ok let’s try this out— hi! my name is Isaac and i’m a 21 year old trans man trying very desperately to be able to afford top surgery in my state before the pretty solid chance my state’s congress turns red and my governor starts stripping trans healthcare coverage with Medicaid. i feel very privileged to have even been able to get on testosterone or get into a consultation with a surgeon in my area, but the total cost of the surgery plus the things i’ll need for recovery has proved a significant barrier for me to get the healthcare that i need.
thank you so much in advance for reading and if you’re able to help out!! it means absolutely everything to me.
the link to the gofundme is here, but if that would pose a barrier, you can also send money on venmo @ a-riddle7!
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If you're planning top surgery, I just saw a free protocol to optimize recovery: it's a list of prehab & rehab exercises with minimal equipment and extensive explanations/pictures and it was made by Dr. Jen Crane, a PT specialized in top surgery rehab.
Link here
(there's also other free stuff to help with the procedure)
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I sit in the chair and take deep breaths,
try to focus on anything but the stinging in my arm
As a baby-faced boy with artist's hands
injects black ink beneath my skin.
I think back to how it felt at ten,
the first time my body felt not like my own,
trying to make my chest flat again
too-small training bra mashing breast against bone.
Then at thirteen, the second betrayal,
blood, and "you're a woman now," and
glittery press-on tattoos, my grandmother's
disapproval, admonishing "your body is a temple."
And then again, at twenty-five,
my genes rising up to kill me slow,
and a life of pills and exhaustion and pain,
just how I saw my grandmother go.
The final insult came from without
when I was thirty-four years old
and men who've never known me said
"lay back and do as you are told."
A woman, a temple, a prison, a vessel,
but it was mine before it was any of these.
My beating heart, my sluggish blood,
my swollen joints and clicking knees.
It carried me, once upon a time,
could leap through the air, could take a fall
and get back up like nothing happened.
I decided to forgive it all
its tresspasses, its many failures,
as long as I'm still breathing.
I've started the process of reclamation
one square inch of skin at a time.
No longer a vessel or a prison!
I ripped out the parts that made me feel confined.
Now far less of a woman than God may have planned,
but he's not my god, so I won't be his temple.
Right now I'm a canvas for an artist's hand.
The brushstrokes hurt, but this pain is simple.
Submitting, for once, to a gentle remaking
so unlike the commandeerings of the past.
the buzz of the needle constant, soothing,
as this boy makes art of the body
that is mine at last.
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"he/they" lol
With tits or not, anyone can tell what you are from across the street.
And when you enter a male bathroom, you won't feel """"euphoria"""", you'll feel endangered for a reason
1. yes my pronouns are he/they! i also like pup/pups, and my headmate rowena uses she/her, thank you for checking :)
2. “anyone can tell what you are from across the street” good i love being a faggot. i hope other trans people see me and feel safe <3
3. you saying this as if i have not used the men’s bathroom before in complete comfort without being clocked LMAO. idk why you people pretend to know anything about my life
link to my top surgery gofundme here :)
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Hysterectomy log
RECOVERY, DAY 7
I've had some weird hypersensitivity/extreme tenderness extending from my left incision to my pubic area. There's no inflammation, swelling, or color changes so my best guess is that it's nerves healing and doing weird things. Other than that, my pain is more akin to post-workout muscle soreness or a tender bruise. I have had some crampiness that I assume is from thing healiny and settling (my surgeon warned me that may happen). I've been taking ibuprofen as needed, about once a day or less. My spotting comes and goes, with it gone more than it's here.
I had the beginnings of a migraine a couple days ago and have been having headaches; not sure if it's stress related or due to eye strain from using my laptop/phone/switch all day.
Yesterday I felt kinda puny/almost ill but today I'm back to normal. Overall I'm trending towards less pain and closer to my normal but I am still having some ups and downs. I'm still tired but at this point I'm not sure if it's because of healing or not being active or just because I'm a sleepy lil guy.
Also the dermabond over my incisions is starting to come up and it's taking all my willpower not to peel it all off 😬
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I've seen several versions of this art in the last couple of days, and I've linked to the artist so that you can support them, as you should. https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/988053198/trans-the-lovers-tarot-card-print
I love this so much. My experience as a trans woman has been that our healthcare expects us to want to mimic a cis woman in body and in mind as much as possible, and I feel like this erases part of who I am. I took a year to consider whether or not I wanted to pursue GCS, and it's been almost three more years getting ready for it. I decided that's what will make me happiest, and it will resolve a lot of dysphoria I experience.
But this surgery does not make me a woman.
I've always been a woman. I explored the idea that I was genderfluid, but the more I presented as femme and found happiness, the more presenting masc caused me dysphoria. So in that way, I learned where was most comfortable for me. And it's not like I didn't give masc a chance, I tried to be cis for most of my life, and recognizing my transness answered too many questions and brought too much happiness for me to continue to ignore. As much as dysphoria forced my hand, euphoria did too.
Trans women face enormous pressure to conform to high femininity, and it's something I've stopped doing in the last couple of years. I've accepted my broad chin, my high forehead, my bushy legs, my deep voice. I don't see these things as masculine anymore, they're just me. And I wasn't hiding them for me, I was hiding them to be accepted. Much like cis women are told they must do to be attractive.
But I don't have to prove my womanhood to anyone.
The reason I love this art so much is because it celebrates what society deems are incongruent elements, and recognizes us as sacred beings. Whether you choose to have surgery, or not, you are no less beautiful a trans person for that choice. You do not have to abide by what the gender binary dictates.
Sometimes, when other trans women find out I'm one of us, the first thing they want to talk about, is surgery. And it makes me sad that society pressures my sisters so hard into believing that they're not a valid woman without it. I’m talking about relative strangers here, not my sisters who know me and whose experiences we’re relating to. Sometimes, I don't want to talk about it. I want to talk about spinny dresses. Floral prints. Herbal tea. Second breakfast. Art. Music. I'm basically Rosie Cotton, Sam Gamgee's wife. I've been living as a woman for years now. I want to talk about the joy that brings me.
What's in our pants shouldn't define us, before or after we emerge from the closet. Just because I choose "woman" as my title, does not mean I have to perpetuate harmful gender stereotyping. We're experiencing a resurgence and acceptance of gender outside the binary the likes of which the world hasn't seen for decades. And just because I'm a woman, doesn't mean I don't want to be a part of that new world.
It really is about damn time.
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