Pondering the different versions we've had of Kirk, Spock, and Bones.

There's actually no one version of Trek which is flawless. We can set TOS as the gold standard, or we can pick and choose.

For me, it goes like this:

Pine Kirk: best looks. I'm sorry, young Shatner looks pretty nice but he is not in the same league.

Shatner Kirk: best characterization. Because of the changes in the Kelvin timeline, AOS Kirk is a completely different guy. There are similarities, but TOS Kirk has a gravitas I really like. He's not a kid. He's a starship captain.

Wesley Kirk: I hated him at first, but I'm starting to see it. You can see Kirk's kindness, his way of getting people to open up to him (even La'an!), his ability to get the best out of people.

Still, he looks kinda like a muppet. Idk.

Nimoy Spock: best looks. The other two are great, sure, but the cheekbones? The lanky but strong figure? The VOICE?! You can't beat Nimoy Spock.

Quinto Spock: best characterization. I know, how can you outSpock the original Spock, but bear with me. TOS struggled a bit sometimes to decide who Spock would be. He's serious, deadpan, and then they get bored and spray him with sex pollen or something to get him to do something else. Quinto has the advantage of a serious character arc where we get to see the tension between Spock's feeling and emotion, his human and Vulcan sides. I consider the backstory in the 09 movie absolutely canon for the main timeline.

My only complaint is, destroying Vulcan is too sad. Seriously, JJ. We can traumatize Spock without throwing a massive complex trauma into the entire universe that every future work is going to have to cope with.

Peck Spock: he certainly is hot, and his voice is much more like Nimoy's than Quinto's is. He does have the tension that Quinto has, though in a less intense form. He's missing a bit, though. Why isn't he greener? Where is your eyeshadow, Mr. Spock? Where is your SASS? As Strange New Worlds continues, I really hope he grows in his ability to sass.

Bones: honestly??? Kelly and Urban are the same dude. Karl Urban simply becomes Bones. Hard to have a preference of one over the other when they are both so perfect. TOS Bones does have the advantage of looking older, which seems more in character for a guy that grumpy. But AOS Bones is of course much hotter.

What do you guys think? Am I wrong? Who did these amazing characters best?

*chicago mobster voice* koyk

alright spocko

favorite thing about them 

I like the duality of him I think. like the man is completely fucking unhinged and hanging on by a thread most of the time but he’s also extremely clever and has the background knowledge to support what he’s doing and he does have these really interesting quieter moments. he’s representation for those of us who were quiet and nerdy in school and then became gay and insane and also representation for those of us who have had the first stanza of sea fever memorized since we were 15. i also just genuinely think he’s fun to watch. he has very few legitimate flaws as a character but because he feels kind of personally out of control a lot of the time, it doesn’t feel like the situation’s under control 100% of the time even though you know he will ultimately have the skills necessary to get them out of it. not to make this entirely a kirk vs picard point, but picard always feels far too in command of the situation and that’s less fun to watch imo.

wow what a surprise me talking about a character turned into a long post. continued after the cut

least favorite thing about them

i. do not like tos movie kirk in general especially as the series goes on. idk who that is but he's not kirk a lot of the time. like at times series kirk is short tempered or snarky at a time he shouldn’t be or something but he’s still very much driven by his love for exploration or humanity or his crew. it seemed like what they were going for in the movies was that he was going to be disillusioned in the beginning but then regain that, but if he did, it didn’t stick around. he just feels vaguely misanthropic to me and while hero decay is not inherently a bad arc, it doesnt seem like that’s what they were necessarily going for, because that’d be an uncharacteristically depressing throughline for tos content imo. I still haven’t finished VI lmao and part of that’s just because I was bored but part of it was bc I was like. I don’t think I like this character right now? part of it’s bc with age i increasingly look at him and go “yeah that’s william shatner” and not “yeah that’s kirk my friend kirk” but part is because he seems like he’s much more what a lot of Male Fans™️ thought the character was where he’s this cool guy who doesn’t care about the rules because fuck you. it’s not All the time, but he lacks warmth to me a lot of the time.

brOTP

i respect people who ship kirk/mccoy or spock/kirk/mccoy but generally i'd say kirk and mccoy are brotp to me. i also really enjoy his dynamic with chekov.

OTP

like. spirk is the og for a reason. when we started watching it my expectation was that I would be like “yeah I get where people were coming from” but not necessarily much more than that but by episode…3? I was like oh. yeah. okay. okay.

nOTP

in terms of things I’ve seen people actually ship I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, but fuck every time the show tries to stick him with like a 19 year old and even reading about the proposed johanna mccoy storyline makes me want to commit a felony so I’m glad they did not do that.

random headcanon

kirk is a real guy and he’s spent the last like 60 years fighting for control of william shatner’s body.

unpopular opinion

pour one out for every male character that gets called a himbo and is characterized as a complete dumbass in fanon despite being demonstrably smart and innovative in canon. yet another thing that got passed down to riker!

also fuck anyone (shatner and the kirk fanboys with terrible ideas about masculinity and a fundamental misunderstanding of the character) that thinks kirk would hate wesley. there’s literally no supporting evidence for that. he’s maybe not Great with kids but he tries his best with them (several episodes but charlie x stands out in this regard) and i think 2x13 obsession helps disprove this as well

song i associate with them

as with most of the information in this post you already know this but highwayman is a very kirk song to me. the last verse is obvious but I think he’d like the idea of having been a highwayman and a sailor and a blue collar worker across past lives.

favorite picture of them

yeah,,,,,,,,,,,,

After trying (and failing) to paint with gouache these past couple days, I gave up and went back to watercolor. Here’s a Kirk to soothe the soul.

Series I'm currently on : TOS

Episodes watched: 01x07-01x09

Episode names:

What Are Little Girls Made Of

Miri

Dagger of The Mind

Thoughts:

What Are Little Girls Made Of

The title sounds really creepy, like who was in charge of that ?

Everyone dramatically looking into the camera during their close ups

Come alone I definitely won't kill you

" were you ever engaged before Spock ?" We're not at that part of the series yet ma'am

Ah , security officers on an isolated planet with the captain I wonder what's going to happen

Yup , they died they weren't even there for 5 minutes. He was pushed by this alien dude that keeps creeping around like a Scooby Doo villain

Why does star fleet just keep sending very small groups of people to be isolated on planets with no inhabitants in the name of science

Like this dude created androids because he was lonely and they have the audacity to be surprised by this

Of all things he could have had this android do why make her kiss Kirk ?

Shatner must have gotten dizzy on this weird spinning table thing

" mind your own business Mr. Spock I'm tired of your half breed interference" ????? Like they just cut to something else

How many times is Kirk going to get duplicated

"I'm not a bad guy I just want to kill all humans and turn them into androids so that we can be the superior race" sound like a bad guy to me man

It's the dick rock from the meme

I love how Spock interacted with Android Kirk for less than a minute and immediately was like this isn't my captain it's an imposter, security we're going to follow that man

Scooby Doo villain becomes philosophical and tries to killed evil doctor after that , he dies in the process

Evil doctor is an Android like the captain has been telling everyone since they got there ( the makeup job for the reveal is really bad)

Whoo Android Kirk has died

Man nurse chapel has had a rough few days she just wanted to see her fiance

Also apparently the thing about " I'm tired of you meddling Mr Spock " thing was a sign for Spock to know it wasn't him and that he needed help

Spock was offended by being called a half breed

Other episodes under the cut

Miri

Earth the second

Zombie apocalypse ?

" everything looks like it's from the 1960s on earth" " man the 1960s we're ugly"

Yo I was right it's basically a zombie apocalypse

Spock went outside with the security crew the security crew is gonna die

A plague that kill adults

Ominous children sounds

They've been infected with the plague who would have guessed that going down with no protective gear or understanding of what your getting into would cause this

Spock's fine though cause he's Spock ( that's literally the explanation they give )

Also the security team hasn't died yet and I'm actually surprised

Army filled with 300 -400 y/o children

Jim gets attacked by zombie while he's attempting to talk to the army of children

" I may not be affected by the virus but I'm a carrier even if I wasn't I wouldn't want to go back to the ship without you captain " how can they make Spock so gay without trying.

The kids stole their communicators and machines so now their stuck with 300 year old equipment

300 y/o girl that the crew has been taking care of becomes jealous of Janice because the crew have found cures and will leave so she goes to the child army to create revenge plan

Child army makes more ominous noises while they surround captain Kirk with clubs and beat him

Why leave the man who is eager to inject himself with a strange liquid , alone with said strange liquid prepared in a hypo

Like he injected himself and went unconscious

But he's fine , cause he's bones

Dagger of The Mind

Oooo sensory drugs , my favorite kind

Why are they sending a barrel of drugs down to a colony ?

A man in the strange human sized cargo box that got beamed aboard

Space prison / mental asylum

Dangerous criminal is the one who was in the large human size box

Man this guy is really effective with his neck chops

" I just want to strike a deal " is holding a gun

The criminal gets apprehended and claims to a doctor at the prison. Turns out he's right , arguments ensue between bones , Kirk and Spock

"beam down and come look at everything yourself captain " cause nothing ever goes wrong when that happens

Every time a pretty woman shows up you can see Spock sigh like oh shit here we go again, these guys are going to go monkey brain again

They started going down in the elevator and Kirk just starts hugging the doctor because it's going fast ? Like bro that's excessive

Look into the strange swirly light box to calm down

Never mind the swirly light box is evil

The criminal doctor guy keeps trying to tell people that the head doctor is gonna kill the captain , its somewhere between working and not working

I've been wandering if this was too early on for vulcans to have telepathic abilities or if Spock was going to try to mind meld with this guy to find the truth

Sometimes Jim makes some really bad judgement calls like he just sits in the hypnosis chair and is like hey it be cool if you used it on me and now it's being used against him.

Also Jim needs to stop falling in love so easily

These guys have replicas of star ship cabins .

I completely forgot that they established that these places have force fields to keep people from transporting themselves out at the beginning of this episode until it was brought up again just now as plot point

Spock to the rescue

Evil head doctor get brain washed by his own creation

Spock awkwardly sitting in the corner of the room while Jim makes out with Helen

Oof the head doctor died

Every episode they just kinda leave like nothing happened and I'm starting to find that kinda weird

LT. SPOCK from “THE CAGE”

Released in 2016 to celebrate Star Trek’s 50th Anniversary, this Mr. Spock figure from Mezco’s One:12 Collective line is certainly not new.  He’s been living on the cabinet above my desk for the past 5 years, and I thought it was time to share him with everyone else.

Mezco originally released a Mr. Spock figure from Star Trek: The Original Series.  This is a variant figure, depicting a much younger Spock as he appeared in the original series pilot, The Cage.  

NBC, the network Gene Roddenberry was trying to sell Star Trek to, rejected The Cage for such reasons as: the story was too cerebral, they found it unacceptable and unbelievable that a woman (Male Barret’s Number One) was second-in-command of the USS Enterprise, the main character (Jeffrey Hunter’s original Captain Christopher Pike) was too quiet and thoughtful, not enough action.

