#even though i don't fucking know how to cook
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Medic!Reader × Poly!141
Part I | Part II | Part III
[Tags: platonic, fluff, self-indulgent]
A/N: This fic is dedicated for @rainlovesyou12 hope you like it <3
You are a medic, and you come from a rich family, so naturally you're placed in an elite team, at least populated by polite men
While you're not a spoiled brat, you sometimes dare to challenge anyone when you disagree with them. Your "courage" is usually dubbed as rich kid syndrome in the military
Strangely, the captain (Price) is amused by your behavior
He never scolded you, even when people said he should
Your job is a medic, but you're more like a secretary of the team.
You help Price with the paperworks, taking care of the base, and sometimes even their foods.
He also asks you to accompany him to meetings or private talks with the superior, the reason? They don't give him a proper secretary, even when they should.
When you first come in, the team is still on a mission. It took 3 whole months before you met the whole team
Your first reaction: "Wow, life's so unfair."
Their heights tower you that it's almost unreal
When you greet them one by one, a member catches your eyes
It's Soap
As a medic, it's your obligation to heal them if they have any injury. So when you see the blood on his clothes, you immediately point it out to him
"You're injured!"
He seems confused for a second as he looks down to his gears, before he laughs. "Tha' ain't my blood, bonnie."
"Still, I have to check if you have any wounds."
Surprisingly, most of them are minor
You begin to check the other members, but it's the same for them too. Just scratches and bruises
They'd dismiss you, if not for your question about their discomfort, or if they had any dislocation
And that makes them all your patients
Even the reluctant Ghost finally gave in. "Fucking hell Price, she's a pushover." He said, "You'll come to like it someday" Price replied
After that, you and the team settle in the base, trying to get used to each other's company
(You also didn't ask questions on why the big man is still wearing a mask even though he's in the base)
Soap, and Gaz are the easiest to talk to, while Ghost is just polite, but still keeps his distance.
The three of you bond over food, because it's mandatory to cook if you wanna save money. You and Gaz are great at it, while Soap is strictly prohibited from entering the kitchen
Soap absolutely ravaged the foods that you joked about how he always makes the plates squeaky clean
On rare occasions, the giant man does show up at the table
When you ask him about what they eat usually, you can't believe your ear
"I ate the ratio that's been provided by the base." "You ate that dogshit???"
You end up scolding him (unintentionally) and end up telling him to eat the cooked food, but when he gets defensive, you tell him he doesn't have to eat together, just reheat the food whenever he's hungry
He didn't touch the food for 2 days, until one day, the leftover is gone, and the dishes were washed
You have no idea when did he do it, but you're glad nevertheless
Remember when I said you're more of a secretary than a medic? That Price often took you to meetings? Well, that leads you to an unfortunate meeting with Graves
Even Price was hesitant to bring you along
When you first met him, he's exactly the man that you picture in your head; arrogant, stuck up, flashy, and playboy. Basically all the bad stuff
He shamelessly flirts with you, to the point that Price has to clear his throat to remind him of the ongoing negotiation
One time he asks you (forcibly) if you'd like a bottle of a fancy wine that you don't even know
"You look like a girl that'd enjoy the Chateau Lynch-Bages' Pauillac." He'd smile
After several failed attempts to decline, you eventually give up
"I'm flattered that you'd give me such luxurious items, but I'd love to receive basic ingredients for cake. That way I can repay you back, how's that sound?"
He literally takes it as flirting
The next day, you literally received the high quality flour, eggs, sugar, etc etc that come in 2 boxes, along with a message: "While I hope you'd return the favor in some other way, I can't wait to taste what you made" and a scribbled wink
You end up baking a peanut caramel chocolate cake (A/N: try it, it's soooo good) because of the amount of chocolate he gave
The team watch you as you assemble the cake
You cut the cake into a good size for gift, and give the rest to the team
They treat it like a delicacy
After you sent it via his man, you received his reply on the next day
"I know you didn't give me all of the cake, so I hope you'll make up for it the next time. Ps. I like it, you should make more for me in the future" along with the abominable wink
Although you're irked by his narcissism, you feel a bit embarrassed and puzzled that he knew it's not the whole cake
You try to figure out how, and finally it clicks; he purposely bought a bigger size pan, and a medium sized box. Along with the evidence of a long rollcake box that somehow can fit the rest of the cake. You sigh, this man is really petty
And stubborn as well
The pile of unopened letters, with his name signed on the back would be the proof of it
Soap and Gaz tease you about him when they read the notes, but you dismiss them by saying: "I'd rather date Ghost than him."
Fast forward, Price and Gaz'll leave for a mission for months. But Soap and Ghost stay behind
Weeks would pass relatively quiet, and they're still radio silent. You couldn't help but worry, though Soap quickly assured you that they'd be fine
Ghost still kept a distance between you and him, until one night, when you and Soap fell asleep on a movie marathon, you woke up startled by the sight of him on the sofa.
"Shit, you scared me."
"I'd be surprised if you didn't."
"Why are you here?" You quickly corrected yourself, "It's not that you're not welcomed, but you're not around much, so…"
"No reason, just feel like it."
Silence
Then you gather the courage to say, "By the way, I'm glad that you didn't eat those ratios anymore. Let me know if you crave something in particular, I'll try to make it."
He just stares at you, before saying, "I don't understand, Price can just order takeouts for us, why should you burden yourself with cooking? Aren't you a medic?"
"Well," you scratch your head, "I'm the one who suggested it, because I couldn't stand eating takeouts everyday. The foods he ordered were greasy, and I didn't want to get sick because of it."
He lets out a snort, "You don't have to care about your weight when you're in the military."
"It's not about that." You shook your head, "But if you said it that way, well, I won't be here forever, so I have to maintain it somehow. Besides, I'd like to keep my cholesterol level normal so I won't die of heart failure or something."
That catches his attention as he gives out a small laugh, "The doctors I knew are either dead or diabetic. You're the first one that cares about your own health."
You shrug, "As I should. You should too."
For a split second, you let out a cold sweat, wondering if it somehow offends him for some reason, before you let yourself relax when he continues watching the TV. The two of you watch in silence, before you fall asleep again
Nearing the arrival of your team, you decide to busy yourself with dinner. Which, more like grocery shopping and planning on the dishes
"They usually eat pizzas after a long mission, ye don't have to do that." Said Soap one morning
"I don't care if they end up ordering pizzas." He furrows his brows at you, "I just feel the need to do that, I don't know why."
He playfully grins, "Wife instinct?"
"That's not it," you laugh it off, "It's just that, Price ever said to me that maybe one day, one of them won't ever come back. It has stuck with me ever since, and I don't wanna think about that at all."
He nods understandingly. You need a distraction
"Let me help then."
You both settle with beef bowl, eggs, and potato salad, based on his input that 'they'd probably want to eat a lot, so just make them easy to get refill'
You bought a ton of sliced beefs and onion, rice, and potatoes
The day that they come back, you're hit with a bad feeling and fear the worst, but after seeing them both in one piece, you let out a relief sigh
Still, the dark mood is still persistent
They look like they don't have any appetite, even for a pizza
You actually would let them rest, if they didn't look like they're malnourished
(Actually, when you think back, it's just an excuse to feed them. You actually just want them to eat your food)
"Would you guys like a beef bowl?"
Price perks up at the offer
"Well shite (Name), just what I need."
You tell him there's also potato salad, but that day he just wants the rice
They end up eating one portion—a small size compared to what they usually eat
They're still quiet even after the dinner, so you decide to excuse yourself, giving them space and the rest they need
You're in the office, sorting through documents until Price knocks on the door
He looks weary but still offers you a smile
"I'm sorry for being so gloomy tonight." He told you
"That's fine, really. You don't have to apologize."
"I feel like I have to, especially when you too are affected by it."
You let out an awkward chuckle, "Well, it's nothing like that. I know you guys are tired so I don't wanna bother you with too many questions." You shrug, "Anyway, I'm glad you guys are alright."
