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#even though i ‘know’ that its just scary to try to actually commit to
apeshit · 2 years
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sometimes i am present in a situation in which other people are talking about someone else in a negative way to each other and i just wholeheartedly disagree so much and kind of lose respect for the people talking and it sort of has made me realize literally nothing should matter in how you live your life based on if some people think youre boring, weird, etc because regardless of that making you feel insecure, theres always gonna be people who would overhear shit talk about you and just kind of completely be thrown off by what theyre saying anyways
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bloggirl8842 · 7 months
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Makes me so so sad that my first relationship was bad for me even though nothing explicitly bad happened. I see all these things about first loves or firsts in general and how fun it is but all I felt was obsessive, scared, confused, very rarely good. I only had fun when I was drunk (and he always made sure I was safe when I was drunk ofc) but the rest of it-- and even that-- was so tense and fraught, like trying to make unoiled gears turn
#i HATE that i now associate this w him because that was a friend and now i dont trust him in the slightest and i cant think of him too long#without developing all these unsubstantiated worries. i said i want to be friends again at some point but i really dont know if i can do it#i want to because i miss what was there before but like he as a person is now a trigger for me. its odd because we spoke once since the#breakup and it was good for me at least. it felt good. it felt relieving like having that friend back but if his absence inspires so much#worry (not worry for him but worry about him (who is he really? am i safe around him? is he safe around me? I don't feel safe)) then no.#i need so so so much time to even understand what happened and why it feels so bad and i need an ''after'' to play out to get a real#picture of who anybody involved actually is.#i dont trust him at all even though i want to. what sucks too is i have a great intuition around these things so i know intellectually ther#'s likely nothing that off about him but that he as he currently is is just very bad for me as i currently am. and vice versa. but that fee#like world ending panic if i think about it too much. god i cant wait for september to be over. if he brings up trying to be friends again#(which I hope he won't) I'll have to show him this or some other thing I've written during our time apart so he gets just how much time i#need bc in the moment ill be so relieved to be talking again that ill forget this feeling#we’re working on a show tgt about the devil and in those panic moments that triggers me a bit bc ive had sparse and easy to shut down but#still scary moments where i reflect on very very specific instances and think oh yeah the devil possessed him in that moment. and then im#like girl nooooo it fucking didnt what happened was actually [X] but the fact that my mind even goes there is INSANE#not unprecedented unfortunately. but insane. i was telling my mom some of these things and she was like ‘’that poor kid’’ and i was crying#like ‘’I KNOW he thought he got someone normal and he got ME’’#its so funny hes sad about the breakup in like a normal way meanwhile im like i dont care about the breakup but i think ive committed some#cardinal sins i think there is evil in the water and i may be exhibiting mild psychotic symptoms that ive been suppressing for many years.#i did really leave bc i was just not into it though#this is all like side effects. honestly issues ive been having for years and years but which were triggered and which id been suppressing#since like may/june#i just was not into it and i wanted to be but i wasnt and i got confused#this’ll be a fun memory that i sort of can’t talk about one day
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shima-draws · 3 months
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Okay so a few things about the ending to the DLC. Spoilers below obviously
-Really REALLY disappointed they didn’t go with the whole toxic possession arc thing with Kieran and the new mythical (Pecharunt?) TO BE FAIR that was more of a fan theory than anything but it was one that made a lot of sense and had a lot of evidence to back it up. I guess I got too attached to the idea and was inevitably let down when the game didn’t go in that direction. Still it would have made more sense to give that extra edge as to why Kieran’s treating everyone so awfully,, and having him finally break free of that control during the final fight VS Terapagos would have been SO sick. Either that or before we even get to Terapagos Carmine calls Kieran out and that’s when he finally fucking explodes and rages and vents about his inferiority complex—and THAT is what summons Pecharunt, those negative feelings that it probably feeds off of or smth idk. Then we’d get a split second of Kieran finally being back in control and begging for help. And then Carmine realizing her brother has been under the influence of this Pokemon the entire time and. Okay I’m getting off track into AU territory now lmao sorry moving on
-Switching back to the Terapagos fight, I really enjoyed it! It wasn’t too long of a fight to be drawn out, but it was just long enough that it didn’t feel anticlimactic (also the MUSIC? STELLAR. Pun intended). ALSO ARGHFHH the five stages of grief Kieran goes through in that fight to finally accepting that he’s been going about this the wrong way and has been an awful friend and the way the LIGHT COMES BACK INTO HIS EYES I ALMOST CRIED. This is 10000x more emotional and powerful if you choose to bring Ogerpon with you and fight with her bc that really just. Hammers in the fact that despite all the bad blood and bitterness, Kieran still chooses to fight alongside you and the Pokemon he coveted so much…AND he even processes things enough to fully let go of all his hatred and anger and allows you to catch Terapagos because he KNOWS you’ll take good care of it and after all this time he still trusts you even though he’d probably hate to admit it. #GOOD WRITING
-Something really scary I realized. Kieran brought a Master Ball with him to catch Terapagos. 1. Where did homie even get that. 2. The fact that he was READY and didn’t even give Terapagos a chance to react, that he was essentially catching it against its will (which probably led to its power going out of control), that he was enforcing his own twisted desires and beliefs onto it and not considering its feelings (sound familiar? Looks at Ogerpon). BOY. 3. We’ve only ever seen ONE other person use Master Balls in SV. The AI Professor. I don’t know if this is significant in any way but if the Pecharunt theory WAS true that would make them so so similar and that’s eerie to me. Two characters controlled by something greater than them that they can’t fight…can you imagine how INSANE the dynamics would be listen to me
-Another thing I was kinda disappointed about was Briar? I guess I was just picking up on the vibes that she was actually a villain and would try to steal Terapagos from the player, but I probably gave Nintendo too much credit on that one lol. I do like that she’s not inherently evil, she’s just too absorbed and obsessed with her research to really pay attention to what’s going on around her. BUT. They should have pushed that WAY further. Either commit and do the full villain arc where she snatches Terapagos from Kieran right after he catches it to use it for her own purposes, or pressure him into Terastallizing it so much that it makes him uncomfortable. I want to see Lusamine levels of unhinged obsession. What she had was just a little bit too excited about Area Zero, not a full blown unhealthy and dangerous thing that puts everyone around her in danger.
-Following up on that. Drayton. I kept expecting him to also go villain arc IDK LOL I guess I want everyone to be gay do crime in this DLC 😂 But I seriously kept thinking he was just using the player to knock Kieran off his thrown so he could take it right back from us. But no he actually genuinely cared about Kieran and kept pressuring us to beat the Elite Four so WE could knock some sense into him since Drayton wasn’t strong enough to do it himself. Which is a very sweet sentiment, I think :’) But am I the only one who was like bro calm down right after the fight where he was getting up in Kieran’s face and calling him ex-champion…..either he’s way too honest and doesn’t realize he was being cruel OR he was doing it on purpose to be a silly goober (but everyone else was like DUDE. LOW blow.)
-I still have questions. HELLO. HELLO. The notes in Area Zero mentioned the professor meeting a child with a white(?) book? Is that the Scarlet/Violet book? We still don’t know how the whole time travel paradox happened and why Heath talked about meeting Paradox Pokemon DECADES before the professor even brought them to Area Zero through the time machine? What is with the weird ass crystal tree sitting in the middle of a lake in the depths? Is there any significance to the Crystal Pool in Kitakami being connected to terastallizing and Area Zero? I’M JUST. AGHHH. I’m fairly certain we’re getting more content, maybe an epilogue to the DLCs but I’m going CRAZY I NEED TO KNOW NOWWW
-Also isn’t Area Zero like. Top secret hush hush. Why did Geeta let Briar publish a whole ass book about the HIDDEN SECRET of Area Zero that was miles under a closed off SECRET lab. I thought they were denying Briar access to Area Zero for YEARS, probably because they didn’t want her blabbing to the public. Idk. Maybe my memory is fuzzy on that one. Just feels very contradictory fhhdd
-The small little subtleties of Kieran regaining his regular personality as we went down….I ADORED that. His little smiles and him unable to contain his childish excitement and Carmine smiling at him with a knowing look bc after all this time her brother is FINALLY acting more like himself. And Kieran trying to brush it off like “wh-whatever” like he’s some sort of edgy teenager pretending he doesn’t care. GAHHHH it was so cute I wanted to cry 😭
ALL IN ALL it didn’t QUITE meet my expectations but it was still really good, especially considering this was all DLC content. Nothing will ever EVER top the main story of SV but the entirety of TTM and TID came pretty darn close. Kieran my sweet baby boy my blorbo I’m so glad you got your redemption arc and that you finally came to terms with your perception of strength and how it affects others. Baller DLC Nintendo do it again 👏
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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months
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can u do tadc cast (or probably just a few bc this prompt isn’t very creative) x a reader who looks like the player from animal crossing? ball hands,,, maybe weirdly good at crafting things,, gets stung by bees sometimes mayhaps. Maybe they speak animalese and nobody ever knows what they’re saying LMAO
TADC cast x reader whos like an animal crossing player!
depending on what time it is when i finish writing this, i think imma take a short break to stretch my legs and make something YAHOO!! hope you enjoy this anon!! this reminds me, i cleared out my island by making it totally flat... but i never actually... got to decorating it... huh.... commitment is scary, guys
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CAINE:
i think as a funny haha gag thing, how funny would it be if he could actually understand you. like you cant talk, and the noise youre limited to is to your "emotes", but somehow someway for some reason, caine can understand you... genuinely impressed by your crafting and even sometimes asks you to make random things just to see if you can make it! expect some really odd and random requests! not at all phased that you can pick things up with your weird orb hands, hes used to the digital world and its weirdness... thinks...