Luckily, Gene Roddenberry (with Lucille Ball backing him up) convinced NBC to give him another chance.  Roddenberry and his production team created a second pilot, Where No Man Has Gone Before, this time with William Shatner portraying a more dynamic commanding officer, Captain James T. Kirk, and Spock being promoted to executive officer.

The powers-that-be at NBC liked the second pilot enough that they gave the Star Trek series a green light.  Roddenberry, about midway through the first season, was able to re-tool the original pilot, The Cage, into the series’ only two-part episode, The Menagerie, and the viewing public was introduced to Captain Pike, Number One, and the much younger, less-experienced Spock.

Unlike the NBC executives, I really like The Cage.  I especially like the production, prop, and costume design: it really felt this story was taking place in a working environment, like a modern-day Navy ship or submarine.  Everything had a futuristic, yet-grounded-in-reality look to it.  Just look at that original phaser pistol in the photo above: sure, it seems crude compared to later models, but that sucker sure looks like it could pack a punch!

The field jackets and other equipment that the crew wore (which were carried over for Where No Man Has Gone Before) also had a futuristic, but functional look to them.  Ditto for the coverall/jump suit outfits many of the enlisted crew wore, particularly the transporter chief, Nils Pitcairn (now there was a guy who looked and acted like someone who’d been in the service all his life).  They added a layer of verisimilitude to the otherwise fantastic story.

The original series, especially the two pilots, gave the impression that Starfleet was still in its pioneering phase (heck, Roddenberry in a pitch for the series, described it as “Wagon Train to the stars”).  There were only 12 main starships, the Constitution-class that the Enterprise belonged to, and they had a lot of galaxy to patrol.  The crews on those ships could be on-board for weeks or even months before making a port call at a starbase or other Federation outpost.   The crews, ships, and equipment would appear hard-worked and much-used, not slick and sleek.

That’s my problem with the series Enterprise (well, actually, I have several, but I won’t get into them now).  Even though it took place a century before ST:TOS, everything was too slick, too sleek, too futuristic.  Enterprise had much of the same design aesthetic that the 24th Century shows (The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager) had.  The ship, and other settings, didn’t appear “primitive” enough to be believable.

That’s also my problem with Star Trek: Discovery.  While I enjoy Discovery, it is too sleek, too slick, too futuristic for its setting (ten years before TOS).  Discovery’s production team seems to be continuing the design aesthetic from the JJ Abrams Star Trek films..  To say nothing of the fact that USS Discovery is far more spacious inside than even the Galaxy-class Enterprise!

I was really hoping the producers would go design retro for Discovery, or even the upcoming Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, but alas, that is not to be.

Oh well, at least I still have this guy to remind how things were (and should be).

I didn’t notice until I took this close-up photos that Spock seems to have freckles!  I don’t know if that’s intentional, or just the plastic aging.  The figure definitely does not have the yellow skin that Spock had in the original series (but which seems to have been abandoned for the films).  I had always read that Spock had yellow skin, but I never actually saw it until I re-watched the entire series recently in HD.

In addition to the old school phaser pistol, this Spock figure came with an old school communicator and two additional sets of hands.  While the field jacket should be a little darker to make it more screen accurate (they were almost indigo, like a new pair of jeans), I’m okay with it as it is.

I want to make another uniform shirt in this style, but mustard-colored, like he had in Where No Man Has Gone Before.

I just watched Wrath of Khan twice in a row (for an online class) and thought, hey, you know what, I bet you have lots of feels about That Scene in the reactor chamber and would love to share the angst.

Oh my goodness firstly I am so sorry I haven't answered your other ask yet!! I am working on it this last book is just proving...less than satisfactory 😅

But yes I have SO many thoughts--I just haven't seen the whole movie yet 😂 I am trying my best to go chronologically and avoid spoilers but that scene has already been spoiled so it's definitely something I'm familiar with, I just don't have the context of the first two movies to really back it up, ya know?

That said, hoo boy is it a doozy. I have to say my favorite part is...well, I can't pick one, but some of my favorite parts:

Spock immediately jumping to "did it work?", desperate to justify his sacrifice, but also knowing Jim's world is ending and gently telling him, "Do not grieve"...

Really just how Spock focuses on Jim's emotions for the whole scene. He makes a joke (just like Jim does in these situations), he explains why he had to do what he did, he reminds Jim that the crew is safe--and then he finally admits the depth of his love and care for Jim. Spock needed him to know how much he mattered.

Quick aside I also love how as he rises he adjusts his jacket. This is actually because Nimoy did this reflexively as the outfit tended to ride up on all of them, but it is so in-character that Spock would want to be dignified in his death, not just for himself, but for Jim's sake too.

The Vulcan salute on the window??? How JIM SO GENTLY MOVES TO TOUCH IT IN REPLY BUT "I COULDN'T TOUCH HIM...WE WERE SEPARATE" AUGHHHH...how Spock is reaching out at his last moments but the comfort he's always wanted is just out of reach???? Curse you, Shatner, for the brilliant idea of having them be separated by a thin pane of glass "to represent the walls that Spock has always put up" that might be see-through but still keep people, even Jim, at a distance, however small...curse you

The eye contact,,, Spock locks eyes with Jim for basically the whole scene, which is something he almost never does in vulnerable moments, but he does it now because it's a lifeline--he needs to connect with Jim any way he can, he needs that support--and also because that's what Spock does when he is deeply concerned about someone (like how he looks at Bones in the Empath, or how he looks at Jim in the hallway when he grabs his arm (TOS)) and basically Spock is trying desperately to make sure Jim is going to be ok

How Spock says "Live long and prosper" which is both a customary farewell, which by the way Jim has only heard many years ago on Vulcan when he saved Spock's life, so it's another small way to speak to the bond between them because Jim knows what it means when someone else wouldn't have understood the cultural and personal significance of the phrase, and is ALSO Spock not-at-all-subtly telling Jim, "You are not going to give up. You are going to live many more years, and you are going to lead a good life, and you are going to thrive, because this will not break you. Your ship is safe. Your crew is safe. I cannot protect you from this, but you must protect yourself. You do not end here." And if it isn't the most Spock-like thing ever to express so much through so little...and he says it so bravely, so firmly, almost like he's defying death...

And ALSO. THIS MAN. DISCREETLY HINTED THAT HE WASN'T TRULY GONE. He couldn't know whether it would work for sure, he only had a hope, but Spock was going to pass that hope on if he could. He says, "I have been, and always shall be, your friend." Always shall be. Firstly let me say I love how he never forgot about Edith Keeler and is referencing what she said about where he belongs--which of course Jim was also there for, and that is also a deeply personal memory for him which references again how close they are--and secondly, he's making ANOTHER reference to their past because Spock has told Jim before that he feels friendship for him, but that he's ashamed by that (S1E4), and now in his final moments he's admitting what he could never admit before, what caused him such pain after the mission ended and when he returned and saw his t'hy'la again, and he's finally saying it proudly and he is not ashamed. But I fully believe Spock also meant that phrase to speak of the future, however imprecise and illogical it might be. How was he to know that they would find each other again, and again, even across universes? But the truth is the truth.

Speaking of, when Spock Prime finds Jim on the ice planet in 2009? What does he say? Well first he RECOGNIZES HIM, and the way he says his name with such familiar warmth, because--of course it's Jim. Who else would it be? And he says, "How did you find me?" because Spock had just lost his planet and he was anguished and alone and so it is the most obvious thing in the world--in the universe--that somehow, despite all that logic might say, Jim is looking for him. Of course Spock believed Jim came to find him. He did before, and death never stopped him then. Why should it now?

But then when Jim is confused, before even saying his name, Spock says, "I have been, and always shall be, your friend." This is how they know each other. It isn't the first time he's repeated it to Jim to express how lasting their bond is. But it is the deepest expression of what they share. And starting immediately and lasting for the rest of the movie, despite initially knowing nothing about Jim--even expressing surprise that he isn't the captain--Spock calls him only Jim. We never once hear "Captain" or anything of the sort, even before he knew it wasn't an accurate title. Spock speaks to Jim, especially during the mind meld, as though he's known him for ages.

Because he has.

He always has.

And it's good to see him again.

Let's overanalyze!

Another thought about the upcoming ST: SNW:

And the reason why I cringe at this thought, even though I firmly believe that a reader/viewer is a co-creator (and if the viewer sees Spirk everywhere, it's because in their interpretation it exists, and it's no less valid than any other interpretation, the death of the author etc.), is the portrayal of Kirk/Spirk relationship in the Kelvin timeline.

(these deepfakes, though, lol).

:readmore:

What's the problem with the Kelvin timeline? Let's break it out. But first a disclaimer of sorts: I regard at least everything on-screen to be canon. I absolutely loved how they confirmed the Kelvin timeline in Discovery, it's great. The fact that I didn't like certain creative choices doesn't make a ST installment not canon, I think. The only exception being the finale of the Enterprise, "These are the voyages", I must admit though.

As a queer person intently looking for gays in ST, I will always find them, of course, but there is a difference between shipping where there's romantic chemistry, and where there is none. The latter can be fun too, it may be a more creative process even, because you need to fill the gaps left by canon and so on. As for myself, I am a sucker for chemistry on screen: give me Spirk, give me Qcard, give me T'pol/Tucker as well, but, for example, Picard/Riker would really be weird. (Sorry, didn't mean this to offend, if this is your ship). Because there is a difference between bro's being dudes and romantic chemistry.

And this is exactly what happened in AOS. I can believe (speaking in-universe) that Kirk and Spock managed to forge a friendship, but, even though I wanted to see it, there was no romantic chemistry between them for me.

And it is fine. Stamets was bisexual in the Mirror universe, there is nothing in-universe preventing Spock and Kirk from being bro's instead of lovers in the Kelvin timeline, definitely taking into account all the respective trauma and some butterfly effect. (I accept AOS Kirk as a crazy hothead womanizer because he grew up without a father, I accept AOS Spock being way more emotional and way less ashamed because it's a different timeline, and being less ashamed he could have a relationship with Uhura, while his Prime counterpart wasn't capable of a hug in the same situation, as we know from This Side of Paradise). With all this being sad, I must admit that no matter how much I love Spirk, I wouldn't want to see it canonized if Star Trek 4 ever comes out (which I doubt, but for the sake of the argument).

But the situation with the upcoming ST: SNW is completely different. SNW deals with the Prime timeline, and the creators, it seems, have already made their point about the necessity of the in-universe backstory. Judging by an episode from Short Treks, Q&A, where we see Spock smiling (like in the original pilot, The Cage), I guess it is safe to assume that it was Number One's influence that made him a reserved Vulcan who fakes being emotionless, the Spock we know and love from TOS. And I am thrilled for that! In-universe explanations of the creative choices influenced by reality excite me very much.

This is exactly why I will legit weep if the depiction of Spock and Kirk in SNW makes canonic Spirk impossible. (There are so many ways to ruin it, so I don't even want to start theorising). So let's just hope for the best and try to keep it gay. (To prove my point I need a gif of Shatner singing "keep it gay", but I can't find it atm, so here's the second best).

