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#gonna draw all the yugioh angst at this point
artnijna · 2 years
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Who am I?
I really like how this one came out yall
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steve0discusses · 3 years
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The Fullmetal Alchemist Live Action Movie Part 9: Ctrl-Z
Well guys, we did it, this is the last installment of the FMA movie. Probably forever because this movie hella bombed and I am 99% positive they will not bring it back (and if they do, it will be a complete reboot because this is a mess) We are left with one burning question--how the hell can you resolve any of this?
Especially this alley of human corpses that you have to keep secret from the public:
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PS, I did not skip really anything other than some closeups of them shooting stuff. We just have to trust that Hawkeye can just shoot 60,000 dudes with that tiny gun that probably only holds 6 bullets. (12 bullets? I know nothing about guns.)
But we’ll just have to assume that the corpses are dealt with in their own special way, because the movie will never address these again. So, meanwhile, back at the stone, Ed is dealing with how his MacGuffin is a mix of dead people.
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Like this is an aside but dude--the drama that’s still boiling off of whatever is left of the hot turd that became Bon Appetit, like HOT DAMN. People always say everything you like will be problematic in 10 years but MAN. Fully expected for Scott Adams to get problematic. But Bon Appetit? The seemingly innocent cooking show?
Yo, I’m not over it.
Yo, I’m not over how much Bon Appetit lied directly to my face: that freakin smokescreen illusion of a perfect working environment. Cannot wait for the Netflix documentary that will inevitably come out.
So glad I was too lazy to make any fanart of that show. Or that I was not good enough at art to make fanart of Dilbert.
(I say knowing full well that the original English voice actor of Ed Elric had a huge ass harassment coverup that spans 15+ years and the legal followup and trial has been a huge mess.)
Anyway, Ed doesn’t even know how problematic that rock is. He doesn’t even know that the dead people in that stone are his distant relatives and that he’s one of the only living Xerxes’ians (Xerxicans? What do you call people from Xerxes anyway?) that are left on the planet, but it still carries weight. Not as much, but it still carries weight.
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What follows is what the movie decided was the most important character development of Fullmetal Alchemist, mostly because it’s the only thing in FMA left after they did this massive edit.
(read more under the cut)
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(If the rock were still active then Lust would not be dead, she’d just reform, we’ve been over this. And youknow it’s been a minute for me, maybe this was also a thing in the anime where you can still use stones that are from leftover dead homunculi...it just doesn’t make sense to me. They would reform. But I will let this go.)
And if you were like “Hey back in the anime, it felt like it was a lot harder to get into Truth Hut--didn’t you have to kill a guy most of the time?” and you would be correct! I guess the idea is that Ed doesn’t want to kill the souls already in that rock in order to do the exchange--but this idea is never said out loud in the movie, although it was clearly indicated in the anime. Kind of...something they should have mentioned.
But anyway, now we’re back in truth hut but this time Ed can wear pants.
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Over in the corner we have Al’s body, confirmation that he is still a real boy.
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I guess they had to put this in, since Al’s only character angst in this movie is whether or not he’s real. They can now at least give us some closure about that.
And as the spectral deity decides to make a bargain, Ed realizes that profiting off of war crimes is a bad look.
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PS I really don’t know if I should cover the ass on Al’s body over there. It’s kind of got feet in front of it.
We know that’s a dude in a speedo, right? I don’t have to cover that up? Cuz I’m not.
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And while we have closure for Al as being a real boy, we really don’t have a lot of closure for Ed. I’m proud of him for not doing a war crime, but it’s not like he freed any of the souls in that stone and it’s not like he got to the bottom of the conspiracy, and it’s not like we got any payback for Hughes.
Ed is still in emotional limbo at the end of this movie, which is pretty disappointing. But again, I think they were REALLY gunning for a second movie, because most of the stuff at the end of this is them hinting that they’re going to continue the story another time...
but like...they knew they weren’t gonna get a second one. There’s just no way they couldn’t have known after how poorly it did in box offices.
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Gotta love anime and their refusal to let the not even real people kiss.
They’re not real. They’re characters in a movie. Let them kiss. It’s fine. No one will get arrested.
But whatever.
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This hurts my eyes.
But don’t worry, even though that looks like the end, with that sort of crazy ass flare that allows us to hide any of the background we didn’t feel like drawing, it’s not the very, very end.
It just can’t be, not without out one of these:
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That’s right it’s trains!
And also, look at this movie segueing right back into Yugioh. Look at that. We got a cursed demon child and Some Basic Girl playing cards on a moving vehicle? Just the way it should be.
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So, that’s over--and honestly--this was a hard movie to make. I think they made a lot of good choices, being honest--but I also think they made a lot of bad ones that overshadow the good stuff by a whole lot.
And since this isn’t really a critique but just a deep dive, lets talk about what we would have done differently. Because honestly? There’s no right answer. You have 130 minutes to tell the whole story. What would you do? See I asked bro what he would have done and his answer was “I would make the only villain Shou and that first villain” who’s name I didn’t remember either, so I decided to look it up on the FMA wiki and I saw a big surprise!
That Adolf Hitler is listed as one of the villains of Fullmetal Alchemist??? Guys did I...am I reading that right on this Wikipedia page?
Is this is not the only Fullmetal Alchemist movie???????
OMG, guys there’s another Fullmetal Alchemist movie and I kid you not, it has Hitler in it.
I mean I’m not going to cap it because I got a list of other things to cap (as I know several of you are patiently waiting for) but like..........why have I never heard of this?
Anyway, bro would just condense everything to just the first 4 episodes and include scar and all the rest. Me? I would do the opposite and start at the very end right when Ed and Al meet up with their Dad, and only talk about Xerxes and the Homunculi and their family relationship and no one else.
I dunno if either of our ideas would work because obvi writing a movie is a lot more than just having an idea. You gotta get that through marketing, through people in suits who don’t know how stories work, through actors who’s hair will not hold a braid, etc etc. I mean one person just decided to put Hitler in it, and that movie got way better reviews so...hell do I know about writing anything?
But overall, the movie served it’s purpose by distracting me from the real world for a little while. So, thanks all for sitting on on this nice little excursion from our typical programming, been a weird year, so I was grateful for this buffer. We will go back to our Yugioh routine in the next update which will go up-----at some point. No idea when, I don’t have a schedule anymore for obvious reasons. But we made it to the start of the last season! Bakura’s in it? We see Pharaoh in actual Egyptian wear? I’m looking forward to a lot of really botched and questionable history, so I’ll see you there.
If you just got here and want to read the beginning of this Fullmetal Alchemist Movie journey with me you can here:
https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/fma/chrono
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artnijna · 2 years
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Who am I?
I really like how this one came out yall
26 notes · View notes