#expression is my passion! especially louis‘ expression
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baby arsenal, arsenal wfc x teen!reader
a/n: y/n is so younger me coded minus the fact that she is german
also promise more fics coming soon x
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y/n y/l/n, the sixteen year old rising star of not only the german national team but also arsenal women's football club, had seamlessly transitioned from the bustling streets of cologne to the vibrant city of london. her two older brothers, max and louis, had started her passion for football from a young age, sculpting her into the strong defender she was today. they always had her in the garden with them having a kick about before urging their father to let her go for trials at the local club, which deemed to be extremely successful.
arsenal had scouted y/n whilst she was playing for fc köln. three weeks later her and her parents were signing papers and organising living arrangements as well as the school situation. they settled on her living with lia as well as her attending the local school in the area.
as the first initial weeks passed, her once shy demeanor melted away, replaced by a vibrant personality that charmed everyone around her. she had also very quickly picked up the name ‘baby arsenal’ from fans and soon her teammates had started calling her that too. kyra and y/n had almostly instantly became friends, pulling y/n out of her nonexistent shell within two weeks, along with victoria, teyah and laura, y/n settled in quickly.
one friday evening, y/n found herself invited to a party by her school friends. eager to fit in with the english teenage life she hastily accepted. embracing the opportunity to get to know her new friends in a different environment, as well as allowing herself to fully relax since moving to the foreign country.
ignoring the cold english weather, y/n slipped on one of her favourite backless black dresses and a pair of her friend’s high heels, that her long legs definitely weren’t accustomed to. many pre drinks later they arrived at the party at nine pm, the minute the group of girls arrived at the party they were straight into the open arms of their other friends. music was blaring as y/n slowly let herself relax, she couldn’t even remember how many new people she had met.
however, the temptation of the party proved too intoxicating, the drinks flowed freely, and before she knew it, the world was slowly tilting on its axis, spinning out of control as she succumbed to the intoxicating haze. the party deemed to be a bit boring now that it had reached past eleven pm, so on her unsteady feet y/n managed to walk out the party and onto the side walk. with her vision blurred and her balance faltering, she fumbled for her phone and dialed kyra’s number, interrupting what was supposed to be a cozy game night for the rest of the team.
"ky! oh my goodness i can’t believe you picked up, i have so much to tell you!” y/n giggled into the phone, "there were like so many pretty girls here tonight and i’m bloody freezing over here. i also had so many drinks! oh and I can't get home. oh and have i ever old you how much i love you! ich liebe dich ky ky…"
throughout the phone call kyra switched it onto speakerphone meaning that everyone could hear the state y/n was in. without hesitation, steph, one of y/n’s self-appointed team mums sprang into action. definitely breaking some speed limits as she rushed to y/n’s location, she found her disoriented but relieved to see she was still standing. quickly getting out the car she wrapped an arm around her guiding her to the
upon their arrival back to lia’s house, leah, kim, lia, beth and steph gathered around y/n, their concern evident in their expressions. "y/n," kim began, her voice gentle yet firm, "you can’t be going around getting drunk, especially at sixteen! what were you thinking?" but before kim’s rant could continue leah placed a hand on the skippers shoulder, “you're young, and we understand that, but you have to be responsible, especially considering the position you're in.” kim nodded her head in agreement before saying, “you're part of this team now, and that means holding yourself to a higher standard than this.”
with a deep breath, she nodded in acknowledgment, her resolve hardening with each passing moment. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "i'll do better, i promise."
with that kyra, stina and laura lead her upstairs. the high heels long forgotten in the hallway as steph urged her to take them off after watching her stumble around in them. laura mumbled soothing words in german as she slipped an oversized t-shirt over y/n’s head, letting the dress fabric pool at her ankles. stina handed laura shorts for her whilst kyra rummaged around in the bathroom for makeup remover.
with tender care, kyra removed the remnants of makeup on her face, before stina tucked her into bed with gentle hands. laura laid the dress over the back of her desk chair as y/n’s eyelids drooped with exhaustion, her body finally catching up with the events of the evening as she sank into the embrace of her plush duvet.
kyra brushed a stray lock of hair from y/n’s forehead, with a final exchange of reassuring smiles kyra, stina and laura bid her goodnight, their footsteps fading into the distance as they left her to sleep. alone in the quiet of her room, y/n closed her eyes, a sense of peace washing over her as sleep overcame her senses.
but just as she began to drift into slumber, a soft knock sounded at her door, and lia entered, her face lit up by the soft glow of the bedside lamp. In her hands she carried a glass of water and a small packet of tablets, her expression one of concern and care.
"here you go, y/n/n," lia said softly, her voice a whisper in the stillness of the room. "drink this, and take these tablets. they'll help with the headache in the morning." she sat down on the edge of the bed, placing a hand on y/n’s leg, rubbing soothing circles on it. “they’re not mad at you i promise maus. let’s just keep the drinking on the cool for now, okay?”
y/n accepted the water and tablet with a grateful nod, as lia got up to leave the room she turned off the bedside table before whispering “schlaf gut maus.” the door closing behind her, the room going pitch dark allowing y/n to finally drift to sleep.
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astro observations 10
Hey -- I miss doing these astro notes, it’s been- years? where have I been? forced into a rat race. I’ve lately been watching a lot of stand up comedies, timeless comedy movies, rush hour, the hangover, you name it, they don’t make shit like this anymore. I’ve also been dealing with saturn transit my 10th house and conjunct my sun fucking up my life. so I got stuff to share.
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⛄︎ Happy capricorn season! I find it ironic that capricorns are hard workers but people don’t work hard in capricorn season, it’s when everybody slows down, enjoys the holidays, reflects and attempts to make new year’s plans.
Aspects that indicate humor
☃︎ I said it before and I will say it again, strong mercury-jupiter aspects are the most common in comedians charts, every existing comedian seems to have them conjunct, oppose or square. e.g. Jim Carrey, Kate McKinnon, Kevin Hart (mercury conj jupiter). Chris Tucker, Amy Schumer (mercury square jupiter). Rowan Atkinson, Steve Carell (mercury opp Jupiter).
☃︎ Moon in scorpio or capricorn, top notch dark humor. Chris Tucker, Pete Davidson, Louis C.K. (capricorn moon). Ricky Gervais, Ryan Reynolds, Matthew Perry (scorpio moon).
☃︎ Moon in gemini or sagittarius, making you laugh at random things, making the small details in life events remarkable and ironic. Sag got that joyful light hearted spirit no matter how sarcastic they get. Bill Burr, John Mulaney (sag moon). Gemini got that chaotic animated twisted humor, can go on endless tangents but you’ll never get bored. Aubrey Plaza, Jim Carrey, and Rowan Atkinson (gemini moon).
☃︎ North node in gemini or sagittarius being a naturally funny storyteller their whole life. I also notice north node in virgo, leo and capricorn in those that pursue public speaking or stand up.
☃︎ Many comedians or just straight up funny people got MC in gemini, virgo, sagittarius, or leo.
☃︎ Mercury in aries, leo, gemini, sagittarius, scorpio, capricorn the type of people that tell a basic story but the tone of their voice, choice of words, and the underlying emotion mixed with their perspective and delivery makes it hilarious.
☃︎ Mercury in a fire sign, can be loud, the underlying anger and passion in their voice tone is what makes them funny. Chris Tucker, Kevin Hart and Dave Chappelle all got a leo mercury. Joe List got an aries mercury.
☃︎ Mercury in an air sign, they keep you engaged, animated expressions, great at impressions and mimicking when they tell stories. Trevor Noah is a good example and Jim Carrey (aquarius mercury).
☃︎ Mercury in earth and water, the way they so calmly tell an intense life event story with a straight face and calm demeanor, almost seeming high, a lot of irony and nonchalance. Pete Davidson (scorpio mercury), Ricky Gervais (cancer mercury) and Kate McKinnon (capricorn mercury).
☃︎ I have mercury conj jupiter in aries and I’m ruled by mercury (gemini rising). I’m super sarcastic and cutthroat when angry, it makes people upset, shocked, amused, wanting to laugh but also butt heads with me. My mind can find irony in literally anything. I also can change my voice and facial expressions easily when I’m mimicking someone.
☃︎ Those with strong mercury-pluto aspects, the type that could actually give you contractions from laughter. They think intensely, experience life intensely, are cutthroat and skeptical, are super intellectual and deep which is enough to make them ironic in the way they communicate. Their communication style comes across as bold, raw and shocking, saying it how it is, not afraid of joking about taboo or embarrassing stuff. It feels like my life is fucked up my mind is fucked up and I don't give a fuck typa attitude. Matthew Perry, Pete Davidson, Louis C.K, Adam Sandler, Ryan Reynolds, Steve Carell (mercury conj pluto).
☃︎ Heavy pluto and saturn placements can make someone insanely funny especially if they’ve got aspects indicating public speaking. The absolute best at self deprecating humor. They aren’t afraid to share their traumatic experiences, because not only they make people laugh but they give hope to those who can relate. They got where they are by accumulating that much knowledge and wisdom and it came through many wounds usually relating to rejection, abandonment and feeling inadequate. They use humor to heal themselves and others.
☃︎ Pete Davidson, Ryan Reynolds and Ricky Gervais got heavy scorpio and pluto conjunctions, examples of plutonian humor. Dave Chappelle and Chris Tucker got heavy saturn aspects, examples of saturnian humor.
☃︎ Now Chris Tucker got all the basic comedian placements. He’s easily one of the best and most successful comedians to ever exist. The type to open his mouth and everyone starts laughing. It’s the attitude not even the context. He was the popular kid too, friends with Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali, Jackie Chan, Prince and literally every iconic celebrity in the US.
☃︎ Chris has a mercury square Jupiter at 0°, leo mercury 28°, capricorn moon, scorpio jupiter, saturn in gemini, jupiter conj neptune (can expand the imagination in storytelling), north node in aquarius (he was a trailblazer in rush hour and many comedians mimic him).
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☃︎ I noticed so many times that people with saturn in gemini can be socially responsible, meaning that they refuse to cuss in some occasions and refuse to talk shit or go against their morals. Partially due to the lessons they learned on gossip and the consequences of misinformation or twisted narratives. Chris Tucker rejected an offer because he refused to cuss and smoke weed on camera, he also avoids vulgarity and profanity in his stand ups.
☃︎ Those with gemini north node are either so good at communicating clearly, storytelling and entertaining or will learn that in this lifetime. Same goes for gemini risings. One of their missions is to accumulate knowledge from everywhere they go without the need for distant travel and sharing it with others rather than keeping it confined for abstract contemplations (sag south node). They develop a communication style that is so personal to them that allows them to be a messenger, a bridge between people and a powerful speaker.
☃︎ I have a leo north node and the more I grow older the more I realize I'm never meant to act so old. This inner child in me screams to come out after every tough cycle esp when I'm mentally trapped in societal conformity. Those with a leo nn exude childlike innocence and purity, at their best spreading love and joy wherever they go. Though to get there they go through challenging experiences alone to build so much strength and confidence so they can pursue what they love and share love so freely since they are so used to being cold and detached (aqua south node).
☃︎ Those with a cancer north node are naturally so good at business matters like building a company or climbing the success ladder (capricorn south node). They learn quickly that material success alone does not bring them fulfillment. Every time they reach somewhere that feeling of achievement is fleeting and they just want to share those moments with others. They have this urge to connect emotionally to their loved ones and create memories. They might desire having a family of their own, a secure home, and a sense of safety and stability.
I somehow always unintentionally post in december and my posts be considered old next month, so I quit my toxic draining job last week, kinda feels like a life crisis, but I’m feeling so safe and cozy in my bed having my hot mocha eating all the christmas sweets and watching funny shit. so share your fav stand ups, funny movies or documentaries, anything you watch during the holidays. stay warm and cozy 🧣🎅🏼
#astro notes#astro observations#astrology#astro community#mercury#jupiter#mercury conjunct jupiter#mercury opposite jupiter#mercury square jupiter#scorpio moon#gemini#scorpio#capricorn moon#sagittarius moon#gemini moon#leo mercury#north node#aries mercury#scorpio mercury#pluto#capricorn mercury#mercury conjunct pluto#leo north node#gemini north node#saturn#cancer north node#cancer#capricorn#comedy#humor
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Dark! Napoleon Bonaparte x Reader
You are Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI's daughter who was sent away before getting captured or beheaded like your family.
Honestly, you wanted to forget about everything that happened, and move on.
