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fly-pow-bye · 6 years

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Bud Bowls I-VI (and VIII-IX, I guess)

A Fly! Pow! Bye! Superb Owl Special!

For those outside of the US, the Super Bowl is the final game of the National Football League's season, as the champions of the AFC division takens on the champions of the NFC division. Not "kick a ball with your foot" football, but American Football. I'm not the best person to describe that.

The NFL is the only real game in town when it comes to American football outside of College Football, and some people might be feeling down about that. Maybe they’re tired of the same team winning year after year. Maybe you’re angry at players for having the freedom to protest, even though they punished that one guy. Maybe it’s time for a different league, one with excitement, action, and maybe even a million dollars.

Oh no, not the XFL. That'd be silly. Besides, I already have the title up there.

Being one of the most highly viewed telecasts of the year, everyone wants to advertise during it. No stranger to the Super Bowl is Budweiser, and in 1989, one man had an idea: a football game to be played during the football game. A football game...with bottles. It's better than it sounds, honest.

Some of these Bud Bowls coincided with a challenge. Write down the quarter-by-quarter results of the game, and you get entered in a drawing for one million dollars. There's a variation or two, but that's the general gist. This started with IV, though a $100,000 challenge happened with the first one as well. Not sure about II or 3. Yeah, they weren't very consistent with the roman numerals.

It all started in 1989, in the commercial breaks for Super Bowl XXIII, the battle lines have been drawn between the unbeaten Budweiser and the undefeated Bud Light. Coors never seemed to have a chance, it seems. It's...

Bud Bowl I

They never really get into why this is subtitled "this time, it's for real". Budweiser and Bud Light tend to have seperate commercials, but that's normal even for non-alcoholic drinks. Maybe it's a football, and I'll be honest: I'm not that into football. I'm also not that into drinking, either. Maybe I'm not the target audience for this.

This is the Bud Bowl we have the most insight into, as the copywriter was interviewed for Deadspin about it. It's a good read, though you could guess how this came to be.

If you've just been skimming, this is going to be an American football game where everyone in this universe is a Budweiser product. There's even cans in the audience, get it? They play that joke a lot during this series, at least early on, and not just because they got tired of it. The announcers are also bottles, voiced by real life sportscasters Bob Costas and Paul MacGuire.

Well, not everyone are cans or bottles, as dog mascot Spuds MacKenzie and his fangirls makes their sole appearance in the Bud Bowl series watching by what appears to be a television or window after a flea-flicker touchdown by Bud Light.

I'm not going to do a whole play-by-play, because not all of the plays are shown, and this article is already monsterously long to begin with, so I'll give at least a few highlights.

It’s fourth down, Budweiser in field goal range. The announcers expect them to bring out the field goal unit, as is normal in people football, but Bud’s team have an ace in the hole. Budweiser brings in a legendary monster that isn’t called Bud but certainly is one: the Freezer. I’m sure he’s a reference to a real life NFL player, but the name escapes me.

As he’s far bigger than anyone on Bud Light’s defense, he easily goes through with a touchdown. He then disappears for the rest of the game. Maybe Budweiser wanted to play fair.

There are a few other jokes than just every player being named Bud and a few beer-related puns. We also get the writing on the screen gag. I know there's a term for that, I don't even care to look it up.

It all ends with a field goal by a little Budweiser bottle named Budski, the ball bouncing off of the crossbar. I don't know if that would be legal, but it is legal in this league. Budweiser wins!

Here's the final score. They only show one score per quarter, so you really had to pay attention to get that tenth of a million.

Bud Light: Wait til next year!

Clearly, right from the beginning, they were seeing that this was going to be a series. This was not the original ending. One of them, and one the creators loved, had the game suddenly cut off to Heidi, a reference to the infamous “Heidi game”. The only reason why it didn’t happen was because NBC aired that Heidi game, and they didn’t want to be reminded of that. The other one was kind of used in another Bud Bowl, so I won't mention it.

What I can say is that if either ending happened, this would have been a one off. Clearly, during development, they knew they had a hit on their hands. One of their few worries was that if the Super Bowl was a total blowout, people would have lost their interest and forget to watch the rest of it. Thankfully, that didn't turn out to be the case, especially for the next one. I have a feeling the allure of $100,000 helped, too.

Bud Bowl II

We get a sequel just a year later. Despite the last game proving otherwise, the commentators are glad to let you know that Bud Light is still "undefeated". I guess they're talking about the season, and when you’re the only players in the league, it’s pretty much a given.

