji shot back delightedly.
McCree burst out laughing, and in doing so, the years seemed to lift from his posture.  “I don’t doubt it.  You’re a real joker, partner.  Lookie here, got just the card for you.”  He picked up the playing cards in one smooth motion, drew one out from the middle of the deck and tossed it on the table face up.  Black joker.
“Oh?  So which one is Hanzo?”
Another card flicked out on the table.  Ten of diamonds.  Of course. Genji watched as McCree shuffled the cards between human and cyborg hand, mesmerized.  He’d seen the card tricks before, what seemed like a lifetime ago when he had just settled in with Overwatch for the first time.  Back then, the queen in McCree’s deck had a tattoo under her eye, the jack held a sheaf of wheat in his arms, the king wore a black crown in the shape of swords.  Now the face cards were all skulls.  But McCree carried the deck with him everywhere he went just the same, freaking everyone out whenever poker night came around.  A memento of the past he still loved, but which he could not relive again.  Genji had kept a similar keepsake with him, too; a photograph of Hanzo and himself in their matching training outfits, standing in front of the dojo at Hanamura, stuck in a frame in his room in Nepal.
The movie finished a few minutes later, and Genji stood up to stretch, his body reminding him to go recharge for the night.  Glancing at McCree, he said, “Jesse… If it makes things too awkward, you don’t have to hang out with us, you know.  I won’t be offended.”
“Sweetheart, I’d hang out with you and Hanzo no matter what awkward thing happened.  The pair of you are easy on the eyes, and trust me, I need a break after chasing down Roadhog and Junkrat for almost a year.”
“Aww, you don’t think Jamison is cute?” Genji teased.  “You know he has a crush on you.”
“Not you, too!  It’s hero-worship, okay?!” McCree complained, much to Genji’s amusement.
“Anyway… thank you again, Jesse.  Sorry that you had to strike out twice with us, but you might be happy to know you’re the first person I’ve ever set up with my brother who he’s ever had a strong reaction to.”
“Well, I’ll be.” Although McCree’s expression seemed to indicate that he was not sure this was a good or bad thing.
“Hanzo doesn’t…  he doesn’t really make decisions, not without consulting Father or the elders, he usually doesn’t care too much if it’s not related to the clan.  You are probably the first real choice he’s made on his own since he left home.”
“You mean, after deciding to join you here with Overwatch,” McCree corrected him.
Genji froze, suddenly silent.  “I… guess, yeah,” he ventured after a second.  “Something like that.”  He turned to leave, but not before sensing McCree’s presence behind him and getting enveloped by a hug.
“Hey, don’t doubt yourself so much, Genji.  It’s not like you.”
“Heh.  You’re right.”  He tilted his head upward, letting McCree kiss the point of his visor below his forehead protector, where his nose should be, wondered briefly before shrugging it aside what it would be like if he could have just tried harder to make it work with Jesse.  “Don’t worry, I’ll be back to normal soon enough,” he assured him.  “Good night, Jesse, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Oh, thanks again for bringing me my gun back.”  McCree let him go, smiled and said, “Sleep well now, Genji.”
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Top 102 Movies of the 2010’s, According to a Crackpot
I’ve decided to try the impossible.
The seed for this idea came from Polygon.  The site ran an article by which various staff members ranked their top ten movies for the decade.  Naturally, that got me thinking about MY top ten films for the decade.  Then I realized I hadn’t seen most Oscar winners, let alone enough movies to qualify to make a list.  Then I realized I would have much, MUCH more than ten movies in my list.
Thus, I embarked on a madman’s dream.  It involved crunching movie after movie after movie, then trying to hopelessly rank it on my list if I thought it was good enough.  I missed my own deadline of New Year’s.  Now, I am releasing this on my next deadline: The Oscars.  Literally now, when they are already underway.
I hope you will read this list with some forgiveness in your hearts.  Biting off more than you can chew doesn’t describe it.  There are a whole host of movies I wanted to see before I made this list I haven’t gotten to and probably never will.   There are many movies on this list I saw close to a decade ago and am trying to place in a ranking against pieces I just saw a few days ago.  Oh, and I’m comparing across genres and types.  What I’m trying to say is, this list is probably going to suck in a lot of ways.
With that being said, I really did try to rank the following to the very best of my ability.  I racked my brains, racked them, and racked them again. Ultimately, I made my decisions from a whole host of criteria, ranging from everything from pacing, to various aspects of entertainment value, to complexity/themes, to cinematography.  I tried to be objective as much as possible, but I also think that how much you like a movie should be considered a piece of criteria as well. After all, that’s primarily why we go to the movies; we want to have a good time.  As such, expect to see a lot of science-fiction and animation of this list. In my defense, it was a great decade for each.
And now…without further ado…let me introduce…The Top 102 Films of the 2010’s, According to a Crackpot!
  102. Live Die Repeat: Edge of Tomorrow
Starship Troopers meets Groundhog Day, Live Die Repeat is a well-executed mecha-battle movie with a wrinkle of time-travel tossed in for good measure.
 101. Wreck-It Ralph: Ralph Breaks the Internet
It may not be as good as the original, but Wreck-It Ralph 2 makes the grade with some cunning swipes at internet culture, the world’s best worst Disney Princess song, and bittersweet revelations about what it means to be a true friend.
 100. Mirai
Few films truly approach their story from a child’s perspective; but in tone, structuring, and imagination, Mirai lets us see again through young eyes.  Director Mamoru Hosoda uses time travel as a vehicle for exploration of deeply personal familial relationships, and how they shape us into the people we become.
 99. The Last Gold
The Last Gold is an unheralded little gem about a quartet of female US Olympic swimmers who found themselves competing in an impossibly frustrating and unfair situation; the 1976 Olympics.  As East German swimmers swept podium after podium (with the aid of a systematic doping program), the US Women’s team faced intense public criticism, especially phenom Shirley Babashoff, who could have been the female Mark Spitz if not for the rampant cheating going on.  Largely forgotten and regarded as a disappointment by the American public, The Last Gold illustrates the team as one worth remembering and dignifying; in particular, for their final, desperate effort at gold in the 4 x 100 m freestyle relay.
 98. Mad Max: Fury Road
Pretty much nonstop surreal nutty action, Mad Max surely has some of the most creative and tricky stunts done in the past decade.
 97. The Amazing Spiderman
Utterly forgotten in the wake of its more successful follow-ups (and predecessors, for that matter), The Amazing Spiderman is nonetheless a solid reboot of some well-worn material. The concept behind Spidey’s origin is well-thought out and original, and ties directly to an interesting villain who is more the victim of his own genius than the archetype evil megalomaniac.
 96. Doctor Strange
Doctor Strange marks itself as unique among the various Marvel offerings by pondering nothing less than the meaning of life… and overloading us with psychedelic, Inception-esque imagery.
 95. Concussion
Featuring a terrific and vocally unrecognizable Will Smith, Concussion asks not only some difficult questions about the country’s (and my own) favorite sport, but also some difficult questions about what it means to be an American.
 94. The Big Sick
I’m not a big rom-com guy, but The Big Sick won me over by creating romantic tensions from realistic scenarios; in particular, the difficulties that arise from differences in race and religion.  The film’s awkward sense of humor is well-incorporated, making this a funny movie as well as an intelligent one.
 93. Bridesmaids
A funny movie about friendships and change (anchored by an excellently tragicomic Kristen Wiig), Bridesmaids showed the Judd Apatow formula could work on equal terms for the female sex.
 92. 50/50
50/50 tackled the cancer movie with an unusual slant of good humor, and chased it down with heartfelt drama and good performances.
