Heartbeat
Your colleague Namjoon's infuriating. He's intelligent but he's also smug, competitive and cold. You hate him until you realise you don't.
Pairing: Namjoon x F! reader, ft Jimin x F! reader and Seokjin
Rating: 18+
Genre: Medical AU, smut, angst
Word count: 8.5k
Warnings: Snark, sex, swearing, ex boyfriend Seokjin, fuckboy with a heart of gold Jimin, Namjoon biceps
You’re fumbling with your bag, trying to find the key to your new office when a shadow falls over you.
You turn, nearly spilling your coffee.
There’s a tall man who’s come up behind you, wrapped up against the winter chill in a beanie and scarf and a coat that looks like you could use it as a parachute if you decided to jump off the top of the hospital.
‘Hey, are you the new cardiac fellow?’ he asks. His voice is deep, mellow. He nudges his glasses up his nose bridge like it’ll help him see you better and peers at you, a little like an owl.
‘Yeah,’ you say. You hold out a hand. ‘Y/N. You must be Namjoon.’
‘Yeah. I’m the current fellow.’
He reaches up to the top of the door frame, barely even having to stretch to do so, and comes back with a key.
He unlocks the door and nudges it open. ‘After you.’
Is he joking?
The office he’s just unlocked is barely the size of a storage cupboard. There’s a shared desk, two computers and a bookshelf loaded with crusty old medical textbooks from before women were allowed into med school.
You scoot around to the half of the desk that looks less populated.
‘It’s kind of a squeeze,’ he says. ‘We won’t spend a lot of time here, anyway.’
You put your coffee down.
‘I would’ve texted you to ask if you wanted coffee if I knew your number,’ you say, trying to make conversation. ‘There’s a good place I pass on the way.’
‘Oh I don’t drink coffee,’ he says.
You blink.
‘Yeah? What’s your drug of choice?’ you ask, trying for levity.
‘I don’t do drugs,’ he says, straightfaced.
‘Yeah sorry. Bad joke,’ you say.
There’s a pause where you look at the poster behind him, a schematic of a bronchial tree.
‘We should exchange numbers though, if we’re gonna be working together,’ you suggest. You type the digits he reels off into your phone and call him so he has yours.
His profile pic flashes up as you call him.
It’s kind of cute. It’s him with his arm around a pretty girl. They’re both dressed down, there’s a backdrop of autumn leaves, a clear sky.
It’s cuddly and warm and reminds you of Seokjin.
Fuck Seokjin.
You shove your phone in your coat pocket.
‘Hey where do we get changed?’
‘I’ll show you,’ Namjoon says. He acts like he’s going to let you squeeze past him but with his puffy coat you’re not sure if you’ll fit.
Oh shit.
His coat isn’t that puffy, he’s just that big.
He looks down at you inquiringly as you stop, pressed against his front.
‘Stuck?’
‘Yeah,’ you squeak.
You wriggle away, feeling vaguely obscene about it.
‘Sorry,’ he says, nudging his glasses up again.
You follow him down a series of corridors to the locker room.
‘It’s communal,’ he says, shrugging.
You quickly look away from the bare male ass that caught your attention when you walked in.
‘Got it.’
You grab scrubs, step away from Namjoon and get changed quickly, a little off balance.
You’re shoving your feet back into your sneakers when Namjoon approaches.
He’s looking carefully away from you, up at the clock on the wall.
‘Ready? We have an MR list this morning.’
‘Sure,’ you say. You look at your clothes uncertainly.
‘You can put them in my locker if you want?’ he offers.
‘Thanks.’
By the time you reach the MRI suite you’re vibrating with nerves, but the familiar setup has you letting out a sigh of relief.
Everything in this new place where you’re going to be working for a year is new and daunting, but this at least is familiar.
You snap on gloves and get started.
It’s a full list through the day but the cases are interesting, and you’re concentrating so hard the day passes quickly.
You’re surprised to learn it’s past six by the time you finish.
‘I’m gonna stop by the library before I go home,’ Namjoon tells you at the same time as you ask, ‘do you want to grab dinner?’
You laugh, awkwardly. ‘Yeah. See you tomorrow Namjoon.’
You back out of the MR suite quickly, and are halfway back to the office when you realise your clothes are in Namjoon’s locker still.
You debate going to find him, but you have no idea where the library is.
The truth is, it’s been a fucking long day, and you live five minutes walk from the hospital.
You shoulder your backpack and walk home in the cold.
Your new apartment is large, spacious. The area around the hospital is a dive which is how you can afford the space.
You look, determinedly, at the stacked cardboard boxes of your packed things. You moved in a week ago. You should unpack.
You slice through the masking tape of the first box and pull the flaps apart, only to be greeted by a fluffy alpaca and a searing memory of Seokjin on your first date.
Ah. This is why you put off unpacking.
Your tears surprise you.
You fold the flaps back over, gently, and just go to bed instead.
***
You’re standing in front of the hot counter in the hospital cafeteria, trying to decide between carbs or carbs.
The morning’s been pretty dull, you’ve been doing some follow up calls and catching up on emails.
When you get back to the office, Namjoon’s standing just outside the door with your boss, Dr Lam.
‘We missed you at the M&M,’ Dr Lam says pleasantly.
You flick your gaze to Namjoon.
‘Namjoon did an excellent presentation on ACD,’ Dr Lam continues.
‘Ah I’m sorry,’ you say, ‘I wasn’t aware there was an M&M scheduled.’
Namjoon hadn’t mentioned a thing when you saw him this morning.
‘It’s on the calendar on the wall,’ Namjoon points out.
Is he trying to make you look bad?
