oh we’re just saying it now ok ok
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HELLO. This is the official post for YouTube kids’ surprise party on the 27th of March. Any and all gimmick blogs welcomed!
Some roles we need are:
-DJ [real-pollo-campero]
-great DJ (as per requested 🤨) [spotify-kids-real]
-video jockey [buildabearfr]
-Someone to make the cake [forever21-official]
-Puncher server [big-mayo-official]
-Decorator [barns-and-noble-official]
-Party crasher(s) [officialtinder and youtubefr and actually-kroger]
-Corner Person [Pinterest, yahooo-official, reallytimhortons]
-Person who’s dealing with a crazy sugar high [firewaysubs and zotap]
-Emotional support [walmart and def-bjs-guys]
-Mom [Krista the art program and Canadian tire] AND dad friend
-Birthday person IS taken (obviously lol)
-Someone to bring snacks [incognito-mode-official]
-Ring Leader (person in charge of the games) [totally-official-yahoo]
-person who performs a special but confusing (and overly translated) version of happy birthday [google translate ]
-piñata [firehouse-subs-fr]
-setting off fireworks [google-news-official]
-here for the food and bringing tWO DOGS!!! OMG DOGS!!!!! [swearification-and-cursing]
-person currently trying tO EAT THE CAKE!! STOP THAT!!! [shakespeare-official-account]
- stopping the Cake Eater [wow-google-maps]
- putting spiders (?????) under the cake [true-blue-straya]
- the person that is every bisexuals awakening [it’s-target-official]
-pops in for the last 5 minutes with a card + a store bought cake [the-real-google]
- gay wine uncle [the-McDonald’s]
- creepy uncle (???) [rick-e-chedder-official]
-single rich aunt who disappears every night at specifically 8:00 pm [totally-not-kraft-mac-and-cheese]
-shapeshifts between wine aunt and vodka uncle, and the comic relief [the-one-and-only-duckduckgo]
- bringing lights so we aren’t all dancing in the dark [real-vivaldi-browser]
- summoning Satan under the table with a bottle of whiskey and pancakes (??????????) [definitely-canada]
-person asking weirdly specific and absurd questions [actual-aspec-military]
-the COOLEST cousin [support-speaks]
-cousin who hangs out in the corner and looks like they know something you dont [the-official-publix]
-person who hits on everyone at the party even though they’re already dating 2 ppl [fr-winn-dixie]
-contributes Ziploc® bags [totally-scjohnson]
-bringing burritos [the-real-chipotle]
-YouTube's kids southern aunt who blesses everyone's hearts bc they think theyre dumb most of the time [i-bless-your-heart]
-middle school cousin who argues with anyone and everyone to look cool [wallyworld-the-unofficial]
-gives oil (?????????????) and branded pens as party favors [truly-jcjenson]
-the strange neighbor kid who talks to no one but sings the loudest and brings a weird yet tasteful gift [the-real-aperture-science]
-bringing Walmart sugar cookies [not-really-discord]
-guy bringing the Knives [wheatley-labs-official]
-joining in on the games [totally-official-yahoo]
-the disco ball [jollibee-real]
-that one uncle with lore of untold numbers of deaths involved, and that includes guns [partycityistotallyofficailguy]
And any other role I haven’t stated!! I’ll accept pretty much anything
In case what you pick is already chosen, tag your second option ;p
—>The biggest part of the surprise party is wishing YouTube kids a happy birthday, but in the most creative way possible. In the “ask me” works, but literally anywhere; on your blog or on a post from anywhere (that you know they’d be okay with a little shenanigans) works wonderfully.
->Also, saying happy birthday is awesome, but spicing it up would be more fun!!! Day Of Birth, One of Awakening, Oh Child of the 27th, and any other batshit way to say “happy birthday” would both be awesome and absolutely hilarious.
Again, invite any and all gimmick blogs, and feel free to let me know what you’d want to do! We attack on the 27th >:DD
ADDITIONAL NOTE: sometimes there will be more than one person in each role! I do actively encourage for people to come up with silly and niche roles if you think of one ;D
ON THE 24th I WILL NO LONGER TAKE ROLLS!!!! Spread the word please!
@barnes-and-noble-official @basically-bumble @totallyofficialtacobell @totally-official-yahoo @totally-bing @officialtinder @officially-google-translate @officially-ikea @official-fedex @incognito-mode-official @forever21-offical @officialkfc @kfc-official @k-f-c-official @life360-i-swear @xgames-blog @cars-official @big-mayo-official @bingle-official @the-real-google @the-real-firefox @nasa @wow-google-maps @wallyworld-the-unofficial @walmart-the-official @realgoogleslides @realgoogledocs @yahooo-official @unfortunate-wattpad @firewaysubs @firefox-official @pinterest-real @spotify-kids-real @duothelingo @definitely-wikipedia @firehouse-subs-fr @google-2point0 @gimmick-thief
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About He Came Back au... could you tell us a bit about the "missing" children once they grow up? We know about Gabe, Cassidy, and Charlie, but I'm a bit curious about the other kids! Love u and this au <3
aw, thanks man! yeah i have. Many Thoughts on these lil guys <3
so! they all kinda had to recover after y'know. almost getting murdered. but depending on what happened to them, they either took less or more time to recover (Cassidy took the shortest, Charlie took the longest, out of the main group). this only strengthened everyone's bonds.
now! onto the kids!
Susie:
- she becomes a dog mom :] she gets another golden retriever that she names Lucky II, after her first dog :] she has three dogs at any given time.
- she also adopts a child later on, and becomes a single mother (she's aroace). she names her daughter Clover, another reference to Lucky :]
- she gets into baking. she has shown up on her friends' doorsteps multiple times with either cookies or cupcakes. depends on the day. she works at a bakery.
- just a really bubbly and happy lady, despite everything. she's still got some sass, though.
Fritz (Jr.):
- his and Jeremy's bio parents get back together and he and Jere get a baby sister (Tabi)!! woo!!
- he gets sent to therapy for. a multitude of things: anger issues, the abuse he and Jeremy suffered from their stepfather, and The Incident.
- he mellows out after a few years, but he's still the brave, outgoing kid he was back then.
- they think his scars make him look more badass.
- Cassidy Introduces Them To Being Nonbinary, And He Could Not Be Happier.
- You Bet Your Ass That He Started Wearing A Pirate Eyepatch After Losing Their Eye.
- he is the guy that got Tabi into being a Foxy fan :]
- funnily enough, he grows up to be a child psychiatrist. he wants to help kids like him and Jere, y'know?
- they end up marrying a genderqueer person. good for him :]
- he's still very much into pirates (they're a special interest for them), and he makes that pretty clear. his therapy office has pirate related decor, sometimes he'll talk in a silly pirate voice to cheer kids up, and they still go to see Foxy shows at the Pizzeria. he doesn't care if the kids look at him weird, it makes him happy. :]
Jeremy:
- yeah, uh...he kinda lost his voice after Being Repeatedly Stabbed In The Throat. the doctors honestly thought he wouldn't make it.
- he learned ASL :]
- you thought losing his voice would stop his clownery at school? you fool.
- he got into playing guitar later on, and he owns a music store :].
- he teaches kids ASL when he goes over to the pizzeria to check on Gabe :).
- he confesses to Gabe in '94 by signing out 'I love you.' Gabe got real flustered.
- you don't wanna know how Overjoyed he got when he learned gay marriage got legalized. like, Gabe and Jere were just known as being unofficial husbands, sorta like how Cassidy and Charlie were known as being unofficial partners. but now!! they can Make It official!!
- he still has nightmares pretty often :(
Gabriel:
- he gets more confident over the years :)
- he gives the vibes of an awkward kid who felt embarrassed for being awkward and a lil goofy, but upon growing up just acts as silly and goofy as he wants. let him be a little silly and awkward!! the guy deserves it!!
- when he finally inherits the pizzeria after turning eighteen (long story: i have a hc about there being a Third business partner along with Afton and Emily, and this is Gabe's dad), he does really well, and gets along well with his customers. he is also the only person in Fazbear Entertainment, other than his father and Henry, who seems to have morals, because Jesus Christ.
- he doesn't follow the rule of Fazbear Entertainment where "We Are Not Liable For Anything Bad Happening-" because no!! tell him if something bad happened!! he wants to help fix it!!
- just a really sweet, goofy, and anxious man.
- he's also literally the only person besides Phone Guy (Daniel) who warns people about Afton (O'Hare/Springbonnie). because That's Kinda Some Important Info To Know.
- when Cassidy finally sealed Afton behind a wall, in a slightly illegal way, Gabriel promised not to say anything and also cover for them should word get out (he'd just claim that he asked them to do it).
- Freddy's is still open to this day, it's just moved locations around every few years or so.
- Gabe my beloved <3
the kids, when the og restaurant was still open, always felt uneasy about O'Hare after everything with Afton. is...is he really looking at them, or are they just being paranoid?
yeah, those are the kids i've spoken less about. Cassidy is on a quest to get rid of Afton once and for all, no matter the cost. Charlie is concerned for her partner, but willing to help where she can.
also, bonus!! The Afton Kids!!
they all have. Really Mixed Feelings on their father:
- Elizabeth feels kinda guilty about this whole thing, and really doesn't like thinking about it. she typically tries to change the subject if people talk about her father too much. she doesn't want to think about how her father tried to kill a bunch of kids, effectively because of her. as she's told Michael before, "If hadn't been so fucking stupid and actually listened to him for once, maybe none of this would've happened.." so yeah, she ain't doing well!
- Michael both hates his father for what he did, but can't help but miss him. regardless of the universe, Michael's got some Daddy Issues™️
- Adrian also doesn't wanna think about it too much, mostly because he can't wrap his head around why. it's also because of some weird, kinda traumatic nightmares where his father tries to reach out to him, but that's an entirely different post.
as far as Adrian's concerned, it's out of sight, out of mind. thinking about it brings up Bad Thoughts, and he'd like to Not have those, thanks.
but yeah. It's The Kids! minus Cassidy and Charlie, cause those two are practically their own post.
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I’ve been following your PatPran social media twt ficlet. And I came in here bc I wanted to list my favorite things down:
1. The characterization. The eng crew is so very true to their canon characters (at least how the characters would response to given situations.
2. The friendship dynamics. Again, the eng crew is my favorite. The friendship you wrote is just so natural, no unnecessary meanness towards each other on social media, just the right amount. They will fight each other to death for the last cookie but will also kill for each other, and it’s so apparent in the way you wrote them. I adore them with all my heart 😭
3. InkPa being awesome.
4. Chang using they/them pronouns and being the non-binary rep.
5. The ficlet giving all the characters screen time and importance and not just revolving around PatPran.
6. And last, the Wai slander 🫡 (will never forgive canon wai for victimizing himself and outing PatPran)
Thank you so much for writing this! It’s been my comfort thread for the last couple of days. Can’t wait to find out about what other shenanigans they are up to! Hope you have a wonderful day! 💕
AAAHJSFDHFJHDSJKW THANK U SO MUCH UR SO SWEET IM GLAD UR ENJOYING IT ^_^
1. thank u!! i like to think i know them personally like those are MY friends actually
2. eng crew supremacy is so real!!! (as it shld be lol) originally i had just been making this au for myself bcuz i liked pat and his friends so much and i just wanted a silly easy way to do something with them bcuz their friendship is just one of my fav things to come out of bbs and i think abt them literally all the time im a man possessed they just!! rly do care abt each other so much and i have so many thoughts and so much to say abt it all but i will hold myself back rn to save everyone. but just know i have them :3
3. they are the only ones ever the closest to world peace we will ever get hashtag love wins
4. THANK U. ANY PRONOUNS CHANG IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME SOMETHING LIKE SNAPPED IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD WHEN I SAW MARK PAKIN'S MULLET ERA AND IVE JUST NOT GONE BACK SINCE....
