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dilemmaontwolegs · 3 months

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Not A Verstappen: Lights Out {5}

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!driver!reader x Lando Norris Summary: The most anticipated race of the year is here, and the most controversial, Las Vegas GP. Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, fluff, angst, injury WC: 3.5k F1 Masterlist NAV: Sibling Rivalry One || Two || Three NAV: Gridlocked One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine NAV: A New World One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine || Ten NAV: Lights Out One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six

Round Twenty Two - Las Vegas

Kristian sat on a weight bench, flipping through the pages of the motherhood magazine he was reading. Every so often he would look up and give some guidance until the tips became a nuisance.

“I should have fired you,” you muttered as you rose up from the last lunge.

“You say that a lot but you should keep your back straight,” he shot back, grating you further with the slow scrape of the page turning. “And keep your feet in line with your hips.”

“Can we play some decent music at least?” you whined between the gulps of water you swallowed down. The training was far less intensive than they used to be with everything focused on just maintaining fitness and health rather than a goal weight or strength like before.

“Nope,” he chuckled, clearly enjoying being able to boss you around the gym again. “Baroque is good for the baby.”

“Bullshit.” There was no way the classical music meant anything to her, she was only the size of an avocado - or so Lando said. He had an app that he checked daily and uploaded photos onto as a keepsake.

Kristian turned back to the start of the magazine and turned it around, tapping the title of the article. “So you think you know more than Harvard scholars now, Spitfire?”

He took your silence for defeat and pointed to the pool door. “Twenty lap cool down and then it’s breakfast.”

Your stomach grumbled at the mention of food and you grabbed a towel as you passed the door to the changing room. Breakfast didn’t feel like the right term since it was well past lunchtime. The whole Las Vegas schedule had screwed your body clock with the late night practices and qualifying rounds but you were grateful it was the last night of it.

Lando and Charles had been fast asleep when you slipped out of the room. Something had disturbed you from the dream you were having and despite the room being pitch black with the thick blockout curtains your body could tell it was daytime. Thankfully Kristian was already awake and happy to move your fitness session up a few hours.

Cool water washed over you as you dove into the tepid pool and started to glide along the surface. One, two, three, breathe. One, two, three, breathe. The monotony was therapeutic and you didn’t even bother to keep count of the laps - your mind was elsewhere.

You had been dead on your feet in the wee hours of the morning after you finally left the track with Lando and Charles after qualifying finished. They still had adrenaline flooding their systems and had no hope of sleeping when they sunk into the couch cushions and pulled your exhausted body over their legs.

You were in a drowsy state, half asleep but half aware of the other two chatting quietly together. Their hands had softly caressed your skin, brushing your shirt up so they could feel the warmth of your abdomen beneath their palms.

“She’s so beautiful, Cha, and she’s carrying our kid. I don’t think I have ever been this happy in my life,” Lando hummed as he rested his head on Charles’ shoulder and smiled at their hands.

“We are very lucky to have her,” he agreed as he kissed Lando softly.

“So…” You tasted the mischief in Lando’s drawn out tone and it stirred some energy back into your body. “When can I start calling you daddy?”

Charles’ legs shifted beneath you with a groan and you willed your eyes to open as his cheeks flushed pink. “Mon cher...”

“You can call me papi chulo,” Lando smirked. “It means-”

“I know what it means,” Charles choked, knowing exactly who had taught him that too. “Carlos is a menace, but if anyone is going to be papi chulo it’s me.”

You nearly swallowed a mouthful of water as the memory of what had happened next led to a lapse in your count and you pulled yourself out of the pool with a splutter. Those two had a lot to answer for.

“Here,” Kristian said as he tossed a bottle of water to you. “Try not to drink from the pool.”

“What would I do without you?” you asked dryly.

“I don’t dare to think about that,” he joked before he said your favourite words. “Let’s go eat.”

You stared at the egg on your plate before pushing it away with disinterest. Charles looked up from his own plate and frowned at the rare sight of the food that remained on yours.

“Would you like something else, mamie?”

You smiled at the new endearment and watched Lando cut an avocado in half before passing one part over to you. The vibrant green flesh did look delicious but when you held it in your hand you could only think about the bump that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. You hadn’t noticed it before changing into your swimsuit but when you peeled the tight layer off in the gym's changing room you had frozen. The mirrored wall caught your side profile under glaring fluorescent lights and there, just below your belly button it swelled ever so slightly.

A hand waved in front of your face and you broke away from the memory to see both your boyfriends watching you with worried frowns. One of them had obviously spoken to you but you couldn’t recall hearing them as you stared at the avocado.

“You’re crying,” Lando murmured as he swiped away the tear on your cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“She’s this big already. Our baby is the size of an avocado. She’s so tiny,” you said with a small laugh, raising the fruit higher for inspection. They looked at you like you were a little crazy and it wouldn’t have been the first time that was suspected but you pushed the chair out and placed the avocado back on the table. “Come, I want to show you something.”

You led them to the bedroom and Charles opened his mouth to break the bad news that they didn’t have time for even a quickie. The thought had crossed your mind when you found them still naked and splayed across the bed before breakfast was ready, but they needed to get to the track soon for media duties and to prepare for the race.

“That’s a shame but also not what I came here for,” you admitted as you started to remove your shirt.

“I’m getting mixed messages here,” Lando chuckled as he reached for his own shirt. “But I don’t mind being late.”

“Stop, before I really do make you stay,” you chuckled knowing they would do anything for you. You dropped your shirt and turned sideways while you stared at the reflection in the mirror. “Look…”

Their eyes followed the wave of your hand, the way your palm drifted over your hip to cradle the small bump, and Lando gasped along with Charles soft praise. Knees hit the soft carpet below your feet and warm lips replaced your hand, teasing your skin with kisses. Two heads of dark hair bowed against your stomach and whispered words of promise you couldn’t quite hear, but they weren’t for your ears. Finally they looked up, emerald and azure eyes filled with enough love that you were certain your chest was going to crack open.

You reached for their cheeks and felt the same dampness that coated yours. “She’s real,” you whispered. It had taken a few weeks but finally it all felt real. She wasn’t just a picture on a piece of paper or measurements of a hormone in a blood test. She was real, and she was yours.

“You look like a twat,” you greeted Max with a grin, flapping the collar of his race suit made to replicate Elvis Presley. “You’re just missing the blue suede shoes.”

Max rolled his eyes and ducked his head when you tried to mess his gelled hair up. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

“Oh I am,” you laughed, slipping back into Charles’ side. “I’m actually happy to sit out this circus act.”

Max narrowed his eyes as he scanned your face for a lie or bitterness but all he saw was a bright smile and genuine amusement sparkling in your eyes. A sense of relief washed over him as for the first time since losing your seat you looked completely content and happy.

“I don’t blame you,” he finally replied and looked down at the costume he had been given. He would be glad when all this was over too. “I’ll see you at Omnia?”

The sun had already set on the strip and the temperature was quickly dropping as the hour grew late, and closer to the start of the race. “Maybe, if it’s a boring race I might not even be awake to see the end of it.”

“Fair enough.” He hoped you would be there to celebrate whatever the results were but he knew you were more exhausted in your current state and wouldn’t hold it against you. Christian waved at Max from across the street that divided the hospitality area from the garages and he gave you a quick hug, clapping Charles in the shoulder as he passed. “The Ring Master calls.”

“Drive safe!” He threw a thumbs up over his shoulder in answer and you laced your fingers with Charles’ before continuing to the McLaren garage.

It was strangely quiet for a race that had been hyped up so much over the last year, but you were kind of relieved that there were less people to weave between. It was great that the sport was growing in popularity but it was a pain in the ass trying to get anywhere when you are squashed like sardines in the paddock.

Somehow you still managed to bump into someone.

“Shit, sorry, Logan.”

“That was my bad,” he apologised as he turned to face the direction he was walking, waving back to the fan who had stopped him. His eyes widened when he saw who he had collided with and regret painted on his face. “Shit, are you alright? I didn’t hurt you, did I, or the, um…” he waved a hand to your stomach and you tilted your head wondering who had told him.

“I’m fine, but you knew?”

Logan scratched the back of his neck nervously and shrugged. “The walls were thin in the medical centre.”

You were dumbfounded and the sound that bubbled from your chest confirmed it. “Huh.”

“I haven’t told anyone, and I won’t,” he promised before his name was called and he waved to his PT. “Oh, congratulations though, I probably should have started with that.”

Charles laughed and shook the American’s hand. “Thanks, mate.”

You smiled and accepted the half hug he offered, probably thinking a handshake would be even more awkward. “Thanks, and congrats on your first point too.”

“Not as exciting as a baby.”

“Yeah it is,” you laughed, remembering your first point for Alpha Tauri. “That’s your baby right now.”

His smile grew as he set off to his PT and you carried on your way to see Lando before the race. There was still over an hour until lights out but every minute had been scheduled for media duties, meet and greets, and the driver parade. You wanted to have a few moments of their time before releasing them to the wild.

Charles’ hand slipped from yours as you reached McLaren and he cradled your cheek before kissing you. “Are you alright to get back on your own?”

You rolled your eyes before looking at the Ferrari space four garages down. “I don’t know, it’s pretty far…I might get lost and end up in the Bellagio.”

“If you do, bet it all on Red for me,” he joked. The smile on his face dimmed as he saw the magician and Carlos waiting for him. “I’ll see you after the race, mamie. Je t’aime.”

“Love you too.”

“And Lando too.” He would have preferred to tell Lando himself but he just ran out of time with all the activities his team had planned for race day.

“I’ll let him know, and I’ll even give him a kiss from you,” you teased as you stole another kiss for good measure.

“Any advice from the current world champion?” he asked as he started to back away.

You shook your head. “It’s Vegas, baby, just give them one hell of a show.”

To say the atmosphere in Ferrari was charged was an understatement. There was resentment for Carlos’ car being destroyed and his mechanics gritted their teeth as they walked to the middle of the grid thanks to the penalties for fixing the car. On the other side of the garage, the side where you sat with Joris, excitement permeated the air as you watched Charles’ walk to his car parked in pole position.

You were torn between that excitement and the sadness that had followed you since leaving McLaren. Lando was being too hard on himself again for the bad luck he had qualifying 15th, but he was determined to make his way to the front of the pack. If anyone was going to be called Spitfire in the race, it was going to be him. He was going to dogfight his way forward from the moment the lights went out.

One of the cameras panned the crowd and you spotted him walking up from his spot three quarters of the way down the grid, all the way to the front where Charles was talking to Max. For a moment you were once again hit with the sense of longing to be out there but the feeling washed away as quick as it came.

“Do you want anything to eat?” Joris asked as he looked up from his phone. You chuckled knowing Charles would have sent the reminder text but you shook your head.

“I’m fine, thank you. And you can tell Charles I am keeping hydrated too,” you said with a smile, shaking your water bottle for him to see.

“You can always trust him to worry more about others, even when he’s meant to be focusing on the race,” he laughed as he sent the reply. “Have you thought any more about where you want to go for the maternity shoot?”

Charles had been eager to lock his friend in as the official bump photographer but there was still another four months until it was the best time to have them taken. He was also open to taking photos while you were in labour but you weren't too sure how you felt about that yet.

“Somewhere warm.”

“So no alpine backdrops then,” he chuckled, probably remembering how much you had complained about hiking in the snow last winter.

You scoffed at the idea, an adamant refusal to it. “Not if you’re expecting me to wear something that shows the bump.”

The action around the garages stilled as the guests on the grid were guided away for the formation lap to begin and you breathed a sigh of relief when Charles made it back to the first box without drama. Even Joris released a nervous laugh beside you.

“That’s a better start,” he murmured so the engineers around him didn’t hear.

“Couldn’t get any worse than the last one,” you replied just as quietly.

You held your breath and felt the same rush of adrenalin fill you as if you were right out there in front of the lights with them. Your fingers twitched at your sides, the muscle memory begging them to prepare for action as each red light appeared, then all five were gone. The keen whines of twenty engines accelerating to their limit screamed into the night and you grinned at the sound even though it was muted by the headset.

“Oh, fuck off, Max,” you screamed as he pushed Charles wide and they both went off track before pulling back on with your brother taking the lead. Suddenly your attention was brought to the back of the pack where multiple cars had been involved in an incident, but Lando had managed to avoid it and slip ahead a few places too. “Come on, baby, you can do it.”

Although there had been a lot of complaints about the showy nature of racing in Las Vegas, there was no denying it was a track that offered a lot of entertainment with long straights to overtake and high risk high reward corners too. You could barely sit still with your eyes glued to the many screens around the garage offering almost every angle of the race.

“Ok, I think this race has just redeemed itself,” you commented with a smile as you watched the battles taking place around the track.

“It is pretty amazing,” Joris said with his own excited grin, but shock fell over him and you snapped your head back to screen dreading seeing Charles out of the race again. But it wasn’t Charles.

Sparks flew as the floor hit the asphalt and your brain couldn’t seem to understand why Lando’s car was facing the wrong way. Still it kept skidding along the straight at full speed, spinning back around just before it collided with the barrier at the end of the runoff. Your breath left your lungs with the force of the collision and your entire body stiffened as your ears began to ring loudly. Your stomach lurched as you desperately hit the keys on the screen to select the driver view and you saw Lando’s shaking hands pull his steering console out.

“I, I need to go,” you whispered as you stood up on weak legs. “Can you tell Charles?”

“Xavi can do that, I’ll walk with you,” he said with a shake of his head. His arm looped with yours and stabilised you as you tried to rush out of the garage. They weren’t even stopping the race because he wasn’t on track and that made you feel even sicker. What if someone else went into the runoff?

“Mr Norris,” Joris called out, waving the worried man down. You blinked as you realised you were already in the McLaren garage, but you couldn’t remember the walk there.

“He’s alright,” Adam assured you as he pulled you into his side and thanked Joris for the escort. “I spoke to him after he got out of the car. They are going to the medical centre. Come on, darling, we can go together.”

“He’s alright?” you double checked, your vision blurring with tears.

Adam gave a sure nod as he started back the way you came, except he went towards the medical centre instead of the other garages. “His ribs hurt but he’s tough.”

Max said that when he was a child he would sleep walk, Vicki too. You imagined this was how they felt. Detached. Moving through darkness. Closing your eyes and waking in a new place. You blinked and the concrete path you were on was suddenly linoleum.

“Lando…” you sighed as you found him on a gurney, white blankets tucked in close around him.

“Heeeey,” he slurred happily, wincing as he snaked a hand out of his swaddle to reach for you. “It’s my girls.”

“You’re on the strong stuff, aren’t you, my love?” You faked a smile for him and took his hand, tilting your head towards Adam and the doctor explaining what was happening. You carefully leaned over the bed and kissed Lando until he broke out in giggles and his head lolled lazily back against the pillow.

“They’re taking him to the hospital for some scans just in case there’s any broken ribs,” Adam relayed when he reached your side and gave Lando a kiss on his forehead. “How are you feeling, son?”

“It hurts to breathe, but this is good,” he said, holding up his hand that was connected to the IV bag filled with strong painkillers.

A nurse came and unlocked the wheels on the gurney before asking who was going to ride in the ambulance with Lando. Adam looked at you and nodded, and though you knew he would have wanted to go with his son himself you were selfish and couldn’t leave his side.

“I’ll follow behind,” Adam promised before Lando was wheeled away.

You walked at Lando’s side out of the medical centre and found tv crews waiting, their cameras zoomed in on Lando and capturing his almost drunken state. A little loopy from the drugs in his system, he waved his fingers at the camera. “This will be on Netflix next year,” he laughed before wincing at the pain that flared. “So it’s safe to tell them, ‘I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER!’ and they can’t say a thing.”

Adam froze at his son’s outburst, though it was no secret that he was eager to shout to the world his joy. “Lando…” he growled, looking at your wide eyes.

“What? They aren’t allowed to use the footage for months,” he huffed.

“That’s not Netflix,” you whispered, swallowing the lump in your throat as you watched the tv crew almost tremble with excitement. “That’s Sky TV.”

Click here for the next part.

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scoupsahoy · 1 year

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leaving like a father, running like water

[crossposted to ao3]

It’s 1991 when Steve finally does what his father’s been telling him his entire life, which is: he grows up. Hawkins is stuck in time, a ticking time bomb, a place that’s never really needed him.

That’s okay. People needed him to stay for a while.

Robin needs him. Stuck to his side, constantly over his house, hardly going back to her own. He hears fighting from the inside for a while before he stops taking her back. Violence and vitriol and venom. And he needs Robin, too, needs her to be by his side, needs her to put him back together after the town splits down the middle.

It’s mainly her.

The kids needed him for a while, but they were always stronger. More magical. He was a piece of shit when he was their age, didn’t understand a single fucking thing, and they just knew. They’d lived entire lives right under his nose. They’d fought and won and lost and lost and lost and won, and they were always smarter than him anyway. More resilient.

And Hawkins can hardly be called a place anymore. It’s gray and rotten and barren, and the kids live there because they grew up on its streets and underneath them, but Steve. Steve has only been beaten down by this place, realizes he has to grow up somewhere else.

His parents give him the house and he sells it immediately. No one’s buying land in Hawkins, but it’s land, the town will take it, they’ll take anything they can get, and so will Steve.

They drive west until they hit Las Vegas and they get hitched at one of those sleazy casinos so people stop asking questions.

Steve dips Robin low and kisses her on the cheek behind a veil and the drunk witnesses don’t notice that her cackle is at the ridiculousness of people ever thinking they could be together. And hopefully in a while she’ll be one of those girls on the news wearing a shirt that says Lavender Menace but she could never have been that girl in Indiana.

And Steve. Well.

Before they really decide to leave, Steve gets drunk and hooks up with a guy he’s never met before and never seen again, a drummer in a little metal band playing just outside Indianapolis when he was convinced he was just testing a theory, and then Alexandria Brown, who had a fucking tongue piercing, just to make sure girls still get him off, and then Ronny Jackson, who was in AP Calc and a huge loud weirdo but otherwise gives him the best orgasm of his life. And he otherwise chases what Robin lovingly calls “the Munson High” until it clicks for him.

He leaves because without the kids to take care of, because he can’t play mother hen forever, Hawkins is nothing but a rotting open grave.

So they drive farther and hit San Francisco with ring pop rings and get a nice two bedroom apartment from a landlord who doesn’t ask questions, and that becomes home.

Steve is twenty four when he decides to grow up.

The problem with growing up is the growing part. Stretching his limbs and pounding at his muscles and working long hours lifting heavy boxes onto wobbly shelves for nine hours a day. He sees ghosts in the grocery store and monsters in dogs on a walk and it’s hard out here pretending this has been his only life. But at least there’s beer.

“Steve,” Robin flies through their front door, crumpled flier in hand, right when Steve cracks the can open. “Put that down.”

“Why?”

“We’re going out tonight. This was in our mailbox. I think it’s a gay club.” She smacks her hand on the counter, spread out over a piece of paper, probably too excited to realize there’s no way Steve would be able to read it.

He puts his beer down anyway before asking what should be an obvious question, because he actually isn’t trying to turn into his father, and because he’s a good friend. “Why would someone slip a flier for a gay club into our mailbox?”

“I think Addie and Rose from down the hall put it in there. Doesn’t matter. Go with me.”

And. Steve stares at his beer and the tiny television they got when they moved in so they wouldn’t die of boredom. They were going to watch Turner Classics or something because that’s what they always do on the weekend.

He looks back at sweet, hopeful Robin and sighs. “One of these days I’ll say no to you.”

“No you won’t,” she says, bright and shiny, runs into her closet of a room to get dressed and shouts through the apartment. “Also, for the record, you need to get laid!”

“Say it louder, I don’t think Addie and Rose heard you.”

“Don’t say that unless you mean it, because we both know I will.”

So Steve puts on real clothes, nothing too nice, and runs a comb through his hair. It’s a bit longer now than it was when he was a kid, long enough to give him hat hair at work, short enough that he’s not immediately clocked as a freak.

On the walk there, Steve decides his primary goal is to make sure Robin has a good time. His secondary goal is to make sure neither of them get into too much trouble. And the third, if the first two goals go well, is to get head in the bathroom, or, if he’s really lucky, give head in the bathroom.

They haven’t been in San Francisco for very long, considering how long they stayed in Hawkins, but there are regulars in their neighborhood, people he recognizes from work, people he recognizes from the store. It’s like they’re making a life here, almost.

The bartender is a guy who’s jogging route passes in front of their apartment most mornings on their way to work. His grizzled face breaks into pleasant surprise when he gets his eye on them.

“Oh, I recognize you two,” he says, pointing two fingers at them. His voice has a midwest twang to it. Kind of reminds him of home, not that he needs reminding. “That married couple up by that one deli. You guys lost?”

“We’re not.. really married,” Robin says, in that ridiculously un-subtle way she tends to.

Steve shoots her a look. “We’re legally married.”

“Yes, but as friends,” she emphasizes, shakes her naked ring finger at the bartender before leaning both elbows onto the bar and resting her head on her fists. “Tell me, do women frequent this establishment?”

If anything, despite the anxiety burning Steve’s ears red, the bartender at least seems amused. He nods over to a corner of the club closer to the stage and she’s immediately off in that direction, leaving Steve alone on a barstool with a man who knows way too much about him now.

Most of the rest of the bar is empty. Being a club, most people are on the dance floor or in dark corners or against the stage. Steve’s always been the kind of guy to sit by the sidelines. At least, since he graduated.

“She seems quirky,” the bartender says, no malice in his voice, pouring a drink for another patron and sliding it down the bar.

“Yeah, try living with her.”

He heaves a belly-laugh that makes Steve make real eye contact with him for the first time since getting in. “I’m Ricardo.”

“Steve.” They shake hands, firm and friendly.

“Not lost, then?”

“Nope.”

“Thought so,” Ricardo says, though Steve does a quick check of his hair and his clothes, see if anything gives him away. And he must be tense, because he continues. “Hey, relax, let me make you a drink if you want. We don’t bite.”

That shocks a smile out of him, enough to ask for a rum and coke. And Ricardo nods, and Steve tries to remember how to be social again like he hasn’t spent the last five years exclusively hanging out with teenagers and Robin. “That’s a shame. About the biting.”

“Don’t you worry about that. I could introduce you to a friend. He’ll do anything if you ask nicely enough,” he laughs, handing over the drink.

Steve squashes down how flustered that makes him. Robin’s right. He does need to get laid.

“It’s kind of funny, actually. Thinking about it, you’re exactly the kind of guy he usually goes after.”

“What’s that mean?”

“You know. Athletic. Good hair. Very normal looking,” Ricardo makes vague gestures at Steve’s general likeness and he tries not to take it personally. “He usually comes by on Saturdays. In case you were curious.”

“What’s his name?” Steve asks, even though he’ll probably forget, by the amount of rum he can taste in his drink and the way a man with more than one tattoo on his neck looks at him from down the bar.

He does manage to remember, because it’s kind of a weird name. And pretty quickly Steve decides that hooking up with someone in a bathroom isn’t too much trouble to get into at all, and Robin is loud and excitable across the club and he shouldn't worry about her too much anyway. So Jacob with the neck tattoos drags him into the bathroom by the hair at his nape and pushes Steve to his knees and the roughness of it gets him off without even being touched.

And his jaw is sore and his knees are bruised and he thinks about the guy named Winn who usually comes in on Saturdays, who likes guys that look like Steve, who will do anything if Steve asks nicely enough.

On the way out Robin has another girl’s lipstick on her teeth so she can’t say anything too scathing, but she does give him the Munson High stare.

He climbs into her bed that night because he has dreams about monsters and bats and open graves. He thinks about Eddie Munson after five years of him being gone, after only really a few days of knowing him, never knowing what he tasted like and chasing it anyway.

•

It was 1986. Eddie Munson died.

•

It’s 1991, deep into summer, and Steve sweats through his work uniform every single fucking day, takes twice as many showers as he can probably afford the water for, and sometimes it’s so hot in California that he starts to think he might be seeing things.

Robin tells him he’s been hit in the head too many times, which is objectively true, and if he were more self-preserving he’d probably benefit from going to a doctor about it. His father would call him crazy, he knows that, too.

Sometimes at work he’ll see a new-hire with Dustin’s curly hair, the style he had it in years ago when there was a chance he could grow up normal. And Steve will go home on those days and call the Henderson home phone until someone picks up and tells him he’s safe.

And lately, on Friday afternoons after work, when he goes straight from work to the grocery store to pick up whatever he can for dinner, he swears he catches a glimpse of Eddie. Just for a second. Like he’s a ghost.

And there are things wrong, always, the hair, his style, the walk, it has to be a hallucination.

Eddie’s been dead for five years, dead in a different state, in a different universe. And there’s no one to call when he gets home.

The feeling of it sits in his gut and festers like a poison. He doesn’t know why it’s getting worse since coming here. Chasing the Munson High.

They don’t go back to the club very often. They probably should. Robin needs to get laid just as badly as Steve does, but he’s never been the type to let loose when he felt responsible for someone else, not since Nancy. San Francisco is big and gay and new and it’s not quite home yet, and they’re from smalltown Hawkins, Indiana. He doesn’t know how to let his guard down.

But.

“We’re going out tonight,” Robin tells him, sitting next to Steve on their little couch with a sandwich and swinging her legs across his lap as a table.

“We are?”

She nods, smiles, speaks with a mouth full of food. “Yep. We’re going back to the club. And I’m the designated driver.”

“You don’t drive,” Steve blinks. “And we walk there.”

“Then I’m the designated walker. I’ll cart your little drunk self back home. Unless you go home with someone else, of course.”

“What the hell are you going on about?”

Robin smiles her little Robin smile, the one where she’s clearly feeling pity, which she knows Steve hates, and will not apologize for it.

She puts a hand on his shoulder. “Your nightmares are back again. You’re worrying too much about me and everyone back home,” back in Hawkins, she means, their old home, “and it’s Saturday night and as your wife, I’m forcing you to go out and get drunk and get laid and stop worrying about other people for once.”

“There’s plenty of things to worry about, Robin,” Steve points out, even though it’s a losing battle.

“I’m a big girl, Steve. The apocalypse isn’t coming to San Francisco, and I’m pretty sure if it did I’d be able to handle it until you sobered up.”

She’s right. He knows she’s right.

Fuck. He knows she’s right.

So he lets Robin eat her sandwich and he gets changed into something that won’t make him die of heatstroke (because if he survived the past eight years and throws it all away in the basement of a club, he’s going to march into hell pissed off). And he makes himself look good and he wonders if Jacob with the neck tattoos is coming tonight, or maybe a drag performer, or maybe Winn who knows Ricardo.

They come up with a game plan on the way, because Steve is nothing without a game plan, basically the only thing that’s kept him alive this long. He’s going to get as plastered as he likes, and Robin is going to hopefully hook up with a drag king, and they are going to check in at midnight. And if Steve goes home with someone, he’s going to let her know before he goes, and he’s going to have a good time (this, she is adamant about), and he’s going to call her if he plans on spending the morning in bed.

Robin tells as much to Ricardo when they get in, orders Steve shots before setting his watch to go off at midnight like he’s fucking Cinderella. She looks Ricardo right in the eyes and demands him, “make sure he gets plastered.”

And get plastered Steve does.

“I was wondering when you’d be back,” Ricardo says. “Not really your scene?”

Steve leans an elbow on the bar. “It’s not that. I like to be careful. I know that this is San Francisco, but still. We’re from Indiana.”

It’s a half-truth, at least. Indiana itself was part of the problem, it always was. Not safe for Robin, not safe for him. Steve always had to pick the safe option. Tonight is really the first time he’s not going to worry about it.

The world is a scary place, even without all the monsters. Ricardo must understand that. Steve takes another shot.

“Illinois.”

The liquor burns down his throat this time, hits him like a punch, “What?”

“I’m from outside Chicago,” Ricardo says, which explains the midwestern accent.

Steve breathes, the buzz starting in his chest. “How long did it take for you to get used to this?”

“Kid, we’re all still getting used to it.”

He takes another shot at that. He thinks about the things he’s getting used to, the new place and the new world and the way the world spins. The way the ground here isn’t cracked and rotten and part of hell. The way he doesn’t have to worry about getting an annual concussion, hopefully, if he watches out, if he follows his rules.

He thinks about Eddie, which is a bit funny, because he doesn’t think he’s tried to think about him in a long time. Sometimes it happens like that. You know about someone for years and then you know them for a few days and then.

Impact.