You unclench your jaw and force yourself to apologise again to Dr Lam.
As soon as she’s walked away, you suck in a breath.
‘You didn’t mention an M&M this morning when I saw you,’ you say, trying to keep it civil.
He looks at you like you’re the unreasonable one.
‘It’s on the wall calendar. It’s not a secret,’ he says.
You resist the very strong urge to rip his glasses off his face.
‘Thanks,’ you say, dry, brittle.
Pointedly, you stare at the wall calendar. It’s ridiculous, you can’t see anyway through the waves of rage coursing through you, but that’s not the point.
It’s your second day. Wouldn’t it have been the nice thing to do to just mention it to you?
‘Also your clothes,’ Namjoon says. He’s watching you carefully, like he’s aware he’s on thin ice.
He pushes his locker keys across the table at you.
‘Do you want them back?’
You stand so quickly the rickety desk rocks up.
‘I’ll get them right now,’ you say, snatching up the keys.
You don’t say anything else because you’re still so annoyed you could burst.
Instead, you get turned around on your way to the locker room and end up in a random stairwell, lost.
Why is hospital signage always so bad?
You sit on the stairs and burst into tears.
You never cry, it’s unlike you.
You never fucking cry because life is stupid and people are stupid and fucking hell Kim Seokjin is stupid for letting you go.
It still hurts so much that he let you go. That he chose to be without you when he was a big part of your life for so long.
And now here you are crying in a stairwell because of some cutthroat colleague.
You’re better than this, aren’t you? You’ve had your shit together for so long you can’t even remember what it feels like to spiral.
You swipe at your tears and exit the stairwell.
You give up on trying to find the locker room.
You toss the keys back on Namjoon’s desk with a murmured ‘thanks.’
You can feel his eyes on your tearstained face, so you stare back at him, challenging him to say something.
He looks away first, and you take that as a win.
You’ve not really won at anything lately, so this counts.
***
It’s Friday, you’ve made it through the first week of your fellowship relatively unscathed.
You’ve cried twice, once that first night and then in the stairwell.
You’ve had three hospital cafeteria lunches and that’s all you’re going to subject your digestive system to.
You’ve drunk more coffee than you care to recall.
It’s not the best start to your fellowship, but it’s not the worst either.
You’re gathering your things to leave when Namjoon enters the office.
He puts your clothes on the desk.
‘Why didn’t you take them back?’ he asks.
‘Got lost on the way to the locker room,’ you say, truthfully.
‘Why didn’t you ask me for directions?’ he asks. His jaw tightens as you raise your eyebrows at him.
You shrug. ‘Not your problem. Like reminding me of the schedule on my first fucking week isn’t your problem.’
You take a fierce, childish pleasure in the way he stares at you, a muscle in his jaw ticking.
Your partner is a big man, but you’ve made a lifetime out of taking on male assholes and cutting them down to size.
Figuratively speaking, of course.
You brush past him on your way out.
***
Your med school friend Hana who you’re reconnecting with now that you’ve moved into the area always was a social butterfly.
She’s throwing a party at her place, a luxe apartment by the quay with stunning views and a penthouse terrace.
You knew you should have gone into ophthalmology.
Hana greets you at the door with an excited hug.
She presses a drink into your hand and pushes you onto the terrace with a vague wave of her hand and an instruction to ‘go mingle’.
You head to the edge of the terrace overlooking the water.
It’s beautiful out, cold but clear. The lights from the boats light the water like stars.
The drink in your hand’s disappearing fast, but it’s ok. You’re easy.
You’re sick of feeling sorry for yourself.
You sense someone approaching you before you hear their voice.
‘Do you sail?’
‘No.’
You turn to see a good looking guy smiling at you.
He’s a shade taller than you, with plush lips and skin that looks like it’s been airbrushed.
He says, ‘me neither. I’ve always wanted to.’
‘I like swimming,’ you offer.
His eyes are still crinkled at the corners.
Gosh, he’s pretty.
‘I dive,’ he tells you. ‘Park Jimin.’
‘Y/N L/N,’ you reply, shaking the hand he holds out.
His grasp is firm, skin cool. The silver hoops dangling from his ears glint in the floodlights over the terrace.
Park Jimin gets you another drink, and you find out he works with Hana.
Damn. Now you really wish you’d gone into ophthalmology.
He’s a flirt, and that’s ok because you can flirt too. You’re rusty though, it’s been a while since you were single.
All the friends you’ve had in the last few years knew how committed you and Seokjin were to each other.
You push away the unwanted intrusion of his name.
Jimin’s leaning back over the glass balustrade, his arms braced, the position making his shirt gape open.
He catches you looking and flicks his tongue out over his full bottom lip.
The gesture makes your cunt clench, mainly because of the intent in his eyes.
‘Up for a refill?’ he asks. His voice is silvery, with a husky undertone that’s steadily making you dampen your panties.
He flicks his tongue out again, and your thighs tighten.
Your face feels so warm.
You realise he’s still waiting for an answer.
‘I don’t want to be too tipsy,’ you say, looking at him steadily.
Jimin sees something in your eyes that makes him lean close.
‘Are you just tipsy enough now?’ he asks. He’s so close his hard chest brushes yours.
‘Yeah,’ you reply. ‘Just enough.’
It turns out Jimin’s apartment is next to Hana’s, which in practical terms means it’s barely ten minutes before you’re unrolling a condom onto him and lowering yourself down into his lap.
You’re so wet already the slide is easy, so turned on by his beautiful body and the pretty sounds he’s making that he barely has to touch you to make you cum the first time.
Jimin turns out to be the best kind of overachiever, fucking you into your second orgasm whilst also gleaming sweat all over his sculpted torso.
