#even if you love yourself you will still project on others and make mistakes sometimes
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Yoongi Fic Recommendations
a - angst
f - fluff
s - smut
⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆
Series
In the Margins (a s f)
⊹₊⋆ You weren’t sure what he would look like. His writing made you think of a cabin nestled among tall pines, a well-worn cardigan, a scotch neat, and a wistful wisp of smoke seeping into the air from the bowl of an unattended tobacco pipe. What stands before you now is a studio apartment in the city, cigarette butts, coffee stains, and a scowl. There’s definitely been a mistake.
Fix You (f a)
⊹₊⋆ When you take in a stray cat, you have no idea he’s secretly a hybrid trying to escape his past. Can you help him heal?
desolate (a f s)
⊹₊⋆ you just wanted a cute little normal cat to keep you company. so you're not really sure how you ended up with the grumpiest hybrid on earth that seems hellbent on making your life difficult.
One Shots
Set Me Free (a f)
⊹₊⋆ Tired of being told how to live his life and unsure of where he stands in the world, Yoongi--your soulmate--yearns to be free. When you give him what he wants, it causes a rift in your relationship that seems irreparable. 12 years later, you find him back in your life. Can you mend your relationship? Do you even want to?
back-burner (a f s)
⊹₊⋆ sometimes you felt like you were the back-burner of a two-decade-long friendship. how could you ever compete?
Love Language (a s f)
⊹₊⋆ Your boyfriend obviously loves you, but his silence has you questioning if he *wants* you. If you could only get past your damn insecurities maybe you could appreciate what you have.
27 Phone Numbers (f)
⊹₊⋆ Yoongi has gone through twenty-seven phone numbers over the last ten years, and you haven’t changed yours since high school.
sweetner (f s)
⊹₊⋆ You used to know how he sounded when you were wrapped around him, but circumstances have pulled you apart and sent you scattering in opposite directions. Feelings shouldn't reappear so easily by simple words, but when you find yourselves in the same place once again, this is exactly what happens.
One Chance (f)
⊹₊⋆ A musical genius, a guy with a bad reputation, your assigned partner for your final project. And the last thing you ever would have expected.
Seasons Change (a s)
⊹₊⋆ Min Yoongi and you, through the seasons, break up and come back together. Nobody said love was easy.
All That Holly, Jolly Sh*t (a f s)
⊹₊⋆ You haven’t seen or heard from Yoongi since he broke your heart five years ago, laying out a logical list of reasons why you were better off breaking up. When a Christmas Eve blizzard traps you together for the night, you have no choice but to examine how few of those reasons are still true. And if they’re not… where does that leave you?
Now We Reign (a s f)
⊹₊⋆ when working on a collab together makes you and Min Yoongi seek comfort with the other, you discover there’s more to life than loneliness. Only, hurdles mark your path in Min Yoongi’s life, and it’s unclear what the outcome will be. Will you be destroyed by him and his world, or will you learn to reign over it, together with him?
take five (a f)
⊹₊⋆ you're min yoongi's nurse and you have a crush on him, and he gives you five chances to ask him out - he never said anything about accepting though.
The Final - Day 02 (s)
⊹₊⋆ You've been Yoongi's go-to companion for the past few years, well aware that's all you were going to be. Despite your very real, growing feelings for the rapper, you took what you could get every time. Now, you're backstage at day two of the final leg of his tour when another member takes an interest in you. Will it be enough to make Yoongi realize he's got competition?
hello soulmate (f)
⊹₊⋆ your first day on the job doesn't turn out the exact way you envisioned
Sugar Rush Ride (s)
⊹₊⋆ You produced a song based on your hidden desires for your fellow producer and promised yourself that tonight, things would change. You were done pining after him, but then he arrived at the listening party.
fuck being friends (a f s)
⊹₊⋆ as if watching the guy you were hopelessly in love with hook up with another girl each weekend wasn’t enough, he also happened to be your best friend, making things extra complicated. and it only gets worse and worse once he finds you crying in the bathroom at a party one night.
Take One (s f)
⊹₊⋆ There are three things which Yoongi was certain of. One, he was a big star in his field of work. Two, he had a huge cock, one to rival many of the largest names in his industry. Three, he can only find pleasure these days in written word.
Illicit Favors (f s)
⊹₊⋆ When your editor tells you to re-write the chapters of your book because the sex scenes are weak, suggesting you write them from experience, what do you do when you lack any kind of sexual experiences in general? You go to your friend and ask him for help with it.
Bet On It (s)
⊹₊⋆ What's a little wager between enemies? How about if it's your body on the line?
subscribed (s f)
⊹₊⋆ you find out that youtube isn’t the only site he uses to satisfy his subscribers. what do you do with that information?
#bts#bts x reader#bts fic recs#bts smut#bts angst#bts fluff#yoongi#min yoongi#yoongi x reader#yoongi fic recs#yoongi smut#yoongi angst#yoongi fluff#min yoongi x reader#min yoongi smut#min yoongi fic recs#min yoongi fluff#min yoongi angst#suga#suga x reader#suga smut#suga fic recs#suga fluff#suga angst
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Love this blog fr <3 wish their was more omegaverse on tumblr..
I have a request! Any alpha tokyo revengers characters x tall! Omega reader !!!
Can you imagine reader from far away looks intimidating because of their height but is actually a sweet heart !! I love this trope sm
TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE ★
୨୧ alpha! Tokyo revengers x tall!omega! Reader (pairing : mikey, draken, baji & sanzu)
— a/b/o tokyo revengers headcanons
tw : slightly pervy mikey (?) & unhinged baji.
my masterlist : ☆
(aaah thank you sm!! I hope you like it🫶)
MIKEY
when mikey first met you, he never once thought you were an omega. a beta for sure or a submissive alpha at least, but definitely not an omega.
you had that intimidating look and an overall quietness that is so foreign to an omega. he was surprised when you first talked to him about a school project to smell such a sweet aroma around you.
probably thought you were carrying some sort of snacks and asked you to share.
your usually unexpresisve features softened instantly and you explained quickly that it was just your pheromones.
seeing a flustered look on your face was new for mikey. he might be slow at times but he understood immediately what you meant and that he was mistaken.
your height never phased him. he was an alpha, and didn't need his omega to be shorter than him for him to have confidence.
when you started dating, he was actually amused by the reactions you would give him.
mikey loved to tease you. you just seemed so sure of yourself, even though all he needed to do to make you loose your composure was his pheromones.
it seems you were very sensitive to smells, more than your average omega. and mikey knew it.
he couldn't help himself! you were just so cute crouching down to dig your nose into his neck to moment his scent hit you.
your scent also drove him crazy. with little to no care for time or place, mikey would often bury his nose into your chest. it's not his fault if your boobs were always right in front of his eyes!
he doesn't care if you're shy, you can't stop him from getting a good sniff. you might be taller but mikey still is stronger than you.
would then sweep you off your feets and carry you bridal style to yours or his house.
mikey loves it when you're both inside his bed or your nest, that way he can kiss you without having to ask you to bend down. that face you make when you weren't expecting his kisses is adorable!
forces you into his clothes. he loves when you smell like him, especially when you both go outside. his sweaters are often too small for you, but insists you look good with tight clothes regardless.
buys a few oversized shirts a while after...
mikey felt a sense of pride to have such a beautiful omega submit to him & accept him as her alpha.
he might tease you a lot, but never about your height, and those who dare act up in front of you are met with a fight, no exceptions.
mikey is unsurprisingly protective and takes his role as your alpha really seriously.
people often mistake you as a beta and that sometimes lead you to uncomfortable situations. others don't think much of it and think of you as an assertive type of person, they often disregard your feelings as a result.
that's not mikey's case. and his instincts and genuine care for you make him able to read every one of your reactions, even though he doesn't look like the observant type.
if you don't feel at ease, he will gently drag you away and take his time to calm you down.
DRAKEN
being taller than any omega, people would often subconsciously treat you with less care than your counterparts.
believing the perfect omega is someone shorter than them, most alphas never even looked at you as a potential mate.
you kept repeating to yourself that it didn't matter, that you would fine someone worth it one day. but you couldn't change the fact that you were deeply insecure.
you tried everything to make you look smaller, less intimidating, being sure you would attract more alphas, but to no avail.
when you met draken was the first time you didn't feel out of place.
being pretty tall himself and an alpha at that, he was unexpectedly the taller one out of the both of you.
he is also surprised about your height but doesn't think twice about it.
you're a sweet thing who needs an alpha's attention, and good for you, draken is just soo ready to give you that.
the more he gets to know you, the more delicate you appear in his eyes. your every moves are so captivating, slow and soft.
draken's protective instincts are always on when you're near.
he enjoys the fact that he doesn't have to bend down to kiss you. he will look at you in the eyes and tenderly put his lips on yours. it's just easier and more romantic that way!
being almost the same height as him is very practical too! he's your personal stress reliever, and you find yourself burying your face into his neck with ease at any time of the day.
draken lets you do anything with him. he loves making you happy and comfortable.
knows it's useless but draken will still try and help you around the house or when you're doing groceries to grab the higher items before you do.
says it's to avoid you dropping it on your face and hurting yourself, you tell him you can easily do it yourself but you find his motives very touching.
draken knows how previous alphas have treated you and hates himself for not meeting you sooner.
would give them the beating of their lives if he ever got his hands on those who hurt you.
how could someone possibly harm you, physically or mentally, you're such a kind omega, and so docile at that. your desire to please your alpha is so strong it drives draken mad.
you're lucky you found him. draken knows how to look after you the way a reliable alpha should. you can always count on him!
BAJI
baji is completely devoted to you.
I still can't get off my head how he's toman's n.1 boyfriend.
when baji first saw you, he knew he was going to make you his.
he thought you were the prettiest omega he ever saw and never once doubted your second gender.
most people would agree baji is a bit clueless but there are stuff that don't escape his eye.
the way you carried yourself so softly, your soft spoken tone, your natural kindness and the terribly sweet and fruity smell that followed you everywhere, there was no way you could be anything other than an omega.
while baji has his smart moments, he also is a bit dense.
probably thought he would've to assert dominance first, in order to make you look at him.
people couldn't possibly get the attention of an omega such as you, elegant and graceful, without proving themselves.
can you imagine how shocked he was when he found out you didn't like his present.
turns out burnt cars with your name carved on them isn't your thing.
baji starts to court you like a normal alpha would after that.
when you both finally decide to date, he's the most doting alpha you've ever had.
people sometimes look at you funny. you both form and odd pair, with a feral alpha baji and his tall and shy omega who's trying to calm him down.
when that happens you drown him in you scent and hug him like a baby.
he loves it when you do that, but when he cools down, you're back into his arms and he's the one scenting you.
if you were to ever kindly make fun of him for being shorter, he would waste no time in tackling you to the bed and making you understand that he doesn't have to be your height to be the one in control in your relationship.
baji has the upper hand in your dynamic, his abundant confidence is what keeps him away from insecurities.
he knows he's very much capable and can protect you if danger arises.
has such a soft spot for you, he thinks you're genuinely the purest and most loving person he knows.
when he wants to look at you in the eyes, he carries you with ease to the nearest low wall and makes you sit on it. places himself in front of you, between your legs and starts scenting you.
scenting is a big part of your couple's life. baji is all about claiming you in that way.
showers you with kisses and attention. your height doesn't matter to him.
SANZU
sanzu takes dating you as a way to prove himself as an alpha.
you're tall, confident and really beautiful.
he thinks he's way out of your league.
tall omegas like you are so rare, countless of alphas must have tried to get their hands on you but you still chose him?
that's it, you're bound for life.
the first time you interacted he was swept off his feet, he thought you were really pretty, sure, but your kind-hearted and humble personality was unexpected.
you were a breath of fresh air in his life of delinquent.
growls and threatens anyone who dares offend you, if they can't appreciate the person you are then there's no reason they should stay around you any longer.
sanzu with a tall omega mate gives off major guard dog energy. he feels like you're so precious you could be snatched away instantly if he were to turn his head, even for a small second.
probably a bit paranoid, but that's why he protects you so well. sanzu will unknowingly make you feel the safest you've ever been.
now his wardrobe is your wardrobe, he will buy clothes too big for him just so you can wear his stuff.
sanzu is always with you, insists that you need his constant care, that your unusual height makes you more desirable and that he can't let another alpha gets his hands on you.
acts all big and fierce when you're both out, he needs to keep the danger at bay, but gets all pouty at home and engulfs himself in your embrace.
he loves it when you're the one who takes care of him at home.
complains about how you didn't look at him enough earlier when you were with your friends. he's just mad he has to grab your chin to make you notice him more.
he will use his pheromones if you keep teasing him, spreading them so much your heat start and he has to carry you home to take care of you just the way you need it.
sanzu just worships your every being. thinks your height is the most attractive part of your body.
#a/b/o tokyo revengers#alpha tokyo revengers#cannelle★#hybrid tokyo revengers#omegaverse tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers a/b/o#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyo revengers hybrid#tokyo revengers omegaverse#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers imagines#tokyo revengers headcanon#tokrev x reader#tokyo revengers angst#tokyorev x reader#tokyo revengers#mikey imagines#mikey x reader#alpha!mikey#alpha!draken#alpha!baji#alpha!sanzu#tall!reader#alpha mikey#draken imagine#sanzu x reader#baji imagines#alpha baji#alpha sanzu#tall reader
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𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕕𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕟𝕖𝕖𝕕𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣 𝕣𝕟!!
Hello everyone!! Hope you're all doing well! So.. after so many days I'm back! And now I'll upload pac every Sunday:) yeah!! Idk how I didn't understand how I got so busy every fuckin day, and like still don't know what the heck, I even worked on? Like seriously?! (Capricorn traits ig?😅😂)
Disclaimer
This is solely based on my intuition, so please take everything with a grain of salt, because somethings are meant for you and some don't so take what resonates
English is not my first language so I apologise for any grammatical mistakes=)
This reading is divided into 2parts:-
Your current energies
Messages you need to hear
These are some artworks of my brother, so I decided to upload them today! Yes!!
PICK ONE!!
Pile 1!!
Hi pile 1! Welcome to your reading!! So first let's talk about your current energies.
Okay so we have 2 situations here but leats talk about the overall energies first, so you're definitely working towards something, most likely for material gains, like working on some kind of project or something to earn money or becoming independent if you're an young adult rn. With the chariot here it's like the work you're doing is definitely going to be successful and yk it, now the situation comes, either you're doing whatever you're doing to prove something, or to distract yourself from the anxiety or worry. And yeah imo you're doing good, because in both cases, you're heading towards something successful and you got no time for even thinking shit, yeah! That's the energy, and even if you're not doing something for material gains, here's this energy of "journey" so maybe you're doing something on yourself? You're probably working on yourself, and you're going to win in it! Like you're getting clarity and guidance for whatever you're doing, and whatever you're going to do next!! Wow pile 1! Wow!! I love your energies!💕 You're definitely moved on from the past, and you're no more being stuck there, or like not even on negative thought patterns! Yeah you're definitely working on yourself and really gaining clarity over any illusions you had and you're finally releasing something!
Now let's talk about what do you need to hear rn
So the messages are really positive pile no.1! Universe is saying keep going!! Whatever you're doing just keep doing it! They're guiding you and they also want you to reach your highest potential!! Don't be stuck on whatever you have gone through (which you aren't ofc!) But there's an energy of gaining clarity about why the things happened, there's this answer coming in for you for whatever you've gone through, these all are some karmic lessons, you've to learn since past life maybe, and now finally you did it! And as I said in your first part as well, that yes! You're winning! I'm hearing, "it's a win-win situation!!" With the queen of pens, you're definitely heading somewhere so beautiful! Where you've enough to give and help others, and still very abundant! Awww you guys!! Number 8 will be a significant no. For you, whether it's your life path, or current year no. Or just can be anything, your birthday even?! Universe is just cheering for you!! "KEEP GOING!!!🎉🫶🏻" YOU GOT THIS!
Thank you pile no.1 for being here! I appreciate your time and efforts! Hope you liked this, if you want a paid reading for me, you can DM me and follow me for more!!💜
Pile 2!!
Hii pile no.2 welcome to your reading!! So first let's talk about your current energies.
Okay pile no.2 you're starting from 0, you ended something significant in life, whether you made efforts to get something to an end or the universe, something is there which is ended and now you've started from 0 again. Things were probably mismatched, and like very mixed up before, like for eg. Things should end up like 10op but instead ended like 10os and your journey was of swords but in between, sometimes things make up as 4oc or 4op and like then got shifted to 6os or something like that, ik it's complicated a bit, and like people who do tarot can only understand it maybe, but like things are so misplaced in eachothers like someone else's path things was happening with you, which wasn't even yours something like that. I hope you got it now, and you're now starting it again, in hopes that it'll get better, and I hope that it won't be mixed up now! I think you have so many people from different from your own, which is not the bad thing, but this can be the reason for that. And empress here shows that you're also started some self-love routine and things to keep yourself on track, and things really seem to be organised now:)
Now let's talk about what do you need to hear rn!
Hmmmm, pile 2, there seems to be a spritual awakening happening for you, like you have to really balance yourself out now, it seems like you have balance inside, but you have to balance yourself in the physical realm as well, like organise your routine,your to-do list and stuff, and here we have 2 situations, either the spritual awakening will be like a tower moment for you, where you have to handle things maturely, or like it'll come through when you'll balance your life out, inside and out. Yeah and idk why, I'm getting a strong message for you guys, that (this has also 2 situations in it) that either someone is coming in your life, feels like a soul family member to me, or the confidence, motivation, and passion which you're lacking is restoring for you! Or it can be both!! Yes, but you really have to balance yourself out, and also expect the unexpected because it is happening at a very random moment with the tower. Ig spirit is trying to tell you, to play the "king of cups" role now. And whatever happens handle it with care and maturity.. accept and apply the lessons you've learnt so far, you got this!!
Thank you pile no.2 for being here! I appreciate your time and efforts! Hope you liked this, if you want a paid reading for me, you can DM me and follow me for more!!💜
Pile no.3!!
Hii pile 3 welcome to your reading!! Let's talk about your current energies first!
May I ask pile no.3 are you manifesting something?? Anyways, I see you have so many responsibilities on yourself, because also I heard a line "that with great power comes great responsibilities" and so for you pile no.3 you're doing something significant in your life, similar to pile 1 maybe yeah pile 1 and you're very confident about it, I should suggest you to check pile no.1 because it has the kind of same energies as you have. With the karma card, it's like the divine timing is at play, and you can't do anything except to just go with the flow, but you really have so much passion and motivation inside of you that things happen for the better and with the world card it seems that whatever is happening is really good not negative or anything. Idk but in your reading my incense got on fire 2 times lol😂😂 you really have so much passion pile no.3 inside:)
Now let's see what do you need to hear
It's very exhausting for you rn, to work all alone, so spirit is sending you help to share your work with others, ask help from other's, you don't need to do everything alone, and you're not alone either. I see you getting time for some rest and rejuvenation. There is some help around you, or like people are there that are saying to you, to don't overwork but you're not listening to them, listen! Idk but they can be any water sign, but specifically a cancer is coming in for helping you:) your messages are little less in compare to other pikes, but you just need some rest, nothing else, it'll help you seeing things with a newer perspective what you really need:)
Thank you pile no.3 for being here! I appreciate your time and efforts! Hope you liked this, if you want a paid reading for me, you can DM me and follow me for more!!💜
Yeah that's it for today guys!! I'll be now active and upload my pac every Sunday/Saturday!! Thanks for being here💕💜🌛🔆
#tarot cards#tarot pac#tarot reading#tarotcommunity#tarot#astroloji#tarotblr#astro posts#pick a card#pick a picture#pick a pile#pick one#tarot blog#tarot deck
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I would love a butter roll x reader hcs! Your writing is so good!
you got it ;] man deserves all the love!
Butter Roll Cookie x Reader
♡ You had been one of the many scientists that the Cookies of Darkness had kidnapped for their insane project: To bake the perfect cookie!
Obviously, all of you were scared out of your minds, unsure if you should all obey or make a run for it. Before anyone could make a move, a cookie stepped forward with clear eagerness, a big smile on his face. His eyes shined with excitement and curiosity at such an ambitious idea. "When do we start?"
♡ Thus began the experiment. Each scientist was given a role to help run the operation as smoothly as possible. You yourself were assigned as Butter Roll Cookie's assistant. As worried as you were about working for the Cookies of Darkness, Butter Roll Cookie's optimism and reassuring words lifted your spirits greatly.