And if he’s being honest, he’s never going to get laid like this. Sitting miserable at the bar. It’s a club. There are people and performances and men that he doesn’t have to be afraid of.

Steve has to do more than just survive, now. It’s been eight years of surviving and he gets to live.

So he gets plastered. Sloppily so, finds Robin and kisses her wet on her forehead and lifts her up for the girls by the stage and wingmans until she’s giggling and slapping at him and threatening divorce.

He gets bullshit drunk, chases his Munson High, grinds against a man with lots of eyeliner, hair so long he’s pretty. He tells him so against his lips and his hips. Doesn’t learn his name before he’s sitting back at the bar, a moment that hardly sobers him.

He sits for a while and breathes and people-watches and talks to Ricardo, and there’s a man with sunglasses down the bar, staring right at him. His hair is cropped short and he’s covered in tattoos, and Steve flags Ricardo down.

“Am I really drunk or is that guy staring at me?”

Ricardo smiles, response sloshing around in Steve’s brain. “He’s definitely staring. I told you that you were his type.”

“Oh shit,” he says, “that’s Winn?”

Steve doesn’t stick around long enough to hear anything other than the confirmation. And if Winn gets tense, Steve is too drunk to notice. He wants to drink and he wants to make out and he wants this guy to do whatever he wants with him. He wants to flirt and get in his pants and go home with him. And he’s a reckless drunk and he’s okay with it.

“Hey,” he says when he sidles up, rests his elbows on the bar.

“Hey.”

His voice is gruff and deep, surprisingly so. And he looks out into the crowd for a bit, so Steve can peek behind his sunglasses to see what they’re hiding. “I was wondering if you were planning on buying me a drink.”

Winn smiles, and it’s bright, even if it isn’t huge. It looks shocked, unused, awkward in the lips like they’ll crack open. Steve wants to get bloody on them.

“Now why would I do that?”

“You’ve been staring at me all night,” Steve says, even if he doesn’t know that it’s true. It’s true enough. “And Ricardo told me that I’m just your type. Was wondering if you’d ever make a move.”

“Wow. And you couldn’t make a move of your own?” His voice wavers a bit, a teasing jolt, something familiar, weirdly.

Steve drags his eyes down Winn’s body, his plain black shirt, and dark wash jeans, and the lean muscle that sits underneath. “What do you think I came over here for?”

“You’ve got me there. But I don’t think I was staring at you.”

“I’m pretty sure you were.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m wearing sunglasses, so I could have been staring at anything,” Winn says, turns his shoulders towards Steve’s, like they’re closing in on each other.

“You’re looking at me now, at least.”

“That’s true.”

“Any chance you’ll be looking away any time soon?”

It’s fun. Their back and forth. He can tell Winn likes it too, cheeks red, even when the lights change to flash yellow and blue and green. His voice cracks higher for a half second. “None.”

There it is.

“Good,” Steve says, curls his fist into the front of his shirt and pulls Winn down to him. He can feel the snag of chest hair in his hand, swallows the little groan he lets out into his mouth. He wants to get drunk on that, too.

He knows how drunk he must be, out in the open like this. He knows how selfish this must be, and he couldn't give less of a shit about it. Steve wants.

Winn hesitates for a fraction of a second, the kind of second that drags on when you’re drunk, and then kisses back the kind of kiss that empties your entire mind. His tongue is hot, licks into his mouth like fire, and he doesn’t taste like liquor. It’s just cigarettes and sweat and Steve wants to drown in it.

It turns out that Winn is the take control type. The do whatever you want if you ask nicely enough type, if he’s remembering correctly. He’s solid and bone-crushing and not nearly close enough. Steve is desperate and hungry in a way he hasn’t let himself be in years, doesn’t care about the consequences, wants Winn to make a mark on him that won’t go away.

And Winn gets them both drinks, gets Steve just what he likes, takes his own shots like they’re nothing. He downs them like water and Steve stares at his throat like he wants to build a home inside of it.

There’s a little bit of talking, but mainly making out, and a lot of touching hip bones and exposed biceps and the tender skin at the juncture of Winn’s neck, and ordering drinks and feeling reckless and not giving a shit.

And then his hands are in Steve’s hair, pulling, kissing him again and again, and his knees nearly collapse right there.

“Take me home,” Steve finds himself saying. “Your home. Take me to your place.”

Winn laughs, a sharp sound, “You’re a little drunk, buddy.”

“Sober me up then,” Steve says, slides his free hand up Winn’s leg. He tests a theory. “Please?”

And that does something.

He is pretty drunk, and otherwise his blood isn’t particularly focused on his brain function as much as his dick, honestly. But still, Winn makes Steve dizzy with it, with want and need.

It’s quick and reckless. Steve tells Robin he’s going home with Winn, that he’ll call a cab in the morning, and she salutes him on his way out.

The air outside is just as stale and hot as the club, and Steve leans into Winn’s arm while they walk.

“I hate how hot it is here.”

“You might have come to the wrong place, big boy,” Eddie says. Or, well, Winn says it, but Steve stops short in his tracks, feeling like a tape getting rewound, cranked slowly. It’s five years ago all of a sudden, just for a second, and Winn catches Steve by the bicep and if Steve were feeling more like himself he might have flexed or flirted or something. “You alright?”

And he’s back in the present, skipped ahead with a scratch. “Yeah.”

“Don’t die of heatstroke on me. I have water at my apartment. It’s not far.”

It really isn’t far. Winn keeps his sunglasses on even though Steve can hardly see a foot in front of him as it is. He wonders for a second if Winn has real eyes, or if he sees through his lenses like screens. Or maybe he can’t see at all. That seems unlikely.

He wonders if Winn has Eddie’s eyes, too. Big and brown like he’d never seen before or seen since. The real Munson High: not a guy with long hair and rings and tattoos and weird interests, but a guy who looks at him like that, like Eddie did. Intense and sure and determined and unafraid.

“You remind me of someone,” Steve says, sloshed, uninhibited.

For all accounts, he should keep his mouth shut. Steve is actually trying to sleep with this guy, and he can’t imagine that comparing him to his admittedly life-changing but violently dead friend from five years ago is going to be appealing.

And this guy is cool, Steve tells him so. His style and his walk and his demeanor and how he tastes like cigarettes, the kind you roll yourself.

He thinks, maybe, keeping it lighthearted will be best. If this is the final destination of the Munson High, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Or scary the way seeing the ghost of him in his grocery store is.

Winn keeps him talking, though. “Someone nice?”

“Oh,” Steve blinks. He isn’t quite sure, which seems unfair, but he doubts Eddie thought Steve was all that nice either. “Maybe. He was nicer than me, maybe. He was good, I know that. We had a lot going on back when I knew him, but you have the same kind of smile. And manner of speaking. All that.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Steve is too drunk really to read into the way Winn’s posture changes, maybe it has something to do with the fact that they’re at Winn’s apartment already. It’s not far at all. In fact, Steve could probably make it back home in fifteen minutes if he wasn’t so far gone.

His apartment is small and a bit messy, and it’s quiet and a little impersonal. Not much on the walls, no pictures of family around. And sometimes it’s like that here, he’s learned. Not everyone has a Robin. But at least Winn has a Ricardo.

The entry space isn’t too warm. It’s actually nice and cool. Cooler than the club, certainly cooler than the outside. Like, Winn must have good air conditioning. “Jesus Christ, are you rich or something?”

“I can’t believe that you of all people would ask that,” Winn says. Steve doesn’t bother asking what that means but he wonders. He looks for hints in Winn’s sunglasses or the familiar weight of his hands.

“I feel like I can breathe,” Steve takes a deep breath and spins, almost topples over, and Winn catches him by the shoulders. Firm hands. Familiar. They’re familiar. “Woah, thank you.”

“Not a problem, dude.”

There it is again. That tone of voice. Steve has got to be fucking hallucinating, honestly, all of a sudden overcome by this pulling in his chest.

“Is dude really an appropriate thing to call someone you’re trying to sleep with?” He flirts, the only cylinder in his brain that’s firing like this. Everything else is fighting drunken confusion and Eddie and trauma. And it’s not fair that this is happening now.

Winn’s sunglasses are still on. “You’d be surprised, Stevie.”

He stumbles and trips over a cable and it feels like 1986 again and 1985 and 1984, and it’s a black and slimy vine, something that will slither around his neck and ankles and choke him out. And the next few hours are a confusing haze, because he collapses in Winn’s arms. He gets taken to the couch, a fucking ugly thing, and he can’t breathe and it’s humiliating.

It’s been a while since an episode like this. The first few weeks in San Francisco were like that, peeking around every corner, distrustful of every shadow. And the feeling of being back there mainly sticks to nightmares, something he can blame on his dreams.

But he got used to it. He got used to San Francisco and normal problems like being broke and hating your parents.

Steve knows what’s real and what isn’t. He’s smart. He hasn’t gone insane. He’s not crazy, except, he definitely looks crazy to this guy. This poor guy. Not-Eddie. Eddie’s not real. Or, not anymore.

He never should have come here. He should be with Robin. She knows what’s real too. She can talk him down. She’s good at it.

He can’t see for what feels like an hour or what he knows is realistically only a couple of minutes, and then he can, because Eddie or not-Eddie rubs circles into his back and puts a glass of ice water in his hands and tells him how cold it is. He narrates the droplets of condensation that track down his skin and into his watch, which still hasn’t gone off yet.

This is the longest night of his fucking life and that’s saying something, it’s saying too much.

“You’re okay, man,” Eddie or not-Eddie says, calm like he’s used to this feeling, when nobody could be. Nobody but the group of them who fought monsters in alternate dimensions, who were nearly killed off and then paid off by government organizations. It’s why Steve and Robin came here in the first place. To get away from it. Somewhere where no one would know. So they wouldn’t have to see the effects of it every day and breathe the awful polluted air.

A chill runs up his spine. The air conditioning whirrs. A thought comes to his mind: he likes it cold.

And he thinks he’s hyperventilating again, he must be, because Winn is concerned and takes off his sunglasses and Steve gets a good look at his eyes and they’re Eddie’s. Like he took them from him. Like the world is fucking with him, like they never won at all and this is Steve’s fucking ticking clock. Like the last five years weren’t real, like nothing is real.

By some grace of God, that’s too much for his brain to handle, and he passes out right there on Eddie’s couch in Eddie’s arms in San Francisco in 1991.

•

It was 1986. Eddie Munson almost died.

•

It’s 1991, and Steve wakes up hungover in a room he’s never been in before. It’s dark still, and his head is pounding, and he’s sure it’s from the alcohol. But it centers around his eyes like he’d been crying, something he doesn’t let himself do all that often, and it floods back.

His eyes barely adjust and there’s an old Metallica poster on the wall and a stack of books in the corner of the room and a guitar pick necklace hanging from the corner of a mirror and nothing else.

Nothing else recognizable, at least. Nothing else personal, not that Steve can really say he knew Eddie personally. It’s nothing like Eddie’s room at home five years ago, the one he had to clean out because Wayne and Dustin were too heartbroken to do it themselves. With his guitars and posters and fliers and lyrics and chord progressions. With his drugs that they threw back into Rick’s house. That he and Nancy made sure to keep far away from the kids, because God fucking forbid they touch them.

It’s too dark to tell if this is the Upside Down or one of those clock hallucinations or if it’s just night.

There’s no reason Eddie Munson should be alive.

There’s no reason, really, that Steve should have been thinking about him for so long, anyway. For thinking of Eddie as this special thing to him, a high he’s chased for years, a person he recognizes pieces of in strangers on the street. That must be what this is. Punishing him for not letting him go. When he hardly fucking knew the guy.

But that’s not right, either.

He’s shaking, and the bed creaks with it, and the door opens slowly, and he holds his breath until Eddie walks through.

Because Eddie walks through. His hair is cropped and his neck is scarred and his face is older. There aren’t rings or patches or buttons on leather and denim. He looks different and exactly the same, and the light from the other room floods from behind him like a halo, like he’s a ghost.

Steve knows that this can’t be his imagination, though, can’t be the effect of some spell or hypnotism or post-traumatic stress, because he’d never imagine Eddie like this. Barren.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Eddie says, like it’s a normal thing to say, like this is a normal thing to do, and Steve kind of wants to kill him again.

The light flickers on, bathes the room in an ugly yellow. “What did you do?”

“What?” Eddie stops short. Water spills over the rim of a glass Steve didn’t notice he was holding. “You had a panic attack and passed out. I brought you to a bed.”

Steve shakes his head. “You died! You died five years ago! What did you do? Did you make a deal with Vecna? With the guys at the lab?”

“Jesus, no!” Eddie steps forward and Steve tenses. His eyes flash, and they’re just as big and swirling as Steve remembers, but they’re dark, and he holds his other hand out, placating. Is he a vampire? Is Vecna even dead?

“Was any of it real? Is any of it over?”

Exdie crouches, and he takes off his shirt, and Steve must still be a little drunk because he stares at his chest and the curls of hair scattered around. But behind that, more clear now than it was in the club, is scarred, discolored patches of skin, poorly stitched together, healed but slowly. Painfully. The scratches and scars run lightly up his arms and his chest, up into deep pinks and reds at the base of his neck.

“I didn’t die,” Eddie says, patient, practiced, like he’d been prepared to be found out. Which begs the question: what was the fucking point? “I nearly died. I thought I died. But I didn’t.”

Steve fumes and he tries to follow and he stares at Eddie’s skin, thinks about all the people he couldn’t protect.

“We mourned you. Dustin was,” Jesus Christ, it hurts to think about, “torn in half. You let us all think you died, but you let him think you died. We would have helped you.”

Eddie stares like he’s brokenhearted, and Steve is done talking. His throat hurts and his head hurts and he’s too fucking old for this. He dares Eddie to explain himself.

•

It was 1986. Eddie Munson didn’t die.

He really did think he was going to. He’d already accepted it, and if Dustin got to live, he would have done it over and over again indefinitely. He would have relived the pain forever, and he knew it even when it was excruciating and he tasted blood and venom and whatever else.

The only thing he wouldn’t relive was Dustin’s face, dirty and tear-tracked and sobbing.

Eddie faded out and faded back in. He couldn’t open his eyes, but he heard the others come back, heard them tear Dustin off of him, heard the rumbling of thunder and the splitting of earth.

One thing Eddie learned when he was young, when his dad put his mom in the hospital, was that hearing goes last. The last moments wrapped up in loud silence.

He didn’t know if he believed in heaven, but the screams and the cracking and the laughter from Vecna sounded a lot like hell, especially when it didn’t stop. When it kept going. When he thought he was dead.

But hell seemed to spit him back out.

Didn’t want him. Go figure.

He was hardly alive, though. Alive in the sense that he was sometimes conscious and his heart was chugging, pushing blood around his body.

And eventually, in Hawkins, real Hawkins, he crawled until he ended up in the Hendersons’ backyard. He’d heard a story once, right before he died, that Dustin had taken in a little monster until it could live on its own.

It was a long shot, but he was hoping the kid would be willing to do it again.

He was.

Eddie bled sludge onto the concrete of Dustin’s cellar, and Dustin stole antiseptic and gauze and painkillers from where they were keeping Max in the hospital and from the donation drives and wherever else, Eddie never knew. He soaked needles and string in hydrogen peroxide and sewed him up in the really gnarly gashes that wouldn’t scab over, placating Eddie with whatever was in his mother’s liquor cabinet.

And it was fucking hell.

He will never remember most of it.

But as soon as he could stand upright he cut his hair short and hitchhiked to Indianappolis and took a one-way bus to California and didn’t look back.

There was no way he could. Every step was a miracle. He was a man on the run.

But nobody except his uncle knew that his name was Edwin, that his mother’s maiden name was Langley. Nobody except Rick, who’d made him a fake ID before he got sent to prison so he could run off to San Francisco after he graduated, or after Wayne got sick of him, or after shit got really bad.

And well.

It killed the poor kid, he knew it, but he hoped that knowing he was alive would lessen the blow. Even if he swore him to secrecy. The kid was loyal. Could keep a secret.

Dustin is nothing if not stubborn. Packed Eddie’s bag with a note with his home phone number and a radio frequency and a threat, a promise, to tell the police exactly where he was if he didn’t confirm proof of life at least once a month.

An extremely charming scribbled note on a piece of paper he would keep in his bedside table that read: I WILL MAKE ELEVEN FIND YOU. LIVE.

So Eddie Munson – if you asked his ID, Edwin Langley – if you asked anyone else, Winn the Mechanic – didn’t die in Upside Down Hawkins, Indiana in 1986. He laid low for five years in San Francisco, a place where people run to all the fucking time and don’t ask questions, didn’t make too much money, didn’t make too many waves.

He got rid of anything that would identify him. That was the hard part. All Eddie Munson had was his identity. Was his band and his music and his club and his loud personality. And he’d never held himself back for anyone.

He figured, though, if he was going to hold himself back for something, it would be for the teenagers who fought monsters. Maybe, he thought, this way he’ll win. There’s no other way for them to win.

Eddie knew his odds. Every day was a stealth check. And for five years he rolled high enough. It helped staying mainly sober and playing the new performance of being mysterious and quiet. Like that was a new game in itself.

And then, one day, a drunk and traumatized Steve Harrington rolled high enough on investigation to crumble the whole thing down.

•

It’s 1991. And Eddie Munson didn’t die.

He was alive when Wayne and Steve organized a pathetic little funeral for him with sticks and pins and guitar picks buried into the ground on the right-side-up of where he got attacked by the bats. He was alive when Steve and Lucas spent nights in Dustin’s room, giving them a break from the hospital room and making sure they were doing okay.

For Christ sake, he held Dustin while they mourned.

Eddie was alive when Steve sort of pieced together why he was so heartbroken. When Robin asked why he kept Eddie’s jean jacket hung on the back of his desk chair, why he didn’t bury it or give it to Wayne. He was alive when Steve was confused and tired and drove out to Indianapolis and went down on some drummer with long hair and big eyes who called him baby and pretty and gave him a warning before coming down his throat.

When Robin coined the term Munson High.

And Jesus Christ, Steve is exhausted. He’s nauseous and dizzy and hungover and his mouth tastes like shit. He’s only pretty sure this whole thing isn’t an elaborate mind game.

“I don't understand, dude,” Steve says, running the palm of his hand flat down his face.

“What don’t you understand?”

Steve kind of wants to kill him again. “Why did you have to be dead? Why didn’t you tell the rest of us? Why didn’t you tell me? We were friends!” He clears his throat. “And why the fuck did you take me home tonight knowing damn well who I was?”

Eddie counts the questions off on his fingers, formulating his thoughts, and it’s infuriating to watch. Knowing that Eddie has had five years to think about this, and Steve is falling over on himself like a fucking idiot. Blindsided.

He speaks, and for some reason it sounds the exact same as it has in Steve’s memory, and it hurts. “The town wanted me dead, man. There were people coming after me with pitchforks, no questions asked, there was no saving me. Not after Jason died. Not after it broke national news. I couldn’t be missing or sent to jail or any of that shit. I had to be dead or they would kill me. And if they couldn’t kill me, they’d kill you guys for keeping me alive.”

Steve clenches his jaw and it sends the violent sting of a migraine into his eye. “We would have done it. We needed you–”

“That’s why you guys couldn’t know. You would try to fix it. If you knew I lived, you would patch me up and take me to your magical girl’s friends with the government and they would wave their wands, but I would be public enemy number one, and that was never going to change or get better,” Eddie says, a crack in his voice like he’s frustrated, like he has a right to be. “I’ve been public enemy number one since the kids in Hawkins found out who my dad was. It never fucking changes.

“I told Dustin because I knew he wouldn’t ask me to stay after I’d already made up my mind. I didn’t tell you because I knew you would. You would have asked me to stay and I would have done anything for you back then. And now, too. I just can’t say no to you, Stevie.

“But,” he finishes, “you needed to focus on the bigger picture. If you thought there was any shot I would make it, you would have taken it, and you would have gotten yourself killed.”

Steve breathes. He can’t do much to argue with that, but the parts of it that were personal, that made Steve feel like stained glass or the open mouth of a cave, like he was something Eddie could really see, those parts are hard to swallow.

“And?”

“And,” Eddie says. “I haven’t seen you in five years and I never got to kiss you back then, I never even thought of it as a possibility. And my cover was broken and I was drinking even though I don’t do that anymore, and you asked to go home with me, Steve. I already said I can’t say no to you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Eddie relaxes into a position more familiar, barely. The ghost of a posture Steve recognizes from five years ago. He wonders if he’s still the same or different in Eddie’s eyes. “And I wouldn’t have slept with you under false pretenses, I just figured you’d rather not be in a dark little gay club when you realized I was Eddie.”

He’s a little too tired for this. A little too broken. It’s a little too much.

Steve wonders if he would feel his heart stop if it did. Or if it would just feel like the same dull ache he’s been feeling for five years. More than that. Since his world turned upside down.

“You’re stuck with me, now. You got that?”

Eddie smiles, and it’s something so massive and heart stopping and sickening that Steve worries if it’s real at all. It’s just different enough. Five years older. Relieved and real.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, waterlogged and broken and also whole.

Steve would hate to break this, but he glances at the clock and feels a tension about a fifteen minute walk away. “You’re going to have to deal with Robin, though. And Dustin is going to have to deal with me”

•

In 1996 there’s a wedding in Hawkins, Indiana.

•

It’s 1991. Steve unlocks his apartment, cramped and kind of ugly, and full of life.

“Hey Rob?”

Robin calls from her little closet room. “No honey I’m home? Where has our love gone, Stevie?”

“Uh,” he shifts by the door. “I ran into someone last night.”

“I thought you went home with that Winn guy. Did he fuck your brains out? I should have told him about your history of concussions before I let you leave…” Robin trails off when she turns one of the snug corners of their apartment and makes eye contact with them.

And Steve can only imagine how they look to her, considering everything. Steve bringing home a man who looks more like Eddie Munson than is probably healthy for him. Looking exhausted, his eyes are chapped and red from last night. And Eddie looks kind of terrified, which he should. It’s a blessing that Nancy is on the other side of the country, because Eddie would be dirt in the fucking ground, probably.

“Hi,” Robin looks Eddie up and down with so much intensity that Steve can feel the heat of it. “I’m sorry. I’m Robin. I need to steal Steve away for just one minute.”

“Robin,” Steve manages. She looks away from Eddie and gives Steve a scathing Munson High stare. It quiets him.

Eddie speaks, though. That same old voice. “Robin.”

It’s pleading, almost. And it works. Steve and Robin joke about being able to read each others’ minds, but it’s like something really happens then. Exactly how he thought she’d react: confused, and then suspicious, and then almost angry.

“What is this?”

She doesn’t give either of them a chance to respond, just walks up to Eddie and pulls on the collar of his shirt. Steve looks too: the smattering of scars, years healed over but still gnarly, raised, skin crawling over itself like veins.

There’s this little quirk in the scars on Steve’s stomach, marks that never faded, speckles of black, like shards of venom from the bats stuck inside him. They play just underneath the pale scars on Eddie’s neck. And Robin’s face breaks.

“What the hell is this?

“I’m–” Steve thinks there’s going to be an apology from Eddie, half-formed, scared and desperate in a way that tears Steve’s heart in half even though it’s only just been mended. But Robin launches forward, unsteady on her feet, wraps both arms around his neck.

“You were gone,” Robin croaks into his skin. “I saw it.”

Eddie rubs her back, and Steve’s heart lurches at the memory of her and her brave face when they found Dustin hovering over his body.

“I’m sorry.”

“How are you here? Did they–” the government, the Lab, the Russians, the creatures, “did they take you away? Are you under witness protection? Who’s Winn?”

Eddie’s voice shakes while he explains it again, and Steve shakes while he hears it again, and Robin watches and listens with her usual intensity, careful and horrified and spinning cogs in her brain while she puts the pieces together. She’s always loved a mystery. A puzzle. She asks the right questions, gets the right answers.

“You’re not going to run away again, are you?”

Steve watches Eddie’s face. This beautiful thing. It crumples the tiniest bit, and Steve’s always been attuned to these non-verbal signs, these warnings. So for a second, there’s a wet anguish in his eyes, and Robin’s fingers curl hard into his shirt like a threat, and Steve worries that whatever comes out of his mouth will be a lie.

It’s too much like 1986 and Eddie’s smiling at him, curly and beautiful, promising that he’s not a hero. Like it’s 1987 and Dustin is sitting at Eddie’s grave like he doesn’t know where he is. Like it’s 1988 and Steve on the phone with his parents, telling them things are fine. It’s 1989 and Steve is telling Robin that he’s fine. 1990: this town isn’t sucking the soul out of him, he can stay for the kids, he deserves one more year as a kid himself, he still has something to offer.

It’s 1991, and Steve knows how to lie, and he’s never been afraid of being lied to. He’s only ever been afraid of the truth.

–

In 1996 there’s a wedding in Hawkins, Indiana. There’s no big white spectacle event at the town’s once-gaudy now-dilapidated church, no priests or preachers. The bride never believed in all of that, and the rest of them haven’t bought into it for at least a decade.

It’s a small ceremony. Steve walks Max down the aisle. He whispers to her that Lucas started crying the moment he saw her, Max says she knew he would, and Steve laughs, delighted.

He drops her off and falls back into Lucas’ groomsmen line, punching him in the shoulder on the way, lands his hands on Dustin’s shoulders and squeezes.

He catches Robin’s eye on the other side of the aisle. She’s still wearing their wedding ring, but she’s playing with the lace on Nancy’s shoulder, and Nancy’s smiling in a way Steve’s never seen from her.

It’s been a decade free of evil in this town, and Steve doesn’t often come back, but it’s moments like this where Steve remembers that this was his home, once. There aren’t towns like this in California, smattered with woods, filled with people who have always known him, who he doesn’t have anything to lie about to.

Eddie’s there. He hasn’t been to Indiana since he crawled out ten years ago. He’s sitting, playing with hair he’s been growing back out for five years.

There’s a tattoo on his ring finger, now, black and sprawling.

Steve stares at it the entire time.

–

It’s 1991, and Steve is back in Eddie’s apartment. There’s a nice radio in the closet, and the two of them sit on the cool ground in front of it.

Steve hasn’t taken his eyes off of Eddie in hours, what’s felt like years. He edges closer, like Eddie is a stray, like he’ll scamper away. And Eddie at least seems to understand. Press back, knowing there’s fear that he won’t.

He’s warm. That’s one of the most jarring things.

He still remembers how cold he felt, years ago, bleeding through his clothes, through Steve’s hands.

And now he’s warm and alive and Steve wants to be burned by him. Seared. He wants Eddie so close he leaves a mark.

Eddie turns to look at him, raises an eyebrow, “ready?” And he waits for Steve to nod before he turns on the radio and plays with the frequency.

“Obi-Wan to Luke checking in…” His eyes flicker up to Steve’s. “Over.”

Steve smiles. Of course Dustin is Luke. He’s almost surprised he isn’t Han.

It takes a few seconds for Dustin to respond, undeniably him, attempting to hide his excitement in the way he’s never been able to pull off. “Luke to Obi-Wan, confirming check-in. Is everything alright? We just spoke last week. Over.”

“Just peachy, young Skywalker. Though I do have a visitor. Over.”

“Are you compromised?” Dustin’s voice crackles with his natural intense panic. “Over.”

“No,” Steve leans into the microphone, keeping all points of contact with Eddie like he’ll float away. “But you are. Over.”

There’s a bit of amusement that Steve can see in Eddie’s eye, a smile that he can’t look away from. It makes this whole thing feel less massive. Everything’s felt massive for almost ten years, and Eddie just dissipates the whole thing. Like magic. Eddie’s fucking Houdini.

“Shit.”

“You didn’t say over. Over,” Eddie says, voice light.

It’s ridiculous, all of a sudden. Easy. Even though everything is an awful disaster, it’s easy.

“Shit… Over.”

–

In 1996 they stay at the Motel 6 on Cornwallis after the reception. They slow dance in the little space next to the bed, entirely sober, both of them. Drunk off each other, almost.

They don’t sleep, because they fuck like rabbits, and because Hawkins is still a little too haunted to get real rest, and because the Motel 6 is still a piece of shit even after rebuilding it in the 90’s.

The sun rises and it stays there.

