#fucking hate acdc so goddamn much
Text
my favorite part of a road trip is when i mass download new music in preparation for the drive. idk its so fun
#im rediscovering some very nostalgic music#bc through most of my childhood i listened to this one specific radio station that was like 60s-70s music mostly#and theres a lot of songs i liked but never got the name of or forgot about or just havent listened to much#like jimi hendrix i cant believe i stopped listening to him#i had all along the watchtower on my little ipod shuffle thing and listened to that specific song so muhc#and anyway its funny bc i listened to that station again for the first time in ages and theyve rebranded as the 'greatest hits of the 80s#and 90s' im assuming to keep up with an aging audience#not even good 80s-90s music i swear i heard 'you shook me all night long' twice in an hour once#fucking hate acdc so goddamn much#and john mellencamp fuck all his songs i cannot stand them
58 notes
·
View notes
Text
My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station
ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band
Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along
Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady
Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof
Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY
Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to
Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name
Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares
Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy
Asia: Tuesdays
Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist
Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny
Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company
Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith
Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD
Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy
Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different
Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically
Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL
Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you
Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS
Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life
Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural
Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about
Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty
Bush: ditto
Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?
Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic
Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with
Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that
Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”
Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better
Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right
Collective Soul: who?
Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not
Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*
CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*
CSNY: David Crosby; meh
Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER
Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one
Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up
Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest
Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio
Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor
Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close
Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth
Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none
Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia
Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison
ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule
Essex, David: no prominent memories of him
Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell
Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?
Faith No More: I got nothing
Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop
Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential
Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself
Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip
Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill
Ford, Lita: deserved better
Foreigner: dramatically overplayed
Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box
Free: dramatically underplayed
Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot
Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter
Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass
Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does
Grand Funk Railroad: Funk
Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music
Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes
Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason
Green Day: the first of the emo revolution
Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen
Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that
Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?
Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool
Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names
Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!
Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references
Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration
Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time
Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself
INXS: Terminator vibes
Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison
James Gang: too many funks
Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative
Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*
Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*
Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute
Jett, Joan: icon
J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played
Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that
John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name
John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me
Joplin, Janis: Queen
Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire
Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic
Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole
Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically
Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject
Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes
Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)
Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons
Live: I got nothin
Living Colour: slap a decent amount
Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??
Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track
Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion
Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD
McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple
Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf
Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987
Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon
Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot
Modern English: who?
Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes
Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT
Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it
Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie
Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’
Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one
Nicks, Stevie: witch queen
Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill
Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed
Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least
Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*
Offspring: nothing here
Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy
Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard
Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money
Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*
Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good
Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?
Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled
Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’
Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say
Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig
Queensryche: neutral opinion
Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that
Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music
Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent
Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it
Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it
RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)
Red Rider: basically Golden Earring
Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull
REM: American Tragically Hip
REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title
Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie
Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit
Santana: The world needs more Santana
Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend
Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say
Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)
Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you
Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us
Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater
Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it
Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know
Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having
Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison
Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan
Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions
Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard
Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015
Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable
Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself
Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them
Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously.
Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt
Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to
Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’
Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth
Ten Years After: somehow still relevant
Tesla: not the car or the dude
The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them
The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her
The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul
The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names
The Kinks: kinky
The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile
The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours
The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have
The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it
The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s
Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?
Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern
Toto: the most memed song behind All Star
Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds
T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon
Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush
Tubes: like the yogurt
Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it
U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways
Van Halen: RIP Eddie
Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?
Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn
Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get
War: Foghat, but even groovier
Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis
Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene
Yes: To Be Continued
Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY
Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand
ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged.
3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever
38 Special: Why 38?
328 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fanfic Friday #10
Welcome to Fanfic Friday! Each Friday I will post a new fanfic here and on A03. Enjoy x
Read and save it on A03 here
{peter stark and a no good very bad day}
Ship: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Steve Rogers & Peter Stark
Warnings: swearing, fluff otherwise :)
Wc: 3,984
Today, everything had gone wrong. He stayed up way past his bedtime the previous night and had gotten barely three hours of sleep by the time he arrived at school. He forgot his Spanish homework in the lab and that was the one grade he needed to pull from an A- to an A. He chugged a couple shots of espresso, and his usual store on the walk to school was closed. Meaning he had no redbull to sustain him through his classes.
Also, guess which class was straight bangout first, Spanish. So he hadn't done the homework and had no time to do it. Great. Fortunately, he made it through first period Spanish, only getting slightly scolded for not handing in the assignment. Then he had a break, and the kid desperately needed a pick me up coffee and muffin. He went to the closest cafe, one he’d come to love, only to find the whole football team there. Which would have been fine, if he wasn’t so goddamn awkward. He stood there for a solid five minutes before he asked the jock in his way to move so he could order.
Then, when the kid did get to ordering they ran out of fuckin chocolate muffins. What kinda cafe runs out of chocolate muffins at ten am? This one apparently. So coffee and blueberry muffin in hand, he headed back to the student lounge to get some work done.
The next portion of his day went as planned, a welcomed change of pace. Well Flash was a bitch, but what was new there. And his senses were through the roof. But other than that. That was all until the last period. To start, he got a text from his boyfriend, explaining that he’d no longer be arriving this Friday, but instead the following Saturday. Peter wanted to cry. He missed his boy. Leaving Harley on read, he tried to focus on chemistry, but he’d done the stuff they were going over about 100 times with Dr. Banner. He zoned out the entire class.
Finally, the bell rang and put him out of his misery. He quickly texted Ned asking if he was coming in the following day. He had been sick that day. He went to leave, but the class was stopped by the announcement of a test and more homework. For fuck sake.
He did get out, though. And he got straight in the car, barely pausing to say hello to Happy. Noticing the boy's unusual quiet, he didn’t press for more details about Peter’s day. Happy, though he’d never say it, enjoyed hearing about the kids day. He had come to really care for Peter, and his accomplishments made the older man happy. Ironic, he knew.
They had arrived at the tower in almost record time, and Peter was glad to have avoided extra time in the car. What he really craved was a couple hugs from his dads, a chat with his boyfriend, and to get through the stack of busy work that weighed him down.
Happy went round to the private entrance, wished the kid a good day, and headed off to some other errand. Peter exited, scanning his pass at security and being recognized and let through by Friday. So, he’d finally made it upstairs and there the sofa was, filled with a few avengers. Luckily his parents were among them. The two were sitting close to each other, as normal.
Peter simply put his head in his pops lap, and he laid his feet on his dad. Neither Steve nor Tony said anything, but they gave each other the look. Steve ran his hands through his son’s hair lovingly.
“Pete?” Tony asked, “What happened kid?”
“Nothin’” Peter replied, still buried in his Pop’s lap.
“You sure about that?” Steve pressed.
“Just a bad day,” Peter mumbled.
“What happened паук?” Nat spoke up. She is very protective of Peter.
“What didn’t happen?” he sighed dramatically.
“Well you mope for as long as you like, Pete,” Tony joked.
“Thanks dad,” he said, closing his eyes again in search of sleep.
“Teenagers I tell you,” Clint said, rolling his eyes.
“Fuck you Barton,” Peter mumbled before falling asleep properly.
“He really is your child, Tones,” Clint laughed.
“Hey Peter just said a bad language word,” Nat remarked.
“God I hate all of you,” his Pops groaned.
Then Peter fell into peaceful, safe sleep.
“Pete?” his Pops said, entering his room. He moved around, noticing he’d been moved from the sofa to his own room. He groaned.
“Hello to you too.”
“Yes, Hi, father, Captain America, Leader of the Avengers, Man of Strengt-”
“Ok relax,” Cap rolled his eyes.
Peter sat up, smirking.
“Wanna tell me what actually happened today?”
“J-just everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong.”
“Did that start with you staying in the lab way past a normal sleeping time?”
“Perhaps. How did you kn-”
“You are aware that your dad designed that whole lab situation, right?”
“Fair enough.”
“Do we have to initiate Insomnia protocol again?”
“God no, it was one night.”
“Promise.”
“Swear. Just an awful day. Spidey senses all acting up, being annoying, no chocolate muffins. Speaking of which, can I have the day off tomorrow? I have basically no classes.” (he wasn’t sure why, but all but one of his classes were cancelled.)
Steve thought for a moment. He knew the kid had been through a lot always, and a day off never hurt anyone. Also, he was far too smart to be there anyway.
“Yeah. Let me just double check with Dad, okay?”
“Thanks.”
“We’re eating dinner now so get cleaned up?”
“Yep. Coming.”
The next day
Peter awoke at 10 with a smile on his face. He’d peacefully regained energy. He’d finished his school work the previous night, and he was happy to just relax for a day. He pulled on some SI sweatpants and a hoodie he’d stolen from Harley awhile back.
“Hey parentals,” he greeted, still holding his smile.
“Morning,” his Pops said as he cooked breakfast.
“Morning? Is it already?” I bet you can guess who that came from.
“Tones,” Steve said, voice full of its normal concern.
Peter just laughed, taking a stool at the bar.
“What? I’m fine. I’m having fun.”
“You promised you’d at least take a nap.”
“Oops,” he smiled, heading back in the direction of the lab.
“You’re a great role model to our son!”
“You really are dad!” Peter added.
“Love you both dearly.”
Steve rolled his eyes and Peter chuckled.
“Where’s the rest of the team?” Peter inquired. He’d come to realize that saying team was easier than naming all the residents of the tower.
“Nat, Clint, Wanda, and Pietro are training. Thor and Loki went back to Asgard last night, and Bruce is in his lab.”
“Oh, Loki didn’t tell me he was going back.”
“Some emergency. Sorry kid.”
“Yeah, i-it’s fine.”
“He told me to assure you they’d be back soon.”
“Good.”
“Keaner getting here soon?”
