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thedeviltohisangel · 25 days

Note

I live for Bucky and Spook and I have kids on the brain after rewatching the scene with Buck and Bucky talking to British kids Billy and Sammy so hear me out: Spook offering to babysit for one of the Brit’s kids and one of the kids sees them flirting and asks if they’re gonna get married

All The Things I Did (Interlude): I Want To Give You The World

a/n: ok this interlude became very important to the story. hints at post-berlin (promise we will see pre-berlin soon) cass and john, cass/lemmons/local children fluff, meeting cass' older brother, and hot times on a blanket in a field. interlude requests always open//inbox and DMs ready to accept screams. see you all soon!

The tip of the pencil snapped under the force she was using to press it into the paper. It was the fourth one in the past half hour. She thinks she was going to lose her mind. That the walls were closing in around her like a personal prison cell. That is almost exactly what it was.

The doctors and the OSS had her grounded post-Berlin. They had offered her two choices. Extended stay at a flak house or operational pause and desk duty. Cass had thought she was making the right decision. The former had meant leaving base and leaving John. After she had just gotten him back. After they had only just spent the night together and discovered the bliss of waking up in each other’s arms. No. She couldn’t leave him after all that. But desk duty. Desk duty was causing her slow decline. And to add insult to injury, John had been tasked with a mission to North Africa anyways.

She was trying to catch up on her reports and her targeting packages but it wasn’t enough. John wasn’t here to distract her. Colonel Harding would just flirt with her. Everybody else was locked in their own offices and working frantically. She was alone on her own boredom island.

----

Assuming some sunshine might do the trick, she found herself walking the runways. They were empty just like her heart. Her mustachioed pilot off in a far away land no doubt enjoying his time in the desert. Cass imagined he was still finding a way to cause trouble. Had asked him to look up her brother while he was there. She hoped Bobby at least ribbed him a little bit.

“Lemmons, what have we got going on over here?” It looked like a plane engine and it looked like he had children holding wrenches and helping him work on it.

“Lieutenant Cooper!” The kids saluted her with a smile. She lifted her hand with a laugh in reply.

“Just teaching these kids how to take apart an engine,” Lemmons answered. “Don’t get a lot of down time.” Cass hummed and reached towards the tool kit to pick a wrench of her own.

“Got room for one more?”

----

“Miss Cass?” One of the little girls had been finding Lieutenant too hard to pronounce the past couple of days so she had given her permission to use her name.

“Yes, ma’am?” They were all sitting together around a bonfire that Lemmons had started. The kids were roasting whatever they could put on a stick and telling stories about all the fun them and the mechanics were getting up to.

“Can you tell the story about Prince Bucky and Princess Spook again?” Spending this time with them was a breath of fresh her. Reminded her of her nieces and nephews back home that she missed so dearly.

“Where did we leave off?” A couple of the other kids gathered around at the murmur that the story was continuing.

“Prince Bucky was using his flying unicorn to kill the evil dragon!”

“Oh please, Miss Cass, tell us if Princess Spook is okay.” She ignored the smirks of the men that were also present. Cass gave them a ‘can you blame me’ look. She missed her man and this was one of the ways she knew how to fill the void.

“Prince Bucky arrived at the castle just in time, the dragon about to breathe fire into the window where Princess Spook was asleep.” They gasped, fully committed to the story. “She woke up and looked out the window and saw Prince Bucky and his sword, ready to kill the dragon!”

“I’m sure Bucky is very proficient with his sword,” one of the mechanics scoffed around his cigarette. Cass shot him a look that could kill him and he quieted instantly.

“He raised it high,” she lifted her arms over her head, “and brought it down right through its scales before it could kill the Princess.” The children breathed a sigh of relief.

“Are they going to get their happily ever after, Lieutenant?” Lemmons asked with a grin.

“What do you all think? Should the Prince and Princess be together forever?” They all nodded furiously, Cass laughing at the chocolate on their faces.

“Miss Cass, they should get married and then Princess Spook can wear a really big dress.”

“Then they’ll be King and Queen!”

“And King Bucky can slay a million more dragons!” Two of the boys turned towards each other with their sticks and began to use them as their own swords. The rest of the kids took their cues and took off into the darkening field to act out their own version of the fairytale.

“They’re good kids, Ken. It’s nice that you’ve taken them under your wing.” Cass bumped his shoulder playfully as he blushed around his sip of beer.

“They are much more into Princess Spook than they are plane engines these days, Lieutenant.”

“Cass, please. No ranks around the fire.” She poked at it gently. The distractions had been so welcome. This time spent away from John had only reaffirmed her feelings for him were true. That they were deep and meaningful and could last a long time. When she had gotten back from Berlin, he had told her he loved her. Had looked her in the eyes and held her steady and said the three words that Cass thinks carried the most meaning the world. And he had fucking meant them.

She hadn’t said them back even though she felt it too. Never one to be held back by fear, she was in this instance. John could be taken from her at any moment and there was nothing she could do about it. In her line of work, lack of control got you killed.

----

Lemmons was teaching her how to properly oil the gears of the practice engine when the first plane was spotted on the horizon. Cass stood and watched them appear one by one through the lenses of her aviators and smiled before dropping her tools and running to the tower.

“Lieutenant Cooper.” Colonel Harding lowered his binoculars to give her a once over, clearly enjoying the sight of her in a jumpsuit rather than her usual uniform. She plucked the binoculars from his hand while he was distracted.

“My forearms are too tantalizing this afternoon, Colonel?” He smirked as she looked out the window, until she spotted John’s plan and smiled with glee.

“Cassandra, I have dinner tomorrow night with my British counterpart. He’s known to talk with the prodding of scotch and a beautiful woman.” She hummed in thought as the plane carrying the man she loved got closer and closer.

“I’ll think about it.” It wasn’t the first time Harding had invited her as his date to a fancy dinner with their partners. It gave her a chance to elicit information of value from them as she played dumb and sipped a glass of water. John had muttered under his breath about it previously but after the most recent change in their relationship, she doesn’t think he would be so subtle about it anymore.

“Best not keep Major Egan waiting.” He took the binoculars from her hand and watched her go with a sad smile on his face. If only he was younger.

She thinks she exercised the most patience she ever had in her entire life as she wanted for his plane to land and taxi to its final resting place. Her entire body was vibrating as she waited and waited for the hatch to open and almost groaned that he would of course be the last one to exit. And then he dropped out of the plane and the clouds parted so the sun could shine on John Clarence Egan and she was off across the airfield like a cannonball.

“C’mere my lovely, lovely angel.” He caught her as she jumped into his arms, her legs around his waist and arms around his neck in an instant. John went for a kiss but she stopped him with a finger to his lips.

“Any new scratches or bruises or wounds of any kind I need to know about?” She had already located one on the bridge of his nose and on his forehead.

“You can do a more thorough check when you take a shower with me later, how about that?” he whispered.

“Yeah, it does seem you need one.” John couldn’t wait to kiss her anymore. He groaned as she wasted no time slipping her tongue between his lips, gripping her tighter against his body. “I missed you. Thought about you every day,” she admitted. He let her legs drop onto the ground but her arms stayed exactly where they had been.

“The men almost mutinied against me for talking about you too much.” She giggled and John kissed her again. “Though it did make me look a little desperate in front of your brother.” Cass looked at him with wide eyes.

“You saw Bobby? Were you able to give him the box?” John nodded.

“You didn’t tell me he was that frightening.” He didn’t mention that his hand was shaking when he was giving him the box. The way the older man had looked at him like ham on a buffet table made him sweat. Gale had loved every minute of it.

“He’s just protective when it comes to boys in my life.” Especially after Sidney Landry.

“Gave me a stern speech about the kind of girl you are and how you deserve to be treated and that he knew what I looked like now so he could kill me if he needed to.”

“He’s doing okay? Seemed intact?” Cass hadn’t seen Bobby since he left for boot camp immediately after Pearl a few years ago. Remembers hugging him with tears that she may not see him again. That he was going somewhere far away where people hated him. He had told her he had to. That he needed to do something to protect his family. Told her he wouldn’t be surprised if she found a way to join him over there. She and her brother Kent followed not too soon after. God how she missed them both.

“Told me to tell you he misses you.” John had been honest with the man about his feelings for Cass. Didn’t know if he would ever get the chance to talk to her father and that Bobby would be the next best thing. Told him he loved her and wanted to be with her when this was all over. That Cass was it for him, he knew it as well as he knew how to fly. Bobby was hesitant at first but watched the way John looked when he spoke about her. Heard the men making jokes about the lovestruck Major. Bobby had even asked Major Cleven for his thoughts on the whole situation. Gale had raved about Cass and how good she was for John. That the two of them complemented each other like salt and pepper.

When John asked for Bobby’s blessing to one day marry Cass, he had given it.

----

That night, they were back where they could always be found. On a blanket in the field of wildflowers a few minutes drive from base. John’s hat and blazer were thrown somewhere in the distance and she was working on the knot of his tie as he hovered on top of her.

“You aren’t allowed to leave me for that long ever again,” she breathed as she threw the offensive fabric over his head and John’s hands moved the hem of her dress around her waist.

“Yes, ma’am.” Cass used his moment of weakness to change the balance of power, hooking her leg around his waist and pushing against his shoulder until his back hit the blanket and she was straddling him. “I like the way you think.” She had only unbuttoned the first few on her dress, John sitting up in a daze at the sight of white lace, kissing her skin as she exposed it to him. Then, over the hill, was the sound of screeching children and it was only getting closer.

“John-”

“Miss Cass! Miss Cass!” She pushed John down as they came running towards her. Her fingers barely locked the last button into place before they were swarmed.

“We didn’t see you today!”

“Sergeant Lemmons said Prince Bucky was back!”

“Is this him?” She went to move from her precarious position over John when his hands on her hips stopped her.

“Not yet,” he cautioned. No need to scar these children for life.

“Yes, this is…Prince Bucky.” She had told John, after he had coaxed her into the shower, about her time with Lemmons and the local kids. About the story of Prince Bucky and Princess Spook and the dragon. He had teased her about their happily ever after all afternoon. “He’s just been back from killing another dragon.” Her look begged him to play along.

“Indeed. A large…gray dragon.” The kids gasped.

“Was he trying to hurt Princess Spook?”

“I would do anything to rescue my Princess.” Cass couldn’t help herself, pulling him in for a kiss by his collar.

“Will you be getting married soon?”

“Oh, please, Miss Cass! You’d look so pretty in a princess dress.”

“Prince Bucky hasn’t asked, little ones.” For his part, John was looking at her like the first sight of land after being lost at sea.

“Will you marry me, Princess Spook?” The kids cheered but Cass was frozen. She knew it wasn’t real, he was placating them and she loved him for it, but hearing the words come from his mouth felt so right. He meant them.

“Yes.” And she meant her answer too.

#masters of the air #john egan #callum turner #mota #masters of the air fanfiction #john egan fanfiction #callum turner fanfiction #mota fanfiction #masters of the air fanfic #john egan fanfic #callum turner fanfic #mota fanfic #john egan x reader #john egan x oc #answered #cass and bucky

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heyidkyay · 3 months

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twelve

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors Note: This part took way too long to write. Had a bit of writers block ngl, but I managed to get it done last night when I couldn't sleep. Be prepared for a load of fluff but also some surprises. It's a good chapter, I enjoyed writing it once I finally got into it! But I'm also sorry for long wait! Hopefully the next will be along soon.

> Just a reminder! We left off on the red carpet with Mouse and Matty:) You can look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

Mouse Updates! @/MOAMupdates 22m ago GFC Charity Event! The gals are currently live and interviewing The 1975! So far we’ve had Jamie Bell, Peter Capaldi, Dylan and Jordan Banjo! 2TIME @/user1 WHAT was that? 102 @/user2 chemistrychemistrychemistry Ugh! @/user3 SHE COOKED FOR HIM?? Soloveme? @/user4 What’s going on at this event?? It’s all over my feed😭 MILK @/user5 Screaming this is honestly all so mental Parisin75 @/user6 Wait so they’re friends now? Or is something else happening?? > Too_shy @/user7 Last time I checked but he seemed so happy on the carpet, and he wouldn’t look into the lens at all. His eyes were always focused just above it, either on Adi or Mouse! >> Drumonmepls @/user8 Couldn’t have been Adi!! She was to the left of Ross on and off screen!

***

It was days after the event that things seemed to finally settle again. For Matty, at least. Me? I was still getting the odd DM and tweet here and there, but I couldn’t complain, not with how it had been at the very start. Hordes upon hordes of people had come to make their opinions known on the stance of Matty and I’s ‘sudden’ friendship; fans had taken to both Twitter and Instagram, they’d called into the show, and a few had even turned up outside of the studio.

Matty had been helpful throughout it all though, mainly just finding ways to take my mind off of it and sending security down to the building just to ‘be on the safe side’. It’d been a nice gesture, sweet even. But had also meant that his management team had cracked down on him and the band, cooping the lot of them up in a recording studio and pressing them to finish up the album they were currently working on.

That in itself hadn’t affected me much, the whole Matty being distracted by work thing, because it had happened around about the same time that prep work for the Christmas period had kicked in. Which was basically a time where Adi and I focused on pre recording a few shows so that we could sail smoothly into the new year.

This year it had been hectic, to say the very least, but Finn had been a Godsend. Offering to pick up Teddy from nursery on the days when we were filming late and even keeping him occupied on the one weekend that we’d lost the previous day's audio- which had been a fucking nightmare.

Today though, was finally a day where I got some time to myself. Well, myself and Teddy, seeing as I’d completely and utterly missed him even with only having been gone a few extra hours in the day than usual. Still, the kid was my little ball of light and without him I’d be utterly lost.

“Alright there, Teds, what’re you drawing?”

It was a Sunday, the 17th to be precise, and so we only had a week and a bit left in the lead up to Christmas. I’d spent the morning wrapping most of Teddy’s presents before he’d woken and demanded sustenance- which, fair enough. But he was always a little moody whenever he first woke up. Bit like me, I suppose. And so, whilst I’d started cooking him his breakfast, I’d settled him down at the table with some paper and pens to keep him distracted, an old album by The Cranberries playing.

“Plane.” The toddler retorted easily enough, tongue poking out one side of his mouth in utmost concentration.

Grinning at the small action, I settled a cup of juice before him and then stroked a hand through his unruly hair. “Is that for mémé then?”

Teddy hummed, nodding his head at the odd angle it was resting at. I chuckled, always enamoured by his every little thing.

“That’s brilliant, bubs! I’m sure she’ll love it.” I assured him softly, trailing my fingers through his hair one last time before withdrawing to finish up with cooking.

“How many days?” Teddy asked once I’d plated everything up and taken my seat beside him at the table, immediately I knew what he was on about- seeing as he’d only asked the same question a dozen times a day since the last time we’d phoned my mum.

I pretended to think about it long and hard. “Um… about this many days.” I said, holding up six fingers.

Teddy’s brow instantly furrowed as he set about leaning as close as he could get over the tabletop to point towards each of my fingers. “One, two, three…”

“Six!”

I beamed once he’d finally got it, clapping along with him. “So good, you clever boy! Six- six days til mémé gets here!”

Teddy repeated the words in a breathy murmur, grinning gummily back at me as he wiggled in his chair. Then it was just “six” over and over again for a short while.

I tittered faintly to myself, shaking my head before we went about the rest of our breakfast in much the same manner.

It was almost ten to eleven when the doorbell went and I frowned at the thought of who it could possibly be.

“Mum, door.” Teddy informed me, still so invested in his colouring. I hummed softly in turn, wiping my hands before getting up to go answer it.

“Remember to put the lids back on.” I reminded him about the pens, tucking his hair behind his ear as I rounded his seat, “I’ll just be a sec, okay?”

“‘Kay.”

I smiled softly at his monosyllabic reply, listening to him mumble to himself as I padded my way into the hallway. From here I could just make out the darkened shadow standing on the other side of the door’s paned glass and flicked through a mental list of who it could possibly be, wondering if I'd forgotten anything that was supposed to be happening today. But I reckoned it could just as easily have been Finn dropping by for an impromptu visit, or Adi even.

Flicking the latch and pressing down on the handle, I opened it up only to blink at the figure that stood before me. They gifted me an impish grin as they pushed away from the door’s stoop and onto steady feet.

“Figured I’d just pop by, say hello.” Matty mentioned by way of hello, fiddling with an unlit cigarette he held between his fingers whilst I continued to stare back in surprise, “Studio’s been booked for the day, so I managed an easy escape.” He added when I made no move to reply, “Thought we could grab a coffee or something- if you ain't busy, that is.”

He tacked that last bit on in a rush, as though he was beginning to understand why I was so silent. He’d really, really caught me off guard here.

“Er, I mean it’s a bit out of the blue and that. Should've really texted, I know. But I figured I'd try my luck.” He blundered again, shifting awkwardly on my front step now, looking enough out of place for it to finally blink me out of my stupor.

“I-” I went to say but was ultimately interrupted by another voice from further inside the flat, one that was approaching on toddling feet all too fast for me to react to its sudden presence.

Matty’s eyes bulged a tad at the little face that poked its way out from behind my knees, and mine followed when it finally hit me what was actually happening.

“God, sorry! You just- it’s- I just wasn’t expecting you.” I fumbled, arms reaching down on impulse to pick up the toddler by my feet. I forced out a heavy breath before plastering on a big smile for Teddy, who only seemed to have eyes for the curly haired man staring back at him. “Um, you wanting to come in then? I can do tea, I think. Coffee, even.”

I didn’t really give Matty much of a choice in the matter though, in truth, because I was sailing away to escape the sudden scenario that had started on my doorstep, simply so that I could wrap my head around it all. It was just as I made it back into the kitchen that I heard the door rattle close behind us though and then, as I'd perched Teddy back in his seat, I glanced up to find that Matty had in fact accepted the offer of a warm brew.

It was strange to watch it all fall into place for him, his eyes straying over toys that littered the livingroom floor, the tiny bike which sat in the corner, the star-chart that hung on the cupboard above the fridge, all of Teddy’s artwork and clothes that had been thrown about haphazardly over the last day or two.

I swallowed around my anxiety then, not really sure how I felt now that I knew that Matty finally knew. Because see, I had never really been sure. Teddy wasn’t much of a well kept secret amongst my longtime listeners but I didn’t go flaunting pictures around or mentioning him at every turn. For safety reasons and privacy’s sake. So I hadn't been too certain on whether Matty knew of him or not, having noticed that he’d failed to ever mention him in our texts or calls.