^ image that really did some damage to me cant fully explain why but it did
5. again i was making this like just for me at first bcuz i was like SO into having it be a lot abt the others and not just patpran and ik usually these type of things arent but i showed a friend and they liked it so i was like whadda hell why not but im soo glad to know someone other than us two enjoy that everyone gets their time!! its smthin that always makes me :/ like ik they have friends i wanna see them!!! i wanna see gay people sooo in love but i want everything else too!!! pran's friends will have some more time soon i am just. obviously bias to the eng crew they r my silly fellas... inkpa will get more too as well esp bcuz im like finally abt to be at the actual plot and not just when i was messing around with dynamics and stuff LOL
6. without wai slander society would collapse o7 (same..i also have a lot of thoughts abt like pran's relationship with like his friends bcuz its just so. Yeah. esp when compared to pat's with his...i have a lot to say simply. and it makes me kinda bummed out a little but i will not be thinking abt that rn</3)
thank u so much again this made me had im so sooo happy ur liking it and that u continue to enjoy it!!! hope ur day is good!! :D
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the wifi is back up,,you know what that means :)))
after finals on Thursday you guys are going to get some real shit I think, and by that you get the huge ass calender i have planned out for now
also question what would be peoples opinion if I inched away from fnaf a bit more?? not like fully drop it but like yknow, less than what I usually did. Instead I'm really in a mood for afterwords to do oc storylines and undertale me thinks perhaps, also move back to poptropica since my friend scout (@invisible-b0nes) has taken me by my gay little brain for their villain oc starkiller smh
that and maybe cookie run, I'm getting really into that again, also on CRK pure vanilla server if anyone wants my user is genderhaver if you wanna be silly goofy friends
I'll get back on ovenbreak soon I just really need a new phone to do so LMAO
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ROOT Reformed
Okay so you know how Yamato, Sai, and Shin were in ROOT? Well, what if Yamato had seen the two children, one so sick he was throwing up blood and the other so antisocial he kept getting bullied because of how he talked, and adopted them? The Dad!Yamato, and Child!Shin and Sai headcanons that nobody asked for coming right up :)
When Yamato first met Shin and Sai, Sai was hiding behind Shin because he accidentally insulted someone and got punched. Shin was trying to comfort the small boy and protect him.
Yamato then decided to adopt them both, he scared away the bullies and helped Sai cover his black eye, which looked worse than it was since Sai’s skin is so pale and markable.
When Yamato learned that Danzo was sending the two small children on B-Rank missions as PAWNS and they just barely survive all their missions, he personally whooped Danzo’s ass
Yamato was put in charge of Shin and Sai and the two children warmed up to him quickly
Yamato chasing Shin around the room trying to get him to eat vegetables
Yamato having to force veggies down two screeching kids throats
Shin and Sai doing target practice and Yamato tallying up the scores
Yamato training Sai and Shin on their jutsu
Yamato helping Shin reach his full potential with his ice powers
Yamato finding out how to make pieces of paper so Sai could draw all he wants
They have a huge garden in their backyard that they take care of.
Yamato growing different types of plants with his wood style jutsu and Shin and Sai reading books on how to take care of them
On Christmas, Yamato sneaked Shin and Sai out of Root so they could go to an actual party
Yamato introducing Shin and Sai to Kakashi
When Shin and Naruto first met, it was chaos at first sight
Sai following Yamato like a lost puppy and holding on to his pant leg until Yamato picks him up and put him on his shoulders
Yamato, Sai, and Shin cuddling by the fire like the smol beans they are
When Shin got really sick from his unnamed diease, they immediately went to see Tsunade, even though it took a week to track down the gambling lady
Tsunade getting full access to Root’s medical supplies so she can make sure Shin is okay
Shin surviving and being cured of his illness, NOT DYING BECAUSE HELL NO YAMATO WASN’T ABOUT TO HAVE HIS CHILD DIE, NOT TODAY SATAN
Sai and Shin keeping their memories and growing up with an actual parental influence
Yamato chasing a cackling child with a huge butchers knife around the house, both of them are yelling
Sai being the sassiest little shit in the world and everybody thinks he doesn’t know what he’s doing but Yamato’s just like “You sneaky lil’ shit-”
When Sai got to join Team Seven with Yamato, they brought Shin along as an ANBU “for the mission” when really, they didn’t want to leave him behind and come back to find the house destroyed
Yamato trying desperately to find where the hell Shin is getting all this cup ramen from and Sai is just not telling Yamato because he’s a lil’ shit
Shin third-wheeling with Kiba on all of Ino and Sai’s dates (Kiba third-wheels on everbody’s dates, its a fact)
KIBA x SHIN, KIBA x SHIN, KIBA x SHIN (I’m sorry I just need my dog boy-o to love somebody okay??)
Shin just randomly came home one day holding Kiba’s hand and Yamato immediately adopted him
IRUKA AND KAKASHI SHOW UP AND BAM (Yes, this is KakaYamaIru. Shhh-)
Naruto and Kiba calling each other “Brother” bc their father-figures are dating
Sai and Ino being quieter about their relationship than Shin and Kiba but they’re literally so damn cute oh my lord
Shin and Kiba going on dates that are mostly composed of running around the woods and chasing rabbits but they love it anyway
Yamato being a Proud Dad™
When Danzo died and the family got their curse marks removed and became real Leaf Village citizens they were overjoyed
Suddenly, the Leaf Village had about 100 more extremely talented teenage shinobi at their service
Yamato re-opening Root but this time, making it into a friendly place where everybody is supportive of one another
Sai and Shin helping people understand that they’re not alone anymore and it’s okay to have friends and be original because you’re one purpose in life is not to be a pawn for the Leaf Village anymore
Sai getting to decorate the ceilings of the Hatake Mansion with whatever designs he likes, making it not only beautiful but deadly
The Hatake Mansion having designs of tigers, birds, flowers, and symbols all over the roof
Murals of the person in their rooms (Naruto has a silly fox one, Kiba has a dog one, Kakashi has a lightning one, Yamato has a garden one, and so on.)
Yamato adopting Shino bc we need our bug boy to be noticed (COUGH COUGH NARUTO)
Shin running around the house, chasing a bee that stole his homework
Shin becoming a super energetic gym teacher at the Academy
Sai becoming an elite jounin and having a custom, crop-top uniform
Yamato becoming the nicest leader of an ANBU division there’s ever been
Shino and Sai being weird shitposting edgelords together
Sai and Ino baking cookies together only to find that Shin, Kiba, and Naruto ate them all
Iruka managing the chaotic household while being constantly cuddled by Kakashi and Yamato
Iruka teaching Sai about friendship and smiling
They have a huge ass garden
Yamato helping Ino and Sai at the Yamaka flower shop
When Sasuke returned, he was immediately adopted
The Hatake Household of Chaos
Sasuke, Shino, and Sai being weird shitposting edgelords
Anko as the weird aunt who came around only to fuck shit up and leave
Gai as a weird uncle and Lee as their favorite (and only) cousin
Kakashi making breakfast and dinner for about nine hungry people
Yamato making all the kids little lunches
When Orochimaru came back to the village, Shin and Sai both made sure that he was five feet away from Yamato at all times
They only began to trust Orochimaru when Sasuke told them that Orochimaru was his sensei/father-figure and the supporting father figure he never had
Orochimaru apologizing to Yamato for testing on him
Orochimaru becoming a father figure to Yamato and Sasuke
GRANDPA OROCHIMARU
Orochimaru and Shino talking about bugs and snakes
Shin, Naruto, and Kiba chasing a yelling Orochimaru around the house with a bunch of marigolds and ammonia (snakes hate those)
Iruka trying to make peace with the marigold and ammonia welding children and a terrified Orochimaru
Tsunade coming over to see her favorite little brat (Kakashi)
GRANDMA TSUNADE
Tsunade secretly supplying the children with marigolds and ammonia to get back at her old friend (Petty revenge is a bitch)
Orochimaru tricking Sai into calling Tsunade old
Tsunade never sending Jiraiya on that mission alone, she sent Kakashi with him and they managed to win the fight. Barely, they were in a coma for a few weeks, but they sure as hell won.
TSUNADE AND SAKURA BEING ABLE TO HEAL ITACHI AND THEN ITACHI WAS ADOPTED
HATAKE HOUSEHOLD OF PURE AND UNRESTRAINED CHAOS
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✏️✏️✏️ to get 3 out of it (or only one if you only want to do one)
Another body hits the lockers beside her much more gently.
“You okay, Tara?”
Sky can’t fight the small smile that graces her lips at the sound of that voice.
Connor Jenkins has been Sky’s best friend since they were young, though over the years they’ve been forced to drift apart. Connor’s father is of the opinion that boys cannot be friends with girls because it makes them gay. An opinion that Sky frankly thinks is completely ridiculous. Though she has to admit that Mr. Jenkins isn’t completely wrong on the whole “gay” front.
Connor came out to Sky back in middle school. Sky’s sister Lizzie was holding a sleepover at their house with some other friends and the two of them hadn’t been able to sleep. They had climbed out of Sky’s window and were sitting on the roof, reminiscing the past few years as they prepared to enter high school.
If someone asked Sky how they got onto the topic in the first place she wouldn’t be able to tell them, but suddenly Connor was crying and spilling his guts to her, and then the words were out and there was silence. Connor had his head buried in his hands, sniffling as tears poured down his cheeks, just waiting for the rejection he knew was coming. Sky remembers being left speechless for a moment before his words fully registered, and without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around him in the tightest hug she had ever given. Connor had sobbed into her shoulder, apologizing over and over while Sky tried to calm him down.
They ended up staying on the roof until sunrise, Sky flinging about a million random, silly questions at Connor in an effort to cheer him up. It worked, and eventually, he became a bit more open about discussing his sexuality. Connor told Sky how he figured out he was gay, they talked about different people who brought that realization, and by the time they went back inside, Sky was starting to wonder why Connor’s words resonated so deeply with her. At that point, she had been so tired that she just shrugged it off and went to sleep.
Connor is a bit different from the other boys in their community. On the surface he doesn’t appear to be anything special; fair, pinky skin, wavy ginger hair with an undercut, hazel eyes, and a long, lanky body. Overall unremarkable in appearance, but his personality is where you can see how different he really is. Connor is one of the sweetest people Sky has ever met. He’s sincere and gentle, soft-spoken, and not one to defend himself. He holds a level of empathy that Sky hasn’t seen in any other guy in the Gilded Gates, which often gets him in trouble. Back in grade school, Connor was very sensitive, he still is but especially back then; he cried easily, and the other kids had taken to picking on him. He was seen as an easy target, not just to his peers, but to his family as well.
Mr. Jenkins radiates the energy of a high school bully who never grew up. The man is bitter and petty and it often seems like he has nothing better to do except making his son’s life miserable. Pretty much every household in the Gilded Gates has an air of toxic masculinity, an idea that “real men” show no emotion; it's disgusting.
The girl breaks herself from her reverie when she realizes she still hasn’t answered Connor. He looks to her expectantly, though patient. She gives him a thin smile and shrugs. He chuckles, patting her shoulder and dragging her off to class.
Later that day, Connor approaches Sky on her way home from school. The two take the same street but because of where they’re headed, they never talk. Sky gives the ginger-haired boy an inquisitive look, and he simply hands her a slip of paper and holds her gaze for a meaningful moment, then keeps walking. Sky glances at the paper, then at Connor’s retreating back. She shoves the paper in her pocket for later and continues home.
On the surface, the Taras seems like your normal, cookie-cutter family. A father, a mother, twin daughters, and grandma. But that is far from the truth. Sky’s father is a cruel man. He is stoic and cold, many would claim they’ve never heard the man utter an ‘I love you,’ not even to his own wife and daughters. He cares for nothing but business and reputation. Sky’s mother is vindictive and vain. She carries a melancholy air to her, as well as a pervasive smell of booze. Nana tells them there was love once, long before they were born, but somewhere along the way that love died. Ever since then, Mrs. Tara has turned to the bottle as her only true companion, and Mr. Tara has drowned himself in his work. What little time the couple leaves for their children is focused almost solely on Sky’s sister, her older twin, Elizabeth. They sing their praises for Lizzie, rewarding her accomplishments, however big or small they may be.