“Nah coming tomorrow now. Something about something, I don’t really know.”
“Ok. Made grilled cheeses and tomato soups. It's almost done,” Steve offered.
“Thanks,” Peter said.
“What’s with Loki leaving that's got you so down?”
“I just miss him a lot.”
Steve knew that his Kid and loki had come to get on surprisingly well. They were as close as he and Nat. Not even Clint had managed to get that close.
Peter practically inhaled a couple of sandwiches.
“I’m going to go work with Dad.”
“Have fun!”
“I will.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
He sped down to the lab, where he could hear his Dad’s ACDC blasting as usual.
“Heyo, what you working on?”
“The suit nanotech. Wanna give your old man a hand?”
“Always. Bring up the blueprints. What adjustments have you made so far?
“Just the molecule distance and expansion weight. Trying to help stabilize the structure.”
“What about the build construction stacking?”
So they dove into work, Peter easily keeping up with the genius.
“Nicely done, getting too smart for me. What are you even doing in high school?”
“Being bored and failing my humanities classes.”
“You're not actually failing your classes are you? Grades are not everything bu-”
“Relax father, I’m doing well in all my classes.”
“I should probably know that. In fact I’ll actually show up to your next parent teacher conference.”
“Please don’t,” Peter smiled. His father was generally very embarrassing.
“Friday, make sure I’m at the kid’s next conference?”
“Reminder set.”
“Thanks, Fri.”
“Anytime boss.”
“God Fri please remind me to not show up for my next conference.”
“Heyyyy,” Tony said, faking offence.
“Dad, you can be very overbearing.”
“I know, but-”
“No.”
“Fine, guess I’m not coming. Trying to be a good father and parenthood isn’t for me.”
“I beg to differ,” Steve said, coming in to check on us, “realise you're no match for Peter’s intelligence yet?”
“No fucking way. I’m a genius. Many PHDs. Kid hasn’t even finished high school, plus he has an A- in Spanish,” Tony laughed.
“How did you-,” Peter rolled his eyes.
“Friday just sent them to me.”
“You’re awful.”
“Hey watch it, MIT is still your dream school?”
“I fucking hate you so much,” Peter really did loved this kind of banter with his father.
“Maybe I do agree that parenthood isn’t for you, love.”
“Capsical, you are a traitor. You’re supposed to always be on my side.”
Steve kissed Tony’s cheek and ruffled Peter’s hair before saying, “Pepper needs you. Something about important business.”
“Really important?”
“She says if you don’t come she’ll lock you out of the company.”
“That important then. Fri, tell Pepper that I’m coming.”
“She has been notified, sir.”
“Thank you. Bye then, Peter don’t fuck anything up.”
“The same to you Mr. Stark.”
Tony left the lab with a chuckle.
“You two will be the death of me.”
“Almost certainly.”
“You staying in here?”
“Nah, I have some projects in my lab waiting for me.”
“You know your dad was joking about the grades right? Because grades really don’t mean anything, and they don’t define you. Nor does your intelligence. You are so much more than all that. And all these suits and mechanicy genius things-”
“Pops. I’m fine. I know,” he smiled at his dad.
“I just read in this parenting book that something smart or gifted kids can feel like th-”
“Pops, you and dad are the best parents a kid could ask for. Stop worrying too much or you’ll turn grey like dad.”
Captain America just smiled at his kid because he was the best.
“Right. Good. Have fun.”
“Will do.”
He messed with the design for the 100th millionth time but he couldn't get the vibrainim to synthesize with the web fluid.
“Fri, get me another cup of coffee, please.”
“For fuck sake, why isn’t this working,” he said to himself.
He began to mess with the 3d hologram again. He typed in Mock 32 for the design and started trying again.
“Pepper Potts is requesting access to the lab.”
“Access granted,” he said to Fri.
“Hey Pete, how’s it going?”
“Badly, but it's fine. IS THAT COFFEE?”
“White mocha latte, triple shot espresso,” She said, placing it down on the desk.
“Ok..back up. What do you need?”
“What, I can’t just bring my favorite stark a coffee?”
“Aren’t you busy?” he asked skeptically.
“Yes. Incredibly. So it is a peace offering. I allowed a tour access to this lab to look around, and see what a higher ups lab looks like in action. Fri will hide all of the classified things, and I thought you’d be at school. Tony just told me you weren’t so, here we are.”
“He actually showed up to your meeting?”
“Yes, and it wasn’t my meeting. He just needed to be there, and I didn't.”
“I take your peace offering. It’s fine, I don’t care. So long as they don’t touch my shit.”
“Good. Greet them, let them look around. Smile your cute smile. They’ll be up in five.”
“FIVE MINUTES?”
“Yep. Sorry, Hun, got to run. Thanks.”
“You owe me one!”
As promised, the class showed up in five minutes. He was fine with the concept of a class showing up, he was not, however, good with his class showing up.
“Is that Penis Parker?” He heard Flash.
“Holy hell that is Park?”
“IS THAT PETER?”
“Did Peter break in?”
“How is Peter here?”
He couldn’t exactly kick them out. So, embracing his inner Tony Stark charm and Steve Rogers kindness, he opened the lab door, stepping into the corridor.
“EVERYONE PLEASE BACK UP AND BE QUIET!” The tour guild, Aliah, yelled. They were a kind person who Peter knew a bit. The classes quieted down.
“Hello, Aliah.”
“Hi Peter,” they greeted, “Sorry, I hadn’t realized you’d be in today. I’ll just take them to our next stop.”
“No, no it's fine. If it’s alright, I’ll give them a little tour sorta thing. I don’t mind, plus I kinda promised Pepper.”
“That’d be really cool. Thanks.”
“Yeah. Call ‘em over.”
“Yeah. We’re just waiting on their teacher, he’s in the restroom.”
“Course.”
Mr. Harrington showed up, questioning Aliah about the next stop. Then, he saw Peter.
“Mr. Parker!” he exclaimed angrily, “How dare you show up here without a permission slip and claiming to be sick. What is this? We will be speaking with the principal and your parents about this! I am so sorry Aliah.
Peter shot Aliah the “I got this” look.
“Hi Mr. Harrington, I was unwell this morning, but I felt better so I came into work. Yes, I do have an internship here,” he said, loud enough for the class to hear.
“The next stop on your tour,” they said, “is to Peter’s lab. He’s been so kind to give us a run-down.”
Peter simply point at the door which read “Lab #55: Peter Parker.”
“Right, uh, um, sorry Mr. Parker, please let us continue.”
Peter smiled through his nerves.
“Right, hello there class! I will be giving you a tour of my lab. I do some pretty important work, so I’m going to ask Friday to activate the ‘Guest Protocol’ to hide the classified stuff. It’s also very dangerous, so please do not touch anything.”
There were nods from the class.
“Right, Fri complete guest protocol and allow tour of Aliah to enter.”
“Yes miniboss.”
He re-entered his lab.
“So, most of the time I work here,” he said, pointing to the biggest holograph table, “I work on designs, changes, and any mockups that need to happen. I then make them a reality. I can also run simulations on any formulas to see if they would be successful.”
“Fri, please pull up the WFV project I was just working on for Spiderman.”
“Right away mini-boss.”
“So as you can see I’m trying to get the vibranium intertwine itself with Spiderman’s web fluid. This would allow the webs to be almost 47 times stronger, and also would allow them to conduct electricity, which has many uses. Anyone have any questions?”
Ava raised her hand and Peter nodded at her, “Hey, so how did you learn all this? Like, it seems really complicated and you're in my chem class, so.”
“I’ve worked a lot with both Mr. Stark and Bruce Banner, who’ve taught me most of what I know throughout the years. I also took a few online courses to solidify some subject matters I didn’t quite understand,” Peter, satisfied with his answer, asked if anyone else had inquired.
“How did you get an internship here?”
“Mr. Stark found me on the internet and took a liking to my projects. He met me and decided I’d fit right in here,” Peter explained simply. It was a lie of course, but it functioned as their cover story.
“Anyone else? No. Cool, so moving onto some other sections in the lab. Over in that corner are the testing rooms. I have some more equipment scattered around for certain projects or just overall help on making things. Feel free to look around for 5-7 minutes and ask any questions you may have.”
Some kid, Peter wasn’t sure of their name, raised his hand.
“Why do you have cars in here? Are they yours?”
“Some of the cars are mine, courtesy of Mr. Stark, who claims no lab is complete without some collection of cars. I can’t even drive them, to your point, but I guess I will when I’m eighteen. Some of the cars are Mr. Harley Keener’s, who I occasionally share my lab with. He doesn't do Avengers related projects, but he does love to tinker here and there. ‘Specially on the cars. See that red one, yeah he bought it for 5k and fixed it up. It’s actually an electric car, he just likes the old timers look. Guess that’s on him and da-Mr. Stark.”
No one seemed to have any other question, so he allowed them to look around. MJ nor Ned seemed to be in this class. He guessed they were in another group that wasn’t coming up here, or they went to a different location.
The tour went smoothly, and Flash seemed too shocked to say anything.
“Peter! Peter!” Bucky came in yelling. Peter ran over to him.
“Please keep it down uncle Buck.”
“Oh shit your class is here!”
“Yes now please don’t embarrass me.”
“Won’t do! Just wanted to ask where Loki went.”
“Asgard official business,” I said with a frown.
“Really? He didn’t say a thing!”
“I know.”
“That little shit.”
Peter laughed alongside Bucky.
“Did you need anything else?”
“Yeah, my arm's a little fucked up. Need a hand.”