Robot Chicken #14: “Toy Meets Girl” | May 1, 2005 – 11:30PM | S01E11

Do I need a pithy introduction for Robot Chicken? Nah.

William Shatner’s toupee goes off and has adventures. The sketch isn't particularly inspired. The main joke is he has a toupee and it runs around and stuff. It does like a spy mission but the spy mission part isn't funny. It's like the "what a twist!" sketch, in that the twists are disappointing and the established concept is supposed to sustain the laugh the individual jokes should be getting. I don't think I said this in that write-up, but they basically did a Simpsons joke (aliens [not] wanting to eat them).

Then there's a sketch where an atheist goes to heaven and discovers a lot of guys there. There's a quick gag at the start where an airplane flies through it, which is literally a comic I drew in 7th grade (and probably stole from one of those Far-Side-esque one-panel comics that ran in the paper that weren't The Far Side). The main joke here is lots of bad people are in heaven, including Hitler. Bob and David would shockingly do a similar sketch on their Netflix revival. Yeesh!

Then they do an extremely 2005 sketch about TiVo being addictive, which is kinda weird because the whole thing about TiVo is that it records shows so you don't have to blow off your friends invites to the bar or not go into work. But whatever! Everyone LOVED TiVo in 2005. Wow. I sure did!

Then there's a sketch about Anne Frank where it's Hillary Duff as Anne Frank. The first main gag is she's swooning over the teen boy she's stuck in the attic with, which isn't actually far off from the black and white George Stevens film from what I remember. They tack on a Home Alone parody, introducing a whole new concept into the middle of the sketch. It's not that funny, but I thought the Lizzie Macguire cartoon figure popping in is at least a little inspired. They should've just done Lizzie Macguire as Anne Frank the whole time.

Michael Moore investigates super villains being down on their luck for the final bit, which doesn't even make that much sense. He makes documentaries, so I guess...? This is extremely Robot Chicken, focusing on G.I. Joe and Thundercats and shit like that. I hated it!

This show sucks!

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #10: “Gum, Disease” | November 11, 1994 | S01E10

Another episode that’s missing from the DVD, apparently due to Branford Marsalis not signing off on it. He’s actually a pretty good guest, though. He has some fun line readings and I feel like they could’ve had more fun with his interview. A few things he said made me laugh, like when he suggested that they’d be eating rabbit for dinner, or when he said Jay has “all the babes”. A truly sickening thought.

Zorak really comes into his own here, he’s so pugnacious and less stilted, and he keeps asking for gum, even though he’s just a baby and not allowed to have any. Also, Moltar is sick, hence the title “Gum, Disease” which I never put together until now! The disease part, I mean. There’s a clip of the cold open of this episode available as an Easter egg on the season one DVD, but it’s dubbed in Spanish, I think.

Danny Bonaduce is in this one, and I believe he was embarking on a new career as a radio personality. Maybe I’m wrong about that and he was in radio this whole time. I don’t know. I always sorta liked that guy. I heard he is gross and doesn’t ever shower or bathe, so I naturally look up to him. He signs off the episode by saying LENO SUCKS. What a hero!

This is kind of a middling episode, but it resembles modern Space Ghost more than most season one episodes. I remember Fire Drill as being the turning point for the series, but a lot of the ingredients were present in season one, they were just spread out a little bit. This episode is middling, but also it’s great. I mean, it’s like a Space Ghost season 3 middling episode. Does that make sense?

OH! There is one monumental piece of comedy in this episode, I almost forgot about it. It’s when Space Ghost calls Branford “Branford the Branfod”, which was literally just a typo that got left in the script and was recorded that way because they thought it was funny. I love shit like this. I’m so happy that they felt comfortable doing stupid “just for us” type comedy in the first season. This show rules.

Star Trek 2009... so... very mixed.

Let’s do the good first. The cinematography is really good. It FEELS like a futuristic time period moreso than TOS, but tbf the films have the advantage of being closer to modern day and being able to match the evolved times. Still, it’s very much a movie that wanted to look good and did. The acting for most pf the cast was good and I don’t have an issue with any of the reboot cast. No Chris Pine isn’t Shatner (and that’s a good thing) nor is Zachary Quinto Leonard Nimoy. But they and the others did their jobs well and I’m glad they all did their own thing and not just copy their predecessors. Simon Pegg as Scotty I really enjoyed amd I like his new friend XD And while I’m... mixed about the direction taken if only because it makes me sad, Leonard Nimoy returning as the Spock we’ve known or so long was lovely, especially when he and Quinto!Spock meet.

Some moments were good. I actually almost teared up when Kirk’s dad died because the actors just put so much emotion into it. I can’t say that there was no effort put into this. They tried to add emotion and meaning and depth. They tried to give Kirk and Spock (and yes, Bones being even MORE of a third wheel than normal REALLY pisses me off) depth and connect the audiences to them and form that connection with each other that we’re so familiar with. I respect that. I respect the effort. I’ve seen reboots that don’t give a damn, but it didn’t feel that way to me here especially with Nimoy!Spock showing that this may be different, but the original very much still exists.

That being said... I have some big issues, especially with Kirk. This is NOT James Tibirius Kirk. This is the pop culture depiction of Kirk that the filmmakers decided was better to go with than the actual character. And no, this being an alternate timeline and him being younger than in canon is NOT a valid excuse. I got told that the death of Kirk’s dad changed the course of history... but I fail to understand how THAT caused Kirk to be an arrogant, cocky, reckless idiot. Might be because his parents NEVER came up in the show so how can any TOS fans get that point if the show never went into it? I know I joke about Kirk doing something dumb, but TOS!Kirk was a perfectly smart, optimistic, level-headed individual who yeah WOULD go against Starfleet at times, but usually did so with good reason. Hell didn’t TOS say that he was overly serious int he academy amd lightened up as he got older? How did the timeline changes change that? Anyways! It felt like they wanted this Kirk to just be a standard action hero and didn’t bother to check if it fit the characterization, or do anything to justify the change aside from ‘different reality’. Like woth the Kobayashi Maru, it’s to emphasize Kirk’s cockiness here...when in WoK it emphasized Kirk’s optimism and hope. How he NEVER believed that there was a true no-win scenario. There was LWAYS a way. Don’t get me wrong, Kirk isn’t horrible and has the ability to become more like his TOS self, but first impressions are everything, and they failed here. Chris Pine was good though, I could actually picture how he played Steve Trevor in Wonder Woman fitting a Reboot Kirk pretty well but alas. Also his captaincy wasn’t earned nor is he mature enough to hold the position. It got handed to him because canon says so, and that is bullshit.

Spock was... fine. Far as characterization goes I don’t really have any issues. He’s not TOS Spock but again he shouldn’t be. It’s hard for me to find the words on how he’s different aside from being younger and seeming a little more resentful about the half-human, half-Vulcan thing, but it still works well enough. He and Sarek also seem on better terms in this continuity, and that I do like since it’s different, but consideirng the circumstances he needs that kind of solace and it allows exploration of their relationship in a more supportive light. Didn’t like Spock marooning Kirk like he did, but it does connect to his arc showing how emotional repression is affecting him, so ah well. I DO have issues with some of the directions taken though. His relationship with Uhura has no establishment nor development and comes across as being there for the sake of having a romance in there without the work. And no I’m not just saying that as a Spones/Spirk/McSpirk shipper. It WOULD have been fine if they actually WORKED ON DEVELOPING IT ON-SCREEN. And how did the timeline changes cause that when Uhura and him flirted like... once in TOS and it was one-sided on Uhura’s part anyways?! It sucks especially since I really like Reboot Uhura. I also don’t like them destroying Vulcan cause that feels like overkill on the angst, but at least they have an explanation for it. I DO however despise them killing Amanda and ESPECIALLY how they did it. Amanda is relegated tot he standard ‘pure hearted mom who we have to kill to hurt this character’ and considering how she died via a crumbling cliff just as transport started, the ‘changed timeline’ explanation is bull. Again I appreciate them trying to add more character stuff, but I very much disagree with the choices. But as far as the character himself is concerned, I was good with Spock andI did genuinely care for and feel bad for him.

Bones... oh baby you deserved so, SO much better. Characterization wise,he was the most like his TOS self. He comes across as more gruff than cranky,but that’s mainly due to Karl Urban being younger than DeForest Kelley. Otherwise he was funny, endearing, loyal to Jim, and Urban did a lovely job making the character his own but honoring his predecessor. Will also give them credit as Bones has a damn good reason to dislike Spock after he marooned Jim like he did. The film didnt give a damn about McCoy tbh, but we’ll get to that in a bit. But to put it short, I really liked Bones, but he REALLY needed more screentime which from what I can tell, isn’t gonna happen until Beyond. But as far as the character goes, I felt like they got his best though the lack of focus reason may very well be why that is. Very least I got fanon to satisfy my needs.

Now we get to my biggest criticism: The Triumvirate is non-existent here, nor does it form within the film. Again, I blame pop culture depiction as I imagine they went ‘we need Kirk and Spock to be close together and Bones is that guy who is Jim’s other best friend who has witty lines but ain’t Kirk and Spock so who cares?’. Which especially baffles me sonce the arguments Kirk and Spock have regaridng emotion? That’s MCCOY’S role. They got the Kirk and Spock relationship completely and utterly wrong. Nor do I feel like the film dod enough to form the relationship between the two. It just feels like they became friends because the plot said so, not out of genuine understanding and care. Kirk was one of, if not the first to accept Spock for who he was and respect him. That’s what made the relationship special. But their edforts to establish it here just fall flat because they made Kirk Spock’s opposite, aka McCoy’s role. McCoy is the one who challenges Spock. The one who pushes him to consider the emotional. He can be harsh, but it is a dynamic that worked. Kirk os their balance. The one who keeps the two in check and they in turn represented the two sides (mind and heart) that he (the body/soul) needed to make the proper decisions. But because of the choices made with Kirk and Bones, the balance is theown off. Spock is more or less fine but Bones loses his importance while Kirk has his character skewed to make it work. General audiences may not be able to tell, but as someone who just watched all of TOS and those films two weeks ago? I could, and it hurt the film significantly imo. Also kind of wish they emphasized that Spock ALSO needs Bones and the rest of the crew, not just Jim because emphasis on just one relationship ALWAYS annoys me, especially since again, they didn’t do well to form it here to begin with. So yeah they missed the aspect that made me love TOS, so needless to say I am displeased. I plan to do a full film review in the future so I won’t say how I’d improve it, especially since hindsight is 20/20, but yeah not happy.

Otherwise, the film is fine. Uhura, Scotty, Sulu,and Chekov are fine, the former two I especially enjoyed. The plot is fone. Nero is a boring villain but for a start, it’s okay. I didn’t like Vulcan’s destruction at alla nd what that means for Spock, but we’ll see how the other two films continue this. I don’t know how I feel about Prime Spock because it just makes me... depressed that he has to accept never going home (even if Bones and the others are dead it just feels... wrong) but I DO appreciate that they included Nimoy and he was just as fantastic as he had been all those years ago. I have so many problems with characterization and plot points, but tbf that’s from someone who just went through TOS. As far as a general audience goes, they likely won’t have that filter and some may be more of the ‘timeline changed so this stuff changed’ explanation than I, a media consumer who has seen this happen over and over again to varying degrees of success’, may be. Otherwise the film was fine. If you like action and want a blockbuster, this one is for you. But I’m in it for characterization and story and while the latter worked well enough in the general sense,t he former was severely lacking. So while it was okay and it got me excited/to laugh a few tomes, overall I didn’t care for the film. Will Into Darkness be any better? Well... from what I can tell no. But I also need to make my own judgements, so onward we go.