Baking the perfect cookie? Heck, even you couldn't hide your excitement at achieving something that no cookie has ever managed to do!
♡ You were still new in the scientific field, but fret not! Butter Roll Cookie is there to help you if you're confused or make a mistake. Sometimes, you call for his help, but other times, it seems as if he can already sense when you're having trouble.
"How did you know?!" You stared at him in shock as he easily resolved the mixture you had been struggling with.
He couldn't help but laugh at your question. "My dear assistant, your face is all I need to know!" It was an innocent answer, but you couldn't help but blush at his words. You thanked him and watched him go his merry way to help the others. Your face was beet red the entire day.
♡ There are moments when you forget just how strong Butter Roll Cookie is. One example was when the team needed 2 more beakers to make more room for the dough. Licorice Cookie and Pomegranate Cookie had gone off to a meeting with Dark Enchantress Cookie. This left you all without magic to help carry the large beakers.
"Don't worry, team! I'll get those beakers in just a second." He whistled a merry tune as he headed out to retrieve the beakers. Relieved at this, you all went back to work in the lab. Not a few moments later, he returned with both of the beaks on each shoulder! You all watched in shock as he gracefully set them down in their respective spots. Noticing your stares, he looked around with a confused smile, "What? Something on my face?"
♡ There would be moments where his hands would brush against yours when reaching for something near you. In other some cases, he would "accidentally" bump into your shoulder whenever you two would pass each other in the hallway, despite him having plenty of time to move over. He would give you an apology with that oh-so charming smile of his!
♡ Just as he would leave you with butterflies in your stomach, you would give him the same effect. The way your eyes held so much concern for him, even when he reassures you that he's fine, fills him with warmth in his heart. His heart skips a beat whenever you praise him for his accomplishments or his strength.
♡ If one were to look at his notes that were hidden in his room, each piece of paper would have a small doodle of you every single time. Some of them have little hearts around you (how sweet!).
#a bit short but it's something 💖#next part will have kisses and hugs#i swear#butter roll cookie#butter roll cookie x reader#cookie run kingdom#cookie run#crk x reader#cookie run kingdom x reader#my writing
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𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘼𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙇𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙂𝙤 (𝙆𝙈𝙂)
Pairing: Idol!Mingyu x Non!Idol reader
Genre: heavy angst.
Summary: you both don’t want this, but you know you had to do this.
Date of release: 12/3/22
Words count: 9, 151 words.
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Author notes:
Hello, everyone! after uploading a fluffy shot, I would like to share my latest work that made me cry my eyes out for a few days. It was indeed such a long journey of story development, and I want to share it with you. I use Lisa as Mingyu's ex because FOR ME they are the perfect match. No hate for the queen. My inspiration was a video on TikTok about how seventeen broke up with you. And after watching that video, I have the urge to combine it with the story line that I have before. I really hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do. Any constructive criticism will be good and I apologize if there are any mistakes in grammar or any other else that you found in my writing. Enjoy!
with much love, oppaspearl.
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Playlist:
You know it was wrong to think that your boyfriend is out of love for you anymore when he gives you his world to you, treats you like a queen, stares at you with so much love in his eyes, and always be on your side.
Maybe it’s the insecurity that blinded your mind.
The insecurity that you kept hidden deep down in your thoughts from the day you meet your boyfriend for the first time. He was a stranger back then, a friend from one of your friends that introduced to you at a party. Without asking who is he, what his job is, and how could he can be invited to one of the parties filled with so many Korean top public figures, you know that your friend introduce Kim Mingyu to you.
It feels like yesterday when he shook your hands and give you sweet smile as he mentioned his name. You still can remember how the warmth of his strong hands holds you that night, how you melted inside as your eyes met his. The world seems to be stopped at that time as you both drowned in each other eyes, like in every romantic movie that you always watch when you were fourteen. The butterfly seems to be joyfully flying on your stomach as both of you drowned in conversation that night. Starting from there, you and Mingyu then spent time together a lot.
Then it must become a question if you were so happy with him then why are you feeling insecure?
Here is the thing, working in the Korean pop industry you know a lot. And by mean a lot, sometimes know everything without having to ask. You know how every celebrity goes on date without the fans and media knowing, how they act when the camera was not around them, and furthermore. Working with so many idols from different agencies, making you and your team talk about everything that happened. And Mingyu is one of the hot topics that your coworker always talked about.
How they could not, Mingyu is the perfect package that every girl wanted. Do you want someone tall and bulky? Mingyu got it. Do you want to wake up with the view of your boyfriend cooking breakfast and shirtless in your kitchen the next morning after you have a date? Mingyu could do it. Or do you want to have a boyfriend who understands you and knows you more than you know yourself? Well, Mingyu is the one.
It is not a secret that everyone loves Mingyu since also he is an optimistic guy that radiates positive energy to people around him. As someone who works behind the stage, it was also not a secret for you that some girls from any group or even solo artists are enchanted by Mingyu's charismatic energy. So when most of them know that you become close to Mingyu and had some projects with his group, Seventeen, the girls don’t hesitate to ask you to introduce them to him. You did, but in the end, Mingyu asked you to stop doing that since the person he wanted to get to know more is you.
As your relationship become grow more intense than just friends who spent time together a lot to become a lover, you start digging more about him. Thankfully, you have a wonderful team that told you anything about Mingyu. Well, not talk bad about him, more like his history and other related. You then learn that Mingyu turns out already has two exes and one of them is working in the same industry as him. Your insecurity was risen by thousands as you then learned that the ex that works in the same industry as him is no other than Lisa Manoban, the Black Pink maknae.
You’ve worked with Lisa before for few times and you could tell that she is a living angel. If you could describe her in three words they will be cheerful, kind, and gorgeous. She’s dropped-dead gorgeous. But she’s known as someone who is private and has high professionalism.
If you look back again, you realized that Lisa is the female version of your boyfriend.
You and Mingyu never talk deeply about his past relationship with Lisa, but you know that they dated for almost three years which you are pretty shocked because you were never taught that the relationship can be perfectly hidden for such a long time. What you learn from Mingyu is that they broke up because they start to grow distant due to their job schedule. He also told you that they broke up on good terms and they still be friends.
Many of your best friends think you must be jealous of the relationship that Lisa and Mingyu had especially after knowing about their past relationship. But you assure them, that you are fine with it because it’s part of adulting.
However, you start to feel that you are not fine when the thoughts of your boyfriend don't love you as they used to start to haunt you. More likely the thought of your boyfriend seems not entirely moved on from his ex. You know it’s normal especially when you dated Mingyu seven months after he broke up. This made sense since you read once that mostly after break up, a man starts to realize that he didn’t move on yet from his past in the six months after the breakup.
Also, you may not have the thoughts if something did not happen.
First, it started as a little shadow. You remembered very well it was last month when you accidentally look at your boyfriend's phone screen as you feel it vibrating beside you. While Mingyu went to the kitchen to get more popcorn for both of you, he left his phone on the sofa which landed beside you. Your eyes caught what was on the screen and you realize that it was room chat between him and Lisa. Turned out Lisa just missed calling Mingyu and not after that there was another message from her.
Lisa
23.30
I’m scared, what if something happened? Can you please come here?
“Alright, let’s continue the movie, jagi.”
Mingyu's voice already broke you down as he made his way back to beside you. You quickly turn your gaze to the television before you press the play button on the remote. There are thousands of thoughts running through your mind right now. Why was Lisa calling you Mingyu this late? Why did she ask Mingyu to go to her house at this moment?
But what strikes you the most was turned out all this time when you focusing watch the movie on the television, Mingyu stole some time to chat with Lisa. You know that it’s childish to be upset about it, but you can’t help it. Sighing slowly, you hold yourself up. Maybe Lisa needs Mingyu's help and she was in a dangerous situation when no one could help her. You know the most that Mingyu doesn’t want to make people disappointed or felt alone.
“Are you okay, baby?” Mingyu looked at you with more concern, and his arms wrapped around your shoulder, bringing you closer to his body.
Smiling, you peck his cheeks to assure him that you are fine. When you have a thousand thoughts in your head. “I’m good, just suddenly think about work.”
“You shouldn’t think about it when you're with me, baby.” he pouted before kissing your head. “This is why we have a movie night, remember? Just you and me, with love, not stress.”
You just smirked at his words and nodded. Looked at your response, Mingyu just grinning and softly pushed your head with his free hand, so it can be rested on his shoulder as he holds your tight.
“I love you so much, you know that?” he muttered to your head before kissing it again.
“I know, I love you too.”
“So much?”
“So much, baby.”
Then for the rest, both of you just enjoy the movie tangled to each other. As your mind started to peaceful condition, your eyes slowly close halfway through the movie. The strokes of Mingyu's hands on your hair made you slowly drift to sleep. When you are about to get into a deep sleep you feel Mingyu’s phone start to vibrate for few times. Not only that you can also feel his right finger typing on his phone screen. You just drop it off and let the sleep take care of you.
But the sleep turned out only last for a few hours because you were woken up by the wet feeling on your forehead. Opening your eyes for just a little and between the blurriness, you could see Mingyu strokes your hair for few times before he left you alone in his bed. You closed your eyes, not moving for the next half hour. Your eyes then looked to the digital clock on Mingyu's desk to find turns out it was two in the morning which was two hours after you drifted to sleep on Mingyu's shoulder.
His apartment was too quiet for you and by that, you slowly rose from his bed then opened the door slowly.
You slowly walked to the living room and found it was quiet and dim since the only lights that turned on were only the small light near the window. Your head turned to the kitchen which has an open concept, and you found it still neat and dark. A sigh left your mouth slowly as your cold feet made their way to Mingyu's office which was not too far from the living room. After walking slowly, you finally reached the door which was closed. Your hands slowly turned the knob but you did not find any trace of your boyfriend in the office either.
With empty hands, you just walked back to his bedroom but your walk stopped as you realize that Mingyu's phone laying above the cold marble of the coffee table in the living room. Sighing, you took his phone and brought it with you to his bedroom. Seems like sloppy is still Mingyu's middle name. He always forgets about his phone when he was in a hurry which results in you calling his manager and telling him to pick it up.
The door of Mingyu's master bedroom is closed and you make your way back to the bed to get some sleep. As you put Mingyu's phone on his wireless charger that is placed on his nightstand, the screen lights up. Narrowing your eyes to adjust the light, you saw that it was a new chat from Lisa.
Lisa
2.00
Just get it when you come, the pin is still the same.
There was nothing bigger than your curiosity that night. You really wanted to know what they talked about. Mingyu and you know the boundaries about each other privacy but you both also don’t mind if one of you just want to use your phone because in the end if something was off you just talk about it like every adult does. Tonight, however, you just really to know what they talked at least to make you calm your noisy curiosity in your mind. So, you decided to know the full version because you just don’t want to have another thought or even the worst thoughts that could make a huge impact on your relationship.
Turned out the message between them two was growing more… intense? You learned that Mingyu accepted the offer that Lisa previously asked him which you already read earlier. You also learned that turns out Mingyu visited her yesterday before he went home. The funny thing is that it was the same time when he told you that he went to groceries to get some ingredients for him to cook.
You just standing frozen and staring at the screen. Inside your mind, you were battling with yourself. Should you see the full chat of them to make sure that they didn’t do the last thing that you hoped? Or should you just cool it off and just be okay with it? But is it normal to act like nothing happened when your boyfriend visits his ex without bothering to tell you?
So the heart won, and you decided to let it go and just bury yourself in the thick blanket that has Mingyu scents over it. As you landed on the perfectly comfortable bed of Kim Mingyu and were ready to get more sleep, your eyes didn’t corporate with you. Either it’s because of the coffee you had this afternoon or maybe the strange feeling that was caused by the winning of your heart, you didn’t realize that you’ve been tossing around for hours. Your eyes closed briefly but your mind was busy as hell. It was like a playground, with a lot of screaming, yelling, and storming mixed in one place which was in your mind.
You opened your eyes and find out it was already four in the morning. Sighing you grabbed your phone and play your social media to distract your mind. But as you heard the sound of the main door opening, you put back your phone and close your eyes. You pretended to sleep as you heard the master bedroom door open. Not so long after that, you heard the sound of the shower running, then ten minutes later you feel arms wrapped around your waist and Mingyu's soft breath on the back of your neck.
And so after what happened that night, you never asked Mingyu where he went or what was the reason why he left you alone for two hours. Mingyu also did not tell you about it, so you just let go of it even when you feel an unknown and strange feeling in your heart.
You choose to ignore it.
But you know you couldn't help to hope that it will be the first and the last time Mingyu did that. You kind of wish that Mingyu will just tell you about it without you having to ask first. On another side, you also know that his intention was just to give a hand to help Lisa. It was no secret for you and Mingyu that your boyfriend is such a people pleaser and sometimes you told him that he has to endure it. You know that he has a pure intention to help, not only Lisa but most people that asked him for help.
The worst part is that the feeling and thoughts that you’ve been avoiding kept chasing you, especially when you realize that Mingyu almost spent his time off with Lisa. Mingyu still spent his time with you, but other than you and his groupmates, he spent more time with her. Usually, they went out alongside the 97 groups that you know. Mingyu as a caring boyfriend explains to you that Lisa is currently homesick and since she couldn’t back to Thailand in a short time, she feels lonely. By that Mingyu told you that he and his 97 groups try to cheer her up.
You try to be okay with it and pretend that it was not big deal. But eventually, the reality woke you up. The first thing that made you realize is that you and Mingyu slowly rarely meet each other or have dates like you used to have. Besides that the communication between you is also not more than asking about each other doing and activities. It just feels like you are back to the first stage. It was strange because usually no matter busy you are or he is, both of you will have your way to meet each other such as going home to your or his place, having a breakfast date or even just having a quick coffee run in the middle of your lunch break. You knew that during that time, Seventeen also have a flexible schedule since they just finished their world tour and awards season.
You never thought that it will be a big storm after calming night.
---
“So, are you gonna tell him?”
Your head looks up and finds your boss, Suhoon, leaning at your door with arms crossed. Your lips slowly turned to smile as you leaned into your chair while Suhoon walk towards you with both of his hands in the pocket of his pants. Above your glass desk, there was a piece of paper in your grip. Your grip on the paper starts to loosen as you look at it with a blank expression.
On your hold, the letter of scholarship acceptance in New York City for your postgraduate program was laid and you don’t seem happy at all. It was supposed to be a jolly night when the letter came when you are supposed to be celebrating your acceptance for the study program that you worked for about a year. You should celebrate it with your loved one, but here you are feeling empty.
“YN,” Suhoon calls you softly. “You seem lost, are you okay?”
You nod, still looking at the paper that you held. Suhoon who knows you for more than five years, let out a sigh and you know he didn’t buy any of your response.
“Don’t lie, tell me what happened.”
“Just some issues,” you answer slowly.
“With Mingyu?”
Your right hand previously rubs the paper that you hold. Lifting your head slowly, your eyes then met with his brown ones that have been staring at you.
“What’s happening?” Suhoon narrows his eyes before taking sit on one of the chairs in front of your desk.
“I don’t know,” you say, with a low tone.
Suhoon sighs and rubs his temple slowly. Working as your boss for the past six year makes Suhoon knows about you more than everyone in the office. Besides the fact that you regularly spent more time with him in the past to get your job done, you also hung out with him a lot. It made you become his litter sister that he always dream of. For Suhoon, you are one of the strongest women that he knows so far besides his mother and his wife.
Being the last child of the kids in the family and with your family living overseas, makes you grow up alone and used to being alone. Suhoon even didn’t understand why you choose to live alone in Seoul and work hard while you can enjoy living in Europe with your family and work as you wanted.
Little you didn’t know, Suhoon knows you are a fighter, but not for love.
“YN,” Suhoon whispers. “Please just tell me, maybe I can help you.”
“Is it normal for a man to visit her ex at two in the morning while his girlfriend sleeps in his apartment? Is it normal that I don’t want my boyfriend to spend more time with his ex? Is it normal for me to feel sad when my boyfriend even forgets about the scholarship that we kept talking about for months? ”
Hearing your question, Suhoon looks up and his jaw drops. But different from him, you just sit there and didn’t have any expressions that show your true feelings. Suhoon clenched his fist and sighs as he realized who you talking about. All he wants to do right now was to punch Kim Mingyu in the face, but he know he couldn't do that.
Because you love that bastard so much.
“Oppa,” you call him softly. “I don’t want to move to New York, just because I need to run away from someone in here.”
“You know you don’t have to,” Suhoon tells you. “You could just pick a great uni in here and you could move on.”
“But..”
“YN,” Suhoon stands from his seat. “You are YN, one of the best fighters that I know, and one thing I know for sure is that you fight your ass up to finally achieve all this, to achieve the scholarship that you want since you are in your freshman year in college. You deserved to have a life like what you deserved.”
“And what kind of life that I deserved?”
Suhoon sighs again before looking into your eyes. “The life that made you realize that you have to let go of the person that you love, so then both of you can be better. The life that could give you all the love that you deserved after a long journey.”
You nod your head and open your mouth to speak further but then it was interrupted as you hear your and Suhoon's phone vibrates. Without thinking twice, you grab your phone and Suhoon too. Turns out it was one of your team who send messages in the work group chat of your team.
DISPATCH
UPDATE: SEVENTEEN’S KIM MINGYU AND LISA OF BLACKPINK SPOTTED BACK TOGETHER AND KISSED?! FIND OUT MORE [LINK]
As you read the headline, your fingers start to tremble. Not after you read that, your coworker sent you the photos of them. Your eyes look to four photos that are being sent on the group chat. It was them, it was them. The height difference, the broad shoulder of your boyfriend, and even the cap. The baseball cap that you gave him six months ago. Your thumbs just hover over the screen as you look at the final photo which showed that your boyfriend grabs his ex's waist and kissed her on the lips. What is so funny is that in the article it said that they kissed on November 19th, the day of your anniversary.
You could feel your world start to crumble. Your hands couldn't grasp your phone anymore, and your eyes were blurred by your tears. The phone falls back to the carpet and you can see that there is someone calling you and you know who.
Without you realizing it, Suhoon grabs you and hugs you tight. Your head leans to his chest as tears start to stream down your cheek. You feel numb, you feel like you cannot do something, and Suhoon keeps whispering some words to you that you couldn't point at the moment.
It was like Suhoon hugging a mannequin. But that’s what you feel even when your head was in a chaotic situation.
Your body is in pain like you were just falling from the highest building on earth to the lowest ground. Tears cannot stop streaming from your eyes, you wanted to scream but then you were just too hurt to do anything.
--
You used to don’t know what is worse than going home with a drunk head.
But now you know the answer. The answer is that going back home to your apartment with your non-stop ringing phone and a broken heart. Your heart begins to pound and your head is ready to be blown up any second. After Dispatch release the photo, Suhoon insisted to drive you back home, and using the privilege of being your boss, you accepted his offer.
On the way back to your apartment, your eyes just focused on the view outside of the car. Your body leaned to Suhoon's leather car sit as he drove beside you. Your cold hands grip your bag as you keep telling yourself to not cry in front of Suhoon. Suhoon who drove the car just let the atmosphere become cold and quiet. He knows that the last thing you need is him bickering and asking how you feeling when he already knows the answer. As his Mercedes-Benz reached your apartment complex, you mutter thank you but you avoid his eyes.
Before you step out of his car, Suhoon's hand holds your cold ones and makes you turn your head to look at him. There were ten until twenty seconds of silence before he told you that he is one call away if you need anything and the only response that he got from you was only a nod.
Still, in your clothes, you are now sprawled out in your bed. Your bag was not too far from you, as you can see that the sky become darker in minutes. Your phone still ringing and you know who try to contact you. You just start blankly at the sky as it becomes darker and darker, while your mind was screaming. You don’t know which was hurt since it was too painful.
Deep down, you know what makes you hurt the most and it was yourself.
If only you know that the man that you love still loves his past, maybe you are not in this position now. You could just live happily and he can do that too. So, you wonder again, is this how the universe trying to tell? With you being Mingyu's girlfriend, make them realize that their love was stronger than ever. Was the universe send you to him, so he can realize how much his love for her?
You wanted to scream.
You wanted to yell to the universe.
