#excuse me HOW has this not gotten more notes T-T i saved this in drafts ages ago!
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Someday We'll Know (Chapter One)
Pairing: Soledad x Thomas Mendez, Eventual/Slowburn Thomas Mendez x Tara Day
Summary: When Tara Day runs away from her emotionally abusive relationship, she finds herself back in the company of her best friend from college, Soledad Vargas and her new fiance and has to learn how to find confidence in herself again.
Author's Note: It's been a hot minute since I published anything in my drafts. I listen to a lot of music as inspiration for my writing so there's a list of songs below in case you want to listen as well The timeline is different than in MOTY and I wanted to write a story where we got to see more of Soledad, who I imagine Luz to get some of her personality from.
Playlist: Someday We'll Know by Mandy Moore, She Will Be Loved by Maroon Five, Piano Man by Billy Joel, Ain't No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye.
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Chapter One
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Tara stared at the ring on her left hand intently as if it would help her make a decision.
It was a statement ring for sure. The stone in the middle was the size of her thumbnail and was surrounded by a halo of smaller diamonds. It had come from Guy's mother who spared no penny for her beloved son.
It wasn't really Tara's taste. But she was grateful, wasn't she? He had proposed with such a beautiful and expensive ring, and he knew they hadn't talked about getting married yet but with a baby on the way...
She took in a deep breath, heart pounding, subconsciously placing a hand on her stomach. She tried to drown out the sounds of Guy convincing her to quit her job, her being dependent on his income, all followed up with I love yous... and I'm only doing what's best for you...
In that moment, Tara knew what she had to do.
She pulled down her suitcase in her closet and packed all of her necessities. Her heart ached a little when she took a glance around her apartment and realized that she would have to leave most of her things.
Her gaze stopped on the stuffed lizard that her mother had given her a few years before she had passed. They had watched Magic School Bus as a kid and Tara had a fondness for the Liz. She shut her eyes tightly, letting herself mourn Rachel Day for a moment before throwing her lizard on top of her things.
She closed her suitcase and grabbed a pencil and paper, thinking about what to write. Would her letter be apologetic? No, she had allowed herself to feel that through the entirety of their relationship. She held her tongue to spare his feelings and lost her self confidence as a result.
Dear Guy,
I can't marry you. Have a good life.
Tara
She took the ring off of her finger and placed it next to the letter on the dining room table. She took a deep breath in, feeling a rush of determination in her before heading out the door.
-
As she filled up her car at the gas station, Tara frowned in thought about her next steps. She had saved up enough from her job in sales to last her two months but she needed to find somewhere to go and somewhere to stay.
She closed her eyes, cursing herself for letting her friendships by the wayside. She had been so involved with her relationship with Guy and she knew none of them liked him. She couldn't help but defend he's just nervous around other people until her excuses left her with less and less contact with her friends.
One day, it just stopped altogether.
She had met Guy the year after she graduated from college- one of the hardest years of her life. Most of her friends had moved away and she was working a job that she didn't love. She felt like she had been buying time working while she figured out what she loved and in her vulnerable state, Guy had been direct and charming and showered her with attention.
She didn't want to wallow in her own self pity, but as she heard the faint click of the gas nozzle, she realized she was out of time and needed a plan.
More than anything, she wanted to call her mom. Her mom had been hesitant about Guy, who was a little too much like her father, but she had supported Tara nonetheless. She listened to her when she had problems with Guy with an unbiased ear.
But her mother wasn't here anymore.
She heard the click of the nozzle and she bit her lip in contemplation. Taking a deep breath, she got back in her car and turned the key.
Tears sprang to her eyes as she heard the accordian of Piano Man came on. She and her mother had argued about the song. Tara had insisted that it was about people with unfilled lives and finding the bar to forget how unhappy they were.
Rachel Day had said that she believed that the men and women of the song were inspired by the piano man to find their dream. It was a sweet interpretation for a woman did not have the best circumstances in life.
"Mom, if you can hear me," Tara said out loud. "I'm trying to figure out what to do. I left Guy and I don't think I like myself that much right now. I know what you would say too. I will always love you the most. But you're not here and it's hard to figure out how to love myself like you did."
She took a deep breath and leaned back as the song finished. She squeezed the steering wheel in encouragement as she shifted gears in her car and paused as the next song's sounds filled the space of her car.
Listen baby, ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low…
When her mother had been taken away from her, Tara wasn't sure what she believed in. Cancer had been a slow and painful death for her and she couldn't understand why it had to be her.
Despite this, she had always secretly hoped that her mother was watching out for her. She needed a sign now, more than ever and two of Rachel Day's favorite songs seemed as good as any.
-
However, by nightfall, her optimism ran out.
She had reasoned there wasn't any use stressing about it without sleep so she had found herself a cheap motel room a few cities over. Guy wasn't due to be home for another day or two, so she didn't need to worry about him trying to find her.
Although there is a chance he wouldn't think I was worth the effort, she thought wryly.
She sighed, plopping onto her bed, staring at the popcorn ceilings. A buzz interrupted her aimless thoughts and she glanced at her phone to see the name Soledad flashing across the scene.
Tara blinked at her phone. Soledad had been her best friend from college. They had roomed together freshman year and got along well enough to live with each other after that. Soledad had moved away when they graduated and Tara had found Guy and slowly the contact between them was a happy birthday post text between them once a year.
"Hello?"
"Tara? It's me, Soledad." Her friend said breathlessly on the phone. "Thomas proposed. We're engaged!"
"Oh, that's wonderful." She smiled at the excitement in her friend's voice. "You sound so happy, Sol."
"I know I haven't seen you or talked to you in forever." Soledad admitted, sounding regretful. "But you were my best friend and I think it would be nice to reconnect. Come to dinner with me and Thomas and bring Guy."
I left him. He was manipulative and I left him, Soledad. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
"Oh, uh, he's out of town and won't be able to make it." She heard herself say instead. She winced at the lie but then cleared her throat. "I can come by though."
"Great. Friday night?"
"Yeah, I'll see you then." Tara hesitated for a moment, wondering why she was lying about her relationship and her situation. "Soledad…"
"Yeah?"
Tara took a big deep breath. "Umm. Just that I'm excited to see you and thank you for reaching out."
-
Soledad braided her hair in the mirror for the third time that night. She smiled as she caught a glimpse of the ring on her left finger. She couldn't say she was completely surprised- only because Thomas Mendez, as well spoken as he was, had been tongue tied when he met her.
Her phone buzzed with a text from Tara. She had arrived in town earlier that day and found a hotel to stay at. Soledad had offered to her to stay with her and Thomas in their second bedroom, but Tara had gotten quiet and politely declined.
On my way! Thanks for inviting me again.
The door opened behind her as her fiance walked in and she grinned, wrapping her arms around him and pressing a brief kiss to his lips.
"Mmm, you look nice." Thomas complimented as he took in the wrap dress she had donned. He took a step back to hang his jacket before giving her an appreciative glance over. His smile grew when his gaze landed on her engagement ring and he took her hand, pressing a brief kiss to it.
"I'm so glad you said yes." He murmured. "I can't wait to start the rest of my life with you."
"Well, the rest of your life starts with us having dinner with Tara."
"Of course. Let me get changed and I'll be down in a moment."
They arrived at the restaurant and Soledad waved to Tara who greeted her with a wave of her own.
"Hey, it's good to see you." Tara said as she gave Soledad a hug. She turned to Thomas, giving him a smile. "I'm Tara, nice to meet you."
"Likewise. Shall we go to the counter and order?"
She nodded and the three of them walked towards the counter of the restaurant. Thomas and Soledad were greeted by the waiters and waitresses that walked by- obviously regulars, as Tara looked up at the menu above the counter.
Taking in the list, she realized that Guy had a habit of ordering for her. He insisted that he knew what the best food on the menu was. It was a small, random realization that made her a little ill.
You have a choice now, Tara, she reminded herself.
She was so lost in thought she jumped and whirled around when Thomas placed a hand on her shoulder. He blinked, taking a step back as her heart rate slowed.
Great, he probably thinks you're an anxious mess and not happy to be here.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have surprised you." He apologized. "Let us buy you dinner since you came out to see us."
"Oh, thank you."
They stepped up to the counter and took their number to the table. Tara took a seat across Thomas and Soledad as they waited for their food.
"When was the last time you saw each other then?" Thomas asked. Tara and Soledad looked at each other as Tara racked her brain.
"Umm, it must have been what, two years ago?" Soledad mused. "I think I came to town for alumni weekend and I stayed with Tara for a few nights. Guy didn't like that I took up time with his girlfriend."
Tara winced and swallowed. "Yeah, he and I had been dating for a few months at that point and he didn't like that I ignored him for you."
"Well, time with friends is important." Soledad said. "I called him out on it and he apologized for overstepping and said that he would apologize to you too.
He never apologized to me, Tara realized bitterly.
-
Dinner was a little tense, Thomas noted. It started with Tara jumping when he placed a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. The deer in the headlights expression in combination with the look that she had when Soledad recounted the story gave him pause.
He didn't want to say anything at the table lest he scare her off, but some of the behavior patterns Tara showed were similar to the people who wanted to file restraining orders or the people who were in toxic relationships. They had that same jumpy twitch and looked almost as if they were ways ready to escape just in case.
"Tara," Thomas called her attention. "Soledad was telling me about when the two of you made a spontaneous trip to New York City."
Tara smiled and Thomas noted her relief at the change of topic. She recounted getting home from finals with a lot of pent up energy from studying and Soledad, always the impulsive one, decided they were going to go on a girl's trip.
Soledad and Tara fell into an easy rhythm, telling him about their trip to find Levain's bakery, going up to the top of the Empire State Building and their luck when the couple they passed by on Broadway offered them their extra tickets to The Lion King that their friends could not make it to.
"I haven't done anything like that for a while." Tara smiled. "Sol was always the one who came up with these ideas. She had the drive to put all of these dreams into place."
"Yeah, but you were the ones to come up with the details." Soledad argued as she looked at Thomas. "I got lucky and my fiance is the one who does that for me now. Not as well as you, Tar, but it'll do."
"Haha," Thomas said sarcastically as he took her left hand. "You agreed to marry me so I'm doing something right."
Their food came and they fell into a more comfortable rhythm, talking about where Tara was staying and what she could do while she was in town. Thomas couldn't help but notice that whenever Guy's name was brought up, Tara's hands would go to tug at the charm of her necklace and catalogued it as something he needed to ask Soledad about.
"Tara was really sweet. You two seem to get along as well as you used to." Thomas mentioned as they got into their car later.
"It was nice to see her. I forgot about how well we got along."
He nodded, still thinking about Tara's reactions earlier in the night. "Sol, what do you know about Guy?"
"Umm, not much besides that one story. They started dating after I moved out here. I know they got engaged not long ago."
Thomas looked at her, brow furrowed in concentration.
"I don't remember her wearing an engagement ring, do you?"
"Always in lawyer mode, aren't you?" Soledad took her fiance's hand and gave it a kiss. She frowned, thinking back to the restaurant. "No, I don't suppose I do. What are you saying?"
"That look that she had whenever we mentioned Guy's name… she would reach for her necklace and tug on it. Sol, I don't want to make assumptions without evidence but I think Guy was abusive in some way to her."
A pit dropped into her stomach as she closed her eyes, thinking about Tara again.
Had we really lost that much touch?
"If you're right," she finally murmured. "And I didn't catch that…"
"You didn't know, Sol. What matters is that we're here for her now." He said gently. "Do you want to go find her?"
-
They found the hotel Tara had mentioned and Soledad frowned as they arrived in the parking lot.
Thomas volunteered to stay with the car to let her talk to Tara herself. Soledad pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before getting the number for Tara's room from the front desk. She made her way to Tara's room and knocked on the door.
Please Tara, open the door, Soledad thought in earnest.
Silence greeted her knocks and she bit her lip. Her mother's voice echoed in her head as she raised her hand to knock again.
Sometimes, there are people who need help and are afraid to ask for it. You need to be patient and not as spontaneous, my love.
But she and Tara had gone almost two years without really speaking. They had gotten caught up in their own lives and forgotten each other.
She closed her eyes and thought of what Thomas had said before she went to find Tara.
Whether or not my suspicion is correct, you're the one who knows her. Go to her as her friend, not someone who wants to help her.
She stared at the number 213 on the door and knocked again. This time, she heard footsteps on the ground as the latch of the door opened.
Her friend opened the door apprehensively, visibly relaxing at the sight of Soledad.
She thought I was Guy, Soledad bit her lip. She swore at him in his head, realizing how spot on Thomas might have been.
"I, uh, wanted to make sure we got to see each other before we go." She said quickly. Tara tilted her head in confusion.
"You could have texted me, silly." She teased softly.
"Oh, uh, yeah."
There was a silence and Soledad wracked her head for ways to broach the subject.
"Can I come in?" She finally asked, deciding to be direct. Tara nodded and let her in.
Soledad stepped in, pacing back and forth. She thought about how to approach Thomas' suspicions, when she glanced at Tara's left hand and realized there was no ring on it.
"I haven't seen your ring yet." She said carefully, watching for her friend's reaction. Tara froze and blinked a couple of times.
"I, uh, it's getting resized." She mumbled back as she looked at the ground.
In that moment, Soledad realized that she was lying. No matter how long they had gone without speaking to each other, she knew that Tara always looked away when she lied.
"Tara, I knew you better than anyone else. So please, tell me what's going on."