Right at the beginning, there are reports. Not a lot comes of this, actually, but it does make the thought of drinking those ice cold beers more enticing.

We get some more characters. The last one only had the Freezer and a little Budweiser that ended up winning it in the end. On the Budweiser team, we have Billy Bud and Bobby Bud. They're twins, I guess.

Speaking of characters, the Appliance of Defiance is back for game 2, and one of the big questions is what Bud Light could do against him. The kitchen sink?

No, really, that’s one of their names. Despite Bud Light’s efforts, Bobby Bud ends up getting the ball, and jumps right over Light’s new defense and scores a touchdown. Much like the Freezer, these guys disappear too…this time for the entire series.

A snowstorm eventually hits the arena, certainly in an attempt for all those people watching to crave that cold, cold Bud. Especially all of those people that love stop-motion animation, some of which may make people notice one of the major problems with these ads.

It all ends on a fumble for the ages. It’s just like the end of Rocky II, except it’s football. And everyone’s a bottle or a can. I don't think I saw any humans in this one, unlike last time and every other time. It ends with someone catching it in the endzone...and it wasn't Bud Light.

The Freezer: Let me tell you, nothing beats a Bud!

Well, they certainly can’t; Budweiser have become the Patriots of beer football. Apparently, this is the first time that slogan appeared in a commercial. Yes, thank a giant beer bottle whenever you think about that one. I don't know how many people think about old beer slogans, but I'm sure someone did.

Bud Bowl 3

This time, a bottle of Bud Dry gets drafted by the Bud Light team. How did we know this? From one of the first humans to show up in a Bud Bowl that didn't revolve around a dog.

This Bud Bowl has Bud Bowl Updates, hosted by SportsCenter anchor Chris Berman. It’s a neat effect, as it gives this effect that somewhere, this game might actually be happening. Of course, it isn’t; I can’t imagine how expensive it would be even with today’s CG to animate a full Bud Bowl. We can only wonder.

Chris Berman isn't the only human around, as we have to say goodbye to those beer bottle announcers.

Instead, we get sportscasters acting as themselves. This Bud Bowl, it’s Don Meredith and Keith Jackson. This is going to start a trend in Bud Bowls, and it will be seen as soon as V rolls in. The game starts with a strong opener by Bud Light…literally, as they use a beer opener to their advantage.

One highlight of the actual game involves the aforementioned new helmet-cam, where we get to see a play from Billy Bud and Bobby Bud’s point of view. We get to see Bobby Bud staring at the cheerleaders before his big play that cheers up all of the people in his hometown of Texas. Charming.

It's the kickoff, and Bud kicks the ball so far, it goes out of the stadium, past a Sea World blimp. This series’ commercials were certainly not cheap, and not just because of how much it costs to even get the airtime. Even the advertising has to get advertising in its advertising!

Throughout the entire game, the commentators are way biased against Bud Light, though I can’t exactly blame them. Bud Light has their own ace in the hole with the new Bud Dry. In his big play, he passes it to Bud, who then passes it to Bud, and then he passes it to...Ralph? Even the commentators are confused by that one.

But, uh oh, the Budweiser marching band is in the middle of the field! Shenanigans! Ralph manages to wade through the band, and in a shocking twist…

…Bud Light manages to score a touchdown, giving Budweiser their first loss by only two points. Finally, the streak has been broken by the clear underdogs! It's almost like scripted sports can be entertaining!

No, really, this is the best one yet. Clearly, things are looking up for the Bud Bowl. Clearly, the next game has to up the odds even further. More huge bottles? More different kinds of Bud? Frogs? Well...

Bud Bowl IV

By the way, sorry for the poor quality of the screenshots and the “game”. None of these were released on DVD, much to the sadness of all the Budweiser super fans who want to celebrate their Bud Bowl Champions.

Chris Berman returns, but as commentator, as the Bud Bowl Updates are sadly exclusive to III. Not only does he talk about what a great game this will be, but also talking about the million dollars somebody could win! We zoom out to an audience at a party specifically put up to watch this commercial, still somewhat realistic at the time, and that should be the first hint that this is going to be the Halloween III of Bud Bowls.

Sadly, there's no catchy jingle here.

One person in the audience is wondering where his Bud Bowl ticket is, only for his wife to tell him that she threw it out because that piece of paper that says he could win a million dollars by watching that show he put up this entire party for isn’t that important! See, we’re not going to watch the Bud Bowl. We’re watching this guy dig around in the garbage instead.