Sky and Lizzie may be twins, but the two are completely different. Lizzie is perfect, everything their parents want in a daughter, everything their society expects of a young lady. She gets good grades and participates in after school clubs. Lizzie volunteers at church functions and always has a smile on her face. She wears pretty dresses or blouses and skirts, with light makeup accentuating her features. They have the same face, yet Lizzie is the pretty twin.
Sky is the exact opposite. She is rough around the edges, closed off, and quiet. She rarely, if ever, smiles and actively avoids large groups of people, especially her peers. Sky wears rugged, baggy clothes and is often dirty in some way, shape, or form. She gets decent grades, but they aren’t perfect. Sky instead found her niche in writing, specifically poetry and songwriting. She developed a love of music and classic literature and found a sanctuary within these interests, her own little world to escape to inside her mind when life got to be too much.
As far as physical appearance, the twins are basically identical. Porcelain skin with Asian features, straight, shiny black hair with thick fringe, piercing blue eyes, thin lips, upturned noses, high cheekbones, thin faces, and slim builds. Sky is noticeably more muscular than Lizzie, while Lizzie sets herself apart from her sister by walking with perfect, pretty posture where Sky is always slouching.
Dinner with the Taras is a quiet event. Only the adults are allowed to talk, and they almost never do. Sometimes Sky’s father will talk about work and her grandmother will give him some form of verbal acknowledgment, but oftentimes the table is silent save for silverware scraping against plates. The girls may not leave the table until they are dismissed, at which point everyone splits off. Sky’s mother moves to the kitchen to do dishes, while Sky’s father and grandmother retire to the living room, along with Lizzie, who entertains them with piano. Sky meanwhile goes upstairs to hide in her room for the rest of the night and drown herself in homework and books.
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Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law #1: "Bannon Custody Battle"
December 30, 2000 - 4:30AM | S01E01
Welcome to the first episode of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, the first show on Adult Swim’s roster that I rejected as a substandard product. It should’ve been the Brak Show.
In the opening episode, Birdman takes a case from Dr. Benton Quest, better known as Jonny Quest’s father. Race Bannon is fighting for custody of the boy, arguing that he’s a much better, much more present father figure to Jonny.
Harvey Birdman was first conceptualized with an episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast. In the episode “Pilot” we’re shown a supposed disastrous pilot episode of “Coast to Coast” where Birdman was originally attached as the star. Birdman, a depressive, out-of-work super hero, utterly botches the job as his inability to host a late-night show due to his deriving all his powers from the sun becomes more apparent. The character recurs a few more times, most notably in the episode “Sequel”, where Birdman guest-hosts the show. Still, to call this a proper Space Ghost spin-off requires carrying a big asterisk along with it. The character name “Harvey Birdman” was invented for Space Ghost, but besides both being based on the old 60s Birdman Hanna-Barbera show, they have little to do with one another. One would get almost nothing out of watching the original Space Ghost episodes before watching this (except for, you know, getting to see episodes of a much funnier show).
So in Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law you have one 60s Hanna-Barbera character as a lawyer taking court cases from various other Hanna-Barbera characters, usually of a similar vintage. In this particular episode we’re treated to a lot of jokes about the homoerotic subtext of Jonny Quest, specifically the relationship between Race Bannon and Benton Quest. The writers decide to tastefully side-step the seemingly pederast relationship between Race and Jonny. Watching the original Jonny Quest with the same attempt to subvert and recontextualize the relationships between the characters through a modern lens, a certain type of observer would probably note the amount of shirtless roughhousing Race does with Jonny.
Speaking of watching Jonny Quest: I have to admit something: I never really watched Jonny Quest at all before writing this blog. I’ve had an interest in older shows and cartoons my entire life, but the entire genre of action cartoon didn’t appeal to me whatsoever when I was a kid. So last night I watched my first episode of Jonny Quest, in glorious 1080p on my new 4K television; a format it was never EVER intended to be viewed in.
Jonny Quest is objectively junk. It’s fun, boyish, escapist entertainment, and there’s a lot of good irony in it, especially with it’s antiquated portrayal of other cultures from a bygone era when we were far less connected to the rest of the world. It has limited animation and simplistic design. The backgrounds look like they were painted on a post-it-note and most of the men are drawn to look like reskinned versions of Race Bannon. But there’s at least something a LITTLE charming about it. In fact, there was one moment of beautifully scripted action that absolutely won me over: Race and Jonny’s speed boat goes airborne briefly and crushes the bad guy’s boat from above as they speed towards one another. I nearly cheered when it happened. I knew The Venture Bros took liberally from Jonny Quest, but the coolest action sequences on that show seemed to be striving for the same exact visceral reaction I got from seeing Race crunch up some lizard men on a boat.
Birdman is a similar deal: He was a cookie-cutter imitation of comic book heroes from the silver-age of comics (the obvious comparison here is DC’s Hawkman). I actually did watch a Birdman adventure late last night as I was falling asleep to follow up on Jonny Quest, but it felt less important. I can remember checking out the original Birdman on DVD not too long ago. Also, your typical Harvey Birdman usually focuses on jokes about shows other than Birdman. Still, it’s neat to see those characters in their original context, as well as that Hanna-Barbera stock-explosion animation we all know and love from Space Ghost blowing up Zorak on Coast-to-Coast. Also the episode I watched will be heavily referenced later, but not for this.
I only watched the first episode of Jonny Quest taking a cue from my friend Kon who noted that most of the references in “Bannon Custody Battle” are directly from the first episode. The most specific (and funniest) scene in the whole show involves the Lizard Men, the main villains of that first installment. Other characters show up very briefly, and are all ones that appear in the opening sequence. Unless I find out differently (I’ll probably try to make my way through the rest of Quest in preparation for Venture Bros.), it really does seem like the writers just watched the first episode of Jonny Quest to write this show.
Watching this episode of Harvey Birdman was like batting away an existential crisis. I remember vaguely at the time not being SUPER hot on this show, but I cut it a lot of slack and trusted that it would simply get funnier. I wanted to love all the shows on Adult Swim. Anyway, I went from being lukewarm on Birdman, to hating it. Reading my own earlier review of Birdman I blasted this episode for being homophobic. I used to have a very low tolerance for gay jokes, back when they were highly in fashion. But now that we live an era where there’s an arms race to find new ways to scold one another for perceived slights gay jokes can sometimes, NOT ALWAYS, be a little refreshing to hear. The fact that my stance on gay jokes can change as long as it’s in direct-opposition with the rest of the world is at least a little troubling. Does this mean I’m an inauthentic reactionary? Yes. Yes it does. There, I admitted it. Now, let me off the hook, please.
I say that sorta jokingly. The gay jokes in this are mostly pretty lame, and come off like Mike Scully-era Simpsons gay jokes. The early scene at the beginning where Birdman eyes widen when he’s misunderstanding the nature of Dr. Quest’s and Race Bannon’s relationship really does come off as early 90′s homophobia. I remember it seemed out of place at the time. I’m sure it played just fine in the midwest, but the show didn’t really put it’s best foot forward with that.
Speaking of lame jokes, this episode has a few that have nothing to do with insulting gay people. One of my least favorite bits involve the specific gag of undercutting a dramatic moment with characters fumbling around awkwardly in true-to-life fashion. Why, if a person tried to recreate a dramatic sting you’d see before a commercial break in real life, you’re right, it’d probably go awkwardly! But this 11 minute show has at least 3 explicit examples of this, and it’s only mildly amusing once:
Bannon dramatically walks out on Dr. Quest, after announcing his intention to take Jonny with him. He awkwardly comes back because he forgot his keys
Birdman dramatically argues with a rival prosecutor and summons his personal digital assistant, and then awkwardly fumbles with it
Birdman proves that the Race Bannon on the witness stand is actually a robot by unplugging him, but he accidentally pulls the wrong cord and has to spend a few seconds untangling and retracing the correct cord.
Another thing about Birdman is that there is usually a lack of strong jokes. The show usually includes a layer of comedy where there are simply characters who simply have odd, scattered speech patterns or odd ticks. The rival lawyer in this slurs his speech in a particular way: cut to the jury looking confused. That’s the joke. The Judge grumbles in an ornery fashion and generally acts like he doesn’t wanna be there. He says stuff that sounds like bad improv. That’s the joke. The show will only ocassionally come up with jokes to justify these character traits. It’s just silliness that doesn’t usually go anywhere.
But, I do kinda like some things about this episode. It was animated by J.J. Sedelmaier, known for early digital animation seen in the crude era of Beavis and Butt-head and SNL’s TV Funhouse. They really do have their own style of comic timing, and there are some gags in this where the animation works in their favor. There are some jokes where the drawings really sell the comedy. I’m not sure if I liked this animation better or worse, but it does match the oddly-stilted Jonny Quest animation better than the episodes that came after this would have.
Oh, one of the funniest bits not on the show was when I popped in the DVD I forgot that the menu music is Wesley Willis’ “Birdman Kicked My Ass”. If I were in high school when the DVD came out I would have loved it just for that reason. Same could be said “Jonny Quest Thinks We’re Sell-Outs” by Less Than Jake. I was an easily impressed kid.
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Sweet On My Lips (Crygi) - Mumu
A/N: This is my first fic! I usually write poetry, so this is quite a change. Hope you enjoy :) You can also read it on AO3!
Summary: Gigi’s a barista and Crystal stumbles into her cafe. Softness ensues.
It’s nearly four in the afternoon when Crystal Methyd stumbles into the cafe with a book bag under her arm. She needs a sugar high. Immediately.
She wanted to go to a Starbucks, but a few wrong turns on the way back from the new tattoo studio she was an apprentice at, and she was suddenly twenty minutes away from the nearest one. She ended up having to settle for a local cafe to satisfy her sweet tooth. How is that even possible? Starbucks is supposed to have a store on every street. That’s, like, the law.
Add that to the fact that LA summers felt like Satan himself was preemptively boiling everybody alive to lessen his workload once they made it down to hell, and you got one very pissed off Crystal.
“Hi! Can I get, uh, a-” Crystal starts, approaching the counter. She squints at the menu, trying to decide from the creative names which drink has the most cream and sugar. Her mouth tastes filmy and gross from dehydration, not at all helping her concentrate on scanning the drink names.
Tiramisu mocha? White chocolate raspberry frappe? Maybe the frappes are sweeter, given that they’re usually topped with whipped cream and all. She traps her bottom lip between her teeth, thinking. It’s too hot out to order a hot chocolate. Maybe she could ask to get it iced, though? Is that a thing?
She honestly should have just walked the twenty minutes to Starbucks; at least she knows for sure that they’re okay with modifications.
She realizes she’s been quiet for a few seconds too long when the barista speaks.
“Take your time! There’s not much business this time of day anyways.”
“Thanks,” Crystal drags her gaze away from the menu and up to glance at said barista. Her breath catches as soon as she does. The first thing she notices is curly red hair, pulled into a shiny ponytail. It looks soft, and she wants to touch it.
Crystal’s pretty sure this barista is the first redhead she’s met (apart from that one time she decided to dye her hair red in eighth grade, of course, but she doubts that counts.)
She’d only done it to piss off her English teacher after he’d gone on a rant and said that unnatural hair colors were an abomination of god or whatever. It didn’t come out to be a pretty shade like this girl’s. More… Clifford the big red dog. But ultimately, three months of picking out clothes to match her hair and drenching her damaged split ends in coconut oil were worth it, if only to see Mr. Rhodes splutter every time she came into his classroom.
A thump from the cafe dishwasher brings her back to the moment, and she startles slightly.
“D’you want some help choosing?” The barista asks helpfully.
She doesn’t trust herself to speak without stammering out something embarrassing, so Crystal just nods instead.
“Great!” The redhead says, smiling. Her nose scrunches as she does so, and Crystal notices the coral-colored blush placed there for the first time. It gives the girl a sunburnt look. It’s cute. She’s cute.
“I love guessing people’s coffee orders. It’s like, coffee shop tarot reading or whatever,” The girl says.
“Aren’t tarot readings for the future though?” Crystal gets out, finding her voice again. Her eyes drop to the barista’s name tag- Gigi. It’s nice to put a name to the pretty face. “So this would be more like a BuzzFeed personality quiz or something.”