#steddie fic #steddie #stranger things #stranger things fic #tumblr fic

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harrysfolklore · 1 year

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the first meeting - babysitter!yn and harry

can you believe it’s been a year since the first babysitter!yn blurb was posted? this is how they initially met !

gif creds to @londonharry <3

MY PATREON | BABYSITTER!YN MASTERLIST

September 4, 2021. Las Vegas, NV,

"Hey sissy! As you know, Mitch and I are set to go back on the road for work next month, we've been looking for a nanny for baby boy everywhere but we just can't find someone we trust enough. If you don't have anything going on for the next three months, would you like to join us as his babysitter?"

That was the text YN got a month ago, and she didn't need to give it a second thought before she packed her best clothes and took Sarah's offer.

Now there she was, walking around the halls of MGM Grand arena in Las Vegas, with her nephew in a sling and the possibility of running into Harry Styles at any minute. When YN told her friends about her new job they were ecstatic, claiming that she was god's favorite for being able to work for the Harry Styles, the hot, talented, pop star Harry Styles.

YN, however, didn't think about it that way. She was working for Mitch and Sarah, not him, and even tho she certainly found Harry handsome and intriguing, the idea of something other than an acquaintanceship happening between the two of them didn't even cross her mind.

"Do you miss your mummy baby? Should we find her so you can cuddle before we have to go back to the hotel?" YN cooed at the baby on her chest, who suddenly started to get fuzzy, since he's a pandemic baby he's not quite used to being away from his parents for long periods of times and that makes him get upset often "Let's go find her, I have no idea of where she could be tho" YN told the baby again, and before she could start walking, a voice made her turn on her heels.

"Hey, you're looking for Sarah?" it was no other than the man of the show, Harry Styles, in running shorts, a hoodie, long socks and sneakers, probably out of a workout before he had to start getting ready for his show. It was safe to say that YN was taken back by the pop star talking to her, not that she thought he was one of those cold, self-absorbed celebrities who felt like no one deserved to breathe the same oxygen as them, but she was still taken back by the action.

"Yes, this one is getting fuzzy and we need to head back to the hotel soon, wanted him to say goodbye," she replied, not sure if he just asked because he was around the area or if he was actually interested on helping her find her cousin, "Well, I think I spotted her at the dining area with Mitch, want me to walk you there?" he casually asked again and if YN was puzzled about his actions before, now she was even more taken back.

He's a really nice person, that was her main thought.

"That would be really nice, actually. These backstage areas are so big, I've lost count of how many times I've walked in the wrong direction," and she wasn't exaggerating, as someone who had never been on the road before, everything was new to her and she wasn't used to how backstages worked "I'm YN, by the way, baby Jonesland's babysitter on the road" she spoke again introducing herself as she walked the way Harry lead, "I know who you are, Mitch and Sarah have told me wonderful things about you, It's really nice to finally meet you" a wink and a small smile were attached to his reply, and if YN's judgement wasn't playing games with her, she could swear that he was flirting.

"Interesting, I've heard all kinds of stuff about you too" she decided to go along with whatever their conversation was leading, but when a sign with the words 'Dining lounge' came in sight she instantly felt bummed because she knew their short time together was coming to an end.

And Harry was disappointed too.

"As long as that stuff is not coming from Twitter or the Daily Mail, I would like to thank whoever put on a good word for me," they reached the door that lead to the dining area where Mitch and Sarah were chatting along with some other crew members, and it was time for their goodbyes.

"Well, Mitch and Sarah should be the first ones on your list, they're always talking about you," and once again, she wasn't exaggerating, the amount of the stories her cousins told her about who they called their lovechild were uncountable "Thank you for walking me over here, I would've been lost and with a crying baby without your help," she gave him a small smile, and Harry felt like a teenager with a brand new crush, he met the girl just a few minutes ago and he was already giddy over those small gestures.

"Yeah, of course, no need to thank me, love," he didn't even think about it before letting the pet name roll out of his tongue, and now it was YN's turn to feel like a school girl with a crush, "See you around?" YN awkwardly let out, instantly feeling stupid over her poor response, but that feeling turned into a huge surprise when his response came out.

"Sure thing, I'll make sure of it." and with another wink and a smile, he turned on his heels and walked away until he was out of her sight.

He's a really nice person. She thought again.

With her nephew peacefully sleeping on his little crib, YN waited in the hotel room until the show was over to wrap up her first babysitting shift.

She loved her new job so far, there's nothing she wouldn't do for Sarah, who she loved as a sister, and she also adored kids so she had no problem looking out for one as a job.

While she sat in the plush chair of the hotel room, her mind couldn't help but travel to her interaction Harry earlier that day. Was he flirting? Am I just reading the situation wrong? He was just being kind, no big deal. Those were some of the assumptions that navigated through her brain, but something her mind definitely wasn't expecting was the texts that made her phone screen light up.

"Hey, It's Harry. We're done with the show and Pauli and some other crew guys suggested we should go to his room to have some food and drinks. Want to come along?"

"It's okay if you don't, tho. I guess you must be tired from babysitting all day"

"I got your number from Mitch, by the way, I hope you don't mind x"

YN read the texts one, two, three times to make sure she was reading right and Harry was actually texting her and inviting her for drinks and food with the tour crew , and when her brain finally registered what was happening, she didn't let her intrusive thoughts win her over as she typed her reply.

"See you there, Harry x"

Once again, Harry felt like a teenager with a brand new crush.

There he was, standing in the back of Pauli's hotel room, exhaustion clear on his face, but waiting for the pretty girl he just met earlier that day to show up.

Call him a sap, a total cliché, but he was infatuated by her and wanted nothing more than to get to know her better, and if the only time he could get her alone was late at night after his shows because that was when she was done babysitting, then he was willing to put his exhaustion behind and meet her.

A small sigh of relief left his mouth when he finally saw her walk inside the room, she was wearing matching grey hoodie and joggers, no makeup on and her tied in a low bun, and Harry thought she looked gorgeous.

He was in fact, a sap and a total cliché.

He approached her before anyone else in the room could and greeted her, asking if she wanted anything to drink, "Don't judge me, but I would just like a fresh club soda," she shyly replied, and of course Harry found that adorable, like everything else she did "Not really a drinker? And I would never judge you, don't be silly" he said as he fixed her drink, and fixing one for himself too, "I do like to drink, just not the occasion I guess, I'm pretty tired if I'm honest," and her response made Harry feel guilty, thinking that she only took his invitation to hang out because she didn't want to be rude.

"How was the show, by the way? How does it feel to be back on the road?" she added shortly after and Harry felt his heart skip a beat for the millionth time that day, the fact that the girl he was interested in wanted to hear about his favorite thing in the world to do was enough to make him giddy and giggly.

"It was amazing, I missed the stage so much, performing is my favorite thing in the world and not being able to do it for almost two years was devastating," he told her sincerely as they sat down on a couch situated a bit far from everyone else in the room, Harry wanted nothing more than to place his arm on the back of it to pull her close to him, but he knew it was too soon for that even if he was dying to get closer to her already.

"I'm so glad everything worked out so everyone could get back on the road, Mitch and Sarah were dying to play shows again too, and I bet your fans were eager to see you again," she took a sip of her club soda before continuing "I know your shows are known for being a blast, and I did have a blast when I attended one during your last tour, but I bet the energy is different this time around, isn't it?" she looked at him with expecting eyes, interested on his reply, and Harry felt like he could that to the girl in front of him for hours and he wouldn't feel tired.

"Yeah, I mean, the crowd tonight was wild, and I bet it'll only get better each night, I'm really excited about that" at this point, Harry's voice gave away the fact that he was exhausted, but he kept trying to play it cool because the last thing he wanted was for his time with YN to be cut short because of his tiredness, "That sounds so lovely, I wish I could be on the crowd for one of the shows but duty calls" she said with a small smile and Harry wanted nothing more than to have her on the crowd of one of his shows too, dancing to his songs along with the rest of his fans "We'll figure something out, I promise you'll be a proper pit girl before the tour ends" he smiled and sipped on his own drink before carrying on with their chat.

Another hour had passed and Harry and YN found themselves talking about whatever crossed their minds. It was late, they were both tired, letting out small yawns between conversations, but none of them dared to call it a night. They were enjoying each other's company way too much, they felt like they could stay like that till the morning.

However, when YN's eyelids started to slowly close after a moment of comfortable silence Harry knew he needed to let the girl rest, "Come on, sleepy girl, let me walk you to your room," he gently patted her arm, and the way she almost jumped on her spot almost made him melt "No, It's okay, I can find my way back, you should rest too," YN stubbornly told him, as if he was going to let her walk alone through the huge hotel at almost 2am, "Don't be silly, I'm a gentleman, let me walk you to your room" he stood up and offered him his hand to take, YN was too tired to overthink the situation and she just grabbed it and allowed him to walk her out of the room, taking her all the way to her own room.

“It's here, 508," she says before swiping the card and unlocking the door. The quiet beep echoing through the quiet hotel corridor, "Thank you for walking me all the way here, and keeping me company tonight, I really enjoyed it" her voice was soft and gentle, tiredness taking over once again, her eyes were soft as well and Harry could swear she had never seen someone more beautiful.

He really wanted to kiss her.

But he wasn't going to do it in the middle of a dark corridor, after just knowing her for a day.

"No problem, I really enjoyed your company too," he reserved himself to say, fighting his urge to take a step forwards and connect their lips, "See you around?" YN repeated the words from their first conversation, and with a smile on his face, Harry's reply came out smoothly.

"Sure thing, I'll make sure of it, we still have a lot of late night talking to do"

taglist: @cucciolafaerie @eleanordaisy @sunflowersndpeaches @golden-hoax @alienorknight @daydreamingofmatilda @ivyproblems @ayeshathestyles @stylesmygucci @gimsaysay @rosaliedepp @dontworrysunflower @milfrrynation @manifestrry @iceebabies @harrystylesrecs @pleasingrryyy @harianaswhore @noitsmebecky @abeanontoast @grapejuice-rry @vrittivsanghavi @msolbesg @tati813 @sad1esgf @ivegotparticulartaste @eviesaurusrex @itsgabbysblog @theekyliepage @watermelonsugacry @be-with-me-so-happily @a-strange-familiar @reveriehs s @musicforcinemas @harrybabyyyyyyy @tinydeskwriter r @noooovaaaaa @tenaciousperfectionunknown @mxltifxnd0m @rach2602 @balletdancerry @b-reads-things @juiceboxrry @lomlolivia @itsgigikay @goldensstateofgrace @missmielyhoran @fdl305

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hockeyandhrsepwr · 11 months

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Abu Dhabi moments

Jack Hughes x Ferrari driver reader

Je T’aime Masterlist

** Vegas is the last race before Abu Dhabi & series takes place in 2024 with Danny, Seb & Mick still on the grid **

A handful of moments as the season come to an end because I didn’t want to write a full fic. Also how are y’all? I’ve haven’t been on here in a while because ya girl had finals and grad 🫶

Post Practice, Friday

Welcome back to sunny Abu Dhabi, as we prepare for the final race of the season!! This weekend brings us the most heated battle for the Drivers Championship we’ve ever seen!! Yes that includes Lewis versus Max 2021, the Mercedes battle of 2016 & Sebastian Vettels maiden win in 2010. Ferrari have the Consrtuctors trophy, will they clinch the Drivers too? Lets have a look at the possibilities

Y/n L/n currently sits first in the points, with Max trailing by only one. Charles Leclerc only sits only 5 points behind him. It will come down to whoever takes the win for this race. Three potential champions, one race. Will it be a third championship for Verstappen, a second for Leclerc or a first for L/n?

Are you excited? Because we sure are. They all had great practices today. Who will come out on top? Tune in all weekend to see what happens!

Lets send it over to Naomi, who’s with y/n now

Media Pen

Hi y/n, how are we feeling today?

I’m doing great, how about you?

You know, I’m pretty good but were not here to talk about me. What’re you feeling coming into this weekend, knowing that the championship could be yours?

Honestly, I’m trying not to think about that. It’s just a normal race. I dont want to psych myself out since anything can happen once we get on that track. Of course I’d love to win, but who knows. Charles & I have been able to bring that constrictors back to Ferrari which was incredible, and whoever wins will have absolutely deserved it.

Thats a great way to look at it! I’m rooting for you but we’ll see what happens. Now, onto something more important. You had an interesting weekend in Las Vegas, didn’t you?

Yeah, you know the race was a lot of fun and it was great to win, especially given the issues we had the week before

Girl you know thats not what I’m talking about!!! I mean your after race shenanigans Haha, yeah, so I got married which was a special experience.

Can I ask if you’d planned that going into the weekend?

Oh not at all! It was more a timing thing. So Saturday night Jack, my husband which is still weird to say, asked if I’d want to get married while we were there. He played a game in Vegas which is why he was there at all. Of course I wanted to marry him, but I didnt want to do it without some of our closest friends there. Luckily, most of them who play hockey were either in Vegas because they’re on his team or they were within a 2 hour flight range so we could get them there for Sunday night. And of course I was able to get the guys from the grid there no problem. So we just decided to go for it!

So no parents?

No, unfortunately not. Both of our parents live on the east coast and it was too quick to get them there, but we’re going to do a big party over the summer so they can celebrate with us.

At least they’ll have that!! Can I ask what the planning was like?

Jack took on all of the decisions which was really great of him since I had the race that evening, but Sunday morning we texted everyone with flight info & told them to get there asap. Then my best friend Thomas went & picked a dress for me, since Jack wasn’t allowed. I sent a message to our groupchat after the race with the chapel address once jack found somewhere & told the drivers to be there and look decent. It was a really great night though & I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Well congratulations!! Is he here this weekend?

Unfortunately not, hockey season is well underway, but I’m on the first flight to New York that I can get & we’ll have the winter break together.

Well, all the best to you and your new husband, and we’ll talk to you later this weekend I’m sure. Good Luck tomorrow!!

Thanks Naomi!

RACE DAY

Commentators

Oh my god, we’ve come down to the final lap to decide the championship. Who’s going to cross the line first?? Right now L/n is leading, but Verstappen is right behind her. Will he be able to get past?? The other Ferrari of Leclerc is a fraction of a second behind Verstappen.

There goes Leclerc!!! He’s trying to pass Verstappen, my word! OHHH he does it!! Charles Leclerc puts his Ferrari between the Ferrari of L/n and the red bull of Verstappen

Radio: “Tell y/n I’ve got verstappen, go & win it!!”

That was Leclerc, it looks like he’s going to defend against Verstappen so L/n can win. We have half a lap, can he hold off the Red Bull? Fantastic driving by Leclerc, and what a teammate!!

Here it it!!! Rounding the final corner in that iconic red car, its L/n!! The chequered flag is waving, SHES DONE IT!!!!

Radio: C’est toi y/n!!! Tu es la championne du monde!!!!!

In her 4th season in Formula one, your 2023 World Champion Y/n L/n everyone!! What a finish from the young driver. History is made here tonight as she becomes the first female driver ever to win the championship!! She’s also the second youngest driver to take it after former ferrari teammate Sebastian Vettel.

What a race, what a finish as Leclerc crosses in second, less than half a second behind.

You

Over the radio you hear the team celebrating but you have no words. It doesn’t feel real. There’s tears streaming down your face. All the shit you put up with, all the years of hard work, missing your friends and family, it’s all lead up to this.

“Y/n?” You can hear your engineer ask since you haven’t responded, but nothing comes out. Driving towards the end, you do your donuts and pull in to your designated spot. You just sit there for a second before “HOLY FUCK” and someone on the other end laughs.

You’re still crying but its all happy tears as you pull yourself up & step onto the front of the car. You sit down on the Halo & put your head in your hands, trying to collect yourself as the crowd goes mad around you. Pulling off your helmet you look over to your team at the barriers & smile. You want to run over & celebrate with them, but you can’t bring yourself to move, afraid its all a dream. Then you get tackled. You’ve completely missed the other guys pulling up, too in your own head and you jump when Charles grabs you and pulls you off your car. He pulls you into a hug & whispers congratulations in your ear before someone else grabs you & you see Mick.

“You fucking did it!” He yells and you laugh. It was the kick in the ass you needed and you release Mick to go over to your team, hugging your engineer first. After that it’s a blur, until someone passes you a phone.

“McQueen!!!” Thomas is on the one end of the FaceTime, jack also popping up on the screen. You laugh at the nickname, glad to see their faces.

“I’m so proud of you!” Jack says “Me too!!” Thomas yells, wanting to be part of the conversation. “Thanks Thom!” “I love you so much babe! I can’t really hear you so I’ll call you later?” “Go celebrate, I’ll see you soon. Je t’aime mon amour” You blow a kiss before handing back the phone. There’s one more person you need to see. You spot Susie and you rush over to her. She’s been a mentor and inspiration to you since you were a kid and without her who knows where you’d be right now.

The rest of the day passes in a blur. You’re pulled into interview after interview, congratulations coming from all around and your phone buzzing like its possessed. You call your parents & Jack but thats it, grateful for all the love but too overwhelmed to deal with responding to all your messages. That night you and the boys go full send. You know its a good night since you can’t remember anything. Monday is filled with media, and then you hop on a flight straight to Newark.

Fourteen hours later, Jack & Luke are waiting from you when you finally make it through customs.

You’d think you’re racing or an Olympic gold to win the 100m with how fast you fly over to Jack & jump into his arms, tears streaming down your face as you hug him like a koala.

“Tu l’as fait” he whispers in your ear as you squeeze each other, your face buried in his neck. You can hear the emotion in his voice

“Je l’ai fais”

“Ma championne”

“Je t’aime tellment”

“Mon champion” you say back, smiling at the fact that both of you won this year

“Cough cough, Hi, hello, where’s my hug?” Luke says from somewhere behind you, causing you to giggle and pull your head up to look at him

“I’ll get to you in a sec”

Jack puts you down & you give Luke his hug. “Congrats y/n/n. You deserved it”

“ Thanks Moose. Now we match with our trophies.”

“We do!!” He passes you the big bouquet of flowers he’s holding, “from mom & dad”

“I love them. Let’s go home boys”

#jack hughes x reader #fast cars and sharp shoes au #f1 #f1 x hockey #jjwritesshit #je taime series #driver!reader #jack hughes imagine #f1 blurb #nhl blurb #hockey shit #formula one #hockey blurb

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stupidsagestars · 1 year

Text

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒

𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥 here

[𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 𝐌𝐈𝐘𝐀]

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 who's having the best time of his life being injured. The two of you have moved into a stunning mansion off the coast. It had your own tennis court, a gym, a volleyball court of course,indoor and outdoor bar, 3 balconies, 4 garages and many, many rooms. Although Atsumu had previously been super upset about not being able to play volleyball, this time around he was happy to spend all day with you.

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 who can't stop smiling at you when you wake him up in the morning with breakfast in bed, it was quite cold outside so you made him hot chocolate with alot of marshmallows on top- just how he liked it. You give him a small kiss on the cheek, telling him you're leaving to start buying furniture and home decor and also some other things. He quickly jumps out of bed and begs you to wait for him since he doesn't just want to be at home alone.

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 who does rock-paper-scissors with you to choose which car to take. You ultimately win and decide to take your sleek, white bentley instead of his high speed, red ferrari.

"So we're going to Ralph Lauren first because you need a new wardrobe." You say.

"Huh??? I've got clothes babe, I don't need anything from Rachel Larence!!" He says looking at the shirt he had been wearing for the last 5 days.

"Again, it's not Rachel Larence it's Ralph Lauren and yes you do need new clothes."

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 who's quietly admiring you as you argue with a company on the phone whilst eating lunch with him in a lovely café. You hang up the phone and complain to him about one of your 3 companies not getting as much revenue as you'd hoped. He just listens and smiles.

"why are you just smiling, you haven't touched your food."

"it'd taste better if you fed it to me." He hums smirking at you.

You roll your eyes at him, "so we're going to Louis Vuitton because we need new suitcases for your trip next month."

You drag him by the hand and he quickly leaves the bill on the table before you can contest.

"babe just let your husband of 5 years and 3 months pay for you it's no biggie." He says as you both walk over to the car.

"but you always pay." You reply, pouting at him.

"you can pay next time, let's go to Lewis Vetton to get suitcases or did you forget already??" He sings as he opens the car door for you before rushing over to the other side.

"im not even gonna bother correcting you this time."

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 who notices an amazing black Porsche infront of your car in the traffic and immediately gets jealous. He scans it quickly, and immediately realises it's a new model. He tuts and decides to take a detour. He reverses the car and goes in the opposite direction.

You pinch him annoyed, knowing exactly what he was doing as he had done it many times before.

"WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER CAR."

He exaggerates the pinch, making an upset face.

"we do!! It's like how you sometimes have this thing where you don't wear last season clothes, I need new cars." He reasons and you sigh, fine, you wouldn't ruin your husband's fun evening it meant spending a ton of money.

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 who's tired and hungry when you two finally get home.

"finally we're home." You groan placing a bunch of bags on the floor.

" what do we eat." Atsumu hums, his arms around your neck as you walk over to the kitchen.

"I can make some spaghetti?" You offer.

"Sounds great, I'll turn on the TV."

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈-𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 who's playing subway surfers on his phone when he notices an email from a friend over in Las Vegas. It's an invitation to attend an opening for a new hotel. Vegas was always a great experience for both of you as knew had to have a good time, you were the life of the party. Flashy limos, glasses of champagne, fancy hotels and you both knew a few dirty dance moves that caught eyes.

"BABE!" He shouts

"WHAT'S UP??" You shout back, sprinkling some seasoning onto the spaghetti.

"WE'VE GOT PARTY IN VEGAS."

Finally, you walk into the "living area" with a tray and bottles of red wine in hand.

"When?" You ask, you place the tray on his lap and the wine on the table, you bend down to grab two glasses.

Atsumu's eyes move from his phone screen to your body. His eyes light up at the sight of your ass displayed infront of him, just waiting to be toyed with.

"Next week Saturday." He mutters, contemplating whether to satisfy his urges now or later.

You stand up with the two empty wine glasses and take a seat next to him. "Oh fuck we can't go, you're meant to go back to training."

"Shit, you're right!" He's expected to be fully recovered by now. Ugh, how annoying was that.

"Can I not just skip so we can go."

You scoff, "well we could. But Sakusa would kill you as soon as you stepped in to training." You hum and he rolls his eyes.

"What's going on with everyone currently?" You say slowly chewing the food.

"Uh, Oikawa opened up a new hotel, 'Samu's got a new restaurant too, Kiyoko and Tanaka opened up a spa, and uh Sakusa, well he's crazy as fuck, he's opened up like a thousand different things, he's a trillionaire." Atsumu exclaims, chugging each glass of wine he filled up.

"As if you aren't crazier, with your sports cars and your designer shirts." You taunt and he stops for a moment and makes an agreeing face .

"okay maybe you're right."

"we should think about opening another gym. It's going really well " You note to which he nods.

"Yeah it's a great business plan but I can think of something better." He mutters, looking at you with lustful eyes. He places your plate onto the table and moves closer to you.

"We do?" You say, playing along, letting his hands roam your body.

"Well, me and you have some business we need to sort out don't we?" He says leaving a trail of wet kisses down your neck.

"I think we do." You pull him close to you, twirling your fingers around his hair.

He quickly slips off your dress, throwing it on the floor and latches his tongue into your breast.

"fuck- I love how soft they are~" Atsumu moans. He could feel his cock about to burst out of his trousers.

"ah- you say that all the time." you reply.

" 'cause it's true babe." He says, finally making his way down to your lower body.

"i think I've reached the height of the business. " He says, tracing his fingers on your panties.

"don't tease." You beg, and he chuckles softly.

"I would've thought you'd be used to it by now." He retorts, finally shoving two long fingers into your tight cunt.

You can't muster up any words, instead all you can do is gasp and moan as his fingers stretch and twirl inside your pussy.

"are you going to cum for me babe, seal the deal." He says, watching you eagerly as he feels you clench around his fingers.

"Fuck yes." You moan. Atsumu can't help but lick your cum clean of his fingers, it tasted so sweet, it was dirty but he didn't care, not in the bit, in fact it turned him on even more.

You crawled onto him, indulging in a long,sensual kiss before unbuttoning his shirt.

"I think it's my turn to take over." You say, tracing your hands over his amazing body.

"I am fine with that." He says giving you a toothy grin.

---★---★---★---★

As you and Atsumu cuddled in your shared bedroom. Under an mountain of blankets and a silky duvet.

"I can't help but feel like we've missed something." Atsumu mumbles.

"I won't be surprised, considering the amount of detours we've taken." You yawn.

His eyes widen when he realises the meeting he missed.

"Oh fuck. I was meant to meet with the coach and Sakusa today, oh fuck." He groans and you laugh softly.

"Well knowing him he's not gonna let it go for a while." You comment to which he groans even more. Sakusa probably called him a thousand times, he was probably seething.

---★--- this is not proofread 😭 but I hope you enjoyed it, please like the posts and follow me for more! Keep updated for more of the series :D

#anime smut #anime fanfic #haikyu smut #hq atsumu #atsumu smut #miya atsumu #atsumu scenarios #atsumu headcanons #atsumu fanfic #atsumu x y/n #atsumu x female reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #hq smut

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blrambles · 2 years

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An Unfiltered Breakdown of KinnPorsche’s scene

From the moment Kinn helped him with his tie, being close to Porsche has had a profound and perplexing impact on him. As Porsche is laying his head on Kinn’s chest, skin to skin, his instinct is to put his hand on the back of Porsche’s neck. Realizing it, he draws back and quickly pulls it away.

“You want to see me naked?” “You like me, don’t you?”

More than anything Kinn doesn’t want to get caught up in his emotions. He’s pushing Porsche away and he’s almost mad at him because he’s lying to himself, Vegas, even his friends about his ever-evolving feelings, and now here Porsche is confronting him with the truth.

Porsche is naive but he has caught on. He understands that Kinn likes him but the question is, without being under the influence would he have addressed it in that way?

Did anyone notice how Kinn doesn’t speak much throughout the scene? As soon as Porsche confronts him. It’s a one or two word response, and sometimes nothing. It’s all in his eyes (which is exactly what I’ve always said I love about Mile. The ability to say so much without saying anything at all.) Kinn inches towards Porsche to kiss him, does and then abruptly pulls away.

He’s contemplating. Testing the waters. Kinn’s made a choice to deny himself and any of his partners the level of intimacy and closeness that comes with kissing. It would mean they weren’t just screwing but something more. Something he’s not ready for but wants to have because of and only with Porsche, which is terrifying.

“Punk. I’ll show you the real deal.”

Kinn isn’t one to be man handled but here he is letting Porsche do and say what he wants. The thing about Porsche is he’s audacious. Daring. Carefree. And cheeky. But right now, he’s not in control of himself. His inhibitions have been compromised. So yes, he’s initiating and exploring but it’s something that may have existed as a thought and wouldn’t have been an action.

“Just admit that you like me. Otherwise, why would you kiss me at the pier?”

There’s something about Porsche saying it out loud when Kinn had genuinely believed that he didn’t remember. Kinn gulping. Slowly inching in once again. Slowly, slowly and then going in for the kiss while Porsche is smiling and ready to accept it. Porsche opens his mouth, and the kiss is tender but deep. Kinn fully embraces it.

I think the scene played out wonderfully in the sense we’ve got clear reverence on Kinn’s side. The way he touches and kisses Porsche’s body and Porsche’s reactions make the scene more sensual than purely sexual. The way Kinn’s touch tickles him sometimes and he giggles. How he’s sensitive to this new experience.

I’m glad they deviated from the novel in regard to this scene. They’ve captured the desire. Watered down the violence and brought it to a middle ground where yes, this is still KinnPorsche but it’s added depth to the mudded waters of their complex relationship instead of brutality. I think they consciously made a point to make Porsche unzip Kinn’s pants and pull them down. The hunger, the want in his eyes and the way he tilts his chin forward. They embodied passion in this scene.

There’s sweetness and intimacy in the way Porsche wraps his arms around Kinn. He leans so much into trusting Kinn, a trust which hasn’t been earned yet. Porsche says he’s never had anyone to depend on and in a disconcerting way, he’s been able to depend on Kinn.

Kinn’s coming undone. Constantly kissing Porsche all over. The shower of kisses to his collarbone. Despite being in that moment with him, I don’t think Porsche will understand the significance of that affection.

Then finally the smile on Porsche’s face as he holds onto Kinn and he pushes him against the glass. Apo’s microexpressions and movements through the scene make it so touching and warm. There’s undeniable intimacy from beginning to end.

For anyone in conflict about how to take the scene. I think that’s the point. We’re in this morally gray mafia world with these dangerous and ungodly situations that don’t just begin and end with killing people. It pours into their relationships, who they are and how they behave. Think of the song they chose during this scene and what emotions they are trying to evoke because this is KinnPorsche’s story. Complicated, toxic, angsty and passionate. It’s everything good and bad at once.