Her friend stiffened and Soledad reached for her hand. Tara took a spot next to her on the bed and Soledad made the decision to wrap her arms around her. She seemed surprised by initial contact but relaxed into the embrace.
"Umm, Guy and I… I left him while he was gone. He wasn't nice to me and I didn't know how to tell people because I know they all saw it before me." Tara muttered. "I- I don't know what I'm doing, Soledad. I just needed to get away."
Soledad tightened her embrace around her friend as sobs began to wrack her body.
"When you came to see us that one time, you said he apologized to you and would apologize to me." She continued through her tears. "He never did. Soledad, I feel so stupid for letting him manipulate me."
That son of a-
"I'm sorry I didn't know you were hurting. Thomas noticed how anxious you were at dinner." Soledad murmured. "I should have noticed first."
Tara shook her head quickly. "No, we had dinner to celebrate you and Thomas. He seems like a really good man, Sol. And he seems to really love you."
"He makes me really happy."
"Good. That's what you deserve."
So do you, Tara.
Soledad pulled back and examined her friend's face. The girl she had known in college was much more lighthearted. Tara now- Soledad hated the word broken because her friend didn't need to be fixed. She was going through a rough patch with leaving her relationship, the death of her mother and needing to start over.
Tara Day just needed a break.
In that moment, Soledad made her decision.
"Stay with us, Tara."
-
Tags: @heauxplesslydevoted @hatescapsicum @cora-nova @princess-geek @flyawayboo
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David Sims: “ As a fan of the TV show, I felt battered into submission. This season has been the same story over and over again: a lot of tin-eared writing trying to justify some of the most drastic story developments imaginable, as quickly as possible....[T]ime and time again in recent years, Benioff and Weiss have opted for grand cinematic gestures over granular world building, and Drogon burning the Throne to sludge was their last big mic drop.
Spencer Kornhaber: The penultimate episode of Game of Thrones gave us one of the most dramatic reversals in TV history, with the once-good queen going genocidal. The finale gave us yet another historic reversal, in that this drama turned into a sitcom. Not a slick HBO sitcom either, but a cheapo network affair, or maybe even a webisode of outtakes from one. Tonally odd, logically strained, and emotionally thin, “The Iron Throne” felt like the first draft of a finale.
When Dany torched King’s Landing last week, viewers were incensed, but I’d argue it was less because the onetime hero went bad than because it wasn’t clearwhy she did. Long-simmering madness? Sudden emotional break? Tough-minded strategy? A desire to implement an innovative new city grid? The answer to this would seem to help answer some of the show’s most fundamental inquiries about might and right, little people and greater goods, noble nature and cruel nurture. Thrones has been shaky quality-wise for some time now, but surely the show would be competent enough to hinge the finale around the mystery of Dany’s decision.
Nope. The first parts of the episode loaded up on ponderous scenes of the characters whose horror at the razing of King’s Landing had been made plenty clear during the course of the razing. Tyrion speculated a bit to Jon about what had happened—Dany truly believed she was out to save the world and could thus justify any means on the way to messianic ends—but it was, truly, just speculation. When Jon and Dany met up, he raged at her, and she gave some tyrannical talk knowing what “the good world” would need (shades of “I alone can fix it,” no?). But whether her total firebombing was premeditated, tactical, or a tantrum remained unclear. Whether she was always this deranged or just now became so determines what story Thrones was telling all along, and Benioff and Weiss have left it to be argued about in Facebook threads.
The Dany speechifying that we did get in this episode was, notably, not in the common tongue. Though conducted in Dothraki and Valaryian and not German, her victory rally was clearly meant to evoke Hitler in Triumph of the Will. It also visually recalled the white-cloaked Saruman rallying the orc armies in The Two Towers, another queasy echo. People talk about George R. R. Martin “subverting” Tolkien, but on the diciest element of Lord of the Rings—the capacity for it to be seen as a racist allegory, with Sauron’s horde of exotic brutes bearing down on an idyllic kingdom—this episode simply took the subtext and made it text. With the Northmen sitting out the march, the Dothraki and Unsullied were cast as bloodthirsty others eager to massacre a continent. Given all the baggage around Dany’s white-savior narrative from the start, going so heavy on the hooting and barking was a telling sign of the clumsiness to come.
Jon’s kiss-and-kill with Dany led to the one moment of sharp emotion—terror—I felt over the course of this bizarrely inert episode. That emotion came not from the assassination itself but rather from the suspense about what Drogon would do about it. For the dragon to roast the slayer of his mother would have been a fittingly awful but logical turn. Instead, Drogon turned his geyser toward the Iron Throne. Whether Aegon’s thousand swords were just a coincidental casualty of a dragon’s mourning or, rather, the chosen target of a beast with a higher purpose—R’hllor take the wheel?—is another key thing fans will be left to argue about.
Then came the epilogue, a parade of oofs. David, you say you were satisfied by where this finale moved all its game pieces, and if I step back … well, no, I’m not satisfied with Arya showing a sudden new interest in seafaring, but maybe I can be argued into it. What I can’t budge on is the parody-worthy crumminess of the execution. Take the council that decides the fate of Westeros. It appears that various lords gathered to force a confrontation with the Unsullied about the prisoners Tyrion and Jon Snow and the status of King’s Landing. But then one of those prisoners suggests they pick a ruler for the realm. They then … do just that. Right there and then. Huh?
It really undoes much of what we’ve learned about Westeros as a land of ruthlessly competing interests to see a group of far-flung factions unanimously agree to give the crown to the literal opposite of a “people person.” Yes, the council is dominated by protagonist types whom we know to be good-hearted and tired of war. But surely someone—hello, new prince of Dorne! What’s up, noted screamer Robin Arryn?—would make more of a case for another candidate than poor Edmure Tully did. Rather than hashing out the intrigue of it all as Thrones once would have done, we got Sam bringing up the concept of democracy and getting laughed down. The joke relied on the worst kind of anachronistic humor—breaking the fourth wall that had been so carefully mortared up over all these years—and much of the rest of the episode would coast on similarly wack moments.
It’s “nice” to see beloved characters ride off into various sunsets, but I balk at the notion that these endings even count as fan service. What true fan of Thronesthinks this show existed to deliver wish fulfillment? I’m not saying I wanted everyone to get gobbled up by a rogue zombie flank in the show’s final moments. Yet rather than honoring the complication and tough rules that made Thrones’ world so strangely lovable, Benioff and Weiss waved a wand and zapped away tension and consequence. You see this, for example, in the baffling arc of Bronn over the course of Season 8. What was the point of having him nearly kill Jaime and Tyrion if he was going to just be yada-yadaed onto the small council at the end?
One thing I can’t complain about: the hint that clean water will soon be coming to Westeros. Hopefully, someone will use it to give Ghost a bath. As the doggy and his dad rode north of the Wall with a band of men, women, and children, the message seemed to be that where death once ruled, life could begin. Winter Is Leaving. It’d seem like a hopeful takeaway for our own world, except that it’s not clear, even now, exactly how and why the realm of Thrones arrived at this happy outcome.
Lenika Cruz: Do I have answers? Who do you think I am—Bran the Broken? Before I get into this episode, I need to acknowledge how unfortunate it is that Tyrion decided to give the new ruler of the Six Kingdoms a name as horrifyingly ableist as Bran the Broken. You could, of course, argue that the moniker was intended as a reclamation of a slur or as a poignant callback to Season 1’s “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things,” when Tyrion and Bran first bonded. But given the “parade of oofs” this finale provided—including the troubling optics of Dany’s big speech—it’s hard to make excuses for the show.
Now that we’ve gotten our “the real Game of Thrones/Iron Throne/Song of Ice and Fire was the friends we made along the way” jokes out of our system, where to begin? I basically agree with Spencer’s scorched-earth take on “The Iron Throne.” I was already expecting the finale to be a disappointment, but I didn’t foresee the tonal and narrative whiplash that I experienced here. At one point during the small-council meeting, my mind stopped processing the dialogue because I was in such disbelief about the several enormous things that had happened within the span of 15 minutes: Jon stabs Dany. Instead of roasting Jon, Drogon symbolically melts the Iron Throne and carries the limp body of his mother off in his talons. A conclave of lords and ladies of Westeros is convened, and Tyrion is brought before them in chains, and they know Dany was murdered, and Tyrion argues for an entirely new system of government while being held prisoner by the Master of War of the person he just conspired to assassinate. Excuse me? (The way that Grey Worm huffed, “Make your choice, then,” at those assembled reminded me of an impatient father waiting for his children to pick which ice-cream flavor they want.)
David, Spencer—of the three of us, I’ve been the most stubborn about thinking this final season is bad and holding that badness against the show. I don’t fault viewers who’ve become inured to the shoddy writing and plotting, and who’ve been grading each episode on a curve as a result. But I personally haven’t been able to get into a mind-set where I can watch an episode and enjoy it for everything except stuff like pacing issues, rushed character development, tonal dissonance, the lack of attention to detail, unexplained reversals, and weak dialogue. All of those problems absolutely make the show less enjoyable for me, and I haven’t learned to compartmentalize them—even though I know how hard it must have been for Benioff and Weiss to piece together an airtight final act solely from Martin’s book notes.
...Much like with last week’s episode, I can actually see myself being on board with many of the plot points in the finale—if only they had been built up to properly and given the right sort of connective tissue. For all the episode’s earnest exhortations about the power of stories, “The Iron Throne” itself didn’t do much to model that value.
For example, I can’t be the only one who was let down, and at a loss for a larger takeaway, after seeing a high-stakes contest between two ambitious female rulers devolve after both became unhinged and got themselves killed. After all the intense discussion about gender politics that Thrones has spurred, and after seeing characters such as Sansa, Brienne, Cersei, Daenerys, and Yara reshape the patriarchal structures of Westeros, we’ve ended up with a male ruler (who once said, “I will never be lord of anything”) installed on the charismatic recommendation of another man and served by a small council composed almost entirely of … men.
Perhaps there’s no deeper meaning to any of this. Or perhaps this state of affairs is a commentary on the frustrating realities of incrementalism. I am, of course, beyond pleased that Sansa Stark has at least become the Queen in the North—a title that she, frankly, deserved from the beginning. But I haven’t forgotten that this show only recently had her articulate the silver lining of being raped and tortured. Nor am I waving away the fact that Brienne spent some of her last moments on-screen writing a fond tribute to a man who betrayed her and all but undid his entire character arc in one swoop. My sense is that the show’s writers didn’t think about Thrones resetting to the rule of men much at all, and that they were instead relishing having a gaggle of former misfits sitting on the small council. See? the show seemed to cry. Change!
At times, Thrones gestured more clearly to the ways in which the story was going a more circular route; this was especially true of the Starks. Jon headed up to Castle Black and became a kind of successor to Mance Rayder—someone leading not because of his last name or bloodline but because of the loyalty he’s earned. Arya’s seafaring didn’t feel out of character to me—it fit with her sense of adventure and reminded me of her voyage across the Narrow Sea to Braavos all those years ago. Sansa became Queen in the North in a scene that recalled the debut of “Dark Sansa” in the Vale, but that felt like a true acknowledgment of how much her character has transformed. I’ll admit, the crosscutting of the scenes showing the Starks finding their own, separate ways forward was beautifully done. It made me wish the episode as a whole had been more cohesive, less rushed, and more emotionally resonant.
Spencer, I think you smartly diagnosed so many of the big-picture problems with the finale—the sitcommy feel, the yada-yadaing of major points, the many attempts at fan service. So rather than elaborate even more, I’ll end this review by saying something sort of obvious: Viewers are perfectly entitled to feel about the ending of Game of Thrones however they want to. After eight seasons, they have earned the right to be as wrathful or blissed-out on this finale as they want; it’s been a long and stressful ride for us all. I’m genuinely happy that there are folks who don’t feel as though the hours and hours they’ve devoted to this show have been wasted. I know there are many others who wish they could say the same thing.”
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He’s Got You High
For @a-simple-rainbow. ♥♥♥
She wanted something based on this post: Kurt sends an email to his TA while high on pain meds after a wisdom teeth extraction.
read on AO3
Blaine is in the middle of his theatre history class when his phone signals a new email in his inbox. Discreetly hiding the phone from his instructor’s view by keeping his hands behind a stack of textbooks on his desk, he goes to his email folder and checks the sender.
It reads, Kurt Hummel.
He has to bite his tongue to stop the smile forming on his lips. Kurt is a sophomore, only a year behind Blaine, and takes improv and stage combat class with Blaine. He’s also a student in one of Mme Tibideaux’s more advanced voice studio classes that Blaine miraculously got to be the TA for this year.
To say that Kurt is Blaine’s favorite student would be an understatement – in fact, hopelessly crushing on him is probably more accurate.
It’s not like Blaine is planning to do anything about it, at least not while he’s Kurt’s TA. It would be inappropriate, unprofessional, and probably also really awkward, especially if Kurt isn’t interested.
So, he’s not fooling himself into thinking that Kurt’s email will be anything out of the ordinary. Probably a note of absence or questions about the final exam… though, as Blaine notices with a frown, the subject reads “Paper Eggstension”. Autocorrect maybe? There’s no way Kurt’s spelling is that bad, Blaine has read and graded most of his MUS105 papers.
Glancing at the teacher to ensure he’s still unobserved, Blaine opens the email, intrigued and a bit concerned now. He scans the first few lines and – oh, wow.