“Happy to give it a look. Dad in a meeting?”
“To all our shock, yes.”
“Ha. Give me a sec to get my class outta here.”
Bucky nodded.
“Right everyone, thanks for visiting. Please head towards the exit. The lovely Aliah will take you to your next location. They are awesome!”
A murmur of “thanks Peter” and “is that the winter soldier” spread through the room.
“See ya round,” Aliah said to him personally, “And thanks for this.”
“Anytime. Bye!”
They smiled a warm smile before leading the class out.
“What’s not working so well?” Peter asked.
“Just some tightness in the finger motion.
“Alright, okay. Fri, get me an update of the schematics, please.”
“Yes, sir.”
They appeared on the holographic table Peter was working at.
“Right, can I please get a current scan of Uncle Bucky’s arm?”
“Yes. Shall I place them next to the schematics?”
“Yep. And highlight all differences.”
“Yes miniboss.”
“You gotta stop with that Fri.”
“Name unable to be changed under the authority of Tony Stank, Badass Boss, God of Mischief, and Fiance.”
“Glad the whole team is against me living a good life,” Peter remarked with an eye roll.
“You drama queen.”
“Thanks,” Peter smiled.
“You know what’s wrong yet?”
Peter opened up the schematics, looking at the highlighted section of the 3d arm model. He didn’t speak for a moment.
“So I reckon, you fucked up the wiring and section T4’s minigears. None of the important tech is messed up, it’ll be fine. Maybe a half an hour fix. Max.”
“Good, good. Thanks kid,” Bucky said with an appreciative smile.
He nodded, disconnecting the arm carefully. He placed it onto his table next to the holographic model. He gave a skeptical look.
“Something bad?”
“No, no, I was just thinking. Thinking, hmn.”
“Care to share with the class?” Buck said with a sense of humor lingering in his voice.
“Well, you’re not on mission all that often, and this is quite a bulky arm. Ever think about getting one that’s your skin colour, lighter weight, more, I don’t know, arm like. Less hydra murdery vibes. Help get rid of that, that time.”
“I have…”
“So can I make it?” Peter said excitedly.
“You mean it?”
“Of course Uncle Buck! No clue why dad hasn’t offered before!”
“Guess he never thought of it. Maybe thought I liked the scary metal thing,” he suggested weakly.
“Well that’s stupid,” Peter said casually. Bucky never understood how the kid could be so compassionate so easily.
“Thanks. Really.”
“No worries. I’ve been looking for a new project to throw myself into. It'll be fun. And as much as I hate to admit it, I need to work on my smaller scale mechanical work.”
All Bucky could do was smile his beaming smile.
“Bucky!” the voice of the Black Widow shouted.
“Hey Nat,” Buck replied.
“Wanna train?” she asked.
“As much as I want to,” he said, pointing towards the area his arm would have been.
“Oh, what happened this time?”
“Nothing to major, some gears and wires,” Peter filled it, “Give me twenty minutes I’ll be done.”
He’d already opened the arm and gotten to the section where the wires were screwed up.
“DAN-E get me the soldering kit, please,” he asked the robot, “Oh and some new T6YU wires. Red and purple.”
The robot gave a vaguely human nod.
“Right, I'll be waiting. Test the adjustments out on me?” She suggested.
“Alright,” Buck said.
“Oh and I’m in charge of ordering food. What do you want?”
“Burgers?”
“You boring, bland little boy,” Nat scolded.
“Thai?” Buck requested.
They looked over to Peter, “Sure, yeah.”
Nat headed out, greeting Tony with a “Hey Stank” on the stairs out of his lab.
“Yours is so much smarter than mine, why is yours so much smarter than mine,” Tony fake (real) whined.
“I’m the superior mechanic, father, deal with it.” DAN-E, almosting proving his point, dropped the materials on his desk, and he continued to work.
“I’m donating DUM-E,” Tony glared at him, “What happened to the arm Buck?”
“Stiff fingers isall.”
“Oh, ok. Pete, need a hand?”
“Nah, I’m good. Not much to do. Some wires got fucked up, just replacing them now. Going to look at the minigears in the palm too, just to make sure the oil regulation and gear’s aren't broken. I think one of the gears is, but it's one of them that's easy to replace,” Peter replied, not looking up from his work.
“Right, sounds good. Your pops and I are going out for the night. Be back around 12 let’s say.”
“Cool. Can I borrow some vibranium from your lab?”
“Sure thing kiddo. Call us if you need anything. Fri, give Peter access to vault B3 in my lab.”
“Thanks,” Peter smiled.
“Anytime. Good luck with ya know.”
“Shouldn’t he ask you what you're going to do with a substance that costs 10,000$ a gram?”
“Something about trusting me.”
“Parents trust their kids with going out later or or doing their homework not fucking multimillions of dollars.”
“Uncle Bucky, my parents are Iron Man and Captain America. There was never a shot at normal.”
“Fair enough.”
Peter finished up the adjustment on the arm by changing a gear.
“Thanks a lot kid.”
“Of course. I’m going to work on your new arm now.”
“Alrighty, I’ll get out of your way.”
“Oh could you ask Auntie Nat what time she’s ordering dinner for? So I know when to head up, just get Fri to tell me.”
“Will do.”
“Thanks.”
So Peter was left to making some blueprints and drinking many red bulls. The red bull mini-fridge was actually a gift from Shuri, and his fathers had many words with him about it. He managed to convince them that he should keep it, god knows how. Well, he used the whole Princess of Wakanda and making peace and Stark Industries relationship with Wakandan products and companies as well as international relations and blah blah. It worked, who cares.
After a few hours he was called up for dinner, and he sat there and enjoyed the absolute chaos of his family.
Save/comment on A03 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/33320938
#peter parker field trip#peter parker#iron dad#stevetony#tony stark#Steve Rogers#natasha romanoff#Bucky Barnes#avengers fanfiction#avengers fanfic#found family#domestic avengers#ironfam#harley keener
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
I present to you: figure skating AU. The potentials are infinite but mainly: duets. with lifts.
I present to you: an ice rink DICHOTOMY
*
Neil wanted to throw his skates at someone and watch the blade embed itself into their skull. He was mad. He was absolutely fucking livid. He had a competition in two days and had paid money to keep this rink free for practise, except the university fuckers on the ice-hockey team thought they owned the place and decided to kick him off the rink.
Before he’d even had the chance to lace up his skates.
Half of them didn’t have their gear on, just messing around on the ice.
It was no surprise that the figure skaters and ice-hockey players around here hated each other. The hockey players relegated the figure skaters as mascots for their own games, whilst the figure skaters refused to talk to meat-heads with such thick skulls. It created an impasse.
One Neil couldn’t afford right now.
He slipped on his skates and tucked his phone into the back pocket of his leggings, Wymack’s, the rink owner, number on speed dial. If there was anyone who could shape up these idiots, it was that guy. Neil was half scared to death of him because of his own father, but aside from a gruff attitude, he seemed like an alright guy.
Someone whistled at him when he pulled the door open and stepped onto the rink. “Looking for a game, princess?”
“Get off my fucking rink.” Neil snarled. “I’ve paid for this time slot. Wait your goddamned turn.”
“She’s got attitude,” One snarked, leaning on his hockey stick. Neil recognised him. Seth Gordon. He was a starting forward for the Palmetto Foxes, whilst most of his lackeys remained as bench-warmers.
Two men stood off to the side, watching with distaste. Neil ignored them, taking a deep breath.
You’d better learn to hold your tongue before someone cuts it out of you, Abram.
Sorry, Mom, he thought lightly, as he skidded to a stop in front of Seth, letting a smile split his face in half. “You’re so witty. Calling me a girl. Calling me princess. Fuck, I’ve never been so thoroughly insulted.”
“There’s more where that came from, darling.” Seth leered. “Get the fuck off the rink. We’re prepping for a game.”
Neil didn’t let his smile drop as he kicked the stick out from underneath Seth’s lean, watching as he slipped onto his back on the ice.
Everyone knew that figure skater’s blades were so much sharper than hockey players. And with good reason. They had to be much more…precise.
Neil held out a hand to the other meatheads that started toward him, positioning the blade of his skate over Seth’s neck. He might had rejected his father’s propositions to become the next Moriyama’s right hand, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a few of the Butcher’s tricks up his sleeve. Seth looked up at him, wide eyed.
“Get off the rink.” Neil said, calmly. “I have a competition in two days, and I’m well used to skating through blood. Don’t test me.”
They hobbled away with their tails between their legs. Neil let Seth up when he was sure the other hockey players would leave him alone, and the man grabbed his stick and scowled at Neil on the way out.
Neither of the two hockey players on the side had moved throughout the entire ordeal, but they weren’t making a move to use the rink either.
“You can stand there and watch, if you must.” Neil griped. “But I’m at my wit’s end, so don’t fucking interfere.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Said the shorter one, the one who wasn’t wearing a helmet, or even gloves. He looked half bored to death. “Wymack really lets anyone march in here, doesn’t he?”
Neil ignored him, pulling out his phone and plugging in his earphones.
Before the pair could leave, the taller one pulled off his helmet. Neil thought he saw a glimpse of the iconic Kevin Day’s cheek-bone tattoo, but he rubbed the ridiculous vision away with the back of his hand.
Day was a Raven. He’d never be seen down here in the middle of nowhere, not over his dead body.
That’s why Neil was here in the first place. He’d be left alone if no one could figure out where he was.
*
i’ll probably do a second part of this because i love the idea of Neil skating to ‘back in black’ by acdc (think kevin reynolds circa 2014 or Ivett Toth) and andrew falling head over heels for him.