“Whatever, I don’t know.” Gigi waves the question away, shrugging. Her smile is warm, and it makes Crystal feel kind of melty inside. “You’re probably right.”
“Do you do it often?” Crystal ventures.
Gigi gets a bit flustered, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. Crystal wishes she could be the one playing with Gigi’s hair. Is that creepy? Definitely creepy.
Gigi considers how to word her answer. Okay, don’t tell her you analyze everyone that comes in here like some sort of serial killer.
“Mostly just in my head? It keeps me entertained.” Or do. Great.
“Cool! Do you want me to answer questions or something? I can do that.” Crystal offers.
“No, that’s cheating. Just, like, stand there for a sec, yeah?”
Crystal obeys, feeling a bit silly. Gigi narrows her eyes, studying her.
“You’re wearing bright colors and mixing prints… that tells me you’re fun and like, a child at heart and stuff.” And you’re really pretty, Gigi wants to add. Really, really pretty, because nobody else I’ve ever met could get away with mixing prints. Not even Nicky, and that girl is a runway model.
“Uh, thanks, I think!” Crystal shuffles a bit. She hopes that being “a child at heart” a good thing in Gigi’s book. She wants Gigi to like her. The realization almost makes her snort in irony. Of course. I’m head over heels for a pretty girl I just met five minutes ago who’s probably not even gay. How very cliche lesbian of me.
Crystal makes a mental note to never, ever tell her group chat about this. (Meaning, the group chat is the first place she’ll go to talk about this after she leaves in around five minutes.) Jaida will probably never let her live it down. On the bright side, it would probably give her a break from constantly having to relive the Mailbox Incident of Summer 2017. She nearly shudders just thinking about it.
“Oh! And cute earrings! Where’d you get those?” Gigi asked, bringing Crystal out of her thoughts.
“Thank you, I made them!” Crystal says, and only allows herself to grin like an idiot for five seconds.
“No way, that’s incredible,” Gigi marvels. “Do you sell them or anything?”
“Yeah, mostly just to friends, though. Once a month I go to an art fair and that’s when I sell the most stuff.” Crystal says. She hesitates for a moment, before throwing in a, “but then again, lesbians will buy anything if you stick a needle on and call them earrings, so.”
“That’s cool,” Gigi says. “And amen to that. I just bought a pair of bottle cap earrings? I have no idea when I’m ever going to wear them.”
“Thanks! Those sound cute, I bet you’d look pretty in them.” Crystal feels like a broken record at this point, just repeating the same few phrases. The praise has her feeling a bit shy, and she can’t help but get a little self-conscious. She fiddles with the hem of her denim jacket to keep herself busy.
Gigi doesn’t seem to notice, still very much focused on analyzing her appearance. “Freckles, cute! Are they natural?”
“Oh, uh, yeah!” Crystal brings a hand up to tap her nose. “I used to hate them.”
“What, no, they’re adorable! I’ve always wanted them. I would, like, dot them on with mascara in third grade.”
Crystal giggles. “That’s so cute.”
She flounders for a second, trying to come up with something to say as Gigi goes back to staring at her. “Uh, I like your hair! I dyed my hair red in eighth grade, but it didn’t look natural or anything.”
“Aw, thank you. Yeah, red hair is really hard to get right apparently.” Gigi nibbles on her bottom lip, thinking. “Okay, I think I’ve got it!”
“What’s the verdict?” Crystal asks excitedly, all previous discomfort forgotten.
The redhead pauses, steepling her hands and drumming her fingertips together. She lets the silence sit for a few seconds to build anticipation, though this time it’s decidedly less awkward, both girls having warmed up to each other.
There’s a pause before she announces her decision. “I think… you seem like a diabetes in a cup kinda girl.”
Wow. Okay, how the hell did Gigi do that? Is Crystal that easy to read or something?
Actually, yeah, it makes sense that she’d get it right. Crystal thinks, answering her own question. I dress like something out of a five-year-old’s wildest dreams. Still, pretty impressive.
An indignant part of her wants to insist that she can handle bitterness, thank you so much, but Crystal’s never been a great liar, and something tells her this girl wouldn’t buy it either.
“Is that… a good thing?” Crystal says, a dumb grin spreading on her face. Get it together, Crystal.
“What? Girl, in what world is diabetes a good thing?” Gigi cackles. “It’s horrible. I get an iced black coffee, for reference.”
“Ew,” Crystal blurts without thinking. Shit, I said that out loud. She immediately flushes and tries to take it back. “Or, no, I mean, not ew, but-”
“No no, it’s okay! I know some people just aren’t mature enough for Big Girl coffee,” Gigi mocks. Crystal would usually be offended, but judging from the way Gigi’s blue eyes are sparkling with mirth, she knows the girl’s just joking.
She still makes a sort of offended squeak, pouting. “I just like the way sweet stuff tastes!”
“Okay, okay!” Gigi holds her hands up in surrender, barely concealing a grin. “Don’t pout, you’re too cute to pout.”
The squeak that escapes Crystal is real this time. Gigi called her cute? Is she flirting or just being nice? I’m probably delusional. Right?
There’s a moment where neither girl speaks. It hangs in the air with the smell of vanilla and cinnamon, mixing until Crystal’s half sure the entire cafe’s suddenly been turned into some sort of fairy-tale confection. She’s afraid to move, like the space around her will crackle and shatter if she does. It’s quiet, safe for the background of the coffee grinder going steadily and some gentle R&B flowing out of the sound system.
It’s a comfortable sort of silence. Crystal likes it, feels safe in the cocoon-like ambience. She wonders why she’s never come to this cafe before. Maybe it’s time to break her Starbucks addiction, explore a bit more.
Gigi clears her throat.
“So, how does a double chocolate cookie dough frappe with Nutella drizzle sound?” Gigi asks, finger already poised above the cash register screen.
Perfect.
Okay no, she can’t say that. Crystal clears her throat, trying to come up with a response that’s not as corny. She eyes the wall opposite the counter, where the menu is, then Gigi, confused.
“Wait, I don’t see it on the menu?” She scans the menu again, trying to find Gigi’s recommendation. Did she miss it? Her coffee budget is $3, what with rent due at the end of this week. Hopefully, Gigi’s recommendation isn’t over that limit.
“Oh! Yeah, um, I kinda just made it up right now.” Gigi flushes, sounding a bit flustered. She rushes to explain. “My boss is, like, super cool though! She lets me experiment and stuff. And I can just ring you up for a hot chocolate and it’ll be our little secret.”
In truth, this is Gigi’s first time making anything off-menu, so she isn’t sure what her boss Widow’s policy on the practice is. But she has this inexplicable urge to want to impress this girl. Gigi wants her to love the drink she orders.
I mean, it can’t go that bad, right? She reasons. Worst case scenario Widow takes it out of my tips or something. But Widow’s nice. She probably won’t do that.
“Well, in that case,” Crystal starts, and then changes her mind. “Actually, what did you say you usually ordered? Black coffee? I’ll take that.”
A shocked noise escapes Gigi. “I get an iced black coffee. You sure you want that?”
“Yeah yeah yeah! I can handle it, you’ll see,” Crystal hears herself say. This is an astronomically bad idea, she knows, but then again, she’s never been one to turn down a challenge. She wants to impress Gigi, and what with her teasing earlier, she honestly feels like she has something to prove.
“Okay, your funeral,” Gigi relents, raising an eyebrow. “That’ll be $2.49, then.”
Crystal hands her card over, watching Gigi go through the motions of scanning it, handing it back to her, and tearing off the receipt.
“You want the receipt?” Gigi asks.
“Nah, I trust you,” Crystal winks at the other girl, surprising even herself with her boldness.
Crystal thinks she sees Gigi redden, though that could just be a combination of her makeup and a trick of the light. Something tells her that the redhead is fond of blush, what with the way the coral powder has been taken across the bridge of Gigi’s nose and on her cheekbones.
“Okay!” Gigi flashes her a smile and grabs a cup and sharpie. Two can play this game. “Can I get a name for the order, babes?”
“Um, it’s- it’s Crystal.” Crystal blinks, trying to figure out whether she heard that right. Whatever boldness possessed her to wink at the pretty girl in front of her fled the moment that pet name passed Gigi’s lips.
“Well, nice to meet you then, It’s It’s Crystal,” Gigi says with a smirk. “One iced black coffee coming right up! Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll bring it to you when it’s done.”
Crystal plops down at the nearest table, watching Gigi work. Now that she has an excuse to just quietly observe, Crystal takes in Gigi’s full appearance. Her red hair is glossy and shiny under the sunlight that streams through the cafe’s windows, and she moves with expert ease through the space behind the counter. Her apron is checkered red and white. It’s tied in a bow at the back—a bow that’s lopsided, sagging slightly to the left, Crystal notes with a smile.
The girl is gorgeous, there’s no doubt about it. If Crystal met her on the street she definitely would have mistaken her for a model. And she was nice, too.
Nobody ever noticed her freckles or complimented her on her earrings the first time they met her. Most people thought her style of dress was weird, and Crystal figures that’s fair enough. Just the other day she wore a magenta jumpsuit with matching bunny ears. Anyone in their right mind would be a little taken aback at her fashion (as Jaida put it, her aesthetic is best described as “thrift store on acid.” Not exactly everyone’s cup of tea.) But Gigi got her right away, and a little part of Crystal wants to take that as a sign. Okay, maybe a large part.
Just as Crystal’s about to get lost in her daydreams again, Gigi bustles over with two cups, one in each hand.
“I made you a cookie dough frappe just in case,” She says, setting both cups on the table. “It’s on the house.”
Crystal exhales a light laugh. “You didn’t have to.”
“Oh,” Gigi says. She shifts her weight onto the other foot, suddenly shy, and gestures lamely towards the two drinks. “I wanted to. Just in case, like, the black coffee was too bitter. Sorry. You don’t have to drink it, uh, if you don’t want to.”
She offers an awkward smile. “I won’t force you.”
“Oh! Uh, no!” Crystal says, a little louder than necessary in her haste to reassure the other girl. Gigi jumps, and Crystal grabs her hand out of impulse. The movement jerks Gigi closer to her. “I mean, thanks. You don’t have to apologize. It’s really sweet of you to think of that.”
Gigi blushes, and Crystal’s suddenly acutely aware of the fact that she’s holding the girl’s hand.
And the fact that they’re the only people in this cafe. And the fact that when Crystal grabbed Gigi’s hand, it sent her stumbling a step closer, so now she’s pressed right against Crystal’s leg.
Gigi is very, very close to her all of a sudden, and her hair is really pretty, especially with the sunlight backlighting the frizz into a golden halo. She looks like an angel, and her eyes are hypnotizing.
Crystal wants to kiss her.
“Okay,” Gigi whispers, and licks her lips. It dawns on Crystal that she said that last part out loud. Fuck.
But Crystal can’t think, can’t panic, because Gigi’s so close and she smells like chocolate cake when it’s freshly out of the oven and still gooey in the center, just the way her abuelita makes it, and she’s warm and everything Crystal has ever imagined or wanted. Everything molecule in Crystal is telling her to crash into Gigi, and she decides to just go along with her instincts, because when a pretty girl is that close to her there’s no way Crystal can think logically.
“O-kay,” Crystal whispers back, stretching out the word, and then Gigi’s lips are on hers and they’re soft.
God, they’re soft. Gotta ask for her lip balm brand, Crystal thinks, because that’s a perfectly normal thing to ask someone you’re kissing, and then Gigi’s shifting positions and sliding into her lap to kiss her more comfortably and she’s lost the ability to think again.
All she can do is feel, feel the way Gigi’s hand snakes around her waist, the way Gigi’s eyelashes are fluttering against her nose bridge, the way Gigi’s hair is smooth as she tangles a hand in it, the way her heart feels like it’s soaring and exploding all at once and each one of her veins seems to be pumped full of fizzy champagne all of a sudden. All she can feel is Gigi, and she thinks she likes that.