 91. Hanna
In which a supergirl Saoirse Ronan (pre-fame and accolades) is honed into an assassin by her father so that she can kill a wicked, hammy CIA operative Cate Blanchett before the agency gets to her first.  If you ever wanted to see a small girl beating thugs to death with her bare fists in the style of Jason Bourne, this one’s for you.  Loads of fun, totally bananas, and dripping with cool.
 90. Hunger Games
More or less a faithful adaptation of a literary bestseller, Hunger Games nonetheless deserves credit for doing the job right.  The cinematics and ideas here are very nice for a teen blockbuster, and Jennifer Lawrence rightfully turned into a star for BEING Katniss Everdeen.
 89. What We Do in the Shadows
Quirky, subversive, hilarious, and utterly “New Zealand”, What We Do in the Shadows made vampires and werewolves funny again…in a good way.
 88. Icarus
An accidental documentary seemingly spurred on by fate, Icarus is about the creep of misinformation and deception into every aspect of our lives, even sports, by the unscrupulous and powerful.
 87. Prometheus
A film I absolutely adored the first time around, but toned down my enthusiasm for with a more critical eye to detail.  Nevertheless, Prometheus should be appreciated for its immense scale of ambition and huge open-ended philosophical questions; it should also be appreciated for throwing a veritable kitchen sink of full of campy horrors at its viewers, including a crazy autosurgery scene.
 86. 10 Cloverfield Lane
10 Cloverfield Lane flies high on its simplicity.  Three main actors, one small doomsday shelter, and loads of palm-sweating, stomach-clenching, double-guessing suspense.  John Goodman, you so craaaaazy.
 85. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Give J.K. Rowling credit for not making this a cynical cash grab; the writing in Fantastic Beasts is actually delightful.  There is a strong balance here between the sweet magical whimsy going on and some dark, brooding commentaries on American society.  A strong cast of endearing characters rounds out a very robust entry in the Harry Potter series.
 84. How to Train Your Dragon II
A very good sequel to a classic, HTTYD II still provides the acrobatic, dragon-flying goods, even as it steers us into a troubling, thought-provoking battle between might and right, fixed circumstances and free will.
 83. The Big Short
While Inside Job will always remain the definitive work on the maddening 2008 financial collapse, The Big Short is a strong effort featuring intimate inside perspectives of the actual people who did the dynamiting.  A slick sense of humor and a celebrity all-star team intent on ripping Wall Street a new one makes this film a winner.
 82. Captain America: Civil War
Cap: Civil War is noteworthy in that it makes civilian collateral damage the primary fulcrum and conflict of a superhero movie.  It is also a bit of a “mini-Avengers” that successfully incorporates some slam dunk additions to the team; then pits them against each other.
 81. Get Out
One of the decade’s cleverest and most ambitious horror flicks, Get Out shows how the sum of a million little microaggressions equates to something very ugly indeed.
 80. The Hateful Eight
A slow-burner as far as Tarantino films go, The Hateful Eight is an interesting social play interspersed with exaggerated violence and profanity; a commentary on how our nation was forged in the fires of overcoming racial and societal differences.
 79. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Catching Fire does what all good sequels aim to do; take the appealing constructs of the original film and pump them up on steroids.  Everything the Hunger Games did, Catching Fire does bigger, badder, and better.
 78. Big Hero 6
A weeaboo’s dream, a great superhero flick, and a gentle meditation upon loss and healthy grieving, Big Hero 6 is a very entertaining film with a big heart and a wonderfully plush-looking buddy robot.
 77. Mary and the Witch’s Flower
Mary and the Witch’s Flower is a Studio Ghibli flick, helmed by Studio Ghibli animators…under a non- Ghibli studio.  Here are all the familiar beats we love as viewers; the weird, wonderful setting (a school of sorcery for talented children), abuses on the natural world wrought by technology and ambition, and a delightfully ordinary red-headed girl who must think on her feet and grow if she is to survive.  Harry Potter crossed with Miyazaki…who could ever resist that?
 76. Avengers: Infinity War
The key to Infinity War’s successes is Thanos.  The Mad Titan had been waiting in the shadows for most of MCU’s run during the past decade; in Infinity War, we finally see him in the formidable flesh.  At once terrifying and tragic, Thanos is the most iconic villain of the 2010’s; a villain finally worth pitting an entire squad of heroes against, and perhaps, more than a match for all of them.  The film’s shocking ending and willingness to go to darker places makes this movie MCU’s The Empire Strikes Back.
 75. Alien: Covenant
Man, did Covenant get a bad rap.  Audience members branded its characters stupid, its monsters unscary, and its premise a letdown from Prometheus.  They were wrong on every count.  The characters of Covenant act as normal explorers should; not as we, in all of our omniscient wisdom, should advise them to.  The monsters are absolutely bloodcurdling; truly nasty, unrelenting creatures which are content to flay their victims alive if they cannot kill them outright.  And the story did not answer many of Prometheus’s big questions because it was simply better and more interesting than that.  I posit the reason Covenant was such a flop is not any failure on its part, but rather a failure of audiences’ openmindedness and tolerance for the macabre.  Alien: Covenant is the best Alien movie since at least Aliens; a pitch-black, bordering on nihilistic tale of bad things happening to good people.  It is also a successful conglomeration of the various qualities of Alien, Aliens, and Prometheus, and a fascinating cross-examination of an android who is too human for his own (or anybody’s) good.
 74. The Shape of Water
Amélie meets The Swamp Thing, The Shape of Water is an odd, intriguing romantic Cold War thriller that celebrates those members of society who are ostracized, marginalized, or cast aside.
 73. ParaNorman
Funny, scary, and important, Paranorman is a spooky, kid-friendly take on tolerance and the price of ignorance.
 72. Gasland
By all practical accounts, Gasland is horrifying.  This is a film that shows the surreal consequences of free-for-all fracking; water that can be set on fire, air pollution that exceeds 100x the safe limit for some toxins around fracking wells, and literal poisoning of wildlife and residents via breathing, drinking, and skin absorption.  While all of this content would make for a great documentary, it is banjo-pickin’, easy-going filmmaker Josh Fox who makes this film even better. His heartfelt personal accounts and willingness to stand aside and let the victims speak for themselves gives this documentary a warmth and decency usually missing from such explosive exposés.
 71. Wreck-It Ralph
A hilarious mash-up of video games and memorable arcade characters, Wreck-It Ralph manages to stay clever, hip, and inventive the whole way, even as it plays expertly off audience nostalgia.
 70. Green Book
Thanks in large part to its pair of terrific leads, Green Book manages to be an uproariously entertaining road trip buddy movie; even as it brings to light the racial problems which existed (and continue to exist) in America.
 69. Scott Pilgrim vs The World
Possibly the most Millennial film ever made, Scott Pilgrim is a busy, delicious barrage of video games, garage bands, pop culture references, and comics.  Intricately detailed and gut-bustingly funny, Scott Pilgrim’s supply of visual gags and uber-referential one-liners is practically (turns 8 sideways on fridge) infinite.
 68. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Winter Soldier is high-tier MCU.  The electric superhero proceedings benefit from a deliciously twisty plot, and a surprising injection of sharp political commentary.
 67. Dunkirk
One of the most viscerally intense PG-13 movies ever, Christopher Nolan’s war epic is a nightmarish tour-de-force that places viewers directly in enemy crosshairs.  In typical Nolanian fashion, however, this is also high-brow, intellectually stimulating fare.  There is not only the logistical puzzle at play of how to successfully evacuate 300,000 plus English soldiers from the French coast; Dunkirk understands warfare as a product of two extreme and opposite polarities of human nature. War cannot be waged without nasty, selfish streaks of human survival, as there will simply be no one left to fight it; neither can it be won without remarkable acts of courage and willing sacrifice.
 66. Blackfish
Deeply troubling and disturbing, Blackfish shows what happens when you take the most intelligent and sensitive animals in the world besides us and confine them in a bathtub for their entire lives.  A stirring call for respect for nature, and a long-running tally of SeaWorld’s sins, Blackfish is a must-see documentary.