(i also love this more brazen, frazzled neil, though that’s probably just pre-competition stress)
#andreil#andrew minyard#neil josten#ice skating au#ice rink au#ice hockey au#figure skating au#romeo juliet au#i love this so much lmao#all for the game#jem writes
442 notes
·
View notes
Text
Life is a Sick Joke pt 13
Pairing: Mick Mars x Reader
Would like to start from the beginning? Here you go Part 1!
13. “He is Such a Good Boy.”
It was great to have Isabelle with you. You did together pretty much everything and it was like back in the old days, just with the difference that you went to concerts every other day and got backstage as well. The boys treated her quite well, well when not? Tommy's attitude towards her was a bit odd. He became nervous whenever she was around and he hardly said a word.
Currently, you were at a studio where you were helping to set the background up for the new clip 'Too Young to Fall in Love'. You quite loved this song and you were present when they discussed what would be in the video and you must say that it will be pretty badass.
"You can still be in the video if you want." Vince offered and winked.
"I've told you many times that no thanks. I will be okay here." You rejected the offer for the 100th time now, while eating your food.
"If you say so. But you will regret it." He added walking backward, a devilish smile on his face.
"What do you mean? Vince!" You put down your bowl and tried to shout through the now-going music.
"We made a few changes in the intro...girls and all." He turned his back to you and went over to the others. Goddamn it. And if there will be girls? They are constantly around them. These few minutes won't bother you Anyway, trust, as you discussed many times with Mick. You just need to put a believable smile on your face and everything is gonna be alright.
"What is on your mind?" Isabelle asked as she took a seat beside you on one of the tables. "Vinnie told you something?"
"No...well yes. But it's nothing." You didn't know why it bothered you this much. Mick hasn't given you any reason to act like this. You felt dumb and ridiculous.
"Okaaay." She said while scanning your face. "Look, they start now." You fixed your eyes on the boys, especially on Mick and then you saw what Vince was talking about. You immediately relieved since they all wore clothes and did pretty much nothing. At first, you didn't understand these Asian culture things, though Doc made an excellent concept of it.
"Yeah, kick some fucking ass boys!" You shouted while Isabelle whistled. They filmed the scenes three or four times, but there was one particular which was a tough one. In one of the last scenes, when Tommy had to beat down a man when they leave the building. After failing it over and over again, Doc declared a break. You went over to the boys while crossing your path with Tommy who was approaching Isabelle.
"Yo, (Y/N), how did you like it?" Vinnie was grinning like a mad man. You stood in front of him, he in his chair. You stepped closer and smacked his head in the back. You were smiling at him when Nikki burst into laughing and also Mick snickered.
"Hey! Why did you do that?" Vince asked rubbing his head.
"You got it for your little teasing. Anyway, does it matter?" You laughed but stopped when he jumped up from the chair and started to chase you.
"Ahhh! Vinnie, leave me alone!" Mick was just eyeing the both of you when you ran behind him to hide from Vince. You looked over Mick's shoulder to see him.
"Okay, kids, I'm not a playground. Go annoy Nikki!" He muttered trying to relax a bit.
"Mick noo. Please don't be like this. Be happy and enjoy life." You placed a soft kiss on his shoulder.
"Firstly I need to find the will to live then I will enjoy it, too." He stated.
"Ohh, I love you, my grumpy man." You hugged him from the back and managed to earn a chuckle from him. Vince already sat back and was watching you. Mick turned around to face you.
"I thought you would be upset about the video." He said after a few minutes.
"Why would I?" You asked but then realized, still let him finish what he started.
"About the beginning, you know what I am talking about. The girls and all..." He ran his thumb on your cheeks.
"Well, I won't lie...Vince already told me before filming so I was prepared but they didn't do anything that bothered me so I'm not upset. I know that you weren't the one whose idea it was." You glared at his bandmates.
"I'm happy you think that." He leaned closer and kissed your forehead. You almost melted right there when Doc appeared and announced the end of the break. You walked back to Isabelle and were about to finish your food when you saw that it was missing.
"Umm, Isabelle. Did you eat my rice?" You asked looking under the table and everywhere nearby.
"What?"
"That's not a kind of question you should answer with another question. Damn, I'm hungry." You pouted.
"More like hangry as I see." She said with a smirk before handing you her food.
"Woah. Can I get it? You are the best sis ever!! Love you." You placed a kiss on her cheek. She knew you too well how you behaved when you were hungry.
"Umm, (Y/N)." She patted your shoulder.
"Yeah?" You mumbled with a full mouth.
"Just look." You put down the bowl and glared on the table Tommy stood beside. That was your fucking food. Your poor rice landed in the dust. When they finished the scene and the whole video you waited until Tommy came back to Isabelle.
"Dude we are finally free!" Tommy yelled as he and her high-fived. You just crossed your arms and were sending him death glares. "Why is she staring at me like that?" He asked from Iz.
"You eat her food, man. I would run if I were you." She mumbled. He looked at you with a scare in his eyes.
"(Y/N), I'm so sorry. Please don't kill me." He apologized but was backing off.
"Hey, T-Bone, what is wrong with you?" Nikki asked from his terror twin.
"I'm a dead man, Nikki! She will totally kill me." Tommy pointed at you and ran away screaming.
"What did he do this time?" Nikki inquired still following Tommy with his eyes.
"Ohh he just ruined my food and he thinks I'm going to end him which is...
"Speaking of food, I could eat a horse."
∆
"You two have a really weird taste." Mick stated while watching Isabelle and you eating the Nutella bacon combo.
"Yeah, man. Also, that rice tasted like shit." Tommy said and sat closer to your sister thinking it wasn't noticeable. But it was and you couldn't decide how to feel about it. You loved both of them and Tommy was the only person you would've allowed to be with your sister.
"You still owe me for that." You barked.
"I will pay for your food this time if this pleases you, (Y/N). Anyway, since it's almost Christmas and all, how are you going to spend it?" Tommy asked rather from Isabelle.
"Well, I'm spending at the college, I guess. There will be parties and concerts." She cajoled with a bright smile. Your eyes googled and were staring at her hoping she didn't think that seriously. You could see the same reaction in Tommy's eyes who immediately sat a bit farther from her. You felt Mick's eyes on you waiting for your verbal reaction. You quickly reset your face back to normal and tried not to show any emotion but you couldn't help it.
"Be right back." You stood up and left the table. You walked as fast as you could to the restroom. You looked in the mirror which was a pretty bad idea since you were almost scared of yourself. You sprinkled some cold water to calm down. You thought, at least she would stay with you for the holidays since it was supposed to be about family. And since Dylan is in jail it would only be the both of you.
When you thought you were calm enough you left the restroom and headed back to your table. You closed the door behind yourself before you bumped into someone.
"I'm sorry." You apologized just when you saw who it was. Mick looked down at you and put his finger under your chin since you weren't willing to look in his eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked trying to look into your eyes.
"Nothing. Why would be?" You sniffed, tears waiting at bay.
"Cause you were quite upset when you left the table and you spent pretty much time in here." He gestured towards the restroom. "Is it your sister?"
"I hate that you can read my face like this. Of course, it is her. I just don't know why she is doing this. Christmas supposed to be about family, no?"
"Listen here. I totally understand what you are talking about, but she is now a grown-up and she has every right to do whatever she wants to. You need to let her go soon, you know that." You exhaled still not prepared enough to let her go. She was your little sister, you raised her and it was too hard.
"Yeah, I know. And I feel like a monster not letting her go." You muttered into Mick's chest while he was rubbing your back.
"You are not a monster. You took care of her since she birth, it's quite understandable." He said while hugging you tightly. "But can we talk about it later? They are all looking at us." You nodded and glanced at your table. They immediately turned their attention back to their food and continued eating it.
"What did you do there for this long?" Vince asked.
"None of your business." You answered with a lack of any emotion.
"You are on your period or what? I just asked an innocent question."
"Shut it, blondie." Mick snapped. You glanced over to Isabelle who was just casually consuming her french fries. "So Isabelle what kind of concerts?" Mick asked trying to draw their attention from you.
"Mostly bands from the school. Tribute and cover bands, etc. I will also perform with my band." She added while smiling from ear-to-ear proudly.
"What band?" Nikki showed some interest to her immediately.
"Well, we are a cover band, we play the latest if not the best songs of the last decade so ACDC, Queen, Black Sabbath, and your music, guys." She said shyly, running her fingers through her hair. Vince was smirking at her, his eyes never leaving hers.
"I guess you are the lead singer." He said while touching her hand on the table. She quickly drew it back and was glaring at him. Everybody burst into laughter but Vince crossed his arms and pouted.
"See, Vinnie? This family isn't very fond of you." Nikki stated still laughing.
"Yeah, I can see it." He was drumming on the table with his fingers.
"Then what are you doing in the band?" Nikki asked.
"I play bass." Nikki's eyes grew and turned to you.
"Well, (Y/N) if you are not willing to accept my offer about the position of Mrs. Sixx then I will have to offer for someone else." He declared. You sighed and pretended to be sad about it.
"Oh dear Satan, what will I do after this?" You played drama queen again. It was your specialty.
"Anyway, this young lady beside me can..." Luckily you managed to cover her mouth with your hand just in time. You were fuming. You shook your head and drew your hand back.
"She can what?" Tommy asked drawing his brows together.
"She can piss people off really easily." Vince answered instead of you and Isabelle.
"Sure." Izzy muttered.
∆
"I will miss you so much." She said giving you the biggest hug ever. You hardly spoke to her since the restaurant. The taxi honked again which was about to drive her to the university. "Shut up, man. I will pay for it, don't worry!" She yelled at him.
