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#extremely irresponsible and dangerous for both you and the animal
jacqcrisis · 2 years
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My favorite video ever of a leopard seal is this one.
Everything about is wonderful: the dude saying they are going to touch a sea lion. The reveal that it is definitely Not A Sea Lion. The nine foot long predator tired of their shit. The resonating thumping threat noises. The feinting jabs as the one dude is demanding they run. The bolting at the end when the camera man finally realizes the danger.
It's so neat that this exists, despite the fact that it is highly irresponsible and both men are potentially putting themselves and the animal in danger. I think this is Owha, a seal that is known for hanging around on docks in NZ and who seems quite acclimated to people though she still should never ever be approached like this. But the video is great to me in an atmospheric sense as an almost horror short to someone who has no idea what a leopard seal is and as the warning noises begin, that reveal of a massive unknown predator animal with jaws that could easily fit a head between them is just *chef's kiss*.
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how do you feel about snake discovery? I have mixed opinions on her for sure since her handling/showing off of her “””pet””” alligator Rex is. Hm. Very questionable at best
If you’ve already answered this my apologies! I hope your day is good though and I offer you a photo of my hognose, caramel!
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Caramel is such a cutie! I love that last picture of her poking her head out of her tunnel especially. :)
Snake Discovery is definitely one of those channels to be wary of; they're a lot better than the worst out there but there are still some major issues to be aware of. Their handling of venomous snakes on the channel is textbook perfect and a lot of their how-to videos are good resources, but other than that, the issues I'm aware of are:
As you mention, the handling of the alligator on the channel has been extremely irresponsible. Treating an alligator as a pet at all is dangerous, and it's irresponsible to take an alligator out in public and handle them without their mouths taped. I think their handling of the alligator has gotten better based on what I've seen, but it's still something to be aware of.
The enclosures are a big one. I understand that breeders have to think of space, but the animals' welfare should always come first. The rack systems on the channel have gotten better, and the zoo enclosures aren't bad at all, but I still think the enclosures on the channel could use a lot of improvement.
They tend to cut eggs too soon. Egg-cutting often boils down to just impatience, and that's what I see in their videos. It's not dangerous, but it also isn't necessary and it's always better to let babies hatch at their own pace. I'd only ever recommend cutting eggs if they're past the due date or if all the eggs have pipped but one - in both cases, you can be confident in guessing something's wrong and the baby needs help.
Those are the big things I'm aware of. Like I said, far from the worst out there, but as with any one resource, I always recommend taking the channel with a grain of salt and doing your own additional research before taking any advice you see on the channel.
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thekeatoncadet · 4 years
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The downside to being more and more knowledgeable about animals and their welfare is so many "cute/wholesome" animal videos/pics aren't actually all that cute or wholesome 😔
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thealtoduck · 2 years
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You’re a son of Aphrodite but Artemis pratically adopts you…
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Artemis x Son of Aphrodite!Reader (platonic)
Warnings: mostly bonding fluff, fighting monsters, Aphrodite is an irresponsible parent…
Summary: On your way to Camp Half Blood you run in to the Goddess of the hunt, moon, animals, etc…
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In a way you had always been different not to say that you looked not normal. Infact people used to compliment you a lot for your looks, almost as if it was the first thing people noticed about you.
But there were other things as you being able to see some really weird things that nobody else saw like sometimes monsters hiding in plain sight or on one occaision teenagers running around with weapons.
So it didn’t feel too weird when you started having strange dreams where you saw a beautiful woman who had some similar features as you, like your hair, face shape and eye-color.
She was telling you to go somewhere but everytime you woke up you couldn’t remember the name of where she told you to go.
That was until one night when you had the dream about the same woman and this time she was telling you that she had placed a map in your room to lead you to Camp Half Blood, she then told you to wake up and get going.
You woke up and saw that it was still dark outside. You sat up and saw there was a piece of paper laying on your bedside table. You unfolded it and saw a map which had a red dot in Long Island that said ”Camp Half Blood”. There was also a compass with a note attached to it saying…
”My dear son Y/n, it is time for you to make your way to Camp Half Blood, it is very important you get there as soon as possible in time for the camp pagent i created and help you cabinmates win. I have provided you with a map and a compass to get there by yourself, i’ve put a letter to the camp director on the kitchen table explaining everything to him, write a note to your father telling him where you’ve gone. - your beloved mother. P.S Make sure to wear that cute blue and white jacket outside it’s cold. P.P.S Also pack food it’s a long journey”.
As any sane person you should have ignored the letter but being a child you only thought ”Cool! An adventure” and quickly got up to get changed. You wrote a quick letter to your dad basically repeating what your mother’s note had said to you. You got all the stuff and quickly headed out into the night.
So there you were running through the forest being chased by a hellhound big as a bear. You heard footsteps from left but before you could react you had ran straight in to someone causing both of you to fall to the ground.
You sat up and saw a girl carrying a silver bow and arrows, she had quickly gotten to her knees she was a bit older than you, she had silvery eyes and an air of intimidation like she was not to be messed with.
She glared at you as if you had ruined whatever she was doing. But before she could possibly yell at you the hellhound emerged from the trees and jumped with it’s mouth wide opened right at you.
But the girl tackled the hound in mid air and wrestled it to the ground before stabbing it with a silver knife causing it to disappear in a yellow cloud.
Your heart was pounding from exhaustion and fright. The girl turned to you with a stern look and asked ”What are you doing out here? It’s late”. ”I’m sorry i ran in to you, but i’m on my way to Camp Half Blood, my mother sent me” you answered.
”Your mother? Did she not give you anything to prepare for the extremely dangerous journey?” she asked. You brought out the map, the compass, the note and the letter for the camp director.
The girl looked at the map and the compass and looked displeased. ”This compass dosen’t even work it’s pointing west and this map is basically useless” she stated. She took the note and started reading through it and started looking more grumpy the more she read.
”Sends her own son out in the wilderness for a pagent at a summer camp and she dosen’t even give him anything to defend himself with” she grumbled about your mother. She then read the letter for the camp director and the resealed it.
She breathed out heavily and said ”I’ll help you get to the camp, come on” the girl said in a back to business sort of voice. ”Really?” Thank you Ms uhmm…” you started but remembered you didn’t know her name.
”Artemis” she finished and started walking with you following closely behind her. ”Like the goddess?” you questioned. ”Yeah” she answered quickly. You tried talking a bit to Artemis but noticed she wasn’t the most talkative type. After walking for a few hours she decided that you needed rest and she started a fire where the two of you rested.
You brought out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich you had made before you left and started eating. You pulled out another sandwich and offered it to Artemis. ”No but thanks anyway” she answered in a slightly cold voice. You then went to sleep besides the fire with Artemis watching over you.
The two of you continued traveling for 2 days and you could tell Artemis was warming up to you slightly as she gotten more talkative and friendly. She had even given you one of her hunting knives to keep you safe.
She even let you talk her in to trying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which she loved. She told you this reminded her of traveling with her mother and younger brother when she was little.
After a week of traveling she started to let you ride on her back whenever you got to tired to walk. She also showed you how to use a bow and arrow and was glad to see you were a quick learner.
One night when you were riding on her back but had fallen asleep the two of you arrived at Camp Half Blood, Artemis entered the camp with you on her back and took you too the big house and knocked on the door.
A tired Chiron and Dionysos opened the door and were a bit stunned. ”Artemis?” Chiron questioned but was hushed by Artemis who carried you in to the big house. ”Artemis, who is this?” Dionysos whispered as Artemis put you down on a couch and pulled a blanket over you. She the guided the two in to another room.
”His name is Y/n L/n, he’s a demigod. He was lost so i decided to help him get here” Artemis informed the pair. ”Do you know who his godly parent is yet?” Chiron questioned. ”I am” she answered simply which made both Chiron and Dionysos look shocked.
”Yours?” Dionysos questioned in disbeleif. Artemis gave the two a cold look. ”Well technically he’s Aphrodite’s but she didn’t take care of him so he’s mine now” Artemis explained simply. ”Move him in to my cabin tommorrow and give him these” she said and handed Chiron her silver bow and arrows.
She walked back in to the room where you were and gave your forehead a small kiss ”Goodbye my little hero” she whispered and walked to the door followed by a slightly grumpy Dionysos. ”Aphrodite won’t be happy about this, probably neither will your hunters be when they find a boy in their cabin next time they visit” Dionysos warned.
”My hunters are adaptable and understanding they’ll get used to it, in Aphrodite’s case if she has a problem she can come straight to me if she wants to i’ll be ready” Artemis said and walked out of the big house leaving the camp and her newly adopted son behind.
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chicoriii · 3 years
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Season 4, Episode 13 - Optigami
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I was hoping it might be my favourite S4 episode till now, but it can't be, since I absolutely hate how they are writing "Alya knows" plot arc.
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What writers are doing with it is ridiculous. They make Marinette more stupid and irresponsible than ever before to make Alya shine (although she is doing dumb things as well, so I'm not sure I can say she is shining, she is rather also a victim of writing). She is not respect the rules, she has not enough humility (knowing Ladybug's identity and everything about Guardian is not enough, she also wants getting Miraculous permanently), she makes careless things. And what? She is rewarded for it. Do you remember previous seasons? When Marinette did something stupid, Tikki said it out loud. What's happening in season 4? Nothing. No matter what, Tikki and other Kwamis tell nothing. And some of them has been portrayed as wise or careful before (like Wayzz or Sass). I don't see it this season. Now when Tikki questioning reckless Marinette decisions is the most needed, she does nothing. And what's with Su-Huan? What is he doing? Is he one episode character only? Maybe he should start monitoring how's doing the new Guardian? Because it seems that she's is not doing well with her duties.
@bookdragonlibrary has told me that Marinette being incompetent as the Guardian in Mr. Pigeon 72 makes sense, because she was in a big stress. It could be a good argument if Marinette was as much incompetent as Ladybug as well. But being in stress hasn't affected her in the akumas battles at all. And since Optigami is 13rd episode, "Marinette is completely new as the Guardian" can't be justification of her mindless actions anymore. They just downgraded Marinette's intelligence and wisdom of some of the Kwamis as well.
This is why I think that the whole "Alya knows" story arc is absurd and inconsistent with the previous seasons. Do you want more examples? Thanks @bookdragonlibrary for reminding me that in Gang of Secrets Ladybug told to Alya that she has no permission to reveal that she's the Guardian now on Ladyblog. And what's Alya doing in the next episode? She's revealing that Ladybug is the Guardian in front of Mr. Ramier and giving some informations that are supposed to be "top secret" stuff to him. Marinette, or other characters, didn't react to it at all. If Mr. Ramier likes to gossip, he could easily spread the news to the whole Paris. It shows that Alya and Marinette don't think about possibility of the consequences of their actions at all. Alya is also supposed to be a great journalist in the future, how am I going to believe in it, if she's doing those many things mindlessly?
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I know that made Gabriel and Nathalie are going to pay more attention to Alya and thanks to it they could discover Ladybug's identity. Actually now, that should be extremely easy to start suspect Marinette (since that's not a secret and she's Alya's best friend) and start tracking her. And it should happen immediately, in the next episode. But I'm sure the writers are not going to make him minimal smart. I think it will take him many episodes, and even if, it will happen at the end of the season. Still it's not a reason to make the characters dumb and reckless.
I would like to see Gabriel and Nathalie knowing Ladybug identity before Marinette knows identities of the villains, it would be very interesting. But I don't think it's going to happen in the way the end of Optigami foreshadows. In my opinion, even if Gabriel starts tracking Marinette, she will discover that in some way before it's too late, and she will mislead him. Just like Gabriel has done it in Collector or Adrien in Gorizilla. It's too fast. Most probably Shadow Moth is going to be defeated at the end of season 5, so I can't see that he's learning Ladybug's identity in season 4. Also I can't believe that there are going to be real and very big consequences for Marinette and Alya. The danger will rather be only temporary, at the end it will be said like telling Alya about absolutely everything was a very good idea from the start. Maybe they have done some a bit questioning things, but nothing really bad.
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Is there something I liked in this episode? Yes, of course, though stupid actions of Alya and Marinette made it harder to enjoy it. That's great they tried to make villains more smart and we've seen they are doing something more than just sending akumas and amoks after random civilians. They have some more deliberate plans. There was plenty of action and it was more interesting than in most other this season's episodes (basically, I think that akuma battles in other episodes than Truth, Furious Fu and maybe Guiltrip are rather boring).
Also I like how the Lucky Charm was utilized, not to beat the akuma/sentimonster like always, but to discover the plan of Shadow Moth and Nathalie.
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And the design of ladybug and bee fusion is great. Marinette's superhero suits are always so good and this one is one of my favourites. I like her hairstyle the most. I think Ladybee design is even better than Queen Bee or Vesperia's (although there's nothing bad in them as well).
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I expected this episode to focus more on Marinette and Adrien as civilians. Remember, I haven't watched the trailer(s) and I was trying to avoid spoilers as much as I could. I'm barely active on Tumblr and Instagram since that one week marathon of the new episodes has started (because I'm afraid of spoilers), but unfortunately, I forgot I should be careful with YouTube as well, so thumbnails and titles of the videos spoilered me the ladybug and bee Miraculous fusion and end card, so I knew it's actually Alya-centric episode again. But maybe it's actually a good thing, thanks to it, I'm not as much disappointed as I could be otherwise.
I absolutely didn't want them to reveal their identities now, like they teased us. I'm not crazy about getting The Reveal ™ as fast as possible, I actually think that doing it too early would not be good. The Love Square is a great and unique concept, so there's no reason to kill it too early. I fully accepted the idea of secret identities from the start. This is why the idea of of Marinette telling someone wasn't overly exciting to me, I could see it for Alix, as only it made sense to me at this point of the story. I could accept it, if it was done right, but it's done very bad.
But seeing early synopsis of this episode, I expected that we should get some Adrienette development. Optigami is episode 13, it's really in time to do this! I was hopping that we should see Marinette being more and more comfortable around Adrien which would lead to the reveal in the season finale. Because I think the main characters should build a very strong bond as both civilians and superheroes before it happens (another reason why I would not like to see the reveal in season 2 or 3). Marinette should be ready to confess (but that doesn't mean she would do it then) and get to know who Adrien really is well, before she discovers that her crush is also her partner who she has been rejecting many times before. It doesn't look like it's happening now. So if nothing changes soon, it could mean that the reveal between Marinette and Adrien will happen rather in season 5.
Also Alya now is getting more screentime and more action than Adrien. Rena Rouge transformation sequence has been seen in three episodes, Chat Noir's in only once and there's no Cataclyms full animation at all (I'm curious about arrangement of its theme). Adrien is reduced to nearly a background character in many of the episodes this season, it's noticeable more than before to me, and I feel it is so unfair. But even now, Alya is still mostly portrayed as the best friend of the protagonist than a character on her own. I would like to see more her doing something which has nothing to do with Marinette and Ladybug. It could make her really shine, now I see her mostly as a character who is doing very reckless things without thinking about the consequences.
