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#feeling very I Don't Think Theres A Place For Me Here I Dont Think There's A Place For Me In This World tm
colemckenzies · 2 years
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feeling very neurodivergent today lads.
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entropy-sea-system · 1 year
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Hate when ppl are shitty abt pda..
#Yes this is abt our last reblog#Who cares if someone is kissing in public leave them alone thanks#Ofc we respect repulsion we just dont accept like. policing pda like that.#Where we live pda is very disallowed even among cis straight ppl. Even cis straight ppl here have gotten violence#Directed at them for pda...#And that influences our views. Not every place is like the united states.#Also my in sys partner who was there in this system far longer than me was raised in a very romance negative and sex negative culture#And it is no way progressive to ban or criticize pda#Don't make literal public spaces unwelcome to ppl istg. ..if you dont like it you can literally just look away#If its a space that belongs to you or youre in close quarters its reasonable to set boundaries#But shut the fuck up if you think random ppl kissing in public is going to mess up childrens heads or whatever#And yes. I have even seen otherwise progressive ppl say shit like that. Its a problem in the aro community too#We're aro and have seen aroaces(and other aros and/or aces) be sex negative and romance negative as hell#And it needs to stop. Theres a fucking difference between calling ppl immoral for making out and saying you don't want to talk about#romance or sex#pda#romance negativity#sex negativity#-💖#emote tag bc we're not open abt our in sys relationships n I feel like#Ppl might figure out who Im referring to as my in sys partner abt based on the tags#vent#negative#Dont clown on this post or derail thanks
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rorschachisgay · 1 year
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i wish there was some nuance between "everyone has to love the word queer" and "if you don't like it you are a terf automatically". because the reality is i don't identify with the word queer and i never have. as a kid i was aware of it as a slur and as a teenager i started to understand it in an academic concept first (as in Queer Theory) but i didn't identify with it because in my mind it was like, a clinical, academic word. and then later as i got older it became an increasingly prevalent point of conflict around me.
im not arguing that terfs dont dislike queer as a group term, though speaking from a british perspective the majority of them here are very focused on removing the T from LGBT over arguing about queer as a term at all, so it doesnt really feel like a particularly important form of conflict over what is a very targeted erasure of trans identity Specifically.
and thats kind of partially why i struggle to identify with the term Queer. it is not specific. it does not describe or capture my identity. lately i have found much more identity in words like fag, faggot, transexual, which do relate directly to my specific identities and have a very long history in the community. and additionally, won't get fuckin sold back to me by coke.
like that's really all Queer feels like to me now, something that has now been packaged up as an easily marketable buzzword to be printed on t-shirts at Primark or used meaninglessly by Disney to pretend they care. it does not refer to the aspects of my identity that matter to me, it's not something that i ever claimed for myself, and now i am continually getting told that if i don't identify with it im bigoted against myself and my siblings.
"queer was reclaimed by everyone, it was reclaimed in the 80s". i actually don't feel like someone else gets to decide this for me? im not going to lie and pretend it was never used as part of the campaign for equality for decades and decades, it obviously has a crucial place in history, but now in popular culture it has become like. ubiquitous.
like ive said before i think words like fag and dyke can be used in a way that reflects our communal family and is a sign of camaraderie and that's also true of queer, but with those words it's extremely understandable when someone isn't comfortable with them and when someone doesn't want to identify with queer it's treated as a sign they're in the wrong.
idk this is so far from being a crucial issue it's barely worth talking about but i just really struggle with being told that i am in the wrong because i have my own complicated feelings about a word with a complicated history. in the grand scheme of things it's NOT that important but it does grate on my nerves to be told that theres zero room for any kind of debate or alternate opinion in this. like i just wish we didn't have to be so black and white as if the issue has no grey area or room for personal expression at all.
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multiflcs · 2 months
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Travel Fears
Joe Burrow x latina fem!reader
summary: Joe is shock to learn reader never visited mexico
a/n: for the sake of this one reader has some mexican ancestory i tried to leave it vague as possible cause i know my fellow latinas all have different beautiful backgrounds.
requested: yes
warnings : FWB! Joe and let me know if theres others mentions of sex but hardly
wc: 1.1k
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You had gone over to Joe's house. Damn does he have stamina. You lost count after the second time but you were drained and exhausted all for a good reason at least.
“This feels nice.” Joe sighs as he pulls you into his arm, his hand rubs your back. You feel yourself relaxing in his arms and you let out a sigh of relaxation. “Yeah, it's nice.” You smile as your head on his chest as you throw an arm around him.
“So what are your plans now that you're off for a few weeks?” You ask Joe. He smiled at you as he responded. “I was thinking of a nice relaxing vacation I have plans to travel to Mexico in two weeks.” Joe says as he rubs your back.
You smiled at the mention of Joe visiting the place where you had ancestral history. “What's your favorite place in Mexico?” Joe asked as he looked at you and continued rubbing circles on your back.
You let out a chuckle at his assumptions of you ever traveling there. You had told him before you had family there and he must have assumed you’ve been there. Fact of the matter is you have never visited them you dont have any intentions too unless your mom asks you go.
“I would not know I never been.” you respond to him with a tight lip smile. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at you confused.
“What? But don’t you have family there?” Joe asks you a bit concerned. “I mean yeah I do but I’ve never visited them.” You replied to him. Joe was confused for such a family oriented person he just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact you've never been to Mexico to visit them.
“You've never been curious about where you come from, where your family comes from?” Joe asks. Mexico was a beautiful place to him and he always enjoyed going every year to relax and enjoy some bomb tacos.
“Yeah of course I'm curious, Joe but you know, just situations come up and I work full time. I can't just drop everything to go on vacation and visit Mexico.” You explain to Joe. But he still didn’t understand.
You didn’t want to state the real reason why. Which is because you have family members living here that are undocumented and you're scared to travel on your own and airplanes just aren't your thing.
You knew Joe wasn’t a racist or anything like that but he wasn’t that kind of person you knew very well who you could trusted with such a statement and tell him those details about you and your family.
Joe looks over at you and just nods his head. He knew your economical situation wasn’t the best and assumed maybe that has stopped you from traveling to Mexico. Traveling was indeed a luxury he was grateful to have. “Well come with me.” Joe says as he looks at you.
“No, I don't think I'm ready for Mexico so soon. Plus I have to work.” You say to Joe. “But thank you for that.” You appreciated the gesture, it was nice on his part.
“I’ll pay for it.” Joe says as he looks over at you he moves some hair from your face. “Joe the money isn’t that bad of an issue. I could go to Mexico if I want but I just don’t want to its not something for me right now.” You try to avoid telling him your stupid fear about flying and you had heard intense stories from your family member that if you didn’t speak Spanish correctly you could easily get scammed and kidnapped just for being a tourist that terrified you till this day and you didn’t want to visit Mexico with your spanglish.
“Okay but shouldn’t you want to go there? It's honestly a pretty amazing place and I think you deserve to go. You deserve to see where you come from.” Joe says sweetly as he sits up to look down at you.
“To be fair Joe you probably only go to Cancun or Puerto Vallarta.” You say to him with a teasing smile. “You know Im just not ready. First im kinda scared of planes and second my spanish is bad.” You say worriedly.