"I will miss you, too. Take care and keep harassing your roommate." You chuckled.
"I promise." She snickered but then sighed. "I wish Dylan was here. I miss him, too."
You just hummed as an answer. You visited him several times in the hospital. He was in good hands so you didn't worry that much; Sharon spoke to him a lot and Dr. Prince Charming took good care of him physically.
"Call me as soon as you arrive, okay?" You hugged her one last time before she did the same to Mick who gave him some money for the taxi, Nikki who span her around in the air and messed with her hair, and Tommy who wasn't really happy. He adored her but she didn't feel the same. You felt sorry for him, he was such a hopeless romantic. Mick walked over to you and placed her hands on your hips from behind and pulled closer to him, resting his chin on the top of your head. When the taxi left your sight, you sighed and glanced at Tommy. He was desperate and looked miserable, you guessed you looked pretty much the same.
∆
"Hey, Mrs. Lee I'm here!" You waved to Tommy's parents as they arrived at your invitation in the stadium. He was so sad after Isabelle left, you thought it would do good for him to see his family. He always talked about them so much. "Good morning and thanks for coming. Anyway, I'm (Y/N). Nice to meet you." You shook hands with his parents as you showed them the way backstage where Tommy was.
"Thank you for inviting us here. So he doesn't know about this, right?" Her mother asked while following you.
"No, Mrs. Lee, it's a surprise. I hope he will happy and not murder me." You snickered nervously.
"I'm sure he won't, he is such a good boy." If she was aware of what his good boy was doing, she wouldn't be so happy about it. But it wasn't your business.
"Hey, Tommy!" You yelled when you saw him behind his drumset. He looked up and turned to you. His lips immediately curved into the biggest smile which you haven't seen in a long time. He quickly stood up and approached you, hugging his parents tightly. He started to talk and talk, not letting his parents spoke a word. He showed them all the sets and everything in the whole stadium. After seeing he was in good hands you went to the gates to see how many fans have arrived so far. When the guards opened the doors and saw the crowd your mouth dropped. You quickly went back.
"Please, be careful." You informed the guards who just nodded silently. After that shooting, Doc hired much more guards for everyone's safety but you still felt a bit tensed after seeing big crowds. When you got back, Tommy and his parents were on the stage with a groupie who was wearing a red leather dress. Nikki also showed up and when you stepped closer you saw red marks on his neck. You leaned closer to him. "I would hide my neck if I want to live." You advised to Nikki who quickly did as told.
"This my fiancé, Roxxy." Tommy introduced her to his family. She held her hand up to shake hands. Her mother hesitated first thinking about something when Roxxy left them upset. Tommy scolded his mom and went after her.
"What the hell?" You raised a brow and glanced at Nikki to see his reaction. "Are you high?!" You inquired wiping his hair away from his face.
"Who are you to tell me what to do, huh?!" He snapped and left you there speechless. What is wrong with these guys?
∆
"He is so talented." Tommy's mother admired his son, watching the concert from the back.
"Indeed he is. By the way, how is Tommy? Did he behaved well?" You asked worryingly.
"Of course. He was so happy to see us." You smiled just from the thought he is being happy.
"Glad to hear that." You added.
After the concert, Tommy was jumping like a mad man again and was goofy. Well, for a moment.
You were on the road again, finally leaving that hotel with that weird guy Thomas. You were sleeping in the back, more precisely you tried to sleep because you could only hear this groupie's screaming. You got out of bed angrily and were about to beat the shit out of her.
"What is not clear about 'I'm going to sleep'?" You inquired with closed eyes leaning on the wall when the shouting stopped. You opened one of your eyes so you could see the quickly approaching Tommy who almost made you fell off. Vince's and Mick's eyes were attached to the girl. She was leaning on a seat, her hand wiping her bleeding lips. "What the fuck? Tommy did that to her?" You asked into nowhere cause no one answered. Mick cleared his throat and went to search for the first-aid bag which he gave to you after he found it.
"Please stop at the next gas station if it is possible." You asked the driver who nodded as a response. You made her sit down on the couch opening a water bottle from the fridge.
"Why are you doing this?" She asked while you started to wipe the blood with a piece of cloth.
"Cause I don't want to let you home with a face like that. It will still leave a mark but at least it won't be as visible." You answered dealing with the wound.
"What? I'm not going home. I'm gonna marry him and..." She started.
"You think that he will marry you after he hit you?" You asked curiously looking into her eyes. The boys were staring at you.
"Nikki, go talk with him." He did as told and went in the back to support his terror twin. After stopping at the station, you called a taxi for the girl and gave the taxi driver all the money you had with yourself.
"Please don't call the police if that's possible." You told to her. She was still in shock so she gave you a slight nod, before closing the door.
"Will she be okay?" Tommy asked desperately, biting his lip down after you were back on the road.
"Of course, Lee. Don't worry about her." You saw the relief in his eyes, though he was still worried and was angry at himself. You stood on your tip-toe and hugged him tightly.
"Don't blame yourself, please." You said, running your hand in his hair trying to calm him down.
On that day, something happened to Mötley Crüe.
∆
Tag: @cmft-jr-winchester ❤️
#motley crue#nikki sixx#vince neil#80s music#80srock#rocknroll#tommy lee#glam rock#mickmars#mick mars#motley crue x reader#motley crue imagine#mick mars x reader#mick mars imagine#life's a sick joke#life is a sick joke
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Guns and Golden Wings part 2
warnings language, and mentions of blood.
You walked in and gasped. The place was huge but then again you were locked in a 9 by 9 foot concrete cell your whole life so everything seemed huge. The boys smirked at your amazement and Sam walked down the stairs. Dean placed his hands on your shoulders, causing you to flinch a little, and led you down the stairs. They sat you down on a couch that was super comfortable compared to a dirt floor. “ Ok we should probably tell you how we know you name when you didn’t tell us huh?” sam said. He paused for your response and was about to keep talking and explain it to you when Dean interrupted. “Oh my god sammy you take forever to talk! And what was that pause for, fucking suspence? I’ll explain it to her cause you take so goddamn long! y/n your our sister. You were kidnapped by the yellow eyed demon when you were a baby. I was 10 and Sam was about 8. Our dad looked for you everywhere but they kept moving you. We got an anonymous tip that some demons were in the area and decided to check it out and we found you by stroke of luck. Cool huh?” he looked at Sam but was received by an eyeroll. “ well any questions?” they both looked to you. “ okay, wow” you said “ so my brothers are badass bitches that hunt monsters and have been looking for me? Nooo that's not cool at all “ you said rolling your eyes. Dean smirked and Sam let out a small chuckle “ well she is definitely a part of this family. See she even got the eye roll and sarcasm down all we need now is the alcoholism and bitch face and we are all set.” you let out a small laugh and dean gave sam a great bitch face. “ not everyone in this family is an alcoholic Sam. Any way y/n I’ll show you to your room and we will get you some different clothes.” you got up and followed him out of the room. When you got back you were wearing one of deans old guns and roses t- shirts and one of the sams old flannels that were still too big for you. You saw a man in beige trenchcoat. “Cas! “ Dean exclaimed causing the man to turn around and look at you both “ oh hello dean. And you must be y/n I am castiel angel of the lord. It is a pleasure to meet you .“ replied cas. “Cas “ said Sam “ the answer is no I don’t care if he has nowhere to go he can not come here “ “who? “ asked you and dean at the same time. Sam looked at Dean and then Cas. “Well you tell him Cas” cas sighed and looked at Dean. “ Gabriel needs a place to stay and this is the safest place for him right now.” Dean's eyes widened “ NO. the answer is NO i don’t care if he is on the streets or not he is not staying here especially while y/n is here! “ you narrowed your eyes. No one got to make decisions for you, not even your brothers! Your hands clenched tighter and tighter with every word in the argument the boys were having with the angel. “ EVERYONE CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” you yelled causing all eyes to look to you in surprise. “ I don’t care who this guy is but he is coming to stay here end of story” . you were fuming and also scared. What if they got mad and kicked you out? You would be really screwed then. Sam's voice brought you back to the moment “ y/n is right. He can come “ Dean glared at Sam but made no sound. “Great he will be here tomorrow” replied cas obviously happy about the new addition to the team.