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The lesson I just learned is that I can't get excited about any upcoming season 4 episodes, no matter how much interesting its synopsis sounds. I should be rather careful about every single one. And sometimes seeing unwanted spoilers is not that bad if thanks to them, I can avoid being too much disappointed. As after seeing the end card of it, I knew this episode is nothing like I imagined.
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ineedglasses · 3 years
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VK Character Analysis: Rido Kuran
Rido is a complete, messed up, SOB, but I still like him as a character because he is simply such a fun villain. If I were to place him in that alignment chart thing, he would be “chaotic evil” without a doubt.
While he is generally seen as a creepy, sister-obsessed, maniac, I really believe he was different earlier in his life. 
This analysis is based off the Rido we see in the manga and the light novel, NOT the Rido in the anime, since the anime was trash and deviated from the manga when it came to his arc. Anyway, at the start of the post, I will go over the info from the light novel and manga, next will be my headcanons of him as a young man and at the end is my interpretation of him when he was crazy, as we see him in the original series.
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The Deranged Love story in the Fleeting Dreams light novel talks about Rido’s obsession with Juri and gives some info on their past. However, when compared to the original VK series there are several points that don’t add up, and some parts of the light novel simply make no sense.
First, Both VKM and the light novel mention that Rido killed his parents and presumably devoured them to take their powers. That makes sense, it seems like something he would do. What doesn’t make sense to me is the timeline. When exactly did he kill his parents? 
All the light novel tells us is that he killed them immediately after they engaged him to Shizuka. Is this around the time Haruka and Juri got married? I always assumed Haruka and Juri have been married for a while, like at least 1000 years. If this is the case, within that time period, how can they not notice that their parents are dead and that their brother killed them? 
Or does their murder occur closer to the time Juri got pregnant? But this doesn’t make sense either because Rido referred to Shizuka as a “small child” when he killed his parents, and by the time Juri was pregnant with Yuki’s real brother, Shizuka was probably already at least one or two thousand years old. Unless Shizuka is much younger than we thought? So when exactly Rido kills his parents is quite the mystery.
Secondly, How did he kill his parents? 
I assume the older a pureblood, the more powerful they are. So how can he, by himself, kill his parents, both of whom are older and more powerful than him? I doubt his dad was a weakling because as former king of vampires, he should be quite powerful. In the light novel, it seems his parents were already wary of him and wanted to keep him away from Juri. Thus they wouldn’t completely let their guard down around him. And its not like Rido could carry around a hunter sword with him without it being noticed. Even if he was carrying something small like a dagger, his parents should have been able to overwhelm him in a fight since its 2 vs 1. 
Kaname has commented that “purebloods have equal powers, so they would only exhaust each other in battle”; basically it is hard to kill another pureblood unless you have some advantage (e.g. Shizuka being already wounded by Zero’s hunter gun). So the only logical way Rido can kill his parents is if he catches them off guard, such as when they are taking a centuries long slumber in the family mausoleum, basically doing what Sara did to Hanadagi. 
Thirdly, another point that makes no sense is that Rido in the light novel says:
“My parents had taken my precious Juri far away from me and made it so that we could never meet.” 
How exactly did his parents take Juri away and stop them from ever meeting again? Send her abroad with no intention of ever letting her return? And yet the manga clearly contradicts that, because Rido is still in contact with Haruka and Juri, he was there to see their firstborn baby!
Fourthly, this is a small detail that has always irked me: In the manga, when Yuki’s brother peed on him, Rido mentions that he used to change his siblings’ diapers when they were babies. 
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However the light novel kind of contradicts that, because young Rido upon being called in to meet his baby sister says: “I will confess that newborns seemed very uninteresting to me at that time”; does this sound like an older brother that would change his younger siblings’ diapers? It sounds like a guy who would leave baby care to the nannies and stay far away from soiled diapers. 
Finally, we get to the biggest illogical point in the light novel: Rido was a psychopath that just randomly developed an obsession upon seeing the newborn Juri.
“ It was in that moment – somewhere in the depths of my being – something abruptly flared to life. […] I was overwhelmed by the urge to devour her.”
No normal person just out of the blue feels the urge to consume a baby, only crazy people do. The rest of the light novel story continues depicting Rido as a psychopath. Their parents notice there is something wrong with their son because the mom slaps Rido and starts to keep him away from Juri. Adding on to this portrayal of him as batshit crazy, after he (somehow) kills his parents, he says the following:
“That’s what you get for getting in my way, you naughty things…” 
LOL, who in their right mind would call their parents “naughty things”?
My issue is this: I highly doubt Rido was crazy from the start, because it would make no sense. If Rido was crazy, how the hell could Juri and Haruka not have noticed for over 3000 years?! Even the dumbest person would get a clue that their brother was crazy after just 30 years, much less 3000 years. They trusted him enough to let him hold their baby, so they clearly believed Rido was not crazy. There is no way that Juri and Haruka were that stupid and blind. Thus, I doubt that Rido was crazy at the start of his life. So, this aspect of the light novel is just total BS to me.
IF Rido really was crazy from the start, then his mom and dad were bad parents. Yes, it makes sense to keep Juri away from Rido if he really were a psychopath, but their other actions were just extremely irresponsible and selfish. If you know your son is dangerous, maybe you should address this issue properly. After all, he is a pureblood and if you don’t deal with the problem, there will be huge repercussions for everyone given the destructive powers of purebloods. 
But instead of taking their son to see a mental health professional like any decent parent would do, Papa and Mama Kuran decided to solve the problem by engaging him off to a “tiny child”. I’m no parenting expert, but I’m sure if your son has mental issues, you definitely should NOT marry him off to any girl. Even if they didn’t get him some help, they should have at least locked him up like Shizuka to ensure he didn’t harm anyone... but they just let him roam free.
If this is the extent of their problem-solving ability, then it’s for the best that they ended the monarchy because they must have been cruddy rulers. But who knows, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they believed the “tiny child” they chose for him has a PhD in psychology and can provide their son with the help he clearly needs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyway, I consider the light novel to be only pseudo-canon since it was inspired by Hino but written by someone else (Ayuna Fujisaka), so I will just ignore the parts that don’t make sense and keep the parts that do.
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This following section is what I believe Rido to have been like when he was a (sane) young man, based on the info in the manga and the few bits that do make sense in the light novel.
Since Rido was the oldest son and born in a time when the Kurans were still the ruling family, he probably grew up with a lot of pressure and expectations as he was the crown prince. Given these conditions, he was most likely serious and hardworking, doing his best to live up to those expectations and preparing to be the next king (kinda like Eins in The Royal Tutor LOL).
He was also probably a bit older than Haruka and Juri (because according to the manga he has experience changing their diapers and taking care of them). And since he was probably busy with his princely duties, he did not spend a bunch of time with his siblings and thus Haruka and Juri were naturally closer to one another than Juri was to him. She probably saw him a respected older brother but not as reachable and easy to connect to as Haruka.
Rido was probably arrogant, possessive, and entitled even at the start (though at much milder levels than towards the end), which makes sense given his background. Not only was he a pureblood, but the crown prince too. And since he was prince, he probably had to deal with the dog-eat-dog world of politics from a young age, so that probably made him more cynical and darker than his siblings who had much less pressure and responsibility. It would almost be shocking if he was a humble and kind person instead.
Anyway, according to the custom of primogeniture, both the throne and Juri should have been his. Since it was tradition of the Kurans to marry their siblings, it only makes sense that as the oldest son and legitimate heir, he was the one that Juri should have married. Yet for whatever reason, their dad decided to end the monarchy, which must have been a huge blow to Rido who spent his whole life preparing to be the next king. He probably drove himself to despair questioning why and if there was something wrong with him that his father would pull such a move.
Then Rido probably got another big slap to the face: Juri choosing to marry Haruka instead of him, with his parents probably giving them their blessings. So not only has he lost the throne, he also lost the fiancée that should have been his according to precedent. And Juri choosing Haruka probably made Rido lose face among their society, since people would naturally wonder why Juri spurned tradition and married the second son instead.
(Actually, it wouldn’t matter if the monarchy getting dissolved took place first or if Juri choosing Haruka took place first, the point is both happened and it screwed him up.)
Rido most likely didn’t love Juri, but simply believed he did. He probably conflated Juri with what he lost/ what should have been his by birthright and became unhealthily obsessed with the idea of her. It didn’t help that the one Juri chose was Haruka, who we know has a mild and kind personality. To someone like Rido, those are traits probably considered “weak”, and thus he probably never thought of Haruka as his rival. Therefore, the fact that he lost to Haruka of all people shocked him, and there might have been some anger and sorrow at being betrayed by a sibling. So anyway, Rido’s emotions as well as his ego got clobbered.
But fate is not done with him yet! His parents most likely decided to engage him to Shizuka “without his consent” around the time that Haruka and Juri got engaged/married. They might have rushed to engage him off to whoever was available at that time (unluckily for Shizuka it happened to be her), hoping to get him out of the way of his siblings’ happiness. Rido probably was pissed, since not only does he not get to choose his new fiancée, the one chosen for him hails from a clan with a history of supposedly going insane, instead of someone with a less problematic pedigree. His parents really doing him dirty lol.
I think he really had some deep-rooted problems with his parents. Sometimes parents just don’t like their child, because of personality and ideological differences…Anyway, they were definitely in a strained relationship which would explain why Rido could go so far to kill his own parents and feel no guilt over it.
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Finally, towards the end of his life he really just lost it.
Rido probably tried to keep up appearances and act like everything is okay and that his world is not falling apart, thus allowing Juri and Haruka to still trust him. But over the years he just stewed in his anger against his parents, his siblings and the world in general and turned into a very bitter and hateful person on the inside. And although he probably tried to suppress his growing darkness, his bad traits got amped up while his better traits died. It was probably extremely infuriating for him to see his siblings so happy in their pink glittery world while he himself was drowning in darkness.
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(Even Kaien was annoyed by Haruka and Juri’s “pink world”, imagine an already salty and bitter Rido seeing this type of scene for centuries and just frothing with rage on the inside LOL)
So Rido became a sadistic ass towards the end, taking his anger out on people that have nothing to do with it. He tried to make Shizuka miserable and force her to be docile and had no luck with that but succeeded in breaking Senri’s mom and driving the poor woman crazy. Though if you think about it, in a way he did succeed in breaking Shizuka too… he caused her lover’s death and when she lost her lover, she basically lost her will to live.
Hino showed how talented Rido is at antagonizing others. While he possessed Senri, he intentionally hurt Senri’s body to toy with Takuma.
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Even after his death, his dregs were tormenting Kaname by pointing out all his inner concerns, taunting Kaname about how he has no hope left. 
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In VKM, Yuki mentions Rido as someone “with overwhelming desires that only plunge the world around [him] into misery.” Overall, Rido probably got his giggles by making others miserable.
Besides getting high off ruining the lives of other people, he was just a bastard in general. He used everyone around him as tools, even his own sons. Unlike Shizuka or Kaname, he did not care about his subordinates at all, to him they were just “appetizers” and expendables. He also had zero reservations about forcing lower vampires to submit to his will.
Anyway, Rido probably was already a bitter jackass but he really snapped when he found out Juri was pregnant and would start a happy little family with Haruka. Maybe he was idiotically holding onto hope that as long as Juri didn’t have a kid, he still had a chance? Regardless, it was at that point that he gave up any vestiges of humanity he had left and decided to just pursue power instead.
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With no hope left he just decided to give in to his primitive instincts and lust after power, at the expense of family ties. In a way, he might have felt betrayed by his family, and reasoned with himself that unlike the throne and Juri, at least power won’t be stolen away.
BTW, I think his decision to sacrifice Yuki’s real brother to ancestor Kaname was spontaneous and not premeditated. After all, crazy people are unlikely to plan things in advance and just do as their whims dictate...
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Maybe it came to him right when he stared at Juri holding her newborn. 
“It’s such irony that this baby was named ‘Kaname’ like you. That’s what got me started thinking of this.”
Because his plan (if he had one) sucked. He should have known that the famished, revived ancestor would attack him, since the blood of a tiny baby was clearly not enough. And yet he made no preparations to fend off such an attack and ended up getting drained by Kaname.
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As a side note, Haruka could have killed Rido right then, when Rido was badly wounded by ancestor Kaname. 
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But he didn’t, and chose to have Rido imprisoned by the Senate instead. Haruka should have known that Rido would never give up on destroying his family as long as he lived, so the logical thing would have been to kill him. Even Rido mentions this later when he returned for Yuki.
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While Haruka’s pacifist nature played a part in this, I think he also restrained himself from giving in to vengeful rage partly out of the fact that they are family, and more likely out of guilt. Perhaps Haruka had always felt guilty for marrying Juri and realized that he was partly responsible for driving Rido insane.
Anyway, Rido crossed the line by killing a helpless baby and basically burned all his bridges. At this point he didn’t really give any fucks anymore. 
Asato mentions how Rido was like a child, even though he has lived so long. I think the analogy fits, because Rido acted like a child throwing a tantrum, trying to destroy everything and doing whatever he pleased with no regard for consequences or others.
In a sense, like Shizuka, Rido had already lost his will to go on living. The only thing keeping him hanging on was the need to lash out. Even though he acted like he was pursuing greater power, aiming to consume Kaname and Yuki to become more powerful, he wasn’t actually trying. 
If he was serious, he would not have gotten easily distracted, suddenly deciding to have Yuki replace Juri instead of continuing with the plan to devour her. Rido also didn’t bother trying to fight seriously at the end and Zero comments on this.
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Otherwise Zero and Yuki together could not have beaten him, given how Rido is much older/powerful and consumed at least 2 other purebloods. Even Sara said that Rido was acting foolishly reckless, saying he was just having fun.
                                                             XXX
Overall, given this interpretation of Rido, I actually feel bad for him. I believe that he drove himself crazy wondering why his parents ended the monarchy instead of letting him be the next king, and wondering why Juri chose Haruka over him. Those questions probably haunted him for centuries.
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That feeling that you tried your best, did everything you were supposed to, but still ended up with nothing is something I can relate to. Sometimes one just wants to watch the world burn given how unjust life usually is (even though logically we know it is wrong to feel this way). So yeah, these are my headcanons and analysis of Rido, who I prefer to see as a deeper/more interesting character than just a sis-con psychopath LOL.
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scoutception · 3 years
Text
Robotics;Notes Elite review
Robotics;Notes, the third visual novel in the Science Adventure series, is by far the most unfortunate entry in the series. Not only is it the follow up to Steins;Gate, one of the most acclaimed and popular visual novels ever released, something that even extends to its anime adaptation, but it had to wait until 2020, 8 years after its release in 2012, to be translated into English, well after every other main entry in the series besides Chaos;Head, with its anime adaptation being the only way to experience it beforehand, and while said anime is a decent watch in its own right, it definitely accentuates the source material’s problems, while adding several more. Needless to say, Robotics;Notes had a lot of things going against it when it was finally released, most of which weren’t even its own fault, and it can definitely come off as an underwhelming entry just from that. However, today, we’ll be putting aside all those external factors and take a fair look at the VN itself, and how it holds up on its own. The version I played was the Steam version, using the Committee of Zero patch, a fan made patch that, among other things, fixes many issues with the translation, and is absolutely the recommended way to experience the VN.
