Joke of the day - Dogtoral

I have a dogtorate in baking. http://www.Pinterest.com

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The man comes to the doctor with strained back.

"What happened to you sir?" the doctor asks.

"I knew my wife has a romance and yesterday I almost caght her with this asshole in our bed. I searched the entire apartamant but he was nowhere to be found. And I saw a man running down the street below. So I got mad and thrown a fringe at him. And I hurt my back."

The next patient severly injuried.

"And what happened to you?"

"You wouldn't belive it! I was late for work, and I was running down the street, but then some idiot thrown a fridge at me!"

The last guy is somehow even worse that the previous.

"Goodness, what happened?!"

Crazy story doctor! I was just by myself, chillin' in the fridge...

Pfft XD what the heck he was doing inside the fridge?

"Sex is good, but she's draining me dry.. I need to drink 20 glasses of water a day just to keep moisture in my eyes. I will have a 30 pack of abs by the end of the month, it may not look like it though but trust me.. they are under my gut. My mouth always tastes like vagina and I don't know why, ok.. maybe I do and that was a lie. When I eat it, I don't wash my face so every time I lick my lips I can get a taste.. she's so horny that I can't keep up, it's like running on the highway trying to race a truck. She says I am malnourished and that I need to eat, but she only feeds me bowls of kitty.. I think she's a demon and I wanted to go to church to be saved, but every Sunday she ties me to the bed like some kind of sex slave."

Hahahaha.. poem jokes about my sex life. Not untrue but we both like to exaggerate a little, haha.. - eUë

The dad jokes are so real 🤣🤣🤣

i have this lovely annoying coworker who always says "so what's your opinion on politics" as a terrible joke whenever we work on projects together. she is the master of terrible jokes. she invented terrible jokes. she calls me a furry because I aspire to spontaneously evolve lizard traits in myself. anyway what was i saying. yeah so she said the same joke to me a couple days ago when she arrived to the laboratory in the morning and I turned to her and I said "socialism? more like solute solution" and her face was straight. unfeeling. disparate from all possible reaction. i said wasn't that funny and she said NO fake fans. i'm kicking her off the project

I just started listening to dungeons and daddies and the Darryl crying at Rudy joke in ep 19 s1 caught me SO off guard cuz that is the only movie that MY dad cries during lmao

(via Beauty Is Only Skin Deep Racerback Tank Top by funnynasty)

Imagine aph America asking aph England why everyone refers to him as The Motherland and not Fatherland or Brotherland and England just deadpans "why don't you call me Neverland seeing as how that question never gets old"

this is really true

The fandom after those characters screwed up more than they already did: (Insert lyrics of "The Reynolds Pamphlet") The Characters they already hated doing even more dumb shit to make the fandom hate them on an exponential level:(chaos) The Fandom:

Joke of the day - Pothole

Damn! Stucked in the pothole again. But I shell overcome! http://www.newbloggycat.com

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A bluebird gives his friend a box of glowsticks as a gift. Confused, his friend asks “why glowsticks?”

The bluebird replies “well, you’re always raven”

if we can’t get down to yacht rock then don’t come over

Sometimes you gotta live, laugh, love

And other times you gotta unalive, slaughter and hit with a club