#god when cis people say 'but you're so pretty' all sad like it's a shame i'm not dolling myself up.
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"It's not dysphoria" I say as I write an entire assignment on my own invisible queerness and gender identity, and as I feel like tearing my skin off and crawling into a cave forever
#i love that this seems to happen every october sdfghfd#those who have been here long enough know the pattern by now#but what am i gonna do about it? nothing probably. idk maybe something when i'm 45#i would be more okay with all this if i wasn't fucking 5'1 with the biggest girly baby eyes ever#god when cis people say 'but you're so pretty' all sad like it's a shame i'm not dolling myself up.#maybe i can pass as an 11 year old boy. and maybe passing isn't the point. but i would at least like a CRUMB.#....ah. that's why i'm so messed up rn. probably this assignment / research topic i'm choosing#and also having to keep my partner's transition a secret. it's not hard i just worry that someone in the family will find out#that's probably why i've procrastinated working on this assignment for so long lol. it's too personal.#i also had one of those days yesterday where i felt like everyone was scrutinizing me. and maybe a few old men actually were#but i mean who cares? but still can't queer people just exist without being a spectacle?#without cis people constantly trying to 'figure them out'?
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