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Kaito Yashio is a student of Chuo Tanegashima High, and one of the two members of its Robotics Research Club. The president of the club, Akiho Senomiya, Kaito’s friend since childhood, and little sister of the club’s founder, Misaki Senomiya, is completely committed to completing GunBuild-1, a lifesize recreation of the titular mecha from the extremely popular anime Gunvarrel, and a project the club has been working on since its creation. Unfortunately for Akiho, everything seems determined to see her efforts be in vain. The club gets no funding, and is seen as a laughingstock among the students, its advisor, Mitsuhiko “Mitchie” Nagafukada, is completely irresponsible and rarely does anything of help, and Kaito is completely apathetic to anything that isn’t KillBallad, a mobile fighting game he’s determined to become the top player in the world in. While the club soon manages to gain three new members, namely Subaru Hidaka, an expert in robotics whose knowledge far surpasses Akiho’s, Junna Daitoku, a former member of the karate club, and Kona Furugoori, aka Frau Koujiro, the teenage creator of KillBallad, their personalities are just as difficult: Subaru sees the project as a lost cause, and refuses to help with it without a compromise, Junna is painfully shy and has a fear of robots, and Frau is a complete shut in and social mess, being completely perverted and mostly talking in outdated slang, which keeps most people from even understanding her. Despite all this, Akiho’s unrelenting passion for mechas, and desire to step out of her sister’s shadow, compel her to continue on.
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Meanwhile, Kaito one day encounters Airi, an AI that exists within the augmented reality app IRUO, along with a strange AR annotation called the Kimijima Report, authored by Airi’s deceased creator, Kou Kimijima. Within it are warnings of a grand conspiracy that aims to devastate humanity, the details of which are contained in similar reports hidden all over Tanegashima, locked behind “flags” that must be cleared before they become visible. Though at first skeptical, it soon becomes clear to Kaito that the reports contain a disturbing amount of truths, and that he’s become involved in something far larger, and far more dangerous, than he bargained for.
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I’ll say it now, the story’s focus on both of these plotlines causes a number of noticeable issues, mainly due to feeling very disconnected from each other. While all of the main cast except Airi are heavily involved in the Robotics Club plot, only Kaito, Airi, and to a much lesser extent Frau are involved in the Kimijima Report plot, in comparison to, say, Steins;Gate and Chaos;Child, which tied its whole cast into their stories much better. In addition, the majority of the focus is on the club, and though always interesting, the reports tend to go rather uneventfully as well. Due to this, the story can feel very slow and meandering if you don’t know just what you’re getting into, much more so than the other entries in the series, which can definitely make it seem unappealing. Additionally, the story is much less standalone than most SciAdv VNs, where the references are often minor. Here, there are some rather significant references to Chaos;Head and, to a lesser extent, Steins;Gate, to the point of outright spoilers in a few cases, meaning going through those beforehand is heavily recommended, which is especially annoying when Chaos;Head still has no official translation, and only a fan translation for the incomplete PC version.
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Despite all of this, both plotlines are actually quite compelling, once you get used to the game’s pacing. Robotics;Notes’ biggest strength is its absolutely great cast of characters. Everyone in the main cast is very likeable, distinctive, and well developed across the story, and have good dynamics with each other, with Kaito and Akiho’s interactions being some of the biggest highlights of the game, with the end result making everyone feel significant in their own ways, and truly feeling like a unified group, something Chaos;Head and even Steins;Gate struggled with at times. Kaito, who initially comes off as a very motivationless character, has a good amount of backstory and a constant, if subtle, arc throughout the game that makes him properly fleshed out. Subaru, who’d normally just be the token other guy, is a prominent and likeable character in his own right, having a very important role in Gunbuild’s construction, while Frau, who initially just comes off as comic relief, has many great moments throughout the story, with her focus chapter in particular being one of the best in the game. Even Airi has quite a bit more to her than it may seem. The cast is definitely a worthy successor to the cast of Steins;Gate, even more so than Chaos;Child’s, I would say.
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The cast also heavily ties into one of the main themes of the game, namely dreams, the harsh difficulties and compromises one faces in pursuing their dreams, and how losing one can change a person. All of them face this, with varying amounts of focus, and it’s a theme furthered with the prominence of robots throughout the game, both the idealized kind found in mecha anime, and the real, practical robots of the real world. There’s an almost exhaustive amount of detail put into the construction and function of real robots, which makes for some interesting, if sometimes long winded, discussions throughout the game, in true SciAdv fashion.
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While the story is mainly told through Kaito’s perspective, it switches fairly often to other characters, most often Akiho. While the rest of the series except for Steins;Gate does this as well, it’s notable here for giving almost every character, even the supporting cast, at least one scene from their perspective, often focused on their own personal dilemmas, or flashbacks involving Misaki. These perspective switches make a nice change of pace, and definitely help flesh out the characters even further. On the subject of the supporting cast, while most other entries either have supporting casts that are very inconsequential, such as in Chaos;Child, or almost nonexistent, such as in Steins;Gate, Robotics;Notes, on the other hand, has a much more prominent and fleshed out supporting cast. From Mizuki Irei, the harsh and snarky convenience store employee, and info broker to Kaito, to Tetsuharu Fujita, the grumpy but fair “Robot Doctor”, to Mitchie, the horribly unreliable, yet entertaining club advisor, they certainly leave much more of a mark than usual. The most interesting of all, though, is a 20 year old Nae Tennouji, originally a very minor character in Steins;Gate. She has an almost surprising amount of prominence throughout the game, and even has her own ending, if a very short one.
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Compared to most other entries in the series, Robotics;Notes definitely carries a much lighter tone. Tanegashima makes for a very relaxed setting, and as mentioned, there aren’t quite as many big events as one might expect. The characters are generally pretty lighthearted in personality as well, up to Kaito not being nearly as unlikeable to start off as other SciAdv protagonists. However, the tone works quite well, and helps slowly endear the characters to you even early on. And while it’s not quite as messed up as, say, Chaos;Head, it’s got more than a few disturbing elements and scenes of its own. Ultimately, it has the same “feel” as the rest of the series, and when it wants to be intense, suspenseful, sad, or whatever else, it absolutely works, especially from chapter 7 onward.
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As far as “gameplay” goes, there’s a surprisingly large amount of interactivity available. At most moments during the story, Kaito can pull out his tablet and access its various apps. Most prominently, there’s Twipo, an obvious lawyer friendly version of Twitter, where Kaito can look at tweets from the Robotics Club, its associates, and even random accounts commenting on current events, with Kaito having the option to reply to those of the Robotics Club. There’s also IRUO, the augmented reality app, which lets the player look around the area and scan geotags, which contain small profiles for characters, or details for locations or objects. IRUO is also used along with a map app to search for the Kimijima Reports, letting you travel to various different locations on Tanegashima to search. It’s a neat concept, but the icons for the reports are so small, and so many locations tend to be available at one time, that finding them can often just be annoying. There’s also, of all things, the otherwise story reliant KillBallad matches, where you have to successfully input a string of buttons, the length of which varies depending on the opponent’s skill, within a time limit in order to win. Most of the time it doesn’t matter, but there are achievements and even story sequences reliant on winning or losing certain matches. All in all, these make for nice occasional changes of pace, but it’s still a visual novel in the end.
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Visually, Robotics;Notes is actually quite impressive. As can be seen in the screenshots, instead of sprites, 3D character models are used instead in normal scenes, and having played Virtue’s Last Reward and Zero Time Dilemma well before this, I was more than a bit wary of them before release. Thankfully, compared to the cheap models of those two games, they’re much, much better. They’re actually very expressive, and have some great animations that give each character a lot of life. The backgrounds are also quite well done, and Tanegashima definitely makes for a unique and atmospheric setting. As usual for visual novels, there’s also CGs throughout the game, done in a different, but still appealing and well drawn style. Finally, in one of the biggest additions to Elite compared to the original version, occasionally, clips from the anime adaptation is used, mostly to better demonstrate details that were only narration originally, as far as I can tell. This blend of 3D models, CGs, and animation is a bit bizarre at first, but it works surprisingly well, and makes for one of the most visually appealing entries in the series.
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As far as sound goes, Takeshi Abo is once again the composer, and once again puts out a very good soundtrack, which further captures and enhances the atmosphere. The soundtrack in general is definitely much lighter and peaceful than usual, but actually has more tracks than most of the SciAdv soundtracks, allowing it to cover many other moods as well. From the very relaxed Winds of Tangegashima, to the mysterious Uchugaoka Park, to the nostalgic Memories with Big Sis, and especially the beautiful title screen theme, Robotics Notes -2nd theme-, there’s a lot of great songs to be found. The voice acting is also very good, and the characters wouldn’t work nearly as well without it, with Ryohei Kimura as Kaito, Yoshino Nanjo as Akiho, Kaori Nazuka as Frau, and Sora Tokui as Junna especially sticking out to me.
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It’s worth noting that Robotics;Notes is on the longer side when it comes to SciAdv, much like Chaos;Child. It’s hardly Fate/Stay Night, but it’ll take some time to get through. It also has a very, very weird and annoying ending system. Whereas in other titles, endings are, just that, actual endings you can diverge into somewhere in the story, Robotics;Notes’ endings are actually just regular chapters that are part of the main story, which just happen to focus on different parts of the cast. The divergence happens in chapter 5, and depends on your replies to said characters on Twipo in both that chapter and the preceding one, with you instead going to the short Nae ending if you don’t fulfill the requirements for any of them. While Steins;Gate had a similar system, and was annoying in of itself, Robotics;Notes takes it to another level by making all but the Nae ending mandatory, though said ending has some points that make it worth seeing regardless, and occurring in a specific chronological order, despite allowing you to get the endings nonlinearly, meaning you could accidentally skip from chapter 5 to chapter 8. The system overall is just unneeded, and following a guide, such as the one by the aforementioned Committee of Zero, is highly recommended.
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In the end, would I recommend Robotics;Notes? To a SciAdv fan, absolutely. To someone who isn’t, well, I already explained the problems there. I can’t say its one of my favorites among the series, but by itself, it’s still something I enjoyed a lot. Despite the issues it does have, its very well done cast, visuals, sound, and overall story make it a memorable and emotional experience in its own right. Now, with yet another long VN review out of the way, I anxiously await the Committee of Zero patch for Robotics;Notes DaSH, to finally finish off my SciAdv journey, for the foreseeable future, at least. Till next time. -Scout
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hecrtfelt · 3 years
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                                           * griffin olson’s playlist
              featuring four songs he likes, and four songs about him.
                                             * four songs he likes:
where this flower blooms - tyler, the creator ft. frank ocean
favorite line: i ride through california, these frog oval goggles, i’m leaning out the window, oj shinin’ on me
vanilla - the maine
favorite line: i know i’m not made of lace and potpourri but there’s nobody like me / i’m lost and hysteric but anything but generic
hallelujah - logic
favorite line: made in the image of God with a blunt in my mouth and a b*tch on the side
don’t you worry ‘bout a thing - stevie wonder
favorite line: everybody needs a change, a chance to check out the new / but you’re the only one to see the changes you take yourself through
                                        * four songs about him:
don’t threaten me with a good time - panic! at the disco
notable lines: champagne, cocaine, gasoline, and most things in between / i’ve told you time and time again, i’m not as think as you drunk i am / they say, ‘ if you go all out, you might pass out in a drain pipe ’ aw, yeah ! don’t threaten me with a good time ! 
explanations: his mf theme song. i feel like these lyrics don’t rlly need an explanation for how they describe him bc we all know his label is the party animal and he’s quite literally only sober maybe 2 days out of the week ( i’m bein dead serious flkafj )
mr. blue sky - electric light orchestra
notable lines: hey there, mr. blue, we’re so pleased to be with you. look around, see what you do: everybody smiles at you / mr. blue, you did it right, but soon comes mr. night creepin’ over. now his hand is on your shoulder. never mind, i’ll remember you this way.
explanations: first off all, the entire vibe of this song is just very griffin. v peppy and upbeat, has its low and scary sounding points but overall is just so groovy and makes you wanna skip down the side walk. but the lyrics !!! griffin def has a knack for making people smile because he’s just so easy to get along with, but he’s got his little vices that can expose sides of him that are not so friendly
100 grandkids - mac miller
notable lines: i could sell snow to a ski slope, i could sell evil to the devil, non-believers to a temple, sh*t, i could sell water to a speedboat / what’s a God without a little OD ?
explanations: ZOO WEE MAMA IS THIS SONG HIM TO A T. the first batch of lyrics relates to him bc his job is lobbying, meaning he literally has to be eloquent and convincing for a living. and i also like to think that w the way i write him, griff words things in a Certain Type of Way that’s just good, you know ?? and then that second lyric bit ??? v dark i’m aware but he Does dabble frequently in very extreme drugs that he shouldn’t and its definitely leading him quickly and effectively towards a v dangerous path that he’s just way too good at hiding
praise the lord - a$ap rocky ft. moby
notable lines: steady taking shots, but i’m never hurting nothing, even then you don’t worry none / you’d think i’m jumping out the window how i got ‘em open / i praise the lord, then break the law
explanations: i rlly like the first lyric bunch for griffo bc when i tell y’all this man is an actual addict and yet most ppl don’t even know ??  like i feel like characters r v aware that he’s the party animal but just not to the extreme extent that it rlly is, and thus no one rlly worries abt him besides his family and gwen and soleil, who r aware. and griffin prefers it that way tbh like he genuinely does not think he has a problem so doesn’t want to hear any concern. and then the second lyric set i interpret in two ways, both of which apply to him: he’s got so many “windows of opportunities” open bc he rlly is so successful as a young lobbyist. like he doesn’t wear designer bc he doesn’t know any designer lmao but griffin is lowkey loaded. literally just google how much a lobbyist makes. n then my second interpretation is that the windows are his dangerous lifestyle habits, and he’s got so many going on that you’d think he’s about to do smth dangerous, but he’s rlly not. he’s just irresponsible and aloof to his own irresponsibleness
and then finally, the last line rlly is a testament to him bc it’s almost like the law is his Lord since his whole job is about either refuting or supporting legal policies being introduced, and yet he’s constantly breaking the law w the drug choices he makes !!
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starshine583 · 4 years
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Prompt 11: Camp Fire
@felixmonth
Marinette turned a stick in her hand with narrow eyes. Was it big enough? It felt big enough, but it also felt damp. Would it light?
She shook her head and tossed the stick aside. There was no point in taking wood that might help their fire. She had plenty more sticks to choose from. 
The search continued until she had gotten a hefty amount of sticks piled up in her arms. Then she started trotting off to find Alya again. She only got a few steps in, however, when she nearly ran into someone else.
“Woah!” The other person yelped, taking a step back to avoid a collision.
“Oh- sorry!” Marinette apologized, backing up as well. It was hard to see under the cloak of darkness, let alone past all of her sticks.
A chuckle came from the stranger, and they moved to the side just enough so Marinette could make out their figure. “I see we meet again, Dupont scum.”