“Um, sorry for the mess. Work’s been a nightmare, and this is my first proper day off in weeks, you know? So." I shrugged a little helplessly, looking out at all of the chaos, then decided to pull on my big girl trousers and trek through this mess like I did everything else in life. “Tea, then? Or coffee?”

The small cough that escaped Matty’s throat echoed around the room once he’d found purchase in the kitchen’s entryway and his voice was tinged with a slight rasp when he finally spoke, “Yeah, uh yeah, please. Coffee.”

I smiled mostly to myself as I turned away to refill the kettle, my mind still whirling but finding relief in Matty’s obvious shock too. Whilst it began to boil though I had nothing much to occupy my mind with, so I decided to putter back on over to the table where Teds had started back up with his drawing and attempted to relax my shoulders.

“Go on, sit down,” I said to Matty, pointing to a chair as I tried to steer us back into easier waters, “Feel lucky you just missed breakfast, this one tends to get it everywhere.” I chuckled lightly in hopes to fill the quiet I was met with.

Teddy glanced up at me then with a prominent pout, obviously not too pleased about my comment. “No.” He argued and I heard Matty snort as he finally took a seat opposite, leaving Teddy to act as the buffer between us both.

“Uh, yes.” I fired back at the toddler, but little good it did me when Teddy only seemed to maintain his avid disagreement.

“Uhuh. I eat it all today.” He reminded me, lips pushed out as his brows climbed higher up his forehead, leaning against the table’s edge again on his elbows. “See?” He added on, pointing a finger over towards where a sink full of soapy dishes now laid.

I smiled, unable to do anything but, though it was Matty who actually replied to him, which both surprised me and put me on immediate edge. “I mean, the little guys got a point. If you ate it all then there can’t be any mess, right?” He directed that last bit towards the little rugrat attempting to evade all guilt and I paused in wait to see how Teddy would respond.

Teddy appeared wary for a moment, blinking over at Matty in a startle, probably having not expected to be roped into a conversation, before his lips settled into something more like a grin. “Right!” He mimicked with a short nod of his head, his ‘r’ sounding more like a ‘w’.

Matty all but beamed at the sudden attention he’d drawn and continued to do so once Teddy started prattling away to him at a hundred miles an hour. I just left them to it, listening in as I padded back over to finish making the drinks.

It was only after Matty had just about knocked back most of his coffee that Teddy grew tired of talking and asked if we could do something fun, eyes drifting over towards where we often kept his wellies. I knew just what fun he was looking to find.

I conceded easily enough, seeing as it was both his day as well as mine, and smiled with a gesture of my chin, “Go on then, but brush your teeth and find some proper clothes, then we can head on over. Alright?”

Teddy’s head shook up and down in rapid succession, already bolting up out of his seat to make a run for his bedroom. Matty wore an inquisitive look once it was just him and I, both of us sat on opposite sides of the table.

“The park.” I informed the singer, fiddling with the handle of my now empty mug whilst my eyes kept sliding back and forth from the counter to Matty himself.

The man simply hummed and leaned back in his seat, I was forced to watch on as he cast his eyes about the rest of my kitchen, taking his fill now that he had a moment to finally do so. I swallowed and struggled with the unforeseen worries of what he might see, what he might think of it all.

I wasn't well off, by any means. But I had a decent income, enough to provide for Teddy and I, as well as live comfortably. Though if the radio show suddenly dipped and we lost most of our viewing, then there’d be a whole different story to be told.

Even so, it was a much different life to the one Matty lived. That much I knew. So it wasn't too strange of me to wonder whether or not it met any of his standards. And how it alone made me feel.

“How old then?”

The question startled me somewhat, enough that I blinked and looked up at him without thought. My brows furrowed a tad and so he continued, “Teddy- was that it?” And at my nod of confirmation, he smiled at me for another answer, “How old is he?”

Caught off guard still, I gaped for a second and then forced myself to reply, “Um, four, he’ll be five soon enough.”

“Wow.” Was what Matty replied with in a soft murmur, his head moving in an ever so slight nod, “A good age though.” At my questioning look, he chuckled, “Or so I’ve been told.”

I hummed, mostly amused, then fiddled with one of the many pens Teddy had left behind at the table.

“They’ve all been good so far- the ages.” I said to him, rather stupidly, and grimaced around a low laugh at myself, “Just, I mean he’s a good kid, is all.”

Matty was smiling at me when I glanced back up, his eyes squinting with the strength of it. He knocked his fist on the table lightly, “Seems it. Just wish you’dve mentioned him sooner.”

I frowned at that, lips pursing as my nose wrinkled. I didn’t much like the way he’d phrased that last bit, because it’s not that I wasn’t proud of Teddy, I was always showing him off, constantly even. But I also didn’t feel as though everyone had the right to see to that. “Yeah, well he’s not a secret I’ve kept hidden. It’s just safer mostly.”

It was Matty’s turn to frown then, seemingly offended by the offhand remark. “What and that includes me, does it? You think that I’d be a danger to him?”

I stared back at him, brow dipped a tad, eyes squinted. Because I hadn’t meant to hurt him, far from, though could he really blame me for being cautious, for having wanted to keep Teddy away for as long as I had?

“No,” I answered him, and it was an honest one, “But only now, after having known you as long as I have. I mean, you can’t really be surprised by the fact that I didn’t mention him in the beginning, Matty. I hardly knew you! I’d only ever had the picture that’d been painted of you in my head, I didn’t want that around him.”

He scoffed quietly at that and I heard the way his boot kicked out under the table as he shuffled further back in his chair to run a hand through his hair. “Yeah and what about now then?”

He had me there, I supposed. I sighed and raised a hand to rub at my tired eyes, this wasn't a conversation I had planned for yet, let alone on a morning like this.

“It’s hard, okay? It’s hard to know when to introduce him to new people, he’s only ever really known those closest to me, and after that it’s just been his nursery teacher and the handful of kids in his class.” I explained, watching Matty and hoping he heard the truth in my words, “And you’re this fucking celebrity people love, you’ve got places to be, fans to meet! I never once thought that you’d stick around, not for as long as you have at least. Or that you’d eventually pull me into your life.”

He looked up then, expression so carefully made. “And that’s a bad thing?”

I folded in on myself a little at his question. Unsure.

Matty rolled his lips together and dipped his chin in a slow nod, “Right.”

“Matty, it’s not like that.” I tried.

He was quick with his reply though, all but leaning into the table’s edge now, “Then what’s it like, Mouse?”

He hardly ever called me Mouse, from the day we’d met it had always been Squeaks.

I dragged a hand over my face and then into my hair, perhaps in hopes to bide my time, but mainly because I felt cornered. How was I supposed to tell Matty how much I valued him? His chaotic presence in my life, his texts and calls, his friendship. It was something I hadn’t known I’d needed, but he’d come along and surprised me. He had stuck around, even when I thought he wouldn’t, and he wasn’t asking for anything more than just my company. He didn’t have an ulterior motive, some trick up his sleeve. Or at least that’s what I believed.

“Does this change things, knowing I have a son?” I heard myself ask him, it was a genuine curiosity but I also had to know. I didn’t want to be strung along or let Matty into Teddy’s life like I had Finn and Adi, only for him to then up and leave when he finally grew bored of the normality of it all.

Matty simply stared back at me, those brown eyes of his narrowed as they flittered back and forth between my own, his lips parted slightly as he thought the question over.

“Do you want it to?”

And that hadn’t been the answer I was expecting.

Instantly I shook my head, dropping the pen so that my hands could fall limply into my lap. “Of course not, I like having you around, Matty. Me keeping Teddy from you has nothing to do with that.”

He continued to watch me.

Then finally he conceded with a prompt nod and I felt myself breathe in. “So, the park. Is there a spare invitation going?”

I let the air go in a stilted chuckle, smiling at the common ground he’d gifted us but also at the image of Matty messing about in a playground of all places. “Yes, yeah, ‘course.” I assured him, “Just, be prepared for any puddles, alright? He will soak you if you're within five feet of the splashzone.”

Matty finally laughed too, this soft thing I hadn’t really ever heard from him before, not in this way at least, and then grinned, whirling around in his seat when a stomping toddler came darting back into the room.

“Wellies ta!”

My eyes fell closed as I released another heavy sigh, “Please! Teds. Remember? Please, not ta.”

Teddy merely blinked back up at me and so I decided it would have to be a battle picked for yet another day.

“Fine, go get them then.”

Matty snorted unhelpfully, which brought him to Teddy’s attention once more. “Need help with ‘em, little man?” He asked, raising a brow at me in hopes that it’d be okay.

I swallowed but ultimately nodded, I couldn’t not when Teddy’s curls started bouncing wildly with the nodding of his head at the question.

And so, I watched them go, Matty taking Teddy’s extended hand, praying that I hadn’t made a massive mistake here. Hoping that somehow Matty would prove me wrong and stay, for a little while.

–

The days after Matty’s impromptu visit came with little to no fuss, it was only when the man wasn’t in the studio that was on the phone to me- and by extension, Teddy as well, who’d taken quite the shine to him. Who could’ve known, hey?

Still, it was a massive change of pace. For me at least, I hadn’t managed to get a read on how Matty felt about it all, but I had yet to worry over it. Mostly because of the Christmas period and how stressed I’d been.

“Finn, I swear he’s driving me out of my mind!” I complained down the phone to my best mate, the thing was currently perched between my shoulder and ear whilst I attempted to throw my hair up into a half-arsed bun, if only to keep it out of my face. “The mess! I mean, it’s like a tornado’s gone and ripped its way through my flat!”

“He’s four, babe.” Came Finn’s unhelpful response. I huffed.

“Exactly! Four, how can someone so small create such a massive mess?” I stressed, trying to clear away as much of the clutter my living room was presently made up of as quickly as I could. “Mam’s gonna be here in,” I glanced hurriedly over at the clock on the far wall and felt my anxiety spike, “Just over an hour! I can’t let her walk into a bombsite!”

Finn laughed at that and so I scowled in retort, even if he couldn’t see me through the phone.

“Finn!” I admonished.

“Alright, sorry! It’s just, she’s your mum, babe. She won’t care what the flat looks like.” He tried to soothe me as he moved about on the other side, doing whatever it was that he was doing. “Why’s he made such a mess anyway?”

I gritted my teeth as I stepped on yet another rogue piece of Lego and just dropped down to start rounding everything and anything I could possibly see into a great big tub.

“He’s excited, wanted to look nice for when mam shows up but also wanted to showcase to her all of his drawings and sculptures.” I told him, grimacing at the penstained action figure I picked up before tossing it amongst the heap too. “I’ve been in the kitchen mostly, cooking for when she arrives, so I didn’t really bear witness to the fact that he’d taken my permission and flipping run with it! You should see my front room, Finn.” I shook my head for the umpteenth time since I’d walked in and blinked at the chaos I’d been met with, “It’s a proper tip.”

I was given a resounding chuckle once more and simply decided to slump there on the floor, glad to note that most of everything had now been packed into the box. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

“Finn, I don’t even want to go and see what his bedroom looks like as of right now. I can just picture how his wardrobe’s been overturned and all of his clothes have been tossed about the room.”

I forced myself up onto my feet then, halfheartedly listening to Finn’s reply. I still needed to sort myself out before anything else and that thought alone stressed me out further.

And of course! Of course it would be in that exact moment that the doorbell went.

“Fuck.” I mumbled to myself, but found my feet already taking me towards the door. I paused only briefly by the mirror to catch sight of the mess my hair was in and tugged it free in hopes it’d help somewhat, “Listen babe, sorry for all my whinging but I’d best go. Door’s just gone and I’m guessing it’ll be that parcel I’ve been waiting on.”

“Cutting it pretty late there.” Finn said and I couldn’t agree more. It was the 23rd, Christmas was now only days away and still I’d yet to receive it- even after having ordered it well over three weeks ago!

“Fucking hell, tell me about it,” I groaned, opening the door up to be met with the sight of a big wrapped box blocking my vision. My forehead wrinkled in utter confusion, “Um, Finn? I really am going to have to call you back.”

“Why, what’s happened? Don’t leave me hanging! Who is it!”

The parcel dropped down an inch then to reveal a familiar grin and shining eyes.

“Surprise?”

I hurriedly hung up the phone and shoved it into my back pocket, the feeling of bewilderment unable to override the instant worries that washed over me about what a state I must've looked. But I bullied those thoughts back down, ignoring the massive part of me that was currently screaming at the entire situation, for whatever reason I couldn’t even begin to really understand, cause it was just Matty, right? And instead propped myself up against the doorframe.

“What’s this then?” I asked, unable to help my smile when he was looking back at me seemingly so pleased with himself.

“Christmas, in’t it?” He replied all too easily, shaking the rather large present he held in his grasp to further the point.

“I can see that.” I chuckled, shaking my head a little at the picture he made, all bundled up on my front doorstep practically dwarfed by the box he’d brought along. “I just thought you were headed home today.”

He shrugged, an action that was made funnier by the large parcel, but continued smiling, “Meant to, just couldn’t leave without seeing you lot first.”

I blinked, startled by his words. But grinned when he merely widened both his eyes in exaggeration.

“It is fucking freezin’ out here, you know! Could invite a mate in.” Matty reminded me, so I hummed, mulling it over. But he wasn’t one to give up too easily and bribery appeared to be his best tactic here, “I’ve got presents. So open up or they’re going back.”

I narrowed my eyes in turn, “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but darling I would.”

I found myself grinning at him again, something I tended to do whenever he was around it seemed. There was just something about him, I supposed.

He went to take a step back then and I relented all too easily. “Alright.” I laughed, opening the door up wider to allow him in. Matty all but jumped over the threshold, bringing the cold in with him, and whilst he set about shaking off his coat I went to close the door behind him, only to be stopped by a bright red coat.

“Oh, thanks.” I said in surprise to the postie that managed to time his arrival so perfectly. “Thank you,” I repeated for good measure, shooting my head up from the packaged parcel he’d handed me, “Happy Holidays!” He grinned in return, already taking off back down the steps and parroting the same sentiment to me.

I finally managed to shut the door after that and was met with a ruddy-faced Matty, who was wrapped in a big jumper I was immediately jealous of.

“Last minute present?” He wondered with a smirk and I waved him off.

“Ordered it weeks ago, got here just in time.”

Matty hummed and turned back to glance down at the big box that now rested against my hallway radiator, level with my hip it seemed. “Where is the monster?” He asked me, using the name both he and Teddy had taken a liking to.

My brow furrowed slightly. “You really didn’t have to, Matty.” I said to him quietly, looking down at the present he’d gotten for my son.

He was having none of it though, rolled his eyes in fact and hunched over to pick the box up again. “Shut up.”

I snorted and couldn’t help but bite back, “You shut up.”

“Real mature, sweetheart. Ain’t you parents meant to be all boring and nice?” Matty quipped as he wandered his way into my living room, I breathed in a sigh of relief when I followed behind and found that my efforts in cleaning hadn’t been in vain.

“Ha ha. Should’ve taken up comedy.” I retorted to him, fixing a few pillows that sat askew on the settee, something to which Matty also rolled his eyes at.

“Nah, band makes more money.” He answered easily, like he’d thought about it before, as he glanced about for the best place to put the box.

“By the tree if you want, or you can leave it next to the chair so he’ll see it when he barrels in.”

Matty laughed and went with the latter. “You been alright then?” He asked me, taking the time to glance at all the holiday cards that rested on the mantelpiece nearby.

“Yeah,” I sighed with a small smile, “Hectic but that’s expected, isn’t it?”

He shot me a warm grin, nodding. “Christmas, babe.” Was all he replied with, which was fair enough, then he went to reach out to pick up a picture frame of me and a very very tiny Teddy. “When was this?”

I stepped closer and smiled down at the photo, “I was still in hospital with him then, my midwife took it.”

Matty hummed, looking down at it with a soft smile. It was then that I heard a thump sound somewhere down the hall, so I released a weighted breath and forced myself to step away, “I’ve got to go check on Teddy, he wanted to dress himself this morning and he’s been way too quiet.”

With another laugh, Matty let me go, nosing through more of the photos and cards which sat along the shelf. Something I could understand, he’d only been here just twice before, but even still, he didn’t care for how blatant he was with his nosing.

I took the parcel with me as I went, slipping into my bedroom to unwrap and grin down at it. It was Matty’s, which is why its arrival had been so perfect. I'd begun to think that I would have to give it to him the next time I saw him. But now was as good a time as ever.

In a rush, I pulled out a gift bag and some coloured tissue paper, having no time to actually wrap it, and plopped it in. Making my way into the next room to see where Teddy had gotten to.

When I pushed his door open further than it was, I was only slightly surprised by the state of it. The rugrat in question, though, was stood by his wardrobe door, pulling an array of funny faces in its mirror.

“Oi mister, what you been up to?”

Teddy startled slightly at my voice but was giggling when he spun around to spot me. “Got dressed myself.” He stated, pointing proudly at the t-shirt he’d managed to pull on.

“Hm, so you have!” Taking in the jeans and tee combo he’d picked, I then grinned over at him, “Looking good, boyo. Could be a little stylist when you’re older, you know!”

Teddy gave me one of his impish grins and then darted over towards me. “No!” He dragged out in reply, hands clutching at my legs now he was near, his sweet mischievous face staring up at me, “Gone be like you.”

I had to press my lips together then to keep the strength of my smile at bay, his words making my heart swell. “You little charmer.” I chuckled, running a hand through his unruly locks, “Come on though, you’ve got a visitor.”

His eyes widened as he jumped back to rock onto the balls of his feet. “Mémé?” He asked excitedly and I almost felt bad about it not being her, but I knew how much Teddy had also grown to like Matty in the recent days so I wasn't too fussed.

I shook my head, “Not yet, soon though. But somebody else came to see you.”

Teddy’s eyebrows rose as he thought about who it could be and so, knowing that we could possibly be here all day, I started to steer him out into the hallway.

“Finny?” He asked, then, “Santa?”

I snorted, then shook my head to both. “Nope and no. Why don’t we just go see, hey?”

And with that I pushed the door to the living room open wider and watched on as Teddy gasped at the sight of the curly haired frontman standing by our settee.

“Matty!” He all but squealed, practically catapulting himself across the room to make a dive for the man.

Matty laughed, though also seemed startled by the reaction he’d garnered. He swept Teddy up though, all the same, and jostled him around before settling the toddler on his hip, eyes bright with something when they glanced over at me. I smiled, a heavy feeling settling itself in my chest.

“Alright, mate? What you been up to?” Matty asked Teddy, falling back onto the cushions behind them and stationing the toddler next to him.

