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#full disclosure: despite holding acotar and its related books in my hands several many times each week i have no idea what they're about
spottedenchants · 2 months
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'I Didn't Ask For This' by Beth Crowley
Ooooo interesting interesting 👀
Going with my first reflex with these, bear with me xD
Strike first Make it hurt When everyone assumes the worst I never have to say I'm sorry
Beau
Exactly what she tried to do at times- if people assume the worst, you can literally only ever meet or exceed their expectations AND there's no need to apologize over things people already know you're going to do. Also ties into the whole 'you can't be the one rejected if you reject others first' thing that we saw exemplified when Beau considered her potential deal with Isharnai.
Spiteful Ruinous I'm all things you feared I was Another villain in your story
Molly -> Lucien
Really thinking about how losing Molly was a story-altering event and how Lucien's entire revival from the Nein's POV is desecration in every literal and metaphorical way. Also thinking about this meta in the frame of Molly the person vs Molly the icon and how Lucien was a twist on both as well as an 'obstacle' in the way of getting their friend Mollymauk Tealeaf back.
You think that I'm a spitfire? You should Afraid you're on my bad side? That's good If I wanted to end you I could I could
Jester
Her sweetness isn't a veneer in the same way her capability for severity isn't an act, but there's an earnest self-awareness she develops over the course of the campaign that this bit reminds me of. Yeah she's chaos made mortal, a damage-dealing cleric, and could wreak havoc upon you at the drop of a hat, but just don't be evil to her and it's fine!
I'm sinking down If you only knew how hard it is For me to climb out I'm kicking and screaming But no one can hear me So what happens now The shadows are creeping in I didn't ask for I didn't ask for this
Fjord
I think this can sum up everything from his upbringing to his pact with Uk'otoa to his struggle to be 'himself' with the party. Fjord was an isolated soul through most of his life, both by force of others and by choice as a result of that force, and really only found genuine peers in the Nein and only after a fair bit of vulnerability on everyone's parts. But hey, they reached their hands out and lent their ears when he was at his lowest and he took them up on their offer to be there for him :D
Cold rage Hides the shame Of images I can't escape Scars that live under the surface
Yasha
She can't remember the worst of her actions, and that makes it worse, doesn't it? Horror is made sharper when imagination is given free reign, so to of disgust and revulsion. So she gets mad, she rages and roars in her distinctly and somehow-quiet way, she taunts the world to take her out for the sins she's committed and it mocks her; but power only makes her undying. How cruel.
It's strange What I became When part of me was ripped away And replaced with something worthless
Veth
Even before becoming Nott, Veth's sense of self was torn to shreds before she had the chance to darn it, line it, wrap it around her shoulders like a shield. Left with threadbare tatters, she still stitched together contentment, a life- only for that to be taken too. So she resisted, fought back, reached out, tried to make something of herself that she could be proud of, and for what? A double-masked face despised by both herself and those she cared most for?
I'm sinking down If you only knew how hard it is For me to climb out I'm kicking and screaming But no one can hear me So what happens now The shadows are creeping in I didn't ask for I didn't ask for this
Caduceus
Yes I used this bit for Fjord and yes I will point at it again for the Wildmother's first boy. There's something to be said about being so avoidant towards the things that eat you that you can't even recognize when you are in desperate need of help. Caduceus had faith that good things would come, but faith is nothing without action. No, rather- faith without action is starvation for both mind and soul. His family left, as was their duty, as eventually would be his. The Savalierwood won't wait.
Take what's left Of my fractured heart Bloodstained 'cause The pieces are so sharp
Caleb
Driven to ruin by loyalty and love, what good is a heart if it murders its reason for being? Maybe he is the disgusting being he thinks himself, but guess what? That heart of his still beats and needs and a blade can be used to tend a beard just as well as it can be a shank. Maybe he can't wash the blood from his hands, but he can water a garden with the run off. In time, perhaps, with time.
Never forget I didn't ask for this
Essek
Knocked from his high horse and forcibly befriended. I'd like to think that deep down, even after all the dust has settled and Essek's come to terms with his new life, there's still a teeny tiny itty bitty kernel of resentment in him. The Nein are bold souls and he is grateful to know them and be known by them, but they did, quite literally, ruin his life faster than he ruined it himself.
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