Everyone at NYADA knows Kurt is full of surprises and he’s certainly made an impression on Blaine more than once but this…? This has Blaine blushing, giggling under his breath, shaking his head fondly and wanting to check up on Kurt all at once.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Kurt Hummel
Subject: Paper Eggstension
---
Dear Mr. Blaine,
sry, I forgot your last name because Rachel calls you Mr. Dreamboat! And y would I use your last name anyway? You told us to call you Blaine. Thats a nice name. Blaiiiine.
You said other stuff too. Like that we could send you our MUS105 paper before we send it to Mme Tibidibideaux (I wish she let us call her Blaine too) but only if we dont miss the deadline. Now I gotta tell you: No can-do. But I have an excuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you don’t believe. But you should. Cuz Blaine, u see – I got my teeth removed. The smarty ones. The wisdom teat. Anyway. I got them out. It was brutality. So much pain, worse than when I watched you unfairly lose Midmight Madnesssss against that senior douche, whatever the fuck his name is again. You should have won Blaine. You were better. I think Rachel bribe the judge bc she went out with senior douche… what is hid name? Bobby? Barney?
But PLEASE could I get a few more days, could you ask Mme T.…??? I really wanna do well bc… you see, Mme T., she scares the hell out of me. Ha that rhymes, triple! Cuz I’m awesome. Yes, I am. You can just accept that as fact or you can also go out wih me and see how awesome I am for yourself, your choice (but pick the latter!). But anyway please please pls pls pls can I hand it the paper a bit later? I really cant submit something bad -- and Im afraid they pulled out my brain with the teeth!!!!!!!! I can’t write a well paper without a brain!
My doctor says Ill regret writing emails while Im hai (thats German for shark, funny fact) so I’m gonna stop and hope that you will say yes! Please bro? Oh! Brody. Brodouche. Midnight Madman. Destroy him next time! (He broke up with Rach, he deserves it.)
Thank you, Mr. Blaineboat. I really like you.
Kurt xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Blaine reads the email three times before deciding that he should wait until after class to type out a response. In the state he’s in right now, he’ll probably do something stupid and just write back, Yes to all.
He wants to, of course. He’d give Kurt an extension on his paper and say yes to a date with him in a heartbeat but… he knows he’ll have to convince Mme Tibideaux, sort out his personal TA-student dating policy (and maybe ask around if NYADA has an official take on it) and make sure Kurt really meant to type this and didn’t just do so in the spur of the painkiller-induced moment.
The class can’t end fast enough but as soon as it’s over and Blaine finds a quiet corner in the library to think of what to respond, he blanks, drafting several replies but ending up deleting all of them.
“Goddammit,” he mutters to himself. “Just write something.”
In the end, “something” doesn’t really compare to Shakespeare but Blaine figures that at least he won’t risk his job over it, either.
And maybe, just maybe, Kurt will catch the ambiguity in his words.
-
“What are you working on?” Rachel asks when she comes back to the loft, arms full of grocery bags that Kurt hopes are filled with veggies for him to make soup with. He seriously craves eating something that isn’t liquid but mushy veggies drowning in hot water really is the maximum of cheating when it comes to his pained cheeks. He knew it was a bad idea to get both upper wisdom teeth out the same day. But it’s too late to complain. At least he has a best friend who brings him soup.
Kurt sighs at the laptop in front of him.
“My paper for Mme Tibideaux,” he responds. “You know I love Sondheim but interpreting his work while physically injured makes me want to kill him.”
“He’s in his mid-eighties, Kurt,” Rachel tells him. “Let an old man be.”
“Ugh.” Kurt rubs his eyes. “The meds are making me tired, though.”
“Why do you even bother writing the paper when you got an extension from Mr. Dreamboat?”
Kurt frowns at Rachel. “Extension? When would I have gotten that?”
“In your email?” Rachel frowns back. “Come on, don’t tell me you chickened out just because you’re in love with him. He’s still our TA, he could probably do something about that deadline, so-”
“I don’t remember writing an email.” Kurt goes to student email and punches in his username and password. “Or getting one back, for that matter. Like, wouldn’t I rem-” He blinks in surprise, catching Blaine’s name in his inbox – twice, even. How high was he, exactly? “Wait, what did I…?” Clicking on the email, bits and pieces come back to him, and he suddenly grabs the couch cushion next to him, holding onto it for dear life. “Oh my god, no.”
“What?”
“Rachel.” Kurt feels the blood draining from his face. “Oh, Jesus, please tell me I didn’t write that…”
He scrolls through the quoted email below Blaine’s short responses (Dear Kurt, thank you for telling me! And yes, of course! I’ll talk to Mme Tibideaux, and get back to you once I know more. Get well soon! All the best, Blaine, and the more recent Dear Kurt, I got a yes from Mme Tibideaux, you’re getting one more week! Best, Blaine) and cringes when he reads the first line.
“I did. Fuuuuuck. Oh god, now I wish Sondheim could kill me.”
“Again, the guy’s, like, 85…” Rachel says slowly. “And why would you- whoa, is that your email to Blaine?”
Kurt doesn’t answer, instead opting to hide his face in his hands.
“You did not tell him we call him Mr. Dreamboat.”
Kurt whimpers.
“You did not ask him out!” Rachel squeals.
Kurt lets out a miserable whine.
“Oh my god, Kurt, you did not tell him you like him and signed the email with a dozen kissing faces!!!”
“WHAT?!” Kurt’s hands fly back to his laptop. He didn’t re-read that part. “Oh my god! I ju- Rachel, I can never go back to that school. I’m such a failure at life, Jesus Christ.”
“You’re very religious all of a sudden.”
“Don’t just sit there mocking me,” Kurt begs. “Tell me it was all just a bad dream.”
Rachel gives him a look of deep, genuine pity. “I really wish I could but I doubt my eyes can never unsee that email. Also, I know you wrote that while you were high on pain meds but I am a bit upset you never told me you didn’t like Brody. Might have saved me some trouble.”
Kurt rolls his eyes at her. “You honestly believe I never brought it up? What do you think we were we having that flea-market chair argument for? And don’t even pretend like you would have called it off with him just because I said something.” Rachel opens her mouth to speak but Kurt shakes his head violently. “It doesn’t matter, anyway – what am I going to do about this?!”
Rachel shrugs. “Kurt, it’s out there. All you can do now is roll with it.”
“In my grave, you mean?”
“In class. To which we’re going tomorrow since you’re so much better already,” Rachel tells him sternly. “Judging by Mr. Dreamb-”
“We can’t call him that anymore,” Kurt says quickly.
“Fine.” She sighs. “Judging by Blaine’s reply, he’s not bothered by it. Who knows, maybe he’s flattered. Or happy about it. It’s not every day you get an email from a cute guy confessing he’s crushing on you.”
“Yeah, right,” Kurt mumbles into the sleeve of his sweater. “As if I stand a chance with him.”
“No time like the present to find out,” Rachel says with finality. “Now, I’m making you soup, and you’re going to put on some Sondheim so you can work on your paper with some fresh insights and maximum concentration.”
It’s a nice thought – but Kurt doesn’t get anything done that night.
-
Blaine carefully keeps his eyes on his notebook when Rachel and Kurt walk into his class.
He was expecting Kurt to come back today (and no, he did not google how long it takes for people to recover from wisdom teeth extraction – he just asked Sam, who had gotten it done right before moving to New York), and he might have put a little extra effort into looking good today. He never got a response from Kurt, so he figures the guy has either silently acknowledged the paper extension, avoided Blaine for a number of possible reasons or forgotten about the exchange entirely.
Whatever the motivation behind it, Blaine will not despair over it. He’s Kurt’s TA, and as such won’t try anything anyway. NYADA doesn’t seem to have any policy against TAs dating students but nevertheless, he doesn’t want to put either them in an awkward position.
Which doesn’t even take into account the fact that he still doesn’t know whether Kurt remembers asking him out, whether he actually meant it, or whether he intends to ask again.
He might want to wait until Blaine’s no longer his TA as well. That’s alright with Blaine. After all, there’s a month left to this semester, so he can wait. He totally can.
He looks up from his notebook with a smile.
“Hi everyone,” he greets the class. “How are you doing? So, the deadline for your papers is Friday so I hope you’ve all sent me your drafts in case you want me to read them.” He can’t help but let his eyes wander to where Kurt is sitting. “Unless there were any reasons to hand them in late.”
Kurt blinks really quickly at the sudden eye contact, and lets out a nervous laugh.
And Blaine realizes he really totally cannot wait a whole month to get answers to his questions.
Before he can stop himself, he adds, “Everyone with extensions on their papers, please come see me after class.”
Of course, that’s just Kurt, but the class won’t know. Okay, Rachel might know, seeing as she elbows Kurt so hard it almost sends him flying off his seat. Kurt almost doesn’t seem to notice it as he’s busy staring at Blaine with a bit of a twitch in his eye.
Blaine suppresses a groan. This isn’t the plan. What is he doing?
-
“Blaine, I am so sorry!” Kurt exclaims in misery when the rest of the students slip away after class is over.
He’s beyond glad that Blaine didn’t make him sing any of his pieces today because apart from already being nervous whenever Blaine does ask him to do that, today his anxiety probably would have been the final straw. He might have run off or broken out into tears in front of everyone.
Blaine looks at him with a small smile. “You’ve got nothing to apologize.”
“Uh, yes, I do,” Kurt says stubbornly. He’s beyond mortified; the least Blaine can do is let him apologize properly. “I really didn’t mean to-”
“Oh.” Blaine looks down on the pile of sheet music he was stacking. “Yeah, right. Uhm, seriously though, I know how bad pain killers can be, I don’t blame you for-”
“Oh thank god, you know it was the pain meds,” Kurt breathes out in relief. “I was afraid you’d think-”
“No worries,” Blaine cuts him off. “It’s alright if you didn’t mean any of it.”
Kurt hesitates for a second, and gulps as he takes in Blaine’s slightly shaky hand movement as he stuffs the sheet music into his messenger bag.
“If…?” he asks quietly.
“I mean that,” Blaine says, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Sorry, that, of course.”
Kurt’s at a loss. He’s getting mixed signals, and just judging by the last bit of the exchange – if that was the only thing that had happened, his stupid email and the fact that Blaine is his freaking TA forgotten – he might even be encouraged to inquire further.
But he can’t just admit to meaning all of it, right?
He settles for the safer topic. “So you wanted to speak to me about my paper?” he asks.
“Uh, yes.” Blaine smiles, though he still looks distracted. “I just wanted to ask you whether you had any questions about the material since you couldn’t join us for the last two sessions.”
“I…” Kurt shakes his head. “No, I think I’ve got it covered. Rachel caught me up.”
“Alright. Well, if you have any questions, you can send me an email.”
“Or not,” Kurt says quickly. “I think I’m swearing off emails for a while.”
Blaine laughs, the sound warm and pleasant in Kurt’s ear.
“Right,” he says. “I know this is a bit awkward but… it could have been worse. You could have written that to Mme Tibideaux or Miss July.”
Kurt is so relieved that Blaine is able to joke about it that he replies with a mindless, “Yeah, except I wouldn’t have told them I liked them, so…”
Blaine gapes at him, and Kurt realizes a second to late what he’s implying yet again.
“Oh,” Blaine says. “I, uh-”
“I’ve got to go,” Kurt cuts in, ears burning. “Can I go?”
“Uh, uhm, well, yeah, of course,” Blaine stutters.
As Kurt turns around and gathers his stuff, he can hear Blaine mutter something to himself. Kurt’s almost out the door, when Blaine calls out, “Kurt?”
Kurt turns around gingerly. “Yeah?”
“I really didn’t mind.”
“Okay...”
“Like, really really.”
Kurt wants to scream, But what does that mean?! Instead, he takes a deep breath, collects his thoughts, and says, “Okay… see you in improv, I guess?”
Blaine nods quickly. “Yeah. Later, Kurt.”
“Later, Blaine.”
-
Blaine is early to improv class, even though it’s all the way across campus. But he didn’t stop for his usual coffee, grabbed a salad to-go instead of lunch with his friends from his dorm, and also maybe, possibly hurried to get to class because Kurt is usually early to everything.
Blaine is the first to arrive, though, so he grabs his usual seat and gets out his salad. He’s about to slice the egg when he hears Kurt’s voice from outside the classroom.
“Talk to you later, Rachel.”
“Okay. And, Kurt, remember to ask-”
“Bye now!”
As soon as Kurt’s through the door, his eyes land on Blaine and he freezes.
“Uh, hi,” he says. His cheeks are slightly red, probably from the cold weather outside. “You’re – uhm, early.”
“Yeah.” Blaine looks down briefly, willing himself to just go for it this time. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“Again?” Kurt bites his lip. “I thought-”
“Kurt, when I said yes in the email, I meant yes to both.”
“Both?” Kurt frowns. “I don’t-”
“Both questions. Or requests, I guess.”
Kurt’s eyes widen. “You mean…”
“Yeah, I mean,” Blaine says with as much conviction as possible. “At first, I didn’t want to say anything because, you know, TA and all, but… seeing you in class, knowing, or well, hoping that you meant it, and… I don’t know, I couldn’t wait those four weeks until the semester is over. So I asked you to stay after class but then that felt super shady, too, so… I don’t even really know what I’m doing right now.”
“Do you know what you’re saying, though?” Kurt asks breathlessly.
“Well…” Blaine can’t suppress a grin. “Unlike some people, I’m not on pain meds right now, so, yeah, I’m pretty sure I have full control over my words.”