Star Trek: Voyager

Yes this show ended some time ago; that doesn’t mean that it’s not still underrated.

A relative late convert to Star Trek, this author committed to traversing the Delta Quadrant having finished The Original Series, The Next Generation, Discovery & Picard to date. Deep Space Nine is next; like the Doctor I don’t know anything about this ‘Dominion’ but they seem important and we’ll get there.

Having now finished Voyager, here’s the (spoiler-filled) thoughts of someone who came to the bridge afresh and savoured the light-hearted nature of the show. Yes TNG demanded more attention and the episodes herein that do are generally better, but for relaxed, semi-serialised adventure Voyager is a high point.

We’ll start with the negative and get to the fun stuff.

From the get-go there was a jarring disconnect between the premise and goals of the show. If a ship more advanced than any in the region is travelling really fast in one direction they’re not going to keep running into the same people; better begetting a saga poised for episodic rather than serialised fiction. The writers and audience were evidently a little tired at this point of TNG’s slavish devotion to wrapping everything up in 40-odd minutes so wanted to try variations on a theme; it was the right approach for the time accompanied by a smart premise that didn’t match.

And a stellar premise it was only set to be buoyed by the Federation-Marquis dynamic. Also partly squandered, corresponding grounds for strong tension and stories were left by the wayside – characterised by Chakotay’s ill-established, apparently immediate and seemingly endless trust in Janeway; together major failings of the show.

On continuity, and just so it’s out of the way; no they don’t show it but it’s clear the crew just manufactured more photon torpedoes like they did so much else.

Commencing with one of the best episodes, there is rarely a subsequent moment as character-defining as Janeway destroying the array. Don’t get me wrong, Kate Mulgrew is great, but she alike Kirk and Picard are, as fleshed out as they become, for stretches bare variations on a tired theme; young headstrong hotshot dedicates their life to the stars to become a reasoned, seasoned Commander. ‘Tapestry’ did it best and there was no need to explore this further.

Voyager had a general problem with characters that took several seasons to grow; it was a long time before Neelix stopped being grating and his earnestness became endearing. There is too very little you can relay about Tuvak beyond his being a Vulcan and a little sardonic, or Harry besides his yearning for advancement or Chakotay aside his membership of the Marquis and focus on his cultural background.

The stand-out worst episode of the entire show was Chakotay finding out that the Sky Spirits central to his people’s religion were actually from the Delta Quadrant; you can garner Robert Beltran’s clear ambivalence (at best) to such material. This author is aware of the significant tension between the actor and others on set; I can understand the frustration at a lead cast member belittling the series in public but the directions and emphasis the character took in later seasons was something else, as were the music cues whenever his or some others’ cultures came up.

Star Trek, and notably The Original Series, is often (but not always) shrewd for both telling stories addressing the place of culture, religion and community in people’s lives while not overly if at all drawing attention to particular characters’ backgrounds. To Beltran’s credit, he only made the disaffection perceptible on screen in the episodes that were of poor taste, as opposed to the ones that were just bad. There are many lousy episodes of The Original Series but what near always makes it enjoyable is Shatner et al’s absolute commitment to the bit. One of the very worst episodes of Voyager is the one where Harry is lead to believe that he’s actually from a planet in the Delta Quadrant full of attractive women; yet no one in Star Trek ever needs to look bored reading their lines. There are good ones and bad ones and we’re along for the whole ride.

There’s also that one where Tom and the Captain turn into salamanders, start life on a random planet and somehow transform back into their usual selves with these shenanigans never brought up again. Yeah that was awful but it was preceded by a generally decent few acts centred on exceeding warp limits; reputation aside it wasn’t quite down there.

On Alpha Quadrant folks being in the Delta Quadrant, as much as I missed the Klingons they did not need to rock up latently and near the very end; there were plenty of better ways to give B’Elanna an arc. One of the more interesting characters, she offered a variation on Worf’s overwhelming pride as a Klingon, though she barely got enough episodes to shine and these were predominantly featured much later on. And when the show stopped pretending Tom was the cocky pilot we’ve seen dozens of times before he too managed to get a whole lot more interesting.

It would have made a lot more sense for McNeill to just directly continue his character from TNG’s ‘The First Duty;’ alas.

Also welcome were the insights into the Borg; even if they became a lot less eerie it was great to learn that much more about them, though nothing, save the introduction of Seven, bettered the recuperating drones who were the ship’s first Borg encounter. The Borg children were also very funny (the related Voyager pick-ups in Picard were excellent) and should have stayed on the ship longer so Seven could say more things like “fun will now commence;” she can only say “Naomi Wildman” deadpan, as good as it was, so many times.

Heralded by such a superb actress, Seven and the Doctor thrillingly shared dual arcs akin but distinct to Data’s and each other’s, permitting us to relish their gradual growth and revel in their leaps forward. Seven’s narrowing down of eligible crewmen, unlike Chakotay’s later courting, was a particular highlight, as was her month of isolation when the crew were in stasis and the one where the Doctor overtook her node.

The Doctor however emerges the best character, far and above all others save the near as interesting Seven. Picardo’s charisma and stage presence, well-befitting an exaggeratedly humanistic, bombastic piece of programming, only propelled the most relatable arcs in the series; his desire to fit in and, as any, make a contribution. The Doctor’s opening number in ‘Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy,’ but one occasion where Picardo’s vocal abilities were graciously integrated into the series, by this author’s judgement is the funniest sequence in seven seasons.

‘Message in a Bottle’ with the Doctor centre was too among the very best of the series. Mining any opportunity for comedy we can nonetheless be grateful, alike TNG, that they kept the bald jokes to about one per season.

As asides, it was lovely to see Reginald Barclay return and realise his aspirations in one of the best and most heart-warming episodes of the saga, while the singular and very obvious inspiration one episode draws from Predator proved amusing for just being so unabashed.  

‘Scorpion’ was amazing as was anything to do with Species 8472. Captain Proton, acknowledging the entire franchise’s schlocky roots, was a definite recurring highlight, with Mulgrew in one installment clearly having no end of fun alike the cast’s enjoyable turns in late 90’s Los Angeles alongside Sarah Silverman. Speaking of guest stars, seeing The Rock was a nice surprise though with hindsight they may never have cast him given Star Trek shrewdly chose to not have celebrity appearances overshadow the show. But hey, they can’t see the future; at least cleverly opting to obscure Jason Alexander in piles of costuming.

‘Year of Hell’ is good, but the premise befitted an entire season and alike the lacklustre finale nothing really matters (with some well-executed exceptions) if you can just go back in or erase time. There were many, many episodes that shouldn’t have been contained within forty minutes and deserved longer-form devotion, ala ‘30 Days.’ ‘Timeless’was a much better (and unusually technically-focused) variation on the aforementioned themes and it was fun to catch Geordi, as it was Deanna and especially Sulu. ‘The Omega Directive’ was cool; ‘The Thaw’ was great.

The fable-esque nature of the franchise has always been enjoyable and digestible given the show is partially aimed at kids, though there are episodes where it’s just a little too direct, and characters take a little too much pause. ‘Alice,’ the one where Tom almost cheats with his ship as an overly obvious parallel about why you shouldn’t have sex with other people if you have a girlfriend, if a good lesson, in execution was a tad much.

On reflection this author was surprised to discover some of the least generally favoured episodes, among them the Fairhaven double. It may be my great personal affection for Ireland but it makes perfect sense that given the time available this sort of world would be created and characters might pursue holo-relationships, a theme underexplored in Voyager yet still covered to great effect. The established technical deficiencies of holo-technology in such regular use should not come as a surprise when they recur.  

The one where Kes comes back was actually a later highlight; her character was never very well handled and no it wasn’t that blast off into the sunset but sometimes old friends lose their way and it’s the job of old friends to set them on the right path.

Most surprising was the dislike directed at ‘Tuvix.’ The difference between Voyager and much heavier sci-fi is that herein characters make a lot of decisions that are hard, not ones that are difficult. The destruction of the array was devastating but not morally questionable within the confines of the show. As a tangent, you could argue that had Janeway made the decision to return to the Alpha Quadrant at the beginning of the series that it would have been the morally correct decision given that, as we see in ‘Hope and Fear,’ another highlight, the ship would not otherwise have been a factor in much disorder and destruction. The show was not however so expansive philosophically as to greatly tread such ground as the franchise otherwise managed in the likes of ‘City on the Edge of Forever.’

In ‘Tuvix’ Janeway, a figure, like Chakotay, who often shifted characterisation to fit the requirements of any given story, was faced with a difficult decision with no easy moral out nor ethically unquestionable approach. It was a refreshing change and correspondingly dark denouement to boot apparent in the likes of ‘Latent Image,’ another fine instalment with the Doctor.

‘Eye of the Needle,’ the only episode this author has watched twice to date and a deeply empathetic early high point, save ‘Balance of Terror’ is the best treatment of the guarded but necessarily relatable Romulans (I haven’t seen all the movies!). ‘The Void’ bookends the show as a later stand out while the in respects not dissimilar ‘Night’ bears one of the darkest challenges and finest, most resonant endings.

This brings us to the ‘best episode;’ one featured regularly in top ten lists but seemingly not a very favourite.

‘Blink of an Eye’ is everything that is exceptional and aspirational about Star Trek. Stranded in the stratosphere of a planet where time passes with greater rapidity, the curious presence of Voyager in the skies begins to influence the society to the point where the inhabitants develop space travel to face the spectre.

A commentary on the Prime Directive as deft as any and a relatively novel variation on both the time travel and petri dish tropes resplendent throughout sci-fi and Star Trek, the episode is also a fabulous meta-commentary on the place of the franchise in popular culture much less crude than Janeway bemoaning the Doctor’s fleeting interplanetary fans’ obsession with every aspect of his personal life. Incorporating a fair bit more science than is typically par, the astronaut’s moving decision to help them, as with his staring into the heavens as Voyager finally departs, speaks to the selfless ethos and sense of overwhelming curiosity so intrinsic to the most basic lore of Star Trek, the most beloved episodes and all that Gene Roddenberry best achieved.

It’s also an amazing meditation on first contact principles and pitfalls which unlike many episodes doesn’t borrow story bones from TNG.

A more than welcome reprieve from a pandemic, I didn’t spend as long in the Delta Quadrant as the crew but for what I did I was glad to relish with them.

Star Trek: Voyager is now streaming on Netflix

The Magicians Finale - (over a year later)

I didn’t watch the first season of The Magicians as it aired in late 2015- 2016. I was already watching the roughly estimated maximum amount of television I could watch. I didn’t have the time to make for a new show. It debuted at the same time as The Expanse, and that looks like the “better” show. But I would soon realize that I liked The Magicians more.