But all you do now is just lie in your bed as tears slowly left your eyes. It feels like you are dying slowly. The pain was too hurtful to bear, to at least make you furious. You just feel…numb and stupid. Stupid because you know it will happen and you don’t stop yourself to get hurt.
Slowly you turned your head to your bag that sprawled not too far from you. Your eyes stare at it for a few seconds, before you let out a sigh and slowly sit on your bed as you reach for your bag to get an item. Your hand took your phone from your bag and again for the nth time, you take a long deep breath before your phone screen lights up.
There were some missed calls and new messages that spammed your notification. Of course, most of them were from Mingyu and the rest was from your best friends and all member of Seventeen. Your best friends asked where you were and how are you holding up after the news. From your notification, you can read how they are yelling at each other and how they want to fight Mingyu at the moment.
Besides your best friends, all members from Seungcheol and Chan also asked about your well-being and asking where you were. You get the most message from Seungcheol and Seungkwan who are pretty close to you. From their message, you can feel their worry about you.
Then the last you read how your boyfriend handle the situation that was caused by him, well accidentally caused by him. Mingyu has missed calling you about thirty times, and most of his messages were telling you that he can explain what’s happening, asking where you were, and he told you that he was on his way to your office so you can go home with him. It was roughly five minutes when you arrived at your apartment.
Either it’s because your job to handle some crisis or it was too painful that makes you numb, you sigh and write a message to him.
To: Mingoo ❤️🔥
21.00
I’m fine and I’m already back at my apartment since five minutes ago. I think I need time alone to calm myself, please.
So you just hit the send button before turning off your phone. You don’t know what to do, and for the first time in your life, you don’t know what you should do. It hurts every corner of your body, and you just want to sleep it off, hoping the nightmare was gone when you woke up in the morning.
Maybe it is a good idea for you, to clean your make-up, has a hot shower, and then sleep.
Rising from the bed, you slowly take off your coat and put it on your chair before moving to your wardrobe. Heck, you even couldn’t walk properly. Besides the fact that it hurts every inch of your body, your mind still can’t function properly. Like your mind was torn into some parts that are buried in different yet deep places inside of you. What made it worse is that you don’t have enough energy to look for each piece and fix it like it used to.
Deep down you cursed yourself.
You knew it will happen, but why didn’t do anything?
Why were you just peacefully sitting there while you know it will make you hurt?
There were so many questions you asked yourself, but you couldn't answer one of them yet. You wonder what Mingyu truly feels, was he mean it when he says that he loves you? Was it coming from his heart, or it was just to convince himself that he loves you more than Lisa?
You cannot lie to yourself that you didn't love him because hell you love him more than you love yourself. You realized it when it was already two months after you have the first date with him, you know it was such a short time for you to admit that you love him. Heck, you won’t be this painful if you don’t love him.
As your hand takes some shirts from your wardrobe, your eyes then focused on a black box that is perfectly hidden between your shirts. Without realizing it, your hands slowly grab the box. Tears start to gather in your eyes as you realize what was inside the box.
It was supposed to be Mingyu birthday present.
You remembered very well how you secretly contact so many people as you looked for the jacket that Mingyu always talks about. You remember very well how Mingyu talks about it and sadly said to you that jacket was discontinued. It’s a simple black jacket with the hoodie on, but there were some details on the pocket that made it look chic, which made it suit Mingyu. And luckily you find the jacket in his size.
You are the type that has a hard time keeping everything in secret. So, keeping your gift from Mingyu is a very big challenge for you. It is also the reason why you hid it deep inside your wardrobe. Walking towards your bed with the box on, you keep glancing at the box before you open it.
The jacket was still there, neatly packed with some white tuile to protect it from any dirt. Above the jacket, there was an envelope that has not been closed. You decided to open it and realize that it was a letter that you wrote alongside three polaroids of you and Mingyu. On the first polaroid was you and Mingyu who stares at each other with big smile and so much love in each gaze. Mingyu arms are wrapped securely around yours, as your right hand were on his chest. You realized that it was the photo that you took when you visit his family for Chuseok and the polaroid was taken by his sister as the three of you enjoying the evening view from Mingyu’s balcony.
In the same place as the first one, the second photo has the same background but it has differences. In the second photo, Mingyu looked at the view while you look at him with so much love in your eyes. His arms are still wrapped around you but your hands, not his chest. And the last one was the polaroid of you wrapped around each other at Wonwoo's birthday dinner. Smiles were wide on your and Mingyu’s lips.
Seeing those pictures made you miss Mingyu more. It feels like you just want to run to his arms and beg him to stay. But all of your thought was ripped as your eyes focused on the second picture. It made you wonder if that is how your and Mingyu’s life could be if you just let all of this go. You know that by loving someone, you also need them to be happy.
Those big smiles that you secretly found on Mingyu's lips several times as he typed something on his phone, or the times when you look at his happy expression as Chan danced to one of Lisa’s songs in their fan meeting has made you realize something. Maybe letting Mingyu go, will make him find his happiness which is on Lisa.
Yes, you will be hurt.
Yes, it’s gonna take a long time to heal it.
But you know that you could not make Mingyu happy. You love Mingyu and he loves you, but you know that his love for Lisa is bigger than what both of you have right now. You are not blind, you clearly can see it in his eyes and how acts.
You know it’s time for you to leave and stop being in the middle of two people that fall in love.
And so by that, your body collapses on your bed as tears stream around your eyes. You try to scream but you can’t because it is just too painful. It was too painful for you to let the person that you love the most go and back to his happiness.
But you know, sooner or later it will be more painful to see him pretending to be happy when he’s not. It will be more painful to finally realize that you could not make him happy.
You realized, right now is the perfect time for you to leave.
---
Seungcheol
19:00
He just left the dorm, on the way to his apartment. Are you there? Please be safe, call me if you need anything.
Your eyes look at your phone screen. Reading back to the message that Seungcheol sent to you fifteen minutes ago, you sigh slowly and lean into the chair. You tighten your hands as you mentally prepare for what you want to talk about. Turning your head to see the view outside, you realize that it was already snowing. It’s the perfect time for you to play with some snow and enjoy a cup of hot chocolate. Your mind traces back to the memories of when you used to play in the snow outside with your brother while your mom told you to go back before you catch a cold.
Speak of your brother, you missed him. You missed having him around you, you missed how you can talk for hours about all your problems with him, and you missed how he hugs you to assure you that you are safe. Those warm hugs that keep you calm in the middle of the storm.
Maybe after all of this is finished, you will back home and call your brother right away.
“YN?”
Your head turns to where the voice has called your name softly. The voice was too familiar for you. Standing not far away from you, Mingyu looks at you with his mouth half open. Your eyes meet his and you can see that he looks fresher than ever. Mingyu walks slowly towards you with his eyes still on you while you raise for your sit.
“Baby,”
Please don’t call me that, you beg silently in your mind.
You try to keep your tears in place but your mind betrays you. A tear left your eyes as you sadly smile at him. The mixed feeling that you got as you look at him after two days of radio silence was so overwhelming. Deep down all you want to do was bury yourself in his warmness, but you know you couldn't do that.
“I-I’m sorry,” Mingyu whispers before he walks to you and hugs you tight. As his arms wrapped around you, your arms just stay in the position. You didn’t hug him while he hugs you like there is no day for tomorrow. Tears flow down your cheek as you also can feel a wet feeling on your hair. Indeed, both of you cry.
“I-I’m sorry,” Mingyu whispers again and again before he looks into your eyes. “We can fix everything right? I love you,”
I love you too, but I know you love her more.
You just stare at him blankly. His brown eyes with so many worries as you try to memorize them closely. The moles on his nose, his puppy eyes, every detail of Mingyu that you know will be missed. Especially those lips. Gosh, those plumpy lips that kissed you with so much love and passion. Those lips that give your head and cheek pecks whenever you are wrapped around his arms.
“Mingyu-ah,” you take a deep breath before looking straight into his eyes. You realize how his eyes widened as you call him by his name instead of the nicknames that you always used. Not Gyu, baby, babe, loves, chagi, but just Mingyu. “I-I think we need to talk about it, about us.”
Mingyu looks at you like he knows what will you talk about. Lowering his gaze before letting out a sigh, he then nods slowly before sitting on the sofa. You sit beside him, giving space between both of you. For a few seconds, there was huge silence between you, as you glued your eyes to your hands that were on your lap. You still don’t have any guts to look at Mingyu back but you know he was looking at you.
“Before we talk,” Mingyu’s husky voice ripped the silence. “Can I hold your hand?”
Still lowering your head, you nod at him and take his hands to yours. Now in your sight, you can see clearly how your hands holding his right hand. The difference with your cold hands, his hand was warmer and it makes you hold it with both of your hands. But the warmth of his hand also pulls you to the reality where you have to talk about it right now.
Mentally prepare yourself for the second time, you take a deep breath before asking, “It was true, wasn’t it?”
“Chagi,”
“Please don’t lie and cover it up,” you mumble to him. “I need the truth.”
There was firmness that Mingyu felt in your tone and he knows you already know something. Something that is cruel and has been hurting you. None like other people who punch him in the face, you just sat there beside him and still held his hands.
“Yes,” Mingyu weakly answer.
“Does she knows about us?” you ask. As the question left your mouth, you prepare yourself for his answer next. You were silently thankful that you are holding his hand because it was a distraction so you don’t have to look into his eyes.
“No,” your thumb that slowly caresses his hands suddenly stops.
You were frozen as you heard his answer. Among all the problems, it was one thing that made you feel like just being punched by someone in every inch of your body. But then again, your thoughts just laugh at you, knowing it will be happening. You should have known this. Why did Mingyu bother to let Lisa knows about your relationship with him when he was still in love with her? Stupid you.
It made you realize too that your relationship with Mingyu was being hidden pretty well like how you hid the black box in your wardrobe.
A tear escapes from your eyes and touches his hands. Feeling the wetness of it, Mingyu becomes a little bit tense and you can feel it from his hands. Cursing yourself for letting the tears out, you just nod. You just nod like it was a normal thing that you heard every day when it was not at all.
“I think we should end here, Mingyu.”
As the sentences left your mouth, Mingyu straighten his body but not pulling his hand from yours. You know that your sentence must be shocked him because it honestly shocked you too.
But you don’t have any better choice.
“Y-YN…”
“Let’s end whatever we have in here, Mingyu.”
This time you look into his eyes. There was no trace of stars or even love that you used to see before. His eyes scream confusion, fear, and any of it that you never imagine seeing in his beautiful eyes. While your eyes screams pain and tears welled up, your lips however tugged a beautiful smile. It hurts you too, more than anything.
“Chagi, no.” Mingyu shakes his head and holds your hands with his. His voice becomes tremble as you can see tears in his eyes. “No, we can fix this, please, I-I-I love you… I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to be this far, I swear. W-we can talk about it, I tell her now about us and--”
You lower your head and shake your head slowly. “There is nothing we can do, Mingyu.”
“B-But I love you!” His hold on your hands becomes tighter as his voice increased. Yet, you still lowered your head and avoided his eyes. “P-Please, just let’s talk about it and I swear… gosh… I swear to start to forget everything about her. Please just… stay.”
“I can’t,” you look at him. “You love her, Mingyu, you still love her and I can see it clearly in your eyes. Even if we fix whatever it is, it can hurt us, it can hurt you even more.”
There is a pause between both of you, and as Mingyu doesn’t reply to your last sentence, you take a deep breath before continuing.
“I don’t want to do this either,” you chuckle softly. “But I cannot force the person who I love to stay with me because I know it will hurt them, it will hurt you. You deserve to be with someone that you love, Mingyu. You deserved to live and earn that happiness, even when it does not come from me.”
Mingyu lowered his head before you could see his shoulder shake. You know he cries and it hurt you too. Without knowing it too, you also silently cry. Both of you still held each other hands, but both of you also drowned in the cries. Looking up, you sniffle and without thinking twice you pull Mingyu into your arms. In seconds his arms make their way to hug you and you can feel that he still softly cries on your neck.
“I’m not mad at you for loving her, Mingyu,” you say softly as your hands threads his soft hair. “Because you have the right to love the person that you want and you deserve that. You deserve to be happy with someone you love and I don’t want to hold you from that. You still have me on your back, whenever you need me... I’m just call away even when I’m not yours or the otherwise. I love you, and let me love you with my way from now, okay?”
“I’m sorry,” Mingyu looks up. You can feel how your heart broke as you look into his glassy eyes. “I’m sorry I used you, YN.”
You shake your head. “No, you’re not, Mingyu.”
“But I am,” he sighs. “I took you for granted… gosh I used you as my rebound, YN. I used your love to heal my feeling, then I just run away from you by bringing your heart with me. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, hey.” you softly call Mingyu and make him look straight into your eyes. “It’s okay, I will be okay, Mingyu.”
“But I hurt you the most,”
“You are worth it,” you sadly smile. “You are worth the pain that I have, Kim Mingyu.”
---
The street was… emptier than usual.
It was around eleven o’clock when Kim Mingyu’s Range Rover slid through above Gangnam streets. As his left hand was on the wheel and his eyes focused on the road, his right hand was nestled on your hand. Your eyes are glued to the outside view as you lean on the leather seat. Between both of you, the silence was thickly lingering which was different from the usual. Usually, at this hour, you and Mingyu were nestled in each other arms on his bed or having some karaoke car night as you both went to some fast food restaurant.
But tonight, it was different.
There was a box of your clothes in the back seat. Clothes that you purposely put on Mingyu's wardrobe. You decided to take them all with you back to the place they were from tonight. Alongside your clothes, your heart also comes with you tonight as you put back Mingyu’s back into his hand.
After your talk, Mingyu insisted to drive you home. You declined the offer at first, saying that you just take a taxi and you don’t want to make him go back pretty late. Deep down, you just don’t want to be in the same car with Mingyu, especially in the car that always accompanies your date with him.
“I know it's selfish, but let me just…drive you back for the last time. I just want to spend more time with you as… a lover, before today ends.”
You sigh as you look at Mingyu's expression as he told you the real reason why he insisted to drive you back. To be fair, you have the same wish as him but you buried it as the thoughts came to your mind. Looking at his lost blank expression, you then finally accept his offer. But as Mingyu look at the box that was filled with your clothes, he was frozen. As you mention to him that you are ready, Mingyu sadly smiles at you before grabbing the box.
“C-Can I hold your hand? Please?”
As Mingyu steps into his car after closing your door, Mingyu looks at you. You look at him with a blank expression before nodding. This time, Mingyu pulls your hand to his as he starts to drive. After that, both of you just drowned in each other thoughts.
You don’t know what’s on his mind, but you do know very well about yours. If someone asks you about what you feel right now, you honestly don’t know what to answer. Not only you were tired, but you just don’t know where to start to explain it. You love Mingyu and you never expect to be in this situation where it forced you to let him go. But here you were, sitting on the passenger seat of Mingyu's car and holding his hands while you can feel yourself starting to lose yourself.
“We are here, love.”
Blinking your eyes, you realize that both of you are already in your apartment block parking lot. You take a deep breath, before nodding and taking off the seat belt. Mingyu’s driver seat door was just open as you call his name softly and tighten your hold on his hands. Not three seconds, Mingyu turns his head and finds that you still sit in your seat with glassy eyes that look forward.
“Mingyu-ah,” you take a deep breath before looking at him. “I’m sorry.”
Hearing you apologize, Mingyu frowns at you before sighing. But as he open his mouth and was ready to speak, you cut him off by continuing, “I know I should fight for us, but I don’t think I could…I don’t know if I can be strong enough in the future and I don’t want to trap you in the relationship that holds you from your happiness.”
“Oh, love--”
“I love you, Mingyu,” you say between your tears, tightening your hold on his hands. “This past year was… pleasant to have you in my life. Thank you for making my life more…happy and colorful with your love. Thank you for loving me even when I’m at my lowest, and thank you for always being there. I’m glad that I met you and am yours.”
“YN,”
“Don’t cry,” you sadly smile and wipe his tears with your thumb. “Please don’t make it harder, Gyu.”
“I’m sorry,” he says between his tears. “Gosh, I love you… I do, YN, please believe me that. I’m sorry for this happening to you, I’m sorry that I can’t move from my past, YN. Sorry for seeing you as her.”
“Hey look at me,” you cup his face with both of your hands and look him forward with your glassy eyes. ”It’s not your fault, okay? Don’t blame yourself because you falling in love with someone. Mingyu. I’m glad you have her in your life, I do, and I know that you can do so much better and happier with her. I know you can love and protect her more than me, Mingyu. I know that.”
“But I hurt you, YN!” Mingyu snaps. “You, the person that put your heart into me, the one that always sees me even when no one does, the person that taught me so much, the person that I suppose to love only and--”
Without any word, you pressed your lips to him. For the last time, please. The kiss feels different while there are nothing changes. You still can feel the softness of Mingyu's lips, the mint flavor, and the feel of his hand grasping your neck softly. Physically nothing changes but mentally everything changes. You know after this kiss and after you left him, there will be no us between both of you.
There will be no YN and Minyu as a couple. There will be no more nights spent in each other arms, no more late-night calls when Mingyu is overseas, no more Mingyu who accompany you working late in your living room, and no more sweet kisses from Kim Mingyu.
You are all alone again.
“I love you,” you whisper as you broke the kiss. “I will always love you, even when you are someone else’s.”
Mingyu nods and closes his eyes. “I love you too, YN YLN, always and I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too…” you nod. “Goodbye, Kim Mingyu.”
And so you take a deep breath before letting go of his grasp. Wiping your tears, you mentally support yourself to get a little bit stronger at least until you are already secure in your apartment. You smile at him before you pull the door open. Tighten your hold on your coat, you then go to the back seat to take the box. You don’t want to bother Mingyu who seems lost and still in his seat as so take the box and close the door.
Before walking to your apartment's main door, you wave your hands at him as he stares at you blankly. Without wanting more time, you just walked to the door as tears streamed down your cheek. You hold the box tight as you silently cry. The pain was stronger than before until it make you cannot walk properly but you force yourself because you don’t want Mingyu sees you like that.
Don’t turn your back.
Don’t look at him again.
Just walk and cry, YN.
“YN,”
You heard Mingyu calls your name and make you stop walking. Betraying your mind for the nth time, you turn your body to look at him. Mingyu stood all 187 cm, and the dark navy coat that has a grey collar that he wore perfectly shaped his body. His eyes were red and swollen same as yours.
“Thank you,” pause. “Thank you for letting me love her.”
Smiling at him, you just nod while your heart cries loudly. You then walk inside your apartment building, leaving him back in his car. As you wait for the elevator, tears cannot stop leaving your eyes. The pain was too painful to bear with it, and it made you realize that you are alone now, without Mingyu.
---
“So, did you tell him?”
You look up from your phone before turning your head to Suhoon who sits beside you. The departure from Incheon Airport was empty when you arrived. Cold morning breeze haunts your skin even when you are already protected by your thick Burberry coat. Today is the day when you will be leaving for New York and Suhoon alongside his wife was accompany you tonight like how your parents do every time you leave Europe.
Heck, you were even already in the airport six hours before check-in opened.
You shake your head for the answer to his question. Instead of giving you long lectures, Suhoon just stares at you before slowly nods. He knows that maybe it was the best decision and he believes you have your own reason why you didn’t tell Mingyu about your departure. It’s been a month since the breakup, and Suhoon already noticed some changes in your life that mostly you don’t want to discuss it. He is thankful for the scholarship because of it most of his time was being used to process some documents for your departure. But Suhoon cannot cover the fact that he is also sad because he lost the happy version of you, the colorful version of you.
Suhoon who knows you for years even shocked too by the way how you calm and managed to survive the pain that he knows hurts you the most. Yes, he did see you cry. Yes, he noticed how your eyes looked puffy when you walked to the office. But with you sitting beside him, Suhoon just sees any trace of peace and calmness on your face.
“What happened if one day he come to me and asked where were you?”
You sigh, then look down. “Just tell him where I’m, it is okay.”
“Why?” Suhoon furrows. “Most of the people I know that have the same case as yours, most of them didn’t let the person who hurts them know where they were. But why are you just letting him know your whereabouts?”
“Because it means, you already have peace with it, oppa,” you explain. “I love Mingyu, and I already know the fact that his love now is for Lisa, not me. If we really meant to be together, there will be thousands of ways that make us back to each other. But if not, then we just really need to let go or else we get hurt more.”
“Will you miss him?”
