Tech: *performing a health assessment* On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?

Crosshair: I love all my pain equally.

Tech:

Tech: thAt iS nOT A vALid AnSwER.

Crosshair:

Tech: I w i l l s c a n y o u n o w—

Crosshair: Wait—

I hate that I want things and people that don’t want me back.

I wanna get free from this want I don’t care about getting what I want. I just don’t want to want anything ever again.

I’m better on my own.

So sad today

Let's be honest with ourselves. The truth is I don't bloody know. But the world expects you to always have an answer so you make these narratives up that make the most sense. But then after a point it all doesn't align and it doesn't feel alright. You're confused and sad. You're empty and yet you feel such heaviness. You want and you want to unwant and that too is a want because wants are endless. Human behaviour digusts you but you also are human. Capitalism gets to you but you are so deep in it yourself. What are the boundaries? If I knew then I would maintain them. But the truth is I don't know. See the world in shades of Grey but are you just over complicating things and seeing what doesn't even exist? ALL THIS EXISTENTIALISM WONT DO YOU ANY GOOD. Go learn a life skill that can be exchanged for money that can be exchanged for good food and used to pay rent and buy clothes that allow you to fit in this society. Yes, you're poisoned by this world and no amount of unlearning is ever going to make you pure again. And that is why the peace you feel is so transitory. Withdraw yourself and go crazy. Immerse yourself and yet you will go crazy. All I know is oranges are making me feel okay right now as is water as is the idea of going to sleep. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe all I want to do is never wake up. Maybe all I want is to wake up and be seven again. Not because I didn't feel all of this then but only it would still be years before I would process any of it. Even seventeen would be fine. The confidence and angst and idealism I was full of then kept me going. Now all I have are fruits and waiting for the seasons to change and avoiding the rush hour traffic to and from work. Little joys and little victories in a world full of endless little miseries.

I’m starting up jujitsu kaisen (again) for the millionth time.

guys . My flight is delayed I might not get home today I am so. I. What the duck. I’m getting onto my original flight that’s delayed for 2 hours but I’m gonna miss my connecting flight in Denver back home . I might have to stay at a hotel in Denver.

😍 Blue Lock Preview 😍 if you've read the manga you know this episode is gonna be so good 🤣😍😜

iamsober should make a relapse counter for texting people you shouldnt

current mood…

When you’re already frustrated and you try to roll a joint but you suck at it and now its all crinkly and sad looking, I’m not crying you’re crying! 😭

was feeling self destructive a few weeks ago and spontaneously dm’ed an old college friend if he had the hots for me back then and he said “definitely” and i-

Stuck on repeat,

like an old lousy beat.

Every night I sow a dream,

every day struggles, I reap.

Ffs this is why I can’t shop online.

Me: *looks online to buy pants, uses simple searches like: ”jeans” *

Me, 30 mins later: *in depth research on fiber content, recommended textiles, and their respective attributes*

Why do people suck? Why does my life suck?

can’t sleep can’t sleep can’t sleep can’t sleep

Welp,

Made an absolute ass of myself in front of my crush. Tried a new move in class and absolutely ate it.

That oughta seal it.

Fml

But at the same time, if that chased him off, he’s not gonna be able to roll with me because I’m the most clumsy person in the world and you need to be ok with me being like a new born deer on ice.

And that’s me trying to be positive but I also wanna cry.

today can go to hell i’m so upset at myself rn