However, that unfortunately was impossible especially when Napoleon Bonaparte became the emperor of France.
Napoleon invited you to come back to court, assuring that you will be safe under his protection.
You hesitantly agree, praying that it's not a trap.
And surprisingly, it wasn't, Napoleon received you in his court with a smile and open arms, not caring about the opinions of others about that matter.
The reason for Napoleon's passion towards you is because he saw a painting of you and immediately became obsessed.
When you found out that the French emperor plans on making you his mistress.
You planned to escape, not wanting to be put in a scandalous position.
However, during your escape in the middle of the night, trying to leave the palace with your servants.
You didn't expect to see Napoleon waiting for you at the exit with his soldiers.
He only smiles at you upon seeing your frightened expression.
"I do not remember giving you permission to leave, my dear"
#tw: toxic relationships#Yandere Napoleon#napoleon bonaparte#Napoleon bonaparte x reader#yandere historical characters#history
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MBTI AND ENNEAGRAM ANALYSIS OF INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE CHARACTERS
Part 1
Louis de Pointe du Lac
Mbti
Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving
Infps are highly idealistic, sensitive and driven by their values
Especially because their leading function Fi (introverted feeling) allows them to be in tune with their emotions. Very much so that they are driven by their inner compass. They have a clear sense of right and wrong and it's not likely or easy for them to change their mind about something, especially moral issues
Armand: I would have made this woman a vampire. But I thought it best you have a hand in it. Otherwise you would not give Claudia up. You must know you wanted it
Louis: I loathe what I did!
Armand: Then loathe me, not yourself
Louis: No, you don't understand. You nearly destroyed the thing you value in me when this happened. I resisted you with all my power even when I didn't know it was your force which was working on me. Something nearly died in me! Passion nearly died in me! I was all but destroyed when Madeline was created!
Armand: But that thing is no longer dead, that passion, that humanity, whatever you wish to name it. If it were not alive there wouldn't be tears in your eyes right now. There wouldn't be rage in your voice
Infps are very emphatatic and sensitive. They want to make the world a better place and they try hard to help others
"But why, with this passion and this sense of justice, do you wish to call yourself the child of Satan!" - Armand
Louis: I'm incapable of your detachment. I know what it is, and I do not possess it and I doubt that I ever will. I accept this
Armand: I understand. I saw you in the theatre, your suffering, your sympathy with that girl. I saw your sympathy for Dennis when I offered him to you; you die when you kill
They are introspective and they desire to find their meaning in life
"It's a terrible feeling, not knowing, not understanding, not being in control of your own destiny" - Louis
"I would have to know from what... from what it comes. Whether it came from other vampires...or elsewhere" - Louis
They focus on the big picture and are very intuitive
"No need to tell him what to observe, or what to remember. He always knew such things. Years ago, when I'd done the dark magic on him, I hadn't had to tell him anything; he had savored the smallest aspects of it all on his own. Then later he said I'd failed to guide him. Didn't he know how unnecessary that had always been?" - Lestat
With their strive for authenticity and their sensitivity, they look for ways to express themselves through art and stories
Enneagram
Basic fear: that they have no meaning or significance
Basic desire: to have their own identity and purpose, their meaning
Type fours are sensitive, self aware and reserved. They are also prone to be moody and self conscious. They can suffer from self pity and melancholy
Type fours see themselves as fundamentally different from other people. More than any other type, they are acutely aware of their weaknesses and defiances. They see themselves as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed
And because they see themselves as so different, they feel like nobody can see their true selves and therefore no one can love them for who they really are
"For the first time in my life, I was seen"
They might romanticize pain and bittersweet feelings
"I think to be this happy is to be miserable, to feel this much satisfaction is to burn"
Type fours often feel like there is something missing in them that others possess. This thing can't be properly identified but they feel like there is a hole in them that can not be filled
"If I ever thought we have souls, mine is gone forever"
So they feel like with this thing missing, everyone but them can fully understand who they are and their meaning
Type fours struggle to let go of their feelings from the past. They nurse their old wounds and hold onto their feelings about people who hurt them
4w5 (four wing five): The Bohemian
This subtype is combined with type five. So they're more reserved than the usual type four. But they're also more observant and speculative
"Louis, the watcher, the patient one, was there on account of love pure and simple"
Overall, infps and type fours are generally sensitive, creative, melancholic, empathatic, understanding, authentic, emotionally expressive and introspective people
"Louis, whose green eyes are soulful, the very mirror of patient misery, soft voiced, very human, weak; having lived only two hundred years, unable to read minds, or to levitate, or to spellbind others except inadvertently, which can be hilarious, an immortal with whom mortals fall in love" -Armand
" And it occured to me. If Louis does end his life, if he does bring his supernatural journey to conclusion, how will I ever answer for it to Lestat or Armand? It was the love of Louis which had at times crippled Lestat, and enslaved Armand" - David
"The first thing I'd ever noticed about him-well, after his green eyes that is- was his black hair. No, all that's a lie. It was his expression; the passion and the innocence and the delicacy of conscience. I just loved it!" - Lestat
"If I knew a mortal of that sensitivity, that pain, that focus, I would make him a vampire in an instant. But such can rarely be done. No, I've had to wait and watch for you. And now I'll fight for you. Do you see how ruthless I am in love?" - Armand
"Louis, my handsome Louis, in his dark wool and old fashioned high-collared linen, gazing down on us with a look of thinly veiled amusement, but with a secret in his hypnotic green eyes" - Lestat
#if people enjoy this i will make lestat armand and daniel as well :)#and claudia#louis de pointe du lac#interview with the vampire#lestat de lioncourt#loustat#iwtv#iwtv books#armand#loumand#character study#character analysis#mbti#enneagram#enneagram 4#4w5#infp#louis x lestat#louis x armand#amc#melancholic
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Hi! Would love if you could do a favorite fics of 2022 🥰
Hi sugar. I’d love to do that for you. I have to say, this was a tough year for me and for whatever reason I didn’t find a lot that I loved, but all of these are really good reads.
distractions by fondleeds (E, 4K) one of my favorite authors. The writing just feels effortless. This one is super short but sexy, tender, and sweet.
Golden by Shaylea (E, 128K) I loved this author‘s last fic, and somehow, they managed to write another captivating story that’s so immersed in the country it takes place in. I was sucked in right from the start and really like how they write complex, flawed characters that you still root and cheer for. It’s a bit neat in its conclusion, but I think it’s very much worth a read.
The School of Extraordinary Lovers by Stylinsoncity (M, 191K) This author always knows how to write a deeply layered story that draws you into the world they create. This time it’s friends to enemies to lovers set in a world of magic, betrayal, and family honor. The ending is a bit simple for how complex the set up is, but I still loved reading it and couldn’t put it down for two days straight.
makes me wanna try her on by mercutionotromeo (E, 2K) if you haven’t dipped your toes into this author’s entire list of works. I love every single one. This one is very short, but wow does it pack a sexy punch.
Gold-skinned, eager baby by StarryDay13 / @daydreaming-sunflower (E, 17K) This was soft and tender and sexy and beautifully done. There were wonderful moments of gentleness and vulnerability as Harry awkwardly expresses his thoughts about his gender and his feelings for Louis, and as Louis reacts and holds space for who Harry is. I really just loved this one. And I cried. So that’s a bonus. 😆
where the tide takes you, I will follow by @pinkcords (E, 40K) First of all, I’m so happy this author is writing again! Second, everything about this was just lovely. The slow, dreamy tone of their writing fit the setting and the way Harry and Louis fell into each other so, so well. I love how descriptive their writing is without being flowery or pointless. The smut scenes were toe-curlingly sexy, and gave us beautiful insight into both of the boys. I just wanted to live inside this fic.
seven hours behind by justanothershadeofblue (E, 5K) very few people write canon these days, so it was such a nice surprise to read this one and, especially because it’s an author new to our fandom, and find the characterizations so well done. Plus, I love a fic that can combine a loving established relationship and dirty phone sex. 😆
no one's gonna know by jishler / @snowjosh (E, 9K) This author always does such a wonderful job of writing an established relationship fic where there’s so much warmth and expression between the characters, while also showing how much lust and passion there is. This is chock full of edging, exhibitionism, and dom/sub dynamics and it’s such a good read.
Nothing’s the same as it was (save you) by metal-eye. / @metal-eye (T, 4K) This author’s fics are rare, not just because they only grace us with their writing now and then, but also because the words they chose to tell each story feel so precise and so special… each one is like unwrapping a gift. This one is a touching exploration of gender and support and dysphoria and comfort and it’s really just beautiful.
Hike Up Your Skirt (And Show Your World To Me) by Brooklyn_Babylon (E, 18K) This one is mine, but I’m proud of it and I hope you like it. Make sure you read the tags on this one because it’s not your conventional fic and Louis is definitely super manipulative. But if you like the idea of secretary Harry in lingerie, CEO Louis, copious amounts of dirty talk, some power imbalance, and exhibitionism… this could be for you.
The Lost Art of Breeding and (Mis) Behavior by @indiaalphawhiskey (E, 14K) Breeding kink just isn’t written enough in this fandom and this one takes a beautifully unique approach. It’s got the flavor of Captive Prince, combined with the feeling of reading about soulmates that you get with Harry and Louis. Super sexy and beautifully written.
given a chance by @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk (E, 18K) This was such a lovely exploration of childhood friends confronting why they fell out with each other.
Only Gonna Touch It by @lovingstheantidote (E, 3K) on the surface, it’s fic that’s about watching each other wank. But this author brought so much love and connection to the characters’ relationship and made it even sexier.
babydoll blues by devilinmybrain / @thedevilinmybrain (E, 112K) At last, the full-fledged, dirty, sugar baby fic we needed. Harry's character is so layered and so beautifully drawn, I just fell in love with him. Louis is sexy and powerful and also tender and sweet, just how I imagine the actual Louis to be. This author wrote one of my favorite fics of 2021, so I was really excited to dive into this one. They really know how to set a scene and draw you in to their characters. Scorching smut scenes, excellent use of side characters, and some angst that fully made me cry. Definitely worth a read!
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I dislike it when fans treat Armand and Louis' relationship like it's a pit stop between Louis and Lestat or Daniel and Armand.
They had a whole life together! And even in the last books, where Louis and Lestat reunite, where Daniel and Armand do, they are still bound together.
For all of TVC's many failings, I think one of the real through lines of the series is that vampires are not monogamous. An overwhelming amount of them develop multiple, meaningful romantic relationships.
Like man, I am and have always been a David Talbot disliker, but David/Lestat is hugely important to Lestat, to how he develops as a character.
I mean, it does make Lestat worse lol, the way he treats David is fuckin awful, but it's part of Lestat as a whole.
And I really like Louis and Armand. They work in ways that Louis and Lestat don't but they aren't burning passionate about it. They have a very quiet, high romance vibe to them, especially as the books progress. They are each other's only gentle relationship, which is so funny, given their shared history of violence towards each other's important people.
I'm really looking forward to how they develop Louis and Armand in the show, because they have the whole of the canon to reach into for inspiration.
And Armand/Daniel, Devil's Minion has been one of my favourite dynamics and stories since I read it 22 years ago. I cannot express how excited I am for it. Like, I'm gonna make this a cornerstone of my personality for a little bit lmao
#iwtv#vampire chronicles#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire armand#louis de pointe du lac#daniel molloy
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Glimpse of Us | KTH Chapter I: Finding Happiness
Pairing: Problematic Idol Taehyung x Grad Student Reader
Genre: Idol AU, Ex-Childhood Best Friends into—, Angst (Hello, welcome to my angst central), Fluff (mainly in the flashbacks), Slow Burn, Eventual Smut
Summary: BTS’s V has been living a lavished and successful lifestyle, but underneath all of that, Kim Taehyung is far from the perfect image the media and fans made him out to be. All he wants is to relive the feelings of happiness and purpose in his life, but how can he when he left behind those memories years ago? The same memories, he hopes to see a glimpse of.
Warning: Angst (from the start mwahahaha), mentions of alcohol consumption, violence, stalking, faulty media, descriptions of therapy sessions
Word Count: 7.2k
Chapter I: Finding Happiness || Series Masterlist
“BTS is the highly musically acclaimed boy band from South Korea, sweeping the charts across the globe with their wide diversity genres of music. Their lyrics consisted of personal and social commentary that moves those who listen, especially with their fanbase, ARMY. Each member of BTS have their own individual style to their work, yet still continue to play an important role to the group’s success.”