“Of course,” you smirk. “But it’s part of letting go of someone you love”
You know you will be missing Mingyu and in fact, you are missing Mingyu. There is no day you didn’t think about him, about what he does at the moment. But you know that it was not your name that was on his heart right now, and you try to make a peace with yourself for it. Let go of someone that you love is… tough, but forcing someone who stays and loves you while his heart is already placed in someone else is tougher.
Maybe in another lifetime you and Mingyu will be together forever and you become his happiness.
But not in this current lifetime.
How is it? I really hope you cry because I did for two days straight after writing this LOL! By the way, Part 2 is in progress and yes it will be multiple chapter and my target is finished it by next month, so please tell me more about what you feel after you read this. with much tears and loves, oppaspearl.
#kim mingyu#svt mingyu#mingyu x reader#mingyu scenarios#mingyu oneshot#mingyu angst#mingyu heavy angst#svt x reader#seventeen angst#the art of letting go
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A Place To Call Home: After Shocks
Summary: The reader is feeling guilty after doubting her parents after the stunt her birth parents pulled. But with her parents going away to film a new project soon, the only solution may be for her to go with them for some much needed bonding...
Masterlist
Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader
Word Count: 11,100ish
Warnings: language, angst, fluff
A/N: This one takes place directly after Long, Long Time!
________
“Y/N.” You felt TJ behind you, his strong arms wrapping around your waist, holding you close. “What do you need right now?”
You smiled to yourself, closing your eyes. For every bad thing that’d happened in your life, you were still amazed at how lucky you were to have found someone that loved you wholly. He was still the one person that you’d never once doubted cared for you, never struggled with sharing the dark parts of your past.
There were things you’d only told him even, the details behind vague statements to your parents. Yet he stayed and never complained about what being with a person with scars was like. It’d be so much easier for him to have found a normal girl, so much less for him to worry about.
“I probably would have wound up with a not so nice guy if I’d not gone to my parents when I was a teenager. I would have fallen for the first guy that was nice and sweet just so he could get me in bed or worse. I was so fucking starved for attention and love back then. I was so goddamn lonely.”
He squeezed you tighter, tucking his head down so he could burrow his face in your neck, kissing it softly.
“My dad showed me what to look for in a man. My mom too. They taught me how I was supposed to be treated when I was in a relationship.” You opened your eyes, staring out the back window again. “How did I let those assholes make me afraid of my parents? I hate that I pushed them away, TJ. It’s better now but it’s not. I feel so guilty.”
“It’s only been a few days since things got back to normal. Give it some time. Try therapy with them, bring ‘em to a session.”
“Honey, I know exactly what the therapist would say. I had this same conversation when I was in college. I know it’s because I want people to be angry at me when I make a mistake. It’s what I expect. It’s what my childhood taught me, my time in foster care did.”
“Alright,” he said, kissing the side of my head. “So how’d they say to not feel guilty back then?”
“They suggested I spend time with them so I could understand that my guilt had no basis. That they loved me no matter what and that’s what the whole unconditional thing meant. It’s not bad to get afraid. It’s human and we shouldn’t be ashamed of being afraid.”
“So go spend some time with your parents,” he said.
“I spend too much time with them already,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut as he spun you around in his hold. “Other people our age-”
“I don’t give a fuck about other people our age. Our family lives around the corner and frankly, I hope they always do. I love them. I enjoy their company. Honey, I can promise you that having a close, loving family is a good thing. Allie and Colin? They fucking adore their grandparents. They regularly get to see their aunts and uncle. We have amazing family friends they get to grow up with. Those two kids are never, ever, going to doubt they they are loved and supported. You and I could die tomorrow and I know those two will turn out amazing. I promise you, we will never spend too much time with our family.”
“I worry you think I’m too needy sometimes,” you whispered, meeting his gaze. His face was gentle, short black hair still damp from his shower. “But I’ve never doubted you. I just don’t want to put too much on you. I don’t want to take away time that should be yours.”
“Oh you sweet, silly, adorable, idiot,” he chuckled, tucking your hair behind your ear, letting his finger trail down the side of your throat. “We have forever together. I know how lucky I am to spend as much time as I do with you. My job is flexible and only getting more with time. And you? You’re turning set design into a career now. What couple our age gets to spend so much of our time together? Believe me, I’m greedy to be with you as much as I can be but I am more than happy to share you with our family.”
He cupped your cheek, smiling while he gently stroked over your cheekbone. “Give spending some extra time with them a shot for me. Okay, silly goose?”
“Where did I find you?” you whispered, nuzzling into his chest.
“Orientation. I was the boy awkwardly staring at you for so long you asked if I had heatstroke.” You laughed at the memory of him just blank faced, sweating in the boiling summer heat as you stood with your orientation packet and attempted to find your parents in the crowd. You thought he was from out of state with the way he was dripping and offered him some water while finding him some shade to hide beneath.
By the time he’d gotten his words back, you’d realized he was there on his own. No family to help him move in, find buildings, buy books. It wasn’t a conscious thought back then but you knew that ache of loneliness. Even people who came from homes with parents could feel like they were by themselves.
“Lucky for me you took pity on me and instead of thinking I was a creeper, you showed me which line to get my packet from and pointed out where buildings were on maps and all of it. I was in love with you before I even knew your name.”
“Thomas,” you said, cheeks flushing. “Don’t be cute when I was feeling crappy five minutes ago.”
“Ah, but that’s my favorite thing to do,” he teased, kissing the tip of your nose. “Now off you go.”
“To where?” you laughed, TJ walking you over to the front door.
“To your parents, silly. It’s only nine and we both know they don’t sleep until late. Go hang for a bit, talk to them about being together more. Me and my perky butt will be waiting here for you when you get back.”
“Okay, well that’s just cruel to put that image in my mind and then send me away,” you said as he bent down and slipped a pair of sneakers on your feet. He looked up through his lashes, putting on a sultry smile. “TJ! Stop turning me on!”
“Don’t blame me for you being stunning,” he said, rising to his feet and pecking a kiss to your lips. “Drive over for me.”
“Okay,” you said. “What are you planning on doing in the meantime?”
“Check on the munchkins, play a video game, lay in bed in my birthday suit to greet you when you get back.”
“Just don’t scar the children for life,” you laughed, feeling a gentle pat on your ass. TJ ushered you to go when you nearly dragged him towards the bedroom and finally you were out the door. Two minutes later, you were walking into your parents house, the place pretty dark. JJ was at a graduation party and spending the night there. The twins were up in the family room watching an old movie with the lights off, totally engrossed with it. You figured your parents were on their private balcony and headed for their room.
“Oh fuck!” you shouted when you saw way more of your father than you ever wanted to. You quickly slammed the door and stood outside the room, pacing away as you shook your head. “Nope. Nope. Nope. I didn’t see that. I did not see that.”
The door opened after a moment, your mom slipping out in a pair of joggers and a silky black pajama shirt.
“I am so sorry, honey. I thought dad locked the door,” she said as you kept walking, shaking your head. “Are you okay?”
“Was he giving you a fucking naked lap dance?” you said, a coy smile on her face as she shrugged. “Mom!”
“Oh, you’ve seen his ass before when you watched The Boys,” she said.
“I knew that was going to happen! And I saw a whole lot more than just ass,” you said, shivering your whole body as the twins came down from their movie.
“I remember when I walked in on them,” said your brother, wearing a shit eating grin as you groaned. “Dad’s got a huge-”
“I don’t need a reminder!” you said, your dad clearing his throat as he came out in a pair of sweatpants and gray t-shirt.
“Things going okay out here?” he asked, forcing a smile.
“Talking about your apparently huge dick,” said Arrow. Your mom couldn’t help but laugh as your dad groaned, the twins starting to giggle. “What? It’s the truth.”
“While I normally appreciate how open we are as a family, I mean this in the nicest way, we are never bringing this topic up again,” said your dad with a sigh. “Go finish your movie and for the love of god never talk about this again.”
Your mom was still laughing, earning a small headlock from him. “It’s your fault you didn’t lock the door!”
“Yes, I know,” he groaned, letting her go and standing in front of you with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for scaring you for life, kiddo.”
“It’s fine,” you sighed, crossing your arms. “In terms of traumatizing events, this ranks pretty low for me. Besides, mom told me when I started having sex with TJ about your sex life.”
His head whipped around and she held up her hands. “Hey. She had questions and I answered them.”
“I wouldn’t have told her how big…you know,” he grumbled.
“I didn’t. I just said above average is nice!”
“As much fun as this conversation is, I’d like to repress this memory if possible so I’m going to let you guys continue with your magic mike moment-”
You heard the twins howl in laughter, your dad storming past you and over towards the stairs.
“You two start high school in the fall and guess what talk we’re having tomorrow?” he said. They both groaned for a moment before you heard noise again, your dad wiping his hand over his face.
“They both know what sex is,” you said, his eyes wide. “I gave them both the talk like years ago.”
“You did?” they both asked.
“Yeah. I gave it to all of them. It’s a lot easier for big sis to tell you than mom and dad, especially when dad makes talking about sex so freaking awkward,” you said, cocking your head.
“Well, thank you,” he said, nodding once. “And if that’s something you want to discuss, then we can.”
“I’m good. I just enjoy torturing you in return for the trauma I endured tonight,” you said with a smile. Your mom giggled as he pushed you both into the bedroom, closing the door behind himself.
“Well the mood is gone so what’s up?” he asked as you sat very specifically not on the bed and wandered over to the large window out back. You spun on your heels, both of them watching with concerned eyes.
“I…have been feeling guilty about doubting you guys that you’d hurt me like the sperm and egg donor did and…I’d like to try that thing we did when I was younger and spending more time with you guys helped…if that’s cool,” you said, biting your bottom lip.
“Honey, of course you can hang out with us more often,” said your mom. She wrapped you up in a hug, letting you melt into her. “Dad and I were talking earlier and hoping we could steal some time with you. We missed you.”
“I missed you guys too,” you said, feeling your dad come up behind you and hug you, resting his chin on your shoulder.
“You don’t have anything to feel guilty about,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head.
“I know I shouldn’t but I know I hurt you both and that’s something I have to deal with.”
“It hurts more knowing how much you hurt yourself for being human, kiddo,” he said.
“I know how scared you were that I’d stop-“
“You didn’t stop loving us,” he said. “You were afraid and sometimes, your kids get scared. It’s that simple.”
You nodded, enjoying being squished between them, a calm feeling settling in your bones.
“There she is,” he murmured as he felt you relax. “Better?”
“Yeah,” you said. Your mom tugged you over to the bed, your eyebrows raising.
“It’s clean, I promise.” She slid into her side of the bed, tugging you down in the middle as your dad moved in on your other side. “So we could watch a movie, play a game-“
“Guys,” you said. “It’s okay. You had other plans-“
“And now our plans are to spend time with you,” said your dad, throwing his arm over your shoulders, tucking you into his side. You glanced up, frowning at the deep worry in his eyes. “Honey, you never have to ask us to be with you like you’re some kind of bother. Please know that.”
“You know me,” you said, your mom scooting closer, taking one of your hands in hers. “Can I maybe, I know how this is going to sound-“
“Y/N. Ask like we’re your mom and dad, not strangers,” said your mom.
“I know that too. I’m a little shaky I guess,” you breathed out, both of them holding your closer. “Can we spend more time together, like one on one? Like make a night or something for us like we did when I was younger? That really helped me back then and TJ thinks it’ll help now too.”
“Knew there was a reason I loved that boy,” said your mom. “Of course we can do that.”
You felt your dad stiffen though, your head turning up. He looked sad, pouting almost.
“You have to go away for a project soon, don’t you,” you said quietly.
“Oh no,” said your mom, her hand leaving yours, both of them covering her mouth. “We both have to for two weeks starting on Tuesday. Daddy’s gone for over a month.”
“JJ was going to be in charge and we were going to come home on the weekends but-“
“You have work. I understand.” Still, tears prickled in the corner of your eyes. Why’d you have to be so stupid and push them away for the past month? Now they were both going to be gone.
“Come with us.” Your dad turned your cheek to face him, wiping away a stray droplet before it could fall. “We need to be together again for a little bit. Come to the project with us for two weeks and then you can decide to stay with me or go home with mom but either way you got at least one of us.”
“That’s a long time to be away from Allie and Colin,” you said, biting your bottom lip. “But I know TJ can handle it. I need to talk to him first. I can’t make that kind of decision on my own.”
“We understand. Trust me. Dad and I have had a lot of those conversations over the years.” You already knew TJ would tell you to go and have fun. But you’d never spent more than a few days away from the kids.
“The little one’s will survive. Give ‘em a call and facetime them everyday and it helps. Believe me, nothing beats a hug from them when you’ve been gone for a few weeks,” said your dad. “They’ve dealt with TJ being gone for a week for work before. They’ll be alright if you choose to go.”
“I know they would. It’s me I don’t know about,” you said, closing your eyes. “Let me talk to TJ and I’ll give you guys an answer in the morning.”
“Whatever you want to do. We can always hang out when we get back too,” he said, kissing your temple. “So can I interest you ladies in a game of Mario Kart?”
Three days later you were walking into an upscale cabin you were sharing with your parents, most of the other cabins at the unique little hotel filled with cast and crew for the movie your parents were making. They were producing it and your dad was starring as the main character. You’d done the set design on it nearly a year prior and while you’d forgotten most of the story, you were excited to see one of your sets in person. Plus you hadn’t seen your dad on a film set in more than a few years and knew seeing him act in person was a rare treat.
After you ditched your bags in the spare bedroom, you changed and met up with your parents for a pre-shoot dinner they were hosting at a restaurant in town with the cast and some of the higher ups. While the dinner was fun, you were tired from traveling all the way to Vancouver all day. You ducked outside to give TJ a quick call but were reluctant to go back inside and have to be social again when you were exhausted.
“Hey,” said a woman around your age if you had to guess, her hair silky and tied back in a loose ponytail, a black floral tank top and jeans on. “You’re Y/N, right?”
“Uh yeah,” you said, offering her a smile. “You’re Cara Micks. You’re playing Maddie. My parents were really glad they managed to get you. Everybody wants you in their stuff after that indie film.”
“One little Oscar nom and suddenly I’m not surviving off ramen in an apartment with four roommates,” she laughed, nodding her head. “I uh, I’m really glad I got this role, even if it’s not what my agent wanted me to pick. Working with your dad is like a dream come true. He has such a good reputation. I know this’ll be a good set.”
“I can guarantee it’ll be one of the best you ever work on,” you said as she wiped off her forehead.
“Plus it’s a good story. You did the set design, right?” she asked. You hummed, her eyes lighting up. “I got to sneak down and see some of the set mock ups earlier today. They look really cool. I’d love to know more about how that kind of stuff works. If that’s okay. People seem to think I know a lot about this business when I’ve really only done a few gigs before.”
“Well, I’ve never been on a set I’ve designed before so I’m right there with you but I’d happily answer any questions. I’ll leave the acting stuff to my dad though. I can barely tell you what a mark is,” you said, Cara smiling as she closed her eyes. “You good to drive?”
“Yeah, just tired. I’ll see you tomorrow though. Maybe we can grab lunch?” she asked.
“Sure,” you said, Cara handing over her phone. You exchanged numbers and watched her drive off as your parents walked out of the restaurant, others trailing out.
“Ready for bed? We got an early day tomorrow,” said your mom. You hummed and closed your eyes, your dad rubbing your back.
“Come on. Sooner we get back soon you can head to sleep.”
“Oh my god! It’s my basement!” you said, hopping up and down when you walked onto set the next morning.
“And what a lovely torture basement it is, kiddo,” laughed your dad. You walked around the set, poking at the shelves, surprised they actually put the cobblestone walls in. He nudged you when you ran your hands over it, a proud smile on his face. “It does look good. Appreciate the fact you know an old shack would have cobblestone and not cinder blocks.”
“That was the point,” you said, walking around the space, stopping at the chair in the center of the basement. “They even found the same chair!”
“They do tend to make the sets match what’s designed,” he chuckled, following you around set, hands clasped behind his back. “You should do this full-time. Design.”
“I don’t know,” you said with a shrug, watching him take a seat on the wooden steps. You sat down in the chair across from him, resting your chin in your hands. “TJ has great benefits so it’s not like a fear of having to be self-employed or not getting gigs. I could not work and we’d be perfectly fine.”
“If you have a sense of obligation to stay at the brewery-”
“I know I don’t have to,” you said. “The team does all the real work.”
“So what’s keeping you from giving it a shot? I mean,” he said, leaning back on his elbows, kicking his legs out in front of him, “You’ve got more than a few projects under your belt. You have the resume, connections. You can set your own schedule. Granted, yeah, it’s not going to be every single day and there’ll be long days sometime but you’ve already handled that with two small kids and working another job.”
“I know,” you said, his head cocking as he smiled.
“So…” You closed your eyes and sighed.
“My brewery job you gave me. And somehow people always know I’m your daughter, even when I use Hanover in projects. I just…if I do this full time people are going to assume I got the job because of my dad and I’ll never know if it’s because I’m good at it or if a director wants to work with you. You know?” He nodded, smirking as he glanced down at the concrete floor. “You know it’s true.”
“Nepotism is a thing in this industry for sure. But I also am a product of that through grandpa and people he knew. Nepotism gets you in the door as a guest and it’s right to acknowledge that. Talent gets you invited to stay at the party long after all the wannabe’s head home.”
“But I didn’t earn it like someone off the street,” you said. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.
“Cold hard truth? No one knew who the fuck you were when you submitted that first portfolio for your first project. Nobody. I know that because I worked with the director of that project after and he had zero clue you’re my kid. He recommended you to other projects before I came along so you did earn it. You’re right. You’ll never know for sure but you shouldn’t stop because of it. You don’t always have to start in last place to be worthy of earning first.”
“But nepotism is basically cheating your way to first,” you said.
“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, it’s a kid who is talented who got in on her own and won’t give herself a break to do something she clearly loves because she thinks it was a gift. Even if it was a gift, take it. Life threw enough shit at you. Take the nice crap too.”
You pursed your lips, looking around. “You think I’m good at this?”
“Mom and I didn’t approach you to do this project for shits and giggles. We knew you’d do quality work and sure as shit, you did. There are not a lot of sets on this film. Most scenes take place out in the woods so the pieces we do have, they need to be fucking good. And this room doesn’t even have four walls and it’s scary as hell so yeah, I’d say you’re good at this.” He stood up, holding out his hands. “Come on, let’s go check out the rest of the sets.”
“Has anyone seen Cara today?” asked the director, Dave close to lunchtime. You glanced up from where you sat in your dad’s chair, your mom over at the film tent with the other producers.
“She’s still not here?” asked your dad as he walked off set. They’d been filming for a few hours for his scenes at the police station but those were wrapped up, everyone ready to start in the basement once lunch break was over. “That doesn’t seem like her.”
You pulled out your phone and dialed, getting no answer. You tried a few more times and got more of the same.
“This fucking kid,” grumbled Dave, leaning back in his seat. “Can someone get over to her hotel room and tell her to get her ass on set? I don’t care if she was nominated for a fucking Oscar. She pulls any diva shit and I’ll kick her out.”
“She said she was tired last night,” you said, several heads turning your direction. “When we left dinner. She looked a little ill too, like sweaty.”
“Well if she’s sick she’s supposed to call in. She better be fucking dying for not giving notice,” said Dave. You raised your eyebrow at him, Dave giving it right back. “I’m not being dramatic. It’s in her contract what she’s supposed to do if she’s sick.”
“Maybe so but a little common decency doesn’t hurt. You shouldn’t wish for someone to be ‘fucking dying’ because they’re not at work on time,” you shot back. You could feel the eyes on you, most of the nearby crew watching you.
To your surprise Dave nodded, his face relaxing. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have said that. Let’s have someone get over to her place and see what’s going on.”
People dispersed for lunch, your parents holding hands as they stopped at the chair and your dad grabbed his phone.
“Sorry I did that,” you said as you stood. They shared a smile, your dad tucking you under his shoulders as you walked out of the studio.
“We’re not,” said your mom, tilting her head up to your dad. “Remember when she used to be scared of men?”
“You wouldn’t know it with that little display,” he said, squeezing your shoulder. “And you think you’re riding off my reputation in this business. Think again, tall munchkin. Things like that are why people want to work with you.”
“I could have done it privately,” you said with a shrug.
“Don’t take shit on a set. We both did,” said your mom. “It���s nice to know you won’t.”
