#going like 'okay. tonight. where are folks?' and i go 'ill be on [my ship]' and the whole time im sending them messages like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

isaacathom · 2 years

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anyway i came here because i wanna ramble about some ttrpg stuff that MIGHT happen in my campaigns that i cant talk about "on main" (re: my twitter, which my dm and some players follow me on) without spoiling what my character HAS done and MIGHT do in future sooo yeehaw bitch

basically in one of the last sessions before a holiday hiatus, the admiral of the fleet we're a part of ordered us to try and obtain gunpowder by whatever means neccessary. the only source of gunpowder is a faction who are pacifists and and trying to use it as fertiliser, and who will under no circumstances give it to anyone. so the plan is to fucking steal it, right. My character (Naielle) finds that plan objectionable for a suite of reasons, and so she found an opportunity to warn the faction leader that these plans were being made.

thats not gonna stop the plan though, right? and naielle is not a stealth character, so she will not be involved in the actual mission, nor in its planning, so she can't really sabotage the mission beyond what shes already done.

But! She might be able to do something once they return. If they successfully manage to get the gunpowder, then Naielle has a few tricks up her sleeve:

The spell 'Invisibility' (and a con of +5)

Authority on the party's primary ship that would mean noone would question her coming and going

A Bag of Holding

A "Diplomat's Pouch" (a messaging pouch that can also send small items)

Provided the gunpowder is stored aboard the primary ship, then Naielle is in. She can get aboard, no questions. She can slip into invisibility. Her stealth isn't great (+2), but shes invis! she can HOPEFULLY get to wherever its held. and she can, at the very least, siphon some of it off (as much as she can carry without causing problems later - a bag of holding full of gunpowder sounds fun but she also has a dragon god in there and if something goes wrong she will cause an apocalypse, lol). She would then, *probably*, be able to send some kind of message to the faction leader about the whole thing (admittedly, Naielle cannot write in her language, but i figure a few grains of gunpowder and a card with a crude sketch of an elf with a hat will get the point across lmao)

thats assuming all goes well. and if it does, HEHE!!! at some point the admiral or whatever will go 'alright, we were saving this gunpowder for [situation], but we need some now' and oh shit, its gone! tf?! and naielles just sweating buckets.

But, even if it doesnt!!! oh, the drama!!!! if someone manages to hear her sneaking around, and attacks her??? oh!!! the drama! She has a decent hp but an abysmal ac, so depending on who it is and what they hit her with it could be genuinely quite a hit. if it knocks her out, or she fails the con check, then we enter the realm of her being directly challenged on her (extremely sus) actions. this holds true even if shes not challenged by someone she knows closely (ie if the gunpowder is held on a different ship, as i think i would still like to try this stunt regardless, because its fun) bc then you get into the realm of her commanding officer being woken at an ungodly hour by the vampire guy going 'captain odelia is being held in the brig on the flagship' which is. an incredible image for me.

butttttttt if she gets hit, doesnt go below zero, AND succeeds on the con check. well shit. she will 100% retreat after that - she doesnt have the spells to pull anything more than what shes doing, as the only other spell that would be useful is also concentration. so she would just leave, hopefully successfully. if she is caught, return to 'oh shit'. if she isnt, then id want to try and write in whatever injury she sustained as something she has to deal with now, at least for a little bit. even if its just like 'has bandaid on cheek' shit.

all this said. i have had an epiphany. which is that Naielle has Dimension Door, *and* the spell slots necessary to use it twice - once to get in, once to get out. this means that any of the ships in the fleet are now fair game, BUT it does have a verbal component, raising the potential that she is at least overheard, if not caught directly. NOW, she's never used dimension door in game, so theres a case that noone would realise it was her, EXCEPT that shes one of a small group of ~French Bastards~, and her accent is very recognisable. She can possibly fumble with that (i could ask the dm if i could roll a deception check on the component to have Naielle pull an accent and see how convincingly she pulls it off, eg?), but! it could be done!