POMNI:
hey at least theres someone the same height as her in this place...!/hj
tries hard to understand your funky emotes and body language but shes at a loss... i mean at least you can still pick stuff up and try to write, so at theres some method of commutating asides from simply trying to learn how to read you! though, she is a bit unnerved by your silence and how your face is mostly stagnant when you arent.... emoting.. a static smile can get a little unnerving when youre standing next to the person and understand thats its a real person.. you know?
a little confused on how you can just pull things out from thin air, but does admit that it can be useful... has probably tried to ask you to make an exit out of desperation because hey if anyone can make one it would be you so whats the harm in trying (my girl is losing it)
RAGATHA:
i think you guys bond over the crafting; since ragatha makes stuff too, like pillows and clothing and plushies and the like! sure you guys may not be making the exact same things, but you both create and thats enough to bring you two together! doesnt mind that you cant talk, in fact i think after the chaos of a day in the digital circus she embraces the calmness around you... scolds you for constantly being stung by bees, though... though she tries not to be too mean or harsh since its not like youre trying to get stung on purpose... but please just be careful... she worries about you, afterall!
honestly ragatha doesnt have individual fingers, so the fact you can function with balls hands doesnt phase her
JAX:
really touching on the fact you have an inventory that you can hide stuff in i think he would slide you things to hide for him; especially its hes going a "imma do something to someone as a prank then run and use you to hide the evidence" ... you know usual jax antics where he tries to get the reader to help him with his trickery. whether or not you actually aid him is totally up to you. probably makes fun of your short height and the fact youre always getting stung. probably points and laughs when he watches you run around while literally being chased by a swarm. promptly screams when you make a run towards him, thus bringing the bees to him. you have probably bopped him with your net after he says something particularly not-nice, me thinks... or maybe you just dont like him and youre constantly bopping him, i mean i do enjoy it when the reader doesnt like a character but you can easily ignore this little aside if you want this to be a friendship or romance!
KINGER:
OOOOO imagine you come with the basic ring/inventory of tools (net, shovel, watering can, fishing rod, ect) and you can just pull it out of no where.... oooooouuugh imagine taking your net out around him and (wordlessly) offering to go look for bugs with him,.. kind of panics when you get stung by the digital bees; probably helps you patch up... honestly i think given that kinger is all about bugs, i think its a safe bet he would know how to treat bites and stings... so hes your man if youre really bad about avoiding bees and the like! can see tropes that trope where like "whats that? little timmys stuck in the well?? (but thats not what you said/meant)" because youre like emoting and trying to direct his attention somewhere but he gets it. so totally wrong and commits to it before you can stop him. i just think thats funny
ZOOBLE:
thinks youre... odd. though... imagine you can change up your style and appearance by simple interacting with a mirror and wardrobe. i think they would think thats cool, that you can just... do that... zooble has to rip their body parts off (sounds way worse than it actually is, LMAO). probably gives you this look when you walk into the tent to show that once again, youve been attacked by a swarm of bees.... how do they always only sting your left eye...? is that just how your digital body shows the injury, or do they just... no nevermind, theyre just going to give out a sigh before taking you to caine or kinger for medicine. definitely gets onto you for constantly messing with the digital bees, though...
GANGLE:
honestly between all the characters i can easily see her being an animal crossing fan... and while she may not remember all of her old life, i like to think that subconsciously she would recognize you for what your digital body is intimidating... bonus if in the real world animal crossing was her comfort, so naturally, she instinctively finds comfort in you even if she cant totally pin point it... though, she has trouble understanding you outside of your emotes... but even then when you do an angry stamp or shed tears she cant quite pinpoint why youre upset... oooo please make her an art easel! i think that would be a great gift for her and she will be absolutely over the moon!
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altbite · 1 year
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You’re Kinda Cool *Konig Headcanons*
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Konig x Alternative!Reader Headcanons
hehe konig is husband material.
ANyway, GN!Reader is an alt person who has dyed hair - that is mohawk, piercings and tattoos. Because alt is also a very wide range of sub cultures and styles, I will do my best to make it that way/not mention a specific sub culture so it can be inclusive. Also idc if it wouldn’t be realistic, take it or leave it lmao, very much based on personal experience and inspired by the fact i dyed my hair today
+ some 141 headcanons because i can :3
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The first time he sees you, he is taken aback by your looks: Dyed hair and pierced. He couldn’t decide whether he thought you were attractive or intimidating
To the rest of 141, this was normal. They saw you change your hair more frequently than your clothes.
Konig was fascinated nonetheless. You looked cool and he wanted to be your friend but was too awkward to approach you.
When he saw you talk to other recruits, you were this sarcastic, dark humoured person who bullied them. His first impression was you were kind of a dick.
This was your way of showing love and friendship towards people.
He got more bewildered when he saw how nice you were to strangers and not the first impression he got of you.
He realised he might’ve judged you prematurely. His impression of you was probably the same way people saw him: tall, intimidating and probably mean due to his size
Once he actually got to know you though, you two got along great.
You two kept up with each other and some of the wack shit you said and did. You two had some of the most pointless theories and questions that spiralled into debates. It often made you laugh so hard, it hurt.
He always compliments you on your hair, and gets secretly jealous because he’s always wanted to try dye his hair but didn’t want to stand out more than he did.
When you were bleaching or dyeing your hair, he would watch and keep you company.
Konig enjoyed watching you experiment with your hair.
One time you asked him to help you out, and he panicked a little. You giggled at him and told him its not that scary and you’d guide him
With your mohawk, it was somewhat of a struggle to shave it and dye the back of it so you used Konig’s presence to your advantage.
You asked him to help you shave and poor guy was stressed and took his time to perfect it and not accidentally fuck it up.
He did pretty well, even if it took twice as long.
When it came to bleaching, he thought your hair would fall out if he helped so he refused to go near you.
It took a lot to convince him thats not how it works if you do it properly.
Konig would watch and study you and how you do things, learning and mentally taking note. He really wanted to help, he was just nervous.
When you got to dyeing your hair fun colours, you asked him which one to go with and do the one he picked. It made Konig blush and giggle knowing you took his suggestions on board.
He would eventually start helping you with these things. When it came to shaving your hair, he would volunteer and eventually he did it without asking. It was his little job for you. Especially if he had feelings for you or you two were dating. He loved being in your bubble and being useful.
He would also help with bleach and hair dye. You let him experiment with colours and combinations. He was living his emo/scene life through you.
Konig had wanted to dye his hair too but he was too afraid to ask you. He was also afraid it could damage his hair or something would go wrong. He would overthink a lot about this.
He eventually asked if you could do his hair like yours. You were a fit of happiness and giggles as you agreed profusely.
You did a test strand first to see how his hair would react and give him a chance to feel it out before fully committing.
He really liked the strand that he kept it for ages. You would dye it for him different colours.
It was a bonding experience for you two. It also got messy most of the time and both of you would have dye on your hands as you refused to use gloves.
You have attempted to convince him to dye his eyebrows. He is not a fan. Stands there cross armed, shaking his head.
He loves your piercings. Has asked you a million questions about them. Big boy has a fear of needles so he would never get anything done himself. Asks you about pain and healing and all.
Has helped you picked out jewellery.
He is afraid to touch your piercings in case he hurts you.
Konig goes with you one time to get a new piercing and faints before you even get pierced. It was jaw dropping at first but funny afterwards.
Is fascinated by your tattoos. Depending where they are on your body and what your relationship is, he will traced them.
Always slaps them out of boredom.
Accidentally slaps you too hard sometimes and leaves you with bruises and feels bad.
Watches you and Ghost talk tattoos, flabbergasted because he doesn’t understand what you guys are saying. Thinks you two are sadisctic
The boys have all helped you with your hair before. Soap managed to fuck it up once and you banned him from coming near your hair
Soap is kinda salty you won’t let it go but you take too much pride in your hair.
They all saw the strand you did for Konig and Gaz and Soap begged you to do them. Ghost glared at you to not come near him and his hair. Price just sighed in disappointment that you were influencing his boys like this. He does think your hair is cool however.
You shock everyone when you have a normal hair colour because they aren’t used to you being,,,normal.
Konig mostly loves your music taste. There are some questionable songs in your playlist and he doesn’t understand why you some them.
You made him a personalised playlist and he made one for you.
You have taken him to concerts of your favourite bands and even if he isn’t a fan, he is genuinely happy to be around you and enjoys watching you have fun.