While I was watching the first season, I attempted to go back and look at the writing from while it aired. This experience profoundly influenced how I felt about the controversial ending to the fourth season, and the fall out in the fandom.

The fourth season ended after Quentin Coldwater, ostensibly the show’s central character, dying while saving the world. In his orientation to the afterlife there is discussion about was this actually heroic or was it a manifestation of his depression and suicidal identification. The show doesn’t answer this directly, it just has Quentin experience how his friends are mourning him and feel how loved it was. People felt really betrayed by this. It was considered deeply irresponsible. I have already written about it here. In the aftermath, part of me thought back to those recaps and reviews of the first season and wondered “how did we get to place where we could feel so betrayed?” Because reviews from the then seemed certain that it was more problematic than it was. Take for example this recap from Vulture season one, where the writer, Hillary Kelly, wonders who this show is actually for? Or this AV Club recap of the first season finale where the writer Lisa Weidenfeld erroneously thinks that The Beast and Julia, both rape victims, are being set up to be the show’s main villains? And that Eliot’s forced marriage to Fen was potentially a straight washing.

The fact that the worries Weidenfeld put into writing didn’t pan out is probably part of the reason that the show’s reputation improved. It would also have characters within the show call out others’s sexism, racism, etc. which could feel like something of a corrective to a lot of pop culture out there. You might also have noticed that in Weidenfeld’s recap she makes a comparison between Julia and Willow-gets-addicted-to-magic-plot season six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ads for the first season even looked like they wanted viewers to draw that comparison.

I remember from around the second season coming across a several articles declaring The Magicians a worthy successor to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Emily VanDerWerff discussed it in her review of the second season. As one point she makes the statement that “The Magicians isn’t as politically subversive as Buffy”, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that might be less true than she assumed at the time. In an era of backlash against Buffy’s creator Joss Whedon, The Magicians could be comparatively more empathetic to its characters and had some pretty subversive plot points. But I haven’t watched an episode of Buffy since the early aughts, or The Magicians since it wrapped.

(VanDerWerff’s writing heavily influenced my own thoughts about thee show, which I previously wrote about here. I am also including links to her old podcast, I Think You’re Interesting and the interviews she did with novelist Lev Grossman and show runner Sera Gamble, though I should note those are from before she transitioned and under her dead name. Also I wanted to include that she included it in her best television of the 2010s article.)

In the articles I just linked to, you might also notice frequent comparisons to Game of Thrones. While the comparisons focus on the the vast difference in budget and how ubiquitous GoT was at the same time The Magicians aired, it is worth noting that both series are postmodern, deconstruction takes on their respective sub-genres. While GoT could use that to point out why surprising and awful things happened to their characters, The Magicians mostly had fewer horrible things happen to its characters. But the comparison might have influenced how post Quentin’s death people made a litany of those events/plot points to prove that any faith in the show was misplaced and it was a betrayer better left behind.

The after the fourth season I pulled back from discussing The Magicians online. I just couldn’t deal with other people’s anger. I was never really active in the fandom, but I did write about it here more than probably any other series since I started this blog. This may have given me a false impression about how the media ended up covering the show. While writing this I was planning an arc that would go something like, “at the start of the fourth season the media loved it and articles this one by Kathryn Van Arendonk at Vulture came out saying that they regretted stopping the show part way through season one. But the fan backlash to the finale was so harsh that even the show’s frequent champion, Emily VanDerWerff didn’t write about it at all for the fifth season.” She did write a positive review at the start of the fifth season. I even read it at the time. She didn’t write about the finale, and that disappointed me, which may have led me to mis-remember the earlier. (I did remember this round table discussion about the ascendency of fandom in which she discusses the show’s situation, and it might have also contributed to my misremembering.)

The AVClub had Weidenfeld write a review of the first episodes, but she no longer recapped the episodes as she had for the first four seasons. (Her review is generally about what is missing from the Quentin-less series) While preparing to write this I found out that Decider’s Anna Menta recapped through the third episode, despite being amongst those who felt betrayed by Quentin’s death and the lack of opportunity for Quentin and Eliot to explore their romance.

(I just want to take a moment to say a couple of things here. Firstly, I really believed the show runners when they said Quentin was dead and not coming back so I didn’t see the first couple of episodes as a tease that he might come back. When my grandfather who I was very close to died I would regularly have dreams that his death was incorrectly called and he’d come back. I saw those episodes as a version of that.)

This has been show I’ve written about the most in recent years. But as I was mostly ignoring both professional and fan writing about it for its final season, I only really got around to reading these now. I’m going to start with this post-finale interview with the producers, Sera Gamble, Henry Alonso Myers John McNamara, written by Vlada Gelman at TVLine. It isn’t really a lot of new information. It’s interesting to read about how being renewed or not affected their editing decisions in post production. They seem happy with it. At Entertainment Weekly, Chancellor Agard interviewed Gamble and McNamara. There is more talk about the connection between the final season of the tv show and the finale book of the trilogy, The Magicians Land. (As a viewer I was always pleased when they somehow brought in details from the books late in the season, whether it was big things for the arc like the World Seed page or details that only mattered for an episode like whales being magicians.) In the interview, they also talk about some of the wildest plot points. Gamble and McNamara also gave and interview to Adam Chitwood at Collider. Chitwood is the most enthusiastic about the show. The interview also confirms for those who want to know that Jason Ralph asked to be let go from the show, and that Julia’s pregnancy probably wouldn’t have happened if her actress Stella Maeve hadn’t gotten pregnant. Finally, in an I can’t believe I missed it example, at the New York Times, Jennifer Vineyard also interviewed Gamble and McNamera. This one starts pretty politically with how trying to save the citizens of Fillory unintentionally works as a metaphor for quarantine and how we don’t get through difficult periods of times because of individuals, instead it’s more of a collective. Then it somehow turns into a a thing about being in a mutual admiration society with William Shatner. I truly didn’t see this one coming.

So now I have to get to the actual reviews of the finale, with the caveat that I haven’t watched any of the series in over a year so it’s definitely not fresh in my mind. Over at The AVClub, re-capper Weidfeld is mostly mournful for the series, but also makes the point that when the characters grew up and stopped being so hurtful towards each other and themselves, it was less compelling. It kind of ties back to my “how did people think this was a show that wouldn’t hurt them” question from earlier, but with less interest in fans. I don’t remember if my feelings as it went on would have agreed with it, but it is partially why it was in good place to end the series. At io9, Beth Elderkin seemed to think the finale was rushed and the show deserved better. I don’t remember if I felt like the episode was rushed. But as I read through her recap, I realize that I’ve also forgotten a lot of the episode’s plot points. Over at The Mary Sue, Jessica Mason wrote a positive review highlighting aspects that pleased her as a fan who wanted good things for these characters.

Shortly after the finale Sarah Stankorb at The Atlantic recommend the series to COVID bound bingers. I was shocked to see this. I didn’t think anyone would be recommending it post season for backlash. (Earlier on an episode of Our Opinions Are Correct the hosts walked back what could have been a recommendation for the series, which disappointed me. I don’t remember which episode this was.) It’s a lovely overview of the whole series. I especially like how Stackorb addresses the way the show dealt with Julia’s assault (greatly improving on the source material). It made me wonder if the show will have a legacy, one worthy of celebration. I don’t hope for a revival, but if I had time to re-watch it, I might. And I am happy to read comicbooks building on the source material.

[ID: A screenshot of a post from kyluxlovechild, reading, “1, This is absolutely amazing, and 2, McCoy has a pink ring?! I’m halfway through and I missed it?!”]

Since I’m still in Information Mode here—yep, Bones has a pinky ring! It’s not super easy to get a good look at it, since the camera never particularly focuses on it, and sometimes he seems to be wearing it with the stone turned inward to be less conspicuous. But once you start looking for it, you’ll see it.

[ID: Three shots of McCoy; in the top left one he’s looking off to the side with his hand touching his chin, in the top right one he’s taking a drink from a glass, and in the bottom one he’s holding a futuristic-looking visor to his eyes. In all three pictures a ring is visible on his little finger.]

As far as I know he’s always got it on. He even seems to still be wearing it while he’s working on the Horta, which, I mean, that’s dedication, man.

[ID: 1. A shot of McCoy standing in a cave next to the Horta, looking down at his tricorder, showing the ring on one hand. 2. McCoy holding up his hands with the cement mixture all over them, with the shape of his ring visible underneath.]

Like I said, nobody in the main show ever mentions it, so there’s no Watsonian explanation for why he has it (though I would bet that it comes up somewhere in the EU, because everything comes up somewhere in the EU). But the real-life story behind it is quite sweet. The ring belonged to Kelley’s mom, who he was very close to, and after she died he kept the ring and wore it in memory of her. When he wanted to wear it on TOS, Roddenberry initially said no—because he didn’t want any of the cast wearing modern jewelry is the explanation I’ve heard, although Uhura’s wearing earrings all the time so, I don’t know what that’s about. Anyway, Kelley told him that if he couldn’t wear the ring he wasn’t going to be on the show, and Roddenberry wanted Kelley in the cast more than he wanted the no-jewelry rule, so he acquiesced.

It must have been pretty dang important to Kelley, because that’s pretty much the only story I’ve heard of him ever pushing for something like that (the only other instance I know of is when he and Nimoy refused to have McCoy and Spock betray Kirk as initially written in ST V, because, as they told Shatner, that is nonsense). I’ve heard stories of Shatner making demands and of Nimoy insisting on things, but no other cases of Kelley doing anything like that aside from those two. I mean, obviously, I wasn’t on set, I don’t know, but he just doesn’t seem to have been the kind of guy to make a fuss about something unless he had a really good reason to.

I would presume he wore it on his little finger either to avoid giving the impression that it was a wedding ring, or if it was a woman’s ring it just might not have fit on his ring finger. Or possibly he just did it for the Look.

Personally, I’m glad Kelley insisted, because it’s such a nice little touch of character. Roddenberry had a problem with getting so focused on making sure his characters adhered to his idea of what people in the future should be like that having them actually come off as real, relatable people tended to take second place to that. The ring is a small thing, but it’s a sign of a character that exists outside of the immediate situations we see him in. In-universe we don’t know if the ring is personally significant to McCoy or if he just likes it as an accessory, but either way, it points to a little bit of history and personality that’s not there to serve any function for the plot or to make any kind of significant point, it’s just there because people have little bits of history and personality like that.

He’s still got it in the movies, incidentally.

[ID: McCoy in Wrath of Kahn, laying on the floor with his head propped on one hand, gesturing with the other hand, showing the inner band of the ring on his finger.]

But sadly it doesn’t appear to have made it into TAS.

[ID: A shot from Star Trek: The Animated Series, with McCoy sitting in a chair opposite a brownhaired redshirt woman, both hands visible with no ring present.]

I am shocked, SHOCKED that a series with such IMPECCABLE attention to detail as TAS somehow missed a thing like that.