Kurt glares at him but it’s mostly façade, especially considering he’s still looking like Christmas came a bit early this year, and Blaine… well, Blaine is floored at the thought of being the one to actually make him look like that.
“Well, apparently those pain meds at least made me confess something neither of us could admit to sober, so…”
“Hey, for the record,” Blaine says, getting up to stand in front of Kurt, “I fully intended to ask you out once the semester was over.”
Kurt’s eyes are locked on Blaine with sheer intensity, and Blaine isn’t proud to admit it makes his knees a bit weak.
“Really?” Kurt asks, clearly intrigued, then sighs. “So my email was completely unnecessary.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Blaine says. “I got so many laughs out of it.”
“Oh god, shut up.”
“No, I mean, it – eggstension?” Blaine chuckles. “Wisdom teat? There were some good ones there.”
“What part of shut up-”
Waiting really isn’t Blaine’s strong suit, he realizes, as he leans in to kiss Kurt, four weeks too early to be completely professional, yet about half a year too late considering how long he’s had his eye on him.
Kurt’s protest is muffled against Blaine’s lips, and dies down completely once they press closer together to get better access. They part for air briefly, and Kurt whispers, “When I got up this morning, I would have sworn this would be the last thing I’d ever say, but I’m pretty proud of myself for writing that email now.”
Blaine licks his bottom lip, chasing the faint taste of Kurt there. “I’m glad you wrote it, too.” This whole thing between them has lasted about a minute but he wants more so badly he feels like he’s physically incapable from drawing Kurt back in and kissing him again.
They keep at it until other students start to trickle into the room, and even then they share meaningful glances and press their ankles together between their chairs.
Between all the talking and kissing, Blaine didn’t get to eat his salad, so about halfway through the lecture, his stomach starts growling.
Kurt turns to him with a grin. “Forgot to eat?”
“I guess I was distracted.”
“Hm, by what, I wonder?” Kurt asks cheekily.
Blaine eyes his untouched salad in amusement. “I guess I got pretty egg-sited over this boy I like.”
It’s totally worth all the frustrated elbowing he gets in response.
#a-simple-rainbow#klaine fic#klaine#klaine fanfic#klaine AU#klaine prompt#my klaine fics#THIS IS SO SILLY YET AGAIN#I'M SORRY RAINBOW I APPARENTLY CAN'T WRITE NON-SILLY ANYMORE#but shhh Blaine really loves puns - pass it on#(there might be typos too - they're all unintentional unless they are part of Kurt's email :P)
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a x e : xiii
Mouth agape, I look from Elise to Simon and back again at least five times until I’m able to form more than inhuman grunting noises.
“Your dad is God?” I say, then immediately regret it, because things like that should only be said to your best friend at two in the morning when you’re playing if I had to pick a dude. “I mean—I just—”
“Simon O’Hair,” he says, straining to smile while extending his hand.
I take it in both of mine, less shaking and more holding, as I fight the urge to hug him. I want to tell him all the things I’ve fantasized I’d say to him if I ever got to meet him again—but all I can do is stare with wide eyes and a smile to match.
“Abram,” I hear Elise say. “It’s getting weird now.”
“Is it getting weird?” I say, heat flooding my face.
“It’s getting a little weird, yeah,” says Simon. He laughs half-heartedly as he pulls his hand from my grasp, his attention going back to Elise who stands beside me. “Elise, I—”
“Simon,” Elise cuts across. “Like I said, I didn’t come for you. I wanted you to meet Abram. He’s a big fan of yours, and I knew how much it would mean for him to see you.”
I watch Simon’s face fall with more pain than a hard check to the neck. “How long are you staying?” he asks.
“Until we have to go back to school,” I answer for her. “We’re spending Christmas with my grandmother.”
His eyebrows crease as he glances from me to Elise. “Cerise knows you’re here? Is she here?”
“No,” Elise says. “She’s in Paris with her fiancée, and yes of course she knows where I am. You know, because she actually cares about that stuff.”
“Holy shit!” I shout, hands fumbling for my phone. Elise and Simon turn their heads and all three of us are staring at Jonathan Quick as he pauses outside of the locker room. “Quickie! My best friend loves you!” I say. I start toward him with a rush but Simon snags me by my elbow.
“Don’t,” he whispers. “He isn’t very pleasant unless he’s drunk—he will literally just walk by you and pretend he’s on the phone or something, and possibly make you cry.”
Quick reaches into his pocket and pulls his phone out and puts it straight to his ear, mumbling under his breath. My face falls on Brody’s behalf—this would crush him.
“Hey, Jon,” says Simon. I watch as Quickie lowers the phone and looks at him. “I want you to meet my daughter.”
“Oh, thank God,” he says, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. “I thought I heard a teenage girl scream my name. They need to do something about the security here.”
Elise snorts and I look at her with a scowl. Simon introduces her to the goaltender and now it’s my turn to watch her turn to putty at someone’s feet. Much like me meeting Simon, Elise has trouble forming words and I might be jealous if he were anyone else.
“And this is her boyfriend, Abram,” Simon says.
Neither of us correct him.
“I’m a big fan,” I say, trying to make my voice deeper. “My buddy is a goalie and he tries his best to be you. Hey, mind if we take a picture together so I can rub it in his face?”
Before he has a chance to answer, I step in front of him and snap a selfie. When I look at it, he looks like he’s ready to murder me and I can’t help but laugh. “Thanks, man.”
“I have to go,” Jon says. “My wife is here to pick me up.”
He doesn’t wait for a response from any of us before he walks away.
“So, do you think we could maybe have dinner sometime before you go?” I hear Simon say.
“Why don’t we have dinner together tonight?” I offer, turning back to face them. “I’m starving.”
While Simon looks disappointed, Elise looks like she could punch me.
“Sure,” says Simon. “What do you have in mind?”
▲ △ ▼ ▽
“I really don’t want to do this, Abram,” Elise says as we pile out of our Uber. I watch her nails dig into her arms over and over again until I grab both of her hands to stop her before she peels a second layer of skin off.
“Elise,” I say, pulling her close to my chest. “Do you trust me?”
She looks up at me and shrugs. “Should I?”
“Yes,” I say. I put my arm over her shoulder and urge her planted feet to move forward. “It’s going to be fine.”
“You know, I haven’t eaten here since I was a kid,” she says as we approach the door.
“I haven’t ever eaten here,” I say, pulling it open. “But I have their menu memorized so I wouldn’t look stupid when I move out here for college.”
“You’re planning on going to college here?” she asks. “And you do know they only have like five things on the menu, right?”
“If I’m not drafted to the NHL first,” I say, bumping my hip against hers. “And duh, how do you think I memorized it?”
The line to the register is long and littered with drunken Kings fans donned with various black and white jerseys. Smiling, I pull the camera up on my phone and take a picture of the crowd and post it to Instagram—captioned: @Dyer First time at In-N-Out after my first @LAKings home game with @lislair what a time to be alive.
“Oh my God,” Elise says, gripping my arm so hard that I can’t help but look up. “He’s already here.”
I squint my eyes and search the crowd, and that’s when I see Simon, engulfed in a sea of black and white jerseys at the back of the store. It takes us almost ten minutes to make it to his table, where he finally sits with three empty cups, a sharpie still in hand.
“Do you just carry one of those around with you?” Elise asks, taking a seat across from him.
“I would,” I say fondly as I slide in next to her.
Simon shakes his head and sets the marker on the table. “Someone forgot it. I went ahead and ordered for us. Double Double animal style with animal style fries.”
“I don’t like their fries,” Elise says.
“I’ll eat them for you,” I say.
“You don’t even know if you’ll like them,” she snaps.
“Who doesn’t like fries?” I say.
“It wouldn’t hurt you to have some,” Simon says. “You’re so small now.”
I wince—he has no idea the impact those words probably just had on her.
“What?” she says loudly. “Are you saying I was fat before?”
“What?” he says, hands up in surrender. “No—sweetheart I was not saying that at all—”
“Save it,” Elise says. “I need to use the restroom.”
I watch her get up and disappear into the crowd, and when I look back at Simon, his head is buried in his hands.
“You need to watch your mouth,” I say. He looks up, his features pulling into a look of warped confusion. “You chose not to see her for how long, then have the audacity to comment on the way she looks?” I scoff. “You’re worse than Cerise.”
“What?”
“Don’t what me,” I bite back. “You may be the greatest hockey player who ever hit the ice, but your skills as a father? Nearly as bad as my dad’s.”
“How dare you—you don’t even know the half of it,” he replies, his anger visibly growing.
“I don’t need to know more than what I already know,” I tell him, finger pointed. “You don’t know Elise to know how fragile she can be, but that was your choice. So when she comes back, you’re going to apologize for being a dick.”
“Wait—my choice?” he says. “How far into your head as Cerise gotten, Abram?”
“Cerise has no influence over me,” I say. “In fact, I can say that I actually hate that woman—she is manipulative and—”
“Key word, manipulative,” he says in a hushed tone. “Cerise left me and took a restraining order out against me, she refused to let me see my daughter and the one time I tried she called the cops on me, had me arrested and almost ruined my career!”
“Maybe you should have tried more than once, and maybe a little harder,” I say, my anger rising further. My own hurt from Malachi spilling out of me. “Your daughter should mean more to you than your job.”
“She does!” he shouts. Several pairs of eyes fall on us and he sinks deeper into his seat. “I don’t think you really understand how much power that woman has. She claimed that I beat her, Abram. I never laid a finger on her—but guess what I had to do in order to have a tidy divorce? Say that I did and give up my rights to my daughter. Cerise never wanted me to be a part of her life, not the other way around.”
I open my mouth to respond but a waiter approaches our table before I have the chance. When they leave, Simon sighs.
“You need to tell her that,” I say pointedly. “Trust me, what you’re doing now isn’t right and before you know it, she’ll stop caring for good.”
He laughs weakly. “She stopped caring a long time ago.”
“No,” I shake my head. “She can say this was all for me, but Elise doesn’t do things that she doesn’t want to. Trust me, I know her better than that. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be here.”
“She won’t listen to me,” he says. “She barely lets me speak.”
“Make her listen,” I say. “My God, why are you so afraid of her? Stop letting your fear control you!”
“She won’t believe me,” he argues.
“Now you’re just making excuses,” I tell him. “Be her father for once in your pathetic life before you lose her for good.
▲ △ ▼ ▽
@lislaire Abram, are you still awake?
@Dyer yes
@lislaire Can I come to your room?
@Dyer if you can find it lol
@Dyer jk I’ll wait for you in the hall
I roll out of bed and onto my feet, glancing at the clock on the wall that reads two-thirty-five. I don’t take care not to make any noise since Gigi’s room is on the other side of her house. I open the door and poke my head out into the hall, which is brightly lit. I can’t help but wonder how much her electricity bill is. I make a mental note to never ask her. After looking both ways, I see Elise appear from around a corner, dressed only in a shirt that belongs to me.
“Nice shirt,” I say. I open the door for her to come in. “Everything okay?”
She bypasses me completely and lays on my bed, patting the empty spot beside her. I join her without hesitation.
“What did you think of Simon?” she asks, toying with a loose thread on the blanket.
“Do you want the truth?” I say. She nods. “I think he owes you an apology—but I also think there are a lot of things you don’t know.”
“Like what?” she asks, still not looking at me.
I sigh. “Elise…I don’t think it’s my place to say.”
“If you don’t, though, I don’t think I’ll ever know,” she replies. “If he told you something…I just think I have a right to know.”
I hesitate, but ultimately tell her everything Simon told me.
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Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It
I’m coming in hot. Somehow I’m more worked up about the game now than I was during and immediately after it. But now that I’ve watched it almost three full times – live, condensed game last night, and offensive plays this morning – I’m more upset that ineptitude on the part of the coach and untimely miscues cost them a winnable road game against a potentially elite team. Make no mistake, this was a winnable game, and for three quarters, the Eagles were arguably the better team before it all unraveled in the fourth, when they flushed it down the drain.
To the Droppings!
Defense
First, the good thing. The defense was absolutely outstanding. The line is top 5 in football. They get constant pressure and keep the quarterback uncomfortable in the pocket. Credit both Kirk Cousins and Alex Smith in consecutive weeks for weathering the storm and using their legs to keep their teams in it (or win it) late. The Eagles for the most part kept the Chiefs run game and Kareem Hunt in check with swarming coverage at the line and in the immediate area behind it. Jordan Hicks and Timmy Jernigan tossing Chiefs around was just the icing on top of a mostly dominant performance:
This is pretty non-descript but I like this tackle by Jordan Hicks. Had a little violence to it. http://pic.twitter.com/O9obVXmzrQ
— Kyle (@IgglesNest) September 18, 2017
http://pic.twitter.com/szDH23wB0m
— Couch Correspondent (@notkerouac) September 17, 2017
When the Eagles decide to blitz, they’re borderline unstoppable. Sean Cottrell touched on it in his “Three and Out” last week and the point still stands – Jim Schwartz times his blitzes impeccably and they almost always pay off. And somehow a secondary without Ronald Darby prevented Tyreek Hill from torching them over-the-top at all (save for one play where Alex Smith overthrew him in the end zone). It’s unfortunate that the late Hunt touchdown, on which the Eagles over-pursued….
… might be what we remember from this game. The Eagles could make the playoffs on the strength of their defense alone.
Doug Pederson
The 46-17 pass-run breakdown is ludicrous, partly because the Eagles were running the ball effectively early.