A warm smile spreads on his lips, "You're a good girl, too good for us men." He uncrosses his legs as he leans away from the door frame, "Thank you for the food, we'll talk again tomorrow, yeah?"
The two of you exchange a "goodnight" as he walks away, and you come back to your work
After Price, you didn't expect anyone to come to your place again, until the second person showed up at your door. You lift your head and see Gaz standing there, almost shyly
"Oh hey." You greet him, "Didn't see you there. Need anything?"
"Hey." He greets back, "No, I don't need anything. Just checking on you."
You tilt your head, face clearly shows a questioning look but you cover it with a smile
"Uh, y'know what? I wish I could tell you what happened, you must've been worried about—"
"Oh, no, no. You don't have to tell me. I don't wanna know either." You offer him a reassurance, "Don't worry about it, Gaz."
He seems relieved upon hearing that
"You're right." He said, "But it doesn't mean that I can't tell you funny stories."
He pulls up a chair as he begins to tell you stories from the mission. From the horrible dad jokes, and a moment when Price slipped on the ladder. In exchange, you tell him about your encounter with Ghost, which makes him laugh
It actually surprises you to hear Gaz telling you stories and all. You assume that he only does it to cheer you up, or that's just his way to destress. Either way, it's nice to have a company like him
He'd keep going if you didn't remind him of the time, and you have to force tell him to sleep, promising that you'll talk tomorrow again
The next day, you're surprised to find almost all of the members are in the kitchen. Chatting and eating the leftover beef with reheated rice
All of them, except for Soap, but it's because he hasn't wake up
You didn't want to admit it, but seeing the pan empty makes your pride swell
You join their talk as you sit on the table, and they immediately complain about you not making enough batches for breakfast in a humorous way. You complain back by saying you didn't get paid enough for this
And that leads them to protest about the food budget to Price
He just sighs
By the time Soap joins in, all the food is already gone. And he's pissed about it
"You gotta order pizza for today." Gaz jokes
"Fookin' cunt."
As the conversation flows, Price announces something so suddenly, that you doubt your hearing
"What did you say?"
"You'll be on the same mission as us next month. Pack up and be prepared."
Gaz whistles, "We won't be doing paperwork then?"
"She'll focus on being a medic, so she won't be doing your paperwork."
He groans
"That's… great news." You responded when they all stared at you, "When will we be leaving again?"
"Exactly one month from now." He explained before he sighed, "But don't be too happy yet, because it's not easy to be stationed in the red zone. I know you can handle it but still." He shook his head, "The bad news is, and you wouldn't like it when you hear it but, the person who requested your assistance… Is Graves."
#I was planning to write a single fic but then it got too long. so I divided it into three#cod#call of duty#cod mw2#price x reader#soap x reader#ghost x reader#gaz x reader#platonic relationships#very self indulgent#price cod#soap cod#ghost cod#gaz cod
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everyone's joking about jean not knowing what boba is but being chill with the nonbinary character but like for real that reaction makes more sense than you realize
the ravens care about talent and yes obviously there's some clear homophobia going on there with Jean's experiences and Kevin's "better to be straight" attitude but truly at the end of the day the ravens don't give a fuck they just want you to ignore it and pretty much all personal things in favor of the game and of being the best. not to mention exy isn't a gendered sport. i've seen people talk/joke about it before how exy is excellent for trans athletes because who's gonna give a shit when it's not separated by gender in the first place. non binary person? no big deal. the ravens are isolated sure but they do still have to exist in public and go out for games and classes they're not completely fucking stupid. i really don't find it odd at all that Jean doesn't bat an eye at the Trojan's being a very queer team
Regarding the fucking boba though Jean has been on an intensely strict diet since the age of 14. It's 2006-2007 ish at the time the books are happening. The man doesn't even know how to cook and at the time I don't believe boba was extremely popular anyway even though it was definitely still a thing. This man on a diet that definitely qualifies as disordered eating if he hasn't somehow developed an eating disorder. Is it really all that surprising that 1) he doesn't know what boba is and 2) thinks it's gross once he does find out?
idk i get it the jokes are silly haha and whatever and it's truly not that serious but I also can't get it out of my head that with Jean's experiences it does genuinely make more sense that he's more chill about being around other queer people than he is with Laila's obsession with boba
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No Nut November - Steven
A/n: I had no motivation to write this but I'm happy it's finally done and I can add to this short series that people seem to be enjoying, oddly enough I don't expect this one to get the same love as the others just because it's Steven BUT I LOVE POPCORN
Warnings: Smut, oral sex, Steven being sad, reader admits to getting off on Steven in the middle of the night, if you think I missed something let me know otherwise enjoy :3
Intro
No nut November was a stupid idea, he never should’ve brought it up. The month hadn’t even started yet and he was pissed.
He left the studio with a headache just thinking about what would happen when he eventually lost. Even after moving in with you he’s woken up multiple times with stains on his underwear, all while you were sound asleep beside him.
He blasted the radio on his way home. Once he got to your shared apartment he couldn’t bring himself to get out and just sat there listening to Aerosmith’s “Crazy”, and a whole lot of their other sad songs. How did the radio know what he needed? And why was it all one of his favourite bands? He didn’t know, but he took it as a sign anyway and sat in his self-pity.
Eventually you came out and knocked on his window. He rolled it down and looked up at you with sad eyes and pouty lips.
“Did something happen?” You asked, reaching out for him and holding his face in your hand. He shook his head. “Then why are you sad?” He took a deep breath and rolled the window up, turned the car off and got out.
“Let’s just go inside.” He mumbled, an arm going over your shoulder as he walked you back inside.
Steven went straight for the couch and turned the TV on to distract himself. You went to the kitchen and got dinner, the dinner you made before he got home. It was a little cold but edible nonetheless.
“You wanna talk about it?” You asked as you sat beside him. Steven poked at his food and slumped back on the couch.
“The guys and I have a bet going to see who can go a whole month without-” He stopped abruptly, not wanting to say it in front of your home cooked chicken.
“Without..?” You repeated softly, wanting him to finish what he was saying, though you had a pretty good idea on what he meant. “We can’t do anything for a month?” You finally asked, the drummer solemnly shook his head.
“It sucks ‘cause I know I’m gonna lose, I mean, I can’t even count the amount of wet dreams I get from just sleeping beside you.” You froze for a second. Steven must have seen that because he groaned. “Shit, sorry, I guess you didn’t know.”
“Guess I’ll have to stop doing that...” You muttered under your breath.
“You’ll stop doing what?” He looked at you with a smile, wanting to hear this dirty little secret you’ve been keeping from him.
“Well, it’s just,” you started, cheeks starting to heat up, “sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and-and you just look so pretty beside me...” You trail off, now it’s your turn to poke your food.
“Do you fuck me in my sleep?” He asked, sounding more proud than anything. You drop your fork with a huff.
“I don’t do that, I just- I may or may not...” You trail off again, poking your food once more.
“Do you get off on me in the middle of the night?” Steven asked with a big smile and bright eyes. You huffed again and that was all the confirmation he needed. “Oh, sweetheart, you could’ve just woken me up, I would’ve loved to help you out!”
“I know, but I don’t want to wake you up for something that simple when I know you won’t wake up if I just do it.” I look up at him with a small pout that quickly fades to a grin. “You sleep like a dead log, by the way.” You added with a chuckle. Steven scoffed and threw a cooked cut of carrot at you.
After that conversation Steven had more hope in this bet. Then he heard that Duff was out and he thought it would be even easier! The cherry on top was Axl getting out before him, oh he was teasing the ginger about it the rest of the day. Axl almost killed him for it, but he had no regrets.
He came home to you, hoping to tell you about it because he was so proud of himself for lasting longer than Axl, the man who started it. Kind of, it was mostly the drummer's fault for bringing up NNN in the first place. However, when he got home he found you already asleep on the couch.
Steven thought you were adorable, all curled up in your blankets with the TV on. God, he loved you so much.
He picked you up and carried you to bed, helping you out of your jeans and into something a little comfier before crawling into bed with you and falling asleep with his head on your chest, his favourite sleeping position.