Teddy replied in earnest, excited to tell Matty all the tales he had stored away since the last time they’d spoken, which had been a few nights previous over a FaceTime call.

I shook my head in amusement and trailed over towards the kitchen, silenting motioning to Matty to see if he wanted a drink. The answer, as always, was yes and so I set about brewing him his usual, along with my own, taking the time to clean myself up a bit too.

By the time I walked back in, Teddy had just about finished telling Matty all the details of his last day at nursery (they’d had a party), which I’m sure the man had already heard about, but who acted as though it was the most brilliant story he’d ever been told.

“One coffee.” I said in greeting, placing the two mugs onto coasters before taking a perch on the armchair by them.

“Ta.” Matty replied, grinning madly when Teddy cackled gleefully and repeated the word over and over. I rolled my eyes at the pair of them and took a calming sip of tea, unaware of how much I’d been in dire need of it. Whoever claimed Sunday’s were a day of rest, were liars.

“He spotted it yet then?” I asked aloud, already knowing the answer seeing as how I didn’t currently have a bouncing Teddy on my hands.

The toddler’s face wrinkled in confusion and he shot his head over to see me, I grinned from behind my mug. “Huh?” He sounded.

Matty hid his next snort well but then hummed too, pushing forward in his seat to grab at his coffee. “Oh his present, you mean?”

That had Teddy’s head spinning. “Where!”

“Manners, bubs.” I reminded, and Teddy nodded so quickly I was honestly a little worried about the whiplash he might face before his eyes were back on Matty.

“Please, present?” Teddy asked, pouting up at the curly haired man with a sudden urgency, his words butchered by his missing bottom teeth.

Matty chuckled, glad for the fact that he’d put his coffee back down in the toddler's haste, and then gestured his head over to the right. “You mean that one?”

Teddy’s eyes, if even possible, widened further, eyebrows reaching the tips of his curls and mouth dropping open as he finally spotted it.

“For me?” He gasped in awe, shuffling down Matty’s leg to approach it, all of his movements now slow as if his shock was stopping him from reacting typically.

I leaned forward to watch on and Matty did the same, obviously nervous for Teddy’s reaction.

“For you, mate. Was walking by this shop the other day and spotted it, thought of you.” Matty told him seriously, smiling too whilst he wrung his hands together, foot tapping anxiously away, though unaware of it.

Teddy looked back at him, chewing on his bottom lip carefully, taking two more steps before he was touching the wrapping. He oohed at it softly to himself but I caught the way Matty’s face brightened at the sound.

“‘pen now?” Teds asked, his eyes drifting away from the gift, towards me and Matty both.

Matty looked over at me then too, the same question echoed on his face. I nodded with a small smirk, “Go on.”

Teddy’s eyes lit up and he spun back around to marvel at it once more, “W’ats it?”

The snort that escaped me at his ask went unnoticed by the pair as Matty moved to join the toddler on the floor. “Gotta open it up and find out, I ‘spose.”

Teddy’s grin brightened and then he fell to his bum so that he could pull the present closer. “Help?”

Matty blinked at the request and I was witness to the way his throat bobbed before he nodded, “Yeah, sure mate. Here, pull this, alright?”

Teddy did as instructed, tugging on a small opening in the wrapping.

I noted as he began to tear away at it, how oddly wrapped it really was, meaning that Matty had probably taken the time to wrap it himself. My chest tightened again at the thought.

“Box.” Teddy announced once all the wrapping paper had been discarded on the rug behind him, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from outright laughing at the befuddled expression he gave Matty.

The man had no qualms though, simply chuckled at the question and leaned in closer to force one side of the cardboard box up a little, “Gotta open up that too, monster.”

Teddy’s brows drew together in concentration as he followed Matty’s lead, forcing the lid open more before a loud gasp escaped him. Matty went back to wringing his hands, fiddling with the rings on his fingers whilst I moved over to the settee to get a look too.

My expression faltered at the sight of the beautiful gift Matty had given Teddy. Inside the box rested a guitar in an incredible shade of deep blue, it was small enough for Teddy to hold whilst also being big enough for him to grow with. Even with my obsessive love for music, not once had I ever really thought about buying Teddy such a thing, not one of this calibre at least. It must've cost a fortune.

“Matty.” I whispered, but the man didn’t even spare a look my way, eyes trained on my toddler, trying to garner his reaction.

“You know what it is, mate?” He asked after a moment and Teddy’s little head dipped in a slow nod. Because I knew he knew, he danced around constantly pretending to have one in his hands whenever we had the tele or radio on. Where there was music blaring, there would also be a Teddy playing air guitar.

“‘tar.” Teddy stated in a soft voice, both Matty and I smiled at the way he said it, but the former nodded, pulling the instrument out of the box so that Teddy could get a closer look.

“Cool right?”

Teddy nodded silently again, reaching out a hand to carefully touch the wooden neck, blinking and reeling back when a string strummed. Before he then giggled and reached out once more.

Matty seemed to slump in relief, evidently glad that Teddy liked it. But I’d go as far to even say he adored it, never had he ever been so gentle with anything.

“Have you got something to say to Matty, Teds?” I prompted, ignoring the way my throat caught at the emotion I felt. I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around it.

Teddy pulled his eyes away from the guitar to gaze up at Matty as though he was something other. I merely blinked at the reaction and before I knew it Teddy had thrown himself into Matty’s arms, startling the man a tad. Matty welcomed him after a second though, glancing over the toddler’s head to share a look with me.

“T’ank you.” I heard Teddy muffle into the collar of Matty’s jumper then, actually saying the words this time. It seemed Matty knew what that meant too, because he tightened his hold on Teddy’s waist a little.

“You’re welcome, mate.”

The rest of Matty’s visit was used to teach Teddy a bit about the basics of a guitar, managing to play an E minor and get started on an A chord. Teddy listened to Matty with rapt attention, barely sparing anything else a second glance, which was startling for a toddler, let alone Teddy who was constantly go, go, go.

Watching them was all too lovely as well. For someone with such a cool front, Matty seemed to melt around Teddy, succumbing to that of the boy’s charm and easy going nature. It was sweet to see, surprising but endlessly sweet. Had me losing track of time, in truth. Which is why I jumped and cursed the way I did when the door finally knocked.

“Mémé!”

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imogenleewriter · 1 year

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You Can Hear It In The Silence - Imogenlee Complete - 235,000 words.

You read that correctly. Complete. It's complete.

When Harry Styles received acceptance into a post-grad degree, he knew he could no longer afford his flat, leaving him with three options:

1) Moving back into student halls. 2) Becoming homeless. 3) Moving in with his best (and only) friend, Niall, and three of Niall's other friends. He ended up choosing the third option. But it was a close race. Shame one of his new housemates reminded him why he only has one friend. If Louis Tomlinson had to choose one thing couldn't stand, it would be pretentious tossers, having grown up around enough of them. If he had to choose something he couldn't live without, it would be his friends. So he was proper thrilled to move in with his best mates and a couple of other lads. That was until he discovered one of them was the archetype for a pretentious tosser.

In the interest of seeing out the twelve-month lease without killing each other, they both try (debatable) to get along despite believing they were opposite in almost every conceivable way, each having the communication skills of a cucumber, and secrets that had no business be kept secret.

I have a fair few shout out's I want to give, because of course I do. Please excuse my Award Ceremony-esque speech. Obviously, without a doubt, I am so, so, SO thankful for everyone who has read it. The fact it was ever clicked on is incredible, so the fact that we're at 23k hits for a 10 week old WIP is mind-blowing. Thank you for everyone who has commented. If you sort every ao3 Larry fic ever written by comments, and go to page 3 out of 2100 you will find this little fic. As a 10 week old WIP, it was 42nd most commented on fic and nestled in between fics that are so (rightly) adored and I honestly don't understand it. Thank you for the kudos, and the bookmarks and subs.

Thank you for the stupid amount of people who went out of their way to rec it! I remember the first time I stumbled across a post where someone had sent in an anon to recommend it and I was in awe. And then it happened more and more often. I'd find them here, and on tiktok, and two days ago someone told me I'd been recc'd on twitter and I searched and found some. That's honestly mindblowing. And in the same vein, thank you @allwaswell16 and @twopoppies for sharing the anons they got (if other people did as well, thank you! I just never saw them). And honestly, a super massive thank you for @twopoppies because for a while there I was worried I was going to have to pay her for answering all the anons she got about it. Thank you to EVERYONE who ever reblogged or shared or liked anything here And thank you to the discord group who has put up with me having meltdowns every second night for the last month or sprinting with me every twenty minutes forever. It meant a lot. I'm worried I'm going to forget people (honestly DM and call me out if I do) but @enchantedlandcoffee @hellolovers13 @lunarheslwt @nooradeservedbetter @larry-hiatus @beardyboyzx @hereforh @faithinwalls369 @onlythebravest @zanniscaramouche @alwaysxlarrie @justanothershadeofblue @petitefleurlouis @larryatendoftheday @huggieshalo @paranormalbabydoll @loveislarryislove @paranormalbabydoll @larrysballetslippers @the-larry-way @goldenkinglouis @finelinelarents @thinlinez @thebreadvansstuff @justahappycloud @parmahamlarrie (Did you know I wrote my last chapter this week)

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white-poppie · 2 years

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MISS THE RAGE!

Characters: Gon, Killua, Kurapika

Request: hmm......then may I request hxh with a s/o whose main source of power is hatred/rage? the characters can be anyone u want (i hope ya understand what I meant) @innerpurple

A/N: aye! aye! Captain! Sorry for the late response, I was busy with school work TwT.

Me is 15, me can write for Killua and Gon. If you big and read. you pedo :P

GON

"So is this how I acted when I got that power boost?"

Is kind of concerned, and makes sure to not make you angry at anything.

Thinks your ability is very cool and asks a lot of questions about it.

Ends up having brain overheating 😶‍🌫️.

He is just so nice about it, oh my god. <3

"Y/n, Y/n, Y/nnnnn~!" he drawls swinging his legs.

You sigh and close whatever you were doing and look at him, "yes, Gon?"

A small pout appears on his lips, "are you angry?"

A smile breaks its way on your face, "no, bubba, no tell me, what were you saying?"

"So does your special attack work even when you are warm, or under the sun? I mean, technically it should right?"

You blinked and looked at him, "where did you- no- that makes sense-."

*cue existential crises*

Killua

"Okay, and?" 🫤

This guy, is so unbothered by it. Like cool, you have a self-destructive nen-ability, but that ain't my problem, mama.

Although if you end up super enraged, he might get a little scared. Because he gets reminded of Illumi.

Poor baby starts shaking.

From then on, you are super cautious whenever you are using your ability near him.

"Killua, I swear to god, this is not funny," you huffed, crossing your arms in front of your chest, "you irresponsible can you be?"

"Calm down, it isn't that big of a deal," he brushed you off.

"You are not funny, Killua!" you shouted at him and he stopped in his tracks to look at you. Your aura was menacing, suffocating.

He gulped and shut his eyes to calm himself down, your voice drowned under his heartbeat.

"Killua," you questioned so softly like your words might crumble him down, "s-shit, I'm so sorry, I-i didn't mean-"

Killua opened his eyes to look at your hunched figure, tears were lining your waterline. Unaware of how to respond, he simply nodded and went to cool his head down.

Kurapika

The concept isn't something very new to him. After all, his nen also works on the feeling of vengeance.

What concerns him is seeing his dearest s/o have the same self-destructive tendencies as him.

His heart hurts every time he sees you rage. Thinking of the best ways to calm you down.

Yet at the same time, he is intrigued and inquisitive about your skills.

How do they work? Are there any downfalls, or side effects?

If there are, this man is always making sure he has things to aid to you the quickest.

"You seriously need to control your anger," he says while examining the damage on the tree, "you can end up hurting yourself badly.'

"M' sorry," you replied, "but seriously you are one to talk."

Kurapika pursed his lips to not smile, "let us talk about you for now."

"Fine, fine."

"You need a bandage on your knuckles," he traced them and you hissed, "come on, let's get you cleaned up."

(A/N: 😭🤎🫶 I love him so much.)

Tags: @sakinotfound, @akumicchi, @nanaseishiro, @rintaroubby, @kristaline2dmensimp, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle

╰┈➤ Special customers(Taglist)╰┈➤ Book order details (Request Rules)

If the taglist link doesn't work, DM or ask under the post <3

⤗ Hunter x Hunter (ハンタ x ハンタ)

#hxh fanfic #white poppie🌼#hxh #hxh kurapika #gon hxh #hunter x hunter #killua #gon #gon x reader #killua x reader #kurapika x reader #hxh fluff #hxh fluff headcanons #kurapika fluff #gon fluff #killua fluff

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amaryscita · 8 months

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‘You make me happy, when the skies are grey..’

Depressed Suguru G. X Fem!Reader

This is part two of ‘You are my sunshine, my only sunshine’

It’s late excuse me for my spelling errors‼️

Contains mentions of depression if you’re suffering from this pls don’t be afraid to dm

But i didn’t give up I’ll never give up on you Suguru.

You infact didn’t give up. You kept knocking and knocking praying for someone to open the door

Knock knock knock “Suguru are you there?” You asked, your voice can be heard by him. He wanted to get up and open the door but he was a mess and he knew that he was a mess

But he didn’t want you too see his mess so he has too think fast. He got up and started cleaning aka putting stuff under his bed and sprayed deodorant underneath his underarms and gargled mouth was

He fixed his hair then opened the door just as you were about to knock, you knocked on his chest by accident “Oh- sorry!” You quickly pulled your hand back and apologized

He smiled “It’s okay..” he reinsured you, his faked smile was pretty although you preferred a real one “Can i come in?” You asked as Suguru thought a bit “…Sure..” He said in a unsure tone as you smiled like a child getting candy as you skipped in “Yay!!”

You were inside and shown Suguru a box as Suguru closed the door “Uhh what’s that..?” He asked

“Cookies!! All kinds! Minus uhm nuts i didn’t know if you had allergies :(“ You cared about him.. a lot of people did like Satoru, but this time it’s different and he didn’t know why

“Thanks for the thought but i don’t have allergies” He said taking the box and placing it down somewhere as he walked back to where you were as you greeted him with a warm smile

He slightly smiled back as he started to feel warm just looking at you made him feel warm he wondered if you felt the same or was he just a task given from Satoru.

You started to talk about your day as Suguru zoned out wondering how much he meant too you, was he a burden? Did Satoru pay you? Was he boring? Did you even wanna be here.

“Suguru? Guru?” Geto looked at you after you said the nickname he wasn’t listening st all “Did you hear me..? I gotta go home.” You said frowning a bit

“Oh..okay.” Suguru said as you smiled and gave him a small hug before leaving

Suguru tried the cookies and seen them. He smiled a genuine smile..

‘They reminded me of you! You know.. :D!’

I’m sorry it was shorter than the first one, I’m sleepy :)

#female reader #x female reader #x fem!reader #x female y/n #geto suguru #jujutsu kaisen suguru #getou suguru x reader #jjk suguru #getou suguru x y/n #getou suguru x you #sugurugeto #getou x you #jjk getou #geto x you #getou fluff

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talenlee · 29 days

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Seeing some gm advice I'm reminded of a campaign I had where I got to play a bard.

Back in 3e, which this was, I didn't get to play charismatic characters often - because I didn't play characters very often, and I was usually building towards doing something busted with the character building limits. But this time, I had made my boy, he was basically Sexy Anime Ed Elric But Secretly Armin Tanzarian, and he was a cool dude whose big thing was obligatory 3e combat broknenness, but really his big thing was astronomical bluff and diplomacy checks.

Now I've complained about this in the past, but back in the day, 3e made diplomacy a skill you could absurd numbers on, and then made it so the outcome of those numbers had to be completely narrative breaking for any sensible GM. I was a level 9 character who could quite reasonably convince a total stranger who was there to kill me that they were my best friend, and have them act on it. Diplomacy was dumb. And this was a half-elf, an underpowered heritage option, that meant that in exchange for Getting Nothing out of the character building process, I had access to a sort of short-sharp-shock calming effect that could let me force the diplomacy check.

I literally never used that ability in the entire campaign. I came close to using it, once, but the GM saw me preparing to do it, and just had the non human animals that were nearby just leave. I had to rely on backup of Just Being Really Good At Fighting.

In the course of this campaign we were hunting down a big bad business boss who was collecting our old allies and bringing the band back together to pilot a cool interplanar skyship because those are cool. And, intent on playing with the idea of my bard as being socially very dangerous, I had the bright idea of, in the course of these raids, doing things that made the boss' insurance pay out. My bard destroyed debt records, saved valuables from the fires we started and kept them hidden on-site, and made absolutely sure every site was marked as our work.

Eventually, the DM asks me what I'm doing, and I explain that I'm trying to make the boss convinced that we were something he had organised, that this was his idea and it was all an elaborate ruse. I was attempting to gaslight the villain of our campaign and I put a lot of work into it.

Anyway, DM said it wouldn't work and we just had a big fight at the end.

I was tempted to tell you an ending about how it SHOULD have gone, and then maybe tacked on an Everyone Clapped kinda ending. But nah, the DM heard my requests, saw what I was doing and just let me go on it, before resolving that sure, he knew what I was aiming for and trying, but he couldn't do anything with it so nothing came of it.

I'm not even mad about it, I don't think badly of that DM. He's a beloved friend, someone I would help move bodies. I feel like if I'd handed this to other people, now, they'd probably think that is cool as hell? Or we'd have more of a negotiation on it? But the thing that keeps coming up in my mind is that this is an instance where I, without realising it, was being failed by the system.

The system was telling me 'I can have these things.' But the thing is, like... having those things would be really stupid? Those things clearly could not work in the kind of campaign the rest of the game was built around? And when I tried to strike out in my own direction with it, the system had nothing to accommodate that, or even accommodate something similar.