the dimension door does add its own special spice too, which is what happens if she teleports into wherever the powder is held. and WHOOPS there are people there. that would be hilarious. if i go that route, Naielle would probably attempt to prepare for this in some manner, ie a mask and not wearing a number of items that are massive tells as to who the fuck she is (ie her hat, coat, etc). she could, hypothetically, get off a tp in tp out if she acts quickly enough. waste of two slots, and she'd DEFO have to roll that deception check bc she would have been spotted and heard, but like. fucking imagine.

if she succeeds in the tp out, an alarm is at minimum being raised. if she is id'd at the time, then HOHOOOO FUCK she's in trouble and she'll have to decide whether she accepts punishment or attempts to run. but the thing is that she won't really *know* if they've figured her out until someone tries to ram down her door, at which point she gets to make a choice. bc i think in the tp out she would tp right back to her quarters, bc she doesnt have time to think of anywhere else to go. she DOES have a third spell slot available for a third tp off the boat to ~somewhere else~, and she would have time to think about it, i think. if they DONT id her, then she's safe... ish.

id worry about making ~too much~ of a thing of this, because like. eg if Naielle is back against the door as someone bangs on it demanding to enter and decides to GTFO, thats a plot hijack. naielle has just hijacked the plot, bc now the party has to go and track her down. I do have a secondary character to play in the meantime, so its arguably not urgent. but its suddenly an entire plot point that needs to be addressed, especially since the secondary character is, by design, not very powerful compared to a usual pc lmao.

whereas if naielle is caught, in any of the above permutations, then its not quite a whole hijack, because noone has to go out of their way to go Get Her. she's on the ship. The party will need to come to a conclusion about what to do with her once shes done this, but that doesnt have to take that long, and can be readily pushed aside to be dealt w/ later because, well, shes in the brig. shes under watch. she cant DO anything, and if her word is to be believed, she wont do anything. so the party can decide 'we do not have time to deal with naielle apparently being a traitor right this second', shove her in the brig, and i pull out my secondary character.

which i dont think would work quite as well for the 'naielle books it' option because, regardless of whether naielle's a traitor, she has a wealth of very useful knowledge, and some specific skills the party has come to rely on (shes one of the secondary healers, shes the resident Astral Bitch, she has a lowkey spidey sense for absolutely fucked up lil guys, shes a competent dps, and she has a fucking dragon god in her pocket which we went on a whole quest for). letting her run off, and not addressing that for a bit, seems... unwise? to me? im biased ofc because shes my baby but i think tactically not accounting for Naielle Odelia would go poorly. especially because, if naielle isn't careful (and, 3 spell slots in one night burnt, she may not be *able* to be careful) she could get like. fucking captured. thats called plot synergy tho, i guess. naielle flees from the consequences of her actions, gets captured by the bad guys, chuck her on that boat we're planning to go raid... hmst. options present themselves.

anyway the whole point of this is that ive been trying to a more "active" player, rather than reactive, and apparently "lowkey betraying the party" is the method i have chosen, and im honestly really excited!! she now has multiple ways she can try to acquire the gunpowder (maybe even making it a two night affair - one night invis scope it out, another night dimension door x2?), she WILL try to do it, its gonna be fucking sick, and none of this will happen for like two irl months because we dont even have a plan in place for obtaining the gunpowder yet! i cant try and steal it back if we havent even stolen it yet lmao.

its gonna kick ass. i just wanted to gush about it. thats all :)

this isnt even getting into like. ramifications for success. naielles already, i hoped, put herself on good terms w/ the faction, and if she succeeds in retrieving any of the gunpowder i think she might be in an incredible position. or an extremely manipulatable position. both? both. itll be so fucking good. AGH.

#i came back from my holiday and chose violence for my campaign #i still dont want to cause trouble. like naielle pinching gunpowder shouldnt actively hinder our actions as a party #but it WILL have ramifications for like. the broader stuff. which will be fun.#itll be kick ass. i look forward to my dm describing a night scene and asking certain folks to roll perception lmao #going like 'okay. tonight. where are folks?' and i go 'ill be on [my ship]' and the whole time im sending them messages like #'i have cast invisibility and will be scoping out [the other ship]' lmao. itll be tight

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thiswasinevitableid · 4 years

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21, Indruck (for the Mermay minifics)

Note: Duck’s design is based on a Grouper (aka one of the strongest fish) and Indrid’s is based on an Oarfish.