#kinnporsche #kinn x porsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta #kinnporsche rambles

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scavengerssuccotash · 10 days

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Where is Barney in your head canon? How well or how little does he know about adult Clint?

My headcanon backstory for the Barton brothers isn’t exactly canon so it’s different but still has a lot of the same beats just jumbled around a bit.

Basically I wanted to keep the major elements ie Circus, abusive childhood, and tumultuous sibling relationship and play around with others. So the basic rundown is this:

Barney is older by about four years, the pair were orphaned when Barney was four to Carson and his traveling circus and remained with them until the cops busted Carson’s money laundering business when Clint was nine in what they refer to as “The Big Bust.” After that they were placed in foster care and adopted by a widowed man that hit the bottle hard and the boys harder. Barney unable to stand the abuse quickly turned to numbing himself with illicit substances and a life of petty crime. The hairline fracture in their relationship happened when Barney fell asleep at the wheel and Clint had to guide the car into a ditch. First full on fracture happened when Barney woke a thirteen year old Clint up in the middle of the night with a backpack slung over his shoulders and six hundred dollars buried at the junkyard down the road.

Barney didn’t want to abandon his brother but a criminal venture/position opened up in Hell’s Kitchen. (What Clint later figures out, the real reason though is like soooooo much worse). With Barney out of the picture the abuse at home got so bad Clint ran off to the military at sixteen (his recruiter fudged the birthdate when he saw the bruises). Clint fucks around in the military and then gets recruited for SHIELD because he’s just that fucking good.

In Hell’s Kitchen Barney rises in the ranks, and eventually meets Laura who he later marries in a Las Vegas wedding drive thru. He also meets [REDACTED] and in turn catches Phil’s/SHIELD eyes and they send Clint.

Finally the pair meet after nearly a decade of not speaking or seeing each other and it’s not under happy circumstances.

Due to his influence with [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]’s criminal empire Clint’s forced to choose between old family and his new place with SHIELD. Ultimately Clint chooses SHIELD.

Barney would understand, at least that is what Clint tells himself when he’s too racked with guilt to sleep.

Now I can’t reveal much after this point as what I’ve planned would contain spoilers for future installments in the Sightline Universe (?)

But I will leave you with this line…

“Hey Clint.”

As for how little or how much Barney knows about Clint’s adulthood after the military, I would say he only knew the bare basics. He really only knew that last he heard his baby brother was making a man out of himself by joining the military. He didn’t know Clint had joined Shield until they reunited. He figured Clint was on the right path, no sense in his useless druggie brother fucking that up when he was the one to abandon him.

Eventually (possibly in the future, wink wink) they reunite again, maybe they are able to salvage some of their relationship over a couple beers and a trade of fists. Maybe Barney joins one of the alphabet agencies, and maybe they have to revisit that fateful night so long ago and reveal the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Who knows! The world is a crazy place and fate is fickle.

(Oh! And totally fancasting Daniel Craig as Barney Barton, credit to whoever came up with that first because it’s brilliant)

#ask me anything #ask me #headcanons #barney barton #clint barton #hawkeye #clintasha #fandom

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dandylion-virtual-adventurer · 3 months

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My Outer Worlds posts aren’t getting much attention, but I’m still hyper focused on it (and the Vicar) so I thought I’d get my thoughts out about the game! Lots of words under the cut lol

I was interested when it was first revealed, but didn’t play it because I generally do not want to play in first person perspective. Without a toggle for third person, I pretty much checked out and didn't pay attention to anything about the game for a long time. I had tried it (years ago) during a game pass trial but did not make it into Edgewater. If I had, I firmly believe I would have played it so much sooner.

I picked it up for less than $10 a few months ago and finally played it this month. Boom. It’s my new obsession and it’s very, very sad to be so in love with something that no one seems to talk about anymore.

But anyway, here’s my thoughts on the game, admittedly rambly and not well put together:

First of all, I think it’s important to know that I have not played Fallout: New Vegas. In fact, I’ve only played Fallout 4. I became pretty obsessed with that game when I played it as well. But even still, not to the level that I am now with the Outer Worlds. I write all that to say that I wasn’t comparing this game to New Vegas, as so many other players were. I was, however, comparing it very much to Starfield.

This blog of mine sees me post a lot of Starfield photography and a lot of Sam Coe. But to be honest, the game was overall very disappointing to me. And I don't even actually like Sam that much. In fact, there are aspects about him I actively dislike lol. But he seemed to be the only option for me to romance in the game. (Barrett was my beloved gay uncle idk what to tell you lol).

I think The Outer Worlds succeeded in a lot of ways that Starfield failed. The most obvious way being the tightly crafted world. Starfield's randomly generated areas have nothing on the hand crafted environments of smaller titles, and feel so hollow in comparison. TOW was such a delight to explore in that way. It was always so exciting to land on a new planet or explore a new city. The scale is so much smaller, and I do wish it was bigger...more. But what is there, satisfied that itch of what I wanted adventuring into new alien worlds. It also offered up a better attempt at creating a new universe, in my opinion. I appreciate that Bethesda was trying to create something slightly more serious with their title, but I prefer the dark humor of Obsidian's new lore and more whimsical art direction, even if I feel the former wasn't nearly fleshed out enough. I deeply wish we knew more about other colonies and about the Earth our Captain left behind.

Gameplay wise, I never really did get over the first person thing. Since the game is relatively short compared to other open world RPG’s, at least half a dozen times a play session, I found myself attempting to toggle to a third person view. The persistent problem of the forced first person perspective throughout the entire experience was a constant grating annoyance. I simply do not like it. Especially in a world like this. It is so important for me to be able to see my character and it hugely took away from my experience that I could not. It's incredibly baffling that they included a character creator at all. Even more irritating, is that there are multiple quests about clothing, dressing up, and disguises. Sure would be nice to actually see yourself in that context, wouldn't it?? I also found it frustrating that the developers clearly understood people would want to take pictures in the world they created, but did not, and have never included a photo mode. It's written right there on the option to turn off the HUD. But no, no photo mode.

I don't have much to say about combat. I played on the easiest difficulty, again not being overly familiar with fps, and didn't have many issues. I enjoyed the companion commands and found them way more useful in combat scenarios than many other titles with followers. And how refreshing to be able to have more than one at a time! Their banter reminded me more of Dragon Age than Bethesda titles where it can feel somewhat lonely with a single follower. The dialogue between the Unreliable crew was a delight, but it seems to be the only real time you will get to see their personalities playing off one another, as there are very few moments where the whole cast is together. Admittedly, I still sometimes go out with just the Vicar ;)

And oh how that Vicar so quickly became beloved! I've never read fanfiction in my life, but here I am now. I just turned 30 last year and I'm scouring the internet for fics and fanart of this man. Lamenting the complete lack of merch. Is it any wonder? I definitely feel he's the most well explored character in the game. It's a pity I couldn't explore his body. Not only do I find him attractive and fun to have around, but by the end of his quest I felt a deeper connection to him, as I saw my own journey with deconstructing religion reflected in his story. Frankly, I felt most of the other characters' quests felt like afterthoughts in comparison, and I was hoping for a little more.

There are some other rough edges to the game for me as well. I was greatly aggravated by the level cap being sat at 36. I'm playing the og version with DLC installed. I had no idea it was coming and was frustrated I couldn't tweak the characters further. And of course, combat became a waste of time as it was no longer rewarding by mid to late game. I essentially played the entirety of Peril on Gorgon and the last few missions of the main campaign without earning a single shred of xp. I appreciate that I can take certain companions to boost my skills that I'm weak at, but preferred to take companions I liked and let my clothing do the supplemental work for us. Unfortunately this was a very tedious task without a load out system or any way to sort the armor by affect. One wonderful perk I must sing the praises of, however, is the ability to travel while over-encumbered! If only the map itself weren't so darn cumbersome! I never took on any flaws in my first playthrough, and think I'll save that for my low intelligence run, so I can't comment on that system. It did not look appealing to me while playing on easy.

One last thought before I sum up my opinions here. The DLC. Peril on Gorgon was fine. I'm disappointed I didn't get an Archibald Excelsior outfit for Max, but it's fine. I think it was a mistake to play it after Murder on Eridanos though... because I LOVED Murder on Eridanos. It felt bigger, more exciting. Different. It was such a blast to play and I think it stuck out to me more than any other part of the game.

The biggest complaints one can have with The Outer Worlds somewhat slink away when you remember the limited time and budget Obsidian had. I wanted more places to explore. I wanted more fleshed out world building and companions. I wanted a longer third act. A more satisfying conclusion. I admit, I hate that the crew drifted a part. Most of these things could be addressed in the sequel, but the fact that we won't get them for the Halcyon Colony and the Unreliable Crew saddens me to my core. If they add romance in the sequel, that would be wonderful. But if I won't be romancing Vicar Max then what's the point... *sigh*

Hey, maybe we can get a game where the Unreliable crew is reunited to solve another murder mystery?

Eh, it could happen.

#the outer worlds #my gaming thoughts #outer worlds #video games

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 1 year

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after a year long break, I replayed TFS

I haven’t been too active in the twdg fandom for about a year now, only popping in from time to time to talk about the Clementine comic or to answer the occasional ask.

A lot has happened- I got into the Dragon Age series and created a side blog dedicated to it, got a new job, played a LOT of Stardew Valley, read Clementine Book One enough times to make me weep all for the sake of a review, gave Skyrim a second chance and that went terribly, went on the search for a good sapphic romance novel but have yet to find one, replayed Fallout: New Vegas and remembered why it’s my favorite Fallout game, and it’s November so I’m crying about nanowrimo.

I haven’t touched The Final Season, or any Telltale game, since September of last year. My interactions with the fandom on this blog have been scarce, especially when you look at the way I used to post in 2018-2021 by comparison. But I got an email the other day from tumblr telling me that this blog turned 4 years old. I began looking through all of my old content and that inspired me to boot up TFS and experience it once again to see if my opinions changed.

Spoiler alert: A lot have.

I wasn’t planning on writing a post like this when I did my replay. After all, as I’m working on this it’s nanowrimo. I may or may not be an anxious mess, it’s fine, I’m fine.

I’m aware that the fandom isn’t exactly thriving at the moment but I feel like I need to get these feelings out of my system.

Y’see, it’s fascinating. I spent years running this blog- so many themed nights, talking with you guys and answering asks, writing fics, getting into dumb arguments, saying dumb things, and streaming the series on Mixer and Twitch, and for the most part? My views/opinions on the series were fairly consistent. There are a few exceptions, like my feelings on Minerva as a character changing or why I now choose to leave Lee at the end of S1 rather than shoot him, but everything else I was rather sure of.

So imagine my surprise when I finished and many of my opinions changed.

Turns out, time makes a fool of us all and spending a year away from the fandom and the series has shifted my perspective quite a bit. I’m able to set aside those rose-tinted glasses, but not get rid of them entirely.

I still stand by TFS as being a fantastic conclusion to the series. It was the ending Clementine deserved, and it’s still my favorite.

I believe the overall plot holds up great- Clementine and AJ find a new home. They have to fight to protect the people that become their found family. Clementine potentially falls in love or finds herself a best friend. The bond between Clementine and AJ is strong but tested in each episode. And to make matters emotionally complicated, the antagonist is someone from S1.

It’s flawed, sure, but point me in the direction of a plot you believe isn’t and I’ll find something to nitpick just to spite you.

I couldn’t imagine a better continuation/end point for Clementine’s story, and I will forever be grateful that this is just as much AJ’s story as it is Clementine’s.

I think this is the best looking game of the series. The school is something to admire for how beat up and overgrown it is, and the walkers are so decayed they’re practically walking skeletons with some flesh clinging to their bones. The character designs are great. The controls are easy, gameplay for Telltale games always are. The only time I had any trouble is the section where you have to distract the walkers so that James can retrieve his mask. I died three times before I was able to complete it without killing a single walker.... I did it all for you, James!

I also prefer the over-the-shoulder camera versus the fixed camera of the previous games. A lovely change, that one.

Oh, and the collectables! I love the collectables, that was such a great feature to implement into this game. Giving Clementine and AJ their own dorm that you can decorate with things you’ve collected makes it feel like home, like this is where Clementine is going to stay. For a lot of people, the last time Clementine had a room was back in S1 at the motor-inn, and she does have a room with AJ if you stayed at Wellington. I just like collecting things, man, it’s fun! Love it, I collect every item!

A big problem I do still have with this season is it’s only four episodes. Yes, it’s still a damn good season, but it always gives me a sense that it’s this close to being the best game Telltale ever created. So many things fall short and it sucks because they were so close, y’know? If they had just one more episode, they could’ve had time to cross the finish line.

I know that some of the developers have said they only needed four episodes to tell the story they wanted to tell and that’s why a fifth episode was cut. If that’s true, then I believe that might’ve been a mistake. If they said it was just a budget thing [and knowing Telltale, that probably was the more important factor] so they cut an episode and had to find a story they could tell in four, or cutting an episode meant they could improve things previous games were criticized for. I’d be more inclined to forgive it if that were the case.

But if it was just a creative choice and they could’ve easily had five episodes, it’s one that prevented it from surpassing two games that I would consider the best they ever made: Tales from the Borderlands and Batman: Enemy Within.

However, I’m aware that adding one more episode could’ve caused the season to crash and burn. Fair enough. We’ll never actually know how things would’ve turned out had they stuck to the five episode structure the previous installments followed. It might’ve become bloated, or dragged into boring territories, or more characters would’ve been killed off to fulfill a kill count, or more choices would need to be implemented that would’ve only furthered the illusion of choice these games are often criticized about.

The pacing can feel really rushed in a lot of spots, especially with the final episode. And yes, I know the fast pace was intentional, I watched the commentaries. Just because it was intentional doesn’t magically fix anything, it’s still a problem I have with it.

Lilly and the delta could’ve used more fleshing out. Most of the Ericson crew are underdeveloped. I would’ve liked to interact with Louis and Violet more before the Marlon confrontation, as well as more opportunities to interact with the others.

Speaking of characters, as much as I would love to write these grand essays about each character and what worked, what didn’t, all that… I don’t have time. Some will get longer sections than others, and I’ll discuss any opinions that have changed, as well as things that stuck out to me as I was playing.

Normally I’d start Clementine and work my way down to the antagonists, but fuck it, let’s start with our antagonists and work our way up.

Lilly, Abel, and the delta are terrible but in a good way

Fighting the raiders in this game feels like a final stand, y’know? These delta assholes want to kidnap people to fight in their war and they feel justified in this because they see those opposing them as worse. The delta aren’t the real baddies, they’re just trying to survive by any means necessary and they need people to fight, otherwise they’ll lose everything they worked for... but a lot of morals get muddied and downright tossed out in the process where these kids they’re taking, abusing, and traumatizing aren’t really people to them until they submit.

Lilly can have Louis’ tongue cut out and not bat an eye because he isn’t a person to her, he’s a “recruit” who stepped out of line. They’re all “recruits,” but that gets complicated when she sees Clementine as a person.

The raiders are a bunch of pieces of shit, no doubt, and they deserve what they got in the end for what they did, but I do like that you can look at them and say “I understand you want to protect your home and your people, that’s an honorable goal, one that mirrors our goal.... but this isn’t the way to do it, you’ve lost too much of your humanity and it will be your downfall.”

Honestly, I think the Delta vs Ericson group dynamics and what they’re willing to do to survive is interesting to compare and contrast.

Like the delta loses Abel in ep2 during the fight, and we get to interrogate him at the beginning of ep3. He tries to tell Clementine that Lilly’s on her way to get him but we all know that’s not true. The delta cut their losses. Despite needing people to fight in their war, they’re quick to kill, maim, or abandon and it has little effect on the group as a whole. They’ll just get more recruits, Abel is expendable, replaceable. Lilly’s upset when she hears what his ultimate fate was, but I wouldn’t say she’s distraught because she cared deeply about him as a person.

But then you have Ericson where losing two members, Marlon and Brody, rocks the entire foundation of the group. It causes rifts in relationships because they value each other a lot more as individuals. They’re younger, and the group is way smaller. Marlon’s betrayal left wounds, Brody’s death scared them, and the decision of what to do with Clementine and AJ wasn’t an easy one and they fought about it. When Aasim, Omar, and Louis/Violet get captured, the group doesn’t decide to cut their losses and more forward. That’s something Marlon would do. Instead, they risk so much to infiltrate the boat and save them. They’re not just three lost bodies, they’re people, friends. They plan to blow up the boat to kill the raiders so that they can’t harm anyone ever again.

I like an antagonist who mirrors the protagonist. Lilly and Clementine, delta and Ericson, what are they trying to do? Protect their home and people against an enemy, to survive, to have food and water and a chance to live in a world where the dead roam. But their methods? Very different. They’re not on the same scale and again, the moral compasses are all over the place, and they treat their people differently.

Both Clementine and Lilly are leaders who go to great lengths to protect their communities, they’ve both suffered a lot of trauma, their father figures play a big role in who they eventually become for better or worse. They both wandered alone until they found people and a home, a reason to keep going, and now they’re desperate to protect that because without it, they will have nothing left and that’s terrifying.

Plus, there’s the bonus of realizing Clementine could potentially become Lilly if she went down the wrong path. I mean, look at some of the shit she pulls in ANF. No one wants to hear that but there is it. What’s important is Clementine makes it clear that she’s not Lilly... and I hate to say it, but if Lilly lives, there is a possibility that she could change for the better, too, and I kinda like that.

Not excusing the bullshit she pulled. The only reason she’s even alive is because she manipulated her way into murdering James before the boat exploded. It’s hard to believe a woman who forced Minerva to relive the trauma of being forced to murder her own twin sister just so that Lilly could make a point to Clementine, or as mentioned before, having Louis’ tongue cut out. Or murdering Mitch... kidnapping children in the name of survival, brainwashing.... just a lot of bad stuff- it’s hard to believe a woman who did all of that could ever possibly change. She certainly appears unredeemable.

However, in the end she’s left with nothing but the weight of everything she did and knowing she did this to herself yet again. Might be the push she needs, and I’ve seen worse characters not waste their second chance.

Or you can just have AJ shoot her and then she rots. After all, your choices do matter, yes?

I know I’ve given Lilly as an antagonist shit in the past, complained about how they could’ve picked a better character to bring back, she sucks and I hate having to deal with her, blah blah blah...

but well actually Lilly is a great antagonist, ignore past CJ, past CJ doesn’t know anything and she’s dumb.

In my opinion, Lilly was the best option for a character to make a return as an antagonist. Yeah, yeah, “what about Christa??” I hear you, but Christa wouldn’t be nearly as compelling and this whole cry for what happened to Christa is old and tired and I think we should just accept that we will never, ever know.

Lilly is such a piece of shit, she’s so terrible, I hate her but I also really, really like her as the central antagonist.

And look, I know so many people in this fandom don’t like nuance, they want a simple good or bad answer, especially with characters and other things they don’t like because it’s easier since “brain thinkies made hurt happen no like.” Which fair enough, I can totally relate, that’s an exact quote from me whenever someone tries to talk to me about Loghain from Dragon Age: Origins and I don’t have the emotional energy to deal with everything I know of him from the books that play into the game so I go sit in my sad corner and ignore everything.

but c’mon, look at Lilly and tell me she’s a poorly written, one-dimensional villain. You can’t! If you do, I will point my little finger at you and loudly declare, “I respectfully disagree.”

She’s fucked up, she’s got her head up her own ass, she really wants to be in control as this intimidating, scary bitch who won’t hesitate to put a knife to your throat whenever she feels like it. She uses her power to manipulate and cause harm so that she never has to experience the helplessness she felt when she was alone and had nothing. She waltzes into Clementine’s cell with such threatening energy, but she’s also relaxed because she knows Clementine can’t do shit. And she’s impressed. She’s genuinely impressed at what Clementine almost accomplished. She sees that Clementine is the golden goose that made this entire trip and its losses worth it. Even if the delta lost everyone they captured but still had Clementine [and AJ] then it would still work in their favor.

With Clementine, she hesitates. She shows little sprinkles of humanity and it throws her off kilter. Honestly, it almost feels like a performance in the cells, y’know? I’ve given Lilly shit for appearing sympathetic in ep2 only to turn around and be a nasty asshole in ep3 which I still do somewhat think, but this time around? Watching Lilly’s body language and the way she speaks does make me believe it’s all a part of some game she’s playing. Deep down, she’s still the scared little girl who wants to pretend she’s a tough bitch no one can hurt, and that’s the performance. And everyone buys it. It only cracks with Clementine.

To me, that shows just how far gone she is. The others aren’t people, they’re “recruits.” They’re expendable despite the fact that the delta are supposedly at war and need people to fight. Lilly doesn’t want to see someone like Louis as a person because then she has to face the reality that she’s become a monster who believes cutting someone’s tongue out is necessary. She’s become the St. John’s who definitely didn’t see Mark as a person, and justified cannibalism with “all the dead do is eat people, it’s a waste! We were brought up not to waste, those folks were gonna die anyway, we do what is necessary to survive!”

THAT is the kind of shit she’s going to have to face if you spare her and she’s alone again.

It gets worse when she goes on about her father and it gives me this eerie feeling to hear the way she speaks knowing that Larry probably did more to traumatize her than just “he let our power get cut to teach me a lesson about turning the lights off, no more ice cream” like....... what the fuck bruh

I could honestly go on and on about Lilly as the main antagonist but I still have everyone else to cover, so I want to cover Abel next.

Stinky man bad and that’s good

I think he’s another great character. The dude’s name is Abel and he smokes hand-rolled bible cigarettes. He survives losing an arm. He’s a fucking dumpster fire who spends most of his screen time getting the shit beat outta him. He’s a huge creep, and he looks like the kind of man who wouldn’t shower for a month but then drench himself in axe body spray as if that’s the same thing as bathing.

But he’s a damn good character. I love that AJ is scared of him, that Abel is what AJ has nightmares about. It fleshes out AJ’s character while also establishing that Abel is scary. We meet him and you watch him approach Clementine and you just know this dude is a creep, you know he’s hiding something beneath the false chill he seems to have, and you know he won’t hesitate to hurt Clementine or AJ over some food.

He also has no attachment to Clementine like Lilly does and he’s all “what the fuck is this??” when Lilly wastes time talking to her, trying to convince her to come peacefully. Abel is focused on the job and he’s got unfinished business with them if you pushed him out the window. Oh, speaking of which, the dude gets bit and survives because he either chopped off his own arm or he made it back in time for the raiders to do it... hate him all you want, but I’m impressed he survived. The dude’s like a cockroach- a scrawny, ugly little cockroach.

Also he has a magic shotgun that somehow misses Clementine but manages to hit AJ so that’s pretty cool.

And the fight with him at the end of ep2 is soooo good. He gets his shit rocked and it’s great! Then the shot of him realizing he’s fucked as the Ericson crew surround him is *chef kiss*

His interrogation scene in ep3 where he breaks down, begging to not become a walker is my favorite from him. Like Lilly, he’s a piece of shit, but he’s at the point where he knows he’s going to die and everything hits him all at once. He talks about how it wasn’t supposed to end up like this and things got out of hand. The dude is broken, he knows he’s lost and all he wants is to be put out of his misery so that he doesn’t turn.

He shows some humanity in the end and again, I know some of you don’t like it when antagonists do that, it’s so much easier when they’re one-dimensional and pure evil… but that humanity, that’s the beauty and horror of it! Abel’s an unredeemable piece of shit but he’s human and that’s scary.

Minerva is not only a victim of the delta but of “uwu-ification” and it upsets me because she’s a fascinating, tragic character but the Minnie crowd are more interested in sexualizing/romanticizing her because they think she’s hot

....is the title of this section too blunt? Meh, I don’t really care.

Look, If you like Minerva, great. So do I. Even if you like the uwu-ification of her but aren’t pushy or obnoxious about it, then fine. I’m not criticizing you, I’m criticizing the “Minnie crowd” who are usually found mostly on instagram, but also on reddit, sometimes they pop up on here, and there are a few on wattpad and AO3. Or in my inbox under anon... I’ve gotten my fair share of Minnie crowd anons that were rather unpleasant.

I wrote an entire post about her and why I keep cringing at the Minnie crowd who seem to either toss away her trauma [and let’s be real, her character as a whole] because they feel it gets in the way of their fanon or they romanticize it because heeeeyyyy wouldn’t it hot if she and Clementine fought and then made out? Wouldn’t it be hot if she tried to kill Clementine and Violet?? CJ, you just don’t get it! Man, it’s soooo hot that Minnie’s tortured and sad and fucked up and feral and traumatized, like she killed her twin sister, let’s give her a new girlfriend to fix her trauma or turn her into a caricature to add some questionable drama to violentine~

Hm? What’s that about “a chip on my shoulder?” His name is Tim and he hates this shit, too, what of it?

Listen, I will never not have a bone to pick with the uwu-ification of Minerva, okay? I fully admit it. I think it’s an insult to the well-written character we were given and it only happened because she didn’t meet the flowery expectations of thirsty fans.

It personally annoys me that over time fans stopped caring about Minerva as she’s portrayed in the game in favor of turning her into a caricature who’s main character traits are that she likes girls and she’s mean. She is an excellent, complex antagonist with one of the most memorable death scenes in all of TWDG. She’s a tragedy.

She’s an example of what the delta does to its recruits and.... I don’t understand how you can say you love her as a character when you erase everything about her except her sexuality just so that you can ship her with someone she canonically hates and attempts to murder more than once, or force her back together with Violet which Vi doesn’t deserve that, I’m sorry, but she doesn’t!

Actually it kinda reminds me of what some DA fans will do to Anders. Listen, I shamefully, bitterly admit to being a serial Anders romancer in DA2, okay? And uwu-ification happens to him and it makes my brain mad!

I know uwu-ification happens to most characters to some degree within fandoms and it’s usually fairly harmless. I’ve heard every counter-argument and excuse you could possibly throw at me to justify it with Minerva. And look, I’ve definitely taken part in uwu-ification of characters in the past and I’m not proud to admit that, I’m trying to be better at appreciating characters for what they are while not being overtaken by fanon, y’know? So I get it, but at the same time this is an exception where it makes me physically uncomfortable due to the attitude of the Minnie crowd and I hate it.

Minerva's a goddamn tragedy. She was traded away with her sister and the raiders broke her! They broke everything about her!

Y’all wanted her to do a 180 and turn on the delta for us and that was never going to happen! We knew that from the moment we finally met her! She’s too far gone, she’s only in two outta four episodes, there isn’t enough time to develop a redemption arc for her! She wasn’t ever going to have a change of heart! She’s not the Grinch, you can’t just say some pretty words and then her heart grows three sizes and suddenly a years worth of brainwashing and trauma are gone! She is a broken person now who would need years of professional therapy and god knows what else to recover! She considers the delta, the people who forced her to murder Sophie, her home now, her FAMILY! She is a tragedy we were never going to save!

She’s surrounded by a shit ton of walkers, shooting and chopping away as she watches the raiders, the people she now calls family, fall one by one. She’s yelling at the walkers to get away from them, she doesn’t give a single shit about the Ericson crew, she doesn’t even wonder where Tenn is.

Then a walker bites her and she keeps going! A fucking walker bites off part of her face! And she just fucking shoots it and touches the wound! This girl was so far gone from reality that she’s turning into the undead herself but instead of giving up, she wanders through the forest, singing Don’t Be Afraid, all because she wants to find Tenn so that she can murder him so they can be with their family again and y’all don’t care! Why don’t y’all care?? Erase it, none of that actually matters!!

She’s such a great, complex character but hardly anyone gives a shit about her unless it’s in the context of her sexuality. It is so goddamn frustrating that I know only one person willing to have a discussion with me about her actual character instead of just going “no, you’re wrong!” and then refusing to elaborate on why I’m apparently such a piece of shit for thinking clemerva is toxic.

I just- what else can I say that I haven’t already said? This playthrough made me appreciate her so much as a character and as a “final boss,” so to speak, and knowing in the end that she got what she wanted because I chose to trust AJ makes my skin crawl and I love it. What a good consequence to that choice, as tragic and unfair as it is, holy shit. I take back any shit I might’ve said about it being a shitty choice, I was wrong and dumb.

God, what a tragic antagonist, she’s so good and I wish she had more actual appreciation.