After he cums he ties off the condom neatly and goes to get you a drink.
You’re looking for your clothes when he comes back.
He hands you a glass of water.
‘Going so soon?’ he asks.
There’s a naughty gleam in his eye.
‘I have to work tomorrow,’ you say, regretfully.
‘Shame. I wanted to eat your pussy,’ he says.
He hasn’t bothered to put his shirt back on, and standing like this, you can follow his v line straight into the waistband of the black boxer briefs he pulled back on.
‘I thought you’d want me out,’ you say lightly.
He smiles charmingly at you. ‘This isn’t college,’ he says. ‘Stay as long as you like. I can make you breakfast in the morning.’
The last time you had sex with someone you barely knew was in college, and his name was Kim Seokjin.
Look how that turned out.
‘Ah but how will I leave you wanting more if I stay?’ you say, half joking.
Jimin, the perfect gentleman despite how he’d defiled you in his bed, insists on walking you down to your taxi.
When you get home you drop him a text.
Y/n: Hey thanks for a lovely evening.
Jimin: Anytime. You know where I live, door’s always open.
You don’t know what else to say, so you leave it at that.
***
You’re finishing up some notes when Namjoon walks into the office.
‘Saw you’d written up the case from last month - the alveolar proteinosis,’ he says.
‘Yep,’ you reply, shooting him a look. .
Things have barely been civil between you but you don’t need him to do your job so there’s that.
He looks like he’s about to say something when there’s a knock on the door.
It’s Dr Lam. ‘Good paper,’ she says, nodding approvingly at you.
‘Thank you,’ you say.
‘I think it’d be a good one to present at the next regional meeting,’ she says. ‘I’ll email you the details.’
‘Sounds great. Thank you,’ you reply.
When she leaves the office you bask in the glow of Dr Lam’s praise and the barely disguised envy Namjoon’s emanating.
‘Hey, did you hear that?’ you ask, cocking your head.
Namjoon looks at you, brow furrowed. ‘What?’
‘That’s a slam dunk on your head,’ you say, deadly serious.
Namjoon stares at you for a moment. His lips quiver.
Then he laughs. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ he asks.
‘What’s wrong with you? Apart from too much protein powder?’ you mutter.
Namjoon laughs again.
You’re part-way through reading a paper when he says, ‘I’m sorry I didn’t remind you about M&M.’
You search his eyes.
‘It’s fine, I know you’re competitive.’
‘I’m not — competitive like that,’ he protests.
You roll your eyes.
‘Ok, I am competitive. We all are. You wouldn’t be in this job if you weren’t,’ Namjoon says, finally.
He leans forward over the desk, holding out his hand. ‘But I’m not going to try to sabotage you or screw you over, ok? I’m not like that.’
You look at his big hand. ‘Why do you want me to touch you?’
‘Jesus, it’s a handshake,’ Namjoon says, exasperated.
‘Fine.’
You shake his hand, firmly. ‘No sneaky shit,’ you say, warningly.
‘No sneaky shit,’ Namjoon echoes.
‘I swapped out your office key for the store cupboard key,’ you confess.
‘Shit that was you? I thought I was going crazy.’
‘I also put gum in your ethernet port,’ you say, since you might as well come out with it.
‘God damn it, IT spent an hour trying to fix it! My new computer’s arriving tomorrow.’
‘Just saying, you don’t want to get on my bad side again.’
‘Noted,’ Namjoon says. He smiles at you, and for the first time you notice the dimples bracketing his lips.
You want to smile back but you give him a stern look instead.
He gets up. ‘I’m gonna go stretch my legs. Want a coffee?’
‘You don’t drink coffee,’ you say.
‘I’m going to get myself tea. I’ll get you a coffee.’
You watch him leave the office. You hadn’t realised his shoulders were so broad.
***
You’re trying to retrieve a pen you dropped from under the table when the office door opens.
You crawl out from under the table and are confronted with Namjoon’s lycra clad thighs.
‘Shit,’ you say, hitting your head on the bottom of the table.
In a moment he’s crouching next to you. ‘Are you ok?’
Like this, his thighs are splayed, giving you a direct and clear line of vision to the bulge of his —
‘It’s too early for lycra-covered cock,’ you complain, and he gets up so quickly the table rocks.
‘Stop staring at it,’ he says.
‘It’s right in my eyeline!’ you protest. ‘Put it away.’
Namjoon waits until you’re standing next to him.
‘Why are you dressed like a slut?’ you ask, averting your eyes.
‘I’m wearing my cycling gear. I cycle to work,’ he answers.
‘Ok, I’ve heard enough. I know we said we wouldn’t backstab each other but we can’t possibly be friends.’
You look up and notice how sweaty he is.
A droplet of sweat streaks down his neck, disappearing into the neck of his tight top.
You have a sudden unexplainable urge to lick it away.
You realise he’s looking down at you.
A dimple flashes. ‘Are you checking me out?’
‘I would never,’ you vow. ‘It’s just – why are you dressed like a whore if you don’t want me to look?’
‘That’s problematic,’ he chides.
‘That’s problematic,’ you mimic.
He tosses his (rain-proof) jacket at you. ‘You know, if I said the same thing to you, HR would rain down on my ass so quick.’
‘Yeah, turn, I want to see your ass too. Also, where are your glasses? I love a sexy nerd.’
‘I can’t cycle with them on,’ he mutters.
‘Can I take a photo? I’m sure that nurse in IR who likes you would flip if she saw you in this getup.’
‘Stop objectifying me,’ he whines.
You laugh him out of the office.
***
There’s a knock on the door.
You look up, ready to torment Namjoon, and stop with your mouth slightly open.
