Gabrielle Bates, from "Eastern Washington Diptych", Judas Goat
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Gabrielle Bates, from Judas Goat: Poems; “Eastern Washington Diptych”
[Text ID: “Without violence, how do I understand my life as meaningful? / As if the only tool I owned for finding truth were a knife.”]
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SALMON
My father and I sit at a sushi bar in my new city
sampling three different kinds of salmon nigiri.
He tells me about a great funeral speech
he recently heard a son give for his father.
The speech was structured around regrets
everyone assumed the father didn’t have,
interspersed with hilarious stories involving boys
crashing the family van and fishing mishaps.
The ivory salmon is pale and impossibly soft.
The sliver of steelhead, orange enough
to pretend it’s salmon. How else to say it.
I am my father’s only child, and he is my mother.
We dip our chopsticks into a horseradish paste
dyed green and called wasabi. I know his regrets.
I could list them. But instead at his funeral
I will talk if I can talk about nights like this,
how good it felt just to be next to him,
to be the closest thing he had.
GABRIELLE BATES
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Gabrielle Bates, from "Dear Birmingham", Judas Goat
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I don’t have any poetry these days. Language is too slack; I lose hold of it. I am either gripping my fingers too tightly or too loosely; I can either hold everything in my hand or nothing at all; the universe is either gathered or it is terrifyingly dispersed.
Gabrielle Bates
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A little boy’s starched white collar.
An insect traversing the curve.
Dusky pearls strung on a wire in my hair
wound low in a bow at the cerebellum,
the brain’s wing-shaped center for balance.
It’s April. There’s no balance here.
Not in the arch twisted from an ice storm-
struck tree, the bluegrass grabbing my lace.
Scent of smoked meats mingling with the sugar-sweet
confections just burst on the apples’ limbs.
Hands. Fingers. Ring of rough steel he bought
for $35, whose ends don’t fuse but overlap
like an overbite—the symbolism isn’t
lost on a woman like me:
There is a beginning and an end, April,
and one of us will go before the other.
Bees as a species are already dying
but we have tons. There, today,
we have a live bee for every lapel.
A bride should have a veil, they said
and so I bought one. Paid and left it;
like the skin of a fetal lamb
piled on the counter, it was
too finely made and traditional to be mine.
The sun dims and it’s April again.
I can see a fire station now from our bed.
Sirens come and go all night.
On his left hand, the steel is gentle
as the shadows of emergencies cast on our wall
a procession of soft, bright bursts.
As we pulled away in the long black car,
our friend who would die the next year
tried to hand us a lit sparkler through the window.
What happens to our questions when we die?
I wondered aloud on our wedding night
about the origin of Daylight Saving Time,
and he told me. It’s dawn, dark, April.
He blinks and apple blossoms fall all over my face.
What’s the name for the way we wake
to sirens and each roll inward on the frame?
It wasn’t us this time, I mean.
We’re still alive, sleeping in our bed,
candles cool and unlit.
Small menace makes sweet the body
of April and that’s the meaning of bees.
But the mind’s shape is simpler.
When I say he hammered the ring to make it fit,
I mean the ring fits.
Anniversary by Gabrielle Bates
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