“BTS’s V shook the world, being recognized for his alluring baritone voice and exquisite “duality” and emotions on stage, as well as being coined “The Idol’s Idol” within the Kpop industry. His facial expressions, his motions, his voice, it shows it all.”
“V ranked first on the charts of being the number one most searched keyword for the past five years in South Korea.”
“V was always the first to attract those who don’t know BTS by his unique visuals, strong aura, and his intimidating gaze.”
“V is also part of Wooga Squad, a highly achieving group of men consisted of actors Park Seojoon, Choi Wooshik, Park Hyungsik, and artist Peakboy (Kwon Sunghwan). Their friendship is widely known on their platforms while supporting one another.”
“V caught the attention of many famous fashion brands, as everything he wears turns into gold, including Celine, Louis Vuitton, Gucci, and Prada.”
“V was ranked number one as the world’s most handsome and beautiful man in the world.”
“Among the members, V has the most followers on Instagram as well as the fastest growing account on the platform.”
“V is well-loved by ARMY and is supported of his endeavors. They hope to see a solo album in the near future.”
“BTS’s V gets followed by sasaeng at the park.”
“BTS’s V attacked by an influx crowd at the airport. Videos of him holding onto j-hope.”
“Kim Taehyung was seen hanging out with Park Seojoon and mystery girl?? Potential new lover?”
“Kim Taehyung (V of BTS) caught smoking before award show! Is he becoming an addict?”
“BTS V gets embroiled in attitude controversy for not greeting fans and journalists.”
“V of BTS: dating rumors with Tzuyu of Twice? JYP denies but HYBE ignores.”
“Taehyung was secretly recorded at night on the streets, drinking more than he can handle.”
“Kim Taehyung fighting in a club?? Reports of getting drunk and the idol throwing punches.”
“Are BTS’s V and Lisa from Blackpink dating??”
The cycle repeated itself as the ever-growing success of BTS continues, with Kim Taehyung being one of the members. Success, scandal, success, scandal. At this point, it was practically the same thing. Though with the achievements, popularity, and passionate fanbase, it, unfortunately, came with a price, specifically with Taehyung.
His life turned into something he didn’t expect, whether good or bad, but it could be safe to say it has been leaning towards bad. During his years as an idol, as V, his life was heavily scrutinized by the media and the fans. Through the hate comments online, unwanted paparazzi photos, and delusional headlines on topics that he didn’t even know about, it was never-ending that sadly took a toll on him.
Taehyung faced straight forward, not wanting to make eye contact with the man across from him, leaning slightly to the left. Blankness overcame his expression with the deep-set dark circles and hollowness of his cheeks. His lips peeled and swollen from the many occurrences of biting the skin off. His hair was messily styled into his “fluffy Tae bear” image as what ARMY loved to say, but he couldn’t care less about his appearance.
The ticking sound of the clock echoed within the tiny room as Taehyung hoped time only went faster. Despite the tight space, the environment was relatively comfortable. The warm fluorescent lights hanging above the two, a brown velvet couch occupied by yours truly, and a rust-toned loveseat also occupied by the professional. The walnut surface of the desk stacked with files and books by a wall and extended shelves on the opposite was in his peripheral vision.
Taehyung could sense the attentive stare the man was giving him, which had no effect on the idol. It wasn’t harsh gazing, almost curious and kind, but Taehyung wasn’t really ready to give his all. He was trying his best but didn’t know what to do. The idol almost felt bad for him, having been assigned to the professional for nearly a year with little to no progress. But the man had some steel grit and was determined for Taehyung to speak about something.
A particular question made Taehyung fidget in his seat and bounce his leg. It wasn’t too personal because everyone knew, but it still gave him chills thinking about it.
Recently, at BTS’s Festa Dinner Party, the boys announced a temporary pause on group activities except for their variety show, Run BTS, to focus on their solo projects and other activities they wished to pursue without the constant clash in the group’s schedule. Each member was currently doing their own thing, whether promotions or taking a short break. In Taehyung’s instance, the company and his fellow members thought it was a fantastic idea for Taehyung to continue focusing on himself.
Through the years and over time, Taehyung has been dealing with the pressure of the idol life and fearing that his privacy would be taken away at any minute. The heavy load caused a strain on him, a concoction of emotions, as well as changes in behavior. He got sad, he got angry, and he drank. He rarely remembered anything the morning after. He got nervous, he got stressed, and he smoked, which led to online hysteria. He got into fights with strangers, friends, and his members. Countless articles on him from a fight dated back months ago. Despite rarely interacting, he got caught up in scandals with various female idols that were obviously not true. The recent one was another Blackpink member. It has been his fourth one in the past year.
Somehow it was Taehyung getting the bitter end of the fruit, having to deal with it alone. He never comprehended how his name got caught in the tongues of the people when there were hundreds of thousands of celebrities they could choose from. Though not wanting to wish it on others, new up-and-coming idol groups were entering this industry. Idols who were quite naive don’t even know half the bullshit he and BTS faced.
Of course, there was ARMY support. But they interrupted the news differently, assuming that he’s trying to be a normal human and that he does indeed make mistakes. Others commented on Taehyung’s behavior as highly inappropriate as younger fans looked up to him. All responses are partially correct but also, in a way, incorrect in Taehyung’s eyes.
The boys’ support was incredibly different, and they understood him until a couple of years back. Now there has been a faint tension between Taehyung and some of the members after a disagreement right before the group’s announcement. Nevertheless, they were there for him, especially now.
But it was a little too much for his liking.
He has been in and out of therapy, having one session every month due to the rigorous scheduling of the group. But now, since that was on hold, it gave Taehyung the perfect time to engage with himself as frequently as possible.
Taehyung eventually gave up and told his therapist what had happened the past two weeks. The professional knew who he was and what happened with the group—having gone through a well-detailed contract of privacy—but it was appropriate for Taehyung to mention it on his own because sitting before the therapist wasn’t V of BTS but simply Kim Taehyung.
“How do you feel about all of that?” Dr. Im continued thoroughly, jotting down notes in his notebook.
Taehyung scrunched his nose, thinking what to say, “Bittersweet, I guess? You know we’ve been doing this for so long. It’s kinda like we don’t know how to act or do without the group.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, everything I’ve done for almost a decade has been in the group, for the group, with the group.” Taehyung shrugged, playing with his fingers. “Now we have this time to ourselves…almost lost I guess.”
“Can you elaborate on when you speak about “lost”?”
Being in a mood, Taehyung felt a little talkative this session. That’s what usually happened. One session, he’s a blabbermouth, the next, silent as a ghost. There was a reason why his progress was so inconsistent. “The group strived for a goal together, we worked hard and had success which made us happy, but…I don’t know. Me, I guess? I’m feeling lost where now it’s just me, and my goals, my happiness?”
“What would be your goals?”
“I don’t know. I just have my schedule.” Taehyung muttered, slowly getting disinterested in the topic. He hated that he didn’t know anything in his life. “Maybe write and do my solo album, but nothing is ever good for me. That’s why I’m probably the last member to do that.”
“I see, all that’s understandable. I can’t imagine your line of work, but I can sense that the craft takes time.” Dr. Im reassured his client with a warm smile. “You worked hard to get where you’re at. Hard work comes success and of course, at times, success can lead to happiness. Yet at the same time, there will always be struggles.” Taehyung barely responded, only with a nod of acknowledgment.
Lightly segwaying into another topic, Dr. Im wondered out loud, “You’ve mentioned your happiness. Could you describe a bit more to me?”
“There’s really nothing.” The idol bluntly replied. “I don’t feel happy. Like with the group, yeah I guess so, but just me? No.”
“So with the group, what is your happiness?”
“Maybe like, our bond?” Taehyung stated frankly. “We sacrificed things for the band and we only ever had each other. We had good times, good laughs, cries and fights. We, of course, had our fans who’ve done so much. Together, we were always so strong and understood one another, until recently…”
“What do you mean?” His therapist inquired, but Taehyung stayed silent and stoic. Though the professional attempted his best to let Taehyung open gradually, there was still a concrete wall up. That also led Taehyung into spacing out and ignoring anything Dr. Im said. But that didn’t mean he didn’t understand his non-verbal communications. He knew that Taehyung would eventually talk about it, but as of right now, it was too much for him.
So Dr. Im simply hummed and nodded before saying, “It’s okay to not say anything about that. Whenever you’re ready.”
Taehyung peered at the profession, mentally applauding how well he was with him. If Taehyung was in his shoes, he’d slap himself.
“However, I hope you don’t mind talking more so about your happiness.” When Taehyung didn’t protest and shrugged, it was a good sign to continue. “So the happiness by yourself? How is that?”
“Again, I’m not happy, or I don’t feel it at all. I never thought about it until now actually.” The idol reiterated.
“How long have you felt that way?”
Taehyung blew his cheeks out as his breath came out of his drying lips. “Probably years...maybe even the whole time since debut.”
“That’s a long time to not feel happy. How is happiness, is it important to you?” Dr. Im pointed out.
“I guess, yeah…I mean look at where I am. Fucking emotions always changing and ruining my life.”
“Emotions are never changing, you know.” His therapist explained. “But how you use it can. How were you able to cope?”
“Well, we were more restricted in the beginning since we were rookies and I used to hide it well with all the bullshit I did.” The idol responded thoroughly. “I guess over time, it got worse and I couldn’t take it anymore hence all the scandals. So yeah, I’m not happy. Life is just there. I’m just here.”
“So, when was the last time you felt happy?” His therapist questioned, sparking a new discussion up.
“Uhhh, I’m guessing before debut, the group, fans? If it’s been years.”
“So imagine the last time you felt it, and I want you to describe to me what your happiness is. What are the thoughts that came up, the emotions?” Dr. Im sought it out in hopes that it could unlock a new memory about his past.
“That sounds pretty loaded…” Taehyung tilted his head as he stared at the window.
Soft tangerine brightness leaked through the reflection. The sun settled down as he was the last client of the day, mainly due to his schedule. It was also perfect so that other clients wouldn’t be sitting and waiting and suddenly looking up to find the V of BTS coming out of his therapy session. He knew for sure that it would spread like wildfire. He wasn’t ashamed, but it was somewhat taboo, and people could warp the story to make it worse.
“Let me reword it.” Dr. Im suggested. “Before the group, before the fans, before you were V, you were simply Kim Taehyung so what was your happiness as Kim Taehyung?”
“Wow, you’re bringing me way back.” Taehyung chuckled lightly, glancing at the man nodding and waiting patiently.
The idol pondered on the question. What was his happiness as just Taehyung? Taehyung mentioned his happiness in previous sessions, but this was the first time it was discussed. Only because it has been a while since Taehyung looked at his past before BTS and as an idol. BTS and being an idol was his life. He didn’t realize that the last time he was happy went way back. It was likely when he lived in Geochang, his childhood days before leaving and going to Seoul to train. It seemed so long ago, being in his mid to late twenties, that it was all blur.
There was his family and school friends, school days, specifically recess and lunch, the farm, the countryside, and the distinct street food you could only get there. God, it felt like a fable. His life went from low-income farmer boy to this international pop star, the whole rags to riches spiel. But these memories didn’t feel real, almost make-believe, maybe even nonexistent. His mind couldn’t replay those memories right now, feeling too shy to reveal it all to his trusting therapist that all the people and their faces were erased.
Well, not all faces.
He remembered one face as clear as day, but he knew that face would forever be a lost longing memory.
-
It was like everyone Taehyung knew had the sixth sense of knowing when he finished his session because calls and messages bombarded his phone. The tones bounced off his eardrums, grimacing at who was raiding the device.
Sure, his group chats with the members and his friends separately. The name of his sweet, sweet girlfriend popped on the screen with texts asking “how are you” or “let me know when you get home so I could cook dinner <3.” Anyone in the world would think these gestures were supportive and caring as a girlfriend should to their partner, but now, Taehyung did not want to deal with her and eventually ignored it, putting his phone on vibrate. He thanked his therapist before leaving the office and heading down to the elevators.
As he entered the platform, his phone vibrated continuously. He groaned and rolled his eyes, thinking it was her again. But lo and behold, it was his best friend, Park Jimin. Though hesitant, Taehyung accepted the call and answered.
“Hello,” The idol greeted monotonously.
“Why, hello, my lovely giggling bear!” Jimin’s voice sounded too ecstatic for his best friend’s liking, but he didn’t comment on it as it was usually like him. “And how was your time in therapy?”