Anyway what I'm saying is 4th ed D&D is the best D&D

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novaliae · 1 year

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sappy appreciation post for @bunfloras 'cause it's his birthday and they are very cool <3

hi bun beloved! happy birthday you are so cool

sappy time now <3 under the cut 'cause i have a feeling this could get long

cool. so! as you know i found you through iwhia in some of the first chapters (mid april 2021? i think? wild to think that's almost two years ago now). my friends had got me into dsmp a bit before and i was reading emduo. that school year was a Time—we were hybrid for most of the year and it meant that i didn't have lunch with any of my friends. so during those periods i ended up at a shitty little desk in my school cafeteria, angling my phone this way and that to try to pick up an extra bar of cell data, and browsing ao3.

i was obsessed with iwhia from the beginning. i gushed about it to a friend. i still smile when i see your name in my ao3 subscription box because it reminds me of the little thrill i would get checking my email to see you'd updated during lunch one day. i would read a chapter and the bell would ring and i'd have to traipse up three flights of stairs with my heavy backpack and i wouldn't even notice because i was so consumed with brainrot over the story you'd created. i've read iwhia more times than i can count, and it will always be very special to me. i remember screaming in my friend's dms when i found out it was ending, followed by more screaming when i realized you were starting bones. i didn't know you at all, but i already looked up to you. i hadn't written anything in years when i clicked on the first chapter of iwhia. i started working on fics again, and it was partially because of how inspired i was by your works.

and then i joined burrow in something like august of that year!! i was so nervous—proximity to cool writing person!! intimidating!! but you were so friendly and welcoming and i started to come out of my shell and it was amazing! i went from losing my shit the first time you Perceived my existence to rambling in the bones channel to you after every chapter, making memes about the iwhia bot and infodumping about boats. i was super insecure and anxious at that point in my life and you treated me very kindly and i appreciate it to this day.

i am very grateful for you, and for the community you built around burrow, and for the incredible people i've been able to meet through you. it has been so fucking nice as a young queer aspec person to be surrounded by other aspec people, to see qprs normalized, and to just get to nerd out over the block guys with people who are just as insane about them as i am. the LL era has so many of my fondest memories; i'm close with so many wonderful friends because we worked together on the iwhia project. and you have been so fucking patient and supportive through it all too—dealing with my random bullshit in your dms, the constant angsting of warrior ocs, and encouraging me when things go well :D

you are genuinely such a bright light, bun. you've brought joy to so many people's lives through your incredible writing and the community brought together by it. you've inspired writers to create beautiful things because they want to mold themselves in your image. you're always looking out for your friends. the ideas you come up with are so fucking creative and brilliant it makes me bounce up and down with glee. you have such a gift for words that i don't know how to express the power of. you people have been so awful to you and you've remained resilient despite it all. you got back up. you kept writing. you're still here. i consider myself ridiculously lucky to know you—the nova of two years ago would never believe that you even know i exist—and you deserve all the good things in life and more.

i hope you have a wonderful birthday bun <3 we're all here for you and we always will be.

#we love you bun #okay to reblog

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sirowsky · 2 years

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Part 5 - Sneaky People

Pero Tovar and Female Reader (nicknamed Bee) Modern AU

A new week starts, and you discover that nothing much in your everyday life has changed, but also that everything has. But while you're enjoying these new aspects of your life, someone else is not.

Creator chooses not to use Warnings! This is 18+ONLY! I’m happy to elaborate on what to expect from this part via DM.

Word Count: 6082 Masterlist (this story) Author’s Masterlist

Link to Part 6

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Mondays were never terrible for you, since you governed over your own time equally across the weeks. You could choose to work weekends and take weekdays off, if that suited your workload better, or just not go in if you had more important things to do. But your current workload was quite substantial, so you didn’t really have the luxury of skipping out that Monday, even though you desperately wanted to.

That morning had been so nice. Waking up next to a warm and languid Pero that did his utmost to keep you in bed despite your alarm disturbing him every few minutes, when he kept you from cancelling it. He’d snared you in both his arms and legs and tried to persuade you that it was in your best interest to take the day off, but sadly you couldn’t let him convince you of that when you knew how many commissions were sitting half-finished in the studio.

He’d followed you to the kitchen when you’d eventually untangled yourself from his limbs. Staying close enough to touch you the whole time you prepared breakfast, stealing kisses every chance he got, and affectionately fondling your breasts or hips or butt-cheeks, gently trying to get you to change your mind. But he didn’t pout or express any disappointment at your stubborn refusal to let him distract you, more so the opposite. He seemed almost pleased that you let him work for it. Perhaps not simply for the challenge, but more as though he appreciated you not letting yourself be handled.

That said, when you’d left the house with Groot, for your customary morning walk to work, he hadn’t even given you the option of refusing him from coming with you. Not that you would have, his presence gave you such comfort and while you were sure that he’d be hopelessly distracting as you worked, having him there would also allow you not to worry about keeping the dog entertained, or what to do if your nightly trespasser should show up. You hoped that Groot had gotten a whiff of the person, so he would be able to recognise their scent if he met them again, but there was no guarantee of that.

“So, tell me, how exactly did you watch me work when there are no windows in the backroom?”

You were unlocking the front door and stepping inside as you asked him, and he let the Shepard walk in before he followed.

“I snuck in.”

You stopped on your way to the desk, to stare at him, and you weren’t sure which reaction was the strongest, the shock or potential embarrassment.

“Y-… you were back there… with me?”

“Like I said, not all the time. I checked on you, and sometimes got spellbound by your hands and ended up staying a little longer, to watch you draw.”

He could see the intrusiveness of his own behaviour in your stunned face and shoved his hands in his pockets while shuffling from one foot to the other. Of course, he knew that any normal person would react badly to hearing something like that, but he must’ve hoped that you’d grown to like him enough that you’d overlook such a trespass. Which you did. But you also wondered how the hell he’d gotten in there without you noticing?

Seeing his sudden uncertainty made it clear that he was still not sure if he’d managed to convince you of how deeply he cared for you, and it reminded you that this was a man that hadn’t allowed anyone but William close to him. That he was immeasurably fragile where relationships were concerned.

“It was not meant to be… creepy. In the moment, it seemed harmless.”

“I suppose in the end it was, but… well, it’s just that… you must’ve seen all the drawings I did of you, and now I somehow feel like a creep.”

He laughed at that, but warmly, and it made all the tension fall off his shoulders.

“This is what concerns you? Ay, preciosa… I know that artists use their talents to understand the world. I was only flattered that you tried so hard to make sense of me. But then, I suppose I made an impression.”

“You could say that. And now that I know what you come from, I guess that kind of thing is normal for you. That’s how you view the world, how you make sense of it, right? By watching from the shadows where no one can hide the truth from you?”

“Yes. But you know it was more than that with you. I tried to tell myself that it was not like that. That I was just concerned because of what happened at the bar. But I knew it was a lie from the first time I watched you draw.”

He came closer, taking your hand and studying it as he spoke, as though it could somehow tell him the answers to every question he’d ever had.

“It was a woman in a beautiful world that you created, full of colour and life, and yet she was so sad. And in your movements, in every line you drew, I could see everything that had happened to her. You showed me her loss and her fear, the pain she carried like a mountain on her shoulders, and you did this even though you were not sad. Even though your heart sings when you draw. I knew then that I already loved you, and it frightened me more than anything ever had. I left town for a while after that, trying to not care about you because I had no right to, but I could not let you go no matter how hard I tried.”

He met your eyes and you had to remind yourself to breathe, because your heart was aching so badly, wanting to find some word that could explain what he was making you feel, but there were no words that big.

“I told myself that I would only check on you. That if I could only see that you were doing alright, I could find a way to let you go. But it was like I had become a falling star, doomed to burn up in your atmosphere. The moment I saw you again, I was trapped by your gravity, and there was nothing I could do but keep falling.”

Well, what the fuck where you supposed to say to that? The man was a damned poet, and while you were a good artist, words were not your forte. You believed everything he said, but you also remembered things from your perspective, and one of those things worried you.

“Yesterday morning, when I found you on my porch, you were about to walk away before I invited you. And right before you started walking, you looked like you were struggling with a decision. Would you tell me what it was?”

He didn’t hesitate to answer, and you were once again taken aback by his willingness to never shy away from telling you the truth, no matter how difficult the question.

“I knew that I had to leave if you told me to, but a part of me needed to try and make you understand what you had become to me, so I was trying to find some way of telling you that I wanted to stay.”

“Oh. And… if I had made you go, what would you have done?”

“I would have tried to obey, but I would have failed.”

You paused, letting the smile that sparked behind your eyes blossom, at his confession.

“Good.”

Somehow, into that one little word, you managed to cram your entire heart, and he could hear it. His eyes widened for a fraction of a second, and then softened into golden honey as he absorbed your meaning. He lifted your hand to his mouth and kissed it tenderly over the knuckles, before he pulled you to him and wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling his nose against your cheek.

Then the door pinged as a customer walked in behind him, and like before with Abby, he instantly shifted from the warm and cuddly, lovesick puppy, to the stone-cold mercenary of his past. He let go of you without hurrying, making it seem as though you’d merely shared a hug, and moved to the side so that you could greet the new arrival. But you knew that he was already listening, studying, learning everything he could about the unknown person, even though he hadn’t seen them yet.

You adapted your own professional persona, approaching the gangly middle-aged black man that you recognized as a bit of a celebrity in the world of nature photography.

“Good morning, sir, what can I do for you?”

“Good morning. I’ve heard it on good authority that you’re the person to see about art-commissions, especially where more personal scenes are concerned.”

“I don’t shy away from any type of scene. What are you looking for?”

The photographer glanced at Pero, who had moved over to one of the sofa’s and sat down, feigning disinterest to perfection as he seemingly directed all his attention at Groot, sitting by his feet and begging for scritches.

“Uh… I had kinda hoped that you’d have a gallery that I could look at.”

“No, I’m afraid I don’t put my own art on display like that. I’m sure you’ve heard that I’m very discreet, and never show private commissions to anyone but the customers that ordered them. And when it comes to my own personal pieces, I prefer not to keep them on display since that might taint the image in a person’s mind from the very moment that they walk in. I’m always looking for a person’s own image, the picture they see in their mind, or their heart, and it’s always easier for me to find that image by just talking.”

He seemed to get more and more nervous as he listened to you, and you’d worked with enough people to know when they were embarrassed about what they wanted you to create for them. To give him the very correct impression that you wanted to make sure no one else heard what you were about to say, you gestured for him to come to your desk, furthest away from the sofas, and stepped closer to him so you could lower your voice.

“If you’re uncomfortable with my methods you can just give me a rough idea of what you want, and I’ll make some sketches for you to consider.”

“Well, it’s just that… um… Shit. Look, anything I tell you is under the strictest confidence, right? You would never repeat it?”

“That would destroy my reputation, sir. You have my word that nothing you tell me will ever be repeated.”

He sighed and scratched the back of his own hand for a moment, again throwing a quick glance at Pero to make sure he was out of earshot, but he still lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper.

“I have a bit of a… fetish, I guess. Of, uh… men wearing jewellery. On their… y’know…”

“Pride?”

“Yeah. But not like piercings or rings or that kind of stuff. More like a diamond necklace, or pearls. Stuff not meant to be worn there.”

“Ah, so basically ostentatious decorations. I assume this involves the pride being erect, in order to be garnished?”

“Yes. Are you really not bothered by this?”

“Just because I don’t like the same things others do, it doesn’t mean those things can’t be beautiful.”

“Thank you. I’m not closeted, so I don’t really know why I’m so uncomfortable about this.”

“Because it’s exposing and makes you feel vulnerable. And that’s precisely why I would never tell anyone about it. We should all get to enjoy our desires free of judgement. Now, would you like me to make a quick sketch right now? It’s free of charge and allows you to gauge my talent and decide if my style suits you. It’ll only take about ten minutes.”

“Oh. Sure, that sounds good.”

“Okay, then I just have some questions to help me see the image better. For this piece, would you prefer to portray the whole body, or just the pride?”

“Whole body.”

“And do you have any specific preferences in body type, or skin colour or pose?”

“Not ripped, a little softer. And black, like me. I don’t know about a pose.”

“Do you imagine any specific scene? Like a room or a bed or a grassy knoll?”

“Hm. I hadn’t thought about it. But maybe something intimate. Indoors, soft lighting, maybe some fabric.”

“I can work with that. Have a seat and I’ll be in the studio for a bit. There’s a coffee-machine in the corner there, and the jars next to it are full of cookies. Help yourself.”

As he turned to see where you were pointing, you exchanged a look with Pero, trying to convey that this guy was likely safe, but getting only a blank expression in return. Clearly, he intended to make up his own mind about who in your presence was safe or not, and you sort of liked that.

You went into the studio and got to work on the sketch. It was by no means the strangest request you’d ever gotten, although these types of commissions were few and far between. You didn’t mind, though. Your work consisted entirely of drawing people’s passions, pulling their dreams out of their minds and catching them on the canvases, and it didn’t matter what those dreams were. You loved the challenge of trying to create something that a person would want to look at every day for the rest of their lives, because it seemed almost plucked straight from their own head.

Within the promised ten minutes you had a rough sketch ready, and rolled up the paper before leaving the studio, to make sure no one else saw what you’d drawn.

“Here you are. Take a look and tell me what you don’t like.”

He carefully opened the paper, and his eyes popped wide when he saw your proposed image.

“Oh god… It’s already gorgeous. I’d hang this on my wall as it is.”

You smiled, pleased to have gotten it right on the first try, but you knew that details could matter a great deal in the long run.

“Take your time. Look at all of it, let yourself see the flaws, the parts that differ from your dreams.”

He studied it for a minute and then closed his eyes, probably conjuring his own images to compare with.

“I can’t see anything wrong with it, but I do feel like the background should have a purple palette.”

“That would look really good against the pearls. I’ll probably give him a slightly brighter skin-tone to go with that palette, though, if you don’t mind. Just to make the shading work and not let him disappear into the background, he’ll still be unmistakeably black.”

“I trust you’ll make him look gorgeous. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll just need a number where I can reach you, and I’ll call as soon as it’s finished, but you can expect between three and four weeks until delivery.”

He left a few minutes later, no longer looking like a man that expected to be lynched for his pleasures, but instead like a man that had been seen for the first time in a while. There was a lightness to his steps and a smile in his eyes, and you loved that you could do that for someone, just through the medium of a pencil.

Pero came to your side as you went back to the desk and sat down at the computer to add the photographer’s number to your customer list.

“I have never heard of a diamond-decorated-cock-fetish before. Is it strange for you to draw such things?”

You gaped at him at first, your fingers sliding off the keyboard as you leaned back to better see his face.

“How do you know what he asked me for? I could barely hear him, and you were in the other end of the room!”

“Just because you did not see me move, pintora, does not mean I didn’t.”

“Well, that settles it; you are a fucking ninja. Might as well invite you into the studio with me, to spare you the trouble of sneaking in, since I know you will.”

“Obviously.”

“Just don’t interrupt me, okay? I need to be in my flow, so I can see the image in my head.”

“You will not even know I’m there.”

He smirked at you, and you scoffed back, finishing up by the computer before standing and stealing a kiss from him.

“Drawing a big hard cock isn’t something that bothers me, but now I gotta do it with my favourite cock right behind me. So, trust me, I’ll know you’re there.”

His eyes turned dark and wanting in a heartbeat, but you turned around and headed for the studio, and he was forced to behave. Groot slipped past you through the door, settling in on his bed next to your desk before you’d even gotten to it, and then he saw Pero take a seat in your thinking chair, an old English armchair that your mother had owned, and he suddenly didn’t know what to do. You’d taught him that while you worked, he had to be in his spot, so you wouldn’t run over him with your desk-chair, which was on wheels, but now he also saw an opportunity to get petted, since the man’s hands weren’t busy.

“You can sit with him if you want. Go ahead.”

He practically bounded over there and screeched to a halt in front of Pero, who chuckled and started talking affectionately at him in Spanish, while stroking his head and ears. You smiled to yourself as you watched their bond develop further, glad to know that Groot would protect both of you now, because even though you still barely knew him, just the thought of losing your dangerous stranger made your blood turn to ice. A shiver passed through you, and you swivelled the chair around to get started on your work, quickly banishing any such thoughts from your mind.

You had a queuing system in place for your commissions, but you always made the initial outline of a new piece as soon as possible after receiving it, while the image was fresh in your mind. It usually only took a couple of hours to do, and then you’d set it aside and continue with the item at the top of the list, which that day was a fan-poster of Jaws.

You really had thought that his presence would be distracting, but once you got into the work, he soon slipped to the back of your mind as you disappeared into your own world of imagination and creation, and before you knew it, your lunch-alarm went off. You had to have an alarm, or you’d never remember to stop and check the time.

Straightening up in your seat, you let your arms fall to your sides and then pulled them up towards the ceiling, stretching your shoulders and back that had gone stiff after several hours leaned over the desk. You flinched when a pair of warm hands settled on either side of your shoulders, but then quickly relaxed again when they began to squeeze and press your muscles, coaxing them into softening with perfect sweeping and circular movements, along with just enough force.

“Oh, god, that feels good. If you’re not careful I might start demanding this sort of royal treatment daily.”

“I would be only happy to oblige you, my queen.”

You stopped his hands by placing yours over them, and then tilted your head up and to the side until you could see him.

“Hey… I never answered you before… I can’t phrase it as poetically as you, but I do want you to know that I love you too. Even with how crazy fast as all this has been.”

His eyes turned shiny as you told him, overflowing with love and gratitude, before he swallowed hard and pulled you out of the chair to kiss you. And before you’d had a chance to take a breath, he was hoisting you up on his hips and carrying you over to the nearest bare piece of wall, pushing you up against it and starting to work your pants down.

“Um, Pero… lunch…”

“You cannot say things like this to me and expect me to just let it pass.”

“I hardly even got it right. I don’t know how you put such elegant words to your fee-…

He silenced you with a tender kiss, before letting his lips trail your neck and jaw.

“No one has ever made me feel like you do, preciosa.”

His teeth lightly scraped your chin, before his tongue came to dance with yours.

“Let me show you… let me fill you with my heart…”

At some point during his irresistible advances, he’d freed himself from the constraints of his jeans, and plunged into you with a deep sigh, as though he’d been lost and finally found his way home.

You did make it to lunch eventually, taking the short walk over to Claire’s café, where Groot already knew to sit and wait outside, and took his usual spot to the left of the door without your asking. There was no one behind the counter when you walked in, hand in hand, but you knew that she would hear the doorbell and come to take your order when she was available, so you looked at the large blackboard on the wall behind the counter, to read todays menu. As much as you loved the chicken sandwich, you felt the need of a sturdier meal that day.

“Sorry, let me just put these down, and I’ll be right be with you.”

Claire appeared through the kitchen door, carrying two large cardboard boxes on top of each other, big enough to obscure her view and looking heavy to carry.

“Do you need a hand with those?”

“No, no, I’m fine, thank you.”

It took her a moment to recognize your voice, but you could hear the smile in hers when she did, still unable to see you since she’d turned her back to you whilst putting the boxes down on the floor.