“Stevie.” You whispered in his ear. “Come on, Stevie.” You gave him a little shake, trying to wake him up. When he didn’t stir you moved to sit on his lap, hovering over his limp dick with your hands planted on his fluffy chest. “Stevie~” You purred. “Stevie I need you~” You leaned forward and started kissing his neck, nipping at the sensitive skin and biting his earlobe.
Finally the man began to wake up. “What are you- Oh~” He hummed when he put two and two together. “Couldn’t wait till morning?” You shook your head and rolled over beside him.
“I know you can’t do anything but...” You trailed off, tracing shapes on his bare chest.
“But..?” He prompted. You looked up at him with pleading eyes and a pout you know he just can’t say no to.
“Please..?”
“Please what?” His hand trailed up your arm and down your side before landing on your waist, giving it soft squeezes.
“What if you just fingered me or something?” You asked, thinking of other alternatives. Steven thought about it for a moment before crawling over you, slowly lowering himself further down the bed.
“I’ve got a better idea.” He mused as he tugged on the waistband of your shorts. His shorts, really, he got you into them because he thought they’d be more comfortable while you slept.
He pulled them off of you, as well as your underwear, and stayed like that for a moment just admiring your slick folds before delving into them. His tongue worked wonders on your sensitive parts, dipping into your cunt and circling your clit, sucking on the nub and making you go cross eyed with moans spilling out of you like a second language.
You had barely noticed that Steven had started grinding himself against the bed. His only thought was pleasuring you, though usually when he ate you out he’d do this, it was instinctual to get himself off on getting you off. He couldn’t help it, his drooling cock was bright red and ready to burst the same way you were, the knot in your gut quickly coming undone.
You screamed out his name, your hands pulling his hair as your thighs clamped down on his head. You often did that and he never complained once, rather loving the feeling of being locked to you.
You felt him moaning around you and when you looked down you could see he was twitching, he looked ready to cry.
“Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” You cooed, leaning forward a bit to get a better look at him. Steven got up and looked down to see a huge wet spot on his sweats, right where his cock was bulging through.
“I-I didn’t mean to-” He sputtered, clearly not over his high. You weren’t nearly as pent up as he’d been, getting yourself off whenever the need came about, the only difference was that Steven wasn’t the one getting you off. You hadn’t thought about how pent up he must’ve been, hell he probably didn’t put too much thought into it either.
“Well,” you started, still staring at his crotch, “if you’re out now there’s nothing keeping us from continuing... right?” You asked, looking up at him.
“Yeah, but...” Steven trailed off.
“But..?”
“I’m tired.” He said and crawled back to the top of the bed so he could lay down. “Can you top?” He asked with a big grin. You returned the expression and happily climbed on top of him.
#guns n roses#guns n roses fanfic#guns n roses x reader#guns n roses smut#steven adler x reader#steven adler fluff#steven adler gnr#gnr#steven adler
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Random ass head cannons I have for SBG gang yuh let's go:
Tyler will call people he likes (platonic or romantic) princess regardless of gender, mostly uses it when he's teasing them or in like idk a passive aggressive way. Like "No shit, princess." Or "Okay princes, calm down." Always paired with an eye roll tho.
Taylor hates Taylor Swift because of the annoying jokes people do with her name.
Adding to the last one, Aiden found that out when he made a joke once and she looked like she was about to throw him out the window lol.
Logan has helped everyone get their zodiac charts and read them. He fucking memorized them too. Little nerdy boy <3
Ashlyn doesn't initiate physical touch(hugs, hand holding, cuddling, ect) with people often (cannon btw), but when she does it always makes whoever was chosen feel special.
Ben listens to literally everything. All music. He's polyjamours.
Tyler is actually pretty good at guitar and was something he's liked since a kid, he loves music with heavy guitar in it. He also named his guitar Mel, like Melody. Only people to touch it was Taylor and Ben.
I see some people say Tyler has Logan tutor him but like. No? Tyler is hella smart and doesn't need to be tutored? Like c'mon. BUT Logan does have Tyler help him work out (Logan's body before and after phantom realm goes crazy man) after the whole almost died to phantom thing.
Aiden use to experiment with hair dye before he fell in love with blond. Also his eyes are red, it's not contacts. It's just his eye color lightening s he aged or smt. Fight me.
Ashlyn hates sour food and loves the more bitter stuff. Aiden loves sour food and hates bitter stuff. They trade food sometimes so they don't have to suffer.
Ben and Aiden know ASL, Taylor is learning to talk to Ben better.
Logan can draw but he doesn't do it often but he loves to watch Ben draw. It makes him want to draw too.
Taylor draws on her friends arms, Tyler will pretend to hate it same with Ash but they always ask her to redraw things when they fade. Aiden once had Taylor do an detailed tattoo like design on his arm in class. It didn't wash of for almost three weeks.
Aiden actually has sensitive skin, the wrong fabric gives him rashes. No one but him knows what fabric won't, it's all based on touch.
Tyler can cook really well, and even enjoys it sometimes. Can't bake for shit though.
Aiden knows ballroom dancing. Rich families or old fashioned one tend to know how to ballroom dance (I use to know)
That's all for now
#thefanboyhub#thefanboyhub rambles#thefanboy#sbg ben#sbg ashlyn#sbg aiden#sbg logan#sbg tyler#sbg taylor#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard#sbg headcanons
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It's so frustrating when you look for "affordable" ways to live it's all
"get a roommate"
"live at home with parents"
"live in a tiny home that costs a billion dollars and needs a property to be set on"
"get finical aid that no one can actually get because there's so many hoops"
"live in a million dollar van"
"live in a absolutely desecrated fixer upper home that has holes in the floor roof and rats the size of a small dog and is unlivable "
"work three jobs don't use your lights and eat one meal a week you don't need your meds either"
"find a shitty run down appartment that MASSIVELY over charges will continue to bump rent up after You've stayed so long there and has a six month mim wait period"
I have no fuckin hope of ever bettering my life or gaining freedom and independence
#i really don't know why I'm even bothering I'm so tired#I'm not asking for much i lit want just three rooms a place to sit a place to cook and a place to shower/poop#and i want to have food and medicine and lights on at night and heat in the winter#maybe that's too much to ask for maybe i need to lower my wants n needs#maybe i need to just find a fucking tree to crawl into and die#i just cant keeo doing this#life only gets worse and worse IT NEVER GETS BETTER IN THIS HOUSE#i need to map out and plan what i want my future to look like and start makoysteps to it get a better job get a place of my own#figure out how to get a job n place across seas so i can support myself there get a visa. and the ability to legally be allowed to work n#live there find a job that pays enough to live and insurance and leaves me with enough energy to continue house work and then energy to#enjoy being alive#i have to start moving on if i don't put the steps into it I'll be stuck here forever but GETTING A HOME WOULD BE STEP ONE AND IMPOSSIBLE#i can't keep doin this though
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as a general rule, on average, if americans consistently complain about a food being conceptually weird, gross, and scary, then it probably tastes amazing. or at least inoffensive.
this is because in my experience americans for the most part (give or take a few exceptions by region) think eating literally anything other than beef, chicken, bread, eggs, peanut butter jelly sandwitches, ketchup, and disgusting cloyingly artificial brown sludge soda is insurmountably weird, gross, and scary.
