#for some reason no character stood out to me for this one lol
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“Ahh!” panting, you came all over. While he lapped up your juices, he looks up at you as if he really wants to tell you something. Eyes glazed over from your high, you nod. “C-can I be your boyfriend?…” he crawls closer to you with his hands on your hips. “I can’t.. I can’t take this anymore..” he pouts, brows furrowed as if he’s going to cry. “I need more..” tears filled up his eyes, hovering over you—he’s face to face with you now. “I want to be the only one.. I want you to only be mine!”
bokuto koutarou, oikawa tooru, miya atsumu, manjiro sano/mikey, takemichi hanagaki, kazutora hanemiya, jean kirstein, bertholdt hoover
#for some reason no character stood out to me for this one lol#i mean i can see maybe hinata but idk im uncomfy with reading smt with hin#so yeah#haikyu x reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyu smut#haikyuu smut#tokyo rev x reader#tokyo rev smut#aot x reader#aot smut#bokuto x reader#oikawa x reader#atsumu x reader#mikey x reader#takemichi x reader#kazutora x reader#jean x reader#bertholdt x reader#bokuto smut#oikawa smut#atsumu smut#mikey smut#kazutora smut#jean smut#haikyu angst#aot angst#haikyu x you#aot x you#haikyu x y/n
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How jjk men peel your oranges!
Choso, Toji, Sukuna, Nanami, Geto, Gojo nd Hiromi
tw: None! one link in hiromi's lol
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Choso Kamo
He would peel it for you without hesitation or question. Say you were watching a movie with him on the couch, seeing the main character munch on some delicious looking orange slices. Mouth watering by just looking at them.
All you had to mumble was a quiet, “God, I wish I had an orange right now.” to yourself as he tried to remember if there were any oranges in the kitchen before he stood up. Placing a napkin on the coffee table as he peeled it, trying his best to not make a mess. Plucking a slice from it and handing it to you, “Thank youu-” you hummed, earning a small ‘mhm’ from him.
Leaning your head on his shoulder before he continued to peel off the rest of it. When he finished peeling it, he'd try to pluck the little white bits off of it too. Just to make sure you had the best parts.
Not even asking if you wanted him to bring you one, or asking if you wanted him to peel it. He just did it for you. Choso, my beautiful, 'I show my love in acts of service' bf
Toji Zenin
Hesitatingly he would. Having lunch with him between his jobs, you were talking about something that had happened earlier that day.
Peeling the orange in your own hands, really just taking small pieces off one by one. His eyes kept flashing down to your hands, getting more and more irked by how poorly you were peeling it.
“And I told him-” you were interrupted, he took the sadly peeled orange from your hands with small grumbles.
“Just makin’ a mess-” he huffed, peeling it carefully in his calloused hands as you watched with furrowed eyebrows. He peeled it in the way to form a spiral, trying to avoid the places you had already peeled.
You tried to tell him it was fine- that you could do it. “The things I do for you.” he mumbled in a stern tone, almost cursing himself for what he was doing.
When the orange was bare, he parted the slices for you, placing them on the napkin you had laid out that did a poor job at containing the mess you were making. Taking one for himself to reward his efforts.
Sukuna
No. “You're more than capable of peeling it yourself. You're not special.”
Kento Nanami
Would peel it flawlessly, no white parts left on it. You were sitting on his living room couch trying to finish a proposal for your job, legs taking up most of the couch, rubbing your forehead in frustration.
Nanami saw how upset you looked, and thought of a way to make you feel even a little better. Standing in the kitchen as he peeled two oranges for you, humming a small tune as he gathered all the rinds before tossing them in the trash.
Placing the perfect film-like slices into a small bowl and pouring a glass of water before walking back to the couch.
“Here.” he hummed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. His heart clenched when you looked at him with tired eyes.
“Awe, thank you Kento-” you cooed, taking the bowl in your hands. Seeing him place the glass of water on the coffee table before lifting your legs from the couch, sitting down and placing them back on his lap.
One hand rubbing your shin lovingly as he picked up the book on the side table, prying it open before reading.
Suguru Geto
Would ask you if you wanted him to peel it for you. Eating lunch with him, “I brought you something-” he smiled, his tone warm. Hearing a curious hum come from you, “Remember you told me you hadn't had an orange in a while?” before presenting the fruit to you.
A small gasp left you, smiling before reaching to take it. “Thank you Sugu-” you started, seeing him pull his hand back.
“You don't want me to peel it for you?” he asked, tone serious as though that was the only reason he brought it to you.
“If you want to-” you started, seeing him scoff before taking the small knife on the table and starting to peel it slowly. “So fancy.” you commented, seeing him focus on not tearing the spiral forming from the rind.
“I hate getting the rind under my nails.” he mumbled, focusing on the small fruit in his hands.
“And that's why I haven't eaten one in so long.” you laughed. He tried his best to cut off only the rind- but a few pieces of the orange ended up being taken off. He split it in half before handing you the bigger slices.
Satoru Gojo
Would peel it in a way that made you regret even bringing up oranges. Walking around the school's campus, hearing him talk about how much potential his students had.
Seeing you fiddle with the small orange in your hands, “You gonna eat that or?” he smiled, pulling you out of your own thoughts. You furrowed your eyebrows looking at him, before you realized what he was talking about.
“Oh- I was waiting till I found a napkin. Don't wanna make a mess.” you hummed, his face lit up. Taking it from your hands and smiling/
“This is one of my best tricks-” he giggled, holding the orange between his palms.
“You should let other people tell you they're the best.” you joked, seeing him clap his palms together. Face falling when you realized he warped your orange.
You didn't speak to him till he presented you with a perfectly peeled one, “It doesn't even have the white stuff on it!” he defended, trying to convince you to forgive him.
Pouting as he watched you eat it. “I can’t even have one slice?” he whined, seeing you purposefully make the orange look like it was the most delicious thing you've ever eaten.
“You don't even deserve the rind.” You hummed, seeing him slump in his seat.
Hiromi Higuruma
Would peel it, but in an inconvenient way. Would be having breakfast with you, seeing an unsliced orange next to your plate. Taking it in his hands and looking at you with a stoic face.
“When I was a kid-” he started, peeling the orange tactfully. Watching his hands as you blinked at him. All ears, thinking this was going to be some kind of serious talk.
“I could never figure out how to peel an orange properly.” he scoffed, trying to hold in a hearty laugh. Seeing your eyebrows furrowed almost asking where this was going. “And one day, my father-” he smiled, looking at you with soft eyes.
“-taught me how to peel one, but he said I could only peel them this way for one person.” his fingers ripping the rind and placing the small bits on his plate. He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at the small peel in his hands.
“I didn't understand why-” placing the peeled orange on your plate, “Till he told me that the way into a person's heart- is through laughter.” he finished, looking at you with a strained expression trying not to let out a laugh.
There on your plate, a little orange man staring at you. You gave him a defeated laugh you tried to hold in. In the end he only made a mess, and made the orange warm from how much he molded it in his hands. But the gesture was sweet.
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I had so much fun writing this lol. sum short nd sweet. I keep seeing this topic all over twt so here's my two cents.
#jjk#choso my beloved#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#gojou satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jujutsu geto#geto x reader#nanami x reader#nanami kento#toji x reader#toji fushiguro#choso x reader#higuruma x reader#higuruma hiromi#jjk higuruma#jujutsu kaisen x reader#choso fluff#nanami fluff#gojo fluff#geto fluff#toji fluff#higuruma fluff#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x reader#jujutsu kaisen anime#jjk x you#jjk x gender neutral reader#jjk x chubby reader
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Sorry for my inconsistent posting schedule my darlings :(
Creepypasta/MH - The Moment They Knew They Loved You
Characters: Jeff the Killer, Nina the Killer, Jane the Killer, Tim/Masky, “Ticci” Toby
Jeff the Killer
It would’ve been a very long time after knowing you
Even if he was physically attracted to you, he wouldn’t consider that “love”
He usually judges people more on their character
That’s not so say he doesn’t enjoy calling people ugly if he thinks they’re ugly though
So you guys would’ve been vibing together for a while
He’d come away from each interaction with you just a little happier (or a lot happier), but he didn’t really notice it
That is, until he walks into a room one day and finds you relaxing, scrolling through your phone
He announces some unhinged plan, fully intending on carrying it out
You just look up at him for a second before (being used to his bs) just giving a thumbs-up and telling him to have fun
He blinked at you for a second, a grin coming to his lips slowly
He thinks to himself: you know, this is why I like them. They understand me.
And then he starts to think about all the reasons he likes you
He spends the rest of the night with your image in his head and a light feeling in his heart
It’s when he’s lying in bed, telling himself to stop thinking so he can sleep, that he finally realizes:
Oh. I’m in love, aren’t I?
He’s not mad about it; he’s more surprised than anything (at first at least… soon he’s ecstatic about it)
But he fully accepts his affection for you, and it won’t be long till he confesses ;)
Nina the Killer
She’s a pretty perky girl with a lot of emotions
Happiness, sadness, anger… she’s unapologetic in expressing everything, to the point that many call her “extra” or “weird”
It’s only for those people that she acts more reserved, and it’s more in an act of resentment than resignation (basically her saying “eff you loser, you don’t deserve me”)
So she only really likes people that she doesn’t have to act differently around
And of course you’re one of those people :)
She finds little things to like and hate about everyone in her life, and you’re no exception
So one night she just happens to be looking at a picture of you, and she gets to thinking
She smiles as she remembers good times with you: going to the mall, getting messy with baking or butchering, late night texting…
At length she decides that there’s a whole lot more to love than hate
And then she gets to thinking about your looks, and maybe she’s biased because she’s just decided that you’re delightful, but she feels a little heat come to her cheeks
She zooms in on the picture she’s looking at, admiring your features one at a time
She’s baffled that she hasn’t noticed how good-looking you are until now
And then the memories play again in her head, but this time her heart soars extra high…
She’s in love with you!!
She smacks a hand over her mouth when she realizes it, then breaks into a fit of giggles
Get ready for not-so-subtle hints and extra affection….
She’ll want you to figure it out before she actually confesses lol
Jane the Killer
I feel like she would’ve decided that she loved you pretty early on
Maybe even before interacting with you for the first time
She watched you (perhaps not entirely intentionally at first), and was at once enchanted by your looks and the way you carried yourself
You were like a magical creature of beauty to her
She didn’t dare disturb you in the beginning; she was content just watching
She was sure that her infatuation was purely aesthetic; you were just pretty, that was all there was to it
Except IT WASNT
One day she happened to actually interact with you
She was a little nervous, what with you being held so high in her head
But you absolutely floored her
The way you spoke, the way you saw her as a person…
You hooked her like a bass in a pond
She stood there breathless after your first interaction, watching you walk away with a racing heart
It was then that she knew this was much more than physical attraction
She HAD to have you, or at least try to
And trust me, she will try her hardest 😤
She’ll court you for a while first, just to see if you’re even interested
But if/when you are, she won’t be taking her time in confessing ;D
Tim/Masky
Methinks you’d have been friends for a while first
You went through a lot of things together: good times, bad times, silence, chaos…
And maybe you weren’t besties or anything, or super enthusiastic about each other (actually you’re probably a little cold to each other if anything, even if you do feel strongly attached)
But the point is that you have a history, and you know each other well
Plus there’s an unspoken bond that says you’ll have to tolerate each other for a long time (unspoken obligatory friendship moment)
Not that either of you minded
So one day you’re enjoying some silence together, relaxing out on a balcony and waiting for the dark clouds to pour rain
Your eyes are fixed on the sky, leaving your face in full view of the world
And, more importantly, Tim
He’s not sure why, but his gaze catches on your face
He starts admiring the little features: your eyes, the curve of your nose, the way your eyebrows are shaped…
He doesn’t decide that you’re beautiful. He decides that this is the face of someone he loves
It hits him like a truck—just a random thought out of nowhere:
This is the face of someone I love.
And while he’s taken aback at first, with a reddening face he realizes it’s true
He does love you!! All that you’ve been through together really meant something to him
He looks away bashfully, grumbling something when you ask if something’s up
Get ready for the long game…. This man will never confess
He’ll curse himself for even insinuating any feelings for you, so you’ll be left in the dark unless you’re REALLY good at picking up accidental gestures
“Ticci” Toby
He’d be so oblivious to his own feelings
He’d act super affectionate towards you, but only because he acts on impulse
He never stops to wonder why he gets the impulse to hug you or pinch you or say something not-so-mean (even NICE?! 🤯) when he’s around you
He doesn’t even notice that he only gets those impulses for you
So you’ll probably figure it out before him
And it’s only when you start to return that affection that he really starts to question
But again. He is SO OBLIVIOUS
It takes him a very long time to figure it out… you honestly might just have to spell it out for him
He can’t even take hints
I think that when he finally does figure it out, it’s a fleeting thought that catches for some reason
Like, he’s just daydreaming or something and suddenly he’s dreaming of dating you
And he thinks: hey, that wouldn’t be so bad. But it’s not like I like them like that. Wait…. Do I?
And then he’s just. Floored. Because HOW DID HE MISS IT FOR THAT LONG
Literally grips his hair like “WHAT!!!!”
Immediately runs to go yell at you tell you that he loves you
And you’re just like “oh I know. But thanks for finally confessing! <3”
Thank you so much for reading!! Take care my sweet duckies <33
(divider by saradika)
#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanons#creepypasta x reader#marble hornets x reader#jeff the killer#jeff the killer x reader#nina the killer#nina the killer x reader#jane the killer#jane the killer x reader#tim wright#tim wright x reader#masky x reader#ticci toby#ticci toby x reader#tobias rogers x reader
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𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐃 | JOHN DORY
request. @Striped_Scheme on wattpad
Requesting a JD x Reader where they've been dating since BroZone days but he kinda just left her with no goodbye and tries to reconcile and convince them to come help and save Floyd lol ("Technically we never really broke up"☝🤓)
word count. 2.2k
warnings. the word fuck lol.
timeline. pre-trolls trilogy, pre-trolls band together.
song. baby it's cold outside with some slight alterations (tell me he wouldnt. i DAREEE you.)
a/n. honestly. idea was good, but my writing was not it so apologies but love u... thanks for reading lolz... probably rushed... (i do that alot in my writing how to not rush help me) no doubt ooc characters, characters will always be ooc.
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"He's gone? What do you mean gone?"
Floyd could sense your distress. Panicked voice squeaking and your eyes darting all over the small backstage area for your boyfriend, on how exactly he could've left without you catching him.
You were in front of the stage, courtesy of being the partner of a band member, which was amazing but also granted limited viewing if they went too far back. From what you did see, the expressions were a solemn mixture of embarrassment, anger, disappointment.
You barely paid attention to the fans, who were also attempting to go in the same direction as you. Getting caught up in them took a whole lot of convincing the security.
But still, you were just at the door, and you heard him through it. Where had he gone? Was he okay? He fell from a very tall place in front of a crowd of fans, which was probably more damaging to him compared to actually getting injured—but not for you.
You watched him stumble backstage, stumble.
Baby Branch hid behind Floyd, wrapping the little leaf-sewn vest around his body, looking from his older brother to you, worried.
Where's the rest of the band?
"He just left. Everyone did. The band's..." Floyd paused, sighing, "BroZone's over."
You stood confused, your brows furrowing at his words. Over? How could they be over? This was just the start of their world tour. The band couldn't just break up over one failure.
"Over?"
They weren't that fragile, were they?
You loved all the brothers; they were like your own family, but your worries were set on only one of them for the time being.
"Did J at least say where he was going?"
Floyd nodded his head but remained unsure of what your thoughts would be on his answer. He glanced down at baby Branch, who was huddled around his leg.
"He was upset, really upset," he explained. "Said he was going to go hiking to the Neverglades... alone."
The change in your face told him everything, and he was quick to extend his hands in front of him. "But John Dory always says crazy things like that, and he never goes through with them. I'm sure he probably just went up to The Point."
That did seem like a logical explanation, and it was. Floyd may not have been the oldest, but he always had reason and logic behind his smart words.
"You're right." You were still stressed, no doubt, but that calmed your fears down. "Are you guys gonna be okay?"
Floyd spared another guilty glance at Branch and nodded, offering a soft smile and urging you to go look for your lover.
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The troll tree was huge, and even with its large size, it was hard to find any area that wasn't already occupied. Trolls made sure to take advantage of all their space; it was their home, and they made the most of it.
But even with every taken, there was one place that was free from everyone else.
A special spot reserved for you and your lover.
The Point.
Little knew about the spot, and those who did ensured it remained private.
Hidden in the leaves was a branch sticking out high enough to conceal the ugly Bergen town that surrounded them and gave them access to the beautiful night sky.
You and John Dory liked to go there a lot. Whether it be dates or to blow off steam (not like that for the weirdos), if he'd go anywhere after an accident like today, he'd go there.
He was very athletic and made a show of it whenever you'd go together, carrying you up. Bridal style or pulling you up with his strong locks—the point was, you had trouble going up on your own.
It took a while—a hard struggle—but it'd be worth it to see your boy up there and cheer him up.
They couldn't just break up; they just needed their leader to see that.
"John Dory?"
You called upon reaching the top, pushing the heavy leaves out of your way, careful not to slip off the branch.
"Baby, are you here?" Your voice was soft; you didn't want to alarm him. He could be really sensitive sometimes.
That thought brought a faint smile to your face. A smile fell upon the realization that he wasn't up here. If not up here, where could he have gone?
Home?
Knowing JD, you doubted it. If this was as serious as Floyd had put it, as serious as he looked, he wouldn't have just gone home.
And so your search ensued.
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You spent days looking for him. Not a spot in the tree was untouched or unsearched by you. Somehow, the troll had just disappeared. No signs. No letters. No goodbyes.
He left you alone to suffer. Wondering where he'd gone, if he was okay, and if you guys were okay.
It was a coincidence, truly.
How on the day you reminisce when he left you without even a word explaining his sudden disappearance all those years ago was the same day you'd find John Dory on your doorstep.
"Come on, baby, could you let me in?"
"Baby?" you scoffed, remaining with your back slammed against the door in exasperation. "You lost the right to call me that a very long time ago."
One moment you were having a nice day, reading a nice book by your fireplace, enjoying the pitter-patter of rain outside, and the thunder struck, shaking you in the best way possible.
And the next...
"It's cooold..."
He whined, banging on the door desperately.
You couldn't bear to look at him; the second you already spent doing so when you opened the door was enough. He had a face that you'd never forget.
How'd he even find you?
"Go. Away." you growled.
"But it's cold outside."
You clenched your jaw, glaring at the door handle as he shook it. JD used little effort to push at the door; by the weight of it, he could tell you were against it. Not that it mattered.
He was strong; he could easily open it if he wanted to.
"You simply must go."
"Baby, it's cold outside."
If John Dory thinks a little singing is enough to serenade you, he is more of an idiot than you are already aware he is. You weren't a teenager helplessly in love with a silly musician from next door, you were grown.
Mature.
His tricks weren't going to work on you.
"The answer is no."
"But baby, it's cold outside."
He put more pressure, pushing, and you cursed for the lack of a lock on your door.
Trolls don't do locks! They don't have anything to worry about!
Except ex-boyfriend's trying to come in and ruin your life all over again.
"The welcome has been-."
"You should feel so lucky I dropped in."
You rolled your eyes, sarcasm dripping with your words, "So nice and warm."
He pushed the door, slipping a leg in to stop it from shutting completely, peeking a crack. You groaned and peered through it at him.
Sharp glares were directed at him, and gosh, if only looks could kill, he would've dropped dead right now.
He looked stupid.
Stupid puppy eyes with his stupid goggles and a stupid pout on his stupid face. He was soaked from head to toe, the rain falling on him more and more every second he stood outside.
My, did he look pathetic?
BANG!
He shrieked, desperation on his face and voice, jumping at the loud crash of thunder, lighting up the dark sky.
He turned back to you, singing rapidly.
"Look out the window at that storm!"
"Ugh, okay! Come in!"
His face lit up, the door swinging open, and he rushed in, soaking your carpet with rain as you shut the door behind him, slamming it hard enough that the whole house shook with force.
He glanced at you in surprise, getting a glare in return.
JD opened his mouth to speak, obviously nothing nice with the smug look on his face, and you were quick to shut him down.
"Don't."
He clamped his mouth shut, smirking and holding his hands up in defense. "I wasn't gonna say anything."
"Stay."
You urged with a pointed finger, walking off to your bathroom in search of a towel.
"Yes, your majesty."
You hated him with every fiber of your being, but you weren't cruel. He might've been, but you weren't. Any troll would do the same as you; offer him some refuge from the storm outside.
Returning with a towel, you didn't bother passing it to him, tossing it and smacking him right in the face.
Maybe you were a little cruel.
He reacted with a huff, taking it and wrapping it around himself, not bothering to dry himself like ordered, but more like a shelter from the cold.
"Is that how you treat your boyfriend after all these years?"
John Dory tutted, shaking his head in disappointment as he took a single step in your direction.
"Boyfriend?" you scoffed.
"I mean, technically, we never broke up."
Oh, you wanted to punch his little ugly face so bad.
"You disappearing without saying anything was us "technically" breaking up." You did air quotations with another roll of your eyes, speaking before he did, exasperated.
"Why are you even here, John Dory?"
He stayed silent for a few moments, pondering what exactly to say. What could he say? He knew it was stupid of him to even come in the first place. He knew you'd be angry, upset, but not like this.
You didn't look the slightest bit happy to see him.
His smugness dropped along with his shoulders, and he took a breath.
"I need your help."
He looked dead serious. So serious.
You shook your head, your lips curling up in disbelief. "You need my help. Right." your arms crossed, "You leave, disappear off to who knows where, say nothing, suddenly come back after 20 years, and you decide you want my help?"
A short and dry laugh left you.
John Dory really was unbelievable.
"I knew you wouldn't want to see me..."
"I don't want to see you." You cut him off with a grimace, ready to say more-
He had that same desperate look.
Honestly, it brought you back. It brought you back to all those years ago, when both of you were young.
John Dory was always a terrible boyfriend, cocky and arrogant, bossy, too busy with BroZone to give you the time you needed. It hurt you. You loved him so much, and he didn't seem to always reciprocate those feelings. And each time you guys would argue and break up, he would be the first to return with a bouquet of your favorite flowers.
"Leave me alone, John. You can't just come back and expect me to accept you. That's not how life works! If you wanna be in a relationship, you have to commit-..."
"Can you please just listen?"
He stared at you with a small pout, furrowed brows, eyes pleading into yours for you to give him a second chance. His stupid, loving eyes knew exactly how you worked. How exactly to work you.
The only difference right now was that he came empty-handed.
Nevertheless, it effectively shut you up.
"I fucked up all those years ago, I know. I fucked up leaving you. That's the biggest mistake I've ever made. I should've said goodbye, apologized, invited you to come with me- I should've done something!" He ranted, "But I didn't. And I just left..."
John Dory expected you to say something. One of your snarky remarks and cut him off, tell him he's wrong or right, and degrade him on what a terrible person he is because he is well aware of it.
But he's trying.
"Baby, you of all trolls know how terrible I am at apologies," he sighed.
And you didn't bother to correct him on your name; looking at him up and down, eyes still narrowed. You were still angry, you'd probably be angry for a very long time, but for the moment... you'd put it aside.
"What do you need help with?"
His face lit up, beaming at you at your acceptance, not denying him completely, not shunning the troll out, and kicking him back into the rain. You were hearing him out.
You noticed the look and huffed, "Just because I'm asking does not mean I'm going to say yes."
"Floyd's been kidnapped."
Your expression softened, and your mouth fell open in a quiet gasp.
"Kidnapped?"
"I got a letter from him saying he got kidnapped by popstars Velvet and Veneer." He went on and explained the story about how he went to see him and help him escape, only to fail: "-The only way to free him is by singing the perfect family harmony."
You loved Floyd to this day. It'd been years since you'd last talked to him, heard of him at all, but the same amount of affection you felt for the troll remained.
"I need to get the band back together. And... I really can't do it on my own. I'm not sure if they want to see me any more than you did-."
You cut him off a lot.
"I'll help," he grinned. "But not for you. For Floyd. Don't think I've forgiven you yet."
"Yet?"
"Shut up."
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#trolls band together#brozone#trolls#trolls x reader#john dory x reader#jd x reader#brozone x reader#hes soo ugughhh#cocowrites🖊#what other tags do i put#trolls john dory#trolls brozone#trolls jd
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MWIII Campaign Thoughts and Reviews
(Played in the recruit difficulty because I suck at FPS games, and I want to explore and spent time in the campaign without dying too much). Leave some thoughts!
⚠️SPOILER ALERT⚠️
So… that was devastating.
(+) To start things off, Makarov - Boy, holy shit. Yes. YESSS. They didn’t hold back with the new Makarov. He’s a mastermind, he’s a charming fella, he’s a psychopath lol. And the fact that he smiles a lot in this campaign just adds to the creepiness. I might get some side-eye here, but this Mak can go head-to-head with the OG!Mak. He’s always onto something, he’s proven destructive, had the 141 hauling ASS to chase him.