Joe lets out a laugh. Hes heard you speak spanish and hes not an expert at it but it seems pretty good. “Thats what your worried about?” Joe couldn’t believe it. “Come on your spanish is amazing and your worried about that come on I go to Mexico and i only like a couple of words. You can actually speak it and understand it more and hold a conversation in spanish.” Joe says to try and reassure you.
“The plane situation, I'll just hold your hand the whole time.” Joe says with a grin as he rubs a finger on your cheek.
He was pretty damn convincing and you might just say yes to the free vacation. But you couldn’t avoid the guilt of going with him that meant your family couldn’t go. You knew they always encouraged you to go since tu tienes los papeles and could easily go in and out of the country.
But you just thought you could vent to your family about it and see what they say. Obviously just tell them your going with a friend cause they had no idea about the guerro in your life.
“Let me think about it cause its a nice offer.” You replied to Joe.
Joe kisses your lips softly before he says. “Well I hope you do go id really like you there with me and id enjoy us together alone in more warmer conditions plus id love to see you in a bikini.” Joe says with a grin as he kisses you softly.
“But youve seen me naked.” You reply to him as you kiss his lips back.
“I know but i want to see you in the water all wet and the sun shining on your beautiful face.” Joe says as he gets a bit turned on by the image.
“Or we could go to other places too, visit the town or city where your family lives or something.” Joe says as he looks down at you. You smile, it was very thoughtful of him.
“We could talk about it if I decide to go but for right now can we just cuddle?” You pull him back towards you and he lays down again as he pulls you into his arms. Such a change of plans in short notice stressed you out and you didn’t want to think about it right now.
“Okay yeah sorry for being so pushy.” Joe says as he runs a hand through your hair. He kisses your forehead as he lays back down next to you.
You both lay there Joe rubbing your back he decides to just turn on the tv and watch whatevers on so you two could just relax for the rest of the night.
a/n: i did not know what direction anon wanted me to go for with this so im leaving it at this. Also just letting everyone know Im open for any joe burrow fic requests. Hope you all enjoy!!
Athletes Masterlist
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soobiary · 4 months
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a/n; hii this is the first thing i have published 🙏 also im planning on making this a series, its a hyunsu x reader 🫶 please comment and reblog if you enjoyed it, tell me if it sucks not and if u want the next part, okay?
bewitched - cha hyunsu x reader ☆
it was cold.
goosebumps spread throughout your body as you jolts awake, wincing at the cold stone pressed upon your body. your mind was a blur, how did you get here? you bring your hands into your sight as you look at them wide eyed.
is this real life?
cuts were littered onto your body, how and when did they get there? you have no idea.
"what are you doing?! get up!"
a male voice yelled out to you. you put your hands by your side, finally taking in your surroundings. there was rubble everywhere, and it was like a building had collapsed. a sign that read "green home mansion apartments" stood there, covered in weeds and moss.
wait. green home apartments..?
"hey! can you hear me? are you trying to die?"
the man runs up to you, grabbing your arm and pulling you up. your mind seemed absent, and you felt like you were missing something but you didn't know what.
you let out a gasp as you are pulled away by the tall man. you eyed his army green uniform, a soldier?
"miss! can you hear me? how long have you been here for? we need to get you some help."
the soldier placed you down into a truck, shaking your shoulders slightly as he spoke.
"n-no...i don't remember."
you shake your head slightly, trying to clear your confusion.
"who are you? whats happening?"
you feel overwhelmed and confused, and the fog in your mind is making it difficult to process what's going on. you look over at the soldier, hoping that he can provide some answers to your questions.
the soldier glances over at you, his expression empathetic.
"look miss, we need to get you to help. you're hurt and you seem dazed from what happened back there."
you look away and furrow your brows, as if you are thinking very hard to answer his question.
"do you have any idea of who you are or how you ended up in this mess? did you lose your memory?"
you look away, not wanting to face his questions. you feel overwhelmed and confused, and you sense that he is growing impatient with your silence.
you look back, examining his appearance. hes wearing a army green uniform, and he has a name tag on his chest that reads;
park chan-young.
"we can talk about this later then, when your mind clears up. for now, stay in the back seat. dont do anything crazy, alright?"
you nod in agreement, wanting to respect the soldiers authority. you take a seat in the back of the truck. you keep your gaze out the window as the ride progresses. the enviroment looks darker and colder than what you remember, which is unusual.
"excuse me sir. im sorry if i sound dumb by asking this..but whats going on..? where is everyone?"
you turn your gaze to the soldier sitting in the front seat. he glances in the mirror to look at you.
"you really don't know? the powers out, and theres monsters everywhere. no one knows who or what caused it."
"monsters... are you serious?"
your mind feels even more cloudier and confused as you try to process this new information. you began to consider whether the soldier might be making some kind of joke, or if he actually believes that there are monsters outside. you look out the window again, still noticing how dark it is outside.
"you're not making this up, are you?"
you ask slowly, still hoping the soldier will confirm your suspicions that he's not being serious.
The soldier looks back at you with an exasperated expression.
"miss, trust me, I wish I was making this up, but it's real. we don't have time to waste, we need to keep you and everyone else out of danger."
as he speaks, you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach, as it dawns on you that the soldier might be telling the truth. but you're still not sure how to believe the words coming out of his mouth.
"if there really are monsters out there... what do they look like?" you ask cautiously him.
the soldier takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
"they come in all shapes and sizes, we can't really pin it down," he says with a grim expression.
"some are animal-like, some are human-like, and some are straight out of nightmares. you've got to trust me when I say you don't want to find out what they look like."
you are about to respond when suddenly a loud bang is heard from outside of the truck. the soldier glances out the windshield, a look of concern on his face.
"miss, i need you to stay quiet" he whispers urgently.
you sit in stillness, holding your breath, and you can hear the soldier pull out his weapon and cock it.
"get ready," he mouths silently.
you feel the truck come to a sudden stop, and as you look out the windshield, you notice that a group of monsters are surrounding the vehicle. the soldier raises his gun and fires at the monsters, as they start to lunge towards the truck.
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rakkuntoast · 8 months
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ok i got nothing else to do so here's a transcript of the whole trauma talk
philza stream july 22nd 3:26:06
Tallulah: if i think u were paranoid, he is even more. y'all need a break
Phil: i mean it's cuz we've like experienced some kind of loss with the eggs, right? so, we've had the nightmare, alright. Chayanne lost a life to neglect cuz of misscommunication. Tallulah, you lost a life to the code monster...
Phil: Like we've felt what it's like to have you guys dissappear from our grasp, right? you've like- you've dissapeared from this world briefly, and we know what it's like. Like i-i've personally know what it's like, for you guys to fucking dissapear entirely like, the nightmare happened and i thought that was it, i was like "fuck well, it's done" and i felt so empty, right?
Phil: I-I genuenly felt like i lost a hardcore world, like- the 5 year world that i lost? that's what it felt like, i was like fucking miserable. And then bad uh- lost dapper like- like in a weird glitch type thing, and that got reverted. But when it happened, you can hear it in his voice like, he was distraught like- theres like a bond that we share even if is playing block game, you know?