“You know you don’t have to call after every session I attend.” Taehyung commented when he stepped out of the elevator and then the building. “You’re only gonna get the same answer—less shitty than before.” He spotted one of his company cars waiting in the parking lot and walked towards it.
“I’m just worried about you. You should know that.” Jimin huffed, and Taehyung could almost see the pout evident on his best friend’s face. “Better me than Yoongi Hyung or Namjoon Hyung.”
The mentioning of their names puts a frown on him. He knew that though supportive of his path to improvement and soul searching, the way they spoke to him felt somewhat demeaning and scolding him for every little thing. Do this, not that. You should have stopped yourself before the mess gets bigger. Why are you doing that when you clearly know you shouldn’t do that? I think this is best for you. Blah, blah, blah.
Though he didn’t mention it with Dr. Im, right before everyone split to do their own thing, Taehyung fought with his hyungs, leading to Taehyung walking out of the company building frustrated and getting wasted until the following morning and not talking to them for almost two weeks. Things were said, insults were exchanged; it didn’t matter if they were right or wrong. Taehyung didn’t want to hear what’s been repeated countless times.
“I also miss you. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”Jimin announced, hoping to lighten the mood. “When I call, I wanna know how’s life for you.”
“I appreciate the gesture, but Jimin, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” Taehyung replied as he rubbed his tired eyes.
“I know you’re not fine, Tae. That’s why I’m worried.”
The idol sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose to calm himself. “Anyways, how’s your family? How’s Busan?” He wanted to switch the discussion over to Jimin, hoping he would get the notion that Taehyung didn’t want to talk about that.
Jimin paused and respired, understanding what he was doing, so he gave in and updated his best friend on his life. While Jimin was talking and he traveled through the city to go home, Taehyung’s mind wandered off, thinking back about his session. What popped into his mind was not spoken, but he explained that those memories were gone as those in it were gone, his environment changed, and the hold on his attachment was slowly loosening.
But then, his therapist said something that got him thinking.
“It’s a pain to not be able to have those things right now, especially when you know they made you happy. But having those memories are key to unlocking more ways of potential bringing yourself closer to your own happiness. Putting words into action.” Dr. Im responded, writing down more scribbles in his book yet staring at Taehyung. “You’ll know the types of people you want, you know where you should be, and understand how much you want it.”
Taehyung understood his therapist, giving him some hope but not as much as the professional intended. “You mentioned people, the types of people I wanted.” Dr. Im hummed. “What if it’s not the type of people, but just…the people?”
“What do you mean, Taehyung?”
Taehyung scratched the back of his head, gradually feeling his nerves tingling. He tried laughing it off as the man before he stared attentively. “It wasn’t the types of people I was with, but the people I was with. Actually, a person, specifically.”
“Are you willing to talk about this person?”
His therapist had no clue what or who he was talking about, but it brought out many mixed thoughts and emotions. The reference to it sent an aching twist in Taehyung’s heart. He didn’t like the feeling. It only reminded him that it was over and nothing had been the best since.
“Not, right now. No.”
-
Taehyung went into his house, located at the edge of the city, to avoid any disturbances yet be within the vicinity of his work. After a sasaeng threat, he moved out of his luxurious condo in the heart of Seoul and found a comfortable and lovely two-story house in a quiet yet secured neighborhood. It helped with his living situation, but not necessarily his life.
As he closed the front door, he heard feet padding down the hallway and a soft voice speaking whimsically, “You’re home!” Skinny limbs wrapped around his torso, making him tense up, but he ultimately eased himself to the touch.
He pushed out a grin and wrapped an arm around her, kissing the crown of her head. “Hi, babe.” She raised her head with her sparkling almond eyes, smiling only for and at the sight of her boyfriend returning home. He stared back and nodded, biting the inside of his mouth.
There she was—in her raw and glorified self—Na Clara, his girlfriend of five years. Clara came from an affluent family, the Na Group conglomerate, which became a stakeholder for Big Hit back in 2016. That was where the two met—at a stakeholder’s event as Clara was there for her family and Taehyung was there as part of the band to show respect and gratuity for the support the Na family has given. That very night was where everyone said, “Tae and Clara hit it off so well.”
As the rise of Big Hit increased, the CEO at that time, Bang Sihyuk, and Na Seong-jin, Clara’s father, made a mutual agreement to part ways but still own part of the stocks. But the departure didn’t stop the blossoming relationship between the two. After countless flirting and dates, the two made it officially the following year and have been together ever since. They got Yeontan together and moved in with one another, so Clara left her family home to stay with her boyfriend.
Of course, due to Taehyung’s idol status, they agreed to keep their relationship a secret. Clara was indeed a socialite but also had an image to maintain for the sake of her family. Still, it wasn’t as harsh to keep up as Taehyung’s. The company insisted on annual NDA renewal contracts to ensure the idol’s safety. There were no disagreements as Clara happily signed the papers because, in her words, “As long as I have my Tae, then I’m happy.”
Clara was kind and caring, even to the members and others around her, and it was easy to gain the support of their relationship. She was also a philanthropist and animal lover, donating to charities and helping rescue endangered species. She was a real golden goddess, the visual of South Korea. Her shining long, ebony locks, pale glassy skin, glittering eyes, a body many women referenced for surgery, and a heart that melted and attracted many citizens. Men wanted her. Women wanted to be her. But she didn’t care about any of that.
Because Kim Taehyung had her heart and only looked his way.
Those who did know deemed their relationship as perfect in every way. Perfect connection, perfect communication, perfect attraction, perfect visuals, perfect, perfect, perfect.
But it was anything but.
“How was therapy?” She asked as she lets go of him to run back towards the kitchen. Taehyung took his shoes off before dragging his feet to follow his girlfriend. He rolled his eyes at the same old question everyone’s been asking him, and Clara wasn’t any different.
“Less shitty than before.” He mumbled loud enough for her to hear. Then softer taps to the floor amplified before a sharp squeaking bark of fluff came towards Taehyung. He crouched down to carry his pet before standing back on his feet.
“You know you should try to be a bit more enthusiastic about this.” She said as she stirred some kind of soup. Taehyung glanced over at the pot and scowled when he caught a waft of it.
“But I’m not.” He shrugged, caressing Yeontan in his arms.
“Tae, do you even try?” With an annoyed face, she looked up to her unbothered boyfriend.
“Yes, I try. But I don’t know. There’s some shit I’m not ready to talk about.”
“Therapy is supposed to help you open up.” She started out the obvious, which made Taehyung roll his eyes. “If not with your therapist, then with me or the boys.”
“You guys won’t understand if I told you.” He scoffed after settling his dog down. Clara tried to grab him next, but the Pomeranian ran away to his kettle. “You would think I’m psychopath with all my fucked up thoughts and behaviors.”
“Tae, stop calling yourself that! I don’t like it when you say those things.” She scolded as she turned off the stove.
“What, I thought you loved my weird expressions.” He cocked an eyebrow as he sat on the counter table stool. An outsider would look at them and assume that he was only teasing, but in actuality, he was pushing her temper.
“Not when you say shit like that!” Clara shook her head before sighing. “You’re not psychopath, I never thought of you like that.”
“Bet you thought a lot of things of me.”
Ignoring his insufferable commentary, she said sincerely, “This is to help you understand yourself better, and understand we’re here to support you. You know…”
He didn’t even bother listening to her as his messages went off. His group chat, Wooga Squad, had all his hyungs, and they discussed late-night eating plans. Taehyung checked the time, and it was already close to eight on a Tuesday night. Nightlife wasn’t as busy compared to the weekends, so it was possible that Taehyung could hang out with them too.
“Tae! Are you even listening to me?” Clara shouted, snapping her fingers in front of his face and then shaking his shoulder.
The idol blinked rapidly, almost tunneling his vision with the phone conversation. It was a tendency he did as well as spacing out. “What?”
“Ugh, I hate when you do that.” The socialite sneered. “I was just talking to you too.”
“Can you chill? What you were saying wasn’t even that important. Jimin even said the same damn thing.” Taehyung snapped as he typed his reservation for the Wooga outing.
“Who are you texting?” Clara’s eyes attempted to leer at his phone, but she was a little too far, and it was angled in a way she couldn’t see anything.
Taehyung rolled his eyes heavily at her implicit interrogation. “It’s Seojoon Hyung. They wanted to have dinner outside in like an hour.”
“Tae, I’m already done making our dinner.” She pouted as she pushed the pot in his direction. “I made kimchi jjigae.”
“Oh, that’s what it is.” Taehyung gasped sarcastically. “Yeah, I still don’t want it.”
“Hey, I’m trying to cook more, okay?” Clara frowned. With her socialite status, Clara was attended to and pampered by maids and butlers from the day she was born. Ever since she moved in with Taehyung three years ago, she had to learn how to cook and clean without any help. Taehyung had to help her at some points, and he wasn’t the best either. Actual cooking wasn’t done until a couple of months ago as the food was always take-out. But when the idol mentioned how much he missed home-cooked meals in this therapy, Clara tried her best to learn some dishes.
“You are.” He agreed as he stood up, heading towards the door. “But I’m going.”
“Don’t you want to spend time with me?” The socialite followed Taehyung like Yeontan would. She watched him put on his shoes. “I’ve missed you the whole day.”
Taehyung exhaled before standing up straight, “I guess I can spend time with you tomorrow. I have somewhat of a free day. We’ll have breakfast together.” He kissed her head and patted her hair. He held her face in his hands. “But we’ll order in.”
Her pout shifted into a suppressing smile as she pulled his hands off her. She tugged his arms to encircle her waist, then wrapped her arms around his nape. “We better.” She tiptoed to peck his lips, transmitting shivers down his spine with mixed feelings. “I love you.”
“Love you too.”
It was at the ringing of his phone that rescued him off of his girlfriend to take the call. He quickly bid farewell to Clara, who waved hopelessly before he closed the door behind him.
He answered, “Hyung! What’s up?”
“Tae, are you home?” Seojoon exclaimed through the speakers.
“I was, but I’m leaving now.”
“Stay there, Wooshik and I will be there in ten minutes. We’re dropping off Joohyuk home, said he’s got a family birthday to attend.”
There has been a somewhat unofficial addition to the group—Nam Joohyuk. Some may have seen him from Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo, Start-Up, or Twenty-Five Twenty-One. He has been slowly breaking the acting industry and stealing the hearts of fans worldwide, in addition to his modeling career. The group met him through Seojoon and eventually made his way into Wooga, coming to outings and trips.
However, Taehyung was weary of him. Sure, Joohyuk was pleasant and respectful towards the others and met the group’s criteria of being “too handsome,” but it was a bit off. Still, his hyungs loved spending time with him, and it can be assumed that Taehyung could be civil.
But he also kept his distance from him.
A sour face morphed onto the idol’s face, but his voice was poisonously friendly when he responded, “Aw, Hyung isn’t coming?”
“He said he’ll come next time, but not this time.”
“Yeah, unfortunate…” Taehyung rolled his eyes. “But yeah, I’ll wait for you.”
-
Walking through empty streets would seem eerie and dangerous, but it was basically heaven in Taehyung’s eyes. Wooshik suggested a place his cousin told him about, but he never looked it up until the group went. When Seojoon parked the car behind a nearby lot and got out, they realized it was completely barren.
They found out they were in a rundown part of Seoul where it was sketchy as fuck. Streetlights flickered, stray animals running, and a few individuals here and there, but they weren’t as approachable. They concluded that they were either a sex worker, a drug dealer, or someone interested in obtaining either or both. That was the one of the only reasons for anyone to be there, but it wasn’t the group’s reason.
“Wooshik, what the fuck is this place?” Seojoon scowled as they walked down the pavement. Eyes were on them, but it wasn’t the typical staring of celebrities. It was more so the eyes trying to hunt prey or wondering why the individual who clearly doesn’t fit in would come to an atypical location.
“Hyung, calm down.” Wooshik checked the maps to ensure they were going in the right direction. “It’s only the path. After that, there’ll be more activity and running places.”
“I just hope it’s not the same place as these watchers stay in.” The eldest of the bunch hoped. Let’s just say many of the sex workers had googly eyes with him the most. Worship was too busy navigating, and Taehyung felt somewhat relieved.
The idol didn’t need to hide his face or get recorded in this part of the city. Though it was a bit high-risk, there was a perk for him. Of course, he was still in constant fear of getting caught but mentally reassured himself.
All he wanted to do was get away from all these problems, but it seemed to keep following him no matter where he went. He fucked up all that time ago, leading him to where he was: sad, enraged, and nervous. He really had no hope in things and went on dragging with what little life he had in him.