Marinette giggled at the teasing tone that could only be Allegra’s. “Well, we are on the same campgrounds.”
She managed to catch the shadows of Allegra tilting her head back and forth.  “True. So where are you guys having your campfire?”
“The counselors are having the fire at the usual fire pit, but Alya, Adrien, Nino, and I are having ours in this clearing we found behind our cabin.” Marinette answered, shifting her sticks so she could gesture in the general direction of the clearing.
Allegra nodded. “Yeah, the boys and I are having our campfire near the lake so we can make the flames as big as we want.”
Marinette laughed. “I’m guessing that was Claude’s idea?”
“Isn’t it always?” Allegra snorted. “Actually.. Would you guys like to join us?”
Marinette blinked, a bit surprised, but quickly masked it with a teasing smile. “Inviting enemies into your headquarters? Are you sure that’s wise?”
Allegra chuckled. “Consider it a truce, then. Until the campfire burns out, we’ll have a mutual agreement to stay neutral.”
“Ah, a truce. In that case, I’ll go tell Alya.”
“And I’ll go tell the boys. See you at the lake!” 
~~~~~~
Sparks flew into the air as Felix threw more wood onto the fire, and the small laps of the lake a few feet behind were drowned out by the cracking of the wood. He had to admit: of all the ideas Claude’s had, this might just be the most sensible. Placing a fire next to a lake would be an extremely responsible thing to do if they didn’t do it specifically to be irresponsible.
Allan dropped another pile of sticks down next to Felix. “Here’s some more for you.”
“You know having too many sticks will make the fire burn out faster, right?” Felix commented, picking up the new sticks to throw them in.
“We’ll just find more, later.” Allegra spoke up, immediately catching the boys’ attention.
“What took you so long?” Allan asked. “I had to stop Claude from blowing his panic whistle to find you.”
Allegra rolled her eyes with a playful smile. “I ran into Marinette and invited them to come join us.”
Felix paused mid-throw. Marinette was coming to their campfire? 
Allan gasped, putting a hand to his chest. “You invited enemies onto our sacred grounds?”
“We agreed on a temporary truce.” Allegra replied with a wave of the hand. “They’ll be fine.”
Allan’s hand dropped. “Ah, a truce. That’s fine then.” 
Felix finally let the stick finish falling into the fire and turned to grab more. So Marinette wasn’t coming by herself. He wondered how chaotic it was going to be with both groups mixing again. Things usually weren’t calm when they were all involved.
Claude hobbled into the campfire circle just then, holding a pile of sticks that somehow went over his head. 
“Oh, hey Allegra. Where have you been?” He asked when he set the extra firewood down.
Bushes rustled behind them, and the group looked up to see Marinette wading through the leaves. Alya, Nino, and Adrien followed behind her, each holding a stack of sticks.
Claude dropped the rest of his sticks. “We’ve been breached!”
Allegra stepped out in front of Marinette, holding up her hands in a calming gesture. “It’s fine! It’s fine. I invited them. We have a truce.”
Immediately, Claude relaxed. “Ah, the sacred truce. It’s an honor to have you.”
Alya and Nino both gave a small bow, and Felix had a feeling he would never understand all of the Rosemary and Dupont camp traditions.
“Likewise.”
“And if you’re still worried, I brought marshmallows for s'mores as a peace offering.” Marinette teased, holding up a bag of fluffed goodness.
“Oh, yes!” Claude cheered, pouncing forward to grab them. “You guys are definitely welcome!”
The group shared a laugh, and everyone started piling their sticks onto the fire. Once it got high enough for other campers to see, they stopped and got out the marshmallows for roasting. Felix figured they had about fifteen minutes till the firefighters arrived.
“The stars sure are bright tonight.” Alya commented as she made her s’more. “I always forget how dim they are back in the city.”
Allegra perked up. “Oh, we should go star-gazing! I’ve always wanted to do that.”
Claude gasped. “Yes! We can go to the top of the mountain to do it!”
Felix rose a brow. That did not sound like a good idea.
Marinette frowned. “Is that allowed, though? I didn’t think we could hike at night.”
“It is if we’re back before bed check.” Allan spoke up, a rare, mischievous glint in his eyes.
“I don’t know, guys.” Adrien began, rubbing the back of his neck. “Don’t they have rules for a reason?”
Felix nodded in agreement. Rules were a good way to create order and safety. Hiking up a mountain at night was dangerous with the wild animals roaming around. Not to mention, they had Marinette, who had an unfortunate habit of tripping on air.
“Oh, it’ll be fine.” Alya- clearly the ‘Claude’ of their group -insisted. “Campers do it all the time.”
“Yeah, and we’re a big group.” Allegra added.
Marinette pursed her lips in thought, then, to Felix’s surprise, her gaze flicked to him. Was she asking for his opinion on the matter? That was new.
Felix offered a shrug, because really, if the rest of the group had their heart set on it already, they wouldn’t change their minds. He’s had to learn that the hard way.
“..Okay. If you guys think it’s safe.” Marinette finally said.
“Great! We’ll go right after we finish our s’mores!” Allegra declared eagerly.
Felix held back an eye roll. Yay.
Chaotic, indeed.
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ververa · 4 years
Text
Safe in Her Arms
Wilhemina Venable x Reader
Words: 1,500
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Wilhemina loved you more than you knew. Yet at times she wanted to slap you in your beautiful face. It wasn't because she was mad. She couldn't be mad at you even if she tried. It usually happened when you did something incredibly stupid, irresponsible or dangerous. Mina hated to admit it, but she was just really worried about you. Worried and scared that she might lose you. If she could she would most likely wrap her hands around your waist and keep you close to herself, hidden from the whole world all the time.
But you, of course, were way too curious about the world and everything around you to sit still and let her protect you. She both loved and hated that about you. She couldn't deny that it was what made her fall for you. You were so stubborn and didn't give up on her even though she was pretty awful to you at first. She had tried to push you away, as she usually did with people, but you kept trying and eventually got to her. You were precious. And she was doing her best to show you how much she appreciated you. 
Wilhemina loved everything about you, but she still couldn't understand why would you opt for extreme sports. Parachute jumping, bungee jumping, diving, climbing, car and motorcycle races - all that was what you were doing in your free time. For Mina it was ridiculous. How someone right-minded could do all of those things so willingly? Who sound in mind wouldn’t be afraid of getting hurt of even dying doing all those things? Was she dramatic? It was hard to say. But she didn't have time to think about it. 
She was on her way to the hospital. It wasn't the first time you ended up being hurt because of your dangerous interests, but regardless of it Mina was worried as much as always. She hated all those negative thoughts that were clouding inside her head, but she couldn't help it. The nurse, who called her, only told her that you got injured and were transported to the hospital. The uncertainty of whatever your state was really bad or no, was killing her. She also hated hospitals as they brought back negative memories of the time when she herself had to spend there a lot of time, because of her scoliosis. Yet you and your well-being were more important than that. 
Wilhemina got to the hospital as soon as she could. She immediately found your doctor and got all the necessary information. She sighed with relief when he told her that your state was stable and you only had some minor injuries. He allowed her to go and see you, but before she managed to get to the right hospital room she came across a group of your friends.
They were sitting at the hall, next to the door of the room in which you were, but  as soon as they spotted Wilhemina they immediately stood up. They were all scared of your girlfriend after she had yelled at them once for not keeping you safe. They were terrified of what was going to happen this time.  
"Wilhemina..." one of them, the one who considered himself brave enough to face her, spoke up
"I don't remember me letting you to use my name" she said dryly stopping right next to him
"I..." he hesitated, in a split second his confidence and bravery were gone
"Will anyone tell me what have happened exactly?" she turned, so that she could face him properly
Your friends explained how you were riding on jet skis and how you noticed a little dog drowning. You loved animals, so obviously, without thinking, you moved to help him. You managed to get him out of the water, but as you were getting on your jet ski you lost your balance and fell down hitting your head on the steering wheel and then falling into water.
Wilhemina rolled her eyes. She couldn’t believe all that was happening for real. After her mind processed all the information she actually got mad. Why were you so irresponsible? Why couldn't you find a different hobby? Couldn't you just stay at home and read or play video games instead? 
She composed herself, or at rather thought so, before entering the hospital room. There you were - asleep with your head bandaged and a few scratches on your cheek. Wilhemina approached the bed and sat down on the chair right next to you. She carefully took your hand and kissed it. That's when you opened your eyes. Your head was pounding and you were so dizzy that for a while you were seeing double. You didn’t really feel any pain, because of the strong painkillers they had given you. You felt funny, kind of as if you were drunk. It was hard for you to comprehend what was going on exactly and for some reason you wanted to laugh. Yet seeing Mina’s face your good mood disappeared.
"Hi..." you said softly
You could feel that she was angry. You couldn't blame her, she had the very right to be mad at you.
Wilhemina said nothing. She only kept holding your palm with her one hand and squeezing her cane with the other.
"Are you mad?" you asked, but still there was no response "Oh Lord, here we go again. I hate when you do that. I hate when you're giving me the silent treatment... It was an accident. I haven't planned it, neither have I expected it to happen..."
"You might have drowned!" Wilhemina shouted cutting you off at the same time
She couldn't help it and hold it back anymore. She was too worried and scared to remain calm.
"Yes! I'm fucking mad Y/N, because things like that keep happening!" she stood up "I know it's fun for you, but it's no fun for me. It's not funny at all when I get a call from a hospital and hear some doctor telling me you had an accident and I need to come, and I can't get any further information about your state on the phone. The time I spend on getting to this fucking hospital and that uncertainty... whether it's just something minor or not. Like maybe you only have your leg broken, but what if you're bleeding out...  This is the worst feeling in the world! I know you love what you're doing, but for God's sake..." she hit her cane on the floor "have some mercy on me Y/N!"
Only seeing your face did Wilhemina realize that she had raised her voice more than it was necessary. You seemed so scared and confused that she immediately felt bad for snapping like that.
You needed a moment to process everything she said. You had never really thought about all that. You had never considered how she might have felt every time you ended up in hospitals.
"I'm sorry" you said and felt the tears springing into your eyes; you didn’t mean to make her feel like that
"No, I am sorry” she began panicking as she saw the tears in your eyes “I didn't mean to yell" she sat down next to you again "I'm just worried about you" 
"I know” you sobbed “I’m sorry. Really. I didn’t realize it’s affecting you this much”
“Shh. Don’t cry” she carefully embraced you “Just promise you’ll be more careful” she kissed your temple
“I promise” you said wiping the tears “I’m sorry”
“It’s okay. You apologized once and that’s enough”
“I feel like it’s not. I promise I’ll make it up to you”
Wilhemina shook her head.
“You don’t need to make up for anything darling. I just get nervous and worried, because I fail to understand how you’re not afraid of doing all those things? You seem so fearless, but also stupid at times” 
“I am fearless…” you hugged her tighter “As long as I’m in your arms” you added
“Such a charmer… Ughh I can’t even be mad at you for too long” she complained 
“Well, I’ll make sure you don’t get mad at me at all anymore”
“We’ll see about that. For now you should get some sleep. You need to get better, because I’m not planning on spending a whole week in this hospital with you”
You laughed.
“Of course ma’am” you kissed her cheek “But will you stay with me tonight?” you looked at her pleadingly 
Wilhemina rolled her eyes once more. You had her wrapped around your little finger.
“I will, but you’ll be the little spoon”
“Aye aye” you laughed
You knew very well that secretly she enjoyed being the little spoon – and you often teased her about it. But you weren’t going to complain this time. It felt way too good. You felt safe in her arms and nothing could compare to that amazing feeling. You loved it more than anything, even more than the rush of adrenaline.
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vet-and-wild · 3 years
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I really struggle with that pet classification... Personally, I consider the daily/weekly time requirement a major factor. And it's not reflected at all! It seems to emphasize mostly how much research is required, even more so than potential danger. But at least for me, even the sweetest dog would be far too difficult to maintain because of the daily time commitment. On the other hand, putting in hours of research? No biggie, that's easy! Different things are difficult for different people.
Every pet is a time commitment. And there are no guarantess. But with a dog, you're basically commiting multple hours every day for 10+ years in order to properly exercise it. Most reptiles require a lot of effort in terms of research and setting them up properly, but once that's done, they do not need you to fuss for hours every day. You need to spot clean, add fresh water and check everything, sure, and medical emergencies can come up. But it's very different from a dog on the average day.
I think classification systems like that are better for exotic pets, but they’re still not perfect. They’re kind of more of a general ranking system for the “average” person. It’s not going to be accurate for everyone, but there’s potential value for the regulation of exotic pet ownership...or at least maybe discouraging people from getting pets they’re not ready for. I find husbandry research and enclosure builds to be fun. That’s my hobby. So caring for a ton of reptiles and amphibians is really not all that much work for me. But a rabbit? No way. I’d never be able to give a rabbit a quality life. It���s really individual and that’s part of the problem. But on the other hand, the argument that some (AKA a very small number) of people are able to take excellent care of extremely difficult species is an argument used to justify ownership of things like big cats and primates. Yeah I’m sure there are people out there who basically have a private zoo set up with great husbandry, safety, and enrichment practices. But that’s not plausible for the majority of people, so should we give a pass to everyone because a small number of people do it well? And on the flip side, do we say that we can’t criticize exotic pet ownership because there are plenty of crappy cat and dog owners out there? I disagree with that. The average person not being able to care properly for a Belgian mallinois is not, in my mind, a justification for people owning dangerous/difficult exotics. Not saying that is your point, I just see that argument a lot.
I come from the perspective of both an exotic pet enthusiast and a veterinarian that see horrible neglect on almost a daily basis. I have 11 pets and all but 2 would be considered “exotic”. And I want more. I have plans for a reptile room. Hell, I’m seriously considering looking into skunk ownership in the future. So I’m not coming at this as a person who is against owning exotic pets period. But also I’m not exaggerating when I say I see neglect frequently. The amount of people who bring in sick exotics and legitimately have no idea how to properly care for them is astounding. But, as a clinic that sees lots of exotics, I also get quite a few amazing owners who have animals that probably live better lives than I do. So I get that it’s individual, I really do, but the current system doesn’t work. I don’t want to punish responsible owners, but I wish there was something in place to make it harder for irresponsible owners to get their hands on these animals.
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trekkie-in-space · 3 years
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KakagaiWeek2020 - Day 4 - Lost & Found P1
Author : JackB
Title : How beast are born.
Rating : General Audience.
Words : 1752
Resume :  During a mission Gai is acting off, his behavior is nothing like Kakashi ever seen. It’s distressing. How can he bring Gai’s back ?
Tag : drdp, derealisation, depersonalization, dissociation, Kakashi’s trauma come to say hello, but this IS a Gai-centric fic, pre-slash but still very Kakagai, anbu kakashi era, the characters have no idea what’s going on, It’s not like Konoha have much if any psychological health/trauma center.