“Hey, Bee! I was afraid you might be skipping lunch today. I’ve told you not to do that, it’s not healthy.”

“No skipping in progress, just a delay.”

“You and me both, hon. I was expecting this delivery last week. But no matter, tell me what you’re hungr-… Oh.”

Her entire face turned into an O as she clocked Pero standing next to you, reading the menu and still holding your hand. You’d never brought anyone but Abby with you for lunch before, and you hadn’t openly showed romantic interest in anyone since your only real relationship with a guy, which had been Pete, back in college.

“Sorry, Claire. This is Pero. Uh… my boyfriend. Pero, this is Claire Finn. She owns and runs this café and was my mother’s best friend.”

She didn’t even try and hide her excitement at you not coming in for lunch all alone, for once, but you could already see the twenty thousand questions that were suddenly fighting for room inside her head.

“Excellent! That is just wonderful, welcome Pero, I’m so happy to meet you!”

However, her excitement was obliterated when he merely nodded in return, decidedly un-enthusiastic about meeting her. It was obvious to you that he was just cautious, accustomed as he was to always look for threats or potential problems, but to her, he merely looked cold. She looked at you with a slight panic, as though she thought that you were being kidnapped or forced to endure the company of this seemingly unfriendly man, against your will, for some reason.

“Cee, whatever you’re thinking, let it go. I’m not in any trouble. You know Groot would’ve killed him already if he even tried to be mean to me.”

Her eyes darted from you to him and back to you again before she spoke next.

“Not to be rude, honey… but he doesn’t seem like your type.”

Pero apparently didn’t care much at all what she thought, because he kept reading the menu without so much as a twitch in his moustache. You, on the other hand, chuckled at her nervously delivered observation.

“I wasn’t aware I have a type.”

“Sure you do! You were always gonna marry the carpenter, the jack-of-all-traits, remember?”

Pero’s gaze dropped from the blackboard to meet hers, a surprised and bemused huff passing his lips, before he turned to you.

“Should I propose now, or later, pintora?”

You couldn’t help the wide smile that filled your face and entire frame, both at the comedic scene, and the knowledge that he quite possibly would propose to you at some point in the future, even if that moment wasn’t gonna be the one.

“Hmm… To be honest, if you’re gonna be on your knees before me, I’d rather we weren’t in public.”

There were no other guests in the café at that time, since the lunch-rush had come and gone about an hour earlier, or you might’ve chosen a less suggestive phrase, but Claire wasn’t the prude sort. Her nervousness evaporated as she laughed at your exchange, reading everything that you’d intended, into your choice of words.

“So, I take it you’re exactly those things then, Pero?”

“Yes.”

“My apologies, good sir. Just need to make sure Bee’s in good hands, I promised her momma I would.”

Pero’s eyes softened at that, and he nodded at her again, but more affectionately this time, and her smile widened further, glad to have been proven incorrect in her assumptions. After that, you placed your respective orders and took a seat, while Claire went back to the kitchen to prepare your food.

She’d started the café with her husband, George, and up until recently, he’d always been there to help her with the heavy lifting, and the rush-hour. But after some problems with his heart, he’d never fully recovered and couldn’t work at all anymore. He’d become quite fond of raising and tending to indoor flowers, though, which was why the café always had gorgeous potted flowers in every window. His way of still being there with her, when his body no longer could.

“Bee and Cee… was it your mother that gave you these nicknames?”

“Yeah. She loved the fact that everyone in her closest circle of people have names that follow the alphabet. Abby, me, Claire, my father Dean, my uncle Ethan, her own name was Faith, and then George, Claire’s husband. That’s why she named her horses Happy and Ike and would insist on always calling everyone by only the first letter of our names.”

He smiled at the fondness in your tone when you talked about your mother.

“I would not mind looking at the horse’s hooves for your father. I have not had a chance to be around animals for a while. It would be nice to tend to them.”

“That would entail meeting my father, and all his expertly trained dogs, though.”

“I would be fine with this. Unless you think it is a bit soon?”

“Honestly, I think he’d be happy to see me with someone. He doesn’t say anything, but I know he’s been worried about me being alone all the time.”

“Perhaps this weekend, then?”

He looked almost shy when he asked, as if he thought that you might not want to make plans with him.

“I’ll let him know right now.”

You picked up your phone and typed out a quick message to your dad, just letting him know that you’d be stopping by that weekend, with a friend. Meanwhile, Pero practically beamed with pride, unable to restrain himself from letting a hand come to rest on your thigh under the table and you smiled at him to let him know that you liked that. He seemed very fond of all forms of physical contact with you, to the point where it appeared to truly comfort him, and you were only too happy to let him have that comfort, as much as he wanted.

Your phone beeped, indicating a reply from your dad, and reading it made you snort.

-<A friend that isn’t Abby? Please hold, while I alert the national media.>-

-<Ha ha. Very funny, dad.>-

-<If it’s a male friend I might just have to go global.>-

-<Some role model you are…>-

-<You stopped listening to me over 20 years ago, Bumblebee. Is it a guy?”>-

-<Sorry, but apparently, I’m not listening anymore.>-

-<Fudge. Painted myself right into that one, huh?>-

-<Bye, dad.>-

You put the phone down and looked up to see Pero smiling warmly at you, as he’d watched your face while you texted, clearly seeing the comfort, ease and love involved with your exchange, in your expressions. Right then, Claire approached the table, carrying two plates with steaming hot meals.

“Alright, here’s the omelette for you, Bee, and the hamburger for Pero. Bon Appetit!”

You thanked her and she returned to her station just as the doorbell rang and Detective Kate Jones walked in.

“Detective. What can I do for you today?”

“Hey, Claire. I’m just here to eat. I’ll have the tuna-salad, please.”

“Sure thing, doll. You look tired today; I hope work isn’t bringing you down.”

“I’m afraid so. We’ve still got our hands full with that maiming a few weeks ago, and now someone’s been vandalizing abandoned buildings, setting them on fire, which just drains our resources.”

You tried not to react to what you heard, but it was hard. You’d known Jones for a long time, just because she was the sort of cop that thought it was important to have a good relationship with the people of the community that she served. She often walked the streets while on duty, just to chat with people and be a visible presence in town, randomly wandering into stores and local businesses to build rapport with owners and workers.

It seemed stupid now, thinking that the whole thing with Eddie was over and done with, because of course the police had to devote all their efforts into finding out who did such a terrible thing. Of course, they wouldn’t rest until they’d exhausted all leads. Amazingly, though, Pero seemed completely unbothered by the presence of the person in charge of finding him, eating his burger like a man starved, but otherwise perfectly calm. But thinking about it made you realize that he would’ve been dodging the law for most of his adult life, so this was probably as much of an average Monday to him as sitting in the studio was to you.

“Keep an ear to the ground for me, will you, Cee? If you should hear any chatter about vandalism, let me know, okay?”

“Absolutely.”

Jones got her food at the counter, since it didn’t need to be cooked, and turned towards the almost empty tables to take a seat, only then registering that there were people there.

“Oh, hey Bee. I didn’t see you there. How are you?”

“All good Detective. You?”

“Hard at work, as always. Who’s your friend?”

Hard at work indeed. You could hear the more than casual curiosity in her question, as she like every other local, knew that you were usually a solo act, but probably also that the friend in question wasn’t from around here.

“This is Pero, my-…”

“Her boyfriend! Fancy that, someone actually managed to break through that armour.”

Claire’s loud and brazen voice came from behind the counter, where she was apparently still working on unpacking those boxes, interjecting your explanation with all the intrigue one could expect of small-town gossip. Jones smiled at the news, but you could still see the cogs turning behind her eyes. To her, every unknown face was of interest, and she had a real talent for seeing details in people, sussing out what they tried to hide.

“I did not break anything, but perhaps I fixed something.”

Pero raised his voice only loud enough that Cee would hear it, keeping his attention on his food until he got to the last word and let his eyes find yours. There was a hopefulness to him in that moment, which warmed your heart to see, and turned your smile into one of those “heart-eyes” smiles that you’d always been endlessly annoyed to see in others, as you’d been certain that no one could genuinely be that infatuated. It would seem like the joke was on you for that one.

“Nice to meet you, Pero. Is there a last name that goes with that, or are you like Cher, or Elvis?”

He scoffed at that, but with amusement.

“Tovar. And I would not inflict my singing on other people.”

“That bad, huh? Well, nobody’s perfect. Anyway, welcome to our humble community, I trust you’ll be sticking around?”

He hesitated for a few beats, with a slightly peculiar smile sort of clinging to his cheeks more than his eyes or lips. It was a knowing expression. Somehow conveying to the Detective that he knew exactly what she was doing, and that she had nothing on him, should he decide to utilize his full skillset.

“As long as my pintora wants me, I will be where she directs, or desires.”

You could’ve sworn you saw Jones shiver, just a bit, as she met his eyes, but she offered no response, and Pero returned his attention to his food, clearly done with that conversation.

A little while later you were heading back to the studio, taking a detour through a small park to let Groot relieve himself, and it felt so natural just walking hand in hand, even though you’d almost never done it before. But everything about this man just felt so easy to you, despite how you’d met and all the scary crap that had ended up bringing you together.

It was nearly enough to make you consider whether fate might be real, after all, since it seemed entirely unlikely that you would’ve fallen for anyone under these circumstances, unless some entity or other was pulling some strings. Neither of you said anything, content to just be together in the warmth of the autumn sun, occasionally exchanging some playful banter with the dog, but merely smiling at each other.

Your boys were back to playing their own little games behind you in the studio, amusing themselves while you worked, as the clock was nearing 6pm, and you were starting to finish up today’s drawing. You had a radio playing on your desk, to help you stay focused and not get distracted whenever you heard the two of them interact. But you heard it when the canine suddenly growled, and then whined, which he almost never did.

Turning your chair around you found Pero already on his feet, tense and ready, staring at Groot who had moved to the door and was sniffing along the narrow opening between it and the floor. Then he barked twice, still staring at the door, which was his warning call, but he was also pacing back and forth, which indicated stress. And this dog was never stressed merely by the presence of other people that he couldn’t see. Something else was frightening him.

Pero held a hand up to indicate for you to stay back while he stepped closer to the door to investigate, first leaning his ear closer to it to listen, and then placing his palm flat against it.

“Mierda… Groot, get back. Come on, chico.”

The dog seemed relieved to step away, but remained worried as he came to your side, closely followed by the much less worried human.

“Honey, what is it? What’s going on?”

“Do not panic, preciosa, everything will be okay.”

“Pero, if there’s one thing that’s gonna make me freak out, it’s being told not to freak out. Tell me what the fuck is happening?”

He put his hands on your shoulders before he answered you, as though he thought that you might float or fly away, and you held your breath.

“There is a fire in the other room.”

———-

Link to Part 6

Ugh, I'm in so much trouble! I'm so in love with these two, it's stupid...

Thank you for reading, and I’d love to know what you thought <3 As usual, don’t hesitate to come and scream at me, or join the taglist, or unsubscribe if this isn’t the story for you.

@idreamofboobear @deadhumourist @bison-writes @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @sj-draws00 @shsoba05 @radiowallet @thisshipwillsail316 @myfavpedrothings @cannedsoupsucks @bluegalaxyprime @tintinn16 @winter-fox-queen @shadesofnerdlygrace @tanzthompson @little-mrs-morales @hotchlover @gallowsjoker @yourvirtualheart @cosmicbreathe @criminalmind1927

#the stranger in the bar fic #pero tovar fanfiction #pero tovar fic #pero tovar x fem!reader #pero tovar x female reader #pero tovar x reader #modern!pero #modern!au #the great wall fanfiction #the great wall modern au #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal

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goldenshoyo · 3 years

Text

Cruel - Sakusa Kiyoomi x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fem!Reader, Semi-public sex, cunt slaps, face slaps (1), finger sucking, degradation, praise, car sex, size kink!, jealous Omi, edging, overstimulation (but in theory sorta, at the end), "daddy" and "bunny" used! As always, please let me know if I missed any!!

Summary: Sakusa Kiyoomi is not a very jealous man, but sometimes his teammates can get under his skin.

Word count: 3k

Author note: This was a commission! Therefore, the reader has some body descriptions (being shorter and smaller than Kiyoomi). If you're interested in commissioning me, please dm me!

Nervous was the understatement of the year. While you had met a few of Kiyoomi’s teammates before, usually just saying a quick “hi” and “bye” before he drug you away from them, nothing to this degree. Atsumu had requested that his twin allow the team to have a party at his onigiri shop to celebrate a big tournament win for the team when they got back to Tokyo. Excitement was definitely there, but nothing would stop you from feeling the heavy rock in your gut or the anxious beating of your heart.

Well, nothing but Kiyoomi’s warm hand in yours. He smiled at you before slipping his black mask over his pretty face.

“It’ll be fun,” he assured, and you wondered if he actually felt that way.

He hated these gatherings, probably more than anyone should. Not for the fact he was antisocial or that he didn’t enjoy his teammates. He just didn’t want them flocking to you and making you nervous. However, it had been several months of him turning these things down and opting to spend his days off with you after games. The team was irritated with him for it, and he knew that this one party would make up for all the times missed.

Or at least he hoped.

“I think so too!” You say back cheerfully, adjusting your dress underneath you on the seat of his car. The leather was sticking to your thighs where your sundress rode up.

“You could have worn something more-“

“Think about what you’re about to say.” You warn, and he raises an eyebrow at you. “I like this dress.”

He does too, he wants to tell you. But so will the other members of MSBY. He chooses to not say anything, knowing you would only laugh at his comment or say something smart back. He loves that about you, even if he doesn’t tell you that often. He enjoys watching you get frustrated, furrowing your brows, and pouting your lip. It’s why he always teases you about what you wear. Not that he’d ever actually make you change, well, to an extent he thinks.

“Why are you so in your head?” You ask him as he pulls out of the parking garage.

“I didn’t realize I was,” he answers honestly.

You intertwine your fingers with his on your lap as he drives, listening to the soft sounds of the radio in the background while he takes you to the infamous Onigiri Miya you’d heard about a few dozen times. You knew Kiyoomi liked to pretend he hated Atsumu, but he was probably his closest friend, no matter how much he protested that fact.

It’s a shame this would be the first time you actually got to speak to him or anyone else on the team for that matter. You thought it was definitely cute that he was protective of you, but you were beginning to feel like he was keeping part of his life from you. When you brought it up to him, he apologized profusely, promising to take you to the next event.

“-----,” Atsumu’s shit-eating grin appeared for the hundredth time that night. “Tell me again, am I saying that right?” His hand caresses your shoulder and you still, shocked he’d carelessly do this despite you sitting on Omi’s lap.

“There’s not another way to say her name, Miya.” Kiyoomi glares at him from above you. It amazes you that even while sitting on his lap he seems so much larger than you. Thinking about it too much stirs something inside of you that you’d rather save for when you have him alone. So, you push it away. “Stop touching my girlfriend and go find yours.”

He throws his hands up, another laugh vibrating from his chest. “Fine, fine, I’ll stop teasing you Omi Omi.”

As he walks away, you smile down at your boyfriend, and he seems to relax. “Your friends are nice.”

“He’s not my friend.” He huffs looking away from you.

You know better. It’s honestly sort of adorable the way he always denies it.

“Yo!” Bokuto’s booming voice catches your attention as he runs towards you and Kiyoomi. “Osamu said something about a karaoke set, you have to come over here with us -----!”

“I-I don’t know about that,” your fingers dig into your palm as you look to Sakusua. “Would you want to?”

“I can come watch if you want to, bunny.” His fingers slowly stroke your thighs, and you flush; unable to think straight whenever he’s touching you and calling your favorite name.

“Okay,” you stand up going with Bokuto as he drags you towards the front of the Onigiri shop where the others have begun to set up the karaoke machine.

“I’ll sing with you since I know Kiyoomi would rather die than let loose with a song. Anything you like to sing?”

“Oh, uh,” you think. “I’ve never actually done this. So just pick something easy.”

“I guess,” he starts sifting through the catalog that’s on the machine, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun it is!”

You laugh taking the mic he hands you. It’s so ridiculous he would choose it, but you know he’s doing his absolute best to help you feel comfortable around him and all the others. The entire event was bigger than you expected, everyone either bringing a partner or friend, sometimes both. However, even with all the people around Bokuto is making it easier to loosen up and realize no one actually cares about what you sound like; hell, most of them are too deep in conversation and laughing to even watch closely.

Kiyoomi is the exception, as always.

He’s removed his mask from one ear, letting it dangle from the other while he watches you. A small smile creeps on his lips when you make eye contact, and you can’t help but giggle through the lyrics. His smile quickly turns to a frown when Bokuto throws an arm around your shoulder as you finish the song and he laughs, smooshing his face up against yours to belt out the lyrics. You giggle, pulling away not sure you like the sudden closeness, and the song ending is a perfect excuse to put down the mic and heading over to Kiyoomi.

“That was quite the little show,” he says, his tone stern and unforgiving. “Especially the little bit at the end.”

“Omi,” you whine, placing your hand on his firm chest. “He was just being silly.”

He rolls his eyes and scoffs before pulling his mask back on. “Let’s go. I’m ready to be home.”

“Omi!” You say more firmly. “I’m having fun!”

“Would you like to go home with one of them, then?” His eyes are intense, and you feel suddenly smaller than usual as he peers down at you.

He’s good at that, making you feel small. Even if you love it most of the time, it’s not just that. You want him, desperately, right here and now. You want to stay longer and spend more time with his friends, but he’s making it hard to focus with his deep voice and intense eyes that make you want to jump him here.

“No! Only you,” you tell him and lean up and place a soft kiss on his chest. “Let’s go, I guess,” you make sure to make your displeasure unknown even if you’re only thinking about getting him out of his clothes as soon as you are home.

You can’t exactly be sure, but you think he smiles under his mask. His eyes soften like they usually do when he smiles at you, so you assume you’ve made him happy. He says a few quick goodbyes, even making sure yours are faster than his while he pulls you away. To your surprise, he opens the back passenger door of his car.

“I am not riding in the back like a kid,” you tell him frowning. “You can’t be serio-“

“Get in the fucking car, -----.” He rolls his eyes again, and you slide in with a pout on your lips. Kiyoomi slides in beside you, pushing you down against the back seat. “I can’t wait another minute,” he growls in your ear while his fingers unhook his mask from his ear.

You bite your lip to keep from smiling too widely. “Daddy,” you whine as his fingers tease you through your thin dress.

It’s cruel, and you know that’s exactly what he intends.