#a lot of people literally refuse to even eat ham or pork#not even for like religious or health reasons#just because they think eating anything but beef and chicken is 'weird and scary and gross'#every time i hear people going on en masse about how 'weird and an acquired taste' something foreign is i go and try it and i'm just like#what the fuck were all of you smoking. where is the unbearable weirdness i am supposed to be experiencing#shoutout to that time i kept hearing about how bizarre a flavor milkis soda is and how intimidating and acquired of a taste#then when i actually try the stuff. it's just fucking peach soda. it's peach soda with a faint tangy yogurtish taste. it makes good floats.#how in the absolute fuck is anything even remotely weird much less gross about this?#unless your concept of what a 'soda' should be is poisoned by a lifetime of the entire soda aisle being filled with nothing but brown sludg#from the same 3 brands that all taste like what would happen if they could distill the concept of diabetes and artificial flavoring syrup#i don't know if other countries have this but there's this weird cultural like mandatory rejection of any 'unusual' food here#way more intense than i've seen from anyone from any other country (though that might just be inexperience with other cultures talking)#people react to the mere suggestion of any food outside a very narrow range with outright disgust and genuine fear and horror#and there's a huge amount of unspoken peer pressure on everyone to also do the same#like you're expected to agree with them and you've breeched some sort of silent social contract if you don't#it's seen as *immoral* almost it feels like#it's difficult to describe unless you've noticed it yourself#americans react to the mere suggestion of eating anything outside of the same 2 meats and handful of fillers the same way#that pearl-clutching aristocrat grandmas react to hearing that people in foreign countries do.. basically anything#it doesnt matter if you're suggesting eating ube cake or suggesting eating live bugs because people will react the same way#everything that's not chicken/beef/ect is as good as bugs to people here#hate this stupid blandass country and how impossible it is to afford any food other than burgers if you're not rich#or blessed with relatives that have any idea how to cook and are at all willing to teach you#cause nother weird thing i've noticed about food culture-or at least wasp food culture-that i haven't seen anywhere else quite the same way#is that if you DO have any relatives that know how to cook then nine times out of ten they will jealously guard their recipes like a dragon#and refuse to share them with anyone#thus taking whatever little cooking knowledge was in the family to their grave#so the opportunity other people usually have for family bonding via passing on recipes? pffft no.#for some reason we seem to actively go out of our way to prevent these things from being passed on#i don't know what the fuck is up with that but i suspect it has something to do with 50's dinner party oneupmanship
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I have discovered the reason I am the epitome of "I will not eat new foods ever" is because my parents make sure whenever they make a dish I've never had before, that there is something in there I can't stomach to "teach me to eat it"
I'm autistic lmao. It's been almost 19 years now, you're not gonna magically cure me from picky eater-ness by still forcing me stay at the table until I finish my plate of something that contains taugé, or whatever that's called in English.
Seriously I get it's annoying when you cook and someone doesn't like it but like. It's a) not your fault, and if you're the parent/caretaker of this person it's b) your responsibility to not make your kid dread eating anything other than bread and rice cakes because you keep pressuring them to eat "normal food"
#*ACTUALLY stomps foot for a tantrum*#potatoes. just give me potatoes#(I can't cook for energy reasons btw that's why they're in charge of food. still)#I would eat more if I didn't absolutely dread dinner time. much less eating a stranger's place#potatoes or some non crunchy veggies like broccoli. I like broccoli. especially when it's a bit roasted#tomato paprika and mushrooms are an absolute no#(unless it's tomato sauce and not too much of it)#and spinach but I'm allergic to that one so sometimes that one gets left out#I wish there was some tool that just KNOWS what I will and won't like without me having to#either contain myself in front of people because there's a few textures and tastes that make me want to puke#regardless of how good a cook someone is. so I always feel bad#or that situation where I sit at the table for an hour and quietly sneak my food into the green trash once everyone else gets bored#to eat a quick sandwich instead#I've actually accidentally trained the ability to tell when I'm full out of me#because (I still do this btw) I would always lie and say I was full to get out from under dinner#so now my stomach can't tell anymore. You put Macaroni (unless it's carbonara) in front of me? *full*#this became a bit of a rant lol#btw when I say *normal food* up in the post#by my parent's definition that's either italian or chinese food. even though. WE ARE NEITHER. like. don't call that#*normal food* in my face when I like literally every type of fucking stew you refuse to let me eat#sorry for the rant again lmao
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The way my own brain tries to sabotage my attempt at obtaining a healthier relationship with food is astonishingly irritating, mostly due to being so unbelievably illogical.
When my body started screaming about being ravenously hungry approximately two hours ago, my brain sent out an immediate, automated, unrepliable response along the lines of "No food necessary. You can't possibly be hungry, you've not even done anything today".
As if I haven't been up for, what, 11 hours, majority of which trying to internalize everything I possibly can regarding my new job, on just two cups of coffee and a small bowl of pasta. As if thinking and learning new things wouldn't require energy.
Or no, in fact, as if the task of having sustained the bodily functions of an actual real life person for the past 30 years including today couldn't possibly require more energy than whatever is in 100 grams of white pasta with trace amounts of feta cheese and olive oil, a couple of cherry tomatoes, and maybe a desilitre of oat milk.
As if I would somehow (how????) need to earn the right to, what, keep sustaining said bodily functions? In the eyes of whom, my own brain? Surely not that brain, the one that is in fact included in those bodily functions that apparently aren't significant enough to deserve to go on uninterrupted??
Like does this brilliant brain of mine seriously believe that starving myself is somehow an option that leads to a good outcome? Have we not seen enough logical proof against that? Have we not read enough articles about the ineffectiveness and dangers of diet culture?
And if reading about it really is not enough: have we not been doing that for the past 15 years with whatever is the the opposite of success? How fucking long do we have to keep repeating the same fucking behaviour before accepting the fact that it is not fucking working??????
#unspecified and undiagnosed eating disorders#unhealthy eating habits#under read more bc i know how triggering this topic can be and because i'm not sure how to tag this#but yeah it only took me half an hour or so to wake up to my very own gaslighting and now i'm waiting for my dinner to cook#i hate having to learn how to eat at 30 years old#against a brain that's hellbent on believing whatever bullshit it's internalized re obesity and health#apparently also against a brain that doesn't necessarily want us to stay alive? which i guess shouldn't feel so much like a surprise#with my history#anyway this is such a fucking boring thing to learn#i could be learning to play an instrument#or a new language#or to improve my literary analysis skills#or literally anything fun and interesting#but no#here i am trying to learn how to keep myself alive as if 30 years shouldn't be enough time to learn that#i guess i should focus on the fact that i did catch these thought processes though#instead of blaming myself for things i struggle with regardless of whether they are my own fault or not#and instead of comparing my struggles to those i see and don't see affecting other people#also it just now dawned on me that i've now spent two hours obsessing over the ways in which i struggle taking care of myself#in no productive way#bye gotta go decide what to do with the rest of my evening
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sitting here fingers fuckin crossed that our mom is srs abt letting us apply to a paid internship over the summer at the place she works bc that money is very sexy step closer to getting away from her. also sorry fuck ton of venting in the tags.
#a lot of her abuse is centered around control and forced dependance#so im nervous she'll realize us making money = us potentially gaining independence from her more than we already have#my main hope though is that this will allow us access to our important documents#like our birth certificate ssn that type of stuff#bc we literally haven't ever even SEEN ours#my learning how to cook and things has also been smth that set her off#this treatment just leaves us feeling so useless i wont lie#like all of our friends have gotten jobs they can drive they know how to do basic tasks#we know how to drive but getting our license is still a fight#we haven't been allowed a job before bc “oh your mother can provide for you just fine why would you want to work for it”#(spoiler she only provides if shes happy with us. she is rarely happy with us. it has lead to us starving for days before bc we literally#weren't allowed to cook)#we don't understand how a lot of really nasic shit works#*basic#and we get made fun of for it a lot#like we're 18... 19 this year in july. but we barely feel like we have the ability to care for ourself#it leads to a lot of dependence on our partners or the people around us and we feel fucking guilty abt that but like#we do not know how to do these things. learning them puts us in danger. i just want us to be able to be a proper adult.#but she has it so deep in our head that we are too stupid for that. and that independence is danger.#i just hope this is a step. i desperately need this to be a step.#vent#derek.txt
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It's a weird fucking feeling realising that you actually have to plan ahead for and schedule in the things you like to do, as well as the things you have to do.
I don't mean the complicated stuff, that's a given.
If I'm going to the cinema, then I accept I'm going to have to look up film times and buy tickets and figure out when I'm going to leave the house. If I'm going to visit a friend who lives in a different county, then I accept that I'm going to probably be looking up travel times and planning activities and where to eat and what time we'll be doing what, for possibly days beforehand.