As they part, Crystal accidentally bumps her nose against Gigi’s. She pulls away, wincing, and meets Gigi’s eyes for one very still moment. They peer at each other in wonder, as if discovering each other for the first time, and then Gigi’s lips quirk and she’s giggling. Before long, Crystal’s joining in too, and both lose it, still riding high off the adrenaline of the kiss.
After they’ve both calmed down, Crystal motions to the drinks on the table. “Wanna share?”
Gigi smiles softly at her. “Yeah, sure.”
Crystal grabs the black coffee and takes a small, tentative sip. She immediately chokes, breaking into a coughing fit. Gigi pounds her back, hard, then races behind the counter and pours her a small cup of water. After Crystal’s done hacking her guts out, she accepts it gratefully, trying to catch her breath.
“That,” She pants, “Is fucking disgusting.”
Gigi lets out a full-bellied laugh. It’s the prettiest thing Crystal’s ever heard, she thinks, which is saying a lot because she’s been to at least one show for all four of the One Direction tours. ‘“What a feeling” harmonies can’t even come close to the magic of Gigi’s laugh. Crystal wants to hear it over and over.
“I tried to warn you,” Gigi says with a snort, then covers her mouth, eyes wide and mortified, clearly shocked at the sound she produced. The comical expression sends Crystal straight into another bout of laughter, and before long they’re both losing it again.
Sometime later in the afternoon, somehow, Gigi ends up in Crystal’s lap again. Crystal’s lost track of time, but she doesn’t mind. She wants to kiss Gigi again, and again, and again. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of looking at her, kissing the sweet almond balm off her lips, touching her. Crystal wants to be in her presence forever. Gigi’s tongue pokes out of the left side of her mouth as she gazes down at Crystal, lazily tracing the smattering of freckles across her nose, forehead, and cheekbones with her peach nails.
“I wanna kiss every one of them,” Gigi whispers.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Then: “They’re cute.”
Crystal’s pretty sure if she wasn’t already giving heart eyes to Gigi, they are most certainly happening now. “You’re cute.”
“Can I? Kiss them.”
“There’s a lot of them,” Crystal says. It’s breathy, a challenge and a plea at the same time.
Gigi smiles, tucking a fallen strand of hair behind Crystal’s ear. “We have time.”
And they do, so Crystal lets Gigi kiss her until the drinks beside them are both completely melted and the whipped cream in Crystal’s has gone all weepy and deflated. Gigi insists on making her a new one, and on entering her number into Crystal’s phone before she leaves.
Crystal goes home and dreams of her.
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Get to know me!
Hello! My name is Ko! My pronouns are they/them/theirs or he/him/his.
I am the G in the LGBTQ+. I will not give out my age nor any personal information on this account. If you are pestering me about my age, face, or anything personal I’m sorry but I will block you from my page. You respect my privacy and boundaries I’ll respect yours. English is not my first language; i fluently speak Spanish. Along with that I am also able to speak French not as fluent but I know the basics.
Why have I started a sickfic account?
I have made a sickfic account for obviously- writing sickfic. I’m kidding I’m kidding, actually I originally made this account to read sickfics BUT I haven’t been finding many recent ones. Also I love to write so why not combine my love for sickfics, gay ships and writing into one thing. I’ve always wanted to write sickfics but I never thought it’d be good enough but..I’m doing it either way. I’m sitting on a sickfic that’ll most likely be released some time very soon after this is published. I’m not new to writing at all; I have multiple years experience in roleplay and I’ve always had a passion to write little stories in my free time. My grammar is not always the best and I do apologize but English isn’t my first language even though I speak it almost fluently I do slip up. I try my best not to write anything short because I do enjoy a few good minutes reading each little detail that adds to the story.
What do I write?
I write sickfics for fandoms and ocs I’ll bring along. I will most likely hashtag at the bottom as well as put the category I’m writing about on top of the sickfic. 9.5/10 I will be doing gay ships within the fandom even as requested but I will also do a heteroship if someone would like to see that on my page. I’m very much open to request please be a little detailed on what you want to see from me so I can make your dream come true.
Categories;
Fluff
Angst
NSFW/18+
Possible smut
Emeto
Fetish (If I don’t feel comfortable writing it please understand I most likely won’t do it.)
Fandoms;
Haikyuu
Mha
More coming soon
Who I write for;
Kageyama
Kuroo
Oikawa
Tendou
Bokuto
Yaku
Nishinoya
Bakugo
Tamaki
Extra;
Hello again! Cookies? Tea? Coffee? Anyways I’m putting this out there now; I will NOT be doing angst that involves any major character death cause I swear my heart cannot take it. My page will mainly be sickfics but every now and then you’ll see some pure angst, maybe some pure fluff. I’m once again all open for request but will need a small bit of detail when it comes to that, if you request smut or anything nsfw/18+ please keep in mind these characters will be aged up. You may not like that idea but for my own sanity and anyone else they will be legal adults when it comes to that stuff. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Also I’m begging you if I refuse to do a ship that you have requested but take the writing prompt please do not come at me. Some ships do not sit right with me and often make me too uncomfortable to write, I do want to please people but I also want to be comfortable while writing.
Farewell;
Au revoir my loves, thank you so much for reading and learning a bit about me. I hope I can make you smile while reading or however you want to feel. I will try to get request out as fast as I can but remember real life comes first. The outside world is so dangerous so please be careful and take care of yourself. Oh! I almost forgot; silly me. Here is your 🍵 & 🍪 for being an amazing person! Until next time❤️🧋.
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💍 + A SHIP ((the boys of course ))
where they get married
Technically they had 2 weddings because they were little shits and skipped town to get married in Vegas the weekend before the actual wedding. So legally they were married in Vegas, but they had the ceremony for their friends and family at some fancy ass venue Roman rented
when they get married ( ie what time of day, what month and season etc. )
They get married sometime in the fall, before it starts getting cold.
what traditions they include ( do they get married under a chuppah and crush a glass, garter toss, ‘something borrowed, something blue,’ etc. )
The ceremony itself didn't really have many traditions, but the reception followed a lot of traditions from Peter's side of the family
what their wedding cake looks like
Standard white wedding cake with gold flowers going up the side of it
….who smashes cake into whose face
Peter smashes it into Roman's face and Roman stands there stunned
who proposed to who first
Peter proposed to Roman with an old family ring and a long heartfelt speech
who walks down the aisle and who waits at the altar ( or neither )
Neither of them walked down the aisle, but Roman made it to the alter second
what their wedding dresses / suits / other look like
Roman was in a perfectly tailored black suit and Peter was in a button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up and slacks because he refused to wear a suit
what their wedding colour scheme is and what sort of decor they have
Their wedding colors are white and gold and it was very delicate and traditional
what flowers are in the bouquet ( if applicable. bonus: what do the flowers mean? )
White and red roses, basic bitch stuff because Roman kept rejecting every single possible bouquet combination so Peter eventually overruled and picked the most basic option
what their vows are ( eg poetry, traditional, improvised etc. )
Since they did the real deal in Vegas with no one watching, they decided that for the ceremony back home they could goof off a little bit. So most of their vows were just teasing each other and calling each other gay
if anyone’s late to the wedding
The only person who was late to wedding was Roman because he still had a hangover
who’s in the bridal parties / groomsmen / other
They didn't really have groomsmen, just because they didn't know enough people well enough to have them. Shelley was flower girl though
what their bridal party / groomsmen / other are wearing
Shelley got to wear a really pretty yellow dress and brand new gloves
who gives speeches at the reception ( bonus: what do they say? recount a sweet memory or two between them? tell an embarrassing story? )
Destiny gives an embarrassing speech about how the boys didn't figure out that they were dating for like a whole year. Lynda gave a speech about when Peter was a little kid, it was equal parts heartwarming and extremely embarrassing
who catches the bouquet( s )
Shelley does
what their wedding photos are like ( are they sweet, with the couple holding hands or kissing or ~gazing into each others eyes~? are they silly, with a snapshot of the ‘cake-smash’ moment? or are they artistic, with one of them facing the sunset or holding their bouquets? )
They're a mix of artistic and silly. Roman hired a photographer and set up a proper wedding shoot, and Lynda had a disposable camera and took lots of pictures of the boys annoying each other
what sort of food they have at the reception
They had a mix of basic dishes and then some people brought tupperware containers full of homemade food. And a cookie table of course
who cries first during the ceremony
Roman. Lynda, her baby boy is getting married and to a rich upir for fucks sake
how wild their reception gets ( who dances the best, who gets drunk first, etc. )
Peter tries to teach Roman how to dance and it goes just about as well as you'd expect. He nearly crashes into the table
what their rings are like
They're simple silver colored bands with the date engraved on the inside, nothing too fancy
what sort of favours they have ( heart shaped sparklers, mini champagne bottles, personalised candy etc. )
They have those little cellophane bags that you give to elementary schoolers at Valentine's day parties because Roman forgot to budget for favors and they had to figure something out in a pinch
where they go for their honeymoon
They go to Fiji
something memorable that happens during the party / ceremony ( do they run out of ice and someone goes to get it in full formal wear on foot, does anyone fall asleep in the middle of the party, etc. )
Halfway through the night the boys disappear and it takes 5 people to drag them back to the party
who officiates the ceremony
Elvis
what song their first dance is to
A cover of can't help falling in love
who gives who away as they walk down the aisle
Lynda gave Peter away and it made Peter tear up a bit
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Meddle About
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On the one hand--
But on the other.
Alec groans, rakes his hands over his face and leans back until he’s staring at the stars. The grass is cool on his back and it pokes through his shirt, dry and a little itchy. It’s a visceral feeling and it tethers him to earth, makes him feel like he’s sinking into the ground.
It’s a welcome feeling because Alec doesn’t feel like he belongs most days. The balmy air whispers through the trees and he shivers a little even though he’s warm. The ground is cool but comfortable and as he looks up, he feels small and insignificant. It’s not unpleasant.
If anything, it helps him feel like maybe it’s not a big deal if he’s broken, cold, a fucking robot--
No.
So maybe Alec’s head is a mess most days. He goes back and forth. It’s a running joke with Iz and Jace-- that he’s a robot, so cold as to verge on icy, and he humors them. He stares at them, unamused and stoic when they prank him, has no problem staring his bitch of a mother in the face as she berates him in full view of the servants, keeps mum as Jace ribs him goodnaturedly about his lack of a love life.
But then he goes to his bedroom after a long day where nothing seemed to go right and he feels like he’s suffocating as he chokes back a scream that would scrape his throat raw if he let it. He lays in bed for hours at night, mind going in circles, as he wonders what the fuck everyone else means when they say love.
Because sure, he loves Izzy and Jace and Max. He’d die for them without hesitation, and would only hesitate a little when they bug the shit out of him for the last salted caramel cookie that he’s been hoarding like a goddamn dragon.
He thinks he understands what it means to say he loves reading because when he loses himself in a good book, it almost feels like he’s somewhere else, somewhere free where he can be himself. There’s love in the pages of a novel where there are no pretenses, just earnest appreciation and a desperate kind of joy.
But that’s lowercase love, casual and informal and to everyone else-- lesser. There seems to be a difference between that and love with all caps, with fireworks, with a marching band playing the world’s sappiest, most cliche ballad.
And that’s what seems so foreign to him because when people say love in that voice they mean something Alec can’t put his finger on and it’s maddening, that the entire world just knows how it feels to be head over heels, to feel butterflies, to be in love.
It’s romantic love that makes him want to tear his goddamn hair out because that-- that he doesn’t understand.
He watches Jace make a fool of himself with over the top gestures and while he’s supportive and encouraging, privately he can’t understand why his brother would make such an ass out of himself because of an ephemeral feeling. He listens as Izzy goes on and on about someone in her class, talking about the way they fucking laugh and smile with their eyes or whatever the fuck and can’t help but feel like his sister-- his ever practical sister-- has lost her goddamn mind.
He can comprehend grand gestures and overwhelming fondness and while it’s a secret he likes to keep close to his vest, Alec is a bit of a hopeless romantic when it comes to media. He loves a good romcom and he has an entire shelf dedicated to romance novels in his bedroom.
