#fuck 2020
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Oh this song. I remember when it started making me cry. Fucking COVID.
Now I can smile and sing it.
Lord, oh mercy!
#personal#music#jessie reyez#lord oh mercy#music for the soul#my sweet babe#fuck 2020#fuck COVID#ĺ#Spotify
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Here is my review for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever:
Cancer and 2020 fucking suck.
Rest In Peace, Dorothy Steel.
Lastly, since I mentioned c*ncer, may Kevin Conroy also Rest In Peace.
P.S.: I got my wish with the MCU Logo Opening Scene. At what cost, though?
#chadwick boseman#black panther wakanda forever#black panther: wakanda forever#black panther 2#black panther#dorothy steel#marvel#marvel cinematic universe#mcu#fuck cancer#fuck 2020#kevin conroy#tw cancer#it really hurt#black panther: wakanda forever hurt me
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Being the light skinned one of the family has its perks in society, but it also comes with a lot of anxiety.
Before interacting with me quiet a lot of people mistook me for Spanish. No one thought I was Black until I wore my braids. The only people that know I'm Asian in any way are my family and close friends. Not once growing up did I ever have Asian friends. Not because I didn't want any, but because of the prejudice that exists within the community. Even in my own family. Asians interact, befriend and date other Asians is a thing instilled into our thinking from our parents. The only reason I am mixed and my mom is quick to support this, is because her mother died before even meeting my father and after her mother's death her father went completely silent. My father was Black Jamaican.
Those that stayed in Jamaica have mixed children themselves, but what I've noticed in America is that mixing, while rare in all races and backgrounds, the families never truly recover or accept it. There is still prejudice to fight within your own family. And if you happen to be a single mother now with a mixed baby (my mother and my mother in law) you don't get much support from your family, and if you do you grow up in an environment where it seems a lot of blame and hatred is on you, the mixed child. The product of what they deem shouldn't be. Meaning you shouldn't exist.
How does this tie to my light skin? Well I managed to be able to hide amongst my Hispanic group of friends just by my looks alone and if I grow close to some they eventually find out the truth. Thankfully some stayed my friends but others showed their true colors and those who are the more aggressive type and accepted me tended to stand up for me. I had to battle with myself and my identity my whole life and mask my racial identity amongst people who were suppose to be my friends. Now for the last couple years I have been chipping away at the mask and being more accepting of myself, my culture and the upbringing I have experienced.
Why am I saying all this now? Because since 2020 too many things have been colliding. Especially for my now family. What appeared to be a height in the Black Lives Matter Movement had me fearing for my darker siblings, my son and my spouse. The Asian hate attacks had me fearing for my mom. The presence of both at once had me fearing for my life and even getting victimized myself at my job. I was a teacher. Parents had it out for me and my job and even convinced some of their kids to join the attack. Despite the few kids that stood up for me and I enjoyed teaching, in the end I did have to leave for my own safety and sanity... And now this whole thing with abortion laws possibly being overturned has gotten me. In the midst of a time where we cannot afford to have a child and before the news even happened my spouse and I discusses abortion as an option if I were to get pregnant again. Not only for my health (I lost an ovary with my first pregnancy) and my spouse's health (their mental health has been spiralling down alongside their physical health) but our financial situation as well (we live with my mom and currently still can't find a job in a red state as a Black and Asian and a Black trans person).
I don't know what purpose my story serves but I was compelled to share it. Maybe there's a lesson to be learnt here. Maybe hope to inspire or to show the type of people who are impacted by everything going on. Either way, we are here. We exists. We are human. No one should have a right to our bodies. No human should be treated as less than. This world is more than just cis gendered straight white conservative christian men and it's about time they notice that. I am tired. After everything thats been going on. Everything I've been through. I am tired of not being heard and this mama panda sure as hell will not sit quietly anymore if faced with this shit again. And before anyone dares say "go back to where you came from" unless you are a Native Indigenous person you have no right to say it. Humans are a migratory species. We keep moving and striving for better. And right now "the greatest country on earth" is a fucking joke and could burn for all I care. Sometimes I wonder if thats what the virus was really for. Darwanism trying to take out the old right thinking non progressing ideals of a ruling generation that has accumulated too much power and has overstepped their boundaries. Fuck off.