 65. Contagion
Contagion is one of the decade’s scariest films.  After all, murdering mask-wearing lunatics and supernatural bumps in the night can be discounted as a trick behind the camera; but the boogeyman in Contagion almost assuredly exists, a nuke buried somewhere in the bosom of Mother Nature.  If we blunder into it, God help us all.  The film’s chilly, distant demeanor and scientific accuracy (Contagion gets bonus points for being the most scientifically accurate movie of all time) makes its depiction of a modern plague frighteningly plausible; its fixations on points of transfer are enough to convince anyone to wash their hands twice.  
 64. How to Train Your Dragon
One of the best movies to ever exit out the Dreamworks pipeline, HTTYD is an excellent parable about hate and jingoism, wrapped up in an exhilarating thrill ride that made us all want a Toothless of our own.
 63. Restrepo
Restrepo is such a hard film to gauge.  It doesn’t take aim at politics, or delve too deeply into the lives of its subjects; American soldiers in the Korangal Valley, Afghanistan.  Restrepo is content to simply put us in their boots.  Never has combat been so realistically brought to the American doorstep.  In Restrepo, one can see the terror of death, the adrenaline hit of downing an enemy, the tomfoolery of kids messing around with one another in between bouts of fighting for their lives.  This is the pure essence of modern war; in its DNA, one can see what so many directors of fiction have been trying to recapture in their work.  Restrepo is a remarkable and dangerous accomplishment; an accomplishment that would eventually cost co-director Tim Hetherington his life while shooting a subsequent film in Libya.
 62. Abominable
Dreamworks has been a rather lackluster studio in comparison to the rest of the industry.  With that being said, it is more than capable of making great movies; and Abominable is right up there with the best the studio has ever made.  This gorgeously made Asian-flavored film explores China as a meeting grounds of various philosophies; wealth and privilege versus working class, urban versus agrarian, East versus West, and how exploitation and cultural diffusion have reshaped life there.  It is also simply a wonderful tale of an introverted girl who must travel to the Himalayas to deliver a magical yeti back to nature; and how that journey unlocks her ability to grieve and connect with others.
 61. Winter’s Bone
Winter’s Bone is the movie that announced to the world that this Jennifer Lawrence person could act, I tell you h’what.  This menacing coming-of-age journey through the Ozark drugscape shows the importance of family in such poor, isolated communities as something more than a cliché of hillbilly pride; it is actually a means to survival and redemption.
 60. The Boy and the Beast
The Boy and the Beast can certainly be appreciated simply as a fantastical, colorful training/battle movie about an orphaned human boy and his cantankerous bear master.  But it is as it dives deep into the complexity of the male mind that the film fascinates thematically and generates stirring emotional resonance.  In particular, the film has something to say about the anger that can spur young men to violence, and the stabilizing force a mature male presence can have (but does not always have) on that anger.  The benefits of fatherhood extend to father-figures as well, who become more emotionally aware and sensitive, and gain deeper meaning and fulfillment in their lives. Hosoda is truly one of the best directors working in animation today, and The Boy in the Beast is typically intelligent, thematically dense work from him.
 59. The King’s Speech
A feel-good film done with classical style, The King’s Speech is an elegant, touching tale of friendship that will surely play well among lovers of The Royal Family.
 58. The Artist
Thanks to rich visual storytelling and fantastic performances, this pre-talkie throwback hardly needs words to delight.
 57. The Tale of Princess Kaguya
Isao Takahata’s final film The Tale of Princess Kaguya feels like a beautiful pastel picture book brought to life.  At once a fable of ruinous greed, classism, and sexism, it is also a haunting soliloquy of love, nature, freedom, beauty, and death…all that makes life precious.
 56. Kubo and the Two Strings
Kubo and the Two Strings makes me mad.  Not because it is a bad film; far from it.  I am angry because Kubo had everything going for it.  It had big-name actors, it had effects which pushed stop-motion to its limits, it had a big marketing push in theaters to push viewership, it had great critical reviews.  It was supposed to be Studio Laika’s crown jewel; the film that would win big at the box office and thrust the studio of perennial indie hits like Coraline and Paranorman into well-deserved limelight.  And it was good.  Like, really good!
Unfortunately, Kubo and the Two Strings flopped at the box office, for reasons I cannot imagine nor articulate in polite company.  But it will get its due here; Kubo is a stop-motion masterpiece with rich, resonant themes and ground-breaking visual effects.  It also has a rendition of “My Guitar Gently Weeps” on a Japanese samisen. So go see the damn thing.
 55. The Wind Rises
We might be getting another Miyazaki film after all, but The Wind Rises was a fantastic send-off piece for anime’s most legendary director.  This is a truly complex, mature film about the relation of beauty and art to woe and suffering, and a critical examination of the tunnel vision that often grips great artists.
 54. Knives Out
A classic whodunit tweaked for the modern era, Knives Out balances its twisty mystery proceedings with some well-timed black humor and more than a few pokes at the wealthy elite.
 53. Inside Job
A carefully researched and scathingly delivered incrimination of the greed that ruined a nation, Inside Job is one of the best documentaries of the era.
 52. Hugo
A wondrous, Dickensian-tale of an orphan who lives in a Paris train station and discovers the secret of a mysterious automaton, Hugo is an intelligent, sensitive family picture and a touching love letter to early cinema.
 51. Moonlight
Being different is hard, as I can say from firsthand experience.  While I can hardly imagine what it is to be African-American or gay, let alone both at once, Moonlight offers some glimpse into that difficult reality.  The film’s touching love story is a journey of self-acceptance and courage that is well worth seeing.  
 50. Tangled
Tangled was Disney’s announcement to the rest of the field that it was back, baby.  After a period of shaky and poorly thought-out 3-D projects in the early 2000’s, Disney took a long, hard look at itself and identified what it did best, then brought out the best of those qualities in its witty, triumphant take on Rapunzel.  Here are the songs, guffaws, villains, and magic we all love as fans, delivered perfectly into the next dimension.
 49. Source Code
Groundhog Day via sci-fi thriller, Source Code is a clever, action-packed take on time travel, but also an emotionally investing take on what it means to live each day-and life-to the fullest.
 48. Toy Story 4
Rarely has a sequel piece ever seemed as risky as Toy Story 4.  The studio had its closing piece in Toy Story 3; a film I thought was respectable but not particularly interesting.  But rather than let sleeping dogs lie, Pixar opted to throw that ending in the garbage…and pulled something far more bizarre and wonderful from the trash.  Toy Story 4 is a wacky, existential riff that acknowledges the importance of family and responsibility in our lives, while simultaneously declaring that it is okay to value ourselves outside those traditional parameters.
 47. Arrival
Arrival is hard science-fiction done exceedingly right.  Depicting an extraterrestrial visitation across the globe, Arrival seems truly tangible in a way most alien films do not, down to the very form of its decidedly non-humanoid creatures.  In vein of Contact or Interstellar, Arrival picks the brain and heartstrings with equal acumen, making it a lasting and valuable commodity to anyone’s sci-fi library.
 46. Spiderman: Homecoming
Spiderman: Homecoming is the geekiest of Spiderpieces.  This is the Spiderman where Spiderman is Go-Pro-ing himself before a big battle, or joining a quiz bowl team, or building a Lego Death Star with his nerdy confidante, complete with miniature Lego Palpatine.  Light, refreshing, and utterly hilarious, Homecoming gets a lot of mileage out of Tom Holland’s awesome portrayal, and tells a simple, uncomplicated story that doesn’t impede the shenanigans.