Phil: we're just hanging out like, i wanna protect you guys with everything i can. everything i have i wanna protect you with, you know? but... i understand that i can't protect you for everything, so i just try to protect you from that i can, so... (and ooc out-of-character, i think everyone watching is incredibly invested also -laughs-, we're in the same boat)
Tallulah: It's understandable, thanks for sharing how u feel with us i'll be more careful
Phil: that's okay, you- you- you're very careful already tallulah, it's chayanne that fucking dives head first into danger all the time. He's- he's a bit more reserved now, you can do that chayanne when like theres more people, its fine, cuz then we can look after you, we can back you up. But when its just me and you, or me, you and tallulah.... we gotta- we gotta stick together, alright? we've seen all kinds of strange things happen
Chayanne: i mean, gosh i'm bad with words!!!
Phil: yeah, its alright. im just gonna throw some blocks out of my inventory
Tallulah: i gotchu brother
Phil: awww -laughs- gotta back eachother up, back eachother up guys
Tallulah: you show more with ur actions chay, that's more than enough
Chayanne: i dont want to die, i wont die soon, i take everything you showed us seriously
Phil: (overlaps) guessing "super seriously", yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Phil: You know what i think makes it more stressful? Is that us players can't see your health, right? So like, we don't iknow how close you are to danger, we can't- you can't talk to us mid fight, alright? like, you talk to us throught signs and books and stuff but like, we have to go through body language alone to figure out how in danger you are... You can't tell us, you dont have like a button to press, you don't have- there's like nothing to indicate that you're extremely low on health or in peril, alright?
Phil: So it makes it more stressful for the players and the people watching cuz we dont know, so i have to just be super fucking careful... And just treat it like you're on like barely any heart all the time, just in case
Chayanne: Thank you so much for that, when the giant squid grabbed me i was shaking-
Phil: -laughs- Oh god
Tallulah: Thank you for being such a good mentor (and father figure) i can't promise i might not die, but i will fight if i have to-
Phil: Oh i absolutely believe you'll do your absolute best to survive tallulah
Chayanne: When the giant squid grabbed me i was shaking bc i thought that was the end of it
Phil: Yeah- that was terrifying yeah, it's so- it's so like stressful
Tallulah: -to still be here with you all. i promised my papa and i make that promise to you
Phil: Aww, thank you Tallulah, thank you.
Phil: I feel like there's enough counter-measures in place that- realistically um it shouldnt be- nothing bad would happen like- you souldn't lose a life but.. You know me, and I- you know how im- I just I know that multiple bad things can stack on top of eachother and cause a really bad thing to happen, so like we have to be just careful of that, you know? You can be prepared for anything but there's always gonna be ways that you'll be unprepared for something, alright Phil: so- as long as we just prepare as much as we can and just be extra safe and not put ourselves in unnecessary danger then.. These situations that could happen can't happen. The only thing we can't prevent against really, or we can prevent it a little bit- but we can't really prevent it is when the code monster decides to take the life from an egg cuz.. You've seen it first hand, it does not give up
Chayanne: So yeah, it's not a good feeling ;_;
Phil: Yeah... I'm glad you guys are in the same page
Tallulah: In conclusion: we need to go to tio Roier's therapy sessions
Phil: -laughs- Is Quackity paying for it, yeah? Quackity got that on lock, it's like and insurance- it's like a company insurance, like a benefit you have for working with the server. its like "okay so uhh, who needs to book a therapy session today" everyone raises their hand at the same time, good god. Yeah, we'll go to family therapy together, we'll work it out, we'll work it out
edit: minor spelling mistake </3
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nekropsii · 4 months
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im thinking about the relationship between kankri and porrim because its just so fucking WEIRD like theyre obviously important to eachother or care about eachother to some extent but we dont really know why?? like they dont seem to get along very well
she patronizes him constantly (which is VERY loaded considering they lived on fucking beforus) and ignores his boundaries (calling him patronizing nicknames he doesnt like, wiping his face while he tried to push her off) and he constantly makes insensitive bitchy bigoted comments that go against all of her values and make her angry
and theres not the same dynamic dolorosa and signless had where she raised him like theyre the same age so why do they even talk to eachother?? what is their relationship?? like were they childhood friends or something?? itd make sense if they were both a little different as kids and therefore got along better but then why do they still talk to eachother when they really dont now ITS SO WEIRD
It's... Complicated. They go way back, as far as I can tell.
The way I see it, they do not have a "Mother and Son" relationship- I find that most who assert this often place far too much maturity onto Porrim, who is literally 19 years old. It's more like an Adoptive/Found Sibling relationship between someone with a severe case of Eldest Daughter Syndrome and the social conditioning of a higher-end Midblood on Beforus, and someone with a chronic case of Only Child and the social conditioning of a Mutant Lime on Beforus. The relationship makes more sense to me when you view it this way. It's just... A fraught sibling relationship, formed under societal pressures we can't even fathom. Porrim Maryam, trained by society to cull those beneath her, trying hard not to, and for the most succeeding outside of someone very close to her, and Kankri Vantas, culled and isolated his whole life, becoming a total suck-up to the deeply misogynistic, ableist, hemoloyal culling system as both a method of self defense and as a wielding of the only weapon he really knows. It was used against him all the time, and it works, doesn't it? If sucking up to Able-Bodied Male Highbloods and ridiculing everyone beneath that golden standard is the best way to ensure safety, then he's gonna do it. He's essentially a lifelong voter for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party.
Ultimately, I think what keeps Porrim by his side is that... I think she believes in him. It's like watching yourself lose your sibling to the Alt-Right Pipeline. I think she thinks he doesn't actually believe most of what he's saying, and that this is all deeply reflexive. She's smart enough to recognize the real systemic issues at play here, and that he's essentially caught in chains between 5 different machines that all want him dead. And she's right. When you actually read the shit Kankri's saying, it becomes almost immediately apparent that he's spouting bullshit, and that he absolutely knows this. I think what keeps Kankri by her side is that he knows she cares about him. There isn't any denying it. She might infringe on boundaries, or be generally annoying to him, and keeps doing that frustrating little thing called seeing through his and everyone else's bullshit and calling them out on it- not just including but especially his- but she cares. I think he knows that at the end of all things what he'd have left is her. Is this to say that if you got Kankri to grow a spine and genuinely believe in things that aren't spoonfeedings of the latest Conservative Highblood Talking Point/Psy-Op, he'd be a good person? Hell no. No way. He has a raging savior complex and is way too eager to throw other people under the bus and insult/ridicule them to their faces. He's an asshole. Just completely slimy.
But, again, sibling relationships know no bounds. This kind of dynamic just feels so... Realistic to me. The way their relationship is so strained but still so strong and ongoing just feels so human. I don't know. This is pretty meandering, I just think about them a lot.
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localapparently · 4 months
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/ orv main story ending spoilers , mentions of kdj's suicidal mindset
mindless rambling
my friend who just finished orv asked me why kdj couldn't just split like 2% off of himself into an od avatar and leave that in the train while he joined kimcom, and while my initial reaction was "there's no way he could just do that" I remembered i thought a similar thing when I first read through orv too? and maybe it got explained down the line but I forget things real easy (which is why i'm rereading orv) and so I'm just trying to make sense of it using my existing knowledge
There's this bit in epilogue here:
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Sangah's words "protecting the world by dividing himself in half, one becomes the reader, one becomes the character". the first being 51 and the second being 49,
I think there are layers to it. Right after being shaken by the OD ordeal, kdj's mindset that he's to blame for the whole world is reinforced stronger than ever before in his head, because he had just witnessed living proof of it. And that's not something he can overcome just because sp and 999 gang took od away to take care of him. Even then, kdj was confused why they weren't angry.