He could easily hike the dress up just a few inches to have easy access to your core, but he won’t. He loves teasing you too much. The way your body reacts to even his slightest touch makes him dizzy, and he wants to feel drunk on you tonight. Even if you don’t know it, he thinks, Bokuto got to him in a way he can’t understand.

He thought Atsumu would be the one to bring out the ugly jealous side of him, but no, to his surprise it was the one man he never thought could do it. Honestly, he’s a little ashamed of himself as he’s sliding your dress up your thighs. It’s not your fault, anyone would want you. But you’re his.

Only his; and he intends to remind you of that.

“Omi, please!” You all but scream for him.

He’s relentlessly drawing small circles onto your clit and driving you mad. You’re soaking through your panties, and you need him. You’re not sure if it’s even been two minutes, but it feels like an eternity of teasing.

“Omi?” He chuckles. “Bunny, you know better than that.”

“Daddy, please,” you correct yourself. “I need you, daddy! Please!”

“That’s my girl,” he kisses you, his lips rough against yours.

He kisses you like he’s desperate he’ll lose you. Every touch and motion meant to remind you how much he loves and needs you. While his tongue enters your mouth, he slips his fingers down below your dress, moaning as he feels how wet you are for him.

“Fuck,” he groans against your lips. “You’re always so fucking good for me, bunny.”

He doesn’t curse often, or at least to this degree unless you’re fucking. Something about knowing he reserves even his swearing just for you. He pushes your panties to the side, just enough to give him access to your drooling cunt. He smiles as your back arches up off the leather of his back seat and your eyes roll back into your head.

“Tell me what you want, bunny.” He curls his fingers inside of you and you moan loudly.

“You! Daddy, want your big cock! Want it so bad,” you whine as he fucks his fingers into you.

His fingers leave you empty, and you start to whine, but before the sweet sound passes your lips, he smacks your cunt. Once and then twice and then finally a third time. You whine, trying to move away each time, but his strong hand holds your thigh still with ease. Fingertips digging into your thigh with each smack only makes you cry out louder.

It hurts too good. You want it to stop, but you want it to continue. You can’t decide which would be better. Your clit throbs, and your cunt clenches around nothing with the fourth and final smack. Your throat is starting to hurt from all your whining and straining to keep from screaming too loud.

“Remember to as politely,” he says against your lips. “Then Daddy won’t have to punish you, yeah?”

You nod, shaking your head up and down slowly while he smiles at you.

“Good girl,” he kisses you softly. “Now, I think it’s time I gave you a treat.”

You smile widely as he sits down, unbuckling his pants and sliding them down his hips and legs along with his underwear. It’s hard not to watch the way his cock slaps against his stomach, ready for you with a desperately swollen pink head. It’s unfair how pretty it is, really… who else would have a pretty cock?

“Come sit,” he strokes his cock once and you hurry over to him.

Straddling his legs, he helps you sink down on him. It always burns at first, stretching around him to adjust.

“So big,” you whine while hiding your face in the crook of his neck. “Too much!”

“Shhh,” he coos rubbing your back with one hand and your ass with another. “You always take it bunny; tonight is no different.”

“Daddy,” you cry as you finally take him all in.

He smirks, thrusting up once and making you bounce. “Feel so good, my precious bunny.” He holds your hips, guiding you into starting to ride him.

His hands are tight, supporting you and making you move at his pace. He’s slow, making sure you feel every drag of his cock in and out of you. Your dress falls down around his hands and your thighs, hiding everything from anyone who could possibly be passing outside the car.

“M-more,” you whine, wanting him to start thrusting up into you.

“Do you deserve more, bunny?” He holds your hips still, making you whine and look up at him. “I’m not sure you even deserve to cum. Dirty sluts don’t get to feel good.”

“But daddy please-“

His hand is fast, hitting your cheek with enough force to shut you up and turn your head. It stings but is replaced by that addicting warmth that takes over your cheeks and mind. You moan as his hand rests on your cheek, covering the redness that’s forming already.

“Open up,” his thumb drags across your bottom lip, and you part your lips.

He closes his eyes as you suck on his thumb, relaxing and letting you start riding him slowly again. He thrusts to meet you each time you come down on his cock, making you bite down on his thumb each time. He thrusts harder with each bite, which continues in an endless cycle until he pulls his thumb out to bring your face to his. He kisses you desperately, his tongue fighting your own. You moan against his lips, holding onto his shoulders tightly while he takes control of your body again.

“Don’t you dare cum.” He warns. “Not until I say, got it?”

You nod slowly while he fucks into you harder. His thrusts are rougher and more intense, signaling he’s close. It’s nearly impossible to not cum on him now, but you hold out. Fighting ever instinct telling you to cum is the hardest thing he’s ever asked of you.

“Daddy,” you whimper, feeling like you might explode. “Please!”

“Just a little more,” he pants, closing his eyes and laying his head against the backseat. “Fuck, I’m going to feel your cute little cunt up darling. I’ll have my cum dripping down your thighs and all over that little dress of yours.”

Oh, he’s definitely close. He wouldn’t talk this much if not.

“Want your cum daddy!”

“I know you do, slutty little bunny.” He leans up and kisses your neck, his teeth grazing the soft skin between your shoulder and neck.

“Daddy please, wanna cum!”

“I told you not until I say,” he slaps your ass once and you cry out.

Everything burns. Your stomach, thighs, and even your core. You’re desperate for some release but want Omi’s praise more than anything else. So, you keep fighting the urge to just let go.

“Fuck,” he moans once more, thrusting into you and holding your hips still while he cums. You feel the warm release start to dribble down his cock and out of you onto his thigh.

The bastard really didn’t let you cum… is he going to finish you off?

“Omi!” You try to ride his cock again, but he holds you still.

“Sorry bunny,” he chuckles breathlessly, his curly hair sticking to his forehead as he looks down at you. “You have to wait just a little longer.”

“Not fair!” You whine, tears stinging your eyes. “Wanna cum now! On your cock!”

“If you cheer up, I’ll tease you on the way home and keep you on the edge. I promise I’ll let you cum when we get home.” He kisses your cheeks, teasingly thrusting up into you once before pulling out. “Can you be good for daddy? If you make it until we get home, I promise I’ll reward you.”

Your eyes brighten and you perk up. “I can try,” you tell him.

The ride is torment. Even a bump in the road makes you moan. Kiyoomi brings you to the edge at least three times, and after that, you lose count. The only grounding part of the experience is his warm voice praising you for doing so well. It makes you weaker, every time he gives you just that little acknowledgment, and it helps you make it all the way home.

“We’re home, bunny,” he smiles at you and opens his door.

He jogs around the car and opens yours, helping you out and guiding you inside. You’re grateful for the covered garage and the short elevator ride up to his apartment. As soon as you pass the threshold of his apartment, your arms are around him and he lifts you up. He’s already hard, you giggle feeling it against your swollen cunt and watching Omi’s pants get damp from the mess you both made earlier.

“Daddy, make me cum! Please! I did what you asked.”

“You’ve been such a good girl, bunny.” He lays you down on the dining table, spreading you out for him to stand comfortably between your thighs. “Daddy is gonna make you cream around my cock.”

You thank whatever gods may be for Kiyoomi’s agile body and earnest attitude. He has his pants off quickly and his cock inside you before you can even whine again. Gasping, you reach up for him and he holds you against his body while fucking you on the table.

“Cum whenever you want, bunny, you earned it. Cum as many times as you want. I won’t stop until you’re begging me to.”

That’s all it takes. You cum, crying against his chest and clawing at him. He fucks you through it, your body limp against him and toes still curling.

“I know you have another in you, bunny. Give me another one.”

You love Sakusa Kiyoomi, you really do, but he can be cruel sometimes. Well, if you can define edging followed by overstimulation as cruel.

#sakusa kiyoomi smut #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa smut #haikyu smut #haikyu x reader #hq smut #hq x reader #hqintheclub

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cafedanslanuit · 3 years

Note

oh no.. not me dropping into your dms to suggest smth to do with porco and having a quickie in the office and not trying to make a mess on the paperwork and either porco or y/n having to talk to an employee at the same time over the phone with complete composure

oh no... not me finding that incredibly hot and writing it now

tw: semi-public, dirty talking, phone sex (kinda?), exhibitionism, eating out, office sex, rough sex, quickies, cum play

Later that night you would remind Porco you were only meant to drop his lunch since he had been working so hard lately. Your husband would nod mockingly, containing a laugh. “Sure, babe. And... where were your panties, huh?”

You watched in awe how Porco’s stern face melted into a smile when you knocked on his door and peeked inside his office. You told him his secretary had let you inside since you wanted to deliver his lunch. You walked over to his desk and sat on it, swinging your legs happily.

Porco thanked you, pulling you down and covering your entire face in small pecks, making you giggle. He couldn’t help how his hands started travelling down your back, giving your ass a playful squeeze. He pulled away from your lips for a minute an arched an eyebrow, as his fingers ran across your hips.

“You’re not... you’re not wearing?” he asked in a whisper. You chuckled as you watched heat easily rise to his cheeks. Before you could tease him about it, he pushed his laptop and other documents aside and pulled you by your legs until you were sitting on his desk in front of him.

Porco’s hands ran under your summer dress, breath hitching when he realized you weren’t wearing your panties.

��Fuck, you’re going to kill me,” he hissed.

He loosened his tie and hiked your dress up, ignoring your comments about the huge window to the city right behind him. It was okay, he thought. It was the 40th floor after all.

Porco parted your legs and buried his face on your pussy, tongue sliding up your folds, humming as he felt such familiar heat against his face. He circled his tongue around your clit, loving how fast you got wet under his ministrations. You cursed under your breath when he started gently sucking on your clit, hands immediately going to his head and fingers tangling on his golden locks.

Letting your clit rest a moment, he moved his lips to your entrance, teasing your little hole until you were gushing on his tongue, showing him how turned on you truly were. With his thumb, he started rubbing soft, gentle circles on your clit as he fucked you slowly with his tongue, Your thighs closed against his face as he listened to you pant at how good he was making you feel.

“Pock, please- keep- fuck-”

Even if the idea of eating you until you came on his mouth was more than enticing, Porco decided he still wanted a bit more from you. You were so pretty in your dress, bringing him lunch and letting him eat you at his pleasure- he just couldn’t resist.

He pulled away, his face coated with your slickness and his pupils blown out. He quickly trapped you into a heated kiss, letting you feel your own taste in his tongue, his hands squeezing your breasts in hunger and then travelling down your ass again, pulling you closer to him.

Porco didn’t break the kiss as he undid his pants and took his cock out, already hard and leaking just from eating you out. He pumped himself a couple of times before pressing his tip against your entrance, making you whimper softly, your hands holding his face.

“The door- the door is unlocked,” you reminded him.

“Then you just have to be quiet,” he smirked, making you smile a little.

He started pushing inside of you, your head buried in his neck to camouflage the tiny moans you just couldn’t contain. Porco always felt big inside you, the way he stretched you every time always made you see stars. He started moving his hips against yours quickly, making sure every one of his thrusts was deep and had you shaking for him.

“C’mon, I want to see you,” he whispered, grabbing the back of your neck and pushing you away from him. He fucked you looking straight at your parted lips and eyes full of lust looking back at him. His rhythm was divine and you knew it wouldn’t be long until you were coming around him.

“Mr. Galliard, Mr. Braun is on Line Four.”

Porco looked down at this phone and grunted, thrusting against you particularly hard. He pressed a button to reply.

“Sure, put him on,” he said, his voice professional and calm as if he wasn’t balls deep inside of his wife inside his office.

A beep. And then a voice.

“Porco, I was just going over the files you sent me. Is this a good time?” Reiner’s voice said.

“A fucking fantastic time,” Porco said between his teeth, his moves now rough and hard, You held onto his shoulders tightly, your nails digging on his suit.

“Uh- sure. Okay, so the thing is...”

A particular harsh thrust sent your head back, your hand immediately going to cover your mouth, trying to be as silent as possible. Porco bit his bottom lip and got close to your ear.

“What was that, huh?” he whispered. “Don’t want him to know I’m fucking you raw? How you came to this office without your fucking panties, huh?”

His words sent a bolt of pleasure right to your pussy, your legs wrapping tightly around his waist. Eager, Porco grabbed the back of your thighs and started ramming into you, your arousal creating lewd sounds that filled the office and you prayed no one outside or Reiner could hear.

“My wife is so fucking pretty and- fuck- so fucking tight,” Porco purred against your skin as Reiner kept talking about some documents.

“So, what do you think?” Reiner asked.

“Honestly? The proposal your team made it’s kind of shitty, not gonna lie,” Porco said, and you still couldn’t believe how collected he sounded. He took his fingers to your mouth and you sucked on them, coating them nice and wet. “That’s why I changed some- well, most of the things your team did. Might want to teach them a bit about Project Management, you’re really setting them to get totally fucked the minute you stop helping them,” he chuckled, using the same fingers to tease your clit in quick motions.

“Do you really have to be so crude, Porco?” Reiner sighed.

“Always,” Porco sneered, thrusting hard against you.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop,” you begged in broken whispers, his cock and fingers quickly sending you over the edge. Porco looked at you, completely enamoured as you came around him, and even you couldn’t refrain from letting out the sweetest moan, your whole body tensing due to the force of your orgasm.

That image only made Porco reach his high as well, coming inside of you hard, heaving as he released his load and coated your walls.

“... Are you sure this is a good time to talk, Porco?” Reiner insisted.

“Told ya. Best time ever,” Porco assured him, before pressing a kiss on your lips. He pulled away from you and lifted your dress again, watching the mix of both your releases drip down your pussy. He pushed them back inside you with his fingers and helped you get off the desk. “But I do have a meeting right now, so I’ll call you back.”

“Porco-”

Your husband ended the call and started laughing like a small kid you had just gotten away with it while he pulled up his pants. He wrapped his strong arms around your body and kissed your cheek tenderly, mumbling a love promise so sweetly no one would believe you had his cum dripping down your thighs.

But that was Porco for you.

#snk smut #aot smut #porco x reader #porco galliard x reader #porco galliard #porco smut #porco galliard smut #allie after hours #themultifandomnerd #allie answers

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hobipaint · 3 years

Text

A Story Told On Sand

summary: The setting sun gives time for Jungkook to cherish his family.

↳ pairing: jungkook x reader

↳ genres: fluff, like so much fluff, established relationship, slice of life au.

↳ word count: 1.4K

↳ disclaimers: none.

a/n: A completely self indulgent Jungkook fluff drabble written at two at night haha,, I was really going through it. Written for the @bangtanwritingbingo prompt no. 14 - watching sunsets/sunrises, and for @btscreatorscorner June workshop- writing from a member's POV! a massive thank you to @jikookiekosmos for making the banner for me😭 and a massive thank you to @vaekth and @joonscore for bearing with me because I just kept talking on and on about this in your dms lol.

Jungkook leaned back, eyes shutting close as he felt the breeze kiss over every inch of his skin. The warm sunset was only just spreading across the sky, a bright yellow turning to a scarlet - as if the sun was blushing at the idea of leaving the sky, it's lover.

"It's nice," You sighed, hands resting over his as you looked at the sunset.

Jungkook looked at you, smiling, and hummed in agreement. "I like this scenario, you know. A sunset, the kids are playing in the sand, and your hand in mine. My day is coming to a good end."

You turned to face him just as he lifted your joined hands to his mouth to leave a small kiss. You smiled, with your other hand coming up to pull your hair to the side, and Jungkook remembered why he fell in love with you all over again. He looked at you, your eyes sparkling in the deep orange of the sunset, keeping his eyes locked with yours as he pulled you closer.

Kissing you never got old.

His lips softly settled on yours, the feeling of them feeling right. Your scent- an unlikely mix of mint, from his perfume, and chocolate, from baking with the kids earlier today- filled his surroundings - and he didn't want anything more. His hand clasped yours, thumb tracing small universes over the back of your hand - universes where it was only you, him and your family. You other hand languidly traced up his arm, curling behind the nape of his neck to pull him closer. He felt you smile, nearly giggle, and it was only seconds before the two of you pulled away and just laughed. It felt good to be here. It felt good to be with you.

The setting sun cast beautiful spells over the waves that were splashing and playing around in the sea, washing them in shades of burnt red and gentle yellows. The glimmering swell of water that leaped over the sand had your children squealing in delight, running away from the wave. You waved them over, watching as they ran helter skelter to collect their sand toys before running the two of you.

Jungkook spread his arms out as his daughter ran to her father, not minding the sand that stuck to her body as she leaped on him - squealing in happiness at being reunited with her partner in crime. You reached over to ruffle her hair, eyes crinkling as your son walked over and buried his face in your lap, finally exhausted with the events of the day.

It was a vacation for you and him - time to spend with family. There were so many highs and so many lows in your daily lives that it was exhausting, even if you loved your work - and you both needed that break, even if it was only for a weekend. Now, as he watched the waves crash into each other and then end in bubbles, he felt that peace he had wanted.

"Tomorrow, we will go back to the city. Right, dad?" Your daughter sat up and spoke to Jungkook, his hand coming up to caress the hair that flew wildly behind her, settling it behind her ear. "Yes, my bunny. We're going back tomorrow."

"Good!" She beamed at him, and Jungkook felt his heart swell. She took his palm, and he couldn't help but be amazed at how wonderfully she had grown up - he remembered when he would walk her around with her clinging onto his pinky finger only, and now her hand fit in the palm of his hand, big enough to clutch his hand and swing it while playing games. "I wanted to show you a drawing I had made for you and mommy."

You turned towards your daughter while petting your son's head, fingertips gently untangling the heap of curls in his hair as he slept soundly. "What drawing, baby?"

"I made a big girl drawing. Teacher had said it was really good!" Your daughter beamed, missing incisors displayed in a beautiful smile that strangely reminded Jungkook of your own -upper lip quirking in a way that he thought only you could, till his daughter first beamed at him. The thought made him smile.

"Really? I can't wait to see it then, bub. We'll pin it on the fridge too!" You cheered for her, her eyes widening in happiness and surprise at the sudden announcement. She jumped onto both of you, nearly knocking her brother off his mother's lap as she squealed again, screaming to the waves in the distance about how she loved her family. "We will be here forever!" she said, happily clapping.

After a few more moments of excited babbling - including a certain confession she had received from a classmate ("I promised not to tell anyone, but I didn't want to hide it from you! He said he loved me!") Jungkook's shocked exclamation at his baby getting confessions, you laughing, and her defending her 'friend', she was peacefully dosing on Jungkook's lap. His hand went to softly pat her hair, humming a soft lullaby - the same one he had sung to her for years- for all the times she wouldn't sleep at night.

