Fake bean? Can we have that tape, please?
WHILE BEAN WAS RECOVERING FOR THOSE FEW DAYS, I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THE ALONE TIME TO EXPLORE WITHIN THE STORY
IT WAS VERY INTERESTING, ATE MANY THINGS, INCLUDING THIS, BUT DO UNDERSTAND: IT WAS COVERED IN CHEESE
REGARDLESS, I HAVE NO USE FOR THIS, SO YOU MAY HAVE IT
OOHOHO, CINNAMON ROLL, THANK YOU
"-has developed a moderately sized growth on it's upper back. The subject appears unaffected by this, continuing normal documented behaviour. Closer examination is required.-"
"-owth within the last 12 hours. The subject still appears unaffected by this, but is aware of it, as it is not sleeping on it's back as normally documented. Parts of the growth are of an unusual sha-"
"-re now gone, but the subject is now acting aggressively, not allowing researchers to get close, even with the offer of it's favourite treat. It was advised to leave the subject alone for now, as it has acted violently in the past. Sedatives may be required in order to carry out it's regular chec-"
"-planation for the growths and increased aggression! The subject has reproduced! The offspring is identical to the subject, even down to the subject's unique flecked pattern. The subject has also developed a pouch, similar to a marsupial's. I must inform Mr D'Angiolini. More clones can be produced at a much faster rate with this metho-"
"-ing was taken away from the subject. The subject has never been documented with this type of behaviour before. It's cries are so... Human... This- This isn't right... I have to do someth-"
-N THE LOOSE. DO NOT APPROACH. 00258 IS KNOWN TO BE VERY VIOLENT. IF SPOTTED, NOTIFY SECURITY IMMEDI-
[the tape ends there]
WELL, THAT WAS INTERESTING, WASN'T IT?
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On Being Resilient
It’s very important that you know and understand the importance of being resilient. It’s easy to say you’re strong when you’re obviously not.
I feel that sometimes the whole “fake it till you make it” culture has some clear problems with it.
The problem with culture like that is that your external doesn’t match the internal. So even if you look confident, you won’t feel it, and you won’t exude real confidence. While such a tactic is a great short term method, it’s not healthy for the long term - you are going to have to address those issues.
When you look up online on how to build resilience, you’ll see a flux of similar things. Positive thinking. Positive friends. Relax. Breathe.
I’m sorry if I disrespect any of those authors - but quite frankly, I find it a little bullshit-y.
So let me share with you things I’ve actually learned, tried and tested on my path to being resilient. That doesn’t mean that I’m 100% resilient.
But bear in mind that I was an overly sensitive child, very emotional teenager - and now in my 20s, I don’t get affected by situations to that extent. And I’ve stopped victimising myself, another plus.
As usual. If this doesn’t work for you, I’m sorry. This is not a cookie-cut template. It’s better for you to be inspired by this and recreate your own rather than follow it exactly so. But do what you feel is best.
•••
1. I started by creating a SWOT analysis of myself.
- S- Strengths: skills, values you have, good habits, what you can offer to people in terms of skills (both corporate life and personal life). Examples: honesty, problem solver, marketing, drawing, Excel, etc.
- W- weaknesses: things you know you’re not good at, both private life and corporate life. Examples: impatient, temper issues, programming (I hate it lol), paying attention for a long time, bad relationships etc.
- O- opportunities: what are incoming opportunities? Club memberships, conferences, job offers, career changes, online courses, etc. if you don’t have any, CREATE them. Go online and look for networking events. Go on coursera/ EdX and find a course you want to actually do.
- T- Threats: What obstacles are coming your way? For instance, your plate may be full. Or you have to compete for a job. Examples : being obtrusive, having competition, being a perfectionist, etc.
•••
2. Next, I took a couple of days to really go over the SWOT. You have to be honest with yourself. Fully. No one else will see it but you. You could even go around and ask your closest friends and family what they think are your best and worst qualities.
•••
3. Next, I took a mental resilience test online, because I realised that I wanted to quantify my data. It’s easier to improve when there’s a number visible to you. I used this: click here.
They score you on four factors:
* Motivation
* Concentration
* Coping With Pressure
* Confidence
•••
4. After seeing my score and analysing it properly, I decided to etch out a game plan for each factor. Here’s a sample:
- Motivation:
* setting smaller goals in order to succeed
* Accepting failure and moving on fast
* Asking for feedback on performance (work, school, organisations)
* Working on things that give me satisfaction
- concentration:
* using brain games such as Elevate and Mental Math to improve focus
* Reading more
* Trying different things at work/ school to remain focused (some people work best around other people. Some people work best alone. Some prefer noise, white noise or silence. Figuring this out really helps).
- Coping with pressure
* making quicker decisions (I used to take forever to make decisions because my emotions would come in the way. Now I stick to a simple pros and cons list and it helps me a lot).
* Being able to deal with adversity. Two things come in play here - a) learning from other people’s mistakes (ted talks, videos, your boss, parents, friends etc) b) learning from your own mistakes. Put yourself in micro situations - such as choosing where to eat with your friends or partner (not always, mind you - but stop being indecisive when they are too!), take on responsibility at work, etc.
- Confidence
* You need to believe that you will succeed.
* For me, setting mini goals a week is the most effective. Areas: Home (laundry, cleaning, etc), Self (homework, exercise, meditation, habits, learning new things), Environment (social life, work life, friends, family).
* I use a free habit tracker “Habit” (pink icon in the App Store) to track my 6 daily habits.
•••
4. Resilience comes with progress. It comes slowly. There will be setbacks. There will be issues. There are often times when, in a fit of emotion, we forget about resilience and get carried away in our situation. You need to realise this. You need to remind yourself to be resilient every single day. Say it out loud or write it down or set a reminder, I don’t care. But you need it at the back of your brain.
You’ll face all sorts of situations to show your resilience. Maybe a team member isn’t doing their part in a project. Maybe a friend of yours is adamant in you doing a certain thing with them. Maybe your family has some expectation of you that you’re not interested in achieving.
Resilience doesn’t mean aggression. It doesn’t mean anger. It means being tactful, calm, level headed but firm. It means that you don’t fake-compliment to make someone feel nice (occasionally it’s necessary if a friend or something is really down). It means you convey your genuine opinions about something and not necessarily agree with the majority.
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People treat you exactly the way they feel about you. There is no misunderstanding. People know exactly what they are doing. When you tell someone that their actions are hurting/affecting you negatively and they tell you that they understand and won't do it anymore, but continue to do so---that's not friendship or love. Even worse, if they tell you that you are being too sensitive or imagining their poor treatment towards you or even begin stonewalling when you attempt to hold them responsible for their actions, ---that's gaslighting and manipulation.
To stay and try to 'work things out' only leaves the door open to more abusive behavior and the desecration of your well being both mentally and physically.
Trust me when I say that it doesn't and won't get any better despite the long history you might have had with them or how well you think you know them.
The best thing you can do is leave and go no contact. Erase their existence from your life completely. No social media. No texting. No communication. Nada.
You deserve to be happy and respected, the only people who deserve to be in your life are the ones who make a genuine effort at maintaining the relationship you both share. Remember, giving someone access to you is a privilege and not a given, it's a two way street always.
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