There's also the persisting mindset kdj has that he's twsa's reader and not a proper part of kimcom, and he probably felt like he should bear the burden of consciously continuing to read the world until the very end. He managed to see himself as part of kimcom over the course of the story but od's appearance sort of undoes all that progress he's ever made, and its sad but its pretty common for self hate mindsets to spiral like that,
He probably felt like he deserved it, yet him wanting that extra 2% difference to prove he knew and loved kimcom more than his avatar. Him regretting splitting in half right after the avatar left and he saw them all walking away. He knows what he wants and in the end he can't bring himself to think that he deserves it
And honestly I don't really know why the way singshong writes kdj's self hate and suicidal tendencies get me so badly, I mean I do, kind of, the feeling is there, but it's incredible how long the set up was and how real it feels when you see it all go downhill.
i think od reveal truly truly fucked up kdj to no repair. like if you read the passages, its fucking heartbreaking.
"My own tragedy couldn't even compare to their pain. The sin of creating an even bigger tragedy because of my own should not be forgiven." "Something was wrong. A blade… I, I needed to find a blade."
and the thing that gets to me is how easily anyone who has had self loathing thoughts can empathise with him. The want to disappear for inconveniencing things that would've been perfectly fine and pretty and happy had you not come into contact with it, the idea that you are a disgusting monster and its easier to shut yourself off than do any more damage. and its Fine if youre in pain because They will be happy and theyll will be happier without you.
It fascinates me how a portion of readers of orv who self blame or self doubt love kdj so much, because the act of loving him is also some form of self reassurance that they can be loved as well, because if someone like kdj can be forgiven, then surely they can, for all their small or big mistakes that are definitely not on the scale of plunging the universe into a space apocalypse. or something.
but i might be assuming so. don't take my word for any of this.
tldr he doesnt split out a small avatar to take the place of od because he thinks he deserves it. which is quite obvious if you take a look at the big picture, and i dont really know why i rambled so long. maybe ill reread orv and theres gona be a small bit that's like "ohh well actually if it was too small of a percentage that became od the universe wont hold up" and i will be like Ah yes i just missed that part. and this ramble will be void. uhh yes. have a nice day
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hannigramislife · 2 months
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I feel like Dazai's relationship with Akutagawa is misunderstood. Dazai cares about Akutagawa, he just doesn't know how how to be kind like Odasaku. In the dark age light novel (THEY DIDNT SHOWNIT IN THE ANIME AND IT MADE ME WANNA CRY) but Dazai constantly brags about him to Oda AND DOES SHOW HOW HES PROUD OF HIM AFTER A JOB.
"I executed him." Akutagawa (page 77)
"You defeated an unyielding, formidable enemy and protected your allies, Akutagawa. Good work." Dazai (page 77)
I feel it important to note that Dazai's tone was sarcastic during most of this, while he was annoyed with akutagawa because he had messed up Dazai's elaborate plan to get information, he was genuinely impressed with Akutagawa. He only hit Akutagawa after he had started to talk back claiming that torture methods were more effective than interrogation.
(talking to Oda) "Akutagawa-he's like a sword without a sheath." Dazai grinned from ear to ear. "He'll surely become Mafia's strongest skill user in the not-so-distant-future, but for now he needs someone who can teach him how to put that sword away." (page 95)
BUT THIS IS THE AHXHHAHXBA PART WHEN ODA THINKS JUST AFTER DAZAI SAYS THIS "I was surprised. I've never heard Dazai openly speak so highly of one of his men like that before"
THERES SO MUCH MORE OF THIS BOOK THAT SHOWS THEIR COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP BUT IT JUST MAKES ME ANNOYED WHEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE "Dazai doesn't care about Akutagawa!"
ANYWAYS PLS GO READ OR REREAD DARK ERA ITS SO GOOD AND IF YOUVE SEEN THE ANIME AND THINK YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IK DARK ERA, NO. NO YOU DONT. READ THE BOOK
Hii! Thank you for reaching out to me! I love discussing topics with people ^^
Alright, so I haven't read the book, but those two moments you mentioned *were* in the anime, though maybe the tonality was changed and off, which is so sad! Correct interpretation is important!!
I do tend to go off in my tumblr according to my feelings, and I am a very petty person, hence my personal hatred of Dazai, but here is my opinion:
Dazai is not a person who doesn't have feelings and emotions and stuff: it is very plausible that he could have cared about Akutagawa, or a version of caring, during his PM days. However, that does not excuse the way he actually treated him. And evidently Dazai had been shown kindness before - by Odasaku- and he saw first-hand how important it was to his friend to be kind, Dazai just was not in a place to care about such things.
And even so, I could have forgiven his PM days- if he wasn't so incredibly indifferent to Akutagawa during the present. The phone call on Moby Dick was so incredibly cruel and unnecessary, considering all Dazai had to say was "Don't fight Atsushi, the mafia and ADA are working to stop Fitzgerald" and Akutagawa would have complied. It is only an example, but my issue stems from the fact that Dazai manipulates Akutagawa to his own plans instead of letting him move on. His interaction with Akutagawa in season 5 before he asks a favor is also an indicator of that.
The case is that Dazai has learned to put in the effort to care for those he loves - Atsushi, Chuuya, the ADA.
To me, the list simply does not include Akutagawa.
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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months
Note
I love your work so much aaaaaAAAAA!!!
Ok so imma be straightforward, this is straight up me coping with irl stuff and reading your work makes me forget the cruel outside world so HERE WE GO!
Caine and Kinger x S/O who hides who they are out of fear of negative responses. Bottles it all up until they can't handle it anymore. Like, the reader is very much used to being the therapist/caretaker and is often very happy and doesn't hesitate to help others but silently they think rudely of others, holding their tounge constantly and even mutter under their breath about others being annoying. Ofc they don't want others to see who they truly are, in fear of rejection or their worst fear, isolation. They hate this part of themselves, like why do they have these horrible thoughts about others? It even borders on abstraction.
They can only feel comfortable around their partner and try their best not to vent too much but Caine/Kinger can sense something is wrong and even see their S/O glitching a bit and ask what's wrong and say its ok (in their own special ways!) and the reader just finally cracks, and in their glitching voice is sobbing on how much of a terrible person they are and how they deserve to be in this digital hell for being so horrible.
Im so normal about this. And just so it's not so hard to think of a title, I recommend "Caine and Kinger x reader who pretends!" you don't have to use it but it's there!
Unsavory thoughts (Caine and kinger x reader)!
UEAAA THIS GOT BURIED IM SO SO SO SORRY ANON!! I truly did not mean to take this long to get to your request :(
That said I'm so happy to hear that my silly writing has a positive impact on people.. please remember to drink water and get plenty of rest, remember that there are people that care about you
Hands you a glass of juice
I got silly with Caines piece
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CAINE:
KINGER:
Between the two it takes him a little while longer to realize that something is wrong with you. I mean hes still trying to learn all these emotions that make people.. human
Absolutely panics when he sees you glitch out. I'm talking his eyes fly out of his jaws as they hang open panic. Rushes to you to see if you're okay... god forbid youre abstracting... maybe he can help ground you, or something?