Dude, Marlon’s pretty great ngl

I have an entire character analysis I wrote for Marlon already, so I won’t spend too much time on him.

I believe Marlon holds up wonderfully as ep1′s secret antagonist. He’s a great character and the writers did a great job of establishing him as friendly but cautious when Clementine first meets him, then elaborates on how he handles his position as the group’s leader. He’s stressed, he’s holding a lot of guilt, fear, and shame for what happened to the twins, and now he’s brought two more mouths to feed into the group. We get an idea of his longtime friendship with Louis, how he butts heads with Aasim over the safe zone, and how he handles his frustration and anger… as in he usually doesn’t handle it well and opts for the “everything is fine” route when things are clearly not fine.

And I know I’ve said this a million times… but the final confrontation with him at the end of ep1 is perfect. The rain, the thunder and lightning, the confusion, everyone rushing outside to find AJ pointing a gun at Marlon who is covered in Brody’s blood, so many emotions and accusations being thrown around, god it’s so good.

Though there is one thing that has changed for me after doing the replay after all this time: I’m glad Marlon died in ep1.

I know that sounds terrible coming from someone who used to always go off about, “Man, Marlon should’ve been determinant! AU where AJ shoots him non-fatally and he survives the season! He gets kicked out of the school and picked up by the raiders and has a redemption arc!”

Not so much now. I think Marlon’s role as it is in ep1 is perfect. The only things I would change would be a bit more information on his friendship with Louis and the other characters commenting their feelings about his leadership. But other than that? They nailed it.

This season didn’t need a Marlon redemption arc. Sure, it would’ve been nice, and I would’ve liked more Marlon just for Ray Chase’s performance alone. However, this season isn’t equipped for something like that which would need time and great care to do well. Three episodes wouldn’t be enough, and it wouldn’t be important enough for the overall plot that it’s entirely possible it would’ve ruined an already great character, or taken away from the other great elements of the story and its characters.

Just like Minerva, Marlon was never going to get redeemed. He wasn’t built for that.

His death is great, though. He, Brody, and Minerva have the best executed deaths this season for sure. It’s built up well considering it’s the confrontation in the rain that ends with a confession, only for AJ to shoot him in the back of the head and kickstart a huge conflict within the story.

Marlon’s a great character, he serves his purpose well and once again, I found myself truly appreciating him for what he is rather than being butthurt that he didn’t get a redemption arc that wouldn’t’ve worked anyway.

James is so damn interesting, where is his spin off story? Oh wait, Skybound nO, IGNORE THAT-

Dude, I fucking love James.

This guy is fascinating as hell and if I had any faith in Skybound producing good content related to TWDG, I would ask for a spinoff story about James.... but they made the Clementine comic instead and so I’m politely asking them to keep their stinky, greasy fingers off of him instead.

God, where do I even begin with James? How about the fact that this dude is an ex-whisperer who wanders around wearing walker skin so he can blend in with herds? He keeps a barn full of walkers as a means of “protecting” them from harm? because he’s so alone with his own thoughts and memories of who he used to be that it warped his perception of the walkers? to where he now views them as “something in between” and he believes being a walker sounds peaceful? and when you consider that walkers don’t think, they don’t remember, they just wander and eat and exist? that’s something that would sound appealing to someone so lonely and full of shame?

Like… James is so sad. I feel bad for him. Even if I don’t agree with this idea that walkers have something human in them, more so because I hope they don’t, I still respect his wishes to not kill the walkers when he asks. I’m willing to listen to him explain how he thinks, and I try to respond as politely as I can while also keeping my Clementine’s attitude in mind.

And he’s STILL sad in the end no matter what his fate ends up being. Either he’s stabbed in the back by Lilly and left to become a walker, or he witnesses a child kill Lilly and it breaks a piece inside of him where he loses it and tries to separate AJ and Clementine.

Which can I just say that while I understand not liking James because he’s a hypocrite if he makes it to the cave scene, I can’t agree that it’s poor writing.

Yes, you’re right, James IS a hypocrite and that’s the point!

It makes sense with his character! He’s pulling the “I will make peace with violence” card and it’s irrational, it’s bullshit. It’s a huge breaking point for him. This whole time he’s been on about wanting peace, that walkers are something in between and that’s why he protects them, why he feels conflicted about giving his aid to Clementine to save her friends. It’s like he’s so worried and afraid that he’s going to revert back to who he was, or that others are going to become like he was that he’s overcompensating. It’s bad enough that it blinds him to the danger Lilly still possesses even if she’s down with a gun pointed at her. It’s as AJ says, James didn’t see what she did, he has little context for who she is, and he’s more concerned that AJ is the one with the gun. Though, I would argue that he’d still try to stop you if it was Clementine holding the gun, but either way.

In the end, he’s either killed as your friend, or you’re forced to confront him as a friend turned antagonist and try to convince him that his argument isn’t as cut and clear as he wants it to be.

I find him compelling and I love what they were able to do with him in such a short amount of time.

Also, in my playthrough, I spared Lilly so James died and came back as a walker and I can’t look at him like that without remembering the nightmare that was half the fandom talking about how hot walker James is and how they’d let him eat them........ that happened and I wish I could pretend it didn’t hhnnngggg-

Rosie is best girl

Telltale giving us an animal companion and NOT killing her off for dramatic effect? Nawwww but it worked soooo well in MCSM with Rueben!

Oh wait, no it didn’t, Rueben’s death was hilariously bad. Whoops.

I want to kick off getting into the Ericson crew by informing everyone that Rosie is best girl and I am forever thankful she survived to the end of the season. I love that they brought back Clementine’s trauma with dogs from S2 and allowed her to warm up to Rosie at her own pace.

I like to think of Rosie as an apology to us from Telltale for what they did with Sam in S2... y’know, forcing us to deal with a smaller Clementine getting attacked by a dog and forcing her to either kill him or leave him to suffer.

Instead of that, we have Rosie who mostly chills out around Ericson, fights off walkers, bites the shit outta Abel, and goes on a fishing trip with AJ at the end.

What else can I say? She’s a lovely addition, thank you.

Omar exists

Omar is a character who exists in TFS and really, that’s about it.

I mean, sure, he’s the group cook and he gets shot and kidnapped, and he survives to the end, which good for him.

Yeeeeeeah so I don’t feel strongly about Omar one way or the other. The most entertaining thing about him is knowing his history as The Chef God Omar and how Telltale got in on the joke by actually thanking Omar in the credits alongside Clementine’s eyebrows. That’s a lot of fun.

I do have my own backstory for him that I wrote forever ago but just Omar in-game? Meh. He’s there. He does some stuff. He survives. That’s about it.

Unfortunately Willy is a character I don’t feel that strongly about

I feel bad for not liking Willy as much as I used to while doing this replay. Really, he only becomes interesting in ep3 when we get development with him coming to terms with Mitch’s death.

I don’t have any real complaints about Willy, other than maybe the chronic masturbation joke which was pretty cringe. Though the game still got a chuckle outta me for Clementine pointing at Louis like “Don’t you dare” when AJ asks what that is, only for Tenn to lean over and tell him anyway.

I like how Willy’s reaction to Mitch’s death was handled even if their relationship was severely underdeveloped. They’re both side characters so I give it a small pass, especially with showing Willy mourn and lash out at Tenn. I do appreciate how Willy came to the conclusion that it wasn’t Tenn’s fault and that he shouldn’t have shoved Tenn down, and he knows he should apologize. It’s good to see younger characters admit when they’re wrong, be sincere in their apologies and move forward in a better way. I also like that he takes over as the Ericson crew’s bomb maker, following Mitch’s notes and doing research in books, all that.

Y’know, I would split the Ericson crew into two categories, with the first being the more fleshed out, essential characters who fill an important role, such as Louis and Violet. You can’t remove one of them without removing a huge part of the story.

The second is the category Willy falls into, which is characters who are given a bare minimum of development but don’t carry as much significance, they’re there to fill a seat at the table during the happy ending. If you wanted to, you could switch characters around, or remove them, and not much would change about the plot. Willy could’ve died and Mitch lived, and things would’ve played out the same just with Mitch mourning Willy’s death then making a bomb to blow up the boat.

Willy’s fine, he’s likable enough. That’s all I got.

Mitch is.....not great uh oh what the fuck

.........................no seriously what the fuck?

Yeah, so Mitch isn’t a great character, and as I type that I can feel myself taking a sledgehammer to a huge chunk of the foundation holding this blog up.

Aside from Louis and Clementine, y’know who was a big player in my blog content? Mitch!

Y’know what other ship along side clouis had a big impact on my blog? Jamitch!

Now I’m sitting here with a lot of questions.

He’s not a bad character, that’s not what I mean when I say he’s not great. No, he’s a fine character who fulfils his role in the game. He can be a dick, he’s the one who calls the vote to get Clementine and AJ kicked out, but he can also be quite funny at times. There is a moment of softness with him that you only get when you choose to burn Ms. Martin. It’s interesting that he knows how to make bombs... but then he dies so that we can have a kill count and it’s like.... huh. I remember being a lot more pissed about that.

His death is still dumb, don’t get me wrong. Running at Lilly like that was a stupid thing to do and it lead to a gruesome, painful death for him.

But someone had to die and Omar wouldn’t’ve impacted anyone soooo.... Mitch got some development so that we’d feel bad seeing him get killed, a true The Walking Dead death.

One thing that’s apparent to me now that I’m revisiting this after so long is how bloated my head was with canon, fanon, headcanon, “I don’t like this so it’s bad and it should’ve been this instead,” fixating on things outside of the game rather than it in, building off of each other and creating au’s....

It’s me taking off those rose tinted glasses to look at a game with characters I adore and knowing I only thought some of them were so great was because I projected my ideal version onto them. I have fics written about Mitch that explore his character because I liked him, he died, and I was like, “I don’t like that, I can fix it, I can fix everything I don’t like and then it will be better,” so I did.

But now I look at Mitch and he’s in the same category as Willy, but he’s also just another tally on the death quota. He’s not a favorite anymore and that’s kind of a bitter thing for me to swallow.

I will say, I’m still curious about the idea of jamitch as far as “what would these characters say to each other if they met?” but would I say it’s a big ship for me now...? Not really, and not just because they’re two characters who never canonically meet or because I no longer think them meeting would be interesting.... it’s just, I’m no longer attached to Mitch so any ships with him hold little appeal to me. It’s actually bizarre to go back and read my jamitch stuff because it doesn’t even feel like it came from me. I don’t think I ship it anymore.

Oh look, my foundation is crumbling, aaaaaaaahh-!

I like Mitch, he’s a jackass, he didn’t deserve to die, but he’s definitely not a favorite anymore and it gives me a lot of mixed feelings that I don’t quite know where to put yet.

Brody is… okay

So… it’s probably not a great sign when my favorite Brody scene is when she turns into a walker and hunts Clementine in the basement, huh?

Here’s the problem with Brody… you only get more character development with her if you go fishing in ep1, which I never do. Because of this, my interactions of her consist of her introducing herself, then the next day she panics and calls me stupid for pushing Abel out the window… then she tells me the truth about the twins and Marlon kills her…. So I can’t say I’m invested in her character until we get down in the basement, and by then it’s too late. She’s another character who exists in this story to give crucial information before dying.

But damn, fighting off walker Brody is one of the best parts of the game. The atmosphere, the guttural groaning, the thunder, moving through the dark with only a flashlight as a defense, wonderfully executed scene.

Other than that, though… I can’t say she really compelled me. I even watched Violet’s full romance on youtube for her section, and it obviously included everything for when you go fishing and yeah, Brody’s nice and she does have a great purpose in the episode. You get a sense of loneliness from her but this scene isn’t really about her… well, it is but the main focus is on Violet and us interacting with her to help repair the relationship with Brody more so than the scene being about Brody herself.

And yes, her being the only other person to know about the twins and keeping the secret with Marlon is interesting. You can tell she’s reaching a boiling point that Marlon’s trying to keep a lid over but the steam's rising, water’s boiling over, and Brody confesses everything to Clementine… then Marlon kills her and tries to pin it on Clementine.

I do think there’s a discussion to be had about why Brody didn’t come clean before and what that says about her character. I just wish the game wanted to have that discussion a little more before she died.

She completely points the finger at Marlon whereas he claims they’re in everything together. So, is Marlon lying or is Brody unwilling to accept she’s just as responsible for not stepping in or coming clean earlier? Did Brody keep everything a secret because she was scared of Marlon or was it to save her own ass? Perhaps some of both? I dunno, and I’ll never know because she died.

Oh, also... this is probably the point where I should mention my history as a briolet shipper.

I don’t think it’s a good ship anymore.

You can’t hear it, but I’m laughing... I’m laughing because aside from clouis, all of my other ships are just crumbling and I can’t save them.

Looking back I’m pretty sure I only shipped it because I felt pressure to give Violet a girlfriend after all the shit people gave me. Sure, I genuinely liked it at the time but let’s be real, it’s another case of slapping two pretty girls together and saying, “look, girlfriends” because we’re dumb and easy and like to pretend as if that’s enough... which I don’t believe it is. I hate when people do that and here I am... just slap a walker mask on my head and call me James because whoops, I did the thing I hate! I am shame! I’m trying not to do that anymore!

But yeah, Brody’s fine, she served the story fine, and her walker scene is bitchin’.

TWDG where everything is the same but Aasim wears a shirt that says “wasted potential”

I’m actually kinda mad about Aasim.

No, really, I’m mad. I still look at this dude in ep1 and say, “wow they really set you up as important and then did nothing with you, huh?”

Because yeah, why have a character who pointedly challenges Marlon, who you can choose to spend time with, who stood in between extremes when it came to the vote, why set up an interesting character with pay off when you can just NOT do that?

Why pay off his conflict with Marlon by having him act as leader, effectively leaving both Louis and Violet out of the leadership position to bring in more balance? I’m sorry, I know the Violet crowd hates me for saying Aasim should’ve been leader instead of her but I truly believe he was the better option.

I don’t like the direction of putting her in a leadership position because I believe that should’ve gone to a neutral party between her and Louis..... y’know, Aasim. I understand a lot of people look at that as part of Violet’s arc of a not liking people to suddenly being in charge of a group, and fair enough, it should make sense but I look at the way she's written and I can’t help but think she’s not a good leader, I’m sorry.

She doesn’t have the skillset and she doesn’t gain the skillset over time. Yelling and belittling people, not trying to level with them or see things through their eyes, not taking the entire group into consideration when having Tenn bring Clementine and AJ to the funeral, it’s not good and it unbalances things.

Aside from Clementine, no one wants to talk to her when there’s an issue. It’s actually one of the funniest moments in ep2 when Aasim and Willy are arguing, Violet yells at them “guys, what the fuck!?” and instead of telling her the problem, they immediately turn to fucking Louis who is just standing there like “I don’t... you don’t have to scream at each other? stop looking at me, I’m not in charge??” They should feel comfortable talking to their leader but they don’t and that’s a problem! And it doesn’t even get better in ep3 because Clementine pretty much takes charge from that point no matter what! So?? What are we doin’ here??

“Oh but Aasim would be a bad leader because he got mad at Willy! He doesn’t have the skillset!”

Character assassination might be too big of a term for this case... but I’d call this character abandonment, as in they set Aasim up for this position and then didn’t follow through with it so he’s left behind in a puddle of mud to sink slowly.

In ep1, Aasim does show some leadership qualities in the way he puts the group first and develops back up plans. He challenges Marlon about the safe zone, he’s not unkind to anyone other than Louis, but you get the sense that that’s just their dynamic and it’s nothing malicious. Aasim’s responsible and he clearly cares about the group’s future. The dude keeps a journal to document everything so that they don’t repeat their mistakes.

When it comes to Clementine and AJ, he isn’t blinded by his feelings of either “AJ murdered Marlon! He’s dangerous!” or “Marlon sucked anyway, it’s fine, I want them to stay.”

He votes for them to stay because he knows Clementine and AJ are capable survivors and them staying increases their odds of surviving what’s to come, but he doesn’t just brush what happened under the rug or pretend it’s all fine and dandy.

Don’t you dare tell me no one else stepped up when you made it clear Aasim was willing to stand up in ep1. His character made the most sense! Plus, he always ends up getting taken away by the raiders. If he were the leader, then that’s another blow to the Ericson crew- they’re without a leader once again, and now it’s Clementine’s turn to step up.

But noooooo, instead we get “Oh uh.... I guess he has a crush on Ruby now... and he’s mean to Willy.... that’s about it. Oh and there he goes, getting kidnapped byeeee Aasiiiiiim~”

Nonsense, I say!

I like Aasim, he had a great start and no pay off. He and Brody were characters partnered up with Louis and Violet, suggesting they’re both important. Brody’s character had a pay off, and Aasim’s didn’t.... unless you count him getting together with Ruby as pay off but rusim is a bland ship.

Yeah, I said it, rusim has very little going for it and I don’t know why any of us shipped it. I mean, they don’t talk to each other. We never get an actual conversation between them. They don’t flirt. They don’t have chemistry. He gets dared to give her a kiss and she punches him. She never shows any affection toward him and his affection toward her comes outta no where because they didn’t know what else to do with him and I think that’s a waste!

The writers just pointed at them and said, “they’re holding hands,” and the fandom went “ohmuhgawd they’re holding hands!” because we’re easy and dumb and predictable!

They could’ve had chemistry if the game didn’t wait until the last five minutes to show them holding hands and feeding each other. Sure, it’s cute that they hold hands [though the feeding each other thing is weird] but any npcs could hold hands? Ruby could’ve held hands with Omar and I still would’ve gone “oh that’s cute.”

Hell, now that I say that, Ruby and Omar getting together would’ve at least been funny after they set up Aasim liking her.... well, okay not funny for Aasim, but I would’ve laughed and I’m more important, buddy.

Aasim is yet another case of this season almost having it but falling short. Should’ve had him replace Marlon, both Louis and Violet would’ve benefited from it.

Ruby is great, I reeeeeeally like Ruby

I’ve always liked Ruby but I feel like this time around I truly appreciated her.

She’s a character who teeters between the two categories I’ve talked about. She’s one of the more fleshed out characters in the Ericson crew, but she’s not quite on the same level as Louis and Violet, y’know? We see her consistently throughout the season, we learn more about her each episode, and she lives to the end to fill a seat at the table… where she spoon feeds Aasim and I quietly judge them for it.

Ruby has one of the best introductions, too. She literally stomps up to us like, “‘Bout time you woke up! yer little boy bit me! >:[ shoulda took a boot to his head!” and then she stomps away! It’s so good! Plus, AJ’s apology scene with her is sweet.

Ruby’s a charming character with a lot going for her. She’s established as the groups nurse, she learned to patch people up from Ms. Martin and that scene where the two are “reunited” in the greenhouse is heartbreaking. Ruby was a little girl with anger issues and you feel her grief when she looks at Ms. Martin’s decayed and overgrown corpse and says, “I just wish I could make her look like she did.”

It’s a great character moment to show us how deeply Ruby feels things, y’know? She doesn’t try to hide her feelings, she wears her heart on her sleeve and there’s no shame in that.

She throws a party [”hootenanny”] in ep3 when we’re at our lowest point. She wants everyone together the night before a dangerous rescue mission so no one has to be alone and scared. Hell, she even tries setting up some games so they can laugh and forget reality for a little bit... only for it to bite her in the butt when she brings out the student records and the reality of how many students have died since the start sinks in, then Louis/Violet share their backstories and Ruby is just like “....I guess I’m not a game person, I’m sorry” like she’s so damn sweet, I can’t.

I loved having Ruby around, what a great character.

Weirdly, I don’t have that much to say about Tenn but I feel like I should since he’s one of the more important characters in TFS

I think Tenn’s a sweet kid albeit naïve and somewhat of a screw up, but I don’t think those flaws are “bad,” y’know?

Lots of people put Tenn in the same category as Ben, Nick, Sarah, and Gabe and act like the flaws these characters carry are poorly written or straight up bad just because they don’t like that character.

The character gets in the way and messes things up for the group, therefore they’re a bad character, all that. I disagree with that logic. A character can be a well-written screw up. I believe Tenn is the more well-written “screw up” of the bunch since he has a lot more time devoted to him and you never get the sense that the writers dislike him and just want to kill him off quickly.

His potential death was well-thought out and makes sense for his character- Minerva’s beckoning him to come to her so they can “go to the place where everyone gets to be a person again,” like he knows she wants to kill him and he hesitates before AJ tackles him to the ground. He refuses to cross the bridge because goes back for Minerva and fights against Louis or Violet.

And yeah, people still give him shit because it’s easy to look at this and call him stupid rather than looking at the inner turmoil he’s going through in that moment. He’s witnessing his sister- who he thought was dead- being eaten alive by walkers and he wants to save her even if she’s unsavable at that point. There is no logical thought, he’s not listening to Louis or Violet, Tenn has tunnel vision where his sister is at the end... but so is death and we don’t know if Tenn’s actually aware of that or not.

Everything happens so fast, and a quick decision from AJ seals Tenn’s fate, as well as the fate of Louis/Violet. Someone has to die on the bridge, otherwise you’re going to lose both of them and it’s not fair, it’s bullshit... and it’s great as far as a scene and consequences of your choices go.

For me, Tenn always dies on the bridge. Not only because I’m a selfish hoe who refuses to let Louis die, though I will admit that’s a pretty big part of it... but for me, it makes more sense for Tenn to die on the bridge rather than Louis or Violet. I hate giving Minerva what she wants, but my Clementine would trust AJ and that’s what leads to that decision... and it’s brutal.

Tenn left a big impact on AJ, he was his first real friend and believe me, I see the appeal of the ending where Tenn survives at the cost of Louis or Violet’s life even if it’s not for me.

Tenn’s idea that one day the walkers will be gone is a fun one, if not bittersweet. Sweet because it’s refreshing to meet a character who has an idealistic hope for the future, but bitter because that future may never happen, and if it does, it won’t be anytime soon.

He’s a neat character to have thrown into the cast, as well as a tragic addition to the kill count.

Violet and I have a long history together

Ruh roh, Shaggy, we’ve reached Violet’s section. I’m sure some of you scrolled right over everything else to get here and since you’re in such a hurry, allow me to not waste your time:

In my opinion, Violet’s okay. For me, she’s at her best in ep1, but after that she loses me. I can’t even say I like her anymore because her character falls flat, especially in Louis’ route. But her route doesn’t hold up any better. I can’t help but compare her romance with other wlw romances in games I’ve played and they beat her out by an alarming amount... well, with the exception of Chloe and Rachel from LiS. Those two are some of the shittiest love interests I’ve ever come across and Violet is leaps better than them. So... a point to her, I guess.

I don’t see the appeal of her as a love interest and it never feels like her scenes are hers. They feel more like things the writers jotted down and said, “hey that’s cute” but they don’t tie into her character well and I think that’s a waste. In fact, give Violet a “wasted potential” t-shirt, too, she and Aasim can be twins.

There it is, take it and run. For the rest of you, allow me to go more into detail.

And just as a note: when I refer to the “Violet crowd,” I’m not talking about ALL Violet fans. Like with the Minnie crowd, I’m talking about certain fans that irritate me. They’re the ones with an agenda to convince people Violet’s the only valid character/love interest/route in TFS while ignoring or romanticizing her flaws/mistakes in an unhealthy way but try to convince you they’re ideal. They’re incredibly hostile to everyone who disagrees with them. They’re the ones who have blown up my inbox for years.

Violet and I have a long history together that goes- “Oh yeah, I love Violet, I just prefer to romance Louis!” to “I like Violet, she’s a good character but she has a lot of flaws, I wish I liked her romance as much as you guys do but I get it,” to “yeah, she’s fine, I like her...” to now where I’m like, “......yeah she’s not great, I don’t really like her.”

I’m aware that my dislike of her has a lot more to do with the Violet crowd than Violet herself. Y’know, all the anons calling me names and telling me to delete my blog, the one time my discord server was spied on, and vague posts that would cause people to send me like “hey, I think this is about you :/” asks because of who it was and how the timing added up too well. Of course I’m going to associate Violet with that shit and that’s going to affect my overall opinion of her.

I tried, okay? It’s not like I looked at the surface, decided I didn’t like her, and then actively chose to be an ass. I genuinely tried to see her the way Violet fans do but I believe this is just a matter of liking different things, y’know?

It’s been a year, I went into this replay wanting to like Violet so much. I wanted to write this post like, “I finally get it, y’all! I love Violet and I love violentine! Hooray!” and then there would be peace, we’d all hold hands and sing together until dawn! ...but no, that didn’t happen, I’m sorry.

I’ve been away from the shitty side of the Violet crowd, I don’t have pressure on me to be overly nice just to keep the peace in a thriving fandom or fear that my followers are gonna be upset that my opinions have changed or the worry that I’m gonna get Violet anons yelling at me to just admit I hate her and fuck off as if it’s important to them that I say it.

Which now that I think about it, y’all really did the self-fulfilling prophecy thing, didn’t you? Thanks for that, here’s a gold star for your effort⭐I’m sure it was worth it.

And y’know, it doesn’t make any goddamn sense. In theory, I SHOULD like Violet. I should be more into her romance route but I don’t feel the chemistry and Violet’s character is another case of this game almost having it but not quite.

And in the name of being fair, I even rewatched her full romance with Clementine on youtube [sorry, I didn’t want to sit down and do another 10 hour playthrough okay I had no time] because in Louis’ route I’m obviously not going to spend as much time with her. You miss a lot of information which results in her character feeling unfinished.

But before I talk about her romance route, let’s talk a little about Violet’s cell scene in Louis’ route since my opinion has shifted on that: I don’t hate it for what it is because it does it’s job.

Violet loathes you after you let her get taken. She hates and blames you for everything, then she attacks you so that you don’t fuck up again. Because her trust in you is completely broken, the consequence is she stays on the boat with Minerva only to be blinded in the explosion after Minerva ditches her. Her end card even straight up tells you she hates you.

No, I still don’t believe she was brainwashed/tortured on the boat, I still think certain devs are full of it for that. If you wanna interpret the scene that way then you’re welcome to, just don’t get pissy when I don’t.

I feel like I shouldn’t need anyone who worked on TFS to tell me crucial information outside of the game rather than showing it in game. There are signs of manipulation from Minerva, and Violet’s clearly pissed off and in a vulnerable state after being captured. She’s been told that if anyone steps outta line, they’ll kill someone she cares about, so she complies. She’s bitter, she’s hurting, she feels hopeless and betrayed and Clementine is there to take the brunt of those feelings.

If the intention of this scene was to show us she was brainwashed and tortured just as bad as Louis [because remember, the Violet crowd will insist this is the only valid interpretation] then why didn’t it?

Why is she behaving like she’s just pissed off? Why aren’t Aasim and Omar as scared as they are when Louis’ gets his tongue cut out? Why doesn’t her end card say she was traumatized after her time with the raiders like Louis’ end card? Why does her end card say she despises Clementine? Why are you allowed to tell her off when you’re not allowed to tell Louis off in his cell scene? If Violet isn’t just mad then why isn’t that reflected in how Clementine treats her versus how she treats Louis in his scene? Why did you also need to blind her in ep4 if her torture was just as bad if not worse than Louis losing his tongue? Doesn’t trauma dumping onto Violet throw off the balance of things? Why aren’t you making it clear what happened like you did with Louis?

You didn’t need to clear up what happened to Louis outside of the game so why do you have to do it for Violet?

Oh wait, you did make it clear- she pissed at you, no longer trusts you, and she stays on the boat as a result of that.

The end consequence of not saving Louis is he loses his tongue, and not saving Violet results in her being blinded. Violet’s consequence just happens to come later, and because of that fans got pissed that Louis was maimed but Violet was “fine.” And instead of just saying, “There’s one episode left, wait and see,” certain developers got defensive and tried to appease players.

If you look at the scene the way it was written, it’s good. If you look at it the way certain developers told you to, it’s poorly done. And you can argue with me all you want, this is one of those things that you’re never going to change my mind about. We can agree to disagree.

Moving away from that, let’s talk about her romance route.

I give credit to Violet in ep1. I genuinely like her. It does a great job of establishing her character and hinting that she’s a potential love interest.

I still stand by Violet being full of shit that she didn’t know Clementine and AJ were staying in the twins room and used Sophie’s pencil box as an excuse to check on them after things ended awkwardly in the card game. I like that, it shows that she’s not really opposed to us being there even if having someone in the twins’ old room brings back painful memories.