However, if you’ve ever noticed that McCoy is wearing a ring in the AOS movies...

[ID: A shot of McCoy in Star Trek (2009), standing next to Sulu and gesturing with one hand; on the other hand, tucked against his side, is a large silver ring.]

..it’s because Karl Urban knew what he was doing.

Alright! Now that I’ve finished Aliens Ate My Homework (kids’ books really are just a couple hour read for an adult, huh?), I have in mind some things that I think are important for the movie adaptation to stick to.

The look of the characters should be the easiest thing to nail... their outfits probably won’t match what’s described in the book (movies always feel the need to change that in some capacity), but I don’t really care about that. What I’m more interested in is how they portray the less humanoid characters. Pong, Grakker, and Snout can all be played by actors in costumes, but Tar Gibbons is described as having a lemon-shaped body with four legs, a long neck, and a turtle-like head with bulging bug eyes; that’s gonna be a fully CG character.

The other is Phil, a potted plant. Basically a big stalk covered in leaves and vines, with a flower where a head would be, who moves around with thrusters on his pot. He has a symbiotic relationship with creature called Plink, described as kind of a blue cat-monkey. I really like how this illustration portrays it; even if it looks more like some kind of cartoonie bug, I would be perfectly happy if this is the design the movie goes for. These two are also going to be fully CG, so unless they base it entirely on the description provided for Plink, base its design on an illustration from another artist, or just do their own thing with it, I can’t imagine them finding a way to mess these designs up... but who knows.

BKR, the evil alien, should be interesting. He’s described as having blue skin, pale orange spikes covering his head (I was picturing maybe a dozen four-inch-long spikes, but the spike density could also be interpreted as covering his head like hair), and... otherwise, looking like Shirley Temple? That’s gonna be interesting, but this is also the character I expect them to take the most liberties with. I can’t say why... maybe just from experience with this kind of adaptation.

There are a few major plot points that I think they have to adhere to. First, that the good aliens’ ship is malfunctioning (the illustrations portray the ship as a traditional flying saucer, but I don’t think the design matters much) and they’re stuck shrunken to two inches tall until the end. That’s... basically the only reason for Rod, the protagonist, to be involved. The aliens need to repair their ship, so Rod has to carry them around to investigate BKR.

Secondly, they need to eat his homework. It doesn’t have to be the papier mache volcano and math assignment portrayed in the book, but, I mean, it IS the title of the movie.

Grakker and Snout have an unspecified relationship... Snout is very, VERY clearly based on Spock from Star Trek (in fact, I think the third book in this series is called The Search for Snout, a play on the third Star Trek movie, The Search for Spock), so it might just be a close friendship, but they share a room on the ship while everyone else has their own, so who knows. At one point it’s mentioned that they’re “bonded”. Potentially Gayliens. I don’t remember what their relationship is like in later books.

Next, Rod is incapable of lying. There definitely won’t be a flashback to the traumatizing-to-a-toddler reason for it, but that’s Rod’s defining characteristic: he doesn’t, and can’t, tell lies. Who knows whether that will be included.

Finally, Rod’s dad having been missing for quite a while isn’t a huge part of the story, but it does play an important role. Him lying to Rod’s mom strengthened Rod’s inability to lie (you’re not told what the lie was, but it’s implied that this was the night he left), and towards the end of the story BKR claims to know where he went, and implies that he’s no longer on Earth. I don’t remember if this is a plot point in future books, but Bruce Coville did something pretty similar in My Teacher Flunked The Planet, so it could be. This is the kind of thing that adaptations will just arbitrarily change, though, so who knows.

So! With all that out of the way, it’s time to watch the movie!

...Okay, first thing’s first, the opening credits of the movie are set to shots of a model solar system, so I’m assuming that’s the replacement for the volcano. I’ll allow it. Also, William Shatner is in this movie? What? As who?? The only adult male character in the story is an android of a man in his thirties, and he’s only there for what would amount to two minutes of screen time at the end. Rod’s grandfather is mentioned, but only once, in the context of “this is my grandfather’s farmland”.

Alright, definitely a modern setting. I guess the model isn’t for a science fair, instead being something Rod’s filming on his smartphone with his mom, twin siblings, and... his dad. Now, this looked like is was going to be an adaptation fail, but it turns out this was a flashback to the night he went missing. Clever!

Less clever is this abysmal color grading meant to represent a dark and stormy night, and the fact that they live in a cul-de-sac instead of being out in the middle of some farmland... but that’s not that significant of a change.

For some reason the story now takes place in the winter instead of mid-May, making me wonder where BKR (in the guise of Billy Becker) is getting the bugs to smash against Rod’s head. More importantly, as revealed at the end of the book, most intelligent life in the universe is about three feet tall, which is why BKR is pretending to be a kid while hiding on Earth. Instead of being a foot shorter than Rod, however, he’s now taller. Weird. Rod also now has his cousin Elspeth staying with his family for winter break, for... literally no reason that I can think of. Elspeth is a character from the second book in the series, but she wasn’t even mentioned in the first.

Grakker isn’t quite book-accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either... except for the color of his skin. He’s supposed to be green. What the hell. They whitewashed an alien. On the upside, the dialog in this scene is all pretty book-accurate. Unfortunately, they lose a lot of points with Madame Pong, who is supposed to be a very calm, understanding, zen character... but comes across as a little condescending. Also, this:

What? What?? Why did they keep this book dialog, when the house is VERY CLEARLY part of some kind of housing development area? I legitimately have no idea what they were thinking.

I also have no idea what’s going on here. Elspeth is... I guess looking through family photos on a computer? Ignore the subtitles, that’s from a weather report on tv. What I’m curious about is what exactly is going on in the photo. That’s clearly Rod’s dad, from three years ago... but recent pictures of the twins? Did Rod’s mom, who apparently runs a pet photography business, Photoshop a family ski trip that never happened? Is that what’s being implied here??

We’re then introduced to the rest of the aliens, and... wow, I can’t describe my disappointment. Remember how I said Tar Gibbons and Phil would be fully CG characters? Yeah, that, uhh... that didn’t happen. I was hoping they would do as much of this movie with practical effects as possible, but I meant that in the “get good SFX people” way, not the “do everything as cheaply as possible” way. They’re literally both just guys in suits.

Yeah sure eye stalks and a thick neck are absolutely the same thing as bulging eyes and a long neck. More importantly, look at that clearly human body with extra legs just kinda hanging off the hips. Phil is just as bad. You can’t really tell from still frames, but yeah, he has two vines with leaves coming off of his human-body-proportioned stalk at shoulder level and moves like a guy in a suit... and for some reason, his flower is split into halves so that it can be puppeteered to move like a mouth. Despite the fact that in the book his flower doesn’t even play a part in communication. They could’ve easily just installed a light inside the flower and explained that he communicates through pod burps, and would’ve been perfectly book-accurate. Why make this specific change. Also, if you’ve read this far, you’re probably wondering where Snout is. Yeah, uh. Me too.

Anyway, they appear to have combined the characters of BKR and Arnie into one person to simplify things (but then why introduce Elspeth??), and for no readily apparent reason, changed BKR, which is pronounced how you would expect, into B’KR, pronounced... b’car. For no reason.

Good GOD is this movie cheap. I appreciate the set they created for the top of Rod’s desk, with the giant pencil and such, and obviously they’re going to use a green screen for scenes like this... but it looks SO bad in motion. Like, see how the shot ends at his knees? That’s because he’s very obviously running in place, in front of a green screen. Also, why are sixth graders learning about the Drake Equation, which concerns the statistics relevant to intelligent alien life in the universe, in math class? I guess it’s technically a math topic, but not the kind of thing you’d learn in pre-algebra...and for comparison, Rod’s math homework consisted of single-digit multiplication tables, the kind of thing you do in like, second grade.

I’m also not fond of the degree to which Grakker is a comic relief character. Like... throughout the book, he’s completely strict and serious, and most of the comedy comes from Phil, Gibbons, and Rod. The first time you see genuine emotion from him is when Rod accidentally injures Snout, causing Grakker to hold him tenderly and shed a tear (again, potential Gayliens).

This is supposed to be the inside of a thick black canvas backpack. Am I crazy? Did I not see the Universal Studios logo at the start of this movie? Why does it look like the cheapest of cheap made-for-tv movies? Anyway. They appear to have given Snout’s ability to slow time to Madame Pong, which is worrying. Did they just... remove Snout, one of most important characters in the entire book series? To what end? To fit in all the stupid pointless Elspeth stuff? If they were hoping to make sequels to this movie, well... bad news, because again, the third book in the series is called The Search for Snout. Okay, I gotta know, is he actually cut from the movie or just a surprise reveal for later?

Alright, I am now officially dragging this movie. Also, I guess we now know where William Shatner fits in... I hadn’t even noticed it was him. Also Also, is that furry pink lump with one eye supposed to be Plink? Why all the arbitrary changes? Did they just decide that since they couldn’t fit a person inside of it, they would give it no limbs at all? Why is it pink??

Eyyy. Roll credits! Yeah, I wish... I’m only halfway through this thing.

They made Rod’s best friend Mickey Asian, which is fine, he’s a very minor character and never really described in the book... but unfortunately, they also decided to make him Data from The Goonies. He’s an inventor. Because he’s Asian. Coooool character, movie. So far it’s lead to an unfunny Coke and Mentos gag and an unfunny Pop Rocks and soda gag (which resulted in projectile vomiting). They cut Snout out of the movie to make room for this stuff, mind you. I’m sure this is building up to some kind of payoff, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to enjoy it.

Speaking of payoffs, there seems to be an implication that there’s some kind of paranormal activity at Seldom Seen, the hidden field on Rod’s grandfather’s property, and at Rod’s school. I can understand the field, in this version Rod’s dad definitely seems to be involved with aliens in some capacity, and that’s probably where he was keeping a ship or something... but the school is kinda inexplicable. Like, it’s covered in snow... and it’s the only place in town that’s seeing snow. I can only assume it’s BKR’s... sorry, B’KR’s doing, but I’m not sure why. Did they decide that being blue means he’s from a cold planet, and requires it to be cold wherever he is?

No idea what’s up with some of these changes. Instead of BKR’s house being like an unlived-in model home, it’s... a complete sty. The exact opposite of the book. Why. Also, that coffee table is completely covered in video game consoles... GameCube, Dreamcast, PS2, N64... but Rod says he’s got “all the latest video games”. Does he? Does he really? Was that line in the script, so the crew just bought whatever they could find? As for BKR himself...

I mean, I don’t see Shirley Temple, but it’s not bad! Rod wasn’t trapped inside a pocket dimension inside a CRT tv when he took his mask off, but they wouldn’t have been able to manage that scene with this budget anyway. So far, this is the only alien design I fully endorse. There WAS a point to him having a cherubic face in the book, but it’s never addressed, only implied, and I get why they would make him look more menacing.

In the book, BKR didn’t really have any goals. He just enjoyed being cruel for the sake of being cruel, and was hiding out on Earth because it was unlikely they’d find him there. In the movie, B’KR intends to destroy Earth by opening a wormhole (which is what’s causing the snow), and the good guys have about an hour to save the planet.