Note : This is based on accurate but specific drdp experience, it can’t reflect all drdp experience, if anybody want more detail on what’s actually going on with Gai you can ask me ^^
THIS IS PART ONE, PART TWO IS HERE
- Lost -
Kakashi had heard about it. A few years back, Gai’s team was celebrating their overly successful last mission. Apparently they had done exploit there, to the point Gai had been given a nickname by the shinobi they had fought, ‘The Beast’. It’s not so often one gets a nickname on the field, curiosity had led the discussion at the table, between food and drinks, all wondered what had happened to lead to such a nickname. They kept coming up with theories, all crazier or more ridiculous than the last, and Kakashi might have been the only one noticing Ebisu taking his distance to the current conversation.
“Well, he didn’t steal the nickname.” He had mumbled in his glass, nobody had heard but him and Genma, at his side, who approved the affirmation with a nod. There was a certain gravity in their expressions. This was more serious than it looked like.
Gai had embraced the nickname, made it his and Kakashi never pushed to know the reason it had been given in the first place, assuming without truly knowing. Gai was competent and a specialist, this simple combination was the most likely to result in a nickname if you found yourself at the right place at the right time. But he could see now, what was behind this nickname, what birthed it.
He wishes he hadn’t found out.
This obstinacy is not like he has ever seen in Gai before, it’s more than completing the mission, this is a hunt. An instinct who has reached its peak and isn’t going down soon. Inexhaustible, relentless and terrifying.
He and Genma can barely keep up the pace with him, if even at all. All they can do is follow the scream or the smell of freshly spilled blood. Gai is pushy on their enemy, never leaving an opening unanswered. There’s no frivolous act, each hit is precise and every movement is efficient.
His enemies are no more than dummies to him. It’s a flawless fight and Kakashi find it distressing. Gai has always been efficient and competent during battles, but never to this extreme. There is a tension in his guts, telling him to never find himself at the end of Gai’s fist when he is in this state. It rare someone can urge such a sensation in him by now, even more when this someone is on his side.
“Gai ! Wait for us.” He screams but Gai doesn’t seem to hear him, if he did, he certainly didn’t pay attention to him, disappearing behind trees like he is part of the forest.
Genma give him a sign to stop and they both land on a tree branch. He is shaking his head.
“Don’t.”
“What’s up with him ?” He asks.
“Oh.. uh. He gets like that. Sometime.” Genma pass his hand on the back of his neck and give Kakashi a crisped smile.
“It happens often ?”
“No. Don’t worry, it’s fine just.. Don’t get in his way.” Kakashi is not sure what it’s supposed to mean.
“He could get seriously hurt if he continues like that.”
“He won’t.”
“How can you be so sure ?”
“Because when he is like that, he doesn’t really get hurt, nobody really has the time to.” Kakashi frown. “I mean.. You saw it.”
Genma is not wrong, Gai is way too fast, but there’s always a risk.
“We should join him, we are close from our goal and he must be waiting for us.”
“I doubt he would have awaited.”
“He did.” Genma is about to start jumping from their tree again but he stops, adding. “Don’t be surprised if he is not.. As talkative as usual. He listens, even if it looks like he doesn’t.”
Kakashi feels like Genma is talking about someone else, this doesn’t sound like Gai at all. It takes them a few minutes, where they pass beside some unconscious or maybe even dead enemies, to reach Gai. They land at his side, Gai doesn’t acknowledge them though, looking over the Iwa research center they have to securize. This center was supposed to be low danger, with a near dormant activity due to a low staffed crew. Their mission was to make prisoners and secure the site until the recovery team comes to retrieve the research that were made here. But their information had been wrong, apparently Iwa had decided to revive this center and give it a strong protection. Their little team had been completely outnumbered.
Which, thanks to Gai, hadn’t been too much of a problem. They were still used from the previous combat though, and the lack of proper information made it far more dangerous. What could await them in that research center could be more than what the three of us could take.
“Gai, this was irresponsible, you could have been hurt or put the whole mission in danger.” Kakashi scold but doesn’t get a single reaction. Not a word, not even a movement. More than his worry for the safety of the mission, Kakashi start to really worry about Gai. He reaches for him, hoping for a reaction. “‘You oka.. ”
“No touching !” Genma snap at him, but it’s too late.
His hand rest gently on Gai’s shoulder and the glare he throws at him in answer terrify Kakashi. It’s mean, violent but in a cold way. Kakashi feel like a prey to be crushed and he can’t help but to stare back, keeping still and quiet as if Gai is going to unleash on him in a second if he makes a wrong move. He was never afraid of Gai, and despite how strong Gai is, Kakashi still think in a serious fight he could take him and win. But right now he isn’t so sure. If anything he feels like a pup being put back in its place and he didn’t think, Gai could ever have such an aura. This is not Gai. Yet it is.
Gai frown at him, gauges him and Kakashi start to wonder if he even recognize him.
A clap of the hand from Genma make Gai’s focus redirect elsewhere. The tension relax and Kakashi gently remove his hand from his shoulder.
“What are you doing, don’t touch him, don’t stare at him.”
“What’s wrong with him ?” Genma move at his side so they can avoid talking between Gai and shrug.
“It’s like, some sort of hyperfocus.. I guess. But hm, a part of him just shut down completely to leave this.” He waves at Gai. “He disconnect from things, I’m not sure. All I know is that like that, there’s no stopping him, he probably won’t leave anybody for us to fight. We just have to follow and make sure we complete the mission.”
“Can he attack us ?”
“Never did, but don’t be in his range because he is most likely not going to avoid you.”
Gai is looking at them now, Genma catch a glimpse of him and immediately looks down and make sure to avoid staring. Kakashi, on the other hand, stare back.
His eyes are not as mean as before, but still hold this coldness, a distance far away from the warms Gai give away. There’s an energy to him, a frenzy that only ask to be let loose. But as he holds his glare, he catches a glimpse of vulnerability, confusion and distress. Kakashi jump at his other side and Gai follow him. To Kakashi, it feels like an animal. They keep staring at each other and Genma stare at them incredulously.
For a second, Kakashi think Gai is reaching out to him or at least tries to. He is not sure what to make of it. Genma seem confident in his teammate but he isn’t. He should probably call off the mission, but how is he going to justify it ?
“So the plan hasn’t changed ?” Genma asks.
“No, we enter, secure the site, we avoid killing the researcher as we are taking prisoners. Then we protect the area waiting for the recovery team. But to be honest I think we should call off the mission.”
“If it’s because of Gai, don’t, he won’t mess up.”
“He is clearly not fine, it’s too dangerous.. ”
“It’s fine.” Gai comment catch their attention immediately. “We can continue the mission.” His tone is a bit distant, disconnected.
“You’re sure ?”
Gai nod. They stare at each other, Kakashi doing his best to gauge Gai, why he can’t quite find the Gai he knows is a mystery. It’s him and at the same time it’s not. Kakashi hates it. Though, he seems fine enough to continue the mission. At least Kakashi hope.
A sound in a bush catch their attention, and Gai’s focus return to the same efficient disconnected coldness.
Like that, he would fit Anbu perfectly.
He gives the sign to pursue the mission and in an instant Gai is at the front door of the research center, they don’t get a welcome party immediately, but as Gai force the door, enemies attack. Kakashi rushes on one of them but he doesn’t have the time to use his Chidori that Gai already sent the ninja away with a kick. It’s fast, it’s ferocious and they can hear bones broke at the impact on the stones of the research center.
Kakashi’s instinct awake and an intense fear takes his guts. Gai jumped extremely close to his Chidori, to the point he felt his electricity touch. If Gai hadn’t been moving so fast, he would have taken it.
The idea of hurting yet another friend with his jutsu paralyze him for an instant. Images of Rin flash through his mind, his hands feels like they are covered in blood again.
Not now.
It could happen all over again, and it terrifies him on the spot. It’s dangerous, they’re in the middle of a fight, but Gai and Genma are managing without him for the moment. He needs to snap out of it.
All he knows is that he won’t be using his Chidori again today.
The battle is quickly over. Kakashi and Genma were here more for support than anything else. Gai could have taken them all without much trouble. He feels like a beast, brutal and ruthless.
Konoha’s Green Beast Kakashi remember. Beast. He gets it now, why it was given to Gai. He wishes he hadn’t found out. He doesn’t have time to settle his uneasiness, they have a mission to complete.
Part Two - Found
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If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Thirty Six
If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag
June 23rd, 1998
“Hey, kid!” a protester yelled rather loudly as Emile was walking by.
Emile paused and turned to the guy. “Can I help you, sir?” he asked.
“You’re too young to be throwing away your life like this! You’re condemning yourself and you can’t be more than what, eighteen?”
“I’m seventeen, and Catholic, and pretty sure I’m going to Heaven no matter what you say,” Emile said.
The man sneered and Emile felt his stomach sink. There were others joining the man, all seeming ready to argue with him. Someone grabbed his arm and he looked over. Faith was guiding him away by the elbow. “C’mon, Emile, those types don’t even deserve the time of day.”
Emile turned to look back at the man, who was glaring at him until some other poor person walked up and he resumed his shouting at them. He winced. “Are there always people like that?” he asked.
“Not by the entrance, usually,” Faith said. “But yeah. One day, though, they’ll be the minority of the situation.”
  June 1st, 2001
Emile was doing the dishes in their apartment with a small smile on his face. Ever since they had gotten back from Emile’s parents, Remy had been acting a lot more animated: getting excited about cooking, going off on tangents about how nice Emile’s parents were, them introducing him to badminton properly, Emile’s mom’s garden and how she grew a few ingredients to use in recipes (and asking if they could translate that to the apartment because then we wouldn’t have to pay for groceries as much, Emile! which Emile was still skeptical about).
It was a Friday, but Emile was officially out of school for the summer, which was very exciting. He could spend more time with Remy because working part time meant they both had a couple times a week where they would have nowhere in particular to be. He paused in washing. It was Friday, but it was also the start of June. Pride month. Emile had been to a pride parade or two, but he doubted that Remy had. And if they were careful, they could go out to one to celebrate!
He grinned. Oh, he’d have to go to the library and get on one of the computers to see if he could find a good pride parade nearby. He definitely wanted to introduce Remy to the joy that was pride parades!
As the last of the dishes in their apartment were drying, Remy walked in with his signature “work was awful” sigh. Emile strode over and gave Remy a light hug. “Hello, my love,” he said. “Would you be willing to go with me to the public library today?”
“I mean, I guess,” Remy sighed. “I’m really tired, though. Would it take long?”
“That depends,” Emile said with a shrug. “I’m not sure how easily I could get access to whichever site the pride parade information might be on.”
“Pride...parade?” Remy asked.
“Yeah, I wanted to take you to one. I figured you’d never gone before, and it’s super fun, and you get to be yourself with no judgement,” Emile said.
Remy’s blank expression had Emile confused. “Emile...what’s a pride parade?” Remy asked.
Emile blinked. “Have you really never heard of a pride parade before?” he asked. “I assumed you would have never gone, but you never even heard of it?”
Remy just continued to stare blankly at Emile.
Emile took a deep breath. “Okay, okay. The short version: a pride parade is where people who are gay or bi or trans or lesbian or whatever can go and celebrate who they are without worrying about what other people will think. If we went to one in a nearby city but not here, it’s unlikely anyone you don’t want to know you’re gay would be there. And they’re super fun! They have all sorts of pretty pride flags, and sometimes they have free buttons or stickers, and you can of course buy some stuff, too, from certain vendors, once the literal parade is over but the celebration is still going on. It’s really cool and I’d love to take you.”
“Emile,” Remy held up a hand. “Information overload.”
Emile pressed his lips together but he was practically vibrating in anticipation. He really wanted Remy to come with him. Remy did that blinking thing he sometimes did as he processed information, then looked at Emile. “And no one would fire us over going to this parade?”
“If we’re careful, no one will know we went to it, and no one who’s part of the parade would ever fire you for being gay,” Emile said with certainty.
“And...there’s like, no drinking or anything involved?”
“Not if you don’t have an ID,” Emile said. “Some vendors won’t sell to you at all until you’re twenty one.”
Remy hummed in thought.
“Would you...want to drink at pride? Rem? If you were able to?” Emile asked.
“I...don’t know. Alcohol is...clearly a depressant for me, and I don’t really want to be depressed at something you find fun,” Remy said with a shrug. “Honestly drinking is...kinda boring. Like, if I had some sort of food to go with it? Maybe. That could complement the food and make the meal taste even better. But drinking on its own is...eh. Not interesting. I’d only do it if I didn’t want to remember the night I drank.”
Emile relaxed at that. He knew that a drunk Remy had plenty of issues both with memories and in whatever situation the two of them found themselves in. If Remy decided he’d rather not drink, that was one less thing that Emile would have to worry about.
Remy frowned. “You’re relieved. Why are you relieved?”
Emile forgot that Remy could read him like an open book at the most inopportune times. “It doesn’t matter, Remy. Let’s just go to the library.”
“It matters to me,” Remy said stubbornly. “Why are you relieved?”
“Remy...” Emile sighed. “This is a conversation that is doomed to be really long and I really want to get to the library before it closes.”
Remy stood his ground, searching Emile’s eyes. Emile resisted the urge to squirm. “Why are you relieved?” Remy pressed.
“I’m relieved because you don’t want to drink,” Emile said.
Remy blinked. “Do you think I’m irresponsible around alcohol?” he asked, jutting his chin out in challenge.
“I think that considering both your past with your family and your identity you’re extremely likely to develop a drinking problem in order to self-medicate. That’s not healthy. Hearing that you don’t want to drink just because is a relief. Sure, hearing that you’d use it to forget a stressful night isn’t great, but you’re not going to become addicted to alcohol because of one bad bender,” Emile said.
“I’m perfectly healthy, Emile. Sure, my life wasn’t the easiest, but I wouldn’t resort to alcoholism.”
Emile ran a hand down his face. “This is why I didn’t want to get into this,” he muttered. He kissed the crown of Remy’s head. “I know you’re smart, honey. I know you know that alcohol isn’t an answer. But that doesn’t mean it can’t look tempting after a particularly bad day.”
Remy crossed his arms and Emile knew that Remy’s stubbornness was in full swing. “You’re dangerously close to controlling territory, Emile,” he growled.
“Controlling would be guilt-tripping you into not drinking. I’m just pointing out what I think about your statements. Not trying to guilt-trip anybody,” Emile placated.
Remy continued to snarl and Emile sighed. “Rem, I’m not your...I’m not your babysitter, I can’t tell you what you can and can’t do. I’m just trying to express my thoughts. It clearly came across wrong. For that, I apologize. But I would never intentionally want to guilt-trip you.”
“You were about to say you’re not my parents,” Remy growled.
“A habit I’m trying to kick,” Emile replied smoothly.
Remy ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t like it when you say that, Emile,” he warned.
“Which is why I’m trying to kick the habit. It won’t leave overnight,” Emile said.
“It should never have taken root in the first place,” Remy accused.
“You know what? You’re right,” Emile said. “It doesn’t do anything other than upset you and try to boost my ego. I shouldn’t have started saying it. But I did. So now the only thing I can do is try and stop it.”
Remy crossed his arms, scrutinizing Emile. Eventually, he sighed. “So, the library?”
“Yeah,” Emile agreed. “I can drive us over, or we could walk. It is a pretty nice day.”
“It’s a little hot to me,” Remy said.