You can tell she hasn’t had anyone else to really talk to since the twins died as she ends up saying a lot more than you’d expect. This is a rare moment where I do feel some chemistry between her and Clementine as they’re sitting on the beds facing each other, especially when you have Clementine admit that she’s not great with first impressions or people in general, too.

I’ll even give Violet a pass for being a jerk to Brody. Yeah, it’s poor behavior. It makes things awkward when Brody is just trying to be friendly with Clementine only to have Violet throw in an unnecessary, sarcastic quip, but it’s the first episode. It’s good to establish flaws so we get to see growth. You understand why there’s tension, and Violet making things weird fits in with her whole “I’m not exactly a people person” thing.

Oh, and when you appeal to her against Marlon, he tries to manipulate her with his bullshit, “they were my friends, too!” and while I heavily disagree with bringing a weapon into the mess as that just escalates things, it makes sense with her character and acts as juxtaposition with Louis deescalating things by stepping forward without a weapon.

So yeah, I actually really like ep1 Violet.... but then the rest of the season happens.

First of all, I love Minerva as a character but god does she hold Violet back. It’s always one step forward, two steps back with Violet and her deal with Minerva. The mentions of her ep1 were fine, but then it just makes me roll my eyes when I realize what they’re doing here.

And to be fair, I think I’m just sick of the whole “queer girl love interest has an ex-girlfriend who causes trouble and gets in between the couple we’re supposed to root for” plot point in games and books that when I see it, I make a disgusted noise so strong that even Cassandra Pentaghast herself would be impressed.

My grievances about that aside, I don’t care much for the star gazing. As a concept, it’s sweet but it never feels like Violet’s scene. I get that the bell tower represents the isolation Violet has from the rest of the group, and we’re supposed to feel special that she’d bring us there... but the mini-game fucks with the pacing and the scene feels disconnected from Violet. Hard to explain, but lemme try.

I made this post about how I think Violet should’ve been into basketball and how a better alternative to the bell tower scene would be her and Clementine shooting hoops together, how an activity Violet’s interested in [and I mean genuinely interested in, she doesn’t actually know anything about stars despite what the Violet crowd claims and that’s why they make up their own constellations] would’ve benefitted her. The writers never seem interested in telling you anything Violet likes, it’s always things she doesn’t like or the things she sad about so it’s hard to get to know her.

That’s the problem, I think. I feel like I never got to actually know Violet as a person during her romance and that’s a problem. I know her backstory, I know she’s conflicted about Minerva, that she’s not a people person, I know she cares about Clementine... but what does Violet like? And I swear on Andraste’s flaming knickers, if you say “chicken nuggies lmao” I’m gonna be very disappointed in you-

Ahem, I mean, what does Violet want? What aspirations does Violet have for the future? What did she want prior to the apocalypse? Why doesn’t she have anything to call her own the same way Louis has music?

It’s like they focused too much on her deal with Minerva that they forgot to make her more than just a romance... if that makes sense? She doesn’t hold up on her own and I believe that’s a waste. Louis stands on his own as an interesting character outside of Clementine and Violet should as well.

The walk back to Ericson starts strong with her admitting she was stupid about Minerva and how she tried not to care about Clementine. That felt like a good character moment... but her wanting to rename the school is meh.

Again y’all, this close to an overall great scene but then it nose dives. She says Ericson never felt like home, she couldn’t picture it as a home, because of the name and then just decides they should rename it and it’s lame. I’m sorry, it’s LAME! Hate to break it to you, Vi, but the name isn’t the problem. You didn’t want to leave because of the name, you don’t want to stay because of a new name.

I like her freak out on AJ after he shoots Tenn, because yeah Violet it turns out excusing murder baby’s actions isn’t so easy when he kills someone you actually care about huh? But, her final talk with AJ at the end isn’t as impactful as it could’ve been, especially when compared to Louis’.

Speaking of which, love that double standard of “Louis is a shitbird for being mad at AJ for killing Marlon and taking two weeks to apologize, he put them in danger, Clementine would never date him!” and “oh my god let Violet be mad at AJ! He killed Tenn and she’s really sad about it okay! She doesn’t have to forgive him after only a few weeks, stop invalidating her feelings, THIS is how Louis should’ve handled things!” yeah because they’re the exact same character in the same exact situation therefore they should react and handle things the exact same, mmhmmm, you’re not full of shit or anything, go off.

Huh? Wha- yes, I know Tim’s on my shoulder and he thinks it’s dumb too, hush-

Violet’s fine, she just isn’t for me and I don’t think that’s ever going to change no matter how much time passes. I wish I liked her more.

Louis is the best non-playable character TWDG has given us, it actually makes me emotional

Look, this post is long. I still have Clementine and AJ to cover and a final thoughts section to write and I don’t have time to give you the in-depth analysis of Louis that you deserve, but I can give you a more tame version while linking some to other posts I have.

Here’s a post diving into his actions in ep2 and why everyone hating him for voting Clementine out is really dumb, and a post ranting about how heartbroken he would be if the Clem comic were actually canon, and this T5F I did of my top 5 favorite Louis moments, and honestly just scroll through the Louis tag on my blog, there is so much that I can’t link without bloating up this entire post. I just... I don’t have time to give you everything and I don’t want to be more repetitive than I already am.

Louis is my favorite character in TWDG across all games. I fucking love him. I was reeeeally worried that I would replay TFS and not be as invested in his character or route but oh my god, his story holds up so fucking good. I’m struggling to put it into words. Even today, Louis remains one of my favorite characters across all the games I’ve played and his romance with Clementine? I die, don’t bother burying me, just toss me into the ocean to be fish food, I cannot handle it-

If I were to make a tier list of all of my favorite male romances from games that I’ve played, he would still be in S-tier with my other absolute favorite male romance, Alistair from DAO. And given that I haven’t been around for about a year, this is a TWDG blog, and I haven’t been comfortable enough to begin gushing on my dragon age blog yet, you don’t know- you don’t have ANY idea how strongly I feel about Alistair fuckin’ Theirin, okay? You have no idea, and if I told you, you’d think I were a crazy person! Which fair enough, I may be BUT that’s not what we’re here to discuss! My point is, my S-tier has two slots and in those slots are Alistair and Louis, THAT is how well Louis holds up.

Louis’ back must ache after carrying this season because without him, TFS would’ve been significantly worse... okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. In reality, Clementine and AJ’s backs must also hurt because the three of them carried this season.

I’m excited, can you tell I’m getting excited? I fucking adore Louis.

I just- where do I even- I want to talk about everything but I can’t. From his introduction to his backstory to his romance route, I have few complaints. As a character he grows so much in a way that feels like natural progression and not once does anyone have to actually say, “Wow Louis has changed so much” because no one has to, we actually get to experience it.

Louis starts off as fun but unreliable, he doesn’t take most survival tactics seriously which annoys characters like Marlon and Aasim, he values living among surviving and knows that any day could be their last so might as well make the most of it, even if that causes him to neglect chores and responsibilities. He’d rather keep his head down and not deal with conflict, he places all of his trust in Marlon, doesn’t ever question his leadership, and let’s face it, he’s a little dramatic.

But god, he breathes so much personality in every scene he’s in. Even if he’s just somewhere in the background, you feel it. He’s a kind person who doesn’t want to fight. Disagreements, sure, he’ll have those with Aasim or Clementine, but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He doesn’t want the life they’re surviving for to be wasted away and sees the value in enjoying it. He plays piano and music is so heavily weaved into his character and I love what that brings to his backstory and the romance scene in ep2.

Everyone gives him shit and he just takes it, y’know? This dude has self-esteem issues and that is one of the beautiful things about his character, he grows into someone you can depend on, someone who will step forward for what’s right, risk his life to save another. He begins to see the value in his abilities and it’s an uphill struggle for him.

Louis, one of the kindest people at Ericson, was sent to that school in the first place because he caused the divorce of his parents over music lessons. He was a spoiled rich kid who didn’t get what he wanted, he didn’t want to hear what his father had to say, and he was vindictive. He calls himself that, he calls himself a “vindictive fuckhead” with so much bitterness, so much disgust with himself.

For a YEAR, this little shit used his father’s wealth to make it look like he was having an affair and made sure his mom saw everything. Then when they had a big fight, he played right into it. When the divorce was final, he fucking told them everything! That’s awful! Holy shit!

And so they dropped him off at this school and that was that.

If you stay silent after he finishes the story, he even says he doesn’t know the person he’s talking about, it’s like all they have in common are the same name. He has so much shame welled up inside him for who he was and knowing that he’ll never see his parents again, never get to tell them he’s sorry. It’s so well-executed.

Shocking, too. No one could’ve predicted that would be his backstory based on what we knew of him. Hell, most assumed he came from an unkind family and that’s where his self-esteem issues came from but nope! The opposite, actually! Wealthy family, loving parents, and Louis was a brat.

I love it so much, and to get it after the build up of getting to know him for three episodes just.... to quote myself on one of my previous posts: “He finally puts it all out there and now Clementine knows what kind of person he was before he arrived at the school, what he was capable of before she met him. That wall [between them] is gone.... Louis knows first hand what can happen when feelings go unchecked, when resentment is held onto, when you don’t apologize or try to repair mendable relationships, when you’re vindictive and bitter and take it out on others. He’s been there and now he’s here, and he holds a lot of that with him. You can see he does in the way he talks about himself and struggles with confidence in his abilities.”

and then he plays Don’t Be Afraid afterward, it’s beautiful, it makes me emotional seeing how glossy his eyes are and the way he looks up as to not cry, I can’t-

Another scene that I can’t get enough of is when you appeal to him in ep1 and he stands between Clementine and Marlon, hands up, and tries to talk Marlon down... even after a year, I STILL got chills. Appealing to Louis for help is so beautiful, it’s a beautiful scene of conflict. Louis knowing what the right thing to do is vs his loyalty/fear of Marlon, the way he looks at Clementine vs how he looks at Marlon, the moment where you’re holding your breath because it seems like he isn’t going to help you only for him to slid into frame to shield Clementine. Marlon realizing Louis chose Clementine over him, that the one person he thought he had control over has turned on him and with Louis, everyone else does the right thing and steps forward.

And of course, “Your relationship with Louis has changed.” I CAN’T

Okay, another thing I adore is how much emotional depth Louis has. He can be incredibly funny, and he definitely plays into the persona a lot in ep1. Actually, one of my favorite things about both Louis and Violet are how their personalities subvert how open you’d assume they’d be with Clementine.

Violet is presented as intimidating, closed off, bad with people, so you’d think it’d take a lot to get her to open up to Clementine when that’s not the case. The first time she and Clementine are alone [well, AJ’s there but y’know] she opens up a lot more than you’d expect with little effort on Clementine’s part, something that’s a trend in her route.

But Louis is presented as friendly, talkative, and fun, so you’d think he would be open with Clementine right off the bat... except he’s not. Louis doesn’t tell you anything about his past that actually matters in ep1. He doesn’t tell you about his friendship with Marlon, his relationship with the twins, or anything really significant about him. He says small things like how he hates cantaloupe or used to like baseball. You know he likes music due to his introduction.

In ep1, he doesn’t know Clementine. While he likes her well enough, he doesn’t trust her enough yet and trust isn’t easily won from him when it comes to that stuff. But then you go hunting with him, you choose to deal with the walker with him, and he opens up about his view on survival... then he sends you away because oops, too much sharing, too much chemistry.

That’s the thing, though, you don’t get that one moment unless you choose him. Like... actively choosing him is a big point in his route. I know that seems obvious, but I’m serious. Every time you choose him after the hunting scene, he’s genuinely surprised. Appeal to him? Choose to help him with the piano? Choose to save him? Every time he gives you the sense that he’s like “...but why”

He even questions you about it in the dorms if you saved him during the raid. You can straight up tell him it’s because he’s too important to you and he’s still shocked, then pulls a face like “.........but why”

I don’t want to sound mean about Violet, but choices where you choose her feel different, like she’s not surprised you picked her. Especially after ep1, it’s like it’s a given you picked her. She never questions, she never thanks, it’s just assumed “yeah you picked me, of course you did.” and it’s probably because she voted for you to stay, and that’s very different in Louis’ route.

He rarely offers up anything further until you pursue it. That’s a trend in his route. It makes the moments where he chooses to open up unprompted even more significant, like with the piano scene in ep2 or the reveal of his backstory in ep3, and especially the walk back to Ericson in ep4, THAT scene is so fucking good because it’s him finally fully opening up and letting Clementine in and hhhnnnngggggggg sooo goood~

One last thing I wanna bring up that I love: When Louis screams “FUCK YOU!” at Minerva in ep3.... it’s so fucking good. As I said before, Louis is such a kind hearted person, he never wants to hurt anyone and he beats himself up whenever he gets emotional and lashes out at anyone...... but in the cells, he’s fucking pissed. Like, we don’t even see him that pissed off after Marlon dies, and the closest we see him get that upset again is when AJ shoots Tenn. But even then, he didn’t tell AJ to fuck off, he just said, “what the fuck!?” and that’s very different.

And I don’t blame him for being furious in that moment! He just heard all the shit Lilly said and Minerva just let everything happen. Now Lilly has AJ and they’re screwed. Hell, he might even be missing a pinky finger now! And he just calls Minerva out on her bullshit and tells her to fuck off, and her reaction is just perfect.

Oh and then of course, he shoots Dorian and it’s pretty rad... I mean, he doesn’t think so, he’s super upset about that one, too. But I thought it was great.

As for Louis’ romance route, it’s just *chef kiss* holy shit.

I actually did a T5F on the top 5 reasons I love clouis that is still accurate and covers pretty much everything so I won’t get too crazy.... but lemme gush a little more please?

Their chemistry is fantastic, they bounce off each other so well, they’re not afraid to call each other out on their bullshit, they’re not too proud to apologize and move forward together as better, stronger people. Louis is great with AJ even after what happened to Marlon and that speaks volumes for his character.

Louis never looked to the future until he realized he could have a future with Clementine and AJ and that’s why him asking her what their dream home would look like is so significant and Clementine always promised that she and AJ would have a home and they finally found one with someone who would do anything to protect them, someone willing to forgive, apologize, grow, and be emotionally vulnerable when needed, I just-

She carved a heart around their initials, he named the song he wrote after her.

I cry... I cry so much

another quote from myself on my T5F: “Their chemistry is strong, deep, and romantic, they powered through so much unavoidable bullshit, they worked hard for their relationship, they’re comfortable and not afraid to lean on each other when needed, they get comfort from being together but aren’t afraid to disagree on things because they know those disagreements aren’t stronger than they are. With AJ and everyone else at Ericson, they’re a family now rather that a group of misfit survivors, and they’re working to change things for the better for Ericson. I love everything about them and damn it, they will be happy together every single time I replay TFS because that is what they deserve.”

Now that I’ve ranted about how much I love him, what I’m NOT going to cover is the whole thing with AJ and the vote because I’ve gone on and on about that, so I’ll just say this:

If you’re mad at Louis for his vote, valid.

What’s not valid is trying to convince everyone he is solely responsible for Clementine and AJ getting voted out when he was not the only one who voted. The vote was brought up by Mitch, and it probably wouldn’t have been brought up in the first place if Clementine and AJ weren’t at the funeral. Louis is not responsible for Abel and Lilly showing up, and he’s not responsible for AJ getting shot. He’s not any less of a valid love interest for his vote, his vote makes perfect sense with what he is experiencing the morning after what he witnessed the night before. Stating that any relationship between him and Clementine couldn’t work because he voted against them as if it’s a fact is an ignorant dismissal of his character, his trauma, and his apology to Clementine and AJ, and your agenda is very clear.

The endgame stats being higher for Violet does not mean Louis is a bad love interest, and no, Melissa Hutchinson saying she likes violentine does not mean clouis is invalid. You can tell someone is desperate to have their choice validated when they use a voice actor’s opinion as evidence in their argument to convince others that their choice is the only valid option and everyone else is wrong.

We get it, you don’t like him and that’s fine, you don’t have to, but please don’t act as if people who do like him are in the wrong for doing so, and don’t try to cover it up with a “but I DO like Louis though I swear” because it’s transparent. Trust me, I’ve been there with Violet, I understand why you feel pressured to tack that on at the end of your “Louis is a shithead” post but stop, it doesn’t do what you think it does, I can tell you that from experience.

At least if people were honest, I could go into their posts like, “okay they don’t like Louis so they’re going to be more harsh/critical of him,” but when they say they do like him after not saying a single nice thing, that just tells me you’re lying because you’re afraid of getting attacked. Again, I feel that, I’ve been there with Violet. It’s not fun.

I also feel it’s only fair that I talk about the Louis crowd, too. Like the Violet crowd, they’re obnoxious and hostile toward everyone, their arguments are usually surface level, and they annoy the piss outta me. I don’t have as many bad experiences with them since we like the same character, but that’s where our similarities end.

The argument is usually, “Louis is better because Violet’s such a bitch, she BETRAYED Clementine in the cells, she’s a TRAITOR! She’s using Clementine as a rebound and she doesn’t care about AJ and that’s why she stays on the boat with Minerva.”

So y’know... lame, no nuance, no actual discussion or further explanation, nothing.

Also I feel like the Louis crowd attacks Violet’s appearance a lot which is gross and a sign that their arguments ring so hollow that they can’t think of anything better to prove “MY choice is the correct one” so they resort to things that don’t actually matter and then act like it proves their choice is the right one.

“Violet? You did her route? but I think she looks weird, so you’re stupid.”

Like... how is that anything? What is that accomplishing other than making you look stupid?

But yeah, the Louis crowd hyper-fixate on Violet’s betrayal the same way the Violet crowd hyper-fixate on Louis’ vote. It’s treated as a smoking gun of “this proves that YOU are wrong and why MY choice is the only valid one,” but it’s not, it’s not a smoking gun, you’re just being a dingus.

There is a difference between discussing how the reasons behind those choices made by Louis and Violet are a result of the inner turmoil and pain they’re going through and it causes them to make a mistake that they eventually turn around from and just.... “Louis is a shithead who voted them out and Clementine could never love him after that” and “Violet betrayed Clementine on the boat because she loves Minerva more and Clementine could never forgive her after that.”

Why y’all can’t just chill and agree to disagree, I’ll never know.

ANYWAY... I don’t wanna leave Louis’ section on a sour note so here’s a reminder that he had a pet turtle named Geoff, he lost the 3rd grade spelling bee to the word “recommend,” and he still remembers his grandma’s phone number after all these years.

God, I love him.

Boy am I glad AJ didn’t get cut from this game

AJ’s still one of my favorite characters in this game and I’m glad his relationship with Clementine is at the core of this story.

He’s a fascinating character study and I can’t get behind the complaint that “oh but he isn’t a realistic portrayal of a five-year-old!!” like I’m sorry, do you know what a five-year-old is? They’re dumb and loud and if he was written that way, you’d just complain that he’s annoying like Duck was instead.

Sorry, Duck, love ya but you cannot deny that a majority of players hated Duck for being a hyperactive child. Players would be like, “Gawwwwd when is this kid gonna die?? He’s annoying, I hate him!” when S1 was released.

This is a game about zombies, okay? and if everything were realistic then AJ would’ve died in S2. Use your suspension of disbelief.

I find AJ so interesting because he’s a child who was born into this post-apocalyptic world. He doesn’t know what it was like to live in a world before walkers. He never had a long-lasting, stable home and aside from Clementine, all of his other caretakers either died or gave him up. He’s grown up in a world that is cruel, unforgiving, scary, and where killing is normalized as a means of survival. Whether it’s walkers, animals, or other people, he learns early on that that’s just the way it is now. He knows how to shoot a gun and god, what a fucking thing to have to teach a child.

Really think about the lessons Clementine teaches him, too. Some aren’t alarming, like checking for windows or always knowing where an exit is. But then you get into “Always aim for the head,” or “Don’t hesitate,” or the big yikes of, “Save a bullet for yourself.”

I stand by the fact that AJ was in the wrong for shooting Marlon after his surrender, but c’mon, what did you really think he was gonna do the moment he got his hands back on the gun and saw the opportunity to “stop the monster” to protect Clementine and the others?

Clementine isn’t perfect and she isn’t always right, but she’s doing her best to teach AJ how to survive the way Lee and many others taught her... but she’s forgetting that AJ is so young and he doesn’t have a fully developed concept of the world before. She also misses crucial point that Lee made with her when teaching her to shoot, like how if it’s a walker, then aim for the head. But if it’s a person, that’s different. Walkers are always the same, they always have the same goal... people aren’t that easy.

Remember the fight between Javi and David in ANF? Clementine will either point a gun at David to stop the fight, or she’ll shoot him. She doesn’t aim to kill him, she doesn’t want to kill him. She’s aiming to break up the fight, that is a moment where killing isn’t necessary and would only cause more problems with those around her. Gabe would be distraught, Javi would react depending on how you play him, and Kate would freak out, too.

If you choose to shoot Kenny to save Jane in S2, same thing. She shoots him to break up the fight, but the shot happens to kill him after you share some final words.

Hell, the one time she does shoot someone in the head during a fight in ANF, it’s an accident [even though she knows better that to point a gun at anyone without the intention of shooting] and is treated as the wrong thing to do and you can either cover up her mistake or you can make her confront it by telling the truth.

But then you have AJ who doesn’t have the context, that experience. He’s taught to aim for the head, so he does, and it’s a mistake.

AJ shooting Marlon is complicated. He doesn’t realize he did something bad until everyone reacts and then he’s like, “....but I aimed for the head? Marlon was a monster? He was dangerous? Clem?” and you can either reaffirm that he’s justified, or you can teach him why he was wrong and about atonement.

AJ doesn’t want people to hate him, he doesn’t want to hurt them or make them sad. He wants to make friends and have a home. He wants to protect Clementine the way she’s protected him. He has doubts, he doesn’t always know the proper words to explain how he feels, and he gets frustrated which causes him to act out. He wants to play games, and learn, and make connections with people. But, I can see why he would be scary, too. Especially with the way he talks sometimes.

When he calls dibs on Abel, you can express how you don’t like the way he’s talking and tell him it’s not a game, and honestly I don’t think it’s a game to him. He’s had nightmares about Abel, he’s scared of Abel, he’s is a monster and AJ believes that if he can kill the monster, he’ll be gone and everyone will be safer. He’s expressing that in a worrisome way, though.

Or the one some like to point at when arguing that he’s a bad character: when he says he liked killing Lilly. Yeah, not great, and it only manages to set James off more during that whole fight. But AJ explains himself that killing Lilly made him feel powerful [not a great sign] and it made them safe and that feels good.

Plus, YOU told him to do it... I know y’all don’t like taking accountability for your choices when they backfire, I feel that, but he looked to you for what to do in that moment and you said to shoot, so he did and it set him off. Half a clip right into Lilly, whoops, betcha she didn’t see that coming.

There is a discussion to be had about that choice despite it not having a right answer, but I don’t have time to go in depth so just know that I can see both sides.

But both Marlon and Lilly’s deaths are pointed at as a “See?? AJ’s a bad character!” by the anti-AJ crowd.

Yeah funny enough there is a crowd for AJ but this one happens to be viciously hostile against him to where they go out of their way to argue with everyone that he’s “a bratty, stupid, annoying psychopath who loves murder and is badly written and that’s not even how five-year-olds act lmao you’re stupid” and just like the other crowds, they’re desperate for validation and it’s hard to watch as they make asses of themselves.

Again, you don’t have to like AJ and you can be critical of his development and choices, but maybe harassment under the guise of “well it’s just my opinion” isn’t the best outlet for your frustrations. Just sayin.’

So much about AJ gets lost on those people, usually on purpose because god forbid we don’t always deal in absolutes, and it’s a shame to see a character that the writers put so much time and effort into be so underappreciated.

Oh and on the opposite side of things, I do want to point out that flipping it so that AJ’s just a widdle uwu baby who should never held accountable because he baby and everyone else is wrong to dare be mean to him or Clementine.... is also not great. It lacks understanding and depth of the character or the characters around him.

To end on a happier note, another thing I love about AJ is how funny he can be. I mean, his apology to Ruby when you tell him to lay it on thick? When he excitedly informs Aasim that he likes fish? The fact that he interrupts your date to throw a gross ball at your head like “look what I found!!” The way he laughs at the Beat Nick joke but doesn’t understand it? When he catches you smooching Louis/Violet and is just like “what’cha doin’ over there??”

He can be so damn funny. We tend to focus on the more serious side of his character but c’mon, look at his funny little dance during the party. It’s cute as hell!

There’s so much I didn’t cover about AJ but like with the others, I don’t have the time to give you a huge analysis, I can only give you the things that crossed my mind as I was playing... which was also too much to fit in here but still.

AJ’s great, I adore that kid, so glad he wasn’t booted from the story, thanks Telltale.

God what’s there to say about Clementine? She’s complex, flawed, well-written and I adore her

Alright, last character..... but seriously, what can I possibly say that I haven’t said before?

I’ve written a lot of posts about Clementine, like this one about why I have her leave Lee in S1 and how that ripple affects her choices in TFS, or how I feel like putting Clementine up on this pedestal where she can do no wrong and saying players SHOULD agree with everything she wants [namely in ANF] is a disservice to the growth and nuance of her character, gone on and on about why I think Louis is the best option for her as a love interest and how that plays into her development, why her relationship with AJ is so important, why the damn Clementine in the comic doesn’t hold up-

BY THE WAY.... tangent, but I actually feel second-hand embarrassment for the Clementine comic which is a feeling I do not appreciate.

TFS Clementine and Comic Clementine are not the same character. I’ve experienced more depth sitting in the kiddy pool I bought my dog to play in during the summer than I experienced with the comic. My salt levels still haven’t gone down after writing that review... Amos deserved better, good god...

The comic rings hollow because it lacks everything that makes Clementine compelling in the games. You can tell it was written by someone who has only played through the games once or twice instead of a writer who worked on the games and understands the character.

But forget the comic. It’s not canon anyway and if skybound tries to tell me otherwise, I will politely tell them I’ve agreed to disagree. And that they can go suck an egg. Politely.

Back to the one that’s actually good, I believe Clementine is one of the best characters Telltale ever gave us. She’s set a high standard for me when I go into other games. We’re lucky to have four games with her, and while I can’t say I absolutely love all four Clementine’s [I still have a lot of conflicted feelings about ANF Clementine] that’s totally fine because overall? She’s had a helluva bumpy journey and it brings me a lot of joy knowing she’s finally found a home and a family to care for her it.

I feel a connection to Clementine’s personality this season. She’s come a long way from ANF [thankfully] and I love seeing her more balanced out as a hardened survivor who can be a goof sometimes. Having AJ back in her life brings out a softer Clementine that I missed.

She cares so much, y’all. Clementine cares so, so much about AJ and everyone at Ericson that she’s willing to put herself in grave danger to protect and save them. She’s fought for so long, had her heart broken over and over again, has faced death every damn day, and now she finally has a home.

And it’s not even a question. Once her friends are taken by the raiders, she doesn’t even hesitate in telling everyone that they’re going after them, that they’re going to end this.

Then after everything, she gets bit.

Oooohhhh the emotions I feel thinking about the barn scene with Clementine dying and AJ begging her to get up. But she knows, and even worse she knows that AJ now has to deal with her, either by leaving her to turn or by killing her with an axe and just

“I need you.” I CRY

Her bond with AJ is so good, her chemistry with Louis is so good, her determination to fight, her sense of humor, her moments of vulnerability... it’s all so goddamn good.

Also, the Lee flashback with little Clementine. Look, after already being emotional during Louis’ song, only for it to cut to the train and hearing Lee’s voice again... damn it, they knew what they were doing and I’m so damn easy, it made tear up, okay? I admit it!

I honestly don’t have that much else to say? This post is long enough as is so perhaps that’s a good thing. She’s amazing, a beautifully written character that I hold a lot of praise for.

Lemme quote myself once again, this time from my review of the comic because this still sums up how I feel:

“This isn’t like Clementine in TFS where you do feel she’s mature. She has to be, she has a child she’s raising and protecting. She has to be strong and smart for him. She has to be the adult in their relationship… but she has those moments of vulnerability to remind you that she’s not an adult, she’s a teenager who was forced to grow up too fast and it hurts.

In ep4 of TFS, when they’re in the caves after getting separated from the group, she and AJ get into an argument. She tells him that he’s just a child, and he throws it right back at her- “So are you.” and you can see it on her face… y’know?

You want her to be happy, you want to give back the childhood that was taken from her at the start of the apocalypse, you want her to overcome every obstacle thrown her way. You understand her feelings about Lee, why he meant so much to her and why she struggled to let him go even after accepting that he was dead.