Makarov had stolen American missiles from ULF, caused false flag missile attacks on Russian Military base, and successfully orchestrated a false airplane hijacking, all under ULF's name - everything in the span of 48 hours since he got out of prison. I saw people saying that this Makarov ain't got nothing on the OG one has to be inhaling some shit copium because this is only in one single game and he's destroying shit.
I know just one game with rushed development won’t be enough for an iconic character like him, so I’m glad they didn’t kill him.
(-) I absolutely ABHOR, DETEST, LOATH the Open Combat Missions (OCM). It is so very not Call of Duty campaignesque. it doesn’t help anything with the narrative, and if anything, it even took away the narrative for us. The former missions in former games are iconic in their own way because the mission designer put a lot of thought into how the game will be played, the situations we found ourselves in.
But OCM's, we're like... Left to our own devices without any story-driven dialogues.
I think one of the reasons why MWII was so close to everyone's heart was because of the banters between the characters, especially in Alone. Here, because it's literally our choice and our time, it left us with no actual given time to know and love the characters more than we already did. Yes we love the characters, MW19 and MWII did that for us. But in this one? They said "character development is done, mate. Now go to war.”
Then again, is OCM a product and evidence of MWIII’s rushed development? 100% yes. I don’t give a shit if they cover it with “oowh we make OCM so you can play the missions differently each time without repeating the same mission over and over again!”. Let me ask you this, Activision - Have ‘repeating the mission over and over again’ been a problem with us campaign-enjoyers? No! I played the MWII campaign like 5 times, in all difficulty (except realism I still love my life), and I enjoyed it, because the mission designers took a lot of time and thought to it instead of just creating a map, putting a bunch of loadouts scattered around the area and throw us in it. So yes, it’s clear that OCM is a product of rushed development. It sucks the life out of the campaign missions.
Some people may enjoy it, but I play the campaign exactly for the linear style missions, not DMZ style.
(+) Look, I said it before that I will go to the campaign with the lowest expectation possible. I expected Mak to be sub-par, I expected them to play safe with the characters, and BOY WAS I WRONG. Setting aside the point above where the character feels stuck on the character development (which is a huge minus btw), all the characters have time to shine in their own missions, especially Price because I feel like we play him the most. However, I do also love the fact that the girls get shit done here. Farah and Laswell did their work so beautifully and apparently it was revealed that Laswell will be a MP operator, so that’s cool.
(+) Ghost being a menacing presence, can stood his ground. Price being level-headed though at the same time unhinged as usual. Gaz being the voice of reason throughout the entire fucking game LMAO. Soap being the brave man he is, the passion and fury is evident throughout the campaign. Farah being badass and dependable as usual. Alex being the main supportive guy to Farah (Faralex is canon at this point argue with a wall). Nikolai being our most reliable get-away guy.
And of course, Graves and Shepherd being the fucking goofy ahh duo I actually find interesting. The trial cutscene was such a goofy scene LMAO the fact that they backstabbed each other in the ass is real funny. I side with Graves though. However wrong and unhinged he may be, Graves is just a guy doing his job and did what he’s told to do.
(+) I love the fact that Mak tried to frame Urzikstan to pin the blame on them. It's exactly what the OG!Makarov did but in HD. The Passenger mission is phenomenal and more damn traumatizing if only it was a bit longer and more stretched. There are many more reference to the OG games and I absolutely love it.
Now…
Soap’s Death
Remembering all the MWII missions with Soap... It hits differently now, man.
(-) I've read a lot of people's arguments about it that the fact that it happened is just for shock value and kind of disappointing. Because let’s be real here, Soap is an SAS who got the name Soap because of how much of a slippery bastard he is. Granted, Mak is an ex-Spetsnaz and can fight with Soap. But how he went down in a goddamn takedown without any chance of fighting is just… it’s not it.
To add to that, the reaction from the boys is just... Underwhelming? Like I get it they're battle-hardened SAS soldiers, but let them show some damn emotions for fuck’s sake. One of the main reason why the OG!Soap’s death is really painful is because of Price’s reaction to it. How he said “NO. NO NO NO SOAP!!” While he shook Soap’s lifeless body in the table. At least let Price kneel to him, straighten his body, touch his vest. Close his eyes, gather Soap’s hand and PUT HIS GUN ON his chest all the while Ghost and Gaz knelt beside them. I do love the fact that they literally went to Scotland to let go of his ashes with Ghost holding the urn though. I cried in this scene.
And the fact that it happened with the shortest campaign out of all the reboot MW games, it just felt rushed. Yes. It’s completely rushed, there’s no doubt about it. Again, the result of rushed developments.
(+) Now, with that said, I kind of want to shed light on how Soap is literally the youngest guy in the group. He had so much to live for. He's a sunshine in the middle of this gruff emotionally hardened man. He's such a joy to be around. He's brave. He's fresh. The fact that he's got so much to live for adds to the sadness and bitterness, which I actually like.
Sometimes I do kind of like those kinds of deaths, where the character is too soon to die, because it hit so much harder and in a different way than the OG! one. We got to see the OG!Soap went from when he was an FNG, turn to a captain, to a man of fortitude that earned Price's honor and sacrificed himself to protect Price. We saw how he developed and changed. We saw his entire career with us throughout all the OG!MW trilogy.
Reboot!Soap's story barely even started, and the fact that he's still so young, imagining how he'd be one hell of an officer, how he'd lead his team in the future.
OG!Soap’s death is sad because all the times and memories we’ve been through with him, but Reboot!Soap’s death is equally sad for the times we could’ve gone through with him.
I want to say this though, some people said that Soap's death is sudden, but I wouldn't agree with that. I think the telltales are all there.
In the helicopter scene after Price and Soap caught him in Verdansk, Mak literally SAID HIS FULL NAME. That is a literal pinpoint death sentence from Makarov. And how emotional Soap’s reaction is compared to the other boys when the airport blew up. The signs are literally all there! I saw it coming actually.
So is Soap’s death rushed? Yes. Could it have been executed better? Yes. Is it for shock value? Yes. But is it as sad? Yes. Honestly, I blame the rushed development and due dates for this. Activision is a cash grabber who wanted a yearly release so they can catch more money. I fucking bet my ass that initially they didn’t want to kill Soap, but it’s like a last-minute decision to make this game actually look like it’s worth 70 dollars.
Like by the end of the game, nothing has been accomplished. Big Bad Guy is on the loose, and we lost Soap. Yea we did stop some of Makarov's attacks, but we ended with a loss. It's a completely sad ending. I just wish we get to continue with more missions after Soap's death like in OG!MW3 though :(
WHAT'S NEXT?
Now. Shepherd is positively fucken dead. Price is now an actual criminal and a fugitive. He just killed a 4-star US Marines general in his own office. Price is entering his insane and unhinged era. I do wonder if he'll go even more unhinged than this.
The story will undoubtedly continue in the MP seasons (although probably only 2 seasons that mattered because it'll also undoubtedly be filled with skins and collabs and shit). I think it will also focus more on transitioning to the next CoD games, which will be Black Ops (It is confirmed that for the 2024 and 2025 CoD, it will be Black Ops games).
We're talking future here, so if there's going to be a CoD MWIV, It might be possible that this is the game where we'll finally defeat Makarov while the 141 copes with losing Soap. I do wonder if Price will become too unhinged and will get rid of everything on his way to kill Mak. Price's reckless acts will become too much for Gaz that it's starting to hurt other people and himself, and Gaz will do something against Price's command or wish - and Ghost will have to choose a side. Now that's the kind of drama I want to see.
What do I score this campaign, what do I score this campaign... The story is actually good, but because the development is evidently rushed, the packaging feels a bit hollow. It's a 7/10 for me!
---
Wait you know what
We get to pet a dog named Riley. 10/10, Game of The Fucking Year.
Reboot!Logan/Hesh (?) 👀
---
So there it goes! If you've read this far I love you and Activision will pay for my therapy (ʘ ͜ʖ ʘ)
#call of duty modern warfare iii spoilers#call of duty modern warfare 3 spoilers#mwiii spoilers#mw3 spoilers#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#cod mw#cod#call of duty modern warfare III#call of duty modern warfare 3#call of duty modern warfare 2023#task forc 141#tf141
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Okay, it's Mammon's turn.
I am trying to be more confident in my smut posting, so I'm just gonna say that I wanted to write some more demon form smut. I have some headcanons about how Mammon is when having sex that have likely found their way into this, so you know. There's that.
Thank you to those who commented on the one I did of Lucifer in demon form letting me know that I am a tier one monster fucker lol. That has cleared some things up for me.
I don't know if I'm gonna do a scene like this for all the characters... maybe? But I'll at least do one more 'cause I need to do someone with a tail. Though I could be persuaded to do more if people are interested.
Mammon x GN!MC - NSFW MDNI
Note: MC's genitals are not described, once again I tried to keep it gender neutral. Established relationship.
Warnings: demon form (obviously), oral sex and penetrative sex (reader receiving in both cases)
You were sitting on Mammon's lap, his face in your hands as you kissed him. He was sitting in one of the chairs at the table in your room, one hand on your waist, the other on your thigh, head tilted back.
You pulled away, breathless and he opened his eyes halfway to look at you.
You let one of your hands move up into his hair before using the other one to take off his sunglasses, carefully setting them aside.
Mammon's eyes opened wider at this action, the bright blue and gold nearly shining with obvious desire. You smiled at the sight and kissed him again, your fingers clenching in his hair.
You felt the demon becoming more needy, his kiss becoming more heated, his hands suddenly roaming all over you. His lips descended to your neck and you couldn't hold back a small moan.
And then you let out a gasp as he stood up, lifting you onto the table as he stood between your legs. You grasped his arms, frustrated at the amount of fabric that was still between you. You pushed his jacket off of his shoulders and it fell on the chair he had just vacated.
Mammon responded by tugging at the hem of your shirt and he broke away from you just long enough to remove it.
It wasn't long before both of your clothes were in a little scattered pile on the floor around the table. Mammon was trailing hot kisses down your belly, your hands in his hair, his hands on your hips.
You were throbbing with need, but you could be patient as he took his time with you, making his way down your torso.
Mammon paused just beneath your belly button and looked up at you with a cheeky grin.
You looked down at him, your mouth open, panting slightly, and you thought just how nice it would be if you could yank him by the horns in that moment. But he wasn't in demon form. Not yet.
"Mammon," you said.
Mammon's grin softened only a little. "Somethin' ya want, darlin'?"
You ran your hands through his hair where his horns should be and blushed at the request you were about to make. "Could you… maybe… you know…"
For some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to ask, so you made grabby hands over his head.
Mammon seemed completely baffled by this for a few minutes, looking up at you and the motion you were making. And then it clicked.
The way he smirked when he realized what you wanted made you blush even more.
Mammon shifted into demon form. "Is this what ya want?"
You didn't bother to respond, only grabbed the curled horns that were now within your reach and used them to yank his face closer to your body.
He laughed against the hot skin between your legs before kissing the inside of your thigh. "Impatient, are ya? 'Course ya want the Great Mammon so much ya can't handle it."
"Mammon," you said, a warning in your voice.
But Mammon only laughed again before putting his entire mouth on you, his hands on your thighs, and making you moan as he used his tongue in ways you didn't know were possible.
You held onto his horns, your fingers slotted perfectly between the sharp twists in them. You were careful not to pull too much as you didn't want to move him away from you or hurt him by tugging too hard.
Mammon seemed to be fully engaged in eliciting sounds from you, though. Every time he pulled away just a bit, you whined. Every time he licked, you sighed. And if he sucked, you moaned loudly.
You were so close, feeling so good, when he stopped all together and stood up, moving in close to press his face against your neck.
You were about to protest when you noticed his wings had also wrapped around you. The way the leathery skin felt against your bare flesh was a sensation you hadn't been expecting. It was soft and supple, but so different from the rest of his skin. You reached out, running a hand along the edge of the wing to your right.
Mammon jerked back a little to look at you with wide eyes, as though he hadn't been expecting you to touch him that way.
You took advantage of the space that was now between you to run your fingers along the white markings on his chest.
Mammon sucked in a breath. You saw the way he blushed, how he closed his eyes, how he was almost gritting his teeth.
"You're more sensitive in demon form, aren't you?" you asked, your voice hushed.
Mammon blushed even more. "What? Nah, it's just different-"
"It's okay," you said. "You don't need to pretend with me."
You didn't wait for him to respond to this, just scooted forward a little bit so you could kiss the white marking at the base of his throat.
"Ah, MC!" Mammon actually cried out, his hands grasping your arms, fingernails digging into your skin.
You couldn't believe he was having such an intense reaction. Just a minute ago you were manhandling him by his horns and he only laughed. Now you were kissing his markings and touching his wings and he was practically falling apart already.
You pulled him closer to you so you could kiss along each white line on his chest. He was leaning against the table, clearly having a hard time staying standing. You ran your hand along one of his wings, pulling the tip of it toward you so you could press a kiss there.
Mammon nearly lost his mind, you could see how much he was trying to hold himself back. His erection was evident before you, dripping with precum, his body quivering with need. He had a hand on either side of you, leaning against the table for support. "M-MC… please…"
You reached up to run a finger along the curves of one of his horns. "You're so beautiful," you said softly.
Mammon's blush was already so intense, you weren't sure how it managed to get worse. He couldn't look at you, his eyes squeezed shut, but he couldn't pull away, leaning into your touch as you caressed his horns and his wings.
Seeing his reaction made you want him even more. You scooted to the very edge of the table and pulled him close to you. It turned out the table was the perfect height and you wouldn't even need to reposition yourself.
"You don't have to hold back so much," you said in his ear. "Mammon… I want you…"
Mammon's wings were practically vibrating around you as he pushed you back gently so you were laying down on the table. Then he hooked your legs over his shoulders and sank his cock into you, both of you moaning together at the feeling of it.
"MC," he mumbled. "MC, ya feel so good."
You couldn't even formulate a response to this. Mammon took what you said about not holding back to heart. The minute he was fully inside you, he let himself go, his thrusts wild and fast. Every one hit just right, your body squeezing around him, his hands gripping your hips.
You took in the sight of him above you - your legs on his shoulders, his wings flared out behind him, his horns and the white markings on his chest fully visible to you, a sheen of sweat glistening on his skin.
You couldn't stop moaning and gasping, your own hands clutching at the table beneath you. His cock felt so good inside you and every thrust pulsed pleasure through your body. You were already so close, but then Mammon reached in between you to stimulate your most sensitive spot with his fingers.
You cried out at his touch, an unexpected spike in the pleasure you were feeling. You writhed on the table now, your legs clenching down on his shoulders.
Mammon was practically chanting your name now. He didn't slow down, but his thrusts became sloppier, more desperate.
The momentum built and you could feel every muscle tense as your orgasm burst upon you, exploding behind your eyes and rushing through every nerve in your body. You cried out Mammon's name, sitting up slightly from the intensity of the feeling.
The sound of your voice calling out his name, the feeling of you squeezing him so sweetly, sent Mammon over the edge. You gasped in air as you felt yourself fill up with his cum.
You were collapsed on the table, chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath.
Mammon lowered your legs from his shoulders and leaned forward over you, his wings hovering on either side of you. He pressed kisses up your throat before pulling you to sit up so he could kiss you properly.
"Ya drive me crazy," he said into your lips. "You're so perfect."
You sighed against him, reaching out to brush his wings again. "So are you."
The way he blushed from that alone was so cute, you knew it was only a matter of time before you would be initiating round two.
You might also enjoy this Lucifer demon form smut.
masterlist | Thank you for reading!
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me nb#obey me smut#obey me fanfiction#obey me fanfic#obey me mammon#obey me mammon smut#obey me mammon x reader#obey me mammon x mc#mammon x reader#mammon x mc#obey me x reader#mammon x reader smut#misc naughty times#misc writes
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ECHOES OF RIOT
PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader
SUMMARY ➩ falling inlove with a rockstar is never easy, especially when he returns to your hometown on a successful tour three years after you lost contact
WARNINGS ➩ this is like straight up angst… romance but mostly angst lol.. drug use, some violence, idk can’t really remember this is ridiculously long
WC ➩ 19.1k
AUTHORS NOTE ➩ well this took me forever lol.. i don’t have much to say i just hope you like it. NOT PROOFREAD normally written at 4am lol the usual.. also side note one of the main characters was chaeyoung and i changed her to heejin for obvious reasons so if you see any of her name left over that’s my mistake and that’s why.
You weren’t exactly sure how you ended up like you did, so meek and quiet to the point that it was an actual hinderance on your daily activities.
If you were born like that, just one of those kids that was too shy to talk to their classmates and hid behind their moms legs on the first day of school, you’d completely understand but you’d actually been nearly the opposite for your entire life.
Maybe it was an accumulation of always feeling like you were taking up too much space, being on the receiving end of quick glares from teachers when you lacked volume control or seeing the hesitance on your friends parents faces when they excitedly asked if you could come over for a sleepover. Mixed with your own sudden self awareness going into high school.
You quickly realized that it wasn’t the loud girls getting asked out on dates and it was an almost immediately decline into self intrusion once you made this discovery.
It wasn’t like you necessarily wanted to be asked out by anybody, physically recoiling as your friends gossiped about the mass appointed hottest guys at your school and turning up your nose when they made sleazy attempts to flirt and court the other girls around you, but it felt embarrassing to be constantly left out of romantic group hangouts or discussions about experiences you’d never had.
Still, you had managed to keep a solid group of friends despite your newfound habit of self isolating and they only halfway judged you for your tendency to stay in on the weekends.
On the other half however, they weren’t so forgiving, hence why you were currently stood outside a low scale concert venue shivering so hard you were worried you’d chip a tooth. You were pulling your zip up hoodie tighter around your body and sending glares to your friends who were chatting animatedly about the band they were going to see.
Apparently it was composed of some boys around your age, not attending your school but well known enough that they had been invited to some of your friends parties and events and eventually your friend group had been given tickets to one of their shows.
You weren’t the biggest fan of crowds in general but especially concert goers and you’d been promised that this one would be chill and relaxing, something you automatically knew was a lie the second you left the cab and saw the attire of everybody around you. The line was buzzing with energy and adrenaline and you could hear the acts doing soundcheck from inside, music loud and heavy.
It was freezing and as much as you were dreading being pushed into a crowd with jabbing elbows and sweat rolling off their skin onto yours, you were ready to get out of the line as more and more snow kept falling down onto the uncaring crowd.
“Aren’t you excited?” Your head was turning at the sound of a soft voice coming from your right and you smiled softly at one of your calmer friends.
“Sure Sunoo. It’ll be fun.” You were replying quickly, not needing them to feel awkward or guilty about bringing you just because you didn’t necessarily want to come. You figured he could tell you were lying by the pity filled look he gave you but he didn’t call you out for it.
He didn’t say anything else for a second and he didn’t get a chance before the doors were opening and the line was surging forward, already getting your tickets checked while you waited and turning into a blob of people and excitement all trying to squeeze into the single door.
You were groaning softly at the feeling of being jostled around but you couldn’t help but laugh at the fact all of your friends were linking arms and declaring to stay together, slightly envious of the pure delight on their faces whilst your heart was starting to ache from the anxious way it was pounding. You let yourself be dragged through the crowd by them, closing your eyes for a second when you pushed through the tightest areas and just allowing them to guide you through it.
The venue was more so just a bar with a small stage but your friends had told you that these were the best types of places to see a show at, intimate and ear shattering loud.
They’d said the last half with an enthusiastic giggle but you had winced softly at the image of how close you’d be to the large speakers that you now saw adorning the stage. It was dark in the building and your shoes were sticking to the floor beneath you, lights turned a deep glowing green and something more casual playing over the speakers to fill the silence.
You’d followed behind them as they found a spot near the bar, safely tucked away from the crowd and planning to wait out the opening acts here to preserve their energy. They all agreed to push into the crowd once the main band came out and try to get as close as they possibly could, looking over at you for acceptance and all smiling and patting your back when you gave a sheepish nod.
It wasn’t that bad and you were quickly getting used to it, the thick cloud of cigarette smoke settling over you and only making you slightly dizzy now.
You felt a bit embarrassed and out of place but everybody else was too excited or drunk to notice that you weren’t exactly in the most appropriate attire. Sunoo had shot you a questioning glance when you’d gotten into the shared cab but you only just now realized you weren’t fitting in with the rest of the crowd or your friends even slightly.
The difference between you and them was even more evident when the owner of the bar was stepping onto stage and excitedly announcing the first artists, all your friends cheering and holding onto each other while you sat and watched from one of the bar stools.
You were still able to have fun as you watched them, smiling softly at the way they kept instinctively moving forward together as the music started and they screamed the lyrics. You didn’t recognize the songs that the band was covering but you knew enough about music to tell it sounded amazing, watching them closely as they skillfully played off of each other and got the crowd properly amped up.
You’d never really understood the purpose behind opening acts but you were getting it now considering you were feeling more and more excited for the main band as you kept watching.
Then more time had passed and the crowd had entered that stage of being too excited and too intoxicated to really understand boundaries and limits, a few fights breaking out that your friends didn’t bat an eye at but you were starting to feel a really deep pit building in your stomach.
It only worsened when somebody was hurriedly, and messily, approaching the bar and demanding another drink as he anxiously looked behind him at where you presumed his spot in the crowd was. You were watching him out of the corner of your eye as he ordered, feeling him swaying drunkenly closer to you and wanting to make sure he didn’t accidentally tip over and knock you out of your seat.
Your intuition was astoundingly accurate considering it wasn’t long before somebody else was approaching the man and leaning into his side, sending the both of them tilting over in your direction.
You’d just managed to hop off the bar seat before they were slamming into it but with the speed in which you’d jumped off combined with the sticky floor underneath you, you were skidding forward and landing roughly on your side against the ground.
Neither man seemed coherent enough to notice you had fallen from the height and you could hear them drunkenly laughing with each other from above you. Your friends hadn’t noticed the altercation either and you quickly frowned at the nasty sensation under your hands before you were standing up and swiftly adjusting your skirt.
You were rushing back out towards the entrance before anybody could notice your disappearance, pushing back through the door and immediately being hit by the cold air as the snow continued to build up on the ground. You were sighing and bending down to pick some of it off the sidewalk, rubbing it in your hands and trying to clean them off the best you could with the wetness.
“You’re going to miss the main act.”
You were jumping at the sound of a voice coming from behind you, standing up swiftly and turning around to see somebody leaning against the building and taking a long drag from whatever it was that he was smoking.
“Oh.. yeah I know I just.. had something on my hands.” You were mumbling out towards him and indicating awkwardly at the snow in your hands, realizing how weird it must’ve looked from his angle.
He was laughing softly at your explanation and your face flushed in embarrassment again for the sixth time that night, taking in his attire and knowing he’d be able to tell right away that you weren’t exactly supposed to be here. He was tall, would be even taller if he was standing up straight and it was especially accentuated by the tight fit of his ripped black jeans. You couldn’t see his face super clearly from where he was stood underneath the shaky lights but his hair was messy and in his eyes and you thought you saw a piercing or two shining on his face.
“Who dragged you here?” He was suddenly asking and you froze up again as you looked at him, eyes darting down to his feet for a second nervously.
“My friends got tickets and I couldn’t get out of it.” You were telling him softly and shrugging a bit. A car was driving past on the empty road and you waited for the sounds of the snow crunching under its tires to quiet before you finished. “From the band actually.”
You look back at him just in time to see his eyebrows lift in surprise and then settle into recognition, your own shifting forward in furrowed confusion. The boy was taking a step off the wall then and flicking his cigarette somewhere off near the road, your eyes following the still burning ember as it flew through the air before circling back to him.
“I’ll see you inside then.” His tone was one of a statement and not a question but you were still slightly confused despite the fact you habitually nodded at him.
You let out a big sigh once he was leaving finally, weirdly going through the alley towards what you could only assume was a side entrance and not the door right next to him. It quickly slipped your mind and you decided to wait for the previous act to finish up before you also headed back in.
You crouched back down closer to the snow and continued to try and clean off your hands and parts of your sleeves that had gotten stained from whatever substances were on the floor. The cold was sending waves of shivers through you but you simply ignored the uncomfortable feeling, especially since you figured you’d warm up quickly once you headed back inside.
Eventually you could hear the second opening act thanking the crowd for their intense energy before the familiar voice of the bar owner was back, this time more excited as he announced that the main band was finally coming out on to the stage.
You sighed softly again to yourself before stomping the slush off your boots and heading back through the door, once again being hit by the tight atmosphere that was a lot more sweaty than when you had first walked in and was now practically buzzing with adrenaline.
It was harder than you had planned for to get back to your seat and you almost gave up and just resided to the back of the building but once the band members were finally on stage the crowd surged forward, a gap in the mass of people slightly opened up and you were hurrying through it back towards where your friends had been. They were gone now but you had expected that, knowing they must likely went closer to the stage.
You were just barely settling back into an empty stool when the band was coming out on stage and you frowned when you realized you could barely see them, sitting up slightly and freezing up when you got a better view.
One of the boys was standing center stage and speaking into the mic, presumably introducing them to the crowd who was cheering the loudest they had all night, but your gaze was drifting a few feet to his right to where one of the guitarist was standing.