He was not prepared for how loud you get at concerts. thats not the only time you get loud tho
That’s it for now. I cant think of anything else to add but feel free to comment or repost with more headcanons of your own! Also requests are open if you want anything specific :]
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razorblade180 · 5 months
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“Courting”
Charlotte:Miss Furina!!! I have a very important question to ask, off the record of course.
Furina:A question? I don’t see why not.
Charlotte:Are you being courted by world renowned traveler, Aether!?
Furina:*red* C-Courted!? I wouldn’t exactly say-
The journalist whips out a polaroid photo of Furina with a warm smile on her face as she sits across from Aether during a late candle lit dinner.
Furina:Oh my god this came out so well. You can even see the- how did you have this!? Where were you!?
Charlotte:I was posed as a waitress!
Furina:….
Charlotte:…For a job! Not for you. Heavens no. By the way, I wouldn’t eat there again. Back to the topic at hand, good for you.! It’s a cute look. Your smile is brighter.
Furina:You just have good lighting.
Charlotte:Ha! Oh Furina…candle light is agonizing for photography.
Furina:Sounds like a hit a sore spot. Anyways, if you’re asking I assume you’re more or less aware of everything I am when it comes to Aether and romance.
Charlotte:Of course! I actually brought it up to him around our first time meeting. Had proof and everything so I can ask him “why an open relationship”
Furina:…You’re kinda scary at times.
Charlotte:If you’re not intense in my field then people try to circle around the truth. Like you were about to do until I showed the photo. You can keep that by the way. *fiddles with camera*
Furina:If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a question as well.
Charlotte:Ooo okay! I’m all ears!
Furina:You’ve known him longer, engaged with him more often, and seem interested from where I stand; yet I’m the one dat- is involved with him.
Charlotte:Do you have commitment issues?
Furina:Let me finish! What I’m getting at is why aren’t you two item. I’ve the comedically sized document about the dynamic. As it stands now…if I was close minded or acted selfishly…
Charlotte:Ah, I see. It’s interesting to see your mind at work, but unfortunately you’re overthinking things waaaay too much. This isn’t chess game or battle of wits. It would pretty low to treat others feelings like that without thought. Neither him or I would be able to stand ourselves to put a person filled with in a position where they either find new love or be forced to deal with the fact there’s someone else. Kinda defeats the point of an open relationship.
Furina:That’s…I see your point.
Charlotte:If you want Aether romantically all to yourself when it comes to Fontainian’s then by all means exercise that right. He’s still going to be one of my closest friends and partner in journalism! Though to be clear, this isn’t me conceding in any way. I do hope you enjoy my company as much as I love yours! Also… *pulls out photo*
It’s nothing particularly special. Just a really good picture of Aether in the middle of fishing without a care in the world.
Charlotte: Let’s be honest, he has a very nice face. Just ask Lyney! He thinks so too.
Furina:*red* I mean I guess it has its appeal.
Charlotte:You can keep that one too. Anyways, I gotta go before no more Aquabuses run. My latest story has gotten popular so you know…I’ll be back in the city in like three weeks? Hopefully? Eh, we’ll see.
Furina:What did you expose!?
Charlotte:It’ll be front page tomorrow! Read all about it! Bye! *runs off*
Furina thought she was pretty good at reading people, especially her audience. Right now she had no clue if the conversation just now was casual chatter, a weird bargain, or even pleasant congratulations with a side of flirting? She only knew what she’s known from the beginning. Charlotte is a really interesting, kind person who takes phenomenal photos.
Furina:…(I wonder if he knows that this photo was taken?)
xxxxx
Aether:I was fishing alone.
Furina:For the love of- how strong is that lens!? By the way…would you consider us…courting or something? *red*
Aether:
Aether: You literally made out with me a few days ago. Grabbed my scarf, and smooched my face. We spend time together consistently.
Furina:*nods slowly* You bring up a valid point.
Aether:A valid point!? *shows hickey*
Furina:Okay, several points! Wrap your scarf back up before someone sees!
Aether:Breaking news, crystal pure celebrity actually filters her murky mind.
Furina:I want my kisses back!
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Re that bizzare ask about Ed being the victim because he had to commit violence against Izzy. Loved your response. I definitely think people forget all the power Ed for some reason. maybe it's a power imbalance they are not used to idk. But Izzy is Ed's employee. But I digress, I was shocked when they said Ed had to commit this act of violence. Ed didn't have to do shit. He did not have to hurt Izzy, he chose to. No one (least of all Izzy) was forcing him to maim Izzy.
Thanks! Honestly, I'd say its not that people forget about the power imbalance and Ed's power over Izzy, or they're not used to it, so much as they like, pretend that its not actually like that? I'm sure it doesn't necessarily come from a place of malice, some people prefer a certain dynamic with their ships and if canon contradicts that there's really no inherent issue in using the dynamic anyway in transformative works like fan fiction. The problem comes when 1. They try and force everyone else to conform to their preferences, even insisting that it's canon. And 2. They attack and/or defame people for enjoying a different dynamic or preferring the actual canon.
(Though I'd also argue that there's a 3rd issue in that they take agency away from the characters when they insist on the 'uwu Ed's really just baby and he was happy and sweet and totally a morally upstanding person with no nuance and Izzy's a mean ol' abuser forcing him to be a mean scary dom when he only wants to cuddle and not fuck, never ever ever ever fuck how dare you even think that with Stede uwu' but that's a whole other can of worms that I'd rather not open lmao.)
Anyway, they prefer the dynamic where Ed isn't actually Blackbeard (And where Stede isn't also more than a bit of a maniac who likes the Blackbeard side of Ed) because it works better for their fluff and for their angst. That's fine. Really, it is. But to insist that everyone has to prefer or enjoy this, honestly, kind of flat take and anyone who doesn't is some kind of horrid monster, I think we can all agree (At least those of us who have more than two brain cells to rub together), is ridiculous.
And, honestly, there's quite a lot of 'other woman'-ing going on with Izzy and how he's treated by certain fans? The amount of times I've seen people go on at length about how proud they are of the fandom for not treating Mary like shit because she 'got in the way of their ship', as it happens in other fandoms where there's a female character that's either canonically or assumed to be the main love interest while the fandom ships the male character with his best friend or something similar, is kind of ridiculous when you consider that Mary was never actually Stede's love interest and the fact that they turn around and treat Izzy like that instead. Because, whether or not he is a potential love interest for Ed, Ed is a potential love interest for Izzy and that would get in the way of their ship.
I say this as someone who ships Ed/Stede, by the way. I also say this as someone who ships Ed/Izzy, Stede/Izzy, and Ed/Stede/Izzy. I enjoy a plethora of dynamics and I don't see the point in pushing my preferences on other people. Hell, I also ship Izzy/Jack. I know that's not everyone's cup of tea and that's fine. I know how to sit in my own little corner of the fandom and enjoy it with like-minded people.
But some people just can't live with the possibility of their otp not being together, even in someone else's fan fiction, so they have to make up reasons for it to be some type of moral issue. And they do that by making Izzy out to be much more of a villain than he is or even really has the potential to be in canon. So. 'Izzy forced Ed to maim him. And to kill Lucius. And to maroon the crew. And to kidnap Jim and Frenchie. Etc.'
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dyketubbo · 11 months
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Transfem CWilbur hcs. Now.