 45. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2
Audiences were expecting a fireworks show for Deathly Hallows: Part II, and boy did they get one. A terrifically exciting heist sequence and a grand final battle made this the most epic and exciting entry in the Harry Potter canon.  The culmination of carefully laid character arcs and sentimental links back to the series’ early days had fans smiling through their tears and punching their tickets to Platform 9 ¾ again and again.  A splendidly satisfying sendoff.
 44. Skyfall
Apparently, you can teach an old dog new tricks.  Skyfall brought Bond into the new decade in style, modernizing and sharpening all its facets while remaining, yes, Bond.  James Bond.
 43. Argo
Argo is a rock-solid retelling of a tense CIA extraction op, hitched to the allure and wonder of good old-fashioned movie making.  
 42. Free Solo
Free Solo is a marvelous documentary, and I mean that quite literally.  Marvel at the jaw-dropping heights depicted, marvel at the logistical challenges of filming a free climber without killing or distracting them (which would mean the same thing).  But most of all, marvel at the huge cojones of subject Alex Honnold, as he attempts to climb the world’s largest rock wall; without the life-saving grace of a rope. As a thrill act, Free Solo is visceral and terrifying.  But as a character study, it is equally fascinating.  The same things which make Honnold such a one in a billion talent are the same things which cripple him emotionally and socially.  Watching Honnold slowly start to conquer these own personal obstacles-even as he prepares for the physical obstacle of his life-is a truly satisfying experience.
 41. The Lego Movie
Endlessly imaginative and hilariously subversive, The Lego Movie is not only a worthy standard-bearer of its iconic toy brand, but also a glorious celebration of creativity and free expression.
 40. Snowpiercer
I’m gonna describe Snowpiercer using single word describers.  Okay?  Hilarious. Bloody.  Ambitious.  Tragic. Exhilarating.  Revolutionary.  F***ing insane.  Okay, that last one was two words.  How about amazing?  Yeah. Amazing works.  This dystopian satirical piece is a mad thrill ride on a runaway train through an environmentally wrecked world, and it is one of the craziest things I’ve ever loved in my life.
 39. Moneyball
This movie is a sports genre gamechanger about a sports genre gamechanger; that is, the “Moneyball” strategy that forever changed the world of baseball evaluation.  Watched purely on the terms of its baseball X’s and O’s, Moneyball succeeds.  However, it is the tale of lovable loser Billy Beane, and the film’s assertion that winning comes second to loving yourself, that really turns this hit into a home run.
 38. The Social Network
As eccentric and brilliant as its central genius, The Social Network depicts the synthesis of Facebook as an unflattering mirror for the site itself; that it is often driven by negative emotions of inadequacy, jealousy, and loneliness, and serves as a proxy for the real social interactions we require for fulfillment and happiness.  Slickly edited, funny, and smart, this is one of the most iconic and generational films of the decade.
 37. Gravity
The opening few minutes of Gravity is one of the most intense movie scenes not only of this decade, but of all time.  From there, the tension just barely relents.  Suspenseful and tightly-spun as a space survival story, Gravity is also a technical marvel which redefined zero-G cinema forever; and made us eternally thankful we are safely on the ground.
 36. Beasts of the Southern Wild
Beasts of the Southern Wild is a ground-level view of poverty and climate change in the Mississippi River Delta region, seen through the eyes of a child.  Quvenzhané Wallis brings her role to life with an incredible child performance, and lends this work a sense of deep intimacy and emotional resonance, even as it grasps at themes which are national to global in scale.
 35. Incredibles 2
Incredibles 2 is one of Pixar’s best ever sequels.  Here are the same witty, relatable family dynamics we fell in love with in Incredibles 1; but the superhero shenanigans have been one-upped and then some.  In fact, Incredibles 2 has the best action sequences I have ever seen in a 3-D animated film.  Add in a smart ideological battle between the current age’s (perhaps correct) cold cynicism and yesterday’s quixotic beliefs, and you have one of the best superhero movies ever, as well as a film that arguably beats out its OG.
 34. Guardians of the Galaxy
I admit that from the film’s opening credits, where Chris Pratt canters across an alien planet to “Come and Get Your Love” and utilizes a scurrying lizard creature as his own personal microphone, that I was sold on Guardians of the Galaxy.  This is one of those rare works like Shrek or Princess Bride that simultaneously skewers and elevates its genre; in this case, the old-timey B-movie science-fiction flick.  A riotously funny movie that just doesn’t give a (expletive), Guardians of the Galaxy is also surprisingly poignant when it chooses to draw its eclectic bunch of outlaws into an impromptu family.  This is absolutely one of the best films in the MCU.
 33. Coco
A gorgeous, vibrant love letter to Mexico full of zesty music, Coco has some big things to say about art and its link to memory, and how exploitation can tarnish its beauty. Pixar has once again illustrated a remarkable ability to craft a world utterly original and believable in its own rich details and machinations; a world which sets a grand stage for its intimate story.  It has also once again illustrated an ability to make us all cry our eyes out.  Curse you, Pixar!
 32. Her
The film that made a romance between an artificial intelligence and Joaquin Phoenix work somehow, Her is a thoughtful and sensitive film that expands our definition of love to encompass all levels of intimacy and circumstance.  It is also, to my knowledge, the most gentle and hopeful AI movie ever made, and it deserves commendation for that.
 31. Spotlight
Spotlight is a black hole. This film about the Boston Globe’s reporting on the Catholic Church’s coverup of child molestations by priests starts off slowly, then sucks you in more and more, gathering its mass until you are crushed under all the weight of deception, apathy, pain, and despair.  I suppose this is also a strong allegory for the value of reporting or something like that, but frankly, I was too upset for most of the film’s duration to notice.  As a lifelong Catholic, Spotlight made me feel utterly betrayed and angry; not only at the Church, but also at myself for sleeping at the wheel. This simply cannot happen again.
 30. Citizenfour
Citizenfour qualifies as arguably the most important film of the decade.  Laura Poitras’s documentary on government informant Edward Snowden is an intellectual horror flick; full of deserved paranoia, stunning overreaches of executive power, and spooky mirrors to the Orwellian nightmare of 1984. Citizenfour reveals how the alluring promise of the internet has betrayed us, and provided a means to the exponential surveillance of everyone in our supposedly free Western society.
 29. Marvel’s The Avengers
Avengers seemed like a fantasy project when it was announced.  How could anybody hope to make a movie about not one superhero, not two superheroes, but a whole team of them, without sacrificing narrative coherence, without losing sight of the big personalities at play?  Joss Whedon proved such an all-star game could be possible, and somehow, work synergistically.  This is one of the biggest popcorn movies ever, and it changed the expectations for superhero flicks towards bigger, grander, better. The success of Avengers also established MCU as the defining franchise of the 2010’s; and perhaps, beyond.
 28. Inception
Inception’s script took Christopher Nolan 10 years to tweak, and watching the film you can believe it. This is a 3-D maze of a caper/heist movie, in which dreams form the substance of worlds stacked atop one another. It is a devilishly tricky exercise, but one that is done with the greatest precision and execution. Featuring impressive and trippy set-pieces, one of the generation’s best femme fatales, massively cerebral ideas, eerie atmosphere, and an insidious sense of ambiguity, Inception kept me awake for quite some time after I watched it at two in the morning.
 27. Room
Focusing on a kidnapped mother and her young son Jack, who has only known captivity, Room could have been a very dark movie.  Instead, it chooses to tack a different route; how do we survive trauma, both its initial effects and its aftermath, and triumph over it?  
The film is sold by Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay.  Larson deservingly won an Oscar for her role;  Tremblay’s performance is the best child performance I have ever seen.  Together, they create a mother-son relationship that is utterly real and compelling.  The film is also noteworthy for its camerawork, which is used very effectively to suggest changes in Jack’s worldview as he grows older.