Wow.
There’s a very hot guy in glasses looking at you, a computer screen tucked under one arm.
‘Hey, I’m here with a new computer for Dr Kim,’ he says. His voice is gravelly, low.
You close your mouth. ‘Sure.’
You watch him set up for a few minutes, then decide to confess.
‘I stuck gum in the ethernet port. His computer’s probably fine.’
He looks at you, expression unreadable.
You think he’s not going to answer you until finally, he says, ‘One, I already carried this all the way from IT on sixth. Two, I really don’t get paid enough to care.’
‘Fair,’ you say, nodding.
He looks at you for a moment longer, then says, casually, ‘That’s a pretty smart way to sabotage someone.’
‘He wears cycling lycra to work,’ you reply, not looking up from your computer.
‘What kind of asshole does that,’ he says.
‘Right?’
You look up to find he’s smiling at you.
Wow. He’s got a gorgeous smile, all perfect teeth and gums.
‘Min Yoongi,’ he says, holding out a hand.
‘Y/N L/N,’ you reply, giving him a firm shake. ‘Can I get you a coffee while you set up?’
‘I’m done,’ he says, logging out of Namjoon’s new computer. ‘But we can get coffee. I told my boss I was rebooting all 50 of the computers on ICU.’
‘Done. Let’s go,’ you say, getting up.
‘Wait,’ he says, ‘are you getting me a coffee to get extra IT privileges?’
‘Well, I could use a new headset,’ you say, feigning seriousness.
He looks at you seriously, mouth in a line. ‘If you want the extra comfy set for all day use you’ll need to get me a muffin too.’
‘Done.’
***
Dr Lam enters your office unceremoniously.
‘All hands on deck folks, there’s been a multi-casualty incident. You’re needed on the ICU.’
You and Namjoon enter the ICU to a cacophony of beeping monitors, terse conversations and the incessant whine of the drug fridge, left ajar.
You close the fridge and look up as Delia, the head nurse approaches.
‘Thank god,’ she says, brisk. ‘Bed 11 needs intubating, bed 15’s bleeding out on the floor and there’s a fucking hot orthopaedic surgeon wandering around distracting my nurses but not otherwise helping. Get to it, chaps.’
She walks away, and you turn to Namjoon. ‘I’ll sort the bleeder if you take the tube and the orthopod,’ you suggest.
‘If you see him send him my way,’ Namjoon replies. He flashes you a grin that you stare at a beat too long.
‘Goddamn it put those dimples away Namjoon. It’s a serious situation here.’
You’re putting in a line to pour blood in when Namjoon turns up by the bed.
‘We called it,’ he tells you.
‘Shit,’ you say, commiserating.
Namjoon picks up the bag of blood hanging by your head. ‘Squeeze this in?’ he asks.
His forearms flex beautifully as he runs the blood.
You have to tear your eyes away, and the nurse beside you lets out an audible sigh.
You roll your eyes and snap off your gloves.
‘I’m gonna call for some cryo,’ you say.
You’re taking a quick drink break amongst the carnage, standing next to the water cooler when a shadow falls across you.
‘Mind if I —-‘
You turn to see beautiful dark brows raised over intense eyes, wavy hair swept back from the most beautiful male profile you’ve ever seen.
You step back to let him get some water.
You take in the scrubs, the clogs, the faint line from a scrubs hat marring the perfection of his forehead.
Holy fuck. This must be —-
Your entire field of view is obscured by the broad back of Kim Namjoon as he steps between you and the fucking distractingly gorgeous orthopaedic surgeon.
He’s so close his back is in your face.
He smells nice.
Namjoon puts a hand behind him to steady you.
He turns, briefly. ‘Stop sniffing me,’ he says, stern.
He turns back to the surgeon. ‘Taehyung, you’re needed down in the ED.’
‘Sure,’ Taehyung says. Christ. The timbre of his voice is as gorgeous as he is.
Namjoon turns to you as Taehyung saunters away.
‘I wasn’t sniffing you,’ you say, lying through your teeth.
He looks down at you and brushes a lock of hair that’s escaped your ponytail out of your face. His touch is warm, firm.
‘You ok?’ he asks.
‘Yeah,’ you say. .
His eyes on your face feel oddly penetrating. He pours you another glass of water and watches as you gulp it down.
‘There’s a new patient in 17. Shall we?’
You try not to stare at his ass and thighs as he walks away.
***
The moon’s high in the sky by the time the hospital’s been stepped down from red to amber alert.
You’re getting changed alongside Namjoon in the locker room, grimacing at the bodily fluids splattered on your top.
Namjoon shoulders his backpack. ‘I might just crash in the mess,’ he says, running a hand over his face. ‘I don’t feel like cycling home.’
‘You can sleep at mine,’ you offer. ‘I’ve got an extra room.’
‘Yeah?’ he asks.
‘Sure. I’ve got a spare bathroom and everything. But there’s one condition,’ you say.
Namjoon cocks a brow at you.
‘Can you put your little lycra number on again?’
He rolls his eyes and pulls you under his arm.
Your face is squished against his hard chest, his pec firm under your cheek.
‘Nice tits,’ you say, muffled.
He lets you go. ‘I don’t even have the energy to tell you off,’ he tells you.
‘Yeah,’ you agree. ‘Should I order us a pizza?’
***
Namjoon’s in your living room by the time you get out of the shower.
‘Love what you’ve done with the place,’ he says, dry.
He’s being sarcastic, of course.
The boxes, and the past you can’t bear to face, are all still scattered around the place.
‘It’s industrial chic,’ you tell him.
You put the pizza on the coffee table and gesture to the couch.
