Childe being the boss of a bank while being Absolutely Feral
The Tsaritsa sending Childe, A Boy From The Countryside Who Never Had Any Formal Schooling, to run her bank: This is going to be the funniest thing ever
In Childe’s head, accountants cover everything to do with numbers, so when he’s in doubt, he just assumes someone’s job is “accountant”. This is almost never true. Vlad is a bodyguard, he literally stands outside the bank doors, WHY WOULD YOU THINK HE WAS AN ACCOUNTANT--
Childe: Haha yeah I’m an accountant!
Ekaterina, exhausted: You are not. But points for trying.
Childe, very proud: I work at a BANK!
Nadia, who knows that Childe basically just fights people without Actually Working and is the office’s baby: That’s right, honey 😊
Every night Childe gets tutored by someone who does work in the bank on various financial matters and he becomes ridiculously financially savvy even for a twenty-something working in a bank
Childe is crazy good at understanding money if you give it to him in terms of fighting-related things. “Wow, ten of these are worth one Dull Sword!”
Childe who doesn’t understand why people can’t just fish for a living. It’s simple. You find a good cave, set up a fire, and catch fish whenever you’re hungry. His employees are horrified. Childe, is this why you’ve been eating so much fish lately. Childe, are you just catching your own fish despite being one of the most well-paid men alive. CHILDE--
Someone shows up for an appointment with a bank advisor, and Childe, who is HORRIBLY disappointed after learning this truth, pulls them aside and is like, “You know they’re not a fiduciary, right? Banks just want to make money. They don’t actually care about you.” His employees are like. You literally are the boss of this bank can you please stop chasing away business
Childe watching a fisherman about to buy mutual funds or something: “You need to understand that they take a 2% management fee off this, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but in fact if you compare it to products from places that aren’t our bank, you could lose a lot in the long run--”
“Childe banks aren’t a scam”
“Okay then explain why Andre the accountant taught me to always be careful about mutual funds with high MERs and then immediately tried to sell that same bad example mutual fund to a client HMMM”
Childe who honestly thinks the concept of money is a scam. Why can’t we just all fish and hunt meat together and share food.
Childe’s employees are ALL scrawny paperwork office job people so they’re like. Childe we can’t. Just hunt down wild boars. That’s primitive and we don’t have muscles.
Childe backseat driving to other people’s financial decisions and they’re like can you please get this twenty year old out of my face while I decide on mortgages. Childe doesn’t even give good advice he’s just really freaking annoying
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Nadia and Vlad (do not separate them!)
NPCs appearing in Liyue, they stand guard at the Northland bank, Vlad during day and Nadia at night. They can be also seen during all three Lantern Rites enjoying the festival together.
Karkata
Machine created by a scholar named Abattouy in pursuit of making a robot that could think. He appeared during Tighnari's story quest. After the scholars sudden death, Karkata starts stealing spare parts from passing caravans to "repair" him. Tighnari later takes him to Pardis Dhyai instead of destroying him as he should according to the Akademiya's rules.
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Beiguang interactions? Al Haitham banner? Hu Tao being the star of this year’s Lantern Rite? Yunyan in the same space? YaoYao showing up for the first time in 2 years?
No, no, we’re having none of that. We all know what’s the most awaited characters this Lantern Rite:
They’re npcs but every once in a while I become so invested in these two they’re so fucking cute
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If My fav characthers meet:
Miku: hello i am miku hatsune!
Vlad: can you die?
Miku:sadly no
Vlad:*hughs her* i want to die too
•••••••••••••••
Chevalier:
Dean:
Both: we have asshole brothers
•••••••••••••••
Yukimura: shes a boar woman and stupid
Levi: they are normies and why would they date a stinky otaku?!
•••••••••••••••
Futaba: i am forced to have a contract with 10 ayakashis and have to find my lost twin brother
Lumine:i am forced to help a whole ass nation just to find my brother
•••••••••••••••
Ace:
Tsukasa:
Both:*laughing and posing internaly*
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guys I don’t think you understand
I need to see Nadia and Vlad get together. They need to kiss. This is the best Hoyo ship. (Mostly because it’s canon and no one will fight over them getting together) pls pls pls be canon in lantern rite 2025. They went on a date this year, but I need more!!
Also pic not mine, I found it on the internet
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GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST GLITCHES I HAVE ENCOUNTERED IN MY LIFE
THEY'RE TOGETHER
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