But its even the fucking lowkey stuff. If I want to watch a tv show, I have to plan time out of my day to do it, and I don't always get round to it. If I have a whole day free for some reason, and I decide I want to watch a film (at home, on the sofa) and I don't lay out a plan for when I'm going to do that and how long I'm going to take, then it just won't happen.
If I want to go for a walk just around my local area before it gets dark, or eat something with a slightly longer cooking time, or write my diary, or read a book I've been looking forward to reading, or even read fucking fanfiction that is longer than about 8000 words, then I have to set some sort of plan beforehand.
Like, I know intellectually that executive dysfunction affects more than just the things you don't enjoy doing. But fuck it doesn't really hit you until you realise that you haven't sat down to watch an episode of that show you like for over a week, even though you can't really name any activities you've been doing or commitments you have that would make it impossible to do so.
Anyway, this is a reminder to people who struggle with that sort of thing: schedule your days off, lest they be swallowed by the Pit before you get the chance to do anything fun with them.
#executive function#autism#adhd#audhd#(i don't know if i actually have adhd or not#but i finally have an assessment booked for march!)
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Dirty Dozen (ft. +2)
GN! MC x Pervert! OM Characters
(Cause y'all seemed to love the first one omg. Also TW: I made everyone wayy more sleazy and nasty than before so read at your own risk. MInors DNI)
Pervert! Mammon who likes to ask you for something specifically when your hands are full. "MC, lend me a few Grimm could ya?" He asks when you're in the middle of cooking.
"My hands are covered in cake batter, just take some from my back pocket."
"Are you sure it's there? Let me check both pockets." He isn't so much searching for coins as much as he's feeling and practically groping your ass. Seriously you start to wonder how it's taking him 20 minutes to find something that's right there.
Pervert! Solomon who keeps his room colder than usual when you come over for magic lessons.
"Is it too cold for you MC? I apologise, I kept it this way because some of the potions have bad reactions to heat but if you'd like-"
"I'm absolutely fine, Solomon. You worry about me too much." You smile at him reassuringly, not noticing how his eyes are so eagerly trained at your nipples perking up through your thin t-shirt.
Boner Bonus points if you allow him to hug you for some warmth. His fingers will definitely brush against your chest more than once.
Pervert! Beel who seems to make a mess whenever he's trying to help you in the kitchen. "I'm so sorry, MC. I didn't mean to spill it on your hands!"
"It's okay Beel, it's just some cream and syrup. I can just wash it off right away."
"But it's such a waste. Please allow me." He starts to thoroughly lick your fingers and you shake your head and let him knowing his fixations on food.
But he can't help it - you taste so good. He secretly wonders what you might taste like down there, drooling at the thought.
Pervert! Levi who has taken to sitting on pillows Japanese style while gaming and offers you the same. Sure enough you don't even suspect an ulterior motive.
"Did you get inspired by some human world anime again? Careful though - your legs and butt will start to cramp after a while."
"MC you're too gracious! Caring so much for an otaku like me!"
After you leave, he promptly takes the pillow you were sitting on and puts it in his bathtub. He's going to sleep on it ofc. Your scent on it helps him jerk off better.
Pervert! Belphie who now asks you to rub his belly till he falls asleep. "What's so funny?" He asks as you giggle at his request.
"Since when do you need help falling asleep?"
"I care about the quality of my sleep. And I sleep better this way."
Fortunately you believe him and don't suspect that it's because it's the closest he can get you to fondling his dick. He has such a difficult time holding in his moans and hard ons, every time your hands go even a bit lower than usual.
Pervert! Barbatos who got into sewing clothes as a hobby and specifically likes making them for you now. But you never understand why he needs to take same measurements over and over again.
"Oh? This is a different kind of design, MC. So the measurements will vary from before."
"Always making new things aren't you? You never fail to suprise Barbatos." You smile at him admiring.
The tightening of the tape around your chest and crotch are subtle. He can hardly keep it together when you praise him after all. But he has to if he wants to skim his hands over your body like this again.
Pervert! Diavolo who takes you on such long drives that you always doze off in the front seat, waking up apologetic for missing so much of the journey.
"Hahaha, it's okay, MC. We've been on this same road lots of times. I assure you, you didn't miss anything. And I like that you feel safe to sleep in my presence."
"But still, I'm so sorry, it feels disrespectful..." You apologize, not even knowing how hard he is in his pants right now.
Afterall, he can keep squeezing your beautiful thighs, maybe let his hands wander between them and imagine himself fucking you in the back seat as much as he wants, when you're asleep.
Pervert! Simeon who will have noone except you as his muse for art classes. And the themes just keep getting more erotic each time.
"Are you sure you're okay with this, MC? You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable-"
"Nonsense, Simeon. I feel super comfortable if it's you. You're a true artist after all." You say as you lay on his bed wrapped up only in bedsheets, exposing your entire back and legs.
If only you knew, this angel has thoughts dirtier than most demons. How he's practically fucking you with his eyes. How he's definitely going to jerk off into those bedsheets, moaning your name.
Pervert! Satan who loves teaching you things - standing right behind you, guiding your hands to make latte-art, or trying a new style of painting.
"That's it, nice and slow. Look how much you've improved, MC." He beams at the cute kitty in the coffee cup.
"All thanks to you, Satan. I can't wait to learn more from you." You smile at him earnestly.
He almost feels guilty for tricking you this way, but the way your hands feel in his, and your ass feels against his groin is so addicting. One of these days, he wishes could teach you to be on all fours and take his length in your pretty little mouth.
Pervert! Asmo who loves keeping your eyes on him and noone else. From elaborate performances to petty staring contests, he cannot have enough of your gaze.
"Oh you're turning red in the face, Asmo. Did I manage to flutter the heart of the Avatar of Lust?" You lean forward smiling.
"You're my only weakness after all, MC. It's your fault for making me this way." He almost moans.
You laugh and mock apologize at his antics but you don't know he's been grinding like an animal on his seat, and creamed his pants under your innocent gaze. Your undivided attention just turns him on so much.
Pervert! Lucifer who makes his desires too obvious sometimes. He'll regret it in the morning and take you to dinner to apologize but not until he's already done something dirty.
"Lucifer, it's 2 am. You need to throw away that coffee and sleep." You're practically dragging him to bed.
"Fine. I'll go sleep if you'll stay in my room tonight." He says knowing you'll comply. You care too much for your own good. He's not even going to let you sleep on the couch, no you have to stay wrapped up in his arms.
You might wake upto him groaning your name in his sleep and you might mistake it for a nightmare - not knowing how he's balls deep inside you in his dreams.
Pervert! Thirteen who likes how excited you get over her newest inventions and keeps making more things to call you over.
"And this little baby and can throw pie at people's faces without ever missing. Guaranteed headshot." She smiles proud.
"This would be so useful in a cafeteria food fight and then get banned right after its glory. But I so wanna use it!" You whine.
She loves how much you appreciate her inventions. She is secretly working on a 'pleasure' device scented like her to give you - she hopes you'll like it just as much.
Pervert! Mephisto who is actually taken aback by your duality. You're such a mischievous little imp usually but turn so well-mannered in front of Diavolo's esteemed guests.
"So even you can be prim and proper sometimes? If only you could maintain this on the daily." He huffs.
You laugh and mock-bow in front of him. "Of course, anything for you my dearest lord. Would you like to dance with this proper human while you can?"
He blushes at the sudden offer. Why you little- how dare you tempt him like this. You can't complain about him gripping you somewhere improper or too tight. You deserve this for your attitude.
Pervert! Raphael who is still navigating new feelings of lust he's never felt before he met you. Why his heart skips every time you fall asleep on his shoulder or why he felt a sudden warmth at the pit of his stomach feeling you breath so softly into his neck.
"Thank you for helping me tidy the classroom, MC. I didn't even know where the cleaning supplies were."