They kept another of Snout’s abilities, the Vulcan Mind Mel-- er, knowledge transferal, but gave it to Tar Gibbons. This is literally the only thing he’s done in the entire movie. For the record, this was originally the scene where Snout connects their minds, but Rod is startled by it and pulls back, causing Snout severe psychic harm and prompting the aforementioned emotional response from Grakker.

...They just had to get William Shatner to say Klingon, didn’t they. The climax of the movie is all him flying around spouting (sprouting?) plant puns, then Rod throws a banana cream pie (which was, apparently, part of someone’s science project) at BKR’s face... and finishes him off with foam shot from his papier mache volcano. I guess the shrunken spaceship expanding inside of a house, causing the roof to collapse and knock BKR unconscious, was too expensive violent for the movie... but why is getting him messy a solution to anything? Ah well.

Bruce Coville himself has a cameo as the judge for the science fair, which is nice. I think he might be the principal of the school... I didn’t really notice in the scene featuring the principal earlier, since that happened to be the projectile vomiting scene. I can only imagine he was honored to have his work recognized in this capacity... he’s a good dude, I’m sure he wouldn’t be as horrified as I am with the writing and quality of it.

Also the movie ends with the reveal of the actual size of the aliens... which is, uhh. About the size of adult humans. Hrm. Guess they just straight up decided not to get anything right, huh? Oh, and they reveal that Rod’s father actually is a member of the Galactic Patrol. So, that’s a thing.

Please don’t say that. God, was this movie bad. I would understand if they were passionate about bringing the story to more people and just didn’t have much of a budget, or if they made changes to better suit a visual medium, but that... is not what they did. I’m not the kind of person that demands an adaptation remains 100% faithful; if you want the experience of the book, you can just read the book. This, however, changes so many things. Like, in the book, BKR’s crime is cruelty. That’s the message of the book... that in truly civilized societies, kindness is the norm, and needless cruelty is a criminal act.

The characters in the book all either have depth to them or are interesting as sci-fi concepts, but the movie... Gakker is Mr. Slapstick, Madame Pong is Cool Collected Female, Tar Gibbons is... I dunno, wisdom obscured by things that just don’t translate into English and saying Warrior Science a lot (honestly the closest to his book counterpart, though HE was more interesting and actually did stuff), and Phil... yeah, just William Shatner saying plant puns. Bleagh.

Well, despite that end screen, it’s good to know that we won’t be getting any sequels. I mean, like I’ve already mentioned, Snout going missing is a major plot point in the second book, and the third is literally called The Search For Snout. What are they going to do, just skip to the fourth book?

...Oh hey, George Takei.

I see that many Star Trek focused bloggers started to follow me. Since I’m no Star Trek specialist, just a big fan amongst others and a big Mcspirk shipper too but I wanted to precise two things since I’ve met these two problems regularly on many ST blogs, so if you’re not concerned by it, please disregard this post and don’t take it personally:

I don’t praise or agree with any kind of hater, whether they hate a real person or a fictional character. I just don’t want hate on my dash, let alone gratuitous hate.

In that regard, I will never post or reblog:

Sth that bashes Bill Shatner. I have no clue why so many fans hate him so much and frankly I don’t care at all and don’t want to know about the whys and hows. I bet most are groundless and based on rumors instead of solid evidence. I don’t know the man personally and never will. I only know his acting work and will strictly stick to it. His private life is of no concern of mine and neither should it be of yours. Neither have I the least interest in his personal opinions about this or that. Why does it seem so important to you?

Sth that’s obviously less serious, even not serious at all, just personal since I love the character: I’ll never reblog posts that make Sarek pass as an abusive, neglecting or incompetent father. Some ppl seem to forget Spock also has a mother, (and it’s really not nice for Amanda to be dismissed like that) and that Sarek is a fucking full-blooded Vulcan and so have less clues than Spock about emotions, let alone how to deal with them. Just watch Star Trek Next Generations series. I don’t know if the JJ Abrams movies or ST Discovery are in cause but if they are, lemme tell you they appallingly mischaracterized him! Yes, he and Spock never had an easy relationship, it even was down the gutter the first time we see Sarek in TOS but sorry not sorry Sarek AND Spock were both to blame. Surely Sarek wasn’t the affectionate dad Spock might have needed, but again Sarek is a Vulcan. He never really let Spock decide over his future, but again Vulcans, not just Sarek, aren’t the type to let their children decide over their own future and rather follow the traditions. BUT I remind you Spock never talked about his problems to his parents though BOTH of them would have liked him to do so, he sometimes played hooky for days never giving any sign of life to his parents, I won’t teach you nothing if I tell you Sarek and Amanda must have been worried to death in these moments, BUT I might teach you a thing if I tell you Sarek himself was the one to look for his son when that happened. 

And if you still think Sarek doesn’t care for his son Spock:

You know NO shit at all about Sarek,

Watch the movies Search for Spock and the Voyage Home. Maybe Star Trek Generations too, tho I don’t quite like what they’ve done with Spock. 

And read the ST novels and comics too, they have plenty of Sarek material.

Sarek, just like many traditionalist parents, just followed the customs and habits he has been raised with and did what he thought best for his children, again if you think he despises his children you don’t know the character at ALL, his only wrongdoing was to never question Vulcan ways until very very late. If Spock himself was the first to praise Vulcan ways and traditions as superior, I can’t imagine how other, older, full-blooded, more tradtionalist Vulcans saw their way of life! If Sarek and most of Vulcans thought their customs were the best, why questioning it? Hell, Sarek even started to ask Spock to teach him friendship, for Sha Ka Ree’s sake! He even raised and cared for a Human child! With the initial idea to have Spock welcoming his human, emotional part! Something Sarek perfectly knew he couldn’t help Spock with because again I remind you, Sarek is a full-blooded Vulcan! He brought in a Human child so Spock would feel better about himself and his difference! While he already had a Human wife! While Human race is extremely frowned upon by the purist Vulcan society!

How can one be more caring for their children than him??

He rushed from the other part of the galaxy, telling his Ambassador’s work to fuck off, just to explode at Kirk for abandoning his dying son on an unknown planet (Genesis)! He told Spock he was wrong for disagreeing with his son’s enrollment in Starfleet because that’s Starfleet folks who brought his son back! Just... just watch The Voyage Home’s end!  

I LOVED Sarek in Journey to Babel’s episode and have been loving him ever since!

He and Spock have so much more in common than genes and some of you are woefully clueless about it!

In short, don’t expect me to hate on Shatner or Sarek.

I don’t see the point in hating the first and I LOVE the second.

Hokay, I'm starting Star Trek: Beyond. Going to rant again... maybe say some positive things here and there. Does McCoy get to be a character in this one? Guess I'm about to find out.

Summary:

(Because he did! And also other words! So there’s still some negativity here, but I liked this one best out of the three movies.)

What.... are these aliens. Why do they look like this. Why are they gargoyles. Why are they attacking Kirk. Why is this happening. Why is this in a Star Trek. Okay. I'm. Trying. Let me enjoy this. Let me try to enjoy this. I will stop being grumpy.

Haha he ripped his shirt okay you got me but if the nipples aren't out it doesn't count.

McCoy is onscreen early in a corridor walk that they could've easily left him out of, so that's a good sign? They were a trio for a second.

Why are they showing all Kirk's uniforms as the same? Where is his fat shirt? This is important to me, okay. Wait, I said I wasn't going to be picky.

Whoa, McCoy has a second scene already!!!!!!!! Oh they're having a whole interaction oh no it's cute. WHY IS McKIRK THE ONLY THING I LIKE IN THESE MOVIES? "You know me, Mr. Sensitive." Oh no he's so cute.

MCCOY'S CONTINUING TO BE IN SCENES AND ARGUING WITH SPOCK. It's still about nothing because these movies don't do deep conflict, but. Y'know. There was a tiny trio moment again. I'm being positive.

Okay, those were a lot of establishing shots for Yorktown, so I hope it's actually important...

MCCOY IS IN ANOTHER SCENE WOW.

Oh yeah this is the one where they kinda let us know Sulu's gay? I forgot about that.

Oh no don't make me cry about nimoy please i don't want to deal with real emotions watching these movies. :(

Some of this does feel vaguely Star-Trek, even though it's still taking place in such HUGE environments that it throws me off. Every room is so POINTLESSLY huge.

Um... we're leaving Yorktown so I'm continuing to wonder if those establishing shots meant anything...

The CMO is on the bridge where he belongs, thank you.

Oh, did they let the lady characters have rank now? Soooo progressivvvve.

Do we really need to completely destroy the Enterprise in every movie? Like. Gosh. Where is Kirk's weird sexual attraction to his ship that makes him want to keep it safe? He's sexually attracted to everything ELSE in this version.

Oh my god are Spock and McCoy getting to do something without Kirk there???!!! ARE THEY CHARACTERS????

Everything is so spaced out on the bridge that Kirk has to be standing at the nav station to talk to someone in another part of his ship???

Newer versions of Star Trek keep putting the "evil" aliens in five hundred pounds of latex and makeup... you don't have to make the aliens less humanoid to make them threatening if you just... write better. Also maybe stop creating evil aliens.

I really have no emotional reaction to seeing the Enterprise being destroyed two movies in a row. I don't even have any emotional attachment to this version of the ship because it looks so stupid inside.

... We couldn't get the red alert sound right? Really?

Too much action too much action too much action. Please give me a story so I can care about what's going on.

Once again the gravity situation shows why the Enterprise shouldn't have such huge interiors... I know I'm going on about that a LOT, but it's one of the stupidest design choices in these movies.

WHY DO THEY THINK WE CARE ABOUT THIS VERSION OF THE ENTERPRISE WHEN THEY HAVE MADE NO EFFORT TO MAKE IT FEEL LIKE HOME OR EVEN A SETTING IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF STERILE LIGHT FIXTURES.

Pointless action sequence with Scotty just... getting out of his escape pod. Cool.

Why put Uhura with an alien race where she could use her linguistic skills and then just have them know English? Sigh. Oh well, at least she's getting a scene to herself. Like she's her own character or something, wow.

Hello Spock and McCoy interacting! Thank goodness for small mercies. But a little less exciting when they have no established relationship to this point, but it's fine.

Oh wow they're having a conversation that could be considered somewhat philosophical. Someone saw a Star Trek episode before writing this!

The hot alien lady seems like a D&D character, but that's fine.

I appreciate McCoy yelling at Spock for collapsing in pain. But like, a caring kind of yell. Good job Urban.

I really do keep zoning out during action scenes. I barely know what's going on in the Kirk scenes because it's just a ton of action that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Like... the character who has already lied... lied again. Wow.

I really would like to have some emotional reaction to characters running around the wreckage of the Enterprise, but I don't. :(

Goodbye pointless alien who screwed everyone over a lot.

"Federation has taught you that conflict should not exist." No, these movies are just really bad at it, latex face alien.

Ooookay, we established Yorktown so we should care that this alien guy wants to destroy it because he hates unity or something. Cool.