You remember that she is a teenager who makes mistakes, she doesn’t know everything, she fucks up. She’s doing everything she can to protect those she loves. You feel that she wouldn’t hesitate to give her life for the little boy she raised. She still has a lot of growing to do but you don’t doubt that she’s gonna do it..... TFS Clementine, amputation or not, she would’ve charged that damn boat herself if it meant saving those she loved.”

In conclusion: I still love TFS, even if things have changed for me

Before I wrap this up, I do hope that everyone understands that my criticisms of characters, story elements, or of the crowds aren’t meant to be a criticism of individuals who may disagree with me. I'm not criticizing people for liking Violet or people who dislike Louis, or even people who view Minerva through an uwu-lense. I'm criticizing the terrible behavior from those crowds that make everyone uncomfortable and accomplish nothing.

Being critical of a character, plot, or of the fandom is fine. If a post is critical or even harsh toward a character, I may not agree and would argue with the points, but that's fine. I’m sure plenty of you will take issue with my points for characters like Violet or Minerva. We all have different interpretations and one of the fun things about fandom is getting to express that, to have discussion and debates, but it’s all in good fun. The point is never to intentionally make someone feel bad or to fight.

It's when people get into guilt tripping, lying, gaslighting, name calling, using accusations of homophobia/racism against people not because they’re displaying those awful behaviors but only because they do/don’t like a character, sending hostile messages to people, or trying to convince everyone that their thing is the correct thing and the other thing is bad therefore they should feel bad, that's what I'm trying to criticize here when I bring up crowds.

They’re an unfortunate part of the whole thing, every fandom has ‘em. What's sad is that crowds who would need to read what I’m saying in this section aren't going to. They're gonna scroll to the parts they know will make them mad and then leave. Oh well.

I want to say that if you made it this far into an incredibly long post, thank you. If I had another gold star I’d put it right on your forehead and then give you a cookie, but I already used my gold star in a comment toward the Violet crowd and then Tim ate all the cookies, so.... sorry about that.

The Final Season is excellent and I had a lot of fun even if I was conflicted with a lot of my previous opinions and work. I know I’ve somewhat moved on from TWDG and Telltale games, but hell, I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere for a while... after all, who else is gonna read the next two Clementine comics 9 times each to write in-depth reviews so you don’t have to read them yourself, hmm? No one, because they’re not ridiculous!

But as far as consistent posting, writing fics, and doing themed nights, I have moved on from that. Not to say that I won’t ever pop in, y’all are always welcome to send in asks but y’know. I spent a long time working on this despite it being nanowrimo and I should be working on my project, but I still have some passion for this series that I wanted to share.

It’s bittersweet, really. While I’m glad my ninja fam held up beautifully, I’m still bummed about the rest of the Ericson crew. Especially Mitch, god he was one of my favorite characters and now I barely feel anything for him, it’s sad.

I will be home all weekend, supposedly working on nanowrimo, but if this post sparked something then feel free to shoot me an ask. I’ll answer a few if any come in, and we’ll see where it goes.

If you want to follow me elsewhere, as I mentioned before I do have a dragon age side blog: @stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage, and then my main blog is @cj-writes-stuff.

Thanks y’all 💚

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mrbensonmum · 25 days

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TV Show - CSI: Las Vegas

As mentioned in the last post about Dr. House, I felt like watching a crime series. The temptation was strong because Prime added the first three seasons of Rizzoli & Isles to its program. But I decided to go with CSI: Las Vegas because it's been longer since I last rewatched it compared to Rizzoli & Isles.

Right in the first two episodes, I notice a lot of details, and I might end up writing a lot about them. Let's see how long I can keep it up!

One thing that stands out right away is the age of the series. And by that, I don't mean a specific year but the aspect ratio, which is still in 4:3. 16:9 will come later, but I can't remember exactly when. I'm curious to find out.

Catherine Willows already shows character traits here that will later drive me crazy. I remember finding her very demanding in the later seasons. She always comes up with arguments to bend the rules so she can break them later. However, in the successor format CSI: Vegas, she becomes interesting again.

During the autopsy scene where Grissom and Nick help, you could see the eyes of the millionaire blinking. I always find such details interesting. Sometimes you can see the "corpses" moving their chests, the carotid artery pulsating, or a body part moving. If I remember correctly, some shots use a still image to avoid such mistakes.

We still miss important characters like Super Dave and Doc Robbins. But one person we see very early on is the firearms specialist Bobby!

I also noticed Grissom's mood during the dummy experiments, which reminded me why I find him so intriguing. He's a man of facts, and as the series progresses, he becomes less and less able to deal with society and its quirks.

Voices are another topic because we have two very distinctive voices right from the start, one of which stays with us. Holly Gribbs is voiced by Sandra Schwittau, who is the German voice of Bart Simpson, played by Nancy Cartwright. Nick Stokes (George Eads) is voiced by David Nathan, who is not only one of the most distinctive German voices but also the regular voice of Johnny Depp and Christian Bale.

I'm thrilled to be back in Vegas, to see how everything unfolds, what cases they work on, and what questions arise. Because I already have one question: Even though Warrick was overseeing Gribbs since she was new, no one asks what happened to the officer at the crime scene where Holly was shot. Sure, Brass was reassigned, but that's about it. I find it extremely strange. (Although I'm aware that this is used to show the tragedy surrounding Warrick's character!)

Otherwise, the first season is always the most interesting because this is where the series is still finding itself, and many things are still changing. There's a lot to discover and admire, especially when it comes to the development of the characters.

I'll also thoroughly enjoy all the special effects because many of them were created without CGI, and practical effects are still among the best because they are tangible and provide a sense of depth that CGI simply can't achieve. I know, it's a big debate, but it's like photography. Digital photography is great, no doubt, but that final step to achieve exactly what's possible in analog photography is still missing. It's not much, and I know both sides very well, but it's just that tiny bit that's still missing!

In the German version, when Nick talks to Sanders, it's briefly mentioned or asked if Sanders is already playing the "Football game on Dreamcast." Once again, it shows that someone involved in writing the dialogue didn't have a clue. That always annoys me. Either video games look terrible in movies/shows, or they mix up everything and leave out details.

#csi #csi las vegas #crime scene investigation #nick stokes #catherine willows #gil grissom #warrick brown #sara sidle #greg sanders #csi vegas #csi lv #tvshow #tv show #tv shows

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ageless-aislynn · 3 months

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Dear ones, I don't want to jinx myself, count my chickens before they hatch or whatever saying might strike your fancy at the moment but... After a week plus a few days of over 30 blue screens of death (8 of them in one hour), my computer has made it a day without one.

I had to finally wipe everything and start over and I finally, after sooooo many hours of research, I can't EVEN, am pretty sure I've discovered the source of the problem that linked my old computer, my dad's computer and this computer to all having nearly identical bsod issues: some absolute DOORKNOB of a person was putting the exact same third-party firewall back on all of them. Who was that doorknob?

🤷‍♀️

In my, I mean, in HER defense, that firewall has served very well for the almost 20 years I've used it. It says it's compatible with Windows 10 and 11 and all of my troubleshooting was blaming the various video/network/etc drivers. However, I discovered that ZoneAlarm took an update at almost exactly the time my other computer started having trouble 3 months ago. But ZA updates "silently" so I didn't know that until I went looking just now for the date of the last build, realized it corresponded almost exactly, and then I went

That said, I'm a little worried that it took me THIS LONG to realize that that was the single program all 3 had in common. I was just so used to using and relying on it that it didn't occur to me that it could be at the heart of all of the problems.

So, as I said before, it all boils down to

Right now, I've got almost nothing on the computer besides the browser and a new set of security programs. It's been an interesting way to see what my priorities are because I want to install one thing, wait a couple of days to verify everything's working fine, then install then next, wait again and so on, putting things back on slowly and deliberately.

BUT I WANT STEAM BACK ON NOWNOWNOW SO I CAN PLAY MY GAMES ZOMGGGGGG.

Apparently, I get actual buckets of serotonin and overall feel-good vibes from playing games because I'm absolutely frothing at the mouth at not being able to play anything at all.

Next will be Word so I can stop trying to read my utterly, drastically terrible handwriting from where I've been working on "15 Minutes" ch7 by hand (I might possibly be writing in Sangheili, I can't even tell anymore 🤷‍♀️😉).

Then eventually, Vegas. I'm worried about that one in particular because my research did uncover a potential Vegas Pro 15 - Win 11 conflict. Some people couldn't get it to work, others have no problem. I've seriously got my fingers crossed that it'll be okay so I can get back to GIF-making and vid editing, in whatever order. 🤞😣🤞

I've spent SO much time seeing blue screens that I find myself staring at the place on the monitor where the error info flashes, my notebook at the ready to scribble down the pertinent messages, just expecting another to pop at any second.

The last couple of times it popped, I was trying to read the debugging info from the LAST crash. And then it would crash again.

However, I can now report that, if you're ever using WinDbg to read your .dmp files and it tells you "symbols are WRONG" (and yes, it all-capped it just like that), I can actually tell you how to fix the dang symbols. It's a weird flex to take but hey, I'm taking it. It wasn't easy to find the answer to that one! 😠😕😉

If all continues on without any further crashes, then I'll hopefully be back catching up on things ASAP. If it resumes crashing while I have nothing more on the computer than a browser and the security programs the pc came with, then I'm just going to

Let's hope for the best, m'kay? Good thoughts, prayers, hopes, well wishes or whatever you've got are appreciated at this point. Love you, friends. I've really missed you all. 🤗💖

#ageless aislynn #computer problems #computer issues #about me #my stars am i tired frens #i just want to have fun with my computer again #just make some silly little things #and play my silly little games #not waste hours on research that goes nowhere or goes in the total wrong direction #i just want to have fun again instead of beating my head against a wall #wish me luck #love you frens

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ryverbind · 1 year

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Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Choke On My D-- [3]

My night was filled with banter and laughter. If I'm being completely honest, it was even more amazing than I imagined it would be.

I grew up with the mindset of "do what makes the most money, not what you want to do." So actually enjoying my job for once feels different. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make enough with playing games online with my friends, but I'd be elated if I could because I genuinely enjoy it.

I don't want to go back to the way things were before.

Sally Face was quiet for most of the night, only really talking when directly spoken to. But what he didn't do— no matter what— was speak to me. Never addressed me. Never acknowledged me again. He ignored any attempts I made to bring him into our conversations (which didn't happen often, by the way) and he would even scoff at the sound of my voice.

But it didn't bother me all that much. Over the course of the night, I amassed thousands of new subscribers and followers between each one of my social media accounts. It's shocking to say the least, but very welcome. I'm not sure if those numbers will continue to grow or if this is just a spur of the moment excitement for The Faces fans, but I'm anxious to see where things go.

And Sally Face never called or texted "Lexi." Not once.

My guess is that I pissed him off enough to shut him up completely.

Larry, Ash, and Todd posted their recordings to Youtube. Sally hasn't yet, but going through comments has been quite interesting. I think, with the way people are enjoying me and Sally's arguing, I may be able to make something out of this.

One such thread of comments goes as so:

sllyfcefannn: Sally is a MENACE LMAO ashypoosbby: wtf is even happening sallyfacesallyfacee: he was quick with it too hahaaa larry4lyfe: Why is Sally such an asshole tho-- sxllyfxce28: nah they rlly dont need more people in The Faces. four is enough. bye violetviolence, go somewhere else. ashintheair: Honestly feel bad for VioletViolence. she's so sweet and she was so kind when she introduced herself and Sally was just such a dick. like imagine hearing this as a fan (which she is). so heartbreaking. toddsdaddy: agreed. he could've been a LOT more sensitive like??

I look through more comments beneath my own video, smiling the entire time as I get dressed for work. I'm still stuck wearing glasses, but I don't mind. I'm used to them for right now and there isn't much that could break my excitement of having people actually defend me and enjoy my video.

It's fortifying.

My shift is a short 8-12 that goes by even more quickly with the aid of tons of comments and likes giving me something to look forward to throughout the day.

As I'm walking home and enjoying the afternoon sun, Ash calls me.

With a startled flinch, I pull my phone from my pocket and quickly accept the call when I realize who it is. Why would she be calling?

"Y/n-- sorry, I guess I should call you Vi now, right?" Ash curses quietly then starts over again. "Vi! Hi, how are you, guess what!!!"

I smile, unable to stop a small giggle from slipping past my lips. Ash is so precious. She can't hide her true intentions-- she only called me to tell me about something interesting.

"I'm well, Ash. Most of that is thanks to you," I reply happily, ingesting the tempting sight of various stores around me. Downtown LA. "What's up?"

Ash practically squeals, a shuffling sound coming from the other end of the call. "Guess who's going to fucking Vegas!?"

My eyebrows raise and my heart skips a beat as I pause my steps. Ash heading to Vegas? That's ridiculously close. Even if it's still hours away, the thought of finally being near her again after all these years makes my heart race to the point that I feel a bit lightheaded.

"What? Really?" I breathlessly ask, looking down at the bright cement beneath my feet. My stomach feels tight and a lump begins to form in my throat. I really want a chance to see Ash, though I'm not sure I have the money to take an unplanned trip to Las Vegas...

"YES!" She screams again. I can even hear her feet pittering around her room-- the thought of her running in excitement makes my elation grow to insane heights. I feel like running through the streets and screaming myself. "We'll be going to Vegas in three weeks! It's for an exclusive party at some club. I got you a ticket. I'll send it!"

My brows scrunch together. She got me into some VIP event? "How did you get a ticket for me? And who's we-- do you mean me and you?"

"Ooo, fun question!" Ash whispers morbidly. "The host of the event asked me about you first. Didn't know if you'd be into going somewhere so social! But they love your intro into the tech and gaming world. Especially the tension between you and Sal! That part was easy. I hardly had to say a word." She giggles proudly to herself whereas I wince.

I don't want Sally and I to be some kind of spectacle to the world. I don't want people to know me as that random girl that argues with Sally Face because he just can't help but hate her guts. I want to be that nice girl that plays games. I want to be VioletViolence and I want to be known for it.

"And by 'we' I mean all of us! You, me, Larry, Todd, and Sal!"

I chew the inside of my cheek, feeling unwelcome tears sting my eyes as my heart drops into the acidic depths of my stomach. An involuntary sigh escapes my lips as I think of how to tell Ash that I'm absolutely not going to Vegas with The Faces.

"That sounds... fun," I murmur, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and tilting my head to the sky to stop my tears from falling. "I appreciate the invite, but I don't think I... have the funds to go." My claim isn't exactly a lie, but I'm almost thankful for it right now. I can't go to Las Vegas if Sally is going to be there.

We don't get along. The two of us are a ticking bomb-- except none of us know how long the countdown is before it blows. It's an issue. I don't want to reunite with my friends then immediately jump into arguments and fights with Sally. That would be so embarrassing for me and for Larry, Todd, and Ash. I do not want that.

I'm forgetting that the most important reason why I can't go to Vegas is because Sal knows the face behind VioletViolence. He would hate 'Lexi' if he were to find out that she and VioletViolence are one. I want him to like at least one thing about me even if he doesn't know that it's me.

Then again, why should I care if he dislikes every version of me? He's shown his distaste in various ways. He's been a complete ass, so why defend him? Why do I want him to like me?

"Y/n-- Vi," Ash corrects herself with a hiss, effectively pulling me from my thoughts. "I'll cover your trip. Just, please, come see us. The guys miss you."

"Not all of them." I laugh humorlessly, kicking a pebble at my feet.

"You know what I mean. Sally has no say in what happens anyway. We won't let him bother you-- just come!" Ash pleads. If she were with me right now, I just know she would be grabbing my hands and giving me her puppy dog eyes.

My teeth clamp down on my bottom lip with a force I can't control. I crack my knuckles, scuff my foot on the ground. I feel apprehensive-- I don't want to have to tell Ash the truth on why I don't want to go, but I know it's getting close to that.

"I don't want anyone to see my face, Ash. It's not a good idea for me to go..." I trail off, picking at the skin on my fingers and hoping that she'll at least accept that.

"We can figure something out, Vi. Just say yes and we'll handle everything else when the time comes, but I can promise you now that your identity will remain a secret. No one will know who you are." Ash tries to bargain, her soft and soothing voice nearly persuading me.

I squeeze my eyes shut. "I can't, Ash." Gosh, I don't want to upset her. "You know how I feel about you paying for me. Plus, there's really no way to hide myself from everyone. Think about it. And..." She'll fight me on everything else because she wants this so bad, so I'll throw the truth in. "I don't want to be around Sally. It would be bad for all of us. Deep down, you know that, too."

Ash sighs disappointedly, but I can tell she isn't going to push me anymore. "I understand. I'm sorry if I was crossing a line. I just... I really miss you. It's been nearly a decade. I really fucking wish Sal wasn't such an ass either. He's never acted that way before. He's normally a very soft, humble guy. I don't know what his problem is. I'm... I'm sorry, Y/n."

I don't know what his issue with me is, but I believe Ash now that I've gotten the chance to talk with Sal-- no ties to anyone, just the two of us. He didn't know a thing about me and because of that, I got to see a side of him I didn't expect. He was sweet, kind, and giving. I enjoyed that personality. He was open and happy to get to know me.

"I believe you. Maybe it's just me. No matter who I am, he just has something against me." I lick my dry lips, an iron taste on my tongue. I must have bitten my lip too hard. "And thank you for understanding. I do appreciate the invite and I miss you more than anything, but it's not quite time yet."

"That's okay, babe. I'll wait for you forever. And Sal shouldn't have anything against you. You do not deserve that, not with how incredibly precious you are." Ash perks up a bit, a smile in her voice.

Hearing her more upbeat tone makes my worrisome thoughts and racing heart calm down a bit. "Oh, well. People will hate. It's whatever."

"He'll come around eventually," Ash says softly. She's quiet for a moment then says, "Well, hey. We're getting online again tonight if you want to join."

I take a deep breath, looking up at the road ahead of me. There are people everywhere. It's a beautiful day. "Yea, that sounds good. I'll be free all afternoon."

"Great! Just check Discord every once in a while. We'll figure out a time and a game there! You gonna try Twitch tonight?" Ash asks.

"I think I will," I answer. It's time I start going where I'll get money-- if I get money. Doesn't hurt to put everything into swing though. "You think I have a chance with this, Ash?" I ask, my voice betraying my vulnerability. Truthfully, I'm afraid of trying and failing at this because I truly loved playing with everyone last night.

"Oh, honey," Ash's voice is gentle and comforting like a nice, warm hug. One that I desperately wish I could get from her. "I know you've got this. You already have over eight thousand new subscribers on Twitch. That's a fantastic start. It took me a while to get there. Not to mention, people love you. I love you. Larry and Todd love each side of you."

A genuine smile pulls at my lips and I find myself fighting off tears again. Ash reminds me of my dad-- they are both just so easy to talk to. I feel like I can tell them anything. I'd admit every one of my darkest secrets to both of them and know I wouldn't be judged. To me, that's one of the truest, purest forms of love.

All of my secrets except for the fact that I've already met Sally Face.

"Thank you, Ash. It's all thanks to you. I love you so much and I can't wait to continue this journey with you and the guys," I say gratefully. And you know what, I can't be too angry about Sally because our arguments got me some traction, too. "Even Sally," I decide to add.

"That's the spirit!" Ash claps her hands, the sound reverberating through my ears. "I'll see you online tonight, 'kay?"

"See you then. I love you," I tell her, waiting for her to hang up the call with an unbeatable, winning smile on my face. I'm looking forward to getting home.

"Je t'aime, mon couer!" Ash blows a kiss then ends the call, leaving me alone in the Los Angeles wilderness-- nothing I'm not already used to.

I feel happier than I did at the beginning of our call. Ash was reassuring and just as helpful as she always is. Even if I won't get to see her in Vegas, I'm happy knowing that she'll be close by.

Walking further down the street, I look between various stores and window-shop. There are tons of nice things. For example, a tiara and crystal store-- what a combination!

The sun beats down on me in what would normally be an uncomfortable way, but today, it feels restoring. The ridiculous heat feels like a sign of a new start.

A glance to my right causes me to do a sudden double take though and I find myself distracted from any previous thoughts.

That's something interesting. I walk closer to a shop, letting my eyes wander over all the goodies inside the window. Of all things, half of an answer sits before me. An answer that I never would have come up with on my own-- and yet, here it is. All and only because I realized that this could conceal me. Maybe not at this exact moment, but it has potential. And I want it.

Without a second thought, I pull my eyes away from the window and gaze at the door to the shop instead. I don't worry about funds, I don't think about how odd it'll be for me to keep this in my room-- unused. But I need it because this gives me an actual opportunity to go visit Ash, Larry, and Todd someday.

It's a mask store.

I walk in, listening to the door jingle behind me. The store is small, but very personal and unique. The walls are black and littered with various masks all with different styles, colors, and designs.

Beads and other decorations hang from the black ceiling, adding a bit of color to the void above. It's only a bit of decoration to aid the music in the room, but it works incredibly well.

The music is in a foreign language, but it seems to be a mix of pop and rock. I'm pretty into it.

I slowly walk further into the shop, gazing left and right, just trying to decide where to look first and doing my very best not to tap my foot to the beat of the music. Standing here looking overwhelmed makes me me feel awkward and out of place. Should I really be in here at all? It's probably better if I wait and think on this a bit.

My question is immediately answered when I feel a little nudge on my arm. I glance over my shoulder, feeling an urge to scoot to the side in case I'm blocking anyone, but a lady stands behind me with a smile on her face and a mask in her hand.

I feel like I've just barely decided on doing this, like life is moving past me at double the speed. To see this lady standing before me with a beautiful mask in her hands feels like a sign, though.

"I had to grab it in when you walked in," she says. "I think this one will suit your face nicely."

The woman has salt and pepper hair in a loose, messy bun atop her head. Her skin is a gorgeous caramel shade and her face is littered with little freckles. And her eyes-- a welcoming, inebriating color that reminds me so much of smoky quartz. Absolutely stunning.

She's a bit shorter than me, too. But she seems to notice my hesitance, patting my arm with her free hand. "Why don't you take a look at it, honey?"

My mouth opens, my lips dry as I try to find the right words to stay. But my brain is empty, so I snap my mouth shut and gently take the mask from her instead.

It seems like almost an exact replica of Phantom of the Opera's Red Death mask. The one from the live action movie with Gerard Butler.

It would only cover from my forehead down to under my nose, but it's gorgeous. There are grooves in it to mimic the shape of a skull and it's a deep, dark red.

My heart feels like it's just participated in a NASCAR race. This feels so right. It feels perfect-- like all the stars have aligned just for me in this moment. My stomach feels queasy in the best kind of way like the time I overate for my 21st birthday. I felt full and surrounded by love, though I knew better than to crack open a beer because I knew I'd throw up.

So I use that little experience to remind me that, yes, it feels right-- but I shouldn't push my luck. This will be my one thing for now, then I'll see what I can do in the future.

"Um," I murmur softly, tilting my head toward the woman with a hesitant smile. "Would you happen to have this one in purple?"

The woman leans toward me, her hands behind her back and her eyes narrowed as her smile grows into a sly grin. "I have four. What kind of purple?"

I beam at her, finding that maybe pushing my luck a bit more will be beneficial. It'll end some day, but this moment feels lucky enough to me.

The woman takes me to her counter then fishes out her four masks. They all have the same style, but their colors are much different than the red one in my hands.

There's a pastel one with neon green designs, a bright purple mask with glitter in different places, then a pink and purple tie dyed one.

But the mask that wins my vote is a dark purple-- so dark, it would look black in dim lighting-- with gold highlights in just the right places. It screams me-- screams VioletViolence.

I run my fingers over each nook, cranny, and hill of the mask. I feel it out, falling deeper and deeper in love with the creation until I feel an unignorable yearning deep within my soul. I need this. Somehow, I feel like purchasing this mask will be life changing for me.

I take a deep breath, feeling my eyes widen as I get lost in the beauty of pure, undeniable art. "How much?" I ask softly.

"For you, fifty." Her voice is soft, but determined. So I look up, noting the content smile on her face, almost like she's proud of my decision.

"And..." I trail off, gulping as her smoky gaze meets mine. "How much would it be for someone else?"

"One twenty." Her reply is immediate and honest, her ashy eyes glinting in the dim lighting of the shop.

I definitely don't have the money to pay for a $120 mask. $50 is insanely reasonable, but I can't take such a discount just for... I don't know why I've even been given a discount.

Choking on air for a moment, I try to recover and bargain a bit more. "Ma'am, I can't take this for fifty. Let me at least give you a bit more than that."

The lady leans onto the counter separating us, lifting a hand and pointing at me. "See, I knew you were the type to say something like that. Honestly, I'd give it to you for free but I feel like that would bother you for eternity." She laughs, the raspy sound filling the air around us.

"You're right." I smile at her, placing the mask on the counter. "But seriously, I can't take something worth so much without paying the correct amount."

The woman tilts her head. "Alright, your choice. $50, or just take it. But you can't walk out of here without it."

I narrow my eyes, grinning slightly. I appreciate her kindness. I'm not sure why she's showing so much compassion toward me, but I can't complain. Maybe life just decided to give me a break today.

I pull a couple bills from my wallet and slide them over, making sure to put $10 into her tip can. I don't have much, but I can't give her nothing, especially when she's nice enough to give this to me for $50.

"If I'm ever famous," I say in a giggly voice. "I'll thank you for bringing my character to life."

The woman's smile brings life to my already enthusiastic body. "Then tell me your name so I can look for you, sweetheart. I know you'll get recognition one day."

I swallow thickly, feeling my heart swell with so much appreciation for this random woman who decided to be so kind to me. But what do I tell her? If I am famous one day, she can't know my real name because I won't go by my real name. But, she knows my face and I don't want her to associate that with VioletViolence.

I watch her for a few moments, debating in my head. She watches me patiently, the caring smile never leaving her lips.

So I cut off my thoughts and lean on the counter too. "Can you keep my face a secret if I tell you the name I go by?"

"I don't even remember what you look like," she says, waving a hand in front of her and closing her eyes.

I laugh, unable to stop myself from patting her hand affectionately. Each little bit of fear in my bones gets shredded into indecipherable pieces. Maybe this'll come back to bite me in the future, but I'm not concerned about it right now. Plus, what proof will she be able to show? I doubt she'll even remember my face. I take a glance at the empty store behind me before speaking. "I go by VioletViolence online," I say cheerily. "I'm friends with that group called The Faces."

The woman's brows furrow in shock. "Really? My son loves The Faces. He hasn't told me about you." She smiles again though, patting my hand back. "I'll definitely look out for you, love. I have the utmost faith in your abilities. May you achieve all that you long for."

With a little sweet pull at my heart strings, I squeeze her hand in mine. "Thank you, ma'am. That means the world to me." I pinch my lips together to contain the ugly crying that's bound to set in later. This visit was definitely a sign for me to keep moving forward.

This random lady with no name has managed to give me so much self-pride and hope. I'll make sure to thank her generously if and when I can.

She puts my mask in a safe, pristine, crisp box then bags it, handing it to me with a smile and well wishes before sending me on my way.

My walk home is even more vibrant and enjoyable than it was before, but it's unfortunately quick.

Dad isn't home when I walk into our apartment. Figures, though. Most of the time, he's out working late on projects or attending meetings. Hopefully he'll be able to come home tonight.

I set my bag down on the table and walk into the kitchen to find something to eat. It's almost two in the afternoon-- I've been fucking starving myself. So I decide to heat up some leftover pizza from lunch yesterday and pull my phone out of my pocket for the first time in an hour.

My phone is filled with Discord notifications. I'm going to have to turn that off. I'm a private person and so many names and tons of information slapping me in the face makes me feel uneasy.

But I notice my name brought up and the queasiness falls away for a moment.

LARBEARAWR: i bet vi is so hot LARBEARAWR: prove em right baby

T0DDLES12: Don't objectify her, Larry.

LARBEARAWR: im not objectifying her im just saying i KNOW shes gotta be hot.

SALLYFʌCɛ: she's not hot.

ASHYPOO <3: Shut up, Sal!!

SALLYFʌCɛ: you need to get into the habit of using my stage name, ash, jeez.

LARBEARAWR: VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

I roll my eyes, typing back a quick response with a smile pulling at my lips. I was going to ignore it, but Sally's claim made me change my mind. I'll be damned if he goes on thinking I'm not hot. Because I... well, am I hot?