why anon i am so glad you would honor me with this request
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i think that cwilbur would probably keep her name because she looked up like name meanings and shit and was like hoooolllyyy shit my name is cool as fuck actually. i do also like the idea of her having a name based off of one of wilburs songs though. i admittedly misremembered vienna as sienna but i think both are cute so either of those also work as names for her
cwilbur to me is very like. obviously she knows about trans people her son is trans (i also like to see cclingy as trans but ctommy would have not transitioned yet and ctubbo just doesnt think to tell anyone if they dont think its necessary) and shes very proud of him! but shes also like. well at least fundy enjoys being a man because i sure dont this is miserable and everyone within a 5 mile radius immediately raises an eyebrow. i think being in pogtopia fucked her up about it because she started seeing people as being Afraid of her and for a reason she couldnt place being a Big Scary Crazy Man hurt in more ways than one but she was spiralling too hard to really analyze those feelings
and then in limbo all she Has is her own thoughts. and she comes back and shes manic and she considers telling everyone but but but but. tommy is looking at her with a shocked expression and tubbo isnt even talking and the new kid is trying to shield tubbo from her and suddenly all the feelings from pogtopia start rushing back and shes like oh. not enough to stop the mania but enough to sting hard enough, like a pin that she puts in the thought itself for another time
i thought the utah reveal was very funny. i also wish wilbur got to talk to more people, and i think that itd be interesting for him to talk to ghostboo whos like god i was SO scared for people to know this "real me", the me that everyone would be scared of, but now that i dont care about any of that anymore im free!! and wilbur would also talk to like. idk various others including more genuine convos with eret and with all of it eventually shes able to get to a calm resolution of. i need to be somewhere else when things are good enough that i can leave
and cdream dies (<-fully talking in terms of my rewrite now) and wilbur makes sure tommy is okay and everything and Then something similar to the utah reveal but like. slightly less mentally ill happens. wilbur is still sorta vague and tommy gets panicked and pissed thinking wilburs about to commit suicide again and wilburs like oh god no i just. i need to be somewhere else to change without everyones eyes on me. i dont like this me i think theres something deep inside me thats broken and im trying to repair it but i cant repair it if im This me. and tommy talks about how its all just One wilbur, just going through changes like everyone else but tommy and the people who matter love wilbur, no matter what kind of wilbur hes being, because hes still himself and thats the person they love, no general or president or ghost from the past, just wilbur. whoever he wants that person to be yada yada
and it sort of Clicks for wilbur in a sense. oh, this is all just one me, and im in charge. and people stick by me because im me no matter how much i change. and i think i know what changes i need to make (around this point is like. i think this would trigger the acceptance of ghostbur in a sense. i have complicated feelings about the ghosts but just know he and wilbur would truly be the same person through and through now). but i still need to go away for a bit. just a little. and tommy trusts her and she leaves for a bit and takes hrt and takes a while just to know that she likes the changes and when she does know she likes the changes she decides ok. this is who i want to be. this is Me. and comes back eventually to heal with everyone else too
misc hcs: i think she would actually prefer relying on hrt and breast forms to full top surgery. also dont think hed care about bottom surgery. she would still like her big coats and sweaters but she'd also wear skirts more often. maybe not dresses though unless its a formal event. also think she would grow out her hair a bit but not that much. in general like.. she doesnt change That much. shes still wilbur soot. but shes happier now and she looks more comfortable, like this is the self that she wants to be. i think she would feel like whatever broke inside her was slowly being patched back together
(and eventually, she realizes there was never anything broken about her in the first place. and she sits on a balcony and she still gets an intrusive thought about jumping but she knows she doesnt want to, not anymore. shes alive, and shes herself, and shes making the most of it.)
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nick-close · 1 year
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This is another scary rant but it’s not about last episode, it’s more about how I wish her character arc was going and why I’m disappointed in how it went so far- but Yknow, prefacing it here so you know what it’s about. It’s not hate but more story stuff
I’m gonna preface this with the shocking fact that I actually do like scary. I’ve been going kinda hard on her but like I do like her, she’s just been behaving really rude towards her friends and family and I don’t think that’s a healthy friendship dynamic for any of them. But as a character she’s very fun- it’s the same thing I feel about Ron? Like. He’s fun, but he’s really shitty sometimes and its frustrating. Overall I don’t hate any dndads characters tho!!! I like em all.
I think one of the things that I’m really disappointed about with her character is the way that she’s reacting to her home life situation though. Of course I’m projecting as someone raised by a single mother, but I was SO looking forward to scary getting all ‘I love my mom- we have never needed anybody else growing up, we don’t need anybody now’ and the fact that she’s instead like. ‘My dad left but I bet he was awesome and I wanna find him’ felt like SUCH a missed opportunity. I could’ve connected to her so hard but I hate the choice that her angst is about her dad who’s never been there- rather than the change in what she HAS.
I think that’s also why I like Taylor way more? Like, he had the exact same thing but also you could see his love for his mom above everything else. Like he loves her more than his dad who’s never been there, Yknow? And for scary we could’ve gotten something really strong with the idea of a new step dad coming in to mess everything up. But I don’t actually know why she’s upset at Terry? Her anger and angst keeps coming from the fact her dad was gone and not the new person in her life, which undermines the angst she has imo. I guess it’s just a weird character choice for me- because it makes how she acts towards Terry feel less understandable
In a talking dads Beth said she’s basically ‘looking for trauma to justify her angst’, which makes a lot more sense with her character- but also confirms that she is just angsty to be mad about something? She even expresses she isn’t really happy about her changes- she wants to play soccer again, all that. And so it’s kind of like, she committed so hard to this reaction that isn’t benefiting anybody. I do understand like, maybe she only started thinking about her dad to TRY to justify her angst, because she’s really upset over the big changes- but I guess it just never feels brought up.
I’ve seen her compared to Fig Faeth- but the difference is Fig very intentionally acts out towards ADULTS. She isn’t acting out against her friends in the same way Scary does. It allows her to be nice to her party and create relationships without sacrificing the edge to her personality imo. That said I also think they’re pretty different characters- but I think that’s a good reference to look to.
Scary started off as a character we weren’t really supposed to like. One of the first things she does is compare herself to Anne Frank- that’s how she sets the tone. I guess it’s just that 25 episodes into the podcast I was hoping for more from her character than that. She is set up as an angsty teen who sucks- that’s intentional from Beth, and she does a great job. She’s cutting off other people intentionally, she’s making all of these choices intentionally- she didn’t come in to make a likeable character. She came in with this idea that will develop over time. But so far she hasn’t really gotten that to me- she’s still stayed the same.
I think the reason it’s more important for scary than the others is the basis of her character too! Like. Taylor and Link don’t need heavy development yet because they aren’t negatively impacting the others in the group from it. Normal is developing somewhat, but he’s always kind. The hard thing is playing with a character who’s mean, that can only go on for so long before that genuinely impacts the friendship between characters. It’s very hard for her to bond with the others because even when prompted and reached out to, the character is not accepting those chances.
Scary having her little solo arc I’m hoping will genuinely change her- because I think this needs to happen. She needs to see the consequences of being a jerk to her friends, she needs to see the impact her actions are having, and she needs to see more to Willy so she can trust her friends more. I’m really hoping that Scary actually will let go of those things though and not just double down the moment she gets the tragic backstory she’s looking for. Those are all my thoughts, kinda disconnected lol.
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jaimebluesq · 5 months
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Scary OTP: Nie Huaisang/Jin Zixun 👀💕
Oooh, thank you! People, get you a Mutual who is happy to indulge your weird little rarepairs ;)
And man, this turned into a mini essay :D
Which one is more fond of scary movies: Nie Huaisang - 1) because they give him an excuse to act more scared than he is and he can whine and cajole his way into being 'comforted', and 2) because to be quite honest, Jin Zixun is 'fond' of very little in the universe.
Which one gets the most excited about Halloween: Nie Huaisang - he LOVES the chance to dress up and act like someone else, preferably with a mask firmly in place (is it any wonder the first fic I wrote of this pair had them both in masks and fucking anonymously?). Jin Zixun would just see it as an event for his uncle to show off the family wealth to the world with a grand party where Zixun can go out of his way to piss someone off (when they're 'together', NHS allows him one or two asshole moves before dragging him off into the Koi Tower gardens, telling his brother he's just doing his part to keep the peace between the sects)
Which one would be more likely to survive the apocalypse: Nie Huaisang: 1) Do you REALLY think Nie Mingjue wouldn't do everything he can to make sure his brother survives the worst case scenarios? Plus he knows how to make the puppy dog eyes that make people give in to him. 2) Jin Zixun will think he's good because his uncle's money has of course paid for the BEST fallout shelter possible, and only the BEST people will be allowed inside, yet at the time of its necessity, Zixun will no doubt get into a fight with someone, likely a 'lower class' person trying to get into the shelter, and Jin Guangshan will decide his nephew is expendable and shut the shelter up before Zixun can get in.
Which one would literally kill for the other: BOTH. We all know from canon just how far NHS would go for someone he loves (the plot would not happen otherwise!). Jin Zixun is the same, in his own way. He's a guard dog for his uncle, doing whatever is asked of him, and is loyal to his cousin. Once someone is considered 'his', even if it's not love but possession of some kind, Zixun won't let any insult go unanswered.
Which one likes to scare or startle the other: Jin Zixun, for sure. Though NHS is rarely actually scared or startled - but he enjoys pretending, it lets Zixun feel he's got one over on him, and NHS has his own ways of getting under his skin.
Which one is more likely to need comforting when they get spooked: The operative word here is NEED - so my answer is Jin Zixun. NHS doesn't need to be comforted, but he LOVES it and will exaggerate his fear in order to get it. Zixun has actually received very little comfort (emotional/affectionate) in his life - you give your family face and suck up whatever you're feeling or else you're doing the Jin name dishonour - and deep inside him is a scared little boy who wishes he could have gone to someone to crawl into their arms when the world was rough. So yeah, Zixun NEEDS comforting more, but he'd never ask for it, would fight even if its given to him voluntarily and without being asked for, and he fights BECAUSE he's terrified he needs it that much.
Which one always puts on a brave face: Jin Zixun - no question! His family is all about saving face, and showing fear would NOT be acceptable in the Jin. NHS, on the other hand, happily whines and cries over every little inconvenience.
Which one would be more dangerous if they suddenly became violent: Nie Huaisang. JZXun we expect to get violent at the drop of a hat - any hat - but NHS is so severely underestimated that he'd hit you before you ever saw him coming (or convinced someone else to hit you, he doesn't like to get his own hands dirty).