Spock and McCoy scene okay. And we directly mention philosophy! Blunt, but cool. Again... it's just hard to get into it because there's nothing established with these characters, since these movies are more into action than character. But that was a good moment between them. Like... McCoy saying he'd throw a party if Spock left doesn't work because we have seen hardly ANY of the banter between them. It's relying on what we've seen in TOS... But Spock laughing was cute.

I like Jayla a lot. She's definitely a Star Wars character, but it's fine.

Lol they had to give us a ship older than the Enterprise to find one that looked a little bit like a Star Trek ship. Sigh. But at least they're doing it.

I love you Karl Urban for trying so hard to sound like you're from Georgia. I forgive you for, y'know, not.

OKAY AGAIN... the "Of course I care..." etc lines are good, but there is NO HISTORY BETWEEN THESE CHARACTERS BECAUSE YOU JUST MADE EVERYTHING ACTION SCENES AND THE ONLY FEELING I HAVE ABOUT THEM CAME FROM DE AND NIMOY.

He just yelled at Spock for collapsing in pain again, which is just the best.

Spock: [dying a lil]

McCoy: DAMMIT SPOCK STOP THAT

Gotta say... I did like the moment where Spock looks to McCoy when Kirk says he needs him to stay alive. All I wanted this whole time was the trio.

Okay, McCoy calling Uhura's necklace a tracking device, then saying that he's glad Spock doesn't respect him--when literally a few scenes ago, Spock said he did respect him--is kinda great. Especially since respect in this scenario is, like, a way of Spock saying he has romantic feelings for Uhura? Beyond is bringing Spones back into the picture, and it's not perfect, but I'll take it.

Scott saying "she's lost people too, Captain" was good. It was real good. There are good moments in this one, thank goodness.

Holy goodness, they're letting Scott be a character too! They're letting everyone be real characters instead of just scene dressing for the Kirk and Spock show!

I appreciate Kirk calling everyone Mr. Whatever and McCoy is just "Bones."

McCoy saying "I'll keep an eye on him" about Spock oh no. Oh no it's cute.

Wow this dumb motorcycle scene is Very CG.

The main storyline of this movie is Also Very Bad, but I can deal with bad plots when there are good character moments.That's why I can watch the worst Star Trek episodes for the most part... So Beyond is capturing the feel of a bad Star Trek episode, which is an improvement from the first two movies.

On the other hand, while I would like to try to judge these movies on their own merit, I CAN'T because they lean on the original series. The Spock and McCoy interactions are just one example where all of the emotion and development was actually in the series, but now I'm supposed to apply it to this version of the characters who have never shown any connection before now. So, I have to compare them to TOS and it's just not going to come out well for AOS in any department but special effects and budget. (And Pine being more likable than Shatner as a person tbh.) Then even the relationships they HAVE developed in the show, like Spock and Uhura, make me feel very little because they didn't develop them well. Again, action scenes take precedence over development, and it makes the entire thing weaker.

But little moments like Kirk going to save Jayla when she thinks she'll be left behind, which calls back on the moment with what Scott said about being a team... that was a good within itself because it didn't rely on anything from the original series without entirely deviating from the spirit of it! I wish moments like that weren't so rare in these movies.

Were all those establishing shots like an hour ago really enough for me to care about what's happening to Yorktown? Not... not really? I mean, it's sad, but. I don't know anything about this place. The only ones I have any connection to are Sulu's family, and that's only because I like Sulu...

AHHHHHHHHHH MORE SPOCK AND MCCOY um... do you see how easy i am to make happy like... i could have easily loved these movies if they'd done a little better

Scott and Jayla are really cute engineering buddies and this is one thing that's 100% AOS that I really appreciate.

This is how I feel when I hear the Beastie Boys too. (Not in a good way. Not a fan.)

Hey guess what I'm about to say! Guess what it is! If you guessed "This action sequence is too damn long" then you get no prizes because it's pretty much a given at this point.

.... Krall is Idris Elba? I could've been looking at Idris Elba this whole time? Stupid latex.

This... reveal makes... no sense? I mean, on the plus side, I guess this means that the evil latex face aliens weren't evil aliens, but bad Humans... Still not great that they use latex to other characters and make them more ~scary~ imo.

Also, this is... basically the same reveal as the Khan reveal, just slightly less stupid because we didn't already know this character like we knew Khan. But they literally did the "different name, and then we find out who they are" thing twice in Into Darkness... seems weird to do it a third time for Beyond.

ALLLLSO I'm really tired of every conflict in these movies being resolved with fighting... isn't the theme of this very movie about how conflict is something we're moving beyond as Humans?

Are McCoy and Spock still just flying around? I'm confused. Too much action has happened and I can't tell who is doing what. I only know Kirk is in danger because people keep saying he is.

Oh, okay, they were still just flying around so they could save Kirk at the last minute. Which is goofy, but okay. Gotta love Kirk continuing to give Spock all the credit when McCoy is the one saving him. GREAT LOVE THAT SO COOL.

Love that Spock's conflict about leaving Starfleet to help his people is literally the exact same in these two movies.

Oh no they're bringing back Nimoy related thing to give me emotions again. Don't do that. You didn't earn my love of Nimoy, movie.

OH NO THERE'S THE PICTURE PART THAT I WAS TOLD ABOUT OH NO MY FEELINGS. OH NO.

Oh, Karl Urban. I appreciate your accent efforts.

....... lol that look Spock and McCoy exchanged about the necklace. Um. Okay. I won't read into that, don't worry, not at all.

HEY HEY HEY THEY LET MCCOY JOIN THE KIRK AND SPOCK SHOW AT THE END WOW THANKS IT'S LIKE IT'S NOT JUST THE TWO OF THEM. AND NOW THEY'RE ALL DOING THE "THESE ARE THE VOYAGES" SPEECH. That's a nice touch.

Okay, this one was the best of the three movies by a lot. Still not. Y'know... great. But they introduced a new character I liked. They had some good Spock and McCoy moments, even if they pretended that the TOS relationship was intact. They let Uhura exist outside of Spock for a while. Scotty got some really great moments. Overall, I'm not as angry as I was while watching the other two!

But now I'm going to watch some TOS, and the next episode I have queued up is Journey to Babel, so. I'm much happier about that. (Yes, this is a call back to the gif I used up top. Look at me, tying things together like a cohesive story would.)

I was rewatching a chunk of WNMHGB with @kiranerys​ last night and had the horrifying idea to look up how they did they Mitchell/Denher lenses. This is what came up. It’s so much worse than I expected.

There’s more info too on the 2nd page from another user (cadetspock):

Here's the whole story as related by Herb Solow: TOS Special Effects: Silver Eyes Herb Solow, Desilu's executive in charge of production for Star Trek and Robert Justman, Co-producer of TOS, presented an amusing anecdote in their book "Inside Star Trek: The Real Story" (Pocket Books, 1996) that reveals the history behind an important special effect required for the 2nd pilot of Star Trek "Where No Man Has Gone Before" -- the first TOS episode to feature William Shatner as Captain Kirk and the pilot that won network approval for production of the historic television series. The story is presented as follows ... Magic time was closing in on Justman again. Of his remaining preproduction duties, one of the most important was to obtain “silver eyes” for Sally Kellerman and Gary Lockwood. The script called for their characters to mutate into all-powerful godlike creatures, the outward signs of which would be their normal eyes transformed into shiny, silver-colored orbs. Justman phoned around only to find that a few optical houses still made old-fashioned “scleral” lenses that covered the entire eyeball, but not one of them wanted to undertake the difficult and possibly lawsuit-provoking task. One firm gave him the name of the Roberts Optical Company, stating, “If John Roberts can’t make them, no one can!” BOB: “Silver eyes?” John Roberts was incredulous. Over the phone, it sounded bad, the way the optician said it. But I persisted. “Yes, Mister Roberts. My name is Bob Justman. I’m from Desilu Studios. We’re making a new science-fiction television show and two of the stars have to have silver eyes.” “Silver eyes,” he repeated. He sounded gruff. “Yes. We need silver eyes. The people at Security Contact Lens recommended you. They said if anyone could make them, you could.” “They did, did they?” He sounded skeptical. Less gruff but skeptical. “Yes, they said something about ‘schollario’ lenses –“ “Scleral,” he interrupted. “Not like what we use today. Scleral lenses cover the whole eyeball. You sure that’s what you want?” “Yes, that’s exactly what we want.” “Nobody else does. They’re too damned uncomfortable. Who’s going to wear them?” “Sally Kellerman and Gary Lockwood. They’re …” “Never heard of them.” “Well, they’re both pretty well known and …” “How you get them to look like silver, that’s the problem.” “Gary had his own series, The Lieutenant, and …” “You could maybe coat the outside with silver enamel, you know, paint it on.” “You could? That’s great!” “But it wouldn’t work.” “Oh …” “What you’d have to do is laminate something inside the lens. That would make it double-thick, but it could work.” “Great!” “Naw. They’d be too damned uncomfortable. Maybe even dangerous if you had ‘em in too long.” “Oh …” “It’s a challenge. I’ve never done anything like that. Come on by my office on Monday at nine and take a look. I’ll dream something up over the weekend.” “Gee, thanks …” He’d already hung up. When I arrived at John Roberts’s Beverly Hills office at nine on Monday, he had a sample pair of silver eyes waiting. “Stayed up the whole damn weekend, working on this,” he grumbled. “I had to crumple up tinfoil and laminate it between the two outer layers. See?” “Yes, they’re real silver-looking, all right. Tell me, how are the actors going to see through them?” “See through them? You didn’t say anything about seeing through them.” “Oh. Well …” “It wouldn’t take much, though. Just a small hole in the tinfoil. You’d never notice it unless you looked for it. Come back Wednesday.” I did. And he had silver contact lenses that could be seen through. “Great work, John.” By this time, we were on a first-name basis. But now came the tough part. “You said they might be dangerous.” “Damn right. You wear things this thick for any length of time, heat builds up in the eyeballs behind the lenses and it gets damn uncomfortable—painful, in fact.” I couldn’t in all good conscience ask the actors to wear the lenses if I couldn’t. So I tried them on. As John had said, they were damn uncomfortable. But they could be worn. And I could see with them on, not well enough to navigate. And John assured me that if the actors wore them for only short periods of time, they’d be safe. Eureka! We had our silver eyes! I arranged appointments for Sally Kellerman and Gary Lockwood to be fitted for the lenses by John Roberts. Sally’s fittings went fine. She was in and out in no time at all. Before delivering the custom-made lenses to her, I tried them on. After a minute or two, they drove me nuts, but Sally could pop the lenses in and out at any time, without difficulty, and wear them without any pain. Even the buildup of heat between the lenses and her eyeballs didn’t faze her. But Gary Lockwood was a whole ‘nother story. His fitting took a long time. Later, on stage, after much fussing , he’d finally manage to get the lenses in between his eyelids and his eyeballs. But he could hardly see while wearing them. In order to have any vision at all, Gary had to raise his chin and look down his nose at the other actor in the shot. Happily, this gave him an unearthly appearance that worked well for his character and even helped his godlike progression.