You immediately recognized him as the boy from outside, a wave of embarrassment washing over you as you remembered how you had been less than enthusiastic about coming and had told him the band invited you and your friends. His surprised expression was making sense to you now and you would’ve turned to face palm if you weren’t stuck staring at him.
He was scanning the crowd for a few seconds and your eyes widened a touch when he was looking in your direction, stopping his wandering gaze as a soft smirk started to build up on his lips.
You were glancing around you to see if there was anything else he could be looking at and then feeling your face heat up alarmingly fast when you realized there wasn’t and he definitely recognized you from your awkward encounter outside.
Then they were starting to play and you were frozen for other reasons, your eyes locked on him and his frame as he started to open the song slow and soft. It wasn’t the type of music you had expected from them just based off of appearance and you were completely transfixed by the way they skillfully moved with their respective instruments, the boys behind the mics voice coming through now.
The crowd was swaying along with the gentle music, calming down into a low buzz like they were being completely controlled by the bands sound and energy.
You sat frozen like that for the entirety of the first song, mouth slightly parted in surprise and watching the boy you’d seen outside as he continued to play. You didn’t know much about guitars but you could tell he was good, his louder than the others and ringing out clear even underneath the distorted vocals.
He wasn’t looking at you anymore because he wasn’t looking at anything at all, leaning back and keeping his eyes shut as he played them through the final half of the first song. He was rocking along with his strums and he seemed just as into it and transfixed as the rest of the building was.
The first song slowed to a stop and you heard the vocalist laugh softly into the mic before he was glancing behind him towards where the drummer was sitting. You watched them curiously as they nodded at eachother in silent communication, amazed at how casual and relaxed they seemed to be in front of all of these people.
“Obviously we know what you’re all here for.” The lead vocalist was speaking into the mic with a small smile and the two guitarist start to build up the intro of the next song. “Watch your elbows and try not to knock anyone out.”
He was laughing as he finished his lighthearted warning but you watched as the crowd surged with excitement and started to move around, coming to life in sync like they were all the same creature and you felt a bit sick at how tight and moving it was quickly becoming. He was starting to sing again in a lower tone and even though the song was still bordering on calm, you could feel it building up along with the energy in the room.
It was closer to what you had expected their music to sound like and although it wasn’t necessarily something you’d keep on during your downtime, you couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy at the way the entire crowd reacted to the explosive chorus.
The drummers voice was rasping underneath the main vocalist now and you quickly understand their previous communication, a smile building on your face as you watched the guitarist from outside staring at them with an unfiltered excitement.
They played more songs and you continued to sit and watch them unmoving, your eyes mostly transfixed on the boy with the guitar until the end of their set. You’d never seen somebody play the way he did and you almost felt like you had no choice but to watch him considering how captivating he looked on stage. Eventually they were shouting their goodbyes towards the crowd and accepting thrown gifts and hands reaching out for contact, all except for the guitarist considering he was just watching and smiling at the crowd for a distance.
You were still watching them as they left the stage and disappeared back into the restricted part of the building, not even noticing when your friends were excitedly bounding back over to you.
“That was fucking awesome.” Heejin was wrapping her arm around your shoulder and shaking you enthusiastically, sweat lining her dyed hair now and making her tattoos glisten under the now red lighting.
“Jungwon somehow sounds 100 times better in person.” You turned your head to see Sunoo coming to sit next to you with an impressed look on his face, shaking his head in disbelief and still watching the empty stage like you were a few moments ago. “Plus I didn’t know Jake could sing like that.”
“He sang at that school event remember? Before Jay got him into drumming.” Riki was quickly explaining and taking a swig of a water bottle he was carrying, still slightly out of breath from the tight and hot crowd.
You watched them talk animatedly about the show with a soft smile and fondness, you were glad they had fun even if you were originally hesitant to come out with them. It had been better than you’d expected and you still felt a little rush of excitement under your skin when you thought about how loud and beautiful the music had been. You’d completely forgotten about falling on the floor or any mishap.
“Are you ready to go then? We don’t want to keep them waiting, they’re probably super tired.” Joonie was turning to smile at you and await your response but her grin faltered when she saw the heavy look of confusion gracing your features. “You didn’t ask her?”
She was moving her head to give an accusatory stare towards the others and Sunoo winced softly at the harshness in her glare. Riki was sighing and scratching the back of his neck before answering. “We figured we’d ask her after she saw them… maybe she’d be more inclined to say yes.”
“Say yes to what?” You were quickly butting in, slightly frustrated that they were talking around you like you weren’t sat right there watching the entire thing.
“The band wanted us to come over to their place after the show.” Heejin was answering hesitantly, watching you with an expectant look like she was already prepared for you to shut them down.
You can’t deny that the thought immediately crossed your mind, beyond used to rejecting hangouts instinctively especially ones that were so small and intimate with people you didn’t know.
Then you were thinking about the way they had performed and how you had felt seeing them have so much fun on the stage, like they never cared about taking up too much space and they certainly weren’t concerned with ever being too loud. You were pausing for a few seconds to think about it even though you already felt like your mind had been made up, meeting your friends waiting stares and giving them a soft nod of approval.
——
You had quickly come to regret your accepting nod on your way to meet up with the boys, packed into a cab with your friends who still vaguely smelled like the inside of the venue and conjoined sweat.
They still seemed excited so you were trying your best to not be a visible mood killer but you were getting more and more anxious the closer you got to where you’d be meeting, not even exactly sure what type of environment you were going into.
It got even worse when the cab was pulling to a stop in front of a house tucked neatly in a lower class suburban area, the dread of having to make small talk in such an intimate setting like one the boys house was making your stomach turn with nausea. You sucked it up and followed behind your friends with held breath, listening as the door opened and they excitedly greeted whoever it was that was behind it.
You eventually filed through and when it was your turn to pass through the doorway, you realized it was Jake who had opened it.
You recognized him from school events like Riki had mentioned before, not attending yours but a few times a year the neighboring schools held community shows and events to bring the area closer together and scout for grants and sponsorships. You distinctly remember Jake sitting on the stage a few years back, looking beyond nervous as he softly strung his acoustic guitar and sang a song that had slipped your memory by now.
It was a striking opposition to what you’d seen him do tonight, both the fact he had been singing so hard his voice was scratching underneath Jungwon’s softer tone and the way he was slamming down on the drums so hard you had been worried he’d break something.
He had a certain buzzing energy to him that helped this make sense, watching him now as he excitedly bounced around your friends like a loose dog as he guided them towards another doorway. You figured he was more full of bottled up excitement over any actual aggressiveness and you continued to silently follow behind them.
You were a bit surprised to be led down to a small finished basement, carefully walking down the carpeted steps and feeling weirdly like you’d been transported back to your own home with how familiar the area looked.
There was a small red light connected to the door with tape and you imagined it was to signal that some sort of recording was going on, a small smile playing up on your face at the irony of the devoted after band having such a simple setup. The smile was immediately slipping off when you were hearing your friends start up rounds of greeting again and you paled with nerves.
“That’s Y/N, she doesn’t talk much.” Riki was quickly saying and you were half grateful he had saved you from awkwardly stuttering out your name and half furious as all sets of eyes turned to look in your direction.
You recognized the lead singer first, looking a lot less intimidating now that he was sitting on the sofa in more comfortable clothes and letting his purple mullet air dry from what you could only assume was a post show shower. You knew his name was Jungwon just from hearing your friends rambles and you filled in the blanks for the rest of the names.
Jay was almost more intimidating off stage than he was on it, losing that playful and excited energy that being in front of a crowd brought and falling into an almost scary silence. If it wasn’t for the gentle way he was picking at an acoustic guitar, a stark difference to the black and shining electric one you’d seen him with on stage.
Your eyes were drifting over to the final person in the room who was busy chatting with Heejin and staring excitedly at her newest tattoos, his hands hovering over her skin but not touching directly like an excited child. Sunoo had told you on the way here that Sunghoon played bass and whilst you weren’t exactly sure what that meant, he seemed the most approachable out of the group.
Minus the member you’d already accidentally approached but he was missing from the current area and you felt a wave of relief rushing through you considering how embarrassed you’d felt seeing him on stage.
You almost fell into autopilot and you listened to the two groups mix and talk casually like they were lifelong friends, an overwhelming feeling of envy sitting in your stomach considering the fact they were so easily able to hold conversation with each other whilst you struggled to even introduce yourself.
Jay had gotten up to put on a record at some point and that made you feel slightly more at ease considering there was no more room for awkward silence, something a lot calmer than what they’d played earlier ringing through the room as they all lounged in different places and started to smoke amongst each other.
Your friends didn’t bother offering any to you considering you had a tendency to say no, not necessarily against smoking or being high but the intimacy of sharing a blunt mixed with the performance anxiety as it was passed around the circle almost on instinct. The other boys must’ve gotten the hint without it needing to be said and they also didn’t try to get you to smoke, leaving you relieved that they weren’t the types to poke fun at you or try to pressure you into it.
It was a lot easier for you to just watch them and get a small contact high, sinking down into your spot on the couch more and relaxing as they started to lose focus and definitely lose the ability to care if you were being awkward.
You were pressed against the side of the sofa even though nobody was sat directly near you, still trying to ensure you were taking up as little space on the furniture as possible in case somebody else wanted to sit or you were simply just in the way. You were grateful you’d developed this habit considering the door to the basement was opening again and you froze up as the light shone in from the top of the stairs.
“Finally, the chosen one has arrived.” Jake was yelling excitedly from somewhere you couldn’t see, laying flat on the carpet behind the round ottoman and you could only barely catch a glimpse of his arms being thrown up in mock praise.
You were staring at the stairs as the boot covered feet started to descend down and you knew who it was before he even reached the point where you could see his upper half, freezing even more at the way his eyes scanned over the unfamiliar faces in the basement before pausing on you.
You awkwardly pulled your sleeves over your hands and glanced back over at Sunoo was sitting in the chair closest to you and the couch, talking to Sunghoon about something you couldn’t quite make it out considering anxiety was fully building up now and you were slightly disoriented from the overstimulation in the room.
Much to your dismay and attempts to stop yourself, your eyes were drifting back over to the boy and you almost groaned when you realized he was still watching you.
Heeseung had, according to Joonie on the way here, been the one to originally start up the band and convince the others to take it as seriously as he did. He was the lead guitarist first and foremost but he dabbled in almost everything, including producing all of their original songs and covers and apparently forfeiting his basement as their studio considering the younger photos of him scattered around the walls.
His baby pink hair was in his face even more now than it had been when you’d saw him smoking outside, littered with random blonde patches that told you he had done it himself, and now you were positive he had multiple piercings throughout his face.
It was only getting worse for you when he was making his way over to the couch and taking the empty middle seat, directly next to you.
You were sat with your feet up on the fabric and hugging your knees close to your chest but you imagined if you’d been sat normally then your thighs would be press against his that had lost the tight ripped jeans and were now sporting some more casual black sweatpants.
“You want this Hee?” Sunghoon was saying from where he was sat on the floor besides Sunoo on the chair.
You glanced over to the boy just in time to see him shake his head in denial and a wave of surprise and relief washed over you, grateful you wouldn’t be the only one not smoking anymore. “You don’t smoke?” Riki was asking and Heeseung seemed to instinctively shake his head no.
Jay snorted out a half laugh half scoff and you watched the pink haired boy shoot him a sharp glare before his eyes were drifting over to you, almost like he was checking your reaction. Your eyebrows were furrowed forward in confusion, wondering why he was lying about smoking, he must’ve forgotten the fact you’d seen him outside with a cigarette only a few hours before.
Everybody fell back into their own individual conversations again and you started to relax finally, listening to the music playing softly in the smoke filled room.
“So did you end up liking it then?” Heeseung’s voice was coming from beside you and you looked over towards him with widened eyes, not expecting him to directly address you.
“W-what?” You were stuttering out and then immediately flushing in embarrassment when a concerned look passed over his intimidating face. He seemed nice enough but your closed mind couldn’t look past the piercings and the eyeliner still staining around his large eyes.
“The show.” He was quickly explaining, looking slightly embarrassed himself that you hadn’t understood what he was talking about. “You didn’t seem too excited when you were outside.”
You froze up in your spot considering he was directly referencing the conversation you’d had outside, in which you had told him begrudgingly and in complaint that you hadn’t been able to get out of going to the show that he was performing at. You didn’t respond for a few seconds and you were grateful that everybody was too stoned to keep up with your awkward conversation.
“It was… you guys were very..” You trailed off when you saw the expectant look on his face and you cleared your throat a bit, eyes darting down to the double piercings going through the thin skin of his lips and then back up to his eyes. “It was cool.”
“Just cool?” His lip was curling softly up into a half smirk at your extremely vague answer, shifting in his place on the couch so he was facing you better and you tried not to be extremely weird about the fact his arm was resting on the back of the sofa now and therefore his hand was dangling on the other side of your shoulders.
“Super cool?” You offered in a squeaky voice, wincing as your shoulders curled in on themselves.
He laughed softly at your answer and you were relieved that he found it somewhat funny and wasn’t totally offended that you didn’t have a string of compliments prepared for him. You did like the show much more than you thought you would and if you were able to get ahold of yourself, you would’ve told him how impressed you were as you watched him play.
But you weren’t that lucky and you knew you’d be stuck giving him half true statements that didn’t actually show how you truly felt about the set, turning your head back to face forward so you didn’t have to look at his face anymore.
You weren’t exactly sure why he had come to talk to you out of everybody in the room, knowing he was obviously a lot closer to his band mates and had even hung out with your male friends a few times from your knowledge in group settings. Joonie had told you that she thought the two of you were a bit similar considering he was also rarely at social events but you highly doubted the comparison considering the way he looked performing in front of an adoring and expectant crowd.
Still, you thought about the way he hung back at the end of the final song instead of interacting with the fans like the other members had and the fact you hadn’t been surprised when he wasn’t present in the basement at first.
“Are you two actually talking to each other or just sitting in weirdo silence?” Your head was picking back up to look over at Heejin who was sitting on the other side of the couch, next to Heeseung but leaning far enough away towards Jake and Jungwon that they didn’t touch at all.
You didn’t need to look at her to know who she was referring to but your stomach dropped a little when you met her gaze and confirmed she was referring to you, the others in the room also looking over considering her statement.
Heejin was in no way mean to you and she was actually your longest friend out of the group, knowing her since middle school which meant she was around to watch your social decline. She made jokes sometimes or pushed you too far out of your comfort zone but you always took it as her way of trying to help you loosen up like she knew you could, always stopping whenever you got visibly too overwhelmed or uncomfortable.
You weren’t sure if it was the presence of people she admired or the buzz of a high settling over her that caused her to make the comment but it clearly crossed a line the two of you had silently established throughout the years, your face dropping at the unwanted attention.
“Heeseung is the master of weirdo silence.” Jake was adding on from the floor again and you could hear him giggling nonsensically, sitting up so you could see his head past the ottoman and frown at him.
“Yeah well I’d rather talk to..” Heeseung was starting harshly before trailing off and glancing over at you with a raised eyebrow. You paused for a few seconds and stared at him in confusion but realizing he was waiting for you to tell him your name, quickly whispering it to him and trying to ignore the small smile he gave you before turning back to look at the others. “I’d rather talk to Y/N than you deadbeats.”
The boys in the room were breaking out into small fits of laughters and instigating choruses of “Oo’s”. Fanning their hands out like they’d been burned and only settling down when Heeseung was rolling his eyes and sinking further into the couch.
Luckily they all seemed to let it go after that even though you were still left with a deeper pit in your stomach because of Heejin’s random dig at both you and Heeseung, roping him in to your anti social behavior and giving his own friends the opportunity to pile on top of it.
You were glancing over at him again from the corner of your eye, hesitantly shifting to try and catch his attention again. His gaze was snapping back to your face when you moved slightly and his eyebrows raised in question again, a lot softer than they had been when he was asking for your name and snapping back at your friends. You watched the way the metal balls surrounding his eyebrow stretched with the movement before licking your dry lips and speaking.
“Thanks.” The word slipped from your lips in a small breath and once again you felt disappointed that it was all you had managed to say, wishing you were able to express your gratitude to him more.
He didn’t seem to mind and his shoulders were lifting in a small shoulder, watching you curiously. “It’s no big deal. I don’t talk much either.”
“Even though you do all… that?” You were asking before you even processed the question falling from your lips and he looked equally surprised as you that you were continuing the conversation without needing prompting.
“Like perform?” His voice was lower now as you started to talk more and you had a feeling he didn’t want the others to listen in and find a way to intervene again. You gave him a soft nod, grateful he had understood your vague wording. “It’s different, I don’t really think of it like that. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m there in front of all those people.”
If you’d heard him say that last week or even this morning, you would’ve not fully understood what exactly he was trying to explain to you. Even now you were still a bit confused on what exactly the feeling was like but you immediately understood what he was referring to, remembering the way he was closing his eyes and leaning with the music like he was in his own world.
You must’ve fallen silent for too long as you were thinking about it and what that could possibly be like, how it would feel to live a life with that sort of overwhelming passion, because he was clearing his throat and shifting again.
“It’s like… well what do you do?” He was starting to try and find an analogy, assuming you didn’t understand and you froze up at the direct question.
“What do I do?” You were repeating back to him for clarification and he nodded earnestly, waiting to hear your answer. “I don’t think I really do anything.”
He seemed taken back by that and you were slightly embarrassed that you’d failed to answer his question properly. You’d thought about it before, being at the age where you should have something you were passionate about or a hobby that motivated you in some way.
You never really did much of anything on your own and you’d yet to find anything that gave you that sort of spark he’d be referring to, the type of spark that would cause you to do what you loved even if it meant pushing yourself past your limits or standing on a stage like you were born for it.
“What are you doing this weekend?” He was suddenly rushing out and your eyes widened in surprise again at the fact his voice had come out much louder now, like he’d forced himself to say it. You didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then you were shaking your head to signal that you weren’t doing anything set in stone. “Come to our next show.”
“To your show?” You were repeating in bewilderment and he was nodding his head quickly as he scanned over your face hesitantly, wondering if you were going to reject him. Eventually you were biting the inside of your cheek after contemplating for a while and glancing at him. “O-okay.. yeah sure.”
——
“Y/N, the phone for you.” Your mothers screaming voice was floating up the stairs and you groaned softly into your pillow, laying on your stomach and overthinking the events of the previous weekend like you had been for days.
It was pretty uneventful after your conversation with Heeseung, both falling into a silence or offering small laughs and quick glances as you listened to your friends talk and get to know each other better. He must’ve been telling the truth about not talking much because nobody looked over at him once expectantly although you noticed his band mates keeping an eye on the two of you occasionally.
Eventually you and your friends had left the basement and the pink haired boy had spared you a quick wave through the window as the taxi pulled off.
You’d listened to your friends excitedly talk the entire way back to your neighbors and pry you for details about what you’d been talking about with him, not noticing the bitter expression on your face when you noticed how surprised they seemed that he’d chosen to speak to you.
Now it was Thursday and you were thinking about it all again, replaying it over and over and finding something new to be embarrassed about each time you did. Heeseung was surprisingly soft spoken and slightly awkward considering his appearance but you knew it held no parallel to how terrible you were at socializing.
“Y/N.” Your mom was screaming again and this time you rolled over as you groaned, letting it fill the room before you were getting off your bed and heading down the stairs.
Your mom was standing there with the phone in her hand, watching you with an excited expression and your face was pulling forward in confusion as your steps hesitantly slowed to a stop. “It’s a boy.” She was whispering and pointing at the phone with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
You were snatching the phone away from her and walking around the corner into the hallways, stretching the chord as far as it could possibly go and waving a dismissive hand at your mom when she was poking her around the corner in curiosity.
“Hello?” You were breathing into the phone and it was a heavy silence for a few seconds before you could hear somebody clearing their throat on the other side.
“Hey Y/N, it’s Heeseung.” He was announcing and you froze up at the sound of his soft voice coming through your speaker, clutching the phone tighter in your hand and shifting it against your ear. “Um.. like the guitar guy.”
You were laughing softly at the fact he felt the need to specify, most likely growing nervous from your extended silence. “I know who you are Heeseung.”
“Cool… yeah cool.” He was breathing back and letting out his own nervous laugh, a small smile building on your face at how awkward he seemed now. You liked how different he was in each setting, confident and sensual on stage and casual and calm when surrounded by his friends in a familiar area. Now you were seeing what he was like on his own, mirroring a personality similar to yours.
“D-did you need something?” You tried to keep your tone light so he didn’t think you were bothered by the fact he had called despite your confusion over how he’d gotten your number or what exactly he wanted.
Your heart was racing slightly as you listened to him inhale over the phone, feeling a bit ridiculous over your own reactions but you couldn’t help but think about his soft pink hair and the piercings your mom would definitely disapprove of. She glared at Heejin’s bare skin every time she came over during the summer so you couldn’t imagine her reaction to seeing Heeseung’s group of friends.
“I was just calling to make sure you were still going to the show and Sunghoon said I should tell you to bring your friends.” He was explaining in a low tone and you could hear shushing in the background, your smile widening at the realization he was around some of his friends. “I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to convince Heejin to give him a tattoo but it would be safer anyways with more people.”
“Alright, yeah we’ll be there.” You were telling him back swiftly and you surprised yourself by how naturally it came out of your mouth, no stutter or hesitation.
“Cool.” You could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said the word again, almost repeating it like he did the first time but seemingly catching himself before he did. “I’ll see you there then?”
“Yeah… yeah you will.”
——
“So he like directly invited you.” Riki was asking for the sixth time that night and you sighed softly when he was bumping his elbow into your arm with a smile on his face, clearly excited about the recent development in your life.
“Is it that surprising?” Your tone was stiff along with your posture, somehow once again finding yourself in a cold line outside of a random concert venue downtown.
“Not at all Y/N.” Sunoo was quickly interjecting once he realized you were taking offense to their over excitement, offering him a small tired smile due to his habit of trying to make you feel better. “We are just happy for you.”
You were about to remind him that there was no reason to be happy or excited and that you and Heeseung had just gotten along, nothing else, but you were interrupted by the staff who was checking tickets approaching your group. You watched as he took a look at Riki’s and then his school ID, promptly marking his hand with a solid black X before he was turning towards you expectantly.
He was looking at your ID with a bored expression but before he was able to hand it back to you and give you a similar marking, he paused and did a double take as he looked at the words. “Y/N? You’re on the list.”
“The list?” Your voice was soft in confusion and buried under the sound of your friends excited squeals and laughters, feeling Joonie’s hands come up to squeeze your shoulders and shake you softly.
You weren’t understanding what was happening until you were being moved forward, hearing Heejin clarify that you all were allowed early entry before she was smiling brightly and practically caring you with the rest of them as you entered the venue ahead of everybody else. You felt a flush come up to your cheeks when you realized that Heeseung had clearly mentioned you to the staff of the building and that’s why you were currently skipping the line and heading towards the back of the venue.
It was a different place than last time, bigger and seemingly more concert specific in comparison to the bar you were at last time.
The staff member was leading you down a hallway until you were stopped in front of a door with chipping paint, a piece of paper stuck to it with tape and the bands name in big sharpie letters. You smiled softly at their names all scribbled around the bold font, knowing they must’ve stuck it outside themselves as a mock dressing room.
You felt a wave of anxiety rush up with the employee was knocking on the door twice before turning to head back outside and control the growing crowd but you didn’t have any time to panic before it was being thrown open.
“You came.” Heeseung’s eyes were wide as he looked down at you in surprise and you were parting your lips to answer him before your friends were impatiently pushing into the room, practically shoving you forward into him.
He helped steady you when you made a small noise of surprise and you were glancing up at him in embarrassment, face undoubtedly red considering he was holding onto your arms even once your feet were flat on the ground. “You look…”
You felt overwhelming self conscious when his gaze was dropping down, scanning over your outfit and body before meeting your eyes again. You’d mistakenly let Heejin and Joonie dress you after they practically spent two hours begging, remembering how awkward you felt being improperly dressed last time.
It felt even worse to be in clothes you weren’t at all used to or comfortable with and you couldn’t tell what Heeseung was thinking just based off his expression.
“It looks really good.” He was breathing out finally and you felt a wave of relief at his statement, and then self judgment for caring what he thought in the first place. “Are you sure you’ll be comfortable though? I have a sweater you can wear.”
You froze up slightly as he continued to speak to you in a calm voice, somehow sensing your anxiety over the outfit despite only speaking to you a few times. You were half flattered that he cared enough to lend you some clothes and half humiliated that he could tell you didn’t normally wear things like this.
He must’ve seen outfits like this on hundreds of girls every time he had a show, knowing half the crowd would be dressed similarly to you but wearing it with a confidence and aura that you severely lacked. You didn’t have an overwhelming presence like Heejin or an alluring personality like Joonie and you’d always felt bland in comparison.
You were awkwardly glancing around the makeshift dressing room and pleased to see your friends and the band engaging in their own excited conversations and not paying you any mind.
Then your gaze was landing on one of the mirrors across the room and you were freezing up when you caught sight of you and Heeseung, still standing closer than you’d thought you were with his hands touching your arms. You almost didn’t recognize yourself for a second and despite how awful the clothes felt against your skin, you couldn’t deny that you looked good standing next to him and his similar aesthetic.