“Well, what’s the worst that’ll happen? I get fired? So what,” you said.
“We did good,” said your dad, releasing you to high-five your mom. You rolled your eyes and walked ahead, turning around to walk backwards.
“Excuse me but I did good. Y’all were just like…there,” you said, smirking. Both their faces fell and you sighed, stopping in your tracks. “Oh my god, it was a joke! Guys. You two driving me insane as a teenager was incredibly helpful. You definitely did good. Promise.”
“Well,” said your mom with a smile, “It was a team effort.”
“It was,” you said, your dad biting his bottom lip. You spun around and smiled. “It didn’t hurt having a good guy want to be my dad. He set the bar high so I don’t accept shit. I appreciate that.”
You glanced over your shoulder and caught him smiling off to the side, his cheeks a hot pink.
“Dad are you blushing?” you teased. He snapped his attention to you and rolled his eyes, failing to keep his lips from curling up.
“God no. I don’t blush,” he scoffed.
“Sure you don’t,” you said, smiling as you headed for the catering tent. “I forgot you’re a super tough manly man.”
“Damn straight I am,” he said. You shook your head and got in line, looking up when you felt him by your side. “You shouldn’t feel guilty.”
“Dad-” you said quietly as you both stepped forward.
“Your parents hurt us, they hurt you. You didn’t do anything to us. I wouldn’t be strong enough to risk getting hurt by another set of parents let alone believe they love me. I’d be terrified. You’ve always been the strong one in this family, kiddo. You don’t have to say nice things to make me feel better.”
You shook your head, smiling when you looked down. “I don’t say things to you to make you feel better, dad. You or mom. I only say what I believe and genuinely, you made me know what to expect out of men and if they don’t deliver, I’ll let them know about it. I’m not blowing smoke up your ass.”
He smirked, nodding to himself. “You stopped feeling guilty before we even got out here, didn’t you.”
“What can I say? You guys give good pep talks,” you said, feeling your mom hug your waist from behind. “It’s still cool that I came out though right?”
“Don’t ask dumb questions, kiddo,” he chuckled. “Let’s get some lunch and hopefully Cara will be back by then.”
“We have a big problem,” said Dave, stopping by your lunch table about twenty minutes later. Your parents left, leaving the rest of you wondering what was going on. When your lunch break was up, people headed back to their various departments, your dad appearing out of nowhere and giving you a strange look.
“What’s wrong?” you asked.
“Cara has food poisoning it sounds like. The PA that went over found her vomiting. She’s taking her to the hospital to get some fluids in her. Hopefully she’s feeling better later.”
“Oh. Well that’s good,” you said, that strange look still there. “Dad…”
“Technically the scenes we need to film this afternoon are all my coverage. Since Cara’s stunts don’t start until next week, her stunt double and stand in aren’t here yet. But you may have noticed you and Cara share a certain-”
“You want me to fucking double for Cara Micks? Me?” you asked as he smiled.
“You guys are the same height, size. Your hair’s almost the exact same. Literally all you have to do is put on some clothes, sit in a chair with some make up on and make sounds like you’re scared. It’s not going to be hard at all.” You stared at him, his eyes searching yours. “I promise it’s as easy as-”
You crossed your arms and glanced down, kicking at the pavement. “You’re filming the scenes where Ben finds Maddie. Your coverage.”
“Exactly,” he said, voice dropping slightly. “You don’t have to. We can find another woman to I’m sure. I just thought you’re perfect for it already. But you don’t-”
“Dad. It’s not the being a stand in. I don’t mind that,” you said. He cocked his head when you raised yours, sighing deeply. “I’m nervous that…I know that scene. I remember it from the design. Maddie is tied up in a chair in a basement. And I know it’s a film set and it’s safe but…”
You shrugged, smiling wearily.
“House six,” you whispered, his head nodding. “I’m just-”
“I never should have asked,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Dad, no,” you said, grabbing his arm before he could go. You tugged him away between some trailers, letting go when you ran your hand through your hair.
“Tall munchkin, there is no way I would make you do that. I am so sorry I-”
“Stop. Please.” He snapped his lips shut. After a beat you leaned back against a trailer wall, breathing slowly. “Ben’s a cop. House six, that prick was a cop. I need…I don’t know the script that much, only the early parts, if at all. Tell me Ben’s a good guy.”
“He has his rough spots but by the end of the movie, Ben and Maddie are basically father and daughter. It’s a big step for her considering her own father is the one that had her kidnapped and then tried to kill her.” You pursed your lips, his eyes scanning the clouds overhead. “This is going to sound corny as hell but just listen to me for a minute.”
“Okay,” you said as he met your gaze.
“You’re a grown woman. I recognize that and respect it. You can make your own choices, own mistakes, successes. You have a husband and children and I know when you’re in trouble, I’m not the first person you turn to anymore. That’s okay. It’s normal.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and smirked. “But you’re still my little girl. I will always do my best to protect you or I’ll go down swinging in the process. You don’t have to worry about if the character I’m playing is good or bad. I’m your dad. Behind every character is me. And you know me and what I’d do for you.”
You looked away, nodding a few times.
“You don’t have to do this. At all. But understand that I would not allow anything to happen to you if I didn’t believe it was safe. I’ll let you get some bumps and scrapes along the way cause that’s life. But no more scars. Because I told you that night on the road my job is to protect you, that I’ll never hurt you. You know that deep down but you need to hear it out loud sometimes because you get scared.”
You felt him step closer and forced yourself to face him. “What?”
“I will never let anything like what happened in that house happen to you again. Understand?”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” he smiled, giving you a hug. “Why don’t you go hang out in my trailer for a bit? It’s going to take a little bit to find someone and start filming again.”
“Well,” you said, his eyebrow raising, “You or mom will be nearby the whole time right?”
“Absolutely,” he said. You shrugged and nodded. “You change your mind?”
“I can do it,” you said. “You sure you can?”
“Me?” he laughed. “What do you mean?”
“You gonna be cool with seeing me with fake blood and stuff?” He cocked his head and smirked.
“Fake blood I can handle,” he said, your mom stopping by the end of the trailer. “She says she good with it.”
“Oh thank you,” she sighed, quickly grabbing your hand and dragging you behind her. “Jensen, you need to change while I get her ready.”
“See you on set, kiddo.”
“Thank you everyone,” called Dave at the end of the day. You stretched out as you stood up from the chair, your dad rubbing your shoulders that had a small ache to them. “That’s a wrap for the day.”
“How you feeling?” asked your dad, massaging the muscles with my force, the ache soothing away.
“That helps,” you said, Dave coming over to you.
“I really do appreciate you filling in for us today, Y/N,” he said.
“It’s no problem. I didn’t have to do much,” you said.
“Well thanks anyways, and for calling me out earlier. I want this to be a fun set.”
“I think I figured that out when dad started carrying me out of the scene upside down,” you laughed, your dad chuckling. “How’s Cara feeling?”
Dave shared a look with your dad, his hands falling away from you. “She still at the hospital?”
“Appendicitis. It fucking popped this afternoon.”
“Shit,” said your dad. “That’s bad.”
“She was being prepped for surgery when it happened, which was good, I guess. They were able to go in fast and clean her up. I was going to drop by in a bit and check up on her.”
“Dee and I’ll go too. Her parents know?”
“On the way but Florida’s pretty far. They won’t be here until around midnight. I’ll see you guys there,” he said when he got pulled away by another producer.
“Can I go?” you asked.
“Sure. Let’s stop by hair and makeup so they can clean you up first.”
The Next Morning
“What do you think they’re going to do?” said the key grip as everyone ate breakfast together. Cara was doing better but she was on strong antibiotics so she didn’t get an infection and her surgery had been more invasive than if her appendix hadn’t burst. All in all, it meant she was on bed rest for a few weeks and looking at a full month before she was going to be cleared for work.
Which wouldn’t have been a big problem if your dad didn’t have a project lined up for six weeks from now.
“There’s no way we can finish on time unless they got in a backfill today,” said Molly, your dad’s PA, slurping down a bowl of oatmeal. “Jensen has two different films he’s supposed to be in once we wrap and they’re big studio ones. No way he’d drop those to finish this late with Cara.”
“Couldn’t they just push until after he does the movies? That’s only a few weeks, really randomly too. He wouldn't be needed every day at those,” you said. The key grip, a very, very tall man named Ivan shook his head.
“Cara’s got a Marvel role she starts prepping for then. By the time both their schedules are free it’s late winter and we can’t film in that, not when the movie takes place in the early fall. So that pushes us back to next summer which a lot of the time means we’re dead in the water.”
“Yup,” said Molly with a sigh. “I liked this job. Your dad’s not a dickhead and I’ve worked with some dickheads before.”
“How hard is it to find another actress though? Couldn’t they call up like the girl that came in second in the auditions?” you asked. They shared a look and you frowned. “I clearly am not in on the gossip.”
“It’s okay. You just got here,” said Molly, slurping up more oatmeal. “Rumor is it took like five months to find someone to play Maddie. No one could pull off the intense moments in the script until they got Cara. It’s an amazing script but damn, the lead actress has to be able to do a fucking lot.”
“What do you mean? How’s that different than any other story?” you asked, Ivan chuckling. “I am so out of the loop.”
“Set designers normally are. We hardly ever see you guys to be fair. But basically Maddie in the story has be vulnerable but funny, a whimpering mess but also frighteningly creepy. Soft but strong. Do a number of fight scenes with grown ass men twice her size. All while running around in the woods most days, freezing her ass off during the many night shoots and being able to not oversell the emotional moments and have it come off as cheesy instead of awesome. It’ll be a miracle to find someone like Cara Micks.”
“Oh. Well that sucks. The movie sounds cool. I really want to see if get made,” you said, your mom ducking into the tent with a smile, waving you over. “I’ll be back guys.”
“Let us know if you find out anything!” said Molly. You gave them a smile and walked out of the tent with your mom, surprised when she was practically jogging away.
“Where are you going?” you laughed, following after, grateful you were in a pair of sneakers and leggings today. She just waved and you followed her into your dad’s trailer, many pairs of eyes on you. Your dad and Dave were there along with the other producers that were on set, the assistant director, the writer and a few other people you didn’t know. “Hi.”
You took the only open seat at the far end of the little couch across from your dad, Dave walking over and squatting down in front of you. “Uh, can someone explain what’s happening?”
“I’m sure you’ve heard we’re a bit fucked without Cara. We can’t film a two lead movie without one of our leads. She’s a hard girl to replace,” said Dave. Your eyes flicked up to your dad, his lips pressed into a thin line. “We would like it if you’d entertain us for a few hours and try to film a few scenes with Jensen. You already did the stand in work yesterday and that was great-”
“I played a barely conscious girl yesterday. I didn’t have to do anything.” You got to your feet and shook your head. “I can’t act let alone replace the girl who almost got an Oscar. I will happily be a stand-in but guys…y’all do realize I’m not related by blood to these guys, right? There is zero chance any acting talent was passed along. I haven’t acted since the fourth grade where I played girl #4. Does that sound like the person you want starring in a freaking movie with him?”
Your dad shrugged. “I think you’re selling yourself short.”
You were wide eyed, mouth dropping. Had he lost his mind?
“You’re very smart. You had a lot of good suggestions during pre-production,” said Dave, taking a seat on the couch.
“Sets. Sets I get. I have a degree in architecture and so does my husband. I know walls and floors and ceilings. This? I have zero fucking clue about acting.” Dave looked at your parents, slowly returning his gaze back to you. “I can’t do it. I’ll ruin your damn movie.”
“Well we can’t film shit without Cara so let us try for two hours. If you’re as shitty as you say you are, then I have no problem telling you that. Let us try to grab a life preserver before we go down with the ship. That’s all we’re asking,” said Dave. You grumbled, putting your back to the room before sighing.
“Fine. But no one get mad at me when I can’t do it, alright?” you said, turning around with a huff.
“Perfect. Get her a script and in hair and make up. Jensen, we’ll give you twenty minutes to rehearse before we’ll try on set.” You were ushered out of the room and twenty later you were back there with a wad of paper in your hand, wearing the same dirty t-shirt, leggings and sneakers you wore in the basement scene yesterday.
“Why the fuck would you volunteer me for this?” you said the second you were in his trailer, your dad snapping his head up from where he sat on the couch with his own papers. “When have I ever expressed an interest in acting? I look like shit. I’m not a bombshell like Cara Micks. I look like damn roadkill. You are insane for thinking I could pull something like this off. Why, why do you think I can do this? What is wrong with you, dad?”
He looked you up and down, a soft smile on his face. “Stop smiling! I’m pissed!”
“You do realize the qualities Maddie has in the movie are all ones you have, don’t you? You can do it because you have done it. And don’t tell me you can’t act,” he scoffed. You threw up your hands, dropping your papers.
“Of course I can’t fucking act! Why on earth would you think I can?” you said. He walked over in front of you, crossing his arms and staring you down. “What is wrong with you? I can’t-”
“You can act with the best of them.” You could only stare with wide eyes, growing angrier at the smug expression on his face.
“Stop saying that!” you shot back. “Why would you make me do this? I’m going to humiliate myself and you and mom and-”
He started to laugh and you’d had enough. You turned to leave, his hands gently catching your shoulders. You swore your eye was twitching when you faced him, that stupid smile still there.
“Oh, kiddo. I watched you put on a class act for months when you first came to us. Before that? Acted your ass off in those shitty foster homes. Acted your ass off when you put in anonymous calls to get the truly awful ones shut down. Pretended it was all okay to those monsters faces when it was eating you up inside. Even with your birth parents you pretended to be perfect for them.” He got in your face, tilting his head ever so slightly. “You can act and it’s like I told you yesterday. You’re safe here. So trust me to keep you safe and you can act when your damn survival doesn’t depend on it for the first time in your life. Trust me, it’s going to be a hell of a lot easier than the last time you acted.”
You frowned, growling as he leaned back. “Has anyone ever told you how irritating it is that you always have a fucking point?”
“I recall being told once or twice by a certain munchkin,” he chuckled, picking up the papers and handing them over. “Oh and Y/N? You are beautiful, even with that bruised makeup on your face. Believe me.”
“Dad. You have to say that.”
“Hm, no I don’t,” he laughed, taking a seat. “You don’t know how many death glares I’ve handed out over the years. Plus your husband never shuts up about how pretty you are.”
“Don’t make me smile. I’m still annoyed with you,” you said, sitting down at his kitchenette table, fixing your pages. “Do I have to have this memorized?”
“Let’s just practice a few times and go from there.”
Two Weeks Later
It was quiet out. Then again it normally was at two in the morning. You sipped on your thermos of hot coffee while the crew took a short break. You passed it to your dad beside you, the two of you sat in front of a fire in the forest. Above you was a clearing in the sky, so many stars out in the deep wilderness.
“You’re happy.” You glanced to your right, the shadows dancing across his face.
“Yeah,” you whispered, looking back up at the sky. “It’s so pretty here.”
“I’m really glad I get to do this with you,” he said quietly.
“Me too.” You took the thermos back from him, taking another sip. You were both quiet, watching the flames in front of you. He wore a long sleeve henley while you were still in your t shirt and leggings. But at least tonight you got to wear his warm flannel between takes. Until he’d give it to you in the scene at least. You set the thermos behind the log where it’d be hidden from view when they turned the cameras back on in a few minutes, catching your dad close his eyes. “Dad. Don’t fall asleep.”
“I’m not sleeping. Just happy.” You hummed, connecting the stars in the sky, trying to find the big dipper. “Kiddo?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s to the left of that branch.” You spotted him with eyes open, darting around as they made connections.
“I used to sit outside when I was a kid and stare at the stars. No one ever bothered me when I did that,” you said, pointing out the little dipper to him. “Always seemed so peaceful up there.”
“Did you find a little peace down here?” You nodded, laughing quietly. “What’s so funny?”
“You wonder where I get it from,” you said, shaking your head. “You want to be told you’re loved as much as I do.”
“I suppose I do,” he said, the heat of his gaze on you.
“Yeah, I found my peace down here. Don’t think I ever told him the night of my seventeenth birthday was the first time I slept through the night in a decade. I got my peace a very long time ago, just was afraid of losing it.”
“Afraid anymore?” he whispered. You shook your head, catching Orion far off on the other side of the clearing.
“No. No one can take my peace away from me ever again.” He shifted closer, letting you rest your head on his shoulder. “This is the longest I’ve ever been away from TJ since we’ve been together.”
He hummed, breathing softly.
“How do you stand being away from mom for weeks at a time?” He crossed his arms, smiling to himself.
“Why do you think I’d fly all night just to see her and you guys for half a day? We know how to make long distance work. Our whole relationship has always had an element of it. But getting a hug when you get home eases that ache that forms.”
“I miss Thomas,” you whispered.
“You’ll see him and the babies tomorrow,” he said, crew memembers starting to gather back around, eyes fluttering open. “He has a surprise for you.”
“Oh god. What’d he do?” He held up his hands and scooted back over to his mark. You put on puppy dog eyes, a sigh leaving him.
“He and the kids made you a cake. He misses you too.” You inhaled deeply. “Do you regret-”
“No. I just need a moment with him is all.” You forced a smile and nodded. “Alright. Let’s do this.”
Three Weeks Later
“You’re so pretty,” whispered TJ as you exited the bathroom in a pair of pajama shorts and one of his t-shirts. You laughed, pushing back your damp hair before crawling into bed with him. “I can’t believe I’m sleeping with a movie star.”
You slapped his chest, TJ giggling, rolling himself so he rested his chin on your chest. You ran your fingers through his dark strands, TJ inhaling slowly.
“If this was something you wanted to try, you know we’ll figure it out, right?” You smiled, nodding once.
“People said I did good.”
“If you mean your parents bragging about how fucking incredible you did then sure, you did good.” You traced your finger over his cheek, concern growing in his eyes. “You’ve moved on from the brewery and we both know it. You can clearly do this acting thing if you wanted.”
“Thomas,” you sighed. He wrapped his arms under you, giving you a squeeze. “The only reason I did it in the first place was to help. I did it to spend time with my parents. I got to hang out with my dad so much and a lot of the stuff we filmed…I couldn’t have done that with someone else.”
“I have no problem with you not taking your career that direction if you don’t want to do it. But I don’t want you to not try because you do want it and you’re scared. I want you to go after everything you want in life,” he said quietly, tilting his head up, kissing your jaw. “That’s all I want from you.”
“I don’t want it,” you said, closing your eyes. “I want to get into set design full time. Being away for so long, even coming home on the weekend in the middle there…I don’t want to be gone from you guys for that long regularly.”
“I understand, believe me. We missed you too,” he said, giving you another squeeze. “But we’d go with you if you wanted.”
“I know you would,” you murmured, slowly peeling open your eyes to find him with a smile on his lips. “Let’s put it in the maybe someday again category, if it were with my parents. Until then, I am ready to take a few weeks off and spend some time home.”
He nuzzled you and chuckled. “Why not make a vow to not leave this bed? That can easily be arranged.”
“You’re cockier than usual, my sweet boy,” you teased, TJ lifting himself up on his hands, leaning down over you. “Feeling needy?”
“I haven’t slept with my wife in three weeks. I’m fucking needy. Now if the movie star was so kind-” You smacked him with a pillow, TJ putting on a shocked face. “Is this how you hollywood types are?”
“You’re such an ass!” you laughed, hitting him again, TJ plopping all of his weight down straight on top of you. “Thomas!”
A throat cleared in the room, TJ spinning around and in front of you quickly, your dad smirking at you both. “Well I didn’t mean to interrupt this strange…whatever flirting thing this is but I do need to talk to Y/N. It’s kind of important.”
“What’s up?” you asked, shoving a pillow in TJ’s lap to hide the tent in his pants.
“Your birth parents got wind that you were doing a movie.” You narrowed your eyes as he sighed. “They gave an interview an hour ago. My team is freaking out. I couldn’t care less what they say but-”
“But it could damage your reputation.”
He was blank faced but you knew it could be turn into a big deal. “I don’t give a shit about mine. But they said you only got set design jobs because I got them for you and I know how much it means to you to make your name on your own. Just don’t look at your phones or go online for a while. I’m going to fix this. I promise.”
“Is there anything we should do? Or I guess shouldn’t?” asked TJ.
“I know you two are careful about handing out your numbers but don’t answer any calls-”
“I know how to fix all of this,” you said. You felt both of their eyes on you as you climbed out of bed and tugged on TJ’s hoodie sitting on the bench at the foot of it. You glanced back at TJ and then to your dad.