 26. Django Unchained
Brash, bold, and unapologetic, Django Unchained is a gloriously socially-conscious revenge fantasy. Featuring buckets of blood and Wild West shoot ‘em up gunfights against Klansmen and slave-holders, the film charts the course of a former slave on his way to rescue his sweetheart from the clutches of a diabolical slave owner.  
 25. Lincoln
Thanks to yet another star turn from acting legend Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln is a witty and warm biopic of one of our greatest presidents.  It is also a glimmer of encouragement during the political gridlock and dysfunction of the early 2010’s.  Rather than proving democracy does not work, Lincoln seems to argue, such issues are actually a sign of a functioning and healthy democracy.  Our ability to disagree strongly with one another and come to imperfect compromises in order to solve our problems is our country’s greatest legacy.  It was also the means to the passing of our noblest and most overdue piece of legislation: The 13th Amendment.
24. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
Won’t You Be My Neighbor is, for me, the best documentary of the decade.  Focusing on the extraordinary Mr. Fred Rogers, the film does a great job of humanizing Mr. Rogers; revealing his insecurities, relentless drive, and sly sense of humor (often through dream-like Daniel Tiger animated sequences) while demonstrating that yes, he really was that good of a person.  As it progresses, the film grows increasingly melancholic and encompassing.  The qualities Mr. Rogers stood for-namely, understanding, love, honesty, and respect-seem sorely lacking in today’s society.  Even more distressingly, it would seem the saintly Rogers was beginning to have his own doubts about his life’s work as the cruelty and hate of the 21st century emerged in full on 9/11.  Won’t You Be My Neighbor expresses human goodness as something fragile which must be fostered and prioritized by all of us if Mr. Rogers’ message is to mean something in our modern world.
 23. Moana
Moana’s audiovisuals are off the charts amazing.  The lush tropical landscapes and utterly lifelike oceans make this the most graphically impressive 3-D animated work I’ve ever seen.  The soundtrack, partially composed by Lin-Manuel Miranda, stands as one of Disney’s best all time.  But it is Moana herself, the titular princess, who stands as the film’s greatest game-changer.  Realistically proportional, of Pacific Islander descent, and strong enough to carry a story without a love interest, Moana is a refreshingly modern character utterly in command of her own destiny.  Add in a rich story steeped in Polynesian culture and veined with environmental undertones, and you get the new high bar for the Disney Princess Movie.
 22. The Breadwinner
The Breadwinner is a testament that must be heard.  Adapted by Cartoon Saloon from Deborah Ellis’s excellent book of the same name, the movie is a street-level account of Parvana, a young girl who goes undercover as a boy to feed her family in Taliban-era Afghanistan.  The conditions portrayed are nearly unimaginable; imagine being a prisoner in your own home, only let out for reprieve under the supervision of a male guardian.  Such was the reality of thousands of women and girls in Kabul as late as 2001.  Cartoon Saloon drenches this film in a constant, lingering fear; at the same time, normalcy is depicted and triumphed. Siblings still squabble.  Clothes are still washed, meals are still cooked and eaten, water is still fetched.  Stories are still told.  The Breadwinner is not just Parvana’s tale; it is the voice of the thousands who live in war-torn or oppressive societies worldwide, and yet still make their own brand of normalcy, still form expression and find joy.  Their daily survival is an inspiration to us all; their story is to glimpse the resiliency and spark of the human spirit.
 21. A Quiet Place
A Quiet Place is one of the most auspicious debuts I can remember.  First time director John Krasinki makes his creature feature a masterwork of tension and clever sound editing, and crafts an indelible world where so much as a pin dropping puts everyone on pins and needles.
 20. Inside Out
Pixar’s peek inside a child’s mind is a work of the utmost intelligence and sensitivity.  Intuitive enough for even the youngest viewers to understand, yet nuanced enough to describe the transition of a human consciousness from child to adult with painful clarity, Inside Out is one of the studio’s very best features, and a strong defense of mental health and self-expression.
 19. Your Name
For so long, director Makoto Shinkai was an exercise in frustration.  5 Centimeters Per Second was gorgeous.  Garden of Words was the most visually stunning 2-D animation I had ever seen.  And yet the writing was pedantic.  The plot was tepid, the characters flat.  I would watch these films, eye candy at its most pure and non-nutritional, and seethe that they were not better, that all that glorious potential was yet unrealized. And yet, I never stopped believing in the potential of Makoto Shinkai.  One day, I reasoned, this guy was going to piece a story together with some semblance of care as he did his illustrations, and on that day something special would be born.
I saw Your Name just a short time ago.  Of course it’s jaw-droppingly beautiful, that goes without saying.  But here’s what else it is, folks: it’s funny.  It’s heartwrenching.  It’s suspenseful.  It’s got plot twists.  It’s got a story.  And not just a good story, but a GREAT one.  
I imagine watching this movie must be like watching your kid graduate high school.  You forget all the mouthing off and dirty socks left all over the place and that fender bender with your new car, and just soak in the glow of that special moment you always believed would come.  You couldn’t be happier.  You couldn’t be prouder.  And you know this is the beginning of something truly wonderful.
Congratulations, Mr. Shinkai.  You did it, man.
 18. Interstellar
The knock on Christopher Nolan was always that he had the heart of a robot and didn’t have strong female characters.  Debate whether that is true of his other films, if you must; but not this one, because Interstellar is possibly the biggest tear-jerker in sci-fi history, and Jessica Chastain’s Murph is a bitter, brilliant centerpiece to it all. Interstellar stands tall as one of the best science-fiction films of the decade.  It has strong, ambitious science wrapped in glorious visual effects, and is very quietly a solid piece of Americana, lovingly arrayed amidst America’s cornfields and dusty roads in a tribute to The Great Depression.  Most of all, however, Interstellar is a wondrous joining of heart and intellect, a working theoretical thought experiment that demonstrates love is a force greater than gravity, space, time, or any other cosmic entity the universe may foist upon us.
 17. The Force Awakens
While it is not number one on my list, perhaps no film brought me greater joy this decade than watching The Force Awakens during its Thursday night premiere.  It was nothing less than the very Star Wars movie I had hoped and dreamed for as a kid.  As a massively entertaining blockbuster surpassing huge expectations, Star Wars: The Force Awakens is terrific.  As a perfect passing of torch from beloved old to promising new, it is an utter triumph.
 16. Rogue One
Okay, is my bias showing yet?
Perhaps this is a bit steep for some people, but heck, when you are dealing with the second-best movie in one of Hollywood’s most beloved franchises, you have to give props where props are due.  Rogue One is such a gamechanger for Star Wars.  Its gritty, pulpy sense of realism seems peeled straight from a Star Wars comic book; its characters immediately strike as memorable, particularly K-2SO, who is like C-3PO if C-3PO got sent to prison and came back jacked.  Rogue One also is important for its many departures from tradition.  Many of the innovations credited to Episode VIII were done first-and done better-in this film.  Rogue One is not afraid to show the rebellion in terms of moral gray; a shocking act shortly after the film’s opening establishes this and destroys the previous model of basic black and white good vs. evil.  If Luke, Leia, and Han got to play the part of hero in A New Hope, then it was because there were elements in the Rebellion doing the dirty and morally-questionable grunt work shown here; Rogue One shows how the war was won.