To Seojoon’s relief, they reached a pretty lit area. There were convenience stores, bars, low-rated clubs, and a small community. Most people walking and passing by were elderly, but it was safe enough.
“Jesus, this restaurant better be worth it after passing by mini Hell.” Seojoon breathed out with ease.
“You’re literally the tallest, strongest, and eldest among us.” Wooshik bluntly scoffed. “Be tough like a leopard.”
“So what? You know what can kill leopards? Lions! And you know what can kill Lions? Hyenas!” Seojoon countered at his younger. “We were surrounded by hyenas, Wooshik.”
Taehyung was grateful for his friends. Yes, he loved his members to death, but something about his friend group gave him solace, especially in these rough times. They helped him out, taking him out of the fights, limiting his alcohol and smoking, and keeping various eyes on their surroundings. This time was one of them, despite the high severity of it.
“We’re here!” Wooshik disregarded his rant, presenting the restaurant. It was small and rundown, having an entrance made by a bright blue tarp. Trash cans were filled to the brim with waste and other junk inside. Taehyung could have sworn a rat passed by. There were graffiti markings on the side, but it was still the cleanest everywhere.
Out of nowhere, two clearly-drunk large-set men stumbled out of the cloth holding onto one another. They exchanged rambling and laughing so loudly to make the bunch flinch. But out came a gentle-looking old grandmother, ensuring they were leaving safely.
“You two get home safe, okay? I called a cab for you. They’re coming soon.” The lady smiled and patted their back.
“Ohhhh, Halmeoni! Thank you so much!” One of them managed to say. “Always taking care!”
“Of course, for my loyal customers!” She laughed joyfully as she was about to go back inside, but the three extremely handsome men in front of her caught her very eyes. “Oh, welcome! Welcome to DanDan! Please come in!” She lifted the tarp open for them to enter first.
Though they were hesitant, they warmed up to her kind aura, thus going inside the restaurant. Their eyes scanned the place. It was utterly different from the outside. It held a cozier and comforting atmosphere, more intimate as compared to traditional restaurants in Seoul. It had a “family-owned” vibe, despite the customers being middle-aged men or elderly couples enjoying a night out. A male server came out from the back and handed plates, followed by busing the tables and wiping them down. Potted plants surrounded the corner, a TV in the middle, and the succulent aroma of food touched their noses.
“I’ve never seen handsome gentlemen before!” She cheered. Judging by her sentence, she knew nothing about who they were, which was a good sign.
“Oh, Halmeoni! I had a cousin come here and said your yukgaejang was out of this world!” Wooshik complimented, to which the old lady clapped in glee.
“Ahh, he’s too kind. Come, come, sit wherever you want.” She motioned towards the vacant seats. As they settled down, she handed them menus before walking away. They engaged in the list of foods to even realize she was gone.
She headed towards the back kitchen, squealing like a school girl, where she found her husband cooking and one of the only two servers fixing the plates. She eyed the particular worker before she called out their name.
“___!” Your boss whispered loudly in hopes the men didn’t hear from outside.
“Yes, Halmeoni?” You smiled, looking up from the orders that were ready to go.
“Sweetie, there’s a couple of guys out there.” She grinned, hinting at you to serve them.
You squinted your eyes at her and scrunched your nose at the thought, “Please, no more. I know you mean well, but I don’t want to talk to some creep. The last man turned out to be a scum.”
“And my apologies for that. But, this time is serious!” Your boss voiced out. “They’re super handsome, like a mother’s dream son-in-law!”
“Are you talking about me?” Your fellow coworker, Kenji, who was three years younger than you and the actual grandson of your bosses, stepped into the backroom and the conversation without permission.
“She said mother’s dream son-in-law, not Quasimodo’s twin.” You retorted, to which he stuck his tongue out to you.
“Nice one, ___!” Harabeoji laughed at his grandson.
“Kenny, please tell ___ about the handsome men out there.” Though it was bothersome at times that Halmeoni was being persistent, you enjoyed it. It reminded you of how your grandmother was to you.
“Oh, yeah. They’re super hot.” Your coworker joined in on the persuasion. “But you’re probably not their type, maybe even bottom tier that it’s last resort kind of thing.” Meanwhile, Kenji was the irritated brother you never wanted.
“First of all, that was rude, and it’s the reason why you’re still single, and second, whether they’re handsome or hot or not, I’m not looking.” You reasoned, putting up a feigned smile.
“So what, you’re gonna die alone?” Kenji snorted, to which he received glaring eyes from you and his grandmother. He quickly shut his mouth and muttered an apology.
“It’s complicated, okay? I’m just trying to work and earn money.” You said before lifting your tray.
“Just have a look, kinda like window shop.” Halmeoni insinuated before concluding her suggestion. You sighed, giving in to making her happy, so you nodded before leaving the kitchen.
Meanwhile, the bunch wanted to order a whole receipt of the appetizing dishes, completely in awe of the prices and how good they sounded. The range of soups, meats, sides, and drinks was all too alluring.
“Looking at all of this made me hungry. I’m ready to order.” Wooshik bounced in his chair before putting the menu down. “Tae, you good enough to eat a lot?”
“Yeah, yeah.” The youngest one simply said. Though he looked at the dishes, his mind was preoccupied with everything. He thought the food would cheer him up, but it still didn’t meet his expectations.
“Don’t think about it right now. Just have some dinner with your lovely hyungs, and if you want to drink, we’ll buy some.” Seojoon proposed as he smiled reassuringly at the idol. “Also, dinner is on Wooshik.”
Worship was about to protest, but the eldest used his power card to make him shut up. “Yeah, it’s on me.”
During their conversation, you came out with the heavy trey and yelled, “Coming through!” You carefully paced towards another table and laid the food before dispersing it to the customers. All without knowing, you passed by him.
“I’m going to the bathroom!” Taehyung announced as he stood up. The youngest had his back facing the kitchen and passageway. “Do you know where it is?”
“I think it’s just right down the hallway over there.” Seojoon pointed, making Taehyung turn his head in the direction and find the signs leading to the bathroom. All without knowing he passed by you.
“Cute waitress.” Wooshik nudged Seojoon as he caught sight of you.
Seojoon peered towards you, smiling at the elderly couple you were serving, “Looks young though, but agreed, she’s cute.” It was easier for them to spot you as they had a view of the back.
“Let’s get her attention.” Wooshik prompted before raising his hand and hollered, “Excuse me, Miss! We’d like to order.” Once you gave that table’s food, your eyes sought for your following table to attend to until you saw a hand held up. Your eyes widened at your discovery.
Not only were they attractive, but you knew who they were. Park Seojoon and Choi Wooshik were big-time actors in the country and potentially the world. Also, as an avid drama junkie who watched every drama and movie they were in, you could say you were a fan.
But obviously, you hid the fan in you away. As of now, they were somehow customers of the family-owned restaurant in a dangerous part of the city. You were good at hiding your emotions, which was fairly easy when you walked toward them with your customer service smile and gentle approach.
“Hi, welcome to DanDan. I’m ___. I’ll be serving you today.” You greeted to their liking, and you knew this because they smiled so beautifully back. “What can I get for you?” As they ordered, you wrote it down in detail as some orders were modified. They wanted dishes that weren’t spicy, no added coconut shavings, and no lemon on one. It was very particular, but you went with it. You’ve experienced picky eaters in the past, as a waitress and in life in general.
You repeated their order, just in case you misheard, but they agreed to all. “Oh, before I forget, any drinks besides two cups of water?”
“Can we get three bottles of soju, and one coke.” Wooshik asked politely. “Oh, also three cups of water. Our other friend is in the bathroom right now.”
Hmm, another friend, they say. You wondered who it may be, Hyungsik? You knew some actors were friends with them, so it could be. You didn’t want to get your hopes high, but you couldn’t help but think if the other guy exceeded your expectations.
You nodded mindlessly, “Okay, got your orders. I will be back with your drinks.” You turned your back as you walked towards the kitchen but stopped when Kenji came out with no task.
“Oh my God, Ken. Those men!” You whispered at your coworker so no one would hear. “Do you know who they are?”
“No? Am I supposed to know?” He denied it, taking a glimpse of the men talking to one another.
“That’s Park Seojoon and Choi Wooshik!” You beamed.
“Oh my God,” Kenji gasped. “I still don’t give a fuck.” Your mouth dropped as you scorned him.
Taehyung finally left the bathroom, walking down the hallway. While he did his business, he also thought about his happiness. The topic seemed to be under the spotlight in his brain, wanting to be recognized. He wanted happiness, like, who doesn’t? He loved when he was happy. Everything felt safe, comforting, and relaxing in his life. But it felt physically and mentally impossible for him now when those memories of when he was happy had a person in them, a specific person. Someone who truly made him feel alive and shined hope into his life.
But alas, she was no more after events that were too shameful for his liking.
All these thoughts weren’t getting him anywhere. Maybe he should give up on therapy. It was all Clara’s idea, and he just went with it to stop her pestering. It had its pros and cons, but he doesn’t know where he stood with it but him going was something? Like what was said, there was now no hope, and life dragged him. Walls seemed to cave in on him, testing how far he could go.
Then he paused at the end of the passageway with dilated pupils.
He felt his body freeze up, unable to take control of his limbs. His breath stopped for a second to gaze. His growling stomach rumbled with his anxiousness. He had to blink twice to see if it wasn’t his imagination.
It couldn’t be; this was impossible; there was no way. The disbelief was vivid on his face but slowly made his jaw drop in shock as he processed the reality of it all. The door of lost longing memories opened with a flood as it crashed into his mind. Years of joy washed before his very eyes, years of hope sparked his nerves, years of happiness flashed on his face, and the years of the childhood friend he once had were right in front of him back after almost a decade apart.
“___?”
Tagged: @manuosorioh @kaal-ee
#taehyung x reader#taehyung fic#taehyung fanfiction#kim taehyung x reader#taehyung smut#taehyung angst#taehyung fluff#kim taehyung fanfic#kim taehyung#bts fanfic#bts fluff#bts smut#bts x reader#matcha masterlist
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Francis Kinloch in the Müller-Bonstetten letters: Part 1
Here is the first batch of translated instances where Francis Kinloch is mentioned in letters written to Karl Viktor von Bonstetten by Johannes von Müller, a gay Swiss historian who Kinloch lived with while studying in Geneva. Throughout this period (early 1775 onwards), Müller is attempting to write his history of Switzerland, and the American colonies are starting to actively rebel against England.
The original letters were mostly written in German (source), with some translated later into French (source). I have transcribed and translated most of the mentions, but there's quite a lot, so I'm going to divide this into several posts. (@john-laurens - enjoy!)
My translations below, with the German and/or French transcripts under the cut. As always, corrections and improvements are greatly appreciated!
10 March 1775
I advance in the sciences; you love me, because I do you; Kinloch, who gives away his heart so sparingly, addresses his letters to the beloved of my heart,* and we see each other daily [...] When I am by Kinloch’s side at Bonnet’s, and spend an hour talking with him, I am happy and cheerful; thus, says the Quran, does a lightning bolt suddenly illuminate the darkest of nights, but the shadow becomes darker after him.
*This follows a mention in an earlier undated 1775 letter that Kinloch asserted he needed at least one year before he could call anyone "friend". Clearly it happened in a matter of weeks here.
18 Aug 1775
…and Kinloch’s questions made me more aware of many points of our constitutions, especially our lack of political arithmeticians. […] Keep well. Kinloch will write to you soon.
21 Aug 1775
If cruel fate separates Kinloch from me, I will hope to have 25 to 30 louis more per year, with which I will be able to carry out this plan of study by spending the summer months in some of the cantons.
23 Aug 1775
I also do not have time [in this letter] to continue my observations along the mark, the Zurich lake, into the drawing rooms of Füsslin, Heidegger, Gessner, Hirzel, Bodmer, etc., nor to assure you sufficiently of Gessner’s friendship; nor to tell you how much I augment my knowledge of Helvetia [Switzerland], and with what pleasure I read Livius with Kinloch; nor to paint Kinloch’s enthusiasm* for you, and his anger with me because it has been so long since I wrote to you; nor my irreconcilable hatred for you, B. To declare to you in very thunderous and defeating expressions that, contrary to your word and honour, despite my repeated requests in the name of the holiest friendship, you have committed the atrocious crime of not writing me any letters to this day. Write to me today, therefore!