Excuse me? No, Kyle, you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know football.
That’s what Twitter says.
Here are the Eagles’ run plays:
Sproles: 12 yards
Sproles: 6 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Smallwood: -2 yards
Sproles: 2 yards
Sproles: -3 yards
Sproles: 6 yards
Sproles: 11 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Smallwood: 8 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Sproles: 5 yards
Smallwood: -2 yards
A few stuffs at the line, particularly on the Eagles’ second drive, led to them abandoning the run almost completely. Surely, feeding the ball to Darren Sproles all game is unsustainable, but there’s no reason Smallwood couldn’t have been the beneficiary of the push the Eagles got on the outside on these two plays:
The Chiefs’ defensive line is quite good, and we should credit them for the Eagles’ offensive line struggles and lack of a running game. But even going back to the well for a middling two-yard gain is worth it to keep them honest. It’s easy to make the Madden joke about Doug Pederson, but this is exactly how I play Madden— I’ll try a few runs and if it doesn’t work I’ll just start slinging the ball. That was the worst of early era Andy Reid, but he has matured to the point that he kept going back to the well yesterday until it paid off with a 50-yard touchdown run.
This was a close game. There was no reason, until maybe their last two drives, the Eagles had to pass on nearly every play. They were arguably in control of most of the game. I don’t like LeGarrette Blount very much (more on that in a second), but it’s laughable that he didn’t get one official carry. He should’ve gotten at least enough to make him an effective play-action decoy so Carson Wentz could underthrow a deep ball to Torrey Smith.
LeGarrette Blount
It’s Week 2 and Blount got one touch in a game and was then accosted by the media at his locker afterwards because a vast majority of people now think he’s an incompetent running back (not the least of which might be his coach) on the verge of a full-on freakout. That’s where we’re at. But, I said I wouldn’t break out the I told you sos on Blount until mid-October (or when Blount gets cut), so I won’t. I’m a man of my word.
Couldn’t agree more with @SheilKapadia: https://t.co/s33DciAkk7 http://pic.twitter.com/sKjC6fBQqS
— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 18, 2017
It’s funny how when Saint Sheil says it, it’s gospel. Here’s what I wrote immediately following the Blount signing:
Noooooooooooo I hate this. God this is such a cuck signing. Blount was the beneficiary of a Pats offense that could make a trash can look like a formidable running threat. He’s 30, curiously was a free agent until today, and saw his average yards per carry hit a five-year low last year despite scoring 18 touchdowns because HE PLAYED FOR THE FUCKING PATRIOTS.
I hate the notion of signing guys Bill Belichick is done with. I’m telling you, no, he’s not that good. The deal is reported to be one year, $2.8 million, and Blount will put some much needed size in the Eagles’ backfield, so it makes some sense and is hard to get truly outraged about, but the signing strips away almost all the positive feelings I had about Howie Roseman this offseason. Signing a guy like Blount is exactly the sort of thing Dream Team Howie would do, and I thought that guy was dead or at least locked in an airplane bathroom somewhere.
It’s telling that Howie Roseman thought signing a system running back to complement a super old third-down back and a harem of underachieving young players was the solution to a problem that typically can be solved by sound drafting – HELLLLLLLLO THE CHIEFS – and strategic waiver wire pickups. Never mind the fact that Roseman siphoned away offensive line depth in the process to open up roster spots for the collection of misfit toys that currently make up the Eagles’ running-by-committee attack, which is spearheaded by their fucking franchise quarterback who is GOING TO GET HURT. I was flat-out assaulted by Eagles Twitter for my initial Blount take, and yet…here we are.
I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’D READ ANY OTHER SITE.
Carson Wentz
He is a phenomenal talent who has a physical skill set that could eventually turn him into one of the great ones. His effort yesterday, behind a porous line and with a tower of sculpted clay calling his plays, is to be commended. He hung tough in the face of pressure, never went full Bradford with his at times frantic pocket demeanor, and racked up impressive passing totals while also leading the team in rushing. He is at his best when he is out of the pocket and forced to make plays on his own. Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson are much the same way, and that’s good company to be in.
HOWEVER.
Wentz is far from perfect and he is still incredibly raw. Lost in his effort yesterday is the fact that he still makes a considerable amount of mistakes, forces balls where they don’t need to go, and is, generally speaking, an inaccurate passer.
As noted last week, he struggles with the short touch passes. As evidence, here’s the NextGen pass chart showing Wentz as 12-of-21 on passes under 10 yards:
That includes three balls that were thrown into the line (one of which led to the Chiefs’ go-ahead touchdown), two fumbles behind the line (one of which resulted in a turnover), and two incomplete inept screen passes to Sproles.
Surely the offensive line contributed to these errors, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse them. Carson Wentz is 6’5, and though there generally isn’t much correlation with size and pass deflections, his three batted passes yesterday – 6% of his 46 passes – were above the league-average rate. There’s not a ton of data available in this regard, but in a 2015 article in which Football Outsiders listed the batted passes from the 2014 season, not one quarterback had a rate higher than 3.8% (Blake Bortles). Interestingly, Nick Foles had 0 passes batted on 310 attempts, leading you to believe that there was something to Chip Kelly practicing with fly swatters.
That’s the short game.
The long game isn’t much better.
We all can see that Wentz has a BIG ARM, but he simply does not throw a good deep ball. Perhaps all of our views are colored by a few beautiful passes at the start of last season. But often times he underthrows or overthrows receivers, or is just generally inaccurate, on passes over 20 yards. And he of course routinely throws high, including on this (catchable) pass to Torrey Smith that should have been a touchdown:
Yes, Smith should’ve caught it. But the throw was high. Good quarterbacks – not great ones – like Kirk Cousins, Philip Rivers and Matthew Stafford – routinely make this throw more accurately. It would be great to have an Eagles receiver, just once, step up and make the play, but that does not excuse the throw entirely.
It’s also worth noting that, for whatever reason…, these are the same sort of small mistakes that Donovan McNabb would get lambasted for, or that we laughed at Sam Bradford over. Michael Vick was cast aside as an untenable quarterback because of stuff like that. Wentz is lauded for being a gamer.
I got abused on Twitter last night for tweeting these observations, I’m guessing by many of the same chucklefucks who jumped all over me for my Blount take early in the offseason. Some accused me of clickbait – interestingly on Tweets that didn’t contain a link to the site – and trying to make money of hot takes. In fact it’s the opposite. Takes like this lose audience – I lost at least 40 Twitter followers – and hardly compel you, the reader, to pony up for our Carson City t-shirt. But I don’t think Wentz is beyond critiquing. He is still very raw, and fixing a few of these issues would turn his upside from a good quarterback (Philip Rivers) into a great one (Brett Favre).
More worrisome is that the first three years of Wentz’s career and growth could be stunted by Doug Pederson calling his plays.
Doug Pederson
There is absolutely no flow. By the second half it became clear that Pederson would abandon the run game entirely, and that left receivers covered and Wentz frantic in a collapsing pocket. That’s not the way to nurture a young quarterback. Pederson rarely allows Wentz to get into a rhythm. When he does, the offense is almost breathtaking. The Eagles’ third quarter touchdown drive – which included two runs and a toss that was essentially a run – is a good example of this:
They moved the ball on the ground and freed up some air space, through which Wentz threw a touchdown pass to Alshon Jeffery. The Eagles then ran four straight pass plays to start the next drive, which was salvaged by Wentz running on third down. Brutal.
Another thing: Credit to Pederson for running a good number of 10- to 20-yard pass plays– something we called for last week. This is where Wentz excels as a passer, and indeed he had a big day on those curl and out routes to Jeffery. Here’s his route tree:
But the Eagles seem to lack on slant and timing plays. It feels that so many of their passes take so long to develop. Wentz lacks rhythm. This is my bad memory of the worst of Andy Reid’s offenses. And to that point, it seems damn near criminal that Eagles didn’t attempt one pass in the underneath area of their best receiver’s side of the field. Look:
How does Sproles not get a dumpoff in that area?
Speaking of, here’s visual evidence that the outside run, with Sproles, was effective when used:
Little Birdie
The same person who allowed me to break essentially every major piece of Eagles offseason news weighed in both last week and yesterday on the Lurie-Roseman dynamic and the existence of Doug Pederson as the Eagles’ head coach. These are his words:
Following the Reid/Banner era of the Eagles Lurie no longer had “any boots on the ground” with the exception of Howie Roseman. What I mean by this is that many of the day-to-day operations from a football operations standpoint were unknown. Not because they were purposely being hidden from Lurie, but because he believed that the operation was running well. We all know how this backfired during Chip’s tenure.
This was the reason Lurie opened his checkbook up to Howie when Chip took more control in year two. Lurie needed Howie to stay to make sure Chip didn’t sink the ship. This move by Lurie in year two of Chip’s tenure has also created a rather interesting dynamic still present in the team today.
Howie Rosmean has remained the sole voice and ears of the team to Lurie following Chip’s tenure. Yes, Doug participates in a these meetings on occasion now but he is in essence a puppet of Howie’s. This has essentially created a filter where Howie has the ability to spin things to put himself in a better light to Lurie if and when issues arise.
Let me make one thing clear, I don’t know how long Howie will be our GM for but Lurie has made it abundantly clear he wants and needs to know more from a team operations standpoint, and Howie is the only guy doing that at the moment. It sounds like barring any kind of colossal fuck up Roseman will be the GM for the foreseeable future.
And another:
Make no mistake about it – Doug was not hired as the long term answer. This was known the day he walked in the building and anyone in Football Ops who says otherwise is a liar. If Doug somehow managed to be lightning in a bottle (Early Andy Reid Era) then it would have been a win/win for us but this was never expected and clearly isn’t the case. Doug was and is continuing to prove that he’s simply our stopgap at the coaching spot.
Here are some of the internal frustrations – Doug isn’t hard on the guys, he tries to be everyone’s buddy and it’s an issue. Simply put, he doesn’t drop the hammer in the lockerroom. He’s so focused on being a “player friendly coach” that he’s actually hurting this team and stunting development.
This is in essence a direct result of Chip Kelly’s transgressions as Chip divided not only the locker room but the entire facet of football operations. Lurie and Howie needed to fix the mess, so we hired a puppet in Doug that would help heal the wounds from Chip.
Doug is a good man, but he’s not worthy of being an NFL head coach at this point in his career – if ever.
Do with that what you will.
The media
I am no LeGarrette Blount fan. Of this you may be aware. But what the Eagles media did to him yesterday was shameful. Regardless of whether or not he proves to be a bust, Blount was criminally underused yesterday. Getting one touch in a close near-defensive slugfest is simply inexcusable. He had every right to be upset, but I thought he handled himself quite well after the game:
LeGarrette Blount says he cant remember last time he didnt get any carries
"Thats how the game went"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/oV8P8qIpoe
— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017
This is why players hate the media. The assembled beat reporters were trying to extract something that wasn’t there, and extract a pull-out quote they did indeed:
LeGarrette Blount on his role in the #Eagles offense after 1 touch: 'Ask Doug Pederson, I can't predict the future': https://t.co/MdeHM29YvO
— Matt Lombardo (@MattLombardoPHL) September 17, 2017
The media is desirous to turn Blount into a malcontent. Perhaps he’ll become one. But that’s not what he was yesterday (at least publicly), and it’s not what he was with the Patriots, as evidenced by this interaction with Robert Kraft in Katie Nolan’s excellent ring ceremony video:
The media reached yesterday.
No handshake
Two brutal gaffs by FOX yesterday:
Not showing Travis Kelce’s unsportsmanlike conduct that led to a certified lashing from the Fat Man.
Not showing the post-game handshake between Andy Reid and Doug Pederson. How does that happen? It was like the biggest layup in the history of TV production since using the wide shot on FOX News anchors.
At least CSN got Brotherly Love:
❤️video of @JasonKelce @tkelce jersey exhange from @TheRealHinser
"Now Im going to be upset the rest of my life"http://pic.twitter.com/KMWRdG5W0e
— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017
Giants next week. Thumbtack.
Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It
I’m coming in hot. Somehow I’m more worked up about the game now than I was during and immediately after it. But now that I’ve watched it almost three full times – live, condensed game last night, and offensive plays this morning – I’m more upset that ineptitude on the part of the coach and untimely miscues cost them a winnable road game against a potentially elite team. Make no mistake, this was a winnable game, and for three quarters, the Eagles were arguably the better team before it all unraveled in the fourth, when they flushed it down the drain.
To the Droppings!
Defense
First, the good thing. The defense was absolutely outstanding. The line is top 5 in football. They get constant pressure and keep the quarterback uncomfortable in the pocket. Credit both Kirk Cousins and Alex Smith in consecutive weeks for weathering the storm and using their legs to keep their teams in it (or win it) late. The Eagles for the most part kept the Chiefs run game and Kareem Hunt in check with swarming coverage at the line and in the immediate area behind it. Jordan Hicks and Timmy Jernigan tossing Chiefs around was just the icing on top of a mostly dominant performance:
This is pretty non-descript but I like this tackle by Jordan Hicks. Had a little violence to it. http://pic.twitter.com/O9obVXmzrQ
— Kyle (@IgglesNest) September 18, 2017
http://pic.twitter.com/szDH23wB0m
— Couch Correspondent (@notkerouac) September 17, 2017
When the Eagles decide to blitz, they’re borderline unstoppable. Sean Cottrell touched on it in his “Three and Out” last week and the point still stands – Jim Schwartz times his blitzes impeccably and they almost always pay off. And somehow a secondary without Ronald Darby prevented Tyreek Hill from torching them over-the-top at all (save for one play where Alex Smith overthrew him in the end zone). It’s unfortunate that the late Hunt touchdown, on which the Eagles over-pursued….