Rogue One also introduces a few other themes riffed heavily by Episode VIII, including the idea that the Rebellion/Resistance is not a neat, idealistic counter to oppression but an uneasy conglomerate ravaged by internal conflict, and that force-sensitive people are not necessarily the product of hereditary chains of Jedi and Sith, but often sporadic and independent products of the Force.  It is, on top of what it initiated, simply a well-paced and superbly-crafted piece of space opera.  Rogue One has the best romance (besides Han and Leia) in Star Wars history, has hands-down THE BEST Vader scene ever filmed and another that is a classic in its own right, and has one heck of a villain in Director Krennic. Krennic is one of those mid-level bureaucrats that must have always existed for the Empire but which never received such deserved attention before; his position of weakness, coupled with burning ambition, makes him a hilariously pathetic figure, one you might begin to feel bad for were he not such a nasty piece of work.  Even the soundtrack is great.  Rogue One is a war film, and Michael Giacchino of Medal of Honor fame makes this sound like a war film, even though it also sounds very much like Star Wars. Ultimately, that’s what Rogue One is. It is a Star Wars film that manages to be a war film and everything else it wants to be terrifically well.  To hell with it.  I’m putting it this high.  If you have a problem with Rogue One being the #16 movie on my list, you can go kiss a wampa’s backside.
 15. Roma
Like its protagonist-a nanny to a wealthy family in 1970’s era Mexico-Roma is a film of marvelous patience and understated strength.  Alfonso Cuarón’s otherworldly composition and autobiographical authenticity makes this movie a deeply complex take on class and gender, as well as a heartbreaking meditation on what it means to love and be part of a family.
 14. Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse
Spiderverse was such a brilliant reimagination of what the superhero genre could be.  Not only did it break convention by featuring an African-Hispanic-American kid as its protagonist; it prismed a classic Marvel character in danger of going stale into a delightful and zany spectrum.  At once funny as hell and a poignant portrait of growing up as a minority in America, Spiderverse isn’t just the great animated Spiderman movie that nobody saw coming; it’s one of the best superhero movies ever made.
 13. Baby Driver
Baby Driver is the coolest movie of the decade.  The film centers around Baby, a gentle young getaway driver locked up in bad deals with bad hombres, motoring through traffic and criminal plots in an attempt to just get out and get his girl; but it is so much more than that.  This is Tarantino, juiced up on Bullitt, playing in time to a nonstop eclectic jukebox.  The dialogue is sharp and hilarious, the characters are all immediately memorable and lovable (even the baddies), and it should go without saying that the car chases are PHENOMENAL.  This is entertainment on nitrous oxide.
 12. Lady Bird
I did not go into Lady Bird expecting great things.  Lady Bird is a family drama.  I, for the record, do not like family dramas.  But I liked this one.  I liked this one a heck of a lot.
Lady Bird is told with so much humor and honesty about the mistakes we make as kids and parents.  Struggles for independence and control, respectively, fuel furious arguments and alienation during the difficult period of adolescence.  It is not until later that we gain the wisdom to understand why we fought and gain a richer understanding and appreciation of one another’s feelings.  In Lady Bird, there is a key revelation regarding the girl and her mother that seems to unfold at the film’s close.  It is a profound and emotionally resonant moment that brings the film around to a highly satisfying conclusion.
This movie is also one of the first “time capsule” pieces on the early 2000’s.  As we grow older, I would expect more of these films to emerge, but as of right now Lady Bird is the only one that comes to mind.  The film absolutely nails the sense of growing up in a troubled time; the Iraq War blares constantly on the news, full-time employment becomes a tenuous prospect no matter how qualified you are, and gay rights are still something very much in infancy.  Lady Bird plays out its teenage struggles against this backdrop, showing how such crises were navigated, albeit painfully sometimes, and overcome.  Few films have been so well-rounded, nuanced, and well-crafted this decade.
 11. Song of the Sea
If you are unaware of the name Tomm Moore, it may be time to become acquainted, as the guy has been killing animation since he first stepped onto the scene with Secret of Kells in 2009. It is no exaggeration to call him the Irish Miyazaki; and Song of the Sea his Spirited Away.  Like that film, there is a deeply human story to be told, but it is all dressed up in fantastical trappings.  In Spirited Away, a girl struggling to grow up found herself working in a spirit bathhouse.  Song of the Sea uses Irish mythology as a gateway to understand the deep and complicated love between siblings, and the necessity of expressing and sharing loss.
This is one of the most beautiful animated pictures this decade.  Were the framed stills not hundreds of dollars on Cartoon Saloon’s website (yes, I’ve looked at them), I would probably own at least a few by now. The animation style is so distinctive and innately appealing, with gentle watercolors that soothe and invite the mind. The Celtic musical arrangements are similarly intricate, wonderful, and soothing.  Together, story, art, and music come together, and work some deep and affecting magic on the soul.  Song of the Sea should be regarded as one of the best animated films this decade.    
 10. Sicario
Sicario is an utterly bleak, magnificent film that truly depicts the drug war as it is; a chaotic maelstrom of murder, torture, and corruption, spinning and spinning with no end in sight.  In such a storm, there is no moral high ground to claim, let alone hold.  There is only power to control which direction the storm is heading next, whom it will chew up and devour in its path.  And as for the powerless, the best they can hope for is to stay out of its way.  Sicario is a sharp critique of American drug policy and a stark glimpse into the grim reality of cartels, packaged perfectly as an ultra-violent thriller.
 9. Looper
It is hard to do a time travel story well.  Managing plot threads makes plots a nightmare; it is a difficult juggling act merely to keep one’s head above water.  That is what makes Looper so special.  It is not only a cool-looking, cyberpunk-flavored noir that manages its logic very well; it also features great characters, and larger overarching themes of fate and redemption it advances via those same logistical acrobatics.  Looper blew my mind the first time I saw it.  It is easily one of the best time travel stories ever, and a sci-fi classic to boot.
 8. Blade Runner 2049
It is going to ruffle some feathers to say this, but I think Blade Runner 2049 is even better than the original Blade Runner.  While Ridley Scott’s dark, smoggy Los Angeles will always be iconic, Blade Runner 2049 had Roger Deakins behind the camera, and he took us to sections of our nightmarish future we had never been before.  Patterns of solar farms set up outside of town to feed swathes of humanity.  A post-apocalyptic landfill outside of town for the city’s forsaken.  Best of all, a neon-orange radioactive Las Vegas.  That seems to be the common theme of 2049.  It has taken all the best features of Ridley’s classic and expanded them while trimming down the less successful elements.  The defining theme of Blade Runner-what makes us human-is here expounded upon and taken to even deeper levels.  And the film’s beautiful ending brings the franchise to a truly satisfying conclusion.
 7. Zootopia
Zootopia feels like Disney’s final evolution.  The cute critters from its primordial past have fully anthropomorphized, to the point that they must contend with some of the same societal ills as us; chief among them prejudice.  Visually gorgeous, full of top-notch tongue-in-cheek gags, and the slickest, most concise cartoon buddy cop riff since at least Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Zootopia counts as one of the most finely crafted animated features I’ve ever seen.  Its timely message, coupled with its fantastic quality and outreach potential to the young, makes it one of those rare movies that can change the world.
 6. Ex Machina
Ex Machina is one of the most finely-tuned and lean films science-fiction has to offer.  In the age of growing research into artificial intelligence, it is also vastly important.  Many films have explored the issues associated with artificial intelligence, but few have so fully delved into the ethical quagmires which might arise.  Creating new minds means accepting responsibility for the lives of welfare of other beings.  Are we prepared to do such a thing?  We, who are constantly waging war and victimizing one another?  Also, if we are so morally limited, how can we avoid passing on negative traits to our digital children, who will be vastly more powerful and intelligent than us?  What if they think differently than us?  The possibility of misunderstandings would be catastrophic for both parties.
Ex Machina explores all of these issues with deep intelligence and building tension.  This film is one of those beautifully ambiguous works I love so much that require you to pay attention and come to your own conclusions.  The primary question in the film asked of the characters is the same one the film asks you: is Ava, the artificial intelligence in question, essentially human?  For me, the question was left unanswered until the final, remarkable, tragic shot.  