Emile rolled his eyes. “Well, duh, you’re always wearing that leather jacket when you go out. You’re gonna overheat in that thing.”
“It’s a price I’m willing to pay for the aesthetic,” Remy said, face expressionless.
Emile sighed and walked out the door as Remy grinned and followed him. “You worry me, Rem. Like, a lot.”
“Aw, come on, the aesthetic is amazing! It makes me look cool,” Remy said.
“I would argue it makes you look hot, and not in the attractive sense,” Emile argued, even as he kissed Remy’s cheek. “Either learn to drink more water during the summer, or lose the jacket.”
“How much water would I have to drink, exactly?” Remy asked.
“At least eight cups,” Emile said.
Remy tilted his head back and groaned. “That’s so many,” he complained.
“The price to pay for the aesthetic,” Emile teased.
Remy scowled before grabbing Emile’s shoulders and leaping on top of him. Emile squawked and nearly fell over right outside the apartment complex, where two of their more...conservative neighbors were currently walking in. Emile waved to them. “Hey, Grace, Roy! How are you?”
They didn’t reply to him, not that Emile minded. He was a little busy trying to get Remy off him. Remy was laughing maniacally as he had his legs wrapped around Emile’s torso. “Remy, Remy! Re—oof! Remy! Don’t kick there!” Emile protested.
“I wouldn’t have to kick you if you didn’t squirm so much!” Remy argued.
“I am not a jungle gym! Off! Now!” Emile shot back.
Remy sighed and put his legs down. “I didn’t hurt your back, did I?” Remy asked.
“My back? No. My kidneys? Give me three to five business days,” Emile drily replied.
Remy winced. “Sorry.”
Emile waved off his apology. “Let’s just get to the library, okay?”
They got in Emile’s car and drove over, Emile immediately heading to the queue for the computers. When he put his library card on the list, he waited for a computer to open while Remy went to look at books. As soon as he was allowed to get on a computer, he did, waving Remy over. They went online and Emile searched for local pride parades. “There’s this one we could go to, it’s two towns over,” Emile said softly.
“Two towns over still seems kinda close,” Remy murmured.
“Well, there might be protesters around but I don’t know any people out here who would go out of their way to drive over there to wave around a sign about going to Hell,” Emile said. “And we don’t want to go too far away. It would be a one-day thing, it’s not like we have the money to rent a room at a hotel.”
“Okay, that’s a valid point,” Remy muttered. “Do we have to make reservations or anything? RSVP?”
“Nope, all we have to do is show up and not bring anything they don’t allow,” Emile said, grinning. “You’re gonna have a great time, Remy, I already know it.”
Remy shifted where he stood. “I guess I have to take your word on that, because I don’t have a reference point,” he said. “But I’m still not sure.”
Emile sighed and clicked around the site, making note of what the parade did and didn’t allow. “If you don’t want to go I understand,” Emile said. “But it would be way more fun with you, and I promise it’s safe.”
Remy chewed his lip. “I really want to believe you, Emile. It’s just...it’s hard. Not because of you, necessarily. It’s just hard in general.”
“Yeah,” Emile agreed. “I was super nervous my first Pride. A few protesters got close to me, tried to shout me out of going in. But my friends kept me moving, away from them, and I had the time of my life, getting to be myself, loud and out and proud of it for just a couple hours. And I couldn’t wait to go back to it the next year.”
“And you didn’t...?” Remy paused. “You don’t worry that the protesters are right?” He was hugging himself as he softly asked, “You know you won’t go to Hell for it?”
“Honey...” Emile chewed his lip, before standing and hugging Remy tightly. “They’re wrong, they’ve always been wrong and always will be wrong. It doesn’t matter who the protesters are, either. Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Jewish, or just plain old homophobes without much inclination towards any religion. They aren’t in the right. You won’t go to Hell for loving me or any other man. Okay?”
“Okay,” Remy said softly.
“Okay,” Emile repeated. “Now, are you going to come with me to Pride?”
Remy smiled softly and nodded. “I’ll give it a shot.”
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pooklet · 4 years
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you know what? no.
i was going to let this shit stay buried and just block you, but honestly, this reductive line of thinking is not just infuriating, it’s dangerous, and it chills me to think other people might have the same overly-simplistic view of the cause of this pandemic. so let’s try and turn this unnecessarily antagonistic interaction around, and learn some facts.
firstly, research into the origins of covid-19 is still ongoing and a definitive source has not yet been determined. the link with bats comes from the fact that the virus closely resembles existing viruses found in bats and pangolins[1] (side note: by your logic, pangolins are also a forbidden animal. so be sure to be rude to anyone who posts gifs of them, too). but that doesn’t mean that bats or pangolins are at fault for the spread of covid-19. no animal is at fault for being the origin of a disease that has jumped to humans. such is the case of civet cats and SARS. civet cats were proven to be the likely source of SARS in humans[2], but it was furthermore determined that most civet cat populations did not have the disease, and that it was overwhelmingly found in a market in which overcrowding and contact with other animals was the likely cause of the disease in civets[3], which then jumped to humans through the consumption of civet cat meat.
in other words, it was the fault of humans and their mishandling of civet cats that ultimately caused the SARS epidemic. which is also shaping up to be case with covid-19. although i wouldn’t count it as an academic source, this opinion piece by dr. robert breiman is worth a read.
secondly, i don’t think it’s possible at this point to deny the fact that the rampant spread of covid-19 has very little to do with its origin, whatever that may be, and everything to do with the fact that we, as a society, were so incredibly underprepared for a pandemic. epidemiologists have been warning us for years that the next pandemic was inevitable, and that when it happened we would not be able to handle it if appropriate precautions weren’t taken. well, they weren’t. and here we are.
thirdly, fear-mongering about bats has already put them in extreme, unnecessary danger[4] and could have untold consequences on the ecosystem as a whole, especially given that many species of bat is already critically endangered. bats provide an essential role in pollination and reducing the population of disease-carrying insects. maligning them as being the cause of covid-19 based on incomplete research is hugely irresponsible.
lastly, on a more personal note: i’m writing this post from home quarantine, where my mother has been showing many of the symptoms of covid-19. because of the lack of available tests, we have no idea if she has it, or just a severe, poorly-timed cold. we have no certainty one way or another. her doctor has told her to stay at home unless her cough turns into shortness of breath, at which point azaya and i have to be ready to rush her to the hospital, which for all we know may not even be able to treat her because of overcrowding and lack of resources.
my sister-in-law has also been confirmed to have come in direct contact with someone who has covid-19, and as a result she and both my mother-in-law and father-in-law are also in quarantine. there is not a single person in my immediate family who is not at risk for the disease or, in my mom’s case, might already have it. and because our country’s politicians do not give a shit about us, we have no way of knowing, no access to early stage treatment and have been told to just stay home and only seek medical treatment if things get bad, by which point it could be too late. we have spent the last week in a state of near-constant anxiety, and i have sobbed in azaya’s arms on more than one occasion.
but as scared for my family as i have been, and as angry as this whole situation has made me, i have not once blamed bats for it. because doing so is not only wrong, but it shifts blame away from those actually at fault. if you want someone to be angry with, start with the utterly incompetent politicians that fired their country’s pandemic response team to cut costs[5]. start with the heartless rich assholes demanding millions of dollars for the use of their empty real estate as desperately-needed hospital space[6]. and definitely don’t assume that the people you’re accusing of being insensitive about the current global crisis for using a bat gif aren’t also being directly effected by that crisis.
p.s. i hope it goes without saying that i don’t want anyone dog-piling on this person. i’ve said my piece, i’m done, and now i’m going to go recolor some shit.
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darkkidplaidopera · 4 years
Text
“For eternity” Khunbam
as always sorry for any errors, and there’s smut under the cut so you’ve been warned lol
<- ->
Khun Aguero Agnis has never been prone to believe in the supernatural. As he said himself, this world has already contained enough madness itself. The first rule of living there everyone learned as a child – if you want to avoid making the same mistakes, you have to know your past. What's more, each human being was born with a mark on their body which symbolized the way one died in their last incarnation. The mark belonging to Khun didn't look particularly large. Some people thought he's lucky because of it. Yet two dark dots staining his pale neck looked as if he got bitten by a venomous snake. Even though they seemed way too huge for simply a wild animal, Aguero tried not to think about it. Was there a big chance that he'll die this way again? No, of course not. He didn't have any possible way of meeting such a creature during his usual life. And that's enough of a reason to don't care about his mark. After all, Khun Aguero Agnis was a busy man, he had no time for this kind of nuisances. Always dressed properly – a tailored suit, shiny shoes, black tie, and an expensive watch. If you ever tried to imagine what a stereotypical businessman looked like, he'd be the first thing popping into your mind. Khun's life, just as his straightened blue hair, was lacking any kind of mess. He couldn't understand people who treated their marks as a significant part of themselves. There was no such a word like “destiny” in his dictionary, because believing in it had no logical value. After all, he lived in a world with much bigger issues – economy, politics, and even an upcoming climate catastrophe! Caring about something as trivial as body marks in current situation seemed egoistical. Or at least that's what he thought.
Fall was such a pretty season, but it had a major flaw. Too short days. Aguero spent most of his time in his office, which resulted in the fact that both when he entered, and left the building there was already dark outside. Maybe Khun didn't like to admit it, but coming back to his house was the least favorite part of the day for him. The office was his sanctuary. Full of life, people, important matters. And his house? Empty, filled with loneliness, and apathy. Aguero had everything, but he felt like he still lacked something. Or someone, to be more precise. Khun could reject those thoughts, try to disagree with them, he could even find them totally idiotic. But for what reason when deep down he knew himself what was the truth? Self awareness was both a blessing, and a curse. Yet the awareness itself couldn't possibly affect his daily routine in any way. Aguero packed his documents, and checked for the last time if everything was on its place. It was a few minutes past 8 P.M. If not for the streetlamps, there would be an unbreakable darkness surrounding every inch of the world outside. Khun lived near his office, so he could easily go back to his place on foot. On his way he passed different parks, streets, and houses. Aguero swore to himself that there was no other place in this world with so many imbeciles behind the wheel who treated speed limits like suggestions instead of restrictions. Khun considered himself to be a tolerant person. Yet there was one thing he absolutely couldn't stand – irresponsibility. Suddenly, he heard a weird noise behind his back. It couldn't possibly be wind. The noise sounded more like a rustle of some leaves being stomped at. Aguero turned around immediately, but the only thing he saw was an empty road dressed in a dark shroud of the night. Maybe he imagined things? No, impossible. Maybe it was some kind of animal. Yes, that's the only rational option. Khun tried to believe that. Yet, during the whole walk to his house, he felt like he wasn't alone. As soon as Aguero reached his destination, he closed the door quickly while throwing his cloak at an armchair.
“Alone once again,” Khun murmured.
Talking to himself was one of those habits that he didn't create completely deliberately. Khun didn't like spending time in an absolute silence. Being left alone with his thoughts was too overwhelming. Silence was the only thing that could scream the truth so loudly. Khun Aguero Agnis was a successful man. And he was really fucking lonely.
“You seem really confident for someone who's wrong.”
Aguero froze. That voice definitely didn't belong to him. It didn't even sound fully humane. A husky, low timbre made Khun shiver.  He felt like an animal that's slowly getting closer to getting trapped in a cage. The velvet voice seemed to cling to Aguero's heart, and surround it with golden threads. The ones that spread their warmth, making others unable to take their eyes away from the beauty. Those that one day will stop Aguero's circulation to own the last beat of his heart.
“Who are you?” Khun asked while trying to get out of his narcotic trance.
“Does it matter? I can introduce myself with every name, and every past. But it won't change anything,” a man answered.
Khun took this moment as an opportunity to see the source of the voice. A man standing next to his window seemed completely indifferent to what was happening, as if the situation's nothing new for him. Because of a black cloak he was wearing, his posture lightly blurred with the night sky. Long, dark hair covering a part of his face made the stranger slightly more mysterious. It looked as if his clothing was chosen on purpose so the slim body didn't look so fragile. Because of his tallness, and rather delicate face structure the stranger reminded Aguero more of a statue than a real human being. His marble skin, and body seemed like an embodiment of the slenderness of Gothic architecture that somehow got trapped in a Greek sculpture.
“I don't think any different. But since you've already broken into my home, you could already make some effort, and provide me a believable reason why,” Aguero snorted.
“Does everything need to have a reason, though? If something has to happen, then it will, no matter if there's a legitimate cause of it,” the man replied.
Nonsense. Nothing happens without a reason. Khun Aguero Agnis would never allow something as irrational as fate to make a difference in his life without a permission.
“And, Aguero,” the stranger continued. “Don't you want to know what was the real cause of your mark?”
“How do you know my name?”
With each passing second Khun found it harder to stay calm. There was a stranger in his house who had probably followed him before, and somehow even knew his name. Aguero didn't know if the man meant any harm, but he also wasn't too thrilled to check. Khun knew there's a chance he's in danger, and even worse – he didn't know how to escape from his own house to call the police.
“I've been watching you for quite a time.”
Yikes. Isn't that stalking? Suddenly, a wind blow came through the room, and left a slight impact on the man's hair. The dark cascades made a contact with golden light coming from his big eyes. They seemed familiar. Too familiar for Khun's liking. A quiet voice in Aguero's head was getting louder, and louder. And its screams were repetitively filling his mind with one word.
“Your name is Viole, right?”
The man nodded.
Jue Viole Grace has never considered himself to be an extraordinary human being. Well, maybe let's start with the fact that he never considered himself a human. As one of the creatures that most people thought existed only in fairytales, he tried to fit in really hard. And it wasn't an easy task. With his extremely pale skin, dark hair, and fangs that were a little too long Viole was rather easy to find in a crowd. Viole considered the twenty-first century as a nice change, though. In the previous ages, his appearance usually made people either scared or nervous. Not to mention when he had to run away from villages while being chased with pitchforks, and torches. And now? Now if people react to his looks at all, they usually just wonder if there was a new collection with vampire accessories in Hot Topic. Viole liked it. No one would believe he's a vampire anyway. The society apparently thought of reincarnation, and weird body marks as completely normal. But vampires? No, that's not possible. Yet what else could he expect, when after all these years some people still believed that the Earth is flat? Viole didn't complain, though. Conspiracy theories were way better than wasting his time on priests trying to exorcise him to get some demons out. Viole didn't mind waiting. He didn't remember his past lives fully, but there was one repetitive thing in all of them. Eyes made of cobalt. But not some ordinary blue eyes. Only the ones that belonged to his Aguero had this exact color. Dark, but not overbearing hue that looked almost mauve in daylight was irreplaceable. Every time Aguero was amused, his eyes shined with him, and Viole could swear on his life that they looked like a sky full of stars. He'd wait for Khun as long as it's necessary. But he hoped that the right time will come soon.
The fact that his Aguero remembered him made Viole feel relieved. Even if a detail or two of their relationship escaped from  his head. The last time they met his Aguero was gone too soon. Even though Viole would give up his own eternity for Khun, there was nothing that could remain immortal when facing this world's cruelty. The marks weren't necessarily equal with death. They meant that the soul has already perished, but brought no meaning when it came to talking about the state of one's body.