… might be what we remember from this game. The Eagles could make the playoffs on the strength of their defense alone.
Doug Pederson
The 46-17 pass-run breakdown is ludicrous, partly because the Eagles were running the ball effectively early.
Excuse me? No, Kyle, you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know football.
That’s what Twitter says.
Here are the Eagles’ run plays:
Sproles: 12 yards
Sproles: 6 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Smallwood: -2 yards
Sproles: 2 yards
Sproles: -3 yards
Sproles: 6 yards
Sproles: 11 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Smallwood: 8 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Sproles: 5 yards
Smallwood: -2 yards
A few stuffs at the line, particularly on the Eagles’ second drive, led to them abandoning the run almost completely. Surely, feeding the ball to Darren Sproles all game is unsustainable, but there’s no reason Smallwood couldn’t have been the beneficiary of the push the Eagles got on the outside on these two plays:
The Chiefs’ defensive line is quite good, and we should credit them for the Eagles’ offensive line struggles and lack of a running game. But even going back to the well for a middling two-yard gain is worth it to keep them honest. It’s easy to make the Madden joke about Doug Pederson, but this is exactly how I play Madden— I’ll try a few runs and if it doesn’t work I’ll just start slinging the ball. That was the worst of early era Andy Reid, but he has matured to the point that he kept going back to the well yesterday until it paid off with a 50-yard touchdown run.
This was a close game. There was no reason, until maybe their last two drives, the Eagles had to pass on nearly every play. They were arguably in control of most of the game. I don’t like LeGarrette Blount very much (more on that in a second), but it’s laughable that he didn’t get one official carry. He should’ve gotten at least enough to make him an effective play-action decoy so Carson Wentz could underthrow a deep ball to Torrey Smith.
LeGarrette Blount
It’s Week 2 and Blount got one touch in a game and was then accosted by the media at his locker afterwards because a vast majority of people now think he’s an incompetent running back (not the least of which might be his coach) on the verge of a full-on freakout. That’s where we’re at. But, I said I wouldn’t break out the I told you sos on Blount until mid-October (or when Blount gets cut), so I won’t. I’m a man of my word.
Couldn’t agree more with @SheilKapadia: https://t.co/s33DciAkk7 http://pic.twitter.com/sKjC6fBQqS
— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 18, 2017
It’s funny how when Saint Sheil says it, it’s gospel. Here’s what I wrote immediately following the Blount signing:
Noooooooooooo I hate this. God this is such a cuck signing. Blount was the beneficiary of a Pats offense that could make a trash can look like a formidable running threat. He’s 30, curiously was a free agent until today, and saw his average yards per carry hit a five-year low last year despite scoring 18 touchdowns because HE PLAYED FOR THE FUCKING PATRIOTS.
I hate the notion of signing guys Bill Belichick is done with. I’m telling you, no, he’s not that good. The deal is reported to be one year, $2.8 million, and Blount will put some much needed size in the Eagles’ backfield, so it makes some sense and is hard to get truly outraged about, but the signing strips away almost all the positive feelings I had about Howie Roseman this offseason. Signing a guy like Blount is exactly the sort of thing Dream Team Howie would do, and I thought that guy was dead or at least locked in an airplane bathroom somewhere.
It’s telling that Howie Roseman thought signing a system running back to complement a super old third-down back and a harem of underachieving young players was the solution to a problem that typically can be solved by sound drafting – HELLLLLLLLO THE CHIEFS – and strategic waiver wire pickups. Never mind the fact that Roseman siphoned away offensive line depth in the process to open up roster spots for the collection of misfit toys that currently make up the Eagles’ running-by-committee attack, which is spearheaded by their fucking franchise quarterback who is GOING TO GET HURT. I was flat-out assaulted by Eagles Twitter for my initial Blount take, and yet…here we are.
I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’D READ ANY OTHER SITE.
Carson Wentz
He is a phenomenal talent who has a physical skill set that could eventually turn him into one of the great ones. His effort yesterday, behind a porous line and with a tower of sculpted clay calling his plays, is to be commended. He hung tough in the face of pressure, never went full Bradford with his at times frantic pocket demeanor, and racked up impressive passing totals while also leading the team in rushing. He is at his best when he is out of the pocket and forced to make plays on his own. Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson are much the same way, and that’s good company to be in.
HOWEVER.
Wentz is far from perfect and he is still incredibly raw. Lost in his effort yesterday is the fact that he still makes a considerable amount of mistakes, forces balls where they don’t need to go, and is, generally speaking, an inaccurate passer.
As noted last week, he struggles with the short touch passes. As evidence, here’s the NextGen pass chart showing Wentz as 12-of-21 on passes under 10 yards:
That includes three balls that were thrown into the line (one of which led to the Chiefs’ go-ahead touchdown), two fumbles behind the line (one of which resulted in a turnover), and two incomplete inept screen passes to Sproles.
Surely the offensive line contributed to these errors, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse them. Carson Wentz is 6’5, and though there generally isn’t much correlation with size and pass deflections, his three batted passes yesterday – 6% of his 46 passes – were above the league-average rate. There’s not a ton of data available in this regard, but in a 2015 article in which Football Outsiders listed the batted passes from the 2014 season, not one quarterback had a rate higher than 3.8% (Blake Bortles). Interestingly, Nick Foles had 0 passes batted on 310 attempts, leading you to believe that there was something to Chip Kelly practicing with fly swatters.
That’s the short game.
The long game isn’t much better.
We all can see that Wentz has a BIG ARM, but he simply does not throw a good deep ball. Perhaps all of our views are colored by a few beautiful passes at the start of last season. But often times he underthrows or overthrows receivers, or is just generally inaccurate, on passes over 20 yards. And he of course routinely throws high, including on this (catchable) pass to Torrey Smith that should have been a touchdown:
Yes, Smith should’ve caught it. But the throw was high. Good quarterbacks – not great ones – like Kirk Cousins, Philip Rivers and Matthew Stafford – routinely make this throw more accurately. It would be great to have an Eagles receiver, just once, step up and make the play, but that does not excuse the throw entirely.
It’s also worth noting that, for whatever reason…, these are the same sort of small mistakes that Donovan McNabb would get lambasted for, or that we laughed at Sam Bradford over. Michael Vick was cast aside as an untenable quarterback because of stuff like that. Wentz is lauded for being a gamer.
I got abused on Twitter last night for tweeting these observations, I’m guessing by many of the same chucklefucks who jumped all over me for my Blount take early in the offseason. Some accused me of clickbait – interestingly on Tweets that didn’t contain a link to the site – and trying to make money of hot takes. In fact it’s the opposite. Takes like this lose audience – I lost at least 40 Twitter followers – and hardly compel you, the reader, to pony up for our Carson City t-shirt. But I don’t think Wentz is beyond critiquing. He is still very raw, and fixing a few of these issues would turn his upside from a good quarterback (Philip Rivers) into a great one (Brett Favre).
More worrisome is that the first three years of Wentz’s career and growth could be stunted by Doug Pederson calling his plays.
Doug Pederson
There is absolutely no flow. By the second half it became clear that Pederson would abandon the run game entirely, and that left receivers covered and Wentz frantic in a collapsing pocket. That’s not the way to nurture a young quarterback. Pederson rarely allows Wentz to get into a rhythm. When he does, the offense is almost breathtaking. The Eagles’ third quarter touchdown drive – which included two runs and a toss that was essentially a run – is a good example of this:
They moved the ball on the ground and freed up some air space, through which Wentz threw a touchdown pass to Alshon Jeffery. The Eagles then ran four straight pass plays to start the next drive, which was salvaged by Wentz running on third down. Brutal.
Another thing: Credit to Pederson for running a good number of 10- to 20-yard pass plays– something we called for last week. This is where Wentz excels as a passer, and indeed he had a big day on those curl and out routes to Jeffery. Here’s his route tree:
But the Eagles seem to lack on slant and timing plays. It feels that so many of their passes take so long to develop. Wentz lacks rhythm. This is my bad memory of the worst of Andy Reid’s offenses. And to that point, it seems damn near criminal that Eagles didn’t attempt one pass in the underneath area of their best receiver’s side of the field. Look:
How does Sproles not get a dumpoff in that area?
Speaking of, here’s visual evidence that the outside run, with Sproles, was effective when used:
Little Birdie
The same person who allowed me to break essentially every major piece of Eagles offseason news weighed in both last week and yesterday on the Lurie-Roseman dynamic and the existence of Doug Pederson as the Eagles’ head coach. These are his words:
Following the Reid/Banner era of the Eagles Lurie no longer had “any boots on the ground” with the exception of Howie Roseman. What I mean by this is that many of the day-to-day operations from a football operations standpoint were unknown. Not because they were purposely being hidden from Lurie, but because he believed that the operation was running well. We all know how this backfired during Chip’s tenure.
This was the reason Lurie opened his checkbook up to Howie when Chip took more control in year two. Lurie needed Howie to stay to make sure Chip didn’t sink the ship. This move by Lurie in year two of Chip’s tenure has also created a rather interesting dynamic still present in the team today.
Howie Rosmean has remained the sole voice and ears of the team to Lurie following Chip’s tenure. Yes, Doug participates in a these meetings on occasion now but he is in essence a puppet of Howie’s. This has essentially created a filter where Howie has the ability to spin things to put himself in a better light to Lurie if and when issues arise.
Let me make one thing clear, I don’t know how long Howie will be our GM for but Lurie has made it abundantly clear he wants and needs to know more from a team operations standpoint, and Howie is the only guy doing that at the moment. It sounds like barring any kind of colossal fuck up Roseman will be the GM for the foreseeable future.
And another:
Make no mistake about it – Doug was not hired as the long term answer. This was known the day he walked in the building and anyone in Football Ops who says otherwise is a liar. If Doug somehow managed to be lightning in a bottle (Early Andy Reid Era) then it would have been a win/win for us but this was never expected and clearly isn’t the case. Doug was and is continuing to prove that he’s simply our stopgap at the coaching spot.
Here are some of the internal frustrations – Doug isn’t hard on the guys, he tries to be everyone’s buddy and it’s an issue. Simply put, he doesn’t drop the hammer in the lockerroom. He’s so focused on being a “player friendly coach” that he’s actually hurting this team and stunting development.
This is in essence a direct result of Chip Kelly’s transgressions as Chip divided not only the locker room but the entire facet of football operations. Lurie and Howie needed to fix the mess, so we hired a puppet in Doug that would help heal the wounds from Chip.
Doug is a good man, but he’s not worthy of being an NFL head coach at this point in his career – if ever.
Do with that what you will.
The media
I am no LeGarrette Blount fan. Of this you may be aware. But what the Eagles media did to him yesterday was shameful. Regardless of whether or not he proves to be a bust, Blount was criminally underused yesterday. Getting one touch in a close near-defensive slugfest is simply inexcusable. He had every right to be upset, but I thought he handled himself quite well after the game:
LeGarrette Blount says he cant remember last time he didnt get any carries
"Thats how the game went"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/oV8P8qIpoe
— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017
This is why players hate the media. The assembled beat reporters were trying to extract something that wasn’t there, and extract a pull-out quote they did indeed:
LeGarrette Blount on his role in the #Eagles offense after 1 touch: 'Ask Doug Pederson, I can't predict the future': https://t.co/MdeHM29YvO
— Matt Lombardo (@MattLombardoPHL) September 17, 2017
The media is desirous to turn Blount into a malcontent. Perhaps he’ll become one. But that’s not what he was yesterday (at least publicly), and it’s not what he was with the Patriots, as evidenced by this interaction with Robert Kraft in Katie Nolan’s excellent ring ceremony video:
The media reached yesterday.
No handshake
Two brutal gaffs by FOX yesterday:
Not showing Travis Kelce’s unsportsmanlike conduct that led to a certified lashing from the Fat Man.
Not showing the post-game handshake between Andy Reid and Doug Pederson. How does that happen? It was like the biggest layup in the history of TV production since using the wide shot on FOX News anchors.
At least CSN got Brotherly Love:
❤️video of @JasonKelce @tkelce jersey exhange from @TheRealHinser
"Now Im going to be upset the rest of my life"http://pic.twitter.com/KMWRdG5W0e
— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017
Giants next week. Thumbtack.
Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
0 notes
Text
Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It
I’m coming in hot. Somehow I’m more worked up about the game now than I was during and immediately after it. But now that I’ve watched it almost three full times – live, condensed game last night, and offensive plays this morning – I’m more upset that ineptitude on the part of the coach and untimely miscues cost them a winnable road game against a potentially elite team. Make no mistake, this was a winnable game, and for three quarters, the Eagles were arguably the better team before it all unraveled in the fourth, when they flushed it down the drain.
To the Droppings!