 5. The Revenant
Bloody as hell and absolutely gorgeous, The Revenant is a deep plunge into our primal hearts, into the remarkable human invention of identity.  At the most fundamental level, we are all the same species; we share the same roots, the same trunk.  Yet by means of our human experiences, our courses of life and interactions with other humans, we draw deep fundamental lines between one another.  These lines are powerful things.  They are what we see ourselves as.  We draw lines of genetic heritage; lines of cultures born into, or adopted.  Lines brand certain people as friends, while others remain strange or alien.  Sometimes, lines can even define people as something hostile; a new species which may destroy us if it is not destroyed in turn. And there are lines which describe the people we call our families; those whom we love and protect at the most fundamental level of our being.
The Revenant draws attention to the lines we draw as human beings; how they are as deeply ingrained to us as breathing or bleeding, for better, and for worse.  Aided by director Alejandro Iñárritu’s magnificent direction, and anchored by Leonardo DiCaprio, who has never been better in his storied career, The Revenant is a deep, uncompromising gaze into our personal and national Heart of Darkness.
 4. Zero Dark Thirty
Zero Dark Thirty became the unfortunate victim of warring politics.  Right-wingers decried the portrayal of torture in the movie, while leftists criticized the movie’s account of torture supposedly supplying the correct information (Director Kathryn Bigelow acknowledged to Stephen Colbert her lead, being from the CIA, might be untrustworthy on that particular facet but she was operating with accuracy to her source).  That is all a shame, because such criticism misses the point of the movie entirely.  Zero Dark Thirty is made in the spirit of true and utter neutrality.  There is no political axe to grind.  There is no glorification in the act of Bin Laden’s death; in fact, the face of America’s most notorious terrorist is never shown. Zero Dark Thirty is a work of national recollection.  It begins with a deeply painful call to authorities on 9/11, and does not end until Bin Laden’s assassination over 9 years later.  In between, there is torture, bombings, false leads and frustrations, hours upon hours of poring over data and entries, and finally, that fateful, dangerous foray into Pakistan.  We are reintroduced to each of our own actions through the eyes of Maya, the CIA agent who supposedly made the case that it was in fact Bin Laden hiding in Abbottabad.  At the end of Zero Dark Thirty, the movie adds up that long tally of what we sacrificed in order to defeat our greatest enemy and posits a simple question: was it worth it? Each will have their own answer to that difficult and important question.  This is one of those rare films that forces us to review our path as a nation, examine what we did right and what we did wrong, and adjust our trajectory accordingly. Zero Dark Thirty is an essential American masterpiece, crafted by a true and powerful auteur at the top of her game.
 3. The Raid 2: Berandal
The Raid: Redemption was a revelation in what could be attempted in a martial arts movie.  Its creators decided that wasn’t enough and upped the ante. What ensued was the madness of Berandal.
The stuntwork of Berandal has to be seen to be believed.  Some participants were knocked out cold; it is amazing nobody was killed.  It is doubtful something like this will ever (or should ever) be attempted again, so we may as well enjoy it.  There are car chases, assassins affectionately known as “Bat Boy” and “Hammer Girl”, simply loads and loads of fantastic martial arts combat, and more.  But in between all this ruckus, there is a compelling gangster story to be told, populated with fascinating characters.  A son looking to take over and dangerously expand his father’s influence; a creepy rival leader who cheerfully pulls out razors for throat-slitting; a sad, old-timer assassin who confesses to his daughter that killing was the only way to provide for her; an informant, caught in the middle of the maelstrom and sweating out the possibility that he will be discovered and never make it back to his young family; and of course, Hammer Girl.  She’s my favorite.  
In The Raid: Redemption, character Mad Dog talked about the pulse.  Berandal is that pulse, fully transposed into brutal, symbolic symphony, in which the façade of civilization and negotiations between thugs break down into savage, unbridled violence.  This is the best action movie ever, and the Indonesian Godfather, all rolled into one.
 2. Avengers: Endgame
No list of top films of the decade would be complete without Avengers: Endgame.  It’s the biggest blockbuster in history; and for once, that title is deserved.  Nothing like it had ever been attempted before; indeed, it may be hard to do ever again.  Facing 1 in 14 million odds, the Russo brothers pulled off a miracle, wasting not a moment in a three hour movie that never feels long and completing the arcs of over a dozen beloved characters, en route to a final and wholly satisfying conclusion to the most ambitious film project ever attempted.  If that wasn’t enough, there are more than enough in-jokes, clever riffs on past movies, and sensational action pieces to please even the most critical fan.  Avengers: Endgame is the closest to pure catharsis you can feel, and without a doubt the best superhero movie ever made.  I confess that I moved it back and forth between #1 and #2 on my list at least a few times; ultimately I left it at #2, with the compromise that even if it cannot be called the best movie of the decade, it will forever be known as THE film of the decade.  
 1. Wolf Children
Wolf Children is one of those movies you come across that can only be described as magical.  As a simple tale of motherhood, it succeeds. As a complex allegory for race and adolescence, it works equally well.  It can be shown to the young.  It can be shown to the old.  It can be shown to all in between.  It is sublimely beautiful, patient, and paced.  It is excellently scored.  It has some of the most fully-realized characters ever depicted in animation.  It is warm.  It is gentle.  It is funny. It is sad.  It is life; in all its unpredictability, twists and turns, and wonder.
But I think the reason I truly love Wolf Children is because it engages with the two most difficult and important aspects of being a good, healthy, happy human; how do I love others, and how do I love myself?  Wolf Children shows us a truly rapturous example.  For being the most beautiful movie, both inside and out, I have seen this past decade, and for a whole host of other reasons, Wolf Children deserves to top this list.  Truly, it is Alpha Wolf.
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cold-iron-burns · 5 years
Text
We've come to a consensus.
Everyone present at the time of this writing will do their best to inform the ones who need the support of a gentle delivery of current events.
The ayes have it.
YOU WOULD HAVE A PARLIAMENT AS YOUR COMMUNICATION SPACE
what's wrong with that? if we all actually do our jobs, so many more of us will be represented
THATS A LOGICAL ARGUEMENT, BUT WHO IS REALLY GETTING REPRESENTED
-wait WhAt?! HoW mAnY oF yOu ArE tHeRe
Oh honey, more than you will ever know. It's gonna be okay. We found each other and that's what's important. We're gonna start introducing ourselves,
*or at least, becoming more clear*
I love all of you so much, thank you so much for letting me in, for being patient with me. I think I'm the host? what iss. @ -o{oo#t?
started dissociating, it felt physically painful. the documenter.
And the enchanting lady is? *turns to tip his hat and wink at the camera* A -name-? Do you honestly think I could have settled on any name? Any singular--yes, Zed is going to sleep. I'm very fond of him. Attracted to him? He is my Adonis. Every inch of his body is particularly unique to his position in spacetime. There will never again be a Zed in which he appears, feels, smells and tastes exactly the same as he does at this exact moment, continued, forever and so on, as far as you know, infinitely. The Philosopher.
