I think I will level MNK to Stormblood just to punch Zenos some GOOD

I can't bite through all that armour, so I gotta resign to PUNCH

You think this cat is a mage, arsehole?

Look at it cast FIST

my woes, as yodeled into an indifferent void me: aahhhh! i'm so excited for my doll to arrive! *checks tracking 500x a day* the doll: finally arrives me: oh it's here! thank goodness it arrived safely!!!

me:

me:

me: doesn't open the box for a week

can my mental illness pls give me a break? executive dysfunction is so stupid. THE BOX IS RIGHT THERE! (related query: i know a lot of people keep their doll's boxes for a secondary proof of legitimacy but oh my sweet summer fuck this box is huge!!! where am i gonna put this!!!! where do y'all put yours??)

see also: doll next to me with no wig, holding her wig. i could put this on at any time and yet! it's not Time to put on the wig, apparently!

cannot impress upon the neurotypical enough how little choice i have in this dumb little matter, it's either "spend all night changing doll styling because i am Anxious" or "i am blind deaf and dumb to the concept of recreational activities." i spent eleven hours on and off yesterday, while doing other things in my life, looking at horse photos on the internet. i don't know why. i do not choose the hyperfixation, i merely live under its shadow. i could, theoretically, have stopped at any time and chosen to do something i actually wanted to do, but- oh sorry i blinked and it's been two hours since i last blipped back into awareness, what were we talking about?

and sure, my problems are small in the grand scheme of things, but i am awake at 4:30 in the morning so it's time to dish the Real Doll-Adjacent Dirt(TM). i am being hampered in my ability to do doll things by my dumb little life and it blows. (never mind that it also makes it incredibly challenging for me to function on a day to day basis when i either have to monch constantly to have an attention span, or i forget that i need to eat food entirely, never mind the fact that i've never had a consistent sleep schedule or awareness of the passage of time as a whole, but that's another matter.) (also for anyone suggesting medical assistance, oh buddy, i'm trying. my insurance provider serendipitously decided to no longer cover what i've been taking and thanks to no one believing in the pandemic in my area, my doc contracted The Rona which hampered scheduling of appointments -- and thus i have been forced to come off my medication cold turkey and i've been off for weeks verging on nearly two months. i'm surviving but if i can't even play with dolls when i want because of my idiot brain, extrapolate that to my ability to do anything else with my dumb little life.

this isn't so much a cry for help as me shouting into the void... eventually this will get sorted. until then, i'm exactly as bonkers as i normally am, but without the benefit of steering to direct the mental illness into a positive outlet. if anyone else is in the same boat as me, godspeed! i am forever furious by this change in policy; change "adhd medication" to "blood thinner" or "insulin" and i'd be Fuckening Dead, but the gross mischaracterization of mental health issues as something unimportant that you can solve by ~manifesting your blessings~ and lighting a new candle continues to be a pox upon society at a global scale.  i typed all this instead of opening the box or putting a wig on a doll because i, like stu pickles making pudding at 2 in the morning (which coincidentally i also just did -- it's banana pudding,) have lost control of my life. but hey, at least the box got here okay, yeah?

~Anonymous