But that’s fiction and in real life, he’s left wondering if everyone is playing some sort of elaborate joke on him because for a reasonably intelligent nineteen year old, he just can’t understand what people say when they say those words.
He made it through his entire high school career without a crush while his classmates seemed to fall for someone every other period. He’s never hooked up with anyone, never felt the need to lose himself in someone else.
And it’s those realizations-- noticing that he seems to be falling behind everyone else, that even if he doesn’t particular care that he hasn’t slept with anyone, that he’s never been on a date, everyone else has and because of that, something is missing in his life-- that make Alec feel like he’s going crazy sometimes.
He likes being single. He likes his life, but when the whole world is shouting that he needs to find his other half, it’s hard not to want to fall in line even as he balks at the very notion.
Phone vibrating in his back pocket, Alec’s thoughts break off as he reaches for it. He smiles a little as he sees the incoming text.
On my way and I have milkshakes.
Shaking his head a little to clear it even more, Alec shoots back a reply before letting his phone drop onto his stomach. He hears the rustle of leaves under him and closes his eyes.
Quietly, he thinks he could fall asleep like this. This is their park, halfway between their houses and it’s always deserted this time of night. It feels like he’s the only person in the world and that makes the hint of hollowness in his chest ease a little.
It’s hard to feel broken when there’s no one else to compare to. It’s easier to think that being a robot isn’t so bad as long as he’s not hurting anyone.
Because sometimes his siblings’ ribbing pierces clean through him. He’ll never admit it but there are times when he replays their words over and over and wonders if they’re right, if they’re true, if there’s something fundamentally wrong with him.
Because sometimes-- just sometimes because it’s all he can bear-- he wonders what’s the point. He’s come to terms with being gay even if there are only a few people he’s told. But when a voice whispers that if he doesn’t want to have sex and he doesn’t particularly want to be in love-- what’s the point. There’s nothing for him and he’s nothing for anyone else.
Sometimes he thinks he shouldn’t be here. Sometimes he wishes he wasn’t.
He’s not maudlin, not even really sad. It’s just that when he lets himself, he measures what everyone else values against what he can provide and it seems embarrassingly obvious that he’s lacking.
Everyone places such importance on romance and attraction and Love and it feels like he doesn’t fit in with his complete apathy and mild distaste for it all.
Alec’s thoughts fracture as something lands on his stomach. Huffing a little, he opens his eyes and he swears the moonlight makes his best friend glow.
“What the fuck,” he mutters and Magnus laughs a little before dropping down next to him on the same faded blanket they’ve been bringing to this park since they were in middle school.
“Now is that any way to greet someone who brought your favorite milkshake?”
Narrowing his eyes, all Alec shoots back is, “Cookies n Cream?”
Glaring at him, Magnus all but shoves the drink in his face before he fairly sneers, “Extra Oreo.”
The two of them stare at each other for a long moment before they break out into laughter and God, Alec thinks, as he snags the straw Magnus holds out, there’s nowhere he’d rather be than right here, alone with his best friend.
Sitting up and grabbing the bag that Magnus had tossed at him, Alec knows there’s no place better and it’s in these moments that he casts a giant fuck you to anyone who would tell him that this is less than a boyfriend.
This is all he needs, he thinks and is only a little embarrassed at how mushy he’s being, if only in his own head.
Even by moonlight, Alec sees the grease soaking through the bag and he grins as he opens it to reveal an extra large order of fries from the same diner Magnus bought the shakes.
“You know me too well,” he mutters as he snags a fry and pops it into his mouth before wincing as it burns his tongue.
Magnus tsks even as he shoves a few into his own mouth. “I was hungry,” he shrugs, “And figured you probably were too.”
Alec just echoes, “You know me too well,” and lets the silence settle between them.
It’s not a bad silence. It’s not oppressive and there’s no pressure to fill it. Alec’s long since learned that he can be himself with Magnus, whatever that means. Magnus deals with taciturn, abrasive Alec just as well as he does sleepy Alec with cracked walls and silly jokes, which is the same as when Alec’s knuckles are bruised and bloodied and there are tears that seem to leech from his damned soul.
Magnus has seen every side of Alec and he’s stayed through them all.
Alec tells himself that this is different, though. He’s not told anyone, not even his best friend, not even Magnus, about these thoughts that make him sick, that make him feel angry and weird and other and less.
He doesn’t think Magnus would understand. Scoffing to himself as he brings his milkshake up for a long sip, Alec knows Magnus can’t understand what Alec himself is confused about.
Confused, terrified, and yet strangely uncaring under everything else. It’s all a tangled mess in his chest. It gives him a headache.
When Magnus speaks, it spooks him a little but Alec doesn’t look up from where he’s staring at a dandelion. This isn’t the first night one of them haven’t been in the mood to talk but Alec still feels like he should be better at compartmentalizing.
The thing is, there’s a niggling voice in his head and while he tells it to shut the fuck up, it whispers and insinuates and Alec doesn’t know what’s up from down.
Because sometimes he looks at Magnus and it’s his best friend. And then sometimes he looks at his best friend and wonders if this is what everyone else feels when they say they’re in love.
Because Magnus is beautiful, there’s no denying that. Magnus is perfect to Alec. Even with his ridiculous bedhead in the morning, and his tendency to bottle emotions up until they explode all over the place, even when he’s being a stubborn ass, he’s perfect, perfect for him.
Still. Alec thinks about what other people talk about when they say it’s love and he doesn’t want to sleep with Magnus. He doesn’t want to necessarily go on romantic dates and hold hands and wax poetic about Magnus’s goddamn hands.
He likes their weekly sleepovers and looks forward to rooming with him at NYU next month. He likes that Magnus makes him feel safe and accepted and that he can be himself with Magnus and that Magnus is one of the only people on earth he’d drop everything for, no hesitation. Some of his favorite afternoons have been hanging out at a nearby coffee shop working on homework or blatantly blowing it off. It’s a running joke between their friends and families that they’re joined at the hip, that where Magnus is, Alec is sure to be following. It’s been like that since they were kids.
They’re best friends and that’s enough but Alec doesn’t like that everyone else wouldn’t agree.
Izzy and Jace tease him about Magnus sometimes. In between telling them to go fuck themselves and rolling his eyes, he knows what it maybe, possibly looks like from the outside. It looks romantic, it looks closer than two friends should be, it looks different.
Alec doesn’t mind different, though. Not when it’s Magnus. Not when it’s them.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, darling?”
Alec still doesn’t look up, even though he feels Magnus lean into his shoulder, even when he wants nothing more than to pour his heart out and have Magnus tell him it’s okay, he’s okay, everything is going to be okay.
He shrugs into himself, scowls at the innocent flower and wishes he wasn’t himself. Maybe a stupid wish but a wish nonetheless. And because it’s midnight and dark and the person next to him is Magnus-- his best friend, his person-- Alec tells the truth.
“I wish I wasn’t me.”
Magnus’s voice is soft as he asks, “And why is that?”
And that’s why-- one of the hundred thousand million reasons why-- Alec loves Magnus. Magnus doesn’t tell him not to think like that, doesn’t give him weak if well-meaning platitudes. Magnus plays the game out and sometimes Alec wonders if Magnus doesn’t know him better than he knows himself.
Teeth digging into his bottom lip for a beat or two Alec tries to think of the best way to phrase his jumble of thoughts. It all boils down to one thing, though, that thing being, “I think I’m broken.”
His voice comes out a hoarse whisper, raw around the edges. That’s what it all comes down to-- Alec’s not like everyone else and if he’s not like everyone else then there’s something wrong with him, something not right.
Something wrong. Something broken.
The words might seem like a plea for help to others and Alec supposes he can’t fault them for that. Magnus gets it though because he gets Alec-- this is the root of his issue and at the end of it, he’s just confused. He just wants answers.
Leaning into the arm Magnus wraps around his shoulder, Alec keeps his gaze down as his best friend lets out a considering hum. “Why do you think you’re broken, Alexander?”
Taking a shuddering breath, Alec feels relief at not having his problem brushed away. His mind races and there are a dozen things that come to mind. He kind of wants to throw everything at Magnus and let someone else put the pieces together. There’s a sort of checklist in his head, All The Ways Alec Lightwood Doesn’t Fit In and included on that list is that while Alec likes the idea of marriage, he doesn’t see himself ever actually getting married.
He looks at relationships around him and they don’t make sense. They leave a sour taste in his mouth.
At the end of the day, he doesn’t know if he wants what everyone else has because they tell him he should want it of if his want is true, is real.
On the one hand, he likes the picture perfect idea. On the other, the thought of actually having it makes him queasy.
Swallowing hard, Alec looks up and meets Magnus’s eyes. His best friend is looking at him with the world’s patience and, even if Alec is hopeless at reading faces, a good amount of fondness seems to break through, too.
It’s just the two of them in the park as Alec finally lets his failing slip. Strangely, it’s not as scary as he’d thought it’d be, even moments ago.
“I don’t think I know what love is. I don’t think I know how to love.”
The words fall between them and it should sound absurd and a little pathetic. And it does because how does someone make it through high school, how do they become an adult and not know how to love or what love even is.
But that’s how it feels to Alec. He has familial love because he’s always had it. He can intuit his love of hobbies and other random inanimate objects because it’s what everyone else says and at the end of the day, it isn’t really that serious to exclaim that he loves the movie Pride and Prejudice.
He used to hesitate when it came to telling Magnus he loved him and the truth is, he still hesitates. Because to him, love seems unknowable and too meaningful and he didn’t want to lie to Magnus.
Still, Magnus told Alec that he loved him and didn’t seem to hold the same uncertainty or fear. Alec never wants Magnus to feel bad for loving him, so he said it back. He’s gotten better at saying it first because he likes the way Magnus smiles when he does and he likes making his best friend happy.
There’s a part of Alec that wonders if this isn’t love after all because he feels more towards Magnus than he does anyone else and if that’s all he’s capable of, then maybe it’s good enough to call it love. Maybe he’s not lying after all when he says it and wants to mean it.
If he wants to mean it, then maybe he does mean it. Maybe it’s enough that if he wants it to be true, it can be, it is.
Alec watches as Magnus smiles, just a little, just enough to see the twitch of his lips as he leans into Alec’s space like he's sharing a secret. “You are one of the most loving people I know, Alec.”
Startled, Alec blinks a little dumbly as he leans away to see Magnus better. Before he can open his mouth for a retort, Magnus is continuing.
“I’m serious,” Magnus says and Alec sees, from his eyes, that he is maybe the most serious Alec’s ever seen him. “You love without thinking, without hesitating. Isabelle, Jace, Max, that eccentric elderly woman that you help every Thursday evening with her correspondence, the underclassmen you tutor and treat to dinner even if you roll your eyes the entire time-- it might be quiet but it’s always there.”
Alec frowns as he notices, “You didn’t name yourself.”
Magnus shrugs and his expression is a little coy as he replies, “This isn’t about me, Alexander. It’s about you and letting you know that you love and are loved dearly.”
“I don’t understand love, Magnus.” Alec’s voice is soft as he adds, “I’ve never been in love. I’m not sure I want to be, not really, not like everyone says I should.”
“And that’s okay,” Magnus immediately says. “As long as you’re happy, you can be anything you want.”
“What about us?”
Magnus raises a single brow and while ordinarily Alec would tell him how stupid he looks, he just stays silent as Magnus asks, “What do you mean, what about us?”
“I’m not in love with you.” Alec’s voice is barely a whisper and he wonders if he’s just said something wrong. He clears his throat. “You’re my favorite person and I-- I think I have to love you more than just about anyone else on the planet but that’s it.”
He twists his hands in his lap as he waits for Magnus’s reaction.
His best friend just smiles patiently. “And I’m telling you that’s okay.”
Frowning a little, Alec looks up. “Is it?”
Sighing, Magnus pulls Alec close until his chin is resting on top of Alec’s head. It’s a little cramped but Alec huddles just that little bit closer and thinks that there’s no place else he’d rather be.