“I’ll be alright.” You were turning back to him to answer his question definitively and you tried to hold eye contact with him for a second, easier considering his hair was falling into his face again.
He was wearing eyeliner like he had been the first time you’d seen him outside the venue but it was a lot bolder and messier this time, making his eyes even bigger than they already were but completely changing his energy and appearance in comparison to the version of him you’d seen in his basement.
“Are you nervous?” You weren’t sure why that was the next thing you said to him but his eyes lit up when you whispered the question, staring up at him with wide eyes and saying it so softly he almost didn’t catch it underneath the loud crowd in the distance and your friends behind him.
“I’m excited.” He was responding back and you knew he meant it, no sign of apprehension or hesitation on his face.
You’d never seen somebody look as intense as Heeseung did when he talked about performing, his entire demeanor changing from the awkward boy who you’d been speaking to, almost seeming unsure of himself after every sentence. He didn’t even seem to think at all when he spoke about music or being on stage and you watched him curiously as he rambled on about how it felt to be up there.
You figured he probably knew you wouldn’t ever be able to understand what he was talking about unless you did it yourself but you still felt giddy that he wanted to explain it to you.
He talked about it until another team member was poking his head in to let the boys know that soundcheck was about to start and then the doors would open, also being you and your friends queue to go and get spots in the front row.
“I’ll see you out there then?” He was smiling down at you and giving a gentle squeeze to your arm that he was still holding, your own breaking out on your face despite trying to withhold and you gave him a small nod of approval before he was disappearing out the door after the others.
Your friends were obviously excited for having caught the end of your interaction and although you rolled your eyes as they begun to tease you, you couldn’t rid yourself of the bright grin you were catching between your lips and you started to head back out into the hallway and towards where the crowd would be standing.
You felt okay for now but you were starting to get more and more anxious at the realization that soon the mass of people would surge inside towards you and you’d be stuck in your place against the barricade, white knuckling it as you contemplated heading to the back of the venue and watching from there instead so you wouldn’t embarrass yourself by having a panic attack right in front of the band.
“You know..” Heejin was leaning in against your side to whisper into your ear and you felt her hand squeezing your side affectionately. “Jake said that Heeseung’s never invited anybody to a show before.”
She was pulling away just in time to see your eyes widen in surprise, followed by your face flushing a bright red at the knowing look she was giving you. “Not even his family?”
You knew that the bands music wouldn’t necessarily be everybody’s personal taste, especially those of an older generation, but you couldn’t help but feel slightly confused that he wouldn’t ever ask anybody to come watch him perform. He was clearly proud of what he had created and more passionate than anyone you’d met before.
“It’s just him and his dad I guess.” She was shrugging softly and glancing up at the stage as she spoke. “Apparently he’s a huge hard ass about him doing music.”
Your face was falling into a small frown at what she was saying but you didn’t have a chance to respond before the lights were shutting off and immediately being replaced by the same red ones the other venue had put on for their set, hearing the sounds of the doors opening and feet swiftly approaching the stage.
Anxiety was immediately building up as you were getting more and more constricted in the crowd but you felt slightly better knowing your friends were around you, feeling Riki not so subtly shift his position so he was stood behind you and you weren’t going to be subject to any stranger pressing into your body.
You were going to turn and give him a grateful smile but you were cut off by the sounds of the crowd screaming louder than you’d ever heard, confused on what was causing it before you realized the boys were already coming out onto the stage.
They were only silhouettes at first without the spotlights turned on but you could tell it was Sunghoon who had ended up directly in front of you, glancing across the stage to see Heeseung on the other side beside Jungwon again like he had been the other weekend.
Then the lights were coming on, soft enough to keep the red glow but illuminating each member and their instruments. You smiled widely and couldn’t help the scream that leapt from your throat, joining in with your friends and the rest of the crowd as excitement started to fill you. You’d never been in a setting like this before and you were quickly understanding why it was so addicting.
You were already watching Heeseung from the moment he stepped on stage so you definitely didn’t miss the way his eyes were scanning the front section of the crowd, only settling once they passed by you before quickly backtracking as a smile curled up on his lips.
Jungwon was starting to speak into the mic and introduce them like you’d heard him do last week but you were preoccupied, watching the pink haired boy and giving him a small nod of acknowledgment with a soft smile.
Then the show was starting and you quickly realized that what you had seen last time was nothing in comparison to actually being in the crowd, an energy taking over you that you didn’t even know you possessed. You were dancing along with Heejin and gripping Sunoo’s arm in excitement as he screamed and sang along, all the while keeping your eyes on Heeseung.
He was almost like a completely different person on stage, more than just his energy considering the fact even his gaze was new to you. He was a lot more intimidating when he was staring down at you with hooded eyes, the eyeliner more smudge now and thankfully distracting you from the skillful way his fingers moved along the guitar strings.
It was hard not to think about him to the level you’d been trying to deny when he was looking at you for almost the entirety of the show, seemingly checking on you when the crowd got particularly wild and at other times almost looking smug because of how transfixed you seemed. His lip would curl into a cocky smirk that you didn’t even think he could manage and you’d feel your heart thump alive in a way it never had before.
You spent the next few months following this exact routine with him.
Every week, in the middle of it or sometimes as early as the day after a show, he’d call your house and your mom would yell your name up the stairs. He’d softly invite you to the next show and you’d excitedly tell him that you’d be there, despite knowing he already knew the answer and you knowing he just liked to hear you say it.
Sometimes you’d take your friends with you but eventually you got comfortable enough to go by yourself, you’d be let in early with a small smile to the bouncers and you’d always ask him the same question before he got on stage.
“Are you nervous?” You’d say for the dozenth time even though you knew by now that he wasn’t but every single time his eyes would light up with that fire and passion that you’d been so sucked in by and he’d always repeat the same words back in the same tone.
“I’m excited.”
Heeseung liked it best when you came to his shows so you did it every weekend you were free, even when you’d get too overwhelmed and have to sit in the dressing room or behind the stage if it was available, he just liked knowing you were there to see him and he expressed it to you every single time.
You got closer over that time outside of watching him play too, taking longer to get over that awkwardness you both carried outside of the venues when the adrenaline died down but eventually you’d stopped hanging out solely within your respective groups and started to spend some time alone together.
He’d pick you up in his shitty run down car and your mom would glare at him from the living room window, watching his hair go from pink to blue then to a red that had taken you back a few steps with its brightness when you’d first seen it.
“That’s.. a strong choice.” You’d said after you buckled your seatbelt and you were reaching forward to run your hand through it before you even had a second to think about it.
“My dad hates the color red.” Was all he had responded with and you watched the side of his face as he smiled softly and put the car into drive.
Heeseung wasn’t the most stable person to be around at times but you eventually realized that you’d never felt as comfortable taking up space as you did when you were with him, an addicting feeling that you almost had no choice but to lean forward into and you were thankful that he was always around to catch you.
You’d sit in the basement with the boys as they practiced new songs and Jake had even attempted to teach you to play some songs on the guitar, going to him for help because it felt less intimidating than asking one of the actual guitar players.
It was somehow easy to mesh into their routines and hobbies despite how different you were than them and your most fun high school memories all featured your old friends and new ones hanging out together, all packed into booths at late night diners after a particularly good show or getting makeshift tattoos from Heejin in the familiar basement that you’d spent most of the year in by the time graduation rolled around.
Heeseung was a year older than you and already graduated before you’d met him but he’d made sure to attend and watch you and your friends walk, minus Riki who still had a year left.
You’d all rushed out of the ceremony hall and squished in his car so you could drive across town and watch the rest of his friends at their own school, cheering for them all in your different colored graduation gowns and ignoring the embarrassed look on Jungwon’s face when he gave his class president speech at the beginning.
There were a lot of highs but it all came with lows too and those took you longer to adjust to.
You weren’t exactly sure how to handle it when Heeseung would show up at your house late at night, sometimes bleeding from various places on his face or panting like he’d run all the way there. You’d quickly pull him inside and ignore your moms questioning shout asking who was at the door.
Eventually you had sat her down after dinner and told her that sometimes Heeseung had issues with his dad and he didn’t have anywhere else to go, which was a slight lie on your part but you knew it felt true to him considering he never considered any other options before heading in your direction even if it was across town and a lot less welcoming than one of his friends houses.
She never was a big fan of him, of any of your friends but especially him, despite the gentle way he always said hello to her upon entry and his countless attempts to get on her good side. You’d tried to explain to him that it wasn’t anything personal or anything he was doing wrong and it was just how your mother was but he seemed particularly upset about it despite normally not caring what people thought of him.
“It’s your mom, it’s different.” He was stressing his words to emphasize that it was because she was related to you that it mattered to him and you were furrowing your eyebrows and turning to look at him.
You were sat on your bed together, two months before it happened, and sharing a pair of headphones that was playing a scratchy demo of a song he’d been working on. You were popping the tape out of the device so it would stop abruptly as you sat up a little bit to be able to see his face better.
“Why do you say stuff like that?” You were asking him and he sighed softly like he always did when you begun to pry for answers regarding his behavior towards you.
Despite the way you felt around him and the fact you’d practically become inseparable in the summer following graduation, you’d never directly talked about what your relationship was or even crossed a line that would definitely give you an unspoken answer. Outside of some longing glances and hands resting a little too low on your back, you’d remained pretty platonic other than your own inner thoughts and emotions.
“Don’t know.” He was mumbling softly as he looked at you and you squinted your eyes at him in disbelief but eventually you sighed and shifted back so you were resting against your headboard again, shoulder pressed into his tightly.
When it finally happened, you pretty much assumed that your life was going to abruptly end.
The boys had been growing in popularity now that they were out of school and able to do music full time, still underaged but building enough connections with the local music scene and venues to be able to play more frequently and to older and grittier crowds.
Mixed with the rise of the internet and MTV music videos filled with long haired rockstars and half naked women, it didn’t take long for their talents to get noticed by a few different people who swore they were from the next big company and could guarantee to make Echoes of Riot each millionaires respectfully, offers that were all swiftly turned down by Heeseung (with the advice of Sunoo who had begun to fill a management like role within the group).
You’d never paid much mind to what stardom would mean for the boys despite believing to the deepest part of your heart that they deserved it and were more talented than most the people you heard over the radio. For some reason, some childish idiotic reason, you figured they’d spend the rest of your lives being teenagers playing in bars around your small hometown.
Then one night after a particularly long show, all the boys panting and sweaty as they headed back to their dressing rooms, a man had approached them similarly to the way others did almost nightly.
You knew right away that something was different this time and your friends did too, watching silently as the group stopped in their steps towards the back rooms and actually begun to pay attention to what the man was saying. Heeseung’s eyes were flickering up to yours and you raised your eyebrows at him from where you sat at the bar, shifting out of your seat when he beckoned you closer with a quick flick of his fingers.
The rest of your friends followed you and all of you made your way back to the rooms with the band and the man.
He didn’t seem at all bothered by the additional people in the room as he started to repeat his pitch behind closed doors and your heart started to clench nervously when you realized why he seemed so different.
Min Yoongi actually cared about the music quality and spreading a proper message through your work and performances, opening his monologue with descriptions of how he felt hearing and watching the videos Riki had been posting online of the group and you watched as his eyes twinkled with a passion you’d only ever seen before from the boy sitting next to you.
His hand was resting on your arm and draping over your shoulder on the couch but he couldn’t have been further away from you in that moment, holding onto every word Yoongi was saying and leaning forward occasionally to enthusiastically agree with something he was saying.
It was a jarring change after seeing him barely give the other music people a second of his time for the last few months but you understood that they had this connection you simply weren’t capable of understanding, a mutual trust built through having the same dream and passion and by the end of the first meeting, even without anything even halfway confirmed, you knew things were going to change from then on out.
Yoongi didn’t have a lot of money to invest into the boys but he was dedicated to promoting them and helping them with levels of production you’d only get with decades of experience, upping their discography to even higher levels and it wasn’t long before he was proving himself right.
“Tour?” Your voice was breaking around the word Heeseung had just said, continuing his sentence afterwards but you hadn’t heard a thing he’d said after that, your ears ringing as your face paled. “You’re leaving?”
He was faltering at the unexpected upset in your voice and you would’ve felt guilty for not matching his level of enthusiasm but you couldn’t help the wave of panic overwhelming you as you continued to try and process what he was saying.
“Hey, hey Y/N listen to me.” His voice was soft and you could feel his hand reaching forward to touch and cup your cheek, softly swiping his thumb over your smooth hot skin and shifting on the bed so he was closer to you. “It would only be for a few months, then I’d be coming back. We’d all be coming back.”
You’d somehow not processed the fact that going on tour meant the other boys would be also leaving with him and another wave of sickness swept over you at the realization you’d be losing most of your friends in one swoop, the most constant and positive thing in your entire life since you’d met them.
“I don’t want to leave, baby you know I’d never just leave.” He was quickly continuing when he realized he’d made it worse and your eyes shot up to him at the use of the pet name falling from his lips so casually despite never hearing it directed towards you before. He didn’t even seem to notice that he had said it and he was continuing on despite the surprise on your face. “But… I mean this is it.”
His words were vague but you knew exactly what they meant.
This was the end of the road for the life you’d been so happily living because despite how content and happy you were watching them play small and intimate shows, Heeseung had this hunger for more that would never be satisfied in a place like your hometown.
He didn’t mean to break your heart of course and you were definitely at fault for stupidly falling in love with a rockstar, falling victim to the oldest cliche in the book as you sat at the bus station and cried into Joonie’s shoulder. You watched as their tour bus got further and further out of sight before it was turning a corner and disappearing with all of them on it.
Things were the roughest they’d ever been for the first few months the boys were gone.
Your typical routine had been shattered and you were back to existing like a corpse, moving around from one task to the next with no real excitement or purpose. You’d never necessarily gained one but being around somebody as passionate and driven as Heeseung was like getting a secondhand high and you’d been riding the wave of his interest for the last year, now alone out at sea and stuck scrubbing the counters of a coffee shop in the small downtown area of your city.
You tried to write for the first month or two but eventually it got too hard for you to handle and you started to let Heeseung’s letters pile up. He’d still call your home phone but your mom stopped letting you know when he did and sometimes you’d hear her softly telling him that you weren’t feeling good and she’d have you call back later. She never brought it up and neither did you.
He’d call Heejin and Riki too and sometimes you’d hear his voice when you were talking to Sunoo on the phone. He’d went with them on tour after Yoongi had asked him to be their official team manager, giving him more time to handle the business side of things while Sunoo dealt with their personal schedules and issues. You’d listen to your friend lie and say he was talking to his sister and you’d thank him softly as he sighed and asked why you couldn’t just talk to your shared friend.
You didn’t know how to explain that Heeseung was something you needed to get clean from and hearing from him in small doses would make it ten times harder for you to function.
It was too much to say that his letters kept you awake all night crying as you read about how much he missed you followed by random sketches and song lyrics he was writing about you. They wouldn’t understand why you dropped a full plate of food the first time you heard them on the radio at work or why you stayed up all night to see their first actual interview on TV.
Eventually people stopped mentioning the band to you or at least spoke like the main guitarist and face of the group didn’t exist. It was easy enough to avoid for the first six months and then the articles started to roll out.
The boys hadn’t come home after their first tour and they were “temporarily” staying out in New York where there was more of a network and better opportunities. Part of you was grateful Heeseung hadn’t moved back to town, knowing you’d run into him eventually but you couldn’t stop thinking about him regardless considering the news being put out with his name on the headlines.
“That’s his third fight this week Sunoo.” You were spitting over the phone, balancing it between your shoulder and ear as you aggressively scrubbed at a dish that’d already been clean for the past few minutes. “Aren’t you supposed to be keeping them in check?”
“You don’t think I’m trying Y/N?” His voice was exhausted and desperate and you felt bad immediately for snapping at him, knowing your real anger didn’t result from him. “I have no idea what to do, I’ve never seen him like this.”
All the boys had been subject to some controversy as they continued to gain quick fame and admirers but like always, your brain was laser focused on Heeseung. He was getting into drunken fights routinely and being reported with multiple women who may or may not be fans who like to kiss and tell, photos of him and the other boys looking worse and worse each passing weekend as their rockstar lifestyle truly blossomed into an absolute disaster.
Eventually you started to find yourself ignoring the news again, becoming accustomed to it and already knowing what it was going to be every time Riki sighed entering your job and slid a magazine in your direction.
Three years passed like this and while you had stopped crying every night from how much you missed Heeseung and your other friends, if you could even consider them that considering the lack of communication over the years, you still felt that empty feeling in your skin as you robotically went about your routines and lifeless activities that didn’t hold any real purpose or grand result.
At the end of the third year, stretching into a point where you’d been away from Heeseung longer than you were ever with him, Heejin had told you that the band was back in town.
She’d called you and hesitantly let you know that she had run into Jay at the local grocery store a few hours ago, citing that she hadn’t thought much about it until she was back at her tattoo shop and thinking about you possibly running into one of the boys for as long as they stuck around this time. You’d thanked her for the heads up and then buried your head into your arms in upset, both at how little distance was between you and Heeseung and also regarding the fact Sunoo hadn’t even bothered to tell you they were around.
Half of you expected it, knowing you weren’t teenagers anymore standing in a cold concert line and he didn’t owe you any update on his whereabouts, clearly not telling Heejin either considering her shock upon seeing a familiar face.
Joonie however seemed to know all about it when you hesitatingly mentioned it over lunch with her and Riki after he’d asked you why you seemed so on edge. “Well it’s been on their tour show list for like four months.”
“And you didn’t think to tell anyone?” Riki was voicing your thoughts before you could and his face was curled up in annoyance and betrayal as he shoved a fry into his mouth, clearly just as caught off guard as you and hurt considering he’d also gotten close to the members before they’d left and he was friends with Sunoo for as long as you.
“You always tell me not to talk about them in front of Y/N.” She was whining out and you glanced at the younger boy who looked slightly sheepish as she said something he clearly meant to keep private.
She wasn’t necessarily wrong and you’d grown to realize being around her was going to be hard considering how big of a fan she remained of the band even after their decline into scandal, simultaneously acting like any other fan girl and somehow also constantly bragging to others about how she knew them personally before they’d blown up. Maybe she had mentioned their return at some point but it’d been years since you started to tune her out.
“So they’re not staying?” You were finally speaking again, your voice weak and curious and she gave you a knowing look before nodding and patting your hand.
You weren’t sure why you felt overwhelmingly disappointed that they’d eventually leave again despite the fact you planned to spend the entire time they were here avoiding them and hiding out in your apartment. It was probably for the same reason she was giving you a pity filled look and Riki was picking at the skin around his nails.
It only took a few days for Joonie to push the limit on how much of her interest in the band you could take, answering her late night call to hear her hysterical as she screamed over the sound of passing cars and told you she’d completely stalled on the highway and was going to miss the show.
You told yourself that you began immediately putting on your shoes and grabbing your keys because you were a good friend and you kept repeating it in your head the entire drive to her location, swearing over and over that it had nothing to do with putting yourself closer to Heeseung. Even after her and her two friends had gotten in your car with his face on their tshirts, you swallowed your tongue and promised your heart it wasn’t for any other reason.
It wasn’t because you wanted to see the thousands of fans outside the arena, the show being on the nicer side of town and twenty minutes away from the venues they used to hold small performances for.
They thanked you continuously as you parked and then Joonie was pulling you aside to guilty whisper that you’d need to get your parking validate to be able to leave and return to pick them back up. A wave of nausea rolled over you but you were still convincing yourself you didn’t care so you swallowed your sickness and gave her a tight smile before following them outside the car.
“The booths over there.” She was telling you once you’d gotten inside and she had a wide smile on her face that matched her friends, clutching her ticket and practically beaming with excitement. “So we’ll see you at 11:30?”
“Mhm.” You didn’t trust your voice enough to speak and not give away how you were feeling so you hummed out a response to her question you barely processed before watching them squeal and walk towards the actual check in and entrance.
You rubbed your fingers together anxiously before glancing to your right and sighing seeing the line of people waiting to get their parking validated, teenage girls who looked like they barely could drive mixed in with dads and boyfriends who looked just as exhausted and irritated as you were starting to feel.
For a second you considered just leaving the girls there and asking Heejin or Riki to pick them up afterwards so you could drink yourself delirious and forget you’d ever been this close to the band but your heart clenched thinking about them having to experience the same thing and you told yourself again that you were trying to be a good friend.
You’d been standing in the line for twenty minutes, holding onto your last strand of patience and curiously listening to the fans around you talking about the boys with so much awe and wonderment.
You couldn’t help but smile at some things, hearing them gush about Jungwon’s cheeks or rave about how sexy Sunghoon’s newest guitar was and you felt a bit stupid for the pride filling your chest. You’d been avoiding them and their music, never listening to anything they’d put out in recent years but you felt happy for them knowing they were still igniting that same excitement in people even if they seemed to have lost the passion themselves.
It was almost exactly twenty one minutes later when you were feeling something tap against your shoulder, whipping your head to the side to see who had bumped into you before freezing up completely.
He had a mask on and a hat almost covering his eyes but you knew immediately who it was, eyes widening as you looked at him and then glanced around your surroundings to see if anybody had recognized him too.
“The fans don’t pay much attention to anyone without an instrument.” Sunoo was saying and you could hear him smiling even if you couldn’t see most of his face, breathing out a sigh of relief and pulling him in for a hug before you had a second to think about it.
He accepted it immediately and you were grateful that he wasn’t being distant with you despite the fact that was all you’d shown each other in recent years, melting into your hold as your eyes pricked with tears considering how much taller and thinner he was now. Sometimes when you thought of the boys, they were frozen in time and still teenagers in your head and you felt a bit dizzy as the illusion broke right in front of you.
“How’d you know I was here?” You were whispering out into his chest and then pulling back to stare up at him in amazement, scanning over his covered face.
“Sunghoon saw the hundreds of messages Joonie had sent… she actually had the guts to ask him to pick her up after her car stalled.” He was explaining and you felt embarrassed for your friend even though Sunoo was laughing like it was something funny. You got annoyed with her behavior but she was still your friend and you almost felt offended for her knowing they’d all been laughing at her attempts to reach out, no matter how baseless her connection with them seemed on their side. “We figured that you would’ve been the one to answer her calls.”
“We?” You were asking the second the word fell from his lips and a flash of regret passed over his face. “Do they all know I’m here?”
“Except for him.” He was explaining and you felt his hand squeezing your arm to try and calm you down, a flash of familiarity running through you at the feeling despite slowly recognizing the boy in front of you less and less. “But I imagine one of them is going to slip up sooner or later.”
You were nodding in understanding but your heart started to thump with anxiety and you were grateful that the arena was so full, hoping Heeseung wasn’t dumb enough to run out into a waiting room of fans to try and see you.
“I have to go.” You were practically forcing the words out and your face was pulling into a grimace as you said them, feeling short of breath and dizzy as your past and present finally started to collide despite your years of effort. “Can you…”
You were gesturing towards the parking validation ticket in your hand and he glanced down at it before looking back at your panicked eyes and nodding softly, squeezing your arm one more time before he was taking it and giving you the go ahead to get out of the arena before your chest exploded.
You didn’t know exactly what to say to him, you weren’t sure if this was a see you later or another long term goodbye and he seemed to be thinking the same thing, nodding again when you smiled sadly at him and took a few steps backwards.
Nearly losing your footing as you turned around, you were dizzyingly making your way out of the arenas main center and pushing back out into the chilled air. Your lungs tried to suck in deep breaths and you hurriedly made your way back to the parking garage but you were failing miserably and you eventually gave up all together, pausing in your quick strides and resting again the building with your eyes shut tight.
It wasn’t at all quiet, fans still gathered outside before the show and traffic beeps and honks as people tried to get in and out of the busy area, but your head felt empty and shut down.
The sound of footsteps approaching you crept into your dizzy brain and you took a deep breath before looking up, somehow already knowing who it was going to be without so much as a glance. He was stopping a few feet away from you when you looked up and your legs felt weaker as you stared at him in silence.
He was wearing a mask and a hat like Sunoo and whilst you’d been disappointed earlier about not being able to see your old friends face, now you were extremely grateful for the coverage. It didn’t help much considering you could still see the most recognizable part of him, his big eyes blinking at you in shock.
“You don’t look that surprised.” Heeseung’s voice was shockingly similar to how it was last time you’d heard it in person, the tone only slightly deeper and the only major change being the lifelessness behind his words as he watched you stand up straight.
He was right, for some reason you weren’t at all shocked to see him in front of you but he was in the same spot as you considering he came to find you in the first place. “Should I be? You’re here aren’t you?”
You heard him scoff softly before he was turning his head to look around the area, handful of fans still wandering around but slowly starting to disperse as they made their way insides to find their seats and buy the merch. He was glancing back at you quickly and then he was reaching up to take his mask off.
He didn’t say anything for a while after he took it off and you just stared at him, scanning over his face and the difference that time had handed to him. His features were a lot sharper now, growing into his nose and ears perfectly and you once again were hit with the reality that you’d been apart for a long time and the boy you knew was long gone.