*The archaic meaning of the German Enthusiasmus is more along the lines of fervour, inspiration, or passionate feeling than the modern “enthusiasm” suggests.
“Thursday” [1775]*
We are waiting at present for a letter from Mr Boone, which will inform us whether we, Kinloch and I, may travel together in France, or if I must stay where I am. In the latter case, I will quietly await some opportunity to travel with an Englishman, which would let me see Europe and fix me some income. If Mr Boone and other friends do not find anyone, I will go to England with K at around the end of next year and I will not leave him even if he goes to America.
*The exact dating of this letter is unclear, but it is placed here in the source.
Wednesday, Dec 1775
At this very moment, Kinloch is writing a letter to Mr Boone, which might influence my future destination. If I cannot live as I had hoped, according to what I have told you, I would hope that in the case that I must spend my life in solitude, that I may share yours; but that is the way to live!
26 Dec 1775
I find myself in the midst of great doubts. Kinloch cannot stay here past the end of March; we are waiting for letters from England to inform us whether we have enough money to travel together. The American matters make it very uncertain. And even when this journey is over, this unrest will hinder us from carrying out many projects. And now also comes the newly confirmed expedition against Carolina. In this land, so say the letters, is everything in such disarray, that reason has completely lost its power, all courts have decided that no law shall be enforced anymore, all the stations have mixed together, and the clergy preach nothing but rebellion. And the rebellious faction is so powerful that they have decided to send all women and children into the interior of the country, to burn the whole city of Charlestown to ash, and to fight the English over its ruins. Imagine Kinloch’s heart, and his noble mother in this horrid land, fleeing, exposed to all the malice of the soldiers, all the bouts of depredation, hunger and shortages of all kinds. It is very possible that Kinloch himself will lose everything, that his plantations will be laid waste. Imagine for yourself what we must think and feel about all of this.
9 Jan 1776
We have letters from England that confirm the degree to which the entire coast of the North American sea is given to flames and devastation; they also state that the fleet against Carolina has already sailed. Kinloch and I have developed a project for our destination, which will, in all likelihood, be carried out for our shared benefit. At the beginning of April, my friend will go to France to a provincial town; I will go to Genthod to the wise men (these we, i.e. those from Genthod and I, are still keeping a secret at this time on account of certain people). Towards autumn, I will go to Marseille or Lyon, find Kinloch there, go with him to Rome and from there through Tyrol and Bavaria down into the Netherlands, right to the sea. In this way, I will be able to complete most of my material collecting in the summer and have an educational and enjoyable winter. And beyond that? you will ask me. Within one year, it will become clear if America is still inhabitable, if Lord North is still prime minister, if Kinloch will settle in England or America. We will decide accordingly.
19 Feb 1776
Your letters always bring me great pleasure, but it has been a long time since any letter or occurrence has caused me as much pleasure as your second-to-last one did. Your eloquence is Demosthenic when friendship has inspired you, but your heart is full of the greatest and noblest virtues. Bonnet and Kinloch felt a real enthusiasm for you. I however am more determined than ever to follow your advice. [Lists several of his good fortunes.] Mr Bonnet, Mrs Bonnet and Kinloch and all my best friends, besides philosophy and politics - to whom do I owe all of these? Ask yourself!
10 March 1775
In den Wissenschaften schreite ich fort; Sie lieben mich, wie ich Sie; Kinloch, der so karg sein Herz versschenkt, addressirt seine Billets to the beloved of my heart, und wir sehen uns täglich [...] An der Seite Kinlochs bei Bonnet, und nun ich eine Stunde mich mit Ihnen unterhalten, bin ich glücklich und heiter; so, sagt der Koran, erleuchtet ein Blitzstrahl plötzlich die dickste der Nächte, aber die Finsfterniß wird dicker nach ihm.
18 Aug 1775
Les questions de Kinloch ont fixé plus particulièrement mon attention sur plusieurs points de nos constitutions, et m'ont fait sentir surtout combien nous manquons d'habiles calculateurs politiques. […] Adieu, mon ami: Kinloch vous écrira bientôt.
…auch haben Kinlochs Fragen mich auf eine Menge Punkte unserer Verfassungen, besonders auf unsre Armuth an politischen Arithmetikern aufmerksamer gemacht [...] Gehab dich wohl. Kinloch
21 Aug 1775
Si mon mauvais sort me sépare de Kinloch, je souhaiterais avoir par an 25 à 30 louis de plus pour me mettre à portée de réaliser ce plan d'étude en passant l'été dans quelques Cantons.
Wenn das harte Schicksal Kinloch von mir trennt, so wünsche ich mir jährlich 25—30 Louis d'ors, mit denselben würde ich in einigen Kantonen in den Sommermonaten diesen Plan ausführen können
23 Aug 1775
Je n'ai pas le temps non plus dé vous mener avec moi le long du lac de Zurich, dans les cabinets de Füsslin, de Heidegger, de Gessner, de Hirzel, de Bodmer, etc, ni de vous assurer tout au long de l'amitié de Gessner; ni de vous dire combien j'augmente mes connaissances sur l'Helvétie, et avec quel plaisir je lis Tite-Live avec Kinloch; ni de vous peindre l'enthousiasme de Kinloch pour vous, et sa colère contre moi parce que j'ai été si longtemps sans vous écrire; ni enfin de vous déclarer dans les termes les plus foudroyants une haîne irréconciliable, parce qu'au mépris de votre parole d'honneur, de mes prières et de notre amitié, vous ne m'avez point encore écrit. Ecrivez-moi donc aujourd'hui même!
Aber die Zeit erlaubt mir nicht, meine Observationen durch die Mark, den Zürichersee hinunter, durch Füßlins, Heideggers, Geßners, Hirzels, Bodmers &c. &c. Zimmer fortzusetzen, noch Ihnen Geßners Freundschaft für Sie genug zu vermelden, oder meine Zunahme an helvetischen Kenntnissen oder mein Vergnügen über meine Lectur des Livius mit Kinloch, und Kinlochs Enthusiasmus für Sie und Zorn über mich, der ich Ihnen so lang nicht geschrieben, noch meinen unversöhnlichen Haß gegen Euch, B. Euch in recht donnernden und niederschlagenden Ausdrücken anzukündigen, da` Sie wider Wort und Ehre ungeachtet meiner wiederholten Bitten gegen die allerheiligste Freundschaft das gräuliche Verbrechen begangen haben, bis auf diesen Tag mir keinen Brief zu schreiben. So schreiben Sie mir dann heut noch!
“Thursday” [1775]
Nous attendons à présent une lettre de Mr. Boone qui nous apprendra si nous pouvons, Kinloch et moi, voyager ensemble en France, ou si je dois rester où je suis. Dans ce dernier cas j'attendrai paisiblement quelque occasion de voyager avec un Anglois, qui me feroit voir l'Europe et qui me fixeroit quelque rente. Si Mr. Boone et d'autres amis n'en trouvent point, j'irai en Angleterre avec K. sur la fin de l'année prochaine et je ne le quitterai pas même, quand it va en Amérique.
*written in French
Wednesday, Dec 1775
Dans ce moment même Kinloch écrit à Mr. Boone une lettre, qui influera peut-être sur ma destination future. Si je ne peux pas vivre comme je le souhaiterois, d'après ce que je Vous ai dit, je souhaiterois, que dans le cas, qu'il me fallut passer ma vie dans la solitude, je puisse partager la votre; mais le moyen de vivre!
26 Dec 1775
Gegenwärtig befinde ich mich in sehr großen Zweifeln. Länger als bis im Märzen kann Kinloch nicht hier bleiben; wir erwarten aus England Briefe, ob wir Geldes genug haben, mit einander zu reisen. Die amerikanischen Sachen machen es sehr ungewiß. Und wenn auch diese Reisen zu Ende find, so werden diese Unruhen uns an der Ausführung vieler Projekte hindern. Nun kommt noch die neulich beschlossene Expedition gegen Karolina. In diesem Land, wir haben Briefe, ist alles in solcher Unordnung, daß der Rath vollkommen seine Gewalt verloren, alle Gerichte beschlossen sind, kein Gesetz mehr vollstreckt wird, alle Stände sich vermengt haben, und die Geistlichen nichts als Aufruhr predigen. Auch ist die rebellische Faction so muthig, daß sie beschlossen haben, alle Weiber und Kinder ins innere Land zu versenden, die ganze Stadt Karlstown in Asche zu verwandeln, und über den Ruinen derselben sich mit den Engländern zu schlagen. Stellen Sie sich Kinlochs Herz vor, und seine edle Mutter in diesem fürchterlichen Land, in der Flucht, ausgesetzt allem Muthwillen der Soldaten, allen Anfällen der Verwüstung, dem Hunger und dem Mangel. Es ist sehr möglich, daß Kinloch selbst alles verliert, daß seine Pflanzungen verwüstet werden. Stellen Sie sich vor, was wir bei alledem denken und fühlen müssen.
9 Jan 1776
Aus England haben wir Briefe, welche bestätigen, wasmaßen das ganze Ufer der nordamerikanischen See den Flammen und der Verwüstung gewidmet sey; auch sagen Sie, die Flotte gegen Karolina sey bereits abgesegelt. Kinloch und ich haben über unsre Bestimmung ein Project entworfen, welches allem Ansehen nach zu unserm gemeinschaftlichen Nutzen ausgeführt werden wird. Anfangs Aprillens geht mein Freund nach Frankreich in eine Provinzialstadt; ich nach Genthod zu den Weisen (dieses halten wir, d. i. die von Genthod und ich gewisser Leute wegen noch zur Zeit geheim). Gegen den Herbst gehe ich nach Marseille oder Lyon, finde daselbst Kinloch, gehe mit ihm nach Rom und von da durchs Tirol und Bayern hinunter in die Niederlande bis ans Meer. So werde ich diesen Sommer meine meisten Materialiensammlungen vollenden können und einen lehrreichen und `vergnügten Winter haben. Und was ferner? werden Sie mich fragen. In Jahresfrist wird es sich zeigen, ob Amerika noch wohnbar, ob Lord North noch Staatsminister sey, ob Kinloch sich in England oder in Amerika niederlassen werde. Accordingly werden wir uns entschließen.
19 Feb 1776
Vos lettres me font toujours grand plaisir mais aucune d'elles et en général, aucun événement ne m'a causé, depuis longtemps, un plaisir aussi vif que votre avant-dernière. Vous avez l'éloquence de Demosthène quand l'amitié vous inspire, et votre cœur est ce qu'il y a au monde de plus noble et de meilleur. Bonnet et Kinloch vous aiment avec enthousiasme, et moi, je suis plus déterminé que jamais à suivré en tout vos conseils. […] Mais, et Bonnet, et Mad. Bonnet, et Kinloch, et mes meilleurs amis, et les lumières que j'ai acquises en philosophie et en politique, à qui dois-je tout cela, mon ami? vous le savez.
Ihre Briefe machen mir immer sehr viel Vergnügen, aber seit langer Zeit hat kein Brief und keine Begebenheit mir so viel Freude verschafft, als Ihr vorletzter. Ihre Beredsamkeit ist Demosthenisch, wenn Sie von der Freundschaft begeistert sind, Ihr Herz aber der größten und edelsten Tugenden voll. Bonnet und Kinloch haben einen wahren Enthusiasmus für Sie gefühlt. Ich aber bin entschlossener, als noch Ihrem Rath zu folgen. [...] Hrn. Bonnet, Md. Bonnet und Kinloch und alle meine besten Freunde, nebst der Philosophie und Politik, wem bin ich alles schuldig? fragen Sie sich!
#francis kinloch#johannes von müller#karl viktor von bonstetten#18th century history#queer history#demosthenes mention!#happy valentine's day
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✨Tecate Pa’l Norte, Louis Tomlinson Highlights✨ Monterrey, March 30th
🛍️ original, printed or digital copy available.
I rarely speak up here, usually just post the usual notices, but this time I’d like to express how proud I am of Louis after this first show of the many he’ll still do at festivals this year <3 I relate a lot to him in being passionate about festivals because it was while I was watching a band’s show at a festival that I fell in love with this whole universe of live music. It was an honor to illustrate this first show, and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do :)
⚠️ Please do not take screenshots or print my drawings at home without paying for them. Reposts only via story. They are for sale, they are my work, be respectful ❤️
⚠️I don’t attend all the shows I design (unfortunately) and I depend on lives and/or information so kindly provided by the portals to do my work. I review all information before finishing the drawing, but sometimes my pieces may have small errors. Mistakes happen, I’m sorry about that. Please be kind to me and my art.