✨💛 The Blasian Witch 💛✨
#my stupid life#my story#black lives fucking matter#black lives are human lives#black lives matter#stop asian hate#stop asian violence#politics#roe v wade#abortion#blasian#the blasian witch#i’m tired#fuck america#fuck 2020#fuck 2022#fuck 2021#long reads
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What I looked like at the start of 2020, vs now in 2022. I don't feel like I'm the same person at all and that makes me kinda sad.
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Flashback to 2020 (tw depressive rant)
So, I’m pretty tired with myself today…
I’m so fucking lonely here you know?
No one around to talk to, everyone doing their own things?
It’s stupid…
Why can’t I love someone like how I love myself?
Am I that fucking insane to do something like that?
I guess I am…
I’m so fucking lonely…
I don’t hang out with many people anymore because of COVID….
I miss my old friends so much that I forget I even exist…
I think about people all the time that I become a completely different person.
It’s stupid.
It’s dumb.
It’s crazy what you do for love.
I know you will all be reading this and think, “What the fuck is this shit?”
I don’t know what I am either…
I’m just the chaos and the calm…
The sun and the moon…
Forward and backwards….
I’m everything people want to be and don’t want to be…
I’m the person that could help you or hurt you….
I am the person that talks to everyone or stays in the shadows…
I am myself…
I am not myself…
I am something I’m not…
Something not human…
Something not myself…
What even am I?
Why am I here?
Why do I even exist?
I don’t need to exist… at all!
Fuck me! I don’t give a shit!
Leave me alone for once!!!
I hate myself so fucking much!!!
I’m worthless!
I’m nothing.
I’m nothing without her.
I’m nothing without him.
I’m nothing without them.
I’m nothing.
I am nothing to no one…
And now I'm done with this...
This mask of a smile I've worn for so long...
It's gone...
The mask of happiness for my friends and families to see...
For the happiness I've falsely felt for an enternity...
Slam my fist in the wall.
Throw some shit and give me a call.
I'll scream at you for however long I feel like.
How are you doing?
How are you doing?
Are you bleeding like me?
Are you hiding behind a mask like me?
A mask like mine?
Are you here?
Are you surrounded by your own peers?
Are you looked down on or looked up to?
Are you still trying to be the version of yourself everyone thought you were a year ago?
Are you still faking those smiles?
Are you burning the horrible memories, that made no one trust you anymore?
Are you lying to people that don't deserve it?
Can you stop, cause I am far too gone?!
I need to stop and listen.
I need to do this, evenly.
I am a giant wave crashing into the shore line.
I am myself.
I am not.
I am the calm and the chaos.
I need help, but no one ever listens because, they have their own issues.
They have no time for you, it's true.
Leave them behind and don't go running back to them or they will hurt you more....
Or maybe not...
Maybe they're something more.
Like a soulmate or friend....
Maybe I should reach out to them for help...
Can I reach out for help?
Myself in 2020, not in the right headspace.