“Sunoo validated your ticket.” He was starting to speak suddenly, awkwardness seeping into his tone due to your prolonged silent stare and you watched him dig into his pocket to retrieve the crumbled up piece of paper the parking machine had given you. “He got busy so I just brought it out.”
“He got busy?” You questioned and took a step forward away from the building, taking it from him swiftly and wincing when your finger brushed against his. “You’re the one in the band.”
He didn’t say anything to that, clearly lying about why he had been the one to bring the ticket out but making no move to correct himself or attempt to be honest with you. You didn’t really mind considering you were in a similar boat, having no real reason to rest again the building like you had other than buying yourself more time in the area.
“You’re not staying?” He was asking and his voice broke slightly which caused a large frown to form on your face, not sure why he had to even ask considering you both knew you weren’t going to watch his show.
“I’ll be back after to..” You awkwardly trailed off and lifted your hand that was clutching the parking ticket, indicating the reason you were there and watching him carefully. “Are you nervous?”
He tensed up as the familiar words fell from your lips and you felt like the air stopped moving for a second before he answered. He’d heard it asked thousands of times since it last was in your voice in that specific tone but it never bothered him before after the first year.
It was asked genuinely by other people, actually wondering if he was feeling nervous or at times doubting his abilities and using it as a way to get under his skin. Nobody ever made the simple question feel as important as you did and he understood why now that he was older and had plenty of time to think about it. You asked him, not because you thought he was or you figured he wouldn’t be able to handle the stage and the pressure, but because you knew it ignited a fire in him.
You’d ask him just to hear him repeat back in a firm voice how excited he was, to see that passion flare up in his eyes and give him an opportunity to voice some solid self confidence before he got up there to perform.
You knew right away that the phrase brought him back as far in time as it did you but your stomach turned at the blank look on his face, nothing arising to the surface at the triggered memory and instead he almost looked like he was deflating as you stood there.
“I’m just… tired.” He was eventually muttering back and clearing his throat before anxiously scratching at the back of his neck, both of you knowing the weight of his unusual answer and preparing to cripple under it once you were out of the suffocating hold his gaze had on you.
The both of you stood there for a few seconds longer before you could hear the screaming getting louder from inside, his head turning towards the building before looking back at you with a defeated expression. You knew without him saying it that he needed to go and that same feeling you had with Sunoo started to creep up again, not knowing what type of goodbye this was.
“There’s a second show tomorrow.” He was rushing out and then chewing on his lip ring as he avoided your questioning gaze. “You’ll be on the list.”
He glanced at you one more time but he seemed to understand that you weren’t going to give him a definite response, nodding his head in conclusion before he was turning around and jogging back towards the side entrance of the arena.
All the air returned to your lungs once he was finally out of sight and then immediately left again once you broke into a heavy sob, stumbling back a bit before quickly gathering your emotions and trying your best to hold yourself together.
You were quickly wiping your tears and glancing around to make sure nobody had been a witness to your abrupt meltdown, reminding yourself why you were there in the first place and heading back to your car like your world hadn’t just been taken off pause.
——
It had only taken you two seconds after the invitation fell from Heeseung’s lips to decide that you were going to go to the show.
He had said it like it was a question but the look in his eye told you that he didn’t think you’d come, but he still had invited you and that stupid part of you felt like that had to mean something. You’d had Riki pick the girls up from the concert that night and you ignored Joonie’s calls and the countless uploads she’d had from the concert.
You didn’t need to see the boys performing like nothing had happened, like your entire life hadn’t been flipped outside down with just a few sentences from the boy you’d tried your hardest to forget about the past few years.
It was a bit hypocritical considering you were currently back at the same exact place you were running from yesterday, this time walking in the opposite direction of the parking validation booth and awkwardly approaching the ticketing line. You felt like an idiot telling the staff that you were on the list, seeing their annoyed expressions and knowing they must hear it a dozen times a night from fan girls trying to get backstage.
“Nice try but there’s only ever been one name on the list and trust me, that seats never been taken.” The man was talking to you in a bored tone and your heart clenched at the implication of what he was saying.
You wondered if it was something Heeseung had done at the beginning of the tour in case you decided to come to one of the shows but he knew you well enough to know you never would and you certainly would never stride in the place without a ticket expecting to be on the list.
Eventually you figured that he had put you on there with the hopes that one day he’d have the guts to invite you and your heart shattered a bit more thinking about the fact that he never did, never even attempting as far as you were concerned and aware of. You cleared your throat awkwardly and rummaged in your bag to pull out your ID and hand it to the man silently.
His eyes flickered down to it for a second before looking back up at your face and you saw a wave of shock come over him, immediately followed by embarrassment for doubting you in the first place.
You gave him an awkward half smile and then an appreciative nod when he was stepping aside and allowing you to enter the main performance area. You were pausing at the top of the entrance way, eyes scanning over the large arena and feeling a bit sick considering how many seats were there and how few of them were empty.
You were starting to regret showing up and preparing to turn around and head back out before the show started but you were snapped out of your panic when your phone was ringing in your pocket. You were snatching it out in hopes that it was one of your friends trying to calm you down but your eyebrows furrowed when you saw it was an unknown number.
Finger hovering over the decline button, you had half the mind to consider the fact it might be Heeseung and you were answering it and putting it to your ear before you had a second to think about it.
“You actually came.” You immediately tensed up when the voice was filtering through the speaker, different and raspier but you knew who it was from the first word.
“How do you know I’m here?” You were dumbly asking and glancing around you like he was going to be standing in the shadows somewhere, frowning slightly when he laughed into the phone.
“He told them to alert him immediately if you ever showed up.” Jake was saying as an explanation and halfway confirming your suspicions about how long you’d been kept on the list despite never coming or reaching out to them. “And you’re finally here.”
“I’m not staying.” You were saying quickly and a rough edge seeped into your voice, something you hadn’t had last time he knew you but he also hadn’t been so cocky and demeaning last time you spoke to him so you were equal in that sense.
He was sighing softly and you paused at the sound, not expecting him to sound so defeated. You’d spoken to Jake more than the others over the years, only a few times but he had come home once or twice to visit family and it was hard to avoid him considering he actively was seeking you and the others out each time.
You weren’t really sure why he kept coming around and eventually you realized that he didn’t seem to know why either, looking more and more lost and less like himself every time you saw him. Jake was always so carefree and happy to be around that time you’d all spent together, genuinely seeming like he felt lucky for all of you and the music they were making together.
This new version of him was the most jarring to you out of everybody else because he had gotten sad and then he had gotten very very cold, almost angry every time you saw him and always feeling like he was on the edge of snapping.
You imagine that helped him out on the stage and you finally felt like he fit the rough drummer image that had been given to him by fans and media despite never making that connection yourself when you had known him. So to hear him sigh softly hearing that you were planning on leaving before they even performed, you were stopping in your tracks and finding yourself willing to hear him out.
“He doesn’t know you’re here yet and he’s driving himself so insane that he’s sick in the bathroom.” He was saying in a lower tone and you imagined that staff and other members were around him considering how soon the show was going to start. “No one can get him to come out but I have a feeling on who might.”
Tears were filling your eyes as he spoke about Heeseung’s condition but you were shaking your head in denial despite the fact he couldn’t see you, wiping your face with your sleeve before whispering back to him in a shaky tone. “I can’t do this Jake.”
“Please Y/N.” He was quickly retorting back and he sounded so similar to how he used to that you felt floored. His tone was genuine and filled with concern for his friend and you’d almost forgotten what he sounded like when he cared about something. “All these years you haven’t answered him, please don’t leave yet. Atleast get him on stage and then you can go and I’ll make sure he can’t find you for the rest of the time we’re here.”
Your breath was catching at the last half of his rushed statement and you were covering your mouth for a second with a shaky hand. It took you a few breaths to think of what to say and he stayed silent on the other line throughout it.
“Promise me.” You were mumbling out and clutching the device so hard you were worried it would crack, hearing nothing on the other side for a bit as your stomach bubbled with thick anxiety. “Promise me you’ll keep him away from me after this.”
It went silent again and you were almost positive that he had hung up the phone before he was speaking again in a defeated tone. “I promise.”
——
If you had gone back to the week before and told yourself that you’d be standing in a room with all of your old friends, you would’ve probably hid under the counter at work and begged future you to leave you alone.
You were trying your best to not showcase the fact that you were absolutely freaking out and filling with more and more devastation every time one of them spoke in their lifeless and annoyed tones, bickering behind you about the purpose of your presence and debating wether it was a good idea or not to allow you to be the one to try and gather Heeseung.
“He invited her for a reason Hoon.” Sunoo was sighing in your defense but he didn’t seem optimistic about it either, barely sparing you a glance since you walked through the door and anxiously checking his walkie talkie every few minutes to try and update the staff.
“Because he saw her yesterday and it fucked him up, he’s not in his right mind.” Jay was snapping before Sunghoon could answer for himself and you flinched at his loud tone, taking a step back when he was standing off the couch and throwing an arm in your general direction to emphasize that it was your fault.
You were frowning deeply at the accusation, not understanding how it could possibly be your fault that Heeseung was having a melt down especially when they didn’t seem that rare for him, his general anxiety and mental health another constant topic in the tabloids.
They continued to argue and you did your best to tune them out while simultaneously trying to ignore the fact Jungwon was silently staring at you from the corner and Jake was only a few feet away from you with his arms crossed. He hadn’t said much to come to your defense but he was continuously shooting you glances like he was trying to monitor your reactions.
You might as well have been in a room full of amped up strangers, possibly high as they paced and jittered about and a part of you felt like you were grieving now that you knew there would be no way to pretend things were still the same, no more pretending time was frozen and nothing had changed.
“Have any of you been able to calm him down this entire time?” You were suddenly asking from near the wall and it was the first time you’d spoken since you’d gotten in there.
The reaction was immediate and varying from each boy, half of them tensing up and looking more frustrated at the sound of your familiar voice and the others almost instantaneously losing the tension in their shoulders with softened eyes. It was like they hadn’t fully processed you being there until you spoke, talking around you in hypotheticals like you imagined they’d been doing over the years.
You wondered if you were a topic they were supposed to avoid mentioning like Heeseung had become for you. Then you selfishly wondered if they’d missed you at all.
Nobody answered for a while and then Jungwon was shaking his head softly, holding your gaze with a sympathetic look that caused you to nod in understanding. “Isn’t it worth a try then?”
“We have 15 minutes.” Sunghoon was saying in that same cold tone he’d been using but it held some level of defeat this time, slumping back into the couch and saying no form of the objection he had voiced so quickly earlier.
You were being directed to a hallway suddenly by Sunoo and before you could say anything or ask why he was ushering you out, he was hastily pointing to a door and scurrying off back towards the dressing room. You didn’t necessarily need him to explain, hearing the soft sobs and gags coming from behind the door now, but you wished he had given you a bit more time to collect yourself or think of something to say.
You took a deep breath and decided to not stall and try to gather some of the might you had the other night, pushing through the door and pausing once you were on the other side of it.
“If I have to tell you to fuck off one more time I’m going to get everybody in this shitty arena fired.”
Heeseung’s voice was coming from one of the stalls and your entire body locked up at the sound of it, never hearing him quite so angry before but also never hearing him sound so empty and wrecked. He was clearly holding back his sobs now that somebody was in there but you could see one of his leather boots poking into the stall next to his, laying on the floor and most likely clutching the toilet.
You were approaching the plastic door without saying anything and tugging on it softly once you were close to it, your fingers curling around the top of it and pulling it towards you with a small shake.
Heeseung’s words about the arena being shitty weren’t necessarily incorrect considering the lock on the door was immediately budging and it was flying open towards you, revealing you standing behind it to his swollen eyes and allowing you to see his frame curled up on the floor in a sickened despair.
He looked beyond surprised to see you and you were almost worried he was going to throw up again just from the shock of your arrival, his body locking up and then immediately tensing even more when you were taking a reluctant step inside the stall with him. You may have been practically strangers with a heavy history now but you still knew Heeseung better than you knew yourself most days and you felt that same comfort and familiarity as you always did.
So you were sinking to the dirty floor across from him and sighing softly, letting your head lean against the wall of the stall and glancing at him hesitantly.
“You came.” He was finally breathing out and his voice sounded tight because of your close proximity, not necessarily touching but the closest you’d been in almost half a decade. He was struggling to sit up but he eventually managed and stretched his legs out in your direction, both of you sitting in the same position across from each other.
“You invited me.” You whispered back to him with a small sad smile that was slipping away as fast as it came. “I was on the list.”
He didn’t laugh but you could tell he appreciated your attempts to lighten the situation, eyes softening slightly at the way your shoulders raised into a small casual shrug.
“What’s happening Heeseung?” You were asking him but you both knew what it was already and you felt just as sick as he looked as you said his name, almost feeling like a swear word as it fell from your lips naturally. “Why are we here right now?”
“You…” He was pausing as his voice shook and you watched him closely, not missing the way he was avoiding looking in your direction and instead staring down at the shaky hands that were picking at his fingers in his lap. “You stopped answering the letters, you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”
Your shoulders deflated as he spoke in a hurt voice, clearly being bothered by your lack of communication and not at all understanding why you had done it in the first place. You admit that it was a bit childish on your side to completely cut him off without a final conversation but you knew Heeseung would never just let you go like you needed.
“It was only supposed to be a few months Hee, you said you’d come home and you never did.” You tried to keep your tone less accusatory than his but you were also extremely hurt by what he had done.
You’d spend the entirety of your time with Heeseung making him your source of happiness and that was your first mistake because he was always bound to leave. He was always set after something much bigger than your town could ever offer but you guess a stupid part of you thought that you would be enough for him to stay.
You didn’t want him to give up his dreams, it was the entire reason you fell for him in the first place but you just wished time could stay frozen in that summer.
It’d been years and you still could feel him sitting next to you, never smoking with the others because you didn’t even though you knew he did it when you weren’t around. He was always supporting you like that and even though neither of you ever said it out loud, you knew he loved you too. It wasn’t his fault that he loved music more and you could never compare to the feeling it gave him but you tried your hardest.
Sometimes you thought it was working, when he’d come over after practice and you’d lay together in your backyard with its overgrown grass. You’d feel it tickling against your bare skin when you laughed at a stupid joke he made and rolled in the other direction clutching your stomach.
Other times you were once again hit with the reminder that he was only temporary, you’d see him zone out listening over and over to tracks he’d been producing or his eyes would go wide with amazement any time you went to a show that wasn’t his.
And you were completely right about him being temporary up until now, watching him sit across from you with that broken expression on his face that made you sick every time you locked eyes with him. You weren’t sure what exactly started his decline, you felt guilt for playing a large part in it but you didn’t think it would be much difference if you had stuck around his life anyways.
Maybe you would’ve begged him to come home when he started going to star filled parties, too many drugs to avoid and too much pressure to fit in to not indulge. Maybe you would’ve called Yoongi and demanded for a hiatus, giving you some time to come see him or bring him back home for a week or two to calm him and his system down.
Maybe you wouldn’t have ended up on the dirty floor of a public bathroom where he was vomiting his guts out just a few minutes ago. You could’ve been back in your long grass or pressed next to him on his dads old couch, still just as young and just as silently inlove with the boy with pretty pink hair and eyes so wide and amazed you couldn’t help but drink them in.
“I would’ve stayed.” He was finally forcing out the words necessary to snap you from your thoughts, the words you’d been considering for the past few years. “If you told me to stay I would have in a second.”
“And then what?” You were retorting quickly but your tone was weak and sad instead of bitter and iced over, shaking your head softly and giving him another sad smile and humorless laugh as you considered the option. “We grow old together with you secretly hating me for ruining your dreams, I live with the guilt of making you do that.”
“I could never hate you. Nothing could ever make me hate you, trust me I’ve tried.” His tone was the opposite of yours, aggressive and nasty as he spat out the words like they burned but you knew his anger wasn’t directed at you necessarily.
You let the two of you fall into an unfamiliar silence, giving him time to collect himself before he accidentally said something he’d eventually end up regretting even more than he already was.
He didn’t say anything either and he seemed to understand what you were doing, sighing out a shuttered breath before he was scooting forward across the floor until his knees were knocking against yours. You glanced up at him and your face fell at the exhausted look on his face, leaning forward similarly until you could wrap your hands around his and squeeze them tightly with your thumbs rubbing over his calloused skin.
Heeseung was sucking in a breath at the feeling of you touching him and then he was breaking into small hiccuped sobs that left you feeling heavy and lost on what you could do to help him.
You were letting yourself sink back into the past when you were moving forward even more so you could pull him closer towards you, his upper half practically in your lap now as you cradled his head and softly pet his damp hair that was dyed black now and messily falling into his eyes.
Your own eyes were falling shut and you were resting yourself on top of him, half hugging each other and half just giving up and letting the weight of his body and yours combine into a mess of limbs and heavy sobs. It was making you feel both better and worse, feeling him so close again but not knowing if it was the last time and also holding the knowledge that you’d missed such a large portion of time with him like this.
It wasn’t possible to get back everything you’d missed, it wasn’t possible to rewind and start over and you weren’t sure there was any way to prevent this amount of hurt anyways.
You could’ve asked him to stay with you all those years ago but then you’d never see that light within him again and you know it would always be on the back of his mind, his fingers and heart always aching for more than what you could give him and you’d stay up countless nights regretting making him give that up for you.
Maybe if you had answered his letters, picked up his relentless calls and heard him out when he didn’t come home. He could’ve had a good reason or maybe just hearing him finally say he loved you would be enough for you to handle the impossible distance.
So many what ifs that you’d never get the answer to because you weren’t there and you’d never get back there again no matter how much your heart still held onto the past and your love together.
Instead you were here and this was where the road with him had led you, cradling each other as the crowd cheered for him outside and it fell on your deaf ears. You knew he wasn’t going to let you go and you weren’t going to make him, you weren’t going to make him choose again and you didn’t know if that would be enough this time but you listened to him cry and prayed it would be.
Heeseung sung out a choir of sobs and gasps into your chest and you knew you would stay with him for as long as he needed you too, until his cries died down or your legs went numb.
Until the cheers fell into silence and the fans went home for the night disappointed, at least holding the knowledge that the music would still be there tomorrow.
You still weren’t positive that he was really here with you and he still felt as fleeting and temporary as he did when you first had met him, wide eyed and stuttered conversations. It was only a small flicker of hope and comfort that your love for him was the most permanent thing you’d ever experienced.
And that small flicker was more than enough for you.
#enhypen#enhypen drabbles#enhypen fanfiction#heeseung#heeseung drabbles#heeseung x reader#jake enhypen#heeseung smut#sunghoon enhypen#heeseung fanfic#heeseung angst#heeseung au#heeseung fic#lee heeseung x reader#enhypen jay#sunoo enhypen#jungwon enhypen#enhypen riki#niki enhypen#enhypen au#enhypen smut#enhypen angst#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fic
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Cut the Shit-Delusion, Sweetheart | Cillian Murphy x fem!reader
summary: A young actress confesses her feelings to Cillian Murphy, this is how he responds.
warning: This is a much different story than I usually write but I think it's one that we all need in moments of pain and loneliness; to allow ourselves to feel sad and disappointment and hurt. We use people like Cillian to comfort ourselves and give ourselves reasons to be happy and sometimes we need moments to be sad. I was inspired by Fleabag (of course) and an AI edit I saw of Cillian where he turns someone down and its really sweet even though it breaks my heart lol. Age-diff, 1 noncon kiss, talk of infidelity.
word count: 1791+k
Blue Light- Mazzy Star 🎶
Don't interact if you're a Yvonne-hater, please and thanks <3
She hesitated before she knocked on the side-door of Cillian’s trailer. This desperate feeling overwhelmed her and she knew that she couldn’t sleep unless she went to him and confessed how she felt. She’d been plagued by dreams of them together, these beautiful, perfect dreams that poisoned her sleep like melatonin. She loved him and whether or not he felt the same way, she needed to tell him. She exhaled shakily as she dropped her arm back to her side. She was wearing her normal clothes, out of costume finally after a long day of shooting. She lost her sense of security behind the battlements of her gowns and numerous frilly things. She couldn’t hide her feelings behind her character anymore.
The door opened and Cillian leaned against the doorframe in a casual greeting.
“Don’t tell me we have a late night call time tonight, I’m fucking exhausted.” He smiled with his lopsided grin, his wide lips framing his teeth.
“No, but there is some business I need to attend to. May I come in?” She returned his smile and mirrored his posture.
“Sure, come on.” He stepped aside and raised his arm in a welcoming gesture for her to pass through the door. She nodded in silent thanks and stood awkwardly in his trailer which was simple and quaint. Except for the unmade bed, the trailer was neat and orderly.
“Oh fuck I’m sorry, were you asleep when I knocked?” She blushed and squeezed her palms together in an anxious gesture.
“Nah, I was just reading the script for a movie my agent wants me to do next.”
“Oh,” she nodded and turned her attention to the rack of costumes his character wore, “is it any good?”
“It's definitely interesting but I don’t think it’s t’e right film for me.” He sighed and sat on the edge of his bed. Cillian was wearing a plain t-shirt and pajama pants, and seeing the innocent-intimate side of his life made her want so desperately to kiss him. She sat on the small couch he had in the trailer and tried to smile.
“That’s too bad. Is it anything I’d like?” She joked and he nodded seriously.
“Actually, yeh. I’ll send it over once I’m through. I’ve been re-reading it.” He moved his hands through the air as he spoke, so unlike his characters. She almost laughed and he smiled.
“So, what can I do for you? You said you had some business to attend to. Sounds serious. Should I be worried?” He raised his eyebrow and crossed his legs, his hands cupped around the edge of the mattress. She tried to speak and immediately failed. Frustrated and embarrassed tears filled her eyes and she hid them by looking up at the ceiling. Cillian furrowed his brow, concerned.
“What’s wrong?” He leaned forward on the bed and she shook her head, laughing lightly at herself.
“I feel so incredibly stupid now for coming here.” She looked away and the bed squeaked softly as Cillian stood and joined her on the couch. She scooted over to give him some room and picked at the skin on her hands.
“You can always come to me. Whatever it is.” He said softly and the air around them stilled with anticipation.
“Oh don’t say that, Cillian. You’re so kind…” she started to cry and tried to hide her face.
“Fuck, I hate tears, please don’t cry! Did somet’ing happen?” He raised his hands helplessly, holding them over her without being sure what to do with them. She nodded her head slowly and hiccuped pitifully.
“You’ll have to forgive me for my comforting abilities. I’ve never been good on t’at front and I have boys so I’m better at comforting members of the male species.” He shrugged and smiled, trying to lighten the mood. She laughed despite herself and wiped her eyes. She stood and paced the front of the trailer, knowing that it was now or never.
“Cillian, this is such a horrible way to end your nice evening but I can’t continue on set without getting this off my chest. I hope you’ll forgive me.” She dared herself to look at him and he met her eyes, holding her eye-contact with mature resolve.
“Of course.” He nodded softly, wrinkling his forehead, now more concerned with what his costar was going to tell him. He was naive. He assumed she was going to tell him that she couldn’t work with him anymore or that something had happened in their scenes that had made her uncomfortable. He shifted uneasily on the couch, watching her. She tried to speak a few times but exhaled and shook her head. Cillian stood and met her where she was standing. He was a good few feet taller than her and so much older, but having him there beside her made the feelings she wanted to tell him about so much stronger.
“Cillian, this isn’t easy to say,” she looked down at her hands and then up into his clear blue eyes. “I have feelings for you, more than our professional relationship can offer. Working with you on set all this time has… it’s made my feelings so much harder to ignore, Cillian.”
He froze and remembered to breathe, drawing in a startled breath.
“T’at wasn’t what I was expecting you to say.” He ran his hand over his mouth and looked away, his blue eyes moving through his hidden thoughts.
“I know you probably don’t feel the same but I just… it’s driving me mad, Cillian. It’s becoming a form of method acting that isn’t fun anymore.” She tried to laugh lightly but grimaced and put the backs of her hands against her burning cheeks.
“Yeh…” he nodded and sighed, his eyes wide.
She groaned and returned to the couch, sitting on her sweaty hands.
“I can go, Cillian. I can leave if you don’t want me here anymore.” She whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.
“No, no. We need to talk t’rough this.” He said calmly, slowly, and covered his mouth with his freckled hand.
“Oh God, I’ve gone and fucked everything up. I’m sorry Cillian. I knew you didn’t feel the same but I still let myself go to you.” She leaned back against the couch and pulled her hands through her hair and pulled the skin back from her face.
“Stop it. Don’t say t'at.” Cillian snapped not unkindly but sternly and took a deep breath. “See, we need to talk about t’is so we can still work together, eh?” He ran a hand through his own dark hair and looked at her for a moment, thinking.
“How, Cillian? If you knew how I felt about you… it’s maddening. I can’t sleep, Cillian. You’re all I think about as pathetic as it sounds,” she took a deep breath, “I love you. And now you’ll hate me.” She continued and moved her hands, clasped together between her knees.
Cillian sighed and moved abruptly to her side on the couch, opening his body towards her.
“Don’t talk for me, eh? Look, I understand. It’s hard to not develop certain er… feelings when we do what we do, right?” He cocked his head to the side and licked his lips awkwardly.