Eight years, and she still paraded up to him at night to demand the lullaby, and Jungkook would simply cherish that time as he would caress her head, wishing her sweet dreams and tucking the blanket in. "It's to keep the monsters away, " he'd hear her murmur everytime, and he'd smile before returning to his wife and son in the next room, softly patting his son's cheek, kissing his wife good night, and falling asleep.

Looking at you now - your eyes paying attention to the two year old that had curled up in your lap - he held back the sudden urge to shout in happiness like his daughter had. That's what he felt. Overwhelmed with happiness. He didn't believe that he actually got to live with this euphoria in his life. One look at the three of you made him feel so proud, so responsible, and so loved - he simply couldn't put it all into words.

Your head came to rest on his shoulder, and Jungkook leaned his head over yours, hands finding each other. You squeezed his hand tightly, and sighed - and he understood you. This silence, this time - it all meant so much for the two of you.

"Once we go back, we're probably not getting time like this again, are we?" You whispered, letting the words fly away with the breeze.

"Maybe. Who knows, I'll whisk you away on a getaway next week?" He smiled, and though he couldn't see you, he knew you were smiling, too.

"Maybe? What about our daughter's annual day, mister? Forgot so soon?" You laughed as you spoke, punching his arm playfully. "I guess my husband is turning old already."

"Hey!" Jungkook said, trying to fake his anger even if he couldn't take the smile off his face. "I remembered it, of course I remember! I had to learn the ballet routine as well!" You laughed again, the sound familiar and known to him- his heart beating a happy beat. "I twisted round and round, over and over, and nearly ripped my pants."

"Mmmm, and I didn't see you complaining after this baby appreciated you." Jungkook watched you caress your daughter's hair, then her cheek, and settle on the sand. "You went for it all the way."

"I would always go all the way for her. And for this pumpkin too." He pointed at his son, and you giggled. "And for you too. You're my world, you know that?"

You raised your head to face him, Jungkook almost complaining at the loss of your body heat right near him. "And you're mine. You, and our kids. You're all my everything."

Jungkook's eyes softened, pulling you closer for you to rest your head on him again. You leaned against his chest, and Jungkook bent down to kiss the top of your head before leaning back to bade goodbye to the sun.

"I think sunsets look the prettiest, don't they?" You marvelled at the sky, lush shades of warm orange letting hints of blue peak through as the sky prepared for nightfall.

I think everything looks prettier when it's with you, Jungkook wanted to say, but he lets the babble of the returning seagulls fill the space. His hands wrap around you, letting his eyes look to the sky once again, awed by everything around him now. This was all he needed.

"I love you," he murmured, pressing another kiss to his lover as the sun set upon the evening.

a/n: I'm not really sure if this would be drabble length or fic length, but I'd like to think of it as a drabble. Writing this was really warm and comforting for me, so I hope that it gave you a similar feeling. I'd love to hear any feedback you have either as a comment, reblog, or as an ask! Thank you so much for giving your time to my work 💞 love, hazel 🤗

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akakeiiji · 3 years

Text

— Haikyuu characters as things that have happened to my friends and I

↳ a/n — this was so self-indulgent and fun to write, i suppose i just really really miss my friends huhu. my friend group consists of 14 people and most of us have known one another since grade school so we have had a lot of memories together, both good and bad, so here is a compilation of a few of them that reminded me of hq characters

— Bokuto Koutarou

He was tossing a can of sardines to his friend to catch but he ended up throwing it too hard so his friend dodged and the can instead hit the school's flat-screen tv subsequently destroying it all while his teacher was in the room

— Akaashi Keiji

He wasn't paying attention when trying to join his zoom class and he accidentally joined the zoom call meant for teachers right when they were having a staff meeting, he didn't realize right away and stayed there for a good five minutes before the teachers started asking why he was there

— Oikawa @ Iwaizumi

He wanted to confess to his crush but because of quarantine he couldn't do it in person so he had to resort to doing it via text, however, instead of doing it through DM he ended up sending his confession to their group chat where every one of their friends could read it

— Yamaguchi Tadashi

He thought that he was going to fail an exam so he started crying in the middle of it and his teacher felt so bad that he gave everyone a 30-minute extension

— Daichi Sawamura

He and his friends were tossing a volleyball towards one another in a circle on the floor in their classroom and he ended up receiving too violently making the volleyball fly up and break the light fixture in the room

— Kageyama Tobio

He tried to ding dong ditch his neighbor because his friends dared him to but he ended up tripping in front of the gate as he was running away and got caught

— Sugawara Koushi

He tried to help his classmate during a test by showing her his paper before realizing that the head teacher was right behind him, they both got caught and their parents were called in the next day

— Atsumu and Osamu Miya

There was this one area in the city that didn't allow those under 18 to be out after a certain time and one night they ended up getting stranded there so they hid in some bushes in front of a closed McDonalds until their mom found them and took them home

— Suna Rintaro

He was looking at random photos in the computer lab and the teacher presented his computer screen on the television as he unintentionally clicked on a meme about penises. Everyone in class saw the photo and he was forced to stay behind after class

— Tsukishima Kei

He posted something on Twitter ranting about how hard his exam was only for a classmate to take screenshots of it and send them to the teacher who made the exam, they then called his parents because the tweet contained one (1) swear word and threatened to remove him from the honors roll

— Hinata Shoyo

He was watching a new movie at the cinemas and when the entire theatre was silent he started ugly crying and wailing because his favorite character just died making everyone in the cinema start laughing at him

— Kenma Kozuma

He was playing in co-op and when he joined a new world he was wondering why the host wasn't starting the game yet, after waiting for a good five minutes he started messaging the other players telling them to start already only for him to realize that he was actually the host the entire time

— Lev Haiba

He fell asleep in the middle of a zoom class and woke up only when he and his teacher were left alone in the call, he ended up panicking and told her that he just forgot to leave the call because he was in the bathroom

— Kyotani Kentaro

He ended up making his teacher cry in the middle of class because they thought he was being mean to them but he didn't even do anything?? He just asked them a question and started crying??

— Yuji Terushima and the rest of Johzenji

They almost burnt their hair off while trying to style it for a school dance, they ended up losing track of time and almost didn't make it to the venue on time because they didn't know how to use the curling/straightening irons properly and were only using outdated youtube tutorials as their guides

— Goshiki Tsutomu

He impulsively let his friends cut his hair in the middle of class and they ended up cutting his bangs too short and choppy, he had to suffer the rest of the school year with that hairstyle

— Kuroo Tetsurou

He was so desperate to talk to his crush that he tried starting a conversation by talking about calculators, just calculators, nothing else

— Sakusa Kiyoomi

He accidentally drank half a bottle of baby cologne before realizing that what he was drinking was not in fact water

— Nishinoya Yuu and Tanaka Ryuunosuke

They both needed to poop really bad during lunch so they went to the school infirmary and they each pooped there while the other stood outside making sure nobody would go in as the other was finishing their business, in the end they considered a solid bonding experience <3

— Ushijima Wakatoshi

Someone tried confessing to him by handing him a paper with the words "I like you" written on it but somehow he still didn't get the message despite the person repeatedly shoving the paper into his hands

— Asahi Azumane

He got separated from his friends while they were out and got lost, he then started vlogging his experience when some dogs scared him, he ended up falling onto the asphalt road from shock and broke his phone

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bubbleteaimagines · 3 years

Text

Back To You

Oikawa Tooru Oneshot

Summary: You’ve moved on. You found someone new so why, why do you keep coming back to him?

Paring: Oikawa Tooru x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut, Cheating! I do not condone actual cheating but this is fanfiction not real life, Unprotected Sex with mentions of breeding but remember to wrap it kids!

You could feel his stare piercing you even from across the court. White hot, curious with a streak of jealousy.

Of course.

That’s to be expected when you show up to your old boyfriend’s match with your new boyfriend. You tried to ignore his stare as you helped Ragnar – your boyfriend – stretch before the game.

“Babe? Can you pull the other now?” He asks you, smiling sweetly, and it makes you sick that you have to give it all your might to concentrate on him, not the brunette standing just on the other side of the court.

“Of course,” You mentally scold yourself for even letting him cross your mind, pushing down the feeling of your hammering heart and complying with Ragnar. “That hard enough baby?”

“I bet I could give it to you harder,” He smiled suddenly, and you feel yourself become flustered as you realize what he meant.

“Shut up!” You scold him lightly, giggling a little while shaking your head. “You’re such a perv, you know that?”

“Oh come on,” Ragnar whines, his bottom lip jutting out a little in a pout. “You promised that if I won this game then we’d...you know...”

“That was only if you won,” You reminded him, emphasizing only. “Which won’t happen if the star player gets put out for pulling a muscle. So focus.”

“Right, right,” Ragnar finally complied and you ignored the whispers as people slowly began to talk.

“Hey...isn’t that Oikawa’s ex girlfriend?” Someone whispered, causing you to tense up.

“Yeah, I wonder what she’s doing here.”

“Do you think she came to see him?”

“Nah, it looks like she moved on. With a player from the opposing team, no less!”

“Come on,” You gently tugged on Ragnar’s arm as your heart hammered in your chest. “Let’s go set you up, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ragnar agreed and you tightly gripped his hand as he lead you deeper into his team’s territory. A few people that would be playing greeted you, but you hardly acknowledged them as you sat down on the bench and then heard him talking.

“Big crowd isn’t it?” Oikawa said nonchalantly, but you could hear something lingering in his voice.

“Yeah. Best not get too caught up in it,” You heard someone else respond. Iwaizumi, of course. He had been one of your closest friends when you and Oikawa were still dating, but after you broke up the two of you slowly drifted away.

You felt bad for cutting him off but you knew that he was Oikawa’s friend first and it’d be too awkward trying to share him.

You needed a clean break from Oikawa, so why, why were you straining so hard to hear him talk?

“Let’s go say hello to some of our opponents,” You then heard Oikawa suggest, causing you to freeze. Ragnar had long since walked away, so you were the only one that noticed the seemingly thunderous footsteps of the last two people you wanted to see.

You knew he was coming, you could feel his stare and desperately tried to move. You willed your body to pick itself up, but somehow you remained seated as suddenly his presence washed over you.

“Well, well,” You flinched at his voice, too close for comfort but still as beautiful and smooth as ever. You could tell he was smirking. “You guys seem pretty good from where we’re standing, I can tell this is gonna be a tough game.”

He was lying. You knew Oikawa and you knew that he’d wipe the floor with Ragnar’s team. This was Seijoh after all- they were the favorites for nationals.

“Uh, thanks?” Seeing as your boyfriend was team captain, he was the one that replied. You kept your eyes glued to him, and him only as you watched the interaction.

“No problem,” Oikawa smirked. “You know I’d even go so far to say I’m nervous,” He said, and you wanted to scream from how he was taunting your boyfriend. But you feared it’d be worse if you got involved.

“Well, we’re not called Tigers for no reason,” Ragnar chuckled. His gaze flashed to you and immediately you could see Oikawa scowling.

“Our playing styles seem to be a lot different,” Oikawa started, “So I wish you luck. But I think you’ll find that you and me- we’re not so different after all.”

For the first time since you had broken up with him, you and Oikawa made eye contact. He winked at you as your (E/C) eyes went wide, your mouth going dry. “Isn’t that right, Y/N?”

The way he purred your name should have been illegal. And you kicked yourself as your heart began to flutter, butterflies forming in your stomach.

Dammit! You tore your eyes away and looked anywhere but him.

God, you fucking hated him.

How did he manage to have this effect on you, months after you had seen each other? How he did still make you nervous? How did he still make your thighs clench together by saying your name just right, just like he used to do while he had you underneath him and whimpering from his touch?

You sucked in a breath and shook away the tears that threatened to surface. You felt so disgusting, sitting there with your body gravitating towards him and that bastard knew it.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ragnar frowned, suddenly becoming defensive as he noticed Oikawa looking straight at you. The brunette chuckled.

“Oh nothing,” He sighed like he hadn’t just called out his girlfriend directly. “Well, we better get going. The game should be starting soon. See you around.”

You averted your gaze as you fixated on Oikawa’s and Iwaizumi’s shoes. Their presence was so off-putting that you flinched again when Oikawa called out your name.

“Oh, and Y/N/N,” You hated the power he still had over you. Because as soon as he addressed you by that name, you looked up.

He smirked. “I’ll be seeing you soon,” He promised, something that he had been retreating over the many texts and DM’s he had sent you.

You gulped.

“Come on, leave her alone,” Iwaizumi gently tugged on Oikawa’s sleeve, dragging him away sending you a look of apology. You nodded in acceptance and then let out a breath when they were finally gone.

“Do you know him?” Ragnar immediately asked, watching Oikawa’s back with hard eyes.

You sighed. “Nope. I’ve never...I’ve never seen him in my life. I was just friends with the guy he was with.”

“Humph,” Ragnar hummed as soon as your phone pinged. Picking it up, you became frozen in shock at the message.

You looked beautiful today, my love. Too bad you were on his arm and not mine.

“Is everything alright?” Ragnar asked carefully, looking at your dejected face. “He didn’t spook you out or anything, did he?”

“N-No, It’s fine,” You stutter, quickly hiding your phone. “I’m fine. Don’t let it get to you- he’s probably just using me to get to you.”

If only he knew. It was much, much more than that.

Oikawa waited for Ragnar to leave and then he smirked when your gaze automatically flickered to his, like he knew it would. Winking, you almost lost it when his lips began to move and he mouthed ‘I love you,’ just when the whistle blew.

–

“YES!”

You grinned in happiness as your boyfriend and his teammates jumped around in victory, having beat Seijou by just a point.

You had to admit, you were on edge the entire game. Regretfully you had spent a good amount of time looking back and forth between your boyfriend and your ex, watching them battle it out.

Ragnar had been amazing out there but Oikawa...Oikawa had been absolutely phenomenal.

It was obvious he had improved in the time you were apart. His spike were still deadly and they were powerful enough to score 15 points. Halfway through the game, you had been sure Seijou would win the game.

But when it really mattered, little mistakes is what got them. So that’s why you were currently celebrating with your team, but didn’t really feel like a win.

Not for you.

“Y/N!” Ragnar snapped you out of your thoughts by pulling you into a sudden kiss, causing you to squeak. “We did it baby- I told you!”

“Yeah!” You were grateful he was too excited to hear your halfhearted reply, and too distracted to see your tight smile. “Congrats, baby. I knew you could do it.”

No you didn’t. Guilt pooled in your stomach as you remembered ranking Oikawa over your own boyfriend. You stomach twisted- how could you do that? How could you sit there that entire game waiting for Ragnar to fail if only you got to see Oikawa win?

You felt sick with yourself.

“Come on,” Ragnar gently tugged on your arm and smiled shyly. “Let’s all get back to the bus, yeah? I believe you have a promise to fufill,” He whispered that last part lowly, causing you to shiver and widen your eyes.

“Right,” You smiled tightly, pretending like your heart wasn’t about to pound out of your chest. “Let me just...let me check to see if we got everything. I’ll do a final sweep and meet you there.”

“Okay,” Ragnar grinned and leaned down to press a kiss on your cheek. Then, with all thirteen of his teammates he exited the building leaving you standing there, hollow.

“What are you doing?” You asked yourself, watching them walk away. “Why am I staying?”

It felt wrong to leave just now. It felt like you had something else to do. Someone else to see.

“Dammit,” You cursed as your feet began to go in the opposite direction, jogging lightly and prayed that they were still there.

It was just your luck that Seijou was on the opposite side of the building, and all of the buses were still there which meant there was a possibility he wouldn’t even be inside.

“Shit!”

You couldn’t believe you were being this stupid. Why were you running towards him, hoping to catch him before he left? Why did you care? Why had you never stopped caring?

“Y/N?” Iwaizumi’s surprised voice was difficult to hear over your heavy breathing, but you managed, raising your head to meet his eyes.

“Iwa-Chan,” You used his old nickname, setting yourself up straight. “I-”

“Why are you here?” He hadn’t meant it to sound rude, he was surprised that’s all. Hell, you were surprised yourself.

“I...” Why were you here?

Your eyes scanned the surroundings behind Iwaizumi. Fourteen players, but there were sixteen on the team. He followed your gaze, and his eyes softened when he noticed you looking.

“In the locker room,” He suddenly said, snapping your attention back to him.

You frowned. “W-What?”

“He’s in the locker room,” Iwaizumi repeated, knowing that’s who you were looking for. You felt your chest tighten.

“I-I wasn’t...”

“Bus leaves in 30 minutes. Don’t make him late, please,” Iwaizumi told you like it was nothing. You suddenly felt embarrassed. He had read you like an open book.

“T-Thank you,” You nodded in appreciation before turning in that direction. “Thank you, Iwaizumi. I-It was good to see you.”

He studied you for moment. It looked like he was about to say something, but then he just shook his head.

“You too, Y/N-Chan. Thank you for this,” Iwaizumi said. “He...he needs you right now.”

You felt like all the air disappeared from your lungs. Your heart pounded uncomfortably, while a tiny voice in your head told you ‘No. Don’t do this.’

“Okay,” You ignored the voice and got moving. Your feet walking in a direction you shouldn’t have been going. Your heart leading the way while your brain screamed profanities.

When you got to the locker room, you could already hear him pacing around. He was cursing, mumbling to himself about things you couldn’t hear until you got closer.

“O-Oikawa?” Your voice was hesitant, but you forced yourself to say something.

Immediately, his brown eyes snapped to you. Surprise- just like Iwaizumi- filled them, but no sooner than it appeared, it was gone.

“Y-Y/N-Chan?” He stuttered your name like he had never uttered it before. It made you even more nervous, but nevertheless your body pulled you in closer. “W-What are you doing here?”

“I-I came to see you,” You forced out, tearing your eyes away. It was too much. His gaze was too intense.

Oikawa scoffed. “After that? Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend, celebrating?”

You didn’t like the way he said ‘your boyfriend.’ It felt wrong, coming from his lips. Like words that shouldn’t exist. You gulped.

“He’s on the bus,” You explained, still keeping your head down. “He...They’re waiting for me.”

“And what-” You could see his shoes getting closer, “Don’t tell me you came back for me,” He said in disbelief.

You sighed. “I wanted to see if you were okay,” You finally got the courage to look up and meet his eyes, and when you did you nearly melted.

Nothing had changed. He could still captivate you with one look- that damn look he was giving you now.

“Oh,” He sounded genuinely confused.

