nothing i hate more than ppl being like “men, its okay to be feminine, because women like feminine guys! its not gay to be feminine, its actually super duper attractive to women!!” like…believe it or not. but its actually okay for men to be feminine even if it is gay. its actually pretty important to understand that its okay for men to be both feminine and gay. and its also okay for men to be feminine irregardless of how attractive they are to other people. this should not be such a difficult concept for people to grasp
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i think there's something to be said about transandrophobia turning happily GNC trans men into trans men who are GNC by feeling of necessity. i'm a trans man who feels best when mixing masculine and feminine presentation. i like putting eyeliner on the same face as my growing moustache. i like wearing cute tank tops that show off the patch of chest fuzz i've got going on. i like being GNC. but the rising visibility of the insane amount of transandrophobia lately has made me feel trapped in that type of presentation. i feel like i Have to be the silly flamboyant effeminate gay guy with colorful outfits and long hair so that people will feel safe and i will be Allowed in queer spaces. and that makes me upset for my trans brothers who don't like presenting that way at all. that makes me upset because instead of it being something fun it's becoming something i do to stay nonthreatening. transandrophobia hurts every trans man in different ways.
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yes we should normalize trans men being gnc, we should make it clear that they can wear skirts in a masculine way and still be a man, but also we should support trans men that are not wearing skirts in a masculine way, who are cross-dressing when they wear a skirt and are proud of it, who dress separately from their maleness when wearing skirts and dresses and makeup, who don't intend to be viewed as a binary man once they put on a skirt. let trans men crossdress 2k22
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I suppose that I might share some feeling regarding my own masculinity I've been having about myself to the world, perhaps some will find them relatable.
tl;dr - I'm AMAB, and while I struggled with accepting my masculinity, trans men made me feel at peace and safe with it, and I cannot thank them enough.
Now for the longer version:
For quite a while now (a few years, in fact), I have been struggling with my masculinity, as an AMAB person. I grew to feel super uncomfortable with the implications that came from being a "man", at least as it can be stereotypically understood. I know very well that masculinity has positive aspects, like strength or reliability, but being called a "man" made me also feel like someone automatically perceived as aggressive, or dangerous, or a sex pest, or a creep. As far as I'm aware, I am none of that - but I can't help that being "a man" makes me feel like someone who poses some sort of danger, or is a threat to those around them. It no doubt comes from experiencing toxic masculinity - more so from my peers and general society, as I'm thankfully privileged to have a normal family, where everyone is, well, normal and supportive and non-abusive. Still, that toxic masculinity, or hearing about certain men being just, fucking losers, made me want to detach myself from being called a "man".
This is partially why I embraced the identity of a demiboy. Someone mostly masculine, but still someone who does not want to call themselves a man. To be clear - there is more to my identity than just discomfort with stereotypical masculinity. I have interest in outfits and activities perceived as feminine, there are subtleties to how I like to picture myself in art, using a feminine name (Marcy) towards myself, using gender neutral pronouns (they/them) etc. - it goes deeper than just what I outlined above. That's a story for another day, though, what matters for this post is that I felt that unease with my own masculinity.
I guess this is where trans men come in. Briefly - over time, as I interacted with trans men and transmasc folks in general, I started to feel a weird sort of appreciation, maybe even jealousy for them, like I wished I was more like them myself. Eventually, I started to realise that their comfort and the gender euphoria they feel from being masculine made me feel more at peace and secure with my own masculinity. Seeing as one can feel genuine joy from being a man, from the masculinity they themselves worked to achieve, and from the positive aspects of that masculinity, while also rejecting the toxic parts of it... It just, makes me feel SO much better with myself as well.
Perhaps it sounds silly or obvious? But that realisation that I do NOT have to embrace all the baggage that comes with masculinity, and I can instead pick and choose parts of it, shaping my own version of being a man that makes me feel comfortable is something that made me feel massively better with myself. Being a silly guy gives me genuine gender euphoria - so I just embrace that "silly guy" part of masculinity, and give up on the toxic parts of it, like aggressive dominance, or hierarchical view of the world.
Going onwards, I don't think I'll be changing my pronouns from they/them, or drop the demiboy description of my identity. As I said - there is more to my identity that just discomfort for being called a man. But at least, I can be at peace with my own masculinity.
I genuinely have every single trans man and transmasculine person to thank for it. You made my life better, and I could never show properly just how deep my appreciation for you all goes.
While it doesn't really apply to me, I'm certain that trans women and transfeminine people have a similar influence for cis and gnc women. In fact, I have read a similar post from a female perspective before, and I have no doubts that this post influenced my realisation in how much more comfortable I am with my own masculinity thanks to transmasculine folks.
Trans people are a gift to this world. Their presence alone makes the world such a more beautiful place, period. I wish them all plenty of luck and joy going onwards! And once more - thank you all.
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about that ask: while I have no problem with people using they/them pronouns, I object to the idea that they are the neutral pronouns you should use when you meet everybody. I think when you see a gnc man or woman, it is more polite to use she/her or he/him unless corrected, rather than they/them. because subconsciously or not I doubt you do the same for gender conforming people.
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being a gnc (gender non conforming) trans guy is one of my favorite things
i would say i pass pretty well, so whenever i pull up with earrings or more feminine clothes it confuses the shit out of people
it’s such a vibe honestly, plus it makes me feel so comfortable in my gender identity to be able to stray away from gender norms for a bit
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is futch exclusive to lesbians? also is there any terms for when youre only attracted to nonconforming men or men who arent completely masc?
Gncmasexual + Gncwomasexual!!
Gncmasexual is a term for being exclusively or near exclusively attracted to gender nonconforming men; such as fin men, lin men, etc.
Gncwomasexual is a term for being exclusively or near exclusively attracted to gender nonconforming women; such as min women, lin women, etc.
And nope! Futch is not exclusive to lesbians, just like how butch and femme aren't exclusive to lesbians
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