‘Mi casa es su casa,’ you tell him.
Namjoon tears into the pizza and you flick on the TV.
You eat in companionable silence.
It’s when you’re in your kitchenette cleaning up that Namjoon asks about the picture of you and Seokjin on your fridge.
It’s a magnet, a photo of you and Seokjin after some wedding you went to. He’d been in his long-haired phase, sexy in his suit, and you’d been….
Happy.
‘It’s my ex,’ you tell him. ‘We were together a long time.’
‘It’s hard learning to be single again,’ Namjoon says. There’s no inflection in his voice, he says it like it’s a fact.
It’s kind of everything you’ve wanted to hear since the breakup. Seven words. Enough to make you bite hard on the inside of your cheek.
Your eyes blur with tears anyway.
You want to wipe them away but your hands are in the soapy water and you still think you can hide the tears from Namjoon even though he’s right next to you.
You sniffle, too loud.
Namjoon says. ‘I’m sorry.’
He pulls your hands out of the water, dries them off with a dishcloth, gentle.
You want to pull your hands away but he’s still got them clasped in his.
‘Forget the dishes,’ he tells you.
He’s walking you into your bedroom, laying you on the bed.
He lays on his side next to you, pulls you into his arms.
‘Shh,’ he murmurs. ‘It’s fine. I won’t tell anyone you actually have a heart.’
You manage a watery grin into his chest.
His arms are solid around you.
It’s been a long time since you’ve been held like this, and it’s been a tough fucking day.
He wants to hold you, so you let him. His steady heartbeat against your cheek lulls you to sleep.
***
When you wake, he’s still beside you, rolled onto his back, arm across chest.
He’s beautiful, face relaxed. His glasses are on your bedside table, he must have taken them off at some point.
The clock tells you that you’ve got an hour before work to get ready.
You could watch him sleeping for hours.
His voice, low and husky from sleep, startles you.
‘Sleep ok?’
‘Yes,’ you tell him.
You watch as he fumbles for his glasses.
You lean over him and pluck them from the table, slipping them onto his face.
‘I’m sorry you had to deal with all that emotion,’ you tell him.
He sits up a little, braces himself on his arm.
You try not to think about how good he looks in your sheets.
‘It’s human to have emotions,’ he says. ‘It was a hell of a day yesterday.’
‘Yeah.’
‘I know what it’s like when a relationship falls apart,’ he tells you, serious. ‘For whatever reason.’
He turns over and lays back onto your bed.
‘We broke up because he got an amazing opportunity abroad,’ you say. You smile at the memory of how excited he was when he heard.
‘He deserved it.’
Namjoon reaches over and squeezes your hand.
You exchange a smile.
‘This bed is comfy,’ Namjoon says.
‘Don’t get used to it.’
‘Baby I haven’t even had a chance to show you my skills yet,’ he says, goofy.
You’re still laughing when you get into the shower.
***
Namjoon’s leaning against the wall of the radiology seminar room when you get there.
The room’s packed, it’s standing room only.
Namjoon shifts over obligingly when you reach him, making a space for you between him and the wall.
‘I knew we were friends for a reason,’ you say, patting him on the shoulder.
He flexes a bicep and you work hard to keep your mouth from falling open.
‘That’s quite enough,’ you say, recovering enough to give him a quelling look.
‘You seem to like it though, you’re always staring at my arms,’ Namjoon says.
He ignores your half-hearted attempts at defending yourself.
‘It’s fine, I know what I look like,’ he says.
You punch him in the shoulder and he laughs like he’s amused. He doesn’t even flinch.
‘No one likes a cocky nerd,’ you mutter.
The lights dim and CT images start flashing up on the screen.
Namjoon frowns as the person in front of you shuffles back a little, nearly bumping you.
He moves a bit closer to you, like he’s trying to shield you with his own body.
You barely take anything in during the meeting, you can’t when he’s this close to you.
He’s distracting, the smell of him, the warmth emanating from his skin, the size of him. His goddamn shoulders.
Namjoon glances over at you, the screen reflected in the lenses of his glasses.
‘You ok?’
‘Fine,’ you whisper back.
He leans down, lips so close they almost brush your ear, and asks again, ‘you ok?’
You nod quickly.
You spend the rest of the meeting hoping your face will cool down before the lights come back on.
***
Namjoon gets up from his desk. ‘I’m gonna head out. See you tomorrow.’
‘See you tomorrow.’
You’re packing up your own things when he comes back.
‘Left my phone,’ he tells you.
You take in his soft looking black turtleneck, the crocodile belt, the smart trousers.
‘Hot date?’ you ask, casual.
‘My sister set me up with someone she works with. We’re on a double date with her and her husband,’ he tells you.
‘You look great,’ you tell him. ‘Don’t forget to flex.’
‘Thighs or chest?’ he asks, quirking his lips at you.
‘You’re not a goddamn chicken meal,’ you say, laughing.
He’s still waiting, the asshole, so you say, ‘thighs obviously.’
‘Like this?’ he asks, innocent, perching on the desk, flexing in a way that makes you want to ride his thigh immediately.
‘Yeah, you tease.’
‘Just checking,’ he laughs. He grins at you and you resist the urge to poke your finger in his dimples.
‘Have fun,’ you say.
You shoulder your backpack and head home.
You’re getting ready for bed when your phone lights up.
Jimin: Hey, I’m out for drinks near the hospital. Are you up?
Y/n: I’m up.
Jimin: I’ve been told I look good in this shirt. Wanna see?
Y/n: Love to.
You text him your address and wait by the door.
He doesn’t keep you waiting long, appearing on your doorstep with a smirk on his face and his shirt already more than half unbuttoned.