“Y-Yeah,” You stuttered slightly. “It’s just...I know how much you hate losing,” You mumbled quietly, embarrassed. “Especially if it’s to...”

“If it’s to him?” Oikawa finished, and you nodded, too embarrassed to say anything. “Well, you wouldn’t be wrong.”

You guys were so close now that you could begin to feel his body heat. Oikawa was always so warm, it was one of the things you love about him.

Wait a minute. Love?

“Hey,” He was bold and reached over to take your hand, causing electricity to flow through both of you. “Look at me.”

Even though it was softly spoken, you knew that it was a command. And, unable to resist him, you did.

You looked deep into his eyes and you could see every ounce of love he had for you. You could see the lust, the longing, but also the pain that still lingered months after you had parted ways.

“Tell me something,” Oikawa spoke again, letting out a breath. “Do you still love me?”

The question caught you off guard. You weren’t expecting him to jump right in, to dive head first after only just seeing you again.

But for Tooru- you knew he needed to know. You knew that your words would determine would what happen next, if the tension between you two would boil over or if it would simmer to a stop.

“I never stopped,” You confessed honestly, clenching your fists. “Everyday- everyday I’m not with you is like hell for me. I keep thinking back to it, that day you left. And I-”

Tears began to well in your eyes at the memory. All the screaming, the crying and the petty insults you had thrown at one another all seemed so...irrelevant now. Oikawa was staring at you with pure love, love that had never stopped for you. And now...now you began to wonder why either of you ever walked away.

“I’m sorry,” His fingers brushed the side of your face and you relished in his touch, immediately melting into him. “I’m sorry for everything- for what I said to you. For walking away...” Oikawa trailed off for a moment and then he resumed, his eyes squeezing shut. “...For letting someone else take you before I had the chance...before I could...”

“Hey,” Now it was his turn to melt into your touch. Oikawa leaned into you as you cupped his cheek, sighing almost painfully. He had waited too long to feel your touch again. “It’s okay. We both said a lot of things that day. I’m sorry too.”

“I still love you, you know,” Oikawa blurted out. He sounded embarrassed, but little did he know how much they effected you.

It was wrong, you knew that. To be holding your ex, comforting him while your boyfriend was waiting on you. It was wrong but...god it felt so right.

“I know,” You murmured quietly, pressing yourself into him. You could feel the hard outline of his muscles, a feeling that was familiar to you. Your body immediately flushed, subconsciously yearning for more.

“I broke your heart into two,” He said regretfully, his face contorting into pain.

“I know,” But still, you pressed your forehead to his. “But when it healed...it was still beating for you,” You confessed, Oikawa’s arm gently wrapping around your waist to pull you close.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you,” He said breathlessly, and then before you could react his lips were on yours.

It was like...taking a deep breath after being underwater for so long. So refreshing, so vital to keep living that you had no choice but to surrender to it.

You were quick to lean into him, kissing back with as much passion and feriocity as you could. In that short amount of time, somehow your hands found his hair and Oikawa’s fingers began to find their way up your shirt.

“Can I...” He pulled away to tug on your shirt, looking at with you with absolute need.

“Yes,” You couldn’t get the word out fast enough, excitement running through your veins as Oikawa all but ripped it off. “God, yes.”

“So beautiful,” He muttered slightly, smiling when he saw you were wearing his favorite bra. “It’s like you were expecting this,” He said, but you only responded by leaning to kiss him again.

You couldn’t get enough, it had been so long, too long since his mouth had been on yours. Your body had been craving him for such a long time and now that you had him, you were eager to be as close as you could.

“Your turn,” You told him, pulling away to now tug on his shirt. “Off.”

“Yes ma’am,” Oikawa smirked at your request and immediately took it off, throwing it in some random corner. “Is this good?”

“Perfect,” You murmured lovingly, running your hands over his beautiful body.

Oikawa shivered underneath your touch, anticipation racing through his as you traced his abs.

“It’s been too long,” He said, you nodding in agreement. “It’s not enough, I need to-”

“I know,” You already knew what he wanted and you were eager to comply, stepping away to wiggle out of your jeans. Then, you snapped the bralette off which left you standing in only your cute pale panties.

“Mine,” Your back was against the lockers before you could even blink, a possessive glint in Oikawa’s eyes as he eyed your almost naked body.

“It’s always been yours,” You reminded him, before pulling him down in another kiss. This was one was messier, your desire for one another evident as your tongues danced with each other. Oikawa was pressing so hard against you that you could feel his hard on through his shorts, smirking when he moaned as you grinded against him.

“I need those off,” You ordered, your core beginning to trob at the anticipation. Oikawa was the same, wanting nothing more than to finally be inside of you again. He pulled down his shorts like it was nothing, and then he yanked at your panties, feeling them to be soaked.

“Someone’s excited,” He chuckled, and you moaned as he stoked over your clothed pussy.

“Off,” You whimpered, not being able to stand it anymore. It was unbearable- he was right there, so why wasn’t he buried inside of you?

“Yes ma’am,” Once again, he gave you what you wanted and then shed his boxers, his erection springing free. Your mouth watered at the sight of his pretty cock, standing all hard because of you.

“I’ve missed this,” You admitted as Oikawa pulled your panties down. “I need-”

“I got you,” He promised, finally sliding off the material and then pressing you against the lockers once more. He bent down to hook his arms underneath your thighs, automatically bringing your pussy to hover right over his tip.

He was beyond eager, something you’d never seen in Oikawa before. Usually, he could tease you for hours but this time was different.

“Do you want me to...you want me to prep you first?” He offered like a true gentleman, but you could tell it was killing him to not be inside of you already.

“N-No,” You declined as his cock rubbed over your wet folds. “Not today- next time-”

“Next time,” Oikawa promised, before capturing you into a kiss and slowly sinking himself in.

The stretch was beautiful, you couldn’t help but whimper as your pussy finally became full after months. And from Oikawa no less, it felt like a perfect fit as he gripped you tightly and buried himself to the hilt.

“Fuck,” His eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head at the sensation, your pussy sucking him in. There was something so gratifying, so beautiful about being inside of you again and being able to feel all of you.

It didn’t matter if you were still taking birth control or not. Oikawa was determined to cum inside of you, he was determined to fill you to the brink.

“Move,” You whimpered in his arms, the feeling of his cock pushing past your tight ring of muscles painful, but also reliving. This is what you wanted, you wanted this feeling of him. And you wanted him faster.

“O-Okay,” Oikawa gave you what you wanted and bucked his hips into you, moaning at how tight you felt. You always squeezed him just right, but it seemed like today your walls were determined to milk him dry. Not that he minded of course, but he had to squeeze his eyes shut and focus so that he wouldn’t fill you up right then and there.

“T-Tooru...” Your broken moans only encouraged him to go faster, lockers behind you shaking as he pounded you good. Thank god he was strong- he had no trouble holding you up as he drilled into you over and over again.

“God you’re so fucking tight,” Oikawa moaned and nuzzled himself into your neck, sucking on your sweet spot.

You knew he was going to mark you up, stake his claim to any man that came near you. That included Ragnar but you no longer cared, the feeling of him abusing your cervix washing out anything else.

“Oh god,” You gasped, snapping your eyes open as Oikawa angled his hips to hit just the right spot. That spot that made you go absolutely wild, crying out his name like a prayer as you held on for dear life.

“Oikawa!”

“That’s right baby,” He pulled away from your neck and grunted, looking straight into your eyes as he abused it over and over again. “Let them know who you’ve always belonged to- let them know that I’m the first and only man that’s ever touched this little pussy!”

“I-” You threw your head back as stars began to cloud your vision, “Y-You’re the only one, baby. It’s always you. It’ll always be you,” You cried out, a tear slipping down your face from sheer pleasure.

“I know,” Oikawa kissed your cheeks and then you could feel his thrusts getting sloppy- he was close.

As both of your orgasms came close he made sure to take one hand from under your thighs and then used his fingers to rub your clit. Once again, you marveled this mans strength because he managed to hold you up with one hand while simultaneously pleasuring you at the same time.

“B-Baby...” You could feel the knot in your stomach about to unravel, and you held onto Oikawa as euphoria washed over you. “I-I’m gonna-”

“Let it go, sweetheart,” Oikawa moaned as his own movement stiffened, and then you feel his warm cum paint your walls.

With one last cry, you clenched around him and let it go, yelling out his name so loud there was no way somebody couldn’t hear you, and Oikawa secretly wished it was Ragnar.

A feeling of smugness mixed in with the pleasure as he emptyed himself inside of you, knowing that nobody else had ever had you like this before.

You were full of him, of his cum, and his cock was the only that’s ever had the pleasure to breed you.

He filled your womb like it was nothing and once you both came down, you were a shaking and crying mess against him.

“I love you, Oikawa Tooru,” You mumbled against his lips as he kissed you messily.

“I love you too, Y/N L/N,” He said honestly, giving one last trust before pulling out of you.

Oikawa let go of your legs but he was there to quickly hold your trembling body, your legs unstable. You looked up at him with eyes filled with pure love and admiration and god, Oikawa thinks you’ve never looked prettier with tear stains on your cheeks and with your pussy leaking with his cum.

“Does this mean-” Ever the bold one, he dared to ask, “Does this mean you’re coming home with me?”

“Y-Yes,” You stuttered out slightly, your chest tightening at the prospect of leaving Ragnar but not because you loved him, but because you felt guilty. “What am I gonna...what am I gonna say?” You wondered, but Oikawa already had that planned.

“Leave that to me,” He promised, bending down to pick up your phone. You watched him hesitantly as he unlocked it, smirking when he realized you didn’t even have his picture on your home screen.

“What are you doing?” You asked slightly panicked as he opened up Snapchat.

“This,” You gasped as Oikawa was suddenly inside of you again, your pussy struggling to take him after what just happened. You didn’t even have to think as you held onto his biceps tightly, Oikawa beginning to thrust again.

“Think twice before you take something that’s mine,” You heard him growl, and then he was sliding out, sending the video straight to Ragnar.

“Did you just-”

“He needed to know his place,” Oikawa said casually, scooping you into his arms again. “He may have beat me today, but he lost the most incredible girl he could have ever had.”

“Did you seriously just do that?” You were still floored, struggling to wrap your brain around it. I mean you knew Oikawa was petty but this-?

“Did you expect anything else, my dove?” He chuckled.

You sighed. “Honestly...no. No I didn’t,” You found yourself grinning at him just as your phone pinged, blowing up with texts and snaps from Ragnar.

“Well, I guess that’s our cue,” Oikawa laughed, opening a snap and sending back a selfie. “Come on- you can delete all of his stuff on the bus.”

“You’re...you’re unbelievable,” You told him with wide-eyes, your phone pinging again.

“I know,” Oikawa smiles, “But I have you back either way.”

#oikawa imagine #oikawa tooru x reader #tooru oikawa x reader #oikawa smut #tooru oikawa #oikawa tōru #oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa torū #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu oikawa #oikawa tooru smut #tooru oikawa smut #haikyuu smut #spicytea.txt

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mossybank · 3 years

Text

69/100 — J. P.

Jeff Pfister x Fem!Reader

Virgin!Jeff x Cheerleader!Reader

Summary: Y/N repays Jeff for helping her study.

Warnings: Smut, oral (male receiving), public, Jeff gets a boner from Y/N just fucking breathing in his presence, reader is kind of mean, Jeff has a small cock and is a premie

It was no secret that Y/N was failing her classes, academics just weren't for everyone and that was okay; however, being at the university on a scholarship, if her grades weren't consistently high enough she could easily loose it, regardless of the fact that it was for cheerleading. Due to this, she decided to take matters into her own hands, finding a tutor.

Her professor had recommended another boy in her class, Jeff, who had the highest grades, and although he was quiet he was happy to help. The two agreed to meet in the library, working their schedule around Y/N's cheer practise so she could meet up with him afterwards. With their arrangement she was meant to have enough time to change in between practise and studying, but due to practise running over that time was swiftly stolen. Y/N hoped Jeff wouldn't mind her showing up still in her cheer uniform, she doubted be would, if anything it'd probably be a positive what with him being your typical man.

And so, Y/N entered the library still clad in her cheer uniform, it wasn't out of the question to suggest that she'd rolled the skirt up to shorten it, and she wouldn't deny it if pointed out. Perhaps it was uncouth of her, but Y/N had always had a thing for nerds, especially virgins, which Jeff undeniably was, and she couldn't be faulted for wanting to tease.

Spotting Jeff at the back of the library, hiding out in a booth, Y/N made her way over with a slight spring in her step, "Sorry I'm late." She apologised, a smile gracing her features, and she didn't miss the way Jeff's eyes drifted to her chest before her face.

It took Jeff a second to answer, mouth moving but not forming any words, and he adjusted his sitting position, "It's, uh, fine."

Y/N hummed and then the two looked at each other for a while, silence engulfing the room as one waited for the other to say something, eventually with a roll of her eyes, Y/N did so,

"I have a list of what I don't get," She dug through her bag, holding it on her lap which caused Jeff to look at her thighs nearby, she pretended not to see his gaze but the way the corners of her lips lifted to a smirk had to give it away, ".. Here." She slides the paper in front of Jeff, his hand brushing over hers as he grabbed it.

Jeff seems to scoff looking over the list, a momentary reminder that no matter how adorable nerdy guys are they still tended to be pretentious douchebags, and he looks over at Y/N likes she's joking.

"Really? I could do this in my sleep, there's no way you actually need help with this."

A frown makes its way to Y/N's face and she pouts, "C'mon Jeff," She places a hand upon his knee, an act of sincerity, and that seems to shut him up pretty quickly, ", why would I lie about not knowing this stuff? Besides, I'll pay you back for helping..." She leans closer to Jeff, whispering the last sentance in his ear seductively before leaning back to watch him squirm.

Studying seemed to go smoothly, Jeff wasn't the best teacher but he wasn't expected to be, and their session soon came to an end.

Biting her lip, Y/N looked at Jeff coyly, quickly glancing around the library to gauge how alone they were,

"I guess you'll be wanting that repayment I promise earlier, huh?"

Jeff shook his head, "You don't need to pay me, I didn't expect money." He insisted, gripping his backpack, which had been strictly planted over his crotch for the last hour, with such a strong grip his knuckles paled.

"I didn't mean with money, Jeff.." Y/N titled her head, waiting to see if the penny dropped in Jeff's mind, esculating the situation when it didn't by moving her hand to his thigh, "I see the way you've been looking at me, I dread to know what you've been thinking, you must have a pretty colourful imagination.."

She coaxed Jeff to move his backpack from his crotch, hard on evident through his trousers, and smirked. Palming him through his clothes, Y/N's other hand moved to Jeff's face, holding his chin, "You are pretty cute, you know." She comments, the blond currently a sputtering and blushing mess, a sight that causes Y/N to chuckle, "God, this is probably the most a girl has ever touch you in your life, huh? Try not to have a stroke, baby."

Slowly her lips met his and it was clear Jeff had no idea what he was doing, arms planted stiffly to his sides before Y/N took one of his hands and guided it to her boob. The way Jeff helplessly moaned into her mouth almost made her coo as the boy soon pulled away,

"We can't..—" Jeff looks around, craning his neck around the bookshelves that surrounded the two, blocking them from view unless you walked directly passed them, "What if we get caught?"

"So long as you keep quiet, we won't," Y/N slips out of her chair and onto the floor, positioning herself between Jeff's legs, "So shut up and let me help you."

She plays with the waistband of Jeff's trousers, Jeff shuffling to help her remove them along with his boxes, and his cock is final springs out to face the fresh air. Anticipation that had been building in Y/N's system for the past hour crashing down to a desolate disappointment.

Of course, she shouldn't have expected too much, but God had her expectations been high anyway. Jeff's looked down with puppy dog eyes and Y/N hid the disappointment of her face and fluttered her eyelashes at him, going to lick a stripe along his length. Though the action small, it didn't take much to excite Jeff, his breath hitching at the contact.

It wasn't long before Y/N had Jeff's whole cock in her mouth, head bobbing up and down, taking the entire length only proved to be a sad attempt at deepthroating, something proved unachievable with Jeff's equipment, but worthy of an expressive reaction. Jeff struggled to keep quiet, lip bound to be swollen from how hard he gripped it with his teeth to suppress his moans and whines.

His hands snuck to Y/N's hair, giving it a tug in a momentary attempt to take some control, but a quick glare from the cheerleader, eyes filled with the threat of stopping, had him quickly stop. For a while now, Jeff had been leaking precum, and a lot of it.. It was almost concerning and an amount Y/N thought was only produced in shitty eroticas but she supposed she wasn't here to judge, but God was it difficult not to cringe whenever it came into contact with her tongue.

As a distraction, she had started to fondle Jeff's balls alongside blowing him, the wet suckling sounds suprisingly not echoing within the library, and it wasn't hard to tell how much that got to Jeff's head.

Jeff's hips bucked and Y/N knew he must've been close, though a glance at the clock to check how long it had been didn't do Jeff any justice. It was no bother, Y/N was willing to help him build up his resistance to be able to last longer at a later date.

The man coming with a loan groan, Y/N swallowed his seed before popping off his cock, she would have preferred not to swallow but given the two were in public it was much more civil for her to clean up after herself. Still not recovered from the orgasm, Jeff looked at Y/N confused as she stood up quickly and began packing away,

"Same time next week?" She asks a wink sent Jeff's way, but does not wait for answer before leaving, abandoning Jeff Pfister alone in the library, dick out, and longing for more.

To be added to a taglist, please fill out this form! Feel free to send a dm or ask if you need assistance <3

Tags — @kitwalker64 @kitwalker02 @sallyscigarettes @divineruler @tatesimper @evanmybeloved

#Jeff Pfister x reader #Ahs x reader #American horror story x reader #Evan Peters x reader #apocalypse #ahs 8 #fem reader #One shot #Headcanon #Drable #Imagine

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mercurial-madhouse · 3 years

Text

Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.

My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.

************

This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.

***

We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.

However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.

Have a great week!

- [redacted] Mods

***

This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.

The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.

The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.

I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.

I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.

The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.

I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.

So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.

I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.

I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.

Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.

I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”

This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.

In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.

Pain only comes from pain.

The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.

So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.

Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?

I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?

I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.

Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.

They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.

I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.

We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.

Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.

So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:

I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.

Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.

So here, now, is my truth:

I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.

I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.

I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.

I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.

This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.

Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.

So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.

You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.

#Being this vulnerable #is an act of courage #I never knew I had #I'm not fearless #I feel ready to vomit #I have no idea how this will be received #but I am sharing my truth #have courage to share your truth #the world needs you

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