“You want me to release that video. The security footage from the back porch with your parents,” he said.
“Yes and no.” You slipped past him and went down the hall to the kitchen, both of them following as you grabbed an empty coffee mug from the cabinet. You set it under the coffee machine and after a moment it was churning, the pair of them looking very confused. “On a scale of one to ten, how much will your team freak out if you don’t say anything for like…twelve hours?”
“Considering this is the most controversial thing that’s ever happened to me, probably like a fifty. Why? You’re thinking of something,” he said.
“Like I said, I know how to fix this. But I need time and a few other things.”
“This isn’t your mess to fix,” he said. “I’ll release the video with a statement or-”
“Or…you can give me what I need and I can guarantee anyone with a brain who thinks you and mom manipulated me will change their minds.” You could tell he didn’t want to have to get you involved. He knew how much they’d hurt you. All he wanted to do was protect you from them ever doing that again.
“Give her a chance, Jensen,” said TJ, getting out another mug for himself. “I know my wife. If she has an idea, let’s give it a shot.”
You stepped forward and stood in front of him, his lips pressed into a thin line. “It’s your choice, dad. We can do whatever you and your team want. I just feel like if I said something first it’d mean more. I really need you trust me with this if you-”
“What do you need?” he asked, a small smile on his lips. You nodded, inhaling deeply and grabbing the pad of paper and a pen from nearby.
“You instagram password to start.” He jotted it down, giving you a look to not do anything stupid with his account. “I also need the login to the cloud account with the video backup at the house.”
“I can send you the video of your parents directly. It’ll be easier than-”
“Dad. Just give me the login.” He wrote down more on the pad, his eyes concerned now. “How far back does it go?”
“Since we had the house. What-”
“Is it just video or audio too?”
“Both…I’m pretty sure the security company compresses the files.” You hummed, grabbing the paper and picking up your mug, heading for your home office.
“Uh, is there anything we can do?” asked TJ. You spun around and took a sip of coffee.
“Keep the coffee coming and dad, tell your team you need to discuss with your family and you’ll have a statement out by the morning. Otherwise, do not disturb me.”
You slipped away into your office, leaning back against it.
“This is gonna be a long night.”
Twelve Hours Later
You yawned as you exited your office, quickly making your way down to the bedroom and plopping down next to a sleeping TJ. You were asleep in an instant and woke up a few hours later at noon to TJ shoving on your shoulder.
You were pretty sure you growled at him but he knew how tired you were after the jet lag and staying up a full day. But you needed to try to get your schedule back on track so you reluctantly let him pull you up to sitting.
“You’re on CNN! Come look!” he said. You shook your head, TJ hoisting you up, carrying you bridal style into the family room where what looked like your entire family sat watch the news.
And there was your face from the video you’d made in the middle of the night smack dab in the middle of the screen. TJ set you down as heads turned, your mom rushing over and hugging you.
“How did you make that so fast? How…you didn’t have to share those things, honey,” she said, holding on tight.
“I just wanted people to know the difference between a bad parent and a good one,” you said, surprised to find your dad missing. “Is dad mad? I know I put a lot of private moments in and things he’d probably wished had stayed a secret.”
You spotted him come out of the hallway where the half-bath was, his face neutral. He was mad. Of course he was mad. You’d been sleep deprived when you put that video together. You fucked it up. You should have just let him handle it so you didn’t make it worse.
“Dad, I’m sorry. I should have…” you trailed off when he held up his finger and stepped in front of you. He looked you up and down and nodded a few times. “I’m sorry.”
“You make a video telling the world how miserable you used to be, about some of the bad things foster parents did and calling them out by name, about how mom and I changed your life, about how I…” he clamped his mouth shut, glancing away with a scrunched up face. You swore his bottom lip wobbled and smiled, watching him put his back to your siblings who were all watching intently.
“Was it the part about you being the only real dad I’ve ever had that got you or how I called you a good man that anyone would be lucky enough to have in their life?”
“Goddammit, Y/N,” he said, wiping off his face, keeping his head turned away. “It’s one thing when we say that shit in private but you had to say it to everyone?”
“Yeah because everyone should know. Those assholes tried to fuck with you. My whole life assholes fucked with me and now they tried to do it to someone I love. I’m not letting that shit go anymore. So fuck my birth parents and fuck my other foster parents. If people find out that you’re a good person in the process then that’s a bonus to me.”
He sighed, forcing himself to turn around, a sad smile on his face. “I just wish you hadn’t felt forced to share those things.”
“I didn’t,” you said, his eyes widening ever so slightly in surprise. “All I wanted to do was send a message to those people that they can’t hurt me anymore. I’m sorry if I royally screwed stuff up for you or violated your privacy. I just wanted them to leave us alone from now on.”
“You didn’t, sweetie,” said your mom, tucking you into her side, your dad nodding, easing a bit. He cleared his throat and ruffled your hair, his smile relaxed now.
“You with me for a second,” he said. You followed him down the hall to your room, frowning when you were alone.
“Dad I really am-” He pressed a finger to your lips shushing you, fixing your hair behind your ears.
“Do you remember after the accident when I couldn’t take showers and there was that time you helped me wash my hair?” You nodded as he fixed your part, smiling to himself. “I realized something that day.”
“What?” you asked quietly. He rested his hands on your shoulders, breathing slowly.
“You’re a good person too,” he said softly. You cocked your head, a sliver of a chuckle slipping past his lips. “I knew before then but in that moment, when you with one arm in a sling offered to help me, I just knew I was damn lucky I wound up with a kid like you.”
“You were hurt and I helped…how does that make me a good person for doing what I should have in the first place?”
“Welcome to life in my head the past three hours while everyone in my life tells me how amazing I am when all I did with you was what I was supposed to.”
“Well…” you groaned, stomping your foot. “How do you always do that! Every single time you turn it around on me. It’s not fair!”
“I’ve been playing the game longer than you have,” he chuckled, picking up a hair tie off your dresser and bunching up your hair. “Something I learned with your youngest sister is if you start braiding their hair, then you have a captive audience so you can get out of them whatever intel you need.”
You raised your eyebrow at him as he started to work the hair together, ignoring your face. “And what intel are you looking to get out of me?”
“Just sharing a parenting tip,” he chuckled. “You? You I think I have a pretty good idea of where we stand.”
“Oh you do, huh?” You glanced down, annoyed at the fact he could do a far better fishtail braid than you ever had. He slipped the tie off his wrist, twisting it in place a few times before humming.
“Yeah. I mean, I’m apparently the best dad that ever existed so…” he said, chuckling when you lightly punched his arm.
“You’re just…” you trailed off with a shrug, a smile on his face. “Are you mad? About me showing all those videos of us from home over the years?”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Honestly, I loved it. Made me cry like a baby but I loved it. I know you’re pretty damn selective about who you let in but I’m glad I made the cut.”
“Yeah, well, you’re alright for an old guy.” You smirked, getting one in return. “I love you?”
“Yeah you’re lucky I’m still in a good mood,” he said, cocking his head. “Want to know why you’re on the news?”
“Because you’re oh so famous,” you said dramatically, his eyes narrowing. “You so want to give me a noogie, don’t you.”
“The desire is strong,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back. “In news surprising no one, your birth parents were keeping more secrets. Apparently they stole money from their shady employer. A lot of money. Which then the attempt on their lives were made. They were never in witness protection. They were working a deal with the government. Go undercover and they wouldn’t be arrested for partaking in those shady deals themselves. They took the deal and ran. Feds lost them a long, long time ago. You were only supposed to be in foster care a few weeks. But when those dummies got money hungry…they seem to have forgotten they’re fugitives. Pretty interesting have people like that call me the manipulator huh?”
You parted your lips, holding up a hand. “Did they arrest them?”
“It was in process on the news when you came out,” he said as you stood and headed for the door.
“Oh, I want to see this.”
“Knock knock,” said your dad that evening as you lay in bed, ready for a full night’s sleep. “Need anything before we head out?”
“I’ll take a hug,” you said as you sat up.
“Those I’m an expert on.” He walked over and sat on the edge of the mattress, giving a big squeezing one. “Get some rest. You had a long day.”
“So many phone calls. On the plus side my birth parents were arrested, the DA is looking into most of my old foster parents and you gained like a couple hundred thousand followers in like twelve hours. You can tell your PR team thank you.”
“She’s so modest and humble,” he teased, kissing your temple. “Tomorrow will be better. We’ll do breakfast burritos like a normal Sunday. How’s that sound?”
You hummed, closing your eyes. “Can you do one more thing before you go?”
“Shoot,” he said quietly.
“Can you go in my closet and get rid of the duffel bag with the files in it?” He leaned back, letting you lay back against your pillows. “I think it’s time for it to go. I don’t need it anymore.”
He smiled and stood up. “Okay then. Mind if I hang onto it?”
“Do as you please,” you said, closing your eyes.
“You sure you don’t need these papers anymore?” he asked.
“I have my letters from you. That’s all I ever needed,” you said, shuffling the background. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, tall munchkin,” he said, tugging your blankets up. “You realize the studio wants us to make another movie together after this, don’t you?”
“It’s gotta be at a resort or no deal,” you said. He chuckled, quietly opening the door. “You can negotiate that right?”
“We’ll see,” he said. The room grew quiet for a beat before you heard his heavy exhale. “I’m really glad I managed to prove you wrong about trusting me. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to.”
“You’re annoyingly relentless like that,” you said, turning on your side, tucking your covers up. “Love you.”
“Love you back. Sleep tight, kiddo.”
__________
#jensen x daughter!reader#jensen ackles#daughter!reader#jensen ackles x daughter!reader#spn fanfic#supernatural fanfic#jensen ackles fanfic
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ayato and alhaitham — boyfriend messages ☆彡
summary — phone calls and messages exchanged between you two.
characters — ayato and alhaitham (w/gender-neutral reader)
tags — fluff, modern au, established relationship, no use of emojis in text ; headcanons
word count — 736
note — i fell asleep early yesterday so i couldn't write anything. ignore the mistakes bcs i didn't proofread this yet.
KAMISATO AYATO
He's formal when it comes to his typing, always making sure to have the proper capitalizations on his texts as well as punctuations and grammar. You barely see him—actually never see him using emojis nor emoticons to add more feelings on his messages as he reasons that he could just call you to show you what he's feeling. He did, however, try it once but it didn't go quite well as the emojis he used often didn't match what he was saying.
On that note, he prefers calls with you than texts, especially when the camera is turned on for the both of you. It makes him happy seeing your face especially when he works and it makes it easier for him to talk to you as he doesn't have to hold the phone the whole time and struggle with finishing his tasks. He also loves hearing your voice—he could listen to you talk for hours even when everything that you are saying is just pure nonsense and he can't process anything inside his head.
It is clear and obvious that he wakes up earlier than you because of the fact that the first thing you see in the morning when you open your eyes and check your phone is his good morning messages sent at the time the sun is either still down or is still just rising, he's always the first one to message you each day as if he's having a silent competition with others to see who messages you first. You never want to guess what time he wakes up—or wait, does he even sleep?
Always expect to have messages from him to hangout, go out on a date, or anything—he always comes and picks you up, insisting on it when you denied at first but was persistent so you just got used to it— and honestly, the majority of your messaging history with him is just him inviting you out as conversations are mostly held when the two of you are face to face together. He prefers to talk about everything while you two are having a meal or taking a stroll instead of having a screen in front of your face.
ALHAITHAM
Sarcastic remarks being said, banters exchanged to one another, and teasing that leads to small fights or arguments and ending up with either of the two of you apologizing only after 12 hours—minimum— to 2 days later at most. Can't stand his personality? Just sit down, he tells you. Sometimes, you question yourself: does he even care? But then you remember how he always makes sure to text you every day and check on you once in a while or how he never replies late to your messages despite being known for not even reading or answering to others—only when he wants to.
However, despite all of those banters and arguments, there is still affection in your messages—no matter how small or simple it is, no matter how obvious or subtle it is—like him calling you and willingly helping you with your research and projects after calling you stupid in text, at times you'll ask him to accompany you to somewhere and he'll go with you without asking, or when you'll tell him about how you're stressing about your essay and how you will print them because you're busy and you might end up forgetting it, but then he'll show up to your class with a cup of coffee and your papers in hand even when you didn't ask him to.
He's not a fan of calls or facetimes but he wouldn't mind it—when it's you—to be honest. He doesn't talk a lot though and would prefer just listening to you and responding to your rambles from time to time, making comments and asking questions especially when it's about gossip and tea—you probably don't know how his interest always gets piqued whenever you tell him about those stories. He's a gossip guy, you see.
However, even when you and he aren't talking on call and are just doing their own thing, he doesn't complain because he gets to watch you as you go on complete focus, either because you're studying or finishing something that is nearly due already. Your eyebrows scrunched, eyes narrowed or squinted while reading, as you purse your lips into a thin line, he's amused by the expression on your face and couldn't help the light chuckle that emits from his throat.
© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.
#yae publishing house#alhaitham fluff#alhaitham headcanons#alhaitham genshin#alhaitham x reader#alhaitham#ayato headcanons#ayato x reader#ayato fluff#ayato genshin#kamisato ayato#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin fluff#genshin headcanons#genshin impact fanfics#genshin impact headcanons#genshin#genshin imagines#genshin fanfic#genshin x you#azul.writes
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Could you do Elliot (euphoria) relationship hc’s where reader is a drug addict and bulimic only if you’re comfortable Ofc if you’re not then that’s fine hope you have a lovely day/night
ELLIOT MASTERLIST | prompt list | requests are open | tw: talk about bulimia & drug addiction / abuse, mentions of throwing up, self hatred, Panic Attack, minor mention of sexual contend like really short,
A/N: I'm not even gonna lie I totaly forgot that I still had this in my drafts, If there are some mistakes (which there probably are since I didn't wrote this in Google Docs) feel free to correct me! I needed to read a bit into Bulimia and how it is for the ones having it, since I never had it, so if it’s in any kind offensive, I am so sorry, feel free to correct me!
•you two met at a party, he just accidentally ran into you, but he recognized you from History class, one of the classes you shared
•You made innocent small talk, it was short but enough to stay in his mind which was impressive, because he probably wouldn‘t keep Someone he shared a class with and randomly run into, in his mind.
•so the next time you saw him in Class, he actually gave you a little smile which you returned.
•he watched you a bit during class, even though he never really paid attention to any of the other kind of students seeing you, made history a bit more interesting for him.
• well that all changed when your teacher actually put you two together for a project
• you first met up in his house, the first time actually doing your work you needed to do, but since he is Elliot the second time you‘re over, he just randomly starts asking your questions about yourself
• so you actually made some small talk, until you came more and more into other things you could talk about
• but since you guys met up at both of your places, it was a normal occurrence that your mom would walk in on you both checking if you would really make your homework and not just talk or do other inappropriate stuff
• so when you actually had enough you only met at his place, because let’s face it, parents can be annoying sometimes
• he didn‘t really think much about, when you called meet up’s off, because "you weren‘t feeling well"
• because he didn‘t need to know, that you actually had a binge, and forced your body to throw it up
• or that drugs made it easier for you to force your body to do it
• the day you actually came together and shared your first kiss together, made you happy and anxious at the same time.
• dealt with bad relationships before, leaving you for better and much more prettier people, you get anxious about yourself
• it makes you feel less like a person, seeing that everybody who left you, left you for someone who is better than you even if it's just in your eyes like that
• like not only partners, but also some friends did.
• so when you slept over the first time, your parents thinking your sleeping over at some girl friends house, he asked if you wanted to smoke something
• “You want some?“, he asked looking at you, with a Joint in his hand.
„Nah, I don‘t really like weed. It isn‘t mine.“, you said looking at him from his bed, while he was sitting in his open window.
• well he doesn’t need to know, that when you get high on some weed, you binge eat a lot, like so much you throw up because of that.
• “Shit really? Wouldn’t miss this to be fair.“, he said, lightning it up.
„Yeah, but other stuff is more mine.“, you said, watching him blowing the smoke out of the window.
„Like What?“ he asked, looking at him.
„Well pills, and sniffing, I tried like speed, fentanyl, MDMA, heroin, what ever was given to me at a party kind of.“, you stated.
„Really?“, he looked at you, his eyes scanning your face questioning if he really wants you to do that.
„Yeah, like fentanyl a bit more often, not only on party’s, but not like in an addict way you know.“, well that was a lie, you reminded yourself, your nose shows that probably from the inside.
„I have some if you want.“, was it stupid from him? Yes. Did he care? Not really, he loved to share with you, so why not that too? And well it would probably be just a one time thing.
• well that one time became more and more often
• It was another morning waking up next to Elliot, seeing him laying there in his plaid pants, sleeping when all you were in was just one of his shirt
• you looked around in the mild lighted up room, hearing the birds from outside making noise before looking back at Elliot with a slight smile
• you looked next to you, where still some powder was from the night before, you took it and well sniff it
• normally you two would start off your day with that, but you didn‘t mind doing it alone.
• afterward you put it back in its place before laying down again, cuddling up to Elliot
• who slightly stirred awake, throwing his arm over you half asleep only open his eyes a bit and giving you a little smile
• you returned the smile looking at him and putting your Hand on his cheek
• he would give you a kiss on your forehead, before closing his eyes again and pulling you more against him
• once you woke up a second time you go to the kitchen grab something to eat (mostly only cereal) before going back to his room.
• when he brought Jules and Rue to one of your dates, out of nowhere, you kinda felt nervous, meeting people wasn‘t really yours, that’s why drugs made it easier for you at party’s.
• they both greeted you, knowing you kind of from classes you had with them.
• you knew they both dated, but seeing kinda how close Elliot, Rue and Jules are made you kinda doubt yourself
• you were at the cinema, so when Rue goes to the toilet telling Jules and Elliot she just has to pee even though she hasn‘t even drank something you took the opportunity to go, a few minutes after her, to the toilet
• when you got into the toilet, you heard someone sniffing something, only one stall closed knowing it was Rue
• you go into the stall next to her closing it, nervous, about what to do
• but then you decided to jump over your shadow and just asked her
• „Rue?“, you asked
„Fuck..“, you heard her mumble.
„Don‘t lie to me alright? I know you have something, can I like have something? I‘m going crazy right now and I forgot mine.“, you stated.
You heard her climb up the toilet before looking over the wall between you, to look at you.
„You do drugs?“, she asked confused.
„Yeah, or else I wouldn‘t get it over with school.“, you said, looking up to her.
„Promise you won‘t tell anyone?“, she asked.
„If you don‘t say anything, I‘m gonna keep my lips closed.“, you said.
She just nodded and gestures to you to come to her stall, which you did.
•Long Story Short, you sniffed something with her, no idea what it was, but it made you feel better.
• that was the first time and certainly not the last doing stuff with rue, with her just randomly asking
• when Elliot, dropped you off at your place it was a quick good bye, because you wanted to go in the house and just eat
•which you did, you eat til you couldn’t and then just sniffed some fentanyl, which has the side effect of throwing up, so with whatever you got from Rue, plus yours, plus the wood up to the brim, you ran into the bathroom and threw everything inside you stomach up into the toilet.
• the first time Elliot saw you just binge eat, it was kinda shocking to him
• he never thought much about, when you just didn‘t wanted to eat anything, or just called of dates for being "sick"
• it would‘ve made you cry, if you already didn‘t have done it.
• binge eating like you just had, made you feel out of control, not only about the food, but also about yourself
• that plus the stress of eating just catching you binge eat, made you so ill to the stomach, that you ran into the toilet, locking yourself in and throw up
• you were sure, that this would be the end of your relationship, he saw how sick you really were, he saw your drugs next to you already ready to sniff the lines, and the whole empty packages of food lying on your bed
• when you stopped throwing up, you were just hanging over the toilet crying, hating yourself for letting him see it
• but when he knocked on the bathroom door, trying to talk to you, you tried to not let your sobs be too loud
• but you didn‘t really listen to him, his voice was drowned out by the pounding in your ears that’s caused by your heart
• you started sweating, hands shaking, your breathing fastening
• Elliot heard your breath becoming louder cause by becoming faster from mere seconds
• he tried coming in, wiggling the doorknob like crazy, since that wasn’t the first panic attack he witnessed
• you tried to stand up as best as you legs let you, opening the door, before sliding down the wall next the door
• the only reason you opened the door was, that you were more than afraid that you are going to die, like right on the spot.