"That's alright. It's more fun with two people anyway and wait Raphael there's a bucket over the-" The fresh bucket of water already spilled splashing all over both of you.
You immediately fetched a towel to help him dry up but he couldn't stop staring at you instead. With the uniform sticking to your body like and the water glistening on your exposed skin - why was he so enthralled? Why does he feel a strange pulsing between his legs as you hover over him?
#obey me#obey me smut#obey me solomon#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me lucifer#obey me beel#obey me mammon#obey me simeon#obey me belphie#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo#obey me leviathan#obey me thirteen#obey me Raphael#obey me mephisto
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before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.
you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"
and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.
it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.
you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.
in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.
the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.
you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.
after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.
the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.
you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.
#warm up#writeblr#this is also about being ace btw#my identity has slowly shifted over time and maybe if everyone is REAL cool i'll talk bout it#bc it's complicated and nuanced. but this is like#trying to warn u that if you find it “relationship upkeep” to have sex with ur partner#and don't actually enjoy it or seek it for urself. u might just not be attracted to them.#which is fine ! ace ppl can be perfectly happy in any relationship they feel good in!#but also i wasn't as straight as i had expected!#> the first time i saw dick i was like. huh. oh okay that's fine i guess#> the first time i saw pussy i was like. WAIT ACTUALLY HANG ON I GET IT#i just assumed sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be ya know#but also like. btw? this IS NOT saying ''u might be gay not ace''#bc tbh i'm grey ace/demisexual#it's saying u might not be into ur partner. explore urself & ur feelings. turn inward.#TAKE THIS IN THE MANNER IT WAS MEANT> GENTLE AND KIND#AND NOT IN A WEIRD INTERNET WAY PLEASE#bc the truth is that there ARE ppl who are gay who assume that they just ''don't like'' sex#and ace ppl who might need a different partner w/different needs#and i would have REALLY needed to hear ''check in w/urself about if u actually like sex''#WAY EARILIER in my life. but nobody said anything bc they assume if ur having sex. u like it.#not just the actual act of sex. not once ur turned on. do you ACTUALLY like it. or is it a burden?#even if ur gay. check w/urself. maybe ur more ace than u realized. in which case. ADDITIONAL FLAG BB#i love collecting my flags. i'm at like 354 at this point#but also btw this is about how toxic relationships are SO normalized that u can be in one#and have everyone around u being like ''THATS JUST MEN LOL''
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A little cow girl hybrid with her owner farmer König
I raise the stakes!!
Konig, who, as part of the contract that revolved around fighting a hybrid trafficking ring that sold demihumans as cattle, was sent to rescue some farm hybrid animals stuck in the breeding pan/inhuman farming conditions...but you, pretty rescued cow hybrid, isn't really good at living on your own after being rescued from a farm. You were either raised here and reached maturity in captivity - or you got captured so long ago, you don't even remember normal, human life. Konig can't just release you in the wild, you don't even have documents!!
He knows it's fucked up, having a pretty cow hybrid in his house isn't so much different from the way you were treated at the farm, but...god, he just can't get his hands off you. He has a big property in the mountains so like it or not, you're turning into Austrian highland cow - and you like to roam around in the pasture while he is too busy on the firing range or at the house work. He doesn't really do nay farm work, he doesn't have time between the contracts - but he allows you to make a small garden, taking advice from a demihuman therapist that suggested you need some small activity to keep yourself occupied. Cow hybrids are generally light-headed and silly, so Konig knows he can't force you into doing harsher labor - although sometimes you like to cook and to wake him up with very loud cleaning sessions.
But...of course, living with an adult, mature hybrid in your house is a tough challenge if you don't want to fuck said hybrid. Konig wants to fuck you, wanted you since the first time he had to bath you because you don't understand how the shower works and afraid of him just hosing you like people did at the farm - but he always forced himself to stop before he could actually force himself, always too awkward and nervous...even though he is obsessed with you, morals be fucked.
And his morals do get fucked when you beg him to milk you. Pretty dumb thing, you don't understand that he won't help you for free - that once he is done drinking all the milk that summed up in your heavy, swollen tits, he will be forcing you on your back and make you moo as he bounces you on his cock. He doesn't enjoy quiet farm life as much as he thought he would, but he surely enjoys spending time with his newest pet...
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hi i see that you have much smart dog experience. i may have accidentally purchased such a dog. she's only 10 weeks, and ive had her 1, and she's already outmatched every puzzle feeder i got or have made. to the point that she is morosely disappointed when her food comes in an actual food bowl. do you know where i can find like. "heres 100 enrichment toys you can make out of free trash so your dog stops eating fucking rocks for enrichment" lists. i only have so many paper towel tubes XD
Herschel now just disassembles puzzle feeders, so I've been focusing on "Toys that, even if he already knows how to operate them, will still take TIME for him to collect the treat from" to give him something to fuss with.
Herschel eats all his meals out of a Kong Wobbler, because he will otherwise eat so fast he will literally inhale and choke on his kibble and I do not need him developing pneumonia from aspiration. Even though it's a "Simple" toy it slows him down and he does have to think a bit to tip it in the most efficient manner possible. Kong's "Flipz", "Gyro" and "Rewards Wally" are also really good "dog needs to think/carefully manipulate the toy for food" toys that act as both mental stimulation and exercise and "give human a break for up to twelve minutes" toys.
I highly reccomend KONG as a brand- they're local to Denver and have an impeccable saftey record and all of the toys I have gotten from them have held up extremely well vs. the ravages of three entirely too smart and strong-jawed dogs at once.
Some more thoughts:
If she's not prone to shredding rubber, the kind of treat toys she has to chew are also good stimulation.
If you don't want to give her That Many treats, my vet said that dogs can have as many green beans as they want. Just make sure that the beans haven't had salt added to them- canned usually does, but frozen green beans usually don't, but always check the label.
You can make nearly any toy last longer, or make a cheap long-puzzle by freezing the treats so they take longer to eat AND provides hydration. Herschel's most favorite treat of all time is literally a wad of sliced green beans in a dixie cup, filled with water and frozen. Just peel off the cup and hand him the chunk of ice and he's good for up to half an hour and more chill afterwards.
You can also freeze lick mats
If your girl is like Charlie and doesn't like greenbeans, you can also try freezing paper cups of: Canned pumpkin, apple slices in water, putting some ice cubes in the bottom of the cup, a gob of peanut butter in the middle and then fill it with water to make a peanutbutter filled ice cube.
If your girl is REALLY like charlie who has figured out how to use labor negotiation and strike tactics for better treats: boiled chicken chunks frozen in some of the water you boiled them in.
Walkies are as much mental stimulation as they are physical exercise. Take her out and let her sniff to her heart's content.
Also Puppies in particular need like, SO MUCH exercise.
Let her participate in activities with you. Herschel and charlie sit in the kitchen and I narrate cooking dinner to them, which seems to interest them, even if I don't have spare veggie ends to give them. I also frequently bring them along in the car if I'm running errands when it's cold enough to do that, so they have something new to look at, and get to participate. I also am more likely to stop at a new park and give myself some exercise and mental stimulation.
Training her to do tasks is GREAT Smart Dog enrichment- esp if she's a herding or heeler, they LOVE being helpful. I taught the dogs they get a small treat if they come in from the yard without me having to go chase them down, which saved me a lot of hassle, and now I'm working on teaching herschel to pick things up off the floor for me if I drop them and alert for chickpeas, which my housemate is allergic to.
A lot of dogs like cat-type toys. Tie a stick or some fleece to some paracord and drag or flycast it around for her to chase/play tug with when she catches it. Toys that bounce unexpectedly were also a huge hit. or just wave the string around the cat and the corgi both like that.
If you live in farm country or know other people with pets, you can grab something with the scent of another animal on it and bring it home for her to smell. Charlie and Herschel spent the better part of three days investigating the wad of horse undercoat I brought home and put in the spare wobbler for them to smell.