Listens to you talk, for once the ringmaster is quiet. Rubs your back
You... have mean thoughts about people...?
Is it not okay to dislike people? Is it not reasonable to be irritable in a new environment? Is it not normal to have at least a few terrible thoughts about others? Are you any less worthy of support or love because you're not a ray of sunshine?
Is this not what being human is about?
Of course he wouldnt say it exactly like that, but he would carry the same message, I think. Is what you're experiencing not a natural part of the human experience?
Yes, you can argue that caine is an AI and he has no place to speak on matters like these, but as your partner he wont let you go without comfort and reassurance
He let's you talk and let it all out. I think going forward he makes it a point to make sure you get time alone, and time with him... makes IHAs more "non intrusive" so you can opt out if you dont want to interact with the others
Very accommodating, I think
Unlike caine he catches on really fast that theres something wrong, something even larger than you're letting on. But still, he let's you do your small but rare vents... until he returns to you after briefly taking some time away from you for one reason or another to find you having a melt down. He thinks you're abstracting, and you probably are. Honestly I can see kinger doing the grounding technique (the 5 sense thing) and he tries to guide you through it to help calm you down enough to pull yourself together just enough to stabilize. Listens to your word vomit as you spill your guts out to him. While I domt think he would be as.. profound as caine... he carries a comfort only sweet old people can possess. And it calms you down. It's not an immediate solution, but its comforting nonetheless. He let's you sleep in his arms. He goes on to stand between you and others to try to keep you from getting too irritated or overwhelmed by the others; however he will stand to the side if you ask him to
Very protective of you but even more so after this
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darlington-v · 1 month
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going through tumblr for posts supporting shubble and what she went through, when it is mostly people talking about whether or not it was wilbur. like not many are actually talking about shubble or the shit she went through or how brave she is for talking about it, so i want to.
before i start, i'm not going to shy away from the fact that she is talking about wilbur. i as a third-party am able to call him out right where shubble isn't at liberty to. i'm not going to talk about him, though, which is the point. i want to focus on shubble.
that being said, the shit wilbur put them through was horrific. i really wish shubble the absolute best and i really think that she is so endlessly brave for going on stream to talk about this when they wouldn't know how the public would have reacted, and to share such a place of vulnerability to an audience. that's so hard and so scary, especially up against a public figure.
she said she felt like the bravest person in the world by telling her story, and she absolutely was.
shubble said that when she realized she was being abused she was so angry at herself. and when she talked about how it was just a slow incline of it getting worse and worse, it's so... i dont know shubble but i feel so deeply for her. because she wasn't stupid. she was choosing to believe the best in someone, over and over again and it is despicable for it to be exploited but it is nothing to be ashamed or feel stupid about. and i think her telling her story is just more evident of how big of a person, how courageous they are because like... them telling her story WILL help people. it helped me. it helped reassure me of my own experiences and it just really helped reinstate that like.
it's not crazy to be nice to someone, it's not crazy or bad to believe in the best in someone. and at the end of it, when you've been exploited, it's not your fault. and you're not wrong for prioritizing yourself and choosing yourself over them when you do leave. even if it feels small because it didn't feel violent enough, it didn't feel close enough to the image of abuse you had in your head. you're not crazy for choosing to leave a place or a person who hurts you.
wilbur soot hurt shubble repeatedly, he bit her to the point where she was bruising and he did it in front of their fucking friends. he showed the bruises off to their friends. it got to the point where he was biting her every fucking day, multiple times a day, and hurting her on purpose.
he took advantage of shubble and her kindness. he made her feel like she had to lie about what she was going through, was fine with keeping the relationship as bad as it was because of his own choices to not rise above and actually meet not just her emotionally, but his own emotions, and she was able to put herself above all of that and get out.
i'm really glad she's okay now, that she's had the opportunity to heal, and feels safe enough to talk about this and warn others not only of wilbur but also of how abuse can look in ways you don't expect it to.
here's an archive link to the vod. it's literally just 30 minutes long and i think it's a very important watch, theres a lot of really dangerous behavior from wilbur that she talks about that's important to know about. not only because it's important information about this individual, but it is important to know what abuse looks like and how it can feel so minor when you're in the middle of it until it gets to a breaking point.
i'm glad shubble had friends and resources who helped her feel like her experiences werent less than, were very real, because it helps solidify it not just for herself but also to everyone she can reach out to by talking about this.
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trainingdummyrabbit · 16 days
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okaaaaaay. ranking the library's floors based on how nice it would be to take a nap there. graded by ambiance and comfort. trying not to let too many of my own biases shine through but also no promises. im sleepy. ok 👍
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> Lobby/Halls: im counting it because itd be funny. the ambiance is not unlike a hotel hallway; kind of really unsettling in its uniformity and undefinedness, but it Does make you sleepy if youre brave enough to risk it. feels like there'd be a chaser monster in there. and there is, if you count angela, i guess. 5/10 ambience. im pretty sure it is like 60-70% stairs if you look at it, which is deeply funny. where do the stairs go. i guess the better question is where Don't the stairs go. there are also no chairs or Anything; just bookshelves and lamps. its pretty clear you arent supposed to be in there long. dim lighting's pretty nice at least. 3/10 comfort. VERDICT: 4/10. At least it's got presentation.
> Floor of General Works: the vibe is pretty nice, if you can get past feeling like a tree on a prairie. a hawk could swoop in and snatch you or something. the towers of books could be kinda comforting for the right people, though. 4/10 ambiance. this is books. 3/10 comfort. VERDICT: 3.5/10. Don't Fall Off.
> Floor of History: its pretty busy, but the kind of busy where it just kinda turns into comforting background noise. its like the equivalent of having on cafe noises to study or sleep to. less of a "lulling you to sleep" sort of deal and more of a "i am so tired i could literally pass out sitting up." and then you do. might be a little much, but if you can find a nice corner somewhere it might be refreshing. nice little power nap. 7/10 ambiance. not Really the most conducive to taking a nap physically-- best you've got is facedown on the desk. which, honestly, isnt too bad. theyre nice desks. could make yourself a little hidey hole with the books sitting around. just be careful not to let anyone spot you. 7/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7/10. Respectably cozy for a quick pick-me-up.
> Floor of Technological Sciences: the light from the windows is probably jarring as hell, but away from that is pretty nice honestly. a bit uniform for my own liking, but the dim light looks like it'd do wonders. cant imagine how anyone doesn't already get sleepy working in there. 7/10 ambiance. the geaaaarrrsssss.... good luck getting any actual sleep with That nonsense going on 24/7. also i dont think theres a Single non-90 degree angle in the entire floor besides the gears, (which you Really shouldnt be sleeping near,) which i cant imagine does anyone's backs any favors. not a single good desk in sight beyond yesods, and i dont think hed take kindly to sharing this way. also that is the most uncomfortable looking couch i have ever seen. 2/10 comfort. VERDICT: 4.5/10. Almost, buddy. Bring your own pillow. And earplugs.