Most of the focus is slapstick that goes along with football commentary. He hides in a trash can that gets hit by a truck, paralleling the big kickoff as said trash can flies into the air. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what happens. I don't even need to keep talking. This is an animation blog; I really don’t need to do a play-by-play of some live-action guy.

They didn't just skimp on the commercial: you actually have to have a sticker that has the winning score on it to even get a chance to enter for that million dollars. Makes sense, since there’s only two numbers this time. After all of that time chasing after that ticket, he peels his sticker. However, he still feels accomplished that at least he knew that his ticket was a loser, rather than spending the rest of his life wondering if that ticket that got thrown away was the big winner the whole time.

Nah, I’m just kidding, of course his ticket ends up being the winner…which then gets stolen by his dog. Wah, wah, waaah!

Here’s the score, by the way. If you still happen to have those tickets...they’re well expired at this point. At least we got another stop motion commercial from Budweiser that Super Bowl that was not as bad as this, even featuring the same slogan that ended Bud Bowl II! The Freezer would be proud.

People were voicing their anger at this Bud Bowl, as they would never do a stunt like this with the Bud Bowl again. Well, at least for the next actual Bud Bowls, anyway. Thanks to this one, I can’t say it’s all downhill from here, but there's still some bad news.

Bud Bowl V

The good news is that there's no dumbfounded guy looking for his ticket in this game. The bad news is for anyone who appreciates these for the stop motion, as we'll soon see. But first, more humans!

Yes, the human involvement has increased a hundred-fold. Not only are the commentators real people, not only is there this girl that is hyping this up way too much, but the fans are now humans, too.

One question that might come to mind: are these really tiny humans, or are the bottles gigantic? Try not to expect consistency.

In this Bud Bowl, each team has their own coaches. Corbin Bernsen, known for being Roger Dorn from the Major League films, plays the nameless coach for Bud Light. The Budweiser team? They haven't even reached the stadium!

With no sign of Budweiser anywhere, the announcers wonder where they are. This wonder is stopped when a giant blimp comes down, the Budweiser bottles, and their coach.

…Joe Namath. I’ll be honest: my knowledge of football is completely dry. Pun totally intended. One thing I can get though, is that they sure are playing up how this is the “real game”, as that’s what Namath calls it.

Budweiser gets a real football player, and Bud Light gets an actor more famous for playing an athlete. I wouldn’t take my chances on the Bud Light team this year.

At least the players are still bottles, but not bottles anyone can actually touch or feel. Now, they're CGI bottles. None of the old gimmick bottles appear, not even the Freezer, but there is a bottle with neon lights named Bud Neon Light. That’s about as much as they go with, with one major exception.

Once again, we zoom out to people, but thankfully, this isn’t going to turn into another live-action skit show like IV was. Pun kind of intended. This time, it’s a truck driver and his assistant watching the game, trying to find the stadium. It’s a Bud Light truck, by the way, so there’s a hint where this is going, though I wouldn’t imagine anyone could guess.

For all the non-Americans reading this, first, hi, all four of you, and second, it was a thing to watch the Super Bowl just to see all of the big-payer’s commercials. This was before everyone decided to just upload the commercials on YouTube about 5 days early. Budweiser probably noticed this, because throughout the entire game, they keep praising themselves.

Karen Duffy: Whoa, this game is SLAMMIN’! (punches at the camera)

I'm not even reviewing a PPG 2016 episode; I was thinking I was going to avoid the fistbump jokes. Also, slammin’? Is this basketball? Really, it’s not even that slamming; for the first time in Bud Bowl history, it’s a blowout going into the final quarter. Even with Bud Neon Light, it’s Budweiser 35 to Bud Light 7.

Considering this is essentially a scripted football match, this must be only buildup. What is the nameless coach going to do about it?

He pulls out a can, opening it up to reveal a radar. You’d think the other bottles would be freaked out, seeing what is essentially someone getting their skin peeled off to reveal they’re actually a robot. Maybe that’s why they replaced the cans with people.

That truck from earlier? Turns out, it’s a Transformer named the Illuminator! The drivers even eventually notice, but all they really say is that they knew that robot looked familiar. Much like the Freezer, he would dominate the game, turning around the game for Bud Light.

Is all hope lost for Budweiser? Is Joe Namath going to be owned by that guy from that film I actually never seen?

Unfortunately for Bud Light, this is all interrupted when that Budweiser blimp from before cranes the Illuminator away from the game. With that whole marching band strategy from the last real game, I can’t help but feel this was an intentional strategy to steal the game.