Which one would be more likely to commit a crime: BOTH - depending on the crime. If you're looking at smuggling, conspiracy to (get someone else to) commit murder, and cheating in school, Nie Huaisang is your man. If you're looking at war crimes, then it's Jin Zixun.
Which one believes in ghosts: In canon, both - it's part of the universe. In an AU: Jin Zixun. NHS would pretend he does, but wouldn't actually believe unless there's evidence. Zixun, however, is extremely superstitious - he's a man who believes that all of his problems are caused by external things, and is more likely to believe that his bad luck is because of a ghost or a curse than because of his own bad choices.
Which one likes to watch spooky show on television: Nie Huaisang. He enjoys having fun, even if it's being scared. Zixun would act like the shows are just stupid and you'd have to be ridiculous to be afraid of anything on them, but secretly, because of his superstitious nature and belief in the supernatural, he's more likely to take them serious and be genuinely freaked out, hence he avoids them.
Which one would propose the idea of holding a seance: In canon, Jin Zixun, if only because it would be a normal part of his work as a cultivator, and Nie Huaisang wants to stay as far away from work as possible. In an AU, Nie Huaisang, because Zixun would be too freaked out by the supernatural to be on board.
Which one has nightmares more often: Jin Zixun. In canon, even though the Jin entered the Sunshot Campaign later than most of the other sects, they still participated - Zixun would have fought with his cousin, and war is traumatic. Furthermore, he would be haunted by the things he's done to the Wen in the post-war camps - he'd never admit it to a soul, especially not his uncle, but he's a human being, and one doesn't take part in that kind of torture and mistreatment and murder without it affecting them. And both in canon and in an AU, he would have regular nightmares about losing his position in the family - he knows his power and status is directly linked to what Jin Guangshan thinks of him and how useful he is to his uncle, and he has nightmares that the day will come that he's no longer useful, and fears what will happen to him then.
Which one would want to explore a real haunted house: In canon, Jin Zixun - like with the seance, it would be part of his job. In an AU, NEITHER - Zixun believes in the supernatural and would stay the fuck away, and Huaisang would NOT want to go someplace dingy and dirty and potentially get slimed, not in this outfit, do you have ANY idea how much it cost to get a matching fan?
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unkalaki · 1 year
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I just read Small Gods again and then I couldnt stop and due to some reasons that I dont fully understand myself i then continued on and read Going Postal and Making Money. I think thats how Pratchett goes, for me at least. It is such an adventure, even on your 10th or 20th time, that you just cant have enough.
Small Gods though. I reread it, an activity that i recommend everyone do from time to time. Of all of Pratchett’s books this one has always affected me the most. I dont really know why. I think i read it at a time of my own life that Brutha’s journey from certainty of faith to questioning and going on conicided with my own, less defined portion. When I first read it, I was myself starting to venture into the quicksand of doubt and it was scary. Going your whole life, with certainty of faith and then losing it is, as necessary as it may have been, a very scary, lonely thing to do. Just the simple questions that you are faced with, which when unanswered use that very own simplicity to batter down your previous assumptions and lay your own worldview bare. To see the same shown happening to Brutha, a character that i found myself endeared to from the first moment of being described as a giant with a heart of a mouse and the simplicity of a newborn (some would call it stupidity, shows what they know) just elicited a very simple feeling of kinship.
Moving on, the part of Small Gods that makes me go back again and again is the very simple line that just breaks me.
“In a hundred years we will all be dead.... but here and now we are alive”
A lot of people, me included, learn to start thinking, actually thinking about the world in their mid to late teens. They start to see the realities of the world. Most of them till that point have been sheltered from the world in one way or another. Even those that have not rarely have the words to describe the evil things that may have happened to them. Evil is a word that you know but it is usually limited to things that are not actually real. It is stories about things that dont happen to real people. It is an aspect of fiction that you have heard about but whose existence you dont really fathom. However, this is the time where you start to think about actions, about the world and about the realities of evil. And when you start to do that you start to see evil everywhere. You start to see it in the small acts that people commit everyday. You start to notice it in the small things. Not the big evil of nefarious individuals in thier high rooms cackling to themselves about stupid words like “schemes” and what not. It is the small evils. The banal evil. The stupid mindless evil that people have looked at everywhere and learned to live with.
This is the point where most people make the choice to make limiters. People calibrate their eyes. You choose the level of evil that you are comfortable with and block it. Your eyes no longer see it, no longer recognise it as anything at all. They just glaze over it. It is a necessary thing to do for some. Looking at the way society deals with those it deems necessary all the time, taking it all in all the time, trying to conjure up all the requisite pain that you should for everything is something that is not possible. You learn to choose your battles. For some people these are limited to certain things/peoples/organisations etc. 
Others go down the darker paths of cynicism or nihilism. It is all bad everywhere which means that it does not matter. Everything is bad, everything is awful, all the people are bad. So your response is:
“FUCK IT”
This doesnt help anything. Bald faced cynicism is just another shield that you make to make sure that you can survive this world with you sanity intact. But its not a good path. It is a self defeating one because it by its very nature leads you down a path where everything and everyone is bad and thus you just lose those very important things that make life worth living, such as hope and the yearning to do more, to be better.
Terry however knows this and addresses this head on. The world may be evil, you may be a finite speck of dust on a cosmo that cares naught about you. In the grand cosmo you may not matter but that does not mean that here and now you do not matter. In a hundred years we will all be dead but that does not give you the right to say that a life happening today, a simple life, a humble life, a life that all the stupid high minded people would term as “unimpactful” does not matter. It matters because that life is being lived. Here and now they are alive. Here and now they feel. Their pain, their loss, their joy, it is real and the fact that it might not be remembered in a hundred years matters not in the least. IT IS REAL, IT IS A LIFE AND THEY MATTER. And in saying so Terry tells you in a such a caring and soft way that you cant help but cry:
“You Matter”.
Terry Pratchett was a funny old man but he was at the same time one of teh most compassionate men. It is just so apparent from his works. His compassion was directed at that most forgotten sections of society. The lowly masses of people that are necessary to make a society, if only to create the background music for the more “important players” to play their highly important games with each other. These people are often glossed over by most player but Terry saw them, saw us and he loved them. He didnt romanticise them. He saw them for the small minded, often stupid, mindlessly offensive people that they could be and most often were but he said “yeah so what”. That is who we are most of the time and we still matter.
I started reading Discworld about 6 months after Terry died. But to this day i sometimes still cry because i miss him. I miss someone i never knew but whose words have changed me. Changed my life and my world view over everything. Changed me in ways that i still appreciate. A beacon of humanitariasm.
GNU TERRY PRATCHETT.
Thank you for everything 
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plasticfangtastic · 5 months
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Pssst... Try not to take what they say in interviews too seriously. Sometimes things will be intentionally vague or an outright lie to confuse or appease people or throw them off from something. Ennis is infamously known for that although I don't think everyone realizes he does this, but he's also working on the show with them.
They said Marie surviving "wasn't as simple as them needing her alive" and it's kinda funny to see fans take it one way or the other when that can be so many different things in context of The Boys universe and especially what we saw in Gen V.
"Plans to kill Homelander" is Billy every season without success, but even if he did, I think we'll see him getting haunted by Homelander big time after the fact. I still want Hughie to be the one who kills Billy but maybe it's beyond the grave Homelander who's there as Billy is dying instead of Becca. I think that would be fitting and Billy honestly deserves it.
There's definitely an element of groundwork they are following from the comics which has been pretty consistent but what I really suspect will happen is that the control virus will end up used on Homelander by someone to purely weaponize him. I think we'll see him become an attack dog and fully efficient berserker without getting to enjoy any of it and having a different sort of mental break after.
The comics sort of rob you of the gratification Homelander's death could give and I think they want to recreate that effect for the show but who knows.
The scary part for me is all the genocide apologism that is going around but The Boys is sort of meant to unmask people and have us reevaluate the way we think so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Still hurts though.
As far as Cate "going too far", he's technically right. Not because Shetty wasn't a complete scumbag who wouldn't deserve death, but because she'd been completely neutralized with Cate's powers.
Neutralizing someone by killing them and killing someone who has already been neutralized are two very different things. Just jail her and let her suffer and stew in her own anger and actions knowing she lost at that point because death is the easy way for someone like that. She asked for them to just make her forget but Cate should have forced her to remember or even live through the memories of her victims.
Actually, if they wanted to make Billy fail and survive with Homelander permanently haunting him I'd be completely down for that because fuck that genocidal shithead.
Lol I don't know if this will make you feel any better but just things to think about I guess.
I could see Homie being a ghost haunting Billy as Billy already hallucinates Homelander for some reason that they still havent explained but he its a cash cow for Amazon and they might not just give us 5 seasons so I doubt the execs would want to get rid of him... the writers ans Kripke might hate HL but audiences have proven he its likable and profitable and frankly the idea that all of HL fans are maga type fascist its absurd bcuz my gay brown ass sure as fuck isnt maga and i adore him.
Its getting clear that they will copy the comic to some degree like Homie building an army to have a coup and Billy wanting to use a virus to commit genocide.