He looks even better than he said.
You greet him with a kiss.
***
Namjoon’s sprawled on your couch, so big you wonder if you should have got a bigger one.
He’s on his laptop, scrolling through the articles you sent him as you work on your literature review together.
‘If we publish, who gets first author?’ you ask.
He lifts a brow. ‘Arm wrestle you for it?’
‘Sure,’ you say, elbow down on your coffee table.
Namjoon gives you a doubtful look as he lines up with you. He clasps your hand, and his biceps jump.
Fuck it.
You reach out, grab a fold of his t-shirt and tug.
He comes willingly, stops an inch or so away.
Your faces are so close you can feel his breath on your cheek.
‘Namjoon,’ you breathe.
His eyes flutter closed at your voice.
‘Mmh?’ he asks.
He’s a big man, but his voice is controlled, quiet.
‘What are we doing?’ he asks.
‘You have a lot of questions,’ you say.
Your hand trails a path from his shoulder, down the front of him. His stomach muscles jerk as you tuck three fingers into the waistband of his sweats.
‘Can I suck your dick?’
‘Fuck,’ he utters.
His eyes are open now. Stupidly, your arms are still braced against each other.
You push, and he lets you flatten the back of his hand on the coffee table.
‘I’m first author,’ you say. ‘Come on, let’s fuck.’
Namjoon lets you take him to bed.
***
Namjoon likes kissing, you find out. He likes it when you kiss along his face, dimple to jaw, down his neck, trailing a path to his collarbones.
‘Off,’ you murmur, tugging at his t-shirt.
He pulls it off so quickly he almost hits you in the face with an elbow.
You take a moment to admire his chest, the pecs outlined so well by his scrubs tops, dusky nipples, the silver chain hanging between his collarbones.
You slip off your top, and his gaze drops to your body with flattering speed. He gives you as thorough an inspection as you did to him.
He reaches out, tucks a finger under the tiny bow separating your breasts, tugs a little.
‘I’ve thought about this,’ he tells you.
You pause in the middle of sliding down his body. You bury your face in his groin, and his hips jump. The hardness of him thrills you.
‘Yeah?’ you ask, fingers all tucked into his waistband.
He lifts his hips, and you slide everything off.
His cock lays against the warm skin of his stomach.
You wrap your fingers around him, and he wraps his hand around yours, grip firm. He pumps himself a few times, even though he looks and feels plenty hard already.
Your pussy’s tightening just at the sight of him, your underwear sticking between your legs.
‘Let me,’ you say. His grip loosens, and you smirk at him as you lower your head.
You gather your hair in a pony so he can see you worshipping his cock.
Namjoon’s hand splays in your hair, holding it back so you can free your hand.
He’s warm, full, filling your mouth so beautifully you could cry. You lick up the underside of him, and he jerks, hand tightening in your hair.
‘Fuck,’ he utters. ‘I don’t want you to stop.’
You take more of him in with every dip, until your nose hits his groin.
The stretch of him is unbelievable, and you want more.
Namjoon’s fisting the sheets now, face contorted with pleasure.
‘I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop, love,’ he tells you.
You swallow around his cock, tongue working, and he grunts, loud. ‘Gonna –’
You don’t know why he’s still trying to warn you, like you haven’t made it clear enough you want him to.
You swallow again, and he grabs your shoulder, groaning. He’s so deep you can’t feel him but you swallow him down anyway, flicking your tongue on him, gently until he loosens his grip on you and you feel his cock softening in your mouth.
He moans again as you pull off his cock. He’s beautiful like this, flushed, sweaty, wrecked.
He pulls you up to him, engulfs you in his arms. ‘I’m gonna reciprocate, just give me a sec,’ he tells you, voice hoarse.
‘Reciprocate? God damn, I was trying to make you cum your brains out,’ you say.
He laughs, sounding more like himself. ‘What do you like, baby? I’d love to eat you out.’
‘I’m good, I’m fine,’ you tell him.
He’s sitting up then, face creased. ‘No, shit, let me –’
‘Hey, you can get me next time,’ you say.
You have no idea why, you’re still so wet and you’ve seen what he can do with his hands.
Namjoon’s pulling his sweats back up, sitting up to pull you into his lap. ‘You’ve just given me the best orgasm I’ve had all year,’ he tells you, ‘and I haven’t even had a chance to touch you.’
‘I like blowing you, I’ll do it anytime,’ you tell him.
His hand splays on your back. ‘I can go slow, baby, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.’
‘You’re gonna need to go slow, the size of you,’ you tease.
He laughs, hand brushing over his cock. ‘I’ll make sure you’re ready to take me, don’t worry.’
‘Come on, we should get back to work,’ you say. ‘I’ll make us tea.’
***
You’re ensconsed in Namjoon’s lap, and he’s kissing the back of your neck, light, teasing.
He’s worked out that you love the sound of his voice when it’s husky and low, and he’s been using it to his advantage.
Your breath hitches as he reaches under your loose tee to palm your breasts, tweaking your nipples.
You wriggle your hips in his lap, against the erection you’re pretty sure he’s been sporting for a while.
‘Is cockwarming a thing?’ you wonder out loud.
Namjoon chuckles in your ear, making you shiver. ‘I’m up for it if you are.’
He groans at the sight of your ass, bared for him.
‘I wish you could see this,’ he tells you.
You turn your head to watch as you lower yourself onto his cock.
Namjoon hisses as your ass lands on him, his hand coming up to fix your hip against him.
‘I think you need to stay still,’ he tells you.
‘Yeah? I don’t like being told what to do,’ you retort.
He pushes up, dick nudging up into you, snug.