🎸“Highlights” is the name of these illustrated show summaries. It’s a project created by me in 2022, initially aimed at illustrating the best moments of a Louis Tomlinson concert, but today it expands to various artists and has become my full-time job.
🏷️ #louistomlinson #artwithkindness #louistomlinsonfanart #louies #onedirection #tecatepalnorte @lthqofficial
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HI AGAIN! <3 So I had an idea,( I have syndactlyly, it's a deformity in one of my hands that makes the fingers small and deformed, it's not THAT bad looking, just real short and a bit crooked, they were also stuck together at birth, needed surgery.) WITH THE BG OUT OF THE WAY-
Maybe the Wii PO guys with an S/O that has a birth defect of some kind or noticeable birthmark they're self-conscious about? TY! Again, love ur stuff
Doc Louis: Oh honey you don’t got to worry nothing about you as he will hype you as much and as often as he can. If you don’t like major attention brought to it then he will try to be more subtle in his affection towards it.
Glass Joe: Within more intimate moments with the Frenchman he will bring extra attention to the area where your self conscious with plenty of kisses. He wants to love every inch of you and your soul as well as have you love yourself with every ounce that he does.
Von Kaiser: He understands where you are coming from as he himself has some unsightly marks on himself that he will willingly show you if it makes you feel any better about your own. He’ll even go into how he got each mark whether it came from his youth or when he was a part of the armed forces.
Disco Kid: Pretty much a combination of of Doc and Joe as whenever he sees you you better be ready for the affection shower he about to give with all his kisses and hugging. He is also the king of hyping you up whenever you feel bad about yourself as he will make you smile eventually.
King Hippo: Is honestly confused about why you are hung up on such a little mark, it’s not like he’s gonna love you any less. So just sit down with him and have some comfort food that will cheer you up.
Piston Hondo: When it comes to giving affection in public places he is quite subtle but if it’s truly bothering you then he will give you the most heartfelt speech he can muster. He loves everything about you and if he has to get out of his comfort zone to express that then he’ll do it.
Bear Hugger: Gives so many kisses to your mark that even he has lost count on how many he has given. He tells you to not be self conscious about it as he also has a couple scars here and there from Miss Bears coaching and you don’t think any less of him for them do ya.
Great Tiger: With his many magical clones you are going to be so pampered with affection that you will almost never feel self conscious about your mark ever again. But on your more lower days he’ll make sure it’s just you and him while he comforts you with his words and actions.
Don Flamenco: Another one that is going to be hyping you up as much as he possibly can with affection and some good retail therapy. As he comes from birth place of passion and love he offended that you don’t love your full self as much as him.
Aran Ryan: This man will show you all his little oddities and scars from when he was a boy up to now. He thinks you should wear your mark like a permanent badge of honour that the world has given you.
Soda Popinski: Much like Aran he very much views your mark as something you should celebrate and not hide away. He will regularly give you many kisses to it and your face to give you some positive associations with it.
Bald Bull: He does his best to keep you out of the paparazzi’s eyes as he knows how much the media loves to over exaggerate thing’s especially little things about people. He will still give you plenty of affection towards it as he thinks you’re imperfections make even more beautiful.
Super Macho Man: He will find so many creative ways to cover up your mark if you don’t want it on his camera. He will also confide in you about his own personal insecurities about aging so you don’t feel as alone in your feelings about yourself.
Mr Sandman: He does his best to not bring too much attention to your mark in public as he knows that he has to be strong in front of the cameras. The moment you both are alone he will be letting you know how amazing and special you are to him and how lucky he is to have you in his life, mark and all.
#punch out wii#punch out x reader#doc louis#glass joe#von kaiser#disco kid#king hippo#piston hondo#bear hugger#great tiger#don flamenco#aran ryan#soda popinski#bald bull#super macho man#mr sandman
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Alright, so, still haven’t had a chance to watch episode 7 of IWTV yet, but I’ve been made aware of the theory being posited that the final reveal of Louis calling Armand the “love of my life” and some other details of the episode are meant to clue the audience into the fact that Louis is being mind controlled by Armand, and that the inconsistencies in his story, especially regarding Lestat, are a result of this. I like this theory, as it’s truly the only logical, and justifiable explanation for... everything from episode 5 on. If Armand is distorting Louis’ memories of Lestat to have him remembering Lestat as this horrific abuser, that wold be keeping well in line with Armand’s character.
I just finished rereading IWTV, and the last chapter (which I’d forgotten almost entirely since I first read the book years ago) is deeply revealing about Armand’s character and, even more so, I think, Lestat’s character.
I’ve seen plenty of people who I have to assume never read the books, or just have low level reading comprehension, refer to Lestat in the first book at the “villain” of the story, and I’ve already made a post about why that’s an incorrect statement to make. And this final chapter really just drives home exactly why.
Firstly, with Armand, if anyone is thinking Armand incapable of manipulating Louis to the extent in which this theory posits him as doing, in the book, in the final chapter of IWTV, he flat out admits to Louis that he himself forced Claudia out into the courtyard and locked her in as the sun was breaking. Armand killed Claudia, by his own hand. More revealing still, though, is that Armand, earlier, in order to get Louis to agree to go back to New Orleans, reveals to him that Lestat is still alive, and we learn near the end of the chapter that he does so because he’s hoping that seeing Lestat will revitalize Louis’ lost passion and love, specifically, his lost passion and love for Armand himself. He’s banking on Lestat revealing to Louis that Armand was the one who killed Claudia by his own hand. Lestat, however, doesn’t do this. And this brings us again to the fallacy of calling Lestat the villain of the first book. Lestat’s completely desperate and pitiful state which Louis finds him is is a direct result of him having lost Louis and Claudia both, and the way in which he begs Louis to stay with him, and confesses to Louis that he never meant for Claudia to be killed, that he didn’t know what Santiago had planned, once again truly exposes Lestat’s true nature. He wasn’t ever the unfeeling, cold, dimwitted or monstrous man Louis, for a long time, believed him to be. He loved Louis and Claudia desperately, he needed them, not for Louis’ money, as Louis initially believed, but because he so loved Louis and Claudia both. It was just, because of his own, terrible trauma, which is hinted at in this book, but not expanded upon, he never knew how to express it. There’s a point in the book in which Louis explains how, on nights when he and Lestat would go out to the opera, or to a play, Lestat would afterwards show so much human joy and enthusiasm for the experience that Louis would confess to him that he enjoyed Lestat’s company, and after each such confession, Lestat would pull away and not ask to go out with Louis for months at a time. It’s impossible to know exactly why just from reading IWTV, but of course, for anyone who’s read The Vampire Lestat, it becomes clear that Lestat is dealing with a lot of abandonment issues and childhood trauma which causes in him a great and awful fear of being left alone. Of course, it’s a common thing for people who fear abandonment to pull away from those they love, frightened that if that person comes to learn too much about them, they’ll end up hating and leaving them. We get plenty of clues to this being the case with Lestat throughout the first book. He was never just some evil baddie who terrorized poor Louis and Claudia and treated them like trash.
Lestat’s desperate pleas for Louis to come back to him in Paris, and then for him to stay in New Orleans, reflect that. He says to Louis “I wanted to talk to you so much. That night I came home to the Rue Royale, I only wanted to talk to you!”. Lestat always wished he could open up to Louis and express how he truly felt, but he was always too paralyzed by his own fear to do so, early on anyway.
I bring this all up because, contrary to what some people who defend the shows depiction of Lestat would have us believe, Lestat was never meant to be seen as the villain of that story, and so him being depicted as such in the show never would and never did make any sense. It would be an almost unbelievable misreading of the text by the show runners for them not to realize this, and unless they really are just that blatantly disrespectful of Anne Rice’s work, I can’t see them being that stupid. So I think, in light of this, the theory that Louis’ memories of Lestat are being altered by Armand makes all the more sense. Lestat would never hurt Louis or Claudia the way he does in the show, not if we’re talking about the ACTUAL Lestat. He loves them too much to ever do anything even remotely akin it, and he always did. He doesn’t even shown any resentment towards Claudia, despite how deeply she wronged him, and that tells you all you need to know.
Now how that relates back to Armand, and how Armand attempts to use Lestat to manipulate Louis, I think feeds into the theory for the show. Armand shows no qualms whatsoever about using Lestat in order to gain Louis’ love and trust, or to use him to shift Louis into a more wanted state. We first see this when Armand affects disgust with Lestat in Paris, after Claudia is killed, by asking him if he’s “satisfied” with what’s happened in front of Louis, pretending at his own innocence in the whole affair, as if he’s defending Louis from Lestat’s evil. And then of course later, when he thinks by forcing Louis and Lestat back together, it will reawaken Louis lost passion for life and rekindle his interest in Armand himself.
Louis reveals though that he already knows Armand killed Claudia, and he doesn’t care, because he feels nothing for Armand anymore. Hardly the “love of his life”, as he says in the show. Louis would never say that of Armand. By the end of IWTV, Louis’ distaste for Armand is plain as day. He wants him gone, he wants to be away from him, he’s disgusted by him. He even calls Armand out on pretending to be sad about having caused Claudia’s death. Louis knows Armand doesn’t give a fuck.
So, assuming the show is intending to actually have Louis and Lestat end up together, as everyone involved has previously claimed, this would be a logical and justifiable explanation for the seeming character assassination they’ve performed on... well, everyone in this show thus far.
I still think it was ridiculous to go about it in this way, and has done nothing but cause a lot of grief and misery and confusion regarding the direction the show was taking. It’s woefully arrogant for the show runners to think they can go about telling Anne Rice’s story better than Anne Rice herself. The whole thing has been convoluted. I get they want to keep the audience on their toes and guessing, to surprise the audience so they’ll keep tuning in. I get that’s how TV works. But Anne Rice has sold millions of books, and the ratings on this last episode were, I’ve heard, about half a million people. They aren’t exactly pulling fans of the books in in droves, it seems, probably because they’ve caused so much confusion and anger by deviating so drastically from the books themselves.
They should have just stuck to what Anne Rice wrote. It’s infinitely more complex, heartfelt, and powerful than anything the show has given us. But, whatever, that’s how it is in Hollywood. They routinely butcher works of literature, thinking they’re making it more exciting, when really, they’re just robbing it of its heart.
Just read this paragraph from the last chapter, and tell me this doesn’t move you more than anything this show has been able to do:
“Don’t try to speak... it’s all right.” I said to Lestat, who dropped down gratefully into his chair and reached out to stroke the lapels of my coat with both hands.
“But I’m so glad to see you,” he stammered through his tears. “I’ve dreamed of your coming... coming...” he said. And then he grimaced, as if he were feeling a pain he couldn’t identify, and again the fine map of scars appeared for an instant. He was looking off, his hand up to his ear, as if he meant to cover it to defend himself from some terrible sound. “I didn’t...” he started; and then he shook his head, eyes clouding as he opened them wide, strained to focus them. “I didn’t mean to let them do it, Louis... I mean that Santiago... that one, you know, he didn’t tell me what they planned to do.”
“That’s all past, Lestat,” I said.
“Yes, yes,” he nodded vigorously. “Past. She should never... why Louis, you know...” And he was shaking his head, his voice seeming to gain in strength, to gain a little in resonance with his effort. “She should never have been one of us, Louis.” And he rapped his sunken chest with his fist as he said “Us” again softly.
But yes, Lestat was just a big old meanie in the first book, he was just the villain. Sure. Okay.
Anyway, I’m off to start “The Vampire Lestat” next.
#amc's interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire#Anne Rice#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#armand
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A Second Letter from La Fayette's Father
I am quite happy right now because I stumbled about this letter from La Fayette’s father and at first I fought it was a letter written two his sister a few two weeks prior to his death that was included in the online exhibition “LaFayette: Citizen of Two Worlds” from Cornell University. As it turns out, it is a different letter.
This letter is written by La Fayette senior to his mother, who would eventually raise his son, after his death at the Battle of Minden. Unlike the letter written to his sister (July 16, 1759), La Fayette’s handwritten message can in parts actually be seen here.
Michel Louis Christophe Roch Gilbert Motier, Marquis de La Fayette to Marie Catherine de Suat, dame de Chavaniac, July 25, 1759:
DE CHAMBRUN, RENE. “WASHINGTON, SECOND PERE DE LAFAYETTE.” La Nouvelle Revue Des Deux Mondes, 1981, pp. 579–88. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/44201764. Accessed 17 Feb. 2023.