This time, they were successful with these shenanigans, as Budweiser manages to touchdown. They do not have to suffer endless jokes about how they blew a 28 point lead, and it’s all thanks to...

Old Lady: Let Bud Light win the big game?

Old Lady: I DON’T THINK SO!

Yeah, thanks for that. I have no idea if this old lady was a reference to an earlier non-Bud Bowl commercial, and I feel like my lack of knowledge of that improved my quality of life exponentially.

Bud Bowl VI

Yeah, yeah, bottles playing football. Even watching these one by one. I can feel that people would want to see something else at this point.

Once again, we get real people. This time, both people are real life coaches. Mike Ditka coaches Budweiser, while Bum Phillips coaches Bud Light. I would say more, but the best I know is it's slightly more fun to say Mike Ditka's name.

It's clear they ran out of ideas once they got to six; they barely had enough ideas for one. We see a few repeated gags from the previous games with slight variations. The kickoff gag from III is repeated, this time with the ball bouncing off of a non-SeaWorld blimp. This is certainly a sign; even the sponsors for this sponsors aren't taking it anymore.

They also do the same ripped off the label gag from II. This time, they’re not even remotely subtle with it, as we now have to imagine bottles with bits they would have to censor. Thanks for that.

Since the fans/cans joke was removed in the post-stop-motion era, they find another way to feature one: have a giant one be a player in the game. Essentially, this guy is the Freezer, who, despite appearing in the original trilogy, is pretty much absent in the CGI-era games.

Much like the Freezer, he only appears in the actual game for one play, though we get to see why. After annihilating the Bud Light defense, he celebrates so hard, even nearly breaking a few of his fellow teammates, that he gets taken out of the game due to illegal celebration. The can doesn’t take it too well, leading to a tirade that has to be censored. The drama that comes from this is a general theme throughout, and is the highlight of this game.

Also a general theme and not also a highlight? People in a bar excitedly shouting that the Bud Bowl is back on as if that was the real game! They’re continuing the whole “everyone’s way more excited about the Bud Bowl, guys” thing from the last Bud Bowl. From what I’ve read, this was not the case in the real world. Maybe for the first three by virtue of being unique, airing during a blowout, and being actually pretty good by itself respectively, but definitely not by the sixth.

While this totally original and definitely not played out series of beer commercials can excite these fictional people, there's one thing that can get them all down: the bar is running out of beer! Oh no, not during the REAL game!

After a segment involving strong winds that leads to a slightly charming gag where a passer catches his own pass, a crane picks up the entire stadium and goes through the screen, Sadako style! We get another answer to that “how big are the bottles if the humans are just as big” question: there’s regular sized bottles and a really tiny Mike Ditka in there in this one!

Before Budweiser could make a touchdown, one of the patrons decides he not only needs a Budweiser, he needs a sentient one! He reaches into the stadium to grab one of the players before he could tackle Bud Light. This was the another scrapped ending for Bud Bowl I, where someone opens the refrigerator…William “The Fridge” Perry! I just got it.

Bud Light gets their second victory over Budweiser. Seeing a pattern. Bud, Bud, Bud Light, Bud, Bud, Bud Light. What could possibly be next? Not a lot of people cared…

Oh yeah...Bud Bowl VII and 8

…and neither did Budweiser’s ad people. Remember when I said the next real games didn’t do the wacky live-action stunts? That's because VII and 8 aren’t really true Bud Bowls. They’re each one ad long, and both of them were just gags. I didn’t even find 8, but I’ve heard that’s what happened with that one, too. It's not even worth talking about what happened during these commercials.

The contest still happened, so we have scores for each of them. Budweiser won both of them, by the way, so we can safely say that Budweiser got their #QuestForSix.

Maybe Budweiser was worried these ads were appealing too much to children. Or maybe one can only go so far with beer bottles playing football with beer puns before it becomes stale. Pun not that much intended. Once the Budweiser frogs spoke their single syllable of a brand, the bottles took off their caps and retired.

Last year, they decided to revive the Bud Bowl as a Snapchat game. I don’t have Snapchat, so I’m not sure how that works. It certainly would be a unique way to get past EA and their exclusive licensing with the NFL. In fact, this year would mark the 30th anniversary of Bud Bowl I. Maybe it’s time to dust off the bottles and return to the real game.

Then again, maybe not. Besides, I don’t even drink.

#alcohol #bud bowl #budweiser #super bowl #football #fpb misc

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