• you never had a panic attack this worse, to be fair Elliot never seen a panic attack that worse either, so he was kinda scared of what is going to happen even if he kept a calm demeanor outside he was freaking out in the inside
• he sat down right in front of you, taking your face in his hands trying to focus your mind on him and nothing else
• with his help, you actually calmed down in a few minutes, and just stayed a crying mess
• he cleaned up your bed, before laying down with you, so you could tell him what’s going on
• so when you explained to him what’s going on, he was shocked to say the least
•he knew that you took drugs more than just a couple of times but so did he, but now knowing that it has to do, with you being bulimic he has a whole another look on the whole situation
• you were diagnosed with Bulimia real soon, once your parents catched you like Elliot did and send you to a therapist
• but you were always a good liar, so lying after being officially cured from Bulimia to your therapist wasn‘t hard or to your parents
• your only binge eat when they weren’t there, if it happens that you do it while they were home, that’s when the candy comes to show
• your parents never really searched your room for something, that’s what made it easy for you to hide the drugs you had, and the emetics
• the first „I love you“ fell afterwards between you after like 7 Months of dating
• you explained everything to him, even how afraid you are that he is going to leave you for someone better or prettier or healthier
• „I‘m not going anywhere“ - Elliot
• we‘re going to pretend that he is not going sleep with Jules in this scenario, and he and Jules are only friends and nothing more we're delulu here.
• after that day he became extremely cautious about you and how you were doing
• he tried to help you going away from your ED, and drugs, but as it seems, the ED was easier than the Drugs
• he didn‘t go home after that, he stayed with you for the rest of the day and even slept over
• he researched how to help you, what to do, to support you and getting you away from it
• so he tried as often has he can to bring you out to eat, or like order something to eat at his place
• since your parents are a lot away for work, he helps you go shopping for food and meals
• he brings you with him, when he goes out eating with friends or his cousin
• he told his cousin a bit more what’s going on, with you than with Rue and Jules
• when you slept over the other day, you guys were cuddling up in his bed, watching „Undercover Underage“ (I’m obsessed with the show right now)
• „You know, you don‘t have to pretend, not with me alright.“, he said out of nowhere.
You looked at him a bit confused, before nodding.
„I know.. you make me feel save..“, you said, giving him a little smile.
• another change point for you was when you slept together after he found out that you have an ED
• he took way more time in telling you that you were beautiful and worshiping your body
• Elliot is really someone, who wouldn’t know what to do at first, but after a bit of researching he would be supportive and make everything in your tempo and be the calm one in the situation
• he tried also to get you away from the whole drug stuff
• he tried to tell you that he would clean with you, even though he kept doing it with rue (yk the whole suitcase situation with Rue)
• but he knew, he loved you, like no one else before, and he wanted to keep you, even if he needed to lie a bit about his drug consume
• if this whole relationship would be a Taylor Swift song I mostly kinda feel like „Willow“ from the Evermore Album or „Ours“ von Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)
•or like other songs that match your energy are probably:
- teen romance by Lil Peep
- Love Buzz by Nirvana
• like you had people probably look at you two like „Well they shouldn’t be together“ or something like that
• Rue and Jules we‘re probably too like „They Look good together, Odd but good.“
#euphoria#elliot x reader#elliot x y/n#elliot euphoria#elliot imagine#elliot x you#elliot headcanons#elliot euphoria x reader#writing-with-emy
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2. Everything is blue
A/N: Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female.
Angst train still going. I promise there is a plot and you will get more Bucky. In the meantime, please share your thoughts and how do you think it's gonna play out.
Likes, comments, reblogs are very highly appreciated
Feel free to correct me if you find any mistakes
Series Masterlist
Masterlist
It was rough. That's all you could think about. However, when anybody asked you, you never said it out loud. You didn't know why. You felt that maybe if you said it was a mutual decision, then things would be easier. It would make a bit of sense. But a part of you knew everybody saw right through your lies. How could it ever be easy?
Some time has passed since you signed the paper, making you officially divorced. Since there wasn't any big fallout between you and Bucky, you were able to settle everything without going to court. Bucky was already offering everything. He would be the one to move out, so you and the kids would stay in the house. And he was paying more than enough child support. The kids would spend the weekends with him as well. As said, there were no conflicts or arguments in the divorce except for your crushed feelings.
The arrangement was working. On weekdays, you had the kids. Bucky would call them daily. Then came the weekends when Bucky would have them. You were still adjusting. You never thought you would be a single parent. It's taking a lot from you to come to terms with your life now. You didn't have the luxury of time. You were a full-time mother along with your job. Your two children counted on you. They needed their mom to be focused and present. And you knew if you let yourself be, you wouldn't even leave the bed. So you bottled it up, kept it all in, acted as if you weren't dying every single day, and kept going on.
But seeing the man who broke your heart weekly wasn't making it any easier. You expected that it would only last for a while, and then Bucky would forget about the three of you. You were preparing for this. However, it never happened. He remained very present in the kids' lives. He kept in touch and knew everything about Lily and Theo. He even put so much effort into reminding the kids of his unceasing love for them.
He was still the best father you could have ever asked for your kids to have. He just couldn't be your husband anymore.
You were cutting the fruits into star shapes, just like they liked it. Then, add them to the bowl next to the crackers and the cheese. Lily and Theo were always hungry when they got back from school. You were expecting them any second now. Bucky volunteered to pick them up today. Both of you had to stay in very close contact for the sake of your young kids. Even if it was so painful to see him, you were willing to go the extra mile. Because your kids were your top priority.
You heard the door opening and your children's voices speaking thousands of words a second. You already knew they would be so happy that Bucky was the one to pick them up. With him away five days a week, the kids were always missing him.
It's a mutual decision to let Bucky keep his key to the house. All decisions regarding the kids were mutual. Other than that, you weren't sure.
"How was your day, sweeties?" You asked aloud as both of them ran to you and hugged your waist.
"It was great. Miss Sally really liked my project." Lily couldn't hide her happiness. She had been putting her heart and soul into this project for sometimes now.
"I knew she would. I'm so proud of you, baby." You pressed a big kiss to her hair. Then you turned to your son to ask about his day.
"It was good. But Karl's mom wouldn't leave us to come home when she saw Daddy." Theo told you as you gave him a kiss on the cheek as well.
You should have expected that. Everyone knew about you and Bucky's divorce by now. By no competition, Bucky was every woman's crush. All the mothers and teachers never even tried to hide their crush on the man. And nobody could blame them. Along with his attractive looks and killer body, Bucky was incredible with Lily and Theo, a true hands-on father. He was also very successful at his job. He was the whole package. But he was yours. And you used to make it clear that you didn't take well to flirting with your husband.
Now, he's not your husband anymore. So you should know that women would be throwing themselves at him. Especially those who already liked him, like Karl's mother. You hadn't thought of this yet. The fact that Bucky is single now He could go out with any woman he desired. He could touch, kiss, sleep with, and even love any woman. Any woman but you.
You shook the idea out of your head quickly. You were in enough pain. You didn't need an addition. You sent the kids upstairs to change, and then they can have their snacks. You turned to look at Bucky, who was standing by the kitchen door in all his glory. It was clear he left to get the kids straight away from work. You always used to tell him how formal attire fitted him and brought out his best features. You frowned when you saw the look on his face. What was it?
"I have bad news." You tried to control your breathing. You weren't ready for any more blows to your face.
"Tony and Pepper are in town, and they want to meet up." You groaned in annoyance. It was better than you thought, but still bad.
Tony Stark and his then assistant, now wife, Pepper, were friends of yours. Not as close as others, but still friends. Tony was one of Bucky's most important business partners. You really liked them. They were good people. However, They were the most extravagant couple you had ever met. Not only were they inseparable, they always had a story to tell. An overtop story for sure. And if they wanted to meet, you would have to meet.
Which was exactly what led you to your current situation.
Sitting in the café, which was clearly Bucky's choice, and you were thankful for that. But you weren't thankful for anything else. Tony and Pepper had been talking nonstop; you couldn't remember for how long. There were so many stories about their work, their new big house, their dates, their trips, and the new intern, whom they clearly were adopting. The list didn't end.
You tried to pay attention; you really did. But you couldn't when you had only one thing in mind. The way Tony had been holding Pepper's hand ever since they got her, drawing circles on it Along with the glimpse you got from their stories, you couldn't help yourself.
Tony held the same reputation that Bucky once did. A ladies man A playboy. A man nobody thought would settle down. However, when Tony did settle down, no one questioned him, and no one warned Pepper about him. Nobody doubted them. You couldn't say the same for yourselves.
"So what about you, guys?" Pepper's voice broke your train of thought. You looked at her with a fake smile.
"Anything interesting?. An amazing trip? Maybe another baby?" You could feel the tears forming in your eyes and the pain rushing through your body at Pepper's question. You quickly got a grip on yourself and managed to look normal again.
"Actually." You turned to Bucky, hoping he would be the one to tell them.
"We got divorced." And he did.
In any other situation, Pepper's loud gasp and Tony spitting his drink on you would be very funny, but not when you were on the receiving end of it.
Bucky moved quickly to hand you tissues as Tony apologised profoundly, which you reassured him was okay.
"When did this happen?" Pepper asked as the shock wore off.
"About a month ago." You let Bucky do all the taking, not trusting your voice to speak.
Another loud gasp escaped the couple. Their reaction had to be the funniest of all the people to whom you told the news.
"We thought it wasn't going to happen." Pepper's quiet voice didn't miss you, giving her a questioning look.
"I mean, we all thought it would happen eventually, but after Theo, we thought that was it. You guys were in for life."
"Yeah. It was kind of really expected early on, but not anymore."
"We used to place bets on whether you were even going to get married or not. We all lost them when he proposed."
You were putting all your efforts into controlling your breathing and stopping the panic from taking over. And Bucky's lack of answer wasn't helping. Did he always have this in mind? To leave you?
You were thankful that Pepper changed the subject. It's better to hear about their overbearing stories than how everybody doubted your relationship from the start. How was it doomed from the beginning?
Did Bucky have answers to all of these questions? You couldn't tell. You weren't able to read the man sitting next to you anymore.
With all this on your mind, before you knew it, you were leaving with a promise to meet again. You and Bucky got in his car together. You kept a little conversation going between the two of you. However, you avoided Tony and Pepper's comments like the plague. And you didn't know if you liked it or not. Would it be better if you knew more?
You've reached your house. You thanked Bucky for the ride and got into the house. You found the house better than expected. Uncle Steve and Aunt Sharon kept things in order. You went to your babies and kissed their cheeks as they were all watching TV.
"Get ready, sweeties. Daddy wants to take you out." Of course, that is why Bucky dropped you off. He wanted to see the kids.
Your kids' very excited squeals were the only source of peace you had lately. They put on their shoes and left right away for Daddy, who was waiting outside.
"How were Tony and Pepper?" Sharon came to help you as you started tidying the living room.
"Great. Did you know Tony got Pepper a huge bunny for Christmas?" You laughed as you recalled one of the many bizarre stories they shared.
"As a matter of fact, I did." Sharon replied as she finished putting the toys in their box.
"We all did." Steve joined the two of you.
"Then you must have known that mine and Bucky's divorce was coming. Apparently, you all did." You didn't mean for it to be bitter. You didn't mean for it to come out at all. It just slipped. Your act cracking a bit.
Steve and Sharon shared a look. They didn't know what they could say. What could they tell you? That they all expected it. But not now. Not anymore. That the timing was the surprise, but not the split. However,was it worth making you feel like a fool who believed in the love of her life? It wasn't.
You quickly recovered and changed the subject. Anything they would say wouldn't make it better. And you weren't looking for answers from them. They stayed, and you chatted for a bit. Nothing too serious. Just filling time instead of being alone.
However, after saying your goodbye as they were about to leave, Steve called your name.
Would it ever stop hurting? Was this really the end to yours and Bucky's story?
"Whatever happened. I want you to know that you saved Bucky's life. You gave him a purpose."
You had to bite your lip to stop the breakdown. You couldn't decide whether Steve's words were enough condolences or if they were only fuel for your fire. All you could do was give him a small smile.
Taglist: @lethallyprotected @almosttoopizza @ragingrainbowshipl @dexter99 @xdarkcreaturex
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfic#beefy bucky#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes one shot#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky fluff#bucky barnes au#bucky barnes drabble#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes series#bucky barnes x you#james buchanan bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky fanfic#bucky x reader#bucky barnes fic#husband!bucky#Husband! bucky x wife!reader#dad!bucky#marriage#divorce#Exhusband!bucky#sharon carter#sam wilson#steve rogers#natasha romanoff#You will be the death of me
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Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it - Writing disability quick tips
[ID: An image with “Writing Disability quick tips: Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it” written in chalk the colour of the disability pride flag, from left to right, red, yellow, white, blue and green. Beside the text are 2 poorly drawn people icons in blue, one is standing, the other is in a wheelchair. /end id]
One of the really common ways people push back against disabled people trying to give them feedback on how they’ve depicted disability in their work shows up as something along the lines of, “Well I have a child/parent/grandparent/friend with that disability, so I don’t need to consult other disabled people because I already know what a life like that is like!”
I see the most vehement pushback like this from parents of disabled children. the parents who are their child's advocates, their carers, they see everything their kids go through and have been with them through it all, so they "know what they're talking about already". And the thing about that is, while it means you have much, much more experience with the disability in question, it's not the same as direct experience living with it. Don't get me wrong, it's still an incredibly valuable experience to have, I'm not saying to disregard it, but it's not the same as having that disability. And when you're writing about characters who are disabled, and telling those stories to a public who already have a lot of misinformation about us going in, that lived experience is very, very important.
This isn't unique to parents of course, like I said, I've seen the same kind of pushback from children, friends and other loved ones of disabled people, and honestly, as someone who's been on both sides of the conversation (being a disabled person, but also having loved ones with disabilities different to my own), I do get where it comes from. But no matter how close you are with your disabled loved one, no matter how much you talk, no matter how much they explain everything, unless you yourself have that same disability, it's incredibly hard to understand the details of what life with a disability is like.
Let me use my partner as an example:
Often times, before these larger articles go up, I run them by my partner to ensure the tone and message I want to get across is actually what’s being conveyed. Which means he’s read pretty much every single article I’ve written on this blog. We talk about disability representation and tropes a lot, and he is one of the only people who sees my unmasked and unfiltered reactions to media when it’s done poorly. He’s also done a great deal of his own research on the subject, and worked with other disability sensitivity readers for his own writing projects. Not to mention, well, we live together, he sees pretty much every part of my day-to-day life and he’s one of the only people who doesn't share my disability who I talk to about the more complex emotions that come with it.
I think it’s pretty fair to say he’s quite knowledgeable on the subject of living with the specific disabilities I have for someone who doesn't have them. Despite that though, he still makes mistakes. He still misses things, and sometimes, internalised ableism - something everyone has, even disabled people - still creeps its way into his work. So do mistakes he simply didn't consider to run past me or his sensitivity readers. It’s not because he’s not listening or not trying, I’d confidently say he’s gone above and beyond in that regard, but it still happens. He still misses things that seem so obvious to me, specifically because of my lived experience as a disabled person who has to deal with these things all the time.
It’s not unique to him either. A lot of people in my life are aware of the issues I talk about, but struggle to recognise them in practice or struggle to understand why them being depicted poorly is a problem.
This isn't to discourage creators from trying, mind you. But just to serve as a reminder that everyone makes mistakes, and that's ok, so long as you're still trying and still listening. No matter how close you are to a disabled person, no matter how much work or effort you put into unlearning things like internalised ableism, it's still going to pop up occasionally. And that's fine, but it means that you still need to be open to the criticism you get from people with that disability.
#Writing disability with Cy Cyborg#Quick tips#Disability#Disabled#Disability Representation#Writing Disability#Writing#Writeblr#Authors#Creators#Writing Advice#Disabled Characters#On Writing
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When it comes to designing fan characters, do you like to stay within the confines of what people consider to be “acceptable” for certain aspects, like powers/abilities, specie choice, overall design, incorporating certain ties and affiliates to official characters, etc? I guess the “unspoken rules” when it comes to making a “proper” oc that fits the overall spirit and lore, rather than an “oc in sonic style” that “doesn’t fit”. Do you think that taking a leap of faith to originality is bad?
This is a thoughtful question Anon, but I find it concerning that there's an insinuation how wanting to be held to any kind of standard is "bad" for originality. In my experience, this is not always the case.
Having self-imposed restrictions can seem unnecessary if your goal for creating is to not think hard about expectations and instead, purely for self-expression. There are no hard rules for how to make fanart. If you want to add a ton of accessories on fan characters, use every color under the rainbow or construct one in a way that breaks the Sonic standard, it's your choice! What's gained from making characters for the joy of it and without the weight of "perceived expectations" looming over you is a reward in of itself.
With that aside, what really matters is what your ultimate goal is with your fan characters. Because when people ask for my insights on designing one, what I believe most are REALLY searching for is a way to get an audience to CARE.
This is a much deeper conversation beyond whether or not your character is "original" and "breaking the rules". Now you're entering uncharted territory where it's no longer about what only YOU want out of your creations. You HAVE to now consider how OTHERS will perceive them and make intentional design choices that gets the audience and reactions you WANT.
Jolt and Strike's Crew were created in the frame of mind that they would be used for a full story line. The ultimate goal is to create an engaging comic that both appeals to my own interest in this series while still drawing in an audience. And of course, this causes me to have to consider what makes a character bring an audience in and KEEP them. It ultimately defines what kind of character it will be!
Having a standard to measure your creations against isn't a hamper on originality. In fact, by HAVING restrictions, you're challenged to think OUTSIDE of the box and find an elegant solution that can be novel but still fit. Not all good ideas are born from having NO obstacles in our way; rarely does it work like that.
When starting Shadow and Jolt, I had zero clue on how to actually make a likeable character. I knew theories, I had read about it and made fan art of established characters that people already liked.
BUT I had never put it into practice from scratch. I had to learn as I went and made a ton of mistakes until the right solution became apparent!
This is a long answer but basically Anon, what is your intention? Do you just want to create for the sake of it,
or are you creating to be seen and have others engage with your work like that of an Author with an audience of Readers? Do you want to BUILD an audience that likes your fan-characters, wants to learn more about them and is EXCITED to see more of them?
That's the real question to reflect on. And it may require asking yourself if you even know what it means to achieve such a goal.
Because believe me, it's not easy. It took YEARS to build what I have now. But, it's also extremely rewarding and for me, worth all those extra late nights spent working diligently to make it happen.
I hope this helps anon. I get that this may not seem like a very fun answer. It's not always fun to create for an audience. Sometimes it's very hard! But if you love it enough and you are open to knowing what you don't know, you can find joy in a healthy challenge. This project is still just as fun for me to do as it was 6 years ago when it began. And I wouldn't change it one bit. :)
#anon#text#asks#ramble#onlyart#me#Shadow and Jolt#comic help#art help#character design#thoughts#sonic fan character#sonic oc#sonic fc
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Goth DIY: Altered Clothing part 2 (final part)
Part 1
This part will be shorter since we have less to cover. But it's still a long post, so I'm putting it under a cut.
Skirts and dresses! The last two dresses and green skirt took the most sewing, but the first dress was as simple as sewing studs on the neckline. The black velvet skirt was altered a bit more to fit me, as it was originally a skirt that had small pleats at the top that made the skirt cling to my stomach and flare out further down, which wasn't flattering on me, so I cut that part off and added a new waistband to get a circle miniskirt, then added lace trim to the hem for extra cuteness and a fancy touch.
Attaching skirts to a crop top is an easy way to make a dress if you don't want to sew one from scratch, but the waistlines did turn out a little wonky, so I use a belt or cardigan to hide that. I also sew a thin line of elastic onto the skirts to gather them before sewing them to the top to make it a little easier and to maintain stretch, since these dresses just pull on. I also don't hang them by the tops, but by draping them through a hanger to avoid stretching out the tops because the skirts are a little heavy (at least mine are, since I added so much to them).
For the green skirt, I added triangular inserts called "godets" to make the skirt flare out, since it was too tight before and didn't swish. I like a good swish.