Defense
First, the good thing. The defense was absolutely outstanding. The line is top 5 in football. They get constant pressure and keep the quarterback uncomfortable in the pocket. Credit both Kirk Cousins and Alex Smith in consecutive weeks for weathering the storm and using their legs to keep their teams in it (or win it) late. The Eagles for the most part kept the Chiefs run game and Kareem Hunt in check with swarming coverage at the line and in the immediate area behind it. Jordan Hicks and Timmy Jernigan tossing Chiefs around was just the icing on top of a mostly dominant performance:
This is pretty non-descript but I like this tackle by Jordan Hicks. Had a little violence to it. http://pic.twitter.com/O9obVXmzrQ
— Kyle (@IgglesNest) September 18, 2017
http://pic.twitter.com/szDH23wB0m
— Couch Correspondent (@notkerouac) September 17, 2017
When the Eagles decide to blitz, they’re borderline unstoppable. Sean Cottrell touched on it in his “Three and Out” last week and the point still stands – Jim Schwartz times his blitzes impeccably and they almost always pay off. And somehow a secondary without Ronald Darby prevented Tyreek Hill from torching them over-the-top at all (save for one play where Alex Smith overthrew him in the end zone). It’s unfortunate that the late Hunt touchdown, on which the Eagles over-pursued….
… might be what we remember from this game. The Eagles could make the playoffs on the strength of their defense alone.
Doug Pederson
The 46-17 pass-run breakdown is ludicrous, partly because the Eagles were running the ball effectively early.
Excuse me? No, Kyle, you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know football.
That’s what Twitter says.
Here are the Eagles’ run plays:
Sproles: 12 yards
Sproles: 6 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Smallwood: -2 yards
Sproles: 2 yards
Sproles: -3 yards
Sproles: 6 yards
Sproles: 11 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Smallwood: 8 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Sproles: 5 yards
Smallwood: -2 yards
A few stuffs at the line, particularly on the Eagles’ second drive, led to them abandoning the run almost completely. Surely, feeding the ball to Darren Sproles all game is unsustainable, but there’s no reason Smallwood couldn’t have been the beneficiary of the push the Eagles got on the outside on these two plays:
The Chiefs’ defensive line is quite good, and we should credit them for the Eagles’ offensive line struggles and lack of a running game. But even going back to the well for a middling two-yard gain is worth it to keep them honest. It’s easy to make the Madden joke about Doug Pederson, but this is exactly how I play Madden— I’ll try a few runs and if it doesn’t work I’ll just start slinging the ball. That was the worst of early era Andy Reid, but he has matured to the point that he kept going back to the well yesterday until it paid off with a 50-yard touchdown run.
This was a close game. There was no reason, until maybe their last two drives, the Eagles had to pass on nearly every play. They were arguably in control of most of the game. I don’t like LeGarrette Blount very much (more on that in a second), but it’s laughable that he didn’t get one official carry. He should’ve gotten at least enough to make him an effective play-action decoy so Carson Wentz could underthrow a deep ball to Torrey Smith.
LeGarrette Blount
It’s Week 2 and Blount got one touch in a game and was then accosted by the media at his locker afterwards because a vast majority of people now think he’s an incompetent running back (not the least of which might be his coach) on the verge of a full-on freakout. That’s where we’re at. But, I said I wouldn’t break out the I told you sos on Blount until mid-October (or when Blount gets cut), so I won’t. I’m a man of my word.
Couldn’t agree more with @SheilKapadia: https://t.co/s33DciAkk7 http://pic.twitter.com/sKjC6fBQqS
— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 18, 2017
It’s funny how when Saint Sheil says it, it’s gospel. Here’s what I wrote immediately following the Blount signing:
Noooooooooooo I hate this. God this is such a cuck signing. Blount was the beneficiary of a Pats offense that could make a trash can look like a formidable running threat. He’s 30, curiously was a free agent until today, and saw his average yards per carry hit a five-year low last year despite scoring 18 touchdowns because HE PLAYED FOR THE FUCKING PATRIOTS.
I hate the notion of signing guys Bill Belichick is done with. I’m telling you, no, he’s not that good. The deal is reported to be one year, $2.8 million, and Blount will put some much needed size in the Eagles’ backfield, so it makes some sense and is hard to get truly outraged about, but the signing strips away almost all the positive feelings I had about Howie Roseman this offseason. Signing a guy like Blount is exactly the sort of thing Dream Team Howie would do, and I thought that guy was dead or at least locked in an airplane bathroom somewhere.
It’s telling that Howie Roseman thought signing a system running back to complement a super old third-down back and a harem of underachieving young players was the solution to a problem that typically can be solved by sound drafting – HELLLLLLLLO THE CHIEFS – and strategic waiver wire pickups. Never mind the fact that Roseman siphoned away offensive line depth in the process to open up roster spots for the collection of misfit toys that currently make up the Eagles’ running-by-committee attack, which is spearheaded by their fucking franchise quarterback who is GOING TO GET HURT. I was flat-out assaulted by Eagles Twitter for my initial Blount take, and yet…here we are.
I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’D READ ANY OTHER SITE.
Carson Wentz
He is a phenomenal talent who has a physical skill set that could eventually turn him into one of the great ones. His effort yesterday, behind a porous line and with a tower of sculpted clay calling his plays, is to be commended. He hung tough in the face of pressure, never went full Bradford with his at times frantic pocket demeanor, and racked up impressive passing totals while also leading the team in rushing. He is at his best when he is out of the pocket and forced to make plays on his own. Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson are much the same way, and that’s good company to be in.
HOWEVER.
Wentz is far from perfect and he is still incredibly raw. Lost in his effort yesterday is the fact that he still makes a considerable amount of mistakes, forces balls where they don’t need to go, and is, generally speaking, an inaccurate passer.
As noted last week, he struggles with the short touch passes. As evidence, here’s the NextGen pass chart showing Wentz as 12-of-21 on passes under 10 yards:
That includes three balls that were thrown into the line (one of which led to the Chiefs’ go-ahead touchdown), two fumbles behind the line (one of which resulted in a turnover), and two incomplete inept screen passes to Sproles.
Surely the offensive line contributed to these errors, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse them. Carson Wentz is 6’5, and though there generally isn’t much correlation with size and pass deflections, his three batted passes yesterday – 6% of his 46 passes – were above the league-average rate. There’s not a ton of data available in this regard, but in a 2015 article in which Football Outsiders listed the batted passes from the 2014 season, not one quarterback had a rate higher than 3.8% (Blake Bortles). Interestingly, Nick Foles had 0 passes batted on 310 attempts, leading you to believe that there was something to Chip Kelly practicing with fly swatters.
That’s the short game.
The long game isn’t much better.
We all can see that Wentz has a BIG ARM, but he simply does not throw a good deep ball. Perhaps all of our views are colored by a few beautiful passes at the start of last season. But often times he underthrows or overthrows receivers, or is just generally inaccurate, on passes over 20 yards. And he of course routinely throws high, including on this (catchable) pass to Torrey Smith that should have been a touchdown:
Yes, Smith should’ve caught it. But the throw was high. Good quarterbacks – not great ones – like Kirk Cousins, Philip Rivers and Matthew Stafford – routinely make this throw more accurately. It would be great to have an Eagles receiver, just once, step up and make the play, but that does not excuse the throw entirely.
It’s also worth noting that, for whatever reason…, these are the same sort of small mistakes that Donovan McNabb would get lambasted for, or that we laughed at Sam Bradford over. Michael Vick was cast aside as an untenable quarterback because of stuff like that. Wentz is lauded for being a gamer.
I got abused on Twitter last night for tweeting these observations, I’m guessing by many of the same chucklefucks who jumped all over me for my Blount take early in the offseason. Some accused me of clickbait – interestingly on Tweets that didn’t contain a link to the site – and trying to make money of hot takes. In fact it’s the opposite. Takes like this lose audience – I lost at least 40 Twitter followers – and hardly compel you, the reader, to pony up for our Carson City t-shirt. But I don’t think Wentz is beyond critiquing. He is still very raw, and fixing a few of these issues would turn his upside from a good quarterback (Philip Rivers) into a great one (Brett Favre).
More worrisome is that the first three years of Wentz’s career and growth could be stunted by Doug Pederson calling his plays.
Doug Pederson
There is absolutely no flow. By the second half it became clear that Pederson would abandon the run game entirely, and that left receivers covered and Wentz frantic in a collapsing pocket. That’s not the way to nurture a young quarterback. Pederson rarely allows Wentz to get into a rhythm. When he does, the offense is almost breathtaking. The Eagles’ third quarter touchdown drive – which included two runs and a toss that was essentially a run – is a good example of this:
They moved the ball on the ground and freed up some air space, through which Wentz threw a touchdown pass to Alshon Jeffery. The Eagles then ran four straight pass plays to start the next drive, which was salvaged by Wentz running on third down. Brutal.
Another thing: Credit to Pederson for running a good number of 10- to 20-yard pass plays– something we called for last week. This is where Wentz excels as a passer, and indeed he had a big day on those curl and out routes to Jeffery. Here’s his route tree:
But the Eagles seem to lack on slant and timing plays. It feels that so many of their passes take so long to develop. Wentz lacks rhythm. This is my bad memory of the worst of Andy Reid’s offenses. And to that point, it seems damn near criminal that Eagles didn’t attempt one pass in the underneath area of their best receiver’s side of the field. Look:
How does Sproles not get a dumpoff in that area?
Speaking of, here’s visual evidence that the outside run, with Sproles, was effective when used:
Little Birdie
The same person who allowed me to break essentially every major piece of Eagles offseason news weighed in both last week and yesterday on the Lurie-Roseman dynamic and the existence of Doug Pederson as the Eagles’ head coach. These are his words:
Following the Reid/Banner era of the Eagles Lurie no longer had “any boots on the ground” with the exception of Howie Roseman. What I mean by this is that many of the day-to-day operations from a football operations standpoint were unknown. Not because they were purposely being hidden from Lurie, but because he believed that the operation was running well. We all know how this backfired during Chip’s tenure.
This was the reason Lurie opened his checkbook up to Howie when Chip took more control in year two. Lurie needed Howie to stay to make sure Chip didn’t sink the ship. This move by Lurie in year two of Chip’s tenure has also created a rather interesting dynamic still present in the team today.
Howie Rosmean has remained the sole voice and ears of the team to Lurie following Chip’s tenure. Yes, Doug participates in a these meetings on occasion now but he is in essence a puppet of Howie’s. This has essentially created a filter where Howie has the ability to spin things to put himself in a better light to Lurie if and when issues arise.
Let me make one thing clear, I don’t know how long Howie will be our GM for but Lurie has made it abundantly clear he wants and needs to know more from a team operations standpoint, and Howie is the only guy doing that at the moment. It sounds like barring any kind of colossal fuck up Roseman will be the GM for the foreseeable future.
And another:
Make no mistake about it – Doug was not hired as the long term answer. This was known the day he walked in the building and anyone in Football Ops who says otherwise is a liar. If Doug somehow managed to be lightning in a bottle (Early Andy Reid Era) then it would have been a win/win for us but this was never expected and clearly isn’t the case. Doug was and is continuing to prove that he’s simply our stopgap at the coaching spot.
Here are some of the internal frustrations – Doug isn’t hard on the guys, he tries to be everyone’s buddy and it’s an issue. Simply put, he doesn’t drop the hammer in the lockerroom. He’s so focused on being a “player friendly coach” that he’s actually hurting this team and stunting development.
This is in essence a direct result of Chip Kelly’s transgressions as Chip divided not only the locker room but the entire facet of football operations. Lurie and Howie needed to fix the mess, so we hired a puppet in Doug that would help heal the wounds from Chip.
Doug is a good man, but he’s not worthy of being an NFL head coach at this point in his career – if ever.
Do with that what you will.
The media
I am no LeGarrette Blount fan. Of this you may be aware. But what the Eagles media did to him yesterday was shameful. Regardless of whether or not he proves to be a bust, Blount was criminally underused yesterday. Getting one touch in a close near-defensive slugfest is simply inexcusable. He had every right to be upset, but I thought he handled himself quite well after the game:
LeGarrette Blount says he cant remember last time he didnt get any carries
"Thats how the game went"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/oV8P8qIpoe
— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017
This is why players hate the media. The assembled beat reporters were trying to extract something that wasn’t there, and extract a pull-out quote they did indeed:
LeGarrette Blount on his role in the #Eagles offense after 1 touch: 'Ask Doug Pederson, I can't predict the future': https://t.co/MdeHM29YvO
— Matt Lombardo (@MattLombardoPHL) September 17, 2017
The media is desirous to turn Blount into a malcontent. Perhaps he’ll become one. But that’s not what he was yesterday (at least publicly), and it’s not what he was with the Patriots, as evidenced by this interaction with Robert Kraft in Katie Nolan’s excellent ring ceremony video:
The media reached yesterday.
No handshake
Two brutal gaffs by FOX yesterday:
Not showing Travis Kelce’s unsportsmanlike conduct that led to a certified lashing from the Fat Man.
Not showing the post-game handshake between Andy Reid and Doug Pederson. How does that happen? It was like the biggest layup in the history of TV production since using the wide shot on FOX News anchors.
At least CSN got Brotherly Love:
❤️video of @JasonKelce @tkelce jersey exhange from @TheRealHinser
"Now Im going to be upset the rest of my life"http://pic.twitter.com/KMWRdG5W0e
— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017
Giants next week. Thumbtack.
Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It
I’m coming in hot. Somehow I’m more worked up about the game now than I was during and immediately after it. But now that I’ve watched it almost three full times – live, condensed game last night, and offensive plays this morning – I’m more upset that ineptitude on the part of the coach and untimely miscues cost them a winnable road game against a potentially elite team. Make no mistake, this was a winnable game, and for three quarters, the Eagles were arguably the better team before it all unraveled in the fourth, when they flushed it down the drain.
To the Droppings!