“I know I’m childish, Cillian, but I can’t help it. I’m suffering without you… without more from you, more than we can do on set.” She whined and rubbed her shoulders as if she were cold. “Can you indulge me? Do you feel even a little of what I do?” She whispered, looking deeply into his eyes. He said nothing for a second before running his hands up and down his face, exhaling loudly into his palms. He put his hands down and leaned towards her on his elbows.
“I’m married, sweetheart. Yvonne is my wife and I love her.” He whispered softly, his hands splitting the space between them.
“But I love you.” She whispered back and leaned in to kiss him. He allowed her to kiss him once and when she pulled away, dejected, he took her chin gently.
“Cut the shit-delusion, sweetheart. You’re young… far too young for me. You may t’ink you love me but you don’t know me.”
He took her face in his hands and smiled sadly as tears rolled down her pink cheeks.
“I know you’ll find someone who truly loves you. You’re a beautiful young woman who has her entire life ahead of her. I’m flattered t'at you feel t’at way about me but we can’t, I can’t. If the roles were reversed and we were married and Yvonne approached me, wouldn’t you want me to stop t’ings before t’ey went too far?” He supported her head as she dropped it slightly to the side. She felt empty of words and so he continued.
“You’re a darling girl but you know we can’t do t’is.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb and wiped away her tears. “You need a boy your age who knows how to love you in the way you need to be loved. I only know how to love my wife… and she’s the only one who knows how to love me.”
“I could have loved you in whatever way you needed.” She whispered weakly and he smiled softly.
“I know, sweetheart,” he soothed her like a father, “but you wouldn’t have been happy wit' me. You’re out of my league and you would have gotten bored of me.” He joked lightly and she allowed a pained smile to form on her lips.
“I’m sorry, Cillian. I feel like such a fool.” She closed her eyes and he hugged her close.
“Nah, you’re still a kid. You’re many t’ings but foolish is not one of ’em.” He squeezed her tightly and kissed her head affectionately. “You’re a good kid and a great actress. We’ll be fine, the two of us, eh?” He pulled away and she wiped her eyes dry.
“I’ll try.”
She kissed him briefly on the cheek and rose to her feet. She walked to the door and looked back at the actor with a small smile, the door open in front of her.
“Goodnight, Cillian.”
He nodded from the couch.
“Y/N?”
“Yes?”
Cillian stood and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants, shrugging his shoulders up to his ears.
“You weren’t the only one.... That is, you weren’t the only one who felt…” he broke off and cleared his throat, “but it's better t’is way, yeh?.... It’ll pass, love. It’ll pass.”
He met her eyes one last time and she nodded sadly yet full of a completeness found in their mutual understanding.
“Goodnight, Cillian.” She said again and closed the door behind her and left the trailer, walking with her back to the wind. Cillian collapsed back on the couch and looked at his watch, wondering if Yvonne was awake. She always answered his calls. She put up with everything, God bless her. She was everything and more than he deserved. He rang her up and she answered after the second ring, her voice ringed with sleepiness.
"Heya, love." He whispered with a smile, "No, everyt'ing's fine. I just wanted to call you. I miss you, girl. Yeah, yeah. Put them on."
#cillian x fem!reader#cillian murphy#cillian murphy x reader#cillian x reader#cillian x y/n#cillian fluff#oppenheimer#cillian fic#cillian fanfic#fanfiction
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*standing menacingly at the door* i made u something
anyways lol. i had a lot of school work and was really busy freaking out and stress studying for a singular test that was 4 questions and would be over in like an hour and then i proceeded to cry about it in my car for various reasons.
but yk what that means!
time for our irregular and unscheduled update of
Gotham Academy's Mentorship Program
this episode featuring a fan favorite: Duke Thomas (aka The Signal - but thats kind of irrelevant for this)
you were supposed to read that like it was from a '90s sitcom and the off screen crowd cheers rly loudly.
some house keeping updates: this scene happens in the beginning of the school year (going by the american system should be september) danny meets damian (and upsurges tim on the same day) around midterm which is around october and then the stuff with jason and damian's drawing happens around december. i kinda accidentally burned the irl timeline for anything dc first scene so now im just gonna do whatever i want.
anyways with out further ado:
table of contents
scene 04: after school activities for normal kids
Duke stood around the corner of the classroom awkwardly, wondering if he had made the right call. Sure the bats and the birds had a plethora of hands on deck any time, but most of them specialized as night time heros. Not to say that they were incompetent or anything, they were some of the most skilled and innovative people Duke had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Sure if anything happened, they could handle it, at least until Duke could slip away and show up as the Signal- Alfred and Bruce had assured him so much. But Duke couldn’t slip the guilt of busying away more of his time to after school activities when he could be patrolling or studying instead,
But Duke had wanted to do something outside of those things, which was specifically why he had made the difficult decision to join a few clubs and after school activities. He could use a break from being surrounded by people who worked the vigilante life-style just to remember how to be a normal civilian. Let himself take a break from constantly be consumed by one case or another, one disaster or another, not being able to do enough no matter how much he tried or how much time he spent patrolling.
Duke needed to feel grounded, like his feet were on the ground and he could press the brakes and smell the fragrance of life. Even if the fragrance was a forgotten pile of dog s-
“Alright,” The instructor for their culinary club started with a weird German accent that sounded really fake. “I am Herman. You can call me Chef or Chef Herman or just Chef. I will not bore you all with the boring introductions, and let's head right into the cooking, yes. On this paper here I made the partners for all of you to cook with for the rest of the year. If you have problem with it then quit.”
This Herman guy seemed like quite the character, and was definitely not helping any of Duke’s previous anxieties. Many of Duke’s clubmates seem to think so too, sending their friends various looks. But no one spoke out, and instead shuffled to the front to look at the singular sheet of paper that would assign them their partners. Duke finally made it to the front and saw that he was paired with a Daniel Fenton at Station 7.
Crossing his fingers that Daniel had at least only a half-rotten personality, Duke made his way over to station 7. The station was already prepped with an assortment of ingredients and cooking equipment. Duke had already set his stuff down claiming the seat closer to the exit (in case) when a lanky kid comes over, “Uh, your Duke Thomas?” He asks hesitantly looking back at the front counter the partner assignment sheet was.
It took Duke an awkward second longer to realize that this kid was probably his partner. “Oh yeah I am.” He laughed apologetically, “You must be Daniel.”
“Danny’s fine.” The boy smiled, absentmindedly brushing his messy black hair out of his face, his glacier blue looking at the equipment. Duke couldn’t help but feel like there was something off about Danny. Not in Gotham’s usual psycho-maniac-out-to-terrorizer-the-city-and-kill-innocent-people kind of off, more in a he’s not in sync with the rest of the world off. While Chef Herman explained the general structure of various types of kitchen and kitchen hierarchy that Duke was already familiar with, Duke tried to get a read on him.
Weird did not mean threat, after all many of the Justice League- heck even the local Wayne/Batclan were pretty weird- and they (usually) didn’t mean any harm. It wouldn’t be fair of Duke to jump the horse like that.
Deciding he should try to be friendly with him, Duke leaned over, “Is it just me or is Chef Herman’s accent totally fake?” he whispered.
“Oh, Ancients,” Anciets? “I thought I was just going insane.” Danny sighed in relief with a small chuckle. There was a moment of silence between the two of them where no one said anything for longer than socially acceptable and Duke debated using his powers to see if he could find a clue or something. That seemed kinda invasive, though.
When the Chef had started instructions on making today's recipe, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Danny helped Duke measure out the ingredients. “So,” Danny tried again, “What are you in for?”
“What am I…” Duke repeated confused,
Danny chuckled awkwardly, “Like why you joined the club.”
Duke seriously needed to get his head in the present; this was getting embarrassing. “Oh.” He nodded in understanding, “I’ve always liked cooking,” Duke shrugged, “When I was little my parents and I would always cook together, and it was always one of my favorite things to do. And I’ve kinda always liked it, but I fell off of it for a while with school and stuff,” emphasis on the stuff “I thought joining a club could help me get back into it and get away from… everything.” That was a little more candid than Duke had planned on being with someone he had met quite literally a few minutes ago, but it felt good to have that out of his chest. The pleasant memories of his parents swimming in his mind. Mixing the dry ingredients, “Sorry that was kind of a lot.” Duke laughed genuinely this time.
“Dude, no it’s actually so cool that you like to cook.” Danny said admiration was easy on his face, and Duke couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed.
“What about you, then?”
“Ugh,” He groaned jokingly, “You can’t seriously be asking for my lame ass reason after you pulled out the flashbacks.” Danny whined, letting the oven preheat like Chef told them to.
“C’mon, it’s only fair.” Duke played along, already ahead of the other groups.
Danny sighed, “Promise you won’t laugh.”
“Okay, it can’t be that bad.” Duke could already feel the smile cracking on his face.
“It is.” Danny drawlled, “So I live in the dorms right, and I got to pull some strings and room with one of my friends from back home this year. And well, let’s just say my family has a bit of a reputation for causing problems, and the kitchen definitely wasn’t an exception. One time my dad tried to make some soup for my mom because she got sick.” Duke nodded approvingly, that was a sweet gesture, “It was all fun and games until the bomb squad had to show up and long story short we had to move.”
“You’re joking.” Duke gaped at the bizarre story, but at Danny’s solemn expression, Duke couldn’t help but be appalled, “A bomb squad over soup.”
“My parents were never really heavy on lab safety,” Danny added, as if that explained everything, “But I burn one pot of water and maybe make a few extra-crispy eggs, and suddenly its all ‘Danny you’re not allowed in the kitchen unless you start taking actual classes’ and ‘Danny that's a biohazard’.”
“You burned a pot of water.” Duke echoed, Danny nodded innocently, “Water doesn’t burn.”
“Well, maybe you’re just not trying hard enough.” Danny sneered, trying to crack an egg on the corner of the bowl only for all the shell to fall in the bowl and the yolk on the counter.
“Somehow, I don’t think that’s true.” Duke said, taking the bowl from him and expertly cracking an egg single handedly. Danny looked on in awe. “You said you live in the dorms?” Duke asked easily.
“Oh yeah, all of the non-local scholarship kids have to.”
Before Duke could respond, a girl from the station in front of them whips her head around, “You said you’re here on a scholarship?” She asked almost oppressively.
Danny just as taken aback as Duke felt, “Uh, yeah.”
“Me, too. Have you heard anything about the Mentorship Program here? Apparently we all have to join.” The girl’s partner was looking between Duke and Danny confused, but returned to their cooking uninterested.
“Oh, yeah. They make us all join.” Danny nodded.
“I heard from some of the older kids, that no one actually gets picked for that. It’s just like a weird formality thing.” The girl spoke animatedly, “What department are you in?”
“Applied physics and engineering design.” The oven beeps that it was ready but no one moved.
The girl seemed to deflate that answer, “Oh, I’m doing culinary science.” And with that solid conclusionary statement, she turned around and got back to her work station.
Danny blinked, processing what just happened and slowly turning to look at Duke for proof that just happened. But the second the both of them met each other’s eyes, they burst into a fit of silent laughter.
Bent vunuralably over the table, trying to catch their breath, they were accosted by Chef Hermon. “The two of you are having a comedy club, not a cooking club.” Chef crossed his arms at the edge of the table. Duke was pretty sure he was trying to sold them, but the fake accent was making it hard to tell.
Danny cleared his throat and striated up, “Sorry, Sir.” He apologized quickly.
“Chef.” Hermon peered at them, his hat looking comically large and lopsided on his head now that Duke was getting a closer look.
“Sorry, Chef.” Duke amended, trying to keep his cool.
“Yes, finish cooking your cookies.” He nodded satisfied, leaving their station.
“Okay so,” Duke tried to recount what the last thing they did was, but one look at Danny trying desperately to hold in his laugh had ruined all of Duke’s efforts as well. Barely managing to get their cookies in the oven, over Chef’s fake german accent and floppy oversized chef’s hat.
“So scholarship for applied physics and engineering design, huh.” Duke recounted from earlier, impressed.
“Yeah…” Danny trailed off embarrassed, “It sounds kinda snotty.”
“Dude. That’s literally one of the hardest departments to get into, and the scholarship is no sneeze either. There’s no doubt you worked your butt off to get that.” Duke assured Danny as they sat in their stools waiting for the cookies to finish.
“Thanks,” Danny smiled sheepishly. They sat in a much more comfortable silence now before Danny spoke again, “What grade are you in by the way?”
“I’m in 10th. General studies for now, but I was thinking of doing medicine. You?”
“I could totally see you as a hot-shot doctor.” Danny nodded approvingly, “11th. Technically, I’m your upperclassman then.”
“Technically?” Duke asked.
“I mean, how old are you?”
“15.” Duke supplied confused.
“Me too. I skipped a grade in elementary school, so we’re actually the same age.” Danny explained, sheepishly.
“Dude, you're actually way smart.” Duke gaped in awe.
“Hey medicine isn’t a day walk either.” Danny nudged his arm playfully, “I’m glad the mentorship thing is just for show, though. Now that we’re upperclassmen, y’know. I would not want my hands full with some random rich kid.”
Duke laughed, “Yeah, that definitely sounds like a lot of work.”
Easily unfolding the conversation into various topics and interests Duke found that he didn’t mind that the cookies were burnt. Or that Danny was definitely weird. But in a good way. Duke was glad they met and would get to hang out and cook with their weird not-German Chef every week. And if Danny and Duke exchanged numbers and planned to hangout outside of club activities, then well who was going to stop them.
#a little fluff to make our day better#duke and danny#the world definitely needs more of them#they start off a little shaky but their bffs at the end#danny heard the chef's weird accent and thought it was bc of time travel shenanigans and decided it was just best not to comment on that#duke will def be rubbing his friendship with danny in the other bat's faces once he gets indoctrinated#jack blew up his house over chicken noodle soup and no one lets him live it down#Gotham Academy's Mentorship Program#dpxdc#dp x dc au#batpham#danny phantom#duke thomas#signal#phantom
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Ow!...oops
Headcanons
How would TR boys react to you hitting them after they scare you
Characters: Souya (Angry) Kawata, Nahoya (Smiley) Kawata, Manjiro (Mikey) Sano, Ryuguji (Draken) Ken
Warnings: Jumpscare you won't see, fluff, humor(?)
A/n: I accidentally scared myself and came up with this. Please give me ideas I don't have any🙏🙏
Souya Kawata
Baby boy
Literally didn't mean to scare you
Scared himself
He was just running to leave school since Toman had an urgent meeting, and you just HAD to walk the same corridor at the same time.
Screamed when he took a turn on the staircase and saw you
You screamed when he screamed
And punched him.
😟....
Say sorry rn.
I mean it.
Literally was about to cry.
"Why are you crying????"
"I'M SOWWY– (y'all remember that manga panel LMAO) I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YO–"
"SOUYA CALM DOWN"
If his brother finds out
Lol
R.i.p
You will be missed
Just give him kisses, and he'll be fine
Also give him bonus cuddles
Just because he's Souya <3
Nahoya Kawata
Not baby boy
Mf did that on purpose
Made you watch a horror film
At his house
Late at night
With a storm happening
🤡
Asshole? Asshole.
Watched the movie 3 times to remember when the jumpscares happen
Probably pissed himself 5 times whilst doing so
When one was about to happen, he excused himself to go to the bathroom.
Bathroom my ass
After like a minute of being gone, he quietly creeped behind the couch so he could scare you EXACTLY when the jumpscare occurred
Managed to do it
You got so scared when he grabbed your shoulders that with all your strength, you grabbed him by the arms and flipped him over your head on the ground in front of you
Near broke the damn coffee table
He was like "😃....😧"
His smile dropped
"Y/n what the fuck."
WDYMMM
Then he got up and sat on the couch next to you
"...."
"...."
He started laughing
Kick him in the balls pls
Manjiro Sano
Now this
This is bullshit
Didn't even feel bad about it
Y'all we're just laying in his bed
Minding your own damn business
When he decided
"Your business? Nah, mine."
He screamed
Yep
Out of nowhere, he let out the most blood curling, teeth gritting, toe gripping scream you heard
You screamed too
Y'all were probably screaming for a solid 5 minutes before Shinichiro- Oh wait, he's dead - Emma came up to shut your mouths.
He had the worst smile plastered on his face
You punched his dick
Full on
With all your might
He screamed
Again
And you laughed
Who's the asshole now?
Ryuguji Ken
Man how do I start here
You don't even know why he did it
He doesn't know why he did it
"I wanted to have some fun."
Did you pull that excuse out your ass?
Probably
You were sleeping peacefully
An angel in his eyes
But he didn't give a fuck
Put on the cheapest, most fake ass clown mask he could find and stood in front of you
Leaned a little too far and lost balance
Fell on top of you
You woke up from the air being knocked out of your lungs
You looked at him
He looked at you
"Y/n—"
Bam boom
Punched him right in the nose and ran away
He removed the mask and ran after you
Jokes on him you were standing behind the door with a bat
BAM
Right in the head
"DRAKEN?!"
You're the reason he's dead.
#nahoya kawata x reader#tokyo revengers#x reader#nahoya kawata#draken#draken x you#tokyo revengers sano manjiro#mikey x reader#souya kawata#souya x reader#smiley#smiley x reader#angry#angry x reader#manjiro sano x you#ken ryuguji#ken ryuguji x reader#headcanon#tokyo revengers headcanons
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The Dangers of Hope Ch. 1
Series Summary: When Y/N shows up at Camp Chitaqua with her little girl in tow, her bloodshot eyes leave no doubt that she's infected. Or is she? Everything Dean has come to know for certain over the last five hellish years, is about to be challenged.
Pairings/Characters in the series: Endverse!Dean x Reader, Emma (OFC), Castiel, Sam Winchester, Lucifer, Michael, Zachariah, Risa, Johnston (OMC), Patrick (OMC) other survivors and soldiers.
Series Explicit 18 +/Warnings: Show level violence, some gore, angst, smut, fluff all the usual for a series of mine. ❤️ Endverse!Dean (that's a warning for his anger and callousness as well as his extreme hotness. 😁) Each chapter will have their own specific warnings.
Chapter Warnings: Not much in this first chapter. Some mentions of death and violence. I don't want to give away everything, but there are also some angsty mother/daughter moments, so be warned.
Word Count: 3468
A/N: So, I've had this idea for quite a while. Basically since I watched The Last of Us. I loved Pedro in the role of Joel, but I kept thinking how incredible Jensen would have been. Which then made me think of how amazing he was as Endverse!Dean which then led me to this idea. Lol! I've stolen the premise of Ellie's storyline from TLOU, but made her a grown up, a reader insert, and a love interest for Dean.
If you've never seen TLOU, don't worry - you don't need to have seen it to understand this story. 😊
I've taken some liberties with the Endverse in my story, changed a few things from canon, but kept lots of things too.
I sincerely hope you enjoy the story. It will be ten chapters and I will do my very best to post one chapter every weekend. ❤️
The divider at the top and bottom were created by @saradika
Dean punched open the flap of the canvas tent that he'd called home for the last several years. Sometimes he really missed having a door to slam.
Or a wall to punch a hole through, he thought as he tossed down his duffel bag full of weapons. At least the bag made a satisfying thunk against the plywood floor.
They'd lost three men on their latest raid. The raid was successful; they'd pilfered enough medication from a pharmacy in Omaha to see them through the next few months. But the reason it was the only pharmacy within a two hundred mile radius that had any meds left, was because it also happened to be Croat central.
It was swarming with the bastards. His soldiers had done a good job holding them off, but it had eventually led to ground fighting and three soldiers had been bitten. He'd put them down quick and quiet. But it made for a long drive home.
Home, he scoffed as he dropped onto the side of his cot. Home my ass.
As he rubbed his hand across his forehead, his tent flap opened again. He also missed privacy.
One of the soldiers that had been left behind to protect the camp, stood awkwardly for a moment before Dean barked at him.
“Not now, Johnston.”
“Uh…” the man hemmed and hawed for a moment more. “There's a…an urgent situation, sir.”
Dean let out a huff. “There's always an urgent fucking situation. I said ‘not now’!” Dean's voice was sharp and angry. All he wanted was five minutes.
Used to having his orders obeyed, especially when they were issued in his harshest tone, Dean turned away and started to light the lamp beside his cot. Before he could spark the match however, Johnston was clearing his throat annoyingly.
“Jesus Christ, what?” Dean snapped.
“I'm sorry, sir…but Castiel, well he…he has a…a situation with a woman.”
Dean’s glare could melt ice. “What woman?”
“I think…he wants - he said he wanted to see you as soon as you were back.”
Dean ground his teeth together and tossed down the matchbook. He gestured angrily for Johnston to lead the way.
He followed the timid man through a maze of tents, aware of the eyes that followed him. He was used to that feeling. People in the camp always looked at him like that - with a mixture of awe and fear on their faces. To most of the survivors he was a little bit legend, a little bit savior, and a whole lot scary.
He was always given a wide berth.
But something more was in the air today. The evening breeze seemed to be buzzing with whispers that followed him up the stairs and into the main hall. It was one of the only wooden structures in the camp, and definitely the biggest. It was where they all gathered together when they needed to.
He pushed through the squeaky door to find the angel standing in the middle of the room, just in front of one of the dozen massive, twenty-person, metal tables that had been constructed for large group projects like bomb making, or supply divvying.
Dean tried to look past Cas when it became obvious there was a person behind him, sitting on the floor. But Cas just shifted so he couldn't see whoever it was, which only made Dean’s scowl intensify. Cas held out his hands towards him.
“Okay, Dean. now just listen.”
Dean didn’t like the sound of that, or the placating tone the angel was taking. “What the fuck is going on here, Cas?” He tried again to peer around him at the person on the floor, but Cas shifted his footing again to keep them hidden.
“You have to…before you do anything, just,,,you have to look at her. Really look.”
He moved out of the way slightly and Dean could finally see a woman sitting on the ground. Her head was bent and around her wrists were manacles connected to heavy chains that yoked her to the immoveable table. Dean was about to once again ask what the hell was going on when the woman looked up at him and he saw her eyes - saw the perfect, blood red circle around her iris.
Dean’s razor sharp instincts reacted without conscious thought, and his gun was out of his thigh holster and cocked, with his finger ready to pull the trigger in under two seconds. It was only Cas jumping in front of the woman again that managed to just stop him firing.
But Dean kept his gun pointing at the woman’s head, even though it was now hidden on the other side of the angel's body.
“What the fuck is the matter with you?” He bellowed at the man who used to be his best friend, back when he still had friends. “She’s infected! Get out of the fucking way!”
Cas had his hands up again and was shaking his head. “No, Dean, look at her. Yes, her eyes show she should be infected, and yes she was bitten, but…just look at her. She’s not infected.”
Dean’s jaw ticked with his fury. “Yeah well, give it a couple hours and she’ll be strong enough to bust those fucking chains. Now, move!” He roared again.
But Cas took a step backwards, closer to the woman on the ground. “No, it’s been days.” He looked over his shoulder. “Right?”
The woman’s voice was soft. “Almost a week.”
Dean scoffed. “Bullshit!” He shouted, unable to believe the angel’s naivete. “She’s lying.”
Cas was shaking his head and looking at Dean again. “Her arm, where she was bitten, it’s healed up.” He called back to her. “Hold your arm out.”
The chains rattled and Dean saw a slightly grubby arm stick out from behind Cas’ legs. Sure enough there was a bite on the outside of her forearm that looked pretty much healed. Dean felt something uncertain shift in his belly, but he shook it off. He knew better.
“So she’s a quick healer. She’ll still turn into a monster sooner or later. Now. Move.” He gave Cas a glare that had made lesser men crumble. But the angel refused.
“No, Dean, this might be something huge.”
Dean opened his mouth to argue, but the woman’s small voice spoke first. “Please. I just needed to get my daughter to safety.”
Dean leveled another glare at Cas. “Daughter?” He asked.
The woman continued speaking and Dean tried to see any part of her around Cas’ body. “We were living in the Billings camp near Piedmont, Emma and I. We’d been there just a few months when the camp was attacked. They lost a lot of people, and I got bitten. When the fighting ended and the Croats were all dead, the leaders started checking us all for bites. I knew they were going to kill me and I understood what had to happen, but I wanted them to promise Emma would be safe, but they wouldn’t.”
Dean’s hand had lowered slightly, enough that Cas shifted aside again so Dean could see the woman talking. There were tears falling from her bloodshot eyes and she lifted the heavy chains so she could wipe them away before continuing.
“She'd fallen on some debris in the mess, long after the Croats had been put down, and she had a scratch on her leg. They were sure she was infected too. But she’s not.” She shook her head vehemently. “They were going to kill her. I…I couldn’t let them. So I shoved them down, fought them off, grabbed Emma and ran. We’ve been running for almost a week. I’d heard about this camp, so I headed this way. I was terrified I was going to change before I could get Emma to some semblance of safety. But…it just never happened.”
She shrugged and shifted slightly. Her movement brought the barrel of Dean’s gun back up a fraction of an inch. She stared at the pistol for a moment and then caught his eye again. “I just wanted somewhere for her to be safe. I understand that you want me dead. I’m…” Her throat caught and she closed her eyes and took in a deep, steadying breath. “But….” She opened her eyes again and a slight smile curved her lips.