“How much do you remember, my Aguero?”
Khun blushed madly. Most people didn't dare to act informal around him, let alone call him Aguero. It didn't bother him, though.
“Not a lot, unfortunately. I don't get why everyone's in some kind of tower,” he replied.
“It's a long story, my Aguero. Too long for just one night.”
Said story wasn't the most pleasant one to tell, too. Even though the godless tower was supposed to bring them happiness, the true joy came with the disappearance of it. Viole couldn't possibly be happy knowing how many people died because of him.
“There's quite a few interesting things that I remember, though,” Khun smirked with a dangerously amused look on his face.
Viole almost didn't notice how quickly Aguero closed the distance between them.
“How loudly you were moaning my name, for example,” he whispered into Viole's ear.
Viole felt his cheeks turning crimson. Beacause of the long time he spent without his Aguero, he almost didn't remember what a tease he was. But Khun forgot one thing.
“Then you should also remember how much you liked choking on my cock, and begging for more.”
Aguero frowned. He didn't recall Viole being that bold, and it really turned him on. Their lips connected in a hungry kiss which was a beginning of a sinful act. At some point, Aguero's legs wrapped themselves around Viole's waist, and Khun wasn't sure if he had any control over them anymore.
“I think a need a reminder,” Khun said, and licked his lips. “Preferably in the bedroom, third door on the left.”
“I'll make sure that you'll never forget again.”
Quiet moans started to fill the spacious room. Tangled, blue hair partly covered Aguero's rose-red cheeks. His plump lips, now lightly swollen, were wrapped around Viole's member, and made honey-eyed man lose his mind. A stream of saliva on Aguero's pale chin, his half-closed eyes, and needy moans were enough of a reason for Viole to forget about anything else. His Aguero looked exceptionally pretty when he was so obedient. When defenseless, he seemed almost pure, and full of innocence. Or at least what was left of it. Viole felt that he's about to cum, but it was too early for
that. The fun has just started.
“Mm... Aguero,” he said with a hoarse voice. “Be a good boy, and lay on your stomach for me.”
Khun tried to stood up, but his shaky legs were a major inconvenience. Viole has already made a mess of him, and he didn't even properly touch him. When Aguero's throbbing cock touched the sheets, an obscene noise left his mouth. He wanted Viole's touch. No, not just wanted. He needed it. Now. He felt Viole's arms slowly roaming around his body. And then, a silky fabric of his own tie made contact with Khun's wrists, tying them up.
“Is it too tight?” Viole asked, and the only answer he got was an incoherent mumbling, supposedly meaning 'no'.
Viole's lips started leaving trails of kisses on Aguero's body, making their way to his inner thighs.
“Stop t-teasing me, Viole,” Khun gasped, not even entirely sure himself if the words made a proper sentence.
“I thought that good boys are more patient,” Viole replied. “You know that being disobedient results in a punishment.”
He didn't wait for any reply this time. He liked seeing Aguero like this. So vulnerable, and willing to do what Viole wanted. But he wasn't sadistic. He could pamper his Aguero a little, and skip the punishment part. Viole reached for the lube that laid on the nightstand, and let the cold substance cover Aguero's needy, twitching hole. Khun moaned loudly when Viole's member entered him.
“Harder, please!” Aguero yelled with no care that someone might hear him.
Hoarse incoherent sounds left Khun's mouth, when Viole increased the speed of his thrusts. The erotic act between them brought another deadly sin to their lives, and made it take full control of the lovers. A throbbing release of their passion ended with an intense orgasm, leaving two men in a chaos of their own bodies.
“Viole?” gasped Khun exhausted, craving for air. “I want to be yours only.”
“You're already mine, Aguero,” replied Viole. “You've always been.”
Gold eyes roamed around Khun's body once more, while pale hands untied him.
“Not in that way, Viole” Khun said. “I want to be yours forever.”
The man looked into cobalt eyes once more, as if he was looking for reassurance. Aguero was confident with what he wanted. Viole's lips left a few delicate kisses on his neck, and then bit it.
“For eternity, Aguero?”
“And even longer, Viole.”
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13. Exposing the Void Pt. 1
A lot of this chapter is straight up Simon’s thoughts, so it gets jumbled and possibly confusing. Let me know if there’s parts where things are unclear (most likely in those times, we’re inside of Simon’s thoughts). Word Count: 5969. Trigger Warnings: Self harm, child death, child abuse, mental instability, mental abuse, dehumanization, betrayal, delusions, intrusive thoughts... 
This chapter was actually the hardest for me to write in this story, thus far. And please keep in mind that in this space, there is no ableism allowed. So, refrain from using terms about psychosis or mental illness as insults towards the characters. The purpose is not to blame Simon’s actions on poor mental health or to excuse his behavior due to his trauma. The purpose is to understand a story in a world where mental illness is not necessarily the cause of why some people do evil things, but is sometimes a factor (not usually, as mentally ill people are generally more likely to hurt themselves than others), but yes, there are occasions where our psychosis can led to dangerous outbursts. Please don’t use the phrase “Go psycho” when referring to any variation of Simon Laurent, even this one. Thank you.
Previous
Simon was getting a tattoo. He’d already decided that much. He didn’t know of what, but he was convinced that he would think of something. It seemed healthier than self harm, at least… and a professional would mark him in this scenario. 
He had a full course on his schedule, additional hours of extracurricular activities and work, plus interviews and maintaining his website. Plenty to do to keep his mind off of it - the void. His nostrils flared just thinking about it. Sometimes, he found himself checking social media for updates from a backup account. He had been blocked under his personal and professional ones. But, it wasn’t back. The last post was the same post that had been shared to each of them by its team.
“Hello, Apex Members. On behalf of The Internet’s Honey, Miss Grace Monroe, we would like to express the sincerest apologies for the negativity that has been spread and for the things that Miss Monroe stands accused of. She is seeking help at a secure location, and it is our hope that she will return to you soon, in all of her glory, fully restored, healthy and well.”
The comments were thousands of “Fuck Grace Monroe. She’s cancelled.” etc. He had been amused before, but the more comments that were added, the more numb he became to them. He was numb to many things… still somehow… it left its mark on him. He pulled up his sleeve and looked at his tallies… it left several. “Fuck Grace Monroe,” he whispered, shook his head and said in a louder, more confident tone, “Fuck the void.” A little mantra before his early AM classes. 
Whenever he got home, though… He went through a range of emotions for a while. Everybody lies to me. Everybody leaves me… Even when nothing had anything to do with this thought process, if he wasn’t focused deeply on something else, there were the thoughts. Sometimes, even when he WAS working on something else. The thing about living alone and being at home was that he had a lot of time to get trapped in his harmful thoughts, and no Grace there to ease things. Not anymore.
It started with his mother. She was only going to be gone “for a little while.” 
Simon wasn't confident in his abilities to watch himself AND a younger person. He was a cub scout and even a careful child, but he knew that Hope could be a handful, sometimes even for their parents. “I don’t think I can watch Hope, Mom.”
“Oh, of course you can, Simon!” She cheered. “It’s only for a little, short, while, and you’re my capable little man.”
Hope laughed and said, “He’s not a man. He’s Simon.”
“If Mom says I’m a man, then I am!”
Their mom clarified, “He’s a big boy who gets to be man of the house when Mommy and Daddy aren’t here. Mommy’s Little Man. You’ve got this, Si. Like I said, only a little while.” She tousled his hair and filled him with confidence that he had not had a few minutes prior… then she was gone for what felt like forever. 
18 year old Simon knew that she had only been gone for 2 hours, but as a 10 year old watching a 4 year old who didn’t want to be watched by a “fake man,” it seemed like a lengthy stretch of time. With Hope doing things that she knew she shouldn’t, taunting him by telling him that he’s a fake man and that’s why he couldn’t stop her, and whenever she tried to go into the attic, that was the last straw. He had gotten really mad at her. She had been teasing him, calling him a fake man, a little baby, a small, small Simon… He didn’t mean to hurt her, but he was offended by her name calling. He was only going to drag her into her room and make her have a time out. 
18 year old him knew that he was angry when he grabbed her by the back of her shirt, as hard as he could, upset with her, but also needing to get her off of the ladder and into her room. 10 year old him yanked her off of the ladder and flung her to the floor beneath them with rage. She let out a screaming laugh whenever she went flying down, but when she hit the floor… she became silent. 
Simon shook his head. That wasn’t my fault. I was a child! The void had been right about that. “Who leaves a 10 year old home alone with a 4 year old?” He heard her voice ask, when they were kids. More than that - Who tells a boy that young that he is trusted with the life of a smaller child? That he’s “a man” because you need a little favor? Two. Hours!  
He still didn’t know how long he had sat there trying to wake Hope up before their mother came back or where she was at that time, but wherever she was, he hoped she thought about it every single day that she tried to blame him. He hoped it ate away at her and corrupted her from the inside out until her health faded and her heart stopped. He didn’t always feel that way. 
When he was 10, he blamed himself. He loved his mother. He wanted her back. He wanted to be her little man again, even though he failed her. He was still so young and confused, and nobody was helping him to understand it all. He couldn’t answer why he didn’t call 911. He was scared. He was crying. He... just didn’t think about it at the time. He hadn’t been prepared for an emergency.It was supposed to just be a little while! I was supposed to be the man of the house. Nothing bad was supposed to happen on my watch...
It continued with his father. So furious with his wife’s decision that he couldn’t stand to share the same breathing space with her most of the time. Unfortunately, that also meant not sharing it with Simon. He told Simon that he didn’t blame him. He lied. Some part of him had to, because otherwise, why would he have left him with the woman who had been so irresponsible that they already lost one child? Because… he died in his father’s eyes that night, too. The man was just too much of a coward to admit it. So, he just… left.
And Grace… He almost started crying, but shook his head and shook her it out of his mind. “Void,” he said and clenched his fists. Still… He missed her it. She It was the only thing that used to be able to get his mind off of his family, his pain, his guilt, his rage… 
For so long, she it was the only thing. Now, he was left to just force himself to live through this. He was better off. It was going to stop his full potential. It had already stunted him so much. He spent years building a fortress for it and throwing himself in front of everything that came its way. Never again. 
.
After they began officially dating, she was acting weird and he let it go. This was new for both of them and she was still trying to figure out her sexuality. He thought he was extremely understanding about her characteristics. As a matter of fact, up until the moment that he realized that she was a liar, he found no flaws in her at all. He loved all of her, perfect in every way and in the ways that she wasn’t, he never took notice. He just re-imaged those things as perfect, because they were things that were of Grace. Being a snobby, rich bitch - fine. Being lazy and irresponsible, sure. Being wishy-washy and confusing… he didn’t love that, but he accepted it and always assumed that maybe he was mistaken, or maybe she was the confused one in those moments. He never thought that she was deceiving him. Now, it was all that he could think about.
How many lies she must have told him over the years, how much of his childhood and adolescence was built upon those lies… He had to try to void everything that he had ever known her to be from his life, and from his mind.
“Do you not love me?”
“I do!”
Had he not been so blinded by his love, he would have known that she didn’t mean it. He would have heard it in her tone. He would have seen it in her eyes. “The void was just that good,” he told himself. “It tricked everyone. You watched it work for so long, you thought that you were exempt. It cares about nothing but itself.”
She seemed like she was withdrawing from him. He didn’t want to see it at the time, but he knew what that looked like. He couldn’t stop his mother from doing it. He couldn’t stop his father from doing it. He couldn’t even keep the pet cat around! How does one even run off an animal? 
The point was… he saw Grace leaving. He saw her packing up. He saw her setting out. He did everything he could possibly think of to prevent it, even before she realized that she was leaving. But, when somebody wants to get away from you, they’ll do whatever you let them do to get away. She should have thanked him. He not only let her go, but he removed her completely. That’s what she wanted, anyway. She made that decision herself. “The void would have taken everything from you. Everything you worked for. Everything you’ve built. Everything you set in place to manage without the liars, the leavers, the lost ones…” 
She first began slipping away from him before they became official. She started having problems with things that she didn’t have problems with previously… Honestly, she started the moment that she chose to leave him behind to tour for the summer when they were 15. The previous 5 years,  she had plenty of times she could have went on the road. She either blew off her auditions or she didn’t push herself as hard. She had said that she could show off her skills on the Internet and have just as big of a following, if not a bigger one than if she built a resume of dance troupes and traveling ballet. She even forfeited the chance to be in a Broadway production, because she was worried that she’d never get to see him again. Then, when they were 15… It became more important to her than him.
He tried not to take it personally, because she had sacrificed plenty of opportunities for him before. But, it was a bad time for him, and a busy time and… he needed her. He always needed her back then. He had never been prepared to not have her. Sure, he could have went with her, like she wanted, but if HE put off his things, he didn’t have rich parents to fall back on. He didn’t have parents to fall back on, period. She… was in more of a position to give up her goals… but she had decided not to. That was fair. He told himself many times every day that was fair and she deserved to choose herself sometime. She came back changed… or maybe he changed without her there. That much doesn’t matter, right now. What matters is that he TRIED to fix them. She leaned more into these changes. These changes that could tear them apart. Changes that would leave him lonely again, for the first time in years.
Grace was working on her music career junior year. After the tour, she had connections that she didn’t want to go cold. She would throw herself into those and into creation while Simon was working on a future that he still hoped was for both of them. He was working his ass off for them, but in hindsight, she was working hers off for herself. After she was Simon’s girlfriend, at school, things felt different for her. Everybody treated her exactly the same way that they always had, but everything was just different. 
Simon was either more social than she knew him to be, or had gotten that way overnight. Then again… He was in StuCo and held a position… so he had the social skills to at least win people over. She supposed that she hadn’t noticed because he was the one who she always had to talk out of a fight. He was more than that, of course, but… she guessed that she hadn’t realized how many friends he must’ve had, because he was doing a lot and having to leave her behind, most of the time.
Most times, he gave her a quick rundown of what type of stuff he had to do for the day, kissed her on the cheek, promised to see her later and rushed off. She chalked it up to the busy schedule that he had been speaking about for this year, at least a year in advance, and didn’t think much of it. At least, whenever they had space, she didn’t have to wonder what to do next. She didn’t have to decide if she should be sitting in his lap like his friend’s girlfriend, or in between his legs like that girl across the way, or straddling him like Shana sometimes did whoever she was dating, or… sit there, with her book, pretending not to see any of it and smiling at Simon whenever they made eye contact. 
Simon was always studying her, surveying, making inventory of her expressions and potential emotions. She could feel him investigating and she didn’t know what to do with that. He didn’t know what to do with his findings… Why was she so uncomfortable when he looked at her? Why did she shy away from his gaze? What was wrong with her that she didn’t want his attention? She always wanted attention… it was basically her identity! Not only did she start to seemingly have problems with his attention, but also the rest of the world’s attention.
Being trapped in her room most of the time meant more work on her music. Anytime she posted something new, someone always showed up to remind others of how she "accosted an innocent woman on the train and threatened to ruin her life if she sought justice" and that she "is actually a terrible person." Sure, her fans defended her, but her focus was stuck on the negative feedback. Simon told her, “Don’t worry about those nulls. You’re Apex royalty. They’re scrubs.” He wasn’t remotely concerned about it. 