“You’re my favorite person, too, darling. My best friend. I love you and I know you love me and that’s more than enough for us.” Magnus’s voice drops to a whisper as Alec swears he feels lips against his hair. “You’re perfect just as you are. I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”
The only sound around them is the distant thrum of New York as Alec focuses on his breathing, on taking in what Magnus just said. “Kind of seems like everyone else expects us to start dating or some shit.”
He feels more than hears Magnus start laughing. “Kind of seems like everyone else should mind their fucking business.”
There’s a pause before Magnus quietly asks, “Are you happy? With the way things are?”
Alec doesn’t hesitate as he replies, “Yeah, yes, of course. I love us.” He straightens up, though, making sure he’s looking Magnus in the eyes as he replies, “Are you?”
Magnus nods, grins a little. “I am,” he answers confidently. “I’m happy as long as it’s you, as long as it’s us. Whatever that means, however it happens. And to hell with what anyone else thinks.”
Alec stares hard at Magnus, can’t help but wonder if his best friend is lying to spare his feelings-- wonders if maybe Magnus is in love with him and trying to hide it, if maybe he doesn’t think Alec isn’t overreacting and is making a mountain out of a molehill.
But his best friend’s eyes are clear and bright and Alec might not be great at reading people but he knows Magnus better than most anyone else and this-- this is Magnus at his best, at his most happy and relaxed.
“Whatever that means,” he echoes.
He pulls Magnus into a hug and breathes in familiar shampoo. He decides that this is his favorite spot, right here with his best friend, and that maybe it’s okay not to have all the answers as long as he’s happy, as long as he’s not hurting anyone.
Maybe it’s okay to be different, as long as someone understands, as long as Magnus get it, gets him.
This is enough, Alec thinks. This is more than enough.
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thank u visdiefje 🥺 (tosses a little fish cracker ur way)
Do you believe in love?
(after love) YEA but i really dont think im strong enough (no)
no but ok. ok. yes i do. love to me is in literally everything and if not for love i would not be here. like, love is the only reason i am alive. i fall in love a little bit everyday, with small rocks, city lights, wet asphalt, the way my friends laugh, the way they trust me and confide in me. the way water sounds, the way my favorite sweater feels, or the weight of my blanket when i go to sleep at night with a warmth in my heart. If i didn’t constantly have the little moments of love to keep living for i dont know where i’d be
What’s something you wish people would say or do when you’re having a really really bad day?
I think all i’d need was really just for them to be kind, and be tender. Be patient. Sit with me through it, even if i’m not at my most loveable right then. Be there for me, even if it’s roTTON work. And you know, joke with me! please make fun of me, especially when im sad!!! call me a silly little dingus and boop my nose, as i snot, and tell me that’s the sexiest i’ve ever looked. i like it when people dont treat me like im made of glass. I’m not looking for pity, im just looking for understanding
What are crushes like for you?
Because im so incredibly well adjusted - emotion wise - they’re not at ALL weird and confusing. But say if i WERE mayhaps a little bit cooky in the head... uhm... well, i guess, first off i rarely ever get crushes. It’s rare for me to meet anybody that i feel like i click with, or am able to trust enough... Usually i’ll make a friend and sometimes panic briefly in the start of the friendship, THINKING i was having crushy feelings, and then often find later on, that what i was really having were just feelings of warmth towards a new friendship.
But when i KNOW that it’s an actual crush-crush that’s were things get real sexy and i start doing all my hot-girl-shit like overthinking literally everything i say and do around them, to the point that i sometimes render myself speechless in a very sad attempt to ‘perform’ and be the most likeable that i can possibly be... Instead of just being like... A regular person... Just lil’ ol’ me... And because im usually caught in awe of whoever it is im crushing on i’ll also gather massive feelings of self doubt and feelings of UNWORTHYNESS and then spiral further down into my gay little madness hole
Which berry best represents you as a human?
im literally trying so hard to think of the implications of berries as humans and what it all means, and the SYMBOLISM, and integrate it with my life in a poetic way, but you know what, my little feral fae brain is just going hee hoo raspberry. and i have to respect that
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Layers: Escher Strange
Tumblr failed to notify me that @yvesoix-sellemontiere tagged me. How dare.
WARNING: Mildly NSFW.
LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE
—–
Name: “Escher.”
Strange isn’t his real surname so he avoids using it when he can.
Eye Color: “Yes, it’s pink. Your point?”
A DIY fantasia potion gone wrong gave him one purple eye, though there may be other aetherial reasons behind it.
Hair Style/Color: : “Of course it’s naturally pink, I got it from my grandfather! I used to keep it short, but one day it grew out and I looked into the mirror and-”
He absolutely did inherit the pink hair from his grandfather, though Tia is convinced it’s actually lime green. He never keeps his hair long at the back, only in front.
Height: “The fates are fair - what I lack in height, I compensate elsewhere. >)”
He’s like 175 cm max. Not min height, but what I’d ideally like to be. As for compensating, he’s just slightly larger than the average midlander (7 ilms approx).
Clothing Style: “My family never had a reason to dress finely but now I do, and you bet I’ll milk it for all it’s worth.”
His regular MSQ glam is the screenshot above: Scion Adventurer’s Jacket + Pants, Expeditioner’s Thighboots, Leonhart Gloves, all in Jet Black Dye. Depending on his mood he’ll go full ham or something subtler but still stylish. He doesn’t look too good in baggy stuff so it’s mostly fitted.
Best Physical Feature: *Flips hair*
I initially picked his pink hair for shits and giggles, but it’s started to grow on me, and his face looked surprisingly good once I removed his facial hair. I know this because the FFIV subreddit confirmed it.
LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE
—
Your Fears: “Have you seen Tia when he’s angry? Trust me when I say you don’t want to make Tia angry.”
He’s still scared of sharp things to the face, though it’s slowly being replaced by Tia.
Your Guilty Pleasure: “How does one feel guilty from pleasure? That makes no sense.”
He’s always been the sort to do what he likes when he likes. Getting copious amounts of sex in Eorzea was just the cherry on top of the cake.
Your Biggest Pet Peeve: “When people just aren’t open to new things. It’s just for science, you’re not going to die! ...Okay maybe you might die a little, but think of what you’ll contribute to the future!”
Your Ambition for the Future: “I said I’ll prove that one man can cause a calamity, and I intend to see it through. But after I taste test Tia’s cookies. It’s not a metaphor for anything, gods damn it!”
LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS
—
Your First Thoughts Waking Up: “Did I burn anything last night, and am I in the correct bed?”
What You Think About the Most: “How well would this burn?”
What You Think About Before Bed: “Have I done all that needs to be burnt today?”
You Think Your Best Quality Is: “My ability to focus.”
He gets quite easily distracted, but once he finds something to hold his attention (usually fire), he concentrates at the expense of all incoming danger.
LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?
—
Single or Group Dates: “It’s hard to excuse ourselves to commit extremely silly and reckless crimes if we’re in a group. Manners and everything.”
To be Loved or Respected: “Respect. Anybody can be loved. Respect must be earned.”
Beauty or Brains:
*Looks at Tia*
*Looks at Kieo*
“...Beauty. I have enough brains for the both of us.”
While not book-smart, his partners make up for it with a LOT of common sense/street smarts to get him out of trouble.
Dogs or Cats: “...Cats.”
Tia is a Moon Keeper Miqo’te while Kieo was a half-Keeper Elezen. Escher confirmed to have Chiao Churu treats in his blood.
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
—
Lie: “If I lie, I’d have to lie to you now, and then what would be the truth?”
Believe in Yourself: “Of course. You can’t do explosions otherwise.”
Believe in Love: "I’m going to die horribly if I say no, aren’t I?”
Want Someone: “I already have Tia. What’s left to want?”
LAYER SIX: EVER?
—
Been on Stage: “Tia won’t let me. Something something set the stage on fire. Pussy.”
Done Drugs: “Haven’t found the right one for me.”
Changed Who You Were to Fit In: “I didn’t do it in the Studium, I’m not doing it anytime soon.”
LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES
—
Favorite Color: “Black. Pink. Blackpink. Heehee.”
Favorite Animal: “Tia- hey ow! It’s true, you have cat ears and- OW! Not the face!”
Favorite Food: “I’m Sharlayan, my taste buds are too dead to like anything.”
Favorite Game: “The game where I burn everything and see if nothing lives- what?”
LAYER EIGHT: AGE
—
Day Your Next Birthday Will Be: 6th Sun, 4th Astral Moon (July 6)
How Old Will You Be: “Add 5, carry 4, square root of 7.43 factored by 12...TIAAA, how old am I again?!”
32 at ARR, 34 by Shadowbringers. Escher is just phenomenally bad at math (except things that require gil transactions).
Age You Lost Your Virginity: “I’m not counting the one that happened at 18 because I don’t remember anything, so....add 7 to the power of 3.4....KIEOOO how old were we when we did it on your dad’s bed?!”
When he was 18 he drank spiked punch at a graduation party and woke up naked between a male Elezen and a fem Roe. Since he can’t remember a thing, his reasoning is “if I don’t know it happened, it probably didn’t happen.” The other virginity loss was at 32 at the First Steps, a hostel/guild for new adventurers. Nobody talks about it. Ever. (Like IC don’t go and talk about it, this incident actually caused mild OOC drama. 💧)
Does Age Matter: “As long as the FBI isn’t on our lawn. Tia, what IS an FBI?”
LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL
—
Best Personality: “Someone said this about my taste in partners: Gay, feral, powerful, and slightly dumb.”
Best Eye Color: “Rolanberry red.”
Tia’s eyes are red.
Best Hair Color: “Pink, duh!”
Best thing to do with a Partner: “Sitting at a high point watching the world burn, like cuddling in front of a roaring fireplace. And then we eat cake.”
LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE
I love: “The heat in my face from a massive explosion.”
I feel: “Warm. And fuzzy. Is there alcohol in this drink?”
I miss: “The friends I lost, the hearts I burned. I’ll never be able to heal that.”
I wish: “To burn the world. What, you thought it was ever going to change?”
----
And done! *flop*
Tagging @finallyfancy14, @fenrishion, @aelyriawindrunner and @forthyn because I don’t have enough FFXIV friends on Tumblr (should everyone be glad though...?).
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][All questions for otp meme for Pascal + Rhys][
@blind-mutant
Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?
Pascal is the man who knows everyone's order before they get there. Rhys is no different and perhaps Pascal slips a cookie or two for Rhys. The man just seems so skinny and cute...how could Pascal not bleed his heart out all over the place when looking into his little face?
Rhys meanwhile, is smitten with the weirdo who gives him free coffee and extra snacks at the price of hearing terrible jokes. There's some worry when some nights Pascal is incredibly clumsy and seems to shake and stare off into the distance...which only draws Rhys in more at knowing that the barista isn't perfect. Which only makes him MORE perfect and hit-onable.
Highschool/College AU: Who is the straight-A student, and who’s the backrow slacker?
Rhys tries hard in school, he has to if he wants to prove himself and actually stay at the institute. He works hard but things are harder for him, what with being a gay disabled albino mutant. A bigger shit could not hit the fan...that is, until blind rich boy Pascal Solberg arrives and he's brought a big fucking fan.
Pascal is thrilled to be at a school with actual people. Everyone adores Korra and he seems to have an answer for everything! But Rhys sees through this shit and he's determined to find out why Pascal knows far too many things than he should...definitely not because Korra is very cute and so is Pascal!
Rivals to loves AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons?
In the institute, Pascal loves teasing and bullying Rhys. It gets him more attention and even without his future sight, Pascal knows that Rhys will be safer, that other patients will be better off if he's paying for actual mistakes rather than letting anyone else suffer. It hurts, but Pascal would take this paik in stride...if not for how annoying Rhys could be.
Rhys??? Oh he's onto Pascal. Knows that he's with a dumbass who wants to hurt himself and is only going to end up dead. It isn't often that a fancy prick ends up in such a place like this...and yet Pascal is here. He doesn't talk about why he ended up at the institute, but he seems to have something up his sleeve and Rhys wants in on it.
Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides?