Will disagree on Cate v Shetty cuz absolutely nothing she did was wrong in my opinion and yes am being an apologist but i dont feel anything for killing child abusers like absolutely nothing. this bitch was Voguelbaum lite and everybody in the woods deserved it. My only issue its just how jarring the writing and ediring made the whole scene play out but its likely the shortened ep count and time per ep did that.
My ideal ending its Homelander winning and realizing it didnt fix anything and that now he its even more alone than before. I think bad guys winning its the most subversive thing for the stale af genre of superhero media. I want him to win not bcuz i love him but bcuz it would be more devastating for the narrative and shocking to the audience if he did.
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seths-wife · 2 years
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How the “tale of abandonment on a moonlit night” mirrors “moonlit bear” in the oss:” punishment” novel
Upon reading the newest portrayal of the “tale of abandonment on a moonlit night” in the “punishment” novel, I couldn’t help to think about how well that and the “moonlit bear” story mirrored each other.
I'll explain how under a cut.
Let’s talk about “moonlit bear” first. 
We learn from the “crime” novel about how the “moonlit bear” episode happens while Eve Moonlit experiences a prolonged psychosis after her children die in the womb.
–Eve was currently pouring all her energy into child-rearing.
Twin children that existed only in her imagination.
No matter what Adam said to her, or how he tried to explain…
She never returned from her delusion. (“crime”, chapter 3, scene 17).
That’s an element: she is not completely in herself while kidnapping the babies.
Yet…even amidst her delusion, the woman seems aware of what she is trying to achieve: she is partially aware and conscious of her actions, even before she’s suddenly brought back to reality by Adam Moonlit. We have hints of that in every installment in which the “moonlit bear” event is told. 
I’ll pick up the song, for simplicity’s sake, besides the short story and the novel contain a very similar account of what I want to show.  
Notice how the lady speaks in a particular way about the “fruits”.
At long last I’ve found them
Finally I’ve found them
I certain don’t want
To do something like hand them over to anyone, to anyone (“moonlit bear”, song).
She rejoices at the fact that “finally”, “at long last” she has found them, meaning she has been searching for those fruits for a long time. 
What is Eve Moonlit been searching for a long time? Some red fruits? 
Of course not. It’s the children she had lost in her womb. 
This is a clever hint of the fact she is aware of her intention of replacing her dead children, beneath her delusion.
There are more, even clearer hints of the woman’s awareness, though.
Notice how she begs the bear to forgive and overlook her.
This is yet another clue of Eve Moonlit’s awareness: she secretly knows she’s stealing the “fruits” from the bear and wishes for it to just forgive her and overlook her.
Later on however, a bear that
Made a scary face chases me
Please, forgive me
Please overlook me (“moonlit bear”, song).
This secret awareness of her crime is shown in the next lines, after those: she knows the fruits are that bear’s treasures, they belong to the bear and she’s stealing them. 
I knew that in truth, these fruits
Are that bear’s treasures (“moonlit bear”, song).
Even after Adam Moonlit manages to bring Eve back to reality, the latter utters something interesting: 
Even if reality tore me apart someday
With its fangs and claws
Those warm, kind fruits
I wanted them at any cost (“moonlit bear”, song).
Here she states how she has wanted those “warm, kind fruits” (again, those are not qualities you would associate with simple fruits, but rather, with children) at any cost, even if reality tore her apart someday.
Those lines can also be translated as: “even if I forcefully came back to reality and wholeheartedly realize my crime, I wouldn’t care, I had wanted those babies so much.”
That clearly implies her awareness of reality: she has known all along that the fruits were actually the bear’s treasures and she has stolen them away from her. The delusion Eve Moonlit is experiencing has been shielding her from the incapacity to cope with the loss of her children and from her own conscience, in her attempt to replace those babies with another pair. 
Interestingly, the same theme of delusion and clouded mind covering for a secret understanding of a crime that is being committed is also seen in Hansel and Gretel, in the “tale of abandonment on a moonlit night” in the “punishment” novel.
From the third scene of the 8th chapter of the novel, we learn that Hansel and Gretel are aware enough of a lot of truth surrounding their parents and the circumstances of their abandonment.
In particular, they have known that there was a food shortage in their house, that Levianta has been annihilated, and that the other countries were too far to reach.
Their parents have told them they are going to another country to gather up some food, yet, the twins knowing the aforementioned things don’t believe them and come to the realization that they probably wouldn’t have come back from their trip to the forest.
As their trip continues, they connect the dots, understanding the reason for their abandonment: their parents want to get rid of them, so they don’t have to feed them anymore. 
But that is not the only reason: we read that as time went by, Eve Moonlit’s mental state improved, yet, she started to behave less kindly to the twins: 
Mother’s illness had seemed to be getting better, little by little.
The number of times she did strange things seemed to go down, but at the same time, she was becoming less kind.
The times she would make a scary face at Hänsel would go up. It was as though she saw some sort of monster or ghost standing there, when she looked at Hänsel and Gretel. (“punishment”, chapter 8, scene 3). 
From the novel, we don’t get Eve Moonlit’s thoughts and reasons for the abandonment of her children, only a bunch of clues; one of them is this one: apparently, as she goes back to a clear perception of reality, she starts to see her children in a less positive light than before, making scary faces when looking at her children. 
Under her delusion, the woman has desired Hansel and Gretel, hoping that they would replace her dead ones, or thinking that she has found her dead children back, even.
I wonder why this is so.
I personally come up with two motivations behind this:
As her delusion, wears off, though, she realizes how these are actually not her beloved children, and that nothing can ever replace them; the mental anguish over losing her own kids remains, despite having the other pair. She has just pretended and deluded herself into the possibility of replacing them and healing her heart that way, but that has been all a lie. 
Having realized that reality, Eve Moonlit doesn’t hold her children dear, as she used to.
The other motivation is hinted at in the novel, in the same scene: the Moonlit twins have been afraid of “karma”: for “punishment” of their kidnapping to come at them someday. For that reason, they both plan to drive them away from their presence, so that they could avoid the consequences of their actions.
Ironically, the consequences of their actions have come at them, once the abandonment has taken place. 
From all of this, you can see that Hansel and Gretel are aware enough of the circumstances of their abandonment. 
Despite that, a slightly distracted reader may say: “no, there is no way Hansel and Gretel could have been aware of their actions while killing their parents; they’re under the effect of hallucinogenic mushrooms.”
Well, it’s true they’re under that kind of influence, but…again…like in “moonlit bear”, they secretly know what they’re doing, despite all of that. 
A clue of the situation be so is the accurate description that the twins make of the “witch” they want to defeat. 
“I once heard something. That a witch lives in this forest. The witch of the forest uses a spoon instead of a staff, and she can reduce all to ashes with lightning.” (“punishment”, chapter 8, scene 4).
What a peculiar description…it looks like they are describing their adoptive mother, doesn’t it?
This can be a hint at the fact the twins know they are going after their mother, not a generic witch in their imagination, while under the influence of drugs. 
Also, notice the reference to the “crime” novel. 
–They say that the witch of the forest uses a blue spoon instead of a staff.  (“crime”, chapter 2, scene 1).
That’s not the only hint we get of the twins’ awareness, though.
Under the drug’s influence, the twins imagine the house of the “witch” as made up of candy (like the original tale of Hansel and Gretel, I love those continuous references throughout the scenes). 
At some point, Hansel and Gretel get to the “witch’s house”; the first, thinking it’s made up of candy thinks about eating some, but the latter stops him, thinking it might be a trap of the witch. 
That’s interesting: it may be a clue that at least Gretel knows that the house is the real deal, not just a candy house.
The biggest clue, though, is found at the moment Gretel pushes her mother inside the oven. 
The witch’s scream resounded through the room like lightning.
There was the sound of her pounding on the oven door.
Gretel covered her ears, and cowered there on the spot.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” she murmured over and over again, not knowing why.
She’d defeated the evil witch.
That was all she’d done, and yet for some reason she couldn’t stop crying. (“punishment”, chapter 8, scene 5).
At the very moment Gretel kills the evil witch, she can’t stop apologizing and crying, covering her ears and cowering on the spot.
Why is that? 
I really doubt she would have had such a reaction over killing a generic witch under the influence of hallucinogenic mushrooms: she must have known she has killed her mother, and she was getting pangs of conscience over it. 
Do you see how the tale of the twins and of their mother is so similar? Both commit their evil acts while their conscience is blurred by something (either by a drug or a mental condition), yet…they still have a secret awareness of what they’re actually doing. 
With the similarity of the “tale of abandonment on a moonlit night” to a “moonlit bear”, the author wants to signal how his conception of “karma” follows the logic of the “law of retaliation” (eye for eye, tooth for tooth), providing a commensurate and in nature similar “punishment” to the “crime” that has been committed (in the novel’s case the crime committed by Eve Moonlit).
I know that the eye for eye principle is typical of the Mosaic Law, but in akuno's and Linneaus' cases, they don't actually believe in God.
In their conception, retribution is given by nature, which directs its cause-effect laws according to the eye to eye principle (what they call lachesis naturalis and nemesis divina).