> Floor of Literature: the little ceiling lights are absolutely Lovely. could argue for it being too bright, but honestly that's an easy fix. its comfy in the way a school library is-- honestly one of the more inviting floors to be on. its practically Begging for a nap tbh. very neat and comfortable. 8/10 ambiance. girl how small is that table???? even with leniency for art style with the size, the chair backs barely reach th edge of the table. looks like youd be ppppretty squished sleeping there. doesn't look like theres many other notable spots to sneak your way into either, so its the table or the floor. one way or another you are waking up as if youve been hit by a truck. 3/10 comfort. VERDICT: 5.5/10. Very polite and comfy, but oh Man is that gonna mess you up later.
> Floor of Art: YEAH BABEY!!!!! very dim but with several soft light sources, the loose and comfortable feel of the place-- this is what its all about honestly. the paintings and such are a nice touch as well. chances are, no ones gonna really bat an eye if they catch you asleep here. it just feels like the place for it. the natural look must be very nice after everything, too. 9/10 ambiance. those floorboards are Going to kill you. cant imagine trying to walk in there without tripping. not a lot of obvious places to set up, but if youre feeling brave you can probably nest up in a pile of books somewhere. on the other hand, theres probably all sorts of little spaces and nooks to tuck into if youre crafty. as someone who would enjoy sleeping in a cabinet, can approve. 6/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7.5/10. He gets a 10/10 in MY heart. Taking that back pain like a CHAMP.
> Floor of Natural Sciences: the same kind of comfort as an old ladys guest room. aka i Wish i could take a nap there. only caveat is the blinding light coming in from pretty much everywhere. its like trying to sleep with an open curtain, but like... all the time. looks like itd smell nice in there, at least. 7/10 ambiance. has actually comfy-looking chairs! seems like thered be a few places you could manage to tuck into comfortably in a corner someplace with a cushion or something. also one of (maybe the only?) floors that actually has carpeting! so no getting woken up by footsteps, or having to sleep on floorboards. 7/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7/10. Probably like sleeping in a sunbeam. Equally disorienting when Tiph inevitably gets at you for slacking off.
> Floor of Language: its kinda scruffy looking, but if youre not bothered by that it looks like it might be pretty comforting actually. i wont explain. lightings pretty nice as long as youre not looking directly out the window. soundscape might not be horrible, its a bit of a coinflip with the industrial look though. caveat? cigarette smoke... 7/10 ambiance. Comfy! Looking! COUCH!!! you Are passing out on that thing whether you want to or not. also you could probably have a nice time tucking up against the windowsill if you can handle the brightness. might even be warm. im kinda surprised actually. 8/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7.5/10. I could swear I've fallen asleep here before. Minus the um. Lava. But you get what I mean.
> Floor of Social Sciences: this place looks like a memory. this is the type of sleep youd get where youre briefly kinda disoriented on where you are for a while. ive gotta imagine the water sounds pretty nice too. and the coffee smells! can you imagine?? theres probably all sorts of small talk going on in the background, just a few people stopping by here and there to exchange pleasantries over a drink. i gotta stop here, i Will just keep going. 10/10 ambiance. i need to bump this up at least a little due to the theme alone. im listening while writing these and the sheer wave of peace it always brings is indescribable. howeverrrrr... return of The Couch. you Cannot convince me that thing is made of any sort of remotely soft material. at least its got pillows. on the other hand, you get good windowsill access (REALLY good windowsill too,) AND bar access. must be nice to find a quiet corner in, too. 8/10 comfort. VERDICT: 9/10. Is anyone honestly surprised. (But still, jeez dude.)
> Floor of Philosophy: the dim lighting AND the ceiling stars??? dude... its a bit quiet, but quiet in the way a classroom is after-hours. a silent sort of welcoming. if youre able, Nothing is going to bother you in there. this is where you go to Rest. 9/10 ambiance. girl there is NOWHERE to sleep. other than like the table. also is that just... water? on the floor? i appreciate the aesthetic deeply, but um. i dont think thats very nap conducive. the floor is probably wood but it looks almost like stone with how its shaped. cant imagine your back would thank you after that one. table's not too bad at least. 6/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7.5/10. The equivalent of passing out in a therapist's office. Hope you're ready for an in-depth personal conversation when you wake up.
> Floor of Religion: this looks like a principals office. cant shake the feeling of mild yet stern disapproval coming from this place. on the other hand, it Does feel Very secure. id imagine thered be at least faint clock ticking-- That has to be pretty nice. if youre the right person, i guess. the occasional ceiling light is pretty nice, but its already pretty bright in there. youll fall asleep in here and either feel like no time has passed at all after several hours or feel like its been an eternity after 5 minutes. no in-between. 5/10 ambiance. there is Nowhere to Sleep. maybe the stairs if youre cool with having to sleep against the railing, but also that Is a tripping hazard, and nobody likes a tripping hazard. has a similar problem to yesods floor, in that everything is Very straight-laced and proper, meaning there is like... nowhere comfortable to sit. other than like one desk and a table or two maybe. 3/10 comfort. VERDICT: 4/10. I'd say you rank better in my heart, but this is honestly about as expected. in conclusion: chesed's floor once again remaining the people's favorite. if you need me ill be tucked into a cubby at netzie's. come get me in like 3 hours or so, i will almost Certainly get stuck up there. ok 👍
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therealprismcat · 4 months
Note
PLEASE DO IT
the people have decided, here's a fanfic rec list of dsaf fanfics that arent focussed on davesport! (in no particular order)
Centipedes by Raccoonsandpossumswritesometimes [incomplete]
Dee centric fic which is a swap between Dee and Jack. Not only is davesport not the main focus, it's also pretty toxic. TWs at the beginning of each chapter, but heed the tags.
Hello, You. by galaticanthem [incomplete]
Another similar premise to Centipedes. If you think davesport is toxic in centipedes though, here it is arguably worse. Plot is a bit confusing as of chapter 7, but as it stands, here are the trigger warnings that I can remember off of the top of my head (but basically, if you're sensitive to disturbing themes, i'd skip this one):
Murder
Abuse
Kidnapping (by the looks of it but ????)
Underage drinking
Neglect
Body horror (I think??? it's so early into the fic im unsure of half these warnings but as it is rn i think it is important they're there because thats what it looks like at least)
Dave is very objectively NOT a good person in this fic. Like, at all. I don't think any future chapter could change that. If you're a person who cannot read about their favourite character committing absolutely heinous things theres nothing wrong with that and I wouldn't read this. If you can stomach all that though, it's a good story.
Dave and Old Sport Adopt a Kid by Wario_Speedwagon [incomplete]
Davesport is there and it's prevalent and not toxic, but it's not the main focus. It's more of an accidental baby acquisition fic. I can't think of any trigger warnings for this one, but check the tags. always.
Matted Fur by Afval [one-shot]
Evil ending fic with rabbit symbolism for Dave. All TWs are in the tags.
Sharp-Toothed Rabbit by orphan_account [one-shot]
More evil end Dave ft. animal metaphors! what more could you want? All TWs in the tags.
happiest day by grimkid [one-shot]
A fic about Jack's happiest day. Jack x Steven, no TWs iirc but heed the tags.
Octane Rating by dontrollthedice [one-shot]
Canon compliant fic about the good ending, only its harrysport. i dont even like the ship but this fic makes me so unwell /pos. No TWs I think but look at the tags.
NO MIDDLE-CALLING by XYZ_Countoriss [one-shot]
Silly chatfic, what can go wrong? -oh that right. No TWs needed, but look at the tags.
