So kill ya'self and write a note
Right before the noose wraps tight around ya throat
Ya windpipe is choked
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You were my biggest vice,
the kind of addiction I only had to try on once,
for me to be hooked,
and be wrapped up tight
in all of your sinful looks.
You're the kind of addiction,
that makes me feel a great deal of affliction,
you make me feel the kind a drug addiction does,
when it goes on for long enough...
when it stops being a staggering, spine tingling, heart stirringly mind-altering thing and becomes a relief; a great requisite.
I've become addicted, mind drowned into deep dereliction.
A thing that I can't live or function properly without
until the next time I get my hands on another quick fix, anything you're willing to give, anything close enough that might ease the withdrawals even for just a moment. I keep chasing dose after the other. I find myself wanting you like no other. You're a fucking passionate and different kind of lover.
You see, the thing is....You've become this thing, a necessity, a want so desperate.
When it stops being something you want, but turns into something you crave, something you need, one that you could never admit outloud, because it wouldn't be justifiable, something that couldn't be explained away that easily .. a thing that would make me seem crazed. A thing that if someone were to ever question the state I were mentality was in, they'd probably think me mad.
You've become the thing that puts my mind into overthinking. You're that kind of something that makes me think myself into an obsession, when it becomes necessary, because it keeps me a little bit normal, even if it's the least normal thing about me.
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November 23rd, 2022
Selfish, but only for the need to complete myself. How Can I love you, when I cannot even love myself?
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i still remember your hands around my throat
a sweet reminder that you'll never let go
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I was thinking “what could possibly be more self indulgent than writing about a dumbfuck knight and his comical attempts to get a mad sorcerer into bed”, and it turns out the answer is to write about a really sad lady who doesn’t quite fit in and is so brave but so sad :( such a brave sad lady.
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