Every mer in Kepler Cove knows not to go near the strange lights. Lights that glow bright orange or deep purple, flicker gold to green or fade from blue to silver. But Duck is desperate.

And so when night falls, and all sensible creatures are safe in their beds or dens or buried beneath the sand, he swims across the flat, empty patch of sand to the cave on the outskirts of town, green lights guiding his way tonight.

The house is cluttered with bottles and shells, with drawings and discarded pufferfish quills, and all around him the lights swirl. They’re solid when they bump him, but when he holds one in his hand, it isn’t an object his eyes understand.

It’s when he looks up to find two red lights, glowing more dimly than the others, staring him down that he remembers the warnings.

“Uh-”

“I am surprised to see you, Duck Newton. In most future, you decided on the prudent option and stayed far away.” The mer comes into view, his silvery tail, streaked with a red fin, matching his silver hair. The tail is much longer than Duck’s own, even though it ends in a standard fin. And he’s grinning. It’s not a Great White grin, but it doesn’t put Duck at ease.

“You gonna make me regret it? And how do you know-”

‘Your name” The mer says along with him, “I can see the future. Or futures, I suppose, churning and changing, flitting in and out of view like sardines in a school.” He circles Duck slowly, his form long and lean next to Duck’s, which is built for power and unassuming in it’s mottled green, black and white. He remembers the stories of sea serpents, of mers with strange tails and angular faces who would lure the unsuspecting out into the deep trenches, never to be seen again.

“Then you know-”

“-why you are here? I can see it coming, but perhaps you would like to tell me yourself.”

“Do you know what’s been happenin to folks around here?”

“The plague? Yes. I...I tried to warn your predecessor that such a thing might come on the tides. He chose not to listen. And now you are here, a new chosen guardian, forced to bear the results of his disregarding me.”

“There ain’t any record of you tellin him that.” Duck says cautiously.

“Is there mention of someone called Indrid Cold?”

“Yeah, now that you mention it.”

The mer points to himself without another word, then swims to his wall and removes several drawings, the images evaporating as he does.

“Oh. Uh, didn’t know that’s your name.”

“Of course not. Everyone calls me the witch. Or worse. And only the desperate would seek out a monster mer, and I watched the futures as you narrowed your options little by little until deciding on me. This spell” he catches a smaller light in his hand, “will produce a special plant that when ingested will cure those who are ill. But it will cost you.”

“Ah. You’re that kind of mer.” Duck crosses his arms with a roll of the eyes.

Indrid whirls, knocking lights aside as he hisses, “No, I am not. This is how magic of this caliber works. It cannot be given for nothing, no matter how much I wish I could do just that. I do not desire anything from my fellow creatures other than peace and respect, and yet I must demand a great deal to deliver what they ask of me. The choice is yours, Duck Newton; seek my help or do not, but do not act as though I am some predator laying in wait in the dark.” He flicks his tail dismissively, goes back to what must be his desk, fin tense as he waits for Duck to respond.

Duck looks at the spell, “What’s the price?”

“Ask it.” Indrid sighs, jerking his tail towards the spell.

Duck gazes at the light, repeats the question, and gets a flash of two luminous red pearls.

“Ah fuck, those only turn up in the oysters near the damn Nettle Eels.”

“Unfortunate.” Indrid continues drawing, back resolutely towards him, “if you decide to attempt it, bring the asked for items here. Only then can you release the spell.” His fin is limp now, his shoulders sag.

“I’ll do my best. And, uh, Mr. Cold?”

“Indrid is fine.”

“I believe you. About it not bein’ your doin’.”

With that, he swims back to town. But as he glances over his shoulder, still not certain if Indrid is dangerous, the other man is watching him. When he notices Duck has turned to look at him, he lifts his hand in shy wave farewell.

--------------------------------------------

“You still got that spell?”