‘Joon,’ you say, trying but failing to sound mad. ‘You said we had to be still.’
His cock jerks inside you.
‘Damn, it’s pretty hot when you’re mad at me.’
‘Is that why you’re so annoying the whole time?’ you ask.
Namjoon curls his arms around you.
You’re getting wetter even though he isn’t moving, you can feel it.
A soft sound very like a whine escapes your lips.
Namjoon hums. ‘That was pretty, do it again.’
The presence of his dick in you, hard and throbbing, is maddening in the best way.
‘Shit,’ you say, low. ‘I want to come, Namjoon.’
‘Yeah?’ he asks, lips moving against the back of your neck.
His hand is up under your t-shirt again, cupping your breast, fingers plucking at your nipple.
He bites at the neck of your t-shirt, and you lift your arms up so he can pull it off you.
His cock’s still lodged inside you, he’s still so hard.
Your cunt flutters around him as you shift your hips.
You both groan at the change in position.
‘Joon,’ you plead.
‘Look at your tits,’ he says.
You look down at yourself.
He’s been steadily squeezing your breasts, making your nipples puffy and full and so tender you almost can’t bear it.
As you watch, his hand delves down between your legs.
He moans your name into your ear as he pets your clit.
He’s wearing rings today, the silver ring on his middle finger gleams in the dim light.
Seokjin used to wear a ring like that, you think to yourself.
The thought jars you out of the pleasured haze you were in.
Namjoon’s still whispering filth to you, but you can help feeling this is wrong in a way that it wasn’t with Jimin.
Because Jimin is a great guy, but he means nothing to you.
Whereas Namjoon —-
You’re worried that Namjoon could mean everything to you.
Namjoon, perceptive as ever, says, very gently, ‘are you ok?’
He sounds totally calm, you’d never know about his raging boner if he wasn’t inside you.
‘Yeah,’ you say, trying to salvage things, ‘I’m fine.’
‘I said we could go as slow as you want,’ Namjoon says.
He lifts you off his cock.
‘We can finish,’ you say, ‘I was enjoying it.’
Namjoon presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth.
You put your hand on his cock, and he covers it with his own.
‘Stop,’ he says, and there’s sadness in his eyes now. ‘I’ll still be here when you’re ready.’
There’s not a lot for you to say after that.
***
‘Hey,’ says Dr Lam, poking her head into the office. ‘Congratulations on the new job, Professor Han’s an old friend of mine, she called to let me know.’
Namjoon shoots you a look. ‘Thank you, I’m excited,’ he says, politely.
‘What job?’ you ask.
‘I’ve accepted an attending post at Mercy,’ Namjoon says. ‘I’ll be running their cardiac service.’
The news hits you like a blow. You work hard to not let it show on your face.
‘Wow,’ you say, hoping your smile is as bright as the effort you’re putting into it. ‘Congratulations, that’s incredible!’
Namjoon’s expression is a mix of emotions that you can’t read.
Dr Lam says, ‘actually, Namjoon, do you have a minute now? I wanted to discuss the case last week with you.’
As soon as Namjoon leaves you get up. You can’t stay sitting, you need to move so that the outside of you matches up with how jumbled up you feel on the inside.
Why hadn’t Namjoon told you he was applying for other jobs?
Did he think you wouldn’t encourage him because of what happened with Seokjin?
Like you’d ever be so much of an asshole you’d ask someone not to take an amazing job opportunity just so they could keep fucking you.
You would never.
Is that the kind of person Namjoon thought you were?
A gust of wind chills you, and you realise you’ve paced out of the main hospital entrance.
You should go back inside, get your things.
You go home instead.
You hurry through the slippery icy street, head down, arms crossed.
By the time you’re in your front door you’re shivering.
You look at the piles of stacked boxes, the reflection of your emotional stiltedness, and wonder if Seokjin’s coping better than you.
You hope he is, and with a start, realise that you’ve just thought of Seokjin, and the sadness hasn’t crippled you or your fissured heart.
You miss him, of course you do, but for the first time you think you can see your way through the gloom.
You grab the Swiss army knife from your kitchen and cut open the first box.
It’s time to move on.
***
‘I’d do the opposite, actually,’ you say, loud and clear, in the team meeting.
You ignore the way Namjoon’s staring at you.
‘I think Namjoon’s plan would be fine if we weren’t a specialist centre. However, we’ve got the resources to run the test, therefore we should plan a semi-elective procedure instead of waiting.’
You flick your gaze to Namjoon, watching as his jaw tightens, cheeks hollowing.
You haven’t spoken to him since you found out about his job, but even worse, he hasn’t tried to speak to you.
Like there’s no reason for you to feel affronted.
Like he hadn’t promised you he’d be there when you were ready.
Asshole.
Back in the office, Namjoon taps a series of keys into his computer in an increasingly frustrated manner.
‘Fuck! Why can’t I log in?’
You look up, bored. ‘Oh, did IT reset all your passwords?’ you ask, feigning innocence.
Min Yoongi, to your delight, was a man who understood revenge, but also, more importantly, a man who was easily bought. You considered the coffee and croissant from this morning money well spent.
Namjoon glowers at you.
‘Do we need to talk about something?’ he asks.
You study your nails. ‘Do we?’
‘That’s it,’ Namjoon snaps.
Namjoon grabs your arm, hard enough to hurt, and hauls you into the equipment room.
He crowds you into the door he’s just slammed, hard chest pressing into you.
‘What the —‘
Your furious protest is cut off by his lips on yours. He kisses you hard, demanding, totally unlike how he was in your apartment.
He spreads his legs so he can lower himself enough to grind into you.