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Serving Sizes - LN4/CL16/OP81/MV1
Request from @adriennebarnes - Hi there, I have been bingeing your lando norris one shots, they are so good! I don’t know if you have done it yet but can you write a one shot where Charles or Lando are dating Y/N and she decides to do that tiktok prank where she serves a lot of food on his plate but only serves herself a little but and she pretends there wasn’t enough food for the both of them? I think it would be adorable, thank you!
I'm doing this as like a multi driver fic. Just bc...well I can, but mainly bc I think it'd be fun to write about how I think my top 4 would react. Max's is the shortest but imo most accurate.
Lando
Y/n hardly has to hide the camera with Lando. He's usually so unaware of his surroundings so she isn't even sure he'll noticed that he plate has less on it. She can't think of a time that he's ever actively looked at her plate.
"Baby! Food's ready!" Y/n calls out while smiling at the camera then waiting for Lando to come in and sit down at the table, looking at his own phone before quickly placing it down and smiling as he looks at her when she places his plate down.
"Thank you, baby." Lando smiles managing to plant a kiss on her cheek in thanks to her.
"No problem-oh I'll just get cutlery." Y/n mumbles placing her own plate down opposite his own.
Lando smiles watching her walk away before he turns looking down at his plate.
"This looks good baby." Lando comments then as he looks up his eyes drag over y/n's plate and the lock onto it just as she places his knife and fork down then sits across from him. "Why is there nothing on your plate? did you eat already?"
"Oh...No. It's just there wasn't enough." Y/n smiles only for him to drag her plate towards his own and plop her serving onto his plate making her laugh. "Hey."
Lando then proceeds to take a mouthful and then slide it forward.
"It's really good. Thank you. I'm full." Lando states making her laugh and shake her head.
"No. You-"
"I'll pin you down and force feed you. Eat." Lando instructs making her almost choke on her breath at his love motivated aggression. "It's really good. You eat."
"But what about you?" Y/n asks softly making hum shrug.
"I'll find something else. It's ok." Lando states then picking up her fork, scooping some food up and holding it to her mouth forcing her to accept the mouthful. "Good. You eat."
"You're so cute...this was just for TikTok." Y/n laughs pointing at her phone which is actually on the table making Lando drop the fork onto her plate and groan.
"Ahhh...I should've known. You're too good to fuck up not having a enough for both of us...you'd just cook something else."
Y/n laughs getting up and moving around to sit on his lap and hug him.
"You passed the test though. You are so so cute." Y/n laughs kissing his cheek. "I love you, you're the bestest."
"I love you too. I am the bestest." Lando grins making her laugh again then pull the plate forward.
"Do you want this one or the new plate?"
"Will you have the same amount? Is there actually enough?"
"Yes and yes."
"I'll have the partially eaten one. You get the new plate."
Charles
Y/n not trusting Charles to make any pasta dish is just part of their deal. So she made sure to push Charles out the kitchen and suggest he get on his sim to pass the time.
That gave her the opportunity to set her phone up, making sure it's not the most obvious that it's recording. He'd probably not notice but sometimes the man has weird sixth sense for locating any camera lens that is on him.
"Charlie! Come eat, baby." Y/n calls out grinning at the camera and giving it a thumbs up.
She sits down waiting for Charles to appear and when he does, he smiles leaning over the table to kiss her quickly and immediately he noticed the 10 pieces of pasta in her bowl.
"Did you start eating without me?" Charles questions looking borderline offended by the idea that she'd not waited for him. "Are you going on a diet? Why are you not eating? You don't need to diet, you will get sick if you don't eat enough."
"No. No. Baby, god. Calm down. There just wasn't much pasta left and I can find something else to eat after." Y/n states quickly, flapping her hand in dismissal. Though she has to refrain from laughing at his panic over the idea of her dieting.
"I could've got us some more. Why did you not tell me? You can't just eat that." Charles rambles beginning to fuss over her as he pulls her bowl forward then lifts his own and places his serving on top of her own. "You eat, I'll get something later."
"No. You need to eat. You like pasta."
"I do, but I like my girlfriend eating a meal she made more." Charles declares then smiling and flashing those dimples at her as he rests his chin on his hand. "Eat."
"I can't eat while you watch."
"Baby, you had 10 pieces of pasta in your bowl. You cannot have a meal that is 10 pieces of pasta."
"But you're not even eating."
"Y/n." Charles frowns pointing at her. "You eat. You made a meal, a very nice meal. You eat it."
"Ok." Y/n laughs before watching him grin in victory that he won this one. "Are you sure? We could split it."
"You eat. I will go get more pasta and you can show me how to make it for myself." Charles shrugs earning a grin before she stands up and moves to the oven, pulling out the hidden bowl of pasta. "I-What?"
"It was just a prank baby. I'm sorry." Y/n laughs placing the bowl down in front of him while he looks at her in obvious shock. "I got you. You thought I was putting myself on a diet."
"I was worried. You went on that stupid diet once and it made you pass out."
Oh yeah. The juice cleanse. Charles was not happy to receive the news his girlfriend hit her head when she passed out onto Will Buxton while they were talking. The poor man had tried to catch her but she'd fell backwards.
"No diets-and don't scare me like that." Charles pouts earning a smile from the young woman.
"Ok. I promise to both. It was just a video for TikTok, I promise it's not to be mean." Y/n laughs then gesturing for him to eat. "It's going to be cold if you wait any longer."
"So you are putting it on TikTok?"
"Yeah, sorry. I can't not when you fell for it like that."
Oscar
Pranking Oscar was a challenge, the man is not very easy to break in terms of tricking into something.
He's already at the table, looking at some stuff on his phone that she has no doubt are work related. In fact, it'd be now surprise to her if it was Mark or Zak texting him. Maybe he's checking what has been added to his calendar since often the PR team just add stuff in. She's sort of grateful because it means he's bene just distracted enough for her to set up her phone at the right angle to captured them both.
"There you go-oh. I'll just get salt and pepper, one sec." Y/n smiles placing the plates down, kissing Oscar on top of his head as he smiles and tucks his phone away into his pocket.
She moves back to grab the condiments then frowns.
"Do you want any sauce or anything?"
"Uhhh...no, it looks fine without it." Oscar states making her hum and move back over to find that he's switched the bowls, not saying a word.
"Did you swap the bowls?" Y/n questions placing the salt and pepper down. "That's my bowl."
"No. This is my bowl." Oscar smiles making her try not to laugh.
"Baby, I know what bowl I gave to you. You took my bowl." Y/n states reaching for the bowl only for him to pick it up and hold it out of her reach. "Oscar Piastri."
"Y/n y/l/n. I did not take your bowl. Will you sit down?"
"You did take my bowl."
"Why does it matter?"
"Because-Because there's less in that bowl."
"Ok. Well that's fine because I'm not that hungry. I just want a little bit and I want to taste what you put time and effort into making." Oscar shrugs making her sigh and sit down. "Can we eat now?"
"You're so annoying." Y/n huffs with a smile but he just shrugs again. "I'm trying to prank you and you won't let me get away with it. Clearly you're too good of a boyfriend."
"Most people don't make that sound like a bad thing." Oscar smirks making her hum before she sighs.
"Here. At least give me that bowl so I can add more. There's not actually that little left." Y/n sighs then standing up only for him to stand.
"I'll get it. Where'd you put it?"
Y/n sighs telling him where to find the rest of the food before he moves back over, grabbing her hand as he sits down and kissing her knuckles.
"Nice try."
Max
Max stared at y/n's plate like she'd served himself something gourmet and herself raw chicken.
"What is that?" Max questions making her burst into laughter from the get go. Then it seems to hit him.
Max is actually fairly chronically online, despite his public dislike of social media in association to his career. The man watches tiktoks and knows trends just as much as the next Tom, Dick or Harry.
"This is that stupid trend isn't it?"
"You ruin everything." Y/n groans since she didn't even get to answer his initial question of why her portion was so small. "You could've at least played along."
"Did you make more food?" Max questions ignoring her whine and mainly asking because he knows his girlfriend a little too well.
"Oh...no."
"Good excuse to go out for dinner. We can keep this for tomorrow after we've been out for drinks. It'll make good drunk food." Max smiles earning a huff.