“You don’t…you probably don’t remember me, but a long time ago - I was barely sixteen - you…you saved me.”
Dean knew he must not have hidden his surprise very well when her smile deepened. It occurred to Dean in that moment that she was really, remarkably beautiful, in spite of the dirt and the bloodshot eyes.
“My family I mean,” she continued, “you saved my family. You and your dad. We lived in Wichita at the time. We had a poltergeist. It was…it was cutting me. It carved words into me.” She put a hand on her stomach. “Words like ‘vengeance’ and ‘death’.”
She shook her head. “I was so terrified. But you and John, you just swept in and got rid of the thing in a weekend. It was amazing.”
The long-forgotten case bubbled up in Dean’s mind. It felt separate from him, apart, as though centuries had passed in between, instead of a dozen years. But he remembered a young girl, a sweet kid with braces on her teeth and overwhelming fear in her eyes. He nodded. Yes, he remembered that smile now.
She wore it still as she shook her head and looked down. “It was a long time ago, a lifetime seems like, so I’m sure you don’t remember. But I still remember how Dean Winchester came and saved me.” She looked up at him again and her tears had returned. “So, I’m asking you to please, please save me again.”
Dean felt the same something as before, something that shifted in his gut, that felt tight and constricting. But he pushed it away and shook his head.
“You’re wrong, Y/N.” He said, as her name came back to him. He could see the surprise on her face. “I do remember you. I remember the poltergeist. I remember your family, your house. And I remember saving you.”
He paused and let the memories retreat from his mind’s eye before he clenched his jaw. “But you’re right, it was a lifetime ago,” he shook his head, “and I’m not that guy anymore.”
He raised his gun and took a step forward aiming for a quick, straight bullet to the head, faster than blinking.
But as though time slowed down, he saw a blur of motion coming in from the side and several things happened at the exact same time. Y/N screamed and dove as far to the right as her chains would allow, Cas jumped forward to stop him, and Dean yanked his gun up at the very last millisecond before his finger flexed on the trigger, just as he saw the blur come into focus.
It was a sobbing, shaking little girl, in a tattered blue dress. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a braid and tied with a faded piece of lace. Y/N had leapt towards the child to shield her as the little one had flung herself in front of her mother. Y/N was now cradling her daughter in her arms.
Cas kept his hand like a vice grip on Dean’s shoulder where he’d grabbed him in an attempt to stop him. Though he wouldn’t have reached him in time. A feeling surged through Dean that he hadn’t felt in a long time as he breathed in and out harshly, as though he’d run a mile.
Two of his soldiers, Risa and Patrick, ran in seconds later, ashen faced and staring at the little girl. Dean yelled at them. “Why the fuck did you let her in here?”
Risa shook her head. “She got away from us.”
“Got away from you?” He continued to shout. “She’s a little girl!”
When they didn't respond he gritted his teeth and spoke through them. “Why don’t you go see if you can handle all forty pounds of her this time.” He said, motioning with his gun for them to go get her.
As they moved to follow his orders he acknowledged what it was that had his heart beating triple time and his lungs unable to suck in enough air.
It was fear. The forgotten, acidic taste of it was on his tongue. It had been a very long time since he’d been afraid of anything. But knowing he’d been less than a second away from firing a bullet into the body of an innocent, uninfected kid - that truth had him rattled. As did Emma’s heart-rending cries as she clung to her mother.
Risa and Patrick had reached Y/N, but looked hesitant to rip the child away from her mother. Y/N was pulling on Emma’s arms and she finally managed to unlock their death grip from around her neck.
“Baby, shh.” She said softly as she brushed the little girl’s wispy hairs out of her face and cupped her ruby red cheeks. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay, you’re gonna be safe - “
Emma cut her off with a wail. “Noooo! Noooo! Mommy, I don’t wanna go.”
Y/N was shaking her head. “Hey, hey. No, sweetheart listen, listen to me. We made it here and now you’re safe.” She began nodding as Emma shook her head. “Yes, baby. Look at me, look at me, just breathe.” She said, and Emma began sucking in shuddering, choking breaths.
Y/N smiled and kissed her daughter’s forehead. “You are so brave. Okay? I just need you to keep being so brave. Can you do that? Hmm?” Y/N questioned, nodding even though Emma was shaking her head in denial.
Dean caught Patrick’s eye and gave a sharp nod towards the horrifying scene. He needed them to get the kid out of there. Patrick nodded back, but still didn’t move to take her. Dean seethed.
“I love you so much.” Y/N said, her voice breaking now, but she cleared her throat quickly and continued. “I love you bigger than big.” She was staring into her daughter’s eyes. “Bigger than big.” She repeated.
“And taller than tall?” Emma asked in a strangled voice, obviously repeating an often used sentiment.
Y/N was nodding. “And taller than tall.” She confirmed. She gave her daughter a final smile of encouragement, her palms still clasped on her flushed, wet cheeks. “You - are my little angel.” She told her before pulling her against her chest one more time, trying to squeeze a lifetime of love into the small body she held.
Dean tried to keep his features in check as Y/N looked up at him. He wouldn’t bend. She needed to get her kid out of there. Y/N sniffed and pulled back from Emma. “Okay, baby. You need to go with…”
She looked up at Risa, obviously looking for a name. “Risa.” The soldier replied kindly.
Y/N gave her a grateful smile and directed her words up at her. “Go with Risa, she’ll look out for you.” It was obviously a question for the other woman, a plea. Risa gave a curt nod of agreement.
Emma was still sobbing as Y/N lifted her out of her lap and let Risa take her away. The little girl screamed and reached back for her mother and Dean saw the way Y/N flinched as she raised her manacled wrist and pressed her fingers to her lips before sending a parting kiss to her daughter.
As the child disappeared her screams still echoed, and Y/N slumped, covering her face, her shoulders shaking.
Dean swallowed down the feelings that tried to rise in him as he watched her weep. Every person who died left someone behind to grieve them. If they were lucky. And this situation was no different. Their camp had more than a dozen orphaned kids. Emma would be no different.
But as Y/N took a shuddering breath and looked up at him, he knew he was lying. Her words to Emma had resonated in his memory, pulling forth the image of his mother’s warm hands on his cheeks after he sought to comfort her, told her he loved her and would never leave her.
“You - are my little angel.” She’d said, her voice full of love.
And another moment, in the dark, cuddled against his mother’s chest as she held him after a nightmare, just days before the fire. Her voice had been so gentle, so soft.
“I know you’re scared, Dean, and that’s okay. Cause I know you’re so brave too. Can you show me how brave you are?”
Y/N’s last words to her daughter echoed some of the last words he remembered from his mother and he would be lying if he said it wasn’t affecting him. But as Y/N stared up at him, he tried desperately to shake it off. It changed nothing.
Y/N’s voice cracked as she tried to speak; she cleared it before trying again. “Thank you, Dean. For keeping her here, for giving her somewhere safe to be.”
Dean shook his head. “Nowhere is somewhere safe to be.”
He could see Y/N’s fear spring back up, and he shrugged. “But she can stay here, and have the protection of the camp. For whatever that’s worth.”
Y/N nodded and closed her eyes. “Thank you.” She repeated in a whisper, and then, without opening her eyes, “I’m ready.”
Cas gripped his shoulder again. “Dean, don’t do this.” He said, his low voice barely a whisper.
Dean shrugged off his hand and stepped closer to Y/N, close enough that he couldn’t possibly miss, so that it would be instant and painless.
He felt Cas’ disappointment and anger looming over him as he extended his arm. The muzzle of the gun was less than two feet from its target. Dean cocked it again and felt his stomach swoop at Y/N’s soft, quick inhale.
His finger caressed the trigger, a breath away from pulling it when from nowhere his little brother’s voice floated into his mind, a snippet of conversation he hadn’t thought of in almost a decade - from the first time they’d ever seen the virus.
“You know I’m gonna ask you why.” Sam had said, referring to the man Dean had left alive.
“Yeah, I know.”
“So, why? Why didn’t you do it?”
He hadn’t answered his brother then; he’d been too embarrassed to say that there had been something in his soul that wouldn’t let him shoot someone who wasn't yet a monster, even if it seemed inevitable that they would be.
But now, that same creeping feeling, that same cloying sense of wrong was pulling at his soul again. It shocked him and angered him that his soul was still capable of this dithering - this pansy-assed wavering - when his head knew without a doubt what had to be done.
With the same sick, frustrated feeling, however, Dean felt his arm drop. “Dammit.” He growled, just as he had then.
He backed away and saw Y/N’s eyes pop open, saw relief flood them just before he turned and stormed away. He barreled out of the cabin and heard Cas shout after him. But he kept marching forward, trying to get himself far away from the memories that had come there to haunt him.
But with every step away from camp, with every inch he walked into the surrounding forest, his mother and brother’s faces became clearer in his mind until he finally just stopped abruptly. Giving a shout of pure fury, Dean pointed his gun at the dead leaves on the ground and unloaded his clip into the moist earth.
He was panting, teeth clenched, as he sensed someone approaching. He whirled around, instinctively pointing his empty gun towards the noise. But he immediately put it down when he saw it was Cas.
Instead he walked up to him and shoved the angel backwards; though even with his powers gone, he didn’t move very far.
“Don’t fucking follow me.” Dean growled at him.
But Cas just stared at him and then a smile spread across his face. Dean scowled thunderously. “What the fuck could you possibly be smiling about?”
Cas shook his head and shrugged. “I just… thought he was gone, but he’s still there. Haven’t seen him in a long time.’
Dean’s expression was confused and pissed. “Thought who was gone?”
“My friend - Dean Winchester. I thought he was well and truly gone.” He repeated. “But it’s so good to see him again.” The angel’s brilliant blue eyes were beaming so bright, they almost seemed to be alight with grace once more.
Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters:
@lyarr24
@lacilou
@deans-spinster-witch
@globetrotter28
@suckitands33
@akshi8278
@evznackles
@jackles010378
@impala67rollingthroughtown
@krazykelly
@candy-coated-misery0731
@envyaurora95
@spnwoman
@deans-baby-momma
Dean Fics Only:
@roonthelittlespoon920
@slamminmine
Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom:
@kazsrm67
@slut-for-evans-stan
@sexyvixen7
@nancymcl
@waywardcheshire
Everything Incl. Fan Edits:
@k-slla
@leigh70
@eevvvaa
@kickingitwithkirk
@foxyjwls007
@notinthislife50
@roseblue373
@mishkatelwarriorgoddess
@avanatural
@mrsjenniferwinchester
@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone
#dean winchester#endverse!dean x reader#endverse!dean#dean winchester smut#dean winchester fluff#dean winchester angst#endverse#spn fan fiction series#the dangers of hope
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Satan Runs Away
My first NB Satan-centric work. Let me know of any other ideas floating in the ether or any other bite-sized ideas for specific characters (time is of short supply lately lol)
Contents: Angst with some hurt/comfort. Boy literally just wants to be thought about/included so bad, I swear-
~♡♡♡~
Okay, this makes him sound like a disobedient pet, but how else could MC explain why he suddenly disappeared after a fight with Lucifer? They couldn't find him anywhere in the House, the library, or his usual bookstores... it was like he just vanished!
MC was the first to notice his prolonged absence as they were nearly the only person to ever seek him out personally. In the old timeline, Satan dropping from contact for a little while wasn't all that unusual but here it felt far more urgent... What if he wanted to stay gone? What if he didn't come back home???
So it was only natural for them to get swept up in a wave of relief that washed over them when they eventually saw Lucifer march on in through the door dragging a thrashing Satan behind him. The eldest held the snarling demon by the back of the collar while he kicked and fought for his freedom. He was filthy like a stray cat pulled off of the street...
What caught everyone off guard was how quickly they flung themselves at the fourthborn when Lucifer forced him to his feet. It was like the whole room froze, the struggling Satan included, as they wrapped their arms tightly around his midsection. Their cheek flattened against the ruffles on his chest where they kept their ear trained to his heart, finding reassurance in its quick but strong beats...
Meanwhile, both men stared at them like they had just lost their mind. NO ONE touches Satan without permission and expects a good outcome, much less hugs him! What were they thinking??
After seemingly confirming to themselves that the troubled demon was not a just figment of their wishful thinking, the MC pulled themselves back to a respectful distance. Their expression, however, remained laced with frustration, fear, and mounting tears.
MC: "Satan... I was so worried about you! You can't just leave like that, I-I-"
Their voice cracked unexpectedly, making them stop and try to gather their thoughts. Lucifer shot a look at Satan and finally let him go, more or less nodding for him to take over from there but...
Truthfully? Satan was confused. Several new feelings swelled up in his chest and not a single one made any sense... Watching MC tearing up felt like having a bed of nails imbedded in his chest and yet he was... happy? Under all that pain?
For some reason, a part of him felt... joy... to hear that someone had worried about him while he was away... That he wasn't just written off as one less problem to deal with... Happy enough for him to forgive how they had invaded his personal space without asking first.
Satan stood awkwardly for several long moments, frozen in thought as he debated how to respond. Eventually, his brother got impatient.
Lucifer: "Stop just standing there and apologize. Now."
The confusing warmth in Satan's chest was quickly being replaced by the familiar burn of rage with every word out of Lucifer's mouth, and it must have showed, because the MC was quick to jump to his defense.
MC: "No, it's fine, Lucifer! I'm... I'm alright. I'm just glad that he's-"
Satan: "MC... I'm sorry."
Both MC and Lucifer looked at him with surprise, especially given the downcast, almost ashamed, look on his face.
Satan: "I'm sorry the fact that I left upset you... I didn't mean to, I just..."
His eyebrows knitted together as he tried to find the right words... He hated his "brothers" and hated this house but leaving this place also meant leaving MC... Why did it all suddenly feel so stupid in hindsight...?
MC: "It's okay, Satan, you don't have to explain yourself to me..."
Satan guilty frown was contrasted hard by the MC's kind, understanding smile. Though their eyes still glistened with tears, he felt like they were of a different kind now, making his heart practically convulse in his chest. How do they keep doing that...??
MC: "Just... promise me you won't go away again. Not without letting us know where you're going first... Please?"
Their voice was so steeped in worry... a fear FOR him rather than OF him... And in that moment, it was the most compelling sound to ever exist in the three realms.
Somehow, his response felt foreign to his tongue, and yet still very much his own thoughts given right to speak. It was like a powerful force had taken over him, spreading an airy happiness through him to replace the rage that came before...
Satan: "I... won't leave you again, MC. I promise..."
#obey me#obey me shall we date#shall-we-date-obey-me#obey me satan#obey me nb#obey me nb satan#omnb#omnb satan#obey me scenarios#obey me headcanons#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me imagines
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Blueberry Cupcake
Steve Harrington x fem!reader
Word Count: 2.6k
Warnings: couple dirty jokes lol but otherwise nothing! Maybe some self confidence issues?
Author’s Note: I’m so sorry this took so long love! I hope you like it <3
Requested: by anon, Your pined post says request open! ❤️ Could I request Steve harrington x reader, where the reader shows up to scoops ahoy as often as possible just to talk to him/try to get the courage to ask him out?
I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator
(not my gif)
“You are going to die at these new flavors.” Steve’s lips were curled into a smile as he leaned against the counter when you approached. There was a light on his face but his hair was dimmed by the required hat. You raised an eyebrow.
“I’ve only been gone a week,” you argued. He shook his head.
“The Scoops Ahoy Gods have been here since the last time you were,” he explained. The shop was otherwise empty aside from stragglers. It was only Steve at the front this afternoon, a slow day at the ice cream counter. It was drizzling outside and the rest of Hawkins had decided to stay inside. You couldn’t blame them. You almost skipped the trip to the mall today. Saving money and being cozy in bed was an alluring daydream. The look in Steve’s eyes made you happy you had come though. He was the only reason you got out of bed that particular morning and put on some half decent clothes. It was always more exciting to get dressed with the prospect of seeing someone who might appreciate the clothes.
“Well?” You gestured to the ice cream.
“This one, is lemon cookie.” He made a face like he was melting, hands dragging down his cheeks in an exaggerated manner. You giggled, shaking your head. “This one-” he paused for effect, “-blueberry cupcake. Actual cupcake pieces in it.” You nodded slowly as he went down the line of new flavors. They all seemed good, aside from a couple random ones. But you never really came here for the ice cream. Regardless, to appease him, you picked one of the new ones and stood there as you tasted it.
“Positively delightful,” you promised. He smiled brightly.
“I knew you would love it. You’re my most loyal customer.”
“Erica Sinclair out of town or something?”
“You’re my favorite customer,” he said with an eye roll.
“Just because Dustin Henderson is still at summer camp.”
“Stop arguing with me and take the compliment.” You nodded, a soft smile on your face. You leaned against the counter to the side, just in case someone wanted to come in and grab a scoop.
“No Robin today?”
“Nope. They shoved me out here all by my lonesome.”
“You need to learn the priority of self confidence, Steve Harrington.”
“I have self confidence. Plenty of it.” A girl approached, probably a little older than you. You didn’t recognize her and you knew you would’ve. She had a gorgeous head of braided hair, along with a dazzling, kind, approachable smile. The sight of her made your heart sink. Steve moved to the counter once more.
“Good afternoon milady,” he said, smoothly. “Care to join me on this adventure of flavors?” You rolled your eyes and moved aside. To your surprise, she laughed. You breathed sharply through your nose. Usually he just got an eyebrow raised with that line.
“I would love to. Got any favorites?”
“I have many but not one compares to you.” Her smile grew at the flattery. You rolled your eyes and took a bitter bite of your ice cream.
You had been coming to the mall for Steve. But he was never here to see you. He was here to do his job and flirt with girls. You aren’t special because he flirts with you when you’re around. You missed Robin and her even keeled voice, the one that would promise you he had struck out with every other girl in Hawkins.
You took a deep breath and tossed your ice cream. It wasn’t that good anyway. You didn’t even bother a wave as you left, leaving his voice to drown out as you got further away. Suddenly the rainy weather was only furthering your solemn mood.
-
Despite your better intentions, you returned to Scoops Ahoy a couple of days later. Robin had called you the day before to complain about him and you were all too happy to oblige in her distaste. You were happy to see her at the counter when you approached. It was a little busier today but there was no line.
“Hey,” she said evenly as you approached. “Long time no talk.” You opened your mouth to retort back when the back door opened.
“Where have you been?” Steve questioned, pushing the back door open with force. Your eyes went wide in mock annoyance.
“School. Working. Why?”
“You haven’t come in,” he explained, approaching the back of the counter.
“It’s not like I was talking to her or anything,” Robin said, rolling her eyes. She jutted her elbow onto the counter, watching him with a slight form of amusement.
“You can talk to her whenever,” Steve grumbled. “What happened? We didn’t even finish our conversation the other day.” Suddenly, in the presence of his puppy dog eyes, you felt kind of silly. You had left him without saying anything and hadn’t mentioned it. You were slightly surprised he had even brought it up. You would’ve let it move past silently, content in not knowing why the slight awkwardness had happened.
“I had to leave,” you explained. It was weak but nothing else came to mind. “I had to go back home,” you tried. He furrowed his eyebrows.
“Okay. Well next time let me know, alright?” You nodded gently, happy to let the situation go.
“What are you having?” Robin questioned. You looked at the flavors and Steve remained with an eager look.
“How about the lemon cookie?” Steve’s easy smile returned and he nodded once before trying to talk to the customer behind you. Robin gave you a look that said, you folded too easily. You shrugged. He would have gotten you out of it sooner or later.
-
The next day it rained again. You were busy with college work, knee deep in homework. You were barely able to look up, let alone go and visit Steve. For the time being you were attempting to distance yourself from him, for the sake of both of you. You couldn’t pine for him forever when he clearly just saw you as a friend. The schoolwork was a worthy distraction.
You didn’t hear the phone ringing until it had been going for forty five seconds.
“Will you get that?” your roommate called from the other side of the building. You looked up, only to the sound of her voice. You were finally aware of the incessant ringing. You moved your papers aside and finally found the phone. You picked it up, finger wrapping around the cord.
“Hello?”
“Hey! I hope you don’t mind, Robin gave me your number.” You were stunned into silence. Steve was calling you. Despite him giving you the reason he had your number, it still took you a moment to pull together any kind of information. “Hello?”
“Hi! Sorry, cut out for a second. What can I do for you Steve?”
“I know it’s raining but I thought you could come keep me company,” he suggested. “It’s really lonesome by myself in the Scoopys Ahoy this afternoon.” You pursed your lips. Was he asking you to hang out for ulterior motives? Or was he really just bored and you were the first person to come to mind? How had he asked Robin for your number? Why hadn’t she told you? Your silence was not a green flag to him. “Or not. I’m sure you’re busy-”
“No, sorry I’m still in study brain.”
“Ah the good old study brain. I know him well.” You rolled your eyes.
“What time does your shift end?”
“Four.”
“Well then I will be by before then.” You could practically see the smile on his face at his cheerful answer.
“Okay cool. Sick. See you then.”
“See you then Steve.” You hung up the phone quickly, squinting at it. You didn’t know what his intention was but you didn’t exactly like it. You looked back down at your school work, deciding to abandon it as you went to find an outfit.
-
Steve was still holding the phone when you hung up. He could hear the dial tone but he couldn’t bring himself to put it down.
“Well?” Robin asked, eyebrows raised and wide eyed.
“She said she’s coming by before my shift ends,” he explained. Robin nodded.
“That’s good. When I see her I’ll hide in the back.” Steve finally put the phone down and swallowed hard. Usually he was okay with this type of thing. Flirting, asking people out, getting rejected. But he knew he would miss you coming to see him if you said no. He knew you would stop coming if there was some sort of awkward barrier between the two of you. He didn’t want that.
But he wanted you.
He cleared his throat and nodded.
“What am I supposed to say again?” Behind Robin’s head was the white board, taunting him with rejections. He had thought it was funny when she did it but now it seemed like a slap in the face.
“Ask her to hang out after your shift. That’s all.” Robin crossed her arms. This was harder than she thought it was going to be. You liked him, he liked you, how could you not get together? Clearly it was taking some pushing on both ends though. She better be invited to the wedding.
“When do you think she’ll come?”
“Before your shift ends dingus,” she muttered, shaking her head. She returned to the counter as a customer approached. Steve was left alone in the back room with his thoughts and doubts. Everytime you came to see him it was like every light in the room had brightened. He thought about losing that, about losing you. Would you laugh in his face, like every other girl he talked to here? He couldn’t bear it. This was an awful idea. His stomach churned. He pushed open the door and hoped they would get so busy, he would forget you were even coming.
-
At 3:30 you finally arrived. You felt like your body was sagging with all the information in your head weighing it down. You had been distracted by homework even while you got ready, thinking about all the things that could go wrong this week. It made this thing with Steve seem less important, so you could worry about it less. But now that you were here, you could feel the nerves settling back into your stomach.
Steve was behind the counter. He stood up straight when he noticed it was you.
“Hey,” he breathed.
“Hey,” you said back, a small smile on your face. “Why isn’t Robin working today?” you questioned. They were typically shift partners. She hadn’t mentioned going out somewhere that would warrant her taking an unprecedented day off.
Steve, knowing full well Robin was in the back, shrugged.
“They thought I could handle it by myself.” You raised an eyebrow.
“You’re moving up in the world, Harrington. Are you the manager yet?”
“You know no one would let that happen,” he argued. He moved over to the ice cream. “This one’s on me but I get to choose.” You nodded once.
“I’ll take that.” He hoped no one else would come for the last hour. Should he just ask you now? The words seemed daunting. He could hear his blood pumping in his ears. He had literally fought monsters, why was this the thing to take him out? He scooped you some blueberry cupcake and handed it over. “Thanks.”
“How’s studying?”
“Draining,” you admitted without a beat. “I can only hold so much in my brain at once.” He remembered his days of essay writing which didn’t help his confidence in the moment.
“They should invent pillows you can stick information into.”
“That’s a million dollar idea, Harrington. You should trademark that.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“We can figure it out together over a lot of ice cream.” You briefly wondered if this was going to be his job in the fall too. Would he leave for school then? How far would he go?
“I like that.” He cleared his throat. “You know, we could see each other when I’m not on the clock too.” You took a bite of your ice cream, listening intently. Your eyes remained on him. He tried not to quiver under your wide eyed gaze. “Like if you have nothing going on today…” You caught on. You swallowed your ice cream to ignore your breath hitching.
“Like a date?”
He shrugged as nonchalantly as he was able to.
“If you want.”
“I would like that,” you admitted. “Are you just asking me because none of the other girls coming into Scoops Ahoy have given you the time of day?” He tried not to wince.
“I’m asking because I want to,” he said honestly. “And Robin held me at knife point. I think she’s tired of us dancing around…whatever this is.”
Whatever this is?!
He could feel it too? You thought it was entirely one sided, fueled by your delusions. You couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ll have to thank her next time I see her.” You pulled up a stool to sit on the side of the counter, allowing you to continue talking. “You have a place in mind?”
“We could go wherever you wanted. Grab food, hell we could go to the arcade if you wanted.” You laughed gently.