Adieu, ma très chère mère. Conservez-vous pour l’amour d’un fils qui ne saurait vivre sans vous et qui ne cessera d'avoir l'honneur d'être avec le plus tendre et le plus respectueux attachement, ma très chère mère, votre très humble et tout obéissant serviteur et fils.
Lafayette.
Je vous prie de vouloir bien assurer des sentiments les plus tendres et les plus vifs ma sœur et ma femme et de faire mes compliments à M. Vidal --
J’embrasse mon fils.
My Translation:
Farewell, my dearest mother. Assure yourself of the love of a son who cannot live without you and who will never cease to have the honor of being, with the most tender and respectful attachment, my very dear mother, your very humble and obedient servant and son.
Lafayette.
I beg you to assure my sister and my wife of the most tender and passionate feelings and to pay my compliments to M. Vidal --
I kiss my son.
It goes without saying, that this is a very personal and therefore very moving letter, especially since it would be his final good-bye to his mother. What I find quite noteworthy beyond that, is the similarity to the letters his own son would write almost twenty years later.
Both men are in a very similar situation; young soldiers, far away from home, entangled in a war against England (even facing off the exact same officer) with a pregnant wife and a young child at home. While the younger La Fayette’s letters appear to be far more outspoken on the subject of the love for his children, I feel like the older La Fayette’s feelings are no less sincere. We have to take into account that there is a much smaller sample size with La Fayette senior than with his son and that he was his own person, with his own writing style and own way to express himself. But even these two letters show somewhat of a consistency. The older La Fayette ends this letter by “kissing” his son. He ends the letter to his sister with saying:
(…) Please kiss my son for me
#marquis de lafayette#la fayette#french history#father and son#1759#letters#michel louis christophe roch gilbert motier#Marie Catherine de Suat#lafayette: citizen of two worlds#cornell university#la fayette senior#the similarities are actually quite striking come to think of it
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It’s the day of my Louis show. It’s past 3 am and I should be asleep but I am feeling a lot of things right now. I have loved Louis since early 2012, when I heard his angelic voice on the chorus of One Thing and then in the second verse, and I b am going to see him for the first time ever in about 17 and a half hours. I became a fan of One Direction because of Louis, I have been a Louie from the first tube I heard him sing. To be here now, to see Louis in a solo show singing his solo music, it is everything to me. It is literally a dream come true. It is what I always wanted for Louis and what I always believed he could do. I enjoyed 1D, even loved it, but it was Louis who reached deep into my soul and warmed me from the inside out. It was Louis who made me feel at home, who inspired me with his lovely soul and kind heart and resilience and strength, who made me feel comforted and hopeful, especially in the moments in my life where nothing else really did and it was bad for me. When my head is in a bad place, Louis makes me feel alive and like I can go on, I can find a way to make it though. Louis’s solo career has been a journey, a rollercoaster of emotions and worry and happiness and everything in between, but Louis’s music and the connection I feel makes it all worth it.
I love music. I love listening to music, across all genres. I love the connection between an artist and their fanbase. That to me is special and worthwhile and that personal connection is what I look for in music, in any kind of art really. And no other artist has ever made me feel the way Louis does: this connected to their songs and their spirit; this invested in their joy and career and, quite simply and at the core of everything, their music.
So I am ashamed of the Australian leg of Louis’s tour. I don’t think the Australian crowds as a whole have been good to Louis and that breaks my heart. LATAM and Asia were so much better to him, so wonderful and amazing and respectful and passionate in the best way. As I am Australian, I don’t know that I deserve to see him, especially when so many wonderful fans of his haven’t been able to. Thank you so much to my mutuals who have encouraged me not to feel this way. I really appreciate how kind you have been. And I am sorry for rambling like this, I just have a lot of feelings as I said.
So thank you, Louis Tomlinson. You have saved me and countless others, and you deserve wonderful things in your solo career. You are home, Louis, and I can never truly adequately express just how much you and your music mean to me.
#thank you louis#what louis means to me as a solo louie#feeling a lot#shaking a lot#crying a lot#please forgive this rambling post if anyone sees it 🙈#ltwt2022 australia#ltwt2022: melbourne 1 (my show)#louis tomlinson#solo artist louis tomlinson
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7, 21, 67, 86, & 98 for ... the family—louis, hortense, and their parents (including the recently deceased one, rip)
Thank you for the ask, nexility! I'll answer even for our late emperor then 😉
Does your oc collect anything? What about of knowledge or facts? How big is their collection?
The greatest collector in the family was Napoléon IV, undeniably. I think his daughter, Hortense, will probably take over from him with her natural curiosity. Napoléon IV collected Greek antiquities, especially the artefacts of Alexander the Great. He had a large collection which he displayed in all the galleries of the imperial palaces. I think it was important to him to show his collections to all visitors, and he generally liked to display his culture on the subject. Hortense will be a more humble and generous collector, I think. She is particularly interested in the artefacts of the great ladies of Francesim (the former queens, mistresses, court ladies of Francesim's history).
Emperor Napoléon V, Louis, and his mother Marie Joséphine, were much less interested in collecting. Louis has a rather simple and admiring passion for his Napoléon ancestors in general, and owning a few artefacts pleases him to the point of buying them at auction. But he is not a "passionate" collector as his father may have been. Marie Josephine is not materialistic at all, she has no attraction for collecting and generally thinks that art or artefacts should be accessible to all.
Is your oc expressive, or would they rather conceal their emotions? What are their typical expressions like ?
Not surprisingly, all the Simparte's hide their emotions. I would say that the most expressive is Louis (Napoléon V). He's the most impulsive, and he doesn't like secrets.
Here's an expression for each character:
Napoléon IV : "One must heal the wrongs, never avenge them." That's his favourite quote, I think he used it all the time
Napoléon V : "I almost waited" or "a picture is worth a thousand words".
Hortense : "Are you sure?" or "You can do it", she is very supportive
Marie-Joséphine : "My God", I think she sighs a lot 😅
How many people does your oc prefer to be around? A crowd, a few friends, or all on their own?
Napoléon IV : A crowd
Napoléon V : A crowd
Hortense : All on their own
Marie-Joséphine : A crowd
What would someone assume about your oc based on their appearance? Would those assumptions be correct?
Napoléon IV : Something difficult to express in the sims game, beyond the physical appearance: he had a strong Belgian accent that never left him. I think that's what always attracted mockery and satire.
Napoléon V : I think you could call him "Prince Charming" by his physical appearance. I'd say that's pretty true.
Hortense : A neat young woman but a bit cold. I think this is rather false, it's mostly due to her introverted and uncomfortable character in society.
Marie-Joséphine : I think the former empress from the outside appears to be a very protective, gentle person. She has some of that of course, but she can become a ruthless lioness to protect her children or her family. Marie may seem a bit snobbish, too, but I think that's not the case. She has always been very attentive to everyone's needs, it's the French protocol that is snobbish especially towards women.
Is your oc the type to have a lot of fairly good friends, have a small group of close friends, have one or two best friends, or have no friends at all? Who are they closest to?
Napoléon IV : He had political allies, but no real friends in the sense that he never confided in anyone.
Napoléon V : Louis has many close friends to whom he confides, and he likes to be the center of their attention - which is rather easy given his position.
Hortense : Hortense does not confide much, like her father. Louis is her greatest friend. So she has the same friends as her twin brother, Hortense is very self-effacing behind Louis. Nevertheless, she will start to be more independent from Louis since she is seeing Oliver (hello @officalroyalsofpierreland).
Marie-Joséphine : She has close friends with whom she confides about everything and nothing, but her best friend is a French actress. In her youth, the former empress would have even had a romantic relationship with this woman, according to some paparazzi media!
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Has there ever been a Christine actress where their acting far outshines their singing? Meaning, their singing is just ok, could be better, but where they lack in their singing they really act so wonderfully. There's also been some Christines with amazing voices, but then their acting needs some work. Not all can do both perfectly.
Yeah, a fair few; in fact, some of my favorites are Christines whose acting more than made up for their singing (same for Phantoms). Some examples of Christines whose acting outshone their singing:
Julie Hanson - Julie Hanson had that really generic Broadway Christine voice, you know, lots of vibrato and kind of a heavier voice, with a tendency to go flat on notes. But she was so incredibly good at acting like a traumatized, child-like Christine and worked very well with Hugh Panaro's Phantom.
Gina Beck - I think most everybody knows this one, but yeah, Gina Beck had a sweet voice but was amazingly inconsistent with it, sometimes sounding amazing and other times getting too shouty, or wobbly, or what-have you. But her acting was so good and she had clearly put so much thought into every movement and expression that you forgave everything.
Anna O'Byrne - I never grew used to Anna O'Byrne's voice, which always sounded weak and right on the verge of straining. But she had one of the most unique, Leroux-accurate portrayals ever.
Samantha Hill - Somewhat similar to Julie Hanson, her vocals were mediocre and she struggled noticeably with some high notes. But like Hanson (and also Gina Beck) there was so much energy and thought put into her acting that it didn't matter.
Lisa-Anne Wood - Lisa-Anne Wood has almost what I call the archetypal London voice of the last few decades: squeaky, light, more pop than classical. But her acting was so good and her chemistry with her Phantoms was amazing.
Ali Ewoldt - I never could get used to, or like, Ali Ewoldt's incredibly vibrato-heavy and rather harsh voice, and at first I found her acting decent but not too memorable. But by the end, she had improved so much, and her Christine was both energetic but with a strong backbone, and so emotional and passionate.
Holly-Anne Hull - Between Lucy St Louis and Anouk van Laake's beautifully classical vocals, Holly-Anne Hull is in a bit of a rough spot; she's definitely more "musical theater" in her sound. But as I've constantly said, her portrayal makes up for it - while her interpretation is fairly conventional, she's clearly thinking out every move, everything is consistent with her character, and she's pouring her heart and soul into it, every performance.
There's also plenty on the opposite end (vocals who out-shone their acting), so much more IMO that I won't list them, though a few that come to mind include Dale Kristien (strong vocals and the most amazing 'Think of Me' cadenza, dull acting), Claire Louise Hammacott (gorgeous operatic voice, the most boring portrayal I have ever heard), Claire Lyon (beautiful classical vocals, pretty conventional acting especially compared to some of her alternates e.g. Kristi Holden or Emilie Lynn), Elena Bahtiyarova (clear, pure voice, no change in facial expressions), Maria Ivleva (classical voice, no growth in her Christine whatsoever), Amy Manford (one of the most beautiful voices I've heard on London for some time, but acting and interpretation was more by the book, especially compared to Kelly Mathieson), and Anouk van Laake (another lovely voice, interesting interpretation that's a little lacking in execution).
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☕️ + your boy Louis
let me scream some more
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
okay, thank you
louis louis louis. mi solecito. where to start with louis. he won me over during his world tour with his music, his words, and his silly antics. he’s just a very warm, optimistic presence. despite all the shit life has thrown at him he’s still standing and doing what he loves. he’s very smart, articulate, clever, soft, delicate, observant and passionate
he said something recently about how he doesn’t cry often, but he’s not afraid to. it’s the fact he’s not afraid to be vulnerable. a lot of people consider vulnerability a weakness, but it isn’t. sometimes he has to exaggerate some things and lie, because he’s famous, and as such he has to protect his private life, but still, he’s as honest as he can be. he’s also very expressive like there’s a reason why i have an entire gif series dedicated to it. he gesticulates a lot, and as someone who does too, it’s lovely to see. it’s lovely to see his enthusiasm
his music and concerts are also a safe space, especially for queer people. seeing those pride flags fly every night was healing. he acknowledged how important his music is for us queer fans. that means a lot
i love how he acknowledges his upbringing and is proud of it. as someone who’s living in a foreign country it’s important for me to keep those parts of my culture with me. i can’t imagine being thrown into this crazy hollywood world without losing parts of yourself, but he seems to have remained genuine
also how grateful he is? how he’s always thanking the fans and seems to care about us? how protective he is over us? i love him
fucking hell he’s also a little shit and he drives me insane with his cryptic messages and 28 and 369 and please louis have mercy on our souls
his music!!! he’s so fucking talented!!! his voice is beautiful and strong. his lyrics are amazing and clever and lovely and heartbreaking and beautiful. the sounds are too fucking notch. he deserves all the success in the world
also he’s so pretty. so fucking beautiful. gorgeous. hot as fuck. so breathtaking
i’m kissing him on his forehead mwuah mwuah
send me a ☕️ and a topic and I’ll talk about how I feel about it
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