I guess I'll let Larry be the judge of that.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: who said I'm not hot???

SALLYFʌCɛ: that'd be me. you got something to say?

VIOLETVIOLENCE: yup. you a bitch.

T0DDLES12: Laughing my ass off.

LARBEARAWR: fuck todd just use abbreviations damn that's weird LARBEARAWR: we wanna know ur laughing but not REALLY like be a normal fcking person

I giggle over Todd and Larry's banter. They're quite a duo. Larry is just so informal and then Todd... well, he's the exact opposite. How have they been able to get along for this long?

With a sigh, I chew on my nails and debate sending them a photo of myself. Not my face, of course, but something just to get everyone off my back for a bit.

The last time I thought Sally was far away from me, he ended up being in front of my face. To say that having to serve him just once caused me to develop some paranoia is an understatement-- so if I'm going to do this, I'm going to change my clothes. I don't need anyone recognizing what I'm wearing.

With a sigh and shaky hands, I shut my phone off and take slow steps to my bedroom. The door feels like it weighs two tons-- though that's my own doing. Instead of just telling them that they don't need to know what I look like, I'm making things harder on myself because I feel the need to prove Sal wrong. But what if he's not wrong?

My brows furrow as I contradict myself-- that doesn't even matter because Sal-- Sally-- is wrong. I'm totally hot. I have to be.

I skip over to my closet with some pep in my step, rifling through shirts and immediately throwing Sally's merch to the ground. I might as well throw that away.

Or...

A petty little smile pulls at my lips. I lift the hoodie and throw it over my shoulder. It's blue-- the color of his hair-- with SALLY FACE diagonally written across the front in an almost scratchy black font.

I grab Larry's merch hoodie too-- the same one that Sal-- dammit, Sally-- wore the day he walked into my diner. Larry's hoodie is all black with some fun red designs running down the sleeves and his name-- also in red-- in big bubble letters on the front. His popular saying, "Zesty, Voluptuous Mommy Milkers" is on the back of the hoodie and that's part of the reason why I bought it in the first place.

Then, I just grab a plain pair of skinny black jeans and leather combat boots.

I set my phone against the drawers in my room and throw on Sally's hoodie first. I take one, singular picture of me, from the neck down, flicking off the camera. Then, I switch to Larry's hoodie and take one with a thumbs up, then another with my back towards the camera while pointing at his ridiculous catch phrase.

My hands shake and my mouth goes dry as I load the first photo in Sally's hoodie before pressing send. My finger hovers over the button, never touching the screen.

Honestly, I'm horrified. What is he going to say? What are they all going to say?

SALLYFʌCɛ: VioletViolence is a pussy-- clearly. she doesn't want us to see that she's actually some old guy preying on younger hotties.

ASHYPOO <3: Dude, stop being such a dick. Do you not remember that I've met Vi like... hundreds of times??

SALLYFʌCɛ: you sure this is actually her? what proof do you have, huh?

There's my cue. With a little guilty smile, I press send.

The chat is quiet for an uncomfortably long time. I'm still in Larry's hoodie and my anxiety is so bad that I lift the collar of it and pull the fabric over my face, sniffing the washing detergent Dad has used since I was a child. It's comforting and nostalgic for the moment.

I hear a notification so I glance over the edge of the hoodie, seeing a message from Todd.

T0DDLES12: See, she's not ugly. T0DDLES12: Wait, is that Sal's merchandise?

Yes, Todd. Yes, it is. Thank you a thousand times over for taking the bait. This is working out better than I thought it would and my nervousness is gone as quick as it came.

I put the other two photos of me in Larry's merch then press send, typing out:

VIOLETVIOLENCE: sorry, wrong pic! here's what i meant to send <3

My heart skips a beat and I push out a big breath, feeling heat crawl up my cheeks as I wait for someone else to type in the chat.

LARBEARAWR: hot as fuck. 10/10. BARK RUFF QUACK RIBBIT AWOOGA

I knew he'd like that. A giggle falls from my lips and I cradle my phone, reading over Larry's message repeatedly. He's being a bit extra and really exaggerating, but I appreciate it regardless.

ASHYPOO <3: Just as pretty as I remember <333333 ASHYPOO <3: Send your tit!! ASHYPOO <3: Tat** hehehehe

Funny, but that's a no-go. The only person who's seen my tattoo is Dad-- but what's the issue in sending it? Why am I afraid? Because I'll be showing skin? It shouldn't be that big of a deal. Why am I insecure over it?

ASHYPOO <3: I'd love to prove who you are to Sal-- but you don't have to send if you don't want to!

Ah, well, that's quite an incentive. It would prove who I am to Sally. He knows what I have as my tattoo, so it would be a clear indication that I'm not lying.

But I decide to joke with them a bit before finding out how to get a clear picture of the tattoo on my side.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: want bikini pics of me too ash??? what's next-- my titties??????? VIOLETVIOLENCE: oh sorry, i mean my zesty, voluptuous mommy milkers???????????

LARBEARAWR: please LARBEARAWR: god, please

ASHYPOO <3: I mean... will you be upset if I agree with Lar?

T0DDLES12: I'm down for Vi's breasts. Can I get hands in the chat?

A true, genuine laugh reverberates through my room. It takes a moment for me to realize that I'm the one who did it-- fuck, I love my friends.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: one sec

I move to lift Larry's hoodie over my head. I'll have to move my shirt too since the tattoo is right on my bra line. Sometimes I regret getting it in such a hard to reach place.

My phone suddenly blows up with notifications and I nearly drop it onto the ground at my feet. I flinch back, looking down at my phone with furrowed brows and wide eyes.

LARBEARAWR: WUT???? LARBEARAWR: TITTIES??? MILKERS???? LARBEARAWR: B-B-B-BREASTS???? LARBEARAWR: UR SENDING THEM VI????

T0DDLES12: ^^^ Really? I thought we were only joking around. Let me prepare. I'll pull Neil in for this one.

ASHYPOO <3: Woah, holy hell-- Vi's sweet, juicy titties? I've been waiting for this day my entire life. ASHYPOO <3: Let me get my camera ready-- screenshots just won't do. This is going in a picture book. I'm making an album just for your titties. Dedicated to the one and only VioletViolence.

Oh, fuck. Seems I didn't specify what I meant.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: NO VIOLETVIOLENCE: sorry, i did NOT mean titties. just sending my tat.

LARBEARAWR: :( LARBEARAWR: ook but can we get titty pics 2??????

VIOLETVIOLENCE: maybe. VIOLETVIOLENCE: for you ;)

I love this banter with Larry-- he's such a funny guy. I enjoy talking with him, Todd, and Ash. And speaking of which, Sally's been pretty quiet.

LARBEARAWR: O_O LARBEARAWR: r we flirting????? is that what this is???? LARBEARAWR: omg vi *bites lip* r u trna smash? me????

I snicker, ignoring the messages and maneuvering my body and phone around to try and get a clear picture of my tattoo. Minutes pass though and I find myself growing frustrated over the fact that I cannot get a good picture of it for the life of me. No matter what.

I set my phone down again, getting some major deja vu over the fact that I have to do this again. My brain is on overdrive as I throw my worries to the wind and just lift my shirt and bra strap, a photo being taken as the timer counts down on my phone.

When I pull my phone close to my face to inspect the picture, I wince and shut the device off for a second. My "fuck it" moment was a little too much. There's a good bit of underboob in that photo and I don't think I can send it.

My phone vibrates with another notification, so I carefully glance back at it. I haven't even sent the photo and I feel embarrassed by it.

ASHYPOO <3: Tit jokes aside, you really are beautiful, Vi. Inside and out! Never forget it, mi corazón <33333

That makes me warm up a bit and a smile works its way onto my lips again. Damn, Ash. She always knows what to say to make me feel better.

Suddenly, sending the photo doesn't feel as terrible to me. Sure, it still makes me nervous because I'm showing off so much skin, including skin that not a single person has ever seen-- aside from past boyfriends. It feels scary, but I know I can trust my friends and they'll even hype me up over it.

So I send another message before linking the photo.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: omg <3333 ash, don't talk to me in other languages i will melt over you. but seriously, thank you so much. i love you

I quickly send the photo before I can think too hard about it.

Anxious and debating on deleting it as soon as the picture goes through, I send more messages in a panic. I feel the need to pull at the roots of my hair, chew on my lips, crack my knuckles-- all of my nervous habits. My skin is burning hot and my legs won't stop moving.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: undertitties VIOLETVIOLENCE: fuck this scares me ngl VIOLETVIOLENCE: never sent half-titty pics before in my life VIOLETVIOLENCE: #tittypicvirgin

My friends are quick to reply now, filling my endlessly frantic brain with love.

LARBEARAWR: FUCK YES TITTIES LARBEARAWR: rlly tho, ur tat is super nice. titties too. hair is pretty and fluffy and i wanna run my fingers through it like ur a fairy r smthn

ASHYPOO <3: GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! ASHYPOO <3: Awe, my baby's first titty pic <3 look at you growing up!

T0DDLES12: Voluptuous breasts, indeed. I love the meaning behind your tattoo. I wonder what it means to the band.

What did I ever do to deserve such amazing friends? Never did I think I'd have anyone care for me and support me so dearly, yet here are three. Three people who have been here for me since we were kids. And they still haven't left my side.

Their sweet words make a beaming smile form on my face and it's the sole reason behind my achy cheeks, but it's so worth it.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: guys :,) you're so sweet. thank you for all of this

ASHYPOO <3: Stahppp! There's no need to thank us, we're just telling the truth.

LARBEARAWR: word LARBEARAWR: where's sal btw? ur missing tits bro LARBEARAWR: r u wanking off to vi's pic in ur hoodie r smthng

Oh, shit. My eyes widen as I stare at Larry's message in shock. I can't believe he said that. But I'm also really happy that he did say it. This puts the heat on Sally and gives me something to cackle over.

Like he hasn't been gone for the past five or so minutes, Sally's username pops up in the chat.

SALLYFʌCɛ: eat shit, larry.

My cackling starts immediately. I thought it'd be something I'd do in the dead of night as I wait for sleep to take me, but it's come early. All because it is painfully obvious that Sally's message is guilty denial.

At least, I hope.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: it's okay to be honest, sally. masturbation is healthy!

His response is immediate again. He's been close to his phone.

SALLYFʌCɛ: i'm not even joking right now, i fucking hate you violetfucking whoever you are.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: awe but i totally wore your hoodie so you'd fall in love with me :(

This feels so good. I wanted a reaction and I'm getting it. Sally's messages fill me with adrenaline. I can practically feel my blood rushing through my veins. I can smell the anger in his text. I can taste his rage from all the way across the United Sates. It feels so incredibly invigorating.

SALLYFʌCɛ: choke on my damn dick.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: is that a threat or a promise? i have a pretty resilient throat. no gagging.

I send a thumbs up and lose it on my bedroom floor. I roll onto my back, laughing so hard that tears spill from the corners of my eyes. I find that with every single day of being close to The Faces, I feel so much better. I feel too good even if Sally's a dick. I feel so damn good that I trick myself into thinking that I'd be okay without my antidepressants. That's dangerous.

The chat is silent and I feel like I'm on top of the world. That's a clear win for me.

SALLYFʌCɛ has left the channel.

Oh, well, shit. I didn't exactly mean for that to happen.

---------

A/N::::: heheheheheheh i hope this is an enjoyable chapter <333

it was kinda hard to get out. im such a huge fan of scenes with sal so i have to remind myself to be patient with these boring parts! i kinda hate the middle of this chapter, but i hope you guys like it!

i've been busy between caring for my cat (he is well!), doing school work, battling tummy sickness, and my allergies. but i'm working my hardest to fulfill my promises to you guys! next is maybe today!

when do you guys think sal and y/n will finally meet again since she isn't going to vegas? i'd love to hear your thoughts :3

as always, i love you all with my entire heart! sleep well/have a wonderful day! you complete my life <3333

#x reader #travis phelps #todd morrison #ash campbell #larry johnson #fanfic #sally face #sal fisher #enemies to lovers

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robotnuts · 2 years

Text

red vs blue season 1 commentary (2003)

lets do some more commentary recaps! click here to check out the other ones i’ve completed! the season 1 disc actually has two different commentary tracks, the original one from 2003 and a new one they recorded in 2010. this post will just cover the 2003 track, recorded by burnie and geoff (all the way back when his name was still geoff fink)

the classic blood gulch intro was made for the release of the season 1 DVD. the original intro (please click this link and go watch the original, it’s a masterpiece) was scrapped because it didn’t actually fit the tone of the series since it’s much more action based, and also the limp bizkit song would have cost them tens of thousands to license

it took around 45 minutes to shoot the opening shot. if you’ve seen season 15 the way the shot is created has already been referenced by jax (to emulate a crane shot, they stood a cameraman on top of a tank turret and then raised the turret to get a smooth transition)

when they first made the show, they were staying up until 7AM to finish and post each episode on fridays, and then go to their day jobs right after

they changed some parts of the original episode 1 they posted- they didn’t originally have sarge cast until the second episode, so it was burnie saying sarge’s line at the end of episode 1. burnie also tried to sneak some of grif and simmons’ conversations ontop of blue base because he figured people wouldn’t notice and he liked the lighting better there, and people “went nuts” so they had to go back and fix it

burnie was the catch-all for whenever they didn’t have time to cast someone (lopez, tex’s male voice)

they got a ton of emails from people in the military who told them they really nailed the experience and asking if they had military experience because of how accurate the show is- geoff was the only person with military experience and he didn’t write the show.

burnie says he didn’t watch a lot of military media or anything, it’s just shows how universal “bureaucracy” or office humor really is, and they were able to play with it even more because of how structured the military is.

geoff makes fun of burnie for pretending hes smart and says he doesnt think burnie has any idea what hes talking about. Burnie liked using the word bureaucracy because it was long and fun to say :)

the second episode was the actual spark for the entire series- a real conversation that burnie and co had while playing halo about “whys it called the warthog if it looks more like a cat?” lead to the entire show being made.

they never asked bungie if they were actually correct about the reason it being called a warthog being due to the tow hooks looking like tusks

they tell the vegas story to explain the “vegas quadrant” reference - you can hear it yourself with even more detail here.

two differences from the RTAA story though- the note he left said “see you in austin, gus” (not assholes, though that’s burnie recounting the story so maybe gus just remembered it better) and geoff claims he didn’t actually end up going back to austin- though burnie starts speaking over him so I can’t really hear what he’s saying about it.

the shot of grif and simmons walking into the frame to watch donut run off into the distance towards the store at the end of episode 3 was redone over and over again at 4:30 AM and drove them crazy. the hardest shots were the ones when a character had to walk into frame, hit their mark and stand still, and then deliver a line.

caboose didn’t originally have a character concept according to burnie- he just knew the blue team was going to get a rookie counterpart to the red team’s donut. donut’s character was much more planned ahead

the pink armor was actually one of the first jokes they wrote for the series. originally the entire series was only going to be 6-8 episodes and the pink armor was going to be the gag of the final episode. homophobic kings

they had to work with a lot of limitations and pace themselves with what they wanted to introduce-they had limited armor colors, limited vehicles, etc. so introducing them to the series at the right time had to be paced out, and donut’s armor joke kept being pushed back

if there is a flag in the shot, the only people that can be in the shot is anyone with red or blue armor (caboose, sarge, and donut for a bit), so they had to get creative with the plot and cinematography to make sure that they could just isolate those guys . this is because in the capture the flag gamemode, the only character colors are red and blue. so if you see a flag, that’s a shot that was sewn in from a whole separate game and recording session than the surrounding shots

this is the reason donut shows up in red armor instead of being pink from the start

geoff says he loves the joke where church ignores caboose because he relates to being ignored by burnie when he tells burnie important information

the limitations of what the characters could do forced them to write around humorous scenarios so they can be envisioned by the audience, even if the characters couldn’t do it on screen, the big example being the fact that they can’t actually have church and tucker throw rocks for the teleporter to test it so they just reference the fact they already threw rocks through it earlier

to editorialize a bit, i honestly think this really helped the show have it’s unique identity and ended up being a plus for the show, not something it lacked. like, i don’t know if the visual humor of tucker and church throwing a rock through the teleporter and it coming out black would have been as funny as just the delivery of “WE THREW ROCKS THROUGH IT” “yeah, and they came out the other side didn’t they?”

the teleporter is another example of them having to give a bit of personality and new traits to the halo objects

they reference lopez dancing in the background of a scene and say jason (tucker’s va) was the one to improvise it, but it doesn’t happen on the remastered graphics. i cross-referenced with the original upload and I think they’re referring to when lopez’s pixel in the background changes for a second at this timestamp, but the quality is so bad it’s hard to tell

there was absolute hysteria about tex on the RT forums because tex was in the original intro with the cloaking device, so for the first few episode before she showed up, people would claim any graphical glitch or weird amalgamation of pixels had to be tex, and insisted RT actually put her in the background of every episode. this wasn’t true at all but it’s funny to think of old RT fans furiously posting screenshots of nothing to the rvb forums insisting they found him. it was funny enough to them that they never shut it down

the warthog had rules that only characters of the same color could be in the same warthog in s1, so they used post-production to splice shots together whenever you see grif and simmons in the same car in halo 1

this broke one of their rules where they tried to make most of the series things that you could actually replicate in halo yourself if you wanted to

the shot of the warthog flying over the camera where you can see the underside when the reds ambush is one of geoff’s favorite shots in season 1, and also it was first take

geoff also really likes how the bullet casings from the machine gun fly off and frame the background of some of the shots when simmons is assaulting the rock the blues are behind. he said he thought it was really interesting and dynamic and then would log on to the forums and read a post from a 14 year old about how boring everything was and they were all just standing around and would want to strangle them

the original visuals would often have blood splatters or explosions going off where they weren’t supposed to be, because tucker’s va thought that blowing everyone up and ruining their work was funny (he was right)

the control for throwing grenades was really finnicky in general, if they set down a controller to stop using it there was a high chance that character would throw a grenade and blow up the whole shoot. “not a common problem in traditional filmmaking” says burnie

they kept tucker in the black armor for a while because burnie could never find a chance for the characters to have a chance to breathe and wipe off his armor

geoff likes how the scene with grif and simmons being targeted by a tank because its true to life, he loves gus as a friend but would sell him out in a second

its hard to get shots of explosions happening near the camera because the explosions would just kill the cameraman lol

they also ended up blowing up grif and simmons around 40 or 50 times, just for the shot where the two of them are crouched behind a rock while shelia fires at them, which got made into an outtake

burnie is very excited about the church’s death scene and called it an inspired choice, but then said it was also a horrible choice because it was hard as hell to make him semitransparent whenever he showed up

they tried to use the in-game engine shake whenever an explosion went off near a character as much as possible

the shots you think would take hours and hours, like the warthog flipping up on top of the base and sliding into place, only took 4 tries. they seemed to get lucky with the stuff you’d expect to be hard like complicated actions and then got fucked by the stuff you’d think was simple like standing around and talking

sarge in a plane at command is the only shot they used from the halo singleplayer

burnie had to avoid giving long lines to most of the characters because nobody was a professional actor (except for joel, so they gave caboose longer lines). matt hullum was great at making shit up on the spot though

sarge only had 4 lines in (episode 18? i think he says) and for those 4 lines matt hullum somehow ad-libbed 58 minutes of recording to be cut down. he was literally just obsessed with ad-libbing. god what i wouldn’t give to have those original recordings of sarge just being completely bonkers

blue command was originally played by someone called Randal Glass who originally made videos on his own website in halo of him exploiting the physics engine (for example, him using tons of grenades to propel a warthog 10,000 feet in the air) which ended up inspiring them for some of their shots of the warthog flying around as an homage to his stuff.

(this is the cursed, wrong, strange vic that we see for a little bit before he ends up getting vicified by burnie in the second season. I’m not at commentary 2 yet but I’m pretty sure it’ll be because of scheduling errors, but honestly, burnie’s vic is funnier. sorry for the additional editorializing)

in order to get church to be transparent, they would have to shoot every shot twice, one with church in it and one with just the background, and layer them on top of each other and turn down the opacity. this is a simple solution but ended up being a pain if there were any other characters other than church in the shot, or when they’d forget to shoot the background without church and have to go back and re-film everything.

the main questions asked on their forums was- will tex ever be in an episode, are you ever going to use another map, and then (after episode 8) will church ever come back? and they answered all of those questions at the same time with the sidewinder gag.

there were two real groups of people that worked on red vs blue- the austin crew, who worked on websites that failed like drunkgamers, and the LA crew, who worked on movies that no one saw, who then came together to “make the worst failure of their career” with red vs blue

12 people worked on season 1, and 8 of them were voice actors only, leaving them with only a 4 person production crew

the bullet holes they actually wanted for the shots (tex using caboose as target practice) would fade instantly, but if they accidentally made a bullet hole it seemed to stay forever and they couldn’t get rid of it, leading to them having to come up with Halo Engine Bullet Hole theories to figure out why (hours and hours of shooting walls trying to figure out a pattern that they never nailed down, according to geoff)

it is pretty funny hearing them talk about the reticle in the center of the screen when the graphics are completely updated. i have no idea what youre talking about lads this is full HD no UI what reticle

it’s very hard to make a character look like they’re talking if they’re holding a flag or, basically anything except for the pistol.

geoff makes fun of burnie for the pity party they’re throwing for themselves- hard to make a character look like they’re talking, hard to match up eyelines, hard to get shots with the camo unit because it runs out so quickly. geoff makes sure to also emphasize that they were drunk for most of the production

there was a line of several donut characters all ready for the part with the grenade on his head because of how tricky of a shot it was- they’d have a donut step into place, throw a grenade at him, kill him, have donut number two step up, throw a grenade, etc etc.

there was controversy on the forums over who died in donut’s explosion- people were certain one of grif or simmons had to be dead. burnie makes fun of them for thinking they’d just kill off all of red team

the sniper rifle shots are mostly cheated to get a good shot- you don’t actually see those angles from halfway across the map where the character holding the sniper rifle is standing. it makes the sniper rifles look like they work really well

the even numbered episodes were more popular than the odd numbered episodes, which made them debate if they should end the season on an odd episode

i believe they’re saying that episode 11 was originally going to end after tex ran off to get the flag 2 minutes in, but they ended up combining two episodes to beef up the runtime

the question on the rvb forums was always “if you can see them with the sniper rifle why not just pull the trigger”

the ‘twist’ of tex being a woman was their first big twist and it got guessed by a ton of people and they concluded that was a problem with trying to put twists in serial shows. burnie than pointedly says “we won’t try anything like that again, we won’t try to hide something”

obviously they do try stuff like that again, thank god, seasons 6 and 10 thank them for it. however from the way burnie says it i’m literally pretty sure he’s being incredibly sly and referencing the fact that he’s already put in hints about church being an AI, since i’ve heard people say that he started planning that as early as season 1

they talk about what parts fans latch onto and make content for- an early psa tucker references a drawing he made of an octopus flipping you off 8 times, and apparently they got TONS of submissions for that. burnie says he made 40 of them his desktop background. they say they want to find their favorite and make it into a tshirt- i wonder if they ever actually did that. ultimate rare rvb merch

they gave away dvds to the original sponsors as a thanks for sponsoring

they needed 17 TB of bandwidth only 3 months in which was their biggest cost and challenge. a company called 01 communications donated a ton of bandwidth to them to help out

they looked at pennyarcade and homestar runner as references for delivering serialized web content and how they were able to support their site without running ads, which is what lead to them going the sponsors and merch monetization route instead

the yellow/orange joke seems to come from the fact that church refers to grif as the “orange one” in season 1 which lead to them getting fan emails of people telling them “actually, he’s yellow”

hegahergerk was one of matt hullum’s improvs, he was just told to make a “possession noise” and he gave them a few options. hegahergerk was the best.

when church posesessed sarge, they weren’t sure if they wanted to have burnie reading the lines as church pretending to be sarge, or matt reading the lines pretending to be church pretending to be sarge, and they recorded both versions. they ended up going with burnie’s because it made more sense

matt’s voice acting was so strong with codifying the sound effects he used for being possessed that by the second time they were able to have it happen off screen and the viewer could still understand what happened

tex saying that sarge is pretty short to be church is a star wars reference to when luke rescues leia

the idea to have church and sarge in the spirit world was made on the monday, before the episode was actually released on friday. they said it took them forever to get the voice filter right

the wind sound effect was burnie. he’s proud of it. he wasn’t able to replicate it on the commentary though because he had too much whiskey

the heaven and hell jokes were a reference to a film burnie and matt had worked on called ‘the schedule’ (which is now lost media)

they were originally going to bring shelia back as a ghost tank like church coming back as a ghost but couldn’t figure out how to fit it in, so they put her in the purgatory sequence instead

geoff says that its sweet that grif cares that sarge is dead considering how much sarge hates grif. they were originally going to have that scene be a turning point where sarge would like grif after he saved sarge’s life but it was ‘too big of a leap’

people didn’t understand that church offering less and less money to take sarge to heaven was, a joke, and they thought it was just them being inconsistent

typically machinima wasn’t done on console, it was done in quake or half life- they were actually thinking about doing a project in half life 2 but the source code was stolen and leaked which pushed the release date back several months

the trailer for blood gulch chronicles was actually made for their drunkgamers website, which went under, so they gave up on the series for a while and didn’t release episode 1 until 6 months after the trailer

they said they made a conscious decision to “stop doing vulgarity” or at least try to limit it for their younger audience, after around episode six or seven

burnie says there are a lot of dumb vulgar jokes you could make about the pink armor but ‘why make them’ if you can be funny without it

they thought it was funny to use a huge rifle as the speech unit for lopez and pretend it could fit inside his head

lopez was originally just going to be a mexican guy and then they decided to make him a robot. it was also matt’s idea to make tex a woman

they weren’t sure if they should put in the “shock bracelet” joke because they weren’t sure if it was too outdated or if people will get it. i can say 20 years later, i have no idea what they’re fucking talking about

the spanish was just made with an online translator babelfish- burnie read it on his own the first time but gus (simmons’ va) ended up helping with the pronunciation

they lost a few concepts because they were busy wrapping up the season and focusing on developing the website and the dvd

they wanted to have lopez’s introduction be a pov shot where you could see some text in the corner of his visor. they ended up reusing this gag in season 2 when they bring lopez back to fix shelia!

they got invited to some film festivals which ended up eating into their production time

burnie recording his season 1 commentary voice: it was cool but we’re over the hey, aren’t we great, an internet phenomenon thing aren’t we? now we’re just focused on the episodes

no burnie. you will not be over it

burnie and geoff both worked 45 hour a week day jobs and then would work for 30-40 hours a week on red vs blue when they got home

the hardest shot they did was one where caboose is turning around and talking at the same time tex was moving and fliping over the tank, and they got it on their first take

when tucker talks about caboose keeping an eye on red base, it cuts to caboose and you can see he’s actually staring back at blue base. burnie thought it was really funy but nobody got this joke when it aired lol

jason and gus moved out of town as soon as red vs blue started getting popular. halfway thru the series tucker’s lines start being recording over the phone instead of in the studio

there’s also one episode where his brother plays tucker, since there was a huge blackout where he lived in new york, so they had to use his little brother instead

in the final episodes people would complain about characters sounding different and insisting that the voice actors changed

church was the boring exposition character- there was always a battle between pushing the plot along and making jokes

burnie: “i find it funny as tough as tex is, she’d actually be offended that she’s not considered a real girl”

a few lines from the original release were actually cut for the dvd- lines where there were big run ons of characters talking at the end of the episode over the black slate. for a few of the funny ones they went back and recorded more footage so they could include the lines in the dvd, but there are some that they ended up just getting rid of.

burnie also says he hopes people have it archived on their hard drives because after the dvd release they won’t be able to find them anywhere else?! so i guess those lines are lost to time

they considered calling caboose “omalley” in the new intro they made for the dvd

they tried using online sound directories but they usually ended up getting stuff that didn’t really fit, and they ended up doing their own foley work

they tried to end the season with a lot of shots that had been used throughout the whole season as a walk down memory lane

to get a cool effect, they used a shot of the warthog driving off from a distance that was just the halo camera focusing on other characters when your character had died and was waiting to respawn, which got a smoother camera motion and removed the reticle from the screen for a few seconds

the hissing noise of the bomb donut throws going across the gulch is also just burnie going hissssss

they would get some emails saying hey, really good webseries, you should get some adults to do the voices next time

#rvb #journal entry #rvb commentary

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