Indrid turns, knowing what he’ll see yet smiling all the same when he does; Duck Newton, arms clearly stinging, with two red pearls in his hands. He retrieves the spell, takes the stones and places them with other items the magic has demanded. As soon as Duck touches the spell, the light bursts into a thousand little specks.

“It is done. The grove of plants should be ready by the time you return to your home.”

“Thank fuck.” Duck slumps against the wall. Then he holds out his hand.

Indrid cocks his head, perplexed. Duck makes an awkward sound in the back of his throat, hand returning to his side.

“I just, uh, wanted to say thanks. For helpin’ me. Lotta people are gonna be alive because of you.”

“More would be if I had convinced your predecessor of the severity of the plague.”

“Hey now” Duck swims closer, and Indrid finds he has no instinct to back away, “he was a dipshit. Don’t gotta take the blame for that.” He holds out his hand again, and this time Indrid takes it, shaking it. Duck smiles when he does.

As the other man swims towards the exit, he pauses, “There was another spell, wasn’t there? One that woulda cured it without the plant step.”

Indrid swallows, “Yes.”

“What was the price?”

‘I believe it requires a stone from the valley surrounded by the mer-eating eels. The one, ah, almost no one returns from.”

“That’s what I thought. Thanks, Indrid. Thanks for lookin out for me.”

Indrid wishes he could curl his tail all the way around him so he no longer has to deal with the sensation of Duck looking at him with unfamiliar kindness.

“You are welcome. If you ever need my assistance, you know where to find me.”

---------------------------------

“Damn thing bit straight through my sword. Minerva’s too.”

Indrid examines the snapped metal, then begins swimming between the lights, “Do you think an increased offensive capability or a defensive one will be better for ridding the reef of the Giant Scorpionfish?”

“Ain’t sure, futures don’t happen to have any clues?”

Indrid pauses, tail waving lazily, then shakes his head, “it seems the two show about the same outcomes of success.”

“In that case, let’s go with somethin’ that’ll keep us safe while fightin it. Don’t really feel like havin some super-powerful weapon floatin around after this is done.”

Indrid picks a golden light from the air, hands it to Duck. This time, he doesn’t immediately move away, instead waits for him to learn the price.

Duck shuts his eyes, gets an image of deep blue eggs. Then he shivers, Indrid’s tail having brushed along his by accident.

“Eagle Ray eggs. Do you think it wants all of ‘em? Seems kinda rude to take the whole nest.”

“Hmmmm, looking at the futures, it seems two or three will suffice.”

“Gotcha. It may think that’s some tricky quest, but I happen to know where a lot of different nests are around here. I’ll be back in an hour.”

----------------------------------------------------

“Got your message, you said a tidal storm was comin?”

“Yes, we have about five hours at maximum before it hits here. I already found the protection spell and learned the price, to expedite things. It wants a black pearl, a rare red sea flower, and gold from a sunken ship.” Indrid swims back and forth between drawings, erasing and recreating as the futures change.

“Fuck, okay. Uh, I’m allowed to have help, right?’

“Of course.”

“I’ll send Juno after the flower, Dani and Aubrey can help her. And Ned’s real good at findin gemstones in a hurry. I know there’s a wreck about a two mile swim thataway, but it’s been picked over.”

“I may be able to help; we can use my powers to locate the stray, remaining gold. Come, there is no time to lose.” He darts out of the cave and Duck follows him, watches the light glint off his scales, the way his body twists and speeds through the water.

Even if they fail, at least his last mission will have had a hell of a view.

-------------------------------------

“‘Drid, I was wonderin if you...uh, didn’t know you had pets.”

“I do not. Or, ah, I did not, The Eagle Ray eggs hatched. The spells almost never want animals, so it never occurred to me that the eggs would remain viable--AH! Careful with that, I know you are getting used to your wings but those are fragile. Anyway, what do you need?”

“Not a spell, but could you use your future vision to see if the issues with the Kelp fields are gonna lead to somethin bigger?’

“Why Duck, are you really giving me the honor of being an advisor to a Chosen?”

“ Damn right I am. Also that ray is chewin on your desk chair.”

“AH!”

-----------------------------------------

“Hey ‘Drid, can I uh, um, I need some help.”