Operation Get Your Brother to Remember You After Years of Thinking He is Dead by Sockth [incomplete]
A fic focussed on Peter and Jack, I think the title is self explanatory. No TWs but look at tags.
Safety Infiltration by themostneontwig [incomplete]
After Jack betrays Dee in the evil route, Dave decides he needs to be stopped. A fic based around the idea of Legacy Jack founding the pizzaplex. No TWs that instantly come to mind other than the fact that it's set almost immediately after Jack kills Dee. Look at the tags though.
Hot Chocolate by Wario_Speedwagon [one-shot]
Ouch, set right after Jack dies the first time round. This fic physically hurt me and I mean that in the best way possible. TWs in tags.
After the Storm by themostneontwig [one-shot]
Christmas fic focussed on Peter and Jack. Read this one after Hot Chocolate, it can save you. No TWs unless you're Ebenezer Scrooge in which case dni
Jack's Squad Has UNO Night by Wario_Speedwagon [one-shot]
The title's a lie they play cluedo /j just some wholesome fun. No TWs.
An Unexpected Connection by End_Transmission [one-shot]
Post good end, but Jack 'lives'. We all know Dave had at least ONE kid. No TWs.
Peter Kennedy and the Worst Place on Earth by biptari [incomplete]
AU where Jack and Peter swap places. Steven x Peter. As for TWs I can't say everything off of the top of my head but I KNOW Henry is homophobic and transphobic in this. I can't remember if he says slurs 100% but I'm pretty sure he does use at least one so like, watch out. Other than that, heed the tags.
That's all I have right now. If you know some more then feel free to reblog to add them. No hate to davesport or anything but if you write dsaf fanfics that aren't focussed on davesport then you are my lifeline /hj
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legodamianwayne · 7 months
Text
BATMAN AND ROBIN 2023 #1 (Take 6 (yes))
(im not writing this as i go since ive already read the issue before. ill also be mentioning gotham war since this takes place during it (just a warning for spoilers!))
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i just noticed the bat and robin on the cover! so cute
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OH........(just noticed this too) that doesn't look good
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look at them goofing off n having fun
this is cute but the way bruce acts here and in gotham war is so jarring its kinda funny
bruce in batman #137: can't stand my fake ass family
bruce in b&r: me and my son damian 🤗
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bruce is in his "local dilf in the area" era rn
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damian having talia's mannerism that bruce noticed is so <3
and here its confirmed that this takes place during gotham war. not sure how to feel about that
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STILL INSANE OVER THIS baby first self insert fanfic
damian went from drawing hyper realistic gore vent art to anime eyes in the corner
i think it'd be fun if we see damian write more as the story goes on. like him daydreaming n doodling in class
wonder if theres any meaning with damian putting talia as a hero n bruce as a criminal here...or maybe its just a "totally original character do not steal" thing
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you dont say bruce 🙄
"the last few years"?? pretty sure the events shown there all happened not even in 2 years since damian turned 14 around the start of the lazarus tournament
also why are alfred n talia not shown there? alfred's death has huge impact on damian (he literally hallucinated him) n talia was there as much as ra's
i dont like how damian looks here but that white connor should be a crime
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"thats enough emotions for tonight father" [slams door]
i wonder why damian is staying with bruce tho (outside of making this book exist) didn't bruce n talia had a custody battle moment™ n damian's like "nah i have my own life (is literally 14)"
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HELL YEAH MY BOY CAN COOK
he's quoting alfred ohhh im gonna sob
this is kinda embarrassing for bruce...like ur son is finally living with you again n he's the one up early cooking?? sir u better step up
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aw he's making tea the way alfred did
*squints* did bruce get his hand back? thats a pretty normal looking hand to me
did damian's comment on it in batman #137 made bruce think "shit i cant give damian any ideas of getting a robot hand" n he just. magically grow it back
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[GLASS SHATTERING SOUND]
gotham...heights? n. not gotham academy? no maps? no damian joining her dnd team?? no detective club finally hanging out with damian??
ik damian got expelled from gotham academy BUT. WHY
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okay? whats the point if he's not going to the same school that his friend went to?
interesting how damian fantasize for a normal life in robin 2021 (with him liking the mundanity of shoujo manga) n now that bruce is offering him that he's rejecting it (or maybe he just rly don't like school which is. fair enough)
wellll just cuz we're not getting maps n the detective club doesn't mean damian's other friends arent showing up right? RIGHT? (maya plz come home)
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THE ROBIN MOBILEEE it looks so ridiculous i love it
HOLD ON. DOES THIS CAR HAVE NO SEAT BELTS?? BRUCE UR LETTING THIS SLIDE?
ik that thing is rly loud too damian waking up the whole neighborhood here
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not rumors abt the batfam fighting getting spread around?? this is so embarrassing omg
am i the only one getting gotham academy flashbacks here? with killer croc n the trio with the fox shark n bird masks
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they're very comfortable with calling eachother father n son while in suits huh. ig everyone in gotham knows that batman is a dilf (who's beefing with his adult children) now
not much to say abt the rest: bruce got shot with something n now bats are attacking him
end thoughts: i hope with all the focus on animals here means that we're getting damian's pets back soon n that gotham war wont affect this book much since i rly want to see damian interact with his siblings again. also is it just me or does the day scenes looks very bright? saturated? it kinda hurts for me to read idk. the night scenes r pretty tho
next issue is damian's first day on his new school that is not gotham academy but im still excited for it! (coping)
bonus bestie corner
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transmutationisms · 9 months
Note
sorry could you explain your chatgpt essay thing again? i get the general gist of it (who cares if they cheat) but i still cant grasp it entirely as someone who hasnt experienced the college system 💔 i had thought that essays were a foundational part of undergrad education? and so cheating on that part would essentially mean that: a) their education/understanding is "invalid" b) it discredits the work of other people in the same system/their classmates c) their future publications/written work in academia are going to be of worse quality d) in cases of people going to non academia jobs, like being a doctor or a lawyer, this would negatively impact their clients e) they have bad work ethic = will not survive job industry
my guesses are that just in general theres no direct correlation between these things but ppl assume there will be? and that if a plagiarized essay ruins everything then the system wasnt rlly that good?
the only one im rlly unsure of is the second one, but i suppose thats always been a problem with any type of academic cheating amongst peers, and will persist unless academic rankings/validation of excellence/general attitudes toward "success" r also banished. still, while i rlly dont care abt anyone i know cheating on stuff like this lol, i cant help but empathize w students struggling under that same system feeling frustrated. tho Man seeing the lack of empathy they, in turn, can have with chatgpt users. idk, is it just a lose lose situation until you get through the system?
ok sorry again and also thanks
hi, no worries. let me try to break down my position here.
i had thought that essays were a foundational part of undergrad education
i mean, this varies widely by course / degree / department. but, even when it's true, it doesn't mean that the essay is inherently a valuable or helpful exercise. undergrad essays tend to ask for one of a few very formulaic responses and ways of structuring an argument. essays also often have a specific prompt, which can be better or worse in terms of its potential to generate engagement with the course / material. often professors who are getting a lot of chatgpt essays turned in are designing essays poorly (ie, asking for the types of formulaic responses that students find unengaging and unhelpful for their own academic development), and / or failing to provide instruction and support in how to actually write an essay.