The skirt with all the lace and pins and grommets and nonsense was one of my earlier projects, so it has three mistakes which I implore you to avoid. One: I didn't line the fabric loops up with the waistband very well, so they look crudely tacked-on. Two: I didn't add any fray check to the holes I made for the grommets, so they stretched out and the grommets are no longer attached to the fabric, just floating there on the ribbon. Three: I didn't stretch the skirt as I sewed on the lace, so now it doesn't stretch in that area; it still fits my waist, but I have to fight with it to get it over my hips. The design is still cute, but I would definitely do it better if I were to make it nowadays.
The half-and-half skirt only has a small alteration, which was actually to make it fit rather than to change how it looked. You see, sometimes you order something online in the same size you always wear from that brand, and sometimes that thing ends up running small and has no stretch. When that happens, when the skirt almost fits you and is just so close to buttoning all the way, get yourself a waistband extender. I made one, but you can also buy them. It's just a piece of elastic with a button on one side and a button hole on the other. Put that on, and BAM! The skirt (or pants) fit you. They won't quite zip up all the way, and it is a noticeable change, so I made a cute lace-covered patch to cover up that alteration so you can't tell I changed anything about it at all.
Now onto the sweaters. I love wearing sweaters in winter, but there seems to be a shortage of goth ones. Nothing a few safety pins and lace trim can't handle! The first three only have safety pins added to them. The coffin ones were done the same way I did my sweatshirts, but this was before I knew about fusible interfacing for appliques, so they got a little wrinkled and don't look as nice. I have a better method now, as detailed in the post I linked. The fabrics were all Halloween fat quarters from Walmart, and I found a picture of a coffin on Google Images as a base to cut out the right shape.
All of these sweaters were thrifted except the two solid black ones with pins--the first one came from Walmart, and the second one was given to me by my mom. Sweaters are plentiful at thrift stores, and they don't even have to be black to be turned into something goth.
That's all of my altered clothing so far, unless there's anything I'm forgetting! Which there easily could be, because I shared about forty garments O-O
I'll share the jewelry I've made next, and then the clothes I've sewn from scratch! This will come sometime in the future, though, because it took awhile to find everything, take pictures of it, and then write about it. And between you and me, I've made a LOOOOOT of jewelry and clothing, so give me some time. As I said in the last post, feel free to message me if you want more detailed instructions or ideas. I'm always happy to help!
Stay crafty!
#diy advice from your local goth#goth diy#goth diy tutorial#diy tutorial#diy#gothgoth#goth#goth subculture#goth fashion#goth clothing#goth fashion diy#crafting#sewing#mine
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Happy Blurple Tuesday everyone, I hope you're doing well! I bring to you another Blurple fan fic!
Leo x Gn!reader x Donnie
Holding Hands
Word Count: 0.8k
Warnings: poly!relationship with Donnie and Leo (NO TSCEST), Donnie being a bit of a dummy, spelling mistakes,
Summary: it's movie night at the lair
It was rare that Donnie ever left his lab, he would always give 110% of himself to whatever project he had next and wouldn't stop until it was finished.
Which is where you found yourself now. It was late at night, and you were on the couch watching a new movie. The others were either out with friends or had gone off to bed, leaving you alone.
That is, until you came into the picture. Since starting a relationship with you, he'd been out in the lair more and more to spend time with you (and his brothers).
His brothers were thrilled that he was finally sleeping through the night and eating full meals, or even just relaxing on the couch.
Donnie was sitting at the end of the couch, elbow leaning on the armrest and the other around your shoulders, rubbing and holding your hand. You were laying the length of the couch with your head on Donnie's shoulder.
Donnie had trouble turning off his brain after a long day, and often had to focus completely on a smaller task to slowly come out of it. Often this meant he was playing chess, sudoku, or solitaire on his phone, not that you minded because he still snuggled up to you and held your hand while doing so.
You'd found out early in your relationship that one of Donnie's love languages was physical touch. Whether it be snuggling in bed, holding hands on a walk, or resting his hand on your leg during dinner, he was always touching you.
And you were not complaining, he was always so soft and gentle with you, using his nails to gently scratch at your skin and sooth any worries away.
Leo had finished his late-night meditation and joined the both of you, he brought himself and you a warm cup of tea.
Tonight, his fingers were running up and down your palm and sometimes your fingers. A soothing rhythm that almost had you dozing off.
He laid down on top of you with his head on your stomach and his arms around your waist.
Smiling down at him, you softly scratch the back of his head and after a minute you untie his mask, and set it on the coffee table.
After a few minutes, you leaned forward to take a long sip of your tea. You settled back in and quickly became engrossed in the film.
He was still doing the same easy rhythm as before, gentle scratches on the palm and the fingers.
About 20 minutes later, Leo kept nudging your elbow. When you peered down at him, he had a very amused look on his face. He jutted his chin toward his hand which was resting on your stomach.
You had to let go of Donnie's hand when you sat forward, but when you came back, Donnie had grabbed the first hand he felt: Leo's.
You covered your mouth with your hand to stiffle your giggle. How had he not noticed it wasn't your hand?
Well, it made a bit of sense: Donnie had grown up in a household where 3/4 people only had 2 fingers, and his brain had not yet registered that yours was different. In his mind, two fingers were normal.
Thankfully, the movie was a comedy, so Donnie didn't look up at yours and Leo's quiet giggling.
You leaned forward again to grab your teacup and coaster, making sure that Donnie's hand didn't leave Leo's.
You turned to Donnie, who didn't look up from his phone: You loudly slurped the drink.
Donnie hated loud eating and drinking noises and raised his eyes above his glasses to look at you.
"It's good tea," You shook from trying to hold in your laughter. Leo had also started to giggle at that.
Donnie fully raised his head, squinting at you with a small head tilt.
You raised the teacup on and off the coaster, trying to show him that both your hands were occupied.
"The tea set?" Donnie asked, glancing down at his phone for a moment. Through his glasses you saw a banner and confetti fly across the screen, before he turned the phone off and set it down.
"It's a very nice tea set," You nodded. "That I am holding,"
You felt Leo's arm tense, squeezing Donnie's hand, while he looked at yours and the tea.
"What-" He looked over you, seeing he was in fact holding his brothers hand and quickly jerked his hand away. "That's-"
You and Leo erupted into laughter, you had to set the cup down or else it would have fallen from your shaking hands.
"How long was I holding his hand?" He asked, starting to laugh himself.
"About 30 minutes," You covered your mouth, laughing harder at Donnies annoyed groan.
"Don't worry, I love you too, Donnie," Leo laughed, patting his brother's knee. Donnie smacks him on the shell right over his shoulder.
"C'mere," Donnie grumbled, pulling you back into his side and "aggressively" taking your hand in his and opening his phone again.
You all settled back into your spots and continued watching the movie.
From then on, Donnie counted how many fingers were on the hand he was holding.
tags: @thelaundrybitch @turtle-babe83 @happymoonangel @post-apocalyptic-daydream @dilucsflame33 @mysticboombox @sharpwindow
#happy blurple tuesday#i love my boys <3#tmnt#tmnt bayverse#tmnt imagine#tmnt donnie#tmnt donatello#tmnt donnie x reader#tmnt donatello x reader#tmnt leo#tmnt leonardo#tmnt leo x reader#tmnt leonardo x reader#tmnt leonardo x reader x donatello#tmnt leo x reader x donnie#blurple#its blurple time bitches#it is my works
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Headcanon that’s gonna sneak into my fanfic sometime is that Wallace was officially diagnosed with Autism at a later age. Something the doctor says stick with him, specifically that people with Autism may have more trouble with making and maintaining friendships.
Wallace actually has a moment of clarity and just… Looks around his house. He has a thousand little gadgets and projects that he’s busied himself with, getting by through odd jobs and such, but… He didn’t have a single close friend to show it all to.
Not one to sit around with a problem, he tries literally making a friend, but that doesn’t help. Programming a robot and all their reactions just… Isn’t the same.
It’s not until he’s out on a walk to the shops that he realizes, upon seeing somebody out walking with their pet, that he should get a dog!
Dogs are man’s best friend after all.
Gromit, at first, didn’t want to be “someone’s dog”. He thought the walking on two legs and reading books would clue his breeders in, but they had still tried to give him to three houses, only to have him returned for not “fitting in with their family” or being “too much work”.
Gromit didn’t want to be put away in a dog house and forgotten about until it was convenient. He wanted to be his own person and do things…
He wasn’t sure what, but, something.
The next guy that showed up was really the breeder’s last resort to just try and be done with him. And, really, he wasn’t sure about this weirdo who had taken him home. Impressions weren’t any better the longer he spent in the guy’s home with all his gadgets and things.
But something that was different about this guy was that he didn’t just try to put him on the floor or outside. He got his own room (???) his own bed (??????) his own place at the table (???!!!????) and was talked to like both a pet AND a best friend.
After a bit of time, a combination of these things as well as Wallace’s eternal optimism whittled away at Gromit’s walls.
Even more so when he realized just how much this guy NEEDED an extra hand- or two! How had Wallace survived this long? The guy was constantly making dangerous contraptions that backfired. Or, he’d forget things, make a machine to help him remember, then forget that, too! Wallace once fell asleep at his desk after pulling an all nighter next to something that caught FIRE.
He was mid work putting it out when the guy woke up again. There was the initial freak out, then the realization of what had just happened.
“You did that all by yourself??”
Wallace asked him. Gromit rolled his eyes and nodded, because who else could it have been?
Then, Wallace did something that Gromit had never experienced before. He grinned at him, chipping up with a “Well done, lad!” Before patting him on the head.
Gromit’s ears perked up a bit. His tail wagged.
Was this what it felt like to be a dog?
Maybe he wouldn’t mind being Wallace’s dog after all, if this is what it felt like.
Wallace wasn’t always easy to live with. He could be stubborn at times, oblivious, a little selfish. His hobbies turned into the dangerous and inconvenient more than not… But where it mattered, Wallace was kind and loving. It was strange to say that he felt most like a dog after helping to build a ship or make breakfast, but he did… Because he felt like he could do something to help.
And with Wallace, he was always needed. He always had a place in the family. Despite the difficulties, he wouldn’t have had it any other way.
(Wrote this all out quick to get it outta my head so if it’s not entirely cohesive or there are redundancies and spelling mistakes I’ll fix them later!)
#wallace and gromit#if you don’t like this headcanon please feel free to yell at me#I like to see what other people think#text#headcanons#Wallace and Gromit headcanons
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Let's Review: Barbie
FAIR WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
Barbie.
No other singular female name invokes quite as many various feelings, to such varying degrees, as Barbie. And very few names are quite as ubiquitous as Barbie (no really, name anyone you know who's never owned a Barbie at least once in their lifetime). And as with any ubiquitous entity, people are going to try and take their best shot, hoping to bring them down to our level.
Make no mistake, this movie is meant to reintroduce Barbie to a new generation of consumers. You will, more likely than not, want to buy a Barbie doll or other Mattel product either before or after watching this movie, either for yourself or for any child you know. This movie effectively serves as a mass market rebranding of Barbie, pivoting her from the poster girl for unrealistic body image/impossible feminine beauty standards to a vehicle for individuality and female empowerment.
Barbie is now all things to all people (anyone can be Barbie!), but all those things are still Barbie. However, as most of us know, a friend to all is a friend to none. If you are all things to all people, then you are effectively nothing, an empty vessel for others to project themselves onto. And indeed, even this new re-vamped Barbie can be validly viewed as a vapid vehicle for the consumer's own dreams and desires, leaving very little to no room for Barbie to have any dreams of her own.
And yet this movie still dares to ask: can a corporate capitalist product, whether it's a mass marketed toy or a Hollywood movie starring that toy, ever be a good thing, a force for positive change? Can subversive feminist messages stick stronger with audiences, especially its youngest and most impressionable viewer, if we cover it in a pink candy coating? Just give it a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down?
After all, this new Barbie now comes with her own existential crisis and has to deal with scary realities such as cellulite, aging, and *gasp* FLAT FEET (a hilarious bit of family-friendly body horror).
Not to mention a growing awareness of mortality.
To answer Barbie's question: yes. Yes, I do think about dying. We all think about dying at some point. And perhaps more importantly, our kids are starting to think about dying. I would not be surprised if there is even a single kid out there who has asked this question during playtime through their own Barbie. And for many good reasons. The world is a mess right now. Don't even get me started.
It feels like kids and adults alike are more anxious than ever and this new Barbie can certainly relate to that anxiety, even if it's not necessarily her own (it belongs to the girl playing with her). But it turns out that it's the girl's mom Gloria (America Ferrera) who's really struggling and needs Barbie's help, if only by using Barbie as a means of working through her own dissatisfaction as a working wife and mother.
This movie reminds us that we don't stop worrying about things just because we grow up. If anything, we find more things to worry about as we get older. But adults often don't get the same kind of comfort that we give to children; we're just supposed to suck it up and tough it out, but sometimes all we wanna do is stay in our rooms and play with our toys, just like we did when we were kids. Especially if we're girls, since the world is significantly much harder for us to deal with in a society that constantly polices and critiques girls and women (Gloria's speech about the impossible, and often double, standards imposed upon women is a highlight of the movie and should be required viewing for all humans)
But Barbie helps us feel like kids again.
Throughout the entire movie, Greta Gerwig and her team manage to recapture the joy of playing with Barbies with an obviously loving attention to detail. Barbie Land is that now-rare fantasy world that doesn't require a factual explanation but runs on a strong engine of internal logic that makes sense if you've ever played with dolls.
But enough about Barbie.
What about the men?
They're the ones who really have it rough here. Having to deal with all this girly stuff.
Now guys, this might come as a shock, but this movie might not be made for you in mind and therefore you may not get it. You may find yourself confused about why women in this movie are hogging the spotlight and not letting the men do anything important.
But, it's okay, don't worry guys, Ken's got you.
Barbie may be the star, but Ken gets the real emotional journey here. You see, he keeps getting friend-zoned by Barbie, who would rather hang out with her girlfriends and maintain her autonomy than spend the night with him. But once he follows Barbie into the Real World and discovers a magical society where men are in charge and women have to respect them, Ken brings some of these ideas back to the Kens in Barbie Land, thus subjugating all the Barbies to the awesome new patriarchal rule of "Kendom".
Now every night is guys' night.
Folks, go give bonus points to whoever had "Ken gets a villain arc" on their 2023 Bingo card. And while you're at it, add an extra 5 if they also included "Ironic use of a Matchbox Twenty song on the Barbie soundtrack".
Ken's story arc is a powerful reminder of why it's important to critique feminism when it doesn't work.
After all, Barbie Land's matriarchy may seem utopian at first glance, and may even be super inclusive to Barbies of all shapes and races and abilities, but ultimately it is exactly the same as our real world patriarchy, only gender-swapped, with women holding all the power and men being treated as useless accessories. This doesn't balance the scales, it just tips them all the way in the other direction. The only way to achieve true equality is for both men and women to have equal power in society. A conclusion that, thankfully, the movie reaches on its own by the end.
And although Barbie shouldn't have to apologize for not wanting to spend time with Ken or for prioritizing time for herself and her friends, I do appreciate that she was able to make things right with Ken without having to fix things with a kiss or kowtow to his desire to make her his girlfriend. Instead she helps Ken realize that he needs to figure out who he is outside of Barbie, cutting right to the root of toxic/fragile masculinity, which is usually the result of men with low self-esteem just wanting to be heard and respected.
But while Ken is hilariously drawn as a pouty, mostly innocent man child who just wants to be loved (ideally by Barbie), it's a lot harder to laugh off his antics when they result in the Kens actively stripping away constitutional rights and taking over the Supreme Court of Barbie Land. This moment especially should hit just a little too close to home and inspire us to take action.
Thankfully, this movie is not only entertaining and hella meta, but also serves as a practical instruction manual for how girls and women can deal with toxic men and take their power back, whether it's from men in power or obnoxious film bros who constantly espouse the virtues of films like The Godfather and the Snyder cut of Justice League (there's nothing wrong with enjoying these movies, just don't be a dick about it).
It has been a long, time honored tradition in Hollywood for "chick flicks", which is usually code for female-centered films, to be looked down on and mercilessly mocked while elevating more masculine movies to prestige levels. Hopefully Barbie will be the movie that helps us see that "chick flicks" can be just as powerful and impactful as "dick flicks" and then help us reclaim hyperfemininity in our fight against the patriarchy.
After all, would it really be the worst thing in the world if the revolution was not only televised, but also pink?
Listen, if you laugh during this Barbie movie and it happens to make you question and effectively challenge the patriarchy, then all the better.
So will Barbie be that radical watershed movie that inspires a whole generation to believe that the future truly is female or will it just pay lip service to a feel-good you-go-girl message while still maintaining the status quo?
As with any seed we plant, the best we can do is nurture it, give it time, then wait and see what grows.
Come on, Barbie. Let's go party.
#barbie#margot robbie#kate mckinnon#issa rae#hari nef#alexandra shipp#emma mackey#dua lipa#and ken#ryan gosling#simu liu#kingsley ben adir#ncuti gatwa#kenergy#i am kenough#america ferrera#will ferrell#barbie movie#barbie 2023#greta gerwig#noah baumbach#barbie girl#come on barbie let’s go party#barbenheimer
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doing my research data entry, listening to Stars's album No One Is Lost which was (and especially the titular, final song, was) my big Widowtracer music back when I was into Overwatch. And that is reminding me of how much what I liked about the Overwatch characters and lore was stuff that I made up - not even, necessarily, stuff the fandom made up (which was most of it - Overwatch lore was not good) but my own idiosynctratic preferences for ship dynamics.
At least I was into Reaper76 in the same way a lot of other people were, and Reaper/76/Ana the way a few of my other friends were. McHanzo and McGenji were hit-or-miss, McCree (back when he was McCree) & Pharah's sibling relationship prevalent but rarely a focus. But I never really found a lot that satisfied me about Widowmaker/Tracer, because I had such a specific view of what I wanted from them. One I made up because there really was not much there at all.
What I liked about the idea of them was Tracer moving fast staying bright in an attempt to outrun fear and fatalism and collapse by being aggressively optimistic; contrasted against Widowmaker who had accepted it all dully. Tracer desperate to prove that there was something left of Amelie in there, that she could be brought back. That she could be saved. That no one is lost. Proof that things could be okay in the wake of a shakeup in her world order that cast her adrift. That her world could make sense again.
Thinking about it, I'm continuously compelled by characters who are projecting their issues all over each other; especially in the manner of, I feel lost, hopeless, hurt, terrible, irredeemable. I don't believe I have a future, or can ever change, or have a place anymore, or atone for what I did, or can come back from this, or can be loved, or can be saved. But you're in a way worse mess than me, so I'm making it my project to save you, because if I can prove you can... that you can be better, that you can have a future, that you can belong, that you can atone, that you can be loved, that you can be saved... then maybe I can, too. I have to believe that, and that's why I believe in you when you've been written off and have written yourself off. And I'm going to keep reaching out.
And then I discovered Metal Gear Solid and it had a lot of the character dynamics I liked in my made-up headcanon Overwatch actually present in the text. I didn't have to make it up, it was actually there and intentionally and competently written. I was still kind of reading this dynamic into Snake and Meryl (still convinced they were projecting their issues about being loved and being abandoned all over each other in MGS1 and mistaking that for attraction) but a lot of what I liked about Reaper76 and McGenji and McHanzo and stuff was just... there.
And then I got into Wolf 359 where this redemption-by-proxy projection is just straight up textually what's happening between Eiffel and Hilbert. So: getting into fandoms for better written things with what I actually wanted in them is part of the solution here.
But also it was my Widowtracer experience that made me go, I am basically just making up my own character goals and interactions here. Why am I bothering to make it fanwork when it's basically an original story.
I never did put that anywhere. But women desperate to save each other, women desperate to prove they can be saved by saving each other, and women who have the nagging fear that they were wrong doing the evil version of this and trying to seek vindication and absolution through each other do crop up again and again in my imagination. Maybe I should pin that down sometime and give my headcanon Widowtracer the story they deserve.
#Maybe they can be in my clone generation ship that already has characters that started as expies of Naomi Hunter and Emma Emmerich#Two other characters I love who deserved a better story#Mara Fischer and Emmerson Kendrick you will always be famous. To Me.#... desperately trying to believe there's something worth living for is a big generation ship mood. hmmmm#Artemis rambles#midnight thoughts about what I like out of characters and stories#also someone tell me to write up my thoughts about Snake and Meryl in MGS1 because I think it only exists in twitter thread format#Overwatch#sorta
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