The next day you woke up and had a mini panic attack before you remembered what happened yesterday. You sighed and rubbed your eyes before getting up and joining the boys in the kitchen. The tension in the room was so thick one could cut it with a knife and they could even have a choice of what knife based on the large array of knives laid down on the table in front of dean. Cas appeared in the doorway causing Dean to look up from his knives. “ he will be here soon “ cas said and Dean looked back to his weaponry on the table. You decided to go get dressed. You looked at your closet and found mostly Sam and Dean's old clothes. You grabbed a black ACDC t-shirt and a blue flannel with blue jeans. You brushed your hair and put it up in a messy bun. You washed some extra blood off your face and once you were satisfied with your appearance you walked out of your room… and right into someone's chest. You quickly pushed away face red with embarrassment and getting ready for the biggest asswhopping in your life. Back with the demons if you so much as said hi you could end up with a broken arm. Your eyes were closed and your body was tense when you heard “ who is this beautiful woman?” you looked up taking in the man in front of you. He smelled of candy and had a soft, kind, yet mischievous smile. His hair was golden and his eyes were the color of whiskey. You were taken in by the kindness he radiated. Only then did you notice the six golden wings protruding from his back. You let out a small gasp at this. He just chuckled “ yeah i get that reaction a lot from women.” he said with a smirk “ what's your name sugar?” you were still staring at his wings and it took you a little longer to answer that you wanted. “y/n” you stuttered. The man was just about to start talking again when Dean came storming over. “No no no no no!” he said “you do not talk to her! And you” he pointed to you and you braced yourself for a smack “you don’t talk to him, you got that!” the man rolled his eyes and you nodded slightly. “ oh come on dean-o we are bound to talk to each other, living in such close proximity to one another” the man said with a smirk. Dean glared at him and was about to say something when Sam's voice sounded through the bunker “Gabriel stop teasing Dean” Gabriel rolled his eyes again and winked at you causing Dean to get even madder and you to snicker. Sam then walked in and took Dean by the shoulder leading him out of the hallway and into the kitchen and leaving you alone with Gabriel. “ sorry I couldn’t help it. He is so easy to get riled up” Gabriel said with a small chuckle. You smiled a real smile, the first one that was real ever. “So you're the Gabriel I have heard so much about.” you said with a smirk “ the one and only” he replied, his smile never leaving his face. “So can I ask you a few questions then?” you hesitantly asked “ sure” gabriel replied, popping a sucker in his mouth. “ First where the fuck did you get a sucker?” You asked in amazement he laughed again “ archangel” was his only word “ oh… well that explains the wings'' you said with a laugh. Gabriel’s smile faded and he turned slightly pale “ I'm sorry what did you say?” he asked. You rolled your eyes “ the six golden wings? Ya know the ones that take up the whole hallway? Ring any bells?” he stared at you in disbelief. “ you can see those?” he asked. Well dur! They are as plain as day you thought “ yes” you said deciding not to tell an archangel that. He looked at you curiously and walked away without even a hand gesture as he left. You stood there not sure what you did wrong. It was just wings right? Couldn’t everyone see them? You walked back into the kitchen only to be engulfed in a hug by dean. “ oh my god are you ok? I was so worried about you. What's wrong? What did he do? Do you need me to kick his ass?” the questions were too overwhelming and you crumpled to the floor. Sam ran over to where Dean was kneeling next to you. Your whole body was shuddering and you started to cry a little. No you thought i am not going to cry in front of them. You stood up and ran to your room passing Cas and Gabriel on the way. Once you got back to your room you locked the door there was no way in hell anyone was going to see you crying. You slumped down against the door and started quietly sobbing. You could hear yelling coming from down the hall and you knew it was dean yelling at gabriel. It wasn’t his fault you thought it's not his fault I can’t handle this. Maybe I should just go back to the demons. You shuddered at the idea. You were still crying when you heard a small knock on the door. “Go away.” you said although it was barely a whisper. “ come on sugar. Let me in.” It was gabriel. You let out a small sob and shook your head, knowing he probably didn’t know that “please? I hate to hear you cry” he said. You slowly nodded your head and thought Yes oh God yes please i don’t want to be alone. “ Ok, I'm coming in.” you waited and then remembered the door was locked. You stood up to open it but when you did he wasn’t there. shit . Was I hearing things? You thought. You closed the door and turned around only to gasp. “ h-h-how did y-y-you do th-that?” you asked through shaky breaths. “I'm an archangel, remember sugar?” he replied with a sweet smile. “Oh yeah.” you breathed “come here.”he said as he pulled you into a hug. You clung to his shirt and cried. “ hey. I didn’t mean to make you sad by walking away. It's just no one has ever seen my wings. I didn’t know what to do.” you shook your head “ i-it's not your fault.” you replied “ i just have had a rough couple of days.” he looked at you “ sorry gabriel.” you said.“ there's no need to apologize sugar” he held you and you cried. Feeling safer already.
1 note
·
View note
Note
181 branjie!!!
181: “If you’re bored; Wanna have sex?”
---
Vanessa hated the rain. Nothing fun was going on outside andgoing to another location would put whatever look he had going on at risk. So,he lay on the hotel bed and stared up at the ceiling until he sat up suddenly. “Oh,duh.”
If he was going to be stuck inside, he was going to dragBrooke Lynn down with him, he decided. Brooke’s room was three down from hisand Vanessa was knocking on his door within seconds.
Unsurprisingly, Brooke didn’t question Vanessa’s presenceand let him in without question. He also hadn’t bothered changing from hisrobe-and-underwear combo – Vanessa had seen it all (multiple times), so whywaste the time and lose the comfort? “You getting stir crazy, babe?”
“Course I am,” Vanessa threw himself down on Brooke’s bed,sprawling out face down. “I swear I got fuckin’ ACDC or whatever.”
Brooke chuckled softly. “ADHD.”
Vanessa rolled his eyes and rolled onto his side to face himproperly. “Like it matters. I’m still so goddamn bored.”
After a brief moment of silence while Brooke mulled it over,he shifted closer to Vanessa and prompted “If you’re bored; Wanna have sex?”
And in a way Vanessa wasn’t surprised – every time theyreunited the sparks between them went off like the fourth of July. Anyone witheyes could see that they had a natural, magnetic chemistry that was unique tothem. He had just imagined it happening spontaneously – a sudden burst ofpassion after tension had hit its breaking point. But he’d take what he couldget, he supposed – the sex would be good regardless. “Get yo ass over here.”
That was as much of a confirmation that he was going to get,Brooke realized. He closed the distance between them – effectively pinningVanessa underneath him – and kissed him deeply, his hands going right up underhis shirt, pushing it up to his clavicle.
Vanessa lifted his arms up and let Brooke toss his shirtaside. He arched up to get undressed from the waist-down as well.
“You couldn’t pretend you’re not eager for this if youtried,” Brooke taunted as he observed how readily Vanessa reacted to everytouch and kiss, how he scrambled to get undressed. “I know you missed how wellI fucked you,” he cooed, slowly swiping his thumb across Vanessa’s bottom lip.
“And you the cockiest motherfucker I’ve ever laid up with,”Vanessa retorted as if it wasn’t the hottest damn thing to him. “Now go get somelube and a rubber.”
Brooke chuckled as he got up. “Oh, a bossy bottom today, arewe?” Still, he grabbed the items as requested. “You’re so cute when you thinkyou’re in charge.”
Then, without warning, Brooke grabbed Vanessa by his ankles,pulling him closer and spreading his legs. He licked his lips, taking a momentto appreciate the view as he slicked two fingers up with lube. With his freehand braced on the bed, he locked eyes with him as he skillfully worked themin.
And Vanessa’s moans betrayed him almost instantly. His headpushed into the bed, his lips parted, his eyes fluttered shut. It hadn’t evenbeen that long since he’d last had sex, but it felt like the first time.He’s an adult, he thought, there was no need for him to be this eager, thisneedy, but all of the sudden he was empty again and the whine that escaped wasdownright embarrassing.
It wasn’t lost on Brooke, either. “You make this too easy,baby. Should just stand here and make you beg like the desperate little slutyou are.” Despite the threat, Brooke rolled the condom down his length – hewould be depriving himself if he made Vanessa wait, and he was sure there wouldbe a next time for that.
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
Brooke hemmed and hawed for a moment before breaking into agrin. “You’re lucky I’m feeling nice,” he cooed, holding onto Vanessa’s thighsas he pushed into him with a grunt.
The pleasure was far from foreign, but it was exactly whatVanessa craved. His legs spread wider and his back arched higher, effectivelyoffering his body up to Brooke.
And in turn, Brooke gave him exactly what he wanted. His griptightened as he began thrusting fast and hard. He had Vanessa nearly bent inhalf, using the angle to properly fuck into him as the sound of their skin smackingagainst each other filled the room. “This is what you’ve been needing, isn’tit? Waiting for someone to fuck you right? Those college twinks not doing itfor you?”
“Not as good as you, fuck…” Vanessa rasped, no longerashamed of admitting the truth. “None of them can fuck me just right like you.Gotta top half of them anyway.”
Brooke would be lying if he said he didn’t like having hisego stroked like that. But beyond that, it did make him feel good to know that whateverlovers Vanessa had after him paled in comparison. “That’s right, baby,” herewarded the praise by moving one hand to Vanessa’s cock, stroking him intandem with his thrusts.
And that sent Vanessa into a whole new wave of sharp moansas he fell into a state of euphoria. Words escaped him, leaving him unable towarn Brooke before his orgasm hit.
That didn’t deter him, Brooke fucked Vanessa just asfervently until his own orgasm hit, and even then, he didn’t pull out until hewas fully spent. When he was, he carefully eased out and tossed the condom inthe trash before laying down and pulling the smaller male closer. “Did thatcure your boredom?”
“Shut up,” Vanessa exhaled, struggling to catch his breathas he cuddled up to Brooke. “But yeah. Thanks.” He was quiet for a moment. “I’majust stay here the rest of the day, yeah?”
Brooke smiled and kissed Vanessa’s forehead. “Be my guest.”
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 23
23: Girls (and Boys) on Film
Written by: Micheal Hitchcock
Directed by: Ian Brennan
Overall thoughts: This is legitimately one of the funniest episodes of Glee to ever air. Every time I watch I just die of laughter. And it’s awesome because there’s so many amazing one-liners that I always forget one or two and get to experience them all over again with every re-watch. Aside from that, it’s a solid episode. It’s got quite a few things that a like, including the only Marley/Jake/Ryder scene I not only can stand, but actually enjoy watching.
What I Like:
I can’t even list all of the amazing one-liners in this episode because this review would be like ten pages long, but here are my favourites:
“Ain’t nobody got time for that”
“Ryder kissed me” “Was he any good or did his enormous donkey teeth bite into your lips?”