‘See the thing is,’ he says, voice soft and dangerous, ‘you’re a fucking brat.’
Your eyes flash at him, and he laughs, humourlessly.
‘You’re not just a brat though,’ he says, fingers working deftly to unbutton your blouse. He gets halfway down and slips his hand under to palm your breast.
Your moan slips out before you can hold it back.
‘You’re a smart brat,’ he informs you, thumb working your nipple. He tugs the cup of your bra edown, and for a moment he stares at your exposed breast.
‘A body like this is wasted on a brat like you,’ he tells you. He pinches your nipple, and a mewl escapes you.
‘Why do you look like this?’ he asks you, shaking his head like he’s genuinely stupefied.
He leans down to lick your nipple, tongue laving, hand coming up to caress your other breast.
You’re breathing hard now, bucking against him.
‘Still,’ he commands.
You move again, and he hoicks your skirt up.
‘Stay still or I’ll slap you.’
You stare at him, shocked.
He realises you’ve stilled completely and pulls off your breast.
‘Never in the face, baby,’ he says, voice gentle.
He unfastens your skirt and lets it fall to the floor.
You’re still trying to process when he kneels at your feet, lifts your leg over his shoulder and buries his face in your cunt.
Your hands flutter to keep your balance, and he reaches up to grab you.
‘Put them on my shoulders, baby. Or in my hair, if you want.’
He flashes a dimple at you, then kisses your cunt like he kissed your mouth.
Hard, demanding and so fucking sloppy you don’t know if the wetness between your legs is from you or him.
He flattens his tongue and delves into your folds, nose nudging your clit.
You grab his hair, and he groans into you.
You cry out breathlessly as he presses his lips to your clit and sucks.
‘You feel so good, I’m so fucking hard,’ he tells you.
You look down between his legs as he palms his cock over his trousers. The outline of his hardness sends a spike of arousal through you.
Your clit throbs as he licks you, one big hand on your ass pushing your core into his face.
He unbuckles his belt, tugs his trousers down one handed.
The wet spot on his grey boxer briefs makes you clench. His tongue and lips, his whole face is buried in your cunt.
He pulls back a little, lips and cheeks gleaming with your slick.
‘Cum on my face,’ he says, fisting himself, ‘and you get this cock.’
You moan.
‘You want it?’ he taunts. ‘Brats like you never ask nicely do you? You just push and push and push until you get shoved in a closet and taught a lesson.’
‘Joon,’ you plead.
He ignores you and goes back to licking you out.
‘C’mon ride my face. I’m a big guy, I can take it.’
Your fingers tighten in his hair as you grind into his face, pussy pulsing, clit throbbing.
‘Joon,’ you cry.
He squeezes your ass, hard, helping you ride him.
You press a hand to your mouth to muffle your cry of pleasure as you cum.
‘Fuck, fuck, that’s my girl,’ Namjoon says.
He turns you around, cock nudging against your folds.
You moan senselessly as he pushes in.
‘Never fucking tell me you can’t cum for me, my love,’ he tells you.
He slaps your ass so hard you squeal.
‘Not when I can get you crying on my cock like this.’
His first thrust pushes you against the door.
He turns your head to kiss you as he fucks you. He angles your hips so he can hit the spot that has you gasping with every thrust.
‘Joon,’ you sob.
‘I’ve got you,’ he promises.
He wraps an arm around your chest, the other reaching down between your legs to thumb at your clit.
‘Fuck. I’m gonna fill you up,’ he tells you, breath warm against your ear.
‘Do it,’ you moan.
Your whole body tightens, thighs quivering.
God, he feels so good, so good.
He strokes your clit hard, pressing, and he swallows your scream as you cum again, hard.
You’re vaguely aware of his deep groan, the hot cum he’s spilling into your cunt, but it’s his hold on you that keeps you anchored.
His arms are curled around you so tightly you can barely breathe.
‘I’m sorry,’ he says, muffled. He nudges your chin with his nose, tilting your face up.
You use the pretense of getting your breath back to wait.
The silence between you stretches.
‘I should have told you I was applying for other jobs.’
‘Why didn’t you?’ you ask, quiet.
‘I didn’t want to change things between us,’ he says.
‘I’m happy for you,’ you tell him.
It’s the truth.
Namjoon says, arms still tight around you, ‘Mercy’s two hours on the train away.’
You’re not sure what he wants you to say.
You get re-dressed in silence.
***
You walk into the office and stare blindly at the empty desk opposite yours.
You haven’t spoken to Namjoon since the storage room, but you hadn’t known he’d be leaving this soon.
You pull out your phone to call him.
He answers on the first ring.
‘Where are you?’ you ask.
‘I’m outside your apartment,’ he says.
‘I’m on my way.’
You run most of the way home, stumbling into the hallway leading to your apartment, cold, breathless.
At first you don’t see him.
Then he pushes off your door that he’s been leaning on, and the expression on his face would make you cry if you weren’t already tearing up.
‘I came to drop off a letter,’ he says. His throat works as he presses a hand to your cheek, thumbing away the tears.
‘Just tell me instead,’ you say.
‘I meant what I said. I’ll be here when you’re ready.’
‘I’m ready now,’ you tell him.
‘I’m here.’
His lips meet yours, sweet, like a promise.
Later, much later, he’s on your couch because you never made it to the bed, looking around your living room, not a box in sight.
‘I like what you’ve done to the place,’ he says.
You look up, still hazy from your orgasm. ‘I thought I should move on,’ you say, shrugging.
There are so many things Namjoon wants to say, but you’re kissing him again, and he decides it can wait.
He’s got all the time in the world for you.
©hamsterclaw 2022
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