“I think I’ll pass on the arcade right now. But I wouldn’t mind an entree to go with my dessert.”
-
The nerves wore off quickly once you both realized you were on the same page. You sat on the stool in the back, the few magazines on the table keeping you company while Steve dealt with customers. You poked at your blueberry cupcake ice cream as you turned the pages.
The divider window opened up. You raised your head.
“Nice hat,” Steve said. You had forgotten you stole his work hat, which was sitting very gracefully atop your head.
“Thanks.”
“Everyone’s gone.”
“Then come back here,” you said, gesturing to the empty room.
“You’re too distracting when I'm back there with you alone. I need supervision.” Robin made a gagging noise, though you couldn't see her. You smiled sheepishly and got up, pushing the magazine aside.
“You know you could hang out after he gets off right?”
“We hang out during me getting o-”
“Shut up. Shut up.” Robin covered her ears and walked into the back room. You laughed at the sly attempt at a joke. Steve wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer. You were glad you had stolen his hat. He looked much better without it.
“She’s right. I think we’re feeding into codependency.”
“Our relationship was built on the foundation of you coming to see me while I work.”
“That was because I didn’t see you after work.” His fingers held onto yours. He smiled down at them, like a prized possession.
“I like to maximize my time.”
Robin gagged in the back again.
#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington imagines#stranger things imagines#stranger things fanfiction#steve harrington fanfiction
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I wanna talk about the scene in the museum with Azul...
(SPOILERS FOR BOOK 3 AHEAD. ALSO LOTS OF RAMBLING! :D)
During Ch. 38 of Book 3, Azul and Yuu have a short conversation post-overblot in the underwater museum place. I always felt that this bit of dialogue was weirdly charged? The whole scene felt very intimate to me (and the soft music in the background doesn't help lmao), but I never knew WHY since nothing said was inherently romantic.
So, I went back and re-read through every post-overblot and realized that Azul is the only who who has a one-on-one conversation with Yuu after their overblot??
It's rare enough to have one-on-one conversations between Yuu and another character, but then Azul goes a step further. He's the only one to open up to Yuu about his problems:
Some of the other overblot boys talk about their problems, but not to Yuu specifically. It's more of a declaration than confiding in someone, you know? (E.g. Riddle talking about how he prefers milk tea even though the rules stipulate lemon tea)
We, the players, are shown flashbacks of the overblot boys to explain how they reached this point but I can't recall if Yuu is privy to this information as well. (It's theoretically possible since Yuu already has visions / dreams of the Great Seven, but no one ever mentions it so who knows. I'm personally on the side of Yuu NOT knowing because it feels a bit invasive that they'd have this knowledge of people who weren't ready to share it.)
Regardless of whether Yuu can or cannot see those flashbacks, Azul is the only one to willingly talk about his motivations to Yuu. For Azul, this is especially important as he's so protective of his image as a clever and upstanding housewarden, and yet here he openly admits to Yuu that he was a bit of a loser as a kid (his words not mine!).
I guess you could argue that he felt there was no reason to hide it anymore since Yuu already saw him as a chubby octopus baby, but he didn't have to talk about it at all if he didn't want to. But he did. On his own. With no prompting.
(Really, though. Yuu can either say they want to make sure he puts the photo back or that they're worried about him, and either way he drops his lore on them lol)
And then Yuu tries to help him feel better??
To my knowledge, Yuu doesn't do this with any of the other overblot boys, either. I could have missed it during my research, but if they did it wasn't nearly to the same extent as with Azul.
I still don't know why Azul felt like opening up to Yuu. He didn't have to, but maybe he wanted to? Maybe he wanted to try his hand at being genuine for once and felt Yuu was the least intimidating person to do it with (the magicless human that they are). Who knows? I wish there were more scenes like this. It makes Yuu feel more included in the story. I also think it shows a lot of growth on Azul's end to open up about his problems to Yuu of his own volition.
I'm not sure what I wanted to say with this post, only that I wanted to get my thoughts out there about this scene because it always stood out to me. I felt there was always an undercurrent of something and I think it's because this was the only post-overblot private conversation we got with Yuu and an overblot boy, plus the added encouragement from Yuu at the end.
I'm curious to know if anyone felt the same way about this scene or if I'm just imagining things. I'm also interested in hearing any theories why Azul suddenly felt the urge to open up to Yuu, if you've got them!
Thanks for enduring my rambling!
Bonus!
Azul's so funny for trying to play it off all cool like he isn't doing flips and princess twirls in his head rn. Yuu laid it on THICK. We all know he's freaking out internally.
#i do have a theory for why only azul got this one-on-one with yuu post-overblot but that's a whole other long winded post lol#azul x yuu shippers win this one i s2g#this is just a really cute scene okay i wanted to mention it#i LOVE analysis btw#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst#twisted wonderland#octavinelle#azul ashengrotto#twst azul#twst book 3#cheekinrambles
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Can you do imbibitor lunar! Dan heng x troublemaker! GN! Child reader? (Platonic)
Dan heng was supposed to babysit the reader but the reader is a little bit a trouble maker.. The reader has a soft spot for Dan heng lololo
A/N: Hihi :D I’ve returned!! Sorry for leaving for so long, but I should be able to get back to writing!! Requests are still closed for now, once all my current requests are finished and maybe some short fics and/or scenarios are written I'll open them up again. Thank you anon for the request!! And thank you for being patient with me to write this, I hope you'll enjoy this :>>
W.C: 1692
Warnings: None (I hope - Not fully proofread but I’ll fix anything once I’m back from school Ü)
Extra: Dan Heng is in his Vidyadhara form // Child reader so ofc is younger and shorter then most characters // Trailblazer is whoever you want it to be lol // Reader has been babysat for awhile by the Express (specifically Dan Heng) but now lives with the express in the fic
“[Name]!! Get down from that…NO DON’T J U M P”
March let out a small groan as she ran and stopped you from trying to jump off the fridge. She sighed and shook her head at you.
“Just what would Dan Heng think about this”
You stook out your tongue at the tired girl as she carefully put you down. Shaking her head. You were a new member of the Express family, Dan Heng had found you hiding when he was walking around Scalegorge Waterscape. And you seemed to cling to him, always hugging his tail. He doesn’t say no to it but he is surprised you seem to like him so much.
The Express like you as well!...Expect you seem to only like Dan Heng…especially when he’s in his Imbibitor Lunae form, not to say you don’t like him when he’s in his regular form, but you seem a LOT more attached when he lets you cling onto his tail.
It’s obvious to all the express (except Dan Heng it would seem) that you won’t listen to anyone but him, and on one hand it can be cute, on the other hand…it can be painful.
“[Name] All I said was that you couldn’t eat ice-cream for breakfast…it is not healthy whatsoever!”
March explained, puffing her cheeks, though maybe she shouldn’t say anything as she herself tried eating ice-cream for breakfast.
“Who’s trying to eat ice-cream for breakfast?”
A tired voice came, as Dan Heng came walking in, rubbing his eyes as he had just woken from sleep, his long hair tied back. After you joined he seemed to be in this form more often, for different reasons, one of them being you refused to sleep unless his tail was your blanket.
“[Name] is! Dan Heng tell them they cannot have it, and we’re saving it for tonight!!”
“[Name], Himeko bought them so we can have them to eat for movie night later tonight…plus having ice-cream for breakfast isn’t healthy y’know”
Dan Heng spoke gently, crouching down to your level, March stood behind him with a victorious grin. She knew you wouldn’t be able to say no to him…and she was right, you pouted a bit and looked away, crossing your arms, mumbling out an annoyed and reluctant.
“Fine.”
.
.
.
“[Name] sweetheart, please give that ba-”
*C R A S H*
Yet another mug belonging to Himeko broke right in front of her eyes. She silently mourned the mug, taking a small deep breath and looked at you.
“Y’know…your auntie Himeko liked that mug a lot sweetie…”
She spoke, gesturing to herself, but you simply stook out your tongue at her, about to reach over and knock over ANOTHER mug, this time belonging to Welt. Himeko was quick to swoop you away from it and caught the mug from making another loud noise. She placed it on a higher shelf, away from your reach even if you climbed and despite your thrashing, moved you on the Express couch.
“I heard a loud crash, is everything alright?”
Dan Heng called out, walking in, spotting the broken mug on the floor, his eyes softened and looked at Himeko apologetically.
“That was your favourite mug…wasn’t it?”
“Yep…”
She sighed, shaking her head disappointedly. Dan Heng was quick to grab a broom and start cleaning the broken shards, Himeko smiled at his gesture and began ruffling his head as if he was a child.
“Himeko…”
*C R A S H*
Himeko froze and her head snapped towards the source of the sound, the direction of your very own bedroom. You had seemingly left quickly when Dan Heng and Himeko were chatting and now you seemed to have broken yet another thing, you came waltzing in with a bunch of credits in your hand, lifting them up to Himeko, and with puppy eyes said.
“I’m sorry auntie, here. You can buy another one!”
Himeko smiled softly at you and shook her head, carefully taking the credits from your hand. Although you probably only ran to your piggy bank (assuming that’s what you broke for the credits) because Dan Heng entered, she could tell you did feel sorry upon hearing it was her favourite mug.
“It’s okay sweetie…just…try not to do it again”
You smiled and nodded. Promising her you won’t do it again…if you couldn’t actually keep that promise, she wasn’t sure. And she was sure you weren’t sure either but. She’d forgive you again in a heartbeat if she’s being honest.
.
.
.
Welt stared blankly at your wall, the wall that had now been decorated with some of his artwork…his artwork that had been torn up and collaged up without his permission.
“[Name]...what…is this?”
He spoke, pushing up his glasses as he closed as his eyes narrowed, darting at each page, clearly with a rip. Though he will admit that the collage…was pretty nice. Just…he wished it wasn’t from one of his sketchbooks, old or not.
“Art”
You said proudly, and sure…you weren’t technically wrong. Welt simply sighed and shook his head, crouching down to your level and carefully explained to you that you shouldn’t take things without people's permission. It isn’t nice.
You tilted your head and grinned, before grabbing his sketch book from your bed, looking him straight in the eye…you did ask but you did it while…ripping the page in the process. Welt could only pinch his nose in slight irritation…until the door to your door opened and his sketchbook was thrown behind your bed as you looked at whoever entered innocently.
“Big Brother! Look what I made”
“Huh? Oh…looks nice [Name]”
Dan Heng spoke, his eyes looking at the wall before it noticed Welt, he turned to face you with a concerned expression.
“Did you…ask Mr Welt if you could use his things?”
“Well no…”
“[Name], next time ask, Mr Welt really treasures his drawings”
You simply nodded with a small pout, honestly you thought it was an old sketchbook Welt didn’t care about…but hey. You still got a compliment from Dan Heng right? Welt could only hope you’d listen now that Dan Heng told you.
.
.
.
“Did you both really just go hunting in trash?”
Dan Hen asked with a deadpan, looking at you and the trailblazer, now filthy. You giggled a bit, scratching the back of your head. As the trailblazer was quick to defend themselves.
“THIS TIME…this time it wasn’t me, believe me. This one right here jumped into the dumpster first, so I jumped in to get them. Then I tried to catch them but they kept…SWIMMING?? Around in the piles of trash…wait can you swim in trash?”
The Vidyadhara put up his hand to silence the grey haired trailblazer, before his eyes glanced at you. Raising an eyebrow, he silently asked if this was true to which you…slowly nodded again, embarrassed. He sighed a bit and rubbed his temples, he was still calm. He simply pointed in the direction of the bathrooms.
“You two, bathe. Now.”
“But-”
“N o w.”
.
.
.
Movie Night! Finally, nothing bad happens. Perhaps that was due to Dan Heng managing to keep you calm and quiet with just his presence. But no one complains, everyones happy enough.
Everyone goes to their own room after they finish up so they could go to bed and get ready for the next mission, but they seem to find something in their room, a gift it would seem?
March's eyes widened a bit as she looked at the new camera that was decorated too! With her family, and a small note near it, reading
‘Thank you big sister!! I know you like photos right? Dan Heng helped me buy this for you, I hope you like it’
March squealed a bit and hugged the camera, thanking you a million times in her head.
Himeko’s eyes landed on an (albeit badly) made mug, decorated with various shades of her favourite colours and writing that she knew instantly was yours.
‘Best Auntie Ever!’
Perhaps she found her new favourite mug already…now for some coffee to pour into it.
Welt flicked through the pages of the new sketch book, only one drawing was made, at the front cover. He recognized your art style and smiled softly as he saw the mini doodles of the Express family and a very angry Pompom.
He grabbed a pencil and began sketching on the first page.
The Trailblazer lifted up the small trash bin pin, they could till it was custom made…I mean who would sell bins of them peaking out a bin?...
But they didn’t care, it was cute. They knew exactly who got it for them too. Carefully they pinned it on their jacket.
Yes you could be a pain for them sometimes, especially if Dan Heng wasn’t there to settle you. But they all cared for you, and just these gifts alone told them that you indeed also cared for them.
.
.
.
“But you helped me with buying them all and writing the words”
You grumbled, crossing your arms as the raven hair tucked you into bed.
“And you were the one who decided AND knew what to get them, additionally it was also your idea”
He speaks, a soft smile painting his lips. He always knew how troublesome you were, from the day he began babysitting you to the day you were allowed to actually live on the express. He knew you only really behaved around him and with the others well, your ‘true colours’ would appear.
It was the others who thought he didn’t know you had a soft spot for him due to him calmly telling you to stop things then going on about his day, but he just knew that all it would take is a few words and you’d do it.
But he also knew you still cared for the rest of your family. Although sure, you had your favourites, you had the one you were most soft for…that won’t change the love and care you have for your other family members. But uh perhaps you should show it a bit better…still though
They were your family.
And you were their family.
Neither of you would change that.
It didn't occur to me until after writing this that the anon could've meant Imbibitor Lunae Dan Heng like Dan Feng, also I didn't exactly write babysitting (I mentioned it) but I wrote it more so as the reader living with the Express family. To the anon who requested this I'm so sorry if I messed it up ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥)‧º·
#HSR#Honkai Star Rail#Honkai StarRail#Dan Heng#HSR Dan Heng#Dan Heng x Reader#Dan Heng x You#Platonic HSR#Platonic Dan Heng x You#Platonic Dan Heng x Reader#express family#astral express family#HSR Fluff#HSR x You#HSR x Reader#honkai starrail x you#honkai starrail x reader#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail x you#🎭 masked fools
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The Third Kinslaying
A Silmarillion question that never ceases to trouble me, and for which I am not sure I will ever come up with an answer that satisfies me: What were Maedhros and Maglor’s justifications for taking Elrond and Elros after the sack of Sirion?
I know many people are satisfied with emotion-based reasoning, but that alone just doesn’t work for me personally. I read Maedhros and Maglor at this point in the narrative as very tormented, yes, but still capable of weighing logic and emotion at the same time. I also don't think the tone of the text supports outright villainy and ruthlessness (though that's a valid hc, especially from a non-Feanorian pov).
I’m not going to dive into my interpretation (I’m writing a fic for that), but I wanted to share the evidence and highlight what I think is the (Doylist) explanation for why the question is such a tough one to crack: None of Tolkien’s drafts covering this event* took the character of Gil-galad (or Círdan, though he was a character and not ret con'd like G-g) into consideration. He was simply not a factor in any of the versions published in HoMe.
If you’re like me and love the ‘textual archaeology’ of figuring out how the published text was derived (and since I bothered to type them all up) here are all the drafts of the third kinslaying alongside the published Silm. (There's good stuff in here for enjoyers of Elwing, Maedhros, and Maglor, too -- and haters of Amrod and Amras lol.)
*unless there are unpublished notes or notes that have evaded me somewhere
Book of Lost Tales (late 1910s/early 1920s)
In BoLT, the Havens are sacked by Melko.
Sketch of the Mythology (1926-30)
The sons of Fëanor learning of the dwelling of Elwing and the Nauglafring [=Nauglamir] had come down on the people of Gondolin. In a battle all the sons of Fëanor save Maidros [footnote: > Maidros and Maglor] were slain, but the last folk of Gondolin destroyed or forced to go away and join the people of Maidros [footnote: Written in the margin: Maglor sat and sang by the sea in repentance]. Elwing cast the Nauglafring into the sea and leapt after it [footnote: My father first wrote Elwing cast herself into the sea with the Nauglafring, but changed it to Elwing cast the Nauglafring into the sea and leapt after it in the act of writing], but was changed into a white sea-bird by Ylmir [=Ulmo], and flew to seek Eärendel, seeking about the shores of the world.
Their son (Elrond) who is half-mortal and half-elfin [footnote: This sentence was changed to read: Their son (Elrond) who is part mortal and part elfin and part of the race of the Valar], a child, was saved however by Maidros.”
The Quenta Noldorinwa (1930)
I
The dwelling of Elwing at Sirion’s mouth, where still she possessed the Nauglafring and the glorious SIlmaril, became known to the sons of Fëanor; and they gathered together from their wandering hunting-paths. But the folk of Sirion would not yield that jewel which Beren had won and Lúthien had worn, and for which fair Dior had been slain. And so befell the last and cruellest slaying of Elf by Elf, the third woe achieved by the accursed oath; for the sons of Fëanor came down upon the exiles of Gondolin and the remnant of Doriath, and though some of their folk stood aside and some few rebelled and were slain upon the other part aiding Elwing against their own lords, yet they won the day. Damrod [=Amrod] was slain and Díriel [=Amras], and Maidros and Maglor alone now remained of the Seven; but the last of the folk of Gondolin were destroyed or forced to depart and join them to the people of Maidros. And yet the sons of Fëanor gained not the Silmaril; for Elwing cast the Nauglafring into the sea, whence it shall not return until the End; and she leapt herself into the waves, and took the form of a white sea-bird, and flew away lamenting and seeking for Eärendel about all the shores of the world.
But Maidros took pity upon her child Elrond, and took him with him, and harboured and nurtured him, for his heart was sick and weary with the burden of the dreadful oath.”
II
Upon the havens of Sirion new woe had fallen. The dwelling of Elwing there, where still she possessed the Nauglafring [footnote: > Nauglamir at both occurrences] and the glorious SIlmaril, became known to the remaining sons of Fëanor, Maidros and Maglor and Damrod and Díriel; and the gathered from their wandering hunting-paths, and messages of friendship and yet stern demand they sent unto Sirion. But Elwing and the folk of Sirion would not yield that jewel which Beren had won and Lúthien had worn, and for which Dior the Fair was slain; and least of all while Eärendel their lord was in the sea, for them seemed that in that jewel lay the gift of bliss and healing that had come upon their houses and their ships.
And so came in the end to pass the last and cruellest of the slayings of Elf by Elf; and that was the third of the great wrongs achieved by the accursed oath. For the sons of Fëanor came down upon the exiles of Gondolin and the remnant of Doriath and destroyed them. Though some of their folk stood aside, and some few rebelled and were slain upon the other part aiding Elwing against their own lords (for such was the sorrow and confusion in the hearts of Elfinesse in those days), yet Maidros and Maglor won the day. Alone they now remained of the sons of Fëanor, for in that battle Damrod and Díriel were slain; but the folk of Sirion perished of fled away, or departed of need to join the people of Maidros, who claimed now the lordship of all the Elves of the Outer Lands. And yet Maidros gained not the Silmaril, for Elwing seeing that all was lost and her child Elrond [footnote: > her children Elros and Elrond] taken captive, eluded the host of Maidros, and with the Nauglafring upon her breast she cast herself into the sea, and perished as folk thought.
[...] But great was the sorrow of Eärendel and Elwing for the ruin of the havens of Sirion, and the captivity of their sons, for whom they feared death, and yet it was not so. For Maidros took pity upon Elrond, and he cherished him, and love grew after between them, as little might be thought; but Maidros’ heart was sick and weary [footnote: This passage was rewritten thus: But great was the sorrow of Eärendel and Elwing for the ruin of the havens of Sirion, and the captivity of their sons; and they feared that they would be slain. But it was not so. For Maglor took pity upon Elros and Elrond, and he cherished them, and love grew after between them, as little might be thought; but Maglor’s heart was sick and weary &c.] with the burden of the dreadful oath.
Earliest Annals of Beleriand (AB 1) (1930-37, prior to AB 2)
AB I
225 Torment of Maidros and his brothers because of their oath. Damrod and Díriel resolve to win the Silmaril if Eärendel will not yield it up.
[...]
The folk of Sirion refused to give up the Silmaril in Eärendel’s absence, and they thought their joy and prosperity came of it.
229 Here Damrod and Díriel ravaged Sirion, and were slain. Maidros and Maglor gave reluctant aid. Sirion’s folk were slain or taken into the company of Maidros. Elrond was taken to nurture by Maglor. Elwing cast herself into the sea, but by Ulmo’s aid in the shape of a bird flew to Eärendel and found him returning.
AB II does not go this far.
The Later Annals of Beleriand (AB 2) (1930-37, after AB 1)
325 [525] Torment fell upon Maidros and his brethren, because of their unfulfilled oath. Damrod and Díriel resolved to win the Silmaril, if Eärendel would not give it up willingly. [...] The folk of Sirion refused to surrender the Silmaril, both because Eärendel was not there, and because they thought their bliss and prosperity came from the possession of the gem.
329 [529] Here Damrod and Díriel ravaged Sirion, and were slain. Maidros and Maglor were there, but they were sick at heart. This was the third kinslaying. The folk of Sirion were taken into the people of Maidros, such as yet remained; and Elrond was taken to nurture by Maglor. But Elwing cast herself with the Silmaril into the sea, and Ulmo bore her up, and in the shape of a bird she flew seeking Eärendel, and found him returning.
Quenta Silmarillion (1937) and The Later Quenta Silmarillion (1950s). These drafts were left incomplete and do not cover the events of the third kinslaying.
The Tale of Years (1950s)
Texts A, B
529 Third and Last Kin-slaying
Text C
532 [> 534 > 538] The Third and Last Kinslaying. The Havens of Sirion destroyed and Elros and Elrond sons of Eärendel taken captive, but are fostered with care by Maidros.
Text D2 (ends at 527)
512 Sons of Fëanor learn of the uprising of the New Havens, and that the Silmaril is there, but Maidros forswears his oath.
[...]
527 Torment fell upon Maidros and his brethren (Maglor, Damrod and Díriel) because of their unfulfilled oath.
Letter 211 (1958)
Elrond, Elros. *rondō was a prim[itive] Elvish word for 'cavern'. Cf. Nargothrond (fortified cavern by the R. Narog), Aglarond, etc. *rossē meant 'dew, spray (of fall or fountain)'. Elrond and Elros, children of Eärendil (sea-lover) and Elwing (Elf-foam), were so called, because they were carried off by the sons of Fëanor, in the last act of the feud between the high-elven houses of the Noldorin princes concerning the Silmarils; the Silmaril rescued from Morgoth by Beren and Lúthien, and given to King Thingol Lúthien's father, had descended to Elwing dtr. of Dior, son of Lúthien. The infants were not slain, but left like 'babes in the wood', in a cave with a fall of water over the entrance. There they were found: Elrond within the cave, and Elros dabbling in the water.
The Silmarillion
Now when first the tidings came to Maedhros that Elwing yet lived, and dwelt in possession of the Silmaril by the mouths of Sirion, he repenting of the deeds in Doriath withheld his hand. But in time the knowledge of their oath unfulfilled returned to torment him and his brothers, and gathering from their wandering hunting-paths they sent messages to the Havens of friendship and yet of stern demand. Then Elwing and the people of Sirion would not yield the jewel which Beren had won and Luthien had worn, and for which Dior the fair was slain; and least of all while Earendil their lord was on the sea, for it seemed to them that in the Silmaril lay the healing and the blessing that had come upon their houses and their ships. And so there came to pass the last and cruellest of the slayings of Elf by Elf; and that was the third of the great wrongs achieved by the accursed oath.
For the sons of Feanor that yet lived came down suddenly upon the exiles of Gondolin and the remnant of Doriath, and destroyed them. In that battle some of their people stood aside, and some few rebelled and were slain upon the other part aiding Elwing against their own lords (for such was the sorrow and confusion in the hearts of the Eldar in those days); but Maedhros and Maglor won the day, though they alone remained thereafter of the sons of Feanor, for both Amrod and Amras were slain. Too late the ships of Cirdan and Gil-galad the High King came hasting to the aid of the Elves of Sirion; and Elwing was gone, and her sons. Then such few of that people as did not perish in the assault joined themselves to Gil-galad, and went with him to Balar; and they told that Elros and Elrond were taken captive, but Elwing with the Silmaril upon her breast had cast herself into the sea.
Thus Maedhros and Maglor gained not the jewel; but it was not lost. For Ulmo bore up Elwing out of the waves, and he gave her the likeness of a great white bird, and upon her breast there shone as a star the Silmaril, as she flew over the water to seek Earendil her beloved. [...]
Great was the sorrow of Earendil and Elwing for the ruin of the havens of Sirion, and the captivity of their sons, and they feared that they would be slain; but it was not so. For Maglor took pity upon Elros and Elrond, and he cherished them, and love grew after between them, as little might be thought; but Maglor’s heart was sick and weary with the burden of the dreadful oath.
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