Wait, no, the Philanthropist
Wait wait NO, I stand by The Philosopher (for now)
[hold up, are y'all tellin me -- you c'n cawl me your White Trash Sweetheart, get rid of that bracket there, that's for the Host now
she doesnt know if she's the host or not, wibblywoooooo~ teen punk brat? aww man, fuck you you stupid piece of shit
hiiii yeah hi, I'm post-apocalypse punk Mayor (yes, you can call me that, but its aspirational) wow very humble -- golf commentater (now based on ugh this is important remember the actress' name, you look stupid, don't just stand there staring off into space, GET BACK TO WORK
OH YEAH, hi BiTcH --oh he's gone, that's -too- bad. well, as I'm here anyway, we should get to know one another. I'm "sassy black woman" because you're ashamed people will think you're using me just for drama and that's pretty fuckin racist--
I'm Final Form Chie. I started as so many of our seeds do, a poor slave girl, who loses her virginity yeah it's okay to make shortcuts
FOCUS
she gains skills, proves useful to the master, destroys the master (sometimes with kindness sometimes literally depending on what we need at the time)
[I didn't know it was that specific]
I'm mixed, actually, but I'm inspired SO MUCH by Claws. FUCKING REPRESENTATION FINAL--
>nope nope nope, shut it down<
John Cleese?
not exactly. A bit like the entire cast of monty python rolled into one. I'm from the countryside, but I can't say for sure where
woooooo we almost lost her there. she was panicking about losing this productive high, but she pulled through and FOUND THAT RUBI. Small Town Beauty Queen. I don't find it insulting if it helps you remember me. I started as Fern of Charlotte's Web. I keep that mournful lullaby for you. It really changed your path, dear heart. I don't become Miss America or anything, I'm too old by that time. But I love my family so much. You have so much anger
Yes, that's right, Dearie. Maiden, Mother, Crone. We don't think it was intentional but we like the power we have when we cooperate. Yes, we guide ... oh honey, don't cry, it's gonna be okay. no, n-n-no, no, you don't h-h-have to oh no, I really don't want to be here, I wasn't sure what to wear before, oh, I've gotten comfortable and I'm stuttering less. No, I don't think people who stutter in real life have this drastic of
oh, oh my. oh no, I'm still Achates.
Does it really surprise you? Chie and Amaury loved me so much that they couldn't bear to part entirely. They feel loyal to answer when you call on them when recalled in memories; they consider it their duty to fight in sharing our stories! With Pictures!
I don't need pictures
Don't you? you need to sleep, you're exhausted and you have an appointment tomorrow. Please go the fuck to bed. Slightly Extra (okay kinda actually just really ~(EXTRA)~
okay how do I... Ah, I got it. I'm the lucky early gen x mom you both wish you had -- no, we are not combined, sugar tits.
I'm the hardass 70s-80s mom you would have had if you're life was a movie. Well, technically I can mask as any kind of 70s-80s media mom (one of y'all--us! oh, yes, i hear you. I want you to know I would protect you, Kevin. MOM UGH
keep going - the sprites (soot or rainbow, we shift to suit your needs. we might steal your shoes. we are only some of the fae court. crossover unknown cannot compute - PLEASE HURRY. GOOD. I AM THE ROBOT OF THE 80s and --scratch that record
I'm that part of you who knew she couldn't look like Zach Morris and wanted so badly just to be a little boy. You were SO CONNECTED with the host when I was there?
wait, I'm the host
no, you--you are now because writing takes concentrating which you are losing quickly. Hello! I'm Sassy Progressive Upper Class CONCENTRATE, DAMMIT. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I don't care if I sound like -your-mom. Someone has to be the mom around here!
Someone has to be the mom around here.
Who wrote it?
you are high af.
keep letting your eyes go out of focus, yes you're getting sleepy, think how nice the bed will feel on that aching body. She deserves some rest, the old girl.
My body is a cow? wait, there's more. she shifts to being omniscient for scenes, if a cowsona (oh, yes, Buana and Gaushala and Pirwa ... Gaushala still has an arrow in the heart.
Yes, WoW Chie (Chiela will do.). I was here while you built your confidence to try... yes, dear, you really should sleep. TO TRY GETTING CATRIN AND RIAIN A HOME AFTER being abandoned when some of you lost the "spark" or whatever with Michael. I orchestrated some of the setup. you don't need to know my name. I'm both Italian immigrant/WHOA DO NOT EVEN CONNECT THE JEWISH COMMUNITY TO--NO, We Dont...*clears throat, drinks water*. No, you're not wealthy like Ms. Maisel, -we-, sorry, sometimes I have to pretend. Speaking of pretending, no, kid, I'm not as funny or talented as all the wonderful Jewish actresses (yeah yeah, Italian-American you, whatever his+her names are, we'll get to you later)
oh nooooo they're not sure if they'll fit the stereotype if they get loud but they wanna
yeah, sure kid, we sound a lot alike. we exist in a liminal space in which America (and new york city) (and every big american metropolis)... we can all celebrate our differences
It's alright, you just need to focus. I'm 90s Successful Well Paying Professional (I can be in the late 80s WA>T)
you're just stating tropes you stupid bitch
whale!
MISS PIGGY
LOOK AT HER FAT FINGERS
remember when you -hold on- hold on for me, my love lovely?
~do you wanna be my lover, gotta get wit my friends, make it last forever cause that's the way it is"
some of us havent learned to swype yet, fuuuuuck. you're popular--but not top tier popular 4th grade 4H champion with all the ribbons. you'll grow up (yes it's hard, i want to be a teacher one day. I'm based on Angie. I'm the imaginary life you might have led if your family wasn't so difficult. We should give them credit, everyone's trying their best. Oh, I can take on mom duties when I need, we also have kids in our future. We live in Lagrange (my husband and I, at this point in the line) but we don't make as much as our parents yet, though. Yet. Yes, I know what it feels like to feel content but maybe have some (or a lot of) wanderlust in life. I'm ten or so years older than you, so while our dedication to staying in Lorain County is important to the values we wish to impart on our children (yes we are Christian. We love Sharon with all our heart and we're so glad (there's a small congregation of us, maybe enough to fill a quiet one room cottage on Sunday, God willing. I'm inspired by the Amish women I see selling their wares and replicate "Amish" methods when making food for my family (I'm good friends with The Baker. We watch Steven Universe with you! We're so excited for the movie and hope we get to talk to you about it! I showed it to Chip and Carol, well I keep talking with them about it and they agreed to get around to watching it with me. I want to be a good ally. I'm, you know, only a little bi. I know that's probably inappropriate--oh- okay, oh, my, oh WOW are my hormones nuts. I'm pretty enough but nerdy enough that I'm kinda in a weird middle tier of popularity. Haha, oh, that's funny. I'm part Sunday (we miss her! some of us are so jealous of her we want to claw her comfortable boomer life from her hands.
That's awful. Shame on you. Suffering is relative.
SHE HASN'T EVEN SUFFERED A FRACTION OF WHAT I SUFFERED
Oh yes. You are the raw emotion of what the Host(?) feels when listening to Jekyll & Hyde, but only the certain version claws at our hearts
We salute the departed Host.
I miss her. Many of us do. But she crumbled under the pressure of knowing too much. She remembered too much before she was ready.
Parliament: We [redacted for time] ...salute her memory. She fought well, carried her armor, was ready to take on anything and change the world, even if in a small way.
She's Not Dead.
sprites: {hushed whispers to avoid being heard by parliament} {WAIT, NO, WE ARE NOT THE HOUSE OF COMMONS}
there's a lot of you when you get mad.
@@@@@@ Angie no, please don't put me to bed. I'm gonna be a computer genius - I mean, maybe not genius and did you know colleges could pay you to get a Bachelor's degree, it's called "scholarships", I mean, this changes -everything-!
I love you, Cameron. I came first, but you gave me a perfect form. I help the others feel calm. Community is punk, but is corporate entanglement the final destination-- hey, wait a minute, I'm not done talking!
whoa bitch. I mean, we have to mention joe. want to be him, want to fuck him, His story, too, is tangible to me. maybe we're a package deal now, ha! I'll try to remember the good times more than the bad, for the health of all of us.
SO SAY WE ALL
wait, what the fuck are you trying to say
hey, it's cool, it's cool.
nah it aint cool
STOP IT STOP FIGHTING
let's think about date sugar
Ah. That was a good distraction. but we really must be off to bed.
is this productive?
Love, it's okay to be sad about losing the real Ben. \It's okay to have any kind of feeling at all.
Ladies and gents and nonbinaries and everyone else, please at least get up into the bed to think about flickin the bean. More like taking a bush-hog to a lil baby bean sprout, but whatever. let the rest of us lie down.
night y'all!
:)
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