on a more fundamental level, we often take for granted that essays are and should be foundational to an undergrad education, but i simply don't think this is self-evident or always true! what are we training students to do, and why? there are certainly jobs, career paths, and academic research areas in which essay-writing is an important skill. there are others in which it's not. the assumption that all undergrads need to demonstrate the same sorts of writing skills says more about the university and what pedagogues value than it does about those students' actual chances for future career success / financial stability. if we're designing assignments that, for many students, are mere hoops to jump through, then we shouldn't be surprised that many of them find ways to make the hoop-jumping faster and easier.
so cheating on that part would essentially mean that: a) their education/understanding is "invalid"
again, what i'm trying to get at here is larger questions about what we value in education, and why. it's true that if you don't practice writing the type of essay the academy demands of you, you won't learn that skill. but, why do we assume that skill is useful, valuable, or necessary in the first place? how many people actually need to write that way outside of undergrad classrooms? even for those who are intending to pursue a career in academia, the writing taught in undergrad should be, at best, a stepping-stone on the path to more effective and interesting means of written communication. once again, if the skill being mandated by the university is not useful for students, it should not be surprising that many of them resent having to demonstrate it, and turn to tools like chatgpt instead.
b) it discredits the work of other people in the same system/their classmates
this is an argument that many educators make, and i wholeheartedly disagree with it! first of all, i simply do not believe that student a's academic performance is relevant to the assessment of student b's. if a professor is grading that way, that's terrible grading and a terrible pedagogical philosophy. if a student has learned something from their coursework, that shouldn't be undercut or devalued by anything that their classmates have or haven't done.
what this type of argument points to on a deeper level is the fact that university degrees have acquired a sort of double meaning. although the university likes to propagate high-minded rhetoric about the intrinsic value of education, the degree granted is a class barrier that serves to allow certain people access to certain (usually promised to be higher-paying) jobs, and bar others from these jobs. this is a large part of what i'm talking about when i say that the university serves to perpetuate and enforce class stratification. and their narrative about degrees being markers of individual merit and achievement is undercut by the fact that they also plainly fear losing prestige status by granting degrees to those students considered 'unworthy'. if you can make it through an undergrad education without learning the skills the university purports to teach, that's a pretty massive indictment of the university—which, remember, is collecting a lot of tuition money for these degrees.
c) their future publications/written work in academia are going to be of worse quality
lots of assumptions baked in here—that undergrad essay-writing teaches 'good' (effective / clear) writing; that many academics don't already write poorly by these metrics; that aspiring academics have no other way of learning written communication skills (eg, outside of the academy, or in grad school).
d) in cases of people going to non academia jobs, like being a doctor or a lawyer, this would negatively impact their clients
firstly, i would again point out that in many non-academic jobs, academic writing is simply not a necessary skill; secondly, in both of the examples you cite here, these are people who need to go through a lot more schooling and training after undergrad, where they pick up what written communication skills they actually do need (eg, legal writing looks nothing like standard undergrad essay-writing anyway); thirdly, MANY people getting an undergraduate degree are intending to pursue jobs for which they need neither undergrad essay-writing skills, nor further higher education—there are so many reasons a person might want / need a college degree, and so many careers in which this specific academic skillset is simply not relevant for them.
e) they have bad work ethic = will not survive job industry
again, i think this is making some pretty big unstated assumptions! in general i don't really think that 'work ethic' (or the related 'laziness') is a useful way to try to evaluate people's behaviour, and this is a good example of one way in which it fails. if, like i said, we are dealing with a system in which people are told they need to receive a degree in order to have access to jobs they want and financial stability they need; and in which many of them are being forced to demonstrate a specific writing skill they may never need again and may have no interest in; and in which they are often not even receiving adequate training and help to learn and demonstrate that skill, even if they do want to; and in which they may be working other jobs, caring for family members, dealing with disabilities the institution does not provide support for, or any number of other life circumstances that make schoolwork difficult at best to complete; and in which a tool exists that may be able to help them complete some of this work freely and quickly... like, i simply do not fault students for using that tool!
there are so many points of failure in this system long before we get to this moment: the increasing pressure to get a college degree in the first place; the poorly designed curricula that prioritise skills considered 'standard' (for whom? why?) over skills that students actually need or want to acquire; professors who don't actually teach students how to write, yet expect them to turn in essay assignments anyway; specific essay assignments that are uninteresting and / or unhelpful to students; lack of support for students who are struggling with their workload or assignments in any number of ways (and no, 'come to office hours' is not adequate support for so many students and situations).
i simply do not care about people 'cheating' a system that is so fundamentally broken and unjust. it doesn't matter. the ability to write an undergrad essay is such an incredibly trivial and specific skill, and one that most people simply do not need. it doesn't make a person generally 'smarter' (fake concept) and certainly does not make them any more competent at the vast majority of jobs, careers, or general life skills. even for those very few who do need to know this specific thing, i reject the assumption that the university is the only way to learn it, or even a particularly effective way. once again, if chatgpt is successfully completing assignments, maybe those assignments weren't very good in the first place! and even the theoretical amazing professor is simply not able to counter all of the structural issues and inequities in the university system that produce students' desire to turn to tools like chatgpt in the first place. the textbot itself is simply not the issue here.
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koipalm · 3 months
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For sy attendant au - what are SQQ attitude and feelings towards SY, if you don't mind me asking?
Because what I read so far hadn't painted him in good light. Like sure - he wants to survive and SY is an key asset in that, but the way he goes around it is... questionable.
so i answered this ask about it but i just realized that i dont think i tagged it with anything so. MY BAD thats my bad
the long and short of it is that sqq is definitely not a good person in this au lol. granted theres less of the overt child abuse because sy is able to stop some of that but sy still is very much a servant to him. one of the better things about this au is that sqq really just sees sy as a means to an end.. there is some attachment to him but sqq really does not really see sy as someone with his own agenda outside of like. living comfortably. its kind of good in a way that like sqq will grant sy a general amount of mobility around the sect because of sy's vague position and he doesnt reeaally care what shen yuan is doing if its not actively doing work for the peak or sqq.
sqq really sees sy as more of like. a political pawn? in a way. like he keeps sy close for appearances around the sect and he does in some way feel like hes doing charity work because by extension of working for him sy is granted a fair amount of power and status. but he doesnt care what shen yuan does in his free time or for fun. sqq is not the worst person of all in this au but he is definitely someone who isnt afraid of using others to help himself. that and like. its definitely a pat on the back for him of being able to say "well you were sent here to take my place and instead of killing you as was my right i HELPED you and i even gave you your own place on this peak and look at you now. youre mingling with some of the best and the brightest that the cultivation world has to offer" like nevermind that he isnt interested in helping sy with his own cultivation lawl
ok that wasnt short at all sorry but sqq is using sy but he also feels like hes helping him a bit. its a pretty unequal give and take so they definitely have an unhealthy relationship. that being said i think sy goes out of his way to misunderstand sqq a lot because he allows his hate of sqq to shape how he sees his actions.. so he doesnt put a lot of effort into actually examining how sqq differs from the book. also now that ive had a lot of time to think on this au i dont really think that sy's end goal in all of this would be to LEAVE as much as it would be he would want an actual firm position and leverage over sqq so he didnt feel so unstable. that and he does feel indebted to sqq. he could probably handle being around the guy if sqq didnt have so much say over his life
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