Its...certainly a thing for Pascal church to join up with an anti-mutant church, but he has some...worries about the fact that he is essentially similar to a mutant, as well as the fact that Pascal's mother seems to be inclined on keeping it a secret to the rest of the church as well as the mutants that the church frequently attacks. He doesn't like it. He doesn't enjoy being used to hurt people. But Pascal does like the pretty mutant that called him a shitbag before swearing when Beast tells him that Pascal is the target.
So now...he lives at the X-Mansion? X-house? Pascal is there and things are awkward, especially when Rhys gets put on his shift of watching Pascal. But the seer is secretive with the full extent of his powers and seeing everyone happy at the mansion as well as Rhys getting kinder when he learns that Pascal was unwilling in hurting people...it makes the seer certain in what he has to do. He needs to protect the Institution and all of its inhabitants.
Especially Rhys, who still calls him a shitbag, but now laces it with teasing affection as well as 'Scal and Firefly. Who sounds so happy and sents Pascal's heart reeling when he coos over Korra. Murder is easy depending on who it's for.
Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate?
Of course Pascal wants to meet his soulmate. Who wouldn't? They'll be the only other person who really understands him now that Cassandra is gone. He doesn't care what category his soulmate is, whether he'll get a partner, a friend or family member, Pascal just wants to stop feeling so alone in this world, even if he has two beautiful children who meow and bark at him. His soulmate is perfect, no matter what.
Rhys however, jesus fucking christ he can't have a soulmate. He's a shitty person, next is the fact that Rhys is homeless and a mutant. He isn't what anyone would want honestly, especially when Pascal is the leader of a whole fucking church. That definitely sends Rhys reeling and now Pascal needs to try and take on the mission of wooing Rhys and letting the smaller man know that Pascal won't hurt him. He wants to only make Rhys happy.
Single parent AU: Which one is the single parent? (Alt. if they’re both single parents: Which one is open to starting a new relationship from the start? Which one is never planning on finding love again… Until they meet the other and are instantly smitten?)
Rhys and Pascal are both messes of fathers but they try and they love their kids. Rhys's kid is the last he has of Blue while Pascal had no choice but to try and be there for his kid after he killed their mother. It's hard to provide for them but our idiots do try...and it gets harder, maybe easier when Pascal's kid starts to declare that Rhys's kid is their best friend. Well...Pascal and Rhys being dilf friends forever??
Its certainly easier when you have someone to support you and knows what you're going through. Rhys is always reassured by Pascal's visions and Pascal definitely needs to emotionally and maybe lean on Rhys's for support when he convinces him to not helicopter parent his kid. And perhaps there's nights of crying over people they've lost, what they've done. But there are also nights where the kids giggle and gag as Rhys and Pascal stare at each other a little too long and accidentally refer to reach other as dad. Sometimes a family is two bros, their kids from traumatic stories and extra hairy and hairless kids.
Doctor AU: Which one is the longsuffering doctor? Which one is the patient?
Rhys needs hospital for the first time in a long time and FUCK does it feel terrible. He almost wants to leave and throw up before his attention gets caught to the weird guy with a guide dog arguing with a blind 12 year old about whether or not telling the script of ratatouille counts as telling a story. Well. Rhys is blind. That means he counts and gets to join in on listening to "stories for the blind" while waiting for his name to be called out.
He does eventually, and much to Rhys's surprise, Pascal actually offers to stand with him. He cuts his story short and leans in close to give Rhys a run through of what will happen in his appointment and if it's that bad, Pascal is happy to make sure a doctor keeps their hands strictly professional. Rhys is...actually really happy, especially when Pascal asks if Rhys can have a lollipop and then if he could have a lollipop. Hospital trips suddenly seem better when Pascal is there being a goof and wanting to help out with more in his life.
Bodyguard AU: Who is the bodyguard? Who are they protecting? Which one is secretly pining for the other?
The obvious answer is "Rhys gets hired to guard prophet man" bUT. Pascal guarding Rhys while he's on a recruitment mission for the mansion? Could be cute of Pascal admiring Rhys's dedication to wanting to help out a child and to get them to a safe space, but could also be incredibly funny if Rhys assumed he was being guarded by a human and uh. Wasn't the nicest.
Unfortunately, Pascal's greatest sexual fantasy is being someone's doormat so he takes in in stride. And perhaps a part of Pascal doesn't actually want to tell Rhys what he is...mostly because it's funny and it'll be even funnier when they go back to the mansion and Pascal can have a lased beam battle with Cyclops.
Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this?
Rhys is a captain that is always pleased to have non-human and capable crew members. The new boy is clumsy and soft, but he's cute and a hard worker so Rhys is a kind man who will let him stay. Especially when the boat rocks and Rhys gets pressed into a warm chest, gets to feel Pascal awkwardly laughing deeply and a comforting hand on the small of his back. Oh, he definitely needs to keep such a pretty boy that smokes so nicely when Rhys teases him.
Pascal knows he should tell Rhys he's a prince. The heir to the very seas they sail on. But it's hard and the Irish Phantom is so beautiful, much more beautiful than any suitor Pascal may be destined for. It isn't a hard choice to lie about who he is and to swallow nervously when his captain smiles and flirts in a low voice, feeling rough hands squeeze instinctively when they almost fall over. He'll tell Rhys soon. Soon.
Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?
Pascal is smitten by Rhys. His family comes to the church every week, not exactly aware of what the people of the last light worship, but Pascal is smitten by Rhys. Cassandra gags, winking her many eyes before they shut and hide away when Pascal blushes and tells her on mom. Rhys is nice and one of the only children of the church, which is why Pascal is addicted to knowing more about Ireland, about Rhys and to feel the little shadows dance around his fingers. He loves hearing what darkness is supposed to sound like.
Rhys loves the other odd boy too. It's easy to when Pacal adores his powers and actually asks more about him. Rhys has his very first friend for years until he doesn't and he's alone in an institute, reeling and a part of him wishing that he could be back at the church, laughing himself silly at Pascal and Cassandra having a real life pokemon battle (that ended with Cass using a rock type love by throwing a rock into Pascal's face). He still thinks about Pascal every day and what else can he do but cry when he hears the sheer awful jokes that could only come from Pascal when he walks through a park one day?
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an interview with blueparacosm (they/them)
what are you working on right now?
right now i’m working on a multi-chapter merlin au (murphamy, duh). murphy as the sorcerer, bellamy as the prince, octavia as the half-sister sorceress, lexa as the painfully vague great dragon, you get the gist.
what’s something you’d like to write one day?
i’d love to write a big canonverse adventure story with murphy and bellamy. i love the idea of a story of about 35k words of them traveling together, getting to know each other better, and having all the conversations they should be having in canon. hopping planets, anomaly shenanigans, cave spelunking, bardo breakout, whatever the hell etherea ends up being. mostly just because i want a snow kiss on nakara. i won’t lie to you. just something big and colorful and fun. the works. if i do end up writing it, it’ll be after the show is over and all these new weird settings have been? fleshed? i forget the phrase. surely it’s not ‘fleshed’… ed’s note: they mean ‘fleshed out’, probably.
what is the fanwork you’re most proud of?
definitely “alone with you.” i’m used to writing kind of absurd and fast-paced stories and “alone with you” stands out to me as one of my more genuine fics that takes its time, and i was really surprised by how well that change of pace went over with people who read it. i really wrote that one for myself, it was almost a vent fic about depression and comfort and nature and solitude and other loser dork shit, and so to see that people resonated with its themes was so heartwarming and encouraging. i even had a few people tell me they were laying around, reading it outside, feeling comforted and calmed by the mossy rock of it all. so i suppose it’s my favorite because of the great response to it, and because it was so different from anything else i’ve written and was basically just me testing the waters to see if people would mind if i spent more time on imagery and character development and yet, apparently turned out actually readable. who would’ve thunk?
why did you first start writing fic?
god, i must have been 14? so when s2 was airing, and i’d never read or written fanfic or even been part of a fandom, i just loved murphy so much that i had to talk about it with someone, so i joined twitter and inevitably found ao3. and i found i loved fics and i’ve always liked writing but didn’t know what to do with stories after i’d written them, so i thought i’d try my hand at writing and posting something. i think i got a pretty good response on my first few fics (orphaned since then because… good god) for a 14 year old with shitty grammar and a weird writing style and terrible dialogue but a lot of enthusiasm, and i thought it was so much fun to share my ideas and get nice feedback from others, so i kept going. :)
what frustrates you most about fic writing?
i’ll be real with you dog: i never feel good enough. i swear i could write a fic with 1000 kudos and 1000 lovely comments and i would still think i could’ve and should’ve done better. it’s easy to forget we do this for fun and for free and that i could be a hell of a lot worse. at a certain point, i think my understanding of what makes a good story surpassed my actual writing ability, so now i’m scrambling to catch up and write something i’m proud of again. fingers crossed for that merlin au.
what are your top five songs right now?
“those who can’t, cheat” by clarence clarity
“georgia on my mind” by microwave
“eggshell” by runnner
“nice house” by joy wave
“gay in the south”by susto
what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic)?
my inspirations are usually shows for structure and short stories for tone/style! my attention span is pathetic so i barely ever read books anymore which is … not promising for a wannabe writer and i should probably get that figured out if i want to continue improving but we’ll cross that bridge when i am prepared to admit i have arrived at it. but, mostly shows. i love watching tv and am constantly analyzing shows’ story structure and making notes of what i thought worked and what i didn’t like. getting a masterclass in suspense from black sails right now. all television is educational television if you try hard enough.
what attracts you to writing about Murphamy? what first attracted you?murphamy has such good bones. of course i’d want them to be canon, but their personalities mesh so well in the focused and organized and fun world of fics. there’s just something different about them in that they make every single AU their bitch. there’s nowhere they don’t shine and even if they weren’t already my only concern in the world, their adaptability makes them the perfect control variable for trying out a million different writing styles and lengths and genres. pirate au you got it. wizard au hell yeah. sports au let’s hear it for the boys. canon divergence release the beasts. fuck it i wrote them as witnesses to the crucifixion of jesus christ once and it wasn’t even that weird. they’re my favorite lab rats.
besides Murphamy, what’s your favorite ship on t100?
i can honestly say i don’t care for anyone else. there are plenty of pairings i could boogie with and plenty of murphy ships that i joke about but none i’m actively rooting for or seeking out fan-made content about. murphamy or bust. i suppose i liked clexa, sea mechanic, and jonty well enough when they were in their prime but all good and gay things must apparently come to an end.
besides Murphy, who’s your favorite character on t100?
oh sweet jasper… sweet jasper come home to me…
would you ever write a sheidheda/murphy fic? what about other rarepairs?
i absolutely would. in fact i’ll do it right now. a story about those two going head to head would be a literal gold mine do you think this is a funny silly little game? it’s not. the tension between murphy and an ancient sexy demon is something that can actually be so personal but my mutuals are getting increasingly angrier with me for talking about it. not to say i’m stopping. as for other rare pairs i’ve been genuinely interested in ECHORI lately you know like an insane person. and i loved zev/murphy. it’s a cold, cruel world we live in. wouldn’t be opposed to one last gabriel/murphy hurrah before the show ended either. OH! OH! and someone should write some wells/murphy. not me because i’m writing sheidurphy.
what are some things you’d like to recommend?
if anyone has a food lion near them, in the bakery they have these boxes of little sugar cookies and they’re only like four dollars but there’s like 25 cookies in there it’s unfathomable.
also these baller writers on ao3: sapphictomaz, hopskipaway, oogaboogu, sadie18, and maunwocha!
and for my finale i’m gonna plug my murphy playlist, and my murphamy playlist. because sharing is caring and music is good and i’m proud of them.
it was my absolute joy to interview blueparacosm! you can find them primarily on Twitter at slugcities. my favorite blueparacosm fics are: thirty-five paper frogs, an exploration of Murphy and Jasper’s friendship while they’re on the Ring together; the fantastic it’s good to be me, an absolutely poetic examination of prime!Murphy at the end of season 6; fish boy, the heart-wrenching mermaid!Murphy fic; and lastly, the old magic oddities show, a really weird fic that shows off the adaptability of these characters in a wholly new light.
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