“Of course, let me just finish feeding Spot and Speckle their dinner. Is it a spell or a future?”

“Uh, it’s, uh, fuck, a, uh, spell? Yeah, a uh, fuck, spell. I need some help findin my, uh, fuck, keys? No, fuck, I mean-”

“You don’t have a reason for coming, do you.”

“Nope.”

“There is no need to lie about one. Wanting to visit is reason enough. You are welcome here any time, my friend.”

------------------------

“Nice, ain’t it?” Duck stretches out on the warm rock, sun soaking into his chest.

“Mmmmmhmmm.” Indrid hums beside him, long tail draped off the edge and into the water.

“You said you don’t come up here much.”

“I had some run-ins with sailors I tried to warn off oncoming disasters. I became a bit of a local legend, an omen of doom, and so decided it was best to lay low.” The words are detached, but Duck rolls over to find Indrid staring wistfully up at the sky, “I do enjoy it up here. I like watching the stars, seeing all the snippets of a new and different world. Some days I think I love the surface as much as I love home. Perhaps that is silly.”

Duck rolls onto his side, “Ain’t nothin silly about lovin’ somethin’ incredible. I mean look” he points the forest, the tangle of green looking down on the shore from the hills, “look at that. How does it grow? What lives there? There’s so much to know about nature, up top and below.”

Indrid is on his side now as well, “Thank you. It is nice to know I am not alone. In, ah, in my thoughts, that is.”

Duck reaches for his hand, and when Indrid scoots close enough to give it, Duck presses their tails together. Indrid sighs at the contact, and soon his tail is draped over Duck’s, his fingers tracing abstract patterns up and down Duck’s arm.

“‘Drid? Would, uh, would you ever wanna maybe...move closer to town? I know Barclay’s been visitin more, Dani too. Seems like you’re startin to know more folks in town. There’s, uh, a house near mine that just opened up. We could be neighbors?” The note when his voice turns up at the end is steeped in vulnerable hope that he prays Indrid can’t hear.

Red eyes regard him, “No, Duck. I do not think I could be. I am a solitary creature. The spells I help usher into the world and keep safe can be dangerous in their demands, attract dangerous beings in search of them. I ought to remain so, more for the sake of whoever wishes to be close to me than for my own.”

“But-”

“I need to return home. Farewell, Duck.” He slithers off the rock, and by the time Duck is in the water there’s only a flash of silver, disappearing into the darkness on the edge of town.

------------------------------------------------

“Barclay, you seen ‘Drid lately?”

“Uh huh, saw him yesterday when I ran some food over. I wanted him to try my new red snapper wraps.”

“Oh. So he’s, uh, fine then?”

“Seems to be. Why?”

“The last few times I gone to see him, he ain’t been home. I’m worried I mighta done somethin’ to offend him.”

“Nah, I bet it’s just a run of bad timing. Indrid likes you more than anyone else on this reef.”

“...If I send someone else to get spells or info, he’s always there.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

---------------------------------------

“Mr. Cold, I am here on the utmost urgent business.”

“Hello to you too, Ned, and Indrid is fine. What is…” He sees the oncoming answer and blanches from top to tail with fear.

“Duck is ill?”

“He hasn’t been able to get out of bed for a week. Barely consumes food or drink. The lovely Dani took a look at him, but it does not seem to be an ailment know to her.”

“Show me the way to him. Please.” Indrid follows Ned, and the lights follow Indrid, his foresight not showing him enough to know which spell may be needed. They wind through town, whispers darting from house to house as they do.

The night is only made worse by what he discovers when he reaches Duck’s side.

“He is heartsick. That is why Dani was unable to find means of healing him. Only one exists.”

“One of your, like, spells?” Aubrey asks hopefully, red tail twitching with worry.

“No. It can only be cured with a kiss from one who loves him. Romantically, I should add, as the illness is brought on by a romantic love that one tries to repress or destroy. Do any of you know someone who loves Duck that way?”

All heads in the room shake. He sighs, “May I have a moment of privacy to think?”

When they’re alone, he strokes Duck’s brow, tail curling protectively around him without him truly meaning too.

