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here2bbtstrash · 1 year

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alright besties~*~ i feel i owe you an update so let's strap in, shall we?

TLDR: the final chapter of LDOMLT is not gonna be ready by 1/31. i don't know when it will be done, but i do know that i want to take my time with it and not force it. this means you're going to see me post other writing before i post chapter 11. if that makes you sad, i'm sorry (and also: me too lol). LDOMLT is not dead, it's not cancelled, it's not even on hiatus. i just can't say when the last chapter will be posted right now. once i feel like i can commit to a date, i will shout it from the damn rooftops lmao. but right now, i need to switch gears.

i hope you can understand or at the very least respect this choice, and please know that i love you all so so much. i just wanna give you the best ending possible, and as it turns out, that shit takes time!

longer version under the cut 💜

siiiiiiigh. i didn't want to have to make this post 😭 but y'all, i am really, really blocked. i kept telling myself that i would figure it out, magically get unblocked (it's happened before!) and be able to meet my 1/31 date (or if not 1/31, then at least 2/5...... hello grammys 👀). but right now neither date seems like a possibility, if i'm honest with myself. in part because i've got a whole stew of personal life shit going on as well! (some of it not so good, and some of it ..... very good lol 😏)

and the way i've been spinning my wheels over this is starting to feel unproductive and honestly, not great for my mental health (i **cried** last night because i was so frustrated that i couldn't make words happen. we'll blame that one on my period but 😩 omg! tears!!!)

so... what do i do? well, i actually feel like playing that ask game the other day made me realize: i need to write other things right now. amazing how the moment i put down this chapter 11 draft, ideas and words just flew out of my brain so easily!! and i have all these other wips i'm dying to get to, but i kept telling myself "not until we finish chapter 11", and i think that's gotten me into a bit of a mental bind 😞

so, as previously hinted at in past posts - i am gonna move forward with ~*~jihope month~*~ in february and allow myself to work on other things 💜 i'll make a separate announcement for that soon, but i'm very excited to dedicate a whole month to writing and reading about my two best boys 😩 and i'll be taking drabble requests too, which i think is gonna help me find my footing again creatively ✨

i know it might be disappointing to see me post writing that isn't LDOMLT chapter 11, so let me preemptively say: i get it 😞 and i'm sorry 😞 and i really really REALLY 👹 also wanted this chapter to be out before february. but the muse has other plans! and i just have to make peace with that even if i hate it lmao. i hope you all can understand where i'm coming from, and if you can't understand it, i hope you can at the very least respect it 💜

to be clear: i'm not gonna stop work on this chapter, but i'm also not gonna force it. if i manage to unblock and get it finished in february, i'll post it in february! (sorry to jimin and hobi lmao) but i don't want to try and hold myself to yet another date only to watch it zoom by with my chapter still unfinished, because that shit is depressing lmao. so right now, i cannot give you any kind of timeline on when ch11 will come. only that it will, and that i'm never ever gonna give up!! 💪

i also hope you can understand that i won't be answering asks about when chapter 11 is coming, and imma be swift with the block button if anyone tries to guilt me about this decision 💜 because i love y'all endlessly, but let us not forget that i do this shit for free, on top of a full-time job and the rest of my life (and now also on top of getting laid irl 🎉)

however, i have no doubt that 99.9% of y'all are going to be nothing but kind and supportive about this 🥺🥺🥺 i've already gotten so many lovely asks and comments and messages (not all of which i've replied to 💀) and i will never find the proper words to tell you how much i appreciate them. when you tell me to take my time and not stress, that you'll wait as long as it takes, that you want me to rest and take care of myself. it means so much and idk what i did to deserve such wonderful people and friends reading my work - all i can say is thank you thank you thank you 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

so yeah 😩 not the announcement i wanted to make, but it's the one i have to make right now. writing is so hard sometimes 😭 but i am determined to give this series an ending that i'm proud of and satisfied with! it just needs a little more time to get there. 💜

#mposting #LDOMLT updates 🖥

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corpsebrigadier · 2 years

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Hi!! I love your final fantasy tactics fanfics. What is your thought process when writing? How do you try to interweave your own headcanons with the game’s lore? Do you like playing any other strategy rpgs? :)

Thanks so much for letting me know you like my work!