It's more like a rule of the world for them (like gravity is), rather than the Hand of God actively dispensing punishment.
It's a worship of an impersonal nature.
In fact, akuno, in his works considers the "karma" principle as part of the rules of the "third period", rather than active punishment from God.
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outoftheirdifferences · 3 months
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15 Questions For The Writer
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1. Are you named after anyone? Nope; my parents chose my name specifically for its meaning, rather than anything else.
2. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. I was watching CinemaTherapy's video about Wreck-it Ralph on Youtube, and they showed the Broken Karted scene and OH MAN that scene ruins me emotionally every time, I was just sobbing over here xD;;;
3. Do you have kids? Nerp. I'd kinda like to adopt someday, though.
4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Only in contexts when it's clear that I'm joking. I don't like to be misunderstood, so I try to only use it when I can be obvious about it!
5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? That's going to be their clothes, probably; not necessarily in great detail, but at least the basics of what kind of shirt or whatever they're wearing. I'm not always great with, e.g., faces - and even less so with maintaining eye contact! - so details of those don't tend to stand out to me right away.
6. What’s your eye colour? I don't even know anymore. Mostly a kind of off-grey, I think? Though there seems to be a tiny splatter of brown in there too; and I'm sure they used to be closer to blue when I was a child. So...?
7. Scary movies or happy endings? I do not do scary movies at all. As a kid I was easily upset and so wouldn't consider even touching them with a ten foot pole, and even now I'm too squeamish for guts and gore xD Happy endings - or at least endings with an aspect of hope to them even if they're not fully happy - are definitely my scene.
8. Any special talents? I am absolutely great at memorising movie scripts. I could recite the entirety of The Lion King, for example, word for word at the drop of a hat, and the same is true of several other movies too if I've watched them at least a handful of times. Toy Story 2 is another good example; and as a kid I had both Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins and Bionicle: Mask of Light - two childhood favourites! - committed to memory as well... though I'm a bit rusty on those two these days, I can probably still recite a fair chunk of either of them. There are even more movies, mostly animated ones, where I can do something like 85% of them for memory but just stumble on certain specific details.
And I have absolutely no idea what to do with this ability. I'd love to find some context in which this was actually USEFUL; but that degree of excellent memory doesn't necessarily apply to other things, it's very specific to movie dialogue, so it's kind of... a very limited usability?
9. Where were you born? Ascot, UK.
11. Have you any pets? Nope. I'd love to have a dog, but I can't really afford it at present... and am not sure I'd be up to taking responsibility for one all by myself, either. In the future once my gf and I are in the same place together long-term, maybe!
Otherwise, I haven't had a pet in the family since my parents took on looking after my grandma's elderly budgie, after she could no longer care for him, when I was really young.
12. What sport do you play/have played? NONE xD Sports have never been for me; I'm not particularly athletic anyway and even watching them has doesn't appeal to me, much less participating!
Okay, not strictly true, although the sentiment still stands! But I recall I did take part in rounders club in my last year of primary school (rounders has some similarities to, and derives from the same roots as, baseball, although is kinda a lower-intensity British version without the signature gloves) but that was just for a little bit of fun. In secondary school we had to play some sports in PE classes, but I avoided the action in those as much as possible. And I've very occasionally played casual badminton with my mum or with friends; but again never competitively, only for fun.
13. How tall are you? 1.73 metres, a.k.a. roughly 5'8".
14. Favourite subject in school? DT Graphic Design. You'd think Art, wouldn't you... but I could never really get into that, I preferred to just draw on my own terms than study different styles or whatever. Graphic Design was all about designing our own stuff, though, and that was the part that really drew me in and was a lot of fun.
Also kinda Maths, not that I especially enjoyed it but I was good at it - which made it satisfying, if not exciting!
15. Dream job? ANIMATOR! In the distant future, that is, as far as it being a job goes: for now I'm not ready to try for it as a career but I am focusing on working on animated projects in my own time. I'm pretty much entirely self-taught, so for now I just want to focus on practicing and getting good at it before I pursue it on a serious level... but that's the eventual dream, at least!
tagging: Anyone! tagged by: taken from @storybounded
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accursedkaleeshi · 2 years
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Anonymous asked:
write the firewalls fic you Horde-playing coward /lh --Solstice
Solstice asked about a fic idea I had. I don’t usually have the brain wiring to commit to full fics so I have just been informally summarizing them. I have had a couple other asks & ideas like this so I am going to call them Bullet Point Fics. Will make a post to link them later
This Bullet Point Fic ended up being fulfillment of some need I have for my fucked up blorbos to be witnessed & validated by other characters in the full glory of just how physically destroyed they are & how they are dealing. So I am calling it the:
“Damn, Bitch, You Live Like This?” BPF
Synopsis: General Grievous becomes aware of another of many Separatist security measures installed in his own systems to control him. I rewrite the Clone Wars Gungan episode & force (hah) the Jedi to realize Grievous used to be a person. Highlights include Disaster lineage shenanigans, Grievous roasting everyone at any given opportunity, body horror, Dooku Drama™, & a whole lot of unfathomable sadness. Last update 2k words
Prologue
·     In a moment of lucidity, Grievous takes stock of what technical systems he has access to & some things he does not. Knowing me, there would be like 5 pages right out the gate waxing poetic about his relationship with technology.
·     Grievous noclips through the very particular firewalls put on his tracking systems specifically to keep him out of them because he was being nosy.
·     The goths Sith are alerted. There are consequences for his actions.
·     Made to attend a Separatist HR meeting about it where they talk about him like he’s a new car & not even there. Wat Tambor is being weird. Grievous can’t tell if it is usual Wat Weird or not bc he has had some drugs forced upon him in Dooku & Poggle’s attempt to make him forget that he found the tracking signals.
o  Sorry. Just. Imagined the Separatist council bitching in a conference room & Grievous is just standing behind Dooku with dilated pupils wishing he was dead. Wat Tambor keeps making eye contact that he is not registering as weird.
·     Grievous was kind of used to being in altered states by then & he remembers much more than the Separatists even know about. Except Dooku, they said all kinds of shit around him bc they thought of him as a droid. Wat Tambor dropped the name of the new encryption tech they were going to use.
·     The general continues doing general things, playing dumb when it suits him. He is an Olympic gold medalist at playing dumb, maneuvering around xenophobes & the like that think he is far beneath them.
Our Least Favorite Clone Wars Episode
·     Later: The main characters manage to be nice enough to the gungans that they agree to help them make a Sombra Ult EMP bomb with their very limited & precious booma plasma. (I hate star wars bc I spent minutes of my life on the wiki looking for what the bombs were called just for them to be called boomas)
·     Alternative “Shadow Warrior” episode timeline things would occur wherein they have a hard time keeping Grievous locked down. He is not deterred by being in a giant bubble underwater & is generally being a huge pain in the ass. Deadpan threatens to fry Boss Nass with citrus & scallops.
·     Padmé gets a development arc. Convinces Anakin not to chase down the turn coat gungan (Rishi Loo, I think). She’s like “The general of the ENTIRE opposing galactic army is traumatizing Gunga city waiting for his ride out. We can’t let the Count come in here with an army to pick up his machine & make a mess of Naboo, right?” Anakin is like “you’re so smart, babe.”
o  Padme’s development includes trying to be diplomatic to Grievous even though he is scary to stand in front of. Grievous is a bitch about it & picked up on anidala quickly bc he’s not fucking blind. Padme chastises him for being unprofessional & he sort of concedes for the time being. Unclear if out of any actual respect or just bc he thinks its funny.
·     Anakin slaps together a big brain comms jammer that reroutes all military comms in the area to one predetermined channel & is very proud of himself until he notices there is still a signal coming from Grievous & he’s like “Hey, wtf man, turn that off”
o  Grievous is like “BOY do I look-?? I can’t. Turn it off yourself if you are so clever.”
·     They try to be lowkey about shoving General goddamn Grievous in a surface vessel & getting him to their ship. (“Gooden riddance! Bigum Bot barely fitten in de bongo!”) They can only circle space awkwardly until the signal is cut. Because Dooku was definitely coming to pick up his dog.
We’ve Got a Runner
·     Grievous debated on whether he would rather deal with Dooku or deal with, ugh, Jedi. He’s already been thoroughly disgraced today. & Dooku was definitely getting flak from Sidious about losing his war machine to gungans. Grievous has a yolo-synapse misfire & tells Anakin about the firewall encryption.
·     Anakin is a huge nerd about it. He knows what it is & has been keeping up with whatever bits of public development he could find about this same encryption.
·     Kenobi calls & is like “What is happening, why did I get a call from Jar Jar that was just wailing in terror??” in the middle of Anakin hacking the world on this old fucking monitor bc he wasn’t about to hook Grievous up directly to their ship.
·     “Master! I don’t know why this smart-refrigerator gave you such a hard time. I caught him the first time out, with the gungan’s help! They gave us the blue bombs for getting rid of him.” Kenobi dies a little inside.