Then he leans down and plants a single, tender kiss to Duck’s lips.

Mismatched eyes flutter open.

“‘Oh thank goodness.”

“Fuck, whole body feels like I just got over the fin-pox.” Duck rolls his shoulders. Indrid realizes he hasn’t moved away from him, can’t bring himself to do so.

“‘Drid? Did, uh, did you just kiss me?”

“I, I did. I am sorry, it was the only-”

He’s yanked into the bed, one hand tangled in his hair as the other traps their hips together. Ducks tail flaps excitedly and Indrid’s curls around it as many times as he can.

“I tried so fuckin hard, darlin, I thought you were angry with me, or that you were pushin me away for my own good, and as much as I missed you I didn’t wanna push you so I tried not to think about you, but, but I, I just started feelin’ sicker and sicker whenever I pushed thoughts of you away.

“Oh my, love, I am sorry. I only meant to keep you safe. I never meant to hurt you so.”

“It ain’t your doin’; I’m the dipshit who couldn’t tell you how I felt. I know you didn’t want to be with anyone-”

“-you are right, I thought it would be dangerous. But, well, in the last few weeks, I have realized that while my powers make for an oft-dangerous time, so does your position in the reef. And I, I missed you terribly. I want to be by your side, Duck Newton, if you will still have me.”

Duck runs a firm hand down his tail, grinning brighter than the lights still spinning around them, “You know, darlin, I think I’ll do just that.”

#indrid cold/duck newton #Indruck #mermaid au #mermay fills

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captainwhogotthecanary · 5 years

Text

Not Broken or Alone

Welcome to my Pride Month fics! I haven’t gotten many prompts (please send them if you’re interested! Some info here), but I’ve got some fics and pairings I’ve been wanting to work with for a while now, so there will be somewhere between 5 and 30 fics of varying length, depending how everything goes. Not everything I’m posting this month will be for Pride, since I did already have some stuff written and ready to post.

For this first one, @ice-magician prompted, “someone struggling with the reality that they’re Ace (and feeling like they’re broken). Friendship between Cap and Natasha(Ace)?”

Established romantic relationships or their lack left intentionally vague; imagine what you will, I ship almost everyone and brotp them just as hard. Civil War didn’t happen the way we saw it, the team is all still together, and there’s been no snap or anything that follows.

Read here or on AO3.

------------------------

Steve and Natasha have been holed up together plenty times. He usually works with Bucky, and she works with Clint more frequently than not. Steve and Natasha probably work together next most often, though. They trust each other, as much as anyone in their situations can, and Nat kicks so much ass.

Also, if Steve’s being honest, she’s sometimes a lot more comfortable to work with than even Bucky. Bucky is his partner; Natasha is his friend.

Steve likes to think Natasha’s usually pretty relaxed around him, too, when it’s just the two of them. Tonight, though, in this dingy hotel room with its twin beds that’ve seen better days, she isn’t relaxed at all. She’s pacing, and the fact that she’s agitated enough to let it show when it isn’t for some sort of advantage says quite a lot, despite her silence.

Steve lets it go for a few minutes. Finally, making sure none of his concern reaches his voice, he tries, “Everything okay, Nat?”

“Fine,” she mutters. She paces the length of the room a couple more times, Steve tracking her movement from where he sits on his bed, until she comes to a sudden stop and spins to face him. “What’s wrong with me?”

Steve blinks. “What?”

“What’s wrong with me?” she asks again.

His eyes sweep over her body, reflexively checking his teammate for signs of illness or injury. “I don’t… Are you hurt?”

She scowls like only Natasha can, the slightest tightening of her features that immediately conveys a desire to remove body parts from where they normally belong. “I’m fine.” She resumes pacing, and Steve stands, hands out in the universal “I’m not a threat” gesture.

“I’m happy to help,” he says, “or listen, or back off, whatever you need, but you’ve gotta give me a little more than that to work with, here.”

There’s little enough spare room that he has to cross his arms to keep her from having to dodge his hands on her next trip past him, but when she gets back to her bed, she sits. It’s still graceful—it’s Natasha, after all, and he’s not convinced there’s anything she does without grace—but the movement is a lot more rough and defeated than he’s used to seeing from her. He sits on his bed so he’s facing her, though with her elbows on her knees and her head hanging, he can’t actually see her face.