“Is that a garage door opener?”
“What about Brody’s vote? Or, do drug dealers not get to vote?”
“She was going all ACDC”
“Oh, okay, I like how guys pretend to be all accepting about everything, but when your friend suddenly shows up in your home, moves in, and goes through all your stuff, you’re offended?!”
“If I were you I would forget the hair and lead with the wheelchair thing.”
“Aw, not even She’s Having a Baby? Because you always cry at the end when Elizabeth McGovern has the baby.”
“We should do The Artist so we don’t have to sing.”
For once an episode that has a main Will Schuester storyline that doesn’t make me want to die. Because it feels right that he would have a lot of screen time in this episode. Thankfully it doesn’t do what “I Do” and “Yes/No” does, and sideline him in his own fucking plot.
The “Unchained Melody” scene. It’s so goddamn clever.
Santana is so fucking funny in this episode. BUT, she also manages to be really sweet to Rachel when Rachel starts crying (even if you can tell on her face that she has no idea what to do about a sobbing Rachel Berry falling into her arms).
We finally get to see how Kurt is feeling about his break-up with Blaine. It’s actually kind of refreshing that we get his perspective after the events of “I Do”, since all season long he’s been sidelined while Blaine’s feelings get explored deeply. It makes me so happy to see Kurt get a nice little storyline relating to his feelings for Blaine vs his relationship with Adam.
I’ve always found it hilarious that Adam is more upset about the fact that Kurt used to sing “Come What May” with Blaine than he is about Kurt and Blaine hooking up at the wedding (which he very clearly is aware of).
I always did think Kurt and Adam are cute, so it’s nice we at least got one episode exploring how they are together before Glee flushed Adam and Kadam down the toilet.
The little detail about the boombox being Blaine’s. Because of course he’d have a boombox.
What I Don’t Like:
Finn still acting like Will and Emma’s relationship fell apart because of him, when it’s very clear that him kissing her is so far from Emma’s mind. Like, chill, dude. Stop trying to make everything about you.
Santana making a joke about Rachel becoming bulimic. It feels especially awful considering Glee is just coming out of a multiple episode long arc about a girl dealing with bulimia.
The show is still trying to sell a Kitty/Marley frenemy deal, when at this point it should just be going for the friendship angle. I don’t know why they kept trying to make Kitty seem conniving for so long? She never tells anyone about Marley and Ryder, so what was the point of making it clear she’s just there for the gossip and not because she cares about Marley? It just makes her seem unnecessarily mean, and Marley unnecessarily dumb.
Songs:
You’re All the World to Me: As a song, I’m not a fan, but I do think the performance is really cool. They did a good job with it.
Shout: I don’t care for this song. The more times I watch this episode, the more it feels like they only added this number in so that the 500th number wouldn’t be “Come What May” because they wanted to avoid shipper bullshit (which was already going on since quite a few Finchel fans were mad that their couple didn’t get to sing “Come What May”). Like, seriously, what does this number add to the episode? Nothing, is the answer.
Come What May: I have a love-hate relationship with this cover. Moulin Rouge is one of my all time favourite movies, and I’ve always loved “Come What May”. When they announced Klaine would be singing it, I basically lost my shit. And then they released the audio and… they cut half the fucking song. Seriously. It went from an almost five-minute long song to three and a half minutes. My favourite parts got cut. I seriously don’t understand why they fucking did that. I bet you anything that if Finn and Rachel or literally any straight couple had sang this song that they wouldn’t have cut it. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. But all that being said, I really love the in-episode performance. It’s like they knew we’d be pissed they cut out half the song so they threw us a bone by letting them perform the whole recorded version in the episode. It’s an awesomely emotional scene, especially when it pans out and you see that it’s Kurt’s fantasy, not Blaine’s. But, ugh. I’m still mad that they cut half the fucking song.
Old Time Rock and Roll/Danger Zone: I like this one! It’s fun and they did a good job of mashing these songs up.
Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend/Material Girl: Like, honestly, they didn’t even try. They ripped this right out of Moulin Rouge. They literally kept the line “Talk to me Harry Zidler,” instead of changing it to the original “Talk to me Harry Winston”. There’s obviously a few other moments that are very obviously from the movie, but that’s the most obvious one to me. I wouldn’t have minded if they’d just done this as a musical performance, but they did it as an assignment for mash-up week, which implies they had to make their own mash-ups, which implies that the girls mashed up these two songs on their own. This has always annoyed me so much.
In Your Eyes: This is one of two Will Schuester solos that I actually really like (the other being “Sway”). It always makes me tear up, and I think he sounds fantastic.
Unchained Melody: I LOVE THIS SONG. Like I said earlier, I think the whole scene is so goddamn clever. Having Marley come out of the scene and watch herself with both guys, especially knowing the Ryder stuff is all in her head. It shows her conflict so fucking well, and is just really cool. I love this cover, and I love this scene. Basically the only scene that involves all that nonsense that I actually appreciate.
Footloose: This is a good song, but it feels like one song too many. We’re at eight, now. Oh my god. Stop singing. Just let it end, for the love of god. ALSO this falls into the same trap that “Anything Can Happen” did: it’s so fucking upbeat, but we left off on a really intense note with Will and Finn. Feels like way too much a shift in tone.
Final Thoughts: God, this episode makes me laugh. I named a few of my favourite lines earlier, but seriously, there’s so many. Santana especially kills it in this episode, although Sugar has some pretty funny lines too. For once I don’t feel like the Will/Emma story is being forced, which makes me able to enjoy it. Plus, we finally get to see a bit of Kurt’s side of the break up, which was way too long coming. Overall just a really fantastic episode, with honestly very few things that annoy me.
#ultimate glee ranking#obviously i love this set of episodes since 13-15 are literally in order on my ranking#didn't even realize when i made the ranking LOL
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
@tolarian-academic for the track-by-track review of “Mouth Moods” by Neil Cicierega.
First off, I had never listened to this album or Neil Cicierega before, so this is an entirely novel experience for me.
For the general review: Neil is not a DJ; he’s a meme. This is not an album to be listened to as anything other than an hour-long joke. And for that reason I wouldn’t really recommend it. Go through the songs Cicierega used and find ones that you love or love to hate and watch Cicierega throw tomatoes at them, but an hour is too long for what’s a pretty unstructured joke. There’s a reason that most feature-length comedies tend to have a conventional plot they attach themselves to (see: the good Monty Python films); it gives the audience room to breathe which “Mouth Moods” emphatically does not. Still, the eldritch familiar attaching itself to my shoulder advises that I at least pretend to have a sense of humor, so my wholly arbitrary ranking was based on how much each track made me laugh. And tbh, I was actually really getting into the groove of the album by the latter third. So take from that what you will.
1. “Wallspin”: This was the goddamn funniest song I’ve heard in years; “You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)” and by extension Dead Or Alive’s first three albums are under-appreciated gems of eighties quasi-ironically good dance-pop. Seriously, go listen to “Youthquake”. It’s actually unironically good in parts.
2. “AC/VC”: I ranked this highly in no small part because I harbor secret guilty pleasure at “A Thousand Miles”, and the utter dissonance with ACDC was *Italian finger-kiss* perfecto.
3. “The End”: The most scathing thing anyone can say of New Metal is that by simply shuffling out the edginess of the sound, you’ve basically got a particularly polished and dull brand of Top 40 bait. This songs kicks ass. Tat said, it takes a bit too much buildup and is less punchy than “AC/VC”, hence the third-place.
4. “Mouth Pressure”: Much like the place directly below it (I’m writing this out of order if you can’t tell), this is a mix of two things that only go together ironically. But where “Stand By Me” and “One Week” are both actually good, “All-Star” is perfect, meme-y garbage.
5. “Stand By Meme”: (1) Perfect title; and (2) “Stand By Me” is one of my brother’s favorite songs of all time, so that helped this more than it probably ought to have. But hey, “Stand By Me” has some great orchestrals. And by “great” here, I of course mean “utterly dissonant with ‘One Week’.”
6. “Wow Wow”: “All-Star” is a recurring theme of this album, much like it is in life. The “Wild Wild West” is certainly among Will Smith’s worse career choices, and it’s pretty good ironic enjoyment fodder. And as a rap song, it has one hell of a beat. Unfortunately, if this were a ranking based on anything other than ,,””ironic””,, enjoyability, then “Wallspin” wouldn’t be at the top.
7. “Shit”: Speaking of things taht only got their place because of ironic memeingful enjoyment...
8. “Annoyed Grunt”: I like the use of overlapping layers here. It’s easily the best song-as-a-song on the album. The use of the audio clips isn’t too distracting (or perhaps it’s just distracting enough), and they’re properly structured into the song structure. The reason it’s below “AC/VC” is that it didn’t make me laugh out loud.
9. “Dear Dinosaur”: This song actually kind of works as an experimental rock song. The janky planking and slight dissonance is like if Xiu Xiu had a sense of humor and desire for radio play.
10. “T.I.M.E.”: You’ll notice that all the funny songs get high billing bc fuck listening to this memebait as actual music (speaking of membait, I’m glad “All-Star” is a running theme in this album). But dear GOD do the Village People not acquiesce to a full-bodied orchestra.
11. “300MB”: I feel like the “song” of this track is better than that of “AC/VC”, but the joke is less punchy and immediate. As a song, though, it’s a touch too generic edm, but hey, the “song” isn’t really the core engagement here.