To answer your questions: My thought process when I'm composing is generally shaped by the circumstances of the composition. A lot of my fic was made in relation to prompts (from twitter, from friends, for exchanges/fests), and I find that when I'm writing under constraint I tend to have a lot of cool and unexpected ideas that I later incorporate into my personal take on the canon (I came up with a ton of my characterization for my forever faves the older Beoulves this way as well as basically everything about my functional OC Rad). Longer stuff generally coalesces from scenarios/thoughts that have been tossing about in my mind for a while, and it often gets scoped down a little so that I can ensure I actually put it out in the world instead of having it sit in drafts forever. "Let Your Curse Be On Me" and "The Cuckoo" both had their seeds as mods I daydreamed about making. "Contempt's Bloom is Forever" actually has about 6K words I drafted before I decided to re-render it as a double drabble sequence. When I actually sit down to compose write, I think a lot about literary moments I like, moments in my life I found emotional, and whatever earworm is caught in my head. I have many many incomplete playlists that I jam to for certain scenarios/characters.

When it comes to mixing headcanon and canon, I tend to see what's portrayed in the game setting up some boundaries of characterization I can push up against but never quite pass. I can make Dycedarg sympathetic but I can't make him good. Wiegraf can become softer but he can't become servile. I love that a game with so many detailed infodumps still has big gaps in its lore that fic authors can fill out, and I try to take advantage of them. I love speculating about the Fifty Years War and how it fucked everyone up, and my favorite characters to write about are almost all NPCs and enemies. I honestly find much of the main party a little hard to handle, given that they're front and center while remaining so full of ambiguity. It's perfectly possible to have Agrias or Cid die and crystalize in your first random battle after they join up and the end of the game won't change for it; there's not a perfectly clear sense as to what end they're trending towards. With characters whose arcs are small but have clear ends, I feel like I have a lot more room to expand and a lot more guidance as to where I'm going--so a lot of the ideas I develop start with the game's cast of doomed boss fights. Overall, a lot of my headcanons have developed and grown more calcified over time (I have a hugely dorky pre-canon timeline I made laid out as a spread sheet with various major characters' progressions) and at this point, I just sort of treat them as an established part of what FFT era Ivalice is for me.

As for other strategy RPGS… er… I have plans to actually play non-FFT ones (TO: LUCT's high on the list) when I finally get my doctorate and the mythical free time being post-defense will possibly get me. I have a lot of plans for then. We'll see how I'm hanging onto them next year.

Hope that response was the sort you were looking for. :)

#final fantasy tactics #fft #my fic

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surferboypizzas · 3 years

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cookies and also new friends i guess

(a short stranger things drabble based off this party hang-out concept quote that was in my drafts. it's mostly about the small moment that Will honestly became friends with Max and El. Warning: there is a cliffhanger.)

Dustin: Does anyone else want cookies?

Max: Do you even have cookies?

Dustin: Well, I don't know.

Max: Then check.

Dustin: But I don't want to get up.

Max: I'm not going to check, it's your house.

Will: It's fine, I can check.

In Dustin's pantry, Will found mostly crackers, cat food, and a few raw ingredients. Meanwhile, El was sitting on the living room carpet in between Max and Mike, who were arguing about some superhero comic, while Dustin and Lucas took turns on the Atari. She was tuning out their conversation and focused on petting Tews, who was sitting quietly on her lap. El glanced over to see Will rummaging through the bottom shelf of the pantry with his brows furrowed. She decided to walk over to him, seeing as anything would be exponentially more interesting than watching her friends bicker.

"What are you looking for?" Will jumped and immediately spun around to see El with her head tilted, and Tews circling around her legs in the scary way cats do. El had a habit of (purposely or accidentally) sneaking up on people. Will was not exactly a fan of this, seeing as it scared him to death every time, but he quickly shook off his startled expression and formed a reply anyway.

"Uh, I don't know, really. There weren't cookies but there are-"

"Ingredients." El finished, leaning over to see what he had found.

"...Yeah. But- I don't really know how to bake. Plus, Ms. Henderson might not want us messing up her kitchen."

"I do." El said, while taking a bag of flour and placing it on the counter.

"You do what?" Will asked.

"Know how to bake. Some. Martha on the TV bakes." El said while continuing to rummage around the kitchen. "Dustin." She unsuccessfully tried to call the boy currently invested in an intense game of pong. "Can you get him?"

Will wasn't used to El taking charge on every day things. Well, there was usually an unspoken understanding that she was the leader of their more perilous activities, but that was about the end of it. Will then figured that he probably didn't spend enough time around her to know what she was really like, and just assumed she was like him in most aspects. I mean- Mike always said so, so they must be alike. Right? Once Will snapped out of his thoughts he nodded at El and walked back over to the living room. Max and Mike had joined Lucas in cheering Dustin on. "Hey, uh, Dustin?"

"Yeah?" The curly haired boy said, never looking away from the screen.

"El wants to make cookies... do you think your mom would mind?"

"Um... yeah go ahead." It was clear none of the boys were paying attention to Will at the moment, unlike Max, who had already stood up and was walking to the kitchen.