"Still ruined my prank." Y/n mumbles as she crosses her arms and Max begins to put the food away for tomorrow. "You just like an excuse to go out rather than eat my food sober."
"You are a very good cook, baby...but you've burned toast more than once."
Aka Max will eat her food, but it usually takes better after a few drinks because he can't taste the burned bits or under cooked vegetables. Crunchy rice was not something he knew he would try in his life.
"Come on, let's get dressed and we can go out for dinner."
Max even picks up her phone smiling at the camera before he ends the video and tucks her phone into his pocket, pulling her up and guiding her to get dressed for going out.
#f1#fanfic#formula 1#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#ln4 x reader#ln4#charles leclerc#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x reader#cl16 x reader#cl16#oscar piastri#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri x reader#op81#op81 x reader#max verstappen#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen x reader#mv1#mv33#mv33 x reader#mv1 x reader#f1 fic#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 one shot
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Girl dinner - Carmen Berzatto
Content Warnings: THIS IS MY MEAL. I CALL IT GIRL DINNER ✨️GIRLLLL DINNNER✨️
Inspired by this post I saw by @thebearer (i hope you don't mind me adding to the concept)
"What the fuck is girl dinner?" Carmy sounds more than frustrated, and confused as he stares down at you, sat comfortably on the couch with your choice of meal. It's an apalling assortment of things from his point of view, though your wide smile shows you think the opposite.
"This is girl dinner." You wave down at your food before stabbing a fork into the meal, eyes drifting to the tv.
"No, no, no, I can't let you eat that." Carmy seems a little distraught as you make eye contact with him, putting more of the dish you prepared into your mouth, chewing slowly as though to make the point 'but I'm eating it anyway.'
"Fuck, please stop with the girl dinner." You love how he's adopted the phrase himself, reaching down to pull the plate away from you, though you dodge him well.
"You eat peanut butter and Jelly for dinner almost five nights a week, so don't you dare scold me for this!" You're defensive as you stand with your plate, still spooning the disaster into your mouth. It doesn't taste as good as anything Carmy would make for you, but you're stubborn.
"At least that has substance, just let me make you something—Jesus stop eating it! There's no way that's nutritious at all!"
"Fuck nutrition!" You shout back, sounding almost like a child in your defiance.
"Fuck girl dinner!" Carmy counters expertly, though there's a hint of a laugh within his words. In the phrase coming from both his lips and your own, he finds a sort of hilarity, though the point he's trying to make is a genuine one.
"But I love girl dinner." You raise your brows as if that's the perfect blow, the one that will win you the fight, despite the statements lack of foundation.
"Well, I love you, and I can't let you eat cheese string and oreos—is that a slice of fucking orange?"
"What could you make that's better than this?" It's a stupid question, and one you know that answer to as you gesture down at the plate with one hand.
"Anything, fucking anything!" Carmy runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the ends. "What d'you want, I'll make you something, anything, just stop with girl dinner."
You take the slice of orange and bite into it, eyes locked on Carmen's. "The point of tonight's girl dinner is that I don't want to cook, and I also don't want you to cook."
"That's my fucking job."
"Exactly, you spend all day cooking, i don't want you to have to come home and cook for me too." Your voice is softer now, sweet and soothing, Carmy letting out a sigh at the sound of it.
He moves forward, taking the plate from you and placing it on the stool beside the couch. "Look, I don't mind. I don't mind making you something every once'n a while. You deal with all my shit all the fucking time, it's the least I can do." He takes your hands in his own, pressing his forehead to yours. "Just let me make you something."
"You're ruining the point of girl dinner." You mumble, pressing a short kiss to his lips as Carmy's hands run soothingly up and down your arms.
"Don't care." His mutters back, taking your hand and leading you to the kitchen, your other meal long abandoned on the stool to be disposed of later.
Days pass, Carmy is still thinking about it, and when he gets to work, he has to say something to the others. "Caught my girlfriend eating fucking orange slices and oreos for dinner the other night." He mutters whilst searing a steak in prep for a menu change. He glimpes Sydney nodding, and as Fak moves behind him, the man decides to speak.
"Girl dinner, good for her."
Carmy turns so fast to face the man that he almost sets his shirt alight on the element, thinking over the utter complexities of the term. "But what the fuck is girl dinner? How do you even know about–never mind."
"You know," Fak begins as Carmy runs a hand over his face in frustration, "this is my meal, I call this girl dinner" He's reciting something though Carmen has no clue where this is going, and when Fak starts singing it all seems to get worse.
He's repeating the phrase, and yet it still means nothing to Carmy as he moves away, leaving Fak to harmonize with Sydney as he picks up the phone.
Pressing call on your contact is like muscle memory, and the sound of the first few rings leaves him impatient, though you pick up eventually.
"Hey," he mutters into the phone, listening to your voice as you parrot the word back.
"Hey, what's up?" You sound preoccupied, and Carmy swears he can hear the closing of a cupboard door, the rustling of a packet of chips.
"Uh, nothing, I just... I wanted to call and ask if you're all good for dinner tonight." He's closed his eyes, leaning against the door of his office as the quiet settles over him. "D'you need anything?"
You answer almost too fast, suspicion creeping through the line with its grasp on your voice. "No, no, I'm good. Dinner's all good."
Carmy catches the tone, a small amused smile wriggling upon his lips. "Cool, so uh, what're you having?" He scared of the answer, if you decide to be honest—which you don't.
"I was thinking tacos, maybe, I haven't decided."
"Nice," Carmy chuckles, "so none of that girl dinner shit? No orange slices and string cheese?" Carmy can almost picture it as the words come to mind, the plate of horrors he'd witnessed not a week before. There's silence over the phone, and Carmy can hear you heave a sigh, loud and final, as you come to terms with your lie. You don't say anything, though, so Carmy fills the space.
"I'm coming home t'night," he whispers into the receiver, holding the phone between his ear and shoulder as he adjusts his apron. "Me, you and the tacos, okay?"
His voice is so gentle, the affection dripping from the words like honey, and he's truly never spoken to someone with as much care. It scares him sometimes, just how much he loves you.
"Carmy, I make the worst fucking tacos." Your smile is hidden within the sentence, and it reaches Carmy like a wave washing the sand, though you're so far from him right now.
"Yeah, I uh, I know. That's why I'm cooking." The kitchen is starting to get loud outside Carmy's office door, and he knows he has to get out there soon to save whatever is left of the peace.
"You don't have to do that, Carm," you exhale, and he can almost picture you, leaning against the kitchen bench, strands of hair loose that, if he was with you, he would be dying to push back into place.
"I want to." He means it, the words he says. "You're important to me, and I want you to know that. I do."
Carmy doesn't know it, but you're grinning on the other end of the line, blood rushing to your cheeks at the thought of his affection. His love.
"Okay." You whisper, "you're important to me too, Carm."
That means everything to Carmy, and he's so desperate to hold onto this, so desperate to not mess this all up. Not after Claire.
"I love you." It's unusual for him to say it first, but he does this time, and his voice soothes any stress you might have. He can hear you smile when you speak again and knows he'll be thinking about the sound of your words for the rest of the day.
"Love you too, bear, see you tonight."
CARMEN BERZATTO TAGLIST: @thrutheburnout @norriebunny @yeschefthankyouchef
THE BEAR TAGLIST: @live-love-be-unique
#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto fanfiction#carmen berzatto fluff#carmy berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto imagines#carmy berzatto fanfic#carmy berzatto#carmy berzatto fanfiction#the bear#the bear fx#the bear fanfiction#the bear fanfic#the bear hulu#carmen berzatto fanfic#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto x you#carmen berzatto imagines#carmy berzatto imagine#carmen berzatto imagine#carmy berzatto one shot#carmen berzatto drabble#carmen berzatto one shot#carmen berzatto x fem!reader#carmy berzatto x you#carmy berzatto x fem!reader#carmy the bear#sydney adamu#neil fak#the bear imagines#the bear imagine
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