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Eden was their ✨disney princess era✨
#it's canon#source: it was revealed to me in a dream#aziraphale being good with reptiles was all part of the ineffable plan#crowley is having the time of his life here#my only regret is that I forgot to include a baby aardvark#but I put ducklings there instead#aardvarks will have to wait#btw the snake aziraphale is holding is my pet snake that died in 2020#my poor precious baby she was such a sweetheart#she liked to knock the thermometer off the glass and hide it#I was supposed to draw like an ordinary garter snake there buuut#it's MY silly doodle and I get to do what the heck I want with it 👁️👁️#lmao crowley's brain is really malfunctioning here#guys he's a demon the creature of darkness foul fiend devil serpent#guys he can't get up the lamb is sleeping#somebody save him#there are vicious animals#and she's exp-#*JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW AND FLIES AWAY*#hey where the fuck is the gecko going#aziraphale#good omens fanart#crowley#aziracrow#good omens#ineffable husbands
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Sometimes I wonder if 'temporary Covid restrictions' will ever be lifted... they STILL have a sign up at work telling us not to place our mouths directly on the water fountain spigot
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Four times baby
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I’m watching the Legacy docuseries on the Lakers and they’re talking about Kobe and … man FUCK 2020 so fucking much 😞
#kobe bryant#laker nation#fuck 2020#so much#between losing kobe bryant and losing naya rivera like fuck man#can we rewind and start the decade over again
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Yoshitomo Nara: 'Fuck U' Porcelain Ashtray (2020)
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i love you goncharov mythos, i love you innate human urge to make things up, i love you tumblr blorbos created By tumblr, i love you meta insight into current internet attitudes toward character archetypes that's inherent to this process of creation, i love you opportunity of witnessing yet another major event for very online people, and most of all i love you katya
#she sounds cool#goncharov#tbd#the more i think about it the more i realize that this is the single most interesting thing that's happened here since i made my account#like. sure nov 5th 2020 was wild but the goncharov renaissance developed completely independently of real world events#people aren't posting memes about geopolitical events anymore they're posting memes about a New Thing#with No real world equivalent and making up everything about it ON THE FLY#and it STILL retains some internal consistency because of the types of characters/traits that have grown into their popularity here#and i just think media studies people who write about the internet are having a fucking field day right now
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Pin-Lee suggesting that Murderbot start reacting to its injuries more to let humans know it’s been injured after realizing that it’s been casually walking around after a fight leaving a trail of Fluids. It’s like “I could.. probably write some code for that I guess.” and Dr. Mensah is like “don’t worry about it if it would be distracting to you. Just.... tell us afterwards. We want to know how you’re doing” and it’s like “i can give status reports yes.”
Pin-Lee is like “I still like the idea of you giving an indication you’ve been hit. For example.” she points finger guns. “Bang oh no I have definitely hit you with a projectile. Indicate that somehow.”
Murderbot, with extremely flat inflection which would not immediately seem like a distress call to nearby humans: “Ouch. I Have Been Injured.”
Pin-Lee is like “hm no there’s gotta be some sort of. I don’t know, you don’t have to verbalize if you don’t want to, maybe there’s like an alarm noise you could make? or an “AAA!” sound? Okay let’s try again BANG”
There is a brief delay (less then a second) and then Murderbot responds with damage vocalization option 2.
“File:Wilhelm_Scream.ogg” blasts through the station.
#imagine me sleep deprived at work cackling about this idea behind my mask#imagine me coming home for a nap an texting the words 'wilhelm scream' to my own email so I don't forget this#murderbot; done: AUUUUUGHH#Pin-Lee: WHAT THE FUCK#everyone: *laughing*#the murderbot diaries#murderbot diaries#personal (ok to rb)#'they're still using 2020s audio file format in the future?' look don't question it#it is intentionally unclear if this is 1. a joke 2. a 'fuck you' response or 3. completely serious. or all 3. on murderbot's part
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#spn#supernatrual#destiel#november fifth#nov 5th#november 5th 2020#destiel news#destiel meme#destiel meme news#dean x castiel#castiel#dean winchester#deancas#casdean#HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIN EVERYBODY#DESTIEL CONFESSION PART 2 WHEN#jensen ackles#misha collins
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End of a convo in 2020.
“yeah, this is super long and I don't even know why I am typing this to a person that I've never met face-to-face online... but who cares, right? Like shit, I've been through shit and all of my friends, in real life and online, have been through some serious shit, and I've kind of been going along with it and try to help them and shit.... heh... like shit, this is a very long response, sorry for the wait...”
Myself in 2020
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gerard way has looked like about 300 different people throughout his life and I can shamelessly say that I am deeply and madly in love with every single one of them
#yes this still applies to scraggly homeless-looking bear gerard in 2017-2020 (ish) fucking fight me#also he was a cutie in high school#I’m 16 and if he went to my college I would literally fall in love with him don’t even#I’m just whipped basically this post is me saying I am pathetic and in love and whipped 🫶#speakfromtheheartbeeeefletcher#gerard way#gee way#mcr#my chem#my chemical romance#my chemical fucking romance#suddenly needing the gerard way eras tour#respectfully idgaf about some white lady in different coloured leotards GIVE ME SKELETON BLACK PARADE GERARD TURNING INTO PARTY POISON
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