“Talk to me, Nat,” he prompts gently.

Then he waits.

Her words, when they come, are calm and quiet. “I’m not attracted to anyone. I don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Alright,” Steve says carefully. “And that makes you feel like something’s wrong with you?”

Natasha lifts her head enough to glare at him. “I can’t feel attraction like normal people. I want to, and I can pretend to, but I can’t do it. How is that not something being wrong with me?”

Steve sorts through possible responses. He’s always been against bullies, always, so naturally he put some effort into learning about bullied populations, after he got out of the ice, and he knows how important this conversation might be, how big it is that she’s even willing to have it with him. He'd done research online and even gone to a local LGBT community center to make sure he had the tools to stand up against the bullied in this particular fight.

“It’s normal to be upset,” he says, “if you want something you can’t have. That’s totally justified. But not feeling sexual attraction, if that’s what we’re talking about here, that’s normal, too. It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you.”

“I’m broken, Steve.” Natasha’s trembling with the force of her emotion, and if Steve thought it would help at all, he’d have his arms around her in a second. “The Red Room broke me.”

“Maybe it did,” he allows. “They did some pretty messed up stuff. But maybe your sexuality isn’t something that’s broken. Maybe you would’ve felt like this no matter what. Nothing is wrong with you, Natasha.” He hesitates, then moves to sit next to her, not quite touching, but close. “You’re amazing, Nat, and one of the strongest people I know. Anyone who would think any less of you based on who you are or aren’t attracted to doesn’t deserve to be in your life.”

Natasha is looking down at the floor again. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

“I know.” It seems like the right thing to say. He considers what he's read and what he's heard. “Have you looked into asexuality?”

“For people? Not really.” She sniffs, clearly gathering herself. “Is that what you think I am?”

“Maybe.” Steve watches her for a reaction, but she’s thinking too hard to give one. “Look into it, once we’re not stuck here without internet. Only you can decide whether that’s the label that fits you and whether you want to claim it, but it sounds like it’s probably right. At the very least, it’s similar enough that maybe you won’t feel so much like you’re the only one who doesn’t get attraction.”

He leans over just far enough to bump her shoulder with his. “In the meantime, I know it can be hard, but try to be nice to yourself. It’s not something you can help, and it’s not something you need to fix. Would you treat someone else like they’re broken because of something like that?”

Steve waits for the slow shake of her head before he speaks again. “So try and cut yourself some slack. You’re not broken. Tell yourself that until you believe it, and I can tell you as often as you want me to, if it helps.”

She nods, and he can tell she’s still deep in thought. She doesn’t look distressed anymore so much as distracted.

“I’m gonna go see if the shower’s functional and give you a few minutes,” Steve says. “We can talk more after, if you want, or we can let it drop. I’ll follow your lead.” He stands.

Her hand snaps out and grabs the cuff of his sleeve, the movement too fast for him to follow. “Steve,” she says, looking up at him, her eyes full of emotion he can’t interpret. He thinks there’s less self-loathing now, at least. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Steve waits until she lets go before he heads to the bathroom, looking back once to make sure she seems alright.

Natasha’s hands are curled into fists in her lap, and her shoulders are hunched and tense, but the corners of her mouth are pulling up into the tiniest of smiles. She’s not okay yet, maybe, but she’ll get there.

And Steve will do anything he can to help.

------------------------------

This prompt hits pretty close to home for me, because I grew up feeling broken when it comes to my (lack of) objective attraction to guys, and I IDed as Demi/gray-A for a while, and still do when it comes to guys. This is neither apology nor brag; simply keep in mind that this is the lens through which I interpret character emotion and motivation. This doesn’t mean Nat’s experience matches mine, and it doesn’t mean it’ll match yours. It’s just one exploration of an Ace character.

Thank you to the lovely folks who read over this for me. I love you!

#prompt fill #asexual natasha romanov #pride month fics #my fic #asexual character #mcu #pride month project

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