12. “Smooth”: Given that this one has actual, y’know, layers and shit that I love so much, I feel bad for the low placement here. And as a song, it pretty much works. But the retooling of the “One Week” vocals to fit “Smooth Criminal”’s melody was just imprecise enough that it was all I could focus on. I’m a nitpick. Still, it improves quite a bit as it progresses, and it’s a great buildup to “Stand By Meme”.
13. “The Starting Line”: This was ambitious, but I was ultimately a bit disappointed by the actual music. I prefer my music layered with lots of little sounds overlapping to immerse myself in. “The Starting Line” takes moments and hooks out of which to build a pretty conventional pop song, but I would like to see this level of ear for hooks and talent for careful selection applied to something actually intrinsically good. Still, points for ambition.
14. “Busta”: Meh. A pretty decent ensemble of its component parts, but not engaging enough on its own merits, and not outright hilarious enough to justify it the way “AC/VC” was.
15. “Tiger”: See above, but loses points for the joke being unfunny.
16. “Blockbuster”: This made me feel the ages wearing into my bones, how dare
17. “Revolution #5″: I’ve got nothing against album transitional songs, but they rarely rank high as track in their own right. Also, the ear-to-ear got more than a little grating by the end.
18. “Floor Corn”: Copy-paste all my criticisms of “The Starting Line”, but remove the part where I gave points for ambition.
19. “Bustin”: Two great tastes that... added nothing together. The use of one of the Gorillaz’s best songs contributed nothing. I’d say this is by far the laziest track on the album. Every other track at least had an idea. This just kind of sounds like a bored rapper releasing a bleh mixtape because he’s aware that he’s at the point of his career where no matter what he makes, he’ll get the same result, so why bother?
20. “Shady Interlude”: Have I publicly mentioned that I hate Eminem? Worst white rapper in history. Yes, worse than Vanilla Ice. Because people actually like Eminem. He is exactly the kind of witless edgelord from high school that you were promised you would get petty comeuppance against by outperforming them in the job market, except he’s a millionaire. Fuck Eminem, and fuck this song for reminding me of his existence.
So thank you again @tolarian-academic for inflicting this upon me. You’re all welcomed and encouraged to send me whatever album you fancy for me to rank its tracks with another mini-breakdown. (Though please send me real music this time.)
1 note
·
View note
Text
Berry in the Scheme of Things
As the giants of 20th century pop music are ending their graces with out mortal coil, backwards schemas of musical evolution are showing themselves in the way we remember them.
Let me first of all get this across – I’m not here to be cynical about anyone’s mourning.
Any kind of mourning is valid, and mourning in online spaces makes absolutely no difference to how unique, deep, shared or private your grief might be. Mike Rugnetta of PBS Idea Channel sums it up really beautifully and kinda furiously in this video.
Yet still, I have an uneasiness that I’d like to articulate, if you have the patience for me. Most of all, I feel that there’s a teaching moment here.
As of this writing, Chuck Berry died yesterday. Chuck Berry has so often been synonymous with titles like “the grandfather of rock and roll”, along with numerous artists who have been culturally associated with “inventing” new musics that influence our current day to day.
In one way, this is trying to celebrate someone’s importance and influence. It’s a manner of finding that bridge into the past that connects us to a mythological figure.
But in another way, there’s something that this obfuscates about the musicians as people. So much of their humanity and personhood becomes abstract next to their works. Especially if their songs are “foundational” works.
This is where things start to feel wrong to me.
The standard, canonical history of pop music sucks. It reads like a shitty fable. Let’s review:
***
THE EVOLUTION OF POPULAR MUSIC
(AS I HAVE OFTEN HEARD IT)
Part One: From Blues to the Beatles
First there were blues musicians. Just swathes of them. They apparently came from Africa and were given guitars and then blues music happened.
Elvis snuck into a house and stole the blues while it was cooling on a window sill, and thrust his hips on TV. Priests were mad because they liked country. He did a Jailhouse Rock. Chuck Berry was there, but he was black, so technically he was playing blues first but then played it faster and did Johnny B Goode. (Source: Grease, Back to the Future)
Then The Beatles came and they were English and much better. Lots of girls screamed. There was a shitty ripoff called the Rolling Stones but the Beatles were really the best for some reason. They did acid and made went to India.
After that, hippies happened in San Francisco and they did drugs and protested the Vietnam war. Woodstock was a hippy party and Bob Dylan played folk music and who is Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix was there to reassure us black people still exist. The Beatles also split up so music wasn’t good anymore.
Part Two: Everything Sucks Now
Don’t know where it came from, but seventies had disco (Source: Saturday Night Fever).
After that, maybe prog rock like Rush and also ACDC is in there somewhere? Then the Ramones didn’t know how to play instruments good like Rush so a bunch of angry poor people with ripped clothes who weren’t smart enough to play music showed up and were too loud and that was punk.
After that, some punk got faster and louder and heavy metal happened and went goth and priests were mad again. Oh! Remember black people? They made Rap music, it was like poetry but to record scratches. RUN DMC did a music video with Aerosmith and ended racism. Rap started off good but now it’s all about gangstas and hoes and bling.
Then… Techno? Did we forget to talk about Eighties music? Anyway Nirvana died and pop music is a bad culmination of all these things and the only thing we listen to is BOY BANDS and JUSTIN BEAVER and SPICED GIRLS, which is evidence of why mainstream music sucks now. Except like Adele and people who listen to the music I listen to. They’re my fav.
The End.
***
Okay, so I might not have portrayed it in the most intellectual of lights. Nonetheless, doesn’t something seem off?
This history includes almost no women at all, and largely erases non-white experiences, and involves only the English-speaking Western world. Obviously we have a problem with representation, but most of all the biggest issue I have with it is this linear path of history. In many ways this linearity is down to people’s understanding of pop music history being down to shareable quotes and cinematic story arcs that curiously feature John Travolta.
We really need to let this story die and unfuck ourselves here. In it’s linearity, it paints people of colour as a precursor to a white legacy. The Beatles are celebrated because they are the consequence of white people improving black culture, and women as entirely absent creatively. When The Beatles aren’t in the scene any more, they’re often credited with inventing everything that came after (punk and metal in Helter Skelter, rap in Get Together), or those musical genres aren’t given any context whatsoever. Worse still, degradation narratives are a constant, specifically robbing rap and hip hop from legitimacy. We celebrate black culture for being part of the process that made The Beatles, but we spit on their works when we don’t think it helps white assimilation.
When we talk about foundational artists in this scope, we are really just lumping their work into another artist’s success. Generally, if we don’t have context for them beyond the “from-blues-to-Beatles” half of the story, they appear to be anomalies or cheap imitations. No past, and no impact. They just did a good song and I saw them on Robot Chicken that one time.
The canon fable of pop music crams everything on a chronological path from the 40’s to the present.
But like, people don’t work like that. Music doesn’t work like that. It’s not like people sat down with a guitar and asked themselves “What’s the next step”. There are communities – not just singular innovators. There are political, geographical climates and identity for fuck’s sake. All of these disparate parts are replaced with a void that paints everyone who’s not a stepping stone for the Beatles
The “evolution of music” concerningly aligns with the folk misunderstanding of the way actual evolution works – as a singular path from worse to better. Like an Animorphs book cover going from monkey to human. From primitive to complex. From black to white.
So when Chuck Berry dies, people talk about how rock and roll wouldn’t be the same without him. How pop music wouldn’t be the same without him. That’s a weird thing to say. Obviously he had influence, everyone who got a song on the radio has some influence. But is he just a brick in the foundation? Is he a simply hoisting a corner of the throne that the Beatles sit on?
This is what feels weird about people being remembered as foundational. What about them was actually special? How do they exist outside of the “evolution” as humans and individuals?
There’s value to Berry’s story that we can talk about today, throughlines that go beyond “I like Springsteen and he liked Berry so I guess he’s pretty important”. What might be really learn from Berry’s successes? His history and influences? How have things changed and how have they stayed the same? Are there intersectional artists we’re neglecting now that would have been his contemporaries in the fifties? How does his influence go beyond Jack Black’s power hour?
Honestly, for as long as I remember, Chuck Berry was having publicized medical troubles on stage. A guitar teacher of mine noted that he was known for demanding a specific set up of amps and gear before he went on stage. He’d never rehearse with the local backing band beforehand (because they goddamn should know his shit through and through). And yeah, he demanded cash up front.
Apparently he was a bit of a bastard as well – I mean, having to cut your teeth in an America that hated you, they fought for their pay and their recognition. But his sound is warm and punchy, with a Memphis shuffle chug providing background to his cheeky accounts of distinctly young, othered experiences. He was living proof that you can claw your way through a shit world doing your craft how you please. Unfortunately, his story is kind of common. There were far too many artists in a racist, sexist, Jim Crow America who ended up truly emotionally damaged in their fight.
I think most importantly right now is we can glean insight into the sacrifices made to make the art you want in a political climate that hates your body. Because there’s a lot of people right now who likely hate your body, and hate your art because of it. How do we learn from the past struggles to survive in this one?
Recently during an interview, Ed Sheeran talked about African/Caribbean music as being the foundation for music “forever”. It was bollocks, it was racist, it was portraying Africa as a monolith historically and geographically. But he we was just spouting the folktale. Black music influenced white people to make black music (but better).
Even if he was a bit of a bastard, we at least afford Chuck Berry real personhood in our little twitter obituaries. God knows he fought tooth and nail for it.
youtube
(image sources, are from metalsucks.com, beatlescollege wordpress and the New York Times respectively)
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
sharp09
Untitled
danymaterial
Taizhou Huangyan Dany Material Co., Ltd.
forzasimi
前奏♪就用來接吻吧~♡
miachu0
art kuya