Defense
First, the good thing. The defense was absolutely outstanding. The line is top 5 in football. They get constant pressure and keep the quarterback uncomfortable in the pocket. Credit both Kirk Cousins and Alex Smith in consecutive weeks for weathering the storm and using their legs to keep their teams in it (or win it) late. The Eagles for the most part kept the Chiefs run game and Kareem Hunt in check with swarming coverage at the line and in the immediate area behind it. Jordan Hicks and Timmy Jernigan tossing Chiefs around was just the icing on top of a mostly dominant performance:
This is pretty non-descript but I like this tackle by Jordan Hicks. Had a little violence to it. http://pic.twitter.com/O9obVXmzrQ
— Kyle (@IgglesNest) September 18, 2017
http://pic.twitter.com/szDH23wB0m
— Couch Correspondent (@notkerouac) September 17, 2017
When the Eagles decide to blitz, they’re borderline unstoppable. Sean Cottrell touched on it in his “Three and Out” last week and the point still stands – Jim Schwartz times his blitzes impeccably and they almost always pay off. And somehow a secondary without Ronald Darby prevented Tyreek Hill from torching them over-the-top at all (save for one play where Alex Smith overthrew him in the end zone). It’s unfortunate that the late Hunt touchdown, on which the Eagles over-pursued….
… might be what we remember from this game. The Eagles could make the playoffs on the strength of their defense alone.
Doug Pederson
The 46-17 pass-run breakdown is ludicrous, partly because the Eagles were running the ball effectively early.
Excuse me? No, Kyle, you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know football.
That’s what Twitter says.
Here are the Eagles’ run plays:
Sproles: 12 yards
Sproles: 6 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Smallwood: -2 yards
Sproles: 2 yards
Sproles: -3 yards
Sproles: 6 yards
Sproles: 11 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Smallwood: 8 yards
Sproles: 3 yards
Sproles: 5 yards
Smallwood: -2 yards
A few stuffs at the line, particularly on the Eagles’ second drive, led to them abandoning the run almost completely. Surely, feeding the ball to Darren Sproles all game is unsustainable, but there’s no reason Smallwood couldn’t have been the beneficiary of the push the Eagles got on the outside on these two plays:
The Chiefs’ defensive line is quite good, and we should credit them for the Eagles’ offensive line struggles and lack of a running game. But even going back to the well for a middling two-yard gain is worth it to keep them honest. It’s easy to make the Madden joke about Doug Pederson, but this is exactly how I play Madden— I’ll try a few runs and if it doesn’t work I’ll just start slinging the ball. That was the worst of early era Andy Reid, but he has matured to the point that he kept going back to the well yesterday until it paid off with a 50-yard touchdown run.
This was a close game. There was no reason, until maybe their last two drives, the Eagles had to pass on nearly every play. They were arguably in control of most of the game. I don’t like LeGarrette Blount very much (more on that in a second), but it’s laughable that he didn’t get one official carry. He should’ve gotten at least enough to make him an effective play-action decoy so Carson Wentz could underthrow a deep ball to Torrey Smith.
LeGarrette Blount
It’s Week 2 and Blount got one touch in a game and was then accosted by the media at his locker afterwards because a vast majority of people now think he’s an incompetent running back (not the least of which might be his coach) on the verge of a full-on freakout. That’s where we’re at. But, I said I wouldn’t break out the I told you sos on Blount until mid-October (or when Blount gets cut), so I won’t. I’m a man of my word.
Couldn’t agree more with @SheilKapadia: https://t.co/s33DciAkk7 http://pic.twitter.com/sKjC6fBQqS
— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 18, 2017
It’s funny how when Saint Sheil says it, it’s gospel. Here’s what I wrote immediately following the Blount signing:
Noooooooooooo I hate this. God this is such a cuck signing. Blount was the beneficiary of a Pats offense that could make a trash can look like a formidable running threat. He’s 30, curiously was a free agent until today, and saw his average yards per carry hit a five-year low last year despite scoring 18 touchdowns because HE PLAYED FOR THE FUCKING PATRIOTS.
I hate the notion of signing guys Bill Belichick is done with. I’m telling you, no, he’s not that good. The deal is reported to be one year, $2.8 million, and Blount will put some much needed size in the Eagles’ backfield, so it makes some sense and is hard to get truly outraged about, but the signing strips away almost all the positive feelings I had about Howie Roseman this offseason. Signing a guy like Blount is exactly the sort of thing Dream Team Howie would do, and I thought that guy was dead or at least locked in an airplane bathroom somewhere.
It’s telling that Howie Roseman thought signing a system running back to complement a super old third-down back and a harem of underachieving young players was the solution to a problem that typically can be solved by sound drafting – HELLLLLLLLO THE CHIEFS – and strategic waiver wire pickups. Never mind the fact that Roseman siphoned away offensive line depth in the process to open up roster spots for the collection of misfit toys that currently make up the Eagles’ running-by-committee attack, which is spearheaded by their fucking franchise quarterback who is GOING TO GET HURT. I was flat-out assaulted by Eagles Twitter for my initial Blount take, and yet…here we are.
I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’D READ ANY OTHER SITE.
Carson Wentz
He is a phenomenal talent who has a physical skill set that could eventually turn him into one of the great ones. His effort yesterday, behind a porous line and with a tower of sculpted clay calling his plays, is to be commended. He hung tough in the face of pressure, never went full Bradford with his at times frantic pocket demeanor, and racked up impressive passing totals while also leading the team in rushing. He is at his best when he is out of the pocket and forced to make plays on his own. Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson are much the same way, and that’s good company to be in.
HOWEVER.
Wentz is far from perfect and he is still incredibly raw. Lost in his effort yesterday is the fact that he still makes a considerable amount of mistakes, forces balls where they don’t need to go, and is, generally speaking, an inaccurate passer.
As noted last week, he struggles with the short touch passes. As evidence, here’s the NextGen pass chart showing Wentz as 12-of-21 on passes under 10 yards:
That includes three balls that were thrown into the line (one of which led to the Chiefs’ go-ahead touchdown), two fumbles behind the line (one of which resulted in a turnover), and two incomplete inept screen passes to Sproles.
Surely the offensive line contributed to these errors, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse them. Carson Wentz is 6’5, and though there generally isn’t much correlation with size and pass deflections, his three batted passes yesterday – 6% of his 46 passes – were above the league-average rate. There’s not a ton of data available in this regard, but in a 2015 article in which Football Outsiders listed the batted passes from the 2014 season, not one quarterback had a rate higher than 3.8% (Blake Bortles). Interestingly, Nick Foles had 0 passes batted on 310 attempts, leading you to believe that there was something to Chip Kelly practicing with fly swatters.
That’s the short game.
The long game isn’t much better.
We all can see that Wentz has a BIG ARM, but he simply does not throw a good deep ball. Perhaps all of our views are colored by a few beautiful passes at the start of last season. But often times he underthrows or overthrows receivers, or is just generally inaccurate, on passes over 20 yards. And he of course routinely throws high, including on this (catchable) pass to Torrey Smith that should have been a touchdown:
Yes, Smith should’ve caught it. But the throw was high. Good quarterbacks – not great ones – like Kirk Cousins, Philip Rivers and Matthew Stafford – routinely make this throw more accurately. It would be great to have an Eagles receiver, just once, step up and make the play, but that does not excuse the throw entirely.
It’s also worth noting that, for whatever reason…, these are the same sort of small mistakes that Donovan McNabb would get lambasted for, or that we laughed at Sam Bradford over. Michael Vick was cast aside as an untenable quarterback because of stuff like that. Wentz is lauded for being a gamer.
I got abused on Twitter last night for tweeting these observations, I’m guessing by many of the same chucklefucks who jumped all over me for my Blount take early in the offseason. Some accused me of clickbait – interestingly on Tweets that didn’t contain a link to the site – and trying to make money of hot takes. In fact it’s the opposite. Takes like this lose audience – I lost at least 40 Twitter followers – and hardly compel you, the reader, to pony up for our Carson City t-shirt. But I don’t think Wentz is beyond critiquing. He is still very raw, and fixing a few of these issues would turn his upside from a good quarterback (Philip Rivers) into a great one (Brett Favre).
More worrisome is that the first three years of Wentz’s career and growth could be stunted by Doug Pederson calling his plays.
Doug Pederson
There is absolutely no flow. By the second half it became clear that Pederson would abandon the run game entirely, and that left receivers covered and Wentz frantic in a collapsing pocket. That’s not the way to nurture a young quarterback. Pederson rarely allows Wentz to get into a rhythm. When he does, the offense is almost breathtaking. The Eagles’ third quarter touchdown drive – which included two runs and a toss that was essentially a run – is a good example of this:
They moved the ball on the ground and freed up some air space, through which Wentz threw a touchdown pass to Alshon Jeffery. The Eagles then ran four straight pass plays to start the next drive, which was salvaged by Wentz running on third down. Brutal.
Another thing: Credit to Pederson for running a good number of 10- to 20-yard pass plays– something we called for last week. This is where Wentz excels as a passer, and indeed he had a big day on those curl and out routes to Jeffery. Here’s his route tree:
But the Eagles seem to lack on slant and timing plays. It feels that so many of their passes take so long to develop. Wentz lacks rhythm. This is my bad memory of the worst of Andy Reid’s offenses. And to that point, it seems damn near criminal that Eagles didn’t attempt one pass in the underneath area of their best receiver’s side of the field. Look:
How does Sproles not get a dumpoff in that area?
Speaking of, here’s visual evidence that the outside run, with Sproles, was effective when used:
Little Birdie
The same person who allowed me to break essentially every major piece of Eagles offseason news weighed in both last week and yesterday on the Lurie-Roseman dynamic and the existence of Doug Pederson as the Eagles’ head coach. These are his words:
Following the Reid/Banner era of the Eagles Lurie no longer had “any boots on the ground” with the exception of Howie Roseman. What I mean by this is that many of the day-to-day operations from a football operations standpoint were unknown. Not because they were purposely being hidden from Lurie, but because he believed that the operation was running well. We all know how this backfired during Chip’s tenure.
This was the reason Lurie opened his checkbook up to Howie when Chip took more control in year two. Lurie needed Howie to stay to make sure Chip didn’t sink the ship. This move by Lurie in year two of Chip’s tenure has also created a rather interesting dynamic still present in the team today.
Howie Rosmean has remained the sole voice and ears of the team to Lurie following Chip’s tenure. Yes, Doug participates in a these meetings on occasion now but he is in essence a puppet of Howie’s. This has essentially created a filter where Howie has the ability to spin things to put himself in a better light to Lurie if and when issues arise.
Let me make one thing clear, I don’t know how long Howie will be our GM for but Lurie has made it abundantly clear he wants and needs to know more from a team operations standpoint, and Howie is the only guy doing that at the moment. It sounds like barring any kind of colossal fuck up Roseman will be the GM for the foreseeable future.
And another:
Make no mistake about it – Doug was not hired as the long term answer. This was known the day he walked in the building and anyone in Football Ops who says otherwise is a liar. If Doug somehow managed to be lightning in a bottle (Early Andy Reid Era) then it would have been a win/win for us but this was never expected and clearly isn’t the case. Doug was and is continuing to prove that he’s simply our stopgap at the coaching spot.
Here are some of the internal frustrations – Doug isn’t hard on the guys, he tries to be everyone’s buddy and it’s an issue. Simply put, he doesn’t drop the hammer in the lockerroom. He’s so focused on being a “player friendly coach” that he’s actually hurting this team and stunting development.
This is in essence a direct result of Chip Kelly’s transgressions as Chip divided not only the locker room but the entire facet of football operations. Lurie and Howie needed to fix the mess, so we hired a puppet in Doug that would help heal the wounds from Chip.
Doug is a good man, but he’s not worthy of being an NFL head coach at this point in his career – if ever.
Do with that what you will.
The media
I am no LeGarrette Blount fan. Of this you may be aware. But what the Eagles media did to him yesterday was shameful. Regardless of whether or not he proves to be a bust, Blount was criminally underused yesterday. Getting one touch in a close near-defensive slugfest is simply inexcusable. He had every right to be upset, but I thought he handled himself quite well after the game:
LeGarrette Blount says he cant remember last time he didnt get any carries
"Thats how the game went"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/oV8P8qIpoe
— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017
This is why players hate the media. The assembled beat reporters were trying to extract something that wasn’t there, and extract a pull-out quote they did indeed:
LeGarrette Blount on his role in the #Eagles offense after 1 touch: 'Ask Doug Pederson, I can't predict the future': https://t.co/MdeHM29YvO
— Matt Lombardo (@MattLombardoPHL) September 17, 2017
The media is desirous to turn Blount into a malcontent. Perhaps he’ll become one. But that’s not what he was yesterday (at least publicly), and it’s not what he was with the Patriots, as evidenced by this interaction with Robert Kraft in Katie Nolan’s excellent ring ceremony video:
The media reached yesterday.
No handshake
Two brutal gaffs by FOX yesterday:
Not showing Travis Kelce’s unsportsmanlike conduct that led to a certified lashing from the Fat Man.
Not showing the post-game handshake between Andy Reid and Doug Pederson. How does that happen? It was like the biggest layup in the history of TV production since using the wide shot on FOX News anchors.
At least CSN got Brotherly Love:
❤️video of @JasonKelce @tkelce jersey exhange from @TheRealHinser
"Now Im going to be upset the rest of my life"http://pic.twitter.com/KMWRdG5W0e
— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017
Giants next week. Thumbtack.
Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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