·     “But uh, the Count is coming with back up & I am trying to turn off the good general’s parental lock before he gets to us. You gotta meet us somewhere. Everything is under control but holy kriff make sure you guys have something to contain this thing- GOT IT okay bye!”
·     They go to land on some nearby little system just out of the way enough to not have tourists. Anakin reasoned that every time they tried to capture Grievous in space, one or more ships were totaled. Theoretically it would be safer to do it terrestrially? Especially with Padme on board.
·     Of course, as soon as their shuttle began skimming to park Grievous was like “bye”, kicked out the landing gear, & straight dropped himself out of a moving ship like a crackhead.
·     Kenobi & some of his 212th show up to help corral Grievous who, for a giant bone white cyborg, is moving very quickly through tall alien grasses like that Jurassic park scene. Even more Republic reinforcements show up led by Yoda & Windu. Plo & the wolfpack have brought Ahsoka & the 501’st arc troopers bc they would be damned to miss actually catching General Grievous.
·     In the ensuing skirmish Grievous:
o  Surprises & injures multiple jedi, killing one
o  Surprises, injures, & kills many clones
o  Gets various bits blown off of him under sustained LAAT gunship fire
o  Takes a rocket to the head seams, blasting off the end of his face plate & cracking it up the side
·     The wolf pack is finally like “We got this” & distract Grievous while Rex & Ahsoka arm & launch one of the Gungan EMPS directly on him.
·     Grievous, who was in the middle of moving, just kind of takes a dive. There is a dramatic pause. Fives is like “Hell yeah!” Grievous gets back up. Fives is like “Hell no!”
o  Grievous is still trying to leave kill crush destroy escape. Kenobi is like “pls. can u not just stop. Just stop for five minutes, I’m begging you general”
·     Plo Koon does a drive by in his starfighter, dropping the heaviest, probably illegal, electro-net he could get his claws on.
o  Grievous thinks “this mf just drop a net on me?” but the reason it is probably illegal in the Republic is that the weights at the edges start rumbling & G is like “oh”. The weights crash together at one point & catch one of Greivous’ feet in them.
·     After all that Scooby-doo level cat & mouse they finally manage to get Grievous more or less contained in on a Republic cruiser with a lot of industrial grade cable & a lot of jedi.
o  Imagine the awkward transport LAAT ride standing next to Grievous like the galaxy’s most pissed off lobster net.
The Medical Drama
·     After the cruiser hyper jumps tf out of there the cool kids of the Jedi Council (& maybe Ki-adi Mundi just so I can roast him for no reason) make it a point to gather in the room with the pissed off cyborg. Very scared clone troopers keep having to control his limbs. (Except Cody & Wolf, who have been waiting for this moment their whole lives)
·     It’s hard for them to stay in the room bc he is just radiating anguished rage into the force like a sun. He’s feral & fucked up looking from shenanigans. Pieces of him are twisted or missing, covered in blaster carbon. Half of one of his chest plates has been cleanly cut off diagonally by Yoda’s saber. He’s pissed off like a cornered animal & his body language reads as such.
·     They’re all just kind of standing there trying to look hard when Yoda steps forward. Grievous wrenches forward with all the psi his pistons have & snatches the little bastard off the floor in both/all hands.
·     Ahsoka hit him with another EMP from hell. The entire cruiser stalled. Ahsoka was like “My bad, I panicked.” All the lights died & were replaced with half a dozen lightsabers pointed at Grievous, still clutching Yoda with a death grip, as he convulsed, froze, & then jolted again. His eyes lost some edge somewhere in that full body reset protocol
·     Yoda wrapped his little gremlin hands around the edges of the back of his faceplate & is like “Super fucked up, you are. Tired, you are.” Grievous goes down. The cruiser powers back up.
·     Kenobi, whom is very perturbed by this entire situation, is like “How did you do that? You think we haven’t tried that? He never even flinched before. We couldn’t pierce the anger with any suggestions.”
·     Yoda troll shrug. “Disrupted perhaps, a mechanism was?”
·     Anakin is helpful, “He said the tracking chip was in his head case. If we can destroy it, the Separatist’s goons can’t get the tracker back online. Honestly… shouldn’t we just put him out of his misery?”
·     Half of the jedi are like “He do be fuckt up tho”. The rest are like “He has to have a trial or we forfeit our values”. But they all agreed he must have hella information. Anakin is suddenly urgent about it, realizing that if the Sith can wirelessly back access systems in Grievous they could potentially corrupt or wipe him.
·     What if he self-destructs? Is that a thing, holy shit?? We did not think this through. As usual. We have to remove his wireless access point (das a wap omg). Anakin is the best mechanic on this cruiser so he followed the procession of jedi & clones dragging 300 lbs of deadweight to the medical bay.
·     The medical bay, which was otherwise filled with the people Grievous had just injured & killed, was not thrilled. Nevertheless they would spare a very polite, very nervous medical droid.
·     Yoda, Windu, & Kenobi remained as well as Cody & Rex. They were concerned about the logistics of containing Grievous should he wake up. All the other logistics were also proving a challenge.
·     The general being propped up with more or less a pallet jack from cargo (much to the disdain of the head nurse) Anakin just sort of went for it. He’d opened up plenty of droids & speeders. Where would one fit a satellite tag on this thing? On the motherboard. Well where is everything plugged into on this?
·     Probably several paragraphs of Anakin (& perhaps the medical droid having a droid crush) admiring the design until he tentatively turns the module at center of either side of Grievous’ head like a volume dial & the rest of his faceplate pops off & clatters to the floor. Anakin pauses like a kid caught breaking something until he looks over at Obi-Wan.
·     Kenobi had picked the faceplate off the floor & was looking at what was left of the general’s organic face with that weathered concerned look he got on his face when he didn’t have time to unpack how upsetting something was. He did rhetorically mutter, “Oh, general, what did they do to you…” (🥺)
·     Anakin doesn’t really want to look. He’d spent this whole war thinking of Grievous as a giant battle droid. He’d just spent the last several minutes trying to puzzle off pieces of him while the medical droid’s arms flitted around them measuring & attaching things.
[To be continued. with disgust, will he wake up, & more body horror]
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phloxmagpie · 2 years
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I'm not sure whether this will be considered spoilers, but do you intend for Rio to follow the same path into crime as he does in Canon in Delinquents, or do you believe he will be influenced to choose a different path? I also like how Beth never judges or wishes Rio not to commit crimes; she just worries about his safety and wonders how she fits into his future plans.
Yeah, I didn't really want Beth to come off judgmental, but I think there's also an element where she can't accurately visualize where Rio's intended path might take him. Like, it's really just briefly touched on (because I do think Beth would actively avoid thinking about it as much as possible - queen of repression!) but I don't think Beth can actually, truly imagine Rio needing or choosing to use his gun. Frankly, tbh, at that stage in his life, I don't think Rio can either, although I think he's better prepared than Beth because of his proximity to Carlos. Right now the gun exists as a scary object in its potential, but there hasn't really been a reckoning with it, and so Beth and Rio both haven't really had to sit with how using the gun would feel in theory versus reality.
I really try to strike a balance between what I perceive to be a realistic viewpoint of what I think Beth and Rio would think and feel in these situations as teenagers and demonstrating that although they think one way, it's largely a result of them being fairly naive and inexperienced.
Like, Rio's sitting there in class thinking about how the crime pathway might give him the opportunity to buy Beth her dream house and start a life with her, but meanwhile Beth is stressed out over how it would feel to stay up in the middle of the night worrying, knowing it's not something she could ever truly shut off. That's not even grappling with how they see something like kids fitting into the equation (something that Delinquents!Beth really visualizes for her future).
All that's to say... (spoilers ahead)
I think in high school, Beth and Rio have two really different relationships with crime despite the fact that they're both participating in it, and I think that's reflected in early canon: Beth sees it as a means to an end, something she has to do to claw her way to the life she pictures for herself (which right now is very traditional - college - marriage - babies) while Rio sees it as something that gives him power and agency in a world that has often tried to deny him (and his family) that.
Beth hasn't known much stability inside of outside her relationship to poverty (her parents had a contentious marriage for a few years before her dad left) so when she looks at Dean's or Rio's families, she's very drawn to them as things representing safety and stability (Dean's) and love and comfort (Rio's). To her, that is a dream future, but it's not for Rio because he's watched his parents work jobs where other people look down on and demean them, leaving their parents exhausted and still barely able to pay the bills. Something that's upcoming, too, is Rio grappling with his family's money troubles a bit more and solidifying that he wants to feel like he has power and control in his own life in a way that he doesn't feel like his parents (or even Vanessa) do.
Because of this, I do intend that Rio follows the path to crime in the way that he wants currently in the Delinquents canon. He's extremely independently-minded and stubborn, and I don't see his goals being something he parts with easily (though I think some circumstances will make him at least consider it). And because I think through most of high school Rio is protected from severe consequences or realities, the fact that the benefits far outweigh the negatives is very influential on his decision. However, I also envision that it's not too long after high school where his involvement in it feels like a point of no return for him.
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