"Aren't you coming?" Max asked, turning back to Will. When he gave her an uncertain look, she tried to calm his nerves. "Trust me, we'll clean up really well, Ms. Henderson won't even notice we were here. Plus, she loves me, so we have an advantage there." Will opened his mouth to protest, then shut it once he realized that the alternative was yelling at a TV. For another three hours.

El only sort of knew what she was doing. She understood the concepts around baking, but had no idea how to measure anything out. Or how to work the oven. Or why whisks look so weird and stringy. But one thing she did know how to do, was stare at things with intent until something happened. In this case "something happening" was Max climbing on top of the kitchen counter and finding a cook book in one of the corner cabinets.

"Ok, let's see what we got," Max said absentmindedly as she moved her finger along the index page, trying to find a desert section. Will remained standing awkwardly in the kitchen threshold, and El went to look over Max's shoulder as she read. "Found something! Ok- so how are we feeling? Peanut-butter? Chocolate chip? Ew- marshmallow? Well- actually... ok let's put a pin in that one." Max continued to list off cookie options (El oohing and ahhing at the ones that looked like flat crisp waffles) until Will interrupted her.

"What about kitchen sink cookies?" Will knew that wouldn't be in the cookbook, but he had an idea of how to figure out the recipe.

El glanced at the sink built into the kitchen counter and spoke. "What are those?"

"Uh- remember my Mom? Her name is Joyce?" Will said, and the girls nodded. "So when I was little she would bake these with me when she-" Will was going to say 'when she felt bad about her and my dad fighting' but decided against it. "When just the two of us were hanging out. It's just a chocolate chip cookie but instead of chocolate chips it's just... what ever you have... I guess?" By the end of the sentence Will's voice was barley audible, lowered to a mumble.

"Okay." El started, still not knowing how the kitchen sink fit into the recipe. She could tell Will felt uncomfortable. When she had asked Mike why the other day, he had said it was because she 'acts like a girl now', whatever that's supposed to mean. Did that make her less likable? More scary? El supposed she hadn't really bonded with Max until a little bit ago. Was that because Max was intimidating? Maybe a little, but once El had really talked to her they became friends immediately. Maybe that could happen with her and Will too.

El looked to Max to see if she was thinking the same thing El was, and Max gave her a small nod. They were totally going to make these cookies. "Can you teach us?" El asked, then offered Will a small smile she hoped was comforting.

"Wait really? You guys want to make them?" Will couldn't help but grin a little at how quickly they accepted his idea, and out of how easily he had said it, seeing as he usually let people like Mike or Max take charge.

"Yeah! Is this base recipe okay?" Max said, both her and El walking over to Will, so they were now in a pseudo team-huddle over cookbook. Once Will had confirmed, they all got to baking.

It turned out that Will had a lot more in common with Max and El than he thought. All of their parents liked to play sit-coms at night that none of them found funny. Max easily stated this was because her mother was always sad or quiet or lonely, even after getting married again. Even though she still had Max, even though Max would happily watch She-ra with her, Or take a walk with her, or go the the mall... anything! Why was she still lonely? El said her dad was lonely too, but when he felt that way he got loud, not quiet. After that, both of the girls looked at Will, clearly expecting him to say something depressing too. Is this how girls work? You're just supposed to be honest?

"Well, my mom doesn't know I know. That she's sad, I mean." The girls continued to look at him expectantly. Will decided to continue, something in him knew they would understand. "Sometimes, when she's getting ready for the day, I can hear her talking to Bob? It's kinda creepy but sweet. She mostly talks to him about me." As Will spoke he got louder. "She's so worried, and expects me to be honest with her about if I have an 'episode'? Or whatever they're calling it now. But, of course I'm not going to, I mean all it does it hurt her and freak her out. But then what am I supposed to do, you know? Just shut up about everything? It's not about her! Sorry- I know she's not at all making it about her, she's been amazing. So now I'm just some jerk who can't say anything about anything and is mad at her half the time for no reason. But it's not even her fault I can't talk! If Bob was still here I could rant to her then she could talk to him or something, but no, I had to get possessed and make her watch him get eaten alive! All because I couldn't ride my stupid bike fast enough!!"

"Woah, wait, slow down." Max said. Will had honestly forgotten other people were there, and became embarrassed at his outburst. Max could tell. "No, it's ok, it's good to rant. You can even punch the dough once we finish making it. But- you think what happened to Bob was your fault?"

let me know if you want a part two losers i'm mad with power i can cliffhang wherever i want. i am not a writer and this was hard and kinda boring but also fun

#himbo.writes #himbo.st #stranger things #will byers #max mayfeild #el hopper #sorry if this is bad lol

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