Simon had asked himself if he had defended her to them, would things have been different between them… but the previous times he had defended her, she got mad at him! It took him days to get her back to normal, and even then, she seemed tepid. She was letting a bunch of strangers on the Internet doubt herself. 
“She let a bunch of nulls weigh in on her confidence, then she got made at ME for agreeing with her parents that it was weak of her. It was! The Apex doesn’t care about the opinions of nulls!” He realized that he was speaking of the void like it was a person again. Personifying it. Humanizing it. That was sometimes difficult not to do. He would tap into his disappointment, hurt, and anger and he knew it was because of this rot that had spread in his life for years. 
But, every now and then a glimmer of her smile, her smell, her softness would hit him in the heart and he would forget about it temporarily. For a few moments, she would be the love of his life again… “It doesn’t care about you. It never did. The void is a parasite. It would have poisoned everything, if you hadn’t cut the head off and incapacitated it.”
He glanced over at a mannequin head designed to look like it. It had given him the idea, inadvertently whenever it jokingly accused him of being a life size figurine of himself. Immediately, he thought - I’ve gotta make her one of those! It was a passion project, and of course, he didn’t have a lot of time to work on it, but the head was complete by the time it showed itself as the hollow it was.
.
Grace felt like she hadn’t smiled for real in a while. Nobody really noticed. The Apex didn’t know her that well. Simon didn’t have time for her. Her parents probably never cared. She went into town with her flock of girls, these days. She felt like Simon was sending them to be around her and she didn’t know if that was sweet or creepy. But, she ditched them at the mall to go to see him. He was at work that night, at the learning center. He had a job helping to tutor struggling kids - one that his credits as a student tutor at the Academy, his grades, his position as one of the students enrolled in the early college program, and a recommendation from Mr. Monroe got him hired at, despite the fact that most of the staff here were actual educators. 
They didn’t even know about the fact that Simon had started a business of doing people's homework, projects, sometimes their tests from the time he was 11 until he was 15. He was definitely qualified for tutoring, but it was her father’s recommendation that really gave him the edge over actual teachers. He was satisfied enough there. He still did a project or two for the rich kids when he could squeeze something in, for extra cash. He was saving up to move out of his dad’s house. Now that his mother was at her mother’s, his dad was considering leaving the military and coming home. Simon didn’t want to be around for that, but there never seemed to be enough money for anything. That was his “adult” experience… Working all of the time, going to school, barely hanging on to his sanity, and yet being so broke that had his father not still been paying the bills, he knew he might be homeless and starving… so it was presumable that's how he might live once Mr. Laurent got back.
He couldn't ask the Monroes for more help. They had practically been taking care of him for the past two years. Mr. Monroe, at least, had been helpful in ways that Simon couldn’t describe. Sure, he believed he would have figured things out for himself , but thanks to the Monroes, he hadn't had to. He intended to pay them back eventually, but for now, he worked hard and loved Grace with everything else he had. 
"Hey." He heard her say, walking in with a bag and a cup holder. His smile was wide and his eyes lit up. That made her reflexively smile back. How many of those smiles were fake, he’d have to wonder for as long as he couldn’t shake her out of his mind. “Ditched the girls to bring you dinner. Didn’t know if you’d have a chance to get to some on your own.”
He checked the time on his phone, “Actually, you’re right on time. I was about to go into the computer room and work on homework before I head out.”
“Yeah! Great timing is a thing that I definitely usually don’t have.” 
They went into the breakroom to eat and Simon was on his phone, furrowing his eyebrows and blocking people in Grace’s comments. She glanced over and saw, then sank in her seat, not wanting to think about her latest post. “This sounds really good, Grace,” he told her.  And he meant it. The vocal coach that she had began to see so that she could confidently transition into singing was paying off. It wasn’t that she sounded bad before, but her voice was pretty bland and she didn’t seem to be able to find her range on her own. 
“I wish the audience thought that,” she said, with a sigh. The Internet was making her depressed and isolated. Every thing that she shared came with thousands of critics. As someone used to only either being complimented or ignored, criticism hurt a little more than she would have expected. Perhaps because she was too popular and therefore attracted more feedback than a person probably should have to be faced with at 16.
Regardless of that, Simon shrugged and said, “Anybody who doesn’t like it doesn’t have to listen to it. They’re there, so they obviously wanted to hear the song. Besides, I see way more support than hate.” 
“Maybe so, but there’s a LOT of hate, and it’s very aggressive and hurtful. Like… I don’t understand why me trying out a new song and someone not liking it can’t just be scrolled by. Why did this girl have to tell me: Ugh. Everybody tries to be a singer. You’re a lip gloss model, Honey. Keep doing that. Beautiful gowns.”
“Because, she’s a bitch,” Simon said and took a bite of his sandwich. Grace let out an irritated sigh that caused him to look up from his phone. “What?”
“You just… don’t get it.”
“What don’t I get? The song sounds good. You have excellent equipment. You wrote pretty clever lyrics, did your own music, sang and was proud enough of your work to share it with the world. Now that a few birds have come squawking, you no longer see the greatness in what you shared? I know you wouldn't have posted it if you didn’t think it was perfect. So, I get it more than you do. You’re distracted by someone with a crooked wig on in her profile picture?” 
Grace looked at the profile picture and saw that the woman’s wig definitely had been sadly placed onto her head. She laughed about it  and laughed at herself a little too… but this was always Simon’s reaction to her venting about the people that made her feel bad. He’d basically make her feel a little bit worse by not acknowledging that her feelings were valid and by pointing out how insignificant her critics were. The simple fact that he had a point, that they were nulls, and she was letting them upset her only made her feel worse, which she couldn’t tell him because he didn’t seem to take her feeling bad that seriously anyway. 
She knew it was because she had always prided herself on being strong and not caring what people thought about her… but she was handled a lot differently outside of her echo chamber. The Internet was global and her following was high, but some of the people who followed her seemed to do it just to see what to complain about, just to make a dent in her day. They succeeded, too. But, the only person she could admit it to just told her to suck it up. 
“I’m thinking about going to a performing arts college,” she said. Simon dropped his phone and stared at her. She smiled awkwardly and said, “I mean… You’re preparing pretty hardcore for college and I’ve dived into this music thing. Maybe, I ought to be more serious about it and actually get the official credentials..”
“Where are you thinking of going?”
“I’m thinking of trying to go to Julliard.” He relaxed a little bit at that. Juilliard was in New York. That would be farther from him than he  would like, but if he was at MIT, that would be about an hour away and if he was at Princeton… well… That would be 3 hours, or more… but… He had enough time to put these things into his planning and decision making. “Or… I might go uh, overseas.” Now, his frown was embedded in all of his features. “If I can’t get into the best one in the world, I’m going to shoot for the next best… that’s in Austria…” She bit her lip, waiting for his demeanor to change, hoping that he just had to think about it for a moment. His demeanor did change, but he seemed further away from what she wanted of him at the moment. “What brought this on?” He asked.
“Just… want to get more serious about my craft. Sure, I can spend hours and hours a day working on choreography and songs, training with some of the best professionals in the entire world, but people are still coming onto my dance video posts and saying things like, “I didn’t know that Grace Monroe could dance! I love her more now!” Didn’t know that I could dance? That’s like… the ONE THING that I can do with complete confidence! I’m trying to get my music career started when my first talent isn’t even recognized…”
“It IS recognized! It’s recognized ALL of the time. You’re just so focused on the dregs that don’t recognize, that you’re willing to go 4000 miles away from me, for years, to impress strangers on the Internet who probably STILL won’t fuck with you, because most of the people inciting you are people who just don’t like you, Grace!” He let out a chuckle of disbelief, but she hated it.
“Don’t laugh,” she said, very seriously.
“I’m not laughing,” he said, shook his head, then slumped back in his seat, resting his face in his palm as he tried to collect himself. 
"How could you have possibly taken everything that I just told you about how I'm feeling and what I intend to try to do about that and just… make it about you?"
He uncovered his face to look at hers. She looked like she was going to cry. He hated when she cried. It was too far away from her normal… at least it used to be. She was crying more and more lately. Sometimes from the littlest things.
"If you can't see how much a decision like that will affect both of us, then I'm not sure if I currently am in the mood to explain it to you."
"Whenever I shared my thoughts about how much people were hurting my feelings, you didn't care about how that could affect the both of us. You just expected me to deal with it on my own. This is my idea for how I deal with that."      
He leaned his elbows on the small table, steepled his fingers and rested his head against his hands. She wants to leave you. She’s using the excuse that people are hurting her feelings so that she can leave you and never come back. She never wanted you. She made that clear and you refused to see it. You thought that it was your brain being mean to you. She lied to you. She never loved you and she never wanted you. Now, she’s pretending that worthless people make her feel bad… She would rather look WEAK to you than to stay with you… 
“Simon?” She said. He scoffed. Fake concern. Don’t let her trick you with her soft voice. She’s venomous. She let you love her because she was bored, and now, she’s trying to abandon you like everyone else. “Simon,” she said, more stern. Drown her out. Drown her out. Drown her out. Drown her… “Simon!” She had gotten up and turned his face to look at her with her palm. She made him look into her eyes and he was powerless again. “Where’d you go?” She asked, smiling nervously.
“Did I do something wrong? Why do you want to leave me?” He asked, in a small voice. Maybe his brain was being mean right now. Maybe… it was all a misunderstanding? PLEASE, JUST TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND THAT I’M OVERREACTING! I. WILL. BELIEVE. YOU.
“No. I did. I thought that I was ready to introduce myself to the world and now that the world knows me, there’s people out there who can’t stand me and I just… I don’t know how to do with that. In real life, they at least pretend to like me, you know?”
She rubbed her hands together anxiously. Lies. She can’t possibly care about the way these strangers feel. She’s Grace Monroe. She knows that she’s invincible. Caring about the movements of ants is futile… “Okay… What do you need me to do to fix it?” He asked, trying to ignore his brain’s warnings.
“Just, support me? I just want to take a step back from all the Internet music, maybe keep creating and try to get into a studio with something I’m proud of, instead of posting onto my websites, and… I really want to try to go to school, just to be more confident that I really do belong in the industry and that I’m not just Internet famous because I was a pretty face with the best organic lip gloss.”
“Support you… leaving me,” he said. 
She couldn’t pick up any emotion. It was like something had settled in his mind. Something that he didn’t let her know. “It would be temporary, Simon. Just like whenever you thought you would have to go to the military after graduation.”
“I recall very minimal support from you in regards to that.”
“Yeah, well… I stick by what I said. Our military is a global terrorist, oppressing and destroying civilization in mostly Brown nations. Juilliard is hardly like that, and I most likely will get in! I don’t think I'll HAVE to go to Austria. I wanted to be clear that it’s an option.  I just meant the time that we’ll be apart. Plus, I’d send for you if you ever need to see me.” She knelt beside him, cupped his face and kissed him on the lips. He froze in place. She NEVER kisses you on the lips. She always moves her face to make you kiss her on the cheek, or the nose, or… something. She’s placed her hand between your mouths, before! You can’t ignore this any further. It’ll break your heart. You’ve lost her. There’s a void where your Grace once was… Tears fell down Simon’s cheeks as he stared at Grace’s confused face.
She wiped them away with her thumbs and as his tears were being cleared away, so was her face. He just saw a blurry form in front of him, a dark shadow, with an aura of smoke. He looked terrified. She turned to look behind her, alarmed by his reaction, thinking something was hovering over her. She definitely felt a switch of things in the atmosphere. She didn’t see anything though. Simon did.
A void. It stood in front of him, speaking with Grace’s voice and trying to pass itself off as the girl he’d loved for as long as he knew her. That girl was obviously gone. No longer fit for him. No longer fit for the Apex. “Okay.” He said, suddenly fine, as far as she could tell. “I’ll support you.” She offered him a small, confused smile, but he didn’t return it. He didn’t even look at her again. He collected their trash, threw it out and took her hand, “I’ll get you home. 
.
Simon was silent the entire way to the Monroe’s estate. He didn’t get out to get her door, or walk her to the mansion, or talk with her father, so she knew that even though he said he was okay with her decision, that he wasn’t. It was best to just give him his space to work it out, she thought. She thought wrong... Simon tensed up whenever she kissed him on the cheek goodnight. As soon as she got out of the car, he peeled away, vigorously wiping the Apex red lip print from his face. She didn’t deserve to grant anybody that mark anymore. 
He drove with trembling hands and lips, talking to himself, arguing with himself about Grace. Grace that once hunted down his bullies with him because she thought he was the most important person in the world. Grace who had threatened anyone who so much as said something rude to him in passing. Grace... who used to want to be near him, and have his back. The Grace that couldn’t stand the thought of being anywhere without him at her side... She was as dead to him as Hope was. 
Speaking of... This had began right around the time that she brought him to the cemetery. Was it related? Had Hope somehow reached over and taken her vengeance on him by stealing away his Grace and replacing her with this dark spirit? This ghost? This VOID??? He pulled into the garage of his house, crying again. He left his backpack in the car. He wasn’t going to be doing anymore work that night. He passed the shrine that his father had in the workspace every time he pulled in, but usually, he avoided looking at it. Tonight, he paused and stared at her face. He... had forgotten it. He looked at the photos, wondering if she always looked that way? Not the angel that he remembered dying, but something sinister, smiling joyously at him as he shriveled in pain. “Did you do this?” He asked her. He could hear her laughs in his mind from that night. Her taunting him, making him feel like he wasn’t enough. “I didn’t mean it, Hope! It was an accident!” he yelled at the photos. 
“Fake man! Fake man! Wook at the widdle baby man! Can’t catch me! You’re not a man! Mommy lied! Mommy lied!” 
“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to. I didn’t... Please, just... stop.” He whispered, crying more than he had in a long time. Her photos began to move, to cackle, to point at him and call him a baby man... He roared and punched the display, breaking the glass of the frame, which fell on it’s face, bounced off of the desk and crashed to the floor. Now, it was covered in blood. Only a bit of it was from his fist... the rest seemed to be seeping from the cracks in the frame. Like... he had killed Hope, all over again. He picked up a shard of the glass and clenched it in his fist. This was too much. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. This was his mind messing with him, He needed to center himself.
He raised his sleeve and looked at all of the tally marks that he had made for his Grace and he began to add on to them. “1 You are stronger than anybody you know. 2 You are smarter than anybody you know. 3 You can survive losing Grace. 4 Only you can get rid of the void that swallowed her whole. 5 You owe the Apex to get rid of the void. 6 You can do anything. 7 There’s nobody who could stop you. 8 You’re on your own now, but that’s for the best. 9 No one will hold you back. 10 No one can hurt you again, because everyone you loved is gone...” He took a deep breath, looked at the broken frame and threw his piece of glass on top of it. He didn’t even care about cleaning it up. The girl in the photo couldn’t hurt him anymore. And neither could the one in his memories... The